Hey Friends! Thanks for watching!! If this resonated with you, you'll want to sign up for the FREE WEBCLASS I'm offering on how to heal and recover from codependency and narcissistic abuse so you NEVER fall prey to emotional manipulation and psychological abuse ever again! HERE'S THE LINK: www.tamiem.info/freeclass
The older I'm getting, the less time I have for most people. Narcissists, psychos and angry, bitter and abusive people seem to grow exponentially in my life for every year I get older. I have my dog and my garden.... Who needs abuse and drama at 60 years of age?
The easiest way is to ignore them and forget they exist . It took me a while to get this and to stop reacting. They get off on your reactions to their abuse even after the discard they still try to abuse you mostly on social media. You have to just be silent and let them do whatever and get to a place of understanding that these people are disordered.They do not want you to detach and this is when you will see them exposed because you escaped their sphere of influence and it exposes their false self.
If their actions amount to criminal bullying and harassment, they need to be reported to authorities. It's only the authorities that can hold them accountable. Doing just that!
Yes! And when you are not around, they can’t exactly make you the scapegoat, they’d just look like idiots if they’d try. Then it starts to become more obvious to everyone else around them that they themselves are the only ones left to blame. I find it also bothers them if I smile a little smile to myself, if I must be anywhere near them. And it’s true sometimes the smile is because I know they’re not getting what they want, a small allowance of momentary pettiness on my part... but mostly I just don’t let them anywhere near my life. Narcissists also can’t stand not knowing what other people are thinking. They like to push people into expressing what they’re thinking, (because if they can find out where everyone stands on something, then they can try to use that to twist it all and manipulate everyone) but you don’t have to tell them. Not one peep. Watch them try to weasel information out of people, and watch how frustrated they get when they are unsuccessful... that alone can be rather amusing.😊
A Psychologist once used the example of "Poking a rabbit with a stick". A narcissist would gather flying monkeys to take turn "poking" (insults, rumors, projection etc.) at the rabbit until he runs around and starts to act crazy, then they call in someone important and point at the rabbit and say "look it must have rabies". This describes tactics I have seem many times. Group "poking the rabbit with a stick" until it goes crazy.
Such a common tactic with narcissists! I use a similar analogy a lot, how the big brother/sister pokes the little brother/sister in the backseat over, and over, and over, and over, and over...And when the little brother/sister finally defends him/herself, even in the slightest way with an elbow or a weak punch, weak because s/he’s the younger one ...the big brother/sister screams and gets the little one punished. My brother would do that, and he would constantly do very bad things and say that I did them, and because he would and will do anything to manipulate people.... most of them have told the lies so much they actually believe them as facts....well, he did that poking...until the day I kicked his a$$. I love the shock he had on his face, he didn’t realize that quiet little well-behaved me could take him down, so quickly and efficiently. I guess I should thank them all for my great hand-to-hand combat skills, they’ve been useful in dark places at times. They all still like to pretend I am unnecessarily “violent” (because they all at some point tried something they shouldn’t have tried to do in one way or another, and got shut down), but I have never offensively assaulted anyone....but defensively... I make no apologies for defending myself, and I never will apologize for it. I highly encourage people to defend themselves, and do it quickly and speedily, because it’s far more intimidating to be shut down in less than two seconds, by someone you thought you could victimize.
my sick narc mil would try and tell me it was ok for 40yr old men to like children! she would say anything to get me upset bc thats what she wanted. she didnt want me happy, she wanted me angry, sad, she wanted me to lash out..maybe call her an idiot so she could have her golden ticket to tell everyone how horrible I was, that I called her an idiot. but she'd conventionally leave out the part how she was telling me it was ok for a 40 yr old man to sexualize a child. this is just one example that drove me crazy for years bc I didnt understand what was going on. she is a nurse, supposedly normal. I couldn't understand and it would drive me crazy, with anger too bc this 40yr was talking about my stepdaughter and her grandaughter, but now I know the truth and I am finally free.
I was always told that the Scapegoat of the family could call things out for what they were. That they were the ones who could see clearly for abuse for what it was.
I was the scapegoat, I was even blamed for my Dad having an affair. That was when the bubble burst, I was dealing with self obsessed children in adult bodies.
@@jelaine7532 yep, that's true. Just because they see the shit for wat it is instead of being the person blowing smoke up their ass telling them they're wonderful - they get abused the most
This is consistent with all of the other "expose the narcissist" advice I've seen. I do trust in the eventual outcome, and if the prescribed outcome is that they never get exposed, but also never bother you again, that is actually a positive outcome. Because the people who believe them are not worthy of your time or energy.
Years ago I never would’ve read it, but the Bible has some very good strategies, and they are not all just “wait and see”. There are some tactics that can be implemented, and THEN you can wait and see, and you might actually be able to see for yourself and sooner than you may have thought. Since it doesn’t deal in the cut-and-dried, single-formula solutions that the average western mind tends to seek, the possibilities are more flexible.
Yup. The ultimate lesson that can be learned through a narcissistic entanglement is: the only thing we can really learn to control in this life is ourself. Once we are finally centered in ourselves life improves exponentially. It just won’t matter what other people are doing because we will no longer be emotionally involved with it.
I'm listening to all your videos that I missed. I'm finally on no contact from the covert narcissist. I told him he was losing his Super Empath. Enough is enough. In 2 hours it will be day 35. Wow! I can't believe I finally made it. It feels great! Lots of videos, reading my Bible, and doing what God's word tells me. I told the Narc 35 days ago that I'm the light and he's the darkness. It just doesn't go together. Thank you, Tamie, for your wonderful advice and videos.
Tamie, I have watched several of your videos on narcissism and I just want to say thank you. My mom was in a toxic relationship with her mother (my grandma) her whole life. My mom was the family scapegoat and was brutally abused -- emotionally and mentally by my grandma who is most definitely a narcissist. My mom is nearing 70 and has finally gone no-contact. It has been difficult for me because I am still in contact with grandma... I help with her errands and care, and she frequently tries to put me in "the middle" to get information about my mom and what she is up to. After watching their relationship for years, I know what NOT to do or say around my grandma, and I know that she respects me... but it's still hard. The whole family is exhausted because of the drama she is causing, trying to find ways to hurt my mom through them. Thank goodness, everyone is now aware of what has been going on all these years and my mom finally feels supported and understood by our family. I will definitely be sharing your videos with her. ❤️
Oh my word: you nailed this. I’m less than 2 minutes in and you exactly described my soon to be ex-husband. No one could possibly understand this hell unless they’ve been through it. Deception and manipulation at its finest. I’m already praying for his future victims and hope that they are strong enough to survive him. He even fooled our therapist and had the therapist under his spell within just a few visits. Added note: I contacted the therapist after the fact and the therapist said “I knew he was a narcissist”. Gee thanks Mr. therapist for letting me know and confirming that for me.
smith true. Therapy was his idea so that he could tell everyone he was trying to save the marriage when in fact, he was not. I got in touch with the therapist after the fact and the therapist admitted that he knew he was a narcissist but apparently the way they approach it is to not tell the narcissist and try to work with them in other ways. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help the innocent party who is being gaslit. The world needs to know about and understand narcissism. That’s the best defense against them at this point is to flush them out of hiding so that they can be seen. Knowledge is power.
I know the feeling. I already feel sad for the ones who will come after me. Legitimately sad for the pain he will inflict. Prior to me, the only ones who had any clue of the depth of his manipulation, deceit and abuse were his Daughter and ex-wife. Both have said to me that despite them knowing all too well just how evil he is, when they spend time around him, among those who don't know him, when he's fully in the moment, trying to deceive others into believing he's this humble, helpful person he likes to pretend to be, they say they can almost fall for it again. They've said they almost question themselves, like 'maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. He seems so genuine, now.' Then, all it takes is for them to see & hear how he addresses me, then goes right back to pretending to be this awesome guy. At first, you think... what the heck!? That cruel remark doesn't match his kind character, therefore I must have heard it wrong or obviously he was just joking. It isn't until you see/hear this repeatedly, or get a glimpse behind the mask for an extended period, almost no one has this opportunity, until you live with him. I'd seen plenty of glimpses, but never knew the real guy until moving in. I've been able to stand my ground, and thankfully, have had a successful career and a good reputation in my community so his gaslighting didn't go very far. No one realizes he's an intentional abusive gaslighting narcissist, but they know me well enough to not believe his attempts to undermine my character. Sadly, he has stated to me, outright, that I'm too smart. He has come right out and said he needs someone less intelligent because smart girls are harder to confuse. Then, he cackles laughing, so at first I thought it was a strange joke, until I realized he's the 2nd most deceitful human I've ever known. If he ends up with someone less strong, or less sure of herself, or especially if he goes looking for someone of lower intelligence, he will annihilate them. They won't stand a chance. It's so sad. But, I also can't keep staying because I'm worried he'll abuse someone else. Just can't. It's such a hard thing to know. But, I can't help anyone else until I strengthen myself. And, I'll never be as strong as I once was, until I leave him.
I have gone through my entire life wondering why I am the way I am. (I now have grand-children to give you an idea of my age.). I’ve been through counseling, many times. It was totally useless. Nobody EVER mentioned Narcissism. I was humiliated for crying and actually stopped crying when I was 9 years old. I’m crying right now, and feel totally out of control and ashamed, even though those who did what they did are long gone. I have saved this video, and others, concerning narcissism. I need to know I won’t be interrupted. I just wanted to say “Thank you.” while you are “here” for getting me started. Maybe I can face my tormentors now that they’re gone-even my siblings. Thanks again... T.
You are so welcome, Seanna... and I completely understand! If you would like to discuss how my program may be able to support you in your healing so you stop repeating the pattern of narcissistic abuse, feel free to use the link below to apply for a 1:1 consultation. Here’s the link: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728 Big love, ~ Tamie M xx
seanna olowney I really feel for you and hope you've become comfortable with crying since you wrote this comment. It's by far the best thing I ever learnt to do, which sounds contradictory, yet tears are for healing after all, so it makes sense. I've experienced extreme trauma throughout my life and have had a lot of grieving to catch up on. In fact, it seems like most children don't learn that it's normal and necessary to grieve losses, hence why many millions of people, especially men, are walking around with years of unresolved feelings, which haven't been processed at all! Unfortunately, I also experienced the "it's not okay to cry" message at AA and NA meetings as an adult, not to mention the nightmarish period of time I spent in a psychiatric ward, where they literally forced drugs on me for having feelings. I'll leave that subject now because it caused severe post-traumatic stress issues, so don't want to trigger myself again and I'm thinking that you can do without it too. I mainly included it in regard to the crying issue. However, I totally understand why people don't want to go there, as it's excruiatingly painful at times. Another important point is that it's often viewed as a weakness when it's really an incredible strength, which I can use to assist others eventually. ❤
You’ve described my childhood, adolescent, and now adult life. I have been the scapegoat for things I had no knowledge of and deemed the black sheep. I have now reached the point that I will no longer hold the tongue of truth, which will sound like I’m cursing them out 😂 My light will bring the darkness out!!! I appreciate you for aiding in validating what I’ve known for quite some time❤
The narcissist and I have an understanding.. He hates me , and I don't ..😆😆 much love everyone.. since I can't share love in my own house.. it's hell on wheels with a narcissist, so keep your expectations low and make it ok until you save and get out some day..❤❤❤
Awesome! I literally just learned two days ago that there is this thing called a narcissist. I always thought it was equated with vanity. I was wrong. Everything has been revealed to me now.
