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Never met him. He left. Never came back. I never felt like there was a missing. I simply didn't know. As an adult it never much bothered me. A child shouldn't chase their dad down to care for them. But now that I'm grown I see how F up that really was. He was a burden to me even away.
It was like that for me too!! But in my case I met him, mom would always motivate me to go to his house to see him. But I told her that I didn't want. That I wanted no longer to see him But it's like I have never "evidently" missed him
Same, he wasn’t present for me ever. Never had a male figure in my life. I’ve only seen and experienced females taking the lead role in my life and which is why I don’t really see the need to depend on men.
Father wound work is an essential piece of the healing that is done in modern men’s circles. It may be the moat powerful healing work I have ever done. The men’s work organization I work with has 50 groups. The first thing we have each man do when he joins, is tell us his father story.
That process of telling the father story sounds like an excellent initiation in the group space - appreciate the work that you’ve been doing across the pond in anchoring the brotherhood and re-fathering process with the men you support. Cheers, Ben!🌲
Man! How important is your expression of gratitude and recognition expressed though the moms mouth: yes Dad ist not here. He works. He pays for the food that we eat here. Lets give him our thank you. Ut heals in me a great DEAL.
Too close and too cold for sure. This is an interesting question. It helped me realize that he wanted me to be too close and warm, while he didn't feel the need to reciprocate the warmness. If my "warmness" began to verge on honesty about my deeper feelings that indicated I wasn't getting my emotion needs or desires met, he shut it down immediately, convinced me that this is not what I was truly feeling, and navigated me back into a fake warmness. For this kind of childhood, it was vital for me to force distance between my father and I so I could develope the freedom to feel my true feelings and learn how to validate them for myself.
The point is, if you dont have something to give, how can you give. Only if you fake it. Children always know what is true, because they are innocent. Most parents dont meet children needs. Some adult are child theirselves in needs. How can they raise and fulfill it.
Interesting way of putting it, have felt very similarly and this is the closest I've seen to my experience. It feels like an artificial warmth and attempt at closeness without the respect and trust required for authentic warmth, and I have also found that when I express authentic negative emotions they are rejected and simply denied to have any legitimacy. And I have also found forcing distance to be my natural instinct though I am in the midst of this process. Its nice to see someone put words to this strange and difficult experience, hope your are well in life now.
20 minutes to explain and give a structure to something that I and many others have struggled with maybe our whole lives. I've been stuck in that quagmire of insane amounts of information surrounding diagnosing this complex and healing it, but it takes a great skill and awareness to synthesize information like that into a necessarily simple structure like this. Thanks for all of the effort you put in. I believe I can finally end this goose chase now. Be well.
Welcome, and thank you for these thoughtful reflections. I'm glad that you're pulling yourself out the quagmire of information to find the next practical steps that you need for that more authentic path forwards. Stay steady this month, and enjoy the new reading you'll be stacking your shelves with.
Hi Jordan, thank u, I loved my dad and lived with him (without my mom) until he died, I was still little girl. Nobody speaks about this type of caused “father issues “ … I was looking for him in every single man I met which is sick.
Thank you for this wise sharing Jordan! I also want to add, that many times mothers may not bad mouth absent fathers, on the contrary my mother spoke well of my father, however the feeling she had towards him is the one of neglect and abandonment, and so her words and emotions were not aligned! This is something that kept me locked into not seeing or feeling the neglect and abandonment !
Very good. I had heard of the mother wound but not the father wound so far. It is definitely a challenge to step back and reevaluate the moral and ethical integrity of your father as in an ideal world he should have been the one "educating" you. Some people aim to please their father all their life. Also in an ideal world, parents don't want their children to please them, they support their children to become who they are.
*Want your question answered in the next episode? Here are the Inner Work themes and concerns which I am currently prioritising:* - Trauma Healing & Trauma Release - Parts Work & Subpersonalities - Jungian Psychology & Archetypes - Transpersonal Psychology / Healing - Self Education & Research Suggestions - Masculine / Feminine Dynamics - Addiction, Recovery & Sobriety In the spirit of doing this work together, and extending our genuine concern for others, I invite you to consider phrasing your question to serve on behalf of both yourself and the silent stranger across the ocean who is seeking the exact same answers as you, but might not be willing to get directly involved. We experience our internal worlds independently, but we are remarkably interwoven at our essence. I find this zoom-out awareness connective and comforting, so I naturally welcome your individual perspective while also looking forward to watching this series unfold at the particular intersection between personal circumstances and broader collective challenges. In terms of question boundaries and guidelines, these videos are not an opportunity for long personal essays or indiscriminate trauma dumping. Self-reflective writing is suitable for private journaling, but clearly inappropriate for a public video series. I hope this is obvious, but perhaps worth stating nonetheless. *Question Length: I kindly request that you limit your question to a maximum of two concise sentences.* Important: Comment replies do not show up in my notification box. Please post your question as a new comment on this video, otherwise I will not see your message.
Another great video Thankyou so much Jordan. I'm reading through a number of your book recommendations now and words can't explain how beneficial I'm finding them I deeply appreciate the day I found your channel Wishing you all the best, James
Very informative. My father passed when I was 8 and my mother become my father figure as well, I noticed I tend to go to men who have her same characteristic traits.
I've had your video of top 5 or 7 books pop up for some months now. I decided to watch it about a week ago (🎶) and it was so what I needed to know to start my healing. It is frightening though because I probably need to do this by myself and not with cognitive behaviour therapy. It scares me and during bad days I just want to listen to a calm deep voice and that the person speaks about how to heal and you are legit the voice and topic in one, this was before I actually clicked play to the video I mentioned previous. Thank you for just existing❤
Your videos are extremely informative, thank you 😊 From a psych2go video I understood that I have 3, and not one, dad-daughter toxic relationship types. The pampering father, the toxic father (my mom is really toxic too, even more than him, and she constantly fights with my dad) and the anguished father, most prominent. So it's complex. I actually told my mom that I do TRE, Trauma realease excersice, and she replied, what trauma? Apperantly she doesn't know me at all, because I've had a tough childhood (even if happy), I was angry because I was hurt, and I could be really sad. In highschool and middleschool I was really lonely and deppresed, and suffered from insomnia. So badly, that one day I almost fell asleep in class and awoke myself immediately. I've also had some honestly life altering occurences, which were the bottom of the chasm of negativity. For example, I've tried to disconnect from a friend, which wasn't really my friend, and I've written for her smth for closure, and she harrased me with 30-40 messages and phone calls, even though I blocked her from my phone, and demanded money for her trip - even for a PJ that I wore and she "doesn't want to wear now because she feels bad from me" or smth - and my mother says I'm not traumatic... sorry for being out of context, just wanted to share. I'll start healing my father wound through this video and the books you recommended, and through numeral other long and/or informative videos about the father wound.
