Thanks for sharing your story Ben. It's unfortunate that you finally met your biological father under such circumstances. There's a lot that we can take from your experiences. I've been following you since your adoption videos and really enjoy your food content. Thank you for your willingness to open up and share this story with us ❤❤
Vulnerability is never a weakness and you are clearly a gentle soul. You deserve everything good in your life. Thank you for being a conduit of peace, as well. Love ya bro.
@@Sporaclejust curious, how do you feel about your dad being adopted? Do you feel like a part of you is missing? Were you ever angry/sad at him for that? Did you understand it growing up? How did he explain it? I’m adopted and I want to have my own kids someday, but I always wonder what they would think of me being adopted and having no biological relatives.
@@miss.megalodon your question is a little confusing, because you’re asking a question that you yourself can’t even answer. Why would he be angry at his father for being adopted?? For one thing, you act like his father had a (choice) in being (adopted), you act like his father had a choice in being given away!! Stop and think; either you tell the child, your (future children), or you don’t, but what you’re saying makes absolutely no sense; case in point; if your parents didn’t tell you that you were adopted, and you (never knew), (until your last breath), would it matter? (If you didn’t know, would it matter)??? Don’t create problems for yourself, when there’s (no need to), live your life and be happy that your mother didn’t abort you but, chose instead to give you away so that you would have a life to be able to love and have children of your own and not make the mistakes that she did!! Please don’t misunderstand me, I am aware of certain circumstances that you may be concerned about, such as genetics/ hereditary,concerns etc, but not every biological parent is forthcoming about their past either. And just so that you understand, abandonment is not only exclusive to (adopted) children who feel like a part of their souls are missing; there are billions of souls alive and deceased, that never knew their parents even though they were right there….
@@davidadausuel4537 you have no idea what you’re talking about. A child might be curious about their biological relatives it’s just natural. It’s why we all love family history and stories and memories passed on generation to generation. Of course the dad didn’t have a choice in being adopted, I didn’t imply the kid would be mad about that. I’m asking if the kid would feel a sense of loss and mystery about their biological grandparents/family. Also don’t tell adopted people to “be grateful”. There is so much loss in adoption especially when a racial minority child is purchased by a white savior family. I had to escape my abuser adopters they tormented and physically abused me. I’m not grateful for my abuse lol. Would you stay in an abusive marriage just because you’re grateful to the husband for providing? No. And if someone’s parents never told them they were adopted that is really sad to withhold that information from someone. People act like our biological families don’t exist in the same world as we do and think they don’t matter and should be forgotten. I will always be part of someone else’s family tree first. You must someday realize not every adoption is a fairytale and perfect fit, because no one is perfect and parents will always have flaws. Some people who are adopted get placed into abusive families and therefore feel abandoned and unsupported yet again. (Think of all the sad foster kid stories, would you tell a foster kid to be grateful for the system? I hope not.) Don’t tell adoptees how to feel. You have no idea what you’re talking about.
Been watching you since highschool and now I'm in my PhD. I will always be proud of how you are able to share these incidents about your life with us. Food aside, you are an amazing person.
@@Singularity01010 You definitely need maths. Almost all if not majority of the courses at the graduate level in econ are just basically math courses. Linear algebra, Differentiation, Integration, Partial Derivatives etc
It sounds like your brother really wanted to share the experience with you. That is very special. Maybe you two can become good friends in the future. You never know. I found out about a brother much later in life. I wanted to be close to him but he was not interested. I understand and love him from afar. Thanks for sharing.
@@jackmac919I couldn’t ever put myself in ur shoes!!! But I do love my siblings! And if my parents ever had put them in a situation that had them away from me in my life I wouldn’t blame them and would love to see them and meet them!
Tracking down your biological family in itself is a very brave feat. Perhaps you were looking for answers to questions that weren't found through this experience. But know that it does not matter and the past decisions of your biological parents that apparently were unfortunate to resort to them, doesn't in any way have relevance to who you are as a person. I applaud your endeavor and hope you can finally close this past chapter of your life. 🙏
It seems like it's all come full circle. You went to Korea to meet your biological family and ended up meeting your wife with whom you can now create your own little family. Life is a real mix of joy and sorrow, but all in all, it's a beautiful journey. Much love to you and your wife. Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal experience with us ❤
I didn't realize Ben met his wife in Korea! That's so sweet and they seem to be really well suited. I hope they're doing ok after such a traumatic event ❤
I actually enjoyed this story. Thanks for sharing. It takes a lot of guts for a man to travel halfway across the world to meet his biological Dad, Start a new life, Lose his Dad the first time meeting, and keep moving on with life. Makes you wonder what the meaning of life really is anyway. Why do we endure certain things, and what is the goal if happiness is never met? is it to be a good person? Partner? Father? Because when those things aren't satisfied... are we just waiting to die? If they are satisfied, are we still just waiting to die? Will we be remembered? Do we even want to be? Life's quite a trip man.
it is a hard question but personally for me knowing Jesus has given me peace and life , and i would recommend anyone to read Gospel of John or Matthew , i don't wanna force it on anyone but yeah i use to struggle with these thoughts and had no hope for life , was just waiting past on (in case comment get flag) and wanting to past on and actively trying to do that , since my life was a living hell horrible parents, growing poor, being a failure , falling behind compared to everyone, but yeah for me my purpose is to serve Christ and everyday has been a new day , some problems been getting worse and its not all sunshine and rainbow but compare to that live i was living before and now being able to walk with God it really changed my life haha and i know he can too , gice you joy ,purpose , hope , peace and love
'Happiness' or 'contentment' is a byproduct of achieving one's purpose and not necessarily the goal. God created us for a reason. That is to find and worship God and attain true peace in heaven. Its pretty simple if you think about it. How did we get here, what are we doing here and where are we going? Has God directly communicated to us? Perhaps. (Quran maybe) Just search the religions that claim so and see, becuase if He truly did, it would be clear to us once we sincerely go and seek it. Don't overthink it, just do your own research and ask sincere questions. Death is something that is frequently brought up in Islam and as Muslims we are tuaght not to fear it or even ignore it, but to accept it when it is ordained and prepare for it in a rational manner. God is will always be on your side as long as you think good of Him and be true to yourself (minimize cognitive dissonance). Alhamdulillah for Islam (Praise God for Submission to the One and only being that matters (Allah)).
hi Ben. i'm 22 and also adopted from South Korea, and am having my own sort of mental/emotional journey. recently there's been a huge investigation in the news where my adoption agency is even being investigated for fraudulent adoptions, and just.. there's a lot of heartache to be said about Korean adoptees. i'm sorry to hear that your moments with your biological family members were under such stressful circumstances. sending love and peace
Just know that parents who give up their babies for adoption do so often because they want better for their baby than they can provide. They wanted you to have a chance. They didn’t believe they could provide adequate parenting. There is enormous heartbreak all around. It’s very sad for everyone involved.
