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The Family Scapegoat: When YOU Get Blamed for Everything
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.พ. 2022
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The Scapegoat role is super common in dysfunctional families; it’s the person (child or adult) who gets blamed for the family's problems and conflicts. Scapegoats are criticized directly with verbal attacks or through subtle put downs, jokes and neglect of who you are, what you need, and how you might be suffering. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose family has never treated her fairly, and their treatment is affecting her very deeply now.
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Scapegoat tribe: You are ok and good enough and worthy. Let no one tell you that you are unloved. You are loved.
Yep , it's true .
The scapegoat community seems a bit ‘passive’ and sometimes a bit lateral violence as unit doesn’t really support other scapegoats or scapegoat knowledge etc … wen will the family scapegoat community get a movement going??
@@umchinagirard1800 you make zero sense
Thank you. Have to keep reminding myself that
🙏🏽❤️
In 2017, my brother physically assaulted me and then did the “I’m sorry but you need to understand what you did that drove me to do it” kind of non-apology. It was the last straw for me, and I cut the ties. A few months ago, he emailed to say “ I just realized I’m an alcoholic,” that it is “ruining my life and all my relationships,” and “I’m sorry for the way I treated you.” I am happy for anyone who comes to the conclusion that they have an addiction, but I chose not to respond. If and when he gets in a program, and reaches out while working Step 9, I probably will. But for now, it’s just words, and I don’t need to be his cheerleader.
Great boundaries!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Atta girl.
I feel angry with what they put you through but I have to admit I laughed a little at the part where they emailed to admit they realized they were an alcoholic
It’s all words. Don’t respond even if he gets to step 9. Screw him
@@TH-camhndl have to agree. There's NO excuse to assult someone. Brother or not, she should have had him arrested for it.
I intellectually understand my scapegoat role, but I have been stuck grieving the family I wish I had.
Same. I understand it logically but emotionally it’s been a very painful awakening as I have set up major boundaries. Having said that though I also feel better, I sleep better, I do not have so much anxiety anymore.
Yeah. I don't think you ever really stop yearning for the family you never had. But trying to make your own family with friends really does help.
Grieving the family you never had.
Don't fear having no family.
Fear having my family. ,
Can become a comforting joke 🙂
We must grieve and forgive so we can move on to the higher ground.
Same :( I wish I had a family.
Many times the narcissistic parent is jealous and scapegoating “keeps them in their place.”
Definitely
Yes this was definitely true, the women in my narcissistic family dynamic were jealous of both myself and my mother who herself is a narcissistic abuser.
Yes exactly. I always made straight A’s and did very very well in school so they had tested me to go into gifted classes, my mother didn’t want me to bc she didn’t want me to think I’m better than anyone. She continued this kind of treatment throughout my entire childhood and married an abusive husband whom she told me always came before us (she used my beliefs against me) .
I quit trying in school and chased after boys bc I desperately wanted to be loved. I’ve struggled immensely as an adult in every way for way too long.
@@AshJae Hugs. I know the feeling.
Watching Netflix documentary theTrials of Gabriel Fernandez and the movie encounter for scapegoating patterns
Being the scapegoat in my family system ended up being a blessing. I knew it was worth it get out. My siblings who received breadcrumbs and false benevolence are continuing to be mistreated as adults. Scapegoats are often the "seers", they see the abuse for what it is and that is often why they become the target.
Exactly! I am now grateful to have been the demonized, orphaned, and discarded who was and is always underestimated and counted out, because I am now the only one who is aware of both sides of my family’s truths of the generational curse of narcissism, and the only one who had the room to put in the work to heal and change my destiny.
Wow yep this makes absolute sense to me on all levels I was this person in my family because I would speak my mind and say no. Now I see!!
Glamorising the relegated family scapegoat role not really wisdom… and gaslights all those innocent children currently suffering under this ABUSE… child abuse not ok?
@@umchinagirard1800 she speaks as a healed scapegoat, as do I, a currently abused one who is actively healing.
@@umchinagirard1800 I'm not really quite sure what you're saying. To clarify my statement, it was a blessing to me that I was the scapegoat instead of another role such as "golden child". The golden child is more likely to get stuck with the family throughout their adulthood. I would have chosen a healthy childhood any day over the abuse.
From the perspective of the scapegoat.
Cut contact with them. They do not see you as a human, but as their trashbag.
It hurts to realize that your family does not has your back they will never keep your back, it is the best thing to accept.
When you accept that your family does not has your back, you begin to understand that the power lies in your hands, and you are the only one who can keep yourself safe. You should not leave your safety and happiness in the hands of another.
Where's all my goats at?!
🐐 🐐
Fellow scapegoat here.
Love and hugs to all the scapegoats out there!
🥰🥰
lol!
Hug from one scapegoat to another 🤗 🐐
Im the family scapegoat! Never understood it till now. Just recently figured out our family matriarch is a narc. Im far more educated and accomplished than anyone in my family. I had a bout with alcohol and drugs for about three years 22years sober. Still get accused of being on drugs daily. My younger sister s child fell in my home last year, she accused me of being at fault, filed a false police report, tried to have me arrested, didnt show up for court, cost me court costs. My family thinks i should apologize to her! Plus my sobriety shouldnt be applauded for doing the right thing, and my breast cancer survival? Shes tired of hearing it!
❤❤❤❤
🐐🐐 Scapegoat here! Love to all! ❤
As a former scapegoat: Reconnect for what? There is love coming in from all corners of the universe, for some of us it doesn't not come from our family at all. You are not obligated to do anything for or with them. You're not obligated to love them, listen to them, give them money. I now only respond to people I feel good around. And honestly the MOMENT I truly began to know and love myself it was shocking to see how they changed. They changed because they can tell I don't give a damn whether they change or not, but they now have to watch their mouth around me. And so far so good. Guess what. I STILL WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. Once my father passes none of them will ever see me again.
I so understand this feeling.
Ohhh, absolutely!!! Can completely relate.
Same here, I'm going to feel relief after my dad passes for that reason.
@@rachelmaxwell5953 I have already been mourning the loss of my Narc Dad. I think it will be a relief to me when he passes.
Wow so well said 💗
I left my family of origin too. Plato said the truth teller is the most hated. So true I used alcohol and drugs to cope. Sober almost 2 years now. I have peace and my sense of self worth is growing. Painful decision for sure, at times lonely. But... Best decision I have ever made. I sent love to them from a distance.
Congratulations on your sobriety.
It definitely gets lonely.
