Hi my lovelies!! I’m at Epcot today and will be at magic kingdom tomorrow! Some friends and I will be recording “different types of people at Disney world” so let me know some of the different types of stereotypical people you see at Disney!!!!😂
The biggest red flag in that last story is that when the OP's wife saw that she wasn't being included in the conversation, her immediate assumption was "you're keeping secrets from me."
Amen! If she was a better person she would have learned to sign with her father in law and hopefully gone with her husband to the ASL event to improve her ASL.
Story #4...i think the wife got back what she put into it. She wasn't willing to put forth the effort to talk to her FIL, now there's someone who doesn't want to put forth any effort to talk to her. She just doesn't like it when the uno reverse card gets played on her.
There was no mention that he even talked to her about it and asked why she doesn't want to learn. If they were roommates, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend then yes I can see your logic working.. but they're married. These are things they should be communicating.. not just "I don't wanna translate for you anymore" not even tell her why.. in his story he just stops.. doesn't tell her what's bothering him or why it's bothering him. He's a crab apple
@@GeneOrichu I was going to say the same. I know with me just trying to learn spanish it's very difficult for me. I have started and stopped so many times. I feel like we don't have enough information, but with the info we do have I would say he's crab apple. What may seem easy for one person may not be easy for another. Also to Rebecca's husbands point, they are in HER home. It's the husbands home too yes, however she has a right to feel comfortable in her own home. They are making her feel uncomfortable in her own space. That would be like one of us going into a foreigners house and getting mad that they don't speak english.
Agreed. & the husband wants her to have a relationship with his father so he puts forth the effort for her. Though I’m sure he would prefer she had learned ASL, he expressed inconvenience and disappointment, & now has a friend to reinforce that stance. He’s respecting his friend’s boundaries.
They are disrespecting his wife in her home. If they don’t want interruptions in their conversation, they shouldn’t be coming into her home. She might not be a visual learner and sign is hard to follow if you don’t know 90% of the language and process things very quickly. The sentence structure is completely different and how you hold your eyebrows can change the complete context of a sentence. She might be trying and he doesn’t see her effort. OP married her knowing that she doesn’t sign. If he’s not actively trying to help her learn and criticizing at every turn, as his story suggests by the tone, that he’s just done interpreting for her, why should she constantly try when he doesn’t seem to care to help her. Now he has a friend who’s saying that OPs wife isn’t worth the effort and it’s not ok in the slightest.
@Heather Duke I do kinda agree. I love Rebecca's videos but sometimes feel she doesn't let Avery talk all that much or let's him explain himself. I know she's passionate but wish shed put her listening ears on more. Especially when he's making great points.
I support and like Rebecca a lot. I wanted to add that she makes her point in 30 seconds. Then she explains her point in 5 more different ways that ends up being minutes of dialog. I don't mind it when she is alone in a video. I'm here at her channel to listen to her after all.
She’s very overpowering at times. For every 1 word Avery says Rebecca says 900!! It’s getting to the point where I’m wondering if there’s any point in him being there, she could talk non stop AT a stuffed animal and Avery could go out and actually have a two way conversation with someone.
@kendrasmokeywinnieriggs6654 yes!! I'm not wheelchair bound, but I am still super limited. But it doesn't mean i don't wanna be invited or included! I'm still a normal 28 year old to an extent! 😅
So while I agree with Rebecca on story 4 in terms of disability, Avery's explanation about bringing someone into the house and telling his wife to go away actually makes sense for crab apple
I got the impression that the wife didn't actually want to hang out with Alex, she just wanted to, essentially, eavesdrop on their conversation without having to participate.
If the wife is unwilling to learn anything in order to participate then she’s an a**. It’s so isolating to be around people like that. So much is lost in translation and the fact that she has a family member that is Deaf and she makes no effort, means she’s most definitely a bad apple. She’s horrible. She’s clearly someone who lacks empathy and common decency. I as a hard of hearing person feel like she would be the type of person who would get frustrated at having to repeat herself or make eye contact while speaking to me. I’ve had those kind of people in my life, they suck. I can’t control my hearing loss.
It’s the little steps that push her to allow his mum to that much input in their relationship! Would have loved OP to have tried following the “our face” concept to its logical conclusion…like telling him what underwear he can wear, deodorant. Would he tell her what menstrual products to use? That one really got me.
My daughter asked me what the job of the maid of honor was, and I told her, it’s to man the get away car. I said, marriage is the biggest decision you make in your life and the wrong choice will cost you way more then canceling a wedding, even on the day of. Your maid of honor should be someone who’s goal is to support any decision you make that day regarding if you want to go through with the wedding, or not. Stories like #3 reinforce my stance on this. This poor girls needs to run. The whole family sounds narcissistic. 😬
If the boys wanted to prank their sister they should have made their own cake with mayo icing so there was still cake for the b-day girl and guests, that's the bare minimum they could've done
That's what I was thinking. When everyone realizes it's covered in mayo and not real (hopefully no one having eaten it), bring out the actual cake. I don't know - I've never liked pranks, but I feel if they had a real cake at the ready and didn't let the reaction escalate, it could have been a playful smack or anger at the brothers, but laugh because "ugh, it's just them being dumb!" It's like they say, a good prank has all parties laughing at the end. If you brought someone to tears, it's not a prank.
I think that with story #2, if you prank a sibling with a bad cake then at least have a duplicate birthday cake that is made correctly. You can have fun, but then bring out the "real" cake. What a relief!
As someone with a disability, thanks for standing up for our community! Also as someone who’s bilingual I would cry if I had to constantly translate for someone who is unwilling to learn and unwanted in the conversation by one of the people involved.
As a person with a disability (I’m not deaf or mute, I was in a coma when I was a kid. Now, I have memory loss, OCD, and some other issues), THANK YOU for your passionate opinion on story number four!!! I don’t know how to express how cool it is seeing someone I’m such a big fan of standing up for my community. ❤️❤️❤️
@@rumileonardo I know you probably had good intentions but please don't control how others talk about there disabilities even if you might also be disabled I didn't see this comment saying the word suffered but I may have missed it but I know with my disabilities it's sometimes comforting to me to say I'm suffering with them because they are suffering saying that I just live with it can feel like I'm downplaying my pain I know some dont have there symptoms effect them to much (disabilities are different for everyone) but even then it's not nice to police how others describe there disabilities sense it's so personal I hope this is ok I'm sorry if I accidentally came of rude but I'm trying to give some advice to not acsently hurt some people Edit: worded things wrong a bit I hope it's a bit better now but let me know if not
Story One: The way the husband freaked out about her being alone with another man for a half hour (especially one that is her best friend’s partner), made me feel like this could be a case of projection. Can’t prove it without more info, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he is the cheater and not her
What gets me is they weren't even alone together. There was a baby and a 4 year old; the 4 year old especially can walk, talk, and witness. What were the adults going to do in front of him? I'm not saying it would suddenly be bad if the kids hadn't been there, but that it makes the husband's fear even more ridiculous.
On story 4. I really understand your point regarding disability and that the wife needs to make an effort. She is one-hundred-percent a bad Apple. But I agree with Avery that the husband is not a good Apple. If I had a friend or acquaintance that said they wanted nothing to do with my husband, whether they had a point or not, I would not bring that person to my home. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with them, but I'm not going to put them in a situation where they are near my husband that they can't stand. There's a whole wild world out there that they could meet up at, doesn't have to be in the living room in front of the wife.
I agree that signing should be taught and at a very early age. My granddaughter was born deaf. My husband and I raised her so it was very important that we learn. She started learning at 12 months. She learned much faster than we did. Everyone in the family learned so she wouldn’t be left out of anything
I've always wanted to learn ASL and I try to learn signs whenever possible, but not being able to practice daily makes it difficult to become fluent. But that's not a reeason to stop trying. As long as I know the alphabet and some basic signs, I know I will be able to communicate on a basic level if I find myself in a situation where I need to communicate with a deaf person.
Good for you all! I’m a hearing person who actually learned ASL before I could talk bc my uncle is deaf. Although I don’t see him much, I remember using my hands to communicate way before my voice took over. I list so much since I stopped learning once I could speak, but I’ve picked it back up from the last few teaching jobs I’ve had where they used it with kids who are learning to talk and with my special needs kiddos now. I don’t get to sign much but I do try to use it in the same way I did as a toddlers teacher since it helps the kids I have now (though they all can speak). It’s a good way to remember a lot of it and I’ve found myself back to sighing instinctively again without even thinking about it at times lol. I’m trying to learn more those since I can only sign so much.
@conniewilburn4107 Are you saying that it should be required to learn at an early age? I agree that foreign languages of any kind should be offered way earlier than we currently teach them, but forcing all kids to learn a language that a very small minority of people use to communicate is not fair. Then, anyone who wants to learn a different language would have to take both foreign languages simultaneously. Also, most schools offer ASL nowadays.
OP #4 married a woman who doesn’t sign. The way he describes her efforts is completely demeaning criticism. It’s horrible that he obviously isn’t attempting to help her. Even if she was trying, not everyone learn visually. It might be so discouraging to try learning that she gave up because of his criticism. Now, he’s bringing a friend into both of their home and making her feel inadequate. It’s not ok. Everyone is worth trying to truly help understand. If they don’t want her around, don’t go into her home. For all she knows they’re bad mouthing her and it sounds like they are when she comes into the room.
Third story, the wife is definitely the good apple! It's HER wedding day! Let HER decide what makeup to wear! It's not up to you to determine what someone else looks like on their own wedding day!
Okay totally off topic but does anyone else's heart flutter seeing the way he looks at her. He truly listens to what's she's saying and doesn't fidget and look at his hands but sits there and giving his undivided attention to her. That is a great husband and I love that they both seem very happy!
I agree except about the fidget part - some of us just do that! It doesn’t mean someone is getting less than our full attention, it just means our bodies can’t be still. I know for me, “undivided” attention doesn’t actually exist. I have to always be doing something or I will start to tune someone out, even if I’m genuinely interested in what they’re saying. Rebecca herself has ADHD! I love the way he looks at her, too, but don’t forget that “truly listening” looks different for everyone. (Intended tone here is a friendly one! No judgment or anger whatsoever, I promise.)
@@keetyalexx yes! I'm not saying in like a he's not fidgeting I meant he's not like fidgeting a crap ton while she's talking or looking all around and stuff. I just love the way she listens to her and isn't focused on anything else and was listening to her argument and respectfully giving his argument. I love their relationship. I also fidget a lot and have ADHD so I know that it is hard for me to show someone I'm listening but he acually looks at her and stuff so I see that as better than I do most of the time. I don't tend to notice other people fidgeting unless their extremely fidgety because I fidget quite a bit myself. Thanks for the notice on the way I said that. I didn't mean to say it in a way he was perfectly listening and perfectly still. I just wish someone (anyone) would listen/look at me like this lol.
I agree with Rebecca when it comes to story #4. If the wife isn’t willing to learn sign language when she has a family member who is deaf, then she doesn’t get included in the conversation with Alex.