Great Video Jordan. I wont go into my Absent father issues as they are vast and complex... One thing im slowly learning from this channel is we are truly a product of our upbringing and that forms the person we become good or bad. Each and everyone of us is a unique story and its fascinating the path we all walk, why some people thrive in life no matter life circumstances and others struggle day to day just living. Thanks for these videos Jordan to truly heal if thats the path we want to take it will become a life times work.
Thank you for being here for this work, and you'll certainly keep finding more as you go deeper. Make sure to be picking up the books too, if you haven't already.
My father is a very hard-working man, I will always be grateful for everything he gave us; my grandfather, I mean, his father was a bit aggressive, he grew up abusive, he has a rude way of talking, sometimes he's just talking normally but it seems like he's scolding you but it's just his way of talking, I have a hatred for He, when I was a girl, liked to make me angry on purpose, he was amused, I feel like he's kind of stupid, despite being grateful to him, there's something that doesn't let me get into him, I don't even like to talk to him, hardly He talks and it already makes me angry, it's as if his presence bothers me
Appreciate you sharing some of your story, and wishing you all my best in the next steps on your healing journey - these are important issues and it seems like you’re progressively gaining awareness🌲
Many thanks Jordan. I often split/ dissociate watching your videos, this time it's scathingly vivid. How incremental is recovery, things i heard about, worked through, made peace with so much. Only to be reminded how fragile peace is. More to work through
Thank you🙏This is very confronting video and I sent it to my ex and father of my child saying I dont want my child to have daddy issues so watch this video now! I always wondered if I have daddy issues as my dad is really important for me but I had healthy strong father who has loved me very much and that is a big blessing. Best memories i have with him are about us skiing together in Finland in wilderness since I was very little, even knowing he already carried me on his back on his ski trips as a baby. My only problem has been that he has very strong frame and has been very strict as well brutally honest about what he thinks. But he surely taught me to be strong. So I have looked more towards free spirited men in my own relationships but so often I have found these men are wounded and they have daddy issues. And I didnt realise how bad it can be if a man is wounded having daddy issues and I was naive about it until my ex cheated me very badly. That moment I could actually understand his family background and the pain he always felt about it but I got drag into that cheating family dynamics and he hurt me with it very badly like poison. I lost sense of secure feeling for a while and this happened just before Covid started so the darkness just got more dense with the world closing. Eventually I have found my strenght back. Its been a journey to recover from all the lies and hurt and the fact that he abandoned me with all bills alone with a small child just before christmas. I have end up to be the secure person in my relationships and I am still that maybe because I did had the base to go back to. So I could have let him cut all contact as his family does but I have not let him do it. I have constantly let him be dad still and encouraged him about it. For me family is a big value and I focus on good. My child sometimes complains he argues with him but I keep encouraging them to talk and solve any issues they might have. He moved to different city when we separated and last autumn I moved also to the same city to make our life easier. It was hard choice for me as I knew nobody in this city and he is still with the new woman but this move has been very positive for everyone. I live on other side of city so we dont see other than exchanging our child. I am doing my best to be the healthy parent for my son and making good choices now when I am more aware. Keep up good work!📚
Very interesting ! I’ve tried to avoid men who resemble my father’s archetype, and married someone who is the opposite in every sense possible. I divorced of course and fell madly and irrationally in love with someone who is identical to my father and I thought I had found heaven on earth until he triggered the father complex and made me look into it and feel the deep pain and wounding that was inflicted during childhood. Luckily the relationship did not last long because I took a conscious secession to exit the father’s nightmarish universe after realizing the lessons and the pain. I’m liberated from codependency after the divorce and after the fucked up romantic relationship I had with a man who reminded me of a father I was always running away from.. Thanks Jordan for this video 🙏🏽🌈
Your channel has helped me so much , I’m so grateful Jordan thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, it’s shed so much light on what I need to do to start healing myself .
Great Vid, Jordan! I was actually thinking about this the other day. My father was murdered when I was two(he was 23) so I had no choice in the matter. However, other does make me wonder how much of this was spun by fate into putting the pressure on me to become the man I'm supposed to be anyway and Blaze my own trail. Something to think about
It’s one of those ‘make or break’ situations, hey? I’m glad that you found your strength and continue to walk the path - alternatives cannot be known but it sounds like you’ve got a healthy and healed outlook.
I also thought you would not leave such an important issue uncovered. The descriptive qualities you spoke of are really important, mine were too far, too hot. I got into healing from this long ago when I first read about narcissism, but it really clicked a while ago after reading „adult children of emotionally immature parents“ and all its other parts, it has been really helpful for me to learn to care for myself and listen to my own voice and identify it among all the other unhelpful voices. Another recommendation of yours in another video was „homecoming“ which I found also really helpful, however not easy. It’s not that easy for me reading scientific literature in a foreign language so I did not read for Jung so far, however I really wanted to since long. I cannot know now the direct link between Jung and father complex, but hopefully when I read it, i will be able to understand more. Again thank you 🙏🏻
Layla, it's my absolute pleasure to have had this impact - only seeing your comment just now. Thank you for taking the time to share, and I'm wishing you well for your next steps.
That was a pleasant surprise! I was holding Jung’s Map of the Soul, by Murray Stein in my hand while you held it up, by pure coincidence. How crazy is that?
The brutal an theatrical Jung's discourse is probably the best wake up call... In my case, that's a good antidote for apathy. Thank you for your work and this video.
My Dad is so passive. As a child I don't remember feeling safety or warmth coming from him. He was always working to provide for us. He left parenting to my mum, who was the complete opposite. She was controlling and had no boundaries with me. I have no idea what all this means. I told my dad the other day that I was sexually assaulted as a 17 year old by a 45 year old male who groomed me. He had no reaction, I've never felt protected by him. He's an emotional cripple (his own exact words, not mine) I've no idea how to heal from this. 😢
I relate to you. I told my dad something that upset me and he made a joke. He said "I wish somebody would grope me on the bus". My throat swelled up so tight I couldn't breath. His apathy upset me more. Xxxx
@SusanaXpeace2u that's just not on at all. It's the complete lack of understanding about our feelings 💔 I'm so sorry that happened to you. Its sexual assault! It's happened to so many people its just insane to me how others can disrespect personal boundaries. Sending you a hug 🫂
My father has many narcissistic traits. I’ve tried guessing what type of childhood my father had for him to be so devoid of humanity. I don’t remember a time where I genuinely liked him as a person because he is simply a dreadful, awful person. He has landed himself in jail multiple times for physical assault against his girlfriends and my mother. I’ve never met someone so malicious, spiteful, and hateful. I don’t remember 95% of what that man said because it was usually paranoid nonsense, making some type of violent, aggressive threat towards someone or saying to me “…And that’s why you’re going to be just like your mother” starting as early as 5 years old. Just a year ago he told my sister he hates women and told her “no offense”. I haven’t spoken to him in 4 years so thought “I should be over it” but I recognize the rage and pain that built up over the years and I want to work through it. Your videos seem to make a worlds difference in my healing journey. It’s given me so much perspective. Keep up the great work!