This hit home especially the whole scapegoat being the one who points out a truth narcissists don’t want to hear. Thank you Ava for sharing 💛
Yeah - that was powerful
I've been on this healing journey a long time and this one really hit hard for me too... Blessings! 🧡
We need solutions for this
You are stepping on the heads of the serpents when you do that. Then they begin biting you on your heels....(Genesis 3:15)
The second gift was mom died when you were still somewhat young...classic scapegoat statement lol
I was the scapegoat, and I escaped, went to therapy, went to 12-step meetings, and have been pretty fearless in my life. My golden child sister stuck by the family and is a miserable and fearful person. So, yes, I am kind of grateful for being the scapegoat.
i will do the same thing also!i ma here till October then i will move abroad and cut my whole connection with my mother and sister wholly
My narcissistic mother wanted to ruin every holiday, so she would privately say things to me (scapegoat) to upset me, so that my upset would ruin the holiday. When I got older I knew to gray rock and pretend that her comments didn't affect me. But the family understood, at least subconsciously, that the holiday MUST be ruined to please mom. Each Christmas someone would always step up and spoil the holiday, without fail, and my mother later would triangulate about that person with other family members. Every year, she still wanted people to come home for Christmas. She enjoyed her sadistic play.
Yes it’s horrible and repeats and sometimes families scapegoating patterns everywhere
@@eviltwinnancy4561 omg that was my experience too! They make me cry then call me crazy and not normal for crying, then they go on and on with accusations, word salad, gaslighting, and so much lying in order to take advantage of me when I am weak. I’m so sorry you went through that too.
Thank you. You just made me feel not alone.
I can relate. The thought of it makes me vomit. I walked away and now I am happier. Image that.
I'm now 57 and have finally accepted that it will never change. I need to move away and move on. I feel like I've wasted so much time.
I'm 51 and at the same stage
Same, in my fifties.
I get it. I’m only a few years younger, but I’ve finally accepting this. Mom was “changed” right before the pandemic locked down because she had a come to Jesus when she broke her hip. But she went back to her ways and slammed me down just when I thought she was seeing me as an equal.
Ditto @ 59 years & 10 months woke. Still Blessed & may others also be!
Eva: your brother wanted to be the host instead of you because in your house you are the queen and is harder to bully you. Your sister bullied you in front of your in laws to make you look bad. She knew you were doing well in Europe and she didn’t like it. Golden child are the only ones allowed to “glow” and you arriving with a lovely partner and lovely in laws was too much for her. Your mom is not really dead, your siblings are good continuing her legacy. Keep away from them
Exactly right!
Yes , Ava ,
I feel your pain as I grew up in the same dynamic and it seems to me that they will never deviate far from the narrative of who your mother " typecast" you as. It was so ingrained in them growing up. When ever the memories of what they have done to you that caused you pain you might enjoy putting those memories where I think they belong. I have an imaginary toilet and I flush them. I remind myself that their credibility with me is in the toilet.
I used to struggle with the "why can't I have a normal family" mentality. Don't know if this is right or wrong, but I found this very helpful with my growth. I was thinking about family while driving down the street and noticed a man with down syndrome walking on the sidewalk and it occurred to me that in a sense, my family was no different. My parents (both are narcissists) cannot help the way they are, no different that a down syndrome person can help the way he or she is. The difference is the way we respond. When I look at my parents as if it's a disability, I can respond with kindness, patience and grace. It was my BIGGEST AHA MOMENT so far. Thank you for this community!
A PS for all the commentors below: I left something out and want to clarify. The kindness and grace is for me - to rise above their nastiness and pettyness. I haven't had a relationship with my mother for over 25 years. 10 years ago, I saw her briefly, maintained my kindness and grace despite her attempt to draw me in otherwise and I went back to full no contact since and THAT last part is why I am now having the best relationship (or should I say non-relationship) I've ever had with her. Dad is more covert. I started establishing boundaries with him about 3 years ago and he's having a fit. But that's just the point. His temper tantrums are not me or my behaviors. He can have all the tantrums he wants - my boundaries are staying. Yes there are repercussions (he's disowned me, made other financial threats, etc), but my freedom is worth the price of being cut off from him. What do I have to lose by sticking by my boundaries? Absolutely nothing I ever needed in the first place. I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I apologize for the misunderstanding.
Dang, I don’t know... I did the kindness and grace thing for years and it honestly got me nowhere. I also believed that they were sick for a time. I no longer believe this. I believe it’s a choice.
People have reasons to be sick. People have reasons to not get help. Not saying those reasons make their choice to stay sick a strong one. But to me it’s not like Down Syndrome, it’s like having something treatable with antibiotics and refusing and instead pretending it’s an illness that’s a lot more serious so other people can play along with their game and demonize the people they’ve enlisted to bear the sins of the family or of their own dysfunction. 🔥
I wish all the best for you and everyone else here. But quite frankly this above and beyond grace has its place and it’s not with dangerous, harmful people. To me the simple act of not trying to match the level of pain they cause is grace enough.🖤 The simple act of silence is more than enough grace. Silence is peace. That’s more than most deserve, especially the ones that did everything in their power to destroy yours.
It is my hope that someday we all get to experience that the spacious opening created by not having a birth family leads us straight to deeper, authentic connections with other people, connections that feel like the Europeans’ version of American thanksgiving haha 😂 Peace and much love to you. 💗
I don’t agree with this approach. YOu are still attached to the family idea and keep them around. Mainly, the subconscious torture still goes around.
Oh Cindy, I agree. You can't heal being around toxic people because everyday they scratch that deep wound. For me it's not possible right now :(
@@tessarae9127 ... i love you.
Um, quick test: Are people with Down's Syndrome able to turn it off and on at will? Can a narc? People with a choice are in a different catagory, and deserve NOTHING for the evil they inflict upon CHILDREN.
I am the scapegoat of the family. Narcissistic family systems need a scapegoat to survive. I finally went no contact to save my mental and physical health. These toxic family systems are not worth it!
