Some People Suck | Tom Segura Stand Up Comedy | "Mostly Stories" on Netflix
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- Tom Segura shares his views on some of the worst people in the world: parents who bring babies to the movies. Some people really do suck. Watch the full stand up comedy special "Mostly Stories” on Netflix.
tomsegura.com/ - ตลก
"Some people suck" is the best line for real. 😂
Should have been the name of the special.
It's impossible to argue against it, "Death and taxes" should be followed up with "Some people suck and shit happens.".
Give me 10 good men, I'll prove you wrong
@@tylerdurden7764 error, only 8 were found
A couple brought their baby into the theatre when I saw A Quiet Place. Totally ruined the fucking suspense.
A couple had a baby in Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Whenever a Vampire or Lycan roared or growled, baby cried.
Well that’s some irony. Not really a quiet place at all. They couldn’t wait? It’s already VOD.
a couple brought their baby deepsea diving. the baby died.
Yeah. Babies will ruin movies for other people.
the irony
He was emotionally invested in the LEGO movie is the best unspoken joke here.
everything is awesome
The first one was really good
That movies is pretty awesome
unspoken? it was the punchline lol
2:43
The way he says "No, I love the baby." Gets me more than anything and I don't know why 😂
It’s cuz we all have heard someone sound EXACTLY like that and he’s not wrong. We are all envisioning the same Vato
I watch it just to hear "I loooove da baby" in that voice😅
Tom's comedy is less like stand up and more like just a buddy telling you hilarious stories
You basically described like half of all standup lol
He is on his feet (stand up) and making you laugh (comedy). Stand up comedy?
aint it great? I could use some more friends like Tom in my life.
So what you’re telling me is he does stand up
I think the name of this special is Mostly Stories
"Either make it quiet, or GET IT OUT!"
There is nothing more unfiltered than an irritated old bachelor.
I'll say that. And, I'm married.
no no no, butcher*
Would somebody shut up that damn chicken?
or a mother of teens....
except karen, feminist or justice warrior
I really hope there are some parents here with the best intentions and a suitable home life, whom have just now realized they also suck.
You are a better person than me because I don’t think they’ll realize it because according to them it is their god given right and this is a free country. Unfortunately those same parents will raise the same type of people.
@@marcom6089 we do have rights and this is a free country, however you exercising your rights and freedoms cannot infringe upon other people’s rights and freedoms.
Well I'm a parent with the best intentions and a suitable home life but I still know people suck including myself. It's in our nature to suck. We have conformed to societal standards for so long and continually pushing those "norms" in different directions for so long that we as the human race forget we are nothing more than animals and sometimes, you just can't control the suck.
@@ibleedoranbla ain't that the truth, mate!
@@ibleedoranbla that doesn’t make sense. We have conformed too long to remember that we suck, so now we must accept we can’t control the suck?
A lot of words to say that nowadays ppl do as they feel, whereas in the past, ppl used to care what others thought/experienced and were shamed if they didn’t. What changed, beats me. Consumerism, too much ads telling us we deserve stuff? That’s for other people to study. But “can’t control the suck”? Come on.
I remember when I was a teenager, the movie Hannibal came out (01 I think) and me and a buddy snuck in because it was easy back then. Well 30 min into the movie a baby started crying and out of nowhere in the rows above me some guy said, "Who the fuck brings a baby to see Hannibal!" That made my night.
ppl are dumb, like was it that hard to find a babysitter to watch ur kid for 3 hrs
Technically, you don't get to complain, as you didn't pay to get in. But yeah wtf
@James McGuire
Anyone can complain for any reason at any time.
When I saw Jackass 4 in theaters, there was a family of four in the front row. No babies, the kids were ~5-10, which when you think about it is even worse because they're old enough to understand some of what they're seeing.
There should be a “no kids under the age of 3” rule at every theater.
Make it 6 or over
*over 3 isnt enough*
More like no kids under five.
No not always. What about kids movies. Like the emoji movie, the incredibles, cars, scoob, movies meant for kids. I can understand adult movies, but kids love cartoons and movies and yes there are kids as young as 1 or 2 who enjoy kid movies. But definitely shouldn’t bring a baby to an adult movie.
@@enderdragoness546 I was going to say the same thing kids start to get some control by the age of 6 when they’re 3 they still talk like they’re drunk all the time
This is a rule in France!
