Sam GG just the way you put that came off kinda dickish when the guy was just saying take him out for a pint as a general thing which people say all the time but you put it super literal and that’s why I thought it was weird/called you a weirdo. Also who gets drunk off a pint anyways lols and I was just messing around, hope you have a good night my man
@@samgg5431 hahaha mate...chill out, Jesus. It's a very common figure of speech that denotes friendship, support and listening to a friend where I'm from, not getting smashed. Word of advice kiddo. There's things in life to get butt-hurt over and there's things in life *not* worth getting butt-hurt over - *someone's TH-cam comment would fall under the latter category.* Chill out, drink a Soylent, relax and have a Happy Holidays Sam.
@@thehypest6118 Shit. I was thinking the same thing a few days ago. In order to be real - or is it feel real ? - I think I need to be seen by others or see others. What happens if I am all alone, with no other people in sight, anf for example, I fart. I did fart right, it's real. I can smell it gosh. But in order for it to become real real to others, and therefore cement it in "realness", I have to talk to someone about it, or I should have taken a video of it right ? Our collective consciousness makes the real, well real. Or does it ? I am lost.
I mean, isn't that what everyone is stiving for actually ? Living completely and utterly for others, selflessness at its peak. Depression is actually a mean to a wonderful end ! I still need to find some purposes, living for others solely will not do it for my ego. Shall I kill my ego and become a whole other person ? Do I even know the person I wanna become ? Do I wanna search for him ? I guess I found one of my purposes, i will be searching, and i'll be able to die peacefully. Hopefully ?
WOW this resonates with me so well, especially when he said that his negative feelings are like a pandora's box hes afraid to go near and needing constant distraction to even fall asleep...
@Socrates Yeah it's pretty sad that in the richest most powerful country in the world, your income determines whether or not you can get help when you're sick mentally or physically. Hopefully the upcoming election brings change...
The first time I needed the TV on to distract me so I could get some sleep was when my mother died. Now about 7 years later I am back to needing the TV in the background, so I get it. Wishing you all the best in life.
Personal note: 24:40 - Fear can only exist in hypotheticals 28:25 - Arrogance - you're only entitled to your actions, not the outcomes 38:45 - Compassion & Help - Reassurance "I have faith in you and we're gonna figure this out together"
@@leahflower9924 You're entitled to taking the action of working since you think that's what will lead to being paid, and if you don't get paid then you are entitled to change your future actions. Not exactly how I live life myself, but I think that's the gist of it.
I think this is probably what I went through a couple years ago. My girlfriend was my entire world and when she broke up with me I was so lost, I was so depressed I'd drink myself into oblivion every time I could, I'd cut myself, I didn't want to live at all. Luckily things sorted themselves out and I found purpose in other things to keep me alive. I found passion in university then got a good job after I graduated, I started playing games I enjoyed instead of overly competitive games, I bought a puppy, I met a new girl I didn't have such an unhealthy attachment to.
No adds, no lies, only love and understanding. Coping with out mistakes, understanding our battles helping us win the internal war. One person at a time. I salute you.
My god this is brutally accurate, i know how he feels, i just dont see the purpose in it all, i think its the reason why i play video games, TTRPG and Isekai anime stories, deep down, i would give anything to be sent to that fantastic world, where i could do something greater and BE something greater, but i know this is reality, and nothings purpose.
@@Thowzand_ It's a running joke in isekais that main characters are usually sent to another world after getting hit by a truck. Though it is a tasteless joke to make in this context.
Tbh i understand what i need to do to become happy. I really do. It'd take decades upon decades of work to have a chance to acquire that. It's so hard, it's practically unreachable. But without it, i understand that i don't need to live. I don't want. So i just kinda wanna to die. It's like a game when you realise that you already lost, and press concede to not drag it out. You theoretically could drag it put to have a 0.1% chance of winning. But don't really want to.
I can relate to the feeling of not wanting to die, but also not wanting to live. If I can just say that I didn't have the best experiences as a kid but I knew my parents loved me. However those experiences changed me in a way where I felt like I had to take care of others before myself. Such as watching my parents split up and my mom getting a new boyfriend which led to domestic abuse. I felt like I had to take care of my mom in any way shape or form. Causing me to develop this personality of being a good boy or son. Always listening, being well behaved, and doing what she told me. (I still do) Because that's all my 8 yr/old mind could come up with. However let me just say that my mom has had a way harder experience in life where she was beat and neglected everyday by her own mother and barely spent much time with her dad.(never got married with my grandma after knocking her up) Causing her to not really feel or believe in love but wanting to hold on to whatever love she could find. Also From her perspective she had it a lot harder than me.(And she has in many ways) Which she kinda used to downplay my own traumas but also made me appreciate what i do have. Now my mom isn't a bad person in my mind. She has her flaws but she also has good qualities. Whenever we pass by a homeless person she always give whatever change she could and provided shelter for family and friends in need. Although, and here's the dark part, but my mom has tried to kill me few times in the past. Because of that I did grow some resentment when entering my teenage years but I've looked passed that. Because it's not easy being a single mom with 3 kids. However those experiences along with the need to be a behaved, well mannered, and beneficial son for my mom. Caused me to have a conflict in myself where I felt that everything is my fault even if it wasn't. Because i wanted to take all my moms pain from her without thinking about what it'll do to me. Now as a senior in high school I suffer from trying to get in a relationship, and I hold myself back because of these thoughts of my school work not being good enough, along with not having the motivation to even try in school. I'm a smart guy who's in AP classes but I just can't find any energy to put forth effort. A part of me wants to try my best but the other wants escape from it all. I feel the pressure and it's like being in a race where I can't catch up to the others in front so I just stop or walk the rest of the way.(This analogy brings up some old track memories) Anyways I feel like I'm doing better now than last year and I'm always trying to do better because I have to for the others around me. I felt like there's so much more but I've already said a lot and it's 2:30 a.m.
Yeah I had and am currently still having a similar experience with my own mother. She's currently on her third abusive husband from which she's escaped once so far and they just got back together again. I also practise the whole "be a good boy" thing but a while back I lost my capability to care about things so I've just kind of been operating on autopilot, just doing what others want from me and nothing more. I don't want anything, although I somewhat desire death but not actively, it'd just be something nice finally happening or a kind gesture from somebody
Dr. K is one of a few content creators who I feel like is helping me piece together a mirror to understanding my soul. Except the mirror shards can be scary enough, let alone piecing together a whole mirror.
Late to the party, but 22 minutes in and this guy is literally me. I’ve been struggling with this breakup for like 5 months (I lost count I think a month ago fortunately). I honestly thought I was fine being alone because when I started dating my most recent girlfriend, I wasn’t even looking for one/told myself I wouldn’t find anyone anyways and that was okay. But 2+ years in, I think I did enjoy dedicating my life to making someone that made me so happy, also happy, and I took a lot of value from it. I didn’t realize until long after the breakup that maybe I just got attached and I really stopped living for myself honestly a long time ago and when I thought I was finding myself, I really just lost myself in this relationship. I will finish this video later but I appreciate this guy a lot for being vulnerable and I hope he’s doing better these days. Thank you for your courage brother.
