the resurgence of trad wives
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 มี.ค. 2024
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the girl boss to trad wife pipeline is crazy.
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Black women have always worked and never been stay at home moms????? Errr..... no 95% of women in Africa and Carribean are TRAD WIVES. This shows a typically American world view and lack of travel and education. She needs to actually travel outside of the west. SMH. So cringe.
None of these women are trad wives. They are influencers cosplaying “traditional” housewives. They are able to make an income online in the comfort of the home (i.e., THEY’RE STILL EMPLOYEES OF THE INTERNET). I guess you could call it another form of remote/work from home. If they were truly “trad-wives” we wouldn’t see them on the internet. Remember ladies: “A man is not a long-term plan”.
exactly!! they are earning thousands by making "trad wife" content and preaching other women to be complete sahm and have no income of their own! if the tradwife with a million subscribers is abused by her husband, she can easily leave with the thousands in her bank account from making content, but the women that they preach to be trad housewives won't be able to do that. I know multiple women who were (still are) abused by their husbands but can't leave because they have no money of their own.
true compare them to actual stay at home moms and they'll tell you that this shit is hard work and is not easy whatsoever. it only works if there's a good support system and network in place to support the mother and that's how you can make it work otherwise if there is not anything in that place then this stuff is very very very hard that's why i'm all for and i support womens choices but only if the man is giving them the right enough support through it all.
That's what bothers me when people like Candace Owens preach that women shouldn't work and should be stay at home moms. She's not doing that, and she's actually making a TON of money which the average sahm wouldn't make. I hate the whole "do as I say but not as I do" mentality I see by most if not all conservative women who are in the public eye. Because according to their own logic, we shouldn't see them out working!
@@lunal.8173 LITERALLY!!! just a bunch of hypocrites using right-wing vernacular to further their careers.
I feel like I’m the only person who sees this … so thank you for joining me, and the two likes
My dad married my rich mom and happily worked one day a week for 30 years. Well her job went under, she lost her savings in a lawsuit, and now he has no retirement. He’s mad and blaming her, but he also made no plans for his own security. NEVER rely on someone else’s money for your comfort. Period. Now he’s gonna work in his 70s.
This!!!
Tf was he doing with the money he made for 30 years? He should have been saving that. That sounds like he’d have failed either way with his finances if he was the one who lost his job.
Entitlement and complacency. He should have known better.
@@trevorking2820 exactly LOL
My dad wasted his money on cars which he sold for a low price every time we move his whole life. His friends who has the same job can send their children to school outside. We can't even eat outside. My mom made some money, which he convinced her to purchase a car, which he later sold and the money was not returned to her. Now he's confused why his children hates him.
I am neither a girl boss nor a tradwife. I'm just trying to make enough money in a relatively stressfree job to have enough time available for myself, my hobbies, my growth, my partner and my friends.
That's lovely, enjoy your life ❤
Same here ❤
I want this comment on my gravestone
Yes! People think you have to be either this or that. Sadly,balance and not being extreme seems like negative trait nowadays
This comment is so me!
I grew up in a conservative area with real trad wives (influencers/public figures are NOT real trad wives, they are making an incoming which doesn't happen when you are a real sahm) and it looked pretty terrible to be honest. I saw SO many women who were at the mercy of their husbands because they had the financial power. Financial power is EVERYTHING- people need to know this. If you want to be a sahm, you can. However, I would still recommend having a degree, having at least a few years of work experience, and having a separate bank account with at least a few thousands in it. You can want and aspire to have a fairy tale love life but at the end of the day, you absolutely need to be smart and look out for yourself.
Exactly, I don’t agree that any woman should be completely financially dependent on their husband. Definitely think it’s fine to be a sahm or wife, but make sure you have a backup plan financially or some sort of savings or something if you need to. I don’t trust any man that would want their wife to be that dependent on them either. He could replace you with a younger model when you hit your 30s/40s/50s etc and if you signed a prenup or didn’t have kids etc you will be out on your ass with nothing and no work experience or skills to be able to live independently. And don’t even get me started on how dumb the stay at home gf thing is lol.
You said it perfectly
I’m a mental health therapist and I’ve seen clients who had this happen to them. The man was abusive and they stuck around because they felt they had to due to financial dependence, and it’s nearly impossible to leave (especially if there is no outside support from friends or family).
Let him pay you every two weeks
In what sahm era? One decade in 1950s USA? Women work and sell alongside their husbands in all human history in every country.
It's interesting, as an Asian I have never heard of a trad wife giving her money to her husband. Over her dead body! It's custom for the trad husband to give all his money to the wife and she controls/manages the finances. The wife runs the household, which also includes anything financial.
That was also the case with my paternal grandparents, but they were somewhat of an anomaly all around because my grandmother - prior to meeting my grandfather & becoming a mother - actually DID have a semblance of her own career & financial independence back in the 30s as the head secretary at an investment bank (although she was, much to her indignation, let go when she got married because according to the senior partners "you don't need to work now that you have Jimmy to take care you"). Back then, when she married the bank by default also didn't *allow* her to retain her own independent savings or checking account anymore & essentially forced her to incorporate her funds into a joint account with my grandfather, but he did pretty much put her in complete control of managing the household finances from that joint account.
However, that still didn't protect her or the family financially when she was unexpectedly a widowed mother, life insurance that ended up refusing to pay out after investigation showed my late grandfather to have been the one at fault for the car accident that claimed him & no one willing to hire a woman that had been out of the work force for over 2 decades.
My grandmother never regretted being present for my father & uncles when they were growing up, but did very much resent that the society in which she raised them had basically barred her from being anything BUT a trad wife once she married & had as result left her in a position where she *couldn't* financially care for the family once her husband passed.
I like this.
That’s how it is for us. My husband works and I manage the finances and household.
This the men is running all the finances is a very American thing. I am German, and women often ran a large part of the finances as they were paying all the bills around the house anyway. If I look back at my grandparent's and great-grandparents' generation most women either worked in the family business or farm often handling the financial part of things or had their own frequently part-time jobs. Staying at home was pretty much reserved for wealthy people. Living off one income wasn't really an option even back then.
fr same i am from pakistan and my dad gives all the money to my mom , they both have full acces to every bank account and she it's the one that pays the bills and all of the finances while being a stay at home mom , when i tell that to my other friends they are often shocked . I do still think personnaly imo , that a women should still have some personnal saving bc you never know i have a lot friends mother who can't divorces ect bc then they will have almost no money and that it's a pretty scary thought even tho i never saw this within my parents , i guess it depends on the culture and each partner personnality .
It’s just crazy to me that women fought so many years to get the opportunity to freely make our own income, and then women like "trad wife’s" go on and shame you when you don’t want children??? Like if you wanna be a trad wife, alright, you do you. But that doesn’t mean that I have to be one.
Didn't ask. My content is far superior and has more value than anything this youtuber has ever produced so get over it.
That part!
No woman cares if you become a wife, you need to focus more on your own deal girl ..
i never seen a any of these women shame anyone
No one shamed you lol but when you see that content you feel less than. How about focus on yourself and your own personal goals and the things you see on TikTok won’t upset you so much 😅
The “trad” trend is pretty flimsy because if you’re really such a trad wife, get off the internet.
That’s what I’m saying 😂😂
It's because trad wife influencers don't actual believe what they sell nor do they practice it. They are out there hustling on social media for their income everyday. These women have no interest in being completely dependent on another human to have their most basic needs met, they know nothing of the powerless and resentment that builds in a situation like that. They are working mothers whose job is quite literally pretending not to be a working mother. An influencer is a job, we all know this so why are we pretending these mothers don't work?
Istg!!! Like girl you making thousands online telling other women to sit home and not be financially independent...
I think that’s irrelevant. Anyone can be on the internet. I think women on both sides should stop fighting. Its ridiculous.
Their husbands need their 6 figure income so after taking care of kids, feeding everyone. Keeping the house clean and filming….they need to also edit their content, which is a highly technical skill
The trad wife of the 50s was a fantasy in the 50s too.
Not to forget all the untreated PTSD the men came home with that made them emotionally distant and led them to beat the living hell out of their wives and children.
Yeah and all the men that didn't have any PTSD that also came home and bashed their wives and children.
that's not an excuse. men have been beating their wives for ages. flimsy losers beat their wives/gfs these days.
Both
This!! And then taught the next generations that this was something men do and it’s acceptable
My ex-boyfriend's grandfather was part of the Normandy beach landing. When he came back, he would fly into random, totally unpredictable fits of rage that involved hurling objects around the house and screaming at his family. If he ever struck them, nobody told me, but I wouldn't be shocked if he did.
