It’s not about shaming people for having money, it’s all about the time we are living in right now. We are living in a silent depression no one is talking about so the over consumption that we once watched, is now tone deaf to struggling families
I think there's still a market for wealthy/lavish influencers in the "watch vicariously" genre. Is it relevant to me? Nope. But I don't necessarily need to see my life repeated in front of me on screen.
General mood changed from "paddling water while seeing land" to "gripping tight while in middle of storm". Main auditory that watched "luxury content" (young adults and up) currently too deep in crisis for this type of content to not inspire at least little bit distaste/resentment, while younger ones have their own influencers with niches and stuff.
This is one of the most relatable videos I've ever seen. Literally no one is talking about any of this! I'm a "trad wife" myself, but the most authentic version of that you could imagine lol. I have a 2 year old and one on the way. I stay home full-time with zero income of my own and one of the biggest tasks for me is figuring out how to budget groceries for the week, so that we don't overspend and dip into other bill money. I do the primary caring for the kids and home while my husband works a 9 to 5. I'm blessed to be able to do this and I willingly took on this role. However, it's freaking hard! I wish I had the time and energy to bake bread everyday, raise chickens, and put myself together with a full face of makeup and a pretty dress, but that's just not reality. There truly aren't enough hours in the day! I do the absolute best I can for my family, but it can be very stressful and exhausting at times because there's so much to keep up with and not a lot of extra money to have an outlet, such as a vacation, or spa day, or even a date night lol The money that these wealthy influencers have definitely plays a role in their experiences as homemakers and we are definitely not the same. As much as their lives may look "simple and humble", many of them are just not. I will, however, take responsibility for looking to influencers for inspiration in my own life. Bottom line is we gotta stay in our own lane, work with what God has given us individually, and be grateful. Thank you for posting something real❤
A word of encouragement. As a mom of four (two of which are now college age) I began staying home when my now almost nineteen year old was born. Not b/c my husband asked me to, but b/c where we lived (Southern California) it made no sense for my entire paycheck to go to child care. So I stayed home. The first few years with both my oldest kids being eighteen months apart and one on the autism spectrum, and the other dyslexic -was really hard. But I have to tell you those times are fleeting. When you’re in the trenches and it feels like your slogging through everyday alone, it can suck. But you’re not alone. Everyone else has the same struggles. Everyone else goes through the same things. (Whether it’s the mom there, or the dad, or the adoptive parent, grandparent etc. ) whoever is raising those kids, they still struggle. It can be stressful and exhausting and it can also feel like everyone else has their life together while you don’t. BUT! I can tell you just like when your in middle school or high school and it seems Like everyone else is excelling and having a great time of it, that’s not true. Some people are just better at hiding their struggles than others. It’s cliche to say that “this too shall pass” and that “they’re only little for a short time” but it’s actually true. So take a breath. Breathe deeply. Take a LOT of pictures, and try to slow down. (Trust me this is coming from someone who’s constantly stressed out. 😂) Before you know it your kids will be grown, and they won’t need you as much. It will get easier with every year they get older. You will just have new challenges and stressors to overcome. But you will get through it. Hang in there Momma. Stay grounded. Don’t worry about what it looks like other people have or don’t have. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s what matters. To those kids you are their whole world. And that’s how it should be. ❤
Same here girl! I have a 2 year old and one on the way and I relate to your comment 100%. I also look for inspiration but sometimes we go to hard in ourselves to be the cute looking stay at home wife. If I were to get ready every morning from too top to bottom including doing my hair would take away around 2-3 hours from time I have to use either playing with my daughter, making food, washing the dishes, laundry, you name it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% on board with the homesteading and slow-living lifestyles as that’s been my goal/dream since I was 12 years old, now as a 29 yr old and 4 kids with one on the way I’ve dipped my toes in but it looks NOTHING like the prairie dress-wearing moms who are gracefully gathering the eggs and baking bread. I do all that and more but the work load is insane. Also I have no childcare, no cleaning service and my husband works night and day. Getting up before the kids to do the chores, bottle feed the calf, and haul water in the heat/cold just to make it inside to start breakfast before they eat each other isn’t Instagram worthy. And my house is nice but no where near swoon worthy as the “homesteading” influencers. How do they have money for such beautiful homes AND that acreage AND all the farm things which are SO expensive?? Don’t even get me started on the “traditional mom” who live in the suburbs. I’ve fallen down the rabbit whole watching them and their beautifully perfect lives too (although it’s in different ways) and once they start building that new 3,000+ sqft home (which is inevitable) I have to bounce out. I have to remind myself that living on a couple acres with a family of 6+ in 1,400sqft is what I’m really grateful for and try to forget seeing people with unlimited budget for the biggest and best because it just makes makes me feel like I’m doing it wrong.
Thank you for sharing your comment. It’s so true. I would love to have my own homestead one day. Some of the homestead people will say “it’s not all frolicking through the garden” but sometimes it sure looks that way lol!
Agree! One acre “homestead” all we could afford with 1,500 sq ft for family of 8. It works, but when my kitchen has muddy wet dogs and 3 week old bottle fed baby goats and 6 kids running in and out of the mud and house , muddy boots everywhere......I’m not putting on a beautiful linen apron over my white linen dress getting in my hands and knees scrubbing up mud and goat pee. Just saying. If your maintaining a home to this beautiful perfect standard, that’s all your doing! Live life and enjoy it.
I agree once they start living above my pay grade SF and have so many different appliances and gadgets i part ways… I wish them well and hope that i can live comfortable one day too. I mostly unfollow because I can’t just be buying everything they advertise I have no self control or the budget 😢
I so agree. I tend to peace out when "homrsteading" influencers start building huge custom built homes that is not my reality. Good for them it is just not for me.
I'm also an over-preparer who spent a lot of time watching mom content. Then my baby was born with a life threatening illness and all the materialism and privilege is too glaring to be relateable anymore.
I get it about over-preparing with mom content because I'm the same way. Then I got some distressing news about my health and safety with this pregnancy. Being a first time momma it was jarring and I was trying to watch as many videos as I can to get some comfort, but nothing was relatable. Instead, all the mom content I'd watch were all about these minimally stressful pregnancies and births. Pregnancy and motherhood is wonderfully rewarding but it is also stressful y'all!
I had the same experience 8 years ago with my first. I felt disappointed I couldn’t find anything relatable and even felt angry (out of jealousy I guess) towards all these moms that seemed to do so well with healthy baby’s. I’ve come to realize though that the struggling moms aren’t on the internet because we literally don’t have the time for it, caring for a sick baby.
Same. My three year old has autism and I also overprepared and compared my motherhood and my son to other momfluencers. Even comparing my son to kids his age that we met in real life, I just could not relate! It's very isolating.
I feel lately this whole "TH-cam era" started fading. At least for me. I've been watching videos for more than a decade and I feel I have to get over it.
Re Ballerina Farm, there was a New York Times feature on her competing in a beauty pageant (only a couple of weeks after giving birth). In the article she said she didn’t have childcare but then said she had a full time teacher to homeschool her children, a personal assistant and multiple farm hands. Her husband’s family is worth over $400 Million. This content is NOT relatable for anyone, and people should be aware when they consume this content that this is pure fantasy.
Her content isn’t relatable? She literally throws jeans on with no make up or curled hair (like the girl in this video) and boots and cooks in her filthy kitchen while her kids run behind her making a huge mess. People are soooo jealous if you can’t handle them get off the internet.
“Even this ‘simple life’ is not one you can acheive.” You hit the nail on the head. That’s the feeling I’ve been getting with a lot of these ‘slow lifestyle’ influencers but hadn’t put it into words.
There are many people (myself included) who think it has *always been crass and in bad taste to flaunt your wealth not just during widespread financial hardship.
Agreed. Literally has been the cause of hundreds of revolutions all over the world. People hoard wealth and there's no reason to avoid "shaming" them when their lifesytles harm people and planet
Thank you for freaking mentioning the fact that these moms AREN’T “just” stay at home moms. They are being deeply fulfilled by what they are doing online. And if they aren’t being fulfilled, they are getting paid. Like don’t tell me that you don’t need anything else to be happy etc etc when you’re staring at a camera chatting with me lolol Edit to add that I also can’t stand the ones that don’t fully comprehend just how epic it is to have a work from home husband who is like clearly very available during the day. They all address how “blessed” they are, but like man idk if they get how huge it is. Suddenly that big family you have is no longer manageable if he goes back.
Yes, it’s so frustrating when they call themselves stay at home moms when they are clearly work from home moms. They are not dependent on their husbands , they don’t have to ask for money each time they need a new make up item or period pads lol. It’s ridiculous. Even this whole thing about going thrift shopping with just one baby while their husbands are at home watching the other 4, and thrifting things every two weeks and saying how it’s a great way to save money by going to a thrift store lol
One thing I’ve noticed that I can’t relate to with so many mom influencers is that many of them have husbands that work from home or work part time from home. My husband is gone from 5:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. and then works a second job a few days a week. I’ll wonder why I feel so alone and isolated compared to others moms and I have to remind myself that it’s just me with the kids most of the time.
omg! I'm literally crying. My husband is gone from 6:30AM to 6PM. I'm home with the baby all day, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. Then you go on insta or YT and all these moms have time to eat well, exercise, not to mention the time to edit and post.
Yes!!!!! I had to stop watching a few of my favorite TH-camrs because as they were cooking and cleaning and making content their husbands were watching the kids. I cannot relate. My husband is gone anywhere from 10 to sometimes 15 hours a day at least 6 days a week (he owns his own business). I just started to feel a bit defeated and jealous watching them.
@@lindsayroseraby8583 I’m in the same boat as you. My husband has his own business too and it’s just me and my 3 kiddos most of the time. It gets lonely, and watching these mom influencers is nowhere near relatable.
Agreed. My husband is gone 5am-4pm, I work 8am-5pm. Our son is in daycare full time, it's so hard for both working parents to come home & have the energy to spend with their kids & weekends are literally just doing chores & groceries, then the cycle repeats. I couldn't relate to these youtube videos. I always feel guilty that I'm not spending enough time with the kiddo or giving him fun memories. I know this isn't forever but it's hard nonetheless.
I LOVE this new content that you've been doing recently. It's so refreshing seeing someone online that shares the frustrations & struggles of the middle class with us
Who is really Middle Class anymore? By definition a lot people who consider themselves Middle Class aren't really Middle Class and that was before inflation and when the economy was doing better. In Canada depending on where you are but in general in the larger Cities people with relatively high income jobs or high income jobs by Canadian standard's cannot afford to rent two-three bedroom apartments and that is if they can find any . It feels like what was seen as "Middle Class" 20 or even 10 years ago has been rapidly changing and disappearing.
I totally get where you guys are coming from but to give you some perspective, it takes me a full month to make these videos and I would like to be paid for my work. I genuinely love AG1 and was buying it before they sponsored me. If you don’t care for it, just skip passed the ad ☺️
As a new mom I loved watching mom content. During early morning feeding sessions when I was exhausted it felt comforting to see other moms and what they were going through. Then I noticed most of the moms I followed lived very privileged lifestyles and were constantly complaining about first world problems. At a certain point it started to feel exploitative. Why do I need to know your child's full name and DOB? Many mom influencers are loose with personal information and it would be easy for creeps to know where they live. I've seen planner videos where they broadcast what activities their kids have with date and times. Your kids should not be content. I think some moms brush it off because they're able to afford to stay home because of vlogging. But that's wrong. They're trading their childrens' privacy for money. When I signed my son up for school I started to think about mommy vloggers and how weird it would be to go to school or out in public and meet strangers who knew personal things about me. There are so many risks in terms of sharing your kids personal information online and no advantages. Except for money, which is wrong.
