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- Rivalry: How to beat a basic instinct, with Luke Burgis
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Humans are more rivalrous than we like to believe. Nearly every religion has ancient stories of sibling rivalries. Unfortunately, we humans seem to delight in seeing others fail.
But according to Luke Burgis, envy often leads to misery.
The strange mystery of desire is that we look to others to figure out what it is that we want, and then we adopt another’s desires as our own. Occasionally, though, rivalries can produce good outcomes, like the rivalry between Enzo Ferrari and Ferruccio Lamborghini.
Read the video transcript: bigthink.com/v...
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About Luke Burgis:
Luke Burgis has co-created and led four companies in wellness, consumer products, and technology. He’s currently Entrepreneur-in-Residence and Director of Programs at the Ciocca Center for Principled Entrepreneurship where he also teaches business at The Catholic University of America. Luke has helped form and serves on the board of several new K-12 education initiatives and writes and speaks regularly about the education of desire. He studied business at NYU Stern and philosophy and theology at a pontifical university in Rome. He’s Managing Partner of Fourth Wall Ventures, an incubator that he started to build, train, and invest in people and companies that contribute to a healthy human ecology. He lives in Washington, DC with his wife, Claire, and her crazy New Orleans cat Clotille.
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I think this idea if internalised could really help us to cope with the envy and jealousy we might feel when we scroll through our social media and come across posts and pictures that might make us feel inadequate or unaccomplished. Insightful video.
Envy leads to misery, because you focus on your neighbor too much. Instead of being happy and grateful with what you have
True. Almost none of the greatest achievers or pioneers in the world reached success through envy. Lamborghini was an exception, although no one could prove he was „envious“, rather he wanted to improve a product and fill a gap in the market.
It's going to make the person lose later, because when he sees other groups, he'll find them more successful and more synegysed than the group he's in, because maybe he stifled progress because of that. This is why talking and making groups should be allowed at school, I think the societies who have this at schools have a more synegysed society, compared to american schools or old fashioned school systems in general.
Wow
Observing Lamborghini’s epiphany about valuing fulfillment over rivalry was a valuable insight! That really resonated with me.
My landlord taught me about this. He got a rich and fulfilled life by staying humble and never getting in other people's way. Nobody saw him as a threat. That's how he made countless friends.
often times people see you as a threat or competition by your mere existence. I never started any game or, rivalry with anybody. I tried to be friendly and helpful, yet some people (women) couldn't stand it that I was better at something than them and hated me for that and compared themselves to me and challenged me. Now I downplay my achievements and strong points, because I know it will trigger sb's envy and hatred. People that you mention "never getting in other people's way" are mediocre or ugly, obedient, slow on the uptake (brief: worse in most regards) so that they are not a threat to anybody. Those people make a lot of friends and sometimes are allowed promotion. But it's not because they are so great but because the envious can shine next to them. Look at Charles, Diana and Camilla.
@lanovia3838 now you're envying being liked and seeing in a better light. Stop wanting so and see how much peace you'll have. Assholes will always hate the honest competence since they can't compete with it. So chill...
This was great. I think practicing gratitude is an important one. Also when you need to forgive, you do not need to include the person involved. You are forgiving whoever it is for yourself, not for them.
Yes I’ve learnt that the hard way. Kept grudges over trivial things against people I either never met in person again or just a handful of times. The only person who suffered was me. The other person couldn’t see or feel the fire in me.
@@OK-Computer It's not the snake bite that kills people, it's the venom.
Thank you Big Think for all these amazing takes. You are helping millions become better versions of themselves.
Memetics, also called network effects.
Once you accept the fact that there will always be someone more succesful than you in one or more areas of life, envy ceases to be a problem. If you feel envious of somebody, you should ask yourself this question: How can i have the same as he or she has? The solution is not to defeat another person.
Did you know that the first Matrix was deisgned to be a perfect human world where none suffered, where everyone would be happy? It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believe we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world. But I believe that, as species, human beings define their reality through misery and suffering. So the perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from.
Amazing!
