He Called Me A Narcissist.

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 มิ.ย. 2024
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    00:00 - Am I A Narcissist?
    00:44 - The Myth of Narcissus
    01:02 - What is Narcissism?
    03:11 - What is Creativity?
    04:48 - Narcissism on the Rise
    06:54 - Fake It Till You Make It

ความคิดเห็น • 1.3K

  • @MarySpender
    @MarySpender  5 หลายเดือนก่อน +39

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    • @lordofnesss
      @lordofnesss 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Mary, Narcissists have other traits that don't apply to musicians such as:
      1- Lack of empathy and a willingness to hurt others in the pursuit of self-satisfaction. A musician who makes people happy and seeks to share his art in a positive way would not fit this profile.
      2 - Exploitation of others / Systematic manipulation and deception: Narcissists often tend to exploit others in detrimental ways to achieve their own goals without considering the impact on others. An artist seeking recognition does not necessarily have to exploit other people in detrimental ways to achieve success.
      You're not a narcissist, you're an artist ! Big difference.

    • @1olddoggie
      @1olddoggie 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I am a licensed psychotherapist. U are not a narcissist! My God!

    • @nickfletcher4132
      @nickfletcher4132 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      I think I'm an arsecissist. I think I talk out of my arse a lot.

    • @theubercaste
      @theubercaste 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Ugh. I can’t post a link. And it’s spot on w Mary’s query.

    • @wyldelf2685
      @wyldelf2685 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@@theubercasteunfortunately TH-cam does that to eliminate channel promotion ,self promotion Wich actually doesn't make much sense , difficult to help someone "where to go" when TH-cam stops the helpful attempts , I definitely feel your pain ,it's frustrating , someone needs to make a more open freedom platform of a new better social media , , , ,

  • @RollDeBonz2112
    @RollDeBonz2112 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +406

    At no point in years of watching her videos has the thought of Mary being narcissist crossed my mind.

    • @GizzyDillespee
      @GizzyDillespee 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      But... the thumbnail for this video literally has Mary's mug next to the word NARCISSIST. It crossed MY mind at that point, and after what you just wrote, I'm wondering if maybe I'm extra suggestible right now.

    • @Rick_Cleland
      @Rick_Cleland 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

      In more recent years, the word _"narcissist"_ has been overused to such an extent that it has become void of all meaning.

    • @pangeaproxima3681
      @pangeaproxima3681 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ok, ok...

    • @nicksilva4415
      @nicksilva4415 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Couldn't have said it better myself.

    • @leadgindairy3709
      @leadgindairy3709 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Like racist/racism, sad times we are living. @@Rick_Cleland

  • @belwynne1386
    @belwynne1386 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +276

    If you can ask that question and be open to the answer, then you are not a narcissist. Have you heard that comment in other parts of your life? Probably not. True narcissism crosses all parts of life. Can you feel empathy, or feel badly for someone who is suffering? Then, not a narcissist. You’re in good shape on this one, imo.

    • @timcobb1752
      @timcobb1752 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      I lived with one that would ask the question, but being that she could never be guilty of having done anything wrong, she always came to the wrong conclusion....

    • @Jaden48108
      @Jaden48108 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Fully agree. A true narcissist is so self-absorbed they don't consider the feelings, thoughts, emotions or actions of others. It's all about them . . . and getting noticed even if it means trampling on others without concern.

    • @kayjay7585
      @kayjay7585 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      ​@@timcobb1752that's the being open to the answer part that is necessary for genuine and honest self reflection, which indeed is very rare among people with full on narcissistic personality disorder.

    • @sagittated
      @sagittated 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      ​@@timcobb1752"Can you believe they called ME a narcissist??"

    • @timcobb1752
      @timcobb1752 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      @@sagittated Everyone is the villain in someone's story somewhere.

  • @MutethatBozo
    @MutethatBozo 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +31

    Subbed for your recognition of Lemmy's divinity. Rock on!

  • @Uatu-the-Watcher
    @Uatu-the-Watcher 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +137

    You’re not a narcissist, Mary. You have a healthy measure of confidence and entrepreneurial spirit. You’ve demonstrated the ability to question yourself and learn from criticism that a narcissist struggles with.