Not to mention, from what I understand, Alex doesn’t want to talk to her. It’s not just the wife’s house. If the wife is uncomfortable having someone in the house, that’s different. But she’s just angry that she’s not included. Ms, Wife, You don’t need to be included in everything, you just don’t. Not everything is about you. If you want to be included, put in the effort to be included. The husband isn’t “not including” her, he’s respecting Alex’s wishes. It is Alex’s choice, and if you aren’t willing to find a balance then you deal with the choice.
Agreed it would be so rude to force Alex to pause to explain to the wife what if they’re taking about something personal it’s none of the wife’s business and if she wants to talk to Alex so bad she needs to learn asl if she doesn’t want to she doesn’t get to talk to Alex that’s just how it works
I’m really concerned for the girl whose partner is the cry baby. She seriously needs to run! I’m hoping her friends and family express to her how toxic that relationship is!!
So many red flags. The crying is manipulative. The banging of the door is aggressive. No communication to get the whole story just demanding that she must leave, which is extremely controlling. These are entry points to another needed restraining order down the road.
Fourth story: I 100% agree with you Rebecca! As a person who struggles with a disability I understand how difficult and rude it is when people don’t seem to care to learn about the disability to help you. I have a condition called Arthrogryposis and it stinks when I’m not included in fun activities. For me it happens a lot especially when I go camping with my extended family. Most of the time I am stuck at the campground while my family goes to do fun things. I just want to say thanks for standing up for people who have disabilities it so nice to hear you say that.
even though i’m not diagnosed with a disability, my sister does need to have accommodations with learning and i do have friends with disabilities. i also agree with Rebecca 100%. Also i did look up what arthrogryposis was and i’m sorry that sometimes you can’t hang out with your family camping
My conditions are different from yours but they cause a lot of limitations on me physically. I'm sorry to hear you have those kinds of experiences too. I 💯 agree with Rebecca and you on this topic.
I agree but I think it’s kind of strange that now after they are married they are having this conversation like I feel like the husband should have known this or talked to her about it or it wasn’t as important to him.
For the last story I really appreciate both of your opinions. Back in junior year of high school we had a day to go around a learn about different jobs. And one of them was criminal justice and the teacher wasn’t even trying to include me cause I have cerbal palsy-which for me means I can only use one arm. It just showed me that he didn’t care.
Sometimes when you talk about wedding stories I'm not sure how these people came to choose to be married in the first place. If the husband honestly said that she would be embarrassment when it's supposed to be a day that she feels like an absolute princess, I honestly don't know that I would marry him
Not to mention the controlling red flags. If she can’t choose for her own body, what will happen if they have kids or any other thing in life? Run girl
Not to mention him not letting her have a say on most of the things going into their wedding because it's not what his mommy wants is a major red flag. I hope she gave back that ring and ran. (And before we get the incells saying "you wouldn't say that if it was the other way around " I most definitely would. Controlling relationships are toxic to all genders and I don't tolerate it)
I agree Avery about story #4. While I am an advocate of every family knowing all of each other's languages, I think it's really gross to bring a friend who openly dislikes your spouse and does want to associate with them TO YOUR HOUSE to hang out and make your spouse feel weird and excluded and hated in their own home. Hang out at Alex's. I still think she's a lard and rude for not learning ASL, but you don't emotionally torment your spouse in what's supposed to be your shared safe space like that. Crab apple.
I agree with Avery on this one!! For me, if the husband had wanted his wife to learn sign language, he should talk to her privately about it. I do think she should learn sign language for her father in law’s sake!! But for the friend to come in her house and treat her that way feels completely distasteful and gross. Makes me sad for their marriage. Yikes. I think there’s a better way for both sides to handle things ❤
Story 4 I'm gonna say crab apple as well. Hes not wrong to not want to translate but he needs to have a conversation with his wife about why its so important for her to be involved. Like does he hang out with her and her friends when they come over? I also have a disability but I really feel that forcing others to accommodate unnecessarily (meaning when they don't want to when its not a legal issue) is just causing problems. If the wife doesn't want to learn, fine don't learn, shes missing out on the bonds and relationships. She also can't complain when she can't understand.
I think this is a good point. I really thought that the husband should approach her and encourage her to learn, because maybe she doesn't realize how important it is to him. But I also noticed in the story that it doesn't say how often they go to visit the father-in-law. ASL is a very complicated language that takes a long time to learn and master, if they only go to see the father-in-law every couple months then I don't really blame her for not learning a second language.
I think that your point is exactly why she is a bad apple, she goes straight to accommodate me or you are doing something nefarious and needs to be included in anything that might be interesting. It's not that she seems genuinely interested in the man, just keeping tabs for information. Sign is super hard for me between issues of my own, and nothing suggests that she has made any attempt at possibly communicating in another way or expressing why she feels entitled.
I took ASL in high school! It was honestly a pretty easy language to learn and im honestly so upset the wife hasn't tried to learn yet. It's an incredible language and really tons of fun!
It's actually very hard for me. I tried and couldn't continue, this is coming from someone who taught/is teaching themselves guitar and art. The wife doesn't need to give it a chance if she doesn't want
The disability one really resonated with me. I have tics and a lot of the people in my life respect that and know not to constantly talk about them because it triggers the tics and is painful for me. But there are some people that completely disregard my requests to not talk about them. If people have no interest in listening to my requests despite knowing it triggers my tics and they only notice my tics, I don’t want to converse with them.
I took ASL as my second language in high school and I'm so glad I did. You'd be surprised how many deaf or nonverbal people you cross paths with when you take the time to notice them. I've used it in 2 jobs I've had and the people seemed so happy that I could communicate with them without them having to write everything down.
Unfortunately, family members NOT learning how to communicate with Deaf family is more common than you would think! ASL is a beautiful language! I also agree with you about offering ASL as a 2nd language! When I was a teacher's aide, we tried to bring in an ASL class. We were told no because we only had 1 Deaf student. I couldn't make them understand that it was to benefit EVERYONE in the school! Although it was not required, I took ASL 1 & 2 so that I could communicate with my student. I learned SO MUCH about Deaf culture! They are such a tight-knit community! It's a darn shame that more of our world isn't like that!
Agreed! Some people should learn about the stats for how learning multiple languages improves memory and brain function. Also how having the class no matter if there is anyone deaf or not would improve everyone’s social skills and understanding as well as their academics and achievement scores. You could find all this research in science to back this information up and present it if you ever want to bring this class into your current school. Thanks for being that teacher your student needed that year!
My high school had ASL as a language and it was nice. As when I get overwhelmed I can't talk so I use Sign to communicate. This helped when kids around me could help. Also 100000% good apple, it's straight of disrespectful and rude. Why didn't she start learning when they first became serious together so it made an easier family bond and it's plenty useful
For #4 I actually agree with Avery, yes it’s bad that she doesn’t wanna learn to make this easier, I don’t think she should be excluded while in HER house. Maybe it’s not even that she doesn’t wanna learn but what if the topic has never been brought up and the husband is just like “nah I’m not gonna help you no more” idk seems like he’s being a crab. Doesn’t have to be ugly to his wife about it when she’s wanting to hang while at their house. If he doesn’t wanna bother then go see the father at his own house.
my high school had an ASL class. i can sign brokenly but ive found it useful in many situations over the years. Also it is way easier to learn if you are dyslexic(i am).
For the fourth story, I'm going to have to agree with Avery on the crab apple verdict. My mother is Mexican but I grew up here in the states. Because of this, I learned both English and Spanish at the same time. I started taking ASL courses during my second year of college because I was genuinely interested in learning the language and I thought it might be useful. I recently started doing some duolingo courses for Japanese because, well, I love anime. So again, it genuinely interested me. But not everyone is the same. People are curious about different things. It is that curiosity that strives people to wanting to learn and actually being able to learn. If you don't have that curiosity, it just becomes a chore to you. If its a chore, it takes so much more effort to actually get something done. She has learned some basics at the very least, but she isn't purposely trying to exclude them. It's probably just harder for her to learn ASL. ASL, just like every other language, is complex and although I have been studying it for about 3 years, I am not very proficient in it just yet as there is so much to it and I have my own time constraints and priorities that come before it. On top of all of this, we only really heard one side of the story. We don't know much about the wife other than she doesn't know ASL. She could be a very busy woman who just doesn't have a lot of time or energy to dedicate to learning another language. People have their own lives and priorities and we don't know enough about her life to know all the other things that she has to prioritize before learning a new language. Maybe when she is alone with the FIL, she pulls out a pen and paper so they can communicate that way or type to each other on their phones. Just because she might be having difficulties, for whatever reason, when it comes to trying to learn a new language doesn't mean that she is just flat out refusing to do anything to accommodate for anyone. We also don't know if maybe she could have a learning disability that could make things harder for her to learn in general. Your friends don't have to be friends with your S/O's, but personally, if I knew that two people I like being around don't get along, I wouldn't force them to have to deal with each others presence. At the end of the day, as Avery said, it's also her house and it's not fair for her to have to leave her own house or feel uncomfortable there because the friend doesn't like her and want to include her. I'm sure that they could go to the friends house or something.
The first person is definitely a good apple and in all honesty she may want to go to couples therapy with her boyfriend to take care of whatever trust issues are going on on his end
#4 she has learned a little. ASL is complex. It is a lot to learn. There are other ways to communicate with her FIL. She should take it upon herself to either learn it or as much as she can or use other communication tools to communicate with his dad without the translation. Meet with the friend somewhere else. It's her house, too. I respect his opinion. It's not invalid, but don't deliberately exclude one of your hosts to prove a point.
My thing is that Alex and the husband were talking. It wasn’t all three of them. It’s on her for feeling excluded because she hasn’t really made any effort.
@@nashgilbert13 I understand how that can be annoying but you are invading her safe space and making her feel horrible. Not wanting to learn a language is a choice that we need to respect
As a mother of a child with ASD & ADHD, thank you for being so empathetic to the disabled community. My mother is disabled and most of my childhood I watched as she was bullied and mistreated, now I’m raising a child with cognitive impairment and I stay worried for his happiness and well being. I’ve had to fight to implement accommodations for him at school and to get him the support outside of school as well. There’s so much that the general public doesn’t realize that the disabled community and their families endure. The wife at the very least could memorize small words and phrases to help, her actions scream entitlement and I agree with the friend that she doesn’t deserve for him to accommodate for her when she can’t even do that for family
Story #4 is complicated by the fact that there are disabilities present. I've spent my whole life translating for my family/friends, and there are so many ways you can give context clues or explain what's going on without a full translation or stopping the flow of conversation. With ASL being a silent language, it seems it would be even easier because you can essentially communicate in both at once (pretty cool!). It can be very difficult to learn a whole language as an adult, especially if you aren't using it on a daily basis. He said she knew some basic phrases, so she isn't being flat out rude and refusing to pick anything up. Just seems like she hasn't felt like she has needed to make space in her life to learn another language. I don't blame Alex for not wanting to have conversations with her if its so difficult, but it is rude if they are going to blatantly leave her out of conversations happening in front of her knowing she doesn't understand. (kind of like the concept of the 'gossiping nail ladies') I don't think her husband is a good apple for suddenly realizing he is upset she never learned. Crab apple.
