Story 1: YTA. A fridge full of food and she goes for all the apples that have only been there for a couple of hours? Ya this was deliberate my guy. Maybe the reason she keeps insisting that you punish your child is because you never do?
I’m so biased with this story. My fiancés son does the same to me. I buy specific snacks and foods that I enjoy, we ask him what he wants when we shop, and he usually says nothing. Then he ends up eating all the specific foods I bought for myself (since I’m a stay at home mom) and he enjoys whatever food he brought for himself from the store. I’ve ended up having to hide my snacks and foods just to be able to have something to eat between meals, but now he’s doing it with my daughters snacks too.
@@Mbull4935 wow your stepson sounds like an asshole if not a spoiled brat, you have to put your foot down with him and your fiance. Unless he has some kind of eating disorder, stealing food is not okay. You need to adress this before you marry this guy, If he continue doing it, your children may start to resent him and you for not doing anything, trust me I been there, but in my case I resented my mother for not doing anything about her husband treatment towards us, but I guess she needed his money to pay for her cancer treatment and idk if was worth it because she passed anyway.
Someone saying they have a fridge full of food is very subjective. My fridge can be full of food but that food could include butter and salad dressing and condiments and soda. It’s all technically considered food but you’re not gonna eat that stuff. Clearly there’s a lot more to the story than we’re being told because obviously the stepmom always tries to punish the stepdaughter. We don’t know what they’re doing and who is telling the actual truth but there’s a lot more to the story and people are being too lenient to just be on the stepmother side Should she have eaten them after being told Not too? No but there’s a lot more we’re not told and I’m doubting the stepmom is that innocent in her behavior
I live in Florida, but I still miss my North Carolina BBQ. If someone brought some to me, and someone ate it like Alex did, there would be worries about future parenting because Alex would no longer be there to parent. I would not be surprised if wife went back with her parents to the other country.
Story 1 - I thought OP was talking about his TODDLER. When he said "they're just kids" and then I read that his entitled brat is a teenager, I almost choked. It sucks when parents don't do their job. The truth is, even if OP starts to discipline his child now.....its too late. His kid is practically an adult. His daughter was asked to please not take an item that was brought over from another country to help his SICK WIFE. His almost-grown daughter steals the apples and then gives them all to her friends. 🤦♀️ Yea, that girl is a nightmare. That's what happens when your father teaches you that the whole world revolves around you. I would bet money that his daughter is going to struggle her entire life because Dad was too lazy to discipline his child. This isn't a kid just accidently forgetting (my 6 year old would have behaved better) this is about his daughter actually being a mean human who enjoys hurting people and manipulating them. Good luck with that.
Here’s the excuse one of my ex so’s said He didn’t disapline his children because he wanted to be their friend Problems occurred with stealing cars vandalism etc as teens Of course parents made restitution and kids got slap on wrist since no one wanted them to have a record until they got of legal age and parents could no longer protect them Sad situation one son drug addict who finally got clean ten years ago other son no contact Children need boundaries and consequences for their actions in order to grow up as adults who have been taught how to act and live
Yeah this was my ex with his daughter, in his eyes she could do no wrong, and he could also do no wrong 😑. They drove me crazy with their behavior; inconsiderate, whining, rude, entitled, you name it.
1. YTI. The kid stole someone elses present, which happened to be apples and dads like 'naw princess didnt do anything wrong'. 10 years later this is the jerk stealing your lunch out of the work fridge.
Mom doesn’t get to be praised as the “single struggling mom” when she literally planned it that way. She’s not remorseful in denying her children their father when he literally did nothing wrong. She doesn’t want to be seen as a villain to her other kids. I’d tell my siblings bc the mother deserves the hate
Exactly. It won't be long, before karma catches up to the mother. When 4th OP's girlfriend tells him she's pregnant with his kid, he'll not only bail on her, he'll also tell her he doesn't want to be a father, much less, get married, given his mother denied her their father, and when OP's brother gets a girl pregnant, out of wedlock, at 16 or 17 (and drops out of high school), he'll bail on her, too; the girls will deny OP's mother her grandkids, by giving their kids up for adoption. Plus, OP's sisters will gravitate towards evil, and abusive boyfriends; only, to get pregnant (ditch high school, also) at 15, 16, or 17, and stay with the dumpster fires, because they don't want to deny their children their fathers.
The court took away custody of his kids not his wife. HOW was the ptsd used against him? What behaviour did he display to get that diagnosis? Why did the judge decide that even supervised visitation wasn’t a good idea? What did the dad do to end the relationship that the mom blames him for? These are the questions op should have been asking. The “she used my ptsd against me” could mean he had violent episodes, was delusion, overly paranoid, sleeping walking and all sorts of thing that would justify the no contact.
@@tracim3080 it also could mean he didn’t have any of those things either. Women lie a lot of the times. Yes he could have had PTSD but that doesn’t mean he was a bad father. People have to stop always thinking the woman is innocent when they aren’t always. If you can’t see that, not my problem.
@@tracim3080 so what? He HAS TO have done something? Do you actually think the court would side with someone how has ptsd and other mental illnesses period? They wouldn't give a shit if the mental illness was an excessive cuddling of your own dogs, if they see it as a potential danger to the kids in any way then it will be 90% that they say no.
With the first story even when Alex admitted it and he said told her not to eat those apples and she took the apples and gave them to her and her friends anyway you should have basically punished alex. There's no doubt in my mind that if this has been going on repeatedly and you keep undermining your wife congratulations you just lost your wife and your marriage because you couldn't put your daughter in check. You are so in the wrong gear that this may have been the final straw for lisa. In addition you don't even realize the severity of it. I understand if Lisa was withholding food from Alex and Alex sneaks food to her and her friends but the fact that Alex knew that those apples were specifically for Lisa and you still basically don't listen to her tells me that this isn't the first time but this is the last straw for lisa. Congratulations you not only lost your marriage but you probably losing everything else of yours in the process
He talks about her like she's 6 not 16!! she's old enough to know right from wrong, understand what she did was wrong and even admitted it doing it deliberately!! I hope Lisa leaves with her folks or goes to a friends whilst the recovers and leave the AH to deal with his little princess (if she can or even a hotel) as I'd wouldn't want to be anywhere near either of them. Also start looking for a lawyer and planning for a divorce as don't even waste your breath anymore!! OP's TA and maybe when the brat moves out he might actually miss his ex-wife......... that or if she ends up in jail (as daddy always bails her out) he might then realise Lisa had a point about discipline
OMG a kid ate a apple. Something that's good for them. The wife is a b and needs to grow up . I would put her on the street before I let her touch my kid. You SJW people need to stop.
OP said the wife's "being paranoid like everybody's out to get her." No Not Everybody, Just Your Kid! The angry entitled bratty evil step kid looking to get even for marring her dad! 😡
Good thing OP and her partner don’t share finances - like a joint bank account bc I can guarantee that the partner would’ve given it to his daughter without asking OP.
Alex was told not to take the apples but she admitted that she took them anyway. She might be a kid but she is old enough to know better. I knew when I was 5 years old that I was not to take anything without permission. Alex should be punished.
@@ruthpowell1944 If they're special gifts just for her, brought from another country? She *absolutely* does not have to share them with *anyone* -- if she wants to, great, but if not, if she wants to enjoy the treat bought specifically for her, that's her prerogative and doesn't make her selfish. Bringing fresh fruit to a different country is actually sometimes quite difficult; this is a present with layers of meaning. That's even more reason to think it's Lisa's choice alone what to do with them. And even if it were a little selfish to eat 100% of her own treats herself, nothing excuses Alex's behavior in the slightest. I thought OP was talking about an 8-year-old, maybe 10-year-old, not someone on the cusp of adulthood!
Story 1: YTA. Anyone can think food is a small minor argument that's unneeded but that is completely untrue. The wife told Alex that they aren't for her, yet the brat goes on to steal the apples without her permission. It's like you ordering something for yourself but the other person decides to help themselves to YOUR plate of food when you bought it just for you. This is more serious since the apples are important to the wife having the apples coming from a different country. OP is the AH 100%. Like a comment has said, now we have to deal with a crappy person like Alex.
Sounds like daughter does think thing all the kind based off the wife’s commented the daughter is doing this to spite her stepmom, and OP won’t punish because he treats like she still 5
While OP is the AH in how he dismissed the clearly hostile act his daughter committed. There are seperate issues here, such as how deluded the wife is and wether here parents broke a law to help her with her delusions and what snacks are available. Those apples, brought from another country. Now depending were this is, that may be illegal unless they were declared at customs (alot of countries ban imported fruit unless screened first). More likely however is that they come from the same place as the same type of apples do in the local stores were OP is unless they were litterally picked from a tree by her parents. Specific types of apples tend to be grown in specific places and sold to other countries too. She also said she "needs those apples for her recovery", so unless she has a disease that can only be cured by a specific type of apple, which I have never heard of, she is been overly dramatic. Finally the kid is eating fruit, as a snack, and she is complaining, you got a kid to eat fruit, willingly, rather than whatever sugary crap is in the fridge, enjoy it while it lasts.