Also, both of my grandmothers had abusive husbands. One grandmother's husband was verbally abusive and a mean, nasty drunk and a bitter, hateful person. She was so much happier when he finally died of cancer.
The other grandma had two husbands. The first one knocked her up at 14 (he was 21, and we recently found out that he had been messing with underage girls at age 75), beat her regularly, then abandoned her with 3 kids to go live with his other family. Her second one (Korean war vet) beat the shit out of her routinely, had a whole second family on the side, and slept with everything that would let him.
A homemaker is hard labor, and it’s not compensated because stay-at-home moms are not nanny's; it’s a 24-hour job that requires 1 person's time, then for the husband to come home, and to add on to that stress for stay-at-home mothers. I bow to you because I cannot . The fact some of y’all do this pregnant.
true the stay at home life is hard trust me ik loads of south asian mothers who were stay at home wives as it is something which is quite common in our culture but our way isn't the trad wife type of yt feminism you see in some sort of 1950s dystopia, there's a lot of effort and hard work that gets put in there bc essentially in our cultures the woman would have to take on responsibilities of both the woman and sometimes the man and it's just so damn stressful i give props to them so yh i hate these yt feminists painting it out to be the easy life it is when it just is not!
Didn't ask. My content is far superior and has more value than anything this youtuber has ever produced so get over it.
There are many mothers who work and still have to take of the house, the kids and husband. Just as hard or more than a stay at home mother/wife.
Non of these social media trad wife are actually being serious
@@ville__ stfu. Please shove the red pill where the sun dont shine.
What do you mean not paid for?? You get to live in that house and spend his money
One thing my mother always said to my sisters was always have your own money. Even if a man is taking care of you put some away for you.
My mom would tell me the same thing. I'm about to get married soon, and I've been stressing about this topic of finances in traditional marriages. I don't want want to end up as dependent as a child again! How do I make sure I have some financial freedom?
@@AnnysNotOk
Prenup!
When I was 19 years old I was a tradwife and a mother. The complete lack of respect for me and appreciation for my labor came very close to destroying my marriage. 0 out of 10 would never go back.
That's the biggest thing for me, it's not that there's anything wrong with women being homemakers & fulfilling that roll. It's the total lack of respect or recognition of how much work that really is. These 'traditional men' depend on women for Sooo much but give them Nooo respect!
My ex was the same. 9 yrs into the relationship we had our child, I agreed to be a sahm for the 1st 4 yrs for multiple reasons. All of a sudden, I was "doing nothing all day", "worthless", a "gold digger" & "just after his financial security" (of 38k/ yr lol) because I was no longer contrinuting financially like he was, but doing everything else. My entire life revolved around doing things for everyone else & being disrespected for it.
Men constantly complain about a lack of traditionalism from women or they complain about the presence of the feminist movement, but it’s the lack of respect for traditional female gender roles that pushed so many women into making their own money.
Unfortunately, we live in a capitalist money hungry society in which we only value someone’s labor if they earn money. Labor without financial income isn’t even respected as labor.
In the case of stay at home moms, I find that ridiculous considering we pay strangers all the time to watch our children in the form of daycare, school, and Nannies. Moreover, we pay people to cook for us and clean for us. But when a woman does this for her family she is considered a lazy leech that does nothing thing all day. A lot of women want to be homemakers/sahm, but the lack of respect and compensation from men make it not worthwhile.
As a 19 year old... Girl what 😭😭😭 so sorry that happened to you
@@jbslimshaddywhy would you want to be recognized for being a dormat?
i’m a stay at home mom not by choice. i live in a state where abortion is illegal and my job (starbucks lolz) wouldn’t accommodate me towards the end of my pregnancy so I had to quit bc i physically couldn’t do it. i would not recommend this to anyone. the tradwife culture makes me sick. i’m very lucky my partner is feminist and shares the childcare and housework with me when he is home from work, and encourages me to do what i want.
i have to say i don’t think it’s a coincidence that childcare costs are currently exorbitant and abortion is becoming increasingly difficult to access. they’re pushing women out of the workforce intentionally. it’s a regression
Im so happy your partner is supporting you!! I wish more partners would do this 😥
@@anonymoustwig69yes i am so so lucky to have him!
i wouldn't have a problem with it if the ppl advocating for it wouldn't be just so annoying and condescending about it. that's where the main issue lies it's their attitude towards it, now i come from a culture where the stat at home wife thing is common but only if the woman wants and if the woman wants it then the man still has to do a lot of their part and has to contribute evenly. i'm so glad that my grandfather did this for my grandma back in the day and at least eased the burden and would take on the shared duties of the role not instead giving all the hard work to my grandma. i'm all for supporting what choices women wanna do but i only support that choice if the woman wants that in their heart and if the man is contributing evenly to that, i'm so glad you have a man who shares those duties and it sucks your job let you go but keep up with those shared responsibilities bc honestly that's the way forward!
Solidarity and love from a fellow not by choice stay at home mom! I also work part time remote work and it's rough. It's so hard to find reliable childcare where I live. My parents live close-by but my mom is a full-time carer for my dad because he's very late stage Parkinson's and requires high levels of care.
A lot of people idealize lives that they have no experience with.
They don’t like working so they think staying home cooking and having babies will be a better life. In reality, this life for most is not nearly as glamorous as people think it is.
I live this life and although it is not glamorous it is beautiful and rewarding ❤
The reality is to be a trad wife is to work CONSTANTLY for free. More labour for no pay.
I stay at home as well and its so much better working for my family than someone else...
I agreed, they seemed to have undermined the labour of housewives thinking it was easy like bake cookies in a dress all day for their husband and children. In reality, it can be very underappreciated plus mentally exhausting especially when kids are involved in the equation.
@@samiyaferguson9177And I love this for you ladies, but also I noticed that there is a very real and traumatic parallel between being a SAHM and then becoming homeless when a husband suddenly decides that he’s bored. Are we preparing for that as well?
Nothing is as liberating as not needing to rely on another person's income.
THIS
If you grew up poor youd know how stressful and traumatizing it is to be vulnerable with no access or control of finances and resources as a child. So people happily jumoing over board to replicate that dynamic with a partner are definitely not learning from their childhoods/others experiences.
Feminists really dont know what a love is?
@@kevenfromsales6830 Bro , I come from India and let me just tell you my whole family wants us children to work hard and smart( regardless of gender) to get a good job and respectable position. In fact they want us girls to be the most independent ( 'government job by 21' and 'getting a degree, PG and maybe phD or medicine or civil service level' independence ) and its not just about independence , its about ambition and drive to success that they foster). Do you know that the reason why the educated (sensible) people in third world countries like ours ask their girls to be independent? Because of domestic abuse, marital rape , dowry killing and mental torture by some wicked men and their families. Even yesterday , such a case was reported in our state . A controversial classical dancer had mentally abused her daughter in law because she wanted nearly 11,000 dollars (10,00,000 INR) dowry money besides the 22,000 USD the bride's parents gave them as gold (nearly 260 grams) and she also wanted the bride's parents to transfer their house and land to the bride's husband's name. When they came to try and resolve this issue, the old hag snatched the women's nuptial chain and slapped her face in front of her parents. So you can imagine what else would've happened behind the screen. This is the most recent and trending news due to some other issues related to that old artist. This is one of the thousand cases(some reported and some unreported) and women are subjected to such treatment even as i am typing away.
This is why financial dependence is necessary. What if the girl's parents didn't take her back because it is still considered a taboo in our society to get divorce .And some of these over-privilaged western white women are preaching why women shouldn't work and become homemaker and shaming women who work saying that working for someone else (corporate ) is sick or something . there are literally other option like self-employment and business.
And lots of us aren't born with the privilage of being white or living in a first world country. Here the class and social system doesn't work like that. No rich man will come to sweep you off your feet if you make yourself pretty and behave well, and take care of chores. First comes religion , status ,wealth, caste, caste, skin colour (the paler they look the better), beauty, family background etc. and then if the groom's family find you acceptable , then you will marry a rich stranger. This is a luxury available to only the rich/upper middle class, anything below that , you will find a man with a decent job, but then the first thing he will look for is an equally earning bride. And if it is a love marriage (love marriage is a taboo ) don't even expect you can marry your lover/boyfriend or girlfriend because again the aforementioned things are to be satisfied ,the groom must be same religion, caste same or higher caste etc etc , and even if you successfully get married , people will talk behind your back. You can just look up honour killings and stuff.
This is a reality that we have to accept. Many women are career driven and many are family oriented as they say . But in the reality i live in , people have proven that you can be a career driven women while also being a good caretaker . This is why disrespecting working women and independent women on a global level is utterly disgraceful. You can be independent and still love your partner.