My elementary school did not teach sign language but my music teachers husband did go deaf so before he got his hearing aids, she did learn sign language and she taught us every single music class so that way we could talk to people and at least have the simple conversations if we met someone with that kind of disability
Story #4: As someone with several deaf/HoH family members, it's so important to me that people make an effort to communicate with others regardless of how comfortable it is for them. My family communicates verbally, but things like eye contact, enunciation, and slowing down to repeat or explain things that didn't come across properly are crucial for communication. If I was dating someone who was not willing to put effort into accommodating those family members, I would be upset. I understand that learning new languages is hard (I speak 3 and only English is native), but it's not her proficiency that is the problem. The problem is that she hasn't tried or put any effort into it. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I couldn't communicate well with his family because of the language barrier (they're non-english speakers). However, the more I spent time with them, studied their language, and tried to interact, the easier it got. Now I have no problem having complicated conversations about different aspects of our lives, and it has been so important for establishing those relationships. Wife is the bad apple for not trying, and husband is the good apple for establishing that boundary for his friend who doesn't even want to interact with her anyway. For those saying it's rude to be in the house with her, we don't know the situation regarding how easy it is for them to spend time together outside of that environment. Also, when I have friends over who speak a language that my family/boyfriend don't speak, I only translate when the interaction between the two parties is important or if both clearly want to be included in the same conversation.
Story 4: I, like many others, agree with Rebecca. I'm learning ASL, I don't have immediate people who are deaf but it peaked an interest of mine and I've been learning it for four years. It doesn't take much effort to learn simple conversational signs, there's many youtube channels who teach ASL, "Learn How to Sign" is one of them that has videos on conversational signs. I do, also, agree that schools need to teach ASL.
@@AshleysAdvice man I dunno. I don’t have that. But I have a FANTASTIC story about ex-friends if it ever came up. I don’t think it’d even qualify as an “AITBA” story. More like an “is there something I did” sort of story.
@@forever_bard6211 yeah, just thought I’d ask, I don’t know if mines any good, we were friends for a long time but things changed and it got complicated and weird, the worst kind of toxic relationships are when it’s totally one-sided, took me so long to realise I was putting more into it and it didn’t really hurt until I was blamed, like I was the problem, when she was the one who changed. It also had it one of the worst moments of my life when I was dealing with a lot of bad things during 2020, I know that was a rough year for all of us though
Obviously it's not quite the same, but I am marrying into a Perto Rican family and trying to learn Spanish because it's respectful, as well as I had a similar situation where I had the pleasure of meeting one of my father in laws friends and family and they didn't speak much English. He translated some for me but i never asked because I felt bad making my father in law repeat everything 💜 so I want to be able to meet and talk with more friends and family members in the future and not feel awkward or anxious 💜💜💜
ASL can be difficult to learn. It’s especially difficult to “read “. It’s not like words staying still in written form. Signed words move fast. Maybe the wife struggles with learning it. It’s not mentioned, but is the husband helping his wife learn? Any children they have can learn from birth just as they learn English. The husband could help his wife get comfortable with signing by signing what he is saying to her in regular conversation. Then, when she’s around people who only sign, she might not feel like she’s being thrown in the deep end.
Story 4: if that was the case for me, I would try. But learning new languages is hard, we had a deaf kid in class. We learned a few phrases, but I never could remember them. I felt pressured, so I never tried much and just pretended to learn. She should definitely have her future kids learn and the dad could teach them. He wasn’t concerned since he could translate, if it bugged him that much, then he could have asked if he could give her lessons before seeing the father-in-law. Like work together people!!
Story 1: GOOD APPLE ALL THE WAY TO THE MOON! I can imagine the girl showing Wes this video and Wes would say “YOU WATCHED A VIDEO OF ANOTHER MAN 😭😭😩😩😩”
I’m with Avery on the last story. I feel like there is a little disconnect between the two points. I agree that ASL should be taught as soon as kids can understand (babies can understand sign language). But I understand 100% with what Avery is saying
Same! Like I definitely think the wife should try to learn ASL for her father in law but for someone to come into her space and refuse to talk to her and the husband allow that is kind of messed up. There’s 100% an issue with her not putting in effort to learn ASL for her FIL but for OP to let someone he just met come into his shared space with his wife when this is an issue is bleh.
@@rowancampbell2091 You have to consider the perspective of someone who’s experienced ableism their entire life, though. The wife isn’t interested in getting to know Alex, she just feels entitled to know everything he’s saying because she wants to be sure they’re not “keeping secrets”. A lot of abled people don’t realize this, but disabled people are constantly being treated like we’re not trustworthy-I don’t understand where this comes from, but it’s something I’ve encountered a lot. If the wife were genuinely interested in getting to know Alex and they were just excluding her I’d say you had a point, but her comments about keeping secrets make me think that’s not what this is.
@@letitbe56 I 100% agree with that. The wife is definitely wrong. My only issue is that this is her space and OP knows this is going to be an issue in their house and if someone didn’t like me or had those feelings about me (warranted feelings at that) I wouldn’t want them in my space at my house. Again the wife should 100% learn ASL and her handling of this entire situation is bad but I don’t think OP is a good apple.
@@rowancampbell2091 I guess I just don’t think that the wife has any right to expect her prejudice to be respected. What if, instead of a disability, the thing that made the wife uncomfortable about Alex was that he was Black? I couldn’t possibly see someone as a good apple who was like, “Sorry, you can’t come over to my house because my wife is racist and we need to respect that” and it’s the same here. Alex’s issue with the wife isn’t personal dislike, it’s her ableist bias, and that issue would go away if she made the effort to move past her prejudice and entitlement. Her discomfort is of her own making, and is not a valid reason to expect her husband not to have a friend over to visit.
@@letitbe56 again. I agree. The wife is in no way a good apple. But OP is not handling this situation well. He shouldn’t be subjecting his friend to his wife and he shouldn’t be using their house to make a point. I’m just going to reiterate that I don’t think the wife is a good apple. But OP is definitely feeling like a crab apple.
For the second story, it's also just as likely that they were trying to prank her BECAUSE she just got out of the hospital. It can be a very scary, sad, even traumatizing experience to be in a hospital, so it is possible they were just trying to make her laugh and feel better after all she went through. I'm not condoning it, but I don't think the intent was necessarily malicious.
Agreed that had "we are messing with you because we love you" written all over it! Where they screwed up is not having that just be the decoy cake and then having a proper cake for eating and continuing with the day as normal. Like that's where i think it crosses the line into cruel. Pranks are all about the follow up. Step 1:they think everything is normal. Step 2: OMG no it's not!!!!! Step 3: just kidding yes it is. Everything is fine! THATS a healthy prank.
@@calliemyersbuchanan6458 idr if they mentioned the age or not but if they are young kids it would make sense why they didnt think of hey lets get a regular cake too
@@singergirllove101 1 was 16 the other was 12. They should both know better. There not that young they should know the difference between right and wrong. Especially the 1 who's 16.
4. Story: Alex doesn't want to communicate with her, so he doesn't have to. Translating the conversation would be disrespting his boundries. I find it a bit worrying that the wife is so eager to listen in on their conversations and even accuses her husband to have secrets from her. Having private conversations with your friends is not keeping secrets from your partner. She does not want to learn ASL and that choice comes with the consequence that she sometimes can't be part of the conversation.
Story 3 I have some experience to share with language barriers, my husband has not learned spanish and my mom hasn’t learned english. Learning a language is hard.I translate. It doesn’t bother me to translate. Neither one judges the other for not understanding each other. You don’t need to speak the same language to feel loved and included.
If he doesnt want to converse with her they shouldnt hang out at her house. The husband should translate if they are speaking to the wife but not if they are only speaking to each other. If he doesnt care to conversate with her then dont come to her house. Thats her home too.Period. Now as far as her father in law.. She should absolutely have learned already. Especially if they plan on having kids.
I want to add (story 4) that in my job, I have the option to call a translator for anyone I interact with that speaks a different language. It is a pain in the goddamn ass to use an intermediate to translate. The conversation is at least twice as long, if not tripled. So the fact that she is unwilling to attempt to learn more than intro phrases is upsetting. I want to learn Spanish (most common language line call) because of how annoying it is to use that 3rd party. I will admit I have been dragging my feet because I had a hard time learning it in high school, but I know it would benefit me so much more than only knowing real basic phrases and words TLDR: using a translator is a pain in the ass
using a translator is a pain but you still also refuse to learn the language cause it's hard and you keep telling yourself you'll get to it. like.... same situation really. and i wouldn't call you a bad apple because you just don't know a language...
Story #1: I was about to just up and say this is a tell-tale sign of "tell me you were cheated on without saying you were cheated on" and leave it at that, until you brought up the hissy fit he threw being a potential pattern of SO types for OP. It's for sure a red flag that he didn't trust her to be alone with her best friend's husband, not to mention that he and this man are allegedly friends, according to what OP is saying. He had to have been faking that friendship if he can't even trust any man around OP, and inversely, that he can't trust OP around any man that isn't him. That being said, I don't think it's fair to judge whether or not she did something to merit this kind of behavior from him. Whatever sort of things happened in her past doesn't hold enough ground for him to stand on, as this is a relationship completely separate from her past relationships. There isn't much to go on here other than an abusive ex who got the RO, which isn't a lot to pinpoint bad behavior coming from her, just that she has baggage. OP is the good apple, but she really should examine the relationship after all that. Questions need to be asked, and maybe the love lives need to be divulged if they haven't been already. Sometimes, talking about that with someone you see yourself eventually dating is necessary, which can bring togetherness, trust, and even healing.
I totally agree with Rebecca on story #4. The wife could be included if she learned enough of one of her husband's first languages to follow the conversation. Also, being nonverbal is almost certainly related to a disability, it's not something people would just choose to do. Alex deserves to have people listen to what he has to say, in whatever language he can use.
Thank you for having Avery on. I actually really appreciate the different perspective on this. Even when I don't agree with him all the time, his viewpoints are typically really well articulated and quite interesting.
I have taken ASL classes since my Freshman year of high school. My teacher Mrs. King who was my ASL teacher and I became really close. She even was the leader of 3 of the clubs I have been in. I learned a lot from her and decided that I wanted to become an interpreter like her.