I'm not a mom but I am so tired of how monetized motherhood has become. I understand that having a child is a big event but it's annoying that once an influencer gets pregnant, they suddenly become a momfluencer. Like, I followed an influencer because I like seeing her hair tutorials and reviews and it then quickly turns into "unbox this stroller with me, link in bio!" "3 month update on baby, link in bio for all my baby recs!" I think there is definitely an over saturation of momfluencers, like just because you're an influencer doesn't mean you have to monetize your child or make content about it.
Being 56 I’m glad that I brought up my kids in a time where social media was not such a big deal because I think nowadays people are comparing themselves to the outliers not to people in their neighborhood. I only had to compare myself to people I lived around and sometimes that was hard enough so I can only imagine how I would feel especially as a new mom with so many insecurities I just saw people in my own socioeconomic condition doing what I was doing with the same struggles, messy houses etc. and I felt like I was doing OK
Same! I’m eternally so grateful that, when I had my twins (16 years ago), influencer-driven social media barely existed. Lord only knows it was hard enough as it was: worrying that the babies were smaller than the neighbor infant (my son towers over the kid now and they are really close friends), worrying if I would produce enough milk (I didn’t), whether I’d “fail” and have to bottle-feed (I did!)-and that was just day one of motherhood. I would have learned to cope, no doubt, but I’m glad no one expected me to keep a perfectly beige house in perfect shape back then. I still think back on my kids’ early years and regret spending so much time worrying about comparisons instead of enjoying the fact that all the chaos and change was some of the best stuff in life. Turns out that good enough was perfect, actually.
I know it may feel controversial to talk about but we NEED you talking about this and taking down the myths we’re all being fed on social media. Thank you for what you do I look forward to every video you post and it’s one of the few channels I still follow that’s not overwhelmed with unattainable wealth and perfect everything
counterpoint to your tradwife worries: what if they do go to college, take out student loans, and then have kids and realize that they would be most fulfilled by staying at home but can’t because they have student loan debt that will take decades to pay off? i went to nyu ($80k a year) and i am lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my kids, but i know several women who would rather be at home but are forced to work by crippling debt. maybe seems like waiting on figuring out what you truly want isn’t such a bad idea. the decision to not go to school is reversible, the decision to take out debt isn’t.
I am conflicted because I am in this position where I cannot become a trad wife due to student loans, I’ll have to say however, there is a time in life when it is much much easier to go to college and graduate school (before pregnancy and kids). I literally could not have graduated my grad program if I had been pregnant or had a child because it was 80-100 hours per week, it is possible of course but just extremely difficult depending on the program.
I wasted money by switching majors every semester because I didn't really like what I was studying, I kept taking a break between every 1-2 semesters, nor could I see myself doing anything other than being a housewife or SAHM the entire time. I still had a good GPA and graduated with an associates degree, but it was a neurotic experience. Some of the jobs I'd be good at, or that seem interesting to me, just don't need college experience. I'm helping my husband by advertising his business, and that's my only official paid job, although he does give me $500 per month as a wifely/mothering allowance to spend however I like (nice because he still spends other money on me). If I wasn't a housewife with children, I'd probably take any random gig job available and make crafts to sell on the side. I would certainly spend all of my free time reading and writing. I'm not ambitious, but I do stick with comfort and convenience as much as is possible for me. I'm not career-driven nor involved in community. I enjoy learning, but I don't like university culture, and I don't have the finances to pay for a bachelor's degree that I would probably never use as intended. I fit more in line with women that attend college mostly for their Mrs degree. I actually met my husband while taking one of these breaks of mine, but I did not meet him at college. I have minor college debt that was not necessarily in vain because it has allowed me to have a good credit score and several thousands of dollars in credit. It's not bad at all. It's worked out for me this way.
I am that woman who was pushed into going to college, taking out loans, etc. But my husband and I decided for me to stay home after we had our 3rd. At that point daycare was silly expensive. 10 years later and I’m still paying my student loans and we live frugally. But oh well. I wouldn’t trade working just to pay off loans faster rather than staying home with my children. I applied for income based repayment, which currently is zero until my pay status changes. Yeah I’ll owe interest but so what.
@@DD-py5hwYes you can stay home. Apply for Income Based Repayment and consolidate if you haven’t already. Your loan payments will reflect your income and may even go to zero while you are at home. Don’t let school loans keep you from your dream.
I'm so glad I had my first kids before facebook groups and vlogging influencers. I read so many books and blogs, and it was already too much back then!
I'm a stay at home mom and it is so hard. People online put out there that it's the most relaxing and slow and lovely life. And don't get me wrong it is amazing. It is so fulfilling and I wouldn't change it for the world. But financially it's getting harder, the kids are very young so it's a constant battle with a toddler that wants it now and a baby that needs it now, and some days my head is spinning so fast, I don't always have time to bake bread, I don't always have time to make a 3 course home cooked meal. It's hard work, it's repeat work, and to top it off there's very little adult interaction, so you drive your husband nuts talking his ear off 🤣🤣🤣 again, it's the best decision I made but I hate the momfluencers that make it look like a walk in the park.
The adult isolation is real! When my young kids were little I forgot how to speak. My husband was out of the country for 7-9 months a year and I was with tiny humans. I could only talk and sing to them so much. It took years to learn how to talk to adults again. My brain was rewired to decode toddler chatter and use basic words. I would stutter and completely forget words mid basic sentence. I thought I was going dumb and my husband didn’t even notice.
When I was a first time mom my baby cried ALOT so whn he would sleep we tip toed around the house and whispered to eachother, jus so he would stay asleep. Our first outing with other adults was a child's birthday party, I caught myself whispering here and there hahaha. I was still a little delusional...ah sleep deprivation 😅
One of the greatest things I ever did for myself was stop notifications from IG popping up on my phone, unfollowing out of touch accounts, and overall not using the app as much but deleting it from my home screen on my phone. I’ve essentially done the same thing with my TH-cam as well. There is way too much clickbait thumbnails about the gloom and doom of the world or on the other hand, too much clickbait of these extravagant lifestyles of families with 6 kids on their way to the Bahamas for a family vacation. I want real life content that is curated to my own reality. Which is also why I appreciate your content so much. It feels very raw and grounded - but most importantly it’s relatable.
I've unfollowed so many mom influencers because their videos just feel so pushed. You're by far my fav channel because you keep it so real, and you don't exploit the crap out of your kids. I appreciate your videos so much.
And some of the influencers with other financial resources (wealthy family/partners) can also afford literal teams of people to film them, set up lighting, edit content, prep social media posts, etc., not to mention the nannies/tutors/housekeepers/etc. It looks like it's just one mom doing it all but there's a giant team behind the scenes that's making this lifestyle seem attainable when that's far from reality.
I think with the way the algorithm is now it really took away that community that TH-cam had in all niches. it’s really unfortunate. I think this is why we’re getting lonely and lonely.
My issue is not only the constant consumerism which is super annoying esp when it’s posed as “declutterring” only for them to buy a bunch of new stuff that fits their new style (must be nice), but the toxic positivity. Everything is perfect, these moms can somehow do everything under the sun with no outside help - keeping a perfect home, cooking everything from scratch, homeschooling, hosting parties constantly, spending time with “the girls,” working out, homesteading, running TH-cam channels and blogs, spending loads of one on one time with their kids, having the perfect intimate marriage, etc etc. I think this makes them extremely unrelatable and makes normal people feel they are doing everything wrong.
It is so refreshing to hear you admit that you don’t necessarily want to push ads, but it’s what you have to do to afford this hobby. I wish everyone was honest!
I resonate so much with this video. I’m a social worker married to a teacher. We have three kids and some days it doesn’t feel like we’re even middle class, despite both having graduate degrees and working full time.
Currently, the only social media I spend time on is youtube, where I can learn to do things I want to apply in my life. I work from home raising my 3 year old while my husband works in an office. I make my own bread, and I plan to learn more about homestead, not to follow an influencer but to take care of my family. Learning new life skills comes from watching other people. So I thank the internet for that, but I don't compare and contrast. I take and produce.
Yeah, the Ballerina Farm loses all its shine when you peel back those layers and see it in the sunlight. For Hannah & her husband, farming is a hobby, it’s not their ride or die life.
I think you come across as a lovely lady & you make some good points but at the same time I can't help but see the hypocrisy in your video. You're advertising AG1 - from an internet search a 30 day supply in the UK can be as much as £107 or 136 USD per month. I'm sure that while AG1 does exactly what it says it does this does not seem obtainable. That is £107 less to spend on your children's future education. In 18 years that would be (price protected) is £23,000 or 29,000 USD. I don't know but, assuming you keep buying AG1, that seems a lot of money.
You could also just not buy. We should be cognizant that content creators need brand deals to continue making their content. I don’t think her brand affiliation is “selling a lifestyle” that isn’t reality. It’s more like “this company is partnering with me. I’ve seen results, you can too if you feel like it. Here’s a code if you want to try.” I don’t see it as hypocrisy, maybe you can illuminate.
Thank you for all the work and reflection that went into this video! I’ve been reading Momfluenced by Sara Petersen so I’ve been reflecting on my use of Insta a lot lately. She writes about the comfort we get from seeing influencers seemingly living their lives in a vacuum and, for me, that just isn’t bringing comfort anymore. It makes me feel more isolated in my struggles as a mother to see someone not grappling with big questions and worrying about what life will be life for their kids. I don’t have the privilege to live in a vacuum. And now that I say that, I bet a lot of black moms and indigenous moms and disabled moms and gender diverse parents (and the list goes on..) have been saying this for a while and I just haven’t been listening. Also really appreciate you thinking through the implications of including the advertisement in this video. If you hadn’t addressed it directly it would have been very frustrating but you used it to prove your point. You deserve to get paid for this labour, and unfortunately these platforms that rely on creators don’t give those creators many options to be fairly compensated for their work.
YES to the part about shorts revenue! I think a lot of people think that just because you do content creation for a living means that you’re filthy rich, but just as a peak behind the curtain: my most popular TH-cam short has 1.8 MILLION views and it’s made a whopping total of $53. There can be so much pressure to do more sponsorships and sell more through affiliate links because inflation has gotten so crazy and we have to keep up just to provide for our families.
I’m a first-time mom due in June. I’ve been watching a couple of momfluencers for a few years mainly for their minimalism content and recently started watching others more too. When trying to piece together my baby registry, it really hit me hard just how out of touch even the most realistic-looking minimalist momfluencers were. So all of a sudden I found myself realizing I had WASTED SO MUCH TIME consuming their content, being influenced to believe that the products they recommended were the ones that I needed that I then realized I just couldn’t afford.
I'm a first time mom due in June as well! I'm also going to 40 two weeks before our baby girl is born. So I understand the struggle sometimes when watching registry suggestions and it's product overload.
You named so much here. Thank you! Also interesting that around the time you said TH-cam mom culture seemed to be thriving (2017-2019) there was a huge surge in MLM participation on Instagram, at least from my perspective. Which in a way I think got people comfortable with selling themselves alongside a brand and normalizing it for others. Good or bad, I just find it so interesting to reflect on why it seems outdated and replaced by affiliate models now. Also it’s sad that trying to “normalize” unsustainable lifestyles online has undoubtedly perpetuated the cost of living crisis. Excessive consumption almost always results in human exploitation on whatever level and I think people are really starting to feel that. I hope there is a new way to show up authentically online in the future, especially for us moms to connect!
This is so relatable! I miss those good ol days as well. I’ve unfollowed most of the mom bloggers I used to love for these reasons and several have left TH-cam on their own accord, there is a void now that I miss very much in relating to other moms online. It honestly adds to the isolation that motherhood can have.
Some momfluencers are not from money, and have worked very hard to get where they are. Also, the ones that are military spouses make huge sacrifices with husbands/spouses often not even around for months on end. It may feel out of touch, but they earned their spot.
I found myself unfollowing some mom content creators when they would post videos of them unboxing hundreds of dollars worth of items sent to them for free. It just brings you to a different level. Like I wish brands would send me nice baby clothes cause I’ve announced my 10th kid on insta. 😅 thank you for making such relatable and down to earth content.
