If you’re ready to heal, my private membership community IS NOW OPEN for enrollment. I only open this 3 times a year and spaces do sell out. You can learn more or join here: selfhealerscircle.com
I have both parent wounds. I am in my forties and I’ve managed to not have any friends, relationships or family. My inner child is terrified of everything. I will start with the letter.
You're not alone in this. There are so many of us who feel this way. How can others be trusted if your own family threw you under a bus and laughed while they did it... It pretty much makes you afraid, as you've stated.
You're not alone! I have both wounds. Dad died when I was young and my mother became an absent parent in so many ways. The hardest part is that as an adult she is still absent so it makes it very hard to heal the wound. My family is VERY small and sometime dysfunctional so it doesn't help at all. Wishing you all the best on your journey ❤️ 🫂🙏
Same here, both my parents psychopath narcs, the damage they done with me and siblings it's beyond words, sadly, I am the only aware of this, my siblings still are playing the role they were assigned by my narc parents. Healing it's possible just be patient, I've been in the recovery process since 2012, it's layer after layer, but the result worth it, wish healing and recovery to all narc parents victims out there!
My father died 20+ years ago this month. As a child I used to feel sorry for men/my dad because, from what I experienced, it seemed that men/my dad got nothing from 'family life' - it all seemed such a burden to him 😱 A simple, small example: when I was a teenager, he would complain about collecting me (and usually wouldn't) from after-school and social events in the evening because of the strain a short journey would put on the car... For most of my life, I felt embarrassed, slightly aggrieved, but grew numb to it all, sadly. Even now (childless and single...) all these years later, I am taken aback (in a good way!!) when I see men who relish their children, their wives, and their love of their family life, though a tiny part of me still doesn't REALLY believe men enjoy having a family 🤷♀️ I can see I really need to work this exercise! Thank you, Dr Nicole 🙏
Thank you for your vulnerability + sharing about your relationship with your dad. Grateful this video helped you see that you need to work this exercise. ❤
I feel the same way when I see other Dads doing things for their wives and kids. It is astounding to me. And yet I’m jealous that I didn’t receive that from my Dad
I think our anger and grief can TELL us a lot about our own needs, and then we can do our best (as our best parent) to get them met and self-soothe. Giving our anger and grief the space they deserve, rather than avoiding or numbing, is a whole practice all on it's own! Thank you for integrating this so succinctly.
I'm going through this now. I'm staying sober right now so that I can feel all my emotions instead of numbing them so I can process and understand my trauma. My girlfriend helped me to understand this and channels like this! I'm so thankful for videos like this. It means a lot. It gives explanations to so many things.
@@SuperSteeler98 Good on you doing the work 👏 Seriously difficult stuff to learn to let ourselves feel - the impulse to numb or avoid is STRONG, and the feelings are often way more intense than we anticipated.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 6 years old. Never saw my dad again until I was 16. We spent a weekend together and then never saw him again. My mom moved in with my "stepdad" when I was 9 years old. My stepdad treated my mom like garbage and was mentally abusive to my mom, myself and my two siblings. He did not spend any time with us kids and made us feel like a nuisance most of the time. I don't remember him ever asking how my day was or having a conversation with him. I suffer from low self esteem and spent all of my life looking for validation from men in very unhealthy ways. Always choosing the ones that treated me like garbage and pushing away the ones that weren't. I'm 50 years old now and trying to heal so that the second half of my life is more aligned with what I need and want rather than seeking validation from others by molding myself into what others deem worthy. I am worthy simply by existing and don't have to prove my value to anyone.
My Dad passed three years ago and I miss him. I wish he was still here. It’s tough to work through my father wound when I just want to accept and forgive everything and remember the good about him.
What i love about u nicole so much is that u focus on heating. That all hope isnt lost. A lot of therapists on youtube focus more on the trauma ( i may or may not be talking about tim Fletcher) and how much it sucks but dont focus enough on the fact that there is a way upwards. And it's free.