What you are saying is more than true.....if we try to control the damage, that is like rolling in the mud with pigs and trying not to get muddy. Leave it, let it be what it is, and think higher and it does not matter what 'other people think about us'....what we think about our SElf matters.
You are the best I have connected to since my 3yr. Awakening and reseach of covert Narcassict abuse. I am 54. A lifetime of not knowing what happened, now awake and feel flooded. You are hitting nails. Thank you!
My pleasure, Kakalina! I'm glad you're finding my content helpful. If you would like to discuss how you can embark on a formal healing and recovery program to speed up your progress, feel free to book a 1:1 consultation call with me here: www.TamieM.com/strategycall.
1. Stay calm, present, cool and collected, above reproach. 2. No lashing out, no passive aggressive digs. 3. Tell the truth. Be patient 4. Stop controlling what u can't control ie ppl's opinions and outcome. 5. Focus on your own well-being and recovery. I'm currently dealing with BS from a covert narcissist and I used the above such work so thanks
I'm glad to realize that I haven't attempted to expose this undesirable person to others especially now having heard what you said of your experience. I wanted to but my intuition told me that I wouldn't be believed.. This caused great anxiety. But now, having you as my friend and a guide, I'm feeling that there's hope. Because you are with me.
I got out of a relationship with someone who was exactly how you have described narcissistic behavior about 2 months ago. I am still dealing with the effects of that behavior. It nearly destroyed me, I lost friends, family, my job because I was putting everything I had into "fixing" the problems I was led to believe I was bringing to the relationship. I am stunned with how you have described it perfectly. I was in that for a year and almost the entire year was living in a state of stress response. This started 3 months after my father passed away. I have never been so low in my entire life. I am on medication and have weekly counseling now. I had no idea what I was being hit with. It's scary when you can't see the threat.
I've been dealing with this from my wife (ex now) for 6 years. I didn't realize what I was dealing with until a cpl years ago. She blamed me, post pregnancy depression, the government, me again. It was painful. She's played me like a fiddle and I was so desperate for someone to believe me. She's very pretty, that makes others want to believe her. It's really heartbreaking. She's even made up horrendous lies, got caught lying, and is never held accountable.. I just want her to say I'm sorry. I will never get that.
i wish i had known this. A large powerful group attacked me while i had cancer - attacked me while a family member was dying. It was a nightmare. Thank God you made it and can help us now! Bless you Tammy!
I grew up with a narcissistic older sister 7 yrs older. She constantly gaslit me and baited me. Rest of family ignored it. On top of this, my mother whom I was close with walked out left our family when I was 9 yrs old. I watched her leave get in a taxi and leave. Didnt see her again. I rose above it. Got educated with 2 undergraduate degrees, a masters degree and otherwise successful. Not with relationships however. Been married 4 x. Now I'm retired 76 yrs old and content and happy alone. Have few good friends, a nice church and enjoy my career as an artist.
It’s how I filter people out of my life. If they’re not smart enough and ethical enough to look at all sides of something, then they don’t deserve to be anywhere near me. If they believe lies and gossip simply because they heard it, I don’t deal with liars and gossipers at all. And I’m a repellent to them because I simply won’t listen or even be friends with such people. And if people try to engage me in gossip about others, I simply tell them it’s none of my business. And that not only do I not want to hear it, but it’s my deepest desire to NOT be made aware of other people’s business that has nothing to do with me. I have enough to think about, I have a life, and other people’s life isn’t my business (not counting charitable works and organizations, obviously that is not what I mean..the plight of the oppressed is everybody’s concern, or should be to whatever degree they can offer). I also don’t ever want to hear even the name of a celebrity let alone what they are doing what they are saying or thinking. They’re just a puppet, I deal with people with whom I can interact, even from a distance. What a waste of life hours to care about the private or petty concerns of others. If someone is being harmed and needs support, then that’s different, if they themselves are requesting it, or there is a possibility that they’re being so victimized they can’t ask for help. But I don’t draw conclusions until I get a good look at what’s really going on. Some of the most shiny-faced (FAKE) people are the biggest liars, some of them are even capable of some pretty heinous crimes. Look for that Duper’s delight, sometimes that’s a good giveaway, too.
Yep! We all live in a world controlled and manipulated by narcissistic disordered people. And the rest of us are too apathetic to realise it, or care. I think that narcissism should be taught in high school. The importance of having healthy narcissism and being able recognise unhealthy narcissism. Kill the disease at the root. Give it nowhere to attach itself to take root. So many wars could be avoided. Poverty, homelessness, hunger and disease could be eradicated. I've always felt that the communist manifesto should be taught, discussed and debated in high school. Just so that we know what the hell we are talking about. Because most of us are just going along with the same old manipulative rhetoric without realising we're all just being puppets to fools. The blind being led by the blind. Godspeed.
I'm just coming out of a very long narcissistic attack from a neighbour who posed as a friend. She turned lots of other neighbours against me and would hang around behind our homes, hands on hips, talking loudly, laughing like a seagull and encouraging everyone and anyone to abuse me too. She even encouraged my immediate neighbours to block off my right of way across their garden. She accosted me in the street multiple times. What worked for me was putting a printed out cease and desist letter on my front window for hundreds of passers by to see, reporting her to the police for harassment and stalking, and posting an article on the Nextdoor app about narcissistic smear campaigns. Now, I never hear her voice, her support group has abaondoned her, my neighbours have unblocked my right of way, the police have told her to stop accosting me and she now walks past me in the street with her eyes averted rather than staring wildly as though she wants to kill me. Strangely, there is no difinitive reason for her hatred of me. The only thing I can think of is retribution for posts I made on Nextdoor, lamenting the undecorated municipal Christmas tree.
Takeaway: deliver the information, stay detached, take care of myself....be patient. Thanks Tamie, with your insights, I can finally see that regardless the outcome, I've got nothing to fear.
It's wonderful to get to a place where we no longer play defense. Hey we were members of the same family! Pure hell, but I got out alive. Yes the scapegoat...don't trust anything about yourself, until you wake up, do the work, exit. Narc abuse, is the base of most mental illness. Prolonged cognative dissonance also destroys your physical and mental health. You so nail it. We so need to talk...
4:15 in the morning and tears are running down my face...when You spoke about the "God you serve"...and God's timing...truth will be known my heart just felt like it burst with relief. Thank you.
"why interfere with an enemy while they're in the process of destroying and exposing themselves..".. God says that "vengeance is Mine." Trust Him, bec darkness cannot overcome light. Light will overcome darkness and it is certain. Truth will always prevail.
May you be blessed for telling the truth and describing a situation so dark, hidden and painful. Thank you for the truth, light ,encouragement and personal example of courage. You give survivers of abuse - hope and inspiration. Thank you.
Great information!!!! It took me my entire life minus 1.5 years to realize that my disastrous relationships came from having a narc dad 🤯🤯🤯. I thought all along I was 100% the problem in my relationships.
I am totally relating to this. I never knew what it was called, but I know now that my closest family member was/is a narcissist. I was and still am the family scapegoat and it just doesn't bother me that much anymore. It is very unfair - and you are ABSOLUTELY correct when you say, that the more we work to let the truth be known, the more we are seen as the person who is wrong and the person who is crazy. I believe you. I believe YOU.
Calm and detached in my own container - I always thought it was something separating me from other people giving a sens of loneliness. Now I see that is in fact something protecting me , enabling to open myself to others only when I really want it and feel secure.
Dear Tamie, you have a point. I also got cancer with a narc. ANd i never tried to convince everybody what kind of a person he is. It came out,,,as everything came out on a light.
The minute you integrate your power and value, you can ignore them. You won't attract them anymore. They won't even look at you. It's marvellous. Stay strong.
I'm the family scapegoat. My family gets off on it, I swear. I've been blamed and shamed my whole life and eventhough I went no contact 8 years ago, it still hurts terribly. That part about trying to speak your truth and just coming out looking crazy really hits hard and is 100% my experience. Doesn't help that I have CPTSD, been diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder either. I'm a failure no matter what bc I cannot function in society or in relationships of any kind. It's terribly lonely and I've battled suicidal ideation since I was 13 yrs old. My family insists that there's nothing wrong with me other than I'm the selfish one and I use my mom dying when I was 9 as an excuse to not do well in life. Yet completely ignore the abuse I endured for years afterwards or deny it even happened. Yay Therapy didn't do anything for me really other than keep me alive longer. They just medicated me and gave me talk therapy. The psychologist who diagnosed me with BPD told me that I'm manipulative when I asked what BPD was and then ignored me the rest of my psych ward stay. That was over 15 yrs ago. The only thing keeping me going are my kids.
Hey, Alanis! I completely understand! If you would like to discuss how my program may be able to support you in healing from these issues, feel free to use the link below to apply for a 1:1 consultation. Here’s the link: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728 Big love, ~ Tamie M xx
Your awesome! You have head on hit the therapist part. People who have not seen or lived in the dark have no clue the level of suffering some people live through. I respect and am grateful for you sharing.
Its been my salvation to find this information. not just you but many therapist on TH-cam has made my understanding of myself possible for healing. Thank you
The more am listening to you the more am loving all you are teaching. Wish i had known you before. But am grateful to have come across you. THANK YOU !
Well I’m actually crying because everything you said were true and no one can understand you unless they have experienced true narcissist. I swear I had to save myself and remove myself from that hell. I was literally losing my mind. He always claimed it was me, it took me years to figure this out until I got educated. So sickening.
I was/am the SCAPEGOAT, when it comes to family. It got even worse when our kids became teenagers. It took me years and a lot of research, counseling, prayers, and REAL SOUL SEARCHING to finally figure out what was going on and why I couldn't get off the emotional/ mental/ and occasional physical abusive rollercoaster. I COULDN'T STOP IT and get off, until I FINALLY JUST HAD TO TAKE A HUGE LEAP OF FAITH. I wish I would have had access to videos like this one that are SPOT ON , as if I made it myself. Had I known how I should have appropriately reacted to what was happening and found out that I was just feeding and encouraging his inappropriate behaviors, than I wouldn't be guilty of adding more pain not only to myself but my children. If I HAD ONLY KNOWN what was going to happen starting 40 years ago 😢.