@@Princetonian4eva I never said she wasn't at fault, and yes she is a kid still. Teenagers are still kids, big kids, but still kids. As for what's in the fridge, true we don't know but I can take an educated guess based on what you tend to find in an average fridge. Meaning that its probably not fruit (you really should not keep fruit in the fridge), and is at best some form of yogurt or salad, which I would not call snacks (not the healthy kinds of yogurt anyway). Likely you'll find something either full of sugar or heavily processed. But then I could be entire wrong and this could be one of those weird families that keeps fruit in the fridge (it really does reduce its shelf life).
Story 2: NTA. Choosing favorites? The favorite being YOUR child? Over an unnecessary trip the his Daughter WANTS? You’ve raised children, how would you respond to a child throwing a fit over not getting something he wants?
Story where OP's husband asking for 30K for his daughter to travel Europe: OP should tell him she'll give him the same amount he gave her for her son's trip. She'll also lend him the same out he's lent her for other gifts for her son. Given both of those are 0, there is no favouritism going on here, just an entitled girl and a father who is afraid of losing his relationship with her if he says no. Also, I wonder what OP's husband DID get her when she got into college. She said he didn't send her on a trip when she got into college, not that he didn't get her a gift.....Princess is double dipping.
What I find most funny is how OPs husband accuses OP of playing favorites. Umm.. why wouldn't she favor her own son? The one she gave birth to. Just like I assume he does with his own daughter he created. Dude is an asshole. He will get over it.
I doubt apples were really needed for her recovery, but they were brought specifically for your wife, as a perhaps missed treat from home! And given what Lisa said, this is not first time this has happened! Your daughter is not a toddler, so quit treating her like one! For once have your wife's back, or you will end up wireless, and caring for a bratty teen alone!
Thank you! So many people are focusing on the fact that it's a food item and that apples don't help recovery, and that's _ALL_ beside the point. The point is that a gift was brought for Lisa and Alex took it for herself. That's not acceptable no matter what the gift is, no matter what the age of the thief is. The apples being a snack food doesn't change that.
OP in the first story is raising an entitled monster. What's he going to do when she goes to university and finds out that her housemates/roommates hate her because she steals food, books, belongings, and other items? Is he going to protect his little princess forever? Alex knew that she wasn't to touch that food and yet she did it. Probably out of spite to her stepmother. There was a fridge and cupboard full of food and she just grabs these items. Alex needs to be punished for it.
People in the pool invited or uninvited are an insurance nightmare! The kids are hopping over the fence. OP needs cameras and needs the footage to show the police. Restraining order if they don’t stop.
Good stories, but that teaser misleads your audience: the apples were NOT "hidden," but deliberately devoured. And your wife is NOT "refus[ing] to let [your] daughter EAT -- she is telling her not to eat the gift brought by your wife's family.
Story 4: NTA. The issue is that she didn’t have to raise you alone. Furthermore you were expected to step up as a result. Honestly you have every right to be angry.
Have you ever lived with a veteran with untreated PTSD? I have. Son doesn't have the entire story. "Dad abandoned us", was probably kinder than the truth of what dad was doing.
No, we don't have the full story, but right now, i blame the mother, mostly on what she said. So Op was punished and his childhood stolen because she blamed the father for getting a divorce.
Even IF as others have mentioned he was violent which may or may not be true. Why forbid them from communicating? Birthday cards, letters etc. Meetings only strict supervised or just not till your older. She went scorched earth of he doesn't exist route which wasn't right.
@@SnowyWolborg My ex husband never laid a finger on me, and according to court documents we separated amicably. It's been over two years, and I'm in therapy for the PTSD he gave me, because he refused to go to therapy for his PTSD. Court documents don't mention the time he tried to break my bedroom door down, waking me from a sound sleep, then spent 6 hours screaming at me and preventing me from taking my anxiety meds...... but hey, he never laid a finger on me.
Pool Story: A lot of the time the "we had an arrangement" is a lie and their just trying to dupe the new people. If it were true they would have known when their arrangement would end and when they should expect to make it again. Whenever I have to deal with new people, I try and ask the person previously in my position what they would so to avoid getting taken advantage of.
These pool stories: I always wonder how the 'elderly couple' lost their house? Perhaps they had to sell it to satisfy the lawsuit when little Timmy stubbed his toe two years ago screwing around in the pool?
No normal modern teen girl is going to go for apples while having junk food in the house. I'm sure the daughter is in her room with her friends laughing about how she stuck it to step mom.
I have an uncle who during the divorce hearing lost custody, and visitation rights. He isn't a terrible person... however he decided not to waste his money on a lawyer, and is also an idiot. So his ex's good lawyer tore him apart. Hindsight being 20/20 taking your young kids with you to a restaurant that also serves alcohol no one bats an eye. Taking your young kids with you to a bar that also serves food.. That really helps set the groundwork for saying your a terrible father. That happened a long time ago, and once the kids turned 18 they now have a good relationship with their dad again, as far as I know.
@@danacarter9147 They moved in with their father after turning 18, and weren't on speaking terms with their mom for a few years till things calmed down. The no visitation was really over the top, and I think that's what made it backfire on mom when they reconnected and realized their dad wasn't a monster. Just a stubborn fool. Also she had cut off the kids from the rest of his/my family. So think that also got her some flack as well.
@@lunaticbz3594 I see. They'll need some therapists, because mom's actions will not only cause them to have trust issues, but also cause their romantic relationships/marriages to go supernova.
For the first story, if the OP's daughter was like 10 or younger I would understand OP's point of view, BUT she is a teen and she is old enough to know when someone says Don't Touch, they don't touch. OP's daughter did do this on purpose.
Dude, Alex is NOT a kid, she’s a semi adult at 16. She’s fully capable of knowing right from wrong and how to respect other people’s property. Stop giving her passes to act like a spoiled brat and do your job as a parent and make her into a responsible, functioning adult instead of inflicting another entitled snowflake on your wife and the rest of us.
"She's a kid and it's typical behavior" That is totally BS and shit parenting by allowing bad behavior to become typical because the father gives no consequences 🙄
“She’s a kid and this is typical behavior” what? No it’s not. She’s also about to be an adult. “When she’s a criminal and you bail her out too will it be typical behavior?”
My brother was a food thief would eat all mine and step moms food we would label the food and he would never get in trouble dad was just full of excuses for him
Kids in the Pool without permission. Call the Police and have them issue Criminal Trespass orders against the family. If you find them on your property, get photos, and call the cops. Even if the kids go back home, you have the evidence of their crime, and they will be arrested.
The last comment on the dad story obviously has never went through family courts because women get to cut men out of their children's lives for any reason.
Story 1 ...Apples if they are pesticide free and not waxed organic ones they can help stop a vomiting reflex , they were the only thing my mum could keep down after Chemo , a lovely nurse in the Brompton Hospital used to bring 2 from her tree for her when she was on duty.
Sounds like mom did this out of SPITE & not entirely just to protect the children. Both parents have their version, I suspect the truth lies somewhere in between.
There's a phrase that _really_ bugs me. I was _taught_ the difference between right and wrong, I _learned_ the difference and figured it out for myself and _that_ makes all the difference.
I have my own comfort foods I eat when I’m sick and usually I have to eat certain foods for recovery (I have Ulcerative Colitis). If someone took away something I really enjoyed that helped me, I’d be beyond upset and pissed. I have to be creative sometimes with the list of foods I can eat and I would probably leave too just so that I can have my space and actually eat what I want. I can’t believe OP did *nothing.* Alex is 16, not three she knows exactly what she’s doing and she’s an absolute brat.
Alienated dad story: If the dad was poor and didn't have a good lawyer, he could have lost custody. The mom could have moved the kids too far for the father to visit, and screwed with visitation.
He was discharged from the military during the time they were so desperate for soldiers that they repealed don’t ask don’t tell and lowered standards for admission. Also the dad didn’t say the mom lied or misled the court in anyway. He just blames his ptsd. Connect the dots, use your brain, think things thorough. How was the ptsd used against him? What does the mom blame him for? Why did the military send him packing? Important question op should have been asking. Given the details ops dad gave sounds more like he was fucking dangerous and still isn’t taking responsibility for his mental health problems.
