Parents treat their kids like expensive pets and then when they grow up they demand respect and help because "we've sacrificed so much for you" and now you owe us!
You are so right! And I always say Did anybody forced you to have kids? When my mother tried to guolt trip me I was saying I wasn't asked to be born. End of story
My parents sheltered me, but there were adverse consequences in the home. Many punishments for trying to become my own self, within the home. Now, at 63, I am in a broken relationship with my family out of finally trying to build boundaries. Now everything is my fault. This all occurred after the death of my only son. That trauma brought up lifelong trauma. I am in counseling trying to work through a lifetime of this strange upbringing, as well as the death of my son. My family thinks I should go back to my old way of living. Letting them run my life, even though I have my own husband and life. They think I am punishing them for my problems. I’m just trying to heal. I honestly don’t know how to work through this.
You don't owe your family anything you didn't ask to brought into the world by them, they brought you here themselves, Without the desire to love you unconditionally too. Keep seperate away from your family system for some time and think things over for a long while until you feel like you've arrived to a sufficent answer, until you've gone through the grieving process.
This video is a profile of my mother. The salient contradiction is that though she is paranoid and overprotective of me, she has a rather insouciant disposition toward any of my interests and the intimate details of my life. In fact, she is utterly apathetic!
Similar thing here. Actually, my mother wouldn't stop talking to anyone who would listen about how much she loved me, how she sacrificed everything for me (very debatable), how admirable she was to have done so, how amazing and smart she thought I was, then telling me how much I owed her and how thankful I should be to have her as a mother. (also if I ever dared to disagree with her on anything, telling me how much of a monster I was for "hating my mother and pretenting to disagree just to hurt her") - yet she wouldnt listen for more than 15 seconds to any of my interests - just interrupted me and resumed her hour long monologues. In the end she developped psychosomatic chronic pain from her anxiety disorders, was in complete denial of the mental aspect of it, harrassed doctors, hospitals, me (70 calls a day in the end) neighbors and family to ask us for medication to end herself, while refusing any actual treatment. She died 6 months ago, and I can't say I miss her.
They are the antithesis of what a healthy parent is. So much harm is done directly and indirectly by parents like these, who refuse to be accountable for their own behavior.
You basically described my ex husband's parents. They are still helicoptering over this grown man and trying to fix his life and save him from the consequences of his actions
Thanks for this video. This was my problem as a mother to my son due to narc abuse from the father and his dysfunctional family members. I was being a "mama bear" while trying to detach from the narc shared fantasy. I was overwhelmed and overprotective and did not realize how harmful it was at the time, now I'm trying to repair the damage in a balanced, healthy & positive way. We have all been victims of narcissistic abuse due to the CYCLE OF insanity in the world, I just hope that we can all help each other heal and BECOME a better, safe, and realistic society FREE FROM ABUSE & evil forever. #Team 🌎
My mother was and is like this, overprotective, paranoid, nosy etc. My father was and is like that too but not to that extreme of my mother. I think she is rather borderline and he a narcissist. Both had traumatic childhoods of their own. I grew up to be a covert narcissist. I pretty much display all of the symptoms.
I was married to a man in a similar - but perhaps slightly different type of situation. He came off as extremely helpless and able to make everyone feel sorry for him, protect him, and want to rescue him - rescue him from me - for he was very good at making it all appear "as if" I was the one who brought this all upon him. Being married to him meant bearing the burden of looking as if I was the cause of his helpless appearance and he just emanated victimhood in every action and behavior. He refused to walk beside me in public and insisted on walking behind me - like a duckling following mother duck. It bothered me so much. I would slow down for him to catch up and he would just slow down more. He was never allowed to be assertive growing up and he refused to be assertive with me (instead he was extremely manipulative and got everything he wanted that way). He would not allow me to be assertive either and he could not see the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness - choosing to see them as the same. He could send very clear messages of victimhood without saying a word. I couldn't wait to get away from him and the burden of looking as if I was responsible for his poor, helpless, picked on behavior. Yes, he had been in a very close symbiotic relationship with his mother - her surrogate husband.