Honestly for number 4 I would go crab apple. I do agree that she can’t expect accommodations to be made for her like that, however this guy said multiple times that he didn’t care she didn’t learn sign language. The only instance she would ever need it before this friend was when she was with his dad. It’s not like she would be seeing the dad without him anyway, so I think she was working under the mentality of “If it isn’t broken why fix it.” She had a way to communicate, and probably learned those few things cause she thought it would be polite. To make it clear, I personally don’t care she didn’t learn it, it would be nice if she did, but since no one had a problem with it until now, I can understand why she wouldn’t see it as necessary. I also respect that the friend won’t be helping her. If that is the standards he sets for the people around him, then that’s fair. He doesn’t need to accommodate anyone. I just don’t like how the guy had been okay with her not knowing sign language for a long time, and translated for her for just as long. However as soon as a friend said something differently he suddenly have a problem as well. I think he should have had a bigger conversation with her, and explained that this guy didn’t want to talk to someone who didn’t learn sign language. Then she can decide between still not learning and also not understanding, or try her best to learn. Don’t just throw a problem in her face you didn’t even care about until right now. How would she know she should fix it, if he didn’t express there was a problem at all?
Yes! If it was never communicated before that it bothered him she never learned the language, of course she would get defensive when he does a 180 and snaps at her for not learning. It didn't feel particularly abelist that she didn't learn a language one member of her family spoke when it was never a problem before
First one is good apple, and her boyfriend is a manipulative bad apple. Break up with him! Leave his unhealthy behavior and do not let him back into your house! I won't make any assumptions but he sounds untrustworthy to me. Second one sounds like a bad batch and there needs to be better communication. The step daughter sounds like the only one who didn't do something wrong, the boys owe her an apology and a cake. Third one should run away, and also the good apple. I don't think that sounds like a healthy relationship, he sounds like a control freak. Get out now before you're relationship goes legal. Fourth one is crab apple, I agree with both of you. I think this is a deeper issue than just the friendship with Alex. I think she could work on learning basics, but it sounds like there are parts missing to this story.
I agree with you Rebecca 110% especially on the last two stories cuz that hits close home for me I have a very conservative and controlling soon to be mother-in-law but thankfully my fiance has made it clear that there's no tolerance for her to try and control the way I look especially when it comes to our wedding day and with the last story about sign language I can't agree more with you especially with other points you made I had friends in high school who were deaf and I took sign language as a curriculum so I can better communicate with them and they told me that it was hard for them around the holidays because a lot of them have family members who won't talk to them because they don't know sign language and they won't learn sign language to communicate with them and it really makes the holidays hard for them because they feel like outcasts and I told them that it does suck but on the other hand if they're not making it effort to communicate with you why would you want to talk to them anyways that and then you don't have to deal with the conversations that most people dread having with their extended family anyways which they agreed with me that it does put a better twist on the holidays for them because of that but if you have somebody in your family who cannot communicate in the normal way due to disabilities and you make no effort to communicate with them and include them then I think you are a bad apple especially because I think sign language is such a beautiful language anyways and I love deaf culture I love sign language I love so much about it so I couldn't imagine why someone wouldn't want to be part of it
Ahh! I applaud you for having such a level headed disagreement with Avery about disabilities. I’m completely with Rebecca. I was nonverbal until age 3 and ASL became my first language. I then grew up with a Deaf friend and non verbal friends so it has always been apart of my life. Unfortunately, now that I’m at university, I haven’t been super great at keeping it up. Anyway, my life partner’s family immigrated from Mexico and some of them don’t speak english. I spend holidays with them and am choosing to learn spanish in order to communicate with them better. You don’t just marry your person - you marry their family Edit: as someone who is disabled- THANK YOU!
Idea. A plushy that is like those reversible octopus ones, but it's a good apple and bad apple. Or plushies of the three apple types. I have a feeling people would want them.
I have an HS friend that teaches ASL to all her students. She actually minored in it in college. They actually have to sign to use the bathroom and things like that. I totally agree with you that ASL should be taught more in schools. She actually got other teachers to learn because it made their classrooms so much more controlled and quiet.
When I was about 8 my friends mom had given birth to a deaf child. The whole family gathered together a few times per week and had someone come over to teach them all ASL. This sparked an interest in me and sometimes I would ask to come over to their house during the lessons because I really wanted to learn. I wasn't able to go to all the lessons, but I learned enough to have a basic conversation in ASL. This ended up helping me later in life. I ended up living with a friends family in highschool. They had a son who had selective mutism and didn't speak until the first grade. The family learned ASL to communicate with him more effeciently. They also have a daughter with downsyndrome. She has always struggled with speaking and people who aren't extremely close to her struggle to understand her. Growing up with her older brother and the rest of the family speaking ASL has helped her a ton. She will say the words she is tying to communicate at the same time she signs. This has helped many people understand her and they've learned her struggles with words. I used ASL so much while living with this family that I would unconciously use it while speaking to others. More than once somone has asked me what I was doing with my hands and I explained it was ASL and it inspires people to want to learn. For me it started out as just a childhood interest, but turned out to be an absolute lifesaver later in life. My friends sister with downsyndrome became one of the closest people to me in that home and I dont think it would've happened if I didn't already know a bit of ASL.
With the last story I do agree that if she had chances to learn sign language it would have been nice of her to but, no one should expect anyone to go out of their way to learn a family member’s language because you can’t go about life thinking that everyone is going to learn every language you want them to so your life can be easier.
Totally agree with Avery on story 4 who's to say that it she finds learning new things hard maybe. She did learn simple things so maybe that's her limit.
Rebbecca i just would like to say about the sign language is that some schools are teaching it and i thought none (or at least in my district) did but i was over the moon when i found out that my school was 1 of 2 (yes still little but still it is AMAZING that it is getting introduced to kids more) so i hope more schools will learn to teach it to kids! Have a good day/week
I have a cousin on my dad side who is deaf. His mother and father and brother learn sign language, and a few of our cousins know a little bit. I was thought it was very sad that most of his family didn’t take the time to learn sign language. So when we get together, his mom signs for him and he’s a part of the conversation a lot. he has expressed to me that is very hard because most people don’t even talk to him at his job or try to communicate with him so he feels very isolated. He was very excited that I’ve been trying to learn more sign language as I have been teaching a little bit of sign language to the daycare kids I had worked with previously, I didn’t grow up knowing my dad side of the family or I would have definitely knew sign language. It’s something that I always wanted to learn and I think it is important.
The last story, I understand your point, but Avery is correct. Crab Apple for sure. With context though, I have serious difficulties learning other languages and that includes sign. So i'm just putting myself in those shoes and while I have empathy for anyone with disabilities and if I had the ability to learn the language, I'd love to. But I also understand my difficulties with learning languages (I failed spanish class 3 times, and had to get my GED never passing spanish)
Just found your channel and binge watched so many of your Apple videos ❤ hope you enjoyed Epcot today and magic kingdoms tomorrow. I totally reccomend treating yourself to a loungefly bag while at the parks ❤❤❤❤
Story 4: gets me so heated. The husband is a bad apple! My grandparents were deaf. My mom as a child only picked up basic signs and it was the only language in the house! My aunt on the other hand was fluent. While I agree it’s a disability. It’s a whole other language! She is a grown adult learning a new language and she learned the basic. Meaning she willing to learn. Plus learning to sign as adult can lead to health effects. They are in her house making her feel uncomfortable! They can go to his house if he has a problem. She isn’t trying to exclude him on purpose and trying to have a relationship with him. But like she haven’t picked up more signs. This guy a d*ck. We don’t know why beside it’s hard to learn a new language.
Fellow disabled woman :) I feel like ya he is a crab apple because instead of shunning her out of conversations he could’ve had a conversation about how he will help her learn sign and teach someone who is clearly very ignorant about this topic and you know if the bestie is so upset by it maybe he could help her as well judging her and making her feel bad won’t make her learn so crab apple. But everything else was good Rebecca I am really proud of you for running a mile in our shoes
On story four, I 100% agree with you. How is it more fair to make the husband translate back and forth and to force Alex and Him to constantly put their conversation on pause than for the wife to learn at least some ASL to communicate? Alex doesn’t want to associate with her, he shouldnt have to. And on the whole thing about this being her house, it’s also the husband’s. He’s allowed to have friends over and not include her, especially if her only effort in being included is having him put effort into verbally translating everything. That’s not fair. Good Apple, 1000%
Hi my lovelies!! I’m at Epcot today and will be at magic kingdom tomorrow! Some friends and I will be recording “different types of people at Disney world” so let me know some of the different types of stereotypical people you see at Disney!!!!😂
Mom having to have the perfect Disney photo
Tell me what's it like, its the one park I have yet to go to. Have fun!
The one who has practically the whole park memorized. I have a friend like that and honestly, respect.
The little kid that acts super brave for a big ride but chickens out last minute
Have fun epcot
The biggest red flag in that last story is that when the OP's wife saw that she wasn't being included in the conversation, her immediate assumption was "you're keeping secrets from me."
This!! That stuck out to me too.
Amen! If she was a better person she would have learned to sign with her father in law and hopefully gone with her husband to the ASL event to improve her ASL.
yeah I was thinking this too
Story #4...i think the wife got back what she put into it. She wasn't willing to put forth the effort to talk to her FIL, now there's someone who doesn't want to put forth any effort to talk to her. She just doesn't like it when the uno reverse card gets played on her.
That's the absolute perfect way to put this. The husband should show this comment to his wife.
There was no mention that he even talked to her about it and asked why she doesn't want to learn. If they were roommates, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend then yes I can see your logic working.. but they're married. These are things they should be communicating.. not just "I don't wanna translate for you anymore" not even tell her why.. in his story he just stops.. doesn't tell her what's bothering him or why it's bothering him. He's a crab apple
@@GeneOrichu I was going to say the same. I know with me just trying to learn spanish it's very difficult for me. I have started and stopped so many times. I feel like we don't have enough information, but with the info we do have I would say he's crab apple. What may seem easy for one person may not be easy for another. Also to Rebecca's husbands point, they are in HER home. It's the husbands home too yes, however she has a right to feel comfortable in her own home. They are making her feel uncomfortable in her own space. That would be like one of us going into a foreigners house and getting mad that they don't speak english.
Agreed. & the husband wants her to have a relationship with his father so he puts forth the effort for her. Though I’m sure he would prefer she had learned ASL, he expressed inconvenience and disappointment, & now has a friend to reinforce that stance. He’s respecting his friend’s boundaries.
They are disrespecting his wife in her home. If they don’t want interruptions in their conversation, they shouldn’t be coming into her home. She might not be a visual learner and sign is hard to follow if you don’t know 90% of the language and process things very quickly. The sentence structure is completely different and how you hold your eyebrows can change the complete context of a sentence. She might be trying and he doesn’t see her effort. OP married her knowing that she doesn’t sign. If he’s not actively trying to help her learn and criticizing at every turn, as his story suggests by the tone, that he’s just done interpreting for her, why should she constantly try when he doesn’t seem to care to help her. Now he has a friend who’s saying that OPs wife isn’t worth the effort and it’s not ok in the slightest.
Rebecca rambling for four whole minutes with Avery speaking like once is the very embodiment of the extrovert/introvert dynamic
Sometimes she interrupts him and steamrolls him when he’s trying to interject. She needs to be a bit more careful to let him have a chance to speak
@Heather Duke I do kinda agree. I love Rebecca's videos but sometimes feel she doesn't let Avery talk all that much or let's him explain himself. I know she's passionate but wish shed put her listening ears on more. Especially when he's making great points.