The Story, the daughter was influenced by her father be cause it was her dad and she was trying to win his approval and it probably didn’t. She was called out on it and even OP says she sincerely apologised. If you’re a kid in divorce, the parent you don’t live with you put them on a pedestal and you crave they’re affection, attention and will do things you know you shouldn’t to get. Sometimes a kid sees through it but it’s either over a long period of time or an incident when you you take a step back and look at things objectively and sometimes its both. It was an incident that made my mum bad mouth my dad for the first, since they divorced 6 years before and she did it with so much anger too. This was a woman who stood by and me insult her after almost every visitation with my dad and she didn’t once correct me or even chastise me for it. That incident was the day before my 12th birthday and it opened my eyes and I started to look at my dad different and analyse past and future interactions, it still took me until I was 17 before I truly stopped trying to win his approval and I had then slowly went no contact him until he died 12 years later. The day he died, I didn’t cry unlike my half brothers and his 2nd wife, everyone thought I was being stoic but my only thoughts were why didn’t he love me and the guilt of the way I treated my mum because of him, before I began to see him for what he was. I spent the next 19 years after the incident when I was 11 trying to make it for but I don’t know if I did as she’s been gone 20 years now and him 18, but I think of her every day and goes years without thinking of him!
What are they doing bringing fruit from another country into a different country? Do they not realise the danger of that? Importing potential insects/bugs that could possibly destroy crops in the “new” country. In Australia, the fruit would’ve been destroyed before leaving the airport.
My dad was racist. My parents divorced. That didn't make me a racist or say nasty things to or about people just because. Sonia made a deliberate choice thinking she could get away with it.
Adults could still get manipulated and tricked and gaslighted. Just look at how many stories have been in reddit and not to mention how many people are in a abusive relationships just because you're an adult doesn't mean somebody can't Tricked or manipulate yor manipulate you that's just ignorant thinking And Being naive
He askes her to "lend" him more than op even gives to her own son who saved money himself because her boyfriends daughter wants a trip too... She isn't even her Stepmother, she can't even have a favorite because his daughter isn't even in the running wtf.
Story 1: Even if we assume Alex was acting out in an age-appropriate manner (which she wasn’t, but let’s assume), the correct response is to discipline her in an age appropriate manner, not to completely ignore it. Last story: I understand the father’s hurt, but it really isn’t his place to keep a grudge when the stepdaughter has sincerely apologized and the son has accepted it. At that point, it stopped being his fight, too.
I’d like 30,000 to help with my rent, my dental costs and medical expenses due to my autoimmune disorder, and to pay for my dog’s treatment, he has cancer. I don’t ask for money I’m making a point. If you have $30,000 to throw around there are millions of people who’s lives could be repaired from broken. You don’t owe it to those people but you also don’t owe it to a spoiled brat.
Story 1: "For me, I _could_ be the idiot in this situation for... maybe not coming up with a compromise _just_ to give Lisa some peace of mind." Gotta love that ellipsis. Like "Hold on. Let me think _REALLY_ hard about how I could _POSSIBLY_ be in the wrong here." You look your teenager in the eye, and you say "What you did was petty, malicious and obvious. You did it because you take pleasure in hurting your stepmother. Is that really who you are? Is that really how you're going to continue to be? Do _you_ like people who act the way you have?" Then you take away something she values and tell her she can't have friends over for X number of weeks. Tell her she can only win her possession and privilege back when and if she actually manages to convince her stepmother that she feels the slightest bit regretful about being a total jerk. And tell her she better start rehearsing in the mirror, because her performances currently aren't fooling anyone. Of course, it's probably _way_ too late to alter her course at this point. But in an alternate universe, if OP was at all interested in trying to make his daughter less insufferable, that might be a start.
Story # 1, the kind of Story that gets the commenters booted from commenting on the AITA SubREDDIT, for not being Civil. It made me so mad that my comments can't be posted here, as I would be kicked from TH-cam.
Pool problems: NTA. Replace those signs with "No Trespassing" signs as the ones as they are worded seem vague. Also, put up security cameras around your whole house in general and a sign that says "Property Under Surveillance". Slighted teenagers are not above property damage if there anything like the ones in my neighborhood
Story 1: I didn't hear the age at first and thought the whole time the daughter was like six, not a 16. When I heard the age I was appalled. I myself am 17 and I cannot get op's thought process.
The pool story erk makes me shiver. If something happens to those kids who’s gonna save them if they get in trouble. It only takes a few seconds for a kid to sink and drown. And I doubt OP wants to come home to a dead body. They are NTA
2- NTA. Wow... I've never been out of the USA sadly. That girl is spoiled. And she is used to getting what wants. There are so many issues from the start
Second story I think: $30,000. Dude is conning you. His daughter doesn't need that much money. He's literally trying to defraud you. You should laugh in his face next time he brings it up. "Why would I give you THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for your daughter that I have no relationship with and she hasn't accomplished anything...? How does that make any sense? Are you going to pay me back? We'd write a contract for that."
With the fourth story obviously you're not in the wrong here however this is one of those situations where your mother's the one who needs to tell your siblings the truth not you. Because let's be real here if you tell your siblings the truth especially if there's still minors and not teenagers yet then you may be watering the well of toxicity to where your mother can easily turn the narrative into her favor. In addition I think you need to spend a little bit more time with your dad because I think the main reason why the divorce happened was your father was going through PTSD a lot it was stressing your mother out and add on the trauma of him serving in the military that may have been the strongest straw for her and she probably didn't want you or your siblings to be exposed to that in any way especially if it's causing trauma from his trauma. She got tired of dealing with it she wants you out she wanted your siblings out and she wanted out of the marriage. That's why she used the PTSD the reactions and the war to basically to tell the judge he doesn't deserve custody or even visitation. And I think that's why your father step back because he knew that the courts were never going to be in his favor even though he was trying to figure himself out. You're not in the wrong here but I think the moment all of your siblings turned 18 and when I say all of your siblings I mean every single last one of them not every one of them when they each turn 18 but all of them when they're 18 and adults simultaneously tell them all at once and then let them meet your father and then let him tell his side because no matter what is going on in their marriage if you tell them the truth your mother's going to double triple and even quadruple down to the point it will make you look like you're lying
By age ten at the very least, a kid should know better than to take something that belongs to someone else without permission. Alex is a spoiled brat and Dad is to blame for it. He’ll be lucky if Lisa doesn’t leave him if he can’t respect her, especially when she’s not well.
On the last story, I would have suggested that he go to therapy with Sonja. Get this out in the open under the supervision of a trained counselor. Perhaps he could then work on getting this behind them as it seems his son has done.
The OP in the last story could suggest that Sophia’s mom walk her because she’s the one that has always been there for her, if he wants to turn the guilt trips around on them.
Story 2: Okay boys and girls. Can you say, Gold Digger? Sure, I knew you could. Seriously OP no normal person thinks it's okay to ask for 30k just to send Molly Money bags to south Korea for a few months.
Story 1 has my mind blown. Even if the child was a toddler you need to teach them that stealing or taking when a person says no isn't okay. THIS IS A TEENAGER CLOSE TO ADULTHOOD???? She knows better! Is OP on some sort of special hallucinogen that makes him see his daughter as a baby or something? Sorry.... I needed to vent that. YTA, clearly.
I would need to know the actual contents of the fridge and the relationship of the stepmom and the daughter. Saying the fridge is full of food doesn’t mean anything especially if the teen doesn’t know how to cook. And this is absolutely a bs story anyway. You can’t bring fruit from out of the country. It’s illegal due to a wide variety of reasons but I doubt the stepmom got apples from her home country unless the local grocery store sells them.
@@mariec6601 I will take it partially back because I double checked and it depends on location but I still doubt it. Apples from another country still sounds sketchy.
@@lotuslady9821 you're saying utter BS. This is straight from google "In general, the TSA has no problem with passengers packing fresh or frozen fruit and vegetables in either carry-on or checked bags. As long as the items are in a solid form, as in the case of apples or baby carrots, the TSA doesn't have any restrictions related to these foods." If imported fruit was such a danger, I would ask you to browse the product labels on your supermarket fruits and veggies. Out of season half of the produce or more comes from Mexico lol. Stop excusing bad bratty behavior.
@@lotuslady9821 Even if there´s nothing to eat in the fridge, the daughter is old enough to get her butt out of the house and go to the grocery store, or order her own delivery. Also, even if the apples are sold in the country, I doubt it´s sold in regular grocery store instead of [home country] specific store which is almost always far more expensive. And I´ve read your other comment about apple is apple and I tell you that it´s not true. DIfferent kind of apples have different taste and texture, just as different kind of mangoes or banana taste and look different. I´ve been craving a specific breed of mango from my home country that´s famous for having a very distinctive and strong aroma and sweet taste. So far, every other mangoes I bought and eat where I live now are very bland compared to what I crave. I would have been so mad too if I finally could get some just to be stolen before I can even eat it.
Wife refuses to let daughter eat?! What utter bs You're getting a down vote for that Step stole step moms special gift from her parents and she knew what she was doing What an AH, like father like daughter
Story 1: Please please please divorce Lisa immediately OP because she deserves a healthy, happy, and loving marriage and home. You and your daughter are awful spoiled people with atrocious behavior and Lisa deserves to be rid of your toxicity and abuse.
How did the parents get the apples on the plane in the first place, because airlines don’t allow food from another country to go on a plane. I’ve seen videos where the airlines people don’t let people takes apples, oranges, fish. That saying why does this daughter want to b hateful to her mother. I’ve told my granddaughters to ask first.