I have a message for scapegoats out there, as a scapegoat myself. As the whipping post of a narcissistic mother, rage-a-holic father, and four (yes, I was the middle of five girls) flying monkey sisters, I think I've paid my dues to the point where I can say this. I believe in a higher power and a higher purpose in life. And I've come to believe that part of my soul's purpose here at this time is as a truth-teller to speak out against injustice, just as I always did at home as a kid. We have an important job to do in the world right now, and we have been tempered by our backgrounds to do it. We can't be ostracized in any meaningful way because we have already been denied the safety, comfort, and security of a family group or tribe. So withholding from us something we never had to begin with doesn't daunt us. What could be worse than being derided by your own parent for the goodness that shines out from your heart? Nothing. So anyway, there is a lot in the world right how that requires fearless people to be the first to stand up and speak out against. And I think that is a calling to us, scapegoats. It's gives meaning and purpose to what has seemed like needless pain and endless suffering. Now is our time to shine, don't despair. Put what we have learned to good use and stand-up for the truth. We, scapegoats, also refuse to participate in any pile-on because we know how it feels to be ganged up on. Anyway, speaking up on the Internet in a kind and clear voice is hard, and it will attract trolls and it is very disheartening at first. But it is an opportunity for us scapegoats to speak when we never have been allowed to before and face the fear of the nastiness, but we come out stronger when we fight for what is right.
Very well said!!!
I've always felt this way too. More power to us
Word, my friend. Word.
👏🏾💐👏🏾💐👏🏾 Well Said and Thank You!
The scapegoat role also can get moved around as well. Like a horrible game of musical chairs everyone is mostly unconsciously pitted against one another to not be the one who is left OUT. It’s a zero sum no win situation. I tried everything I could think of to move towards being a more connected compassionate family. Nope we’re fragmented and this pattern has been from way back even likely for generations …a painful reality.
That's true. When I applied full no contact my brother took my place as the scapegoat. My brother had dismissed my claims that my mom was a narc until he experienced her behaviour first hand.
@@ms.x1669 yes it feels like everyone is maneuvering and/or feeling threatened with being the scapegoat so they just can’t see what is going on or speak up for fear of being attacked and “next” in line for that awful role. I’m glad you’ve moved forward to heal yourself. I also learned that sometimes taking myself out of the mix could actually help to reveal what is happening within the family…but also definitely way beyond my skill set to “fix”
So true
We need solutions and a family scapegoat revolution
I don't agree with that the golden child who doesn't lose their position often wins in the family with popularity in school and success when they grow up
Everything you said has so resonated with me. I have a narcissist mother, golden child sister and a momma's boy brother. I have always been the scapegoat. It has only been in the last 2 years that I got into therapy and have started to understand the dynamics of my family situation. Anyway...a funny thought that came to me while listening is, I had a small plaque given to me by a friend that read "friends are the family we choose ". At a time that I was trying to have any kind of relationship with my family, I threw it away because "it hurt my mother's feelings " "they aren't your family I am". Now I truly understand how much the people you choose to have in your life mean!
exactly!!
This one really hits home for me! Trying to get these people to “like me” and then realizing how futile that is.. wanting to love a sibling and have it rejected. All becoming so clear. Thank you Anna and Ava. 💕💕
Appreciate your comments :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am the scapegoat of my family of 7 and I also am the youngest. It is NECESSARY for my sanity to keep these people away from me. They will never see me for the person I have become.
The most recent negative message I heard from an extended family member about other family avoiding and devaluing me, was that I used “too big of words”. Holy Moly. Okay got it.
Can't use 5$ words around 1$ people!
Sam Vaknin opened his last video putting a $10 bar for vocabulary needed.
I have never heard this phrase before, now it's under every video I've click 😅
@@TurningTesting I listen to Sam V. too…I appreciate how he articulates and illuminates so much of what’s going on within and without-says things out loud I am unable to share with most people. For many reasons.
@@peppermintsara I’m afraid the “Culture War” has come home to roost…and those committed to misunderstanding me double down-ugh
@@llkellenba The combination of ignorance and moral grandstanding in these people 💉💉💉 😷😷😷is terrifying.
I was definitely the scapegoat. My narcissistic father told me when I asked him about my birth,
as a small child, that it was a horrible experience for my mother..nothing said how it was a blessing or a happy day...I'll always remember that. When he passed, and he knew he was, no mention of love. I'm 70 and I still deal w this. My older sister is the golden child. I recently went thru a nasty divorce, she sided w my ex husband!! Ha..another scapegoat wound. Bravo Ava, for sharing your story. I wish I'd been as enlightened at your age. I'm still trying to figure it all out...thx for sharing.
I'm sorry, Jane. My father said that I was delivered by a coven of witches (i.e. a midwife and her students) and that his first words were, "Oh shit, it's a girl." (he hates women). He then went fishing and made my mom tie dye shirts to sell after she had just given birth. It's no fun being a throw-away child.
I’m 68. Mothers still going. In a nursing home and 91. These videos have been a great help. But, yes, it effects us our whole life.
My older sister is golden child and she pushed me for divorce when I wasn't ready and said I got you a lawyer because you can't do it now my parents see her as even more golden for helping her loser sister which is me of course
I loved my mum but when she died I felt total relief. Finally free to live in peace.
That’s how I feel about my Dad. He’s 80 and still alive. I hate to say that I’m waiting for that day. Glad you have peace 🙏🏻.
This is encouraging. I seek that same relief. My mom is still alive at 80. I will never see her or my two brothers again. If I am lucky then one of my two nephews might reach out when he is old enough. The other nephew has been fed too much garbage and even when he was tiny he looked at me like I was the enemy. Thank-you for your comment. Your words are reassuring 💗
Mine said implicitly that she wished is died in a bad car accident I had, but thinks I want Her dead. She just projects her resentment of me and cannot see her role in Anything. It’s me who’s the crazy one always
I am the scape goat of my family. Learned it at 47. It has been an interesting year. Videos like these give me hope.
That was four months ago! I read your response now and wonder how you are holding up. I hope there is a message in there that things are getting better. It gives us hope, those of us that stumble on your comments. ❤🩹
16:02 "Any family that was capable of caring about other people, would have cared about you." wow. thank you.
I figured out at some point that I was getting scapegoated because I was the only daughter who wouldn’t enmesh with my narcissistic mother. I had never read or heard it anywhere but I remember feeling that it was better to have been the negative target than one of the favorites because, like you said, I had a better chance of getting free.
It’s challenging 😥❤️🧡💛
Same!!!
Wouldn't enmesh with narc mom so basically youre normal and sane and can't live in one big delusion lol it sucks for us scapegoats because we can't live in ignorant bliss
I'd just like to say, having been a scapegoated child, i got seen. I got critisized constantly. Openly, behind my back. I don't know if there's any other way. It was horrible. I doubt myself a little too often sometimes now, but i have come a long way increasing my confindence. I stand tall everyday, literally.