Oh god this is so true... thank you for all these great videos. My parents have been overprotective. I can really see myself in all of what said in the video. I beg for a solution. I feel like i what to cry but i cant.I feel like i kid in a adult body. I feel like im in internal pain constanly. I feel my mind is broken. I don't function very well in the world. Again i beg for a solution to all this pain. What to do???? I have beeen in soooooo much terapy but nothing really helps :(
This is on point with my daughter’s father and his new partner who has a son with my ex. I was strong enough to leave when my daughter was 2 but I’m often dealing with his partner as he uses her to regain control over my child. I see my child experiences all these things and I try to balance it out for her but how do you prevent any of this manipulation? My child was in tears that her father would be upset if she didn’t bring her tablet to a bday party so she could communicate with him during. I feel I am forever fighting for the preservation of her self identity and independence. How can I protect the damage through her development unless I can keep him from seeing her?
His end comments are true - my stb ex husband’s parents are vile - they’ve kept him stunted and an extension of them all his life after neglecting him. Both narcs. And he became a notorious covert narc. I’m divorcing after over 10 years. He’s been a host to a demon for years after it latched on in childhood. It’s crushingly sad but unless he sees he needs deliverance nothing will change. He tried to gain separation from his mom esp, whilst with me but ALWAYS goes back to them both. His infant self just can’t do without mommy & daddy. I’ve had to leave him or I would have permanently lost myself - I was stuck fighting for myself but now I’m free physically - now to heal in every way with God ❤️🩹🙏🏾 especially mental healing & freedom 🙏🏾
I tell my child everyday IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE YOU MUST FIRST CHANGE YOURSELF. her children are a mess She’s been in a abusive relationship for 15 years now divorced be he still in home till end of month I am in financial crisis due to all this and ready to give up been a year + trying
I was overprotected and only “let go” as punishment. If I was acting “stupid,” my parents let me know it was my job to speak up for myself now. That meant in public. If I needed something, they weren’t going to ask for me as they always had. Even asking for ketchup was done as punishment. I remember trembling with fear waiting for the cashier to notice me. This also went for not walking in line with family. Again, if I was acting “stupid” or “dumb” as a child or teenager, I was then told (always by my dad) to show the world how stupid I was and he’d make me walk in front of the family so everyone could see me for who I am. Yeesh. It still pains and frightens me to be in public, like ppl are watching me as I THOUGHT back then when my dad forced me to do that. I’m a woman, btw. Just a naive girl back then. He never did that or made my brother do that. Ever.
I was aware of it all since I was 20 with first panic attack I don't know how many roles my mother put on me to play unfortunately all here family line is same mental sick .If I ever find way out I will be happy.Balkan is sick where ever I turn I see similar sh.. Seriously where to go to heal I don't know.
So if we have oveprotective parent we are doomed and have no chance to be ih healthy relationship? Can you offer us some options how we can "cure" this?
Hello Prof. Vaknin. Is the type of person you describe in this video someone who has dependant personnality disorder ? What books or recommendations do you have regarding this subject ? It doesn't appear to be much information about this personality disorder, sadly. From someone that probably suffer from it, I can say that the helplessness is feigned but also really deeply feeled. I can't see myself surviving or self-regulating or taking care of myself, without my partner. I'm constantly searching for people to "add" to the list of "those who could take care of me, in case something go wrong". I am also very jealous of any attention my "caregivers" could give out to someone else. To the point of self harming really badly.
@@samvaknin Found it in the video on modeling, for anyone else that has this particular question. Thank you. th-cam.com/video/ZCZnFf44a4A/w-d-xo.htmlsi=72pvl7r6RJpVpsnp
@@samvakninI understand literally how they want you dead. I am curious, Why are they 'sensitive' to voice tone? Does the perceived tone they pick on, is it a 'musical note' that has historical relevance for them, or is this 'tone' accusation a strategy of theirs, a way for them to shut down the conversation?