"It's a bad idea to live for your dad, it's a bad idea to live for your girlfriend, but it's a good idea to live for Twitch chat." lmao golden words, I found my dharma
"Already seeing someone else" She broke up with you mentally 3 months ago. Maybe started working out to look better for potential future partners. This is common. Happened to me. And I hear it all the time.
i actually love this idea of watching therapy sessions cause i feel like i have some deeply rooted problems but i'm really reluctant to talk to a stranger about it? but this way i can just stay anonymous and see if i can relate advice to myself
I like this better too. It's easier to watch something that was not made personally for you because then there is no judgment from another person about what is wrong with you.
@@Iudicatio Easier sure, but not nearly as useful - aside from not being able to give your own specific input - the act of communicating things you normally keep internalized with another human is important in itself. Psychiatrists wouldn't really judge you fwiw, they are too used to thinking of people as a result of their environment rather than intrinsically moral beings - it's the foundation of why their profession.
@@Hoobyj You must have been to different psychiatrists than me. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with autism then treated me with open disgust because according to her "I can't communicate" and I won't know the difference. I'm not the best communicator in the world but I can communicate and I was very aware of it. Always being coerced into talking about negative things made my negative feelings worse anyway. I was able to go to an Ayurvedic practioner that is not a psychiatrist and he could tell I feel anxious a lot and without asking me why I feel that way he gave me breathing exercises and other small exercises to help stabilize my mood and I found that way more helpful than always talking about the negative things. I also have chronic pain related to my anxiety and he helped me a lot with recognizing that and managing it. Once I talk about the negative things I get trapped in that for hours and it was bad for my mental health to do that every week. However, everyone is different.
@@Iudicatio that's awful. I hope you find something more to bring you peace. I have a few friends who are terrified of psychiatrists from similar experiences. Some people just shouldn't be psychiatrists. Glad you are finding some peace through watching therapy sessions online. I'd say I'm relatively well off mentally but they still bring me an extra level of tranquility. You would be surprised how many people have anxiety and some form of depression. You aren't alone in the struggle to keep going. Usually what helps me is setting a goal and shooting for it no matter what. Sometimes I give up or can't achieve it but it's fine. Not everything works out the way we want it to. I've had slumps were I can't even set myself a goal because everything seems like to much for me. It's a struggle to do things sometimes but pushing through the burn out and struggle only makes you stronger. I wish you the best of luck.
These are some good uploads. They are definetly making a huge impact on people who watch 'em and can relate. I haven't started this video yet, saving it for later. Just based on the title i know this is gonna hit hard and close to home. Man.. how many times i've said that sentence. "Not Wanting to Die, but Not Wanting to Live"
its hard to be brave, please praise this guy's honesty. i can resonate with this dude completely. ive had the girl and before i still have felt alone and nothings worth while..im currently trying to work on it but these talks hit home and i respect the hell out of this guy's honesty cuz ive been there. people aren't as alone as they perceive themselves. much love and positivity to u all !
I wish we could normalize making it known that people only get so deep into entertainment because life fucking sucks for the majority of people. It's a form of escapism from the harsh realities we're forced to face. Terrible jobs, terrible healthcare, lies and scams everywhere you turn, people becoming less compassionate overall in an egocentric society. Maybe games aren't the problem so much as the fact that they feel so much better than living is.
Kevin is brave, and Dr K is the wisest. This is really an emotional conversation, but its also a reflection on all of us dudes as well. Wishing Kevin all the happiness and prosperity in his life.
shout out to dr.Alok and to all the people who are brave enought to be honest about their thoughts and feelings on the stream. It helps a lot for such internet dwellers as I am. Thank you!
It's so utterly fascinating to see someone open up in this manner. It's so damn hard to even confront feelings like this, much more speaking about it in front of thousands of people like this. Also how similar part of this talk is to what I had with my therapist at one point, especially the part with the child self/adult self. I never quite realized how lucky I was to find a therapist that could help me that way, and I sincerely hope anyone reading this finds the help they need too.
In am dying of slow death. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t live without the love of this woman. Life is meaningless. The only thing that stops me from ending it all is my family. Yes, love is the most powerful emotion in the world.
This one hit me hard, I've gone through a lot of the same story but 5 years later, 2 more relationships, the feelings are still there and I am still somehow stuck on her
Wow, this has been so transformational, I cried the whole time I was listening, because I relate deeply. I am so immensely grateful to both of you for sharing this.
In all due respect I think GG should have told him sooner to the start that his and his girls relationship wasn’t coming back, and that it was over. I’m not saying this out of spite, I’m saying because almost everything this nice man said about his ex girlfriend is very close to my ex and i’s relationship, it’s so heartbreaking to hear but it’s better for someone to be upfront and honest so you can start afresh
i really really love this guy it feels as if im able to not only find ppl i relate to but also get help with problems that i have daily even in a larger and smaller scale it feels really nice to see someone take this seriously and help ppl who aren’t able to figure out why they feel certain ways and why they can’t get the help they need thank you man i’m forever grateful for this 👏🏽👏🏽❤️
For me it’s the opposite, I no longer find any kind of joy or fulfillment in the things I loved to do, including gaming. Nothing matters, nothing means anything anymore. I just want a purpose and the only purpose that makes sense to me right now is to destroy, I want to see everything burn including myself.
This talk got me deep. I was a "mom-kid" during my childhood and she left for another country when I was 15 following my parents divorce. She gave me the choice to follow her but I didn't because of hatred at the time. I got divorced myself a year ago and we were together for 10 years, I'm realising that my whole life during that timeframe has been to better everything about the relationship, be it work, place of living etc. Now that I got divorced, I feel like I have no meaning anymore. I met a beautiful woman 6 months ago, and after helping her getting out of a toxic situation at her previous place, I lost meaning again in what I was doing and lost the feelings I had for her, like my "mission" was fulfilled. I went into depression because I felt again like I had no purpose anymore. Now, the relationship is on the verge of failing because I'm not in love and feel that I have to work on myself, but I can't take the step to truly see that I have to do it, she is an amazing woman and I fear what life being alone and being "abandoned" will feel like again. The only thing I truly want is to go back in time and go follow my mom abroad.
Maxime Collignon for people like you, just simply understand life isn’t relationships. If you make your goal / mission in life about relationships. You will most likely always end up feeling a failure, especially with divorce rates as they are, human nature (going for looks ignoring personality) etc etc. Relationships are a side thing, just like survival was top priority in the past, finding what you want your mission to be is your top priority now, relationships can come after. The “void” goes away with time and finding what you love to do. Now for the second part of what you wrote, if you don’t love her. Simple as that. Break up, there’s nothing you can do about it. I think a relationship can only be real if you are best friends and lovers at the same time, sharing common interests doing things together not for the “relationship” but because both of you love doing it. Your afraid of hurting her but that’s just life, sometimes things don’t work out because everyone is different and thinks differently. It’s your life, don’t trap yourself. And if she is Beautiful like you said, she shouldn’t have a hard time finding someone else. But you should give her the same advise I gave you, that relationships aren’t life. We can create, explore, and so much more. So why live your life just trying to look pretty for others when it most likely will never work out and it will never fill that “void” you feel.
Anarcho Frills you can’t just go from no love to love with some therapy, this isn’t a fairytale. If the other side can’t handle a break up they just have to work on themself. It’s as simple as that. There no point staying if you don’t love them, you will either cheat, which will hurt more. Or hurt yourself trying to act like you care, and it will show, the other person will notice. Breakups hurt, but it’s part of life and it can’t be changed.
