So refreshing to hear someone speak honestly about this. As a young women it's so bring this up with my peers and family. "Feelings are not sovereign" is something I definitely need to hear, and the ability to differentiate between fact and feeling is so necessary for our times, it's a beautiful God-given strength men have. May God bless both of your work and spread your message to those who need it most!
Thank you so much! Women's emotions and feelings are wonderful things, but they must be ordered rightly. I believe women want to do this in a godly way, but aren't shown how or encouraged to. That it resonated with you is beautiful. If you feel called, please share this episode so it reaches more men and women who need to hear it? May God bless you too.
I’m watching this because I believe my husband has anger issues, but I want to make sure I work on me, to make sure I’m not simultaneously hurting him with my words and expectations.
You are a wise woman to seek self inspection. If I may say that as a husband, men deal with deep hurt with hot anger. We get angry when we're deeply hurt rather than cry. It could potentially be that if he is deeply angry, he could be a deep pain.
@thequietman5934 Then why is women's anger not perceived the same way? Women also eventually get angry out of deep pain and not feeling heard. But they are referred to as reviling and contentious wives. Men are allowed to be angry and stern as a natural part of their masculinity. But a woman who becomes angry and embittered after years of trauma or an emotionally abusive or destructive relationship is stripped of her feminity, and condemned for her natural human reactions, and referred to as emasculated. There's a gross double standard here!
After watching this I thought my marriage was being told on TH-cam. I was feeling I was so alone and until now I am relived I am not. I need to pray even harder for my wife now.
Really hope David’s reach blows up. This is a much needed conversation that needs to be had in the church. It drives me crazy that the narrative is always that men are the abusers, but most don’t even think women are remotely capable of it. As Doug Wilson says, women are the sacred cow of our age… churches must be able to address their sins as well.
U really believe that women are sacred cows? Men still have more power even churches there are more male leaders. Both genders have abusers. Abuse k kws no color nor gender nor creed
My dil is abusive and she uses religion to control him. She stole my medicine and gave me tremors and we have to protect her feelings and pretend she isn’t a theif and liar. I’ve been married to her dad for 4 years and they are sooo alike. I feel so stupid. Walked into it.
A persistent pattern and practice of reviling a spouse is a form of infidelity and may be classifiable as a type of fornication - a major violation of a basic moral norm. Thanks for the podcast. I have lived through this for 24 years, but it seriously intensified 3 years ago. She moved out to our garage apartment last year and mostly abandoned me with 5 kids. I had no choice but to enroll them in the public school. I don't have much choice left but to divorce her before she does permanent damage to the kids beyond what has been done. So, so sad, and it won't be long before she will regret it, but it will be too late. Nobody will believe her when she repents out of convenience. Thankfully, I attend a church where the leadership is aware and supportive. That helps a LOT.
Hi! Just ran into your channel. Do you have a video on the (covert) abusive "wife?" I am desperately trying to wake up my son/s and will be sharing. Thank you in advance. 🙏
Say more about what you mean by "covert" abusive wife? Because I think this video and Dr. Edgington's perspective (and book) might be what you're looking for.
I wrote the book you speak of. A Biblical perspective on the abu$ive wife and mother. I wrote about the court battles and what happened to my sons. It’s called The Sword that Divides. It’s my story of parental alienation and how my relationship with my sons were restored.