I disagree. The idea of supporting myself is not liberating. I don't want to have to work to support myself. I find being able to not be an employee quite liberating.
my dad has a business degree and my mom has a law degree. they both worked before my brother and i were born. when i was a kid, my mom stayed at home and my dad worked tirelessly. he was still involved in my life, but focused a lot on work. when i was in about 5th/6th grade, they switched. my dad slowly worked less and less, and my mom returned to work. my dad is now happily retired and my mom is an international trade lawyer and loves her job.
That’s amazing, I aspire to be like them
I used meet alot of ex teadwvis back in the homeless shelter i used to volunteer at there husband's either left or died and they couldn't get good jobs because they had no skill out of the home
Didn't ask. My content is far superior and has more value than anything this youtuber has ever produced so get over it.
@@ville__ bro what
@@ville__spamming this under every comment is sad and just proves ur content is shit
Yep. They have to start life all over again. Tbh, I don’t mind women promoting traditional family values. It’s just the fact that their male counterparts are making videos and podcasts advocating for the removal of protections for women who DO choose to live these lives. They’re clearly not on the same page. I need to see some balance before I fall for the propaganda. 😂
@@yourcupoftea7931no really 😂 WHAT
"Feminism is about the collective liberation of women" AMEN, youre smart.
So why we shamin trad wives
My grandmother was a real housewife, traditional wife who stayed at home. She was super badass and did loads of work! She ran the home by herself while grandpa was mostly somewhere working. She did the hardest work and didn't have time or strength to be all dolled up and made up for her husband. HE WAS the one who was lucky she was there to keep it all in check. She was the smart one, the organized one who was leading the home and 5 children! This is SO freaking insulting trend with stupid dolled up 20 year old women who think traditional wife is empty headed pretty doll who just pleases her rich husband and does cute chores like baking cookies and playing little housemaid. Such BS! They are just rich, privileged influencers who play roles. Once they get older they will be so over all that crap! It's easy to play silly, empty headed doll when you are 21-23. But at 30? Hardly.
Girl you lost me at that last bit. Nara Smith and the others are content creators and of course they are gonna wanna look their best while on camera. That’s the job they created for themselves.
Women all over the world have lived life differently, just because your grandmother was a hard working doesn’t mean you should demean the younger wives for doing things differently and for being married to a rich man.
Nara has never claimed to be a tradwife she is a model and content creator who loves to cook and prefers to make things from scratch because of her eczema is really bad and she has to be carful of what she eats.
You are hating on these women who are making use of their talent and free time
@@rohaynibent8599 but that image is what they display at the end of the day, so her point still stands
@@xxluvabiAnd what is her point? All she did was try to degrade these women for being young and married simple because her grandmother was born in a different time. She, like many others, is projecting her assumptions, insecurities and feeling of inadequacy onto women like Nara, who never claimed to be a trad wife and talked about their jobs in their videos many times. Cooking does not automatically make you a trad wife.
@@rohaynibent8599Hey I'm someone who enjoys "feminine" activities like cooking, AND there are absolutely some things I cannot put up with on a psychological level past 30. I can't stand men who get upset with me because they assume I'd have the mentality of a trad wife due to my interests/lifestyle, but then they talk to me and find that my mind is more progressive than they'd like. Something about that disappointment in expectations brings out a violence in them if that makes sense. OP seems to be addressing the mental aspect of the trad wife role. It seems fun and simple living at first because of the aesthetics, but the way one has to contort their self concept to fit into that role can get disturbing
Stand with you, girl
My dad became a father at 23 and very much regretted entering parenthood so young. He was not emotionally mature enough in the slightest, and he also felt like he missed out on a lot of his youth. He spent my entire childhood telling my brothers and I “don’t get married or have kids until you’re 30”. When I was a child I thought that the age of 30 sounded so old, but now that I’m 25 I realize how right he was. I couldn’t imagine having a 2 year old and a newborn right now like he did when he was my age, I’m nowhere near ready, financially or emotionally. I am very grateful I have the privilege of spending my 20’s developing my sense of self without the influence of children in my life. Btw, I’m not throwing shade to anyone having kids in their 20’s. Everyone has a different path and lives life at a different pace, but for me personally having children at my age would be a huge negative, not to mention I’m currently single and def not aspiring to be a single mom lol. I feel lucky that I am not being forced to figure out how to live in a situation that I can’t emotionally or financially handle like my father had to, which caused him to become extremely abusive because he literally just couldn’t deal with the stress of having a family when he was that young. If I do ever have children I’m going to wait and make sure that I’m good and fucking ready for it so I can give them a better life than my father could ever give me.
yeah i’m 25 and i’ve never felt a rush to settle down. i want to actually experience life and learn who i am before i tie myself down and become domesticated lol, there’s plenty of time for that. and it also may never happen for me, who knows. i don’t want kids tho, so i don’t feel any “clock is ticking” pressure or whatever. people tend to forget that life doesn’t end at 30, and most of us will still have a lot of life to live after our 30th birthday. i’ve always hated the sentiment that life is over once you’re out of your twenties, it’s very sad to view life that way in my opinion. there’s no rush, and some people don’t get married until they’re in their 40s or even 50s. it’s hard bc the people around me who are my age are all rushing to settle down and get married and whatnot, but i’m just going with the flow. people always ask if i’m dating or whtv, and they act like i’m a weirdo when i say “no”. like sorry i have other priorities in life? my life doesn’t revolve around dating and i have a lot of other things i care about more at this time lol
My parents had me in their 30s when they were ready, and they always tell me to not be in a hurry because everything has its own time and place. I’m 21 and I’ll soon turn 22 and my parents always tell me that my 20s should be enjoyable and that I shouldn’t grow up way too fast.
My mother was super aggressive when I was a child, she definitely wasn’t ready to be a mother and she has told me that. I have a better relationship with her now and I appreciate her guiding me from her mistakes, but tbh I don’t really love her, like I appreciate her and she has told how she struggled being a mom when she didn’t wanted to and what having undiagnosed depression made everything worse. Like I appreciate her effort now, but I feel like our relationship will always be scarred
This is so important to realize. My cousin got a child with a guy that broke up. She doesn’t have the patience for it and that responsibility is put on her sisters and mom.
Which I understand it must be hard raising a kid without the father.
But that experience made me realize my limits and that i don’t want to be irresponsible. I took my cousin story as a cautionary tale.
I promise you, she adores and admires you and respects your choices🫂
I think social media has led us to believe that a relationship is no longer a partnership. We’ve put SO MANY labels on everything to the point that people can’t operate on their own nor with another individual without getting instructions from someone else. You have to communicate with your partner on your standards and also listen to their standards as well. And those standards can change throughout the relationship. And that’s okay! Communicate!
It’s literally that simple lol
THIS.
Omg, yes!
Black women have always worked and never been stay at home moms????? Errr..... no 95% of women in Africa and Carribean are TRAD WIVES. This shows a typically American world view and lack of travel and education. She needs to actually travel outside of the west. SMH. So cringe.
This! I think that having access to so many peoples opinions causes more harm than good.
I’m not afraid to admit this women we behave like children sometimes. It’s giving playing house not trad wife 💀
We are taught to infantilize ourselves from birth. Mature in body but not in the brain. Keeps us small, quiet, easy to manipulate, and control. Parental issues also plays a part in the dynamic they want a wife to play as "subservient" and dependent like a child would a parent. You must be "teachable and easily lead".
@@aesanonymous8936 i 100% agree with this. Because it’s the fact that grown women in their 30s call themselves girls instead of women. But if you call a man “boy” it’s the highest form of disrespect. I’ve seen so many women that I look up to play dumb and put on baby voices 🤢to appeal to guys.
@@Royalty05makes sense why men hate my voice. I have a deep, masculine like voice and I usually talk in a high volume (aka, I’m loud) and I get hate from most men because I sound authoritative.
Being financially abused is so terrifying so many times I've had things held over my head by my family, I've been threatened so many times with being kicked out onto the street or having my stuff thrown away. More times than I can count I've been terrified of losing everything and I've stayed awake at night making plans on what to do if I end up on the streets. No one will look out for you 100% never fully depend on someone else financially, even if that person isn't abusive they can still get sick or something could happen to them and you'd be left with nothing. Tradwives on tiktok saying that everyone should live this lifestyle make me so angry no one deserves to be put in a situation like mine.
How are you doing now? Did you get out of there?
Same
This is so true. I ended up homeless because I left him after years of him threatening me with it. Now I'm ok again, have my own place and income 👍 never will I put myself in that situation again
The irony of all of this too to me is that I can also make things from scratch and cook nice meals and craft but the only reason i have the time to do that on top of my job is because i do it on my own time when i want to do it, not as a rule, and i only have to do it for myself, having no partners or kids. And i love it like that, i would rather do that as a hobby lol
Didn't ask. My content is far superior and has more value than anything this youtuber has ever produced so get over it.