OP YTA and and your wife is 100% right. Well, whether your did it internally or not, she was told that those apples were special and not for her to eat. If your daughter didnt want go eat anything in the refrigerator, that doesnt give her permission to ignore the fact the apples weren't for her to eat. Had she asked stepmom first and had permission that would be a different situation. OP you know her parents brought those apples from a different country there will be a difference. You daughter should Apologize and needs to be punished
Story1: YTA. Alex is a punk thief, and OP is the enabler. I'm glad his wife moved out. Sounds like she should have done that sooner! Since mom's gone, how long before Alex starts stealing from OP? See how fast he changes his "she's just a kid" tune!
Story about the Dad who had PTSD - OP, I have been in and out of courtrooms my entire life - in regards to child support cases. Let me tell you, it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for someone to take away a child from another parent completely. ALL OP's Dad had to do was file at court. That's it. And OP's mom would have been legally obligated to honor visitation rights. If OP's Dad lost visitation rights from the courts, then OP's Dad must have been HORRENDOUS. I have seen crack addicts, homeless drug addicts, pedhophiles and wife beaters get visitation with their kids. A parent has to he really horrible for the courts to deny a parent visitation. Look up child abuse cases in the US. You will see just how BAD our court system is at denying parents access to their children, even abusive parents. My guess is the Dad did nothing. The mom probably blocked his number, sent back his letters and he was like "okay". I'm not saying she is innocent, but neither is the Dad. If someone took my child away, I would fight. Most good parents would. Don't get me wrong, I would still try to have a relationship with both my parents. But don't put all the blame on the mom. I totally get that life is hard and he probably wasn't in a good head space, mentally. But he did make a choice. And it is never your responsibility to LIE for anyone. Ever.
I agree, my distant parent is the king of wanting to be in my life but actually taking actions towards doing anything about it is a different matter. It's especially insincere when social media exists, making it possible to talk to anyone in the world in seconds.
"If someone took my child away, I would fight. Most good parents would." Most good parents who don't have various mental health issues getting in the way, of course. I could think of a couple ways that his PTSD could get in the way, but the most obvious is how mental health issues in general could have drained his batteries to the point where trying to fight a battle against a woman he used to love felt like too much to handle. He also might have expected her to facilitate a continued relationship long-distance (the letters) that she chose to shut down after it was too late for him to challenge it. I agree that the state of the courts regarding custody is horrendous (one of the most egregious examples being a rapist getting visitation rights over the child of his rape, thus continuing to tie him to his victim if she, for whatever reason, chose to keep the child). But there are some other issues in play as well, here.
Bit of advice: When a woman stops arguing and goes silent, you are in big trouble. She has come to the conclusion her words and feelings mean nothing. The silence means she's deciding if this is what she wants to live with for the rest of eternity. It's decision time. She's probably going to leave. As well she should. In this case, it wasn't about the apples. It was about the power this teenager has over her father's wife. I'd let them have eachother and go home with my parents. There's bigger issues here if teen can't keep hands off things that don't belong to her.
It wasn’t necessarily the apples but the principal. Wife is complaining about the lack of discipline for a reason. Yes children deliberately disobey, it’s the parents job to correct that behavior. Bitter single mom story: I have zero respect for any parent who used their children as pawns to spite the other parent. It doesn’t hurt the other parent as much as it harms the children. It’s beyond selfish… borderline narcissistic.
Last story- Op is the AH. She asked for forgiveness from the person she spoke Ill against and they apperantly excepted. People can change when traumatic things happen (her dad passed) now step dad is grasping at straws and being an AH, because how can he be expected to be a step father if he is now showing that he does not see her as a daughter. If he can't let it go, when the two people she upset forgive her, than maybe he should break up with his wife because he is being a petty child
Story 4 While it's true we don't have the full story like the last comment said, it seems like we have everything relevant at the very least. I say this because as OP put it his mom "basically confirmed what he said." If she had said that it was true that she had went for sole custody and no visitation and here's the reasons why, I believe OP probably would have put them here. Especially because he also says "I love my mom and have a lot of respect for her..." OP does have a right to be upset because although he does say "have a lot of respect for her raising us alone" the alone part just isn't true. OPs younger sibling did grow up with a father and their name was OP. So he was the only one of them to grow up without a father because he was made into one.
Excuse me how did they get fruit into any country. Bull story. Second the idiot who said friends don’t eat healthy snacks. You never lived near me and their friends. My house was their heathy and safe place.
Third story you're not in the wrong here however the old saying bad habits die hard are meant in this situation for a reason. Something tells me that those older neighbors who you bought the house from what probably doormats for a reason and they let the kids in the pool as long as they clean it up after themselves because they didn't want to be seen that's the grumpy old neighbors or catch hell from the parents. You're not in the wrong here but get ready I think you need to prepare yourself for the neighbors to just go into your pool anyway even when you're not there and even if you do report a trespassing charge the police aren't going to do nothing because there was nothing damaged to the house. You're not in the wrong here but this is only going to get worse and you need to prepare yourself for the outcome as time progresses
@@nizasiluonde4546 exactly they will either forced to share their pool with the neighborhood so the other parents can basically get a break from the kids or they were going to be seen as the neighborhood bullies that pretty much didn't want to share with the neighbors. And the whole world was going to know it. This is one of those situations where the original poster in my honest opinion was the first person to tell the kids and the entire neighborhood that know we're not going to share this is our property. she's not in the wrong here however she really does need to prepare herself for the next outcome because this is only going to get worse and I don't think she realizes that her neighbors are the type of people that were just taking to the next level even if she says no because this is the first time that they've had in their neighborhood people to say no to them especially when it benefits them
If you have something you don't want to share? hide them. don't just leave them out where all can see and want them. and Dad. there should be a something done about this. the Kid is get in-between you and your wife.
Last story: OP says he doesn't hold anything against his step daughter...then goes on to say how he holds something against her. At the end of the day it's his choice, but honestly, he should talk with his son first and ask how he feels about it before continuing to choose to punish his step daughter. People do grow and change. And while yes she was an adult when she said those things, the grips of trying to get approval from a toxic person in your life are strong and can take years to break. She's made a good effort to break them too. What she said and did was shitty, but if she gave her step brother and his fiance a sincere apology to the point that they have allowed her back in their lives, why does OP still feel the need to punish her?
Do you want to know the sad part about all this is the sad part about all this is I don't think he even cares. Because he knows that his son is going to be there for her and his wife and his son-in-law. And maybe even his own daughter because they know she messed up and she's made a man's and they forgiven her and gotten closer and he went along with it knowing that he's never going to forgive her he's never going to want to be around her and he will never look at her as a child of his own anymore. And he knows that if he can't walk her down the aisle and maybe even not go to her wedding then he knows his marriage is over their family unit is over and maybe his own son will look at him as like maybe I shouldn't have you in my life anymore. This is one of those situations where he may need to prepare himself to lose a lot more than just respect for his wife and stepdaughter because I do believe he's going to be in a world of trouble if this continues
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE he does need to come to terms with his feelings, he obviously is holding things against her and it will affect how his marriage and family functions. Maybe therapy would help if he really can't articulate it or maybe he should talk it over with his son since he is the one who was wronged.
@@greenbrickbox3392 you know what's so crazy is that a lot of people are saying he's not in the wrong for how he feels but it's like dude you know you really haven't forgiven her and you're just basically trying to play nice. He knows that if he doesn't walk her down the aisle it's going to show that he hasn't forgiven her and his son were looking him like hey man we move past this either you're going to move on and forgive her or you won't be in our lives any longer. Not to mention this may spell the end of his marriage. Because let's be real here his stepdaughter who let's be honest here he's been in her life since probably she was 8 or 9 been her stepdad since she was 11 and let's be real here the father started talking all this crap about him and his children probably way before she was an adult and trying to be that daughter to have his acceptance she did what he wanted. And it hurt her. I think so many people don't want to look at whether or not he's been teaching her these things since before she hit 18 or in the last few years after she turned 18. But obviously the original poster he's not going to let this go and he's going to hold it against her for the rest of his life let's just be real here he needs to go ahead and just file for divorce because he's not going to forgive her
Story 1: "Kids do things without thinking"? Dude, your daughter DEFINITELY thought about it. She specifically selected the apples to hurt her stepmom.
The fact that Alex didn’t even try to lie about the apples shows how much op enables her.
Story 1: YTA. A fridge full of food and she goes for all the apples that have only been there for a couple of hours? Ya this was deliberate my guy. Maybe the reason she keeps insisting that you punish your child is because you never do?
I’m so biased with this story. My fiancés son does the same to me. I buy specific snacks and foods that I enjoy, we ask him what he wants when we shop, and he usually says nothing. Then he ends up eating all the specific foods I bought for myself (since I’m a stay at home mom) and he enjoys whatever food he brought for himself from the store. I’ve ended up having to hide my snacks and foods just to be able to have something to eat between meals, but now he’s doing it with my daughters snacks too.