    • @GizzyDillespee
      @GizzyDillespee 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Yeah that's what it is... not narcissism, but some expression of that entrepreneurial spirit. I was having a hard time reconciling "narcissism" with someone whom I only know her public persona. But after seeing the thumbnail, I was like, there's something! Yeah... entrepreneurial spirit is it. Wait, no... it's having a confessional style, but not really divulging many personal details. Maybe that's it. At first, I thought she was an ET. She's a woman of mystery.

    • @pangeaproxima3681
      @pangeaproxima3681 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ok, ok...

  • @willyamos9180
    @willyamos9180 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +165

    A clinical narcissist will never ask that question.

    • @kayjay7585
      @kayjay7585 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      ​@@nubisnotstump that's a good point XD Fewest people who seek appearing in media or on stages are not above-average in narcissism.
      But a person with the full on narcissistic personality disorder is extremely unlikely to ask themselves that question. There are a few here on youtube like "self aware narcissist" or "HG Tudor".

    • @William_Earl
      @William_Earl 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      Except now everyone knows that asking yourself this question = not a narcissist. So what does a narcissist do with this info? Publicly ask the question in some way to garner support that they are not one.
      Not calling Mary one, just stating narcissistic awareness content has over saturated social media, that even narcissists know enough of the basics to mask better than before.

    • @HORNGEN4
      @HORNGEN4 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      Not true. NPD is one of the least understood "disorders". It's an extremely wide spectrum with a diversity of traits. People with NPD can absolutely acknowledge they have it.

    • @le_th_
      @le_th_ 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@nubisnotstump Trying to go viral.

    • @mysongsmystory
      @mysongsmystory 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I find it amazing how many people that are completely clueless about narcissism that claim to be experts on the subject. You hit the nail on the head, creatives to an extent need to have that extreme confidence and belief that they are the best that has ever been when performing, anything less and they aren’t giving it their best. The key is WHILE PERFORMING. Are musicians/entertainers/performers narcissists? Some most definitely are. I’m chasing my dream after shelving it for 30 years, I call this season in my life my “season of unreasonable confidence”, do I truly think I’m the best there has ever been? Of course not, do I approach every single writing, recording, rehearsal, photo shoot as if I am? Damn right I do, if I don’t no one will.

  • @joerenzetti1
    @joerenzetti1 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +54

    Jimi Hendrix was always one of my favorite because his incredible virtuosity on the guitar was only surpassed by his infamous humility and lack of ego. I became a musician because music moves my soul and, as an introvert, I don't communicate well on a social level so my music is my way to communicate my thoughts and feelings to the world in hope that someone out there can relate to it.

    • @le_th_
      @le_th_ 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It is believe he had Borderline Personality Disorder so of course he had humility and lack of superego, and it's also why he abused drugs.
      BPD is most often misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder (by well-meaning but under-educated psychologists).

    • @goldflo91
      @goldflo91 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@le_th_Many artists use drugs to be able to create and perform, otherwise they wouldn't dare doing anything because they're introverts

    • @joerenzetti1
      @joerenzetti1 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@le_th_ Yes it was known when he got drunk a Mr Hyde violent personality would emerge then.

    • @infiniti28160
      @infiniti28160 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@le_th_ If you actualy read up on the etymology of person via Latin persōna , you will find it to mean a mask or actor, in which the whole world is a stage. Are you for real to buy into the whole affair of modern psychology when the ancient greeks had worked it all out already?

    • @daisy9910
      @daisy9910 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      My late mother in law dated him for 2 years when she was a teenager. He was known to be kind to her. Perhaps with the drug usage, his behaviour changed over time.

  • @airforcex9412
    @airforcex9412 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    The incidence of diagnosable narcissism is way lower than people think it is. People just like throwing that word around without knowing what it really is, how it’s diagnosed, etc.

  • @robhead22
    @robhead22 วันที่ผ่านมา

    “The dogs may bark, but the caravan will pass”. Onward Mary Spencer, Onward!

  • @SimplyAubs
    @SimplyAubs 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +57

    Ahhh…the narcissist. As a musician, I have dealt with this quite a bit!!! (People saying I am narcissistic.)
    Basically, I’m just a person who happens to EXPRESS myself through music!
    Well said, my friend!!!

    • @PerteTotale
      @PerteTotale 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      EGO is not NCS!
      Most folks cannot detect a core ncs. only the blatant.
      They are so borderline psychopaths.

    • @miahconnell23
      @miahconnell23 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      “Front-man syndrome” or “diva behaviour” isn’t the same thing as narcissism. Psychiatrists & the wider world need a different word for the hurtful-to-everyone clinical sort of narcissism.