I’m constantly watching mom vlogs etc and I stumbled across yours and it’s helped me so much. I’m 21 with a 4 year old and I break my behind everyday to provide just enough and these idealistic TH-cam family definitely make it a hard task when you feel u aren’t doing enough
Thank you for starting these conversations Ashley! I am 20 weeks pregnant with my first child and I can truly say that your vlogs (along with Megan Acuna’s vlogs) have been *the* most useful, meaningful, and comforting content for me over the last few years as I’ve contemplated parenthood. You talk about motherhood with such nuance and it makes me feel like I can still be myself as I become as mom. I’m really enjoying these recent videos!
22 weeks with our first here (and age 40, eep!) and I completely agree that it's comforting to find meaningful, useful, relatable content with people who are being REAL. That's what I aim for on my channel. Highlighting the beauty of motherhood but also being vulnerable and honest about my life (without getting too inappropriately detailed to protect my family's privacy). Congrats on your pregnancy!
Unpopular opinion: it’s weird to be mad at an influencer for making more money and now having a lifestyle that is “not relatable” when we (the viewers/consumers) are the ones that are making that lifestyle possible for them. We gave them their lifestyle and now we 💩 on them for it. I’m particularly talking about the creators that started from middle class or lower not the ones who have always had money.
I agree in that we shouldn’t be mad at them at all for making money. It can just comes off as insensitive when they’re flaunting their wealth to the community of middle class people who got them to this point. Money isn’t bad but that doesn’t mean they haven’t lost connection with their followers.
There's nothing wrong with having money and spending it, of course. But what a lot of those influencers do is encouraging their viewers to also spend money. Even though most of the vievers don't have that much disposable income. Hence all the shopping hauls etc become way less relatable and interesting to watch.
I agree but at the same time it makes it so they aren't relatable anymore, so there's gonna be people that lose interest and influencers need to understand that.
It’s got to the point where they realize they can’t make money without throwing in some kind of advertisement. With every single video. I’m over it. I’m also over the “I’m on and smiling for the camera every second of the day and everything is always wonderful In my house” vibes that they are throwing out there. Just totally unrealistic and plastic. I’ve stopped watching pretty much all of them. I happened upon this video by chance.
Here’s the thing. The people who are influencers are able to be influencers because they already have money. People who are middle to lower class can’t spend all day on their phones making content because they have to go to work, care for their family, etc. So the people we see online aren’t relatable because they have completely different lives and most likely already come from wealth. Their whole job is to push consumerism to the poor schmucks that follow their accounts. Their job is to make us feel like we’re lacking and need more and more to keep up, which more and more are buying into causing more and more poverty. Like you said, unfollow these people who only make you feel like you’re lacking and be grateful for the life that you do have. Be present and there will be less discontentment.
I pretty much always disregard any ads from youtubers I watch because I'm confident I can't afford whatever they are selling anyway. I'm a STAHM WITHOUT the TH-cam channel which makes their lifestyle possible....
Okay YES YES YES Ash! I cannot agree more. As a motherhood influencer, and an autistic woman, I find it really hard to discern genuine opinion from sponsored content sometimes. In my own content I always include a disclaimer because I find that personally helpful. As always, I love your content ❤️
Loved your video. I wished these videos would have been available 32 years ago when my first child was born. My fifth is now almost 18 and my nest will be empty this summer. I picked my first up ever time she cried. The fifth I sleep trained during his afternoon nap. I would set myself an alarm I needed rest and I had learned to sleep through his crying. You can't take care of your children if you don't take care of yourself. I think being a mom is like the old Marine commercial, the toughest job you will ever love. It's so important to enjoy the little things when they are growing up because when you blink they are grown. I now have two grandbabies to spoil.
Thank you so much for this video!!! I enjoy TikTok and I’m a new mom, buts it’s so hard to find mommy channels that aren’t portraying something unrealistic or trying to sell me something. I want to start posting videos in hopes of finding some people like me who live a simple life and aren’t trying to sell something or be fake. It’s so refreshing to find your channel!
I've never though of being a Mum, and I've never been in that space. But I have enjoyed nowadays seeing happy families caring for babies and children, it's so wholesome. I enjoy hearing discussions about the spaces, and hearing these mothers thoughts. I'm more into ethics discussions though, and the short term happy/hard-but-worth-it days and skits. They've always tickled my fancy.
Thanks for sharing! Yes I loved the old vlog style content of mom influencers but I respect that isn't as safe or fair to the kids anymore, so this shift is natural and appreciated by me still.
Another video that hits home! Its annoying to watch these creators that are constantly posting what they just bought knowing all my household can afford is bills and groceries.
I think we just naturally gravitate towards people like us. I have a job outside the home/hybrid and I’m always happy for moms who start off that way and then have the opportunity to work for themselves via the content they’re creating but that’s when I typically unfollow because I just can’t relate. I follow moms, like you, who post relatable topics regardless of how you do or don’t get a paycheck. Some channels really harp on “I could never send my kids to daycare.” But we can’t all make the choice to not do paid work and some enjoy paid work. Love this series!
I hate that a “trad wife” is even a label. I’ve always been a traditional wife/mom and that doesn’t mean I can afford a homestead, animals or have time to make myself look a certain way (those products and clothes are expensive).
I think if a normal lower middle-class/working-class mum would share her life no one would watch. We all know how unglamorous it all is, although it’s a wonderful life to choose in itself. The magic is not aesthetically pleasing in most of our average lives, but it’s there nevertheless.
That first woman saying she doesn't care if a mom is going to a nail appointment, while she clearly has her nails done 😂 idc if they're stick on or whatever, that's still and unnecessary expense. And the second lady talking about driving a 2015 car.. as in less than 10 years old.. does she really think it's normal to have the latest model of a car? Like I drive an 06 Toyota and that to me is a NEW car. My previous car was a 99 Windstar. I drove that thing into the ground (which wasn't that long since it was a Ford lol) and I'll do the same with my Toyota. I don't worry about my kid's college because I have to worry about how I'm going to feed them right now, I don't have room to worry about them going to college. I get the frustration with unrelatable influencers, but there is ALWAYS someone in worse circumstances than you. I am incredibly grateful for my "old" van because I could have no car at all, and I've been there. I don't have an asthetic house, I have a house I'd be ashamed to show on the internet because it's 800sq ft, old, dingey, and falling apart in places because it's a poorly maintained rental. But I'm so grateful that I have a house. I've literally never been on an actual vacation, closest I've come to a vacation is staying at a hotel on the two day drive to my in-laws. But I'm grateful I even got to stay in a hotel because we've done that drive straight through. My point being, gratefulness is the only way to combat the bitterness and envy you might feel toward influencers who flaunt their wealth. By all means, you can unfollow them, block them, do whatever it takes, but they will still always be there and you will always have people better off than you in front of your face if you're on social media or youtube at all. So just be grateful for where you're at!
I love this so much!! I 100% agree on this. I stopped watching so many of the mom vlogs I used to watch and I'm not interested in them anymore, I thought I was the only one. I do miss the good old mom vlogs :(
Right there with you. I’m expecting my first child in December and I follow very few mom bloggers these days (followed more before I got pregnant). They aren’t the same as what they once were and it kinda sucks.
Thanks for making this video. Totally agree with the points you made in this video. I have been noticing a decline in interest even for myself who was super into family/mom videos back around 2017ish and prior. A lot of influencers I watched for years but like you mentioned, they shifted into different tax brackets and lifestyles that were not relatable for me especially since at the time I was working harder than ever to pay off debt to the point of completely burning out and it impacting my mental and physical health. I’m now fortunately in a different job and more stable place but still don’t find it as relatable despite wanting to start a family in the next few years. It feels privileged to even have a pet and to have a kid is EXTREMELY privileged, especially now days when people are barely making ends meet and not enjoying life (understatement of the year). This comes from someone with refugee parents and with friends whose parents are immigrants. We watched and dealt with the consequences of watching our parents work hard to make ends meet only to be emotionally absent from from our lives as a consequence. We don’t want to repeat the same pattern for our potential future kids and don’t want to bring life into this world without knowing we can give them a better life that we currently have. I don’t think things will change until the wealth inequality gap closes. Appreciate you for opening up the conversation and being real!
I agree. It’s no wonder less and less people are choosing to have children when it feels like the world is falling apart. How are we supposed to create a better life for our children when we can’t even create one for ourselves.
This feels like an old style video and I’m so here for it. Also even though you had a sponsor in the video you didn’t have ads every 5 minutes in the video which is something that is more common than not these days.
this video just popped up and i am so glad I clicked on it. When I saw that the ballerina farm family has a whole ass business and sells a bunch of stuff…and then a filming crew for their videos I was immediately turned off. I can’t achieve any of that. I want to stay home with my kids and cook but if I did that we would struggle to pay our bills.
Omg yes please make a tradwife video. I've had so much trouble finding relatable homemakers online because we don't believe in the traditional gender roles thing in my house.
I personally do the traditional gender roles thing for the most part (my husband works & I'm a SAHM) but even I can't relate to the tradwife movement online. It feels so performative & fake, filled with perfectionism & unrealistic expectations. Allot of people have traditional gender roles but I feel like these influencers are extremists in their "tradition lifestyle" beliefs. It's not very relatable to regular people, even if they also have traditional gender roles in their homes.
In regards to tradwives, I have trouble relating to them because of their “innocence.” Most tradwives have the mentality of an ingenue, often twirling in their dresses, chasing butterflies and running in their muslin dresses. It’s like they stepped out of a storybook! 😮
It’s not at all disturbing to think of young women making different choices for their lives than 4 year college. One of the main themes on all the birth boards I’ve been on has been “I desperately want to stay home but can’t because of my student loans”. Young women need to take the whole of their lives into account when deciding what career path to pursue and someone should be honest with them that their priorities WILL change as they get older.
Everything you said totally resonated with me. I seriously agreed with everything. And you look absolutely STUNNING. I love your hair. I haven’t watched your videos in a long time but I remember when your hair was short. It’s so gorgeous and shiny.
I really appreciate your content. I have definitely seen the extreme increase of influencers. I also noticed celebrities have been upping their game too which makes me think even the rich are trying to survive this economy.
I'm a newer sub of your channel & I'm seriously loving every one of your videos. I'm a mom of a 1 y/o & I want to do "gentle parenting" but after watching your newer video yesterday talking about the permissive parenting vs gentle really opened my eyes to the reality of that type of parenting. I've learned SO much from you & I am glad I found you here!!! ❤️ ❤
Completely agree with this... so much seems like it's "just a show" seeking attention for themselves, rather than speaking about true day-to-day life! Great subject here.
Loved this breakdown! I have such torn feelings about this because I really do feel like moms get the most hate out of all content creators. I know some of it is warranted but a lot of is so nit picky. Anything and everything is criticized to an unhealthy level. I’m happy to see people more cautious about sharing their kids. I’m also happy for the people who share the honest truth. I don’t even think I can afford a car from 2015.. like a 2015 car is a NEW car for me😬🙃 especially with the rise of interest rates. I loved how @kileanrodriguez shared her getting an older vehicle and how that’s what they can afford right now. That is what I love about motherhood content. It’s village that many of us don’t have. It’s the mom creator’s video about potty training I can watch while folding laundry when my friend can’t get back to me via phone call. I love it all. I hope this niche community can survive healthier and stronger because many of us really rely heavily on these platforms to feel less alone in this world.