Hi Jordan, Just at beginning would you suggest that in say, D Violence situations the man - father imago has constellated the father complex in the woman?
my father was an emotionally disregulated, esquizoid, depressed and probably autistic type of hard working man. Mum excused him and treated him like a king. She had complete power over him. He only ever connected to her. He was detached and emotionally unavailable while extremely sensitive and ramdomly raged in massive meltdowns. Terrorific while fascinating in an unhealthy, obsessive way for me. I'm 46 and I still can't manage to soothe the inner girl inside of me. She just didn't exist for him while he was everything for her. Never a hug, never picked up, never protected by him. I went from loving to hating himover and over...I as an adult got to forgive him but that girl inside is broken. I don't even know what to look for in a healthy man. It's so alien to me. I'm learning it in the books and the internet and terrorises me. I know my healing will require a relationship with a healthy, loving and empowered man. Ah! As I posted this comment the book King Warrior Magician Lover arrived in the post! The timing 🙏🏼
Hello. I watched your recent sobriety video and thought a main point was perfect (sobriety => clarity used to face oneself), I now stumbled upon this video & looked at your channel, and I think there is a lot I can learn from you. Will you make a video on the mother wound? Thank you for creating and sharing.
random feedback: It could be cool/helpful to show the quote you read in the beginning on the screen. I could use closed captions, but some other channels I watch which reference literature do this and it's wonderful. love you btw
@@jordanthornton don’t worry it was fleeting. I’m working through the Father Complex at a deeper layer. I prefer working intuitively with myth but I was just so aware of my Animus projection and was more so trying to be funny in my trickster 😏
thanks for this illuminating video. you got me thinking that watching some shows with healthy fathers in them could help construct a better image of the father archetype internally. anyone got suggestions?
Hi Jordan, I’ve been considering your comment regarding constellating a new positive masculine archetype. I was wondering what you think of the book Males and Females by Margaret Meade - it’s an anthropology book (quite old) - could this be a good way to constellate a healthy image for an ideal father? My aim is 1. Psycho-educate 2. Read anthropology
I haven't read that book in particular, but anthropology is an area of study that I likewise look into when studying patterns of maleness and femaless. I've got some books on cultural sociology as well which certainly compliment the more 'mythic and symbolic' approach of people like Carl Jung. If you're aiming for psychoeducation, you won't go wrong with anthroplogy or evolutionary biology! Good luck, Hugo. Feel free to keep me updated on quality books you find - always searching.
I forgive him. I understand why he is like he is, and I also see the wounded child in him who is struggling with the world and its place. But the work isn't done. I'm still afraid of my father. His presence is still weighting on me.
My father was an asshole. My very first memory of him was a brutal beating when I was 5-years-old. He’s been dead to me for over 30 years. Can’t believe the bastard is still alive. Only the good die young.
Thank you for making this video. I am currently working through your inner work essentials and it has helped me tremendously. The qualities of proximity, intensity, and emotional texture are impossible to identify for my father. My father suffers from bipolar disorder type 1, with psychoses and all. There were moments he was very distant and absent, and he would took zero interest in me, and there were moments that he was very close and overly invested, and very intense. On both ends of the spectrum he was emotionally abusive and manipulative, so at least there was some consistency in that. All this makes it almost impossible for me to get a clear picture of who my father was and is and understanding him and our past relationship has been a major struggle in my healing process. I wanted to share this and I wonder whether anyone has any insights on where to go from here and how I could approach understanding my father better.
Sounds like a confusing and distressing situation - it may be required for you to paint out at least two 'versions' of his character and then work with both. Sometimes this happens, but it can be worked with.
with deep gratitude for the work you are doing, and how you are helping my life (and many others i am sure) at this time...seriously, you are a God send Jordan! ✌🙏💚 p.s. im still curious how you colour code what you read ?
@@jordanthornton Thanks Jordan - i just went over there and watched that video - well i'll be !! Those highlighted colours are nothing, but just distractions to keep you interested & motivated...haha... so simple, and i get it now! Sooo clever! 🤪
Jordan, I remember watching a video of yours discussing astrology or a topic which overlapped with it. You discussed your personal history with the subject and keeping a healthy relationship to it. Could you or someone else possibly point me back to that episode? I briefly scoured your video feed but cannot remember which one it was.
@@neoreign Appreciate your honesty - I do recommend staying all the way through where I do give some practical suggestions to make things better. But understand nonetheless and wishing you well.
My dad's mum died when he was 7 and I think he went out into adulthood with "tell me what to do" energy. It comforts him I think. My mum encouraged him in some ways but she is controlling and his "strength" comes from backing up a tyrant. He hasn't found his own strength. As his daughter, it frustrates me to know that I'm stronger on my own than he is as her foot soldier. But they are happy together, it's me that finds their dynamic dysfunctional, not them.
My father is so weak. He always berates me for hurting mum when i stand up for myself. My brother is so enmeshed with my controlling mother. None of them realise it, but im the 'man' of the family now, so to speak. I was the scapegoat but i have come to terms with it now.
Hi Jordan. Firstly thanks for your content here. I wanted to ask if I as a woman had an absent father who my mum slagged off constantly. Who was also involved in my two older sisters lives but never mine. Mum alcoholic, the step dad alcoholic. How do I go about healing both the mother and father wounds? I struggle greatly with low self worth. Always feel like someone is going to come along better than I and rake my man. Women are a threat. And both are not to be trusted. This is my absolute gut truth. Jealousy and angst are always there. So relationships end. I'm tired of it all. I want to give and receive love. The father of my two boys is amazing. A fantastic. Dad and even though we are not together we live ad a family so the boys are secure. I don't want to continue like this. I am in recovery AA 23 years sober. I have just started reparenting my inner family and I have just started jungian analysis. Can you recommend anything other. Thank you. ☆
I appreciate your comment, although I'm not sure if I can give you a satisfactory answer to your situation in a youtube comment! I've recommended hundreds of books on this channel and they are really some of your best bets for finding multi-perspecitve answers to your particular situation - feel free to click around and find some guidance there. Hope this helps.
@@jordanthornton thanks Jordon. I appreciate the time you have taken to respond and also your reply. I am determined to do the work to be free. I will take on your suggestions. Best regards Victoria
May be another topic but Wld u say that eg a largely 'absent ' father (or mother too) cld also be 1 of d reasons for being attracted to the same sex as an adult? Had read a couple of books in which this was explained.. My instincts said this was very much true n I did try to give those books to a male friend of mine goin thru ssa but he didn't take it too well! Maybe i ought to stick with figuring out my own father issues😜 not trying to another's 😏 but wld love to have yr views n thoughts on this..thanks
Thank you. I am perpetually perplexed by th question How did i become homo/bi. 3 explanations occurred to me: 1. Strong feminine identification 2. Repulsion from women due to how violent were my ma & sis 3. Eroticized father, to whom i fled for protection. (He was violent also but with words, never w/his hands. I give my Pop credit, he humbled himself, apologized, we became friends in later years. In the end, his violent nature asserted itself when he took his own life by overdose at 85) An assault when i was 1 left me partially castrated, undiagnosed til i was 20 & repaired surgically. Although i am normal re having erections, my ability to climax is severely impaired. This deeply saddens my lovers, as they conclude they do not please me. I resigned from dating, am unable to pairbond, either gender. Psychologists call fear of being touched "tactile defensive". Paradoxically i was drawn to professions of touch: gymnastics teacher, dancer, childcare, bodyworker. I adore the female body, including the blood. I'd like to ask patriarchy: What the heck is your problem w/a little blood. I'm grateful for the women in my life, whose message to me has been "umm carlo we're not like your ma & sis". While i am erotically drawn to men, and men are talented at simulating the oppositeness, in some way the oppositeness with women feels authentic.