I’m a stay at home wife (no kids, only pets) and yes! I made sure to get my degree, have my own savings (that my hubs contributes to), and I actually run the finances cuz I’m better at it. I stay home and do most things, but he cooks dinner most nights cuz he loves cooking. I’m very lucky.
You are very lucky! This is the goal. 💕
Yes!! 😊
bro is living life on easy mode
This whole “women are now starting to work” drives me nuts. Women have always worked: enslaved women worked, peasant women worked in the fields and did everything at home. It was hard labor. Women were said to be too frail so they were not allowed to be doctors or governors but they sure were frail enough to work hard in the fields. Have people never been to a museum? There are countless paintings of women working in the fields. Both my grannies and their mothers worked in the fields, they might not have had the right to vote or study but they sure could work all day in the fields and take of the children and the home alone
Thank you - I don't know why people act like women were all stuck in the kitchen until a few decades ago 🤦🏼♀️
I think part of this pendulum swing is that we were told we can have it all and be equal, only for too many men to not meet women half way.
There are many men who expect women to be a girl boss AND a tradwife, and not provide for their women.
I have read so many stories of working class women throughout history where they work to keep the household solvent and chores are waiting for them back at home. Hell there were British women who worked in the literal mines ALONGSIDE their husband (and kids) and the husband would put up his feet at home and the wife would STILL have to do chores and tend to the children.
One story that really struck me was a Narragansett woman who married a Black man because that man (and many other Black men at the time) was willing to help out at the home, while most Narragansett men at the time were reluctant to 'break tradition' and help out with 'feminine' chores. Era was early 1800s.
Culture and society are a heavy influence.
"provide for their women" Women are pretty capable of providing for themselves.
@jackdubz4247 they are, but if you want a tradwife but don't want to be a tradhusband, it's rather... unfair? I'm not sure the right word.
Kind of like those who say what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine as well.
Thank you, for adding this dimension to the conversation. I feel a lot of times the whole tradwife movement is shamed without addressing the root reason as to why so many women turn to this. It’s because being a tradwife/mom seems easier than being a working wife/mother.
Women are realizing that working mothers have it bad. I’ve seen countless real life examples from my life and I’ve read countless research that confirms this. When women work (Wether that be at an equal contribution to the husband or even more as breadwinners to their households) they STILL have to come home and do most or all of the domestic labor.
ALL women, those that chose to be stay at home moms and those that chose to work 9-5s, are expected to carry the burden of domestic labor. Add this with the fact that in some countries, like the United States, there isn’t paid maternity leave. Which means working mothers find themselves working grueling shifts well into their pregnancies.
You can’t convince women that being stay at home moms is a bad deal, when working moms are suffering from unfair work loads. This is why I don’t blame individual women for making choices they feel serve them best. The whole tradwife trend stems from a much deeper societial issue.
@mimia.4810 Well said!
I believe this is also part of why so many women are choosing not to have children and/or avoiding marriage, because they do not want to be a SAHM and cannot trust that a man, even one they love very much, would support them and pull their weight.
I wouldn't be so worried about the tradwife thing if it wasn't (a) ahistorical propaganda (b) Was much louder about the privilege it takes to support this life (c) Papers over the steps that a SAHP (usually a mom) needs to take to keep herself financially safe.
@mimmia.4180 exactly!! This was me for 11 yrs....working HARD as a single mother and then I married my husband and we both worked and it still sucked lol. But 2 years ago I cane home and it has been the best decision ever
I don't think people really understand how hard it actually is to be a stay at home mom. I gave up my dreams of a career to stay home and raise my kids while my fiance works. He works 12-16 hours overnight 4 nights a week, so he sleeps all day 5 days a week. Absolutely everything in the home falls on my shoulders. I love him and I know hes tired but bro I need help. I have 3 kids, bo time for friends, I'm so exhausted by the time my kids are all in bed I barely have time to shower before I have to go to bed and wake up to get the kids on the bus. Its. So. Hard. Its the biggest thing we argue about. I shouldn't have to go see a doctor because I am so exhausted and ask for help. This isn't glamorous this is hard. These men take advantage of the fact you won't let your kids live in filth.
Sounds like you are at wits end I hope you are saving some money and stashing it away in a bank account. Just incase you are ready to leave .
I can imagine it's super hard, I hope you find some time and pace for yourself, your hobbies and your friends, you deserve it💜
having 3 kids is crazy
Because these women are just cosplaying for likes and money on social media. There is nothing traditional about this. This is role playing for very very young women, because no sane woman after age of 30 would be just sitting around home all day doing just cute stuff like baking cookies and never any real housework (not esthetic enough, I guess), all dolled up, with empty stare and full make up and dressed up, waiting for her hubby to get home. That's not housewife nor traditional roles, that's crap! Imagine doing the same thing at 40, it would look stupid as hell. That is just for show.
It sounds like you both need help. Working are 4 overnights is hard and he needs sleep as well. The ride back home can be dangerous my mom almost fell asleep on the road when she worked like that.
What’s you guys plans to get out of this situation? Do you guys have a goal with the way he’s working? Maybe move closer to a family member who’s willing to take them somedays or save enough money for a babysitter once a week so you can have a break? If the kids are getting on the bus it sounds like they’re over 5. They can definitely help out in some areas around the house. Great time to enforce good habits. Maybe support him in getting a promotion so there’s more money to go around and he might be able to pull back some hours and help. You guys can do this! Good luck ❤❤
i know this is about trad wives but i wanna note that, as a child of an 18 year old (im almost 30 now) you are absolutely correct that having kids that young is maybe not the best idea for everyone
No one thinks you should be popping out babies at 18 yrs old that’s ridiculous. But it’s also just objectively true that if you wait until you are TOO OLD(begin to late 30s)health complications and just being able to conceive a child is less likely to happen. You are the most fertile in your early 20s.
@angelhellokitti bro people in their 20s are also not mature enough to be parents either. Refer back to "was raised by someone in their 20s"
Lol. Lmao. Lmfao even.
Also buying into that "you start to expire at 30" bullshut is sexist as fuck, get some help.
@@CalikoiCat I don’t think that person is actually a woman. Look at their previous comments on this page. It’s just sad that a (probably 40-50) year old man is posing on TH-cam as a woman commenting this type of thing on a young woman’s video.
@@angelhellokitti It's statistically proven that older men pose higher health risks to their children than older moms do. Enough with the "women haven an expiration date" buIIshit, you're a weirdo
As a Christian I have to note that the girl mentioning Proverb 31 completely misunderstood that proverb
Proverbs 31 woman was literally an entrepreneur, she was WORKING! So confused when people use that chapter to say women shouldn't work
Preach! ❤️
I've seen a lot of her videos and she's just not very well spoken. Idk what she's trying to get at with the verse, but she's saying there are certain side jobs that she deems appropriate. Babysitting, music lessons (for children), pet sitting/dog walking and idk whatelse. She also says she doesn't make money off of social media
@@cheesyDELISH48and why are those appropriate but not being a doctor or a lawyer (hint: it's the prestige). ugh hate this crap
@ellisisland6490 well idk what she really believes but that tik tok added in of her talking about that is her listing jobs that she thinks are good for stay at home wives to earn extra cash for when money is tight
I think the problem of sah moms/ trad wives is their attitude and superiority complex towards working mothers. They shade a lot by saying stuff like "Since my child asked for ... im gonna be A GOOD MOTHER and make EVERY SINGLE THING from SCRATCH" and you can hear it in their tones that they're implying mothers who dont follow their ways are worse.
edit : why are people calling me insecure?💀 I've seen so many trad wives shit on working moms who dont serve their husbands and kids 24/7. My own mother is a sahm and shes highly respected and respectful to other moms. She knows not everyone is privileged enough to live luxuriously with a 1 income household like ours. Everyone saying im projecting probably talk shit about working moms😂
edit 2: i am not insecure of them and think im being targeted by them I AM 16.
yh same! if they were a lot more humble about it and instead of being like having these superiority complexes then yes i agree i'd acc be a lot more supportive of it instead they be so annoying and bc idea is rooted in yt supremacy then it's just not good. i guess the good balance of it would be this version of the stay at home wife but seen in other cultures such as the south asian culture where in that version in certain communities the stay at home wife is highly respected and regarded and they may not work but in a lot of instances they do more of the work then the men do it's a lot different compared to the yt woman 1950s version!