I can identify so much with what you’re saying, and it’s so refreshing to see now where my problem stemmed, and that I wasn’t crazy. Then in reality I was so confused I believe I became crazy. I actually believe I was insane. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me. Thank you so much for helping me with my old broken heart. It brings me to tears for the little girl in me. I am trying to help my baby brother that like me have been the scapegoat of the family.
Tnx Tamie for all the golden nuggets! I got sick of the ridiculous games from a covert narc @ work, so I started collecting evidence of them (it took time) and then exposed to the bosses. In time, They started seeing her as she is, and the rants that followed just confirmed all, while I stayed cool and silent. My bosses even feel better when she’s not around, playing the victim. Collect evidence. Wait. Expose patiently. Stay firm. ✨
Omg I love you!!! It feels like you're talking to me. Thank you sooooo much I needed to hear this. I had to remove myself I was manipulated for 5 years!!!!!! Just cut the disease off 3 days ago and I feel FREE!!!!!
Thankyou, I felt the Spirit when you said the TRUTH will come out! I love how well you coached me today, THANKYOU. I have been in a marriage for 33yrs with him, still love him but I have given my all,my health, my life to this person. His words don't match his actions, my children have been hurt by this and turned into narcs too. He has a hate group and I am the scapegoat,but one daughter is realizing. It's been hard to feel so alone, I did this, tried to speak the truth and was annyalated...
Amazing message ❤️. Calm cool Collected. I just left a country and just left everything.. to save my life ❤️. A decade or two is long! I guess I want to trust the process. Not defend myself. And care for my life . Thank you 🙏
I completely understand, Nathalie! If you would like to discuss how my program may be able to support you in your healing so you stop repeating the pattern of narcissistic abuse, feel free to use the link below to apply for a 1:1 consultation. Here’s the link: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728 Big love, ~ Tamie M xx
Wonderful message with really good practical advice Tamie, thank you. We need to hear it often and let it really sink in that we can't help a narcissist to change, they just don't, so we need to mourn the loss of the friendship or a sibling, mourn the loss of our time and energy, and get on with living our lives with renewed wisdom. Stop blaming ourselves. I've learnt no matter what we did or said the narcissist would have denied or disagreed with it. I'm glad you're now free yourself and you share with us!
An additional way that you need to know to deal with them: if you're the narcissist's victim and itcomes to a point or you're constantly being put in a situation where they're lying and you feel you have to prove your innocence- don't put labels on them if you're talking directly to the narcissist or even the person you're trying to prove the truth to. Because they just use those labels on you and constantly reuse them when your'e not around to defend yourself. If you say they're manipulative or mean they make sure to use that to describe you to the next person either before you can or if after did then with some victim drama and u just end up looking like that label. Which is one of the reasons why they're able to twist things around. It's true that the more you defend yourself the more guilty you look. People don't see the side that the narcissist exposes to you because they're not the narcissist's victim. The narcissist only shows their true selves to you. It makes things almost impossible to prove. They're excellent at turning your own parents and others against you and ganging up with them against you. Remember that they paint themselves as angels to others because they feel they can use them for something. The more you try to tell the truth, the more it looks like you're the one victimising them instead.
I have watched "thousands" of videos on Narcissism. All have been extremely helpful, but this video seals the case. Your advice on quit trying to control what you cannot control is priceless. I don't know if it is how you explained it or what, but it is absolutely true. And I have been in that position many times of feeling like I had to defend myself or explain myself and as I was pleading my case, in my head I thought to myself "this sounds like you're begging for forgiveness". I thought, "this is making you sound guilty." "Just shut up." "They aren't going to believe you anyway." "Let it go." It truly is/was just wanting to be heard. But you're right, they did not experience what we did. Spot on!
I am at a lost for words. I’ve learned more from you in three videos than I have 15 years of therapy!! My husband listens with me and he now has a real good idea of what I went through. Thank you so much 💗 I want to buy you a gift you’ve helped me so much 😃 I’m looking forward to listening to all of your videos. I’ve learned SO much!
I just want to walk out into the woods and never come back. I don't want to deal with scapegoating and narcissistic behavior from my husband anymore. I honestly believe it would be easier to build my own house off grid and survive that way than to deal with what he is. How did I not see it? It's so bad. He's full on vicious and lies, oh the lies. God bless the truth tellers and protect us in Jesus name Amen.
My Mother has dragged me through 6 marriages, the death of my sister, and now the enabling of my 19 year old covert narc daughter. After 30 years of craziness, I have finally broken the trauma bond. It's been the most difficult thing I have ever been through in my 50 years of life, I lost my daughter (discarded) and my mother (enabler) all in the same week, but I've been empowering myself and learning. Thank you for your channel, you can't imagine the help, comfort, and knowledge that you have armed me with...I'm in the process of going no contact, this is the first time in 50 years that I have been drama free for over 30 days in my life. It's certainly not easy but praying that the truth will set me free..
I was not surprised when you revealed your experience with narcissistic people. Your approach is very clear & you get directly to the heart of things. I find that many of psychologists who talk about these issues talk from a very theoretical point of view & often miss the mark. Thank you sincerely for your work.
Hey, F Z! You are most welcome. For clarity, I am a life coach (not a psychologist), with a lifetime of experience with these issues, but more importantly, close to two decades living in solutions that actually work. Now I teach/coach in this regard and it's a beautiful thing to be able to help others find their way out of the dark as I had to fundamentally on my own. That said, I have had a number of 20+ year veteran family psychotherapists come through my program to learn how to deal with and heal from the narcissistic abuse in their own lives. Each one of them reported to be that narcissistic abuse recovery was simply not part of their training. Go figure! If you're interested, you can read their reviews here: www.TamieM.com/testimonials
I’m so glad I found your channel. I lived in a toxic relationship and it has been since 2017 I left that type of relationship. You spoke a lot that happened to me. I have seizures and since I left that relationship, my seizures have calmed down some. Yes, by stepping away from the relationship and let God take control, I moved forward and I am living a better life.
Ever experience Narc attacks from several narcs at once? I seem to notice that when one strikes many of them will. Like it’s a phase of the moon or something. Then I’d realized that because there are 4/5 “in my life” (more so, I’m seemingly under the microscope of these 4/5) and whenever there seems to be something positive going on in my life, & it’s known (ex - if I post something positive about my life on social media or it just gets around otherwise), they strike at the same time. Oddly, me saying this makes me feel like a narc, but I’m aware I’m in a good space here to discuss it like so. Excellent video and info. All of your vids have info that really affirms, validates, and helps.
So true about perpetuating the cycle after an abusive family of origin. I have recovered from abuse. Recognise abuse in potential and short term interactions but it appears that the advent of controlling and manipulative people is widespread.
Hi Tamie - I discovered your channel today and I am so thankful I have. Your advice is speaking to my very heart and soul. I had a very ugly situation with a very close group of friends last year, led by one particular person. It left me in such a dark place of hurt and feeling abandoned. I sadly reacted at first but then left them with an "OK, that's your point of view". Then stopped contact. I feel I am coming to the end of my grieving process, and it has been exactly that. I would compare it to the grief of losing my father. I am now looking forward to seeing these people and not giving them power over me and removing the wind from their sails by not reacting. I look forward to working my way through your videos. You are so relatable. Much love and good health to you from UK - Michelle ❤
My mother is a malignant narcissist. She has always been. I love her and I know she is sick. Her health is getting worse and the people she thinks are going to take care of her...won't. I don't want to expose anything I just want it to change. I can't take everyday insults or the back bitting treachery anymore. The harder I try to be there..the more intense she becomes with her manipulation. It's gotten to the point I'm afraid to even be around some people because I don't know how she will react. Idk what to do...? Your videos have really helped me in dealing with these issues. I hope you can give me some advise to change this for the both of us and be a healed family. Thank you again and God bless you!
Thank you, Tamie. This is so validating. A voice of sanity that has talked me down from the ledge. I can identify with everything you said here. I'm in too deep after 16 years and three kids later, but at least I know what I'm dealing with and have zero expectations of ever having a genuine healthy relationship. I've fallen on my own sword for the kid's sake and just try to be the best dad I can. I'm 51 and my youngest is 2. So I'm pretty much screwed as far as ever having a normal, healthy marriage. But at least I know what's going on and not banging my head against the wall trying to fix something that can never be fixed.
This was so helpful because I’ve been trying to expose the narc and his ways. Been feeling like I’ve been screaming and no one is hearing me, to the point I’m making myself sick. I feel all the anxiety all thru my body and it was interesting that u mentioned this in this video about stop doing that and take care of you because everything will play out in due time. I felt things were finally coming out after years and i had the chance to say my side of the story only for some people to see me as the crazy one. But yes, i feel i said my truth and you are right, let them do what they want with that info, i gotta take care of me now and turn my back because I’m only hurting myself in the process and not worth it. Thanks for this helpful video
31 year old scapegoat here! I became aware that something was wrong about 3 years ago after my sense of self was completely destroyed after I was viciously devalued and discarded in a romantic relationship. I promised myself I would never allow myself to go through something like that again and I started analyzing how & why I got to that point. This led me to discover my childhood trauma which caused more pain, excessive rumination, and second guessing (self gaslighting I learned) for almost 2 years. This finally led me to therapy. I’ve been in therapy for almost a full year now. Getting that validation (repeatedly) from my therapist (someone I was fully able to trust finally) was the first time I truly felt any type of relief from my constant rumination & cognitive dissonance. I finally felt sane for the first time since I could remember. My reality was real and so was my trauma. Learning self-compassion and writing has helped my mental health a lot too. If you can be patient and do the work (it’s not easy), you will gradually see your thoughts, behaviors, and perception of yourself and life change as you heal. I know I still have a long way to go on my healing journey but I know I’m not alone. Sending love and encouragement to others who are battling to break their generational trauma cycles so they too can finally get some relief and set themselves free. 💚
This is fantastic, brilliant! Been focusing on me and healing as best I can. You're right, people will believe what they will. But time will show the true score and by then I'll be gone and healed and whole. Nothing can stop me for I have the truth and the ability to change✨🙏
You spoke to my soul! I am experiencing a situation right now with someone I considered a best friend for years and it is unfolding due to their actions and their significant other's behaviors and manipulation.. This video also made me reflect on events that happened throughout my life and how I tried to control the outcomes. Thank you for the reminder that naraccists will expose themselves and that I need to focus on my self-care.
Thank you very much for sharing your experience and speaking your truth. You touched on mistakes that I have made and others that was about to make! Phew! I am so glad I listened to this and other videos of yours. I have a huge issue with over explaining and trying to convince people of the truth before they are unable or unwilling to face it. It sure has had a great way of backfiring on me! Things have come to a head for me. I now have a wonderful support system and a fantastic counselor. I see why my "no contact" stand was compromised in the past. Your tapes are extremely helpful and empowering. I am sorry for the painful things you have gone through in your past. You have been victorious and have made something positive come out of this. Congratulations to you! Thank you for caring enough to help others and provide hope. God bless you!