@@Mbull4935 wow your stepson sounds like an asshole if not a spoiled brat, you have to put your foot down with him and your fiance. Unless he has some kind of eating disorder, stealing food is not okay. You need to adress this before you marry this guy, If he continue doing it, your children may start to resent him and you for not doing anything, trust me I been there, but in my case I resented my mother for not doing anything about her husband treatment towards us, but I guess she needed his money to pay for her cancer treatment and idk if was worth it because she passed anyway.
@@Mbull4935 yeah your step son is behaveing bad too. he is being a jerk,
Someone saying they have a fridge full of food is very subjective. My fridge can be full of food but that food could include butter and salad dressing and condiments and soda. It’s all technically considered food but you’re not gonna eat that stuff. Clearly there’s a lot more to the story than we’re being told because obviously the stepmom always tries to punish the stepdaughter. We don’t know what they’re doing and who is telling the actual truth but there’s a lot more to the story and people are being too lenient to just be on the stepmother side
Should she have eaten them after being told Not too? No but there’s a lot more we’re not told and I’m doubting the stepmom is that innocent in her behavior
I live in Florida, but I still miss my North Carolina BBQ. If someone brought some to me, and someone ate it like Alex did, there would be worries about future parenting because Alex would no longer be there to parent. I would not be surprised if wife went back with her parents to the other country.
Story 1 - I thought OP was talking about his TODDLER. When he said "they're just kids" and then I read that his entitled brat is a teenager, I almost choked. It sucks when parents don't do their job. The truth is, even if OP starts to discipline his child now.....its too late. His kid is practically an adult. His daughter was asked to please not take an item that was brought over from another country to help his SICK WIFE. His almost-grown daughter steals the apples and then gives them all to her friends. 🤦♀️ Yea, that girl is a nightmare. That's what happens when your father teaches you that the whole world revolves around you. I would bet money that his daughter is going to struggle her entire life because Dad was too lazy to discipline his child. This isn't a kid just accidently forgetting (my 6 year old would have behaved better) this is about his daughter actually being a mean human who enjoys hurting people and manipulating them. Good luck with that.
Here’s the excuse one of my ex so’s said He didn’t disapline his children because he wanted to be their friend Problems occurred with stealing cars vandalism etc as teens Of course parents made restitution and kids got slap on wrist since no one wanted them to have a record until they got of legal age and parents could no longer protect them Sad situation one son drug addict who finally got clean ten years ago other son no contact Children need boundaries and consequences for their actions in order to grow up as adults who have been taught how to act and live
Yeah this was my ex with his daughter, in his eyes she could do no wrong, and he could also do no wrong 😑. They drove me crazy with their behavior; inconsiderate, whining, rude, entitled, you name it.
The guy from the first story is heading for a divorce for sure.
1. YTI. The kid stole someone elses present, which happened to be apples and dads like 'naw princess didnt do anything wrong'. 10 years later this is the jerk stealing your lunch out of the work fridge.
Stealing the car's keys.
Mom doesn’t get to be praised as the “single struggling mom” when she literally planned it that way. She’s not remorseful in denying her children their father when he literally did nothing wrong. She doesn’t want to be seen as a villain to her other kids. I’d tell my siblings bc the mother deserves the hate
Exactly. It won't be long, before karma catches up to the mother. When 4th OP's girlfriend tells him she's pregnant with his kid, he'll not only bail on her, he'll also tell her he doesn't want to be a father, much less, get married, given his mother denied her their father, and when OP's brother gets a girl pregnant, out of wedlock, at 16 or 17 (and drops out of high school), he'll bail on her, too; the girls will deny OP's mother her grandkids, by giving their kids up for adoption. Plus, OP's sisters will gravitate towards evil, and abusive boyfriends; only, to get pregnant (ditch high school, also) at 15, 16, or 17, and stay with the dumpster fires, because they don't want to deny their children their fathers.
The court took away custody of his kids not his wife. HOW was the ptsd used against him? What behaviour did he display to get that diagnosis? Why did the judge decide that even supervised visitation wasn’t a good idea? What did the dad do to end the relationship that the mom blames him for? These are the questions op should have been asking.
The “she used my ptsd against me” could mean he had violent episodes, was delusion, overly paranoid, sleeping walking and all sorts of thing that would justify the no contact.
@@tracim3080 it also could mean he didn’t have any of those things either. Women lie a lot of the times. Yes he could have had PTSD but that doesn’t mean he was a bad father. People have to stop always thinking the woman is innocent when they aren’t always. If you can’t see that, not my problem.
@@tracim3080 so what? He HAS TO have done something? Do you actually think the court would side with someone how has ptsd and other mental illnesses period? They wouldn't give a shit if the mental illness was an excessive cuddling of your own dogs, if they see it as a potential danger to the kids in any way then it will be 90% that they say no.
@@tracim3080 Right and all that trying to make contact and be in his kids lives in some way , with proof I might add, is all just bullshit right?
With the first story even when Alex admitted it and he said told her not to eat those apples and she took the apples and gave them to her and her friends anyway you should have basically punished alex. There's no doubt in my mind that if this has been going on repeatedly and you keep undermining your wife congratulations you just lost your wife and your marriage because you couldn't put your daughter in check. You are so in the wrong gear that this may have been the final straw for lisa. In addition you don't even realize the severity of it. I understand if Lisa was withholding food from Alex and Alex sneaks food to her and her friends but the fact that Alex knew that those apples were specifically for Lisa and you still basically don't listen to her tells me that this isn't the first time but this is the last straw for lisa. Congratulations you not only lost your marriage but you probably losing everything else of yours in the process
He talks about her like she's 6 not 16!! she's old enough to know right from wrong, understand what she did was wrong and even admitted it doing it deliberately!! I hope Lisa leaves with her folks or goes to a friends whilst the recovers and leave the AH to deal with his little princess (if she can or even a hotel) as I'd wouldn't want to be anywhere near either of them.
Also start looking for a lawyer and planning for a divorce as don't even waste your breath anymore!! OP's TA and maybe when the brat moves out he might actually miss his ex-wife......... that or if she ends up in jail (as daddy always bails her out) he might then realise Lisa had a point about discipline
But, but, shes a kid! 🙄
OMG a kid ate a apple. Something that's good for them. The wife is a b and needs to grow up . I would put her on the street before I let her touch my kid.
You SJW people need to stop.
OP said the wife's "being paranoid like everybody's out to get her." No Not Everybody, Just Your Kid! The angry entitled bratty evil step kid looking to get even for marring her dad! 😡
And the fact that she calls for her dad when the mum is scolding her!!!
Good thing OP and her partner don’t share finances - like a joint bank account bc I can guarantee that the partner would’ve given it to his daughter without asking OP.
Yup!
Story one: YTA for sure. The dad is enabling the bratty behavior.
Alex was told not to take the apples but she admitted that she took them anyway. She might be a kid but she is old enough to know better. I knew when I was 5 years old that I was not to take anything without permission. Alex should be punished.
@@ruthpowell1944 If they're special gifts just for her, brought from another country? She *absolutely* does not have to share them with *anyone* -- if she wants to, great, but if not, if she wants to enjoy the treat bought specifically for her, that's her prerogative and doesn't make her selfish.
Bringing fresh fruit to a different country is actually sometimes quite difficult; this is a present with layers of meaning. That's even more reason to think it's Lisa's choice alone what to do with them.
And even if it were a little selfish to eat 100% of her own treats herself, nothing excuses Alex's behavior in the slightest. I thought OP was talking about an 8-year-old, maybe 10-year-old, not someone on the cusp of adulthood!
Story 1: YTA. Anyone can think food is a small minor argument that's unneeded but that is completely untrue. The wife told Alex that they aren't for her, yet the brat goes on to steal the apples without her permission. It's like you ordering something for yourself but the other person decides to help themselves to YOUR plate of food when you bought it just for you.
This is more serious since the apples are important to the wife having the apples coming from a different country. OP is the AH 100%. Like a comment has said, now we have to deal with a crappy person like Alex.
Sounds like daughter does think thing all the kind based off the wife’s commented the daughter is doing this to spite her stepmom, and OP won’t punish because he treats like she still 5
While OP is the AH in how he dismissed the clearly hostile act his daughter committed.
There are seperate issues here, such as how deluded the wife is and wether here parents broke a law to help her with her delusions and what snacks are available.
Those apples, brought from another country. Now depending were this is, that may be illegal unless they were declared at customs (alot of countries ban imported fruit unless screened first).
More likely however is that they come from the same place as the same type of apples do in the local stores were OP is unless they were litterally picked from a tree by her parents. Specific types of apples tend to be grown in specific places and sold to other countries too.
She also said she "needs those apples for her recovery", so unless she has a disease that can only be cured by a specific type of apple, which I have never heard of, she is been overly dramatic.