Thank you so much for your hard work ,l have been and going through the madness. The abuse and PA so so sad, two kids no contact for 3.5 year's even though I have tried everything!!!! So thank you so much 💓 💗 Mick from Ireland
I was in a Facebook group managed by a UK psychologist who speaks out about professionals pathologising women when they’ve been enduring abuse throughout their relationship or their environment and I just had to leave the group after being “executed” by a bunch of reviling women for daring to defend men. Since being in the group I’ve tried to speak out in defence of men and try and make it clear that violence is not a gender issue and after what happened to me yesterday I had to leave the group. I even called out their abusive tone, profanity and behaviour toward me out and it made the situation for me worse. The most abusive person I’ve had in my life was my sister and I had to go no contact with her 8 years ago. My dad died an early death due to the treatment he endured from my step mother and for 22 years I watched my alcoholic mother in-law insult and belittle my father-in-law. I recently broke up with my husband because he was becoming his mother and not willing to do anything about it. Abuse is not a gender issue and men are being scapegoated for all of it in society. For every violent man, somewhere behind them there is a violent woman involved and no one is paying attention here in Australia that the suicide rate is 75% men. That is beyond a crisis. As a woman I feel the need to speak out in defence of men. All the abuse and suffering I’ve experienced in my life at the hands of another has mostly been by women. I found this interview in search of evidence to back up exactly how I was feeling and what I was witnessing myself so thank you for this
The publishers(especial Christian ones) won't touch this kind of book with a ten foot pole. They're not going to publish this and experience the wrath of 'Christian' women who don't want to be exposed. On the subject that Dr. Edginton mentioned about the pastor who asked,"Why did you call her that name," perfect example of why Christian men cannot win with anyone in a counseling position. Far, far too many pastors want to keep the peace with the wives in their churches that they will throw the husband under the bus every time. An people wonder why men are suffering ?
I am a 65 year old man . I was married 25 years to a reviling wife . At one point she pointed a high powered rifle with me . She never submitted to me . Her father was wealthy and he held her inheritance over her head so she was afraid she’d lose her inheritance because of me . Her Father reviled me also . I had four children with her . She reviled each and every one of them also . I stayed in the marriage 25 years mostly for the sake of my children. Towards the end she withheld sex from me . Finally she filed for divorce and like you said she tried to destroy my life . If it weren’t for my grown children standing up to her I would have lost everything to her . She told me she didn’t love me the entire marriage. At the end she told me for twenty five years of our marriage she was pushing my buttons hoping that I would hit her so she would have a reason to divorce me as I was a very good man with a good reputation so she needed to disparage my reputation in order to get out of the marriage. I would never wish what I lived through on anyone. It was pure hell . It took several years but I eventually put my life back together but the toll this took on me was devastating. I fell away from God for a time but He has drawn me back and I’ve rededicated my life to Him a few years ago now . Last year almost to the day I remarried a beautiful Godly woman . We love each other . It’s amazing the difference between my present wife and the one that I was once married to . Everything you talked about is true . I went through the fire and it was a process of refining me and shaping me into the man God desired me to be . I praise the Lord for hardship . It may be difficult in the time but God is allowing it to happen for His divine purpose.
At first I was confused and I did my utmost to "do better ".....In the beginning the signs were there and I naively ignored it. The constant abuse is having an effect on my health and mentally I am not doing well. I keep it to myself mostly especially as I don't want my kids to start hating on her. For a number of years I had no will to live but now in a passive way I am working on myself. Thanks for the video.....good to know I am not alone. ( My father suffered from a narcissistic wif😢 so why did I fall into the same abusive trap?)
Thank you for sharing for this video. It’s a shame that some women think that it’s their godly right to revile their husbands. They hide their toxic narcissism behind the Bible. So tough mentally to live with such a wife!😢
A church I attended with my wife and no longer do would not hold my wife accountable. They were passive and told her to get on meds and then told me I need to "love my wife" according to Eph5. It felt so invalidating and I felt distraught and beside myself.
I wrote the book on my experimente and that of my children. The Sword that Divides. Guess what? My book became evidence within a custody battle. They don’t see it. Only you can save your kids through careful explanation over time.
mm *no words* "most of these men even after their wives divorce them... still love their wives" Its tearful to admit that, but I do - I always have. Its been two years since the separation. I still pray for her most nights.
Violence can be verbal as well as physical, and verbal is in no way better than physical violence. I was bullied in school and among friends and co-workers, not now but earlier in life. I feard women just as much as men, because I have bad experiences with both men and women in my life, I use to fear humans in general, its hard to trust people. Beeing controlled, ruled and manipulated is in my personal experience much worse than beeing beaten. I am a man myself, and I have been in a violent relationship It is in no way felt to experience domination techniques committed by ladies than by men. It also feels no less scary to be hit by a woman than by a man, the feeling of fear is just as great, even if the physical pain after being hit is less by a woman Violence is violence no matter which gender carries it out
I loved this podcast, definitely a needed discussion. But as a daughter of a woman who was being verbally and physically abused by my father for eight years while attending a church the whole time who was also not helped by any pastors just like the men you speak of I don’t think the problem is only one way of not receiving help from pastors I also know many woman who continue to suffer under churches leadership and are still being abused because they feel that they can’t do anything about it because there pastors are telling them it’s not that bad or wait till something really bad happens.