  • @mazzysmusic
    @mazzysmusic 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    Oh dear. I get a handful of viewers who call me out as a narcissist, too. It is so lazy when someone says that. Of course, one has to be theatrical and "on" like an actor when making and presenting videos on TH-cam. Thanks for this!

    • @JacoWium
      @JacoWium 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It is indeed lazy, and I suspect, often a form of projection. Additionally, it seems to me that a heck of a lot of frequent posters on internet forums and social media are addicted to a feeling of moral superiority over others. It's like they sleep better at night if they've managed to accuse strangers of being some form of -ist. Or, am I too projecting right now! Maybe, but for all my other faults, lazily accusing others of character defects without knowing that person is something I do avoid doing.

  • @Snufflegrunt
    @Snufflegrunt 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    There’s a difference between narcissism and confidence.

  • @WisconsinWanderer
    @WisconsinWanderer 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    There’s no way narcissism plays any part of who you are Mary, you’re a musician and share yourself openly. ☮️

  • @rossbach451
    @rossbach451 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    The Lemmy Airheads reference tells me that, even if you are a narcissist, you are still awesome! As others have said, self-reflection like this suggests you are not afflicted with this malady. You are a performer, trying to grow your brand. If you are good to others, don't worry about it.

  • @maxmacleans3176
    @maxmacleans3176 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    Wow, you flipped the criticism to your advantage, amazing. Respect went up x10. Me and my daughter watched it together, it was really thought provocative. You are our hope and reflection of our musical journey. Keep it up!

  • @DanielHuman1996
    @DanielHuman1996 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    It’s just quicker and easier to do it yourself than to recruit and teach someone else.

  • @dsarlis
    @dsarlis 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Even the term "creatives"; it's capture, warping and taken hostage as THE abbreviated single-word term to describe "producers of videos on your social media engine of choice", is a great example of narcissism.

  • @bobshortcut6950
    @bobshortcut6950 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    You are not a narcissist but rather a creative realist and appear to be warm & likeable.

  • @scottclancy
    @scottclancy 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +32

    Love your perspectives as always!! You are NOT a narcissist by virtue of how much you give back in your art.

  • @mattsnow9273
    @mattsnow9273 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I, for one, am SO relieved that Mary's narcissism has been dragged into the spotlight. 🤣🤣🤣

  • @brankofrkovic2118
    @brankofrkovic2118 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    You had me at "Lemmy IS God!"
    And another quote from Lemmy "Kayne? Never heard of her"

  • @kevinwisser137
    @kevinwisser137 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +56

    Judging someone as being narcissistic is done so from a moral "high ground". Rather narcissistic in itself, in my opinion. Keep doing what you're doing and leave the judging to the narcissists

    • @le_th_
      @le_th_ 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      Not always. Some people have studied these disorders, academically, for so many years that they not only can spot a narcissist they can tell you which type of narcissistic coping strategy someone is using, and when their behavior and statements show they're in narcissistic collapse or circling the drain.
      For example, saying Donald Trump and Kanye are narcissists is not only accurate, it's fairly well-known publicly. Saying that Taylor Swift admits she's a covert narcissist in her song lyrics is not a statement from any moral high ground, it's a fact. She states this in her lyrics.
      Considering that narcissistic personality disorder is a characterological disorder aka character disorder (as in MORAL character), you don't have to head to high ground to be automatically morally superior to them because they're not far from morally bankrupt. Again, stating facts...not claiming superiority. It's a spectrum disorder so you'll notice that some are more overt and brag about their moral bankruptcy while others are more covert in trying to hide it (like Swift has for over a decade, until stating it and her overinflated ticket prices reflecting how special she truly thinks she is). The most frightening ones are the ones who are more closeted because you never see them coming until it's too late. A Trump, Kanye, Hitler, or Hussein let you know how unique they perceive themselves to be, and how above the law.
      You don't have to use discernment to assess people's character, but I prefer to avoid narcissists like the plague, so I will continue to assess people's moral character and behavior for signs so I can avoid them.

    • @PaulStargasm
      @PaulStargasm 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      @@le_th_ Something tells me the person who called her a narcissist wasn't one of those people. I think someone that educated would address the topic more tactfully.

    • @mauer62
      @mauer62 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      I agree and most musicians are empaths like myself. We take our pain from a narcissistic world and make something beautiful out of it. I was married to a Borderline which is very close to a narcissist.