Their reason is that crying babies ruin the movie and stress everyone out (even parents) and also because kids under three don’t need that much screen time.
"WHY! 'CUZ EVERYBODY IS NOT IN THE ADULT MOVIE!" fucking killed me.
it really it. God I needed that laugh. Tom da man.
Same 😂😂
Adult movie...😅
Illegal to say movie around here
It’s interesting to track the correlation between Segura’s development and improvement as a comedian with his hair loss. It’s incredible.
what does hair lost has to do with anything lmaoo
@@johnreder8167 he's joking
@@johnreder8167 right over your head dude...
@@MRios1128 he has too much hair
"get it to shut up or get it out" is actually an acceptable thing to say in my book. i mean if you are taking a baby to a movie, they should have already left once it got fussy. . at least until the baby chills out.
I've seen this 40 times but I watch everything Tommy uploads so I guess we'll go for 41, gotta follow proto
Keep feathering it brother.
Keep it high and tight
You bet i'm coming up in May
Good job mommy
That's what I'm saying. He's so fucking funny, we all have seen this... multiple times. 😆 It doesn't get old though. I love his rage when he meets a stupid person. The bike repair chronicles were so great. Tom and Christina are my favorite people I don't actually know for sure.
“Not being able to get a sitter” is no excuse to torture an entire movie theater with your baby/brat. (p.s. Chuck E. Cheeze serves liquor. You’re welcome). 😉
You’re not wrong, but babies are just… babies, doin’ what babies do. It’s the parents who are the brats for bringing them into the theater to do it.
thats why ppl always fighting there ahahaha
@@bakerfritz4681 no one's actually blaming the babies themselves, so I'm not sure why you even felt the need to make this comment.
Especially when there's TWO parents! When my son was a baby and we wanted to see a movie, one of us would stay at home with the baby while the other went to the cinema. Fucking simple.
"Excuse me, are you stabbing your baby right now?" 😆😂
cause you should it’s ruining the movie
The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”
"Either make it quiet...OR GET IT OUT!"
My mother took all three of us to the theater when we were babies…. And if the baby started crying, she took it to the lobby u til the baby stopped crying.
"That guy is a 140 years old"
This bit should be shown at the beginning of every show ever, doesn't matter whether it's at the movies or a ballet.
Tom segura just needs to have a channel where he does movie reviews.
The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”
As someone who’s worked in customer service for over a decade, I will have to use the “some people suck” line regularly from now on.
This really was some of the best advice. I think about it at least once a week.
I was on an overnight ferry, I was just getting to sleep when a couple with a crying baby sat down next to me. I moved and then they sat down next to me again, so I told them I was going to move and if they followed me, they would be swimming.
As you should rightfully so!
Why did they move to sit next to you after you had moved?
Don't tell me, you are the father and the mother was following you with your baby and you weren't having any of it!
@@LordJuztice i once went to a completely empty theater with a date and we sat down. two other people came in after and sat right next to us. not even one seat apart. no one else in hundreds of seats and they did that. then they complained when my date and i were whispering quietly. some people suck
@@bigcheesetxmedia I guess there are some weird people out there :)
@@LordJuztice ...I hope you don't make weird assumptions in real life.
I love his stories because you can tell he’s literally just telling you what actually happened. No embellished because real life is just that absurd.
"Some People Suck" is the most useful statement for my mental health. Thank you Tom!
Bringing a baby or toddler ruins the point of going to the movies. You're supposed to be immersed. Even when my theatres have toddler-appropriate theatres with lowered volume and dimmed lighting, there's always someone bringing them to No Way Home and recently Multiverse of Madness.
“I’m talking sh** bi***…..I didn’t say it but he knew what was up” 😂😂😂😂😂😂🙌🏻
why do cinemas not have a general rule.... "thou shalt not bring ya effin' babies to the movies"?
They "shouldn't" have to - but they "should" do it
Probably a legal thing since those are the same type of people who love suing over an inconvenience lol
I hate to admit this but years ago I was staying with relatives in another state and they said "let's go see a movie". They had an infant child they brought to the movie. It cried the whole movie. I was both embarrassed and angry.
I didn't get the white t-shirt joke, but everything else was hysterical!