Hi Emily, thanks for your message and I'm sorry to hear of your story. No one has ever said it is a one-way-street. However, stories like yours are often used to prevent men from even talking about wives abusing husbands, which is widespread and prevalent. That will not be the case here.
I definitely believe that both happen and both should be being dealt with by the church to help anyone who is being abused, but sadly it is brushed under the rug in most churches. Thank you for this podcast I was definitely not trying to downplay the fact that men are also dealing with the same abuse as woman I was just pointing out that it’s a sin issue on both sides that isn’t being properly dealt with in most churches. Sorry for any confusion.
A man doesn't have to be physically attacking a woman to make her feel unsafe. Emotional, verbal and psychological abuse makes a woman feel unsafe. Repeated sexual betrayal will make a woman feel unsafe. A biblical belief that a woman can only leave a marriage if the man is physically abusing her is wrong.
You CAN'T be serious about needing to ask THOSE 3 questions of a prospective pastor! I grew up in an IFB church. They would have stood on a chair and CHEERED YES!!!!!! to those questions! EVERYTHING was the woman's fault! The question would be unable to say yes to truthfully would be, "Would you be capable of holding MEN accountable for sin?" They'd probably lie, but they don't really do it. They didn't even check into it. It's just OBVIOUSLY a woman's fault. If there doesn't seem to be one nearby, we'll find one. Guys, I rarely say something like this, but this rhetoric is dangerous without balancing it with the other side. I usually only use the word "triggered" sarcastically. But holy crap, i am so triggered.
I don’t think that’s true. Not to mention some women can be very emotionally distant, abusive, or withhold from their husbands and still expect him to keep his eyes pure. He should but temptation spikes after a lot of her mistreatment. Many men would be happy in the comfort of their wives’ hearts but many women push their husbands away out of fear or a hypergamous nature.
I bet you (a) it's not 99% and (b) the men struggling with porn are in no sex or low-sex marriages. That doesn't make porn okay (it's definitely a sin) but there are often two sides to the issue. And some wives think it's fine to deny sex for months/years and that if their husband turns to porn, it's the same as committing adultery (yay, I can get that divorce $$$ now!).
50+ plus years of no fault divorce and having woman being in charge of the family, and our society is a mess. A huge portion of our young female population have cluster b personalities and this is in part due to being raised by horrible single moms. I would tell any young man today considering marriage today, your chances of having your life being emotionally and financially destroyed is very high. Don't do it.
These needs to gain way more views. The way women abuse is very different than men. But as per modern societal rules, it is often applauded.
Thank you! I hope many men see this video. Agreed that women's abuse of men is often applauded, and expected.
So refreshing to hear someone speak honestly about this. As a young women it's so bring this up with my peers and family. "Feelings are not sovereign" is something I definitely need to hear, and the ability to differentiate between fact and feeling is so necessary for our times, it's a beautiful God-given strength men have. May God bless both of your work and spread your message to those who need it most!
Thank you so much! Women's emotions and feelings are wonderful things, but they must be ordered rightly. I believe women want to do this in a godly way, but aren't shown how or encouraged to. That it resonated with you is beautiful. If you feel called, please share this episode so it reaches more men and women who need to hear it? May God bless you too.
I’m watching this because I believe my husband has anger issues, but I want to make sure I work on me, to make sure I’m not simultaneously hurting him with my words and expectations.
You are a wise woman to seek self inspection.
If I may say that as a husband, men deal with deep hurt with hot anger. We get angry when we're deeply hurt rather than cry.
It could potentially be that if he is deeply angry, he could be a deep pain.
@thequietman5934 Then why is women's anger not perceived the same way?