That’s exactly what I I’d o all my siblings. I hit the kill switch for all of them at once, and my healing was so quick. No more toxic criticisms, no more up downs no more the scapegoat. I am still recognising and learning to recognise the lipids and narcissists, as I encounter them in my journey through life. I love listening to you … so much more to learn here. 🌸
yes you are so right, no one can understand who has not been thru it. I have a good friend who had good family and no way she could understand. Here it is Xmas, I had to make changes and tell my 2 N kids to come by over Xmas but had to stop meals because they would not show after I cooked or would show and be mean and nasty. I would be a martyr no more. I remember my daughter said well I wont come if you dont cook. And she or her brother didn't. They have turned out so much like their Dad. I have to accept and surrender,sure couldn't change them. I have not heard from them this year. I am sure I probably wont but I had to let go. I put up with them many years for the grandchildren but they are teenagers now, so it is easier. I am just taking care of me. You are right they are so sick. My favorite word is whatever, give to my Creator.
Sunshine.. Went through the same.. My kids have their fathers spirit and abusive.. Divorced but still dealing with my kids narcissistic abuse. Praying for God to set me free..
@@kathleenmorris9309 I guess we should have realized they could turn out just like their Father, I should have picked out a better Father for them. It is a hard thing to accept but accepting has given me some freedom. There is not a thing we can do about it. Love them from a distance.
This is a holy shit moment video for me. In my own experience with the child custody to present... there's a truth to they call you crazy but they make you crazy. I can tell you been through it. I have went through it as well and carry that same temperament. Great video!!
I must say one more thing....you were just talking about the "dark night of the soul" that is EXACTLY what happened to me too!! I just realized that this video was posted December 23, 2020, I ( Thank God!) went though my DNOTS on December 25, 2020! I did not or actually, could not, attend Christmas. I thought I would die if I wasn't left alone that day!! Of course, I'm still being punished for that!! I don't care! I have told them, I am sorry if it hurt you that I didn't attend , however I am not sorry that I didn't go! I had to be alone!! You are so wonderful! I'm only halfway through this video, and I feel like my Daddy in heaven led me straight to you tonight! I'm so much better since I now have a spiritual mentor! I'm so happy to be awake and ALIVE!! I almost died in January 2020 after an operation. I know that's what got everything in motion! You are beautiful!!😢😢💜💜👵🦋🧚♀️
Thank you for the reminder. Been spinning out of control and looking like the crazy person trying to get people to see what my ex husband is doing to me and my daughter. You’re spot on.
At about 15:35 I saw a little globe of light pass in front of the camera 📷😳! LOL was prob a bug but I love when I see these little balls of light anyway. Somewhere I saw a video about them being a little spirit or something!! Hahaha I know I know! I am feeling a lil silly today, thanks to not feeling like a victim today and getting out of bed early to start my day! I am just really starting to learn to love myself again, as in protecting my inner child in a way to describe part of it. I just found your channel last night and I gotta say I just love the way u teach and coach us that are effected by narcs or people with high traits of narcissism. Thank you for your words of wisdom! I am gonna binge watch some of ur stuff today. I think it is always good for us to see that we are definitely not alone in having a narc in our lives. Much love from an RN, Mom, recovering opiate addict(yes I said it), horse lover, artist, and wife to a loving man that is somewhat high on the scale(hmmmm), scapegoat from NC!! Haha Thank you again!! I feel like I found a 💎 of a channel to guide me in what I need to start doing to heal and start really living my life again. 🤭😚🤗! Blowing a kiss to all the sweet souls out there living with narcissistic spouses, parents, ect......
They get pure joy and perverse enjoyment out of your suffering. So if you can’t go complete grey rock turn the tap off. No emotional response to anything, just cold, clinical, stoic and boring. They’ll soon lose interest and you will have defeated them. They have tried to destroy you and they failed.
I tried that. It seemed to work for months. Unfortunately, it is a coworker who I cannot simply get away from. And now he found a way to manipulate the Supervisor and possibly the Manager against me. He is doing everything possible to get me fired or to quit. How do I know? Because he just did that to someone else. And, he openly bragged about looking for the next target. I see the patterns, I trust my instincts. But as usual, I am on my own against those enemies who are currently trying everything to get rid of me NOW.
I am crying such deep tears right now, such wonderfully healing tears of understanding exactly what happened to me! I need to join your group! You are a gift to those of us who resonate so much with exactly what my life has been for 61 years! I am now 62...and grateful that I will enjoy the years I have left because of what you said!! I will never be able to thank you enough for this. I'm so sorry you went through it too...and grateful that you grew from it and are teaching us to understand it too! I have NEVER had a therapist (I HAVE HAD PLENTY!!!) that has helped me in all the years of therapy, medication and tons of money, the way that you have in two short FREE videos that I just watched of yours! You are so precious! 👵😢😪😫😔💜⚘🕊
Thank you so much Tamie ❤️ Have always been your fan and ur guidance. The Narc has moved to another prey lately ( practicing according to your youtube video tips and they worked! ). But sometimes I feel like I want to expose them so bad so I am watching this but then I am listening to your words again! Thank you so much Tamie. I am now even raising awareness about those master manipulators to the people around me so that they will never have to deal with those sick people.
I"m so glad, Kristy! Thanks for tuning in!! If you would like to discuss how my program may be able to support you in your healing so you stop repeating the pattern of narcissistic abuse, feel free to use the link below to apply for a 1:1 consultation. Here’s the link: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728 Big love, ~ Tamie M xx
You may not be ready to hear Tamie’s words, but let me tell you, keep listening to them, because they are SPOT ON. Thank you for sharing your hard-earned wisdom, Tamie.
Tamie you have helped me validate my cycle of thoughts regarding my narcissist father & detachment. It's taken all my strength to cut the cord. At my most vulnerable when I just lost my mum 6 months ago. She put up with it all her life and couldn't walk away. I've done it for both of us. Thank you so much for your valuable help and hitting the nail bang hard on the head. 🙏💕
The best way to deal with them is to be totally unemotional. Cold as ice 😑it's taken me 30 years to figure this out. The people who believe them & don't believe us, are evil too because as Einstein said the problem with the evil in the world is not because of evil people but those who stand by & do nothing (& in this case, side with them).
@@tamiemjoyce sorry I misunderstood. Yes that is very true. A person with a conscience would see through them. Sadly, more than half the world are the living dead.
I so understand, my situation from my childhood did cause me to receive Crohn's disease. I did go on my journey of releasing and letting go of my childhood traumas. My meditations and spirituality helped me alot to love myself and self worth to have the power, and integrity to respond accordingly. I so love myself.
Your confident advice that When I am absolutely confident in the outcome, I can be patient…..that is maybe the best and soundest advice I’ve ever heard!! God bless you, Tamie. It reminds me of 2 Bible verses: 1. All things work together for good for those who love the Lord. 2. Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength…..they shall rise up like eagles and not be afraid. Jesus is Lord. Christ is all and in all.
Open narc is visible quickly it does not need a decade or 2... My narcs relationship took 6 years and out of 6, 3 year marriage.. the problems were visible since the beginning, since shes been introduced towards people as wife... And she started to liking others on social media front of the husband...this mentality got worse each year... The whole relation ship did not have time all was too intense and fast...than all collapsed in a short time, problems came out quick
Hey Friends! Thanks for watching!! If this resonated with you, you'll want to sign up for the FREE WEBCLASS I'm offering on how to heal and recover from codependency and narcissistic abuse so you NEVER fall prey to emotional manipulation and psychological abuse ever again! HERE'S THE LINK: www.tamiem.info/freeclass
The older I'm getting, the less time I have for most people. Narcissists, psychos and angry, bitter and abusive people seem to grow exponentially in my life for every year I get older. I have my dog and my garden.... Who needs abuse and drama at 60 years of age?
I know the feeling,
Well said . Me too.
Seriously me too I gave my dog and my garden too and my hobbies
Amen to that 🙏🙏🙏💥♥💥❤💥❤💥❤
Noone. Stay alone for The others are a hell
The easiest way is to ignore them and forget they exist . It took me a while to get this and to stop reacting. They get off on your reactions to their abuse even after the discard they still try to abuse you mostly on social media. You have to just be silent and let them do whatever and get to a place of understanding that these people are disordered.They do not want you to detach and this is when you will see them exposed because you escaped their sphere of influence and it exposes their false self.
Exactly, Meg! I couldn't have said it better myself! Thanks for tuning in!! 💕
Very well said..thank you❤️
If their actions amount to criminal bullying and harassment, they need to be reported to authorities. It's only the authorities that can hold them accountable. Doing just that!
Yes! And when you are not around, they can’t exactly make you the scapegoat, they’d just look like idiots if they’d try. Then it starts to become more obvious to everyone else around them that they themselves are the only ones left to blame.
I find it also bothers them if I smile a little smile to myself, if I must be anywhere near them. And it’s true sometimes the smile is because I know they’re not getting what they want, a small allowance of momentary pettiness on my part... but mostly I just don’t let them anywhere near my life.
Narcissists also can’t stand not knowing what other people are thinking. They like to push people into expressing what they’re thinking, (because if they can find out where everyone stands on something, then they can try to use that to twist it all and manipulate everyone) but you don’t have to tell them. Not one peep. Watch them try to weasel information out of people, and watch how frustrated they get when they are unsuccessful... that alone can be rather amusing.😊
@@misskim2058 Oh yes definitely do the opposite of what they want . Smile and be 😊
Karma is real. And it will come back on them 10-fold just be patient and be humble and genuine in all you do
How true,
I'd prefer people practiced Dharma.
You embrace the Life lessons of events, rather than entangle yourself in 'drama' and pain, which is karma
Yes! The Narcissist Psychopaths WILL REAP what they sow! 🙏
Yes, Jesus said a person will reap what they sow.
@@amys.johnson8449 when?
A Psychologist once used the example of "Poking a rabbit with a stick". A narcissist would gather flying monkeys to take turn "poking" (insults, rumors, projection etc.) at the rabbit until he runs around and starts to act crazy, then they call in someone important and point at the rabbit and say "look it must have rabies". This describes tactics I have seem many times. Group "poking the rabbit with a stick" until it goes crazy.
That's a really good analogy, Roy. Thanks for sharing and thanks for watching! Happy New Year!!
