Do You Think Race Matters in Dating?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 พ.ค. 2024
- Does a person's ethnicity or skin color significantly influence their dating experiences and the dynamics of their relationships? It's a complex issue that invites a lot of discussion. But, if one were to provide a concise answer to this question, it would be yes. Ethnicity and skin color can indeed play a substantial role in dating and relationships due to a myriad of social, cultural, and individual factors that come into play.
⚡︎ FAQ ⚡︎
What’s your name? Paul Benedict
What’s your Instagram? @hello.prime (will change soon to @paulosophical)
What’s your ethnicity? Spanish, Filipino, Chinese, and Indian
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I hate the way some people misuse preferences when it comes to dating. For example, if you prefer Asian women but refuse to date anyone else, just say that you only date Asian women. A preference isn't a dealbreaker. I prefer to date within my ethnicity, but if anyone else comes along and shows interest and is respectful I'd date them too.
I'm confused.
If you prefer Asian women but refuse to date anyone else that's well beyond a preference (it's a requirement). But they'd probably say they only date asian women if they're honest about it.
Are you saying that people aren't open about how exclusive they are on race when they should be (maybe not to waste others time) or are you complaining that their exclusivity based on race is too strong?
I sympathize on both points but with the former it's incredibly easy for that person to be considered racist and it's easy to see that's a reason they hide it.
@@0xCAFEF00D "For example, if you prefer Asian women but refuse to date anyone else, just say that you only date Asian women."
I took that to mean this person, in this example, is misusing the term when it's not a preference but a deal breaker, based on the further context they explained.
No one cares their "exclusivity based on rase is too strong" as it's their right BUT that IS NOT a preference which this person made clear and expressed in a way that didn't require further breakdown as 13 others at the time of this comment understood what they meant.
you mean you'd "sleep" with them... okay lol happy herpes
I don't date dark skinned women I prefer light skin women sorry not sorry.
Race is weird, sharing a skin colour with someone doesn't mean you share anything else. Ethnicity is the most important
Very true and i say this as a black, west african person.
you’d be surprised how people don’t know the difference between race, ethnicity, and nationality
Yes race has very little to do with culture. If I was dating an African American man, we wouldn't be considered an interracial couple since we're both black. But we would still face the same kind of struggles since we have very little in common culturally.
For me, I recognize that there are attractive people of every race obviously. But I also recognize where I’d lean if they were all the same level of attractiveness
Exactly. In the end, it's your decision - either deviate from your usual preference or lean into it.
I find men of all racial backgrounds attractive. But i have preferences. I think most part of us have a preference.
and that preference being what
What's your preference?
My preference is non black women.
I like women of color and those who come from far. I like difference, and I learn so much more (different way of thinking, different food, more things to discover!). And it makes so beautiful kids.
I know exactly what you mean especially about the cultural or even linguistic differences. I think dating someone from a different race or culture can definitely expand ones worldview.
It comes also with challenges too, and many are not ready for it. I came from west Africa and there are more than 40 different ethnicities in a small area, and we share many many differences.
lol studies actually show that majority of mixed people are unattractive compared to non mixed counterparts
All of these examples influence dating preferences, but this doesn't mean individuals can't deviate from their “norm” - it simply presents some challenges.
Thank you for this video! It was much needed. As an asian female, I've been interested in guys who don't prefer asians, and that was okay. On the flip side, I've seen dudes who have a thing for asian girls and that's cool too, as long as him and the other person treat each other with love and respect, and don't love each other just for their skin color/background. I've seen how racial preference is stirred up in the media as "racist" when it's usually not the case. So thanks again for posting this and clearing up misconceptions!
Truly glad that I helped! And I think ultimately, we can't really force people to be attracted to us. Whatever the reason 🤷♂️
Most of our so called preferences are influenced by a lot of things, our backgrounds , our cultures, biology, our environments and the politics of the time. To decide to not date a whole race of people has elements of prejudice in it and prejudice is influenced by racism unfortunately. If someone says I tend to date within my own race or a particular race but If find someone I connect with from another race , I might consider them , then we can say a person has preferences. The word preference is being misused on social media!!