Women also eventually get angry out of deep pain and not feeling heard. But they are referred to as reviling and contentious wives.
Men are allowed to be angry and stern as a natural part of their masculinity.
But a woman who becomes angry and embittered after years of trauma or an emotionally abusive or destructive relationship is stripped of her feminity, and condemned for her natural human reactions, and referred to as emasculated.
There's a gross double standard here!
After watching this I thought my marriage was being told on TH-cam. I was feeling I was so alone and until now I am relived I am not. I need to pray even harder for my wife now.
You’re never alone bro
Really hope David’s reach blows up. This is a much needed conversation that needs to be had in the church. It drives me crazy that the narrative is always that men are the abusers, but most don’t even think women are remotely capable of it. As Doug Wilson says, women are the sacred cow of our age… churches must be able to address their sins as well.
U really believe that women are sacred cows?
Men still have more power even churches there are more male leaders.
Both genders have abusers. Abuse k kws no color nor gender nor creed
My dil is abusive and she uses religion to control him. She stole my medicine and gave me tremors and we have to protect her feelings and pretend she isn’t a theif and liar. I’ve been married to her dad for 4 years and they are sooo alike. I feel so stupid. Walked into it.
Best interview I've heard in a very long time. Thank you both. This is SUCH an important topic. ❤
Thank you! I'm thrilled with the reception of this interview. He's getting ready to do more podcasts, as well. Let me know if you're interested.
This video is so important and relatable. I thought I was alone. Thank you Lord for this video.
You're absolutely not alone, brother. You can go to CompassionateCounselors.com (David's website) to find his number, and literally call him anytime.
A persistent pattern and practice of reviling a spouse is a form of infidelity and may be classifiable as a type of fornication - a major violation of a basic moral norm.
Thanks for the podcast. I have lived through this for 24 years, but it seriously intensified 3 years ago. She moved out to our garage apartment last year and mostly abandoned me with 5 kids. I had no choice but to enroll them in the public school. I don't have much choice left but to divorce her before she does permanent damage to the kids beyond what has been done. So, so sad, and it won't be long before she will regret it, but it will be too late. Nobody will believe her when she repents out of convenience. Thankfully, I attend a church where the leadership is aware and supportive. That helps a LOT.
This is a needed message today. I definitely see these tendencies in my own heart. Thanks for this interview gentlemen!
Thank you, Jamie! I just met with David yesterday. He's a good man doing good work. Please share so more men and women can know about it.
I agree with this message whole heartedly. I hope this message is spread and more are aware of this.
Hi! Just ran into your channel. Do you have a video on the (covert) abusive "wife?" I am desperately trying to wake up my son/s and will be sharing. Thank you in advance. 🙏
Say more about what you mean by "covert" abusive wife? Because I think this video and Dr. Edgington's perspective (and book) might be what you're looking for.
I wrote the book you speak of. A Biblical perspective on the abu$ive wife and mother. I wrote about the court battles and what happened to my sons. It’s called The Sword that Divides. It’s my story of parental alienation and how my relationship with my sons were restored.
Great interview. Just bought his book. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your hard work ,l have been and going through the madness.
The abuse and PA so so sad, two kids no contact for 3.5 year's even though I have tried everything!!!! So thank you so much 💓 💗
Mick from Ireland
I'm sorry you went through that ☘️
I was in a Facebook group managed by a UK psychologist who speaks out about professionals pathologising women when they’ve been enduring abuse throughout their relationship or their environment and I just had to leave the group after being “executed” by a bunch of reviling women for daring to defend men. Since being in the group I’ve tried to speak out in defence of men and try and make it clear that violence is not a gender issue and after what happened to me yesterday I had to leave the group. I even called out their abusive tone, profanity and behaviour toward me out and it made the situation for me worse. The most abusive person I’ve had in my life was my sister and I had to go no contact with her 8 years ago. My dad died an early death due to the treatment he endured from my step mother and for 22 years I watched my alcoholic mother in-law insult and belittle my father-in-law. I recently broke up with my husband because he was becoming his mother and not willing to do anything about it. Abuse is not a gender issue and men are being scapegoated for all of it in society. For every violent man, somewhere behind them there is a violent woman involved and no one is paying attention here in Australia that the suicide rate is 75% men. That is beyond a crisis. As a woman I feel the need to speak out in defence of men. All the abuse and suffering I’ve experienced in my life at the hands of another has mostly been by women. I found this interview in search of evidence to back up exactly how I was feeling and what I was witnessing myself so thank you for this
The publishers(especial Christian ones) won't touch this kind of book with a ten foot pole. They're not going to publish this and experience the wrath of 'Christian' women who don't want to be exposed. On the subject that Dr. Edginton mentioned about the pastor who asked,"Why did you call her that name," perfect example of why Christian men cannot win with anyone in a counseling position. Far, far too many pastors want to keep the peace with the wives in their churches that they will throw the husband under the bus every time. An people wonder why men are suffering ?