@professorvaknin My name is Richelle I come from two narcissist parents (traits of borderline) I have had difficulty parenting and I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. I turned into the narcissist at several points of my life. QUESTION how can my 3 adult children individuate from me? 2 boys one girl in their 20’s. Help! I LOVE YOUR WORK!
So the child grows up to be a narcissist? Because the in the video it sounds like the child becomes a dependant adult but not necessarily a narcissist?
And then there is obese, and adults with poor hygiëne habits. Or not REALLY involved with school. They seem or appear involved...But they are shocked when the child seem to have poor mathematics skills because they didnt help enough or if they had the money but not the skills themselves, they wouldnt bother hiring some help. I remember my dad had to buy some books and he offended me very badly. Too expensive for books that are not for s University(i have learning disabilities) All important neglects
Parents treat their kids like expensive pets and then when they grow up they demand respect and help because "we've sacrificed so much for you" and now you owe us!
You are so right! And I always say Did anybody forced you to have kids? When my mother tried to guolt trip me I was saying I wasn't asked to be born. End of story
My parents sheltered me, but there were adverse consequences in the home. Many punishments for trying to become my own self, within the home. Now, at 63, I am in a broken relationship with my family out of finally trying to build boundaries. Now everything is my fault. This all occurred after the death of my only son. That trauma brought up lifelong trauma. I am in counseling trying to work through a lifetime of this strange upbringing, as well as the death of my son. My family thinks I should go back to my old way of living. Letting them run my life, even though I have my own husband and life. They think I am punishing them for my problems. I’m just trying to heal. I honestly don’t know how to work through this.
Stay encouraged ❤
@justyourfocus, thank you. I will.
@@Po_Dunk fuck em, you and your family is all that matter ✊
You don't owe your family anything you didn't ask to brought into the world by them, they brought you here themselves, Without the desire to love you unconditionally too. Keep seperate away from your family system for some time and think things over for a long while until you feel like you've arrived to a sufficent answer, until you've gone through the grieving process.
This video is a profile of my mother. The salient contradiction is that though she is paranoid and overprotective of me, she has a rather insouciant disposition toward any of my interests and the intimate details of my life. In fact, she is utterly apathetic!
Similar thing here. Actually, my mother wouldn't stop talking to anyone who would listen about how much she loved me, how she sacrificed everything for me (very debatable), how admirable she was to have done so, how amazing and smart she thought I was, then telling me how much I owed her and how thankful I should be to have her as a mother.
(also if I ever dared to disagree with her on anything, telling me how much of a monster I was for "hating my mother and pretenting to disagree just to hurt her")
- yet she wouldnt listen for more than 15 seconds to any of my interests - just interrupted me and resumed her hour long monologues.
In the end she developped psychosomatic chronic pain from her anxiety disorders, was in complete denial of the mental aspect of it, harrassed doctors, hospitals, me (70 calls a day in the end) neighbors and family to ask us for medication to end herself, while refusing any actual treatment.
She died 6 months ago, and I can't say I miss her.
They are the antithesis of what a healthy parent is. So much harm is done directly and indirectly by parents like these, who refuse to be accountable for their own behavior.
You basically described my ex husband's parents. They are still helicoptering over this grown man and trying to fix his life and save him from the consequences of his actions
This applies to grandparents too, in my experience.
Such parents spiritually "castrate" their child, they steal its inner power and breath of life, will, enternal life fire..
Thanks for this video. This was my problem as a mother to my son due to narc abuse from the father and his dysfunctional family members. I was being a "mama bear" while trying to detach from the narc shared fantasy.