Wow...I am exactly in the same position as Kevin was here. Exactly the same...the only thing that keeps me going, keeps me alive is my parents and brother and the conscious thought of their grief. I have nightmares watching my funeral from behind some bush and watching my parents and younger brother completely destroyed. Exactly the same I don't want to live anymore but also don't want to die. 6 months I am this situation and gotta say...it is now not easier than earlier when it did start. I go to therapy and have meds to help me, also I have a lot of friends caring for me but for now more than 6 months I cannot find any happiness in anything I do, I feel worthless. Sorry for pouring out my feelings here but I never wondered that at 26 of age I will be dealing with this. Stay healthy guys, especially up to in the head because fuck depression is so freaking frightening.
Hey man, I'm just curious, has it gotten any better? I've been there before a few times in my life with months of severe Nihilistic depression, feeling like I don't want to die, but I don't want to live. I know how dark and depressing it can seem at its worst, and how the only thing keeping you hanging on is the thought of traumatizing your loved ones. It has always gotten better for me when I've gotten into those periods. You have to recognize that BECAUSE you love your family and don't want to hurt them, then your life has meaning. You have a purpose, and perhaps, right now, that purpose isn't "for you", but it's for them. But letting the purpose of "I can't die because I don't want to traumatize my family" motivate you to find your own personal satisfaction with life, is the first step. As long as you hang on, You will be happy again. The only way you lose is by giving up.
My girlfriend like him, after a long while just broke up with me. And im from Denmark too, weirdly enough. I feel exactly like Kevin, and Can share in A LOT of what he is saying. And listening to this, has helped me process so much already. Thank you for this, both of you.
13 minutes in and so far this is literally me right now, very recently broken up and having to find a job and perspective at record pace to stay in the country.. a lot of emotions
I also coming out of a 4 year relationship with deep connections of joy, purpose, social life all now feeling pointless. Learning to live and be happy with myself and what I want is going to be my goal moving forward
I first clicked on the video thinking that I would only watch 3 minutes, but ended up realizing I needed every minute of it. Everything. You. Said. Was. What. I. Needed. I had the exact same problem of Kevin. The way he was thinking and fearing was the same way I was. I felt like you talked to me instead. Sadly, I never ever knew how to talk about that or how to actually express myself. So I am very thankful that this video felt in my recommendations. Thank god you’re here Healthy Gamer
I think every adult goes through this metamorphosis at some point, where you look back and feel like you've "wasted" years or even decades. I try to view it as just the cost of admission that we all have to pay in exchange for true happiness. Youth is wasted on the young.
Is there a continuation to this? As a person who has lost a 3 year relationship and any meaning in life 6 months ago, I resonate with Kevin very much and would like to see how it went for him... I hope he's good...
Thank god , my depression is gone , I really dont want to feel that trash anymore. I can finally enjoy life again and play games non stop and having fun again
Watching this because i have both of their cases of depression, the loop of helplessness & gaming, the fear because of living in a hypothetical future & dependencies and also a feeling of hopelessness after knowing that i can't reproduce. I just can't find meaning in life, but i don't feel like dying because time will rot me anyways.
coming to this one 3 years later, but it still speaks truth. when kevin mentioned about the dark pandoras box. I have one of those too.. in my dreams its a huge metal vault full of all the things I do not like and do not want to feel. Primarily fear. I had one dream, which I believe was a glimpse of future me, where I had opened it from the top, fought the fear and scrubbed it clean. I do believe I will get to that point, but right now--even in my dreams, it is still dingy, dirty, rusted and full of those fears I keep locked away. I am glad I came across your channel. Its been helping me address things, like this, that I have left alone for far too long.
I'm very interested in this subject matter, but I'm put off by the way the doctor is so pushy with his own philosophical outlook. It gives me a greater appreciation for my own therapist's approach, where she mostly just asks questions and lets me do most of the talking and guide the session with my own values.
This talk really resonate with me, thanks for Dr K for doing this. and Kevin for been brave to share he's true feeling and the vulnerable part of himself. Thank you.
bro you dont even know the struggle is too real. never used to be addicted like i am now escaping reality after something traumatic happened to me. i don't and can't even enjoy playing any of the games but i just play to keep myself busy and to pass the time, only to hate myself more every night for being so pathetic unlike I've never been having had my life destroyed. i just sit and stare at the screen and just blank out sometimes as a coping mechanism dealing with the ptsd and shit. i havent even gamed with any of my friends for about a year and a half now just playing stupid fucking games on my own this whole time. meanwhile my life and soul is sucked away and drained by this god damn computer. I just feel so trapped not knowing what to do or where to start to rebuild my life but im seriously considering rehab for a while now. i've completely regressed as a person and I hate myself so much for allowing myself to have become so weak, but im still fighting with myself everyday to makes improvements as small and as slow as things come. hopefully one day i can break free from this bullshit.
Finally something that feels like it addresses my questions. I’m beyond grateful cuz I’ve been in this position for years and been feeling stuck, always searching for someone I can correlate my worth to and be of use to but also hating myself for the fact that I know it isn’t right. All this to say I hope it worked out Kevin, I’m taking up the mantle to climb the mountain now.
It will be an incredible moment in his life when he becomes aware of his codependency and makes peace with the powerlessness of his inner child. We can see him rubberbanding and falling back to keeping her in his life, fearful of detachment (losing the object of his love.) For him to be in a good place with his girlfriend (or any partner), he has to grow out of neediness and live from a place of emotional independence - learning to care for that inner child.
I'm reading a book on inner child work, but I don't get the core premise. What do people literally mean by inner child? Like the more primative "reptilian" bits of the brain. Like what am I doing when speaking to my inner child? Am I rewiring certain regions together?
No clue how to feel about this whole situation. Kevin I'm rooting for you! I feel like I can relate though my situation isn't exactly the same to yours. Dr.K some of the things you say I'd second guess myself in your shoes. "Is this really helpful?" "Won't saying that just make things worse"? I'm not a professional so I can't be a judge but I can have an opinion and I'm not sure that some of your comments would be at all helpful to me. But that's why psychology bases on a case by case basis. On the other hand, sometimes the brutal honesty is needed. I don't know. my mind reads into some things too much i guess.
I'm going through the same things and i feel the same way. The difference is that my girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago and now she is dating a friend of mine (ex now) that i knew for 15 years. This guy spoke about his feelings for her in June when we were together, i had too much faith in both of them. What drives me crazy is that all the things that this guy can give her i can also do it, but in our 2 years relantioship i was too much grounded from my behaviour, anxiety and fears, so she decided to move on, if only she had chosen a guy stranger to me, indeed for her i have lost also all the friends closer to him. I spoke with the other friends, they said they will be also friends to me even if they accepted what for me is betray. So now i'm trying to hate her but it's not easy, i think all the good things that we lived together and i still feel love. She said that still cares about me and i should going out with all my friends, even with them, now for me i think is bs ( maybe forever).
I don't relate to this at all but I find it beautiful that you have/had 2 people that you trust/ed. Is it really worth throwing away? I lost my father 13 years ago (I was 13) and since then I had nobody. I had "friends" but I never trusted another human being. Nobody cared of how I feel and I've been dying inside since then. To me life now is just existing. I play games and drink just so that I can keep my mind busy, so that the suicidal thoughts stay at bay. The only time i felt like there was a person I could trust was with a girl I work with but tbh I don't know how to get close to people and I think I flunked that as well. Maybe I just don't understand it or that it's bullshit but I'd give anything to have what you had.