I am a 65 year old man . I was married 25 years to a reviling wife . At one point she pointed a high powered rifle with me . She never submitted to me . Her father was wealthy and he held her inheritance over her head so she was afraid she’d lose her inheritance because of me . Her Father reviled me also . I had four children with her . She reviled each and every one of them also . I stayed in the marriage 25 years mostly for the sake of my children. Towards the end she withheld sex from me . Finally she filed for divorce and like you said she tried to destroy my life . If it weren’t for my grown children standing up to her I would have lost everything to her . She told me she didn’t love me the entire marriage. At the end she told me for twenty five years of our marriage she was pushing my buttons hoping that I would hit her so she would have a reason to divorce me as I was a very good man with a good reputation so she needed to disparage my reputation in order to get out of the marriage. I would never wish what I lived through on anyone. It was pure hell . It took several years but I eventually put my life back together but the toll this took on me was devastating. I fell away from God for a time but He has drawn me back and I’ve rededicated my life to Him a few years ago now . Last year almost to the day I remarried a beautiful Godly woman . We love each other . It’s amazing the difference between my present wife and the one that I was once married to . Everything you talked about is true . I went through the fire and it was a process of refining me and shaping me into the man God desired me to be . I praise the Lord for hardship . It may be difficult in the time but God is allowing it to happen for His divine purpose.
My prayers go out to you, and I am so sorry you went through that.
First time listening Will. This dude walked into our new church last night and sent my husband the link. Small world! Miss our Apologia fam.
Gotta watch out for that David Edgington. Keep an eye on him. ;) JK he’s awesome. Hope you enjoy the show!
At first I was confused and I did my utmost to "do better ".....In the beginning the signs were there and I naively ignored it. The constant abuse is having an effect on my health and mentally I am not doing well. I keep it to myself mostly especially as I don't want my kids to start hating on her. For a number of years I had no will to live but now in a passive way I am working on myself. Thanks for the video.....good to know I am not alone. ( My father suffered from a narcissistic wif😢 so why did I fall into the same abusive trap?)
Thank you for sharing for this video. It’s a shame that some women think that it’s their godly right to revile their husbands. They hide their toxic narcissism behind the Bible. So tough mentally to live with such a wife!😢
A church I attended with my wife and no longer do would not hold my wife accountable. They were passive and told her to get on meds and then told me I need to "love my wife" according to Eph5. It felt so invalidating and I felt distraught and beside myself.
I wrote the book on my experimente and that of my children. The Sword that Divides. Guess what? My book became evidence within a custody battle. They don’t see it. Only you can save your kids through careful explanation over time.
mm *no words* "most of these men even after their wives divorce them... still love their wives"
Its tearful to admit that, but I do - I always have. Its been two years since the separation. I still pray for her most nights.
Get better life options
The reckoning is going to be men restoring the balance of power, by becoming physical.
How by becoming physical will help the situation? So wrong.