Thank you for your service of this brief AND compact video with what is needed to heal the father wound. It’s helping so many become empowered and to feel the emotions that we were trained, programmed and conditioned out of, which actually makes us creator beings! Everyone here commenting has already healed this wound in the future and is just figuring out how they did it! Congratulations to everyone for your service to humanity, because the healing you do to become who you really are goes into the Unified Field we are all entrained with which shows the collective how it’s done - to break free. Thank you X a million! 🙏🏻🎉😍🌎🦋
I'm finding it so difficult to heal from my childhood since I have these beliefs so ingrained in me. I don't think I'm worth love and forgiveness. I can't give those things to myself. And because of that, I'm stuck.
Be kind to yourself. It's all you got and you're all it got. Don't turn your back on it. If you imagine yourself as the helpless child you were and still are in ways am sure your heart will be kind to this child.
You may feel and believe you’re stuck, but imagine that in the future you’re already healed and in this moment you’re figuring out how you did it. You are actually exactly where you are supposed to be and loved and adored for just being. Your work on your healing helps the collective as we are all entrained with each other, so thank you for your service of attending to yourself. 🎉❤
I would suggest to try some body exercises with breathing techniques. Like yoga for example. For me it was a revelation how it changed my feelings towards myself and my perspective on very deeply ingrained beliefs I held about myself all my life. Without doing much else or having a conscious "revelation". It's like the things we say we know, but can't feel, just integrated. It took around 3 months. I wish you the best! 😊
This is why I would never trade adulthood for childhood. I much rather have the agency and capability for change I have now as an adult, than the powerlessness I had as a child.
I’ve done this and it’s really helpful. However, I still haven’t gotten my long term needs met after doing all of this recovery work. Thank you again for spreading the awareness and how to heal.
Cam this wound ever truly heal tho 100%….. I think it's life proceed & is something you can help be lighter, but Is something you carry for life and just have to manage when it arises
I’m practicing the father 👨🏾 wound I thought it was a really good idea to write ✍️ a letter to our inner child with our other hand that isn’t dominant. I will be doing this exercise today outside on my patio .. also I noticed there are ads attached to the video 🤷🏾♀️
@ryannesumbry4130 the ads are relentlessly attached to TH-cam without Premium membership- it's ridiculous and everywhere. I have had Premium for over a year and still find it worth it to go ad-free here. Only a mention, if it benefits you. 🙂
I don't even know where to start... Since early childhood I remember all I wanted from my father is him to disappear from my life... I was scared of him being at home, as no one was able to protect me. He was unpredictable in his angry burst outs. Decades have passed and still when he says me harsh words it hurts.
Hi Dr. Nicole! thanks for the detailed step-by-step process to help in healing the father wound. You are giving a lot of value in these videos. BTW, you can make your video more interesting by animating the written words one by one at the time when you are talking about that particular step. It would help in viewer's retention as well. If you want me to provide you an example, let me know. As a video editor myself, I would be more than happy to show you that.
@anaKhuzaima ~ agree she's giving a lot of value in these videos, grateful 🙏 Being a video editor sounds great & very useful skills - as well as fun to do? As an autistic & adhd & cptsd just wanted to say that a calm screen & just voice without music or typing or fancy stuff is often much better for me, too much clever or glitzy stuff can be very distracting or even triggering, esp as the subject of these kind of videos is already potentially upsetting. Even a 'scritchy' voice, or lots of 'fillers' or hesitations, or forced voice for volume on a stage etc, can cause me stop listening. Tho good editing & composition is a joy to hear/see. Thank you for your creativity & offering to share /teach 🎉❤😊
@@manyBlessings2all thanks a lot! yeah.. I understand those nuances. And my editing style does not include those overly distracting elements. It's great to hear your POV. Thanks, I'll make myself more conscious and be more inclusive with my edits.