My father was distant but when he was around he was intensely emotionally abusive towards me. How the hell do i start to heal from that? I have felt broken my whole life. He was also emotionally and physically abusive to my mother, definitely a narc, possibly a sociopath. He is still alive and still tries to create drama even though we are not formally in touch
Consider picking up the recommended book from around 5:20 - it's a deep dive, and the principles are very much what I focus on here. Wishing you well and hope you enjoy the other videos too!
I never connected my lack of and struggle with male friendships to my father. I was (am) mostly only interested in female company for the potential romantic relationship (that I have because of my mother issues lol). It does make sense. Thanks for bringing that up.
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*1-1 Mentorship Information: Price & Structure (Maximum Capacity = 20 Clients Per Year)*
It's an absolute pleasure to film these TH-cam videos, and I feel fortunate to receive an abundance of meaningful messages every week, but I am unfortunately faced with the disappointing reality of turning away the vast majority of people who want to work together.
I have significantly limited availability and can only support twenty people per year because I do not offer one-off calls or drop-in consulting sessions.
Twenty individuals might not sound like maximum capacity, but the last few years of teaching have taught me the importance of maintaining tight energetic boundaries if I want to keep uploading these free videos in addition to serving my current clients to the best of my ability in 2024.
To minimise confusion and enhance transparency, I've spent several hours writing this ridiculously long comment to help you decide if my Inner Work Mentorship is the right choice for your development & what you could reasonably expect from working closely together.
Please take the time to read this service description before contacting me on Instagram… or feel free to stop reading right now if you’re not interested in my fees, session structure, client expectations, etc.
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*READ BEFORE SCROLLING FURTHER:*
I'm interested in long-term change and structural transformation, which is why I've never offered one-off sessions.
Complex issues cannot be resolved in a few hours, but we likewise need to define an upper limit for containment and collaboration.
I've learned that deep and enduring self-integration requires at least four months of immersive effort. Why four months? It's enough weekly contact for us to work through multiple complex issues and developmental possibilities, but short enough to mitigate against unconscious co-dependency and motivational stagnation.
I'm currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month - message me after reading the following section to check my availability.
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*HOW I WORK & WHO I WORK WITH*
Unlike other coaches and teachers who take an understandably more relaxed approach to healing and integration, my mentorships are characteristically intense.
This is a highly-demanding, high-investment process which requires our consistent combined effort over a period of four months.
If we were to start working together, I would reasonably expect you to be excited to show up for a minimum of 10+ hours of self-motivated transformative practice per week (daily reading, fitness routine, creative exercises, spiritual reflection, etc.) while also maintaining full-sobriety (no drink, no drugs, no cigarettes, no vapes).
These strict standards of discipline and sobriety are plainly unsuitable for most people in most situations - even genuinely motivated individuals who resonate with my TH-cam videos may not be the right match for four months of structured mentorship.
If you want to get deeper, I've noticed that there's a certain type of ‘temperament' & 'timing’ to get the most out of me.
I'm interested in alert, creative and purpose-driven individuals who aspire to exceptional standards of self-maturation and would enjoy the feeling of going through week-on-week of progressively stacked transformative experiences for a third of a year: my ideal client is somebody who is willing to bring forward their internal complexity with a sense of courage and transparency with the intention of nothing less than full-spectrum transformation & rapid acceleration on their personal path.
I am yet to discover another supportive figure who offers something comparable to this mentorship: a four-month, structured yet flexible 1-1 container which is simultaneously therapeutic, academic and action-oriented; with primary focus placed on tangible improvements in your felt sense of self-knowledge and self-integration; in addition to making consistent and meaningful progress towards your unique goals and mentorship aspirations.
I prioritise contact, compassion and accountability, which means that your work never really 'ends' at the end of your session. You can reasonably expect to be fed dozens of customised reading suggestions and follow-on perspectives outside of the formal sessions via friendly and informal messenger contact, where I am active and available four days per week to cultivate an intimate personal connection while likewise enhancing your positive momentum via accountability check-ins and additional support as required.
By way of conclusion for what feels like an extraordinarily long comment and service description, I feel compelled to once more emphasise that working directly with me is unrealistic for most people in most situations.
I often support people who are accustomed to wrestling with the emotional challenges associated with working through complex wounds in previous therapeutic relationships before we begin our coaching work together. Even individuals without 'hard trauma' can expect moments of pressurised darkness and heaviness during periods of shadow contact as you begin to restructure your personal unconscious. We will be exploring your psyche and soma at scale and depth, and it will be your responsibility to keep me informed about the emotional texture of your internal reality, especially if you encounter negatively charged experiences, and I will of course do everything in my power to support you through the hard times as we integrate the darkness and move forwards together.
TH-cam is a wonderful place for me to share free research resources and offer accessible inner work invitations; my private mentorships, however, are the place for collaborative partnership and emotional security as we identify, navigate and restructure oftentimes confronting and challenging conscious and unconscious physical, emotional and mental material.
Ultimately, this is a highly-demanding but highly-rewarding process which requires the best of our shared intentions.
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*SESSION STRUCTURE & FEES:*
The total fee for an Inner Work Mentorship (including 12 x 2 hr sessions) is £7,400 GBP or approximately $9,400 USD. This is my only coaching programme, and my mentorship pricing is liable to adjustment over time.
Each private session lasts two hours, and is facilitated via Telegram video call at an ideal time for both of us. Your mentorship extends over a linear four-month period, with a total of twenty-four hours of structured session time, in addition to four days per week of unlimited messenger availability for accountability updates, voice note exchanges and informal calls upon occasion. I do not work on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays, but I am fully-available across all timezones for regular calls and messenger contact on Thursday - Sunday.
If you’ve scrolled this far, and resonate with what I’m offering, I invite you to message me on Instagram. It would be my pleasure to start exploring your goals and intentions in real-time.
IMPORTANT: I am an intentionally independent coach, and not a licensed therapist or associated with any professional bodies or coaching institutions, and therefore enjoy the freedom to collaborate with my clients across all areas of life in an intimate, direct and highly involved coaching style. I work with no more than twenty people per year, and am currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month. I also manage my own inbox and do not use automated systems or employ people to pretend to be me on Instagram, which means that it usually takes four to six weeks for me to respond to new messages and begin the interview process. Although my approach takes time, I hope you ultimately appreciate my personal emphasis on authentic and confidential communication from the very beginning of our relationship. I once again encourage you to message me immediately if you want to start working together within the next two months - bump yourself to the top of my inbox, and I’ll send you some voice notes to get our conversation started.