This is exactly how my mother was. She was constantly announcing to the world how ~proud~ to be a SAHM she was, how it was the most rewarding job in the universe, and constantly talked down on working mothers by claiming that "real" moms would never "abandon" their children to go out and work. In elementary school, I had a lot of friends in an after-school program and I wanted to join because they would always talk about how much fun they had. My mother told me that daycares and after school programs were for parents who didn't love their kids, and that she was a *real mom* who "actually loved" her kids because she had the privilege of being able to pick us up straight from school instead of having to wait until she got off of work somewhere else.
Seeing the way my mother (whom I'm low-contact with today) talked about and treated working moms made me distasteful of SAHMs for the longest time. But now that I'm older and more mature, I can respectfully acknowledge both working vs. stay at home lifestyles.
Didn't ask. My content is far superior and has more value than anything this youtuber has ever produced so get over it.
no, you're just projecting
I disagree. I was a sahm (not by choice) and I was miserable.
I'm a sahm by choice. Both of my parents worked and I never really saw them, I didn't want that if it was possible. We make it work. Both of my kiddos are now in school, so I am a full time grad student. My husband has been 100% supportive the whole way; he cooks, he cleans, he handles childcare. We discuss finances, I am on all of our accounts. We talk about future investments, career path trajectory for him (my future job is very movable) and he always checks with me before accepting a move or business trip. All money is our money. We've been married for ten years now and we have frequent check in talks to make sure we're both still happy and I am happy to report that we are. With all of that, the tradwife thing just seems so, off to me. Lots of things about it that I am not a fan of. Thank you for this wonderful and insightful video essay on the topic.
Yeh a lot of SAHM mums I'm reading about really don't feel ok with the trad wife movement. Maybe because it seems all fantastical? Like they're cos playing a fantasy vs the reality of what it takes to raise a home in modern society. There's a lot of it that hinges on finding man who also wants traditional values aka no housework but more financial support. But back then , many women had a village to help raise their kids vs today in such a fast paced world.
@@AnonYmous-en7op yeah, I don’t have a village but I have a wonderfully supportive and sweet husband. He knows that just taking care of the finances is not enough.
@@AnonYmous-en7op Exactly! Those types are 'tradwives' appear all put tgr, makeup done, curated outfits and content and as such, it comes across as dystopian and highly unrealistic. Plenty of them are well-off (Nara, etc) and don't show any moments doing domestic labor because that's beneath them. They have nannies and housekeepers doing that. Once again, another example to not blv anything you see on social media regarding these influencers.
I truly hope your marriage stays in tact. What you are doing is dangerous to your survival. Guess what disappears when things go south? Access to his resources because you have none of your own. Then you have to fight tooth and nail for "your half." It sounds like you're living in that rosy glow of his generosity and I do hope it stays that way for you. But make no mistake, he sees that as his money he's letting you use. Hope you are also building some of your own wealth to keep yourself stable if it goes bad. Have seen that happen to so many women.
I think one of the problems of the tradwife lifestyle, is that there are so many risks tied to the woman in the equation. So even if you fully support women making their own choices (I do), the risk of becoming homeless, poor, a single mom of umpteen kids without skills or credentials in the workforce is massive. The law doesn't protect you enough to do as well post divorce as your husband will. Especially with these Stay-at-home-girlfriends who will have zero base to fall back in legally. When that man is fed up with you, you are on yiur own with maybe a few 100 dollars a months in child support. And if that's the risk you want to take for the tradwife life, go ahead, but please don't be blind to learning about the risks and how to mitigate them in case that man does decide to exchange you for a younger woman. I wish being a stahm was as stable financially as working yourself but it's just not.
I was looking for this comment! I kinda don't like the whole sentiment of telling people to be stay at home moms if they want to, because it's objectively a really risky situation to put yourself in. Financial independence is about safety, and something all women should strive for. And in an ideal world, a het couple should share the child rearing equally because children can only benefit from having both parents present in their lives.
Heavily depends on your country - in mine, the gov deducts child support from payslips before the man can access them and it's tightly regulated, plus there's gov support payments as well, free housing, etc. This seems like an America issue imo
As a real life “trad wife” these ladies are acting for the camera. I’m making bottles and meals in my sweatpants 😂 and all of them have jobs, therefore they are working moms, not “trad” moms.
Right, i work part time & am home the rest of the time & when im home, Im in my baggy pjs all day dealing with cooking & kids, then dont shower till the end of the day only to put on a clean baggy pjs 😂😂😂 plus idk how you cook & look cute at tje same time?!? 🤷♀️🤦♀️😂
Didn’t she just say that tradwives were never rlly real and that actual traditional mothers did in fact work? Like lmfao did u watch the video?
Anyways wow ur projecting lol go buy a sundress and take ten minutes to shave ur legs so u can feel pretty while u cook too it’s rlly not hard.
@@jbslimshaddyliterally just like put ur hair up and shave ur legs? Do u know how to woman 😅
It’s just play pretend. Who cooks and cleans in their good clothes. I would be pissed if I spill bleach on my black dress for example
@@KhadijahsMamma Yeah, exactly! I have my house clothes and my good clothes 😂
Naming your kids “Rumble” and “Slim” has to beba joke to protect their identities… right?
It is not their actual names are Rumble Honey and Slim Easy
Both Lucky and Nara Smith were big time models. They’re celebrities. Another part of this Madisyn didn’t mention with Nara is that Lucky is so famous amongst Wattpaders and Tumblr ppl that there is an element of jealousy that their childhood, teenage or young adult crush from years ago has been snatched up.
@@editaudioaestheticthankyou! And another thing (I haven’t finished the video ) nara and lucky are both successful models lmao just cuz she likes to cook in her kitchen doesn’t mean she’s a trad wife. It’s mind boggling that people can’t comprehend the duality and multi-facets of human beings.
Literally sound like animal crossing characters or some shit
Shut up
my parents met at 18 through friends, and got married at 21 for no reason except loving each other. they waited 7-8 years to start trying for kids because they were just so young and wanted time to be just the two of them. they were both 29 when i was born and i know they’re happy, especially my mom, that they took time before having kids
My parents did exactly the same thing with me and my sister!!! Waited until they were more mature and stable to start a family and I think it was definitely a good idea, my parents are wonderful! :)
It’s interesting seeing Nara Smith because i just wonder, how can you involve yourself in the Mormon church as a biracial woman…? Black were seen as demonic entities 😭😭😭
It doesn't seem like she's that involved with the mormon church. Modeling, partying, and dressing the way she does are all strong indications that she isn't a devout member. Perhaps her husband is the devout one and she just goes along with it for his sake?
As an exmormon and ex tradwife it's a shame that people like this glamorize mormonism and its version of traditional gender roles. It's very telling though, that she doesn't look or sound at all like a mormon woman. The reality of the mormon tradwife experience has nothing in common with this fantasy, or this "aesthetic."
She's creepy AF. So that Mormon connection makes sense.
@@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf oh snap what did Nara do? 🫣
The curse of Cain (which was written into the Book of Mormon about race) was retracted from the teachings in the 1970’s. Mormons no longer believe that.
Didn't ask. My content is far superior and has more value than anything this youtuber has ever produced so get over it.
These trad wives are too young for the show Mad Men. Betty Draper was the depiction of a traditional house wife, and her husband Don was an actual traditional husband (successful, made a ton of money). However, their marriage was terrible. Betty had a maid/sitter, so she barely did anything besides look pretty and she was still miserable because her husband just viewed her as a thophy with their house being a trophy case. He had a rich life, filled with adventure and a Rolodex of women, while she was trapped in suburbi with only her neighbors as friends
Isn’t that a show taking place in the 50s? It’s not accurate to today. The relationship between the sexes and the culture was entirely different world. It’s not an accurate depiction of traditional women today
@@sweetxjcThe show takes place in the 60s, and I really recommend watching it for the 60s costumes alone. It’s not a feel good show, but nothing crazy demented happens in it.
Mad men is such a top rate show! I absolutely love it! Some of these trad wives like to romantize the 50s as being so great for women, when the reality for a lot of women was horrific!
@@jbslimshaddyexactly! The women in the office are constantly harassed, especially Joan with the big tts. Peggy (the only female copywriter) is constantly undermined and talked down to by the men. I’d also like to point out that the men had crap lives too. Don couldn’t talk about his traumas since it wasn’t ‘manly’. Can we all just agree to keep progressing and leave the bad in the past. The only thing we need to pull from back then are the outfits and some of the music
@@sweetxjcI mean the whole point of tradwifery is to "return" to how things were before, so looking at the relationship between the sexes and the culture at that time is actually super useful. I think these women really don't believe the relationship between men and women back then was bad. Might be kind of enlightening for them
I know you only touched on it for a second, but the self-infantilization with "girl dinner" and "girl math" and "I'm just a girl" drives me CRAZY. Like stand up and act your age jesus. Would love to see a video on that concept if you haven't done one yet!