My step-daughter needs to hear this. She has big daddy issues. I met her dad at AA when he had been divorced for a year - that was 20 years ago. My husband has been clean and sober since and is a wonderful man. His daughter blames me for her bad relationship with her dad, I guess because she thinks I took him away🤷♀️. In reality, she avoids him and rarely responds when he contacts her. She lives 300 miles away and doesn’t even tell her dad when she passes through our town. She does speak to him on the phone every couple of months and sees him about once a year. She loves him, but she can’t let go of the fact that she didn’t get the dad she wanted or thought she deserved. In reality, she has a wonderful dad and she’s letting life slip away - we’re getting older and won’t be here forever. She does drink a lot of alcohol so I think that keeps her from emotionally moving forward. Her mom is an alcoholic too. It’s sad and very heartbreaking for my husband.
as a daughter who had kinda that relationship with his passed father; I think the fact that she stills maintain some contact is positive and means that deep inside, she wants what we all here wanted: the ankowledge of her pain and absence of the father she suffered. Don't loose the hope; keep the door open, let her know that no thing he can do now can make up for the past, but if she needs serious (and I mean serious) help anytime, be there without asking for permission or retribution. Only pressence makes up for pressence. But if she decides to heal her alcoholism first or forgive him, is not in your power. Be aware that her own mother issues are a thing there too. Sorry for the long text.
Can you talk about the archetypal and essential ways that the Mother (or female parent) differs form the Father (male parent)? Or are they basically the same fundamentally?
I have a mentally ill, difficult, quickly aggressive father who is unable to take criticism. A few years ago, I told a friend that I didn't like my father - as a person. She was completely horrified. I recently said the same thing to another friend with an equally difficult father: I don't like my father. She completely understands. It took a while before I was able to say the same thing to myself: I don't like my father. No. He is an aggressive, emotionally crippled, absolutely unempathic person. And it's okay to say it EXACTLY like that, for myself. Only by allowing myself to have my own opinion do I feel free. And no - I don't say that to my father. He is who he is. If he could be different, he would be.
Realize the jobs I take are a reflection of my father. 34 years is too long to hold to someone that controls by their outburst. Money over my mental health. Right before Christmas I stopped talking to him.
Is there an online zoom support group for people that were abandoned by their mother or their father and still dealing with the trauma? Feels like I’m living, always in a sense of high anxiety and fear.
Could you please explain what self-prophecy of fulfillment has to do with bringing exactly what you don't want into your life because of your trauma and the resulting destructive behavior patterns, obsessive thoughts, etc.??? I would like to understand it and of course avoid it. Thank you. & Lovley Greetings from Germany
It’s an interesting idea for sure. No way of knowing her intention behind it, but i imagine it helps you let go of some perfectionism, and sort of forget the adult ego in order to embody the child-self and vulnerability?
incomplete. you're describing steps to heal the mother wound. while i agree that the mother wound needs to be healed before the father wound, that's not the end of it.
Ha. Try emotional/ physical/ sexual abuse, including in public, eldest daughter of three girls in an LDS family that teaches families are forever and sexual purity is paramount. And during the 3 year divorce my statutory r was laughed at as a "Lot's daughters" scenario, so there's never been justice or safety. There's no healing that, even in my mid 30s now after a lifetime of men objectifying me the same way he did, hypocrisy of what if anyone I fall in love with betrays ournown hypothetical kids the same way and I become the world's biggesr hypocrite, only scarring over and trying to build like a felled sapling with only a couple roots left... like knowing how to read and write and the survival perfectionism in schoolwork. Diagnosed PTSD/ Depression with a cocktail of Anxiety. Likely some ADHD/ maybe autism due to my behavioral patterns that every therapist I've had just calls me "aloof" or "white wolf". Mom was abusive too. Lesser of two evils. When she disowned me after college she said I was just like my father. My crime? Trying to get an answer out of her so I could get something done right so she could stop yelling and feeling like I hated her. "The Father Wound" is not the same for everyone. I hope everyone else's can be healed.