    • @DavidMyrickPlus
      @DavidMyrickPlus 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@mauer62 virtual fistbump to you, my friend, it only gets better

    • @SuicideVan
      @SuicideVan 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      No, narcissism is a manifestation of traits and behaviors that can be objectively identified and cataloged.
      Narcissism's manifestation is a coping mechanism to deal with deep seated insecurities.
      The thing about narcissists is that they often self sabotage because although they may attempt to display overconfidence and self importance on the surface, deep down they don't believe it. Eventually that deep insecurity destroys their interpersonal relationships halting their personal and professional growth.

  • @tomperkins6389
    @tomperkins6389 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +36

    As always, Mary, you're an island of sanity in a sea of chaos.

  • @hglundahl
    @hglundahl 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    3:00 _"and cause etc"_
    If a shrink wants to stamp someone like that, he only needs to make sure it becomes maladaptive, he only needs to get people punishing it, and can then declare that the persons "narcissistic traits" are what causes his social suffering.

  • @Anautistictherapist
    @Anautistictherapist 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    There’s a reason the word narcissistic is part of our vocabulary, because it’s something that almost everyone can relate to. Being self-centered or narcissistic is simply being a human being. We are, by our very nature, inherently tied to our own perspective as individuals. That’s a relic of our evolutionary design for survival. True narcissism is a maladaptive means of coping or an actual neurophysiological manifestation of a malformed brain where the individual actually lacks the part of the brain which allows them to be empathetic and conceptualize the distinction between self and other. They think only of themselves because there is only the self, which makes everyone else simply an extension of them. Seeking attention or being self-focused does NOT make you a narcissist.

  • @alan2a1l
    @alan2a1l 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    You are very entertaining, Mary! Your level of self-awareness and enthusiasm for the art & craft of music & for exploring issues like this (rather than taking offense) is NOT narcissicistic, it's honest, confident, & the essence of a creative personality. That's what I see.

  • @OfficiallyUnofficialAlCooper
    @OfficiallyUnofficialAlCooper 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    Ms. Spender, keep up the excellent, brilliant, and meticulous work, and if someone doesn't like what you say or present, they can go through the blood, sweat, and tears process of lighting, scripting, filming, editing, and uploading a video response explaining and justifying their point of view about you.
    I just think you are really damn great and have worked your posterior off to achieve the success you have enjoyed thus far. Namaste. 🙏 And may you have many more years of success and accolades.

    • @JacoWium
      @JacoWium 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Oh I'd sign my name under your post if I could! Brilliantly said. 👍

  • @jamesortega8681
    @jamesortega8681 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    as far as im concerned narcissism or vanity is a virtue

  • @dougsrepair1060
    @dougsrepair1060 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    I love that you include your research to support your commentary. It protects your channel of personal opinion. You stir the viewers mind.

  • @tracerammo
    @tracerammo 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    Your "narcissism" had been a wonder gift, considering how much so many of us have had our lives enriched by your content. Thank you!

    • @pangeaproxima3681
      @pangeaproxima3681 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ok, ok...

    • @illiniwood
      @illiniwood 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Except, she's not a narcissist. Not even in the least.

  • @tod3msn
    @tod3msn 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Many speakers and entertainers and teachers and ministers love hearing their own voice. So, join the crowd. Nothing wrong with it. There are some celebrities who are amazingly humble like Henry Winkler and Paula Abdul but enjoying attention is not a crime. Go for it!

    • @krusher74
      @krusher74 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Paula abdul was not a person i though would be an example, not that im saying you are wrong , just caught me offguard.

  • @Trepanation21
    @Trepanation21 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Your self awareness knows no bounds...

  • @gavanbourke
    @gavanbourke 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Narcissisms is very rare and hard to diagnose. We all deserve and need a measure of attention.

  • @juliusbullock
    @juliusbullock 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +28

    Love the 3 piece band 😊It's not narcissistic at all. Thanks for all the great content.

    • @jsmythib
      @jsmythib 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      3 Mary's! I laughed. It was an awesome production :)

  • @carolynparral8434
    @carolynparral8434 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I luv the Mary Spender Trio ... !!! I hope they appear more often ... Ms. Spender you are not a narcissist.... ! ... You are so creative & so gifted ... It is a Warped mind & a jealous one who would think that .... ❤

  • @lundsweden
    @lundsweden 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    A real Narcissist would expect praise from little to no effort. Mary promotes her work, as all musicans do... next!

