Dr Mona your work is phenomenal, you really give us insights in topics that we NEED to speak about in our communities 👏🏻your knowledge has changed my entire perspective on life, Islam and all my relationships. please keep transforming peoples lives, I pray this is an ongoing sadaqah for you in’sha’Allah 🌷
This is brilliant! (again!!) MA! Thank you for making this so clear, it’s wonderful to look at Islam this beautiful way from your perspective. I never knew why severing ties with problematic parents was forbidden until now and it makes total sense but as you said, Allah is merciful to those who cannot bear parental abuse and must move away. This podcast will heal so so many people JZK x 1000 for your time and incredible work and wisdom ❤❤
Salam Dr. Mona. Great work, may Allah Taala accept from you. One bonus which will add a lot of value to your podcasts is adding timestamps. Nowadays, most channels will add timestamps specially for long podcasts. You see, just like urself, most people won't have a lot of time. By seeing timestamps, one can really jump to parts which are concerns them the most. One can also revisit certain parts after sometime. I understand that sometime podcasts can be free flowing conversation and adding timestamps can be a hassle but it would be really awesome if you could do that. You could probably find someone online from Ind/Pak who can do it for you for a few pounds.
Wsalaam Abdullah thank you for your comment. These podcasts have been created to help people understand and heal, so it's beneficial to listen to the whole thing. If you skip to parts, you will lose valuable info and important context. This is why I haven't added time stamps.
Jazakillah khayr for this. My cousin is using guilt to enable my toxic mother, claiming that it is dementia that is causing her to act that way. She was assessed by a psychogeriatrician who confirmed she’s only at the early stage. Only prescribed supplements to slow progression. i take it that her behavior has nothing to do with dementia then. As I recall growing up, she had always been toxic, now she is just worse, married to a narc for 57 years
I just recently found a hadith which says : Mudah said "The Messenger of Allah instructed me to do ten things, saying…. “Don't be disobedient to your parents, even if they command you to abandon your family and your property”. So it really sound scary to me. Like a child should blindly follow his parents. Many people take this hadith directly. But how can people consider nuances? Because usually hadiths come without nuances. It seems that it applies to all
you need to be careful with some interpretations of hadiths, many are incorrect and have been translated by people who aren't fluent in Arabic. The Prophet saw made it clear that there is no obedience to anyone who asks you to do something displeasing to Allah and what what will harm you.
Mufti Menk Saheb said to cut the rope and how toxic parents lose the guardianship of the child. He demonstrated with a pair of scissors action in his sermon. The guidance as generic too. At the same time, how Allah(SWT) will send any Victims signs on how to deal with what is in front of them. My signs were that I was getting into the same rut due to the amount of chances I gave and it was all on them. Then how to not let anyone deviate from my plan.
@@suhailmohmed661 no one can say that to people in general, it’s a matter for a Mufti on individual cases. Many narcs claim their parents are toxic when they aren’t, they just don’t enable them. I agree in extreme cases it’s best to, but it can’t be a general claim.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook Thank you. My question and using the details of Mufi Menk Saheb was in the extreme cases. Apologies, if I was not clear. As someone has commented separately, they are now confused because of what was said in the previous podcast to how the information may now come across. Incidentally, about 3 years ago I raised the issue with another scholar based in South Africa who was shouting out loud to "run" at Victims. Then in his subsequent video he said to try and still be kind to them. His latest upload on here refers to an explosion of cases and now seeking therapists to help the huge number of Victims. I was left to say Victims need clear advice as per Islam. The question remains of whether the details were muddled up by himself? And sadly resulting in additional Victims who could have been avoided and now needing therapy etc including those who may have ended up leaving the religion of Islam. In UK Town/Cities, no Victim would ever get a Mufi Saheb to look at individual cases and give the correct advice. Most of us would need restraining orders too which would end ties of kindship by the issued paper.