I am in a similar situation, and working these similar steps with a therapist really did help a lot. My life is in no way fully perfect or fully healed, and I keep discovering new wounds that I didn't even know I had. However, it has helped an IMMENSE amount, and the passive SI that I've felt for my entire life is now gone 99% of the time. Even if you don't think this will help, I'd definitely say at least give it a go. My inner child and I are friends now, and even though she was holding on to every worst emotion that I've ever felt, it turned out she was also holding on to joy, creativity and peace. My heart hurts for what you have been through, but by holding onto our pain we let these bastards live rent free in our heads, and have control over us even when they are gone from our lives. I wish I could invite your inner child to a playdate with mine, and we could do this exercise together somewhere completely safe, and then have cookies and watch cartoons after, but instead I just hope you know that you absolutely deserve compassion, and that you are able to do some self-care in your day today ❤
@@tazandalsoalastname I tried. Had a couple as a teen, they shared my personal information with the congregation... and the small town with the local deputy in said congregation meant I was stuck dealing with it. Went to college and tried again, got one response of, "Just change religions and all of your family issues will evaporate," and another of, "Stop thinking or nothing will ever work out." Not overthinking, just genuine thinking and having rationale dictate over reason. I'm not willing to reopen EVERYTHING just so I can pay to be betrayed again. Hence why TH-cam keeps suggesting me these dumb videos and sometimes I can't help but bite and criticize. I have read the source material on how to treat my conditions. I do mindfulness activities daily. I had a freaking PTSD attack at work when a male coworker grabbed my shoulder from behind last Wednesday, and I was able to power through despite the doom spiral later. I'm as bad yet not as bad as I would be with some therapist condescendingly calling me aloof again, or hearing my session details of how impure I am in public again, or you name it. So like I said, I hope these things work for you all. I'm just hoping to not cause more trouble while I'm around. I've been betrayed by literally every group I've been in (don't have my degree from 2007-2012 because my 3.6+ GPA is dependent on peers performing my works, and there was/ is no net for when they fail to show up to rehearsals or drop out and the recital fails repeatedly... including college groups and professors. And my AmeriCorps service award that was siphoned away through the pandemic because the college didn't define "educational expenses" the same way and no one in my department was willing to document to the fin.aid office that it costs money to pay accomanists and performers or make oboe reeds or print sheet music...? So now I live in my car because I have a job that hates me for following the rules and that's all the stability I'll ever have?). I'm done. I've been done. And I hope whatever bad luck I have means that other people suffer less. Edited because autocorrect autofailed.
@@Undomaranel I'm so sorry you're suffering, lovely stranger. I only ever found the one good therapist, but the stuff she helped with was very similar to this. I like videos like this on TH-cam because I can no longer afford therapy, but stuff like this I can do alone in my room where it feels safe. I hope at least you have a place to be safe and alone in, because that definitely helps a lot also. If you ever need someone to talk to, just reply here and I'd be happy to listen ❤️
If you’re ready to heal, my private membership community IS NOW OPEN for enrollment. I only open this 3 times a year and spaces do sell out. You can learn more or join here: selfhealerscircle.com
I have both parent wounds. I am in my forties and I’ve managed to not have any friends, relationships or family. My inner child is terrified of everything. I will start with the letter.
I am sorry for your struggle. I hope you find what you need & heal. God bless.
You're not alone in this. There are so many of us who feel this way. How can others be trusted if your own family threw you under a bus and laughed while they did it... It pretty much makes you afraid, as you've stated.
You're not alone! I have both wounds. Dad died when I was young and my mother became an absent parent in so many ways. The hardest part is that as an adult she is still absent so it makes it very hard to heal the wound. My family is VERY small and sometime dysfunctional so it doesn't help at all. Wishing you all the best on your journey ❤️ 🫂🙏
Same 😢
Same here, both my parents psychopath narcs, the damage they done with me and siblings it's beyond words, sadly, I am the only aware of this, my siblings still are playing the role they were assigned by my narc parents. Healing it's possible just be patient, I've been in the recovery process since 2012, it's layer after layer, but the result worth it, wish healing and recovery to all narc parents victims out there!
So timely, my father wound has been triggered AF all week and has devolved into "I no longer trust ANY man". Thank you 🙏🏻
Grateful this was timely for you🙏
Same. Big same.
I can relate so much. I have a hard time trusting other men
My father died 20+ years ago this month. As a child I used to feel sorry for men/my dad because, from what I experienced, it seemed that men/my dad got nothing from 'family life' - it all seemed such a burden to him 😱 A simple, small example: when I was a teenager, he would complain about collecting me (and usually wouldn't) from after-school and social events in the evening because of the strain a short journey would put on the car... For most of my life, I felt embarrassed, slightly aggrieved, but grew numb to it all, sadly.