Violence can be verbal as well as physical, and verbal is in no way better than physical violence. I was bullied in school and among friends and co-workers, not now but earlier in life. I feard women just as much as men, because I have bad experiences with both men and women in my life, I use to fear humans in general, its hard to trust people. Beeing controlled, ruled and manipulated is in my personal experience much worse than beeing beaten. I am a man myself, and I have been in a violent relationship
It is in no way felt to experience domination techniques committed by ladies than by men. It also feels no less scary to be hit by a woman than by a man, the feeling of fear is just as great, even if the physical pain after being hit is less by a woman
Violence is violence no matter which gender carries it out
amazing connection Gen 3 with Gen 4
A man can only take so much!!!
I don’t agree that men should stay and suffer in a horrible marriage.
Thank you
1:14:57 3 Excellent questions to your pastor(s) and elders!
35:04 - I've lived it for years.
It’s like you read the history of my marriage from a book
I loved this podcast, definitely a needed discussion. But as a daughter of a woman who was being verbally and physically abused by my father for eight years while attending a church the whole time who was also not helped by any pastors just like the men you speak of I don’t think the problem is only one way of not receiving help from pastors I also know many woman who continue to suffer under churches leadership and are still being abused because they feel that they can’t do anything about it because there pastors are telling them it’s not that bad or wait till something really bad happens.
Hi Emily, thanks for your message and I'm sorry to hear of your story. No one has ever said it is a one-way-street. However, stories like yours are often used to prevent men from even talking about wives abusing husbands, which is widespread and prevalent. That will not be the case here.
I definitely believe that both happen and both should be being dealt with by the church to help anyone who is being abused, but sadly it is brushed under the rug in most churches. Thank you for this podcast I was definitely not trying to downplay the fact that men are also dealing with the same abuse as woman I was just pointing out that it’s a sin issue on both sides that isn’t being properly dealt with in most churches. Sorry for any confusion.
Is the book available on Audible? Thanks for writing this. Praise God.
Interview starts at 4:54
You're describing my marriage to a T. There is no way my wife would hear this in any kind of constructive way.
It's better to live in the desert or on the roof than with a contentious woman!!! Biblical!
A man doesn't have to be physically attacking a woman to make her feel unsafe. Emotional, verbal and psychological abuse makes a woman feel unsafe. Repeated sexual betrayal will make a woman feel unsafe. A biblical belief that a woman can only leave a marriage if the man is physically abusing her is wrong.
Yes to everything you said, and it also applies to women abusing men. Which is the subject of this podcast.
You CAN'T be serious about needing to ask THOSE 3 questions of a prospective pastor! I grew up in an IFB church. They would have stood on a chair and CHEERED YES!!!!!! to those questions! EVERYTHING was the woman's fault! The question would be unable to say yes to truthfully would be, "Would you be capable of holding MEN accountable for sin?" They'd probably lie, but they don't really do it. They didn't even check into it. It's just OBVIOUSLY a woman's fault. If there doesn't seem to be one nearby, we'll find one. Guys, I rarely say something like this, but this rhetoric is dangerous without balancing it with the other side. I usually only use the word "triggered" sarcastically. But holy crap, i am so triggered.
I bet you 99% of these reviled men are addicted to porn which is a viscous cycle of despair and shame.
I don’t think that’s true. Not to mention some women can be very emotionally distant, abusive, or withhold from their husbands and still expect him to keep his eyes pure. He should but temptation spikes after a lot of her mistreatment. Many men would be happy in the comfort of their wives’ hearts but many women push their husbands away out of fear or a hypergamous nature.
Actually, the opposite is true - as David says - the Reviling wife drives Sanctification in man - hence, the desire for sin goes away...
What are you basing that on?
I bet you (a) it's not 99% and (b) the men struggling with porn are in no sex or low-sex marriages. That doesn't make porn okay (it's definitely a sin) but there are often two sides to the issue. And some wives think it's fine to deny sex for months/years and that if their husband turns to porn, it's the same as committing adultery (yay, I can get that divorce $$$ now!).
50+ plus years of no fault divorce and having woman being in charge of the family, and our society is a mess. A huge portion of our young female population have cluster b personalities and this is in part due to being raised by horrible single moms. I would tell any young man today considering marriage today, your chances of having your life being emotionally and financially destroyed is very high. Don't do it.
100% DO NOT get married to a woman! It's much too risky now. You risk your assets, home, stability, job, sanity, and even your life.