I worked in a pub in England. Some guy came in with a woman, it is an English expression, "Would you like a beer?" He asked the woman and she said, "Do I look like I drink beer?!" He turned to me and said, "I'll have a glass of vinegar with a twist of lemon."
He could have added another impressive feat after the 2 word joke, and said "Now we have the 1 word joke......... *points to someone in the audience* YOU"
This might be the only place where I could post this and people would actually not get offended... let's hope. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken.
In my defense as someone with Parkinson's, we save a tremendous amount of mony by not having to buy batteries. Or lawn sprinklers, but that's not as fun to think about.
Absolutely brilliant show, Jimmy Carr is incredibly funny, but I am amazed that a 13 year old was allowed in. I would have thought the show would have an 18 rated.
Holy shit.... the blonde woman with the nose piercing who works for Nationwide in HR. She's the same one that bellowed NO! when Jimmy asked whether there was any merit to "it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it". She had long red hair in the other show.
I really needed this today. 😂
I worked in a pub in England. Some guy came in with a woman, it is an English expression, "Would you like a beer?" He asked the woman and she said, "Do I look like I drink beer?!" He turned to me and said, "I'll have a glass of vinegar with a twist of lemon."
I love Jimmy. He eases my pain😔
Got a great hand! Scouser said snap lmfao
Damn I wish I could see Jimmy Carr live! 💯🥰❤️🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have a wicked sick sense of humor. He's right up my alley! 🤣🤣🤣
“… right up your alley.”
Sorry, you are thinking of Alan Carr !
Always hilarious is Jimmy
Best position! Manager
Clairvoyant asked if I had my hand read I said no! Shoved it down her knickers! She said you have now lmfao
Best special Ever! 😂😂😂😂😂
Red sky at night! Sky's on fire lmfao
She pulled me lmfao
Uncles and aunties mums and dads lmfao! Gary glitter
3:25 😂
13:47 😂
He could have added another impressive feat after the 2 word joke, and said
"Now we have the 1 word joke......... *points to someone in the audience*
YOU"
I got pissed went 4 a sauna! Ended up when the steam was gone bollock naked in the chip shop
The "nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded" is an old joke. Yogi Berra (1925-2015) famously said it
You're my favorite comedian. Followed closely by John Mulaney
💀
20:24 🤣
This might be the only place where I could post this and people would actually not get offended... let's hope.
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken.
I have a police record! Blowing in the bag
I hope Steve and Tracey actually met up and got together.
today kids i will tell you how i met your mother
Think Steve gave her a filling
@@Dionysos640 There’s no way she was that much older than him.
Do ya wanna be in my cell lmfao
Leopracy card player chucked his hand in
Italians got caught up selling spaghetti junction
Stoned again! Hey dude
I love dark jokes, a favorite is "what was the last pizza order at the twin towers?"
I don't know!
You might have seen it coming!
52:22
Got arrested for asking someone how much a cun't weighs! All because I offered him a pound to weigh himself
Keep that joke to yourself from now on bud
3:02
Wow!
In my defense as someone with Parkinson's, we save a tremendous amount of mony by not having to buy batteries. Or lawn sprinklers, but that's not as fun to think about.
Absolutely brilliant show, Jimmy Carr is incredibly funny, but I am amazed that a 13 year old was allowed in. I would have thought the show would have an 18 rated.
There was another show I watched on here with a 14 year old boy in the audience so it seems there's no rating.
Wasn't a brummie then lmfao
I changed energy provider! Cola
If your ears are ringing turn the alarm clock off
Someone hit me with cheese in tesco! I thought immature
Someone called me a cun't! I said thanks for saying that I am more useful than you
And she stood out with their backs turned
What has star wars and toilet roll have in common?
Police officer asked me to blow into the bag drink driving! He said not that one
Took his driving test he failed! Left his foot on the brake
That is what he asks all his customers soup
Freesia means stupid cow lmfao
George Michael poor bastard! He eaten a careless whisper
Oh please, have some respect for the deceased. He's never gonna dance again.
Miners went into the mines with canaries! No wonder Norwich city is empty
Like a fishing hook
Jab pusher. Jog on. Sheesh.
😀
Geordies live in tyneside! Note that they are all tied up call back later
Pandas have black eyes oh what a surprise
Well, like fatties didn't get bullied in your school...
I hear tales
How many coppers in the line up lmfao?
And 6packs of bacon
And Willoughby
Gin brummie
Typical Scotland
numbers are wrong bro
Vegetarian should not be in the Armed forces
I cannot talk now I will be home soon darling
I wonder what happened with Tracy? I would have gone out with her 😊
She had some semen and basil soup then went home with a bag of chips 👍🏻
Just about manager
Vegans in the mod! Should be fined
Both get rid of clingons
Donald Trump
U need help 🙏
@@blackmaxbranning3666 I do! And you don't? Need help?
Std telecommunications
Never noticed how much he moves his mouth when he talks
Ringing in your ears and bollocks
1000 jokes?
Muff
Thistles
1 word joke...
Biden!
😊.omoo
Trump
Holy shit.... the blonde woman with the nose piercing who works for Nationwide in HR. She's the same one that bellowed NO! when Jimmy asked whether there was any merit to "it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it". She had long red hair in the other show.
Omg LOL what a Spot!
@@_-.-_-.-_ Oh stop * BLUSH *
I have a thing for faces, I guess. But than kyou just the same