@@Joan-il4qb I guess there can be a fine line between preferences and racism. I agree with you that sometimes people will discriminate on potential partners because they are racist. But in either case, it is hard to tell. In both scenarios, whether the person choosing a partner is racist or not, it's their choice at the end of the day. We cannot force them to date anyone they don't want to, and they will sadly have to live with their racist misconceptions. Many people are not attracted to certain races in general because they have not grown up around diversity, yet still want the best for others no matter their race. Take people from other countries where there is little diversity for instance. But either way, we can't say that they're racist or whatnot because of this. They simply cannot help who they are attracted to, and they don't have to consider people they don't find attractive. I have seen this happen a lot personally, but I do understand what you are saying.
@@linhvu5144 I get you. But we must not confuse awareness of people not preferring a certain race and voicing that awareness with forcing people to be attracted to them. Most of the time people will respond negatively to not being preferred because of the way it was communicated to them ; not necessarily because they feel entitled to someone's like for them. We all understand that attraction cannot be forced and should not be. It is not too difficult to tell the difference between someone saying something with bad intentions and someone saying something out of ignorance or just expressing his truth. Either way things are what they are.
Yes I think so. And btw nobody has the right to question my sexual preferences.
The real question is, are you single?😏
😭😭😭
This was actually explained very well.
I agree with everything you said.
I personally am glad I find all racial groups attractive--it keeps the options for dating much greater. I even started studying the language and histories of other regions in an effort to understand more cultural and linguistic nuances.
I’ve read all of your comments on this video. You’re very insightful! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!
Okay maybe. Im a Latino but I always find myself havin crushes on either Asian women or black women. Even when I crushed on women within my own community, they either looked more Asian or looked more black
Usually the Asian looking Latinos have Native American ancestry, and they get mistaken Asian all the time. Of course there are Latinos with Asian ancestry too. Sometimes I think people forget about Native American ancestry in the Latino community.
we might be the same person 😭
I'm a black girl. I was bullied for "sounding too white" when I spoke, liking rock songs and country music, and wearing stereotypical "white" clothes (converse, cardigans, beanies, band t shirts, etc). When I started dating white boys I was bullied even harder by those same black peers. Now I'm married to...drum roll please... A white guy 😮
I always found it odd that ideas like "sounding too white" or "dressing white" exist. It seems petty for people to make this an issue.
Wait,wait, wait these are white clothes? What are black people clothes according to these idiots??
In a scale of 1-10 how much do you despise your white husband?..........
Congratulations 😆
As long as they look good and have a good heart, they’re good. But I have to say I just prefer different people to myself. I dunno.
Even as a man, I went out with an Indian woman who had a serious white fetish and it got tiring really quickly.
Right the fetishism can be very...creepy and kind of embarrassing. I once met a guy who was Bulgarian or Serbian (cannnot remember) who said he loved darked skinned men and wanted to go to Africa which initially was fine. Then he started calling me chocolate, said he like how Black men had bigger Ds, dominant in bed or in life, masculine, you know the usual stereotypical stuff. I was like this dude has lost his damn mind. Let's say that didn't last at all.
I just don't find certain features attractive and these traits mostly appear in women of certain ethnicities.
Fortunately I live in a place with very mixed blood, you can see plenty of people with the best of each race.
This video couldn't of come at a better moment for me. Media has a powerful influence on what we find attractive and has especially warped what men turn me on. For a very long time throughout my childhood, I was whitewashed and brainwashed by eurocentric beauty ideals, I wanted to be blond with blue eyes, freckles and braces and as a teen, I exclusively was attracted to blond haired blue eyed guys only (made a video about that on my old account.) Then, things changed drastically as I absorbed east asian media (Not Korean media, not the biggest fan of K pop and only a few K dramas are good.) I now have a massive almost exclusive attraction to chinese, mongolian, japanese, taiwanese, thai and philipino men due to my absorbing of their dramas and films.