@@QueenOfNoMansLand Yeah, I love Rebecca but I have to agree
I support and like Rebecca a lot. I wanted to add that she makes her point in 30 seconds. Then she explains her point in 5 more different ways that ends up being minutes of dialog. I don't mind it when she is alone in a video. I'm here at her channel to listen to her after all.
She’s very overpowering at times. For every 1 word Avery says Rebecca says 900!! It’s getting to the point where I’m wondering if there’s any point in him being there, she could talk non stop AT a stuffed animal and Avery could go out and actually have a two way conversation with someone.
THANK YOU FOR STANDING UP AND SPEAKING OUT ABOUT DISABILITY!!!! This just made me love you even more!!! - a fellow person with a disability 🩷
Agreed Kasi I am in a wheelchair and I want to be apart of everything
@kendrasmokeywinnieriggs6654 yes!! I'm not wheelchair bound, but I am still super limited. But it doesn't mean i don't wanna be invited or included! I'm still a normal 28 year old to an extent! 😅
Idk if other schools don’t teach asl but I’m proud to say that our school dose. Another grate video
@gabeblaut4490 that's awesome! Unfortunately ours don't here where I am. I feel like it should be an option for the schools!
@@gabeblaut4490 lucky mine doesn’t and I want to learn
So while I agree with Rebecca on story 4 in terms of disability, Avery's explanation about bringing someone into the house and telling his wife to go away actually makes sense for crab apple
Yeah, it's weird, because I kind of agree with both.
I got the impression that the wife didn't actually want to hang out with Alex, she just wanted to, essentially, eavesdrop on their conversation without having to participate.
@@fairynerdy If she really wanted to just eavesdrop - she'd learn the language.. trust me lolx chismosas always know how to do it.
I can see both their points for sure but I think I’m the end I agree with Avery for crab apple on the last one in the end.
If the wife is unwilling to learn anything in order to participate then she’s an a**. It’s so isolating to be around people like that. So much is lost in translation and the fact that she has a family member that is Deaf and she makes no effort, means she’s most definitely a bad apple. She’s horrible. She’s clearly someone who lacks empathy and common decency. I as a hard of hearing person feel like she would be the type of person who would get frustrated at having to repeat herself or make eye contact while speaking to me. I’ve had those kind of people in my life, they suck. I can’t control my hearing loss.
The 3rd story... that girl needs to run!!! Run as fast as she can from that relationship
Real
It’s the little steps that push her to allow his mum to that much input in their relationship! Would have loved OP to have tried following the “our face” concept to its logical conclusion…like telling him what underwear he can wear, deodorant. Would he tell her what menstrual products to use? That one really got me.
My daughter asked me what the job of the maid of honor was, and I told her, it’s to man the get away car. I said, marriage is the biggest decision you make in your life and the wrong choice will cost you way more then canceling a wedding, even on the day of. Your maid of honor should be someone who’s goal is to support any decision you make that day regarding if you want to go through with the wedding, or not.
Stories like #3 reinforce my stance on this. This poor girls needs to run. The whole family sounds narcissistic. 😬
If the boys wanted to prank their sister they should have made their own cake with mayo icing so there was still cake for the b-day girl and guests, that's the bare minimum they could've done
I feel like that would have made it a good prank. At least then you could say for sure that the intent was to be funny and it was light hearted.
That's what I was thinking! Or make a tasty fake, or whatever they're called that looked like a cake, but it was something that tastes good with mayo?
That's what I was thinking. When everyone realizes it's covered in mayo and not real (hopefully no one having eaten it), bring out the actual cake. I don't know - I've never liked pranks, but I feel if they had a real cake at the ready and didn't let the reaction escalate, it could have been a playful smack or anger at the brothers, but laugh because "ugh, it's just them being dumb!"
It's like they say, a good prank has all parties laughing at the end. If you brought someone to tears, it's not a prank.
100% this
Yeah then it would be a prank. Rather than destruction
I think that with story #2, if you prank a sibling with a bad cake then at least have a duplicate birthday cake that is made correctly. You can have fun, but then bring out the "real" cake. What a relief!
As someone with a disability, thanks for standing up for our community! Also as someone who’s bilingual I would cry if I had to constantly translate for someone who is unwilling to learn and unwanted in the conversation by one of the people involved.
As a person with a disability (I’m not deaf or mute, I was in a coma when I was a kid. Now, I have memory loss, OCD, and some other issues), THANK YOU for your passionate opinion on story number four!!! I don’t know how to express how cool it is seeing someone I’m such a big fan of standing up for my community. ❤️❤️❤️
Ikr I don’t have a disability but Mrs rogers is so amazing for understanding
As someone who is indeed deaf (not fully but a bit) I really do appreciate the way she was so passionate about it.
Wait wasn’t this vis posted one hour ago? How is this comment 2 hours old? Are you a time traveler? But yes, thanks Rebecca
@@rumileonardo I know you probably had good intentions but please don't control how others talk about there disabilities even if you might also be disabled
I didn't see this comment saying the word suffered but I may have missed it but I know with my disabilities it's sometimes comforting to me to say I'm suffering with them because they are suffering saying that I just live with it can feel like I'm downplaying my pain
I know some dont have there symptoms effect them to much (disabilities are different for everyone) but even then it's not nice to police how others describe there disabilities sense it's so personal
I hope this is ok I'm sorry if I accidentally came of rude but I'm trying to give some advice to not acsently hurt some people
Edit: worded things wrong a bit I hope it's a bit better now but let me know if not
Yea same I also have ocd it’s so hard and I’ve had so many people including my own parents make me feel bad about it she’s so understanding
Story One: The way the husband freaked out about her being alone with another man for a half hour (especially one that is her best friend’s partner), made me feel like this could be a case of projection. Can’t prove it without more info, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he is the cheater and not her
The fact that he’s calling the behavior “disrespectful” is a red flag. The waterworks are a manipulation tactic
What gets me is they weren't even alone together. There was a baby and a 4 year old; the 4 year old especially can walk, talk, and witness. What were the adults going to do in front of him? I'm not saying it would suddenly be bad if the kids hadn't been there, but that it makes the husband's fear even more ridiculous.
On story 4. I really understand your point regarding disability and that the wife needs to make an effort. She is one-hundred-percent a bad Apple. But I agree with Avery that the husband is not a good Apple. If I had a friend or acquaintance that said they wanted nothing to do with my husband, whether they had a point or not, I would not bring that person to my home. That doesn't mean I can't be friends with them, but I'm not going to put them in a situation where they are near my husband that they can't stand. There's a whole wild world out there that they could meet up at, doesn't have to be in the living room in front of the wife.
I agree that signing should be taught and at a very early age. My granddaughter was born deaf. My husband and I raised her so it was very important that we learn. She started learning at 12 months. She learned much faster than we did. Everyone in the family learned so she wouldn’t be left out of anything
I've always wanted to learn ASL and I try to learn signs whenever possible, but not being able to practice daily makes it difficult to become fluent. But that's not a reeason to stop trying. As long as I know the alphabet and some basic signs, I know I will be able to communicate on a basic level if I find myself in a situation where I need to communicate with a deaf person.
Good for you all! I’m a hearing person who actually learned ASL before I could talk bc my uncle is deaf. Although I don’t see him much, I remember using my hands to communicate way before my voice took over. I list so much since I stopped learning once I could speak, but I’ve picked it back up from the last few teaching jobs I’ve had where they used it with kids who are learning to talk and with my special needs kiddos now. I don’t get to sign much but I do try to use it in the same way I did as a toddlers teacher since it helps the kids I have now (though they all can speak). It’s a good way to remember a lot of it and I’ve found myself back to sighing instinctively again without even thinking about it at times lol. I’m trying to learn more those since I can only sign so much.
@conniewilburn4107
Are you saying that it should be required to learn at an early age? I agree that foreign languages of any kind should be offered way earlier than we currently teach them, but forcing all kids to learn a language that a very small minority of people use to communicate is not fair. Then, anyone who wants to learn a different language would have to take both foreign languages simultaneously. Also, most schools offer ASL nowadays.
OP #4 married a woman who doesn’t sign. The way he describes her efforts is completely demeaning criticism. It’s horrible that he obviously isn’t attempting to help her. Even if she was trying, not everyone learn visually. It might be so discouraging to try learning that she gave up because of his criticism. Now, he’s bringing a friend into both of their home and making her feel inadequate. It’s not ok. Everyone is worth trying to truly help understand. If they don’t want her around, don’t go into her home. For all she knows they’re bad mouthing her and it sounds like they are when she comes into the room.
Third story, the wife is definitely the good apple! It's HER wedding day! Let HER decide what makeup to wear! It's not up to you to determine what someone else looks like on their own wedding day!
Okay totally off topic but does anyone else's heart flutter seeing the way he looks at her. He truly listens to what's she's saying and doesn't fidget and look at his hands but sits there and giving his undivided attention to her. That is a great husband and I love that they both seem very happy!
I agree except about the fidget part - some of us just do that! It doesn’t mean someone is getting less than our full attention, it just means our bodies can’t be still. I know for me, “undivided” attention doesn’t actually exist. I have to always be doing something or I will start to tune someone out, even if I’m genuinely interested in what they’re saying. Rebecca herself has ADHD! I love the way he looks at her, too, but don’t forget that “truly listening” looks different for everyone. (Intended tone here is a friendly one! No judgment or anger whatsoever, I promise.)
@@keetyalexx yes! I'm not saying in like a he's not fidgeting I meant he's not like fidgeting a crap ton while she's talking or looking all around and stuff. I just love the way she listens to her and isn't focused on anything else and was listening to her argument and respectfully giving his argument. I love their relationship. I also fidget a lot and have ADHD so I know that it is hard for me to show someone I'm listening but he acually looks at her and stuff so I see that as better than I do most of the time. I don't tend to notice other people fidgeting unless their extremely fidgety because I fidget quite a bit myself. Thanks for the notice on the way I said that. I didn't mean to say it in a way he was perfectly listening and perfectly still. I just wish someone (anyone) would listen/look at me like this lol.
That’s couple goals for ya
I agree with Rebecca when it comes to story #4. If the wife isn’t willing to learn sign language when she has a family member who is deaf, then she doesn’t get included in the conversation with Alex.
I'm confused why she cant just use a pen and paper she's stupid
@@wofflecat3011 That is not the point and I find it disrespectful to do that
Not to mention, from what I understand, Alex doesn’t want to talk to her. It’s not just the wife’s house. If the wife is uncomfortable having someone in the house, that’s different. But she’s just angry that she’s not included. Ms, Wife, You don’t need to be included in everything, you just don’t. Not everything is about you. If you want to be included, put in the effort to be included.
The husband isn’t “not including” her, he’s respecting Alex’s wishes. It is Alex’s choice, and if you aren’t willing to find a balance then you deal with the choice.