Finally the kid is eating fruit, as a snack, and she is complaining, you got a kid to eat fruit, willingly, rather than whatever sugary crap is in the fridge, enjoy it while it lasts.
@@cgi2002 By kid you mean teenager a couple of years from being an adult? And you have no idea what’s in the fridge.
@@Princetonian4eva I never said she wasn't at fault, and yes she is a kid still. Teenagers are still kids, big kids, but still kids.
As for what's in the fridge, true we don't know but I can take an educated guess based on what you tend to find in an average fridge. Meaning that its probably not fruit (you really should not keep fruit in the fridge), and is at best some form of yogurt or salad, which I would not call snacks (not the healthy kinds of yogurt anyway). Likely you'll find something either full of sugar or heavily processed. But then I could be entire wrong and this could be one of those weird families that keeps fruit in the fridge (it really does reduce its shelf life).
@@cgi2002 In that case, brat could have taken a couple of apples to share with her friends, not the whole bag!
Story 2: NTA. Choosing favorites? The favorite being YOUR child? Over an unnecessary trip the his Daughter WANTS? You’ve raised children, how would you respond to a child throwing a fit over not getting something he wants?
I laughed at the favorite comment. Like why wouldn't she favor the child she carried and gave birth to over an adult she has no relationship with?
his daughter who is 21 and could work to earn the money herself for the trip if mommy and daddy are paying for everything college wise?
Story where OP's husband asking for 30K for his daughter to travel Europe: OP should tell him she'll give him the same amount he gave her for her son's trip. She'll also lend him the same out he's lent her for other gifts for her son. Given both of those are 0, there is no favouritism going on here, just an entitled girl and a father who is afraid of losing his relationship with her if he says no. Also, I wonder what OP's husband DID get her when she got into college. She said he didn't send her on a trip when she got into college, not that he didn't get her a gift.....Princess is double dipping.
What I find most funny is how OPs husband accuses OP of playing favorites. Umm.. why wouldn't she favor her own son? The one she gave birth to. Just like I assume he does with his own daughter he created. Dude is an asshole. He will get over it.
Daughter seems not to be as spoiled as her dad is.
I doubt apples were really needed for her recovery, but they were brought specifically for your wife, as a perhaps missed treat from home! And given what Lisa said, this is not first time this has happened! Your daughter is not a toddler, so quit treating her like one! For once have your wife's back, or you will end up wireless, and caring for a bratty teen alone!
Thank you! So many people are focusing on the fact that it's a food item and that apples don't help recovery, and that's _ALL_ beside the point. The point is that a gift was brought for Lisa and Alex took it for herself. That's not acceptable no matter what the gift is, no matter what the age of the thief is. The apples being a snack food doesn't change that.
Actually when I'm nauseous apples are the only thing I can keep down.
@@slytherinlibrarian3501 Heck it might be a placebo but the mind is strange and powerful thing
OP in the first story is raising an entitled monster. What's he going to do when she goes to university and finds out that her housemates/roommates hate her because she steals food, books, belongings, and other items? Is he going to protect his little princess forever?
Alex knew that she wasn't to touch that food and yet she did it. Probably out of spite to her stepmother. There was a fridge and cupboard full of food and she just grabs these items. Alex needs to be punished for it.
Story two: Do not "share finances" with this man. If you do, he will simply TAKE your money and hand it over to his little princess.
Alex is 16 not a little kid. She is old not to eat food that belongs to other people.
People in the pool invited or uninvited are an insurance nightmare! The kids are hopping over the fence. OP needs cameras and needs the footage to show the police. Restraining order if they don’t stop.
Good stories, but that teaser misleads your audience: the apples were NOT "hidden," but deliberately devoured. And your wife is NOT "refus[ing] to let [your] daughter EAT -- she is telling her not to eat the gift brought by your wife's family.
Story 4: NTA. The issue is that she didn’t have to raise you alone. Furthermore you were expected to step up as a result. Honestly you have every right to be angry.
Have you ever lived with a veteran with untreated PTSD? I have. Son doesn't have the entire story. "Dad abandoned us", was probably kinder than the truth of what dad was doing.
Have you ever met a parent with severe PTSD? They can be violent and abusive
No, we don't have the full story, but right now, i blame the mother, mostly on what she said. So Op was punished and his childhood stolen because she blamed the father for getting a divorce.
Even IF as others have mentioned he was violent which may or may not be true. Why forbid them from communicating? Birthday cards, letters etc. Meetings only strict supervised or just not till your older. She went scorched earth of he doesn't exist route which wasn't right.
@@SnowyWolborg My ex husband never laid a finger on me, and according to court documents we separated amicably. It's been over two years, and I'm in therapy for the PTSD he gave me, because he refused to go to therapy for his PTSD. Court documents don't mention the time he tried to break my bedroom door down, waking me from a sound sleep, then spent 6 hours screaming at me and preventing me from taking my anxiety meds...... but hey, he never laid a finger on me.
Pool Story: A lot of the time the "we had an arrangement" is a lie and their just trying to dupe the new people. If it were true they would have known when their arrangement would end and when they should expect to make it again. Whenever I have to deal with new people, I try and ask the person previously in my position what they would so to avoid getting taken advantage of.
These pool stories: I always wonder how the 'elderly couple' lost their house? Perhaps they had to sell it to satisfy the lawsuit when little Timmy stubbed his toe two years ago screwing around in the pool?
$30K for a vacation is insane 😳 that's a nice car or down payment for the house. We had a pretty lavish honeymoon for under $10K
No normal modern teen girl is going to go for apples while having junk food in the house. I'm sure the daughter is in her room with her friends laughing about how she stuck it to step mom.
I have an uncle who during the divorce hearing lost custody, and visitation rights.
He isn't a terrible person... however he decided not to waste his money on a lawyer, and is also an idiot. So his ex's good lawyer tore him apart.
Hindsight being 20/20 taking your young kids with you to a restaurant that also serves alcohol no one bats an eye.
Taking your young kids with you to a bar that also serves food.. That really helps set the groundwork for saying your a terrible father.
That happened a long time ago, and once the kids turned 18 they now have a good relationship with their dad again, as far as I know.
I'll bet, the kids went complete NC with their mother.
@@danacarter9147 They moved in with their father after turning 18, and weren't on speaking terms with their mom for a few years till things calmed down.
The no visitation was really over the top, and I think that's what made it backfire on mom when they reconnected and realized their dad wasn't a monster. Just a stubborn fool.
Also she had cut off the kids from the rest of his/my family. So think that also got her some flack as well.
@@lunaticbz3594 I see. They'll need some therapists, because mom's actions will not only cause them to have trust issues, but also cause their romantic relationships/marriages to go supernova.
What a monster. They will not get back those lost years.
The video of not being able to guide and see my child grow kills me.
For the first story, if the OP's daughter was like 10 or younger I would understand OP's point of view, BUT she is a teen and she is old enough to know when someone says Don't Touch, they don't touch. OP's daughter did do this on purpose.
Nah, I could see someone 10 or younger eating 1 apple. But they would fully be in the wrong if they took all the apples.
Who wants to bet the mom that kept the kids away from their dad took him for max child support
It's possible.
Clearly you missed ALL the details 🙄
Dude, Alex is NOT a kid, she’s a semi adult at 16. She’s fully capable of knowing right from wrong and how to respect other people’s property. Stop giving her passes to act like a spoiled brat and do your job as a parent and make her into a responsible, functioning adult instead of inflicting another entitled snowflake on your wife and the rest of us.
"She's a kid and it's typical behavior" That is totally BS and shit parenting by allowing bad behavior to become typical because the father gives no consequences 🙄
Last story: Ask Levi and Roberto if they are good with this. If they have forgiven her, forgive her as well.
“She’s a kid and this is typical behavior” what? No it’s not. She’s also about to be an adult. “When she’s a criminal and you bail her out too will it be typical behavior?”
My brother was a food thief would eat all mine and step moms food we would label the food and he would never get in trouble dad was just full of excuses for him
Daughter was told not to eat the apples & she did it anyway. She knew what she was doing. She needs to b punished
Kids in the Pool without permission. Call the Police and have them issue Criminal Trespass orders against the family. If you find them on your property, get photos, and call the cops. Even if the kids go back home, you have the evidence of their crime, and they will be arrested.
The last comment on the dad story obviously has never went through family courts because women get to cut men out of their children's lives for any reason.
Story 3: NTA. They had an arrangement with the previous owner? GOOD FOR THEM. I don’t see how that is even remotely reliant to you.
Don't forget, there was a promise of the occasional cleaning in there that means absolutely nothing!
First story, if I was the wife, when my parents left to go back to their home country, I would've left with them.
Yes.
Pool neighbours are entitled. Who in the world thinks it's OK to keep trespassing. NTA ESPECIALLY WITH POSSIBLE LEGAL PROBLEMS.