I've always believed that I have to become extremely confident extremely skilled and extremely mature as well as capable of living alone with no contact with other humans for very long periods of time while maintaining high levels of motivation before even thinking about relationships. I thought this way since i was 10. I still do and it's working, my life is way too good.
That was awesome! I really enjoy your vods! And thanks to Kevin for being so open and authentic. I´m glad that I was here to witness that. It made huge difference. Mad love to ya´ll
This hit me, i am in a similar position and been there for a long time, close to 15 years and still counting. I would say that my position is even worse but the thing that keeps me from ending it all is the thought that someone out there would give their both legs to be in my position even tho i am semi homeless and piss poor (which actually helped me not get into drugs in my opinion). There are bunch of kids dying of all kinds of illnesses who would give anything to be where i am and to have depression as the only monster to battle.
Wish i had this knowledge when i was going through a divorce and moving back to another country. Took me years of therapy and still struggling. This just makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing this it is so meaningful
For the last year I’ve been adjusting to my open heart surgery. This hardest thing for me now is being able to meditate; every time my heart beats there is a loud tic and a mild aortic throb. Is there a meditation which helps turn this into background sensation
Amazing interview, I am really rooting for Kevin. Though I think the audio might be a little fucked, it seems like kevin's audio is behind...or you're talking over him all the time. I don't know..
Oh my god, poor guy... I really hope he can break through the shit he had to live with It's heartbreaking, I've been in that place, I know exactly how it feels
Even though my specific situation is different, I really resonate with some of the things this guy is saying, espcially the part about feeling like you only have one month to live.
so i kinda feels the same and i can relate to this interview soo much, and i have a questions, how do i know myself, how do i find myself, who am i? because i was lived based on other people, especially my mother and my friends, and now i dont even know what the fuck am i going to do in life
@@Moshographeroriginal glad that someone can resonate with this kind of problem, i think a lot of people feels this way, like they. kinda lack of knowledge about their own self
Typically (not always) this is a result of early life trauma/abuse/neglect. An abusive guardian doesn't just erode your sense of "self", they prevent it from ever developing. If you were shamed a lot as a child, either to modify your behavior, conform to authority or just had a cruel adult who used you for Narcissistic supply - 99% certainty you have no core sense of "self." Forgive this cheessy analogy, bit it drives home the point. Like a planet locked in by gravitational pull you just orbit the needs, the wants, the purpose of "another." and not the "self". With no core, no sun, no sense of "self" to guide you - you dangle like an orphan planet looking for another star system completely oblivious to the knowledge that you are a star in embryo that never developed. Start there...
@@bebeezra as i read your comment, my childhood memory just flashed, and i remember that my mom always said that i need to be on top of my other friends in term of grade, and i kinda not liking my mom bragging about me to her friends about what i:ve achieved. and when i got to middle school, shits got too hard and i felt like im far behind my classmate, and im stop trying. so in conclusion, i think maybe that's my root of problem thanks for pointing this out btw, you help me understand part of my problem.
@@Dreand_S You got it. I'll leave you with a favorite quote about this very topic: _"Many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom._ _But the personality formed in the environment of coercive control is not well adapted to adult life. The survivor is left with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy, and initiative. He approaches the task of early adulthood― ―establishing independence and intimacy― ―burdened by major impairments in self-care, in cognition and in memory, in identity, and in the capacity to form stable relationships._ *_He is still a prisoner of his childhood; attempting to create a new life, he reencounters the trauma."_* - Judith Lewis Herman
A poem/"rap" I wrote when I was like 20: I'm not ready to live so I'm not ready to die can we just pause this shit while I go build a life? I'm tryna catch up to all of you with muddy boots and worn out running shoes Is there a type of protein powder I should start to use? ----------------------------------------- That title was eerily familiar for me!
I might as well be a clone of Kevin our situation is very similar. the similarities were so insane i had to take a minute and rewind parts just to make sure i heard what i heard. went through the same type of breakup, the dependency, the feeling of being lost with no purpose after. have been that way for years, and only semi recently have i made any progress largely due to this channel.
Brave of him to be this open and honest. This one hit close. These talks are truely some aoe healing
"aoe healing" is a cool way to describe what he's doing
What does AOE stand for?
Area of effect. Basically means he is healing multiple targets at a time
@@XXgamemaster Area of Effect, its a term mainly used for spells in games that cover a large range
@@toni_7035 Suomi finland perkele
Kudos to Kevin. It takes some serious cojones to put yourself out there like this. Wish I could take the guy out for a pint and give him a huge hug.
@@samgg5431 sam ur a weirdo
Sam GG just the way you put that came off kinda dickish when the guy was just saying take him out for a pint as a general thing which people say all the time but you put it super literal and that’s why I thought it was weird/called you a weirdo. Also who gets drunk off a pint anyways lols and I was just messing around, hope you have a good night my man
Sam GG good one
Sam GG and I’m the weirdo..? lol
@@samgg5431 hahaha mate...chill out, Jesus. It's a very common figure of speech that denotes friendship, support and listening to a friend where I'm from, not getting smashed.
Word of advice kiddo. There's things in life to get butt-hurt over and there's things in life *not* worth getting butt-hurt over - *someone's TH-cam comment would fall under the latter category.*
Chill out, drink a Soylent, relax and have a Happy Holidays Sam.
I can really relate to not giving a shit about myself and living for others.
Good luck to us, Kevin!
Me too man. Hoping I can get better about that in 2020
I'm jammed up in this atm, I can't get better for myself because I as a concept do not exist, I'm only relevant relative to others
@@thehypest6118 Shit. I was thinking the same thing a few days ago. In order to be real - or is it feel real ? - I think I need to be seen by others or see others. What happens if I am all alone, with no other people in sight, anf for example, I fart. I did fart right, it's real. I can smell it gosh. But in order for it to become real real to others, and therefore cement it in "realness", I have to talk to someone about it, or I should have taken a video of it right ? Our collective consciousness makes the real, well real. Or does it ? I am lost.
I mean, isn't that what everyone is stiving for actually ? Living completely and utterly for others, selflessness at its peak. Depression is actually a mean to a wonderful end ! I still need to find some purposes, living for others solely will not do it for my ego. Shall I kill my ego and become a whole other person ? Do I even know the person I wanna become ? Do I wanna search for him ? I guess I found one of my purposes, i will be searching, and i'll be able to die peacefully. Hopefully ?
@@simonduflot8690 how are you doing after this past year
WOW this resonates with me so well, especially when he said that his negative feelings are like a pandora's box hes afraid to go near and needing constant distraction to even fall asleep...
@Socrates Yes, I plan on seeking therapy
Socrates any advice for those of us that can’t talk to a professional? I’d like to, but I can’t afford to.
@Socrates Yeah it's pretty sad that in the richest most powerful country in the world, your income determines whether or not you can get help when you're sick mentally or physically. Hopefully the upcoming election brings change...
@@tommychaloner7444 The thing is they are running from something, not towards somewhere, I get that feeling sometimes too.
The first time I needed the TV on to distract me so I could get some sleep was when my mother died. Now about 7 years later I am back to needing the TV in the background, so I get it. Wishing you all the best in life.