Actually there is competition,the positive one,that may bring good results and be productive in a work enviroment!And there is envy,pure envy that brings only misery!It’s important to see the difference in between..Btw i really love this chanel,great arguments and points of view!
My heart has been gradually poisoned with the bile of envy ever since I turned 30 and realized I'm not where I thought I'd be. A few months ago, two family members called me out on my erratic behavior. My decision-making had been getting worse but I was too caught up in this imaginary competition to notice. I'm glad I've seen the light.
If there's only one habit I want to develop for the rest of my life, it is Gratitude - my happiness depends on it.
POLITICS and TRUMPISM? Right now, the Right seems committed to destroying Democracy.
Perhaps this video and these ideas about RIVALRY can help to avoid a crisis of Democracy, now.
I fear that weakening Democracy, with hatred, lies and stupidity may create ECONOMIC PANIC!
I suggest IDEA Contests to ask people for better ways to wake up the nation. ThankYouMuch!
What a mind boggling topic with the perfect dictation of human psychology !!Hats off to you guys !!✌🏼
What i think is the root of rivalry, is greed.
There are people who know their limits of joy,who know how to be happy with less.
Those who fall in the "greedy" category,will never know happiness. I can guarantee that.
As a sailor,i ve admired bigger boats,but i never felt envy. Only pity for those rich who never sail out of the marina,and sadness for the boats that were turned into party boats instead of fulfilling their destiny, sail in the open seas.
Greed is our main root problem. Surpass your greed and you will be happy. Try it.
one way to deflect envy is to have something you yourself can be proud of. so for example if my rival/friend is currently successful at his job and i am not doing to too well at my job i still have other achievements to fall back on lets say like i have a nice apartment or a girlfriend or something that he may not have. envy is a very powerful emotion and latches on to your thoughts quickly. it can be devastating, there nothing worse then hearing an old friend is suddenly having a lucky streak when youre at rock bottom, it makes you feel worthless. envy can be a catalyst to work harder, as long as it is pushed to the background, in a way you have to be able to forget about your rival and focus on yourself.
I do agree that conscious awareness of envy can be redirected to being a catalyst to work harder or strive for excellence. I think a good antidote to envy is self acceptance. A “rival” may have more possessions or status symbols but what is ultimately more important and longer lasting are internal qualities. A good reputation and integrity are priceless!
great take
Typical billionaire propaganda story.
The concept of mimetic desire is mind blowing!
Lol yeah, it turns out we just have a mammalian brains 🧠
@@omarj1664 reminds me of a lecture I heard from Jordan Peterson where he talks about how in a herd of zebras, if one of them is painted a different color it is easier for them to be hunted because it makes it possible for the predators to coordinate a hunt around them, whereas when zebras all look the same that actually becomes their defense... Their camouflage is not to blend in with the landscape but rather with each other.
And anyways he kind of talks about this being similar to how humans interact, makes a lot of sense... There are limits to how safe someone is in a social setting if there are enough differences, I’ve definitely been on the receiving end of ostracism.
All this is to say it makes total sense in the context of finding out what we want, like the beginning says it’s easy to doubt your desires if nobody else wants that thing, and in the context of it can make it easier to stand out. Peterson speculates this is essentially more dangerous than the fact that zebras natural coloring makes them stand out from the landscape which is more tan colored; the reason being that our defense mechanisms, much like zebras, are designed to work to blend with the herd (majority of people), not to blend with the environment.
This also makes sense in regards to jealousy; get rid of the strongest members in a system and suddenly you appear more strong in the herd itself... (Though not addressed in this video the opposite also applies where the weakest members being thrown out make the system appear stronger) Rather than raise the standard for everyone in the herd, humans naturally tend towards homogeneity.
I hope the herd metaphor makes sense haha because this is a paraphrase 🤓
@@tessarae9127 Zebrafish have a similar genetic structure to humans. They share 70 percent of our genes with us. 84 percent of genes known to be associated with human diseases As a vertebrate, the zebrafish has the same major organs and tissues as humans.