@@maddy131 While I appreciate the sentiment, what you are saying is the oldest and most tired trope force fed to adoptees. If you really think about it, that old "they just wanted you to have a better life" thing is thought about, communicated, and perpetuated for the psychological safety of everyone BUT THE ADOPTEE. Trust me on this, please stop saying this, it is extremely hurtful and damaging to the adoptee. Is it best for the adoptee to literally be cut off from: every last person who shares our bloodline (family), our heritage, our lineage, our racial community, our culture, and our language?? Saying these tropes to make everyone feel better is Hallmark and another form of gaslighting and toxic separation. We don't need anymore, we have quite enough, thank you! 😬
I cried when you said you spoke to him. Even though he wasnt concious im sure his soul was glad that you came. We are all energetically connected to our family thats why we yearn to learn more about them . I been subscribed to your channel since 2014 I think. You always come across as a purehearted person. You also remind me of my brother .
I'm a Korean adoptee, and your story was heartbreaking to listen to. It is just one of the many iterations of possible meetings we all dream our whole lives of having with our "real family..." I'm sorry it ended this way for you. I'm sorry it was so emotionally charged and quick. It sounded traumatic in nature. It reminded me that my fantasies of reunion with my biological parents (which I have confirmed will never take place due to circumstance) also include highly distressing and negative possibilities. While that is neither here nor there, it elongates this dream and further pushes it into the abstract and ambiguous, if not downright horrific. Thank you for bravely sharing your story of reunion--which was ultimately LOSS. I'm sorry that it began and ended that way for you...strength to you, as you navigate these memories and emotional landscapes. It makes total sense that all of "that" needed to express somewhere, so give yourself some grace regarding the panic attacks and anxiety. Adoptee=having anxiety. Be well, take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. 💗
This was so poignant and beautifully written. I wish you all the best and hope that you have been able to find a semblance of healing, no matter how messy it may look at times. Side note: I’m not sure if you’ve ever thought about freelance writing, but as a writer myself, I would encourage you to consider this if you haven’t before and it’s something that interests you. ♥️
I’ve been watching your videos for about 10 years now and always appreciate hearing stories about your life. Thank you for being vulnerable and reminding us to prioritize spending time with our loved ones while we still have the chance. Keep keeping it real Ben 🤙🏼
Seeing this side of Ben is something I’d never expect to see on this channel. I really respect him for being brave enough to show this vulnerable side of him. Thank you for sharing your story Ben.
Ben, please don't apologize for sharing your feelings privately or not. Sometimes we need a listening ear, even if it is with strangers. I appreciate you sharing something so personal and emotional with us. I know you have helped someone, even if it is only to let them know they're not alone. Thank you for that beautiful story. Just know that those uncontrollable tears shed that day were probably a long time coming.
Even though this video was a ramble, you are a fantastic storyteller. Not only that, but as im sure you know, you have a very calm, relaxing and thought provoking presense and way of speaking that makes videos such as these cathartic and healing. Ive watched a ton of your videos and its these and those moments when you reflect/share on personal matters during your normal eating videos that are my favorites.
oh snap, i remember watching years ago when you had like 50k subs and you talked about your adoption and how you were fortunate to have a family adopt you and living in the rust belt around chicago. I have not watched the whole video but i am watching as i write, i am excited to see how you approach this very delicate situation in life. im going to tune in now, thank you ben for sharing this with us.
Hey Ben. Thanks for sharing. I am a korean american in my 50’s and your video triggered memories of going through a similar process when my mother passed away over 20 years ago. The feeling you emoted, described resonated with me. It took be back to the whole fish out of water experience, the blur of the administration of death and the messiness of it all. Not at all romantic as many of us may think how the end would be like. Not the moment you wanted be in, but glad that you were able to share the experience with your biological brother on that difficult day. I’m sure it meant it lot for him for you to be there. God Bless!
Thanks for sharing. I’m one of those viewers that had been watching during the adoption videos and this was very much appreciated. Although you don’t owe us any info into your personal life, it is nice that you allowed us to follow you to the end of this story.
You're a kind and strong person, not a lot of people would want to be part of a situation like that, you're biological brother needed you and you were there for him, that must've meant a lot for him❤
Insane that you got this vulnerable for the world to see. You’re a real human and it would have taken real guts to do this and say this on camera. Crazy amounts of respect for you, Ben. Wish for nothing but the best for you
You commented 2 minutes ago, video dropped 5 minutes ago. Now I know this video got released for members early, but you arent a member. So how exactly do you know that he got "vulnerable for the world to see"
Appreciate the transparency, I know due to obvious reasons this channel tends to shy away from the personal stuff. More power to you Ben on your life journey, we're here for it
That was a very courageous thing you did today brother; I hope the 'weight' you've been carrying is somewhat lighter now. Feel humbled that you shared such a personal part of your life. Thank you Ben🙏.
truly sorry you had to experience your biological dads death like that. we appreciate you telling this story and being vulnerable with us. wish you all the best, Ben. 💚
Never doubt yourself. You told your story so well, despite the emotional strain. You are articulate, kind and clear. This comes through in everything you do, and your concern for others makes you humble. I don't think you will ever lose that and it is great! You may come by your anxiety through your birth mother. With time, maybe you will overcome that. I have a lot of faith in you. Enjoy your life with your beautiful wife! The world needs more people like the two of you!
You have my condolences Ben, I admire you were able to speak about this situation and be comfortable with it. Don't hold back on sharing stories with us, some will appreciate them and others won't but if it makes you feel good or better that's all that matters!
I suffer from anxiety and sometimes panic attacks too bro. I totally feel you. It would be nice if you wanna talk more about that. Glad you opened up to us about this.
Ben, he waited for you. Before he died. And he waited for you to leave the room so you didn't have to see it. No matter what the circumstances were up to that point between you and him, he didn't die until you came and until after you left.
I've followed you forever and I have my own very personal ties with Korea and Koreans. Thank you for this very honest post. I love how you told the story and was touched to hear you saying your name in Korean. I was also aware of you almost constantly touching your wedding ring which is a lovely testament how your love with your wife comforts and strengthens you ❤
Thank you for sharing your story Ben. Actually, your original adoption videos from years ago is how I stumbled upon your channel in the first place. Tracking down your biological family is very brave. I hope this chapter of your journey may close on a positive note. You're doing mighty fine! Take care.
You are incredibly emotionally mature, Ben. Thank you for being so courageous as to share your really difficult emotional journey. I think what you have gone through would give anyone panic attacks...have you considered therapy? Getting an unbiased perspective may help with your healing process. Wishing you all the best with your new wife and family to be, you deserve all the happiness ❤
You watch a guy wolf down pizza for years -- it's been nice to get a better sense of who he is and where he's coming from. Not just this video but this past year. Outstanding stuff. Really hits home.
That sounds so traumatic, I'm so sorry, Ben! I hope you've been seeing a therapist, someone who is familiar with working with such complex situations. But you really are going to help others going through this. Proud of you, Brother 🤍
It's very possible your father saw you even though he could not physically respond. I've heard so many stories of people during NDEs that have experienced things like this. Having to face death can be very traumatizing. It makes life feel more finite, but it can be a great touchstone to spiritual growth. I appreciate you sharing such a vulnerable story and I hope that you do get the opportunity to stay more connected with your biological brother. Your anxiety might be trying to point you to deeper internal struggles or even trauma that you may not be consciously aware of. Take time to notice what triggers you, as it can be a great indicator of where you need to look. For me, my fear of death led me to unveiling a fear of abandonment from my own childhood trauma. I tried to numb the pain with alcohol for years but it only made me feel worse in the end. I wish you and your wife all the best.