Personal note:
24:40 - Fear can only exist in hypotheticals
28:25 - Arrogance - you're only entitled to your actions, not the outcomes
38:45 - Compassion & Help - Reassurance "I have faith in you and we're gonna figure this out together"
So if you take the action of working it's arrogant to expect pay as the outcome
@@PisauceEven entitlement doesn’t guarantee you’ll get it.
@@leahflower9924 You're entitled to taking the action of working since you think that's what will lead to being paid, and if you don't get paid then you are entitled to change your future actions. Not exactly how I live life myself, but I think that's the gist of it.
"As a human you only control what you do, not what happens." I thank you so much for this!
Funnily enough you don't even control that, but that's another story.
That's a great concept. I gotta write that down somewhere.
"Attachment leads to suffering."
And also to jealousy, the shadow of greed, that is.
Very true, extreme attachment and dependance can also be very straining to the other person since it creates a ton of expectations.
Yes every attachment also brings the fear of losing the attachment
The central tenet of Buddhism
This guy is doing gods work. Cant thank you enough man you are truly helping a ton of people.
“I’m trying really hard to speak clearly, being Danish and all”
lol
Hahaha
Great selfhumor haha
I think this is probably what I went through a couple years ago. My girlfriend was my entire world and when she broke up with me I was so lost, I was so depressed I'd drink myself into oblivion every time I could, I'd cut myself, I didn't want to live at all.
Luckily things sorted themselves out and I found purpose in other things to keep me alive. I found passion in university then got a good job after I graduated, I started playing games I enjoyed instead of overly competitive games, I bought a puppy, I met a new girl I didn't have such an unhealthy attachment to.
glad to hear u got things right
i would be interested how long u took to get out of this rly depressed phase ?
Yeah i think most gamers utilize the whole "distract yourself from your feelings until you pass out" thing
100% this
No adds, no lies, only love and understanding. Coping with out mistakes, understanding our battles helping us win the internal war. One person at a time. I salute you.
He should put ads tho, he deserves the money for the work that he's doing
@@alienstales could put him at bigger risk for trouble at his job. Conflict of interest or something. Unfortunate though
@@eminemilly yeah you are right 😓
My god this is brutally accurate, i know how he feels, i just dont see the purpose in it all, i think its the reason why i play video games, TTRPG and Isekai anime stories, deep down, i would give anything to be sent to that fantastic world, where i could do something greater and BE something greater, but i know this is reality, and nothings purpose.
Same here brother
belVita not going to lie, i kind of want to
Nicolas why would you say that
@@Thowzand_ It's a running joke in isekais that main characters are usually sent to another world after getting hit by a truck. Though it is a tasteless joke to make in this context.
Cocomotan kk i get it
Nothing gave me more respect than someone who has the courage to face the difficult emotion that has built up. Thanks for showing us how to fight.
"Not Wanting to Die, but Not Wanting to Live" word for word how I explained it to my therapist.. Dang.
Yeah, the title stood out for sure
Tbh i understand what i need to do to become happy. I really do. It'd take decades upon decades of work to have a chance to acquire that. It's so hard, it's practically unreachable. But without it, i understand that i don't need to live. I don't want. So i just kinda wanna to die. It's like a game when you realise that you already lost, and press concede to not drag it out. You theoretically could drag it put to have a 0.1% chance of winning. But don't really want to.
I was ghosted by my friend group about 2 years ago. People I've known for a decade. And ever since, life hasn't been the same.
Derek Life is brutal
Damn that’s rough
I hope you’ll find your way
I hope you’re doing good now my man
I can relate to the feeling of not wanting to die, but also not wanting to live. If I can just say that I didn't have the best experiences as a kid but I knew my parents loved me. However those experiences changed me in a way where I felt like I had to take care of others before myself. Such as watching my parents split up and my mom getting a new boyfriend which led to domestic abuse. I felt like I had to take care of my mom in any way shape or form. Causing me to develop this personality of being a good boy or son. Always listening, being well behaved, and doing what she told me. (I still do) Because that's all my 8 yr/old mind could come up with. However let me just say that my mom has had a way harder experience in life where she was beat and neglected everyday by her own mother and barely spent much time with her dad.(never got married with my grandma after knocking her up) Causing her to not really feel or believe in love but wanting to hold on to whatever love she could find. Also From her perspective she had it a lot harder than me.(And she has in many ways) Which she kinda used to downplay my own traumas but also made me appreciate what i do have. Now my mom isn't a bad person in my mind. She has her flaws but she also has good qualities. Whenever we pass by a homeless person she always give whatever change she could and provided shelter for family and friends in need. Although, and here's the dark part, but my mom has tried to kill me few times in the past. Because of that I did grow some resentment when entering my teenage years but I've looked passed that. Because it's not easy being a single mom with 3 kids. However those experiences along with the need to be a behaved, well mannered, and beneficial son for my mom. Caused me to have a conflict in myself where I felt that everything is my fault even if it wasn't. Because i wanted to take all my moms pain from her without thinking about what it'll do to me. Now as a senior in high school I suffer from trying to get in a relationship, and I hold myself back because of these thoughts of my school work not being good enough, along with not having the motivation to even try in school. I'm a smart guy who's in AP classes but I just can't find any energy to put forth effort. A part of me wants to try my best but the other wants escape from it all. I feel the pressure and it's like being in a race where I can't catch up to the others in front so I just stop or walk the rest of the way.(This analogy brings up some old track memories) Anyways I feel like I'm doing better now than last year and I'm always trying to do better because I have to for the others around me. I felt like there's so much more but I've already said a lot and it's 2:30 a.m.
Hey man, how are you doing now ? I hope you are doing ok. I wish all the best things for you.
Yeah I had and am currently still having a similar experience with my own mother. She's currently on her third abusive husband from which she's escaped once so far and they just got back together again. I also practise the whole "be a good boy" thing but a while back I lost my capability to care about things so I've just kind of been operating on autopilot, just doing what others want from me and nothing more. I don't want anything, although I somewhat desire death but not actively, it'd just be something nice finally happening or a kind gesture from somebody
"You don't need other people to be happy"
That little nugget is one I can really use right now Dr. K. Thank you.
"sick of living, unwilling to die, killing just to stay alive" is a line i kinda relate with from an oldschool dm album
Dismember POG! Same here buddy
Dr. K is one of a few content creators who I feel like is helping me piece together a mirror to understanding my soul. Except the mirror shards can be scary enough, let alone piecing together a whole mirror.
Late to the party, but 22 minutes in and this guy is literally me. I’ve been struggling with this breakup for like 5 months (I lost count I think a month ago fortunately). I honestly thought I was fine being alone because when I started dating my most recent girlfriend, I wasn’t even looking for one/told myself I wouldn’t find anyone anyways and that was okay. But 2+ years in, I think I did enjoy dedicating my life to making someone that made me so happy, also happy, and I took a lot of value from it. I didn’t realize until long after the breakup that maybe I just got attached and I really stopped living for myself honestly a long time ago and when I thought I was finding myself, I really just lost myself in this relationship. I will finish this video later but I appreciate this guy a lot for being vulnerable and I hope he’s doing better these days. Thank you for your courage brother.
"It's a bad idea to live for your dad, it's a bad idea to live for your girlfriend, but it's a good idea to live for Twitch chat." lmao golden words, I found my dharma
the title of this has been practically my whole life, good on kevin for speaking an coming out about this type stuff
My heart goes out to this guy, he is so genuine and sweet, he deserves better and will find that
"Already seeing someone else"
She broke up with you mentally 3 months ago. Maybe started working out to look better for potential future partners.