I agree with some of the evolutionary standpoints Peterson is taking. nevertheless, we humans in 21centery are more complex and adaptive When a person is ostracized, the brain's dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, which registers physical pain, also feels this social injury, making us more prone to aggressive behavior and victims of violence or violent our self and its deep and lasting. Therefore hyper-individualism and capitalism make us prone to such things we need to reevaluate our way of living.
I am currently experiencing ostracization effects outcome led me to be without a home and homeless.
Hinduism preached contentment for just a several thousand years.
Also, I see so much shallowness in others... " I'm 1st, 2nd, 3rd!!!" No apologies needed.. Only what I see.. Thank you, and God Bless You All 💯❤️
For most people in the US and other developed nations, everything you need to be happy is within your reach, right now. Chasing the things society tells you to chase, like money, women, mansions, sports cars, etc. won’t give you fulfillment. You have to find it within yourself with your hobbies and find your own meaning. You have to escape human nature because our nature designed us to be tools that act on instinct. I would like to think people are more than that
I want to leave this planet.
Profound and educational. Thanks.
Forgiveness is beyond rational? Not really. I think it is *very* rational.
*”Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” - Lao Tzu*
And this is why we ran out of toilet paper.
And petrol
Why are they envious of me? What is so great about me? I don't have a lot of money. I'm not that good looking. I'm short! I'm single and lonely.... For someone to be envious of me they really must be in tough shape.... How do I get rid of a stalker?
It would be perfect with the picture of Messi and Ronaldo
I think we should really utilize the fact, that we have two words to describe similar, but still differing concepts: envy and jealousy. I would argue that envy is the basic and actually healthy tendency of realizing what we want for ourselves, when we see it in others. Jealousy is what envy becomes when it is taken to the extreme due to our failure of achieving it and transfering blame to the person with whom we associated that unreachable state. In this view envy is healthy, you realize what you want when you see it in others and you start working on yourself to achieve it, whereas with jealousy you immediately turn it into hatred and anger, probably because you already believe you can't achieve it, in spite of what you're actually capable of.
Enzo Ferrari was so badass that probably even Mr Lamborghini kept his phone number just in case needed some advice building cars.
there's no rivalry between Izanagi and Izanami
"Pathalogical envy, I want to be like you, but I cant, so I seek too destroy you or make you me" - Sam Vaknin (Professor in several fields) 190 IQ
Don't know which is worse, Greed or Jealousy... Who can decipher this?
good question. i think thats very dependent on the definition of "worse" and can vary from person to person.
Greed is behavior, jealousy is a feeling. Greed is always bad. Jealousy doesn't have to be a problem at all. We have other negative feelings like hurt and anger. We wouldn't be working human beings without a range of feelings, positive and negative. Accept your feelings and learn to deal with them, or even turn then into motivation for positive behavior.
@@dncbot wow. that sounds very plausible and explained with additions very well! thank you! :)
Thought I missed church this morning but didn't. Thanks.
So, Lamborghini comes out as all let-go good Samaritan
THIS YEAR I WANT TO BE MORE LIKE JESUS: Hang out w the sinners, Upset the religious people, Tell stories that make people think, Choose unpopular friends, Take naps on the boats, Let the blind see…
From where did first developed human conscious brain get this desire ?
It's laughable to think Biggie and Tupac brought out the best in each other! Love you though Luke!
These characteristics are ONLY possible to a 1 to 1 ratio if both people are of the same class, same educational caliber, same access to wealth, same access to social connections and so on! OTHERWISE; the one who knows they have more wealth and power will NEVER learn to humble themselves for thier very nature has been poisoned!
[00:30] We take delight in seeing somebody else fail. And that's something I think we should all be hyper-aware of.
[01:44]
Prestige movie is all about this
3:54
Well why don’t you tell all of our corporations and headgear funds and the so called elite class to stop rent seeking bullshit …. Cuz no one can afford a fucking house dude !!
That is not true, Mr Burgis. you are thinking wrong. and what about people without brothers and sisters, those who grew up as outsiders, or those who are deaf and dumb and never share with anyone what their desires are? Think about it.
I think I'd like to see elon musk to make NASCAR faster.