It was a very slick black joke, lol we wear white tee shirts alot. This guy is funny asf for that
I thought it was a reference to ‘wifebeaters.’ I got a typo that said ’wifebesters’, by the way. Sounds like I defeated my wife in a game of chess (if I HAD a wife). DAMN touch screen typos! 😝
Now *I* don’t get the joke either! Heh
@@freshbaiii718 Smooth, i did not catch that joke either. thanks for the explanation.
He didn't see a guy in a white t-shirt pop up, he literally saw a white t-shirt pop up.
Clever way of insinuating the dad was black since all he could see was the t-shirt.
I know this family is standing outside of a theater right now waiting for Tom to walk in
The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”
When I went and saw New Moon there was a drunk dude who was just so stoked to be there that I wasn't even mad when he went off like a sports fan every time something mildly entertaining happened
I would only ever watch a twilight movie if there was an enthusiastic drunk cheering and commentating the whole time
I would 100% patronize theaters that had hard "no kids under 10" rules for movies PG13 and above over ones that didn't, it breaks so much of the immersion in a theater to have some kid start being a little shit in the middle of a movie.
@@duckyuphere it’s also easy to read the rest of the comment and realize that I would support baby bans for certain movies.
When I was in the military I remember a theater that had a kids section in the back that was walled in from the rest of the theater. Basically sound proof with their own sound system inside and a large window to look through. It worked great.
@Peter Evans Kind of a different dynamic now that studios have finally started putting movies out for streaming while they’re still in theaters, but before that you’d either have to wait a few months or throw on a potato quality cam rip
@@duckyuphere "I shouldn't have to try to figure it out"
Stop being so cognitively lazy. English is my third language and I got it in 2 sec. And you are complaining? Jesus...
@@duckyuphere "Proper grammar", hah the word was just to hard for you. It has nothing to do with grammar.
You patronize an establishment. That is 100% correct.
You basically complained because someone didn't "lower" their English to your level. Which is ridiculous.
I'm considering getting a "some people suck" tattoo.
Go for it! There is no way that could be misinterpreted.
You just joined their ranks
Now you’re one of em
“I saw a white tee shirt pop up”
Few people laugh
“Some of you got that” lol
My favourite part about this bit is that in the second movie he says he is emotionally invested in it. Then ends it with “I’m not getting my ass kicked over the legs movie”. Brilliant writing.
If Zach Galifianakis and Louis C.K. had a child = Tom Segura
Nailed it
that’s just offensive
Omg that is true
Omg such an intelligent argument and comedy.
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Dude your stories have given my wife and I such great moments of laughter for years now! Can't wait to see you live in the ATL again! Hearing stories on YMH, then see those stories get worked out live on stage and finally to watch it as a polished hilarious Netflix special is amazing. Very similar to Garth Brooks
A crying infant ruined Spider-Man 2, The Matrix: Reloaded, Die Hard 4, and Avengers: Endgame for me.
I used to have customer service type jobs. Its great when you get broken and just don't care anymore. I kinda miss it sometimes. You guys ever get a job just so you could quit it?
This is a strange comment but I guess there's some truth in it. I've never had a job to 'get broken' but I've definitely had jobs which I knew had a short lifespan... Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
I knew a guy that submitted a bug report for a software for years and that shit went on uncorrected forever. So he started applying a job interviews and got hired. On the first day in his job, he fixed the bug, sent the corrected software into release and gave his boss his two-week notice.
4:40 So, to calm the situation, he turned into Bobcat Goldthwait
Some people are just funnier in free flowing conversation. I'm not crazy about his standup but when tommy Buns face lights up like a true psychopath at people getting hurt. That shit gets me going
EITHER MAKE IT QUIET OR GET IT OUT!!! that killed me
That 4 yr old in the resteraunt booth behind you kicking the back of your seat while his mom texts
I can relate. Theaters should definitely refuse babies inside. It just makes sense. I used to work at an upscale restaurant that did not allow anyone under 18 in. We had people trying to bring babies and children in occasionally , even though the party was informed when making reservations that they were not allowed. They always responded with " it's just a baby". Exactly - under 18 - part of the appeal of our restaurant is they will not be disturbed by crying, noisy, smelly, messy kids.