I am a sahm by choice but I often have felt shame and guilt because I’m not “monetizing social media” but if I am so exhausted of people selling something then why would I want to do that?? I think you are so spot on that we are all tired of being sold to and we are tired of following people who are no longer relating to real life. Thank you for speaking up about these topics that are true and real life!! ❤
Surprisingly refreshing!! Thank you for sharing! It's so funny that you pointed out the stove in the background. I always notice how things look behind the person and it can be really discouraging because I don't have that fancy stove, I don't have that expensive shiplap all around my house, I don't have a spare bedroom to make into my child's playroom or my office/craft room. I don't have all matching appliances or mad money to go on multiple vacations or buy 30 acres of land with ocean or mountain views. It's good to be reminded that most people do not live that way and that's okay. Comparison can cause a lot of pain so I see why a lot of people are removing certain people from their follow/subscribe list.
Love this insight. What you're expressing is the vast majority of people in America and a distant dream for much of the rest of the world. I think a lot of momfluencers are entertaining, but when I need comfort to know I'm not alone in what I'm going through (like now with news I got of a possible scary delivery and postpartum experience for me) I need to watch videos that are real, honest, and GENUINELY humble.
Loved this one, so many interesting points! I’m a lifestyle microinfluencer myself, but I’m only able to do it, because my husband has a great salary. I don’t try to hide this and we don’t live luxuriously, but we are better off than a lot of people and sometimes I do wonder if my content is relatable or helpful to other women. Can’t wait for your tradwife video! Also, loved watching the bird feeder in the window 🥹
This is so thoughtful and brave and truly helpful. I sat still and watched the whole thing… which I never manage to do. Awesome work, thank you. Super interested in the Tradwife follow up.
Your honesty/authenticity is refreshing! For me, on top of financial considerations, the hyper-consumerism content seems in dissonance with the increasing environmental crisis. I have unsubscribed from several account because it didn't resonate with my values and seemed so disconnected with the state of the world.
I agree that it is difficult to find truly relatable and genuine momfluencers without products being pushed onto you in every video. Very interesting video!
Thank youu for having a nuanced conversation about this as a creator in the motherhood space. I feel like a lot of the criticism comes from outside and it’s refreshing to hear an acknowledgement of the disparity and the constant pressure to literally and figuratively buy into a certain lifestyle. Creators should be paid for sure but I don’t want to sit and watch lifestyle advertisements that make it seem like it’s attainable for anyone. Love these thoughtful chat videos!
Agreed. The thanksgiving/Christmas time, when I was stressed to a point I have never been before financially, made some of my absolute favorite influencers totally unrelatable, and I ended up unfollowing them because it was infecting my mind with depressive thoughts way too much. Everyone is past just “budgeting”, it’s now become pure survival.
I want to say for people who are Christian’s and it seems like things are getting expensive just remember GOD provides. It’s not like the world is moving and he doesn’t know what’s going on. Pray about m, give it to Jesus and go on. What was really helpful for me was honestly praying, deleting all of my socials except TH-cam which I don’t even get on much recently. And knowing that I’m a good mother because I’m here with my family❤
every lifestyle can be considered a dream for someone. also it's condescending to call homesteading cottagecore. homesteading is work and cottagecore is a leisurely aesthetic based off the work
This is fascinating and you’ve done such an interesting analysis of this very nuanced issue. What an intelligent and thoughtful creator you are. (Also your hair is 🔥)
Lovvvvve this style of your content. Been watching you since 2020 when I became a mum myself and I found your OG momfluencer content to help me during that life transition. Very refreshing to hear you be so honest about the fact this content is now dyinnnng. Also made me laugh when you included the sponsor but it's cool that you're just like hey I need money 🤣 your realness is great, thanks for being you.
OMG Mama Alia was my lifeline in 2019 when I was struggling with breastfeeding. So glad to have had that support and feel less alone! Anyone after real life house cleaning content, I love Remi Clogg. She has a small house in England and just chats away to her audience while cleaning up her house (and her house is proper messy to start with, not staged messy).
all i have to say is that im amazed whenever the influencers I watch are able to complete another home renovation. it seems constant and i dont know how they can afford it on one fulltime income...
I think it is by far my favourite video you have ever made, thank you :D I laughed, I was nodding along and had so much to relate with. 2024 is my(almost) instagram-free year actually, because I'm having my second baby and I don't want to be raising him/her by other people's "insta standards" I can't even watch the "minimalist baby essential" videos on youtube this time that I enjoyed with my last pregnancy because they feel so "sell-y" with things that no minimalist actually needs(and I already have the bare minimals from last time.) Still love your content though, thank you!
I agree. I used to watch mommyvlogs 5 years ago when i was home with my firstborn. It helped me feel a little less lonely and seen. But once my 2nd baby came 2 years later, i started feeling less connected because i didnt feel like i had all my shit together and watching them meal prep and have a beautiful home became discouraging.
This reminds me how much I miss the old world of mommy TH-cam! I truly believe the introduction of short form videos have destroyed the idea of community we had within niches!
It's the first time I comment in a video and I feel I must. This is the most relatable video I've seen in a long time! Thank you for bringing some reality to TH-cam and motherhood. I have followed you since I got pregnant, and you are probably the only mumfluencers I still follow. Wish you all the best in life, only happiness and peace 💌 THANK YOU
There are influencers who I generally like where I don't mind at all if they're showing really lavish, beautiful things and beautiful vacations. It doesn't bother me at all to see highly decorated homes or beautiful food they've prepared or even hauls from stores. But I think that's because I like the personality of those people and I'm genuinely pleased for them to be able to have those things. What I don't like seeing are the influencers talking about all their luxury items they got for Christmas or very obviously trying to sound humble about a vacation when they are obviously feeling very pleased with themselves about it. Showing what they have or what their lifestyle is like only irritates me when they seem like snotty, mean people. There are definitely some truly kind influencers out there that have gigantic followings and it feels like their success is very deserved so I don't mind seeing signs of their affluence, just like I wouldn't be bothered if I had a good friend that was going on trips all the time. What's tricky is that in this time of comparison that I think social media has really amplified, there are some people that truly don't know what to post because there will always be someone that gets upset and says they are flaunting their lifestyle when maybe they're just simply doing their thing and not showing off. Maybe someone made a truly beautiful birthday cake. Some people would say how frivolous it was that they had spent all that time on a cake for something as trivial as a birthday, while others would applaud their skill. I kind of feel like people can't win right now, regardless of what they share, because SOMEONE will find the content unrelatable. The attitude of the person presenting the content REALLY matters in my opinion, more than the content itself.
Probably an unpopular opinion but I think the mommy space, just like the pet/animal space, has always been highly toxic. There are alot of amazing people and amazing help but there's also a TON of in fighting and nastiness, insults, calling people bad moms over dumb little stuff. Nobody willing to have an open mind. Now recently you throw in the ads and the family vloggers that exploit their kids or make up fake content and say that's hiw their life is when it's not and now everyone else feels shamed for not having that made up lifestyle. I think we'd all probably be better off taking a step away from social media and just connecting with people around us again and resetting our brains so we can recognize that most of the stuff we see online is fake anyway
I used to like milena ciciotti but she’s gone full god now and anything she talks about has to be a bible verse, I knew she loved god but now she does no motherhood just chapters straight out of the bible.
I used to find her relatable, but her content seems so fake and forced. I'm Catholic and thought her app seemed like a nice idea for me to play Bible Stories for kids while I cook, etc. But I was disappointed to see that although it's "free" to download, you have to pay to even access anything in the app. Just feels like she found a niche that makes her more money than before and is really milking it dry. Just seems very unauthentic
First time seeing your account, and couldn’t agree with it more! Especially about your tradwife spiel lol, I’ve been a SAHM and regularly reminding myself that what I see, is not real life! I’d say my favourite creator in that genre is farmhouse on boon, not relatable BUT she’s very transparent which I really appreciate! Also love de-influencing video trends.
As a new mom at 35, I still find value in this sector of TH-cam. I’m not following for lifestyle (maybe because I’m older) but because I connect or relate to the creator. I do think ppl have gotten out of hand in the comments. Rude is no longer a “thing” that’s sad. Puts me on the fence to share my journey.
I feel so conflicted about "mom content". On one hand, as a mom myself, I like knowing I'm not alone in my struggles. I like it when I can look forward to certain milestones of my kids, and know that everything is a season. But on the other, I started to feel extremely odd watching content that featured children. In the sense that I'm a stranger to these people, why do I know so much about their kids? I don't even know that much about some of the kids in my own extended family! I think this may have been exasperated by getting a weird comment on a short video I posted of my 1 year old at the time by a complete stranger. I love watching how others handle parenthood - but without knowing everything about their children, without it being about wbat the kids did that day. The mom content I gravitate towards now is people sharing parenthood from their perspective - like your videos. Where I can connect and relate to the creator, and apply it to my own life because it doesn't depend on what the kids are doing. When I can hear about what struggles may be upcoming as my child grows, but without actually seeing another child go through those struggles. When it feels like I'm listening to a friend tell me it'll be ok, that I'm not alone. I want a few minutes of my day to not be about kids - but I still want to hear about other motherhood perspectives! Its a weird balance for sure. Plus not being able to relate to the majority of people who make motherhood content, it leaves me feeling lonely again. I don't have many people I know who have kids, so often can't have these conversations, or see the different perspectives. I think made harder by the fact I'm so far from "traditional" motherhood (I work outside the home, I'm not religious, housework feels like torture, I'm not 100% fulfilled serving my family, I have my own hobbies that I prioritize, tattoos, etc) so any content that feels like that just doesn't interest me at all. It's complicated for sure! I don't envy anyone who is having to go through this huge shift, I'm sure it's stressful from the content creation side, especially when thinking about finances and trying to redefine content and whatnot.
Honestly this is why I stopped using Instagram and don't use TikTok, every photo and video is an opportunity to sell, sell, sell. Everything is so perfect that it makes you depressed once you turn off the phone and go back to your normal life. I only go on YT and FB.
She addresses that in the video, how she wanted to do it unsponsored but her content creation has slowed down so she kept it in and it feels crummy from her perspective too.
'Influencer Delulu!' so true, so funny. I may be the only non-mom following you, but I do appreciate your videos and perspectives on today's culture. I am a teacher... and just trying to get a window on what's happening for others. I often feel like the world of 'people with families' sort of disappears from view (for obvious reasons) when I am not in the classroom or out of the house. Not all of us end up being moms, but still care. I wonder if subscribing means I will suddenly freak out the TH-cam algorithm that is controlling what I see.
I will say for Christmas in my family when we have presents under the tree, there are 15+ family members that get together for Christmas and open presents which is why it looks like so many
It’s not about shaming people for having money, it’s all about the time we are living in right now. We are living in a silent depression no one is talking about so the over consumption that we once watched, is now tone deaf to struggling families
I think there's still a market for wealthy/lavish influencers in the "watch vicariously" genre. Is it relevant to me? Nope. But I don't necessarily need to see my life repeated in front of me on screen.
‘Silent depression’ is an excellent analysis. The promotion Over Consumption does match society’s ability to meet them.
General mood changed from "paddling water while seeing land" to "gripping tight while in middle of storm". Main auditory that watched "luxury content" (young adults and up) currently too deep in crisis for this type of content to not inspire at least little bit distaste/resentment, while younger ones have their own influencers with niches and stuff.