Even now (childless and single...) all these years later, I am taken aback (in a good way!!) when I see men who relish their children, their wives, and their love of their family life, though a tiny part of me still doesn't REALLY believe men enjoy having a family 🤷♀️
I can see I really need to work this exercise! Thank you, Dr Nicole 🙏
Thank you for your vulnerability + sharing about your relationship with your dad. Grateful this video helped you see that you need to work this exercise. ❤
I feel the same way when I see other Dads doing things for their wives and kids. It is astounding to me. And yet I’m jealous that I didn’t receive that from my Dad
I think our anger and grief can TELL us a lot about our own needs, and then we can do our best (as our best parent) to get them met and self-soothe. Giving our anger and grief the space they deserve, rather than avoiding or numbing, is a whole practice all on it's own! Thank you for integrating this so succinctly.
Yes, emotions are messengers! Appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thank you for being here.
Absolutely ❤
I'm going through this now. I'm staying sober right now so that I can feel all my emotions instead of numbing them so I can process and understand my trauma. My girlfriend helped me to understand this and channels like this! I'm so thankful for videos like this. It means a lot. It gives explanations to so many things.
@@SuperSteeler98 Good on you doing the work 👏 Seriously difficult stuff to learn to let ourselves feel - the impulse to numb or avoid is STRONG, and the feelings are often way more intense than we anticipated.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 6 years old. Never saw my dad again until I was 16. We spent a weekend together and then never saw him again. My mom moved in with my "stepdad" when I was 9 years old. My stepdad treated my mom like garbage and was mentally abusive to my mom, myself and my two siblings. He did not spend any time with us kids and made us feel like a nuisance most of the time. I don't remember him ever asking how my day was or having a conversation with him. I suffer from low self esteem and spent all of my life looking for validation from men in very unhealthy ways. Always choosing the ones that treated me like garbage and pushing away the ones that weren't. I'm 50 years old now and trying to heal so that the second half of my life is more aligned with what I need and want rather than seeking validation from others by molding myself into what others deem worthy. I am worthy simply by existing and don't have to prove my value to anyone.
"Am worthy simply by existing and I don't need to prove my value to anyone"
Thank you this was beautiful ❤
I wish you all the best ❤
I send you a big hug❤ you are strong! You can do it
My Dad passed three years ago and I miss him. I wish he was still here. It’s tough to work through my father wound when I just want to accept and forgive everything and remember the good about him.
Thank you for showing us that healing is possible..
Thank YOU for being here ❤
Be everything you never got from others because thats all we can frickin do. Just like when we were kids!
This works, but I hadn’t thought of doing it with the non dominant hand. That’s brilliant.
Hope you find this tool supportive!
What i love about u nicole so much is that u focus on heating. That all hope isnt lost. A lot of therapists on youtube focus more on the trauma ( i may or may not be talking about tim Fletcher) and how much it sucks but dont focus enough on the fact that there is a way upwards. And it's free.
Thank you for your service of this brief AND compact video with what is needed to heal the father wound. It’s helping so many become empowered and to feel the emotions that we were trained, programmed and conditioned out of, which actually makes us creator beings! Everyone here commenting has already healed this wound in the future and is just figuring out how they did it! Congratulations to everyone for your service to humanity, because the healing you do to become who you really are goes into the Unified Field we are all entrained with which shows the collective how it’s done - to break free. Thank you X a million! 🙏🏻🎉😍🌎🦋
I have needs and my needs are different and they matter too ❤
I am in the process of getting to know my own needs and self-love.
This was such a good exercise. I have started Incorporating having self check ins and asking myself what I need. And it’s helped tremendously
I always enjoy how clearly you explain the most important points and fills the educational gaps I had as a child. Thank you for your hard work.