You sharing this story online just shows how much you care about your fanbase Ben. I have been watching you for 6+ years now and your content really helped me through tough times. Love your content and hope for many great years of mukbangs to come ❤
I can definitely relate as a Korean American living here in Korea where I relocated to after my mom passed away. I can feel your anxiety and emotional turmoil through these tough times. I also had series of panic attacks all the while. You are not alone. Sending blessings and warmth your way. Love your vids btw. 좋은 하루 보내세요!
Hey Ben. I’ve never commented on your channel until now. I am truly deeply sorry for your loss of your biological father. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your story of your loss of a parent and the vulnerability of the depth of one’s grief. My dad also shared similarities like you being born in SK then adopted and moved to the US. So your story became very personal for me and moved me to understand you and what you went through. My most deepest and humbled condolences to you and your family. Sending from Seattle.
Sorry to hear about your dad and having to meet him in the most unfortunate circumstances. The whole death and funeral structure in Korea is intense compared to the US. You barely have time to mourn right after his passing. I can’t fathom what you were going through. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing such a personal story with us. I always wondered what happened with your search for your biological parents. I hope you have some peace and closure. Stay strong Ben. ❤
Damn, I been following you for a while and never expected you to bring back the more "personal" content. Thanks for sharing! Real ones remember your old videos
Hey Ben, thanks for sharing. I remember those videos of you talking about your adoption story years ago. It's a pretty big leap of faith in being vulnerable and putting your story out there which I already see many of the comments resonating with it. I wasn't adopted but I do suffer from anxiety and panic attacks like you talked about and yeah, it does heighten following a traumatic or deeply emotional event. But I think you talking about it will help a lot in coming to terms with any hidden feelings or buried emotions about that event so I'm glad you did.
I'm really glad you shared this, that kind of raw honesty and vulnerability is so rare and it's nice to see. Don't worry about the pauses and ums and rambling, it's real to have to parse this kind of thing on the fly as you're retelling. As to reconnection, I feel like if you met your biological mom one time, even if it didn't go super well, it'd probably feel like some window onto that world that you won't have a chance at if the first and last time you see her is in a similar context to your biological dad. I feel like it would also help your biological bro feel less alone in his understanding of her to know you get it not just from description but from experience, even if he's the one warning you not to meet it feels like on some level that would form a bond of understanding between y'all even if the meet went south. But whatever you choose, it's your choice at the end of the day. Hope your anxiety improves, if it doesn't though I hope you can seek out some therapy, even like online therapy with a therapist in the US who can match your time zone or something if English-speaking folks are sparse out there. Might help you unpack shit and grasp the root of it and develop healthy coping strategies to lessen the impact.
Im sorry. This story is hard. I can relate. Im also adopted and i met my adopted parents at 17. My Bio dad died when i was 27. My adoptive mom died three yrs ago of a heart attack and at the same time my bio mom was on life support. So in on week i had to say goodbye to my mom and also take my bio mom off life support. I had to figure out two funerals in one week for both of my moms. I cant process it still. Much love and grief takes a while to process for sure. ❤
I actually teared up a bit while watching the video, not because of the experience (as you mentioned at the end that you don't expect that we go extreme either side) but maybe mostly because of the fact that you have such courage to share this not-easy story of yours after all this time. And I kinda like the rambling that thankfully you decided to not to remove from this video before uploading it, as those are the parts that are mostly touching to me, as again it takes courage to show the real and authentic self on the internet. Lastly, being one of the people who watched your early videos, i want to say it IS a pleasure to "see you again" taking the stuff that you shared years before, it's like a super warm catch-up! 🌞Wishing you the best Ben
Ben, I have been a subscriber for a very long time and I remember your adoption story. Since I only know you through TH-cam, I was surprised at the emotions that I personally experienced while listening to your story. This truly took me by surprise. Saying that, I can only imagine some of the emotions that you may have experienced two years ago and even now. I am happy that you have supportive parents and a lovely wife to be with you then and now.
u a real one dawg. nobody asked to be born, yet here we are. growing up i had a very solid family, a dream of a life. yet the more i went on the more i realized just how much my parents went through, it was crazy to me to end up seeing them as people when for most my life i just saw them as these pillars of undeniable purpose and place. like, they were my parents. but underneath it all they were in the same exact position i was in and was struggling too. family is weird like tht. pretty wild to think abt
No apologies necessary! This was such a moving story… and im glad it was a step toward closure in the way that you need! Unfiltered vulnerability can be so powerful
👍💝🤗💝I appreciate you honoring your story. This is all part of the healing process. This is how you started this channel. I’m one of the day one era subscribers and love that you shared your adoption story. You’re human. Your stories are important and help other people. I hope you re-post your original adoption story videos. We support you. Thank you for sharing with us. 🙏💝
I have never met any of my biological family. I am curious, but my adopted family loves me, and I really didn't want to go there. I thank you because your story makes me feel better about my decision not trying to be cruel, but you have put yourself through the ringer. I pray you're able to get closure because your story is heartbreaking to me.
Jeez Ben, I know it all feels surreal especially in your situation with your bio mother/father. I've been to a couple of funerals myself and they all feel surreal but yours hits a lot different. Thx for sharing my dood and good to see you doing well enough even after these couple years.
Ben thank you for sharing. I remember watching your videos back in 2017 & 2018 and just re-discovered your channel after a while. Back then I remember watching some of your adoption videos and as a Chinese adoptee I always found it interesting to hear your stories, especially as someone who moved back to their birth country. Watching this made my heart ache, and while I’ve had family members pass away in my life I can’t begin to process how I would feel if I was in the same situation. This made me think a lot about my biological family for the first time in a few months and just how much I don’t know about them. Sending support to you and thankful you seem to have a support system as you process these events.
I'm so sorry 😢. As a health care provider this is the part of nursing that hurts my heart. The end of life care is not for me. I love tending to my patients and seeing them getting better and return to their families. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I just finished watching. Thank you for sharing Ben. There’s a lot of confusing emotions that you go through with these kinds of situations. You don’t know how to feel but there’s this tightness in your chest. I’m glad you got a little bit of closure.
Hey Ben, just wanted to say that as a Korean-American adoptee myself I really appreciate you sharing this story and being as transparent as you were about all the feelings you were feeling. I haven’t ever gotten to meet my biological parents due to a number of circumstances that are out of my control and haven’t ever really been at peace about it tbh but hearing stories like this from people who have experienced similar things as I have goes a long way and means a lot as growing up as a kid, teen, and even in my adulthood it always felt like nobody in the world could relate to what or how I was feeling. Sending lots of love my man 🙏🏽
Totally understand that feeling of alienation you described...this is what we go through, unfortunately, and the isolation of that feeling of being so separate and "not normal" can really dismantle our wellbeing and sense of self. Well said.
@@beth-z4e yep, have had self-esteem issues most my life as a result of some of those things but have grown to be much more comfortable with who I am and what I’ve been through over the last couple years. Wishing you peace on your own journey, my friend!
Thanks for sharing something so personal with us. Losing someone biological or not, someone that you have some sort of connection to, is never easy. I can't even fathom what you were feeling in that moment, my heart was wrenching as I got through the video. I wish you success with however you try to deal with this situation. Thanks again for sharing your story and RIP.