💯
Well said
This is one of the most relatable videos I've ever seen. Literally no one is talking about any of this! I'm a "trad wife" myself, but the most authentic version of that you could imagine lol. I have a 2 year old and one on the way. I stay home full-time with zero income of my own and one of the biggest tasks for me is figuring out how to budget groceries for the week, so that we don't overspend and dip into other bill money. I do the primary caring for the kids and home while my husband works a 9 to 5. I'm blessed to be able to do this and I willingly took on this role. However, it's freaking hard! I wish I had the time and energy to bake bread everyday, raise chickens, and put myself together with a full face of makeup and a pretty dress, but that's just not reality. There truly aren't enough hours in the day! I do the absolute best I can for my family, but it can be very stressful and exhausting at times because there's so much to keep up with and not a lot of extra money to have an outlet, such as a vacation, or spa day, or even a date night lol
The money that these wealthy influencers have definitely plays a role in their experiences as homemakers and we are definitely not the same. As much as their lives may look "simple and humble", many of them are just not. I will, however, take responsibility for looking to influencers for inspiration in my own life. Bottom line is we gotta stay in our own lane, work with what God has given us individually, and be grateful. Thank you for posting something real❤
A word of encouragement. As a mom of four (two of which are now college age) I began staying home when my now almost nineteen year old was born. Not b/c my husband asked me to, but b/c where we lived (Southern California) it made no sense for my entire paycheck to go to child care. So I stayed home. The first few years with both my oldest kids being eighteen months apart and one on the autism spectrum, and the other dyslexic -was really hard. But I have to tell you those times are fleeting. When you’re in the trenches and it feels like your slogging through everyday alone, it can suck. But you’re not alone. Everyone else has the same struggles. Everyone else goes through the same things. (Whether it’s the mom there, or the dad, or the adoptive parent, grandparent etc. ) whoever is raising those kids, they still struggle. It can be stressful and exhausting and it can also feel like everyone else has their life together while you don’t. BUT! I can tell you just like when your in middle school or high school and it seems Like everyone else is excelling and having a great time of it, that’s not true. Some people are just better at hiding their struggles than others. It’s cliche to say that “this too shall pass” and that “they’re only little for a short time” but it’s actually true.
So take a breath. Breathe deeply. Take a LOT of pictures, and try to slow down. (Trust me this is coming from someone who’s constantly stressed out. 😂)
Before you know it your kids will be grown, and they won’t need you as much. It will get easier with every year they get older. You will just have new challenges and stressors to overcome. But you will get through it. Hang in there Momma. Stay grounded. Don’t worry about what it looks like other people have or don’t have. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s what matters. To those kids you are their whole world. And that’s how it should be. ❤
@fourlittlebirds6166 wow thank you for taking the time to say this! It was super encouraging and I really appreciate every word!❤️
I could’ve written this myself 🥹 I feel seen, and know that I see you too!
Same here girl! I have a 2 year old and one on the way and I relate to your comment 100%. I also look for inspiration but sometimes we go to hard in ourselves to be the cute looking stay at home wife. If I were to get ready every morning from too top to bottom including doing my hair would take away around 2-3 hours from time I have to use either playing with my daughter, making food, washing the dishes, laundry, you name it.
@@kaelynheany5760 🫶🏽❤️🫶🏽
Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% on board with the homesteading and slow-living lifestyles as that’s been my goal/dream since I was 12 years old, now as a 29 yr old and 4 kids with one on the way I’ve dipped my toes in but it looks NOTHING like the prairie dress-wearing moms who are gracefully gathering the eggs and baking bread. I do all that and more but the work load is insane. Also I have no childcare, no cleaning service and my husband works night and day. Getting up before the kids to do the chores, bottle feed the calf, and haul water in the heat/cold just to make it inside to start breakfast before they eat each other isn’t Instagram worthy. And my house is nice but no where near swoon worthy as the “homesteading” influencers. How do they have money for such beautiful homes AND that acreage AND all the farm things which are SO expensive??
Don’t even get me started on the “traditional mom” who live in the suburbs. I’ve fallen down the rabbit whole watching them and their beautifully perfect lives too (although it’s in different ways) and once they start building that new 3,000+ sqft home (which is inevitable) I have to bounce out. I have to remind myself that living on a couple acres with a family of 6+ in 1,400sqft is what I’m really grateful for and try to forget seeing people with unlimited budget for the biggest and best because it just makes makes me feel like I’m doing it wrong.
Oh wow thank you for reality checking my homesteading dream 😂
Thank you for sharing your comment. It’s so true. I would love to have my own homestead one day. Some of the homestead people will say “it’s not all frolicking through the garden” but sometimes it sure looks that way lol!
Agree! One acre “homestead” all we could afford with 1,500 sq ft for family of 8. It works, but when my kitchen has muddy wet dogs and 3 week old bottle fed baby goats and 6 kids running in and out of the mud and house , muddy boots everywhere......I’m not putting on a beautiful linen apron over my white linen dress getting in my hands and knees scrubbing up mud and goat pee. Just saying. If your maintaining a home to this beautiful perfect standard, that’s all your doing! Live life and enjoy it.
I agree once they start living above my pay grade SF and have so many different appliances and gadgets i part ways… I wish them well and hope that i can live comfortable one day too. I mostly unfollow because I can’t just be buying everything they advertise I have no self control or the budget 😢
I so agree. I tend to peace out when "homrsteading" influencers start building huge custom built homes that is not my reality. Good for them it is just not for me.
I'm also an over-preparer who spent a lot of time watching mom content. Then my baby was born with a life threatening illness and all the materialism and privilege is too glaring to be relateable anymore.
I get it about over-preparing with mom content because I'm the same way. Then I got some distressing news about my health and safety with this pregnancy. Being a first time momma it was jarring and I was trying to watch as many videos as I can to get some comfort, but nothing was relatable. Instead, all the mom content I'd watch were all about these minimally stressful pregnancies and births. Pregnancy and motherhood is wonderfully rewarding but it is also stressful y'all!
I had the same experience 8 years ago with my first. I felt disappointed I couldn’t find anything relatable and even felt angry (out of jealousy I guess) towards all these moms that seemed to do so well with healthy baby’s. I’ve come to realize though that the struggling moms aren’t on the internet because we literally don’t have the time for it, caring for a sick baby.
I hope you and your baby are doing well.
Same. My three year old has autism and I also overprepared and compared my motherhood and my son to other momfluencers. Even comparing my son to kids his age that we met in real life, I just could not relate! It's very isolating.
I feel lately this whole "TH-cam era" started fading. At least for me. I've been watching videos for more than a decade and I feel I have to get over it.
But I need to add that I loved this video!!!
Re Ballerina Farm, there was a New York Times feature on her competing in a beauty pageant (only a couple of weeks after giving birth). In the article she said she didn’t have childcare but then said she had a full time teacher to homeschool her children, a personal assistant and multiple farm hands. Her husband’s family is worth over $400 Million. This content is NOT relatable for anyone, and people should be aware when they consume this content that this is pure fantasy.
Her content isn’t relatable? She literally throws jeans on with no make up or curled hair (like the girl in this video) and boots and cooks in her filthy kitchen while her kids run behind her making a huge mess. People are soooo jealous if you can’t handle them get off the internet.
“Even this ‘simple life’ is not one you can acheive.” You hit the nail on the head. That’s the feeling I’ve been getting with a lot of these ‘slow lifestyle’ influencers but hadn’t put it into words.
There are many people (myself included) who think it has *always been crass and in bad taste to flaunt your wealth not just during widespread financial hardship.
I second that
Agreed. Literally has been the cause of hundreds of revolutions all over the world. People hoard wealth and there's no reason to avoid "shaming" them when their lifesytles harm people and planet
Thank you for freaking mentioning the fact that these moms AREN’T “just” stay at home moms. They are being deeply fulfilled by what they are doing online. And if they aren’t being fulfilled, they are getting paid.
Like don’t tell me that you don’t need anything else to be happy etc etc when you’re staring at a camera chatting with me lolol
Edit to add that I also can’t stand the ones that don’t fully comprehend just how epic it is to have a work from home husband who is like clearly very available during the day. They all address how “blessed” they are, but like man idk if they get how huge it is. Suddenly that big family you have is no longer manageable if he goes back.
Yes, it’s so frustrating when they call themselves stay at home moms when they are clearly work from home moms. They are not dependent on their husbands , they don’t have to ask for money each time they need a new make up item or period pads lol. It’s ridiculous. Even this whole thing about going thrift shopping with just one baby while their husbands are at home watching the other 4, and thrifting things every two weeks and saying how it’s a great way to save money by going to a thrift store lol
One thing I’ve noticed that I can’t relate to with so many mom influencers is that many of them have husbands that work from home or work part time from home. My husband is gone from 5:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. and then works a second job a few days a week. I’ll wonder why I feel so alone and isolated compared to others moms and I have to remind myself that it’s just me with the kids most of the time.
Exactly!
omg! I'm literally crying. My husband is gone from 6:30AM to 6PM. I'm home with the baby all day, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. Then you go on insta or YT and all these moms have time to eat well, exercise, not to mention the time to edit and post.
Yes!!!!! I had to stop watching a few of my favorite TH-camrs because as they were cooking and cleaning and making content their husbands were watching the kids. I cannot relate. My husband is gone anywhere from 10 to sometimes 15 hours a day at least 6 days a week (he owns his own business). I just started to feel a bit defeated and jealous watching them.
@@lindsayroseraby8583 I’m in the same boat as you. My husband has his own business too and it’s just me and my 3 kiddos most of the time. It gets lonely, and watching these mom influencers is nowhere near relatable.
Agreed. My husband is gone 5am-4pm, I work 8am-5pm. Our son is in daycare full time, it's so hard for both working parents to come home & have the energy to spend with their kids & weekends are literally just doing chores & groceries, then the cycle repeats. I couldn't relate to these youtube videos. I always feel guilty that I'm not spending enough time with the kiddo or giving him fun memories. I know this isn't forever but it's hard nonetheless.
I LOVE this new content that you've been doing recently. It's so refreshing seeing someone online that shares the frustrations & struggles of the middle class with us
Thank you! I think it helps that I definitely identify more as a content consumer than a content creator 😄
Who is really Middle Class anymore? By definition a lot people who consider themselves Middle Class aren't really Middle Class and that was before inflation and when the economy was doing better. In Canada depending on where you are but in general in the larger Cities people with relatively high income jobs or high income jobs by Canadian standard's cannot afford to rent two-three bedroom apartments and that is if they can find any . It feels like what was seen as "Middle Class" 20 or even 10 years ago has been rapidly changing and disappearing.
@@AshleyEmbersyour cool Ashley I really like you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Love this but the ad for $100 greens powder is an interesting choice lol
Hahaha😂
Hahaha I agree!
Totally agree! How ironic that she's promoting anything at all in a video on this very topic. Not only that, AG1 is super expensive. SMH
Was looking for this comment.
I totally get where you guys are coming from but to give you some perspective, it takes me a full month to make these videos and I would like to be paid for my work. I genuinely love AG1 and was buying it before they sponsored me. If you don’t care for it, just skip passed the ad ☺️
As a new mom I loved watching mom content. During early morning feeding sessions when I was exhausted it felt comforting to see other moms and what they were going through. Then I noticed most of the moms I followed lived very privileged lifestyles and were constantly complaining about first world problems.
At a certain point it started to feel exploitative. Why do I need to know your child's full name and DOB? Many mom influencers are loose with personal information and it would be easy for creeps to know where they live. I've seen planner videos where they broadcast what activities their kids have with date and times. Your kids should not be content. I think some moms brush it off because they're able to afford to stay home because of vlogging. But that's wrong. They're trading their childrens' privacy for money.
When I signed my son up for school I started to think about mommy vloggers and how weird it would be to go to school or out in public and meet strangers who knew personal things about me. There are so many risks in terms of sharing your kids personal information online and no advantages. Except for money, which is wrong.
Thank you so much for this. So many people are struggling, and it’s really shown who’s tone deaf. You’re really great for speaking out on this.
Thank you! It’s been a really weird year for us all and I feel like no one is talking about it 😄
I'm not a mom but I am so tired of how monetized motherhood has become. I understand that having a child is a big event but it's annoying that once an influencer gets pregnant, they suddenly become a momfluencer. Like, I followed an influencer because I like seeing her hair tutorials and reviews and it then quickly turns into "unbox this stroller with me, link in bio!" "3 month update on baby, link in bio for all my baby recs!" I think there is definitely an over saturation of momfluencers, like just because you're an influencer doesn't mean you have to monetize your child or make content about it.