You have the most soothing voice ever. This made a lot of sense.
Cheers, will keep speaking and teaching for as long as I can.
Never met him. He left. Never came back. I never felt like there was a missing. I simply didn't know. As an adult it never much bothered me. A child shouldn't chase their dad down to care for them. But now that I'm grown I see how F up that really was. He was a burden to me even away.
It was like that for me too!! But in my case I met him, mom would always motivate me to go to his house to see him. But I told her that I didn't want. That I wanted no longer to see him
But it's like I have never "evidently" missed him
Sorry to hear this, I hope the video provided a perspective that was useful for you.
I feel for you, i am there myself
Same, he wasn’t present for me ever. Never had a male figure in my life. I’ve only seen and experienced females taking the lead role in my life and which is why I don’t really see the need to depend on men.
Father wound work is an essential piece of the healing that is done in modern men’s circles. It may be the moat powerful healing work I have ever done.
The men’s work organization I work with has 50 groups. The first thing we have each man do when he joins, is tell us his father story.
That process of telling the father story sounds like an excellent initiation in the group space - appreciate the work that you’ve been doing across the pond in anchoring the brotherhood and re-fathering process with the men you support.
Cheers, Ben!🌲
Does this organization have groups in Long Beach, CA?
@@MrStrocube no but we will start a group in LA this year. The community is called The Arka Brotherhood.
@@EvolvingMan Thanks so much.
I’ll look up the Arka Brotherhood.
This is so much needed. I wish something like this exist in Asia too!
Man! How important is your expression of gratitude and recognition expressed though the moms mouth: yes Dad ist not here. He works. He pays for the food that we eat here. Lets give him our thank you. Ut heals in me a great DEAL.
Love this!
Too close and too cold for sure. This is an interesting question. It helped me realize that he wanted me to be too close and warm, while he didn't feel the need to reciprocate the warmness. If my "warmness" began to verge on honesty about my deeper feelings that indicated I wasn't getting my emotion needs or desires met, he shut it down immediately, convinced me that this is not what I was truly feeling, and navigated me back into a fake warmness. For this kind of childhood, it was vital for me to force distance between my father and I so I could develope the freedom to feel my true feelings and learn how to validate them for myself.
Thank you for taking the time to share. I'm glad that the video prompted these reflections, Clara.
The point is, if you dont have something to give, how can you give. Only if you fake it. Children always know what is true, because they are innocent. Most parents dont meet children needs. Some adult are child theirselves in needs.
How can they raise and fulfill it.
Well said
@@BrancaaliceTruth
Interesting way of putting it, have felt very similarly and this is the closest I've seen to my experience. It feels like an artificial warmth and attempt at closeness without the respect and trust required for authentic warmth, and I have also found that when I express authentic negative emotions they are rejected and simply denied to have any legitimacy. And I have also found forcing distance to be my natural instinct though I am in the midst of this process. Its nice to see someone put words to this strange and difficult experience, hope your are well in life now.
20 minutes to explain and give a structure to something that I and many others have struggled with maybe our whole lives. I've been stuck in that quagmire of insane amounts of information surrounding diagnosing this complex and healing it, but it takes a great skill and awareness to synthesize information like that into a necessarily simple structure like this. Thanks for all of the effort you put in. I believe I can finally end this goose chase now. Be well.
Welcome, and thank you for these thoughtful reflections. I'm glad that you're pulling yourself out the quagmire of information to find the next practical steps that you need for that more authentic path forwards. Stay steady this month, and enjoy the new reading you'll be stacking your shelves with.
Hi Jordan, thank u, I loved my dad and lived with him (without my mom) until he died, I was still little girl. Nobody speaks about this type of caused “father issues “ … I was looking for him in every single man I met which is sick.
I hope that this video opened some insights, and likewise hope that the other videos on this channel support your next steps - wishing you well 🌲
i just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. We need intellectuals like you for this generation, healing begins with wisdom. God bless.
Truly my pleasure. Keep stacking those new books on your shelves 🌲
Thank you for this wise sharing Jordan! I also want to add, that many times mothers may not bad mouth absent fathers, on the contrary my mother spoke well of my father, however the feeling she had towards him is the one of neglect and abandonment, and so her words and emotions were not aligned! This is something that kept me locked into not seeing or feeling the neglect and abandonment !
Yes, many possible dynamics for different couples! Thank you for sharing some of your story and hope this video was valuable for you!
Very good. I had heard of the mother wound but not the father wound so far. It is definitely a challenge to step back and reevaluate the moral and ethical integrity of your father as in an ideal world he should have been the one "educating" you. Some people aim to please their father all their life. Also in an ideal world, parents don't want their children to please them, they support their children to become who they are.
Well said - we have much to learn as a society!
*Want your question answered in the next episode? Here are the Inner Work themes and concerns which I am currently prioritising:*
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Another great video
Thankyou so much Jordan. I'm reading through a number of your book recommendations now and words can't explain how beneficial I'm finding them
I deeply appreciate the day I found your channel
Wishing you all the best,
James
Brother, this kind of comment makes my day - happy to be here and will continue to do what I can to support your process 🌲
"Too much, too close" is the best summary of my childhood I've ever seen.
Sorry to hear this, although I'm pleased to have provided some words that resonated and hope the video proved supportive.
Very informative. My father passed when I was 8 and my mother become my father figure as well, I noticed I tend to go to men who have her same characteristic traits.
I've had your video of top 5 or 7 books pop up for some months now. I decided to watch it about a week ago (🎶) and it was so what I needed to know to start my healing. It is frightening though because I probably need to do this by myself and not with cognitive behaviour therapy. It scares me and during bad days I just want to listen to a calm deep voice and that the person speaks about how to heal and you are legit the voice and topic in one, this was before I actually clicked play to the video I mentioned previous. Thank you for just existing❤
Appreciate you being here, and thanks for doing this difficult work. You got this.
@@jordanthornton thank you so much for telling me that! I needed it🌟
Love you jordan I’m lucky to find your Chanel it’s real treasure
Your videos are extremely informative, thank you 😊 From a psych2go video I understood that I have 3, and not one, dad-daughter toxic relationship types. The pampering father, the toxic father (my mom is really toxic too, even more than him, and she constantly fights with my dad) and the anguished father, most prominent. So it's complex. I actually told my mom that I do TRE, Trauma realease excersice, and she replied, what trauma? Apperantly she doesn't know me at all, because I've had a tough childhood (even if happy), I was angry because I was hurt, and I could be really sad. In highschool and middleschool I was really lonely and deppresed, and suffered from insomnia. So badly, that one day I almost fell asleep in class and awoke myself immediately. I've also had some honestly life altering occurences, which were the bottom of the chasm of negativity. For example, I've tried to disconnect from a friend, which wasn't really my friend, and I've written for her smth for closure, and she harrased me with 30-40 messages and phone calls, even though I blocked her from my phone, and demanded money for her trip - even for a PJ that I wore and she "doesn't want to wear now because she feels bad from me" or smth - and my mother says I'm not traumatic... sorry for being out of context, just wanted to share. I'll start healing my father wound through this video and the books you recommended, and through numeral other long and/or informative videos about the father wound.