Your story is pure and emotional. Thank you you for sharing. I wonder if your brother could share any thoughts or contexts for asking you to go meet your father. I wonder what your father’s last words of you were. He was pleading with your father that you had come. Regardless, I am sure your father knew you were there. Maybe he had some sadness and wanted to know you ended up better than ok after the adoption. It was a heavy intense fast paced ending. I pray you can let it go now as you did the best you could do. Perhaps in doing so, you can release some anxiety. ❤
Sorry you went through that man. I did the same thing with my brother, we both kept waiting for someone to call. by the time we did talk we both thought we hated each other because we never reached out. If you care, don't let it go too long.
Yeah dude, the panic attacks are what got me too. Was going pretty hard on the sauce, and it felt normal for years. Then the panic attacks started when stress around me got insane. Had to cut it all out entirely to get rid of the anxiety. You've got this.
That was the first video of yours that I watched; the one about your adoption story. I thought that you had already resolved the situation and reached some closure, since you no longer discussed it in detail. I never imagined that you went through such a heartbreak. I'm so sorry.
Unfortunately this reminds me when I saw my grandmother for the last time, she was in the ICU and at the time I had no idea of what was that. The doctors and even my parents told me to go and say goodbye basically but I didn't know that she was unconscious and it was pretty intense to see her. Her condition was bad and her appearance was completely different from what I knew because of diabetes. Thank you for sharing your story Ben, your brother needed you and you did the best thing by being on his side trough all of this situation.
Been a fan of the chill laid back content through the years, but this was always one of those through lines kinda that I was wondering if we'd ever hear I about. I even remember those videos from a couple of years ago where you mentioned something happening and I was like, I wonder if it was related. Anyway, thanks for sharing, I do hope it helped in someway with the closure process.
Thanks for sharing Ben. I commend you for your courage to speak about this part of your life. I can only imagine the emotional impact this has had on you. May you find peace and healing as the time goes by. I believe your biological mother is the way she is because she was traumatized in her life. Remember to count your blessings.
I hope you can keep in touch with your brother, especially if you are ok or comfortable with him (you painted him as someone interested in you without strings which is rare). Also, kudos to you for being really nice about explaining that traumatic story (essentially meeting/seeing bio dad as he died) sorry things went that way but it's good you can speak on it. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. It was very nice of you to stay with your brother during such a trying time, despite how surreal and unreal the situation might have felt for you.
Honored to have you share your personal life with us. Thank you for keeping it raw. I always loved your commentary on all these dishes you’ve reviewed. Now the like has upgraded to respect
Hey Ben, I'm currently 25 and also an adoptee from SK but living in Sweden. I haven't really given it much thought to seek my biological parents to be honest. Obviously the thought has crossed my mind a few times but not really thought too deeply about it. This makes me really think I should seek contact perhaps and reconnect before it's too late. Not really good at writing messages like this but thank you for sharing.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story with all of us Ben. Please don’t ever apologize for anything. Being real is a rarity these days in social media and you’re very refreshing. I had no idea what you had been through as a newer viewer. So much respect to you. I hope that you continue to open up your feelings to us. You’re so superior with being a conversationalist and have created a beautiful caring community that supports you through everything.
Your story is one of 200,000 Korean adoptees. The largest number of adoptees around the world. Most of them in the US and around your generation but it goes as far back as WWII. Hope your story can help in some way with the other adoptees. As a Korean-American who learned about this in the early 2000s in college, I became somewhat interested in this topic cuz the peak of Korean adoptees was during the decade I was born, in the 80s.
Hi Ben. As a fellow adoptee (Chinese though, not Korean) hearing your story meant a lot. Thank you for being vulnerable. I truly hope sharing it helped you in some way. Sending support and care
I really appreciate you sharing your story. I can relate, cuz I have my own late-father story, but I'm not going to distract from yours. You deserve to be heard. You are heard. Much love ❤
Thank you for sharing, it's not just the Korean culture that deals with death and funerals in such a rushed way. Moving back home from the west I've experienced something similar to this, it was so rushed and you're not even allowed to cry, and random strangers come to eat food, and I'm like I can't even think straight let alone dine at someone's funeral, they're just too emotionally rigid and tough, I don't know how else to describe it.
A person's hearing is the last to go. I'm sure your dad heard you. Childhood trauma is nexer easy to forgive or forget. You are very courageous to share abt this. You and your brother need counselling.
I watched those old adoption videos and mukbangs and was very invested in your life in Korea. I'm glad you revisited it and shared it with us. I took a lot away from it. Thank you.
"A lot of stories are personal until you tell them", what a beautiful quote. Really heart touching story Ben, wishing the best for you
i thought that said “a lot of stories are beautiful until you tell them”😭😭
@MassiveMaleMonkeylmfao 😭
Thanks for sharing your story Ben. It's unfortunate that you finally met your biological father under such circumstances. There's a lot that we can take from your experiences. I've been following you since your adoption videos and really enjoy your food content. Thank you for your willingness to open up and share this story with us ❤❤
bro you didnt even watch the video?😭
How tf did u comment before the video dropped gang💀
Bro typing without even hearing the story first😭😭 god damn
@@iidxnero8024I think the video was made private for a bit and reposted cuz his comment is 13 hours old
Comment got me puzzled.🤔
Vulnerability is never a weakness and you are clearly a gentle soul. You deserve everything good in your life. Thank you for being a conduit of peace, as well. Love ya bro.
My dad was adopted and I've been through a weird few years with 23 and Me, getting to know my biological family and the history around it all.
@@Sporaclejust curious, how do you feel about your dad being adopted? Do you feel like a part of you is missing? Were you ever angry/sad at him for that? Did you understand it growing up? How did he explain it? I’m adopted and I want to have my own kids someday, but I always wonder what they would think of me being adopted and having no biological relatives.
@@miss.megalodon your question is a little confusing, because you’re asking a question that you yourself can’t even answer. Why would he be angry at his father for being adopted?? For one thing, you act like his father had a (choice) in being (adopted), you act like his father had a choice in being given away!! Stop and think; either you tell the child, your (future children), or you don’t, but what you’re saying makes absolutely no sense; case in point; if your parents didn’t tell you that you were adopted, and you (never knew), (until your last breath), would it matter? (If you didn’t know, would it matter)??? Don’t create problems for yourself, when there’s (no need to), live your life and be happy that your mother didn’t abort you but, chose instead to give you away so that you would have a life to be able to love and have children of your own and not make the mistakes that she did!! Please don’t misunderstand me, I am aware of certain circumstances that you may be concerned about, such as genetics/ hereditary,concerns etc, but not every biological parent is forthcoming about their past either. And just so that you understand, abandonment is not only exclusive to (adopted) children who feel like a part of their souls are missing; there are billions of souls alive and deceased, that never knew their parents even though they were right there….
@@davidadausuel4537 you have no idea what you’re talking about. A child might be curious about their biological relatives it’s just natural. It’s why we all love family history and stories and memories passed on generation to generation. Of course the dad didn’t have a choice in being adopted, I didn’t imply the kid would be mad about that. I’m asking if the kid would feel a sense of loss and mystery about their biological grandparents/family.