18 and up sounds dumb, it's a restaurant. If your place really hates kids that much it should be 21+. Cause 18 is still not an adult.
If you don't like it just become a bar Lol
@@username-zd3pn 18 is a legal adult.
@@username-zd3pn It is a restaurant, with a bar. Are u dim? The appeal is no kids. My establishment, my rules.
@@username-zd3pn Never said anything about " hating kids".
Lmao
"Some people suck"
ToOtally best line EVER.
The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”
I like how he tactfully and oh so carefully gave us the image of both of the "people that suck" to our minds. We know exactly who he meant on both occasions! lol
The is the first video in a long time that I haven't fast-forwarded. Tom was killing it here.
Only got to "If you bring a baby into a movie theater, you're a piece of shit." And I smashed the like button.
I could watch this a million times and not get tired of it😆
There were two ladies who brought in FIVE kids, two of which were babies. Not only did the babies cry on/off throughout the movie, the two ladies shit talked the movie the entire time and screeched at anyone that said anything at all to them. Took probably a good 30 minutes before the manager finally came and did something, which then became like a 10ish minute standoff before they left.
It was the Krampus movie, so really wasn't anything spectacular to miss out on but like dude come on
Black
This dude made me laugh my ass off lol!!! Gained a fan for life.
I always liked Erik Griffin’s bit about babies in movie theaters. Happened to me once. First time I saw Infinity War, dude brought his whole family and extended family. But the baby was the loudest, especially during the quiet parts. Everybody was giving him the evil eye until he got up to go outside. I don’t know if he came back or not but there were no more baby noises. If you can’t find a babysitter, see the movie another day. Do not bring your baby to the movies.
@@VHale-yz7hc I agree. But the ego stuff starts when people have babies to begin with. I haven't seen a single couple in my lifetime deserving of being parents.
What's the white t-shirt bit?
Black dude in a dark theater.
Yo that line works for so many service industry jobs lol
Tom is the man, when him and a Joe Rohan get together it’s awesomeness
Minus the Rogan and you right
Damn I thought this was a new special, shits 5 years old. Don’t play with my heart Tom
He’s working on one right now probably
I actually fucking remember the first time I went to a movie theater, I was 4 years old and my mom took me to see polar express. I made it maybe 20 min? It was SO loud and the kids were so horrifically uncanny valley I balled my eyes out and you know what? My mom took me out of the movie theater like a responsible adult
Nothing but truth to this.
Straight up sounded like bobcat there 👍🤣
I've had horrible experiences at the movies. The list is long. I usually sit way in the back so no one will hit my chair. During the movie 2 people down in front started arguing and throwing fists at each other. No one was stopping them. So I had to literally walk past them out to the lobby where the cop was sitting. Tell him to do his job. Then go back in get my wife(she's watching me and laughing the whole time). I then go to the manager and tell her I want a refund. She then says " I totally understand, it happens all the time" Fights break out all the time in theaters??? That's crazy. Some people do suck.
yeah I haven't been to the movie theatre in about a decade, but I remember probably half of the time I went the person behind me would be kicking the back of my chair, that shit used to enrage me.
For all those confused about the "white shirt" joke, I believe he's saying that the father is a black guy as they are in a pitch black theatre but he can only spot him when he sees his white shirt.
I thought he was just referring to how trashy guys all wear wife beaters.
@@hinkhall5291 I have to say I thought the same thing
@@hinkhall5291 It's a mixture of both, I'd say.
Black boys do love their oversized white t-shirts.
that's funny because for me it conjured up the image of one of those tatted up fully sleeved and pierced white guys. . .
"Some people suck" is a genius costumer service come back 🤣
Sincerely... If you bring a loud as baby/kid into a movie theater you are trash and I might fight you, lol
Fighting verbally sure but not physically cause it never ends well with both parties
The title gets me.
Damn here in australia that’s not an issue because we have parents rooms where you can take babies and nobody can hear baby crying in there
Needed that, literally LOL throughout!
The Bobcat impression was on.
The disturbing thing is that this most happen often enough to other people for it to get a laugh.
People bring babies to movies all the time yeah
A lot of people suck, but so few do it well.
Happened to me one time but it wasn’t a baby, the guy brought his dog. The dog barked with excitement during the exiting scenes and helped during all the sad scenes. After the movie was over I stopped him and said that was amazing, your dog barked during the action scenes and yelped during the sad scenes! He said, yeah I know. He hated the book.