As someone who has just cut their dad off with a very strict boundary, this is uncanny timing 😶🌫️ thank you for this! ✨
@signsofabadger7212 ohh, bless you!! Timing indeed. ALL the best to you right here and now and as time passes from the immediacy of the cut-off. 🌞🙏
I'm so impressed with your content and delivery, thank you
Thanks for posting this one. Really hits home and helps me see a path to move forward. I've felt very stuck since becoming estranged from my father. ❤
I'm finding it so difficult to heal from my childhood since I have these beliefs so ingrained in me. I don't think I'm worth love and forgiveness. I can't give those things to myself. And because of that, I'm stuck.
Be kind to yourself. It's all you got and you're all it got. Don't turn your back on it. If you imagine yourself as the helpless child you were and still are in ways am sure your heart will be kind to this child.
You may feel and believe you’re stuck, but imagine that in the future you’re already healed and in this moment you’re figuring out how you did it. You are actually exactly where you are supposed to be and loved and adored for just being. Your work on your healing helps the collective as we are all entrained with each other, so thank you for your service of attending to yourself. 🎉❤
I would suggest to try some body exercises with breathing techniques. Like yoga for example. For me it was a revelation how it changed my feelings towards myself and my perspective on very deeply ingrained beliefs I held about myself all my life. Without doing much else or having a conscious "revelation". It's like the things we say we know, but can't feel, just integrated. It took around 3 months. I wish you the best! 😊
I will definitely give this a try, thank you
So happy to hear you'll be giving this one a try.
This is why I would never trade adulthood for childhood. I much rather have the agency and capability for change I have now as an adult, than the powerlessness I had as a child.
I'm really glad I found this channel. It's been really beneficial. Thank you.
Just the right time, thank you
Glad this one came at the right time for you.
Thank you for this video 💜
It's hard to get support when you get belittled and told that you have no problems.
I’ve done this and it’s really helpful. However, I still haven’t gotten my long term needs met after doing all of this recovery work. Thank you again for spreading the awareness and how to heal.
Grateful to hear you've done this and found it helpful. Thank you for being here and sharing.
Today I connected the dots in therapy. Thank you for this resource I’m going to try these little by little.
Was waiting for this ❤ thank you
It's hard but is possible ❤.. Thank you very much 🤗😘
Yes, it absolutely possible. Thank YOU for being here.
Cam this wound ever truly heal tho 100%…..
I think it's life proceed & is something you can help be lighter, but Is something you carry for life and just have to manage when it arises
Very helpful thank you ❤
I’m practicing the father 👨🏾 wound I thought it was a really good idea to write ✍️ a letter to our inner child with our other hand that isn’t dominant. I will be doing this exercise today outside on my patio .. also I noticed there are ads attached to the video 🤷🏾♀️
Grateful to hear you will be doing this exercise! Appreciate you sharing.
@ryannesumbry4130 the ads are relentlessly attached to TH-cam without Premium membership- it's ridiculous and everywhere. I have had Premium for over a year and still find it worth it to go ad-free here. Only a mention, if it benefits you. 🙂
I don't even know where to start... Since early childhood I remember all I wanted from my father is him to disappear from my life... I was scared of him being at home, as no one was able to protect me. He was unpredictable in his angry burst outs. Decades have passed and still when he says me harsh words it hurts.
Hi Dr. Nicole! thanks for the detailed step-by-step process to help in healing the father wound. You are giving a lot of value in these videos.
BTW, you can make your video more interesting by animating the written words one by one at the time when you are talking about that particular step. It would help in viewer's retention as well. If you want me to provide you an example, let me know. As a video editor myself, I would be more than happy to show you that.
@anaKhuzaima ~ agree she's giving a lot of value in these videos, grateful 🙏
Being a video editor sounds great & very useful skills - as well as fun to do? As an autistic & adhd & cptsd just wanted to say that a calm screen & just voice without music or typing or fancy stuff is often much better for me, too much clever or glitzy stuff can be very distracting or even triggering, esp as the subject of these kind of videos is already potentially upsetting.
Even a 'scritchy' voice, or lots of 'fillers' or hesitations, or forced voice for volume on a stage etc, can cause me stop listening. Tho good editing & composition is a joy to hear/see. Thank you for your creativity & offering to share /teach 🎉❤😊
@@manyBlessings2all thanks a lot!
yeah.. I understand those nuances. And my editing style does not include those overly distracting elements. It's great to hear your POV. Thanks, I'll make myself more conscious and be more inclusive with my edits.