Poor bunny 🐰, I think we have all been the bunny here 🤪. ....my only lasting problem is panic attacks from triggers 😔
Such a common tactic with narcissists! I use a similar analogy a lot, how the big brother/sister pokes the little brother/sister in the backseat over, and over, and over, and over, and over...And when the little brother/sister finally defends him/herself, even in the slightest way with an elbow or a weak punch, weak because s/he’s the younger one ...the big brother/sister screams and gets the little one punished. My brother would do that, and he would constantly do very bad things and say that I did them, and because he would and will do anything to manipulate people.... most of them have told the lies so much they actually believe them as facts....well, he did that poking...until the day I kicked his a$$. I love the shock he had on his face, he didn’t realize that quiet little well-behaved me could take him down, so quickly and efficiently. I guess I should thank them all for my great hand-to-hand combat skills, they’ve been useful in dark places at times.
They all still like to pretend I am unnecessarily “violent” (because they all at some point tried something they shouldn’t have tried to do in one way or another, and got shut down), but I have never offensively assaulted anyone....but defensively... I make no apologies for defending myself, and I never will apologize for it. I highly encourage people to defend themselves, and do it quickly and speedily, because it’s far more intimidating to be shut down in less than two seconds, by someone you thought you could victimize.
How true thy think there all that and there not,
my sick narc mil would try and tell me it was ok for 40yr old men to like children! she would say anything to get me upset bc thats what she wanted. she didnt want me happy, she wanted me angry, sad, she wanted me to lash out..maybe call her an idiot so she could have her golden ticket to tell everyone how horrible I was, that I called her an idiot. but she'd conventionally leave out the part how she was telling me it was ok for a 40 yr old man to sexualize a child. this is just one example that drove me crazy for years bc I didnt understand what was going on.
she is a nurse, supposedly normal. I couldn't understand and it would drive me crazy, with anger too bc this 40yr was talking about my stepdaughter and her grandaughter, but now I know the truth and I am finally free.
I believe they expose themselves. Best course of action, ignore them. And walk away.
They are not even worth to expose because they are so evil.
Never expose the narcissist unless you have a safe way out
I exposed him. I blocked him and he hasn’t Hoover. Hopefully he never does !
Yes... You're dealing with a highly dangerous individual.
@@martanavarro7559 narcissists can hoover even after years & they will!
Yes. Yes and yes. So so so so true!!!!!!!
I was always told that the Scapegoat of the family could call things out for what they were. That they were the ones who could see clearly for abuse for what it was.
I was the scapegoat, I was even blamed for my Dad having an affair. That was when the bubble burst, I was dealing with self obsessed children in adult bodies.
That's completely true!!!
I'm the scapegoat and exposed my entire family. They are all weirdos and I don't give a shyt
The scapegoat is usually the empath who exposes the truth.
@@jelaine7532 yep, that's true. Just because they see the shit for wat it is instead of being the person blowing smoke up their ass telling them they're wonderful - they get abused the most
This is consistent with all of the other "expose the narcissist" advice I've seen. I do trust in the eventual outcome, and if the prescribed outcome is that they never get exposed, but also never bother you again, that is actually a positive outcome. Because the people who believe them are not worthy of your time or energy.
I agree! Thanks for tuning in!!
Years ago I never would’ve read it, but the Bible has some very good strategies, and they are not all just “wait and see”. There are some tactics that can be implemented, and THEN you can wait and see, and you might actually be able to see for yourself and sooner than you may have thought. Since it doesn’t deal in the cut-and-dried, single-formula solutions that the average western mind tends to seek, the possibilities are more flexible.
How true,
How true is that,
Yup. The ultimate lesson that can be learned through a narcissistic entanglement is: the only thing we can really learn to control in this life is ourself. Once we are finally centered in ourselves life improves exponentially. It just won’t matter what other people are doing because we will no longer be emotionally involved with it.
Amen!! 💕
Experience the same
"She who is certain of the outcome can wait...And wait without anxiety..." From A Course in Miracles (Marianne Williamson).
But don't sit there next to them waiting.
I'm listening to all your videos that I missed. I'm finally on no contact from the covert narcissist. I told him he was losing his Super Empath. Enough is enough. In 2 hours it will be day 35. Wow! I can't believe I finally made it. It feels great! Lots of videos, reading my Bible, and doing what God's word tells me. I told the Narc 35 days ago that I'm the light and he's the darkness. It just doesn't go together. Thank you, Tamie, for your wonderful advice and videos.
Tamie, I have watched several of your videos on narcissism and I just want to say thank you. My mom was in a toxic relationship with her mother (my grandma) her whole life. My mom was the family scapegoat and was brutally abused -- emotionally and mentally by my grandma who is most definitely a narcissist. My mom is nearing 70 and has finally gone no-contact. It has been difficult for me because I am still in contact with grandma... I help with her errands and care, and she frequently tries to put me in "the middle" to get information about my mom and what she is up to.
After watching their relationship for years, I know what NOT to do or say around my grandma, and I know that she respects me... but it's still hard. The whole family is exhausted because of the drama she is causing, trying to find ways to hurt my mom through them.
Thank goodness, everyone is now aware of what has been going on all these years and my mom finally feels supported and understood by our family.
I will definitely be sharing your videos with her. ❤️
You're welocome, Love! I'm happy to know my videos have been helpful!! 💕
Oh my word: you nailed this. I’m less than 2 minutes in and you exactly described my soon to be ex-husband. No one could possibly understand this hell unless they’ve been through it. Deception and manipulation at its finest. I’m already praying for his future victims and hope that they are strong enough to survive him. He even fooled our therapist and had the therapist under his spell within just a few visits. Added note: I contacted the therapist after the fact and the therapist said “I knew he was a narcissist”. Gee thanks Mr. therapist for letting me know and confirming that for me.
That’s what they do. It’s a twisted web.
Abundant Angel yes, it’s creepy and hard to understand.
Yes I think best to avoid therapy with them as they just learn how to manipulate you even better.
smith true. Therapy was his idea so that he could tell everyone he was trying to save the marriage when in fact, he was not. I got in touch with the therapist after the fact and the therapist admitted that he knew he was a narcissist but apparently the way they approach it is to not tell the narcissist and try to work with them in other ways. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help the innocent party who is being gaslit. The world needs to know about and understand narcissism. That’s the best defense against them at this point is to flush them out of hiding so that they can be seen. Knowledge is power.
I know the feeling. I already feel sad for the ones who will come after me. Legitimately sad for the pain he will inflict. Prior to me, the only ones who had any clue of the depth of his manipulation, deceit and abuse were his Daughter and ex-wife. Both have said to me that despite them knowing all too well just how evil he is, when they spend time around him, among those who don't know him, when he's fully in the moment, trying to deceive others into believing he's this humble, helpful person he likes to pretend to be, they say they can almost fall for it again. They've said they almost question themselves, like 'maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. He seems so genuine, now.' Then, all it takes is for them to see & hear how he addresses me, then goes right back to pretending to be this awesome guy. At first, you think... what the heck!? That cruel remark doesn't match his kind character, therefore I must have heard it wrong or obviously he was just joking. It isn't until you see/hear this repeatedly, or get a glimpse behind the mask for an extended period, almost no one has this opportunity, until you live with him. I'd seen plenty of glimpses, but never knew the real guy until moving in. I've been able to stand my ground, and thankfully, have had a successful career and a good reputation in my community so his gaslighting didn't go very far. No one realizes he's an intentional abusive gaslighting narcissist, but they know me well enough to not believe his attempts to undermine my character. Sadly, he has stated to me, outright, that I'm too smart. He has come right out and said he needs someone less intelligent because smart girls are harder to confuse. Then, he cackles laughing, so at first I thought it was a strange joke, until I realized he's the 2nd most deceitful human I've ever known. If he ends up with someone less strong, or less sure of herself, or especially if he goes looking for someone of lower intelligence, he will annihilate them. They won't stand a chance. It's so sad. But, I also can't keep staying because I'm worried he'll abuse someone else. Just can't. It's such a hard thing to know. But, I can't help anyone else until I strengthen myself. And, I'll never be as strong as I once was, until I leave him.
I have gone through my entire life wondering why I am the way I am. (I now have grand-children to give you an idea of my age.). I’ve been through counseling, many times. It was totally useless. Nobody EVER mentioned Narcissism. I was humiliated for crying and actually stopped crying when I was 9 years old. I’m crying right now, and feel totally out of control and ashamed, even though those who did what they did are long gone. I have saved this video, and others, concerning narcissism. I need to know I won’t be interrupted. I just wanted to say “Thank you.” while you are “here” for getting me started. Maybe I can face my tormentors now that they’re gone-even my siblings. Thanks again... T.
You are so welcome, Seanna... and I completely understand!
If you would like to discuss how my program may be able to support you in your healing so you stop repeating the pattern of narcissistic abuse, feel free to use the link below to apply for a 1:1 consultation.
Here’s the link: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728
Big love,
~ Tamie M xx
So sorry that happened to you.
seanna olowney I really feel for you and hope you've become comfortable with crying since you wrote this comment. It's by far the best thing I ever learnt to do, which sounds contradictory, yet tears are for healing after all, so it makes sense. I've experienced extreme trauma throughout my life and have had a lot of grieving to catch up on.
In fact, it seems like most children don't learn that it's normal and necessary to grieve losses, hence why many millions of people, especially men, are walking around with years of unresolved feelings, which haven't been processed at all!
Unfortunately, I also experienced the "it's not okay to cry" message at AA and NA meetings as an adult, not to mention the nightmarish period of time I spent in a psychiatric ward, where they literally forced drugs on me for having feelings.
I'll leave that subject now because it caused severe post-traumatic stress issues, so don't want to trigger myself again and I'm thinking that you can do without it too. I mainly included it in regard to the crying issue.
However, I totally understand why people don't want to go there, as it's excruiatingly painful at times. Another important point is that it's often viewed as a weakness when it's really an incredible strength, which I can use to assist others eventually. ❤
😢I hope you are feeling much better now, I'm sorry that happened to you.
After years of being “emotionally dragged through a knot hole backwards” I finally said “let’s have no contact.” Big sigh of relief!😊☺️😉
You’ve described my childhood, adolescent, and now adult life. I have been the scapegoat for things I had no knowledge of and deemed the black sheep. I have now reached the point that I will no longer hold the tongue of truth, which will sound like I’m cursing them out 😂 My light will bring the darkness out!!! I appreciate you for aiding in validating what I’ve known for quite some time❤
The narcissist and I have an understanding.. He hates me , and I don't ..😆😆 much love everyone.. since I can't share love in my own house.. it's hell on wheels with a narcissist, so keep your expectations low and make it ok until you save and get out some day..❤❤❤
Awesome! I literally just learned two days ago that there is this thing called a narcissist. I always thought it was equated with vanity. I was wrong. Everything has been revealed to me now.
What you are saying is more than true.....if we try to control the damage, that is like rolling in the mud with pigs and trying not to get muddy. Leave it, let it be what it is, and think higher and it does not matter what 'other people think about us'....what we think about our SElf matters.