@@jackkingston6106 well it's better than forcing your husband to translate every ten seconds
Agreed it would be so rude to force Alex to pause to explain to the wife what if they’re taking about something personal it’s none of the wife’s business and if she wants to talk to Alex so bad she needs to learn asl if she doesn’t want to she doesn’t get to talk to Alex that’s just how it works
I’m really concerned for the girl whose partner is the cry baby. She seriously needs to run! I’m hoping her friends and family express to her how toxic that relationship is!!
So many red flags. The crying is manipulative. The banging of the door is aggressive. No communication to get the whole story just demanding that she must leave, which is extremely controlling. These are entry points to another needed restraining order down the road.
Fourth story: I 100% agree with you Rebecca! As a person who struggles with a disability I understand how difficult and rude it is when people don’t seem to care to learn about the disability to help you. I have a condition called Arthrogryposis and it stinks when I’m not included in fun activities. For me it happens a lot especially when I go camping with my extended family. Most of the time I am stuck at the campground while my family goes to do fun things. I just want to say thanks for standing up for people who have disabilities it so nice to hear you say that.
even though i’m not diagnosed with a disability, my sister does need to have accommodations with learning and i do have friends with disabilities. i also agree with Rebecca 100%. Also i did look up what arthrogryposis was and i’m sorry that sometimes you can’t hang out with your family camping
My conditions are different from yours but they cause a lot of limitations on me physically. I'm sorry to hear you have those kinds of experiences too. I 💯 agree with Rebecca and you on this topic.
I agree but I think it’s kind of strange that now after they are married they are having this conversation like I feel like the husband should have known this or talked to her about it or it wasn’t as important to him.
For the last story I really appreciate both of your opinions. Back in junior year of high school we had a day to go around a learn about different jobs. And one of them was criminal justice and the teacher wasn’t even trying to include me cause I have cerbal palsy-which for me means I can only use one arm. It just showed me that he didn’t care.
Sometimes when you talk about wedding stories I'm not sure how these people came to choose to be married in the first place. If the husband honestly said that she would be embarrassment when it's supposed to be a day that she feels like an absolute princess, I honestly don't know that I would marry him
Not to mention the controlling red flags. If she can’t choose for her own body, what will happen if they have kids or any other thing in life? Run girl
She wants to look pretty, and he’s like “no, you’ll embarrass me because you’re wearing too much makeup! 😱” 🙄🙄🙄
If I was that woman, I would break the engagement. If he and his mother are already this controlling it will only get worse after they are married.
Not to mention him not letting her have a say on most of the things going into their wedding because it's not what his mommy wants is a major red flag. I hope she gave back that ring and ran. (And before we get the incells saying "you wouldn't say that if it was the other way around " I most definitely would. Controlling relationships are toxic to all genders and I don't tolerate it)
Totally agree! His belittling of her is a total red flag!
Tuesdays with Becca and Avery are the best! Happy apple picking!
ge😊😮e 0:36 😢e 0:36 😮
I agree Avery about story #4. While I am an advocate of every family knowing all of each other's languages, I think it's really gross to bring a friend who openly dislikes your spouse and does want to associate with them TO YOUR HOUSE to hang out and make your spouse feel weird and excluded and hated in their own home.
Hang out at Alex's. I still think she's a lard and rude for not learning ASL, but you don't emotionally torment your spouse in what's supposed to be your shared safe space like that. Crab apple.
I agree except it's not rude to not want to learn a language, you just have to accept when you won't understand something
If she learned the basics it shows she did try. Sign language is exceedingly difficult, either way the husband is the bad apple.
this made me smile you and your husband can talk to each other better than my parents ever could
I agree with Avery on this one!! For me, if the husband had wanted his wife to learn sign language, he should talk to her privately about it. I do think she should learn sign language for her father in law’s sake!! But for the friend to come in her house and treat her that way feels completely distasteful and gross. Makes me sad for their marriage. Yikes. I think there’s a better way for both sides to handle things ❤
i love how avery has went from being a guest to a 2nd host for aitba lol, love you both :)
Story 4 I'm gonna say crab apple as well. Hes not wrong to not want to translate but he needs to have a conversation with his wife about why its so important for her to be involved. Like does he hang out with her and her friends when they come over?
I also have a disability but I really feel that forcing others to accommodate unnecessarily (meaning when they don't want to when its not a legal issue) is just causing problems.
If the wife doesn't want to learn, fine don't learn, shes missing out on the bonds and relationships. She also can't complain when she can't understand.
I think this is a good point. I really thought that the husband should approach her and encourage her to learn, because maybe she doesn't realize how important it is to him.
But I also noticed in the story that it doesn't say how often they go to visit the father-in-law. ASL is a very complicated language that takes a long time to learn and master, if they only go to see the father-in-law every couple months then I don't really blame her for not learning a second language.
Yes! As a disabled person I’m 💯 with you!
I think that your point is exactly why she is a bad apple, she goes straight to accommodate me or you are doing something nefarious and needs to be included in anything that might be interesting. It's not that she seems genuinely interested in the man, just keeping tabs for information. Sign is super hard for me between issues of my own, and nothing suggests that she has made any attempt at possibly communicating in another way or expressing why she feels entitled.
Love the fact avery is always in pyjamas 😂
In his natural state 😂
Goals
I took ASL in high school! It was honestly a pretty easy language to learn and im honestly so upset the wife hasn't tried to learn yet. It's an incredible language and really tons of fun!
a g r e e d ! ASL rocks!
It's actually very hard for me. I tried and couldn't continue, this is coming from someone who taught/is teaching themselves guitar and art. The wife doesn't need to give it a chance if she doesn't want
The disability one really resonated with me. I have tics and a lot of the people in my life respect that and know not to constantly talk about them because it triggers the tics and is painful for me. But there are some people that completely disregard my requests to not talk about them. If people have no interest in listening to my requests despite knowing it triggers my tics and they only notice my tics, I don’t want to converse with them.
I took ASL as my second language in high school and I'm so glad I did. You'd be surprised how many deaf or nonverbal people you cross paths with when you take the time to notice them. I've used it in 2 jobs I've had and the people seemed so happy that I could communicate with them without them having to write everything down.
Unfortunately, family members NOT learning how to communicate with Deaf family is more common than you would think! ASL is a beautiful language! I also agree with you about offering ASL as a 2nd language! When I was a teacher's aide, we tried to bring in an ASL class. We were told no because we only had 1 Deaf student. I couldn't make them understand that it was to benefit EVERYONE in the school! Although it was not required, I took ASL 1 & 2 so that I could communicate with my student. I learned SO MUCH about Deaf culture! They are such a tight-knit community! It's a darn shame that more of our world isn't like that!
Agreed! Some people should learn about the stats for how learning multiple languages improves memory and brain function. Also how having the class no matter if there is anyone deaf or not would improve everyone’s social skills and understanding as well as their academics and achievement scores. You could find all this research in science to back this information up and present it if you ever want to bring this class into your current school. Thanks for being that teacher your student needed that year!
@@cheyennemoore8380 Unfortunately, I am no longer working in education. But that is an awesome idea! I'll pass it on to my friends!!
My high school had ASL as a language and it was nice. As when I get overwhelmed I can't talk so I use Sign to communicate. This helped when kids around me could help. Also 100000% good apple, it's straight of disrespectful and rude. Why didn't she start learning when they first became serious together so it made an easier family bond and it's plenty useful
For #4 I actually agree with Avery, yes it’s bad that she doesn’t wanna learn to make this easier, I don’t think she should be excluded while in HER house. Maybe it’s not even that she doesn’t wanna learn but what if the topic has never been brought up and the husband is just like “nah I’m not gonna help you no more” idk seems like he’s being a crab. Doesn’t have to be ugly to his wife about it when she’s wanting to hang while at their house. If he doesn’t wanna bother then go see the father at his own house.
I'm with you and Avery, yes, the wife is the bad apple, but her bad apple-ness doesn't justify the way this is being handled
I genuinely appreciate your passionate speech. I have multiple family members with disabilities and it's something I'm passionate about as well.
my high school had an ASL class. i can sign brokenly but ive found it useful in many situations over the years. Also it is way easier to learn if you are dyslexic(i am).
For the fourth story, I'm going to have to agree with Avery on the crab apple verdict. My mother is Mexican but I grew up here in the states. Because of this, I learned both English and Spanish at the same time. I started taking ASL courses during my second year of college because I was genuinely interested in learning the language and I thought it might be useful. I recently started doing some duolingo courses for Japanese because, well, I love anime. So again, it genuinely interested me. But not everyone is the same. People are curious about different things. It is that curiosity that strives people to wanting to learn and actually being able to learn. If you don't have that curiosity, it just becomes a chore to you. If its a chore, it takes so much more effort to actually get something done. She has learned some basics at the very least, but she isn't purposely trying to exclude them. It's probably just harder for her to learn ASL. ASL, just like every other language, is complex and although I have been studying it for about 3 years, I am not very proficient in it just yet as there is so much to it and I have my own time constraints and priorities that come before it. On top of all of this, we only really heard one side of the story. We don't know much about the wife other than she doesn't know ASL. She could be a very busy woman who just doesn't have a lot of time or energy to dedicate to learning another language. People have their own lives and priorities and we don't know enough about her life to know all the other things that she has to prioritize before learning a new language. Maybe when she is alone with the FIL, she pulls out a pen and paper so they can communicate that way or type to each other on their phones. Just because she might be having difficulties, for whatever reason, when it comes to trying to learn a new language doesn't mean that she is just flat out refusing to do anything to accommodate for anyone. We also don't know if maybe she could have a learning disability that could make things harder for her to learn in general. Your friends don't have to be friends with your S/O's, but personally, if I knew that two people I like being around don't get along, I wouldn't force them to have to deal with each others presence. At the end of the day, as Avery said, it's also her house and it's not fair for her to have to leave her own house or feel uncomfortable there because the friend doesn't like her and want to include her. I'm sure that they could go to the friends house or something.
Thank you! I was starting to think I was alone in my exact same perspective
The first person is definitely a good apple and in all honesty she may want to go to couples therapy with her boyfriend to take care of whatever trust issues are going on on his end
#4 she has learned a little. ASL is complex. It is a lot to learn. There are other ways to communicate with her FIL. She should take it upon herself to either learn it or as much as she can or use other communication tools to communicate with his dad without the translation. Meet with the friend somewhere else. It's her house, too. I respect his opinion. It's not invalid, but don't deliberately exclude one of your hosts to prove a point.
My thing is that Alex and the husband were talking. It wasn’t all three of them. It’s on her for feeling excluded because she hasn’t really made any effort.
@@nashgilbert13 I understand how that can be annoying but you are invading her safe space and making her feel horrible. Not wanting to learn a language is a choice that we need to respect
I'm so glad that I follow you, cause I get so happy when your videos pop up!