Story 1 ...Apples if they are pesticide free and not waxed organic ones they can help stop a vomiting reflex , they were the only thing my mum could keep down after Chemo , a lovely nurse in the Brompton Hospital used to bring 2 from her tree for her when she was on duty.
Sounds like mom did this out of SPITE & not entirely just to protect the children. Both parents have their version, I suspect the truth lies somewhere in between.
There's a phrase that _really_ bugs me. I was _taught_ the difference between right and wrong, I _learned_ the difference and figured it out for myself and _that_ makes all the difference.
Story 1: does OP think children aren’t supposed to be corrected for bad behavior? That would explain why his daughter is the way she is
I have my own comfort foods I eat when I’m sick and usually I have to eat certain foods for recovery (I have Ulcerative Colitis). If someone took away something I really enjoyed that helped me, I’d be beyond upset and pissed. I have to be creative sometimes with the list of foods I can eat and I would probably leave too just so that I can have my space and actually eat what I want. I can’t believe OP did *nothing.* Alex is 16, not three she knows exactly what she’s doing and she’s an absolute brat.
Alienated dad story: If the dad was poor and didn't have a good lawyer, he could have lost custody. The mom could have moved the kids too far for the father to visit, and screwed with visitation.
And you can't discount that her lawyer probably played the "he has PTSD and is a danger to the kids" card.
He was discharged from the military during the time they were so desperate for soldiers that they repealed don’t ask don’t tell and lowered standards for admission.
Also the dad didn’t say the mom lied or misled the court in anyway. He just blames his ptsd.
Connect the dots, use your brain, think things thorough.
How was the ptsd used against him?
What does the mom blame him for?
Why did the military send him packing?
Important question op should have been asking.
Given the details ops dad gave sounds more like he was fucking dangerous and still isn’t taking responsibility for his mental health problems.
The Story, the daughter was influenced by her father be cause it was her dad and she was trying to win his approval and it probably didn’t. She was called out on it and even OP says she sincerely apologised. If you’re a kid in divorce, the parent you don’t live with you put them on a pedestal and you crave they’re affection, attention and will do things you know you shouldn’t to get. Sometimes a kid sees through it but it’s either over a long period of time or an incident when you you take a step back and look at things objectively and sometimes its both. It was an incident that made my mum bad mouth my dad for the first, since they divorced 6 years before and she did it with so much anger too. This was a woman who stood by and me insult her after almost every visitation with my dad and she didn’t once correct me or even chastise me for it. That incident was the day before my 12th birthday and it opened my eyes and I started to look at my dad different and analyse past and future interactions, it still took me until I was 17 before I truly stopped trying to win his approval and I had then slowly went no contact him until he died 12 years later. The day he died, I didn’t cry unlike my half brothers and his 2nd wife, everyone thought I was being stoic but my only thoughts were why didn’t he love me and the guilt of the way I treated my mum because of him, before I began to see him for what he was. I spent the next 19 years after the incident when I was 11 trying to make it for but I don’t know if I did as she’s been gone 20 years now and him 18, but I think of her every day and goes years without thinking of him!
What are they doing bringing fruit from another country into a different country? Do they not realise the danger of that? Importing potential insects/bugs that could possibly destroy crops in the “new” country. In Australia, the fruit would’ve been destroyed before leaving the airport.
It’s not about punishment. It’s about raising a proper human being for the future.
My dad was racist. My parents divorced. That didn't make me a racist or say nasty things to or about people just because. Sonia made a deliberate choice thinking she could get away with it.
Bingo. My parents were/are racist. They are good examples of what I didn't want to be.
Adults could still get manipulated and tricked and gaslighted. Just look at how many stories have been in reddit and not to mention how many people are in a abusive relationships just because you're an adult doesn't mean somebody can't Tricked or manipulate yor manipulate you that's just ignorant thinking And Being naive
There’s a difference between a gay and a racist. A gay marriage is a joke and mockery. A racist just says mean things.
He askes her to "lend" him more than op even gives to her own son who saved money himself because her boyfriends daughter wants a trip too... She isn't even her Stepmother, she can't even have a favorite because his daughter isn't even in the running wtf.
They are trespassing! Tell them to stay out of you will call the police! If their kids want to swim, they can use a public pool! NTA!
Story 1: Even if we assume Alex was acting out in an age-appropriate manner (which she wasn’t, but let’s assume), the correct response is to discipline her in an age appropriate manner, not to completely ignore it.
Last story: I understand the father’s hurt, but it really isn’t his place to keep a grudge when the stepdaughter has sincerely apologized and the son has accepted it. At that point, it stopped being his fight, too.
I’d like 30,000 to help with my rent, my dental costs and medical expenses due to my autoimmune disorder, and to pay for my dog’s treatment, he has cancer. I don’t ask for money I’m making a point. If you have $30,000 to throw around there are millions of people who’s lives could be repaired from broken. You don’t owe it to those people but you also don’t owe it to a spoiled brat.
The first store really piss me off. I can't stand parents that enable their kids.
Op. Get cameras put up. And the next time , call the cops.
Story 1: "For me, I _could_ be the idiot in this situation for... maybe not coming up with a compromise _just_ to give Lisa some peace of mind." Gotta love that ellipsis. Like "Hold on. Let me think _REALLY_ hard about how I could _POSSIBLY_ be in the wrong here."
You look your teenager in the eye, and you say "What you did was petty, malicious and obvious. You did it because you take pleasure in hurting your stepmother. Is that really who you are? Is that really how you're going to continue to be? Do _you_ like people who act the way you have?" Then you take away something she values and tell her she can't have friends over for X number of weeks. Tell her she can only win her possession and privilege back when and if she actually manages to convince her stepmother that she feels the slightest bit regretful about being a total jerk. And tell her she better start rehearsing in the mirror, because her performances currently aren't fooling anyone.
Of course, it's probably _way_ too late to alter her course at this point. But in an alternate universe, if OP was at all interested in trying to make his daughter less insufferable, that might be a start.
pool troubles, you need to get some cameras in there. and as soon as you see them on it call the cops. don't play with them any more.
The neighbors need to invest in a community pool family pass
Story # 1, the kind of Story that gets the commenters booted from commenting on the AITA SubREDDIT, for not being Civil. It made me so mad that my comments can't be posted here, as I would be kicked from TH-cam.
Pool problems: NTA. Replace those signs with "No Trespassing" signs as the ones as they are worded seem vague. Also, put up security cameras around your whole house in general and a sign that says "Property Under Surveillance". Slighted teenagers are not above property damage if there anything like the ones in my neighborhood
Story 1: I didn't hear the age at first and thought the whole time the daughter was like six, not a 16. When I heard the age I was appalled. I myself am 17 and I cannot get op's thought process.
My gap year in Europe was a few grand, we stayed in cheap hotels and hostles or where hosted by family friends. We had a Blast
The pool story erk makes me shiver. If something happens to those kids who’s gonna save them if they get in trouble. It only takes a few seconds for a kid to sink and drown. And I doubt OP wants to come home to a dead body. They are NTA
2- NTA. Wow... I've never been out of the USA sadly. That girl is spoiled. And she is used to getting what wants. There are so many issues from the start
Story 1; Oh, OP. You're not an AH. You're a MONSTER.
Second story I think: $30,000. Dude is conning you. His daughter doesn't need that much money. He's literally trying to defraud you.
You should laugh in his face next time he brings it up. "Why would I give you THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS for your daughter that I have no relationship with and she hasn't accomplished anything...? How does that make any sense? Are you going to pay me back? We'd write a contract for that."
With the fourth story obviously you're not in the wrong here however this is one of those situations where your mother's the one who needs to tell your siblings the truth not you. Because let's be real here if you tell your siblings the truth especially if there's still minors and not teenagers yet then you may be watering the well of toxicity to where your mother can easily turn the narrative into her favor. In addition I think you need to spend a little bit more time with your dad because I think the main reason why the divorce happened was your father was going through PTSD a lot it was stressing your mother out and add on the trauma of him serving in the military that may have been the strongest straw for her and she probably didn't want you or your siblings to be exposed to that in any way especially if it's causing trauma from his trauma. She got tired of dealing with it she wants you out she wanted your siblings out and she wanted out of the marriage. That's why she used the PTSD the reactions and the war to basically to tell the judge he doesn't deserve custody or even visitation. And I think that's why your father step back because he knew that the courts were never going to be in his favor even though he was trying to figure himself out. You're not in the wrong here but I think the moment all of your siblings turned 18 and when I say all of your siblings I mean every single last one of them not every one of them when they each turn 18 but all of them when they're 18 and adults simultaneously tell them all at once and then let them meet your father and then let him tell his side because no matter what is going on in their marriage if you tell them the truth your mother's going to double triple and even quadruple down to the point it will make you look like you're lying
By age ten at the very least, a kid should know better than to take something that belongs to someone else without permission. Alex is a spoiled brat and Dad is to blame for it. He’ll be lucky if Lisa doesn’t leave him if he can’t respect her, especially when she’s not well.