  • @garryyoung8945
    @garryyoung8945 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I was married to someone who ticked every box on the NPD chart, if you were one you believe me you wouldn’t even entertain this notion.

  • @kenneyk5260
    @kenneyk5260 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Wow! I've been a stage performer for 58 years and this gives me a lot to think about. Thank you Mary.

  • @bernardleclerc3801
    @bernardleclerc3801 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

    Je suis toujours surpris par la profondeur des discussions que je retrouve dans tes vidéos Mary. Il est évident que tu prends le temps de lire sur le sujet et de rassembler tes idées en un texte cohérent afin d'enregistrer une "bonne" vidéo.
    Merci beaucoup Mary. J'adore ce que tu fais. C'est-à-dire ta musique, tes collaborations, et - bien sûr - les vidéos comme celui-ci où tu abordes un sujet précis.
    En passant, j'adore ta voix posée et si douce 😊

    • @petercino6972
      @petercino6972 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Hey Duolingo might be working Bernard, I also love Mary's work. I get the feeling Mary's creative is a bit fueled by her passion of research. A dual-brain thinker! (Not from a need to portray a god like image)
      To speak to the trends in music, lyrics are the only part of a song that can actually illustrate ideas. Topics that are more sentimental to the individual allow for the listener to identify with their work. Really good artists have an ability to allow for different kinds of people to identify with their work. Way to go! Allons-zi!

    • @CQJR007
      @CQJR007 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Entièrement d'accord avec tes propos. Et elle a assurément une sexy voice 😎

  • @crossdraw1006
    @crossdraw1006 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I love the way you took this person’s crass attempt to crush you and spun it into a positive. Very classy. I wish I was that gracious.

  • @charlespiper9291
    @charlespiper9291 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Mary, your videos always bring me joy, thank you for your inspiring content

  • @dewardroy6531
    @dewardroy6531 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Food for thought. Insightful as always.
    Thank you, Mary Spender.😘

  • @BillDworske
    @BillDworske 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Amidst all the craziness in life today, I sincerely enjoy your ability to educate us with your journey and all of the aspects of it, good and bad.If you ever tire of the music business as your one true love of life, you can certainly continue to share your research and stories as a wonderful lecturer.

  • @sammyrothrock6981
    @sammyrothrock6981 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I have watched your channel for years ! Your humble , and talented and very appreciated! Your definitely in touch with your inner creativity, and understanding and coveying your work!

  • @arthurrobinson7286
    @arthurrobinson7286 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I appreciate your offerings showing us your travels, various encounters and endeavors reflecting thoughts and questions along the way.

  • @AlanYomama
    @AlanYomama 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thanks Mary! Art is just feeding the need to express yourself with more than words. All artists are insecure and fragile to criticism because of the vulnerable nature of a truthful performance. Musical performance is one of the fastest ways I know to get it out and feel instant gratification. Courage in Art is part of the creative process. I always believed the little Greek boy fell in the water and drowned himself…

  • @FalconiusRex
    @FalconiusRex 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Hey Mary - you are definitely not a narcissist. I’m not a licensed psychiatrist or psychotherapist but I believe since you care about us, your loyal audience, and aim to provide smart, thoughtful and really intelligent content you are definitely not staring at yourself in the water but looking at us. What we aren’t doing well as a community or a society is helping people appreciate themselves for their talents. And hey, if there are Bonos in this world, they always get balanced by an Edge. One bone to pick Ms. Mary - you coming to Canada someday? Keep up the awesomeness Mary!

  • @ian_g_wilson
    @ian_g_wilson 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Eloquent and thought-provoking as ever. (And I love the Trio videos - more please!)

  • @robpage9025
    @robpage9025 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I think that was the most informative content I have seen on the subject ,Delivered with excellent pace. Thank you Mary.

  • @somewaresim
    @somewaresim 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    Definitely don't think you are a narcissist Mary. I find you quite modest in your videos.

  • @belwynne1386
    @belwynne1386 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I love your trios, btw. More, please.

  • @Ichy-Sphincta
    @Ichy-Sphincta 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    we love who you are and never stop just being you Mary ❤

  • @nball461
    @nball461 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    My wife and her sisters have been dealing with their mothers NPD for years. And when it’s that bad, it can really ruin the lives of those around you.. in no way are you a narcissist Mary! Many people can display the occasional narcissistic traits but NPD/clinical narcissisms is next level.