This is common. Happened to me. And I hear it all the time.
WE LOVE YOU KEVIN!
FEELSGOODMAN
i actually love this idea of watching therapy sessions cause i feel like i have some deeply rooted problems but i'm really reluctant to talk to a stranger about it? but this way i can just stay anonymous and see if i can relate advice to myself
It's free therapy my guy
I like this better too. It's easier to watch something that was not made personally for you because then there is no judgment from another person about what is wrong with you.
@@Iudicatio Easier sure, but not nearly as useful - aside from not being able to give your own specific input - the act of communicating things you normally keep internalized with another human is important in itself.
Psychiatrists wouldn't really judge you fwiw, they are too used to thinking of people as a result of their environment rather than intrinsically moral beings - it's the foundation of why their profession.
@@Hoobyj You must have been to different psychiatrists than me. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with autism then treated me with open disgust because according to her "I can't communicate" and I won't know the difference. I'm not the best communicator in the world but I can communicate and I was very aware of it. Always being coerced into talking about negative things made my negative feelings worse anyway. I was able to go to an Ayurvedic practioner that is not a psychiatrist and he could tell I feel anxious a lot and without asking me why I feel that way he gave me breathing exercises and other small exercises to help stabilize my mood and I found that way more helpful than always talking about the negative things. I also have chronic pain related to my anxiety and he helped me a lot with recognizing that and managing it. Once I talk about the negative things I get trapped in that for hours and it was bad for my mental health to do that every week. However, everyone is different.
@@Iudicatio that's awful. I hope you find something more to bring you peace. I have a few friends who are terrified of psychiatrists from similar experiences. Some people just shouldn't be psychiatrists. Glad you are finding some peace through watching therapy sessions online. I'd say I'm relatively well off mentally but they still bring me an extra level of tranquility. You would be surprised how many people have anxiety and some form of depression. You aren't alone in the struggle to keep going. Usually what helps me is setting a goal and shooting for it no matter what. Sometimes I give up or can't achieve it but it's fine. Not everything works out the way we want it to. I've had slumps were I can't even set myself a goal because everything seems like to much for me. It's a struggle to do things sometimes but pushing through the burn out and struggle only makes you stronger. I wish you the best of luck.
Stay strong brother. It's scary how similar our emotions are
that belly meditation is something that really helped me. Thank you for this. And thanks for the whole conversation ofc
Going through the same thing. relationship ended half year ago and everything discussed here hits home so hard i had to stop for a moment
The best damn talk I've heard in a llooonnngggg time
These are some good uploads. They are definetly making a huge impact on people who watch 'em and can relate. I haven't started this video yet, saving it for later. Just based on the title i know this is gonna hit hard and close to home. Man.. how many times i've said that sentence. "Not Wanting to Die, but Not Wanting to Live"
its hard to be brave, please praise this guy's honesty. i can resonate with this dude completely. ive had the girl and before i still have felt alone and nothings worth while..im currently trying to work on it but these talks hit home and i respect the hell out of this guy's honesty cuz ive been there. people aren't as alone as they perceive themselves. much love and positivity to u all !
I wish we could normalize making it known that people only get so deep into entertainment because life fucking sucks for the majority of people. It's a form of escapism from the harsh realities we're forced to face. Terrible jobs, terrible healthcare, lies and scams everywhere you turn, people becoming less compassionate overall in an egocentric society. Maybe games aren't the problem so much as the fact that they feel so much better than living is.
Kevin is brave, and Dr K is the wisest. This is really an emotional conversation, but its also a reflection on all of us dudes as well. Wishing Kevin all the happiness and prosperity in his life.
shout out to dr.Alok and to all the people who are brave enought to be honest about their thoughts and feelings on the stream. It helps a lot for such internet dwellers as I am. Thank you!
It's so utterly fascinating to see someone open up in this manner. It's so damn hard to even confront feelings like this, much more speaking about it in front of thousands of people like this.
Also how similar part of this talk is to what I had with my therapist at one point, especially the part with the child self/adult self.
I never quite realized how lucky I was to find a therapist that could help me that way, and I sincerely hope anyone reading this finds the help they need too.
In am dying of slow death. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t live without the love of this woman. Life is meaningless. The only thing that stops me from ending it all is my family. Yes, love is the most powerful emotion in the world.
Hey, just wanted to check up on you. I pray things are better. Any updates?
Thanks so much for uploading this I’m pretty much in the same spot as Kevin and this really helped me
This one hit me hard, I've gone through a lot of the same story but 5 years later, 2 more relationships, the feelings are still there and I am still somehow stuck on her
I want to thank the guy for being so open and allowing K to affect us too by affecting him
Wow, this has been so transformational, I cried the whole time I was listening, because I relate deeply. I am so immensely grateful to both of you for sharing this.
In all due respect I think GG should have told him sooner to the start that his and his girls relationship wasn’t coming back, and that it was over. I’m not saying this out of spite, I’m saying because almost everything this nice man said about his ex girlfriend is very close to my ex and i’s relationship, it’s so heartbreaking to hear but it’s better for someone to be upfront and honest so you can start afresh
i really really love this guy it feels as if im able to not only find ppl i relate to but also get help with problems that i have daily even in a larger and smaller scale it feels really nice to see someone take this seriously and help ppl who aren’t able to figure out why they feel certain ways and why they can’t get the help they need thank you man i’m forever grateful for this 👏🏽👏🏽❤️
For me it’s the opposite, I no longer find any kind of joy or fulfillment in the things I loved to do, including gaming. Nothing matters, nothing means anything anymore. I just want a purpose and the only purpose that makes sense to me right now is to destroy, I want to see everything burn including myself.
Some real emotion and honesty in this one.
Shout-out to both gentlemen for this talk
This talk got me deep. I was a "mom-kid" during my childhood and she left for another country when I was 15 following my parents divorce. She gave me the choice to follow her but I didn't because of hatred at the time.
I got divorced myself a year ago and we were together for 10 years, I'm realising that my whole life during that timeframe has been to better everything about the relationship, be it work, place of living etc. Now that I got divorced, I feel like I have no meaning anymore.
I met a beautiful woman 6 months ago, and after helping her getting out of a toxic situation at her previous place, I lost meaning again in what I was doing and lost the feelings I had for her, like my "mission" was fulfilled. I went into depression because I felt again like I had no purpose anymore.
Now, the relationship is on the verge of failing because I'm not in love and feel that I have to work on myself, but I can't take the step to truly see that I have to do it, she is an amazing woman and I fear what life being alone and being "abandoned" will feel like again.
The only thing I truly want is to go back in time and go follow my mom abroad.
I'm very sorry, that really is a tough one. Please don't give up on yourself. And I'm rooting for you.
Maxime Collignon for people like you, just simply understand life isn’t relationships. If you make your goal / mission in life about relationships. You will most likely always end up feeling a failure, especially with divorce rates as they are, human nature (going for looks ignoring personality) etc etc. Relationships are a side thing, just like survival was top priority in the past, finding what you want your mission to be is your top priority now, relationships can come after. The “void” goes away with time and finding what you love to do.