Great Video Jordan. I wont go into my Absent father issues as they are vast and complex... One thing im slowly learning from this channel is we are truly a product of our upbringing and that forms the person we become good or bad. Each and everyone of us is a unique story and its fascinating the path we all walk, why some people thrive in life no matter life circumstances and others struggle day to day just living. Thanks for these videos Jordan to truly heal if thats the path we want to take it will become a life times work.
Thank you for being here for this work, and you'll certainly keep finding more as you go deeper. Make sure to be picking up the books too, if you haven't already.
My father is a very hard-working man, I will always be grateful for everything he gave us; my grandfather, I mean, his father was a bit aggressive, he grew up abusive, he has a rude way of talking, sometimes he's just talking normally but it seems like he's scolding you but it's just his way of talking, I have a hatred for He, when I was a girl, liked to make me angry on purpose, he was amused, I feel like he's kind of stupid, despite being grateful to him, there's something that doesn't let me get into him, I don't even like to talk to him, hardly He talks and it already makes me angry, it's as if his presence bothers me
Appreciate you sharing some of your story, and wishing you all my best in the next steps on your healing journey - these are important issues and it seems like you’re progressively gaining awareness🌲
Many thanks Jordan. I often split/ dissociate watching your videos, this time it's scathingly vivid. How incremental is recovery, things i heard about, worked through, made peace with so much. Only to be reminded how fragile peace is. More to work through
I'm very grateful for this video. I've heard a lot about the Mother Wound, but very little about the Father Wound thus far
Happy to have been useful!
Your voice is really quite healing.
Happy to be teaching in this space, thank you 🌲
Thank you🙏This is very confronting video and I sent it to my ex and father of my child saying I dont want my child to have daddy issues so watch this video now! I always wondered if I have daddy issues as my dad is really important for me but I had healthy strong father who has loved me very much and that is a big blessing. Best memories i have with him are about us skiing together in Finland in wilderness since I was very little, even knowing he already carried me on his back on his ski trips as a baby. My only problem has been that he has very strong frame and has been very strict as well brutally honest about what he thinks. But he surely taught me to be strong. So I have looked more towards free spirited men in my own relationships but so often I have found these men are wounded and they have daddy issues. And I didnt realise how bad it can be if a man is wounded having daddy issues and I was naive about it until my ex cheated me very badly. That moment I could actually understand his family background and the pain he always felt about it but I got drag into that cheating family dynamics and he hurt me with it very badly like poison. I lost sense of secure feeling for a while and this happened just before Covid started so the darkness just got more dense with the world closing. Eventually I have found my strenght back. Its been a journey to recover from all the lies and hurt and the fact that he abandoned me with all bills alone with a small child just before christmas. I have end up to be the secure person in my relationships and I am still that maybe because I did had the base to go back to. So I could have let him cut all contact as his family does but I have not let him do it. I have constantly let him be dad still and encouraged him about it. For me family is a big value and I focus on good. My child sometimes complains he argues with him but I keep encouraging them to talk and solve any issues they might have. He moved to different city when we separated and last autumn I moved also to the same city to make our life easier. It was hard choice for me as I knew nobody in this city and he is still with the new woman but this move has been very positive for everyone. I live on other side of city so we dont see other than exchanging our child. I am doing my best to be the healthy parent for my son and making good choices now when I am more aware. Keep up good work!📚
Very interesting !
I’ve tried to avoid men who resemble my father’s archetype, and married someone who is the opposite in every sense possible. I divorced of course and fell madly and irrationally in love with someone who is identical to my father and I thought I had found heaven on earth until he triggered the father complex and made me look into it and feel the deep pain and wounding that was inflicted during childhood.
Luckily the relationship did not last long because I took a conscious secession to exit the father’s nightmarish universe after realizing the lessons and the pain.
I’m liberated from codependency after the divorce and after the fucked up romantic relationship I had with a man who reminded me of a father I was always running away from..
Thanks Jordan for this video 🙏🏽🌈
You are most welcome, and thank you for sharing some of your healing journey here. I'm sure it will inspire somebody reading this.
This makes so much sense to me and had this experience heavily in my most recent relationship
It's illuminating to recognise the origin of the pattern, and I'm pleased to see that you are unravelling the past and choosing different. Keep going.
Yes.
Thank you, Jordan.
My pleasure!
Your channel has helped me so much , I’m so grateful Jordan thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, it’s shed so much light on what I need to do to start healing myself .
It’s truly my pleasure! Appreciate your attention!
Great Vid, Jordan! I was actually thinking about this the other day. My father was murdered when I was two(he was 23) so I had no choice in the matter. However, other does make me wonder how much of this was spun by fate into putting the pressure on me to become the man I'm supposed to be anyway and Blaze my own trail. Something to think about
It’s one of those ‘make or break’ situations, hey? I’m glad that you found your strength and continue to walk the path - alternatives cannot be known but it sounds like you’ve got a healthy and healed outlook.
great video, hadn't considered the fact that this may have impacted me
I also thought you would not leave such an important issue uncovered. The descriptive qualities you spoke of are really important, mine were too far, too hot. I got into healing from this long ago when I first read about narcissism, but it really clicked a while ago after reading „adult children of emotionally immature parents“ and all its other parts, it has been really helpful for me to learn to care for myself and listen to my own voice and identify it among all the other unhelpful voices. Another recommendation of yours in another video was „homecoming“ which I found also really helpful, however not easy.
It’s not that easy for me reading scientific literature in a foreign language so I did not read for Jung so far, however I really wanted to since long. I cannot know now the direct link between Jung and father complex, but hopefully when I read it, i will be able to understand more.
Again thank you 🙏🏻
Layla, it's my absolute pleasure to have had this impact - only seeing your comment just now. Thank you for taking the time to share, and I'm wishing you well for your next steps.
That was a pleasant surprise! I was holding Jung’s Map of the Soul, by Murray Stein in my hand while you held it up, by pure coincidence. How crazy is that?
Synchronicity - wooOooOoOoOo 👻
woo woo stuffs they say :P
The brutal an theatrical Jung's discourse is probably the best wake up call... In my case, that's a good antidote for apathy.
Thank you for your work and this video.
Jung can be savage - glad that I chose to include his quotes to introduce the topic!
My Dad is so passive. As a child I don't remember feeling safety or warmth coming from him. He was always working to provide for us. He left parenting to my mum, who was the complete opposite. She was controlling and had no boundaries with me. I have no idea what all this means. I told my dad the other day that I was sexually assaulted as a 17 year old by a 45 year old male who groomed me. He had no reaction, I've never felt protected by him. He's an emotional cripple (his own exact words, not mine) I've no idea how to heal from this. 😢
I’m sorry to hear this, Rebecca - and hope you continue to find the next steps as they appear. Wishing you well.