  • @DaveWane68
    @DaveWane68 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    You nailed it Mary, the creative without empathy leads to the unhealthy version of Narcissism. That's not what comes across from you however. You, like myself and many of my colleagues are deeply sensitive to others feelings and its what makes us love to create but fearful of performing sometimes. And yes, we have all had that singer who does it for the attention and treats you like a hired carpenter on his own personal building site. I am loving your channel and admire your confidence, honesty and maturity. Brilliant insights, please do keep creating!

  • @fribersson
    @fribersson 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I know a bit about this topic :) Calling specific others "narcissists" is a classic form of... projection. Unless one is a psychologist, we're not qualified to diagnose others. At best we could say "this person has many characteristics of narcissists". But making videos and having fun requires some courage to put ourselves out there - and few real narcissists have the talent to actually do anything.

    • @JacoWium
      @JacoWium 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yep, fully agreed. Another driver in such behaviour could be a pathological need to feel morally superior to others. Deep down we all probably would like to think we're the ones with superior character, but a healthy dose of humility should remind us that it's probably not true.

    • @Banzo_
      @Banzo_ 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I knew a musician friend for like 4 years and 3 years in I realized he was most likely a narcissist. (He's 57-58) I never said it to his face, but I brought it up with people we hung around. I didn't say he was one, but I feel like he was/is one.
      He busked to make a living and coach surfed, pretty much a bum. He was very manipulative, social, and he hung around younger people (15-25) majority of the time, including me. I could see he was taking advantage of people through their generosity (even me), but if they ended up having a problem with him he'd turn around and get mad and talk crap about them. I felt he turned a lot of local musicians against me and made stuff up about me because I flirted/messed with a chick he was sorta involved with. (they weren't bf and gf or anything, it wasn't serious.) But I think he felt intimidated or something and decided to socially destroy me through spreading rumors.
      There's more to it why I strongly feel he's a narcissist, like his random bouts of anger, jealousy, and "friendly insults." But anyway. He was the first encounter I've had with a narcissistic "friend" and he sorta burned me in my home town. I'm a huge introvert and he's extroverted so he was running his mouth off everywhere we went and played and stuff behind my back and acted all friendly when I was around.
      If you read this thanks. There's no meaning behind it

  • @sKarmA115
    @sKarmA115 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    As musicians, we all have a small bit of narcissism. The realm of "please notice me, I'm playing music on stage" is often combated by the musician's favorite pastime: CRIPPLING SELF-DOUBT.

  • @zacalakemusic
    @zacalakemusic 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    You are charismatic, and that makes it a pleasure to learn from you. You have a good influence on my creativity and I’m grateful for your energy.

  • @xpatsteve
    @xpatsteve 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Mary Spender a narcissist? No way! Self-absorbed? Not even! Doggedly determined at pursuing her dreams and sharing what she's learned on the way? Absolutely! Mary, the way you share the ups, downs, successes and failures in your endeavors make you authentic. That's the most opposite to narcissism that I can think of.

  • @likebot.
    @likebot. 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    As you described the traits of narcissism I couldn't help but recall one particular embarassment that went on for 4 years.

  • @atbailey
    @atbailey 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Enormously entertaining (and informative). Excellent work, Mary.

  • @scottstanford3832
    @scottstanford3832 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Genius Mary! That turn around was nothing short of spectacular!!! Love it!

  • @gruvdrums
    @gruvdrums 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    True narcissists don't question their narcissism. Thank you for being a slice of rational sanity in the world of TH-cam chaos. Hope to see you performing in the Seattle area someday.

  • @jimm5593
    @jimm5593 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Anyone who calls you a narcissist probably is one, and speaks out of jealousy. Keep up the good work you do, Mary.

  • @andrewcroft9333
    @andrewcroft9333 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Hi. Excellent analysis. Well researched. Rational, reasoned, balanced and very insightful/useful. Kudos.

  • @fillphrench
    @fillphrench 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Wow! Well presented, Mary!

  • @keithsargent6963
    @keithsargent6963 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I have never picked up a narcissistic feel from your videos. Your first example of a narcissist ( Billie corghan) is absolutely spot on.