Omg yes. You’re 45, stop calling yourself a “girlie.” Jfc.
You care way to much
Get a life
@@_900_Lwhy did you need to make to comments to say that
@@topcatfan why did you respond
It's ironic because all these 'trad wives' are actually working to make an influencer career. Homemaker work is hard and important labor and both people on the right AND left seem to be devaluing domestic work by talking about it like it's so easy and just this cute aesthetic which IMO is quite condescending and sexist.
The left isn’t devaluing homemaking to the degree that the right is. The right thinks it’s easy and women shouldn’t complain while they serve their man. The left thinks homemaking isn’t a woman’s only option because historically women get screwed over the most in these types of relationships. The tradwife to welfare pipeline is why the left wants women to make more informed choices as in don’t be a tradwife without security measures in place and always have a plan b and c.
Along with all of this, research shows that in two parent families it is now becoming more common for both parents to be working while the majority of housework is still just as likely to depend on women. So basically, women are now expected to both work and take care of the household/children and even if they have a husband (this research only focuses on heterosexual marriages).
This has been the case for women through out history. Nothing new about this.
Nara smith isnt a trad wife. She admits to having nannies, shes a model and still working even while pregnant.She also splits child care 50/50 with her husband. Her cooking videos have just made her seem like a stereotypical trad wife. However, the negativity that surrounds her has less to do with the content of her videos no matter how much they try and make it seem like that and more about the fact that shes black and married to everyone's dream boy from 2010. When you look at her videos on twitter vs a white tradwifes video the comments are scary diffrent
this and also the mormonism lore
I just feel like she uses her "from scratch" cooking videos as cosplay. Like who is watching the children while you spend all this time dolled up in a gown baking bread?! Who is doing the laundry, scrubbing the toilets, grocery shopping? It ain't her or that white man, ik that much!
i just dont like her 'influencer' accent/voice
It runs much deeper than that. She begins her videos like “my toddler was xyz so I cooked this for them from scratch”, making her sound like she’s supposed to do that as a mom. Or now that she’s given birth, she still stands up and cooks 10 days postpartum even when she’s supposed to rest and not do anything for her to heal from childbirth. Many real SAHMs had a similar experience, aka doing housework after childbirth, etc. Men expect women to be like tradwives on social media, and moms and SAHMs are beating themselves up because they can’t do housework like the tradwives on social media. That’s why she’s disliked, not because she’s “married to everybody’s dream boy”. And it’s not just nara, many tradwives on social media are getting the same reaction as nara’s getting. Plus, the influencer voice that nara does is called “fundie voice” if you look that up you’ll find out its relation to mormonism and religion in general and why women do that.
What if resurgence of traditional gender roles is a consequence of future uncertainty within a society? Like there’s a sort of comfort in filling a role because it’s predictable and structured.
I think a lot of it is just traditional people thinking they oppressed because others are finally in a place where they really manage to choose being single or childfree. So they need to pretend it's somehow the niche choice to make. When loads of people want a 1 income household, but it's not viable for the vast majority of people
Didn't ask. My content is far superior and has more value than anything this youtuber has ever produced so get over it.
it’s just we are all suffering under the pressure of late stage capitalism and want escapism. but instead of questioning the structure of the system, it’s more convenient to escapegoating it
That's exactly what it is. You can even see it in the way women's fashion is evolving right now and how "conservative" it's become. Everything just feels like a timid performance
Then it's even more dangerous to look for stability and predictability in cosplaying those roles.
Coming from a hyper independent family who's great grandmother had to fight tooth and nail for her dead husband's inheritance from the laws of 1950's I'm scared as hell as to how this trad wife trend is nothing but a propaganda. Husbands used to beat their wives in the 1950s even that infamous wife-beater named after that. This is crazy who gullible few people are to think tradwives are leading better lives than other women. This trend just motivates me to work super hard in my studies so that I've to never depend on anyone in my life again for money and basic necessities of life.
I got a little of the SAHM experience for 3 yrs. It was hard and not glamorous at all. You are “on” all the damn time. I remember waking up everyday and saying I don’t want to this again. My social life sucked, I felt like I didn’t have an identity. I hated having to be dependent on my husband. There was no break yes my house was always clean but I was dog tired. I’m so happy to be back at work. If they like it I love it for them but it was not for me.
"taxes isn't for girls" 😭😭
Then why are most tax preparers women? Literally every H&R Block I've ever walked into was staffed entirely of women. Also, my mom was the one who not only did our family's taxes, but handled 100% of the financials, because my dad was terrible with money and had 0 financial literacy. He'd blow a whole paycheck on useless shit while forgetting to pay the bills if she'd let him.
Every time something trends I just remind myself that trends exist to sell you a fantasy or something that doesn't fully exist . In this case Tradwife content exists to preach and sell this fantasy of a man being the head of household & giving you peace when in reality not being in control of your finances will never bring you long term peace because it will demean your existence to whether or not a man likes you . And that isn't stable
Im from a working class background. My dad was the first person in his family to go to university, making us middle class. So growing up, i could see the direct comparison between my stay-at-home working class grandma (my granpa was a steelworker, so not much income with 3 kids), and my middle class parents with my mum working part time.
My mum did most of the chores during the week but my dad did the cleaning on the weekend. My grandpa retired at 55, never cooked a mela in his life and left all the housework to my gran. When he died, my grandma didnt have access to the bank account because he had only even given her her "allowance" in cash. When he was working, my grandma still cleaned other peoples houses on the side but never acknowledged that that was actually a job.
THATS traditional marriage from the 50s where im from. Not the mad men aesthetics. And id rather claw my eyes out than ever do that. If my dad and his sisters hadnt been around, my gran would have been destitute, with no knowledge of finances or how to access the family money. And thars a marriage that lasted.
I think this dynamic has emerged from the breakdown of the community and isolation into nuclear units where all labor is distributed between the parents and children rather than the group. No villages back in the day had trad wives because sole financial responsibility wasn't dependant on the single couple of a household
This. The nuclear family is an incredibly weak and brittle structure that leaves everyone involved more vulnerable.
I have lived in such large group families or joint families. They are worse than nuclear. You lose yourself and have to live under dominance of others permanently.
@@AngryReptileKeeper What the hell are you talking about? 😭Every research on this topic shows that the nuclear family is the healthies family structure, for all people involved
“Women are just tired.”
Make that a tshirt, crewneck, a sticker. dc. ILL BUY IT.
My grandmother was abused by my grandfather (emotionally, physically, and financially). She wasn’t allowed to work or get a drivers license. Despite all of it, she was the most kind hearted, loving woman I’d ever met.
She always told my sister and I “be able to stand on your own two feet before trying to support anyone else” and I’ve taken that to heart.
my great grandma got married and started having children at 19. on my 19th birthday, she said “I got married at your age. don’t do what I did”
also, my mom had me at 20 and was a single parent and from my own experience as a child, I knew I did NOT want to have a kid at 20 (and now, not at all lol).
I know that choice feminism is the big thing rn and women should be free to choose what lifestyle they want blah blah blah but I really want all young women to realise that this type of lifestyle is NOT what they should be pursuing. If we lived in a perfect world where abuse and misogyny didn't exist then it wouldn't be so bad to become a stay at home wife, but if you choose this in our current society you are massively putting yourself at risk of all sorts of abuse: financial abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse etc. You are making yourself vulnerable and putting yourself at the mercy of a man. This especially applies if your man is one of those types who is specifically seeking out a "submissive" woman. This type of man will be more likely to abuse you, more likely to leave you if you're sick and more likely to leave you when he thinks you're too old for him.
Tbh this applies to people of all sexes. ALWAYS have your own form of income so you can escape from abusive situations.
Edit: Wow, amazing how many people read this comment and resorted to victim blaming in the comments. "Choose better men" - abusive men are very good at lying, people.
The problem then is the man they choose to get with, not being a stay home mom itself
So then encourage them to choose better men, or raise better men.
Tbh even in a world absent abuse and misogyny it’s not enough. Only in a world with universal basic income would you not be putting yourself in harm’s way. Because even a good husband can die, become sick or injured, or lose his job. Unless you’re wealthy, you won’t be able to live off whatever you get in insurance or pension forever 🤷🏾♀️
I saw once a video where man literally conditioned his girlfriend to stop working or he will leave her and won't marry her because he "wants to take care of her". A lot of very very young women were all swooning about him because he was kind of handsome I guess (not my type at all), but as older and more experienced woman I noticed in interview that behind his seemingly good looks is just controlling, dangerous man who wants to keep his woman "where she belongs" and under a full control of his, without options to leave, ever. The fact that he didn't even let her chose was scary. But young girls don't see that, they see hot hunk of man who wants to take care of them. In 10 years he will be much less handsome and much more scary.