:)
What I love about Anna is her emphasis on healing. Something I had given up on before watching these videos. 🙏🏽 Also her break down of who the Scapegoat is in relation to Narcissistic characters is just stunning:
1.The truth tellers
2.The people who call to ‘their’ awareness that something is wrong.
3.The people who make ‘them’ feel inadequate
4.The people ‘they’ feel competitive with
5. The people who’s very existence reminds ‘them’ that they are not so great.
Hope this was as useful to Ava as it was for me.
Thank you for the reminder list!
So true!
All of the above, then married into this and guess what? Now at middle age trying to heal both myself and my marriage
I am the scapegoat in my family of origin and now I have very high boundaries around them. I won't be in the same room with them. They are so ill, toxic.
When I started therapy and started to ask questions and confronted my family with things that happened in my childhood I became the scapegoat. They didn’t want to change. And they projected their problems onto me. I separated myself from the family. It was hard but good for my healing. Now I have a wonderful partner and friends and am myself again. It was a difficult process but I would do it again. I wish everyone out there love and light and healing! 💖🌟
I have had the same experience. Blessings to your journey of change!
@@dnk4559 thank you! Blessings to you too! 💖🌟
+ Iris Hubeny Thank you for sharing! 💚
@@JuliaW888 I hope it helps people who are on the path of healing. ❤️🌟
Your comment resonated with me.
I remember sitting down to tell my mom she married a toxic person. It immediately got shifted to blaming my problems. I understood the root of the issue.
I think because my mom doesn't want to claim any accountability. It's super interesting to examine the denial from my parents and sometimes lack of awareness. What I think happened is my mom married him to make herself look like a good parent. I see the patterns. She gaslight every time I bring abusive patterns up. The interesting part is the toxic parent is totally aware he is/was not a good parent. That's a level of self-honesty that I can respect. . What I don't respect is how he tries to virtue signals and inserts himself into my sister's parenting decisions. She lives in another country lol.
My Mother denies her enabling role, she lies to herself and will therefore lie to others because she cannot see the truth. It's not an intentional lie and those are sometimes more insidious when they bite. This is where the shades of grey come in. So glad you have a partner/friends now. It's encouraging. I think it's important to share our stories with anonymous profiles.
I’m in SO Cal too… I finally cut off my family 2 years ago, they were never going to stop thinking the worst of me…I’ve healed a lot and still have a ways to go, I am worthy of healing, we all are… 💕
I did & I do too- 2 yrs ago- I rarely even think of them - I never felt a part of them - I see it’s as part of God’s plan & completely at ease
It’s been almost eight months. Still very painful but I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
@@annfrantzrealestate4856 this is reassuring.
I’m from there, thinking of moving back. You know, someone should stat groups self help for scapegoats who have no family of origin anymore. Esp for us women.
@@brida5923 I would love to join I’m in socal
I spent a day with my sister in law and my family. I hadn’t told her what my family was like with me. I really expected them to be on good behavior. After we left she said, I can’t stand the way your family treats you. She’s not one to bite her tongue. It made me feel worse that someone else could see it. They weren’t even that bad that day.
Glad you are here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
It is nice that your SIL was perceptive enough to see the dynamic and acknowledge it to you in a show of support.
First Christmas I didn't spend with ANY relatives, and didn't call ANY of them felt like I was coming down off drugs.
It can happen to only children, too. Usually in our case the hat we wear varies by day. Some days you’re golden and others you’re the scapegoat, and you never know which hat you get to wear when you wake up in the morning. Fun times.
I cried while listening to this. Yes we are the truth tellers. I keep my distance from family, no more parties, no more$ and funny thing my phone doesn't ring as much now. Thanks Ava and Anna 💞
Thanks for supporting Anna and Ava!
Ashley@TeamFairy
My heart goes out to "Ava." I too have always been the scapegoat of my family. As the oldest of nine, I "forced" my parents to marry since they got pregnant with me accidently. My father was a toxic narcissist who was enraged by the fact that my mother never loved him. I have written off many members of my family who further the scapegoat narrative and I only associate with family members who accept me, love me and work at having a healthy give and take relationship. May "Ava" find the right course for her. She deserves so much more, and I agree she is incredibly brave. We respect you "Ava.!"
Thanks for giving "Ava" the encouragement & support!
-Cara@TeamFairy
“Go where you’re wanted and things work”, David Celani. That quote and the videos of Jay Reid have given me a lot of insight into the role of the scapegoat.
I'm one.
I have CPTSD, depression and severe anxiety as a result of years of abuse. In my 50's I've just started to get help, wish I had found this Fairy years ago.
I cut contact some time ago, a couple of the female narcissist in my family have tried to contact me to either bully or attempted to be friends, I ignored it all as I realised they were addicts to the abuse and wanted the same pattern to continue. My mother is now 85, it will be a relief when she goes. These people won't change but we can.
In my fifties also. I’m so thankful that it’s never too late to heal!
I’m the oldest and the scapegoat of the family. My mom keeps blaming me for her poor decisions and for getting married early and not finishing school. Both my parents are narcissists and like to play the victim role all the time.
"you don't owe them accuracy"...
THIS!!!
Thank you!
“You have a voice and millions of people are hearing you.” ❤️
Many of Ava's life experiences resonate with me . One difference though was that I was the eldest daughter , hated and scapegoated by a covert narc mother but also as I got older by the entire family . I was also expected to parent my parents and be the family servant -'that's what you have girls for' . Mercifully for me my mother died when I was 32 and I've had some years without her hateful raging screaming but it has always resided in my head . My younger sister -whom I have little contact with - and was far favoured over me told me she was recently diagnosed with CPTSD because we came from a dysfunctional narcissistic home - like this was news to me . I've had decades of little or no contact with family members and have resigned myself that it is best to keep them out of my life - they aren't going to change and I'm not asking them to . Your advice as to how to cut off contact with the sister was spot on . Dysfunctional , violent families are best left in the past no matter how painful it is to do it .
I just got off of Anti depressants after being on them for over 20 yrs and all of the emotions that were suppressed are hitting me like a tsunami. This channel is really helping me w/my healing and of finding myself. Thank you so much!
Try this course Anna created :) bit.ly/38JfzK1
-Cara@TeamFairy
The relationship pattern that the scapegoats develop ughhhh I hate that so much. It wasn’t enough to have a horrible family dynamic?! May we know peace, genuine love and authentic connection with ourselves and others.