Being 56 I’m glad that I brought up my kids in a time where social media was not such a big deal because I think nowadays people are comparing themselves to the outliers not to people in their neighborhood. I only had to compare myself to people I lived around and sometimes that was hard enough so I can only imagine how I would feel especially as a new mom with so many insecurities I just saw people in my own socioeconomic condition doing what I was doing with the same struggles, messy houses etc. and I felt like I was doing OK
Same! I’m eternally so grateful that, when I had my twins (16 years ago), influencer-driven social media barely existed. Lord only knows it was hard enough as it was: worrying that the babies were smaller than the neighbor infant (my son towers over the kid now and they are really close friends), worrying if I would produce enough milk (I didn’t), whether I’d “fail” and have to bottle-feed (I did!)-and that was just day one of motherhood. I would have learned to cope, no doubt, but I’m glad no one expected me to keep a perfectly beige house in perfect shape back then. I still think back on my kids’ early years and regret spending so much time worrying about comparisons instead of enjoying the fact that all the chaos and change was some of the best stuff in life. Turns out that good enough was perfect, actually.
I know it may feel controversial to talk about but we NEED you talking about this and taking down the myths we’re all being fed on social media. Thank you for what you do I look forward to every video you post and it’s one of the few channels I still follow that’s not overwhelmed with unattainable wealth and perfect everything
counterpoint to your tradwife worries: what if they do go to college, take out student loans, and then have kids and realize that they would be most fulfilled by staying at home but can’t because they have student loan debt that will take decades to pay off?
i went to nyu ($80k a year) and i am lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my kids, but i know several women who would rather be at home but are forced to work by crippling debt. maybe seems like waiting on figuring out what you truly want isn’t such a bad idea. the decision to not go to school is reversible, the decision to take out debt isn’t.
I am conflicted because I am in this position where I cannot become a trad wife due to student loans, I’ll have to say however, there is a time in life when it is much much easier to go to college and graduate school (before pregnancy and kids). I literally could not have graduated my grad program if I had been pregnant or had a child because it was 80-100 hours per week, it is possible of course but just extremely difficult depending on the program.
I wasted money by switching majors every semester because I didn't really like what I was studying, I kept taking a break between every 1-2 semesters, nor could I see myself doing anything other than being a housewife or SAHM the entire time. I still had a good GPA and graduated with an associates degree, but it was a neurotic experience.
Some of the jobs I'd be good at, or that seem interesting to me, just don't need college experience. I'm helping my husband by advertising his business, and that's my only official paid job, although he does give me $500 per month as a wifely/mothering allowance to spend however I like (nice because he still spends other money on me).
If I wasn't a housewife with children, I'd probably take any random gig job available and make crafts to sell on the side. I would certainly spend all of my free time reading and writing. I'm not ambitious, but I do stick with comfort and convenience as much as is possible for me.
I'm not career-driven nor involved in community. I enjoy learning, but I don't like university culture, and I don't have the finances to pay for a bachelor's degree that I would probably never use as intended. I fit more in line with women that attend college mostly for their Mrs degree. I actually met my husband while taking one of these breaks of mine, but I did not meet him at college.
I have minor college debt that was not necessarily in vain because it has allowed me to have a good credit score and several thousands of dollars in credit. It's not bad at all. It's worked out for me this way.
In my country there are public universities so here i think it's better to study something
I am that woman who was pushed into going to college, taking out loans, etc. But my husband and I decided for me to stay home after we had our 3rd. At that point daycare was silly expensive. 10 years later and I’m still paying my student loans and we live frugally. But oh well. I wouldn’t trade working just to pay off loans faster rather than staying home with my children. I applied for income based repayment, which currently is zero until my pay status changes. Yeah I’ll owe interest but so what.
@@DD-py5hwYes you can stay home. Apply for Income Based Repayment and consolidate if you haven’t already. Your loan payments will reflect your income and may even go to zero while you are at home. Don’t let school loans keep you from your dream.
I'm so glad I had my first kids before facebook groups and vlogging influencers. I read so many books and blogs, and it was already too much back then!
I'm a stay at home mom and it is so hard. People online put out there that it's the most relaxing and slow and lovely life. And don't get me wrong it is amazing. It is so fulfilling and I wouldn't change it for the world. But financially it's getting harder, the kids are very young so it's a constant battle with a toddler that wants it now and a baby that needs it now, and some days my head is spinning so fast, I don't always have time to bake bread, I don't always have time to make a 3 course home cooked meal. It's hard work, it's repeat work, and to top it off there's very little adult interaction, so you drive your husband nuts talking his ear off 🤣🤣🤣 again, it's the best decision I made but I hate the momfluencers that make it look like a walk in the park.
The adult isolation is real! When my young kids were little I forgot how to speak. My husband was out of the country for 7-9 months a year and I was with tiny humans. I could only talk and sing to them so much.
It took years to learn how to talk to adults again. My brain was rewired to decode toddler chatter and use basic words. I would stutter and completely forget words mid basic sentence. I thought I was going dumb and my husband didn’t even notice.
When I was a first time mom my baby cried ALOT so whn he would sleep we tip toed around the house and whispered to eachother, jus so he would stay asleep. Our first outing with other adults was a child's birthday party, I caught myself whispering here and there hahaha. I was still a little delusional...ah sleep deprivation 😅
Right there with you.
One of the greatest things I ever did for myself was stop notifications from IG popping up on my phone, unfollowing out of touch accounts, and overall not using the app as much but deleting it from my home screen on my phone. I’ve essentially done the same thing with my TH-cam as well. There is way too much clickbait thumbnails about the gloom and doom of the world or on the other hand, too much clickbait of these extravagant lifestyles of families with 6 kids on their way to the Bahamas for a family vacation.
I want real life content that is curated to my own reality. Which is also why I appreciate your content so much. It feels very raw and grounded - but most importantly it’s relatable.
I've unfollowed so many mom influencers because their videos just feel so pushed. You're by far my fav channel because you keep it so real, and you don't exploit the crap out of your kids. I appreciate your videos so much.
And some of the influencers with other financial resources (wealthy family/partners) can also afford literal teams of people to film them, set up lighting, edit content, prep social media posts, etc., not to mention the nannies/tutors/housekeepers/etc. It looks like it's just one mom doing it all but there's a giant team behind the scenes that's making this lifestyle seem attainable when that's far from reality.
I never buy anything from any content creator/social media salesperson. I do a great job of deciding what I want and need on my own .
I think with the way the algorithm is now it really took away that community that TH-cam had in all niches. it’s really unfortunate. I think this is why we’re getting lonely and lonely.
My issue is not only the constant consumerism which is super annoying esp when it’s posed as “declutterring” only for them to buy a bunch of new stuff that fits their new style (must be nice), but the toxic positivity. Everything is perfect, these moms can somehow do everything under the sun with no outside help - keeping a perfect home, cooking everything from scratch, homeschooling, hosting parties constantly, spending time with “the girls,” working out, homesteading, running TH-cam channels and blogs, spending loads of one on one time with their kids, having the perfect intimate marriage, etc etc. I think this makes them extremely unrelatable and makes normal people feel they are doing everything wrong.
It is so refreshing to hear you admit that you don’t necessarily want to push ads, but it’s what you have to do to afford this hobby. I wish everyone was honest!
Yup, good point about affording the hobby.
I resonate so much with this video. I’m a social worker married to a teacher. We have three kids and some days it doesn’t feel like we’re even middle class, despite both having graduate degrees and working full time.
Currently, the only social media I spend time on is youtube, where I can learn to do things I want to apply in my life. I work from home raising my 3 year old while my husband works in an office. I make my own bread, and I plan to learn more about homestead, not to follow an influencer but to take care of my family. Learning new life skills comes from watching other people. So I thank the internet for that, but I don't compare and contrast. I take and produce.
I’m super late to this video but I felt all of this frustration a few years ago. Good for you bringing it to the light. Motherhood is hard enough.
Yeah, the Ballerina Farm loses all its shine when you peel back those layers and see it in the sunlight. For Hannah & her husband, farming is a hobby, it’s not their ride or die life.
I think you come across as a lovely lady & you make some good points but at the same time I can't help but see the hypocrisy in your video. You're advertising AG1 - from an internet search a 30 day supply in the UK can be as much as £107 or 136 USD per month. I'm sure that while AG1 does exactly what it says it does this does not seem obtainable. That is £107 less to spend on your children's future education. In 18 years that would be (price protected) is £23,000 or 29,000 USD. I don't know but, assuming you keep buying AG1, that seems a lot of money.
You could also just not buy. We should be cognizant that content creators need brand deals to continue making their content. I don’t think her brand affiliation is “selling a lifestyle” that isn’t reality. It’s more like “this company is partnering with me. I’ve seen results, you can too if you feel like it. Here’s a code if you want to try.” I don’t see it as hypocrisy, maybe you can illuminate.
Yeah I get that. I think she gets a good deal, seems like a less good deal when you gotta pay full price lol
Sorry to double comment, but she did talk Abt this in 12:22 ish
Thank you for all the work and reflection that went into this video! I’ve been reading Momfluenced by Sara Petersen so I’ve been reflecting on my use of Insta a lot lately. She writes about the comfort we get from seeing influencers seemingly living their lives in a vacuum and, for me, that just isn’t bringing comfort anymore. It makes me feel more isolated in my struggles as a mother to see someone not grappling with big questions and worrying about what life will be life for their kids. I don’t have the privilege to live in a vacuum. And now that I say that, I bet a lot of black moms and indigenous moms and disabled moms and gender diverse parents (and the list goes on..) have been saying this for a while and I just haven’t been listening.
Also really appreciate you thinking through the implications of including the advertisement in this video. If you hadn’t addressed it directly it would have been very frustrating but you used it to prove your point. You deserve to get paid for this labour, and unfortunately these platforms that rely on creators don’t give those creators many options to be fairly compensated for their work.
YES to the part about shorts revenue! I think a lot of people think that just because you do content creation for a living means that you’re filthy rich, but just as a peak behind the curtain: my most popular TH-cam short has 1.8 MILLION views and it’s made a whopping total of $53. There can be so much pressure to do more sponsorships and sell more through affiliate links because inflation has gotten so crazy and we have to keep up just to provide for our families.
I’m a first-time mom due in June. I’ve been watching a couple of momfluencers for a few years mainly for their minimalism content and recently started watching others more too. When trying to piece together my baby registry, it really hit me hard just how out of touch even the most realistic-looking minimalist momfluencers were. So all of a sudden I found myself realizing I had WASTED SO MUCH TIME consuming their content, being influenced to believe that the products they recommended were the ones that I needed that I then realized I just couldn’t afford.
I'm a first time mom due in June as well! I'm also going to 40 two weeks before our baby girl is born. So I understand the struggle sometimes when watching registry suggestions and it's product overload.
You named so much here. Thank you! Also interesting that around the time you said TH-cam mom culture seemed to be thriving (2017-2019) there was a huge surge in MLM participation on Instagram, at least from my perspective. Which in a way I think got people comfortable with selling themselves alongside a brand and normalizing it for others. Good or bad, I just find it so interesting to reflect on why it seems outdated and replaced by affiliate models now.
Also it’s sad that trying to “normalize” unsustainable lifestyles online has undoubtedly perpetuated the cost of living crisis. Excessive consumption almost always results in human exploitation on whatever level and I think people are really starting to feel that.
I hope there is a new way to show up authentically online in the future, especially for us moms to connect!
This is so relatable! I miss those good ol days as well. I’ve unfollowed most of the mom bloggers I used to love for these reasons and several have left TH-cam on their own accord, there is a void now that I miss very much in relating to other moms online. It honestly adds to the isolation that motherhood can have.
Being a mom is amazing but tiring. I have a lot of respect for the loving grannies of this world
Some momfluencers are not from money, and have worked very hard to get where they are. Also, the ones that are military spouses make huge sacrifices with husbands/spouses often not even around for months on end. It may feel out of touch, but they earned their spot.