As a mother of a child with ASD & ADHD, thank you for being so empathetic to the disabled community. My mother is disabled and most of my childhood I watched as she was bullied and mistreated, now I’m raising a child with cognitive impairment and I stay worried for his happiness and well being. I’ve had to fight to implement accommodations for him at school and to get him the support outside of school as well. There’s so much that the general public doesn’t realize that the disabled community and their families endure. The wife at the very least could memorize small words and phrases to help, her actions scream entitlement and I agree with the friend that she doesn’t deserve for him to accommodate for her when she can’t even do that for family
Story #4 is complicated by the fact that there are disabilities present. I've spent my whole life translating for my family/friends, and there are so many ways you can give context clues or explain what's going on without a full translation or stopping the flow of conversation. With ASL being a silent language, it seems it would be even easier because you can essentially communicate in both at once (pretty cool!). It can be very difficult to learn a whole language as an adult, especially if you aren't using it on a daily basis. He said she knew some basic phrases, so she isn't being flat out rude and refusing to pick anything up. Just seems like she hasn't felt like she has needed to make space in her life to learn another language. I don't blame Alex for not wanting to have conversations with her if its so difficult, but it is rude if they are going to blatantly leave her out of conversations happening in front of her knowing she doesn't understand. (kind of like the concept of the 'gossiping nail ladies') I don't think her husband is a good apple for suddenly realizing he is upset she never learned. Crab apple.
My elementary school did not teach sign language but my music teachers husband did go deaf so before he got his hearing aids, she did learn sign language and she taught us every single music class so that way we could talk to people and at least have the simple conversations if we met someone with that kind of disability
I’m sick and I have been waiting for you to post this video all day. I’m so excited.
Story #4: As someone with several deaf/HoH family members, it's so important to me that people make an effort to communicate with others regardless of how comfortable it is for them. My family communicates verbally, but things like eye contact, enunciation, and slowing down to repeat or explain things that didn't come across properly are crucial for communication. If I was dating someone who was not willing to put effort into accommodating those family members, I would be upset.
I understand that learning new languages is hard (I speak 3 and only English is native), but it's not her proficiency that is the problem. The problem is that she hasn't tried or put any effort into it. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I couldn't communicate well with his family because of the language barrier (they're non-english speakers). However, the more I spent time with them, studied their language, and tried to interact, the easier it got. Now I have no problem having complicated conversations about different aspects of our lives, and it has been so important for establishing those relationships.
Wife is the bad apple for not trying, and husband is the good apple for establishing that boundary for his friend who doesn't even want to interact with her anyway.
For those saying it's rude to be in the house with her, we don't know the situation regarding how easy it is for them to spend time together outside of that environment. Also, when I have friends over who speak a language that my family/boyfriend don't speak, I only translate when the interaction between the two parties is important or if both clearly want to be included in the same conversation.
Story 4: I, like many others, agree with Rebecca. I'm learning ASL, I don't have immediate people who are deaf but it peaked an interest of mine and I've been learning it for four years. It doesn't take much effort to learn simple conversational signs, there's many youtube channels who teach ASL, "Learn How to Sign" is one of them that has videos on conversational signs. I do, also, agree that schools need to teach ASL.
Can you do one about ex friends? Love this series =)
Oh yes, I’d be down for that I have been in that kind of situation before, do you know where we can post our stories if we don’t have a read it?
@@AshleysAdvice man I dunno. I don’t have that. But I have a FANTASTIC story about ex-friends if it ever came up. I don’t think it’d even qualify as an “AITBA” story. More like an “is there something I did” sort of story.
@@AshleysAdvice sorry I don't know. The reason I'm asking is because I have been in the situation of a toxic friendship too
@@forever_bard6211 yeah, just thought I’d ask, I don’t know if mines any good, we were friends for a long time but things changed and it got complicated and weird, the worst kind of toxic relationships are when it’s totally one-sided, took me so long to realise I was putting more into it and it didn’t really hurt until I was blamed, like I was the problem, when she was the one who changed. It also had it one of the worst moments of my life when I was dealing with a lot of bad things during 2020, I know that was a rough year for all of us though
As a person with a disability I want to thank you for standing up for us
I love Rebecca rambling while Avery is just like 🙂 the whole time I honestly love them
Obviously it's not quite the same, but I am marrying into a Perto Rican family and trying to learn Spanish because it's respectful, as well as I had a similar situation where I had the pleasure of meeting one of my father in laws friends and family and they didn't speak much English. He translated some for me but i never asked because I felt bad making my father in law repeat everything 💜 so I want to be able to meet and talk with more friends and family members in the future and not feel awkward or anxious 💜💜💜
ASL can be difficult to learn. It’s especially difficult to “read “. It’s not like words staying still in written form. Signed words move fast. Maybe the wife struggles with learning it. It’s not mentioned, but is the husband helping his wife learn? Any children they have can learn from birth just as they learn English. The husband could help his wife get comfortable with signing by signing what he is saying to her in regular conversation. Then, when she’s around people who only sign, she might not feel like she’s being thrown in the deep end.
Yay! "Am I the bad apple?" videos are so much fun to listen to in the background while I'm doing something. Thanks for the upload :)
Story 4: if that was the case for me, I would try. But learning new languages is hard, we had a deaf kid in class. We learned a few phrases, but I never could remember them. I felt pressured, so I never tried much and just pretended to learn. She should definitely have her future kids learn and the dad could teach them. He wasn’t concerned since he could translate, if it bugged him that much, then he could have asked if he could give her lessons before seeing the father-in-law. Like work together people!!
Story 1: GOOD APPLE ALL THE WAY TO THE MOON! I can imagine the girl showing Wes this video and Wes would say “YOU WATCHED A VIDEO OF ANOTHER MAN 😭😭😩😩😩”
ahhh I always look forward to these they are the highlight of my week!
I’m with Avery on the last story. I feel like there is a little disconnect between the two points. I agree that ASL should be taught as soon as kids can understand (babies can understand sign language). But I understand 100% with what Avery is saying
Same! Like I definitely think the wife should try to learn ASL for her father in law but for someone to come into her space and refuse to talk to her and the husband allow that is kind of messed up. There’s 100% an issue with her not putting in effort to learn ASL for her FIL but for OP to let someone he just met come into his shared space with his wife when this is an issue is bleh.
@@rowancampbell2091 You have to consider the perspective of someone who’s experienced ableism their entire life, though. The wife isn’t interested in getting to know Alex, she just feels entitled to know everything he’s saying because she wants to be sure they’re not “keeping secrets”. A lot of abled people don’t realize this, but disabled people are constantly being treated like we’re not trustworthy-I don’t understand where this comes from, but it’s something I’ve encountered a lot. If the wife were genuinely interested in getting to know Alex and they were just excluding her I’d say you had a point, but her comments about keeping secrets make me think that’s not what this is.
@@letitbe56 I 100% agree with that. The wife is definitely wrong. My only issue is that this is her space and OP knows this is going to be an issue in their house and if someone didn’t like me or had those feelings about me (warranted feelings at that) I wouldn’t want them in my space at my house.
Again the wife should 100% learn ASL and her handling of this entire situation is bad but I don’t think OP is a good apple.
@@rowancampbell2091 I guess I just don’t think that the wife has any right to expect her prejudice to be respected. What if, instead of a disability, the thing that made the wife uncomfortable about Alex was that he was Black? I couldn’t possibly see someone as a good apple who was like, “Sorry, you can’t come over to my house because my wife is racist and we need to respect that” and it’s the same here. Alex’s issue with the wife isn’t personal dislike, it’s her ableist bias, and that issue would go away if she made the effort to move past her prejudice and entitlement. Her discomfort is of her own making, and is not a valid reason to expect her husband not to have a friend over to visit.
@@letitbe56 again. I agree. The wife is in no way a good apple. But OP is not handling this situation well. He shouldn’t be subjecting his friend to his wife and he shouldn’t be using their house to make a point. I’m just going to reiterate that I don’t think the wife is a good apple. But OP is definitely feeling like a crab apple.
if you havent already done one, you should do a "Craziest Friends" AITBA next week!
For the second story, it's also just as likely that they were trying to prank her BECAUSE she just got out of the hospital. It can be a very scary, sad, even traumatizing experience to be in a hospital, so it is possible they were just trying to make her laugh and feel better after all she went through.
I'm not condoning it, but I don't think the intent was necessarily malicious.
I agree i feel like it was supposed to be lighthearted and fun
Agreed that had "we are messing with you because we love you" written all over it! Where they screwed up is not having that just be the decoy cake and then having a proper cake for eating and continuing with the day as normal. Like that's where i think it crosses the line into cruel. Pranks are all about the follow up. Step 1:they think everything is normal. Step 2: OMG no it's not!!!!! Step 3: just kidding yes it is. Everything is fine! THATS a healthy prank.
@@calliemyersbuchanan6458 idr if they mentioned the age or not but if they are young kids it would make sense why they didnt think of hey lets get a regular cake too
@@singergirllove101 1 was 16 the other was 12. They should both know better. There not that young they should know the difference between right and wrong. Especially the 1 who's 16.
@@ianmcleod3684 should they have gotten another cake? Sure. But i dont think its wrong to play a prank on a sibling if the intentions arent bad.
4. Story:
Alex doesn't want to communicate with her, so he doesn't have to. Translating the conversation would be disrespting his boundries.
I find it a bit worrying that the wife is so eager to listen in on their conversations and even accuses her husband to have secrets from her. Having private conversations with your friends is not keeping secrets from your partner.
She does not want to learn ASL and that choice comes with the consequence that she sometimes can't be part of the conversation.
We love you Rebecca❤❤
Yes we do ❤❤❤😊
Yes!!❤❤
Story 3 I have some experience to share with language barriers, my husband has not learned spanish and my mom hasn’t learned english. Learning a language is hard.I translate. It doesn’t bother me to translate. Neither one judges the other for not understanding each other. You don’t need to speak the same language to feel loved and included.
If he doesnt want to converse with her they shouldnt hang out at her house. The husband should translate if they are speaking to the wife but not if they are only speaking to each other. If he doesnt care to conversate with her then dont come to her house. Thats her home too.Period.
Now as far as her father in law.. She should absolutely have learned already. Especially if they plan on having kids.
I want to add (story 4) that in my job, I have the option to call a translator for anyone I interact with that speaks a different language. It is a pain in the goddamn ass to use an intermediate to translate. The conversation is at least twice as long, if not tripled.
So the fact that she is unwilling to attempt to learn more than intro phrases is upsetting. I want to learn Spanish (most common language line call) because of how annoying it is to use that 3rd party. I will admit I have been dragging my feet because I had a hard time learning it in high school, but I know it would benefit me so much more than only knowing real basic phrases and words
TLDR: using a translator is a pain in the ass
using a translator is a pain but you still also refuse to learn the language cause it's hard and you keep telling yourself you'll get to it. like.... same situation really. and i wouldn't call you a bad apple because you just don't know a language...