You are the best I have connected to since my 3yr. Awakening and reseach of covert Narcassict abuse. I am 54. A lifetime of not knowing what happened, now awake and feel flooded. You are hitting nails. Thank you!
My pleasure, Kakalina! I'm glad you're finding my content helpful. If you would like to discuss how you can embark on a formal healing and recovery program to speed up your progress, feel free to book a 1:1 consultation call with me here: www.TamieM.com/strategycall.
Thank you for more confirmation...it helps! Hope u had a wonderful Christmas!
1. Stay calm, present, cool and collected, above reproach.
2. No lashing out, no passive aggressive digs.
3. Tell the truth. Be patient
4. Stop controlling what u can't control ie ppl's opinions and outcome.
5. Focus on your own well-being and recovery.
I'm currently dealing with BS from a covert narcissist and I used the above such work so thanks
I'm glad to realize that I haven't attempted to expose this undesirable person to others especially now having heard what you said of your experience. I wanted to but my intuition told me that I wouldn't be believed.. This caused great anxiety. But now, having you as my friend and a guide, I'm feeling that there's hope. Because you are with me.
I got out of a relationship with someone who was exactly how you have described narcissistic behavior about 2 months ago. I am still dealing with the effects of that behavior. It nearly destroyed me, I lost friends, family, my job because I was putting everything I had into "fixing" the problems I was led to believe I was bringing to the relationship. I am stunned with how you have described it perfectly. I was in that for a year and almost the entire year was living in a state of stress response. This started 3 months after my father passed away. I have never been so low in my entire life. I am on medication and have weekly counseling now. I had no idea what I was being hit with. It's scary when you can't see the threat.
I've been dealing with this from my wife (ex now) for 6 years. I didn't realize what I was dealing with until a cpl years ago. She blamed me, post pregnancy depression, the government, me again. It was painful. She's played me like a fiddle and I was so desperate for someone to believe me. She's very pretty, that makes others want to believe her. It's really heartbreaking. She's even made up horrendous lies, got caught lying, and is never held accountable.. I just want her to say I'm sorry. I will never get that.
i wish i had known this. A large powerful group attacked me while i had cancer - attacked me while a family member was dying. It was a nightmare. Thank God you made it and can help us now! Bless you Tammy!
I grew up with a narcissistic older sister 7 yrs older. She constantly gaslit me and baited me. Rest of family ignored it. On top of this, my mother whom I was close with walked out left our family when I was 9 yrs old. I watched her leave get in a taxi and leave. Didnt see her again. I rose above it. Got educated with 2 undergraduate degrees, a masters degree and otherwise successful. Not with relationships however. Been married 4 x. Now I'm retired 76 yrs old and content and happy alone. Have few good friends, a nice church and enjoy my career as an artist.
For those on the outside to not even take the time to look into the concerns we raise shows the disgrace that this species en masse really is.
It’s how I filter people out of my life. If they’re not smart enough and ethical enough to look at all sides of something, then they don’t deserve to be anywhere near me. If they believe lies and gossip simply because they heard it, I don’t deal with liars and gossipers at all. And I’m a repellent to them because I simply won’t listen or even be friends with such people. And if people try to engage me in gossip about others, I simply tell them it’s none of my business.
And that not only do I not want to hear it, but it’s my deepest desire to NOT be made aware of other people’s business that has nothing to do with me. I have enough to think about, I have a life, and other people’s life isn’t my business (not counting charitable works and organizations, obviously that is not what I mean..the plight of the oppressed is everybody’s concern, or should be to whatever degree they can offer). I also don’t ever want to hear even the name of a celebrity let alone what they are doing what they are saying or thinking. They’re just a puppet, I deal with people with whom I can interact, even from a distance. What a waste of life hours to care about the private or petty concerns of others.
If someone is being harmed and needs support, then that’s different, if they themselves are requesting it, or there is a possibility that they’re being so victimized they can’t ask for help. But I don’t draw conclusions until I get a good look at what’s really going on. Some of the most shiny-faced (FAKE) people are the biggest liars, some of them are even capable of some pretty heinous crimes. Look for that Duper’s delight, sometimes that’s a good giveaway, too.
How true,
Yep! We all live in a world controlled and manipulated by narcissistic disordered people. And the rest of us are too apathetic to realise it, or care.
I think that narcissism should be taught in high school. The importance of having healthy narcissism and being able recognise unhealthy narcissism.
Kill the disease at the root.
Give it nowhere to attach itself to take root.
So many wars could be avoided.
Poverty, homelessness, hunger and disease could be eradicated.
I've always felt that the communist manifesto should be taught, discussed and debated in high school.
Just so that we know what the hell we are talking about.
Because most of us are just going along with the same old manipulative rhetoric without realising we're all just being puppets to fools.
The blind being led by the blind.
Godspeed.
Thank you Joseph
I'm just coming out of a very long narcissistic attack from a neighbour who posed as a friend. She turned lots of other neighbours against me and would hang around behind our homes, hands on hips, talking loudly, laughing like a seagull and encouraging everyone and anyone to abuse me too. She even encouraged my immediate neighbours to block off my right of way across their garden. She accosted me in the street multiple times. What worked for me was putting a printed out cease and desist letter on my front window for hundreds of passers by to see, reporting her to the police for harassment and stalking, and posting an article on the Nextdoor app about narcissistic smear campaigns. Now, I never hear her voice, her support group has abaondoned her, my neighbours have unblocked my right of way, the police have told her to stop accosting me and she now walks past me in the street with her eyes averted rather than staring wildly as though she wants to kill me. Strangely, there is no difinitive reason for her hatred of me. The only thing I can think of is retribution for posts I made on Nextdoor, lamenting the undecorated municipal Christmas tree.
Takeaway: deliver the information, stay detached, take care of myself....be patient. Thanks Tamie, with your insights, I can finally see that regardless the outcome, I've got nothing to fear.
You're welcome, Gary!! 🙂
It's wonderful to get to a place where we no longer play defense. Hey we were members of the same family! Pure hell, but I got out alive. Yes the scapegoat...don't trust anything about yourself, until you wake up, do the work, exit. Narc abuse, is the base of most mental illness. Prolonged cognative dissonance also destroys your physical and mental health. You so nail it. We so need to talk...
I am content with being alone. I have a bad picker. I am done with relationships.
Lol...love us not what you see in the movies....people are crazy u godda pick the crazy you van deal with...relax people...
A how ya doing? Go find someone that has your heart..your crazy and true honest real integrity.
You don’t have a bad picker. There are way to many narcissists around. Don’t give second chances.
4:15 in the morning and tears are running down my face...when You spoke about the "God you serve"...and God's timing...truth will be known my heart just felt like it burst with relief. Thank you.
You are so welcome!!
Thank you 🙏🏻
A men,
"why interfere with an enemy while they're in the process of destroying and exposing themselves..".. God says that "vengeance is Mine." Trust Him, bec darkness cannot overcome light. Light will overcome darkness and it is certain. Truth will always prevail.
YES! I completely agree, Kate!! 💕
This 🙌🏻
Q1
May you be blessed for telling the truth and describing a situation so dark, hidden and painful. Thank you for the truth, light ,encouragement and personal example of courage. You give survivers of abuse - hope and inspiration. Thank you.
You are most welcome! Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement!!
Great information!!!!
It took me my entire life minus 1.5 years to realize that my disastrous relationships came from having a narc dad 🤯🤯🤯. I thought all along I was 100% the problem in my relationships.
I'm sorry you felt you were the problem. I'm estatic you now know the problem. Enlightenment such a wonderful thing.
I am totally relating to this. I never knew what it was called, but I know now that my closest family member was/is a narcissist. I was and still am the family scapegoat and it just doesn't bother me that much anymore. It is very unfair - and you are ABSOLUTELY correct when you say, that the more we work to let the truth be known, the more we are seen as the person who is wrong and the person who is crazy. I believe you. I believe YOU.
Calm and detached in my own container - I always thought it was something separating me from other people giving a sens of loneliness. Now I see that is in fact something protecting me , enabling to open myself to others only when I really want it and feel secure.
Dear Tamie, you have a point. I also got cancer with a narc. ANd i never tried to convince everybody what kind of a person he is. It came out,,,as everything came out on a light.
The minute you integrate your power and value, you can ignore them. You won't attract them anymore. They won't even look at you. It's marvellous. Stay strong.
I'm the family scapegoat. My family gets off on it, I swear. I've been blamed and shamed my whole life and eventhough I went no contact 8 years ago, it still hurts terribly. That part about trying to speak your truth and just coming out looking crazy really hits hard and is 100% my experience. Doesn't help that I have CPTSD, been diagnosed with BPD and bipolar disorder either. I'm a failure no matter what bc I cannot function in society or in relationships of any kind. It's terribly lonely and I've battled suicidal ideation since I was 13 yrs old. My family insists that there's nothing wrong with me other than I'm the selfish one and I use my mom dying when I was 9 as an excuse to not do well in life. Yet completely ignore the abuse I endured for years afterwards or deny it even happened. Yay
Therapy didn't do anything for me really other than keep me alive longer. They just medicated me and gave me talk therapy. The psychologist who diagnosed me with BPD told me that I'm manipulative when I asked what BPD was and then ignored me the rest of my psych ward stay. That was over 15 yrs ago. The only thing keeping me going are my kids.
Hey, Alanis! I completely understand! If you would like to discuss how my program may be able to support you in healing from these issues, feel free to use the link below to apply for a 1:1 consultation.
Here’s the link: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728
Big love,
~ Tamie M xx
Your awesome! You have head on hit the therapist part.
People who have not seen or lived in the dark have no clue the level of suffering some people live through.
I respect and am grateful for you sharing.
Its been my salvation to find this information. not just you but many therapist on TH-cam has made my understanding of myself possible for healing. Thank you
The more am listening to you the more am loving all you are teaching. Wish i had known you before. But am grateful to have come across you. THANK YOU !
Tamie, they were removed because you are light and they are dark. Thank you for your great work!
You are most welcome! Thanks for tuning in!!
Well I’m actually crying because everything you said were true and no one can understand you unless they have experienced true narcissist. I swear I had to save myself and remove myself from that hell.
I was literally losing my mind. He always claimed it was me, it took me years to figure this out until I got educated. So sickening.
I was/am the SCAPEGOAT, when it comes to family. It got even worse when our kids became teenagers. It took me years and a lot of research, counseling, prayers, and REAL SOUL SEARCHING to finally figure out what was going on and why I couldn't get off the emotional/ mental/ and occasional physical abusive rollercoaster. I COULDN'T STOP IT and get off, until I FINALLY JUST HAD TO TAKE A HUGE LEAP OF FAITH. I wish I would have had access to videos like this one that are SPOT ON , as if I made it myself. Had I known how I should have appropriately reacted to what was happening and found out that I was just feeding and encouraging his inappropriate behaviors, than I wouldn't be guilty of adding more pain not only to myself but my children. If I HAD ONLY KNOWN what was going to happen starting 40 years ago 😢.