    • @florkgagga
      @florkgagga 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Also about Bono - I'd say that's kind of a popular example but every documentary or interview shows they are down to earth people, also, back in the day, famous for preferring Sarajevo and Bosnia, where they are treated like normal buddies, over Croatia (where I am from) where the paparazzis were unbearable, just like with Brangelina.
      Also the Jesus comparison, omg can't believe some go on about it when you can watch the interview and note the tone with which it was delivered by Lennon.
      Anyway, imagine Ms. Spender being overly shy and apologetic on camera, it would be a drag to watch 😂.

  • @brettdrought6181
    @brettdrought6181 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Alanis Morissette is God. Re: Dogma (1999) 😃

    • @kolt4d559
      @kolt4d559 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      👉😉👍

  • @rocketbass
    @rocketbass 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Mary, I love how you take a comment like that and examine it. It's so much more effective than getting angry at someone trying to troll you. Thank you for the continued great content.

  • @humbleviewpoint
    @humbleviewpoint 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thanks, Mary. Super informative, balanced. Great job!

  • @jboughtin7522
    @jboughtin7522 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    if anyone were to refer to you as narcissistic, I would immediately wonder what kind of weird issues they have going on.

  • @AndreyPutilov
    @AndreyPutilov 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    And we are looking forward to listening to your album! Keep up your original work as an artist!

  • @GetInspiredMedia
    @GetInspiredMedia 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Wow, thank you so much for this Mary. I received a similar comment moments before watching this. I took time out to examine my motives as a creative. Your well researched comments have really helped me get ballance with that process. Thank you, thank you, I love your channel and appreciate your honesty and openness. I’m sure that many creatives are going to find this video very helpful and encouraging (you have done the hard work for us Mary). Best wishes for 2024 Mary and keep on churning out those amazing videos. Dave (a former Pom) from Sydney, down-under 🇦🇺

  • @peterofenback9263
    @peterofenback9263 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I really like your little lecture. I am even more impressed by the sound of your voice and the incredibly clear pronunciation.

  • @bogusdogus
    @bogusdogus 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Narcissism is a trendy term of the last few years on social media. As usual with these things most people don’t really understand its meaning. It’s used as just another way of putting someone down and boosting their ego at the same time. The be an effective artist you really do need a considerable self belief and a certain resilience to criticism. Without those characteristics your artistic life will be fraught and torturous. The mean spirited self centred narcissistic types don’t play well with others. We don’t want them on stage with us for one simple reason. When we play together our individual jobs are, at least in part , to help make everyone else look great. That’s how we become bigger than the sum of our parts. Narcissists can’t do that. Wonderful video Mary!

  • @mudsongs
    @mudsongs 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Everybody has an ego and can therefore slide into narcissism on occasion. In those *small measured doses,* on occasion, narcissistic tendencies can spur creativity and innovation, but full blown narcissism is insidiously destructive and harmful. I deal with a text-book-definition narcissist at my job every day, and it's nothing but a mental drain on everyone who has to navigate around the narcissist's ego. While I suspect that people who embody narcissism fully and completely are in a different category of narcissism than what you describe, I applaud you for finding something positive in narcissism. I didn't see that coming.

  • @beldavius
    @beldavius 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    That entire video was brilliant! Bravo!

  • @PrestonSmithsMusic
    @PrestonSmithsMusic 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Excellent video. Very insightful and informative. I love these! Keep em coming!

  • @AndrienQ
    @AndrienQ 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Narcissism is always second fiddle to empathy because nobody cares what you know unless they see how much you care. Being an empath is painful. I sometimes wish I could shut it down completely, but I'm glad I can't because the alternative is worse

  • @chriskona7652
    @chriskona7652 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I love the way you handled this!

  • @TheRainman444
    @TheRainman444 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I’ve thought the same thing many times ! You love to hear yourself talk !

  • @B9Robot
    @B9Robot 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Very well put together Mary. God Bless! ❤

  • @jamescorey7467
    @jamescorey7467 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thanks much for the insightful discourse.

  • @ThatGuy-mj6jm
    @ThatGuy-mj6jm 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I think this was very brave and very helpful, thanks for making this video!

  • @AlchemyMusicConcept
    @AlchemyMusicConcept 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Good video Mary. Creativity is a road of growth. Keep up the good work.

  • @ChristianGrafvNormann
    @ChristianGrafvNormann 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Once more a great piece of insight and reflection. I could listen to your explanations for hours!
    Thank you so very much!

  • @TheBlund1971
    @TheBlund1971 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Profound. Great reminder. Cheers!