Now for the second part of what you wrote, if you don’t love her. Simple as that. Break up, there’s nothing you can do about it. I think a relationship can only be real if you are best friends and lovers at the same time, sharing common interests doing things together not for the “relationship” but because both of you love doing it. Your afraid of hurting her but that’s just life, sometimes things don’t work out because everyone is different and thinks differently. It’s your life, don’t trap yourself. And if she is Beautiful like you said, she shouldn’t have a hard time finding someone else. But you should give her the same advise I gave you, that relationships aren’t life. We can create, explore, and so much more. So why live your life just trying to look pretty for others when it most likely will never work out and it will never fill that “void” you feel.
Anarcho Frills you can’t just go from no love to love with some therapy, this isn’t a fairytale. If the other side can’t handle a break up they just have to work on themself. It’s as simple as that. There no point staying if you don’t love them, you will either cheat, which will hurt more. Or hurt yourself trying to act like you care, and it will show, the other person will notice. Breakups hurt, but it’s part of life and it can’t be changed.
It's so great that Dr. K was a gamer and that he's able to connect in such a specific way. At all of his points I'm shouting THIS GUY GETS IT!
Wow...I am exactly in the same position as Kevin was here. Exactly the same...the only thing that keeps me going, keeps me alive is my parents and brother and the conscious thought of their grief. I have nightmares watching my funeral from behind some bush and watching my parents and younger brother completely destroyed. Exactly the same I don't want to live anymore but also don't want to die. 6 months I am this situation and gotta say...it is now not easier than earlier when it did start. I go to therapy and have meds to help me, also I have a lot of friends caring for me but for now more than 6 months I cannot find any happiness in anything I do, I feel worthless. Sorry for pouring out my feelings here but I never wondered that at 26 of age I will be dealing with this. Stay healthy guys, especially up to in the head because fuck depression is so freaking frightening.
Hey man, I'm just curious, has it gotten any better?
I've been there before a few times in my life with months of severe Nihilistic depression, feeling like I don't want to die, but I don't want to live. I know how dark and depressing it can seem at its worst, and how the only thing keeping you hanging on is the thought of traumatizing your loved ones.
It has always gotten better for me when I've gotten into those periods. You have to recognize that BECAUSE you love your family and don't want to hurt them, then your life has meaning. You have a purpose, and perhaps, right now, that purpose isn't "for you", but it's for them. But letting the purpose of "I can't die because I don't want to traumatize my family" motivate you to find your own personal satisfaction with life, is the first step. As long as you hang on, You will be happy again. The only way you lose is by giving up.
Hey man !@@pkrow8216 It's better. I had incredible support from my family and friends and I am getting there :) slowly but surely
im only a few minutes in and I love this guy already. such courage to be so open and honest, he deserves to be happy and he will be
My girlfriend like him, after a long while just broke up with me. And im from Denmark too, weirdly enough. I feel exactly like Kevin, and Can share in A LOT of what he is saying. And listening to this, has helped me process so much already. Thank you for this, both of you.
13 minutes in and so far this is literally me right now, very recently broken up and having to find a job and perspective at record pace to stay in the country.. a lot of emotions
I wish you all the best
I also coming out of a 4 year relationship with deep connections of joy, purpose, social life all now feeling pointless. Learning to live and be happy with myself and what I want is going to be my goal moving forward
I first clicked on the video thinking that I would only watch 3 minutes, but ended up realizing I needed every minute of it.
Everything. You. Said. Was. What. I. Needed.
I had the exact same problem of Kevin. The way he was thinking and fearing was the same way I was. I felt like you talked to me instead. Sadly, I never ever knew how to talk about that or how to actually express myself. So I am very thankful that this video felt in my recommendations. Thank god you’re here Healthy Gamer
50:33 “the hot new jeans in your school is your girlfriend” that made me laugh, but it’s an important point
I think every adult goes through this metamorphosis at some point, where you look back and feel like you've "wasted" years or even decades. I try to view it as just the cost of admission that we all have to pay in exchange for true happiness. Youth is wasted on the young.
Is there a continuation to this? As a person who has lost a 3 year relationship and any meaning in life 6 months ago, I resonate with Kevin very much and would like to see how it went for him... I hope he's good...
Thank god , my depression is gone , I really dont want to feel that trash anymore. I can finally enjoy life again and play games non stop and having fun again
Watching this because i have both of their cases of depression, the loop of helplessness & gaming, the fear because of living in a hypothetical future & dependencies and also a feeling of hopelessness after knowing that i can't reproduce. I just can't find meaning in life, but i don't feel like dying because time will rot me anyways.
You're not alone in this buddy! I'm in the exact same boat.
What do you mean?
This video was so valuable for me, thank you from the bottom of my heart
coming to this one 3 years later, but it still speaks truth. when kevin mentioned about the dark pandoras box. I have one of those too.. in my dreams its a huge metal vault full of all the things I do not like and do not want to feel. Primarily fear. I had one dream, which I believe was a glimpse of future me, where I had opened it from the top, fought the fear and scrubbed it clean.
I do believe I will get to that point, but right now--even in my dreams, it is still dingy, dirty, rusted and full of those fears I keep locked away. I am glad I came across your channel. Its been helping me address things, like this, that I have left alone for far too long.
I'm very interested in this subject matter, but I'm put off by the way the doctor is so pushy with his own philosophical outlook. It gives me a greater appreciation for my own therapist's approach, where she mostly just asks questions and lets me do most of the talking and guide the session with my own values.
This talk really resonate with me, thanks for Dr K for doing this. and Kevin for been brave to share he's true feeling and the vulnerable part of himself. Thank you.
bro you dont even know the struggle is too real. never used to be addicted like i am now escaping reality after something traumatic happened to me. i don't and can't even enjoy playing any of the games but i just play to keep myself busy and to pass the time, only to hate myself more every night for being so pathetic unlike I've never been having had my life destroyed. i just sit and stare at the screen and just blank out sometimes as a coping mechanism dealing with the ptsd and shit. i havent even gamed with any of my friends for about a year and a half now just playing stupid fucking games on my own this whole time. meanwhile my life and soul is sucked away and drained by this god damn computer. I just feel so trapped not knowing what to do or where to start to rebuild my life but im seriously considering rehab for a while now. i've completely regressed as a person and I hate myself so much for allowing myself to have become so weak, but im still fighting with myself everyday to makes improvements as small and as slow as things come. hopefully one day i can break free from this bullshit.
It's the terror of knowing what the world is about
Watching some good friends screaming
"Let me out!"
This is amazing. Thank you both!
My heartbreaks for him 💔
Finally something that feels like it addresses my questions. I’m beyond grateful cuz I’ve been in this position for years and been feeling stuck, always searching for someone I can correlate my worth to and be of use to but also hating myself for the fact that I know it isn’t right. All this to say I hope it worked out Kevin, I’m taking up the mantle to climb the mountain now.
It will be an incredible moment in his life when he becomes aware of his codependency and makes peace with the powerlessness of his inner child. We can see him rubberbanding and falling back to keeping her in his life, fearful of detachment (losing the object of his love.) For him to be in a good place with his girlfriend (or any partner), he has to grow out of neediness and live from a place of emotional independence - learning to care for that inner child.
I'm reading a book on inner child work, but I don't get the core premise. What do people literally mean by inner child? Like the more primative "reptilian" bits of the brain. Like what am I doing when speaking to my inner child? Am I rewiring certain regions together?
@Socrates thank you. I'm watching the video now
Don't normally comment on this kinda thing, but the bit at 49:28 - 49:56 just hit different.
this really really hits home. thanks dr K and thanks Kevin.