I can identify so much with what you’re saying, and it’s so refreshing to see now where my problem stemmed, and that I wasn’t crazy. Then in reality I was so confused I believe I became crazy. I actually believe I was insane. You don’t know how much you’ve helped me. Thank you so much for helping me with my old broken heart. It brings me to tears for the little girl in me. I am trying to help my baby brother that like me have been the scapegoat of the family.
Tnx Tamie for all the golden nuggets!
I got sick of the ridiculous games from a covert narc @ work, so I started collecting evidence of them (it took time) and then exposed to the bosses. In time, They started seeing her as she is, and the rants that followed just confirmed all, while I stayed cool and silent. My bosses even feel better when she’s not around, playing the victim.
Collect evidence. Wait. Expose patiently. Stay firm. ✨
Omg I love you!!! It feels like you're talking to me. Thank you sooooo much I needed to hear this. I had to remove myself I was manipulated for 5 years!!!!!! Just cut the disease off 3 days ago and I feel FREE!!!!!
Very relatable video. As difficult as it is, there comes a time to clean house and get rid of the toxic people in your life. No regrets.
Amen! Thanks for watching!!
Thankyou, I felt the Spirit when you said the TRUTH will come out! I love how well you coached me today, THANKYOU. I have been in a marriage for 33yrs with him, still love him but I have given my all,my health, my life to this person. His words don't match his actions, my children have been hurt by this and turned into narcs too. He has a hate group and I am the scapegoat,but one daughter is realizing. It's been hard to feel so alone, I did this, tried to speak the truth and was annyalated...
You're welcome, Nicky! Thanks for tuning in!!
Amazing message ❤️.
Calm cool
Collected.
I just left a country and just left everything.. to save my life ❤️.
A decade or two is long!
I guess I want to trust the process. Not defend myself. And care for my life . Thank you 🙏
I completely understand, Nathalie!
If you would like to discuss how my program may be able to support you in your healing so you stop repeating the pattern of narcissistic abuse, feel free to use the link below to apply for a 1:1 consultation.
Here’s the link: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728
Big love,
~ Tamie M xx
💖🙏🏿
Me too- Tunisia 10 years ugh 😩
Wonderful message with really good practical advice Tamie, thank you. We need to hear it often and let it really sink in that we can't help a narcissist to change, they just don't, so we need to mourn the loss of the friendship or a sibling, mourn the loss of our time and energy, and get on with living our lives with renewed wisdom. Stop blaming ourselves. I've learnt no matter what we did or said the narcissist would have denied or disagreed with it. I'm glad you're now free yourself and you share with us!
Thank you!!
An additional way that you need to know to deal with them: if you're the narcissist's victim and itcomes to a point or you're constantly being put in a situation where they're lying and you feel you have to prove your innocence- don't put labels on them if you're talking directly to the narcissist or even the person you're trying to prove the truth to. Because they just use those labels on you and constantly reuse them when your'e not around to defend yourself. If you say they're manipulative or mean they make sure to use that to describe you to the next person either before you can or if after did then with some victim drama and u just end up looking like that label. Which is one of the reasons why they're able to twist things around. It's true that the more you defend yourself the more guilty you look. People don't see the side that the narcissist exposes to you because they're not the narcissist's victim. The narcissist only shows their true selves to you. It makes things almost impossible to prove. They're excellent at turning your own parents and others against you and ganging up with them against you. Remember that they paint themselves as angels to others because they feel they can use them for something. The more you try to tell the truth, the more it looks like you're the one victimising them instead.
I agree!
I have watched "thousands" of videos on Narcissism. All have been extremely helpful, but this video seals the case. Your advice on quit trying to control what you cannot control is priceless. I don't know if it is how you explained it or what, but it is absolutely true. And I have been in that position many times of feeling like I had to defend myself or explain myself and as I was pleading my case, in my head I thought to myself "this sounds like you're begging for forgiveness". I thought, "this is making you sound guilty." "Just shut up." "They aren't going to believe you anyway." "Let it go." It truly is/was just wanting to be heard. But you're right, they did not experience what we did. Spot on!
I am at a lost for words. I’ve learned more from you in three videos than I have 15 years of therapy!! My husband listens with me and he now has a real good idea of what I went through. Thank you so much 💗 I want to buy you a gift you’ve helped me so much 😃 I’m looking forward to listening to all of your videos. I’ve learned SO much!
You're so welcome, Kari! Thanks for tuning in!! 💕
Facts I’m in therapy and i feel like it’s not as helpful as this
This is exactly 💯 my daughter..
Word for word
Thank you 😊
Thank you
Waiting on God. 8 months no contact w whole family and narc Mom.
I know, that I know, that I know the truth will come out
Sooner or later... it's inevitable. Count on it!! Thanks for tuning in, Terri!! 💕
This is so good thank you for all your help you’ve been to me in my life and excited to continue in getting well!!!
My pleasure, Debi!! Sending lots of love your way!! 💕
I just want to walk out into the woods and never come back. I don't want to deal with scapegoating and narcissistic behavior from my husband anymore. I honestly believe it would be easier to build my own house off grid and survive that way than to deal with what he is. How did I not see it? It's so bad. He's full on vicious and lies, oh the lies. God bless the truth tellers and protect us in Jesus name Amen.
True,
👏♥️🙌
Amen, amen. I believe God will reward us in the end somehow, he knows us
We should take the blame for what we found especially when there were signs to keep off at the beginning
Amen
My Mother has dragged me through 6 marriages, the death of my sister, and now the enabling of my 19 year old covert narc daughter. After 30 years of craziness, I have finally broken the trauma bond. It's been the most difficult thing I have ever been through in my 50 years of life, I lost my daughter (discarded) and my mother (enabler) all in the same week, but I've been empowering myself and learning. Thank you for your channel, you can't imagine the help, comfort, and knowledge that you have armed me with...I'm in the process of going no contact, this is the first time in 50 years that I have been drama free for over 30 days in my life. It's certainly not easy but praying that the truth will set me free..
I was not surprised when you revealed your experience with narcissistic people. Your approach is very clear & you get directly to the heart of things. I find that many of psychologists who talk about these issues talk from a very theoretical point of view & often miss the mark. Thank you sincerely for your work.
Hey, F Z! You are most welcome. For clarity, I am a life coach (not a psychologist), with a lifetime of experience with these issues, but more importantly, close to two decades living in solutions that actually work. Now I teach/coach in this regard and it's a beautiful thing to be able to help others find their way out of the dark as I had to fundamentally on my own.
That said, I have had a number of 20+ year veteran family psychotherapists come through my program to learn how to deal with and heal from the narcissistic abuse in their own lives. Each one of them reported to be that narcissistic abuse recovery was simply not part of their training.
Go figure! If you're interested, you can read their reviews here: www.TamieM.com/testimonials
@@tamiemjoyce Keep up the good work :)
Every time I listen and watch these videos, I feel like Tamie and I are living a mirror lives..
I’m so glad I found your channel. I lived in a toxic relationship and it has been since 2017 I left that type of relationship. You spoke a lot that happened to me. I have seizures and since I left that relationship, my seizures have calmed down some. Yes, by stepping away from the relationship and let God take control, I moved forward and I am living a better life.
Ever experience Narc attacks from several narcs at once? I seem to notice that when one strikes many of them will. Like it’s a phase of the moon or something. Then I’d realized that because there are 4/5 “in my life” (more so, I’m seemingly under the microscope of these 4/5) and whenever there seems to be something positive going on in my life, & it’s known (ex - if I post something positive about my life on social media or it just gets around otherwise), they strike at the same time. Oddly, me saying this makes me feel like a narc, but I’m aware I’m in a good space here to discuss it like so.
Excellent video and info. All of your vids have info that really affirms, validates, and helps.
So true about perpetuating the cycle after an abusive family of origin. I have recovered from abuse. Recognise abuse in potential and short term interactions but it appears that the advent of controlling and manipulative people is widespread.
You have been speaking to my very soul throughout this entire episode. Thank you for your help and understanding ❤❤
Hi Tamie - I discovered your channel today and I am so thankful I have.
Your advice is speaking to my very heart and soul. I had a very ugly situation with a very close group of friends last year, led by one particular person. It left me in such a dark place of hurt and feeling abandoned. I sadly reacted at first but then left them with an "OK, that's your point of view". Then stopped contact.
I feel I am coming to the end of my grieving process, and it has been exactly that. I would compare it to the grief of losing my father. I am now looking forward to seeing these people and not giving them power over me and removing the wind from their sails by not reacting.
I look forward to working my way through your videos. You are so relatable. Much love and good health to you from UK - Michelle ❤
So glad you're enjoying the content, Chelle! You've got this!! 💕
This is my most favorite video so far, no words to say you THANKS. God bless you ❤you
You are so welcome, Neeru!
WOW this has been so HELPFUL! I am going through a very touch time with the ex Narcissist! Smearing me with our friends!
Tamie you’re so strong, you really inspire me to build my inner warrior empathy strength. I wish you the very best 🌸💕
Thank you so much, Rhiannon!! 🙂
My mother is a malignant narcissist. She has always been. I love her and I know she is sick. Her health is getting worse and the people she thinks are going to take care of her...won't. I don't want to expose anything I just want it to change. I can't take everyday insults or the back bitting treachery anymore. The harder I try to be there..the more intense she becomes with her manipulation. It's gotten to the point I'm afraid to even be around some people because I don't know how she will react. Idk what to do...? Your videos have really helped me in dealing with these issues. I hope you can give me some advise to change this for the both of us and be a healed family. Thank you again and God bless you!
I hear you. I went through all that myself with a narcissist. So true!
Thank you, Tamie. This is so validating. A voice of sanity that has talked me down from the ledge. I can identify with everything you said here. I'm in too deep after 16 years and three kids later, but at least I know what I'm dealing with and have zero expectations of ever having a genuine healthy relationship. I've fallen on my own sword for the kid's sake and just try to be the best dad I can. I'm 51 and my youngest is 2. So I'm pretty much screwed as far as ever having a normal, healthy marriage. But at least I know what's going on and not banging my head against the wall trying to fix something that can never be fixed.
You're welcome, Rob! And thank for tuning in!!
Never give up! Deliverance.