I found myself unfollowing some mom content creators when they would post videos of them unboxing hundreds of dollars worth of items sent to them for free. It just brings you to a different level. Like I wish brands would send me nice baby clothes cause I’ve announced my 10th kid on insta. 😅 thank you for making such relatable and down to earth content.
I’m constantly watching mom vlogs etc and I stumbled across yours and it’s helped me so much. I’m 21 with a 4 year old and I break my behind everyday to provide just enough and these idealistic TH-cam family definitely make it a hard task when you feel u aren’t doing enough
Thank you for starting these conversations Ashley! I am 20 weeks pregnant with my first child and I can truly say that your vlogs (along with Megan Acuna’s vlogs) have been *the* most useful, meaningful, and comforting content for me over the last few years as I’ve contemplated parenthood. You talk about motherhood with such nuance and it makes me feel like I can still be myself as I become as mom. I’m really enjoying these recent videos!
22 weeks with our first here (and age 40, eep!) and I completely agree that it's comforting to find meaningful, useful, relatable content with people who are being REAL. That's what I aim for on my channel. Highlighting the beauty of motherhood but also being vulnerable and honest about my life (without getting too inappropriately detailed to protect my family's privacy). Congrats on your pregnancy!
Unpopular opinion: it’s weird to be mad at an influencer for making more money and now having a lifestyle that is “not relatable” when we (the viewers/consumers) are the ones that are making that lifestyle possible for them. We gave them their lifestyle and now we 💩 on them for it. I’m particularly talking about the creators that started from middle class or lower not the ones who have always had money.
I agree in that we shouldn’t be mad at them at all for making money. It can just comes off as insensitive when they’re flaunting their wealth to the community of middle class people who got them to this point. Money isn’t bad but that doesn’t mean they haven’t lost connection with their followers.
@@AshleyEmbers I completely agree! Having tact is definitely something some creators lose once they make it.
There's nothing wrong with having money and spending it, of course. But what a lot of those influencers do is encouraging their viewers to also spend money. Even though most of the vievers don't have that much disposable income. Hence all the shopping hauls etc become way less relatable and interesting to watch.
I agree but at the same time it makes it so they aren't relatable anymore, so there's gonna be people that lose interest and influencers need to understand that.
It’s got to the point where they realize they can’t make money without throwing in some kind of advertisement. With every single video. I’m over it. I’m also over the “I’m on and smiling for the camera every second of the day and everything is always wonderful
In my house” vibes that they are throwing out there. Just totally unrealistic and plastic. I’ve stopped watching pretty much all of them. I happened upon this video by chance.
Here’s the thing. The people who are influencers are able to be influencers because they already have money. People who are middle to lower class can’t spend all day on their phones making content because they have to go to work, care for their family, etc.
So the people we see online aren’t relatable because they have completely different lives and most likely already come from wealth.
Their whole job is to push consumerism to the poor schmucks that follow their accounts. Their job is to make us feel like we’re lacking and need more and more to keep up, which more and more are buying into causing more and more poverty.
Like you said, unfollow these people who only make you feel like you’re lacking and be grateful for the life that you do have. Be present and there will be less discontentment.
I pretty much always disregard any ads from youtubers I watch because I'm confident I can't afford whatever they are selling anyway. I'm a STAHM WITHOUT the TH-cam channel which makes their lifestyle possible....
Okay YES YES YES Ash! I cannot agree more. As a motherhood influencer, and an autistic woman, I find it really hard to discern genuine opinion from sponsored content sometimes. In my own content I always include a disclaimer because I find that personally helpful. As always, I love your content ❤️
Also families that don't have autistic kids don't get it
Loved your video. I wished these videos would have been available 32 years ago when my first child was born. My fifth is now almost 18 and my nest will be empty this summer. I picked my first up ever time she cried. The fifth I sleep trained during his afternoon nap. I would set myself an alarm I needed rest and I had learned to sleep through his crying. You can't take care of your children if you don't take care of yourself. I think being a mom is like the old Marine commercial, the toughest job you will ever love. It's so important to enjoy the little things when they are growing up because when you blink they are grown. I now have two grandbabies to spoil.
Thank you so much for this video!!! I enjoy TikTok and I’m a new mom, buts it’s so hard to find mommy channels that aren’t portraying something unrealistic or trying to sell me something. I want to start posting videos in hopes of finding some people like me who live a simple life and aren’t trying to sell something or be fake. It’s so refreshing to find your channel!
I've never though of being a Mum, and I've never been in that space. But I have enjoyed nowadays seeing happy families caring for babies and children, it's so wholesome. I enjoy hearing discussions about the spaces, and hearing these mothers thoughts. I'm more into ethics discussions though, and the short term happy/hard-but-worth-it days and skits. They've always tickled my fancy.
Thanks for sharing! Yes I loved the old vlog style content of mom influencers but I respect that isn't as safe or fair to the kids anymore, so this shift is natural and appreciated by me still.
Another video that hits home! Its annoying to watch these creators that are constantly posting what they just bought knowing all my household can afford is bills and groceries.
I think we just naturally gravitate towards people like us. I have a job outside the home/hybrid and I’m always happy for moms who start off that way and then have the opportunity to work for themselves via the content they’re creating but that’s when I typically unfollow because I just can’t relate. I follow moms, like you, who post relatable topics regardless of how you do or don’t get a paycheck. Some channels really harp on “I could never send my kids to daycare.” But we can’t all make the choice to not do paid work and some enjoy paid work. Love this series!
I hate that a “trad wife” is even a label. I’ve always been a traditional wife/mom and that doesn’t mean I can afford a homestead, animals or have time to make myself look a certain way (those products and clothes are expensive).
THIS!
I think if a normal lower middle-class/working-class mum would share her life no one would watch. We all know how unglamorous it all is, although it’s a wonderful life to choose in itself. The magic is not aesthetically pleasing in most of our average lives, but it’s there nevertheless.
That first woman saying she doesn't care if a mom is going to a nail appointment, while she clearly has her nails done 😂 idc if they're stick on or whatever, that's still and unnecessary expense. And the second lady talking about driving a 2015 car.. as in less than 10 years old.. does she really think it's normal to have the latest model of a car? Like I drive an 06 Toyota and that to me is a NEW car. My previous car was a 99 Windstar. I drove that thing into the ground (which wasn't that long since it was a Ford lol) and I'll do the same with my Toyota. I don't worry about my kid's college because I have to worry about how I'm going to feed them right now, I don't have room to worry about them going to college.
I get the frustration with unrelatable influencers, but there is ALWAYS someone in worse circumstances than you. I am incredibly grateful for my "old" van because I could have no car at all, and I've been there. I don't have an asthetic house, I have a house I'd be ashamed to show on the internet because it's 800sq ft, old, dingey, and falling apart in places because it's a poorly maintained rental. But I'm so grateful that I have a house. I've literally never been on an actual vacation, closest I've come to a vacation is staying at a hotel on the two day drive to my in-laws. But I'm grateful I even got to stay in a hotel because we've done that drive straight through.
My point being, gratefulness is the only way to combat the bitterness and envy you might feel toward influencers who flaunt their wealth. By all means, you can unfollow them, block them, do whatever it takes, but they will still always be there and you will always have people better off than you in front of your face if you're on social media or youtube at all. So just be grateful for where you're at!
I love this so much!! I 100% agree on this. I stopped watching so many of the mom vlogs I used to watch and I'm not interested in them anymore, I thought I was the only one. I do miss the good old mom vlogs :(
Right there with you. I’m expecting my first child in December and I follow very few mom bloggers these days (followed more before I got pregnant). They aren’t the same as what they once were and it kinda sucks.
New viewer here!! Can I just say that your kitchen behind you is absolutely gorgeous 😍 love the warm tones!
Thanks for making this video. Totally agree with the points you made in this video. I have been noticing a decline in interest even for myself who was super into family/mom videos back around 2017ish and prior. A lot of influencers I watched for years but like you mentioned, they shifted into different tax brackets and lifestyles that were not relatable for me especially since at the time I was working harder than ever to pay off debt to the point of completely burning out and it impacting my mental and physical health. I’m now fortunately in a different job and more stable place but still don’t find it as relatable despite wanting to start a family in the next few years. It feels privileged to even have a pet and to have a kid is EXTREMELY privileged, especially now days when people are barely making ends meet and not enjoying life (understatement of the year). This comes from someone with refugee parents and with friends whose parents are immigrants. We watched and dealt with the consequences of watching our parents work hard to make ends meet only to be emotionally absent from from our lives as a consequence. We don’t want to repeat the same pattern for our potential future kids and don’t want to bring life into this world without knowing we can give them a better life that we currently have. I don’t think things will change until the wealth inequality gap closes. Appreciate you for opening up the conversation and being real!
I agree. It’s no wonder less and less people are choosing to have children when it feels like the world is falling apart. How are we supposed to create a better life for our children when we can’t even create one for ourselves.
This feels like an old style video and I’m so here for it. Also even though you had a sponsor in the video you didn’t have ads every 5 minutes in the video which is something that is more common than not these days.
Agreed!
this video just popped up and i am so glad I clicked on it. When I saw that the ballerina farm family has a whole ass business and sells a bunch of stuff…and then a filming crew for their videos I was immediately turned off. I can’t achieve any of that. I want to stay home with my kids and cook but if I did that we would struggle to pay our bills.
Omg yes please make a tradwife video. I've had so much trouble finding relatable homemakers online because we don't believe in the traditional gender roles thing in my house.
I personally do the traditional gender roles thing for the most part (my husband works & I'm a SAHM) but even I can't relate to the tradwife movement online. It feels so performative & fake, filled with perfectionism & unrealistic expectations. Allot of people have traditional gender roles but I feel like these influencers are extremists in their "tradition lifestyle" beliefs. It's not very relatable to regular people, even if they also have traditional gender roles in their homes.
@@savannahmcilrath9658I am in the same position as you!
@@savannahmcilrath9658 I’m a trad wife but I don’t do sourdough so am I really a trad wife then? 😂😂
@@payad4778 lol according to the internet if you're not wearing prairie dresses & making sour dough everyday you're not traditional enough😂😂
In regards to tradwives, I have trouble relating to them because of their “innocence.” Most tradwives have the mentality of an ingenue, often twirling in their dresses, chasing butterflies and running in their muslin dresses. It’s like they stepped out of a storybook! 😮
It’s not at all disturbing to think of young women making different choices for their lives than 4 year college. One of the main themes on all the birth boards I’ve been on has been “I desperately want to stay home but can’t because of my student loans”. Young women need to take the whole of their lives into account when deciding what career path to pursue and someone should be honest with them that their priorities WILL change as they get older.
Everything you said totally resonated with me. I seriously agreed with everything. And you look absolutely STUNNING. I love your hair. I haven’t watched your videos in a long time but I remember when your hair was short. It’s so gorgeous and shiny.
Same here!
I really appreciate your content. I have definitely seen the extreme increase of influencers. I also noticed celebrities have been upping their game too which makes me think even the rich are trying to survive this economy.
I'm a newer sub of your channel & I'm seriously loving every one of your videos. I'm a mom of a 1 y/o & I want to do "gentle parenting" but after watching your newer video yesterday talking about the permissive parenting vs gentle really opened my eyes to the reality of that type of parenting. I've learned SO much from you & I am glad I found you here!!! ❤️ ❤
Completely agree with this... so much seems like it's "just a show" seeking attention for themselves, rather than speaking about true day-to-day life! Great subject here.
Loved this breakdown!
I have such torn feelings about this because I really do feel like moms get the most hate out of all content creators. I know some of it is warranted but a lot of is so nit picky. Anything and everything is criticized to an unhealthy level.
I’m happy to see people more cautious about sharing their kids. I’m also happy for the people who share the honest truth. I don’t even think I can afford a car from 2015.. like a 2015 car is a NEW car for me😬🙃 especially with the rise of interest rates. I loved how @kileanrodriguez shared her getting an older vehicle and how that’s what they can afford right now. That is what I love about motherhood content. It’s village that many of us don’t have. It’s the mom creator’s video about potty training I can watch while folding laundry when my friend can’t get back to me via phone call. I love it all.