I was overwhelmed and overprotective and did not realize how harmful it was at the time, now I'm trying to repair the damage in a balanced, healthy & positive way. We have all been victims of narcissistic abuse due to the CYCLE OF insanity in the world, I just hope that we can all help each other heal and BECOME a better, safe, and realistic society FREE FROM ABUSE & evil forever. #Team 🌎
My mother was and is like this, overprotective, paranoid, nosy etc. My father was and is like that too but not to that extreme of my mother. I think she is rather borderline and he a narcissist. Both had traumatic childhoods of their own. I grew up to be a covert narcissist. I pretty much display all of the symptoms.
I was married to a man in a similar - but perhaps slightly different type of situation. He came off as extremely helpless and able to make everyone feel sorry for him, protect him, and want to rescue him - rescue him from me - for he was very good at making it all appear "as if" I was the one who brought this all upon him. Being married to him meant bearing the burden of looking as if I was the cause of his helpless appearance and he just emanated victimhood in every action and behavior. He refused to walk beside me in public and insisted on walking behind me - like a duckling following mother duck. It bothered me so much. I would slow down for him to catch up and he would just slow down more. He was never allowed to be assertive growing up and he refused to be assertive with me (instead he was extremely manipulative and got everything he wanted that way). He would not allow me to be assertive either and he could not see the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness - choosing to see them as the same. He could send very clear messages of victimhood without saying a word. I couldn't wait to get away from him and the burden of looking as if I was responsible for his poor, helpless, picked on behavior. Yes, he had been in a very close symbiotic relationship with his mother - her surrogate husband.
My mother!!!! Thank god my dad was normal!!
Oh god this is so true... thank you for all these great videos.
My parents have been overprotective. I can really see myself in all of what said in the video. I beg for a solution. I feel like i what to cry but i cant.I feel like i kid in a adult body. I feel like im in internal pain constanly. I feel my mind is broken. I don't function very well in the world.
Again i beg for a solution to all this pain. What to do???? I have beeen in soooooo much terapy but nothing really helps :(
I am in the same situation and I would love to have a book or something specifically designed to cure this disorder... if it is possible
May God bless you on your path in the search for healing techniques.
Yes, they keep a catalogue by year of trespasses against them. In 1987...in 1997, in 2018.
Meanwhile no one else remembers those events.
Thanks Sam 🙏🏻
Hello all i'm this child 😂 And yes i have big problems with boundaries. Thanks mom ❤
How do you get out of this being dependent pattern and overcome fear of growing up and taking full responsibility to myself?
@nowie4007 a lot of drugs, alcohol always helps bro.
Would you please be willing to share your thoughts on gangstalking? And how to get rid of them?
I recognize the pattern in my family and I am worried I might become an overprotective parent.
This explains a lot of what I see in the African-American community
including African families
Especially when it comes to raising young boys.
This is on point with my daughter’s father and his new partner who has a son with my ex. I was strong enough to leave when my daughter was 2 but I’m often dealing with his partner as he uses her to regain control over my child. I see my child experiences all these things and I try to balance it out for her but how do you prevent any of this manipulation? My child was in tears that her father would be upset if she didn’t bring her tablet to a bday party so she could communicate with him during. I feel I am forever fighting for the preservation of her self identity and independence. How can I protect the damage through her development unless I can keep him from seeing her?
Till watching this episode, I used to believe that anybody could be cursed with peoplepleasing but the narcissist.
Excellent and insightful presentation!
A fairly old, brand new lilly thanks Sam
His end comments are true - my stb ex husband’s parents are vile - they’ve kept him stunted and an extension of them all his life after neglecting him. Both narcs. And he became a notorious covert narc. I’m divorcing after over 10 years. He’s been a host to a demon for years after it latched on in childhood. It’s crushingly sad but unless he sees he needs deliverance nothing will change. He tried to gain separation from his mom esp, whilst with me but ALWAYS goes back to them both. His infant self just can’t do without mommy & daddy. I’ve had to leave him or I would have permanently lost myself - I was stuck fighting for myself but now I’m free physically - now to heal in every way with God ❤️🩹🙏🏾 especially mental healing & freedom 🙏🏾
I tell my child everyday
IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE YOU MUST FIRST CHANGE YOURSELF.
her children are a mess
She’s been in a abusive relationship for 15 years now divorced be he still in home till end of month
I am in financial crisis due to all this and ready to give up been a year + trying
I was overprotected and only “let go” as punishment.