Also don’t tell adopted people to “be grateful”. There is so much loss in adoption especially when a racial minority child is purchased by a white savior family. I had to escape my abuser adopters they tormented and physically abused me. I’m not grateful for my abuse lol. Would you stay in an abusive marriage just because you’re grateful to the husband for providing? No. And if someone’s parents never told them they were adopted that is really sad to withhold that information from someone. People act like our biological families don’t exist in the same world as we do and think they don’t matter and should be forgotten. I will always be part of someone else’s family tree first.
You must someday realize not every adoption is a fairytale and perfect fit, because no one is perfect and parents will always have flaws. Some people who are adopted get placed into abusive families and therefore feel abandoned and unsupported yet again. (Think of all the sad foster kid stories, would you tell a foster kid to be grateful for the system? I hope not.) Don’t tell adoptees how to feel. You have no idea what you’re talking about.
Been watching you since highschool and now I'm in my PhD. I will always be proud of how you are able to share these incidents about your life with us. Food aside, you are an amazing person.
What is your PhD in ?
@@YJ-7 Economics. Focussing on Industrial Organization and Applied Econometrics.
@@ayaka4926 wait i mess with that, if theres any advice you can give in that area, please do so
@@Singularity01010 You definitely need maths. Almost all if not majority of the courses at the graduate level in econ are just basically math courses. Linear algebra, Differentiation, Integration, Partial Derivatives etc
@@Singularity01010 haha, you just gotta work hard man. You'll get there eventually.
Never apologize for your feelings, thank you for sharing such a difficult time in your life.
It sounds like your brother really wanted to share the experience with you. That is very special. Maybe you two can become good friends in the future. You never know. I found out about a brother much later in life. I wanted to be close to him but he was not interested. I understand and love him from afar. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah I have a few siblings that I’ve never met, I feel no way about it though.
The ones who asked about me, got to meet me.
@@jackmac919I couldn’t ever put myself in ur shoes!!! But I do love my siblings! And if my parents ever had put them in a situation that had them away from me in my life I wouldn’t blame them and would love to see them and meet them!
Tracking down your biological family in itself is a very brave feat. Perhaps you were looking for answers to questions that weren't found through this experience. But know that it does not matter and the past decisions of your biological parents that apparently were unfortunate to resort to them, doesn't in any way have relevance to who you are as a person. I applaud your endeavor and hope you can finally close this past chapter of your life. 🙏
yes it does have relevance thats a fukn bs view you have when you cant even relate.
@@passedoutsober6322 I think they worded it poorly, but while it is relevant-- it does not define a person. That ultimately lies with the individual.
@@passedoutsober6322 didnt even word it wrong you just dumb as hell
@@Maityist well said
It seems like it's all come full circle. You went to Korea to meet your biological family and ended up meeting your wife with whom you can now create your own little family. Life is a real mix of joy and sorrow, but all in all, it's a beautiful journey. Much love to you and your wife. Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal experience with us ❤
I didn't realize Ben met his wife in Korea! That's so sweet and they seem to be really well suited. I hope they're doing ok after such a traumatic event ❤
Thank you for this perspective. This helped me a lot 🤍
I actually enjoyed this story. Thanks for sharing. It takes a lot of guts for a man to travel halfway across the world to meet his biological Dad, Start a new life, Lose his Dad the first time meeting, and keep moving on with life. Makes you wonder what the meaning of life really is anyway. Why do we endure certain things, and what is the goal if happiness is never met? is it to be a good person? Partner? Father? Because when those things aren't satisfied... are we just waiting to die? If they are satisfied, are we still just waiting to die? Will we be remembered? Do we even want to be? Life's quite a trip man.
Those are wonderful questions Mark. Do you think you can find the answers before death?
it is a hard question but personally for me knowing Jesus has given me peace and life , and i would recommend anyone to read Gospel of John or Matthew , i don't wanna force it on anyone but yeah i use to struggle with these thoughts and had no hope for life , was just waiting past on (in case comment get flag) and wanting to past on and actively trying to do that , since my life was a living hell horrible parents, growing poor, being a failure , falling behind compared to everyone, but yeah for me my purpose is to serve Christ and everyday has been a new day , some problems been getting worse and its not all sunshine and rainbow but compare to that live i was living before and now being able to walk with God it really changed my life haha and i know he can too , gice you joy ,purpose , hope , peace and love
'Happiness' or 'contentment' is a byproduct of achieving one's purpose and not necessarily the goal. God created us for a reason. That is to find and worship God and attain true peace in heaven. Its pretty simple if you think about it. How did we get here, what are we doing here and where are we going? Has God directly communicated to us? Perhaps. (Quran maybe) Just search the religions that claim so and see, becuase if He truly did, it would be clear to us once we sincerely go and seek it.
Don't overthink it, just do your own research and ask sincere questions. Death is something that is frequently brought up in Islam and as Muslims we are tuaght not to fear it or even ignore it, but to accept it when it is ordained and prepare for it in a rational manner. God is will always be on your side as long as you think good of Him and be true to yourself (minimize cognitive dissonance). Alhamdulillah for Islam (Praise God for Submission to the One and only being that matters (Allah)).
These are real good and honest questions to ask by the way and I pray that God eventually guides you, Ben and everyone here.
wow. no apologies necessary. Thank you for sharing a part of your life.
hi Ben. i'm 22 and also adopted from South Korea, and am having my own sort of mental/emotional journey. recently there's been a huge investigation in the news where my adoption agency is even being investigated for fraudulent adoptions, and just.. there's a lot of heartache to be said about Korean adoptees. i'm sorry to hear that your moments with your biological family members were under such stressful circumstances. sending love and peace
That’s the first thing I thought of when I saw this video pop up
Well said, we adoptees have had to endure an incredible amount of personal heartbreak. This type of heartbreak is too rarely understood. 😢
Just know that parents who give up their babies for adoption do so often because they want better for their baby than they can provide. They wanted you to have a chance. They didn’t believe they could provide adequate parenting. There is enormous heartbreak all around. It’s very sad for everyone involved.
@@maddy131 While I appreciate the sentiment, what you are saying is the oldest and most tired trope force fed to adoptees. If you really think about it, that old "they just wanted you to have a better life" thing is thought about, communicated, and perpetuated for the psychological safety of everyone BUT THE ADOPTEE. Trust me on this, please stop saying this, it is extremely hurtful and damaging to the adoptee. Is it best for the adoptee to literally be cut off from: every last person who shares our bloodline (family), our heritage, our lineage, our racial community, our culture, and our language?? Saying these tropes to make everyone feel better is Hallmark and another form of gaslighting and toxic separation. We don't need anymore, we have quite enough, thank you! 😬
@@beth-z4e yup the old "its not you, it's me"
I cried when you said you spoke to him. Even though he wasnt concious im sure his soul was glad that you came. We are all energetically connected to our family thats why we yearn to learn more about them . I been subscribed to your channel since 2014 I think. You always come across as a purehearted person. You also remind me of my brother .
u have a beautiful soul
@ thanks for saying that , your soul is beautiful as well 🦋❤️
I'm a Korean adoptee, and your story was heartbreaking to listen to. It is just one of the many iterations of possible meetings we all dream our whole lives of having with our "real family..."