I mean this could happen even if you have a job. Tons of abuse victims with jobs. I feel like there’s so much misinformation around this topic.
While I understand your point, I personally don't like the heavy emphasis on "choosing the right man." Not because men like that are hard to find but because it's very common for the wrong man to show their true face after marriage or pregnancy.
Marriage and relationships are less about choosing the right person and more of a lottery. You just gotta trust this person won't do you wrong at the end of the day, which is why I understand those who don't want to take that risk 😭🙏.
No no no, get to know the person omg, it’s honestly not that hard, I think the women that marry pieces of 💩, they know early on but they just don’t admit it to themselves. Finding the right person isnt chance, it’s all decision
Not to mention it's super victim blame-y
It should also be noted that Nara Smith’s family is like STUPID rich so she doesn’t have to work if she doesn’t work to, EVER. She shouldn’t be compared to people that actually don’t have the funds.
Women have worked throughout history but it wasn’t until the 20th century they were allowed to keep their wages. It was required to go strait to the husband.
And it was only as recently as the early 1970's that women were allowed to have their own bank accounts and credit cards without their husband's permission.
@@AngryReptileKeeper Compared to men who’ve had bank accounts since Mesopotamia, the 1970’s is like a speck of time in human history. So wild.
I don’t think anyone tryna convince others that they are happier than them based on their lifestyle are actually happy.
Misrepresented***
I also thought that going 50/50 was fair, but I never took into consideration that at home, there's no 50/50.
Even if the man does his share of the cooking and cleaning. He can't share the child bearing and giving birth.
So it's only fair for them to pay more monetarily and do his share of housework. And be a present father.
You seem to be confused in the points you are making. Very confused.
@@jackdubz4247how so because that made complete sense, pregnancy is not a light experience.
but what if you’re in a relationship and child free? cause every time women be using the argument about giving birth when talking about 50/50, but i’m not sure that you are thinking about having kids with a guy you’re dating for some time in your 20s
@@jackdubz4247your comment was made 1 months ago ago, in 8 more months will have been a full pregnancy term. Do you think 9 months of pregnancy, working throughout half of it, taking care of home task, and being a wife/possibly already taking care of children wouldn’t be worth more than 50/50 to you? Would you want less in that position? You want to do more?
the thing is, at least here in Germany, that if you don't work full time as a woman, you will have a lack of financial support when you retire. So, of course, it is an option to stay at home multiple years to care for 1+ kids and even working part-time afterwards, but there is a much higher chance to live in poverty as an elder. It might seem great for the moment to be a tad-wife or stay at home mom, but all your financial, existential security depends on your partner. And no way I'm gonna let that happen
And considering women tend to live longer than men they would end up living in poverty for a long time.
I used to follow some tradwives just for baking recipes and their 1950s style aesthetic (I really like 40s and 50s outfits, but most pieces are expensive so I wanted style inspiration), but I stopped following after they went off about how college is mostly a waste of time for women and how it's totally OK to completely rely on a man. I was raised the opposite because a lot of men in my family cheat, so the women would be left with nothing but the burden of raising children. Plus, I found it hypocritical that they're against having a job, but they have online courses and make money off of their videos. I also didn't appreciate the Christian fundamentalism some of them exhibited and some who had a "not trying to be racist but..." vibe to them.
All if this! It's scary how many women are eager to throw their autonomy and lives away for a scam. People need to read some history books and get off tiktok
I’m 16yo (Latina), and my parents have a traditional marriage and guess what, my stepdad relies on my mom just as she does him. Because it’s not about “relying” it’s about supporting each other in different ways. I’ve read through a lot of these comments and it’s really sad to listen to “feminists” bash other women, like how is shaming entire community of women(stay at home mothers/wives) feminism? So I guess women should only support the women they agree with?
Girl you hit the nail on the head!! The “stay at home good little wife” is a relatively new concept. Women throughout history were midwives, healers, teachers, artists, retailers, tailors, you name it!!
I'am scared to commit to marriage because of this commitment and expectations from being a wife and a mother. It look and feel tired.
And we look at the men today. Most men (I said most not all) they want the wife to do all the work and the husband only want to be bring the money.
A wife had to be a cleaner, cooker, educator to her children, maintaning the household and ALSO BRING INCOME TO THE HOUSE.
Damn, thats tired.
Agreed
My dad grew up without a father in his life so he thought that providing for us monetarily was enough because he never even had that. It’s really sad how much generational trauma affects us and I definitely feel the burden of breaking that chain for my future children and marriage.
He’s gotten better as he’s aged but the lack of a father in his life growing up and a bad mom has very negatively affected him as a person and I feel so bad for his child self and how difficult his life must’ve been.
Many of our parents shouldn’t have had kids because of their traumas. My mom often said how bad her childhood was; often as an excuse for her bad behavior.
I think part of the reason they dont disclose that they have help is because it ruins the fantasy that they are selling. Part of the brand is that they are there for their kids and husband at all times. The fantasy doesnt sell as well if part of it is paying someone else to pick up a lot of the slack for you.
I wake up at 5am. We have a one vehicle household. I take my partner to work, get breakfast and kids together then take my kids to school. I am "stay at home" during the week and I work weekends. I do most of the domestic labor as well. Like it is so much work! The romanticized version of this is crazy.
Not let a “black queen live”💀 it's actually not rare to see someone like her exist in that position. See Kristy Scott (who is biracial), and Shannon Bailee (who is also biracial). Nothing against Nara or any of those women at all (in fact I watch a lot of their content), and I agree with most of your takes on this video. But we have to be able to acknowledge that these women are able to maintain their level of support/viewership because they're biracial/light-skinned, or at the very least admit that their race plays a prominent role in their popularity, even if they don't realize it.
are u backwards
So the hate is skin color based ?
@@mari-wp5nn do you lack reading comprehension skills?
@@userfumare you illiterate?
In someways, I do get it, but at the same time biracial people are still seen as black at the end of the day and treated as such. I believe their skin color and “”maybe””” their features on top of their content, play apart in their popularity but to say that them being biracial plays apart? Nah
Never thought I'd hear the line 'suffering from penis-envy'. Took me out😭
I don’t think she should have to disclose if she has help. She’s showing exactly what she wants to show. She’s a model so it’s insane for average women to be looking at her life and comparing their life to it. She doesn’t have to be relatable. Also why do we assume she has help. Her husband could be washing the dishes and watching the kids while she shoots content. But so many of these women have good for nothing husbands so the thought of her husband helping never EVER crossed their minds.
They choose horrible men and then project that on to others relationships. 😂
She has stated multiple times that everything from cooking and taking care of the kids is split between her and her husband
Glad you made this free I’m broke asl-
It's interesting, in the soviet union there was equal work for men and women since 30s, but women were also super required to take care of the house after work. patriarchy is always trying to find ways to oppress women. no matter what they do
Bingo
mother is back n mothering as usual
its kinda great that mnay places in europe have a very long maternity leave. like i think it's for almost a year and can be shared between the mom and the dad
Didn't ask. My content is far superior and has more value than anything this youtuber has ever produced so get over it.
It's 2 years here in Romania, thank god.
I am a SAHM/House wife whatever you want to call it and never once have I thought to shame women who work outside of the home. I want all of us to have the freedom to choose what we want to do, so why would I do that? Why are women so mean to each other I don’t get it.
internalized misogyny is what it is
@@olliestale864yeah, men are the reason women are being rude to women. Yall are so dumb, take responsibility for once you dumb birthing machines
I really worry about the girlies that don't have control / knowledge of their own finances or their relationship's finances. My grandmother was in that type of situation and when my grandfather passed really suddenly she was alone in a state none of her family lived in with no idea how much money or debt she had.
The point of feminism is for woman to be able to choose. Whether she'll be a housewife or career woman, have kids or be childfree, have a partner or be single, etc
YES.
but choices are influenced by the society they live in. I see a lot of people defaulting to that stance about the choice of being a "tradwife" (a.k.a. a patriarchal idealized ver. of a housewife) without acknowledging that most of the time, it's a "choice" with a long history of misogyny and will disproportionately put women at risk. Nowadays the line between being a housewife and a tradwife is so thin bc of social media and I think it's justified that people are being harsh against it
@@losj3020 why I advocate for choice is a lot of women do find genuine happiness and fulfilment in the role of housewife, mother, nurturer and hearth healer. Even yes, submission, such as couples based around Dominant and submissive. We can't preach liberation and then say "not like that" and expect people to conform to OUR desires for them.