If I was acting “stupid,” my parents let me know it was my job to speak up for myself now. That meant in public. If I needed something, they weren’t going to ask for me as they always had. Even asking for ketchup was done as punishment. I remember trembling with fear waiting for the cashier to notice me.
This also went for not walking in line with family. Again, if I was acting “stupid” or “dumb” as a child or teenager, I was then told (always by my dad) to show the world how stupid I was and he’d make me walk in front of the family so everyone could see me for who I am.
Yeesh. It still pains and frightens me to be in public, like ppl are watching me as I THOUGHT back then when my dad forced me to do that.
I’m a woman, btw. Just a naive girl back then. He never did that or made my brother do that. Ever.
I was aware of it all since I was 20 with first panic attack I don't know how many roles my mother put on me to play unfortunately all here family line is same mental sick .If I ever find way out I will be happy.Balkan is sick where ever I turn I see similar sh.. Seriously where to go to heal I don't know.
So if we have oveprotective parent we are doomed and have no chance to be ih healthy relationship?
Can you offer us some options how we can "cure" this?
Narcissism cannot be cured. As for other conditions: Transactional Analysis, schema therapy, and CBT.
Maybe one day... :)
Hello Prof. Vaknin. Is the type of person you describe in this video someone who has dependant personnality disorder ? What books or recommendations do you have regarding this subject ? It doesn't appear to be much information about this personality disorder, sadly. From someone that probably suffer from it, I can say that the helplessness is feigned but also really deeply feeled. I can't see myself surviving or self-regulating or taking care of myself, without my partner. I'm constantly searching for people to "add" to the list of "those who could take care of me, in case something go wrong". I am also very jealous of any attention my "caregivers" could give out to someone else. To the point of self harming really badly.
Do disabled adults end up with symptoms of being overprotected in cases in which they truly required more support than their peers?
Often, they do.
What would you recommend if you co-parent with someone who’s over-protects and spoils the children so the child doesn’t experience upset?
Search the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
@@samvaknin Found it in the video on modeling, for anyone else that has this particular question. Thank you. th-cam.com/video/ZCZnFf44a4A/w-d-xo.htmlsi=72pvl7r6RJpVpsnp
are the accounts ever closed? or does the process just go from woman to woman
Watch the videos in the shared fantasy playlist.
@@samvakninI understand literally how they want you dead. I am curious, Why are they 'sensitive' to voice tone? Does the perceived tone they pick on, is it a 'musical note' that has historical relevance for them, or is this 'tone' accusation a strategy of theirs, a way for them to shut down
the conversation?
@professorvaknin My name is Richelle I come from two narcissist parents (traits of borderline) I have had difficulty parenting and I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. I turned into the narcissist at several points of my life.
QUESTION how can my 3 adult children individuate from me? 2 boys one girl in their 20’s. Help!
I LOVE YOUR WORK!
Watch the videos in the From Child to Narcissist playlist.
Wow
So the child grows up to be a narcissist? Because the in the video it sounds like the child becomes a dependant adult but not necessarily a narcissist?
A small minority of abused children become narcissists or codependents.
Add religion and you'll feel like you are in some kind of holy bubble and everyone else is "evil".
Isnt this most parents these days
And then there is obese, and adults with poor hygiëne habits. Or not REALLY involved with school. They seem or appear involved...But they are shocked when the child seem to have poor mathematics skills because they didnt help enough or if they had the money but not the skills themselves, they wouldnt bother hiring some help.
I remember my dad had to buy some books and he offended me very badly. Too expensive for books that are not for s University(i have learning disabilities)
All important neglects
Can i ask: what the difference between narcs and overprotectibe parents? It's same narc?
No.
Aren't these "overprotective parents" narcissistic too? I mean the description sounds like it.
Some are.