What is the difference between people who get inspired by the accomplishments of others and people who get envious and bitter?
Like is there some sort of defining character trait the latter is missing?
Good question.
I believe it is a lack of empathy, integrity, discipline, and self-awareness. If someone lacks these traits, they’re incapable of understanding and appreciating the level of dedication and perseverance needed to succeed. An envious and bitter person views themself as a victim who got a bad break, and fail to perceive that a successful person may have failed many times prior to succeeding.
@@allisonnovak500 beautiful reply.
It's not a trait at all, they were just not educated to be self aware
Mimetic desire, a concept enunciated by French philosopher Rene Girard, suggests that one desires something because somebody else desires that thing; in other words, the desire of one mimics the desire of the other.
- The Economics Times
This is a foreign concept to me - I know exactly what I want, always have.
only if these kind of psychological lessons were taught in elementary schools of all educational systems of countries around the globe
This is very interesting; and it certainly would explain some things not only in terms of what I have observed but outright as well, 1 thing I will say; I would think at least that forgiveness when appropriate is actually an exercise in reason if only because it more often then not requires one to look past their feelings about either something or someone and look at the actual facts of a given situation instead: which especially given the “fucketyness” of and difficulties with perception can be really hard to do; but, if one can set aside their feelings and emotions and analyze and think critically about a situation; it certainly can be done.
That'd be pretty cool anyways...
Thanks. I tried to end this game. It still goes on. 😂 I don't even pay any attention to it now.
"Our desires don't originate with us."
Buddha taught this 2500 years ago .
Although the argument is good, I felt like this video relied more on pathos (emotional appeals) rather than ethos in the form of scientific evidence. Charisma is shallow, but science is the ultimate truth
🎉drstrangesyedadiana🎉
Maybe sometimes we ask if the haircut or clothing looks good?
But mostly i think i choose what to eat wear do regardless to what others like or not
Hi.
The TRUE first comment congrats LOL 😆
Sir i hve a theory that explain hw to create and work gravity but i hve no prove and degree so i cant publish my theory so plz give me advise hw i can publish my theory plz reply sir
This guy is not an expert in psychology, why is he talking about this? His examples, stories are infantile.
What did you find infantile ?
As a dota player I can agree
JESUS.
👍
But isn't every desires mimetic in some ways? Or at the root biological.. Do we even have true non-mimetic desires?
I d say food is a biological desire. Or breathing. Everything else is a result of your brains activity and the inputs you receive since birth.
I think a better word for what is described in the video,is greed.
But thats just me..:)
"The only way to win is not to play."
Zero sum games always reach equilibrium at the least desirable but most egotistical position. True hubris is adding "...except for me" to the above.
My little brother has always been distant of me ever since we were young. I was much better than him at sports but always tried to help him. I think he wanted my parents attention. Any tips guys?
Tell him what you admire about him and what you thought he was better at and how it inspired you. Sometimes, people who are envious cannot see what they are naturally good at because they are so distracted by others' light. Also tell him what you noticed your parents admiring about him or the good things that your parents said about him that made you proud that he was your brother.
False premise. “Should we” is the first question not “can we”.
I go through this as an artist. It is a horrible horrible feeling. I can't help but feel this way if my level is even barely approached. I try to put in work needed but I feel I always end up short.
After the video, I do think it was a good message.
Sometimes losing oneself through the intense focus and process of the creative flow is highly rewarding in and of itself. Like when you realize you’ve been at it for hours but it seems like a short time.
@@allisonnovak500 that moment is almost like a drug. Im hooked on that feeling and when i learn critical things its unlike any feeling you can't get anywhere else
@@ttorrr I agree! I love the creative process. Now, if I could just view mundane or distasteful tasks through that same lens!!
@@allisonnovak500 there you have me. Lmfao. I'm the kind of person who would spend many hours just grinding and grinding and grinding those mundane tasks. Bread and butter. Think of it like a boxer practicing jabs. 247 day in day out.
My art career has had many turns detours wrong turns, blocked roads and closed roads. But I'm on the right track now. I wish I had that organic mindset where I could "just feel for it" but I'm not. I'm all mechanical. I need to grind enough so that it seems like I can "feel for it".