Yup I married a narcissist only child and became the scapegoat of his family too. He physically abused me and when I went to my enabler father for help, he sided with my husband. It's so hard to deal with the constant betrayal so I've stopped dating after that divorce and have been isolating for a while.
@i love you. You aren't alone ❤MygirlsGJPB
I was scapegoated by my mother my sisters following her . I came to a point in my 60s that I said it to their faces I will not put up with them anymore. I distanced myself and eventually they realized that I’m stronger and earned the respect I was deprived of throughout the years I didn’t care if I lose them
I’m 60 now. But mum would say I was like the child from out of the old black and white movie ‘The village of the damned. I was scared of watching this movie for years. Ex scapegoat abused survivor here.
I'm a lot older and for many years accepted that I was the difficult, mentally ill one. But they didn't validate any of the valid responses to crazy upbringing. Anyway, i need to be stronger before i allow them to hurt me again.
Dealing with a similar dilemma. I am 4 out of 5 (older brother, two older sisters and a younger brother). I was the brunt of many family jokes growing up. The older ones would pretend I was invisible or adopted or that I was a monster to run away from. My coping strategy was to become intellectual and I have been gifted with a high IQ although my EQ was blunted.
My father died in December and during his last few years, many of his biases against me started to become more overt as he lost his capacity to maintain his filters. My older brother and his wife have been in charge of my parents care and I have often tried to point out that they were not doing well physically, only to be told that my brother was put in charge of my parents and my input is not welcome. I am a mandatory reporter in my professional life and I have often felt like I would have to report this situation if I encountered it in a different context. After my father's death, my mother's health finally deteriorated to the point that the other kids could not put a happy face on the care level she was receiving and they all started to be engaged in her care. She is thriving now! The stress of the last couple of months has led to a number of conversations that confirmed that I have, in fact, been scapegoated, continually gaslighted and pushed out of the room. I am grateful for the gift of clarification regarding my role in the family as an adult, which feels very much like it did as a child. I do so much better when I am not around them on a regular basis but I always fall for the future faking and love bombing when it is offered.
I am learning to see things for what they are and am preparing for a career as a mental health professional. In my professional groups, I receive a lot of affirmation as a compassionate, knowledgeable and insightful person who has helped many people navigate their own difficult relationships. I just don't seem to be able to get anywhere with some of mine. Although I am getting stronger and learning to hold my own, I will probably have very limited engagement with some of my family after my mother is gone. It just costs me too much of my own life to try to navigate their criticism of it. Great video!
I relate to Ava how she was pushed out of the family dynamics, being the "scape goat" I was the middle.child, and might have well been invisible to them, unless they needed to vent their suppressed anger.
When I separated from my mother in my early 20's I still had contact with my sibs, that was until a few year ago, when I realised I couldn't be myself around them, my sister some some thing that was the last straw.
I was codependent with my sis, she saved my life when I was ten, and I suppose I owed her my life, so no matter what she did over the years, I always forgave her and was there to help her, as all my sibs, not having children myself, I put my life to one side to be there for them.
My way of escaping my own problems maybe?
I put up with it because I loved them, I knew they were suffering inside, yet they are all closed down, and so I was seen as annoying, "to deep"
My sis is one year older than me, in our mid 50's and I thought she is old enough, she is not a child.anymore, I cannot keep trying to protect her from her self.
I replaced the abuse from my mom, with the abuse off my sister.
When this occurred to me, it was like I had been hit by a truck, literally my body felt battered, I was a wreck for a week.
I love my family even my mom, yet I known I need to heal and I cannot do that if they don't want to heal themselves.
That was me. I spoke up, my sisters didn't. Boundaries, boundaries, speaking up, walking out. Healing began when I realized their crappy behavior wasn't about me, but them. No one, not even family gets to be disrespectful to me anymore.
None of them will ever tell you what their problem with you is. There's n point in asking because they'll act like you're paranoid
Please please talk more about scapegoats. The more i care for my family, the more they hate me 😢
I will pass the suggestion along. That sounds really hard, but you're in the right place and we're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna:
If I could give you a standing ovation right now I would - well, if you could see it!
Part of giving good advice is delivering it in clear language and with compassion.
You really excelled here in all of it.
Ava: The sooner you let go of these abusers, the sooner you'll make space for a community of people who sincerely love you and deserve your company. You've been doing ALL of the emotional labour and it only brought you hurt. I feel you.
I'm so glad to know you already have some folk in your sphere who genuinely care about you. Giving any more energy to those who don't can't be good for your positive relationships because it isn't good for you
Thank you for the courage it must've taken to share this.
Sending love and light!
Taking a little bow. Thank you :)
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy No no no!!!
Thank YOU!!!
I've detached and pulled away and very very few have reached out missing me 😥
What a wonderful letter. Fortunately, myself and my siblings outsmarted our narcissistic parents. We stayed friends. There were some issues but fortunately we didn’t allow my mothers playbook to carry into our adult relationships.
Good job, siblings!
You are lucky, that you have such empathetic siblings...
I've been scapegoated in employment situations...
I can totally relate to this story. I was the third child of a very dysfunctional family that made it known that they tried to abort me but at that time in the late 1950s it was not legal. I felt all my life that I was to blame for all their financial woes and other issues. My father constantly berated me and praised my sister (the golden child). My mother turned to alcohol and eventually died of psoriasis of the liver years later. She did little to support me as a child, which made me a co-dependant fighting to prove my worth. With my parents now long since dead, the three siblings a few years back reconnected. And all those horrible experiences came flooding back. It wasn't just my parents. In fact, my siblings tried to erase me from the family as a child and it wasn't much different as an adult. So, again I went no contact. Then my brother died last year and my narcissistic sister who bullied me throughout my childhood wanted to reconnect. I hesitated but finally caved. Never again. I am done...it was just as horrible. They cannot change, sad because she is the only person besides myself left in that f****ed family. I am now living in the South far, far away from her on the East Coast. And good riddance. She only used me as narcissistic supply. They don't see you as having feelings. They aren't capable of loving you. And you must come to terms with that fact, unfortunately.
Omg Anna, this could've been written about my family! I never understood why my family scapegoated me about everything. It was so bad, that a teacher in middle school asked me if everything was ok at home. It wasn't. After my mom died, my dad picked up the mantle and blamed me for everything. I have no contact with anyone left in my family now, I'm done. Unfortunately because of this, I attracted a lot of other people who treated me badly too. I've kicked a lot of people out of my life in the past few years.