I'm sorry it ended this way for you. I'm sorry it was so emotionally charged and quick. It sounded traumatic in nature. It reminded me that my fantasies of reunion with my biological parents (which I have confirmed will never take place due to circumstance) also include highly distressing and negative possibilities. While that is neither here nor there, it elongates this dream and further pushes it into the abstract and ambiguous, if not downright horrific. Thank you for bravely sharing your story of reunion--which was ultimately LOSS. I'm sorry that it began and ended that way for you...strength to you, as you navigate these memories and emotional landscapes. It makes total sense that all of "that" needed to express somewhere, so give yourself some grace regarding the panic attacks and anxiety. Adoptee=having anxiety. Be well, take good care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. 💗
This was so poignant and beautifully written. I wish you all the best and hope that you have been able to find a semblance of healing, no matter how messy it may look at times.
Side note: I’m not sure if you’ve ever thought about freelance writing, but as a writer myself, I would encourage you to consider this if you haven’t before and it’s something that interests you. ♥️
@@laraisokay Thank you for your very kind comments! 💓 All the best to you, as well.
Don’t be too hard on yourself Ben, the fact that you even went shows your character. Hope things are well brother.
I’ve been watching your videos for about 10 years now and always appreciate hearing stories about your life. Thank you for being vulnerable and reminding us to prioritize spending time with our loved ones while we still have the chance. Keep keeping it real Ben 🤙🏼
his first video was 6 years ago??
@@nooblordthefour he deleted most of his older vids
@@YouGotNoJams. ah ok
Seeing this side of Ben is something I’d never expect to see on this channel. I really respect him for being brave enough to show this vulnerable side of him. Thank you for sharing your story Ben.
Ben, please don't apologize for sharing your feelings privately or not. Sometimes we need a listening ear, even if it is with strangers. I appreciate you sharing something so personal and emotional with us. I know you have helped someone, even if it is only to let them know they're not alone. Thank you for that beautiful story. Just know that those uncontrollable tears shed that day were probably a long time coming.
Even though this video was a ramble, you are a fantastic storyteller. Not only that, but as im sure you know, you have a very calm, relaxing and thought provoking presense and way of speaking that makes videos such as these cathartic and healing. Ive watched a ton of your videos and its these and those moments when you reflect/share on personal matters during your normal eating videos that are my favorites.
Ben, that could not have been easy. I appreciate you sharing your story.
Ben it takes a lot to be this open. Especially on a place like the internet. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your story ❤
oh snap, i remember watching years ago when you had like 50k subs and you talked about your adoption and how you were fortunate to have a family adopt you and living in the rust belt around chicago. I have not watched the whole video but i am watching as i write, i am excited to see how you approach this very delicate situation in life. im going to tune in now, thank you ben for sharing this with us.
Hey Ben. Thanks for sharing. I am a korean american in my 50’s and your video triggered memories of going through a similar process when my mother passed away over 20 years ago. The feeling you emoted, described resonated with me. It took be back to the whole fish out of water experience, the blur of the administration of death and the messiness of it all. Not at all romantic as many of us may think how the end would be like. Not the moment you wanted be in, but glad that you were able to share the experience with your biological brother on that difficult day. I’m sure it meant it lot for him for you to be there. God Bless!
Thanks for sharing. I’m one of those viewers that had been watching during the adoption videos and this was very much appreciated. Although you don’t owe us any info into your personal life, it is nice that you allowed us to follow you to the end of this story.
You're a kind and strong person, not a lot of people would want to be part of a situation like that, you're biological brother needed you and you were there for him, that must've meant a lot for him❤
Insane that you got this vulnerable for the world to see. You’re a real human and it would have taken real guts to do this and say this on camera. Crazy amounts of respect for you, Ben. Wish for nothing but the best for you
You commented 2 minutes ago, video dropped 5 minutes ago. Now I know this video got released for members early, but you arent a member. So how exactly do you know that he got "vulnerable for the world to see"
@Elatenl Tbh from the title alone i knew this was gonna be a bit of a heavy topic.
@@Hydra_X9K_Music I guess but "Insane that you got this vulnerable for the world to see." is quite specific
@Elatenl my headcanon is that he watched the video at 2x speed. Lol, seriously though, I'm not 100% sure myself
@@ElatenlDamn you real af for that, these dudes just saying any filler to get likes and pretend to care about the content
Ben you're the goat. I wish you and your family the best forever and thank you for trusting us fans with this, Love you man.
Appreciate the transparency, I know due to obvious reasons this channel tends to shy away from the personal stuff. More power to you Ben on your life journey, we're here for it
Your vulnerability is so respected and appreciated. You have a lot of people here who support you. Thank you so much for sharing.
For what it’s worth I think your brother was comforted by you being there with him in the ICU. I wish you peace and healing.
Thank you for sharing BenDeen, please take care of yourself and don't be afraid to reach out to your biological bro from time to time ❤
That was a very courageous thing you did today brother; I hope the 'weight' you've been carrying is somewhat lighter now. Feel humbled that you shared such a personal part of your life. Thank you Ben🙏.
truly sorry you had to experience your biological dads death like that. we appreciate you telling this story and being vulnerable with us. wish you all the best, Ben. 💚
So much respect for you having the courage to sit down and share this time in your life with us.
Never doubt yourself. You told your story so well, despite the emotional strain. You are articulate, kind and clear. This comes through in everything you do, and your concern for others makes you humble. I don't think you will ever lose that and it is great! You may come by your anxiety through your birth mother. With time, maybe you will overcome that. I have a lot of faith in you. Enjoy your life with your beautiful wife! The world needs more people like the two of you!
Much love brother. What a closing of a chapter. Very taxing. Thanks for sharing
You have my condolences Ben, I admire you were able to speak about this situation and be comfortable with it. Don't hold back on sharing stories with us, some will appreciate them and others won't but if it makes you feel good or better that's all that matters!
He can't though. He needs to be careful.
@@kaeoam5882
Careful of what exactly??
What an incredibly taxing experience. My heart goes out to you and the families involved. Thank you for sharing this experience
I suffer from anxiety and sometimes panic attacks too bro. I totally feel you. It would be nice if you wanna talk more about that. Glad you opened up to us about this.
Ben, he waited for you. Before he died. And he waited for you to leave the room so you didn't have to see it. No matter what the circumstances were up to that point between you and him, he didn't die until you came and until after you left.
Iam believe that also
I've followed you forever and I have my own very personal ties with Korea and Koreans. Thank you for this very honest post. I love how you told the story and was touched to hear you saying your name in Korean. I was also aware of you almost constantly touching your wedding ring which is a lovely testament how your love with your wife comforts and strengthens you ❤
Thank you for sharing your story Ben. Actually, your original adoption videos from years ago is how I stumbled upon your channel in the first place. Tracking down your biological family is very brave. I hope this chapter of your journey may close on a positive note. You're doing mighty fine! Take care.
You are incredibly emotionally mature, Ben. Thank you for being so courageous as to share your really difficult emotional journey. I think what you have gone through would give anyone panic attacks...have you considered therapy? Getting an unbiased perspective may help with your healing process. Wishing you all the best with your new wife and family to be, you deserve all the happiness ❤
You watch a guy wolf down pizza for years -- it's been nice to get a better sense of who he is and where he's coming from. Not just this video but this past year. Outstanding stuff. Really hits home.