My step-daughter needs to hear this. She has big daddy issues. I met her dad at AA when he had been divorced for a year - that was 20 years ago. My husband has been clean and sober since and is a wonderful man. His daughter blames me for her bad relationship with her dad, I guess because she thinks I took him away🤷♀️. In reality, she avoids him and rarely responds when he contacts her. She lives 300 miles away and doesn’t even tell her dad when she passes through our town. She does speak to him on the phone every couple of months and sees him about once a year. She loves him, but she can’t let go of the fact that she didn’t get the dad she wanted or thought she deserved. In reality, she has a wonderful dad and she’s letting life slip away - we’re getting older and won’t be here forever. She does drink a lot of alcohol so I think that keeps her from emotionally moving forward. Her mom is an alcoholic too. It’s sad and very heartbreaking for my husband.
as a daughter who had kinda that relationship with his passed father; I think the fact that she stills maintain some contact is positive and means that deep inside, she wants what we all here wanted: the ankowledge of her pain and absence of the father she suffered. Don't loose the hope; keep the door open, let her know that no thing he can do now can make up for the past, but if she needs serious (and I mean serious) help anytime, be there without asking for permission or retribution. Only pressence makes up for pressence. But if she decides to heal her alcoholism first or forgive him, is not in your power. Be aware that her own mother issues are a thing there too. Sorry for the long text.
This is incredibly beneficial. Thank you.
Can this be used for Mother Wound, too?
Grateful you've found this one beneficial. And yes, certainly.
Can you talk about the archetypal and essential ways that the Mother (or female parent) differs form the Father (male parent)? Or are they basically the same fundamentally?
I have a mentally ill, difficult, quickly aggressive father who is unable to take criticism. A few years ago, I told a friend that I didn't like my father - as a person. She was completely horrified. I recently said the same thing to another friend with an equally difficult father: I don't like my father. She completely understands.
It took a while before I was able to say the same thing to myself: I don't like my father. No. He is an aggressive, emotionally crippled, absolutely unempathic person. And it's okay to say it EXACTLY like that, for myself.
Only by allowing myself to have my own opinion do I feel free.
And no - I don't say that to my father. He is who he is. If he could be different, he would be.
Why do you use the non dominant hand?
Realize the jobs I take are a reflection of my father. 34 years is too long to hold to someone that controls by their outburst. Money over my mental health. Right before Christmas I stopped talking to him.
Is there an online zoom support group for people that were abandoned by their mother or their father and still dealing with the trauma? Feels like I’m living, always in a sense of high anxiety and fear.
Me too. A support group would be a great idea
How do you process the anger and grief? ❤❤
What if we don’t remember childhood? This is something I constantly come up against. I hardly remember my life, the good, the bad, or the ugly.
Could you please explain what self-prophecy of fulfillment has to do with bringing exactly what you don't want into your life because of your trauma and the resulting destructive behavior patterns, obsessive thoughts, etc.???
I would like to understand it and of course avoid it.
Thank you. & Lovley Greetings from Germany
May I ask why we should use our non dominant hand to write the letter?
Why the non dominant hand curiously?
It’s an interesting idea for sure. No way of knowing her intention behind it, but i imagine it helps you let go of some perfectionism, and sort of forget the adult ego in order to embody the child-self and vulnerability?
Wow
My father was absent married and adopted a girl says it’s his only daughter
Is self hatred for financial stuff, a father wound?
I cannot write with my non-dominate hand. Can I do this with my dominate hand?
How do you become your own best parent if you don't know what a good parent looks like?
How you be ypur best parent? I thought it was easy but then i realized what does my best parent look like. Any examples or scenerios? Comment below:
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I can't write with my other hand, sooooo
Write with any hand it's not the main point you will still get results
incomplete. you're describing steps to heal the mother wound. while i agree that the mother wound needs to be healed before the father wound, that's not the end of it.