@@suhailmohmed661 if there is no mufti then someone can take the decision to save themselves from an unsafe relationship, even if it’s parents. It’s dangerous for people to say in general that parents can be cut off. Both sides need to be looked at, but Allah won’t punish true victims for cutting contact in severe cases. Allah doesn’t want us to live in a prison where we are tormented every day, that’s not Islam. I’m just explaining why there is no ruling about toxic parents in Islam and the wisdom behind it. Having very toxic parents in category 1 is the exception to the rule and fiqh needs to be applied. Severing ties means you can’t be contacted or found at all and this can be an issue, for women especially, when it comes to needing mahrams for something.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook Thank you. Then the issue is the masses in the local Muslim communities hound the Victims and in whatever category. Just another touchy part of the topic when we are rather trying to get the local Mosques to start delivering the sermons on the overall topic. Until the local Scholars educate themselves and then start doing the sermons sadly a lot of the Victims will find it hard to escape or receive the incorrect stigma from their local Muslim communities.
Salam sis I wondered if you could advise how to respond in situations where faced with narc mother in law and all her flying monkeys? they make underhand comments and digs, acting in a way that you know they are all privy to a false narrative of you? if you try to talk address their comments it they’ll deny, lie, say they are joking etc or worse they will become extremely aggressive and I can’t take the fear and humiliation I’m always on edge due to this but can only avoid them so much xx
@ it was brilliant and very true a lot of the behaviours you described are exactly what I go through so was great for understanding the situations but I’m still not sure how exactly to respond when I’m around them all and they drop their comments etc? Xx
Dear Mona I am confused about cutting ties with your parents. In this podcast you are saying that it is haram but in other podcast that is allowed in some cases. Maybe I didn’t understand it right? 😮I hope you can give me an answer
@@laralara7978 I’m explaining the Islamic ruling here. Muftis can recommend some severing of ties in extreme cases if someone’s safety, iman and sanity is at risk. If there is no mufti you can take the decision to save yourself. This podcast is about why the ruling is in place. I explained it as clearly as I can I’m surprised it’s confusing.
Dr Mona your work is phenomenal, you really give us insights in topics that we NEED to speak about in our communities 👏🏻your knowledge has changed my entire perspective on life, Islam and all my relationships. please keep transforming peoples lives, I pray this is an ongoing sadaqah for you in’sha’Allah 🌷
Jazak Allah Khayr for this, this particular podcast honestly couldn't have dropped at a better time for me.
This is brilliant! (again!!) MA! Thank you for making this so clear, it’s wonderful to look at Islam this beautiful way from your perspective. I never knew why severing ties with problematic parents was forbidden until now and it makes total sense but as you said, Allah is merciful to those who cannot bear parental abuse and must move away. This podcast will heal so so many people JZK x 1000 for your time and incredible work and wisdom ❤❤
@@Rana-Abbas79 thank you Rana May Allah bless you I’m glad you liked it x
Salam Dr. Mona.
Great work, may Allah Taala accept from you.
One bonus which will add a lot of value to your podcasts is adding timestamps.
Nowadays, most channels will add timestamps specially for long podcasts. You see, just like urself, most people won't have a lot of time. By seeing timestamps, one can really jump to parts which are concerns them the most. One can also revisit certain parts after sometime. I understand that sometime podcasts can be free flowing conversation and adding timestamps can be a hassle but it would be really awesome if you could do that. You could probably find someone online from Ind/Pak who can do it for you for a few pounds.
Wsalaam Abdullah thank you for your comment. These podcasts have been created to help people understand and heal, so it's beneficial to listen to the whole thing. If you skip to parts, you will lose valuable info and important context. This is why I haven't added time stamps.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook
That's a fair enough reason. JazakAllah khair for all the great work you do.
Jazakillah khayr for this. My cousin is using guilt to enable my toxic mother, claiming that it is dementia that is causing her to act that way. She was assessed by a psychogeriatrician who confirmed she’s only at the early stage. Only prescribed supplements to slow progression. i take it that her behavior has nothing to do with dementia then. As I recall growing up, she had always been toxic, now she is just worse, married to a narc for 57 years
I just recently found a hadith which says : Mudah said "The Messenger of Allah instructed me to do ten things, saying…. “Don't be disobedient to your parents, even if they command you to abandon your family and your property”.
So it really sound scary to me. Like a child should blindly follow his parents. Many people take this hadith directly. But how can people consider nuances?
Because usually hadiths come without nuances. It seems that it applies to all
you need to be careful with some interpretations of hadiths, many are incorrect and have been translated by people who aren't fluent in Arabic. The Prophet saw made it clear that there is no obedience to anyone who asks you to do something displeasing to Allah and what what will harm you.