Kindly pz i have to reauest to upload daily video i. Your page
Kindly sometime your video is corsss
To week
I am not sure I understand your request but it might help to subscribe, and then request all notifications.
@@allisonnovak500 oh dear ALLISON NOVAK
I have subscribe the channel notfication is on
But big think always upload in a week
And i requedt him to upload video daily
Beasue his video is unqiue form other
@@allisonnovak500 😂😂iam big fan of
Big think when i was 2 years old
Iam subscibe the cannel
Just leave people alone. Do you.
Okay. Now I understand where I went wrong. I always wanted to see my sister succeed. I wanted it so bad that I'd give up things I wanted to do to help her be successful at things she wanted to do. No sibling rivalry between us. I also didn't feel a sense of competition with others. I've always preferred to see other people succeed. Maybe if I'd been more competitive I'd have had a much happier life than I've had (which has been pretty darn happy). Oh well. Water under the bridge now. Besides, I'm content, so I don't really need more.
?
Thank you for great work 🙏🏻☀️🌙
Interesting.
Awesome video… Thank you
Is there any hard, scientific evidence behind this, or is this just another personal, biased opinion?
What a profound video
You're talking Christian values: forgiveness, empathy, gratitude, denunciation...
Brilliantly knowing man born without reason some are psychologically ruling and slaving us. rivalry and poverty is created and maintained by our own species to their own rays to dominate 🙏🏼❤️ let's see love and forgive and make world paradise 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Very good clearly structured talk not to confuse us entertain but feel the untold TRUTH straight and don't strategize but use ORIGINAL TOOLS OF LOVE COMPASSION GRATITUDE AND INBUILT INDOMITABLE CONFIDENCE TO ULTIMATELY SUCCEED NOT FOR SELF BUT SOMETHING MORE PROFOUND. Thanks for such a BIG THINK.
In 8th grade I had a crush on a girl within the first week of classes. By December it seemed like it just wasn't going to happen, so I switched to another girl who was pretty but I didn't really like. 3 days later the 1st girl got all interested and was begging me to come over 🤦🤦
This guy is misinterpreting the data. It's typical of Big Think videos.
Sounds similar to Alfie Kohn's books "the case against competition".
Things are just things. Only through humility does one reach true enlightenment and power.
Forgiveness is permission and opportunity to offend again. I rarely give it out.
Yes. Also cool to hear about Réné Girard !!! He's not famous enough ^^"
😲
He is wrong. Forgiveness is the rational path forward not the other way around
You can calm it down. To beat is aggressive towards the own.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Or have people take part in more rivalries all the time and not suppress these feelings that are natural?
2nd comment
Framing lamborghini as the guy who overcame mimetic desire is absolutely ridiculous. He continued to live a very fulfilling life indeed, but was that not because of his desire to have an insanely profitable business to continue to make vehicles that outcompete what was on the market in order to make the most sales? Is it just because he didn't enter the racing business that he "succeeded" against his mimetic desires? He was still doing what every other car manufacturing business-owner did, owning the means of production and shorting the workers of their labor just because he had the property rights to the vehicles and manufacturing plants. He was still rich, and that desire to be rich is still just another mimetic desire. He had overcome nothing, it could hardly even be argued that he overcame the desire to compete with ferrari, if you don't see profit in a competition because of how little incentive there is to compete in something that another business dominates, you just don't enter. This may as well be saying he overcame his desires to start a business in dining, in furniture, or in operating a ponzi scheme. He still fell to the desire to be richer than someone else, to have more than enough to live comfortably on. This is the real problem of what our mimetic desires have plagued our minds with.
The roots of envy and jealousy grow in the soil of hate. When love is, hate is not. When love is, the self is not. 💕 ☮ 🌎 🌌
Not true
This video just brakes down why It’s common and there evidence to back up why we are made to feel this emotion sometimes and how to over come it.
Some people are writing down there stories they had with the emotion and being very brave, sometimes it’s hard not to be jealous of your neighbor when you think you have nothing and at rock bottom.