Ha. Try emotional/ physical/ sexual abuse, including in public, eldest daughter of three girls in an LDS family that teaches families are forever and sexual purity is paramount. And during the 3 year divorce my statutory r was laughed at as a "Lot's daughters" scenario, so there's never been justice or safety. There's no healing that, even in my mid 30s now after a lifetime of men objectifying me the same way he did, hypocrisy of what if anyone I fall in love with betrays ournown hypothetical kids the same way and I become the world's biggesr hypocrite, only scarring over and trying to build like a felled sapling with only a couple roots left... like knowing how to read and write and the survival perfectionism in schoolwork. Diagnosed PTSD/ Depression with a cocktail of Anxiety. Likely some ADHD/ maybe autism due to my behavioral patterns that every therapist I've had just calls me "aloof" or "white wolf".
Mom was abusive too. Lesser of two evils. When she disowned me after college she said I was just like my father. My crime? Trying to get an answer out of her so I could get something done right so she could stop yelling and feeling like I hated her.
"The Father Wound" is not the same for everyone. I hope everyone else's can be healed.
HUGS!!! That LDS family upbringing is ROUGH! Not something everyone understands.
I'm so sorry you went through all of that.
I am in a similar situation, and working these similar steps with a therapist really did help a lot. My life is in no way fully perfect or fully healed, and I keep discovering new wounds that I didn't even know I had. However, it has helped an IMMENSE amount, and the passive SI that I've felt for my entire life is now gone 99% of the time. Even if you don't think this will help, I'd definitely say at least give it a go. My inner child and I are friends now, and even though she was holding on to every worst emotion that I've ever felt, it turned out she was also holding on to joy, creativity and peace. My heart hurts for what you have been through, but by holding onto our pain we let these bastards live rent free in our heads, and have control over us even when they are gone from our lives. I wish I could invite your inner child to a playdate with mine, and we could do this exercise together somewhere completely safe, and then have cookies and watch cartoons after, but instead I just hope you know that you absolutely deserve compassion, and that you are able to do some self-care in your day today ❤
@@tazandalsoalastname I tried. Had a couple as a teen, they shared my personal information with the congregation... and the small town with the local deputy in said congregation meant I was stuck dealing with it. Went to college and tried again, got one response of, "Just change religions and all of your family issues will evaporate," and another of, "Stop thinking or nothing will ever work out." Not overthinking, just genuine thinking and having rationale dictate over reason.
I'm not willing to reopen EVERYTHING just so I can pay to be betrayed again. Hence why TH-cam keeps suggesting me these dumb videos and sometimes I can't help but bite and criticize.
I have read the source material on how to treat my conditions. I do mindfulness activities daily. I had a freaking PTSD attack at work when a male coworker grabbed my shoulder from behind last Wednesday, and I was able to power through despite the doom spiral later. I'm as bad yet not as bad as I would be with some therapist condescendingly calling me aloof again, or hearing my session details of how impure I am in public again, or you name it.
So like I said, I hope these things work for you all. I'm just hoping to not cause more trouble while I'm around. I've been betrayed by literally every group I've been in (don't have my degree from 2007-2012 because my 3.6+ GPA is dependent on peers performing my works, and there was/ is no net for when they fail to show up to rehearsals or drop out and the recital fails repeatedly... including college groups and professors. And my AmeriCorps service award that was siphoned away through the pandemic because the college didn't define "educational expenses" the same way and no one in my department was willing to document to the fin.aid office that it costs money to pay accomanists and performers or make oboe reeds or print sheet music...? So now I live in my car because I have a job that hates me for following the rules and that's all the stability I'll ever have?). I'm done. I've been done. And I hope whatever bad luck I have means that other people suffer less.
Edited because autocorrect autofailed.
@@Undomaranel I'm so sorry you're suffering, lovely stranger. I only ever found the one good therapist, but the stuff she helped with was very similar to this. I like videos like this on TH-cam because I can no longer afford therapy, but stuff like this I can do alone in my room where it feels safe. I hope at least you have a place to be safe and alone in, because that definitely helps a lot also. If you ever need someone to talk to, just reply here and I'd be happy to listen ❤️
Biased. Mothers can cause a wound too.