@Jordan Thornton - Inner Work thank you so much ❤️
Oh same, the message I got was "no man will stand up for you, nobody's in your corner".
I relate to you. I told my dad something that upset me and he made a joke. He said "I wish somebody would grope me on the bus". My throat swelled up so tight I couldn't breath. His apathy upset me more. Xxxx
@SusanaXpeace2u that's just not on at all. It's the complete lack of understanding about our feelings 💔 I'm so sorry that happened to you. Its sexual assault! It's happened to so many people its just insane to me how others can disrespect personal boundaries. Sending you a hug 🫂
My father has many narcissistic traits. I’ve tried guessing what type of childhood my father had for him to be so devoid of humanity. I don’t remember a time where I genuinely liked him as a person because he is simply a dreadful, awful person. He has landed himself in jail multiple times for physical assault against his girlfriends and my mother. I’ve never met someone so malicious, spiteful, and hateful. I don’t remember 95% of what that man said because it was usually paranoid nonsense, making some type of violent, aggressive threat towards someone or saying to me “…And that’s why you’re going to be just like your mother” starting as early as 5 years old. Just a year ago he told my sister he hates women and told her “no offense”. I haven’t spoken to him in 4 years so thought “I should be over it” but I recognize the rage and pain that built up over the years and I want to work through it. Your videos seem to make a worlds difference in my healing journey. It’s given me so much perspective. Keep up the great work!
Appreciate you sharing some of your story here, and I hope the channel keeps supporting you 🌲
Hi Jordan, Just at beginning would you suggest that in say, D Violence situations the man - father imago has constellated the father complex in the woman?
my father was an emotionally disregulated, esquizoid, depressed and probably autistic type of hard working man. Mum excused him and treated him like a king. She had complete power over him. He only ever connected to her. He was detached and emotionally unavailable while extremely sensitive and ramdomly raged in massive meltdowns. Terrorific while fascinating in an unhealthy, obsessive way for me. I'm 46 and I still can't manage to soothe the inner girl inside of me. She just didn't exist for him while he was everything for her. Never a hug, never picked up, never protected by him. I went from loving to hating himover and over...I as an adult got to forgive him but that girl inside is broken. I don't even know what to look for in a healthy man. It's so alien to me. I'm learning it in the books and the internet and terrorises me. I know my healing will require a relationship with a healthy, loving and empowered man. Ah! As I posted this comment the book King Warrior Magician Lover arrived in the post! The timing 🙏🏼
I’m glad you’re working through these things, and good timing with KWML arriving. I hope you’ve been enjoying it so far?
@jordanthornton Thanks, I have just started it and it's very interesting already 🤓
Hello. I watched your recent sobriety video and thought a main point was perfect (sobriety => clarity used to face oneself), I now stumbled upon this video & looked at your channel, and I think there is a lot I can learn from you. Will you make a video on the mother wound? Thank you for creating and sharing.
random feedback: It could be cool/helpful to show the quote you read in the beginning on the screen. I could use closed captions, but some other channels I watch which reference literature do this and it's wonderful. love you btw
Mother wound video is scheduled already - yes! On the way 🌲
This is a great video! Also very suiting my day-to-day inner struggles, thank you ! :)
You got this, David! 🌲
Full credit for this video👏👏dark topic but you went full frontal ....thank you❤
Always try to be as direct as I can with these - cheers!
I'm legit here listening projecting my inner father onto you :) LOL
Appreciate the honesty - what kind of experience was that for you? Wishing you well with your inner masculine journey ✌🏻
@@jordanthornton don’t worry it was fleeting. I’m working through the Father Complex at a deeper layer. I prefer working intuitively with myth but I was just so aware of my Animus projection and was more so trying to be funny in my trickster 😏
thanks for this illuminating video. you got me thinking that watching some shows with healthy fathers in them could help construct a better image of the father archetype internally. anyone got suggestions?
Great question - I've screenshotted and will see if I can do a followup!
My father was too close and hot with his own needs and too far and cold for any basic thing I needed.
Can you do a video on the mother wound? Cause holy cow.
Yes. Screenshotted - I've already lined up the next five weeks, but should be able to return to this within two months.
@@jordanthornton Thanks Jordan!
I bought Stein's book on Amazon 3 minutes after you first brought it up in this video. Gotta say, you're really good at sales 😂
Gotta love applying these sales skills to books which I make zero profit from 😂 - heart where it counts, enjoy!
Thank you so much for this video!!! Its a good help for me
Thank you for sharing some of your story here - glad to know you’ve been finding you way, Andreia 🌲
Hi Jordan, I’ve been considering your comment regarding constellating a new positive masculine archetype. I was wondering what you think of the book Males and Females by Margaret Meade - it’s an anthropology book (quite old) - could this be a good way to constellate a healthy image for an ideal father? My aim is 1. Psycho-educate 2. Read anthropology
I haven't read that book in particular, but anthropology is an area of study that I likewise look into when studying patterns of maleness and femaless. I've got some books on cultural sociology as well which certainly compliment the more 'mythic and symbolic' approach of people like Carl Jung.
If you're aiming for psychoeducation, you won't go wrong with anthroplogy or evolutionary biology! Good luck, Hugo. Feel free to keep me updated on quality books you find - always searching.
Beautiful video. Thank you so so much for what you do, it really helps me out a lot❤
It's my pleasure - more to come, Greissy.
This is amazing
I forgive him. I understand why he is like he is, and I also see the wounded child in him who is struggling with the world and its place.
But the work isn't done. I'm still afraid of my father. His presence is still weighting on me.
Mature perspective, and an honest reflection here. Wishing you well 🌲
Thank you for this 🙏🏻👍🏻
You are most welcome, hope it helped somehow.
Is it possible for a woman who's dad left at age 3 but was raised by their loving mother to be unharmed?
My father was an asshole. My very first memory of him was a brutal beating when I was 5-years-old. He’s been dead to me for over 30 years. Can’t believe the bastard is still alive. Only the good die young.
I’m sorry to hear this brother - I hope this video offered some perspectives to support your work here. Keep going man 🌲
e-motion = energies in motion
Thank you for making this video. I am currently working through your inner work essentials and it has helped me tremendously.
The qualities of proximity, intensity, and emotional texture are impossible to identify for my father. My father suffers from bipolar disorder type 1, with psychoses and all. There were moments he was very distant and absent, and he would took zero interest in me, and there were moments that he was very close and overly invested, and very intense. On both ends of the spectrum he was emotionally abusive and manipulative, so at least there was some consistency in that.
All this makes it almost impossible for me to get a clear picture of who my father was and is and understanding him and our past relationship has been a major struggle in my healing process. I wanted to share this and I wonder whether anyone has any insights on where to go from here and how I could approach understanding my father better.
Sounds like a confusing and distressing situation - it may be required for you to paint out at least two 'versions' of his character and then work with both. Sometimes this happens, but it can be worked with.