This was so helpful because I’ve been trying to expose the narc and his ways. Been feeling like I’ve been screaming and no one is hearing me, to the point I’m making myself sick. I feel all the anxiety all thru my body and it was interesting that u mentioned this in this video about stop doing that and take care of you because everything will play out in due time. I felt things were finally coming out after years and i had the chance to say my side of the story only for some people to see me as the crazy one. But yes, i feel i said my truth and you are right, let them do what they want with that info, i gotta take care of me now and turn my back because I’m only hurting myself in the process and not worth it. Thanks for this helpful video
31 year old scapegoat here! I became aware that something was wrong about 3 years ago after my sense of self was completely destroyed after I was viciously devalued and discarded in a romantic relationship. I promised myself I would never allow myself to go through something like that again and I started analyzing how & why I got to that point. This led me to discover my childhood trauma which caused more pain, excessive rumination, and second guessing (self gaslighting I learned) for almost 2 years. This finally led me to therapy. I’ve been in therapy for almost a full year now. Getting that validation (repeatedly) from my therapist (someone I was fully able to trust finally) was the first time I truly felt any type of relief from my constant rumination & cognitive dissonance. I finally felt sane for the first time since I could remember. My reality was real and so was my trauma. Learning self-compassion and writing has helped my mental health a lot too. If you can be patient and do the work (it’s not easy), you will gradually see your thoughts, behaviors, and perception of yourself and life change as you heal. I know I still have a long way to go on my healing journey but I know I’m not alone. Sending love and encouragement to others who are battling to break their generational trauma cycles so they too can finally get some relief and set themselves free. 💚
This is fantastic, brilliant! Been focusing on me and healing as best I can. You're right, people will believe what they will. But time will show the true score and by then I'll be gone and healed and whole. Nothing can stop me for I have the truth and the ability to change✨🙏
Glad you liked it! Thanks for tuning in!! 🙂
This is so good! They always over play their hand and expose themselves. We just have to be calm cool collected and wait.
You spoke to my soul! I am experiencing a situation right now with someone I considered a best friend for years and it is unfolding due to their actions and their significant other's behaviors and manipulation.. This video also made me reflect on events that happened throughout my life and how I tried to control the outcomes. Thank you for the reminder that naraccists will expose themselves and that I need to focus on my self-care.
You're so welcome, Ag Ga! Thanks for tuning in!! 🙂
Thank you very much for sharing your experience and speaking your truth. You touched on mistakes that I have made and others that was about to make! Phew! I am so glad I listened to this and other videos of yours. I have a huge issue with over explaining and trying to convince people of the truth before they are unable or unwilling to face it. It sure has had a great way of backfiring on me! Things have come to a head for me. I now have a wonderful support system and a fantastic counselor. I see why my "no contact" stand was compromised in the past. Your tapes are extremely helpful and empowering. I am sorry for the painful things you have gone through in your past. You have been victorious and have made something positive come out of this. Congratulations to you! Thank you for caring enough to help others and provide hope. God bless you!
Great advice and truth. Thank you. Open heart surgery without anesthetic. Powerful.
My pleasure, Darren! Thanks for tuning in!!
That’s exactly what I I’d o all my siblings. I hit the kill switch for all of them at once, and my healing was so quick. No more toxic criticisms, no more up downs no more the scapegoat. I am still recognising and learning to recognise the lipids and narcissists, as I encounter them in my journey through life.
I love listening to you … so much more to learn here. 🌸
yes you are so right, no one can understand who has not been thru it. I have a good friend who had good family and no way she could understand. Here it is Xmas, I had to make changes and tell my 2 N kids to come by over Xmas but had to stop meals because they would not show after I cooked or would show and be mean and nasty. I would be a martyr no more. I remember my daughter said well I wont come if you dont cook. And she or her brother didn't. They have turned out so much like their Dad. I have to accept and surrender,sure couldn't change them. I have not heard from them this year. I am sure I probably wont but I had to let go. I put up with them many years for the grandchildren but they are teenagers now, so it is easier. I am just taking care of me. You are right they are so sick. My favorite word is whatever, give to my Creator.
Precisely why the right support system is so vital to recovery. Wishing you a peaceful Holiday Season and all the very best for 2021, Sunshine!! xx
Sunshine.. Went through the same.. My kids have their fathers spirit and abusive.. Divorced but still dealing with my kids narcissistic abuse.
Praying for God to set me free..
@@kathleenmorris9309 I guess we should have realized they could turn out just like their Father, I should have picked out a better Father for them. It is a hard thing to accept but accepting has given me some freedom. There is not a thing we can do about it. Love them from a distance.
This is a holy shit moment video for me. In my own experience with the child custody to present... there's a truth to they call you crazy but they make you crazy. I can tell you been through it. I have went through it as well and carry that same temperament. Great video!!
I must say one more thing....you were just talking about the "dark night of the soul" that is EXACTLY what happened to me too!! I just realized that this video was posted December 23, 2020, I ( Thank God!) went though my DNOTS on December 25, 2020! I did not or actually, could not, attend Christmas. I thought I would die if I wasn't left alone that day!! Of course, I'm still being punished for that!! I don't care! I have told them, I am sorry if it hurt you that I didn't attend , however I am not sorry that I didn't go! I had to be alone!! You are so wonderful! I'm only halfway through this video, and I feel like my Daddy in heaven led me straight to you tonight! I'm so much better since I now have a spiritual mentor! I'm so happy to be awake and ALIVE!! I almost died in January 2020 after an operation. I know that's what got everything in motion! You are beautiful!!😢😢💜💜👵🦋🧚♀️
Thank you for the reminder. Been spinning out of control and looking like the crazy person trying to get people to see what my ex husband is doing to me and my daughter. You’re spot on.
At about 15:35 I saw a little globe of light pass in front of the camera 📷😳! LOL was prob a bug but I love when I see these little balls of light anyway. Somewhere I saw a video about them being a little spirit or something!! Hahaha I know I know! I am feeling a lil silly today, thanks to not feeling like a victim today and getting out of bed early to start my day! I am just really starting to learn to love myself again, as in protecting my inner child in a way to describe part of it. I just found your channel last night and I gotta say I just love the way u teach and coach us that are effected by narcs or people with high traits of narcissism. Thank you for your words of wisdom! I am gonna binge watch some of ur stuff today. I think it is always good for us to see that we are definitely not alone in having a narc in our lives. Much love from an RN, Mom, recovering opiate addict(yes I said it), horse lover, artist, and wife to a loving man that is somewhat high on the scale(hmmmm), scapegoat from NC!! Haha
Thank you again!! I feel like I found a 💎 of a channel to guide me in what I need to start doing to heal and start really living my life again. 🤭😚🤗! Blowing a kiss to all the sweet souls out there living with narcissistic spouses, parents, ect......
Welcome, Ruthie! Thanks for tuning in! So glad you saw an orb float through my video!! 💕
I feel you are speaking everything i am thinking and needed to hear it
They get pure joy and perverse enjoyment out of your suffering. So if you can’t go complete grey rock turn the tap off. No emotional response to anything, just cold, clinical, stoic and boring. They’ll soon lose interest and you will have defeated them. They have tried to destroy you and they failed.
Exactly! Thanks for tuning in, David!!
I am definitely going to try this... Thank you
I tried that. It seemed to work for months. Unfortunately, it is a coworker who I cannot simply get away from. And now he found a way to manipulate the Supervisor and possibly the Manager against me. He is doing everything possible to get me fired or to quit. How do I know? Because he just did that to someone else. And, he openly bragged about looking for the next target. I see the patterns, I trust my instincts. But as usual, I am on my own against those enemies who are currently trying everything to get rid of me NOW.
Thank you! Your videos have helped me and a friend deal with a narcissistic coworker. Thank you so very much!
I am crying such deep tears right now, such wonderfully healing tears of understanding exactly what happened to me! I need to join your group! You are a gift to those of us who resonate so much with exactly what my life has been for 61 years! I am now 62...and grateful that I will enjoy the years I have left because of what you said!! I will never be able to thank you enough for this. I'm so sorry you went through it too...and grateful that you grew from it and are teaching us to understand it too! I have NEVER had a therapist (I HAVE HAD PLENTY!!!) that has helped me in all the years of therapy, medication and tons of money, the way that you have in two short FREE videos that I just watched of yours! You are so precious! 👵😢😪😫😔💜⚘🕊
If you think my free content is good... you should check out my program. Here's the link: www.TamieMCoaching.com
Thank you so much Tamie ❤️ Have always been your fan and ur guidance. The Narc has moved to another prey lately ( practicing according to your youtube video tips and they worked! ). But sometimes I feel like I want to expose them so bad so I am watching this but then I am listening to your words again! Thank you so much Tamie. I am now even raising awareness about those master manipulators to the people around me so that they will never have to deal with those sick people.
I really want to say thankyou for sharing and teaching me how to let go and take the higher road.. You just helped me a ton!!
I"m so glad, Kristy! Thanks for tuning in!!
If you would like to discuss how my program may be able to support you in your healing so you stop repeating the pattern of narcissistic abuse, feel free to use the link below to apply for a 1:1 consultation.
Here’s the link: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728
Big love,
~ Tamie M xx
You may not be ready to hear Tamie’s words, but let me tell you, keep listening to them, because they are SPOT ON. Thank you for sharing your hard-earned wisdom, Tamie.
You were such a big part of my spiritual awakening I really appreciate it 🙂 you're so wonderful.
Thans, Chris! I'm happy to know my content is helpful!! 🙂
Tamie you have helped me validate my cycle of thoughts regarding my narcissist father & detachment. It's taken all my strength to cut the cord. At my most vulnerable when I just lost my mum 6 months ago. She put up with it all her life and couldn't walk away. I've done it for both of us. Thank you so much for your valuable help and hitting the nail bang hard on the head. 🙏💕
The best way to deal with them is to be totally unemotional. Cold as ice 😑it's taken me 30 years to figure this out. The people who believe them & don't believe us, are evil too because as Einstein said the problem with the evil in the world is not because of evil people but those who stand by & do nothing (& in this case, side with them).
In my viewe, enabling a narcissist makes them complicit in the abuse. They don't see that... but it does. Silence is consent.
@@tamiemjoyce sorry I misunderstood. Yes that is very true. A person with a conscience would see through them. Sadly, more than half the world are the living dead.
I so understand, my situation from my childhood did cause me to receive Crohn's disease. I did go on my journey of releasing and letting go of my childhood traumas. My meditations and spirituality helped me alot to love myself and self worth to have the power, and integrity to respond accordingly. I so love myself.
Your confident advice that When I am absolutely confident in the outcome, I can be patient…..that is maybe the best and soundest advice I’ve ever heard!! God bless you, Tamie. It reminds me of 2 Bible verses:
1. All things work together for good for those who love the Lord.
2. Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength…..they shall rise up like eagles and not be afraid.
Jesus is Lord.
Christ is all and in all.
Open narc is visible quickly it does not need a decade or 2... My narcs relationship took 6 years and out of 6, 3 year marriage.. the problems were visible since the beginning, since shes been introduced towards people as wife... And she started to liking others on social media front of the husband...this mentality got worse each year... The whole relation ship did not have time all was too intense and fast...than all collapsed in a short time, problems came out quick