I was blessed with validation by my schoolteachers. Though it's been 46 years since we previously spoke, the other day I called my 2nd and 3rd-grade teacher to let her know how she saved my life. She's 88 years old now, so I didn't think she would remember me, but she did! She said, "Oh, I do remember you! I was typically given the sons of Marines because they were very tough, very hard to handle. You made the list!" She blessed me with structure, discipline, and plainly displayed, attainable performance goals that changed my life! I went from rabble rouser to scholar and artist. What I learned in her classroom, I use every day in my job as an artist, the same type of work I've done all my adult life.
Thank you to all the empowering mentors and teachers who stand in the gap, and help us overcome the privations of narcissists and their enablers!
Wow, what a great teacher! What a great school for HAVING a teacher like that!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy She cried, which provoked tears on this end, too. It was wonderful to hear her unwavering voice, just as I had remembered her. She asked me to visit when I'm nearby (I live 2000 miles away now), but I will probably make a trip to see her soon.
I really needed to hear that. When she said WE hear you.. 😭😭😭❤️. Thank you for making this a kind, loving space!
ava, get out and don't look back. you can't fix anything but yourself. the rest of it is up to them, and it sounds like all they want from you is attention, not fixing. they are not your problem. take excellent care of you and find your own tribe who loves you; let your dysfunctional family take care of itself while you fly away free and have a happy life.
I swear Ava and I had the same mother, only mine never acknowledged what she did or apologized before she died. I think the eye opener for me came a few years ago at a family birthday party. One of my cousins wanted a family picture & rounded up everyone but me. They all stood together, with me sitting within 6 ft of them & took their pic without anyone even thinking for 1 second to include me. This confirmed what I always felt - that I'm not considered part of their family, even though we have the same grandmother. Ava's the family punching bag. I know how she feels. 💙💙💙
Have just started listening. I am completely estranged from my family. The relentless criticism. My parents hated the sight of me. Still carry the rage.
Try EMDR....helped my scapegoated husband
@@godzillamanstreb524 I have also found EMDR helpful.
Can attest to EMDR therapy. 👍🏻
And yes I'm feeling you with the rage.
Even with all the differences in our lives when it comes to an abusive family system the similarities are astonishing! The one that struck me while watching this is I thought it would be over when my parents died but no, my siblings only started acting even worse towards me. I've had to cut off contact. It was hard and hurt but I have so much more peace to recover which I really needed!
Wow! Anna! This video was powerful. The analogy of a bird that continual flies into the glass thinking it can get to something it wants on the other side SO resonated. That’s one of the best descriptions I’ve heard about being in a narc family system. I’m definitely been that bird, it’s like the brain trauma from “flying into the glass” gives me amnesia and I want to try again, thinking it wasn’t so bad. But that frickin invisible barrier. You can’t get through no matter how you try. The mission is futile. Sending lots of love to the writer and all other scapegoats and people healing from narc abuse. You’re not alone! 💗
Omg! I came here to say this. The bird analogy hit me in the right place. Thank you 🙏
Yes, it was spot on!
I became the scapegoat for my family, in the workplace and in my community. If I knew this information when I got out of high school I would of moved far away and never spoken to anyone in my hometown. I've cut off so many people throughout my life after getting fed up with lies people told me but never understood why and most of the time I would say to myself "What is wrong with people". At 50, I'm disabled due to my employer taking advantage and the guilt trip that my family laid on me saying I was lazy and not understanding that I walk away from jobs for my mental health and physical health. Get away from your hometown, cut everyone out of your life and have strong boundaries.
My family and social situation has always been more complex than an overtly abusive one, and I think that’s simultaneously made it hard for me to understand, while making me a difficult person to be around for other people. I’m angry, and I act out, but I can be weak, and cling to people. It’s taken years for me to understand that the “gaps” in my otherwise peaceful family were filled with defining neglect and abuse. You know how they say intermittent reinforcement is a very powerful form of control? Well that was my family. And yes, I was the scapegoat. The end result is that in every social situation of my life, I’ve become the scapegoat, in marriage, parenting, work, school chums, even work, I’ve ended up in the center of someone else’s toxic drama, and blame was placed on my habits and character. I’ve become reclusive, and don’t have a lot of social connections. I’m grateful for my family’s efforts to heal, and reconnect in these later years, but I’m so bruised, it’s hard to know how to respond.
I think everyone here who is healing from narcissistic abuse, and is sharing their stories is a real hero. I appreciate you, and especially Ava, for speaking for all of us. Bless you.
My mother scapegoated me because she wanted a little mini me, but was disappointed when she discovered that I was a person, not a blank slate. She died in 1998. I thought it was over, except that I became the perpetual doormat. This continued until recently, where the new tribe creating the scapegoat was my husband's family. Everything that went wrong in the relationship was my fault because their son was perfect. Anything I said was a challenge to their parenting skills, so they, like my ex, are eager to leap on the cross, nails in hand, ready to be crucified. It's going to stop now. I won't put up with it. I've sold my self into an early grave, since my health is very bad. For the days I have left, it's time I prioritize me.
Thank you for sharing your story, Ava. I'm so sorry that you've been treated like this by your family. You deserve better. I'm the scapegoat in my family, too, and it is brutal. After nearly losing my life to serious illness in 2020 (and none of them visiting me, though I was 5 minutes away from most of them), I finally stepped away. I was 49 at the time. It's been heartbreaking, but also incredibly healing and empowering. I miss them intensely, and I'm here if they want to reach out to me, but for the most part, they don't, and during my illness in 2020, something in me shifted so dramatically that I no longer feel the need to reach out to them (except where my beloved daughter, who is an adult, is concerned, which is another story for another day). Wherever you are in the world, I'm rooting for you from California. You sound amazingly strong and loving and resilient and smart. I'm wishing for all good things for you, and am especially hoping that you will receive all the love that you needed and didn't get from your family. You so deserve it.
Thank you so much for sharing your support and story with Ava. Glad that you're part of our community!
- Ashley @TeamFairy
Dog gets run over? Your fault. Barn roof collapses in snow? Your fault. Dad has heart attack? Your fault. Mom stubs her toe? Your fault. You name it everything that happened EVER was my fault, but they made sure I gave them every penny I ever earned starting from 12 years old. But I was still looked down on as a loser. Since I cut all contact I have actually become relatively wealthy, funny that. I have given my kids so much and never had anything but abuse from my own family. It has recently become public knowledge that I was never paid for any work I did in family businesses (siblings were over paid), and that many of the things they own came from me, mostly outright stolen. And people are starting to question the narrative. It's interesting to see :)
"You have been enslaved by the Egyptians" I read this somewhere recently and it's so true.