@@jordanthornton thank you for replying. That means a lot to me
with deep gratitude for the work you are doing, and how you are helping my life (and many others i am sure) at this time...seriously, you are a God send Jordan! ✌🙏💚 p.s. im still curious how you colour code what you read ?
I answered this question in a video from 3 months ago titled: “How I read 550 psychology books in 3 years” - check it out and thank you! 🌲
@@jordanthornton Thanks Jordan - i just went over there and watched that video - well i'll be !! Those highlighted colours are nothing, but just distractions to keep you interested & motivated...haha... so simple, and i get it now! Sooo clever! 🤪
Jordan, I remember watching a video of yours discussing astrology or a topic which overlapped with it. You discussed your personal history with the subject and keeping a healthy relationship to it. Could you or someone else possibly point me back to that episode? I briefly scoured your video feed but cannot remember which one it was.
Episode 44/52 of inner work essentials - thumbnail has a big picture of Saturn calling me a nerd. Title “Stop It, Saturn! How Astrology…”
This one is tough for me, let's watch the video and see.
It’s a really challenging topic - thank you for being willing to do this work. Let me know what you think 🌲
@@jordanthornton couldn't even watch more than 5 mins of it.
@@neoreign Appreciate your honesty - I do recommend staying all the way through where I do give some practical suggestions to make things better. But understand nonetheless and wishing you well.
What is the impact when your father died at age 5? I assume that relates to proximity.
Certainly, you’ll find good information if you look around the term ‘absent father psychology’ or ‘father wound’ - good luck 🌲
My dad's mum died when he was 7 and I think he went out into adulthood with "tell me what to do" energy. It comforts him I think. My mum encouraged him in some ways but she is controlling and his "strength" comes from backing up a tyrant. He hasn't found his own strength. As his daughter, it frustrates me to know that I'm stronger on my own than he is as her foot soldier. But they are happy together, it's me that finds their dynamic dysfunctional, not them.
Wow. That is a bit of the dynamic I experience in my relationship. I am a pushover, even though I am physically 193cm. @@SusanaXpeace2u
My father is so weak. He always berates me for hurting mum when i stand up for myself. My brother is so enmeshed with my controlling mother. None of them realise it, but im the 'man' of the family now, so to speak. I was the scapegoat but i have come to terms with it now.
Im sorry to hear this, and hope you continue to find the clarity you seek - keep going 🌲
Hi Jordan. Firstly thanks for your content here. I wanted to ask if I as a woman had an absent father who my mum slagged off constantly. Who was also involved in my two older sisters lives but never mine. Mum alcoholic, the step dad alcoholic. How do I go about healing both the mother and father wounds? I struggle greatly with low self worth. Always feel like someone is going to come along better than I and rake my man. Women are a threat. And both are not to be trusted. This is my absolute gut truth. Jealousy and angst are always there. So relationships end. I'm tired of it all. I want to give and receive love. The father of my two boys is amazing. A fantastic. Dad and even though we are not together we live ad a family so the boys are secure. I don't want to continue like this. I am in recovery AA 23 years sober. I have just started reparenting my inner family and I have just started jungian analysis. Can you recommend anything other. Thank you. ☆
I appreciate your comment, although I'm not sure if I can give you a satisfactory answer to your situation in a youtube comment! I've recommended hundreds of books on this channel and they are really some of your best bets for finding multi-perspecitve answers to your particular situation - feel free to click around and find some guidance there. Hope this helps.
@@jordanthornton thanks Jordon. I appreciate the time you have taken to respond and also your reply.
I am determined to do the work to be free. I will take on your suggestions. Best regards Victoria
May be another topic but
Wld u say that eg a largely 'absent ' father (or mother too) cld also be 1 of d reasons for being attracted to the same sex as an adult? Had read a couple of books in which this was explained..
My instincts said this was very much true n I did try to give those books to a male friend of mine goin thru ssa but he didn't take it too well!
Maybe i ought to stick with figuring out my own father issues😜 not trying to another's 😏 but wld love to have yr views n thoughts on this..thanks
i've often wondered this too - i think your onto something here. I'd love to know what Jordan thinks about this?
Thank you. I am perpetually perplexed by th question How did i become homo/bi. 3 explanations occurred to me: 1. Strong feminine identification 2. Repulsion from women due to how violent were my ma & sis 3. Eroticized father, to whom i fled for protection. (He was violent also but with words, never w/his hands. I give my Pop credit, he humbled himself, apologized, we became friends in later years. In the end, his violent nature asserted itself when he took his own life by overdose at 85) An assault when i was 1 left me partially castrated, undiagnosed til i was 20 & repaired surgically. Although i am normal re having erections, my ability to climax is severely impaired. This deeply saddens my lovers, as they conclude they do not please me. I resigned from dating, am unable to pairbond, either gender. Psychologists call fear of being touched "tactile defensive". Paradoxically i was drawn to professions of touch: gymnastics teacher, dancer, childcare, bodyworker. I adore the female body, including the blood. I'd like to ask patriarchy: What the heck is your problem w/a little blood. I'm grateful for the women in my life, whose message to me has been "umm carlo we're not like your ma & sis". While i am erotically drawn to men, and men are talented at simulating the oppositeness, in some way the oppositeness with women feels authentic.
My father was distant but when he was around he was intensely emotionally abusive towards me. How the hell do i start to heal from that? I have felt broken my whole life. He was also emotionally and physically abusive to my mother, definitely a narc, possibly a sociopath. He is still alive and still tries to create drama even though we are not formally in touch
I'm sorry to hear this, and wish you all the best in your next steps.
Youuuuuu ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Thank you!
You're welcome! It’s a hard but worthwhile topic 🌲
@@jordanthornton You constantly challenge me to learn more and grow. Thank you, Jordan!
Nothing to say yet, there's a lot to process. I'll add more later.
I was waiting for the some concrete examples on how to heal the father wound or steps of individuation but I did not 😅
Consider picking up the recommended book from around 5:20 - it's a deep dive, and the principles are very much what I focus on here. Wishing you well and hope you enjoy the other videos too!
@@jordanthornton I like learning about them. Appreciate you for making these informative videos and all. Thanks! 🙂
so to heal my daddy issues I should reparent my self? that's it?
In essence, yes. Hope these videos help!
What about a sexually abusive step father who was also in and out of jail?
I'm sorry to hear this, truly. Wishing you well in your weeks ahead, and recommend getting direct professional support if you need it. Be well.
I like your hat
Thanks - helps me heal my father complex 😉
Need to get one of those
I never connected my lack of and struggle with male friendships to my father. I was (am) mostly only interested in female company for the potential romantic relationship (that I have because of my mother issues lol).
It does make sense. Thanks for bringing that up.
Is he the person who created bootstrap
Excuse me?
@@jordanthornton bro r u the person who created bootstrap
@@opsaras4087 I have no idea what that is haha
@@jordanthornton no problem bro 👍
@@jordanthornton btw u know the creater of bootstrap are Jordan and Mike thorton
🙏🏽💖
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