What's more annoying?
Baby on a movie theater?
Baby on a plane?
Plane. Because you can’t get away from the damn thing
Was thinking of this sketch all night at work, weird to see it on my sub feed when I get home :/
Its called the law of attraction my friend
Is it weird or does youtube have a new mind probe algorithm? 🤔
i've never laughed soo hard, this is my worst nightmare that happens all the time🤣🤣🤣no movies and no restaurants for babies!!!
I saw Logan opening weekend. 10pm show. A woman brought her two children, who were at most 8, and a baby into the theater. Never been more pissed off trying to watch a movie.
The join within the joke started at 2:50 and lasted over 3 minute.. fantastic
The fact it was the LEGO movie at the end is most likely the funniest part
He was amazing live. Highly recommend getting tickets if he has a show near you. 👏👏👏
This is why I just wait for the movie to come out on DVD.
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I went to watch The Invisible Man and there was a couple with a baby. Believe it or not, he was so quiet, we didn't even know he was there till 3/4ths into the movie. He literally made one tiny sound!!!
Bill Hicks had a joke about "miracles".
He said, "Having a baby is not a miracle! Do you know what's a miracle? Raising a kid that doesn't talk in a movie theater."
Just don't have babies, less stress for everyone
I and my partner were in a rated R movie and the parents had taken their, maybe 9 year old to this movie. The 9 year old is whimpering and crying, "Is that real blood?!" and "Did she actually just die?!" This isn't an act, the little girl is genuinely being emotionally traumatized. The parents find this hilarious. My partner and I are horrified, along with most of the movie theater. Dozens of people left the movie, eventually including us because the management wouldn't do anything. Some people suck indeed (plus, movie theaters wonder why no one goes to the movies anymore.....)
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That's why I appreciate my local theater being so expensive. Way less likely that kids are coming in.
Bro im 0:17 in and i already smashed the hell outa the like button......you can imagine how the rest went 🤣
okay can someone explain the t-shirt joke to me?
I want to know too!
Wife beater shirt id imagine.
A dark person in a dark theatre. You’re only going to see the T-shirt if it’s white. He got away with it because it went over most people’s heads.
This punchline is the mother of all punchlines, those who weren't laughing weren't because they couldn't breath anymore.
Tears came out of my eyes by the midpoint of this clip..by the end I was rolling on the floor with laughter.
Segura is awesome.
The year the Chicago Cubs won the World Series, the managers motto was "Try not to suck". Now I know who he was talking about.
4:53 "Who's that fuckin' guy?"
Me: Well, he sounded like Bobcat Goldthwait to me, sir. XD
I love this dude man he’s too damn funny! 😂😂😂😂😂
For some people, especially for some women, becoming parent means a licence to be above any rules. You can see, how they use their family to fill the space just to be in the way of other people. It is not an accident, but you can see on their face that they enjoy having so much power. But luckily most parents understand, that they don't own the world.
The truth about life and death in 4 Pages: Google “Global Truth Project” and read “The Present”
The delivery, oh man, the delivery, he's on par with C.K. and Chappelle!
*"IF YOU CAN'T FIND A BABYSITTER, YOU DON'T GET TO GO TO THE MOVIES"* say it louder for the breeders in the back ffs who's the damn child here?
Those people are the same people who let their kids jump on the chairs and run around restaurants and they just stare ahead in denial. Like “ my life’s terrible so everyone has to deal with it too”
I watched almost all Tom Segura Stand up videos, pls more!!!!
Not kidding you. The last film I saw in theaters was Endgame. It was a great experience. Crowd was awesome. There have been many moments leading up to my Jurassic World experience. Showed up to the theater it was just me and a few people. Cool! Then a entire chair section of people with their kids, babies, infants showed up. I was like, ok. Shaking my head. What did it for me was a had I'd say 6 teenagers with their high pitched voices making dinosaur noises. I knew in that moment that was it for me. Lol
“Welp, there’s the dad”
I don't get that lol could you enlighten me?
Implying the Dad is a Black man.
That’s some masculine babies wherever he lives.
The manager kind of sounds like Nick Swardson!😂😂
Second time listening to Tom and I am hooked 👀