You just have to think about what you do have and start to try to be grateful for those things and your joy and happiness will flow ❤️
I don’t fully agree. We are not naturally inclined to rival each other, or to envy each other. And we don’t naturally want others to fail. Actually, we naturally want others to succeed because we are social animals and we naturally empathize with each other and see ourselves in each other.
For example, if I was working for a company for 20 years, and I was not promoted, but then u come a long and u get promoted right away, I will be jealous because u r making me look bad. However, if I was just a client, I wouldn’t care or I may even be happy for you.
Rivalry exists because we are living organisms competing for resources that will make us live longer. For example, if we were stranded in the desert and we only had one bottle of water, we will kill each other. But if we were in a forest and we had to hunt a dear to eat it, then we will become friends because we need to work as a team, in order for us to live.
Also, we mimic each other not always due to rivalry. Sometimes we do it for that reason. Sometimes we mimic other ppl because we want to learn from their experience. For example, everyone is avoiding a certain store because it has bad customer service. U will benefit from mimicking others. Or when a surgeon mimics other surgeons and operates just like they do. That’s called learning. Imagine a young boy mimicking his father. This boy is learning rather than he has rivalry.
On the other hand, if someone u compete with buys a nice item, u start to want that item as well, perhaps u don’t want go be left behind.
Sometimes we mimic to fit in. Not due to rivalry
Many points her said are true, including the thing about forgiveness.
Also, one way to break rivalry and keep it at healthy levels, is to realize that if u lost a competition is NOT the end of the world. For example, two men are competing for a girl. They may write her poetry, they may work out and try to impress her with their bodies, study hard to get good grades, or work hard to get a nice job and impress her. All of these are productive rivalries. The boy that loses the competition must understand that there are other girls out there in the world, and that there is special someone for everyone.
Further, it also matters what the girl wants in a man. Let’s say this girl cares about the fitness of her husband over everything else, then the two boys will probably both be trying to build their bodies, hence mimic the method in attracting that girl. But if the girl cares about a good career and a nice body, then one boy may try to build a career and the other his body. So they mimic each other in wanting the same thing, but not the method of obtaining that thing.
Overall, keep in mind, many times u find humans copying each other, but sometimes u still c diversity. For example, someone from the Middle East will most likely be a Muslim, which the main religion in that area of the world, but a European will most likely be Christian, so the Middle eastern and the European are NOT mimicking each other, but they mimicking others from their countries of origin. In fact, any rivalry between the Middle Easterner and the European may encourage each other to be even more different. Especially if the conflict was over religion. This is because the more u adhere to ur religion.
Good stuff.
BT vs TED.
The only group of rivals who love each other from the bottom of their heart’s those who believes in Allah and life after death and their number one desire is to escape free hell and make to heaven because when they help theirs rivals they gain more points towards heaven (for that let the competitors compete ) Quran 83:26
It is very different a world in the lucky country known as Australia the land of the fair go where fairness is given to us fair Aussies who are meant to be envious because we who are the undesirable or underprivileged are still made worse off by the fearless spoilt unfair bullies that we can not wrong back because we are fair enough that we are disgusted with such wrongdoings done to us by those imposing such rude double standards where they the rich get richer while us poor are made poorer as we are made worse off for being either undesirable or underprivileged and if we are given the fair go that is when we suffer most not by the hands of the envious but by the hands of the spoilt who are the envy of the world. That makes sense envy is about rivalry for one to backfire as the envious they must be equal, if you are unworthy or underprivileged like me you would just get on with life without fighting for freedom as you would basically like me be a slave to a system that i fail to break free from because of my lack of importance, still i wonder why my own rebelled and boasted about being great leaders of freedom fighters from the tribe of Thor the thunderer from the envious lord of Frenzy known as Odin the old educational gift giver that rebelled or protested against the cruel giants Ymir and Mimir the all knowing who like those that oppressed me or made me worse off are like in spirit. My family motto each to their own means we oppose puppetry of any in a multicultural community.
🇺🇳4:31
it is a Race
To vulgar mediocrity