You're a good communicator, Ben. Thank you for sharing.
That sounds so traumatic, I'm so sorry, Ben! I hope you've been seeing a therapist, someone who is familiar with working with such complex situations. But you really are going to help others going through this. Proud of you, Brother 🤍
It's very possible your father saw you even though he could not physically respond. I've heard so many stories of people during NDEs that have experienced things like this. Having to face death can be very traumatizing. It makes life feel more finite, but it can be a great touchstone to spiritual growth. I appreciate you sharing such a vulnerable story and I hope that you do get the opportunity to stay more connected with your biological brother. Your anxiety might be trying to point you to deeper internal struggles or even trauma that you may not be consciously aware of. Take time to notice what triggers you, as it can be a great indicator of where you need to look. For me, my fear of death led me to unveiling a fear of abandonment from my own childhood trauma. I tried to numb the pain with alcohol for years but it only made me feel worse in the end. I wish you and your wife all the best.
As someone who struggles with anxiety, shit for about 3 years now, I’d love to hear about it through your lenses ❤️ You’re a warrior g.
You sharing this story online just shows how much you care about your fanbase Ben. I have been watching you for 6+ years now and your content really helped me through tough times. Love your content and hope for many great years of mukbangs to come ❤
I can definitely relate as a Korean American living here in Korea where I relocated to after my mom passed away. I can feel your anxiety and emotional turmoil through these tough times. I also had series of panic attacks all the while. You are not alone. Sending blessings and warmth your way. Love your vids btw. 좋은 하루 보내세요!
Hey Ben. I’ve never commented on your channel until now. I am truly deeply sorry for your loss of your biological father. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your story of your loss of a parent and the vulnerability of the depth of one’s grief. My dad also shared similarities like you being born in SK then adopted and moved to the US. So your story became very personal for me and moved me to understand you and what you went through. My most deepest and humbled condolences to you and your family.
Sending from Seattle.
Sorry to hear about your dad and having to meet him in the most unfortunate circumstances. The whole death and funeral structure in Korea is intense compared to the US. You barely have time to mourn right after his passing. I can’t fathom what you were going through. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing such a personal story with us. I always wondered what happened with your search for your biological parents. I hope you have some peace and closure. Stay strong Ben. ❤
Damn, I been following you for a while and never expected you to bring back the more "personal" content. Thanks for sharing! Real ones remember your old videos
Hey Ben, thanks for sharing. I remember those videos of you talking about your adoption story years ago. It's a pretty big leap of faith in being vulnerable and putting your story out there which I already see many of the comments resonating with it. I wasn't adopted but I do suffer from anxiety and panic attacks like you talked about and yeah, it does heighten following a traumatic or deeply emotional event. But I think you talking about it will help a lot in coming to terms with any hidden feelings or buried emotions about that event so I'm glad you did.
Ty for sharing Ben, Im so sorry you had to go through all that. Im glad ring lady was there to fully support you. We appreciate you Ben ❤
I'm really glad you shared this, that kind of raw honesty and vulnerability is so rare and it's nice to see. Don't worry about the pauses and ums and rambling, it's real to have to parse this kind of thing on the fly as you're retelling.
As to reconnection, I feel like if you met your biological mom one time, even if it didn't go super well, it'd probably feel like some window onto that world that you won't have a chance at if the first and last time you see her is in a similar context to your biological dad. I feel like it would also help your biological bro feel less alone in his understanding of her to know you get it not just from description but from experience, even if he's the one warning you not to meet it feels like on some level that would form a bond of understanding between y'all even if the meet went south.
But whatever you choose, it's your choice at the end of the day. Hope your anxiety improves, if it doesn't though I hope you can seek out some therapy, even like online therapy with a therapist in the US who can match your time zone or something if English-speaking folks are sparse out there. Might help you unpack shit and grasp the root of it and develop healthy coping strategies to lessen the impact.
Im sorry. This story is hard. I can relate. Im also adopted and i met my adopted parents at 17. My Bio dad died when i was 27. My adoptive mom died three yrs ago of a heart attack and at the same time my bio mom was on life support. So in on week i had to say goodbye to my mom and also take my bio mom off life support. I had to figure out two funerals in one week for both of my moms. I cant process it still. Much love and grief takes a while to process for sure. ❤
As someone with somewhat similar family experiences, appreciate this one. It's good to talk things out. Well wishes to you and your wife Ben
I actually teared up a bit while watching the video, not because of the experience (as you mentioned at the end that you don't expect that we go extreme either side) but maybe mostly because of the fact that you have such courage to share this not-easy story of yours after all this time. And I kinda like the rambling that thankfully you decided to not to remove from this video before uploading it, as those are the parts that are mostly touching to me, as again it takes courage to show the real and authentic self on the internet. Lastly, being one of the people who watched your early videos, i want to say it IS a pleasure to "see you again" taking the stuff that you shared years before, it's like a super warm catch-up! 🌞Wishing you the best Ben
Ben, I have been a subscriber for a very long time and I remember your adoption story. Since I only know you through TH-cam, I was surprised at the emotions that I personally experienced while listening to your story. This truly took me by surprise. Saying that, I can only imagine some of the emotions that you may have experienced two years ago and even now. I am happy that you have supportive parents and a lovely wife to be with you then and now.
I'm glad you're comfortable enough to open up like this, big ups man
u a real one dawg. nobody asked to be born, yet here we are. growing up i had a very solid family, a dream of a life. yet the more i went on the more i realized just how much my parents went through, it was crazy to me to end up seeing them as people when for most my life i just saw them as these pillars of undeniable purpose and place. like, they were my parents. but underneath it all they were in the same exact position i was in and was struggling too. family is weird like tht. pretty wild to think abt
No apologies necessary! This was such a moving story… and im glad it was a step toward closure in the way that you need! Unfiltered vulnerability can be so powerful
👍💝🤗💝I appreciate you honoring your story. This is all part of the healing process. This is how you started this channel. I’m one of the day one era subscribers and love that you shared your adoption story. You’re human. Your stories are important and help other people. I hope you re-post your original adoption story videos. We support you. Thank you for sharing with us. 🙏💝
Thanks for sharing. Your story is helpful to me and many others. Talking about mental health is always ok.
@@epiccheatmealday1180 this is exactly WHY we need to talk more about how real world shit causes mental health problems!
I have never met any of my biological family. I am curious, but my adopted family loves me, and I really didn't want to go there. I thank you because your story makes me feel better about my decision not trying to be cruel, but you have put yourself through the ringer. I pray you're able to get closure because your story is heartbreaking to me.
Jeez Ben, I know it all feels surreal especially in your situation with your bio mother/father. I've been to a couple of funerals myself and they all feel surreal but yours hits a lot different. Thx for sharing my dood and good to see you doing well enough even after these couple years.
Didn't know you had to go through this type of situation.
thank you for telling us your personal experience, we love you
Ben thank you for sharing. I remember watching your videos back in 2017 & 2018 and just re-discovered your channel after a while. Back then I remember watching some of your adoption videos and as a Chinese adoptee I always found it interesting to hear your stories, especially as someone who moved back to their birth country. Watching this made my heart ache, and while I’ve had family members pass away in my life I can’t begin to process how I would feel if I was in the same situation. This made me think a lot about my biological family for the first time in a few months and just how much I don’t know about them. Sending support to you and thankful you seem to have a support system as you process these events.