Story #1: I was about to just up and say this is a tell-tale sign of "tell me you were cheated on without saying you were cheated on" and leave it at that, until you brought up the hissy fit he threw being a potential pattern of SO types for OP. It's for sure a red flag that he didn't trust her to be alone with her best friend's husband, not to mention that he and this man are allegedly friends, according to what OP is saying. He had to have been faking that friendship if he can't even trust any man around OP, and inversely, that he can't trust OP around any man that isn't him. That being said, I don't think it's fair to judge whether or not she did something to merit this kind of behavior from him. Whatever sort of things happened in her past doesn't hold enough ground for him to stand on, as this is a relationship completely separate from her past relationships. There isn't much to go on here other than an abusive ex who got the RO, which isn't a lot to pinpoint bad behavior coming from her, just that she has baggage. OP is the good apple, but she really should examine the relationship after all that. Questions need to be asked, and maybe the love lives need to be divulged if they haven't been already. Sometimes, talking about that with someone you see yourself eventually dating is necessary, which can bring togetherness, trust, and even healing.
I totally agree with Rebecca on story #4. The wife could be included if she learned enough of one of her husband's first languages to follow the conversation. Also, being nonverbal is almost certainly related to a disability, it's not something people would just choose to do. Alex deserves to have people listen to what he has to say, in whatever language he can use.
Thank you for having Avery on. I actually really appreciate the different perspective on this. Even when I don't agree with him all the time, his viewpoints are typically really well articulated and quite interesting.
As a person who uses both a communication device and a wheelchair, Mrs. Rogers is on point! The wife is the bad apple!!
I have taken ASL classes since my Freshman year of high school. My teacher Mrs. King who was my ASL teacher and I became really close. She even was the leader of 3 of the clubs I have been in. I learned a lot from her and decided that I wanted to become an interpreter like her.
✨The Friendly Neighborhood Lawyer ✨🤣🤣
Honestly for number 4 I would go crab apple. I do agree that she can’t expect accommodations to be made for her like that, however this guy said multiple times that he didn’t care she didn’t learn sign language. The only instance she would ever need it before this friend was when she was with his dad. It’s not like she would be seeing the dad without him anyway, so I think she was working under the mentality of “If it isn’t broken why fix it.” She had a way to communicate, and probably learned those few things cause she thought it would be polite.
To make it clear, I personally don’t care she didn’t learn it, it would be nice if she did, but since no one had a problem with it until now, I can understand why she wouldn’t see it as necessary.
I also respect that the friend won’t be helping her. If that is the standards he sets for the people around him, then that’s fair. He doesn’t need to accommodate anyone.
I just don’t like how the guy had been okay with her not knowing sign language for a long time, and translated for her for just as long. However as soon as a friend said something differently he suddenly have a problem as well. I think he should have had a bigger conversation with her, and explained that this guy didn’t want to talk to someone who didn’t learn sign language. Then she can decide between still not learning and also not understanding, or try her best to learn. Don’t just throw a problem in her face you didn’t even care about until right now. How would she know she should fix it, if he didn’t express there was a problem at all?
Yes! If it was never communicated before that it bothered him she never learned the language, of course she would get defensive when he does a 180 and snaps at her for not learning. It didn't feel particularly abelist that she didn't learn a language one member of her family spoke when it was never a problem before
TOTALLY agree with Avery on the last one.
First one is good apple, and her boyfriend is a manipulative bad apple. Break up with him! Leave his unhealthy behavior and do not let him back into your house! I won't make any assumptions but he sounds untrustworthy to me.
Second one sounds like a bad batch and there needs to be better communication. The step daughter sounds like the only one who didn't do something wrong, the boys owe her an apology and a cake.
Third one should run away, and also the good apple. I don't think that sounds like a healthy relationship, he sounds like a control freak. Get out now before you're relationship goes legal.
Fourth one is crab apple, I agree with both of you. I think this is a deeper issue than just the friendship with Alex. I think she could work on learning basics, but it sounds like there are parts missing to this story.
I love how happy you are
Yes it's Tuesday apple picking with the Rodgers love it
I really like when yall do videos together thats awesome
I agree with you Rebecca 110% especially on the last two stories cuz that hits close home for me I have a very conservative and controlling soon to be mother-in-law but thankfully my fiance has made it clear that there's no tolerance for her to try and control the way I look especially when it comes to our wedding day and with the last story about sign language I can't agree more with you especially with other points you made I had friends in high school who were deaf and I took sign language as a curriculum so I can better communicate with them and they told me that it was hard for them around the holidays because a lot of them have family members who won't talk to them because they don't know sign language and they won't learn sign language to communicate with them and it really makes the holidays hard for them because they feel like outcasts and I told them that it does suck but on the other hand if they're not making it effort to communicate with you why would you want to talk to them anyways that and then you don't have to deal with the conversations that most people dread having with their extended family anyways which they agreed with me that it does put a better twist on the holidays for them because of that but if you have somebody in your family who cannot communicate in the normal way due to disabilities and you make no effort to communicate with them and include them then I think you are a bad apple especially because I think sign language is such a beautiful language anyways and I love deaf culture I love sign language I love so much about it so I couldn't imagine why someone wouldn't want to be part of it
Have fun at Epcot! ❤️❤️ Get better soon Avery!
I agreed with all of Rebecca's verdicts on this one.
Ahh! I applaud you for having such a level headed disagreement with Avery about disabilities. I’m completely with Rebecca. I was nonverbal until age 3 and ASL became my first language. I then grew up with a Deaf friend and non verbal friends so it has always been apart of my life. Unfortunately, now that I’m at university, I haven’t been super great at keeping it up.
Anyway, my life partner’s family immigrated from Mexico and some of them don’t speak english. I spend holidays with them and am choosing to learn spanish in order to communicate with them better. You don’t just marry your person - you marry their family
Edit: as someone who is disabled- THANK YOU!
Apple 1: Girl you might wanna run. He got weird trust issues
Idea. A plushy that is like those reversible octopus ones, but it's a good apple and bad apple.
Or plushies of the three apple types. I have a feeling people would want them.
Love the video. These are part of the highlights of my tuesdays! Thank you for the upload!
I have an HS friend that teaches ASL to all her students. She actually minored in it in college. They actually have to sign to use the bathroom and things like that. I totally agree with you that ASL should be taught more in schools. She actually got other teachers to learn because it made their classrooms so much more controlled and quiet.
When I was about 8 my friends mom had given birth to a deaf child. The whole family gathered together a few times per week and had someone come over to teach them all ASL. This sparked an interest in me and sometimes I would ask to come over to their house during the lessons because I really wanted to learn. I wasn't able to go to all the lessons, but I learned enough to have a basic conversation in ASL. This ended up helping me later in life. I ended up living with a friends family in highschool. They had a son who had selective mutism and didn't speak until the first grade. The family learned ASL to communicate with him more effeciently. They also have a daughter with downsyndrome. She has always struggled with speaking and people who aren't extremely close to her struggle to understand her. Growing up with her older brother and the rest of the family speaking ASL has helped her a ton. She will say the words she is tying to communicate at the same time she signs. This has helped many people understand her and they've learned her struggles with words. I used ASL so much while living with this family that I would unconciously use it while speaking to others. More than once somone has asked me what I was doing with my hands and I explained it was ASL and it inspires people to want to learn. For me it started out as just a childhood interest, but turned out to be an absolute lifesaver later in life. My friends sister with downsyndrome became one of the closest people to me in that home and I dont think it would've happened if I didn't already know a bit of ASL.
With the last story I do agree that if she had chances to learn sign language it would have been nice of her to but, no one should expect anyone to go out of their way to learn a family member’s language because you can’t go about life thinking that everyone is going to learn every language you want them to so your life can be easier.
That was kind of what I was thinking too
Totally agree with Avery on story 4 who's to say that it she finds learning new things hard maybe. She did learn simple things so maybe that's her limit.
Rebbecca i just would like to say about the sign language is that some schools are teaching it and i thought none (or at least in my district) did but i was over the moon when i found out that my school was 1 of 2 (yes still little but still it is AMAZING that it is getting introduced to kids more) so i hope more schools will learn to teach it to kids!
Have a good day/week
I have a cousin on my dad side who is deaf. His mother and father and brother learn sign language, and a few of our cousins know a little bit. I was thought it was very sad that most of his family didn’t take the time to learn sign language. So when we get together, his mom signs for him and he’s a part of the conversation a lot. he has expressed to me that is very hard because most people don’t even talk to him at his job or try to communicate with him so he feels very isolated. He was very excited that I’ve been trying to learn more sign language as I have been teaching a little bit of sign language to the daycare kids I had worked with previously, I didn’t grow up knowing my dad side of the family or I would have definitely knew sign language. It’s something that I always wanted to learn and I think it is important.
The last story, I understand your point, but Avery is correct. Crab Apple for sure.
With context though, I have serious difficulties learning other languages and that includes sign. So i'm just putting myself in those shoes and while I have empathy for anyone with disabilities and if I had the ability to learn the language, I'd love to. But I also understand my difficulties with learning languages (I failed spanish class 3 times, and had to get my GED never passing spanish)
Just found your channel and binge watched so many of your Apple videos ❤ hope you enjoyed Epcot today and magic kingdoms tomorrow. I totally reccomend treating yourself to a loungefly bag while at the parks ❤❤❤❤
Amazingly, calling Alex "non-verbal" magically makes him not a mute. /s
OMG you should make merch of apple plushies with the good apple with wings, a devil apple, and the crab apple 🦀
For the 4th story, I agree a little bit with both.
Story 4: gets me so heated. The husband is a bad apple! My grandparents were deaf. My mom as a child only picked up basic signs and it was the only language in the house! My aunt on the other hand was fluent. While I agree it’s a disability. It’s a whole other language! She is a grown adult learning a new language and she learned the basic. Meaning she willing to learn. Plus learning to sign as adult can lead to health effects. They are in her house making her feel uncomfortable! They can go to his house if he has a problem. She isn’t trying to exclude him on purpose and trying to have a relationship with him. But like she haven’t picked up more signs. This guy a d*ck. We don’t know why beside it’s hard to learn a new language.
Hi just wanted to say I really appreciate this series and I absolutely love your content! ❤
Fellow disabled woman :) I feel like ya he is a crab apple because instead of shunning her out of conversations he could’ve had a conversation about how he will help her learn sign and teach someone who is clearly very ignorant about this topic and you know if the bestie is so upset by it maybe he could help her as well judging her and making her feel bad won’t make her learn so crab apple.
But everything else was good Rebecca I am really proud of you for running a mile in our shoes
I swear the posts every Tuesday is the only thing keeping me up on each day of the week. =_=
Rebecca and Avery are the definition of “couple goals” ❤😊
I don't understand why ASL isn't mandatory for EVERYONE in the USA to learn. I can't imagine feeling isolated in my own home/country.
On story four, I 100% agree with you. How is it more fair to make the husband translate back and forth and to force Alex and Him to constantly put their conversation on pause than for the wife to learn at least some ASL to communicate? Alex doesn’t want to associate with her, he shouldnt have to. And on the whole thing about this being her house, it’s also the husband’s. He’s allowed to have friends over and not include her, especially if her only effort in being included is having him put effort into verbally translating everything. That’s not fair. Good Apple, 1000%