I hope this niche community can survive healthier and stronger because many of us really rely heavily on these platforms to feel less alone in this world.
I am a sahm by choice but I often have felt shame and guilt because I’m not “monetizing social media” but if I am so exhausted of people selling something then why would I want to do that?? I think you are so spot on that we are all tired of being sold to and we are tired of following people who are no longer relating to real life. Thank you for speaking up about these topics that are true and real life!! ❤
Surprisingly refreshing!! Thank you for sharing! It's so funny that you pointed out the stove in the background. I always notice how things look behind the person and it can be really discouraging because I don't have that fancy stove, I don't have that expensive shiplap all around my house, I don't have a spare bedroom to make into my child's playroom or my office/craft room. I don't have all matching appliances or mad money to go on multiple vacations or buy 30 acres of land with ocean or mountain views. It's good to be reminded that most people do not live that way and that's okay. Comparison can cause a lot of pain so I see why a lot of people are removing certain people from their follow/subscribe list.
Love this insight. What you're expressing is the vast majority of people in America and a distant dream for much of the rest of the world. I think a lot of momfluencers are entertaining, but when I need comfort to know I'm not alone in what I'm going through (like now with news I got of a possible scary delivery and postpartum experience for me) I need to watch videos that are real, honest, and GENUINELY humble.
Loved this one, so many interesting points! I’m a lifestyle microinfluencer myself, but I’m only able to do it, because my husband has a great salary. I don’t try to hide this and we don’t live luxuriously, but we are better off than a lot of people and sometimes I do wonder if my content is relatable or helpful to other women. Can’t wait for your tradwife video! Also, loved watching the bird feeder in the window 🥹
This is so thoughtful and brave and truly helpful. I sat still and watched the whole thing… which I never manage to do. Awesome work, thank you. Super interested in the Tradwife follow up.
Your honesty/authenticity is refreshing! For me, on top of financial considerations, the hyper-consumerism content seems in dissonance with the increasing environmental crisis. I have unsubscribed from several account because it didn't resonate with my values and seemed so disconnected with the state of the world.
I’ve been obsessed with video essays lately and yours are always my favorite!!
I agree that it is difficult to find truly relatable and genuine momfluencers without products being pushed onto you in every video. Very interesting video!
Thank youu for having a nuanced conversation about this as a creator in the motherhood space. I feel like a lot of the criticism comes from outside and it’s refreshing to hear an acknowledgement of the disparity and the constant pressure to literally and figuratively buy into a certain lifestyle. Creators should be paid for sure but I don’t want to sit and watch lifestyle advertisements that make it seem like it’s attainable for anyone. Love these thoughtful chat videos!
Agreed. The thanksgiving/Christmas time, when I was stressed to a point I have never been before financially, made some of my absolute favorite influencers totally unrelatable, and I ended up unfollowing them because it was infecting my mind with depressive thoughts way too much. Everyone is past just “budgeting”, it’s now become pure survival.
I want to say for people who are Christian’s and it seems like things are getting expensive just remember GOD provides. It’s not like the world is moving and he doesn’t know what’s going on. Pray about m, give it to Jesus and go on. What was really helpful for me was honestly praying, deleting all of my socials except TH-cam which I don’t even get on much recently. And knowing that I’m a good mother because I’m here with my family❤
Another thing worth mentioning is that Stay at Home Homesteading moms are basically adult version of CottageCore and that is a dream.
every lifestyle can be considered a dream for someone. also it's condescending to call homesteading cottagecore. homesteading is work and cottagecore is a leisurely aesthetic based off the work
This is SO refreshing!!!!! Finally a REAL conversation about influencer moms/tradwives!
This is fascinating and you’ve done such an interesting analysis of this very nuanced issue. What an intelligent and thoughtful creator you are. (Also your hair is 🔥)
Lovvvvve this style of your content. Been watching you since 2020 when I became a mum myself and I found your OG momfluencer content to help me during that life transition. Very refreshing to hear you be so honest about the fact this content is now dyinnnng. Also made me laugh when you included the sponsor but it's cool that you're just like hey I need money 🤣 your realness is great, thanks for being you.
Thank you for sticking around all this time!
OMG Mama Alia was my lifeline in 2019 when I was struggling with breastfeeding. So glad to have had that support and feel less alone! Anyone after real life house cleaning content, I love Remi Clogg. She has a small house in England and just chats away to her audience while cleaning up her house (and her house is proper messy to start with, not staged messy).
all i have to say is that im amazed whenever the influencers I watch are able to complete another home renovation. it seems constant and i dont know how they can afford it on one fulltime income...
I think it is by far my favourite video you have ever made, thank you :D I laughed, I was nodding along and had so much to relate with. 2024 is my(almost) instagram-free year actually, because I'm having my second baby and I don't want to be raising him/her by other people's "insta standards" I can't even watch the "minimalist baby essential" videos on youtube this time that I enjoyed with my last pregnancy because they feel so "sell-y" with things that no minimalist actually needs(and I already have the bare minimals from last time.) Still love your content though, thank you!
2010 mom vlogging (and probably years after) will always be my favorite.
I agree. I used to watch mommyvlogs 5 years ago when i was home with my firstborn. It helped me feel a little less lonely and seen. But once my 2nd baby came 2 years later, i started feeling less connected because i didnt feel like i had all my shit together and watching them meal prep and have a beautiful home became discouraging.
This reminds me how much I miss the old world of mommy TH-cam! I truly believe the introduction of short form videos have destroyed the idea of community we had within niches!
It's the first time I comment in a video and I feel I must. This is the most relatable video I've seen in a long time! Thank you for bringing some reality to TH-cam and motherhood. I have followed you since I got pregnant, and you are probably the only mumfluencers I still follow. Wish you all the best in life, only happiness and peace 💌 THANK YOU
That's beautiful :)
There are influencers who I generally like where I don't mind at all if they're showing really lavish, beautiful things and beautiful vacations. It doesn't bother me at all to see highly decorated homes or beautiful food they've prepared or even hauls from stores. But I think that's because I like the personality of those people and I'm genuinely pleased for them to be able to have those things. What I don't like seeing are the influencers talking about all their luxury items they got for Christmas or very obviously trying to sound humble about a vacation when they are obviously feeling very pleased with themselves about it.
Showing what they have or what their lifestyle is like only irritates me when they seem like snotty, mean people. There are definitely some truly kind influencers out there that have gigantic followings and it feels like their success is very deserved so I don't mind seeing signs of their affluence, just like I wouldn't be bothered if I had a good friend that was going on trips all the time. What's tricky is that in this time of comparison that I think social media has really amplified, there are some people that truly don't know what to post because there will always be someone that gets upset and says they are flaunting their lifestyle when maybe they're just simply doing their thing and not showing off. Maybe someone made a truly beautiful birthday cake. Some people would say how frivolous it was that they had spent all that time on a cake for something as trivial as a birthday, while others would applaud their skill. I kind of feel like people can't win right now, regardless of what they share, because SOMEONE will find the content unrelatable. The attitude of the person presenting the content REALLY matters in my opinion, more than the content itself.
Probably an unpopular opinion but I think the mommy space, just like the pet/animal space, has always been highly toxic. There are alot of amazing people and amazing help but there's also a TON of in fighting and nastiness, insults, calling people bad moms over dumb little stuff. Nobody willing to have an open mind. Now recently you throw in the ads and the family vloggers that exploit their kids or make up fake content and say that's hiw their life is when it's not and now everyone else feels shamed for not having that made up lifestyle.
I think we'd all probably be better off taking a step away from social media and just connecting with people around us again and resetting our brains so we can recognize that most of the stuff we see online is fake anyway
Loved this! Thank you for creating and sharing Ashley. Really appreciate hearing your voice :)
Thank you for watching! I’m really enjoying making this series and love hearing that you’re enjoying it too!
I appreciated the bird in the window around 21:42 lol
I used to like milena ciciotti but she’s gone full god now and anything she talks about has to be a bible verse, I knew she loved god but now she does no motherhood just chapters straight out of the bible.
I don't know who that is, but I appreciate that people are able to have freedom in what/who they find important.
I used to find her relatable, but her content seems so fake and forced. I'm Catholic and thought her app seemed like a nice idea for me to play Bible Stories for kids while I cook, etc. But I was disappointed to see that although it's "free" to download, you have to pay to even access anything in the app. Just feels like she found a niche that makes her more money than before and is really milking it dry. Just seems very unauthentic
First time seeing your account, and couldn’t agree with it more! Especially about your tradwife spiel lol, I’ve been a SAHM and regularly reminding myself that what I see, is not real life! I’d say my favourite creator in that genre is farmhouse on boon, not relatable BUT she’s very transparent which I really appreciate! Also love de-influencing video trends.
As a new mom at 35, I still find value in this sector of TH-cam. I’m not following for lifestyle (maybe because I’m older) but because I connect or relate to the creator. I do think ppl have gotten out of hand in the comments. Rude is no longer a “thing” that’s sad. Puts me on the fence to share my journey.
I feel so conflicted about "mom content". On one hand, as a mom myself, I like knowing I'm not alone in my struggles. I like it when I can look forward to certain milestones of my kids, and know that everything is a season.
But on the other, I started to feel extremely odd watching content that featured children. In the sense that I'm a stranger to these people, why do I know so much about their kids? I don't even know that much about some of the kids in my own extended family! I think this may have been exasperated by getting a weird comment on a short video I posted of my 1 year old at the time by a complete stranger.
I love watching how others handle parenthood - but without knowing everything about their children, without it being about wbat the kids did that day.
The mom content I gravitate towards now is people sharing parenthood from their perspective - like your videos. Where I can connect and relate to the creator, and apply it to my own life because it doesn't depend on what the kids are doing. When I can hear about what struggles may be upcoming as my child grows, but without actually seeing another child go through those struggles.
When it feels like I'm listening to a friend tell me it'll be ok, that I'm not alone. I want a few minutes of my day to not be about kids - but I still want to hear about other motherhood perspectives!
Its a weird balance for sure. Plus not being able to relate to the majority of people who make motherhood content, it leaves me feeling lonely again. I don't have many people I know who have kids, so often can't have these conversations, or see the different perspectives. I think made harder by the fact I'm so far from "traditional" motherhood (I work outside the home, I'm not religious, housework feels like torture, I'm not 100% fulfilled serving my family, I have my own hobbies that I prioritize, tattoos, etc) so any content that feels like that just doesn't interest me at all.
It's complicated for sure! I don't envy anyone who is having to go through this huge shift, I'm sure it's stressful from the content creation side, especially when thinking about finances and trying to redefine content and whatnot.
Honestly this is why I stopped using Instagram and don't use TikTok, every photo and video is an opportunity to sell, sell, sell. Everything is so perfect that it makes you depressed once you turn off the phone and go back to your normal life. I only go on YT and FB.
she says "im tired of influencers" and proceeds to have a built in ad about AG1 .. thats being an influencer
She addresses that in the video, how she wanted to do it unsponsored but her content creation has slowed down so she kept it in and it feels crummy from her perspective too.
'Influencer Delulu!' so true, so funny. I may be the only non-mom following you, but I do appreciate your videos and perspectives on today's culture. I am a teacher... and just trying to get a window on what's happening for others. I often feel like the world of 'people with families' sort of disappears from view (for obvious reasons) when I am not in the classroom or out of the house. Not all of us end up being moms, but still care. I wonder if subscribing means I will suddenly freak out the TH-cam algorithm that is controlling what I see.
Charlotte really helped me a couple years ago when I had my first. She's really the sweetest❤
I will say for Christmas in my family when we have presents under the tree, there are 15+ family members that get together for Christmas and open presents which is why it looks like so many