That's not all. I've basically lost all my attraction to white men. Didn't think this was possible since they're pedistallized everywhere but I don't think my attraction to them was ever real in the first place. Even the hot ones fail to turn me on now and honestly, I feel like there's something wrong with me.
Mmmmno, there's nothing at all wrong with you. ❤
@@thedarkerarchery3553 That's reassuring, gracias
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It seems you're exploring your preferences. Who knows? Maybe one day, your tastes will include white men again.
Perhaps the only question you need to consider is this:
Have you thought that your changing preferences might not be about how different ethnicities look, but may be connected to the cultural values, behaviors or attitudes shown in the media? (Positive or Negative)
Note: There's no right or wrong answer, and you don't necessarily have to respond to this comment. I believe self-reflection is important without always needing an audience. The answer may come to you months from now, so just let this question sit in your head 🙂
I am a White Hispanic and I have dark-brown hair and eyes, as well as skin that's a mix of tanned and pale. I'm pro-white, although if I had to change something about me, it would be my eyes. I want my hair and skin to be exactly intact, which is why I don't try to tan or pale myself more.
I don't even like the idea of dying my hair blonde, never did
I don't personally date based on race, I prefer to date based on personal preferences or having "a type." Like, my type is a cute baby face with brown hair and blue eyes. So when looking at the picture example, the 2nd guy from the top left side is the one I noticed right away as the cutest within 0.2 seconds. But I didn't know he actually does have blue eyes until I maximized my screen. He is soooo adorbz!😊
Blue eyes are prevalent in Europe, North America and Canada. It’s rarer in Africa and Asia. So yes you do have a preference and your preference leans towards Europeans, and that is ok.
Culture or racist are the only 2 options, really?
What happened to being attracted to people physically? Can't just find more of x race hot on average (that's what preference is)?
I like all races but prefer Asian men
The perspectives on this are interesting and yet understandable. I’ve wondered abt this topic for years but lacked the words to have the discussion, so thank you I learned a lot🙏🏽.
This means a lot. Thank you!
I'm an old white fart. Back before I met my beloved late wife (early 1980's), I had dated a number of other women. Only one of them wasn't Caucasian (she was Chinese). Wasn't really a result of a preference on my part, just a function of those who were available. The Chinese girl was SUPER hot, but her parents disapproved (to put it mildly), so that was that.
"So that was that..." :(
If she had chosen you over her parents, it would have been difficult for her. Her decision likely seemed reasonable at the time. It's hard to break away from cultural preferences.
I want a super hot Chinese girlfriend 😃
Ion got no type… Baddies is the only thing that I like..
Same
When choosing a partner, I prioritize features that appeal to me, including hair texture, which is more important than skin tone. I want my children to have hair texture I'm familiar with, like hair type 1a-2a. I'm not familiar with other hair types, and I don't think I can properly take care of hair type 2b-4c. All hair types are beautiful! I have 1a hair, and I'm only familiar with caring for straight hair.
as somone whos family has hair from 1a-4c i can tell you that 2b-3b wont be a huge struggle (esp w good hair genes) 3b-4c is where t5hings get real
This video was pretty well done.
Thank you so much!
Yes it does. White men and Black men typically do well in dating in the west and all over the world. Brown men and Asian men struggle a lot more unless they are in their home countries.
where do Hispanic men fall into this
Don't care for race but hair is a dealbreaker: I prefer natural hair. If there's a wig or weave then it's a pass for me: the smell, the constant head patting & scratching. Super unhygienic
it’s quite the opposite for me, I love melanated women ❤️
Well, english isn't my mother tongue so I'll probably make lots of mistakes but I really think it is important to precise that human races don't exist. Biologically speaking, we are homo sapiens SAPIENS this second "sapiens" is our race's name, and all humans are part of this race. Saying "black race " , "asian race" or "caucasian race " is wrong (especially as some white people for example, are closer genetically to some black people than to other white people, wow i'm not sure this sentence is grammaticaly correct), the word ethnicity would be more appropriate.