I myself am neither Girlboss nor Tradwife. Closer to the free spirit hippie who wants to water plants and free range ponies. So should either of them, the Girlboss or the Tradwife, tell me what to do? No, I've hated both for expecting me to conform. Thus I offer them the same grace, the same liberty to *not* be a hippie growing plants and free ranging ponies.
I do agree that women shouldn't be shamed if they work or if they are sahm, but I do believe that videos like this are extremely important because younger people might pick based off of a glamorized SM that doesn't reflect real life.
There's honestly risk to either choice-but someone could put themselves more at risk if they don't have access to money that they directly control and having this education can help someone try to offset their risks.
It's not about shaming sahms, it's about warning women of the dangers of complete financial dependence on a husband and encouraging them to look after themselves by pursuing an independent income.
i also feel it's a class difference too. all these "trad wives" can afford to have homes supported by single invomes (or dual if they are getting checks for content which always makes me giggle at the thought). There are a lot of intersectional factors going on here that exclude a lot of different parties. Idk what world people are living in where you can support a family on a singular income because i wanna go there 💀
nara smith is a model she is not a stay at home mother. plus she recently made a video saying that she was not mormon.
She said she isn't a hard core Mormon. She does film herself reading from the book of Mormon etc. She's defs mormonish but not super fundie.
This whole trad wife stuff is making my head spin. Like I wanna make my own money and live my own life
1950s 'trad' was a trauma response to the war. The men desperately repressed the horrors, the women desperately repressed their own dreams in order to create a safe cosiness. That response was never going to last.
it would be interesting to have a conversation about how late-stage capitalism has affected dating; also women statistic aren’t having casual s*x with men as they did in prior times; and the rise in male loneliness. have you heard about the south korean feminist movement going on right now?
tell us what’s going on
At this point what isn’t “late stage capitalism” responsible for? You peed your pants? Late stage capitalism, you drop out of school? Lat e stage capitalism lol
@@basket.8case I recommand everyone watch burbnbougie content
I mean the Korean feminist movement is going on because Korean dudes treat their women like garbage lmao 😂 eventually if you treat 50% of your population like absolute trash they're not going to like it and get tired of it.
Side note korean feminist movement is super small to the point where it’s barely talked about here. The vast majority still agree with the gender role and settle to the idea that they’ll marry and have children despite having built a career for themselves. I don’t know what the western media sells in term of the movement but it’s pretty much nothing lol
I think the solution to the double shift of labor (work place and home) that Madisyn described isn’t for men to be providers to compensate for women’s household labor, but rather for household and childcare labor to be equalized. That may take the form of both partners working and equally (truly equally) taking care of household chores/children. Or it could take the form of one partner saying home to focus on the domestic while the other focuses more on income generation. Crucially, that includes a man staying home while the woman works. Relying on or providing for a partner can be a good thing, but who does the providing and who does the relying should be based on what makes sense for each couple, not gender roles
I think we should take a look at the structures and roles from indigenous communities - as a Cherokee woman who has loved the idea of independence from a kid, now having been in two relationships in nyc and working 50 hours at a 9-5 plus my 2 passion/hustle projects and my partners would still think the I needed to have higher income but still somehow I was the main homemaker. No, I know I want to be at home with my art and my dog and a husband who is the love of my life and friend, be supported in my creativity and be blessed to have kids and stay there to keep my kids from being vulnerable and teach them about life on earth. We had that in our traditions as Cherokee and were able to celebrate women and men and the differences we need between male and female to be able to flourish and have a healthy society without treating people as less than on either side. There is a middle ground that so many jump over in favor of extremes.
The sad reality is domestic labour isn't compensated in a capitalist society. That's just a fact. So not warning young people about the dangers of complete financial dependence on another person is just encouraging irresponsibility.
Looove the nuance you brought to this often over simplified conversation. There is a difference between stay at home moms and trad wives. ❤
girl i been waiting for this one
Im pretty sure that she is still modeling a bit. I could be wrong but if so shes definitely working
working model who never claimed to be a trad wife
The most important component that people tend to forget ist she is doing this all on social media so she is still getting PAID, if u just sit at home with the kids you are not getting paid
Girl I have never heard someone on this app say exactly how Ive been feeling for a few years now. I work but not as much as my husband and I plan on being the caretaker of our children when we have them/sahm. I don't think of myself as being better than bc I'm not doing it prove a point, this is just what my husband and I want to do. I enjoy cooking and baking and all that "woman stuff" but I don't do it bc I feel like I have to, I do it bc I WANT to and it makes me feel good. I would never tell a woman she isn't a woman bc she doesn't do what I do. My husband also doesn't expect it from me but he loves my cooking and I love spoiling him BECAUSE of how appreciative he is. He also isn't a lazy bum who argues with me about cleaning or anything. I think women need to not settle and they need to not rush into marriage or relationships. Know who you're committing yourself to. People always show their true colors eventually, don't let it be when youre 1 year into your marriage or relationship. Women need to get to know these men. Flashy shit won't give you a solid relationship. And women need to support women no matter what they choose, as long as it isn't hurting anyone or themselves! So tired of this debate on womanhood, let us live!! A true feminist wouldn't put down a woman who decides to be happy!
That thing about trad wives not being so traditional is so true! My great grandma owned her own business (in as much way as she legally could at the time). She was a draper, or however you say it. She sewed drapes and other things for the home and did stuff for temples and churches.
the biggest crime Nara has committed is naming her children Rumble and Slim...if those are their real names i suppose she could be using fake ones for the internet but anyway.
I do homesteading for sustainability and self sufficiency. It also involves physical endurance where a ‘man’ would normally do those things. Growing your own food in healthy soil, etc.. and figuring out how to build stuff myself is fulfilling. It’s not lucrative by any means and physically demanding, but I spent a lot of time outside in nature and my animals and I are happy/well fed.
I can literally not express the amount of joy I get while watching your videos. You just do it so perfectly. From your amazing voice to your beautiful way of explaining things, ugh, perfection ✨✨
32 yr old stay at home married mom, my friend has no kids and long term relationship with her man. I get roasted for no job by my mom for having no job and being a financial burden to my poor husband (he has no issues with me staying home) and she gets roasted by hers for no kids and not being married. I loved this video, thank you for seeing me ❤
My girlfriend and I would both like her to be a sahm, but we're going to college first and working to save up. I don't want her to be completely dependent on me. What if I get into an accident or something? If you want to be a sahm it's important to have at least a little bit of a back-up plan.
I don’t want “soft power” as much as I don’t want to be a 50s style tradwife. I am the breadwinner in my household. I want to be legitimately powerful.
Wait. Coming from Austria I always thought that if you're married and your husband leaves you, you're legally eligible to get half the money that was earned. Is that not the case in the US? I'm ashamed I never thought about how it is in the rest of the world
We had an ✨amazing✨ women's minister in the 70s. Johanna Dohnal. She set up incredibly good, feminist divorce laws that protect women from getting exploited too easily. After a divorce, the partner who stayed at home/earned less is eligible of half the income that was made, getting money every month and a rent (additional to the minimum rent everybody gets even if they couldn't/didn't work a paid job)
Definitely not the case in the rest of the world. In Vietnam, she would be entitled to only half of the money and assets emerged during the marriage. However, in practice, most of this have already been spent or hidden away by the husband. So it is high chance that she would be penniless.
Well, in Reality i haven’t Seen it work out here either...
in general, this whole concept is very regional, because on the territory of the countries that were part of the USSR (~15, depending on the year), all women worked with rare exceptions, since not working was literally a criminal offense from 1961-91, with a term of prison.
I totally get the appeal. It’s fucking exhausting to work and raise a family, even when both partners are doing their share. I miss when my kids were tiny and I was home with them, because it was a lot less stressful for both myself and my husband. However, kids are also expensive and only get more expensive as they get older, so we need my income more than we needs fresh-baked sourdough. Incidentally, I hate sourdough; it tastes weird and is way too high maintenance.
You are always so thoughtful in your videos and I admire the way that you examine current issues ❤
“Marrying the wrong man can ruin -or end- your life” That’s the tea. Being a trad wife has its risks. It could work out for you, which is great! But if it doesn’t, it has REAL consequences.
Yes, those consequences will make women learn to choose their men more wisely and sleep around less, which is a good thing by the way. It's about time you learn that your choices have actual consequences, woman.
Don't you think tradwife types are looking specifically for trad husband types? Those who can demonstrate a track record of being respectable and responsible? Also, every path has its risks and tradeoffs. Shunning a traditional life included.