Jazakallahu khair
The girl can also become hanafi they don’t need father to get married.
Mufti Menk Saheb said to cut the rope and how toxic parents lose the guardianship of the child.
He demonstrated with a pair of scissors action in his sermon.
The guidance as generic too.
At the same time, how Allah(SWT) will send any Victims signs on how to deal with what is in front of them.
My signs were that I was getting into the same rut due to the amount of chances I gave and it was all on them. Then how to not let anyone deviate from my plan.
@@suhailmohmed661 no one can say that to people in general, it’s a matter for a Mufti on individual cases. Many narcs claim their parents are toxic when they aren’t, they just don’t enable them.
I agree in extreme cases it’s best to, but it can’t be a general claim.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook Thank you. My question and using the details of Mufi Menk Saheb was in the extreme cases. Apologies, if I was not clear. As someone has commented separately, they are now confused because of what was said in the previous podcast to how the information may now come across.
Incidentally, about 3 years ago I raised the issue with another scholar based in South Africa who was shouting out loud to "run" at Victims. Then in his subsequent video he said to try and still be kind to them.
His latest upload on here refers to an explosion of cases and now seeking therapists to help the huge number of Victims. I was left to say Victims need clear advice as per Islam. The question remains of whether the details were muddled up by himself? And sadly resulting in additional Victims who could have been avoided and now needing therapy etc including those who may have ended up leaving the religion of Islam.
In UK Town/Cities, no Victim would ever get a Mufi Saheb to look at individual cases and give the correct advice.
Most of us would need restraining orders too which would end ties of kindship by the issued paper.
@@suhailmohmed661 if there is no mufti then someone can take the decision to save themselves from an unsafe relationship, even if it’s parents. It’s dangerous for people to say in general that parents can be cut off. Both sides need to be looked at, but Allah won’t punish true victims for cutting contact in severe cases. Allah doesn’t want us to live in a prison where we are tormented every day, that’s not Islam. I’m just explaining why there is no ruling about toxic parents in Islam and the wisdom behind it. Having very toxic parents in category 1 is the exception to the rule and fiqh needs to be applied. Severing ties means you can’t be contacted or found at all and this can be an issue, for women especially, when it comes to needing mahrams for something.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook Thank you. Then the issue is the masses in the local Muslim communities hound the Victims and in whatever category. Just another touchy part of the topic when we are rather trying to get the local Mosques to start delivering the sermons on the overall topic. Until the local Scholars educate themselves and then start doing the sermons sadly a lot of the Victims will find it hard to escape or receive the incorrect stigma from their local Muslim communities.
Salam sis I wondered if you could advise how to respond in situations where faced with narc mother in law and all her flying monkeys? they make underhand comments and digs, acting in a way that you know they are all privy to a false narrative of you? if you try to talk address their comments it they’ll deny, lie, say they are joking etc or worse they will become extremely aggressive and I can’t take the fear and humiliation I’m always on edge due to this but can only avoid them so much xx
Wsalaam please check podcast 22 and let me know if it answers your question x
@@themuslimnarcissistbookok Jzk khair xx
@ it was brilliant and very true a lot of the behaviours you described are exactly what I go through so was great for understanding the situations but I’m still not sure how exactly to respond when I’m around them all and they drop their comments etc? Xx
Dear Mona I am confused about cutting ties with your parents. In this podcast you are saying that it is haram but in other podcast that is allowed in some cases. Maybe I didn’t understand it right? 😮I hope you can give me an answer
Even I am left confused
@@laralara7978 I’m explaining the Islamic ruling here. Muftis can recommend some severing of ties in extreme cases if someone’s safety, iman and sanity is at risk. If there is no mufti you can take the decision to save yourself. This podcast is about why the ruling is in place. I explained it as clearly as I can I’m surprised it’s confusing.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook ah that makes sense barak allahu fiek for your answer❤️
i started out this episode understanding but towards the middle it became a little confusing. In sha Allah, it will be sorted towards the end.
@@aliceashlyn3135 let me know what was confusing, I'm happy to explain
Sever not severe Dr Mona
@@borussiadortmundlondon9368 my humble apologies Sir
@@themuslimnarcissistbook You are brilliant and can only get better with a little nudge from your friends. Keep it up!
@@borussiadortmundlondon9368 thanks! 🙏