To be clearer there is a translation from an educational book :Race is a subdivision of a living species based on morphological characteristics. In the case of the human species, the criterion of differentiation that has prevailed, without any rational basis, is skin colour. "In the 1970s, with the rise of genetics, which showed that the human species shares the same genetic heritage to 99.8%, the concept of "races", which therefore had no biological basis, was completely abandoned. Today, however, the term is still used in social and legal terms.
I have the impression that in english the term "human race" is widely used even though it has no scientifical basis.
Let me first say that you explained your point very well. I agree with your idea that ethnicity is more accurate than Race as a concept. Its important to note that Race as a concept is a very European and American concept that has had influence on the entire globe.
Race is strictly social and was originally used to determine power, social class, and spread racism by White Europeans and Americans.
I am curious as to what you mean by some White People are genetically closer to Black People...what do you mean by that?
@@KnijMagz well, the human races were determined based on skin colors but in fact it's irrelevant because not all people with white skin are close genetically and neither are all people with black skin. If you take 2 random white people and 1 random black person and compare their ADN, in some cases, the first white person and the black person are more identical than the first white person and the second white person.
It's just to say that skin color is just an appearance, it's not a fundamental difference that separates human beings into distinct categories.
I prefer light skin women or non black women (mostly white women).
Is colorism the same as colourism??
2:55
I'm not a sociologist. And especially not one studied in this. But I don't understand why people make this claim. Seems to me it's pretty much one or the other between classism and colonialism. Even going as far back as medival europe they had colorism also probably rooted in the same aristocratic bias. There's portraits of European royalty with obvious inbreeding deformities being praised. East asia appears to have developed it entirely on its own. Cultures with rich literary histories make that clear, like Japan which has clear records of pale skin tones going back to at least 1300s as I can see at a quick search. And fashions are sometimes just weird also. Japan had Ohaguro which looks awful to me. India has had (hopefully not anymore, I heard it's being fought) a very strict caste system that's sure to create some ethnic skews and they'll look for any sign that someone is of the lower class I'm sure.
It's an incredibly western focused and maybe even only american perspective to me to blame colonialism when there's the perfectly obvious explanation of the upper class being shielded from the sun and not creating as much melanin. It literally births itself as a status signifier. People have hooked onto any signifier of social status for so long it's implausible to me that colonialism or any other deliberate action determined this for people. I'm certain there could have been examples of that happening but on the large scale, large civilizations they're independent. Reading online it seems Japan exported a popularity of whitening creams to Taiwan during its colonial rule (1950). So that's pretty strong evidence for that instance.
For the US. That's your classic racial problems probably. Nobody colonized you. It's not exactly news that whiteness has been a status symbol in the US when it's determined who's chattle and who's not for so long.
Love this take. Your perspective is interesting and it's true that classism and colonialism have both played roles in shaping societal beauty standards. However, we can acknowledge that these factors don't necessarily operate independently. They intertwine and often reinforce each other. For instance, colonial powers often imposed their beauty standards on the colonized, which could further entrench class divisions. While it's true that beauty standards can vary greatly across different cultures and historical periods, systemic racism and colorism can and do influence these perceptions. It's a complex issue and there's no single explanation that can fully account for all the nuances. Oof...
There’s a ton of misinformation in this video, people overwhelmingly date within their own race because humans have evolved to be attracted to men and women of their own race. A Chinese person growing up in Jamaica is statistically very unlikely to find blacks attractive for reasons based on genetics. "Does being darker make you less attractive" technically no but statistically the answer is Yes, lighter skin is consistently rated as more attractive by all races. This is typically in reference to black people, black men are viewed as unattractive to the average woman and when it comes to women blacks are ranked as the least attractive.
While it's true that people often date within their own race, it's a simplification to say that this is purely due to evolutionary preferences. Cultural, societal, and environmental factors also play significant roles in shaping our attractions. As for the notion that lighter skin is universally preferred, this is not universally true and is largely influenced by societal standards and media representations. It's important to remember that beauty standards isn’t the same as cultural preference (for marriage). Finally, categorically stating that a certain race is viewed as less attractive is a harmful stereotype that perpetuates bias and discrimination - there are plenty of attractive black men - as someone raised in NYC, I’m surrounded by them.