On my way Canada to overseas and will never ever set foot in this country ever again.
Have a wonderful journey. Even if you’re physically gone keep working on yourself. We carry our own house with us.
I'm glad they were exposed ang that you broke free.
Don't reconnect.
Let go without love. I usually say let go with love. No contact works. It's not worth the going back. Don't go back.
Shared experiences, her letter 💛💚💛💛💛.
One Aunt floating I'm not dad's kid. One aunt later did mom in and did harm to my care plan. I told them then my care plan is first.
Both sides were mad if not unhelpful on purpose.
My dad's sister thinks I'm not his daughter. I was resented.
I will never understand why the trauma bonds were so toxic but I went back to help them.
Wow! Is this MY family? I could have written this letter. So many similarities. Many thanks to the person who sent this letter. I’m healing from being the family scapegoat too. It’s just... awful.
Here’s to our healing.!
She must also remember that she cannot change people .. those have to have the desire to change themselves.
Thank you so much for sharing, Eva. I could relate to your journey, especially your relationship with your sister. My dad was the narcissist in our family and my mom, co-dependent. My sister became the golden child. At a young age I recognized the dysfunction in our family and was immediately crowned the scapegoat. It was hell growing up in that environment. Both parents are gone now. Once mom passed away, I walked away from my DNA family. The abuse from my older sister towards me actually got worse as we got older. My other siblings tip toe around her to keep the peace. No one would stand up to her. She is a bully...nothing golden about her at all. So, when mom passed away, I was done. I have no regrets. I have peace. On holidays I do not miss the drama. So many holidays and special occasions were ruined by my sister that I really have very few good memories. She picked up where dad left off with ruining everything she could for everbody. I was always "saving" her. It hurt that she seemed to hate me. I realized I cannot save her anymore and had to set myself free from the abuse. I was recently in the hospital, in ICU with pulmonary embolisms in both lungs. I nearly died. There was no acknowledgement from my sister or her children who I helped financially for years that I was even thought about or that they were praying for me. Nothing. Shakespeare said, "Leave her to Heaven." That is what I have done and it feels right. Good luck, Eva. I wish you peace.
There’s a fear of being judged by other people if you need a break from seeing your family or cut off contact. Sometimes I have to answer questions like ‘How’s your mum?’ from people with a good relationship with their parents and I either have to fudge it and cover up that I haven’t seen her for a long time or tell them something which I would rather not talk about anyway - cos it’s private, it’s unpleasant and it’s nuanced as well (it’s a developing situation that I’m learning how to deal with and isn’t all bad) - and I worry they won’t see it from my point of view since they are parents themselves or can’t envisage what a bad relationship with their parents would be like. Sometimes I feel people assume I just can’t be bothered to see parents like their own.
Maybe you can find a standard, fairly neutral phrase to briefly give an answer to the question, and then turn the topic back to your questioner by asking a question about them. Most people naturally love to talk about their own world, so this should provide a transition to their own talk. The people who are not so interested in themselves will tend to be the kind of people who recognize your cue and they will not insist on continuing to question you. Chances are the question is just mostly polite small talk anyway. They are not as sensitive to the situation as you may be. Good luck to you in navigating your tender spots. I have certainly tended to give too much, too honest information to people who are not very close to me anyway and I'm learning how to navigate this myself.
I really get this. I walked out of my Narc Dad’s life when he was 82. He had lost all ability to filter himself and escalated his abuse to personal attacks on my character. It triggered all the childhood abuse. It was a gift though because I finally understood why my siblings had always treated me like crap. He taught them well. He parentified me so that he wouldn’t have to handle the responsibilities of parenting and now I’m the bad guy with the younger siblings. It has been a very painful decision but I really needed to get away and finally heal the loss of the father I never had and the child I never got to be.
The best thing I ever did was move 2400 miles from my family. Unfortunately I still was choosing men who were even worse than they were!
Wow do I get this. My mom like to tell a story of bringing me home from the hospital. The whole story was about his mad my sister was that they brought me home. Great first life memory. That was the beginning of my being a am scapegoat. I’m 49, and completely incapable of having friends.
I found my best friends in Al-Anon. It took some years of 12 step work but it has been immensely helpful!
I relate so much to your letter and to the analogy of the little bird hitting up against the window over and over. Trying to get that is so painful from the family of origin. I applaud your courage in writing this letter and it is so healing to hear your story!!!!!
I applaud YOU @KWren_Turner for such a compassionate & loving response :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I hear you too, my family are just a bunch of sick cowards that are too afraid to accept the reality that my step-dad is a child molester and that I was also abused by him. They 're hating on my daughter and I as we've taken legal action against the perpetrator and I still can't get my head around how educated people can be so blinkered. These videos are so good for people like us as it helps to know that there are others out there. Much love.
I was that person. It sucked my 76 yr old mother recently just told me her mother never loved me. Unbelievable. I separated front my family at 16 was an emancipated minor. I only interact at my comfort.
My therapist years ago told me that I i was a high functioning, articulate , intuitive individual. She helped ne get thru some college courses because the confidence she had in me. It was nice to hear from someone I respected that I was worthy.
Ava's story is similar to mine. I walked away from my family of origin , over a year ago. I had to change my phone number because they wouldn't leave me be. So much for boundaries.
I, like Ava, tried for years to mend fences only to learn my family is working against me. They treated me poorly, and having had enough of their scapegoating, triangulation, and lies, I walked away. Best thing I've done for my peace of mind and personal development. Good luck Ava. ❤
Thank you for sharing your story and these words of encouragement for Ava, we appreciate it. -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for this. Hearing you read out Ava's letter and your comments reminded me of aspects of my own family situation. Especially the sense of not receiving validation. I'm a lot older than Ava, and
This is me.. my life in that letter. My parents wanted another boy.. but they got me. I was just "there". Three years later my brother was born. To my mother he was the golden child. My sister prior to me was my Dad's favorite. He called her his " Florida Baby". I lived my life with insults and put downs. My hair, my weight.. I was the daughter who most physically resembled my Mother. My Mother saw her flaws thru me. I stopped visiting because I could no longer take the insults. I miss my siblings.. but I know to reconnect with them is only to once again be their doormat. So in order for me to have some self acceptance I've gone no contact. Best decision I've ever made for me.
That sounds incredibly hard, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm so glad you were able to break contact and that it has had such a positive impact on your life, thank you for sharing your story with us.
-Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you for putting this out there for Scapegoats to reflect on and move towards healing.
Man I feel this on so many levels.
I’m just grossed out by all this. My mom and brother do that stuff. My ex does it and blames them for how I perceive his attacks; then he accused me of doing the scapegoating. I pray for all of them a lot.
I married a narcissist. Finally found the courage to divorce. He always used to pick my family apart.
I still feel the gut punch every time my mother told everyone I was born in Vegas by saying, "I went to Vegas and gambled and lost". I'll be 60 in December...
I was lucky my mother kicked me out at 16 when I was "nothing but trouble" while her boyfriend screamed in my face. My sister rescued me by pushing me into a room and said get out, get out before he kills you. He'd almost killed me twice in less than 4 years. I still say she saved my life.
I'm working on me now. I now have a name for my crazy behaviors thanks to you and that's the first step. I bought the books you mentioned and two cptsd workbooks and my son and my partner are behind me so I know I have a soft place to land ☁️ instead of a cyclone 🌪 of crazy family that scapegoated me for too many years and left me in shambles
Thanks for the launchpad to a better life 🙌
this was me growing up lol...i was told i was spoiled by my immediate family and told i was ugly by my relatives. i was told by everyone i was stupid, meanwhile i was always trying to help fix everyone else's problems and got yelled at for everything. so now that im an adult, i cant ever feel smart or pretty no matter how much everyone has changed since; how well i did in school or work; how much kindness ive been shown and the countless years of therapy. i still feel worthless and now have autoimmune disease and am anxious avoidant; death often feels like a kind notion... life is funny lol. all you can do is live day by day. i haven't watched this video yet, the title just got me. hopefully it ends on a happy note. :)
This came across my feed and I am so thankful. I was told as a small child, "everything was fine until you were born". I never thought I would hear my story from another until TH-cam happened. Thank you so much for helping me heal to know I am not the only one.
That sounds hard. Thank you for sharing. You’re in the right place.
Nika@TeamFairy
Haha 😂!! You answered my work prayer 🙏!!
I outperform my eldest brother and work male coworkers- this is how they react - try to blame me for everything.
One role I walked away from; my last role I was forced to stay in a role due to COVID. This was a spiritual gift in the sense I know I can survive it - if I had to. I am in this situation again. Stay tune. I stand in my power.
I was the family scapegoat as a child and realized several years ago the abuse had continued into my adulthood. I wish I realized it earlier but societal and church teachings of honoring your parents and you don't leave your family. I call BS on both narratives. Just because they're family doesn't mean it's ok to be abused and stay in the family unit. I left all my family behind several years ago and recently found this term to explain what I had endured for 45+ years. I realized it went beyond family dynamics because of my 'grooming' to be the family scapegoat. It was happening at work, and with platonic and romantic relationships. I have cut ties with all these toxic/unhealthy relationships, and I don't regret it. It was hard at first because I had to realize I was abused, the guilt the angry etc, and the loss of the relationships. I'm on the other side of the pain and I'm SO MUCH HAPPIER. You don't have to stay in relationship (family, platonic or romantic) due to what society, church or others say. It's your life and mental health - protect it!
We must create a good self. We must be who we want to be, not who others tell us we are. Take the next good step, and then, take another one.
I'm starting to wonder if this is even happening to me at work. Where I used to work there was one person who immediately didn't like me & never spoke to me. It's the same where I work now, even though "the silent treatment" is against the rules of the employee manual. One person, before he left (he was demoted due to bad behavior), balled up his fist when he looked at me & was muttering something under his breath like, "I wish I could punch you." I always run into adult bullies wherever I work.
Started as youngest child so more an isolator. From older sibling abuse too.then as adult w cancer became a scapegoat. Now, without support of a kind therapist or anyone who’d believe in me, I’ve cut them off. I only feel relaxed when there is no dysfunctional family around. What a waste if energy for years, attempting relationships over the years thankful for this channel to help confirm-for me boundaries that I need to keep. 30 years latebut better now. When I reached adulthood i used to listen to tge wonderful John Bradshaw about alcoholic families. No surprise no sibling in my family wanted to hear about out horribly dysfunctional family. I wanted to talk. They didnt. Years later, im still the awful one for having feelings, and trying to live in reality. Siblings abandoned me but worse, during hard times including cancer, they BLAMED me for being awful cause i wanted support. So done w the lot of them. Sadly neices nephews included. Thank u for ongoing honesty, reality, and clarity Anna. ❤️
This is what these dysfunctional families do. It’s very sad and I’ve dealt with similar things in my own family.
Scapegoat, Black sheep, all familiar as parents died in my childhood and I had to be raised by extended family who didn't want me.
My grandmother made it clear she wanted me put in an orphanage and her 2 sons hated me.
I never fitted in, was guilt shamed, sexually abused and attracted bullying all around, school, work later in life.
My mother's suicide was covered up which tore me to pieces later on.
The only salvation was the Dr sent me to a Child Psychologist at 11.
It takes decades to see the patterns that form. Took a severe breakdown 2018 and Psychiatrists advising distance from family after over 20 years of elderly care. That was my payback and I lost a relationship as he couldn't stand the cult atmosphere.
Now NC almost 2 yrs, it's self love all the way.
OMG My heart breaks. I am glad the boyfriends family could help you see this pattern. This is not OK to be treated like that! Even more horrible when it is your own family. I know. I have disconnected everyone in my family. I do not talk to them and I do not see them. It is hard and yes I feel scapegoated but I would rather be rid of them sucking the life energy out of me.For me this has been the right decision but it still hurts every day. They all have each other and I have no one. I am an only child and have two children of my own. Why do they not have loving grandparents showering them with everything they deserve?
Find alternative grandparents or maybe "aunties" that are friends around your age. Lots of people live far from the children they would love to see, and you could even form a meetup group for people who would like to be "foster grandparents" or "foster aunts." Just an idea. Remember that you can choose your own intentional family any time. Ask your county or city if they run a Senior Center where you might be able to find a staff member who could match you with a suitable older person among their clientele. Most localities run a Senior Center where older people find entertainment and company.
When depression come too soon it's difficult to runway in time of not be retraumatised. How lucky young people earing Anna.
Thanks for listening!
-Cara@TeamFairy
yes we can hear you. I am in Europe and I'm listening to your story ❤
I love listening to your videos. You are such a validating and empathetic soul. Thank you for warm words.
You're welcome. Thank you for listening. - Ashley, Team Fairy