No clue how to feel about this whole situation. Kevin I'm rooting for you! I feel like I can relate though my situation isn't exactly the same to yours. Dr.K some of the things you say I'd second guess myself in your shoes. "Is this really helpful?" "Won't saying that just make things worse"? I'm not a professional so I can't be a judge but I can have an opinion and I'm not sure that some of your comments would be at all helpful to me. But that's why psychology bases on a case by case basis. On the other hand, sometimes the brutal honesty is needed. I don't know. my mind reads into some things too much i guess.
I'm going through the same things and i feel the same way. The difference is that my girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago and now she is dating a friend of mine (ex now) that i knew for 15 years. This guy spoke about his feelings for her in June when we were together, i had too much faith in both of them. What drives me crazy is that all the things that this guy can give her i can also do it, but in our 2 years relantioship i was too much grounded from my behaviour, anxiety and fears, so she decided to move on, if only she had chosen a guy stranger to me, indeed for her i have lost also all the friends closer to him. I spoke with the other friends, they said they will be also friends to me even if they accepted what for me is betray.
So now i'm trying to hate her but it's not easy, i think all the good things that we lived together and i still feel love. She said that still cares about me and i should going out with all my friends, even with them, now for me i think is bs ( maybe forever).
@Trent True,had something similar happen to me.Move on m8 sail thru the pain.
I don't relate to this at all but I find it beautiful that you have/had 2 people that you trust/ed. Is it really worth throwing away?
I lost my father 13 years ago (I was 13) and since then I had nobody. I had "friends" but I never trusted another human being. Nobody cared of how I feel and I've been dying inside since then. To me life now is just existing. I play games and drink just so that I can keep my mind busy, so that the suicidal thoughts stay at bay. The only time i felt like there was a person I could trust was with a girl I work with but tbh I don't know how to get close to people and I think I flunked that as well.
Maybe I just don't understand it or that it's bullshit but I'd give anything to have what you had.
Admire his courage to be vulnerable. Her loss! Read that chanting AUM resets the Vagus nerve.
Man this interview was really one of the most intense. Internal shit is the scariest thing to talk about it's no joke
I've always believed that I have to become extremely confident extremely skilled and extremely mature as well as capable of living alone with no contact with other humans for very long periods of time while maintaining high levels of motivation before even thinking about relationships. I thought this way since i was 10. I still do and it's working, my life is way too good.
Thank you so much for this, a lot of it I can take and use for myself. Thanks again for the content.
She was probably already seeing the other guy when they were together, this guy has a good heart, and that's his problem
Relax there sparky that's not a good way to think.
Having a good heart isn't a problem at all. That should never be seen as a fault.
I cant see a man like this is hurting more than my own depression.
That was awesome! I really enjoy your vods! And thanks to Kevin for being so open and authentic. I´m glad that I was here to witness that. It made huge difference. Mad love to ya´ll
Thank you both so much!!
This hit me, i am in a similar position and been there for a long time, close to 15 years and still counting. I would say that my position is even worse but the thing that keeps me from ending it all is the thought that someone out there would give their both legs to be in my position even tho i am semi homeless and piss poor (which actually helped me not get into drugs in my opinion). There are bunch of kids dying of all kinds of illnesses who would give anything to be where i am and to have depression as the only monster to battle.
Wish i had this knowledge when i was going through a divorce and moving back to another country. Took me years of therapy and still struggling. This just makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing this it is so meaningful
For the last year I’ve been adjusting to my open heart surgery. This hardest thing for me now is being able to meditate; every time my heart beats there is a loud tic and a mild aortic throb. Is there a meditation which helps turn this into background sensation
Did you try with music? Good luck on your path.
When Dr K led the meditation it reminded me of someone performing CPR
Amazing interview, I am really rooting for Kevin. Though I think the audio might be a little fucked, it seems like kevin's audio is behind...or you're talking over him all the time. I don't know..
Oh my god, poor guy... I really hope he can break through the shit he had to live with
It's heartbreaking, I've been in that place, I know exactly how it feels
we're all just escapist in an unescapable world
the goal's not to escape; it's to make it so no one would ever want to escape again...
That's exactly me. Not wanting to live, not wanting to die either and video game "addiction".
I like how you talk to people like this, keep up the good work, i really consider subscribing.
Even though my specific situation is different, I really resonate with some of the things this guy is saying, espcially the part about feeling like you only have one month to live.
I feel this way of problem solving with big audience gives way more keys to open door towards future than head to head
Really connecting to this... The only times I can bear silence by myself are when I‘m so tired that I can barely formulate thoughts anymore.
so i kinda feels the same and i can relate to this interview soo much, and i have a questions, how do i know myself, how do i find myself, who am i? because i was lived based on other people, especially my mother and my friends, and now i dont even know what the fuck am i going to do in life
I am a 47 year old grandmother, and I feel exactly the same way.
@@Moshographeroriginal glad that someone can resonate with this kind of problem, i think a lot of people feels this way, like they. kinda lack of knowledge about their own self
Typically (not always) this is a result of early life trauma/abuse/neglect. An abusive guardian doesn't just erode your sense of "self", they prevent it from ever developing.
If you were shamed a lot as a child, either to modify your behavior, conform to authority or just had a cruel adult who used you for Narcissistic supply - 99% certainty you have no core sense of "self."
Forgive this cheessy analogy, bit it drives home the point. Like a planet locked in by gravitational pull you just orbit the needs, the wants, the purpose of "another." and not the "self".
With no core, no sun, no sense of "self" to guide you - you dangle like an orphan planet looking for another star system completely oblivious to the knowledge that you are a star in embryo that never developed.
Start there...
@@bebeezra as i read your comment, my childhood memory just flashed, and i remember that my mom always said that i need to be on top of my other friends in term of grade, and i kinda not liking my mom bragging about me to her friends about what i:ve achieved. and when i got to middle school, shits got too hard and i felt like im far behind my classmate, and im stop trying. so in conclusion, i think maybe that's my root of problem
thanks for pointing this out btw, you help me understand part of my problem.
@@Dreand_S You got it. I'll leave you with a favorite quote about this very topic: _"Many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom._
_But the personality formed in the environment of coercive control is not well adapted to adult life. The survivor is left with fundamental problems in basic trust, autonomy, and initiative. He approaches the task of early adulthood― ―establishing independence and intimacy― ―burdened by major impairments in self-care, in cognition and in memory, in identity, and in the capacity to form stable relationships._
*_He is still a prisoner of his childhood; attempting to create a new life, he reencounters the trauma."_*
- Judith Lewis Herman
A poem/"rap" I wrote when I was like 20:
I'm not ready to live so I'm not ready to die
can we just pause this shit while I go build a life?
I'm tryna catch up to all of you
with muddy boots and worn out running shoes
Is there a type of protein powder I should start to use?
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That title was eerily familiar for me!
I Feel invasive seeing these..... but i can relate a lot to the title....
So cool! thanks so much to you both
me, rapid cycling my attention through listening to this video, playing 2 games, chatting on a forum, and typing this comment: yup that tracks
I might as well be a clone of Kevin our situation is very similar. the similarities were so insane i had to take a minute and rewind parts just to make sure i heard what i heard. went through the same type of breakup, the dependency, the feeling of being lost with no purpose after. have been that way for years, and only semi recently have i made any progress largely due to this channel.