@@PAULOSOPHICAL I didn’t say that environment has zero impact on what a person sees as attractive, it’s just that it’s typically overstated and genetics is often understated even though genetics plays a much larger role. Blacks being consistently viewed as unattractive by non blacks is a very observable and well established fact so saying it’s a "stereotype" is a deflection tactic along with being just generally un true. Them being viewed as overwhelmingly unattractive isn’t a stereotype it’s just true.
@@jbstarkiller4626 While it's true that genetic influences play a role in attraction, it's misleading to argue that they play a significantly “larger” role than environment or to suggest that attractiveness is largely determined by race. Attraction is multifaceted, shaped by a combination of genetic, environmental, cultural, and individual factors. I wouldn't claim that one outweighs the other. It's a combination.
I get what you're saying, and I'm not deflecting either. Lots of studies, using data from U.S. dating sites, show that black women and Asian men are often seen as less attractive. But, my point is that even though many people find these two groups physically attractive, they don't always get a positive image in the media. This negative image can significantly influence how people perceive these races and affect their attraction towards them.
The most popular opinions are:
“She’s beautiful, BUT black women are argumentative and difficult.”
“He’s handsome, BUT asian men are feminine and weak.”
Yes, this is clearly a stereotype. While it might contain some truth and apply to a few individuals, it does not represent everyone. Not all black women are argumentative and difficult, just as not all Asian men are feminine and weak.
There is much more to explore beyond what this 4-minute video can offer. It only serves as an introduction to understanding sexual preferences.
3:30
What do you mean by ignorance here? The idea that they should find dark skin as attractive as light skin seems to go against the entire racial preference premise that was essentially greenlit at the start of the video. Maybe it's that the person lives in a society where their potential children would be worse off for their skintone. Effectively dark skin is like poor genetic health or height then as sad as that is to say. If we're talking african americans mainly as I expect we are perhaps it's about getting what's best for your kids.
I'm not saying it's right at all or that anyone should think about that. I'd rather people didn't. It's clearly a bad situation.
But if it's it's in that reflection it's more complicated than prejudice or ignorance. It's not prejudice, dark skin people have a genetic predisposition to have dark skin children. That heritability is what determines race. It's not ignorance, because it's clearly just well informed.
It's a passive acceptance of racism and an unwillingness to fight it. That's the problem to me, I sympathize to an extent becuase it's pretty hard to justify putting your children at stake on that. Like getting together with really short people or people known to have serious health problems like heart disease/colon cancer in their family. It matters a ton.
I don't even know to what extent it should. I just wish it wasn't.
In that section, I aimed to only address the question, "Does having a darker skin tone make you less attractive?"
I realize that this topic can stir up some confusion, given that skin tone is a crucial aspect of an individual's racial identity. It's a complex issue that intertwines with our perceptions of beauty and self-worth. Therefore, I believe this topic requires a more in-depth exploration to fully understand its implications.
I'm considering creating an additional video specifically discussing "colorism". Colorism, as a concept, delves into the prejudice and discrimination based on the darkness of a skin tone, usually within a specific racial or ethnic group. It's a sensitive and important topic that I believe needs to be addressed in another video.
you’re very much missing the point, he is addressing that colourism plays into factor that lighter complexions will be more favourable than darker skin. due to the conventions of society people will be more geared towards favouring the lighter tones with certain outliers that can exceed the eurocentric aesthetic mold
for example: naomi campbell is among the first dark skin supermodels due to her striking presence and natural beauty that is an outlier of lighter/whiter skin tones. instead of celebrating diversity it’s a competition to see who can be among the “cool kids” hence sometimes you see folks with darker complexions be pitted against each other instead of being celebrated… that’s for example contributes to the ignorance.
i really do not like how you said “having dark skin is like poor genetic health” because that is not true at all. the sun kisses our skin and makes the melanin glisten. darker skin absorbs sunlight better and aren’t succeptible to sunburn via its ultraviolet waves. darker skin has larger and faster twitch fibers which makes us good sprinters, have you noticed that a lot of olympic runners are black? i do apologise if this comes off as rude but i wanted to clarify and add more insight.