  • @mikeziolkowski1950
    @mikeziolkowski1950 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Mary, as always great content, well researched and an interesting watch. After having been married to someone with Narcissistic Tendencies for 22 years, I love learning from others about this disorder and further supporting my decision to end that marriage and live my life to the fullest. Many of us walk that fine line, and being a musician and creative person (graphic designer) myself I have wondered if I also have those same tendencies. I now know that my empathy and compassion far out weight any slight narcissistic behavior that I may have because I truly love helping others in any way I can. Keep up the great work, videos and music. Another big fan, Mike.

  • @eirik.loevhaug
    @eirik.loevhaug 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Good luck on tour miss spender!

  • @richardteasdale4144
    @richardteasdale4144 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    As you pointed out Mary, there is a fine line that separates narcissists from non-narcissists, if you study the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) every single person on the planet, evidences traits from within each and every diagnosis, the difference though, is that most people considered "sane", don't fully meet all criteria required within the specified framework for that disorder, for those that 100% meet those criteria, a diagnosis can then be applied.
    Although as a creative you may have more narcissistic markers than a non-creative, you certainly don't come close to meeting all the criteria for the diagnosis thereof.
    Love your work Lovely lady!

  • @MarceldeJong
    @MarceldeJong 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    That was a smooth transition to your tour promotion! Very well done.
    I’m too self-deprecating to be narcissistic. And I suck at creating art so I think there’s a correlation! 😅

  • @keithstead5175
    @keithstead5175 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Perfect! You take a comment, that was presumably meant as a slur (unintentional musical pun), and make it the subject of your new, and informative, video. Brilliant! Keep up the good work.

  • @JGlassy
    @JGlassy 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Great video, Mary. All this rides on fine lines of course. equilibrium is elusive but the best, like you, return to it, if not effortlessly, then with joy and humility.

  • @MentalWhiplash
    @MentalWhiplash 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is, without a doubt, the most apropos video response to a detached social media comment. Yours is a powerful, healthy perspective. Bravo, Mary.

  • @MichaelBCoats
    @MichaelBCoats 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I love your trio videos. If that fellow thinks you are a narcissist, he hasn't been following you. I find your humility refreshing, Mary.

  • @oldengineguy
    @oldengineguy 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    You’ve described the disorder very well and it sounds to me like you understand it. Surprisingly few people including many psychologists actually do understand it and most are fooled by it. People with the disorder use everything they learn from those who call out the behaviour to reinforce their false self for future use. They’re truly building a character who doesn’t actually exist for the public to see. Their real self is skillfully hidden from view and it’s extremely dangerous to be near anyone who’s false self has been revealed to others as such. The black-eyed or red-eyed rage is extremely disturbing and you will not forget it if you ever see it.

  • @TheRussRave
    @TheRussRave 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Very well presented and well balanced analysis. Clearly, Mary's talents extend beyond music.
    Take a bow Mary,.. you are talented, creative, well mannered and self-composed, and evidently very intelligent and capable overall.

  • @pressonc
    @pressonc 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Well done, Mary. Very well done, indeed. I’m certain that this isn’t why you made this video, but I just sent this to multiple pastor friends. This is excellent and very beneficial information.

  • @peterwilson8039
    @peterwilson8039 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    A very wise man who is an acquaintance of man is very fond of saying "Other people's opinions of you are none of your business."

    • @magnificenthonky
      @magnificenthonky 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

      In general, I'd agree. Although, if my friends and family tended to have similar negative opinions, perhaps I'd be inclined to make it my business. After all, none of us are perfect, so we all have room for improvement.
      Benjamin Franklin saw a need for personal improvement, and had a list of virtues that he would cycle through; he'd focus on one for a time, then move to the next. He also graded himself on each virtue, every night.

  • @von_Apa
    @von_Apa 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Mary Spender! I was going to write a long letter, but I think I’ll only tell you how much I appreciate your personality and video contributions! I am a stage actor and know a lot about the subject of narcissism, and your personality is very far from the bad aspects of a narcissistic personality. But talented as few! Keep it up, and don’t forget Eckhardt Tolle, as I recommended to you a long time ago.❤

  • @gnmatsu
    @gnmatsu 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Always enjoy you videos. So entertaining. People often equate narcissists with a negative quality. At the end of the day, as I see it, it comes down to how we enjoy life and what we choose to give back to our world. Contribute to our world. You contribute so much enjoyment to so many around the world.