Thank you for sharing this with us Ben, We love you dude!
The free flowing thought is so rare on TH-cam now a days. This was very brave
I'm so sorry 😢. As a health care provider this is the part of nursing that hurts my heart. The end of life care is not for me. I love tending to my patients and seeing them getting better and return to their families. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I just finished watching. Thank you for sharing Ben. There’s a lot of confusing emotions that you go through with these kinds of situations. You don’t know how to feel but there’s this tightness in your chest. I’m glad you got a little bit of closure.
Hey Ben, just wanted to say that as a Korean-American adoptee myself I really appreciate you sharing this story and being as transparent as you were about all the feelings you were feeling. I haven’t ever gotten to meet my biological parents due to a number of circumstances that are out of my control and haven’t ever really been at peace about it tbh but hearing stories like this from people who have experienced similar things as I have goes a long way and means a lot as growing up as a kid, teen, and even in my adulthood it always felt like nobody in the world could relate to what or how I was feeling. Sending lots of love my man 🙏🏽
Totally understand that feeling of alienation you described...this is what we go through, unfortunately, and the isolation of that feeling of being so separate and "not normal" can really dismantle our wellbeing and sense of self. Well said.
@@beth-z4e yep, have had self-esteem issues most my life as a result of some of those things but have grown to be much more comfortable with who I am and what I’ve been through over the last couple years. Wishing you peace on your own journey, my friend!
@@Tac0maAr0ma Same to you! 🖤
Thanks for sharing something so personal with us. Losing someone biological or not, someone that you have some sort of connection to, is never easy. I can't even fathom what you were feeling in that moment, my heart was wrenching as I got through the video. I wish you success with however you try to deal with this situation.
Thanks again for sharing your story and RIP.
I appreciate you for sharing your story bro, chin up brotha.
Your story is pure and emotional. Thank you you for sharing. I wonder if your brother could share any thoughts or contexts for asking you to go meet your father. I wonder what your father’s last words of you were. He was pleading with your father that you had come. Regardless, I am sure your father knew you were there. Maybe he had some sadness and wanted to know you ended up better than ok after the adoption. It was a heavy intense fast paced ending. I pray you can let it go now as you did the best you could do. Perhaps in doing so, you can release some anxiety. ❤
This was an honest, good share, man. It likely helps others in your situation. You're a good man.
우연히 영상이 떠서 보게 됐어요. 벤의 앞날에 행복과 안정감이 가득하길 진심으로 바래요
Sorry you went through that man. I did the same thing with my brother, we both kept waiting for someone to call. by the time we did talk we both thought we hated each other because we never reached out. If you care, don't let it go too long.
Yeah dude, the panic attacks are what got me too. Was going pretty hard on the sauce, and it felt normal for years. Then the panic attacks started when stress around me got insane. Had to cut it all out entirely to get rid of the anxiety. You've got this.
That was the first video of yours that I watched; the one about your adoption story. I thought that you had already resolved the situation and reached some closure, since you no longer discussed it in detail. I never imagined that you went through such a heartbreak. I'm so sorry.
Unfortunately this reminds me when I saw my grandmother for the last time, she was in the ICU and at the time I had no idea of what was that. The doctors and even my parents told me to go and say goodbye basically but I didn't know that she was unconscious and it was pretty intense to see her. Her condition was bad and her appearance was completely different from what I knew because of diabetes. Thank you for sharing your story Ben, your brother needed you and you did the best thing by being on his side trough all of this situation.
Been a fan of the chill laid back content through the years, but this was always one of those through lines kinda that I was wondering if we'd ever hear I about. I even remember those videos from a couple of years ago where you mentioned something happening and I was like, I wonder if it was related. Anyway, thanks for sharing, I do hope it helped in someway with the closure process.
Thank you for sharing something so personal you are a fine man
Thanks for sharing Ben. I commend you for your courage to speak about this part of your life. I can only imagine the emotional impact this has had on you. May you find peace and healing as the time goes by.
I believe your biological mother is the way she is because she was traumatized in her life.
Remember to count your blessings.
this made me tear up for you Ben, death is a scary thing and I'm sorry you had to go through that experience, I appreciate you sharing it with us
I never knew my dad either big homie, and i had an abusive mother on top of it... But im still here and so are you💪🏿💪🏿💪🏿💪🏿💪🏿
I hope you can keep in touch with your brother, especially if you are ok or comfortable with him (you painted him as someone interested in you without strings which is rare). Also, kudos to you for being really nice about explaining that traumatic story (essentially meeting/seeing bio dad as he died) sorry things went that way but it's good you can speak on it. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing. It was very nice of you to stay with your brother during such a trying time, despite how surreal and unreal the situation might have felt for you.
Well done Ben. Respect. That will have been extremely difficult to speak about. Happy days for you and your wife😊❤
Honored to have you share your personal life with us. Thank you for keeping it raw. I always loved your commentary on all these dishes you’ve reviewed. Now the like has upgraded to respect
Hey Ben, I'm currently 25 and also an adoptee from SK but living in Sweden. I haven't really given it much thought to seek my biological parents to be honest. Obviously the thought has crossed my mind a few times but not really thought too deeply about it. This makes me really think I should seek contact perhaps and reconnect before it's too late. Not really good at writing messages like this but thank you for sharing.
Dude - you need to look up your local peeps. Lots of older KADs in your area that will help you.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story with all of us Ben. Please don’t ever apologize for anything. Being real is a rarity these days in social media and you’re very refreshing. I had no idea what you had been through as a newer viewer. So much respect to you. I hope that you continue to open up your feelings to us. You’re so superior with being a conversationalist and have created a beautiful caring community that supports you through everything.
Your story is one of 200,000 Korean adoptees. The largest number of adoptees around the world. Most of them in the US and around your generation but it goes as far back as WWII. Hope your story can help in some way with the other adoptees. As a Korean-American who learned about this in the early 2000s in college, I became somewhat interested in this topic cuz the peak of Korean adoptees was during the decade I was born, in the 80s.
Hi Ben. As a fellow adoptee (Chinese though, not Korean) hearing your story meant a lot. Thank you for being vulnerable. I truly hope sharing it helped you in some way. Sending support and care
I really appreciate you sharing your story. I can relate, cuz I have my own late-father story, but I'm not going to distract from yours.
You deserve to be heard. You are heard.
Much love ❤
Thank you for sharing, it's not just the Korean culture that deals with death and funerals in such a rushed way. Moving back home from the west I've experienced something similar to this, it was so rushed and you're not even allowed to cry, and random strangers come to eat food, and I'm like I can't even think straight let alone dine at someone's funeral, they're just too emotionally rigid and tough, I don't know how else to describe it.
I come from a culture that do not serve food in funerals. It was such a culture shock to hear that it's a real thing.
A person's hearing is the last to go. I'm sure your dad heard you. Childhood trauma is nexer easy to forgive or forget. You are very courageous to share abt this. You and your brother need counselling.
I watched those old adoption videos and mukbangs and was very invested in your life in Korea. I'm glad you revisited it and shared it with us. I took a lot away from it. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing Ben. I'm definitely hoping you find some sense of peace