@@nourmallysalty
This got really long. Don't bother frankly.
I'll give the context that I'm not American, I'm a Swede and I grew up in a very homogeneous society and I'm still in one to a large extent. Maybe I should preface this all the time when commenting on Americans and race. My brother became friends with a black kid really dark skin like the examples Paul gives. Other than that I have two cousins I met almost every summer growing up but they're mixed so maybe they don't count. I've had extremely little exposure contrasted with Americans overall. This isn't a "some of my best friends are black" situation. I'm just thinking I should moderate confidence people might give to my argument on this topic somehow by understanding the extent I know this issue. It's an interesting topic I find worth reflecting on.
In retrospect I shouldn't have brought up poor genetic health at all and overall I'm not happy with that comment. Genetic health is far too loaded to even begin to make a reasonable point with even if we were talking about other heritable traits than race (which would be a less loaded context). Doesn't work online especially. And I wasn't even making my point clear in the comment, I had to repeat myself. So nothing good was done there. I didn't call dark skin as a sign of poor genetic health though, if you read again "effectively" in that context means they're not the same.
There wasn't any point about black people being inferior being made at all, intended at least.
What I thought in that instance was a wide range of defects like downs, williams syndrome etc. What I was targeting was just the fact that it's heritable, it will be very likely to affect your children negatively and it's obvious to other people. While trying to isolate societal effects to make the point of your child being worse off.
The preference OK colorism bad felt like a pretty hopeless argument to begin honestly because the contradiciton I see is so stark. So I probably shouldn't have brought up at all either. Would not confuse the point.
So attempt two perhaps:
Using the definitions of the video of preference and racism below for clarity (presuming I'm confused about colorism so it's nebulous if I can claim any good definition exists here).
I still stand by my main point. If the racial preference category is greenlit for selection then why is colorism attacked at all? I find the line incredibly hard to draw here. How can I draw a line that makes it clear that it's OK to prefer a particular race like white because of their traits (skin melanin content included in that), but within the category of a race you're not allowed to prefer lighter or darker skintones. It just doesn't sit right at all.
Now it doesn't mean racism (by the definition in the video) like I said. That comment gets worse the more I look.
I should have said that racial preferences sit in the same moral ground as colorism. If colorism is ignorant and prejudice then preferring white people or black people is also ignorant and prejudice. Consider every other trait that exists that has some racial component, I'd judge that the same. Like it's to the point of absurdity that I distrust the premise. It might just be memetic, that the arguments don't hold but there's a common conciousness around the sensitivity of skin color that makes skin color dating discrimination bad while in reality skin color isn't unique.
You can find people of any race objectively good looking, but actually be ATTRACTED to a specific race.
For example, I’ve only ever been attracted to Caucasian and Latina women. Never been attracted to a black woman.
Yet, I think Tyla is VERY beautiful.
Never been attracted to Asian women. But South Korean actress “Nana” is really pretty to me.
If Tyla, Nana, and Jenna Ortega were all in the same room, despite me thinking they’re all good looking, i would approach Jenna because there’s a DESIRE for her specific racial/ethnic makeup relative to the others. 🤷🏻♂️
I only like fair-skinned men from my country or Caucasian Chads and won't date other races. I have a preference and it is not racism. 😑 I'm a gorgeous fair-skinned lady and I want to keep it that way.
Nice virtue signaling.......
Why did you show the Ku Klux Klan and white power when it came to people being racist? There’s a lot of racism right now that’s going on. In other countries like Korea, especially towards foreigners.
because whites are racist why does that offend you?
I believe we can all agree that I don't need to illustrate what racism looks like. We know the definition and it can be applied to any situation as appropriate.
The real question is why are you bothered by him showing the KKK for a symbol of racism?
Was his image wrong for showing that? No? So what's the problem? The KKK is a very classic and relatively universally known imagery for racism...so of course he would use it.
Plus White European racism is something everyone in just about all cultures understands due to various historic and colonialist acts.