On the last story, I would have suggested that he go to therapy with Sonja. Get this out in the open under the supervision of a trained counselor. Perhaps he could then work on getting this behind them as it seems his son has done.
The OP in the last story could suggest that Sophia’s mom walk her because she’s the one that has always been there for her, if he wants to turn the guilt trips around on them.
Story 2: Okay boys and girls. Can you say, Gold Digger? Sure, I knew you could. Seriously OP no normal person thinks it's okay to ask for 30k just to send Molly Money bags to south Korea for a few months.
Europe
@@nannettepolcastro4799 no one asked and point still stands.
Story 1 has my mind blown. Even if the child was a toddler you need to teach them that stealing or taking when a person says no isn't okay. THIS IS A TEENAGER CLOSE TO ADULTHOOD???? She knows better! Is OP on some sort of special hallucinogen that makes him see his daughter as a baby or something? Sorry.... I needed to vent that. YTA, clearly.
I would need to know the actual contents of the fridge and the relationship of the stepmom and the daughter. Saying the fridge is full of food doesn’t mean anything especially if the teen doesn’t know how to cook. And this is absolutely a bs story anyway. You can’t bring fruit from out of the country. It’s illegal due to a wide variety of reasons but I doubt the stepmom got apples from her home country unless the local grocery store sells them.
@@lotuslady9821 ikr, that's the first thing I thought , BS!
@@mariec6601 I will take it partially back because I double checked and it depends on location but I still doubt it. Apples from another country still sounds sketchy.
@@lotuslady9821 you're saying utter BS. This is straight from google
"In general, the TSA has no problem with passengers packing fresh or frozen fruit and vegetables in either carry-on or checked bags. As long as the items are in a solid form, as in the case of apples or baby carrots, the TSA doesn't have any restrictions related to these foods."
If imported fruit was such a danger, I would ask you to browse the product labels on your supermarket fruits and veggies. Out of season half of the produce or more comes from Mexico lol. Stop excusing bad bratty behavior.
@@lotuslady9821 Even if there´s nothing to eat in the fridge, the daughter is old enough to get her butt out of the house and go to the grocery store, or order her own delivery.
Also, even if the apples are sold in the country, I doubt it´s sold in regular grocery store instead of [home country] specific store which is almost always far more expensive.
And I´ve read your other comment about apple is apple and I tell you that it´s not true. DIfferent kind of apples have different taste and texture, just as different kind of mangoes or banana taste and look different.
I´ve been craving a specific breed of mango from my home country that´s famous for having a very distinctive and strong aroma and sweet taste. So far, every other mangoes I bought and eat where I live now are very bland compared to what I crave. I would have been so mad too if I finally could get some just to be stolen before I can even eat it.
Wife refuses to let daughter eat?! What utter bs
You're getting a down vote for that
Step stole step moms special gift from her parents and she knew what she was doing
What an AH, like father like daughter
Story 1: Please please please divorce Lisa immediately OP because she deserves a healthy, happy, and loving marriage and home. You and your daughter are awful spoiled people with atrocious behavior and Lisa deserves to be rid of your toxicity and abuse.
I love this comment so much!!
Story 1: YTA. Wtf dude, teens know what they’re doing.
How did the parents get the apples on the plane in the first place, because airlines don’t allow food from another country to go on a plane. I’ve seen videos where the airlines people don’t let people takes apples, oranges, fish. That saying why does this daughter want to b hateful to her mother. I’ve told my granddaughters to ask first.
It's possible the parents shipped them to arrive around the same time they did. So all they had to do was pick them up on the way to their daughter
Or, could they have driven between countries?
Some countries allow it or at least small amount, i was flying with fruits before...
OP YTA and and your wife is 100% right. Well, whether your did it internally or not, she was told that those apples were special and not for her to eat. If your daughter didnt want go eat anything in the refrigerator, that doesnt give her permission to ignore the fact the apples weren't for her to eat. Had she asked stepmom first and had permission that would be a different situation.
OP you know her parents brought those apples from a different country there will be a difference. You daughter should Apologize and needs to be punished
Good afternoon XOS. Thanks for the stories. Sounds like daughter enjoys pushing buttons. Have a great day
"she's a kid and it's typical behaviour" and how do you think it stays as ONLY kid behaviour? by discipline! c'mon now
Story1: YTA. Alex is a punk thief, and OP is the enabler. I'm glad his wife moved out. Sounds like she should have done that sooner! Since mom's gone, how long before Alex starts stealing from OP? See how fast he changes his "she's just a kid" tune!
First story YTA yes kids don't know better but punishment helps them learn not to do bad things
UGH! Divide and conquer the adults. The child can be evil and share the apples. Daddy is the idiot.
Story about the Dad who had PTSD - OP, I have been in and out of courtrooms my entire life - in regards to child support cases. Let me tell you, it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for someone to take away a child from another parent completely. ALL OP's Dad had to do was file at court. That's it. And OP's mom would have been legally obligated to honor visitation rights. If OP's Dad lost visitation rights from the courts, then OP's Dad must have been HORRENDOUS. I have seen crack addicts, homeless drug addicts, pedhophiles and wife beaters get visitation with their kids. A parent has to he really horrible for the courts to deny a parent visitation. Look up child abuse cases in the US. You will see just how BAD our court system is at denying parents access to their children, even abusive parents. My guess is the Dad did nothing. The mom probably blocked his number, sent back his letters and he was like "okay". I'm not saying she is innocent, but neither is the Dad. If someone took my child away, I would fight. Most good parents would.
Don't get me wrong, I would still try to have a relationship with both my parents. But don't put all the blame on the mom. I totally get that life is hard and he probably wasn't in a good head space, mentally. But he did make a choice. And it is never your responsibility to LIE for anyone. Ever.
I agree, my distant parent is the king of wanting to be in my life but actually taking actions towards doing anything about it is a different matter. It's especially insincere when social media exists, making it possible to talk to anyone in the world in seconds.
"If someone took my child away, I would fight. Most good parents would."
Most good parents who don't have various mental health issues getting in the way, of course. I could think of a couple ways that his PTSD could get in the way, but the most obvious is how mental health issues in general could have drained his batteries to the point where trying to fight a battle against a woman he used to love felt like too much to handle.
He also might have expected her to facilitate a continued relationship long-distance (the letters) that she chose to shut down after it was too late for him to challenge it.
I agree that the state of the courts regarding custody is horrendous (one of the most egregious examples being a rapist getting visitation rights over the child of his rape, thus continuing to tie him to his victim if she, for whatever reason, chose to keep the child). But there are some other issues in play as well, here.
Bit of advice: When a woman stops arguing and goes silent, you are in big trouble. She has come to the conclusion her words and feelings mean nothing. The silence means she's deciding if this is what she wants to live with for the rest of eternity. It's decision time. She's probably going to leave. As well she should. In this case, it wasn't about the apples. It was about the power this teenager has over her father's wife. I'd let them have eachother and go home with my parents. There's bigger issues here if teen can't keep hands off things that don't belong to her.
It wasn’t necessarily the apples but the principal. Wife is complaining about the lack of discipline for a reason. Yes children deliberately disobey, it’s the parents job to correct that behavior.
Bitter single mom story: I have zero respect for any parent who used their children as pawns to spite the other parent. It doesn’t hurt the other parent as much as it harms the children. It’s beyond selfish… borderline narcissistic.
Last story- Op is the AH. She asked for forgiveness from the person she spoke Ill against and they apperantly excepted. People can change when traumatic things happen (her dad passed) now step dad is grasping at straws and being an AH, because how can he be expected to be a step father if he is now showing that he does not see her as a daughter. If he can't let it go, when the two people she upset forgive her, than maybe he should break up with his wife because he is being a petty child
I thought she was a toddler. You are the AH. I bet the divorce will come as a surprise
#1 ya, she's done this before and she still did it.
#2 that his kid, you save for yours he should save for his.
#3 people and their freaking kids.
Story 4
While it's true we don't have the full story like the last comment said, it seems like we have everything relevant at the very least. I say this because as OP put it his mom "basically confirmed what he said." If she had said that it was true that she had went for sole custody and no visitation and here's the reasons why, I believe OP probably would have put them here. Especially because he also says "I love my mom and have a lot of respect for her..."
OP does have a right to be upset because although he does say "have a lot of respect for her raising us alone" the alone part just isn't true. OPs younger sibling did grow up with a father and their name was OP. So he was the only one of them to grow up without a father because he was made into one.
The most appropriate thing for the wedding is to have the mom walk her
Never thought teens would want to eat apples out of all snacks
You can’t bring fruit from one country to another and how can apples help her get well?
Excuse me how did they get fruit into any country. Bull story. Second the idiot who said friends don’t eat healthy snacks. You never lived near me and their friends. My house was their heathy and safe place.
Third story you're not in the wrong here however the old saying bad habits die hard are meant in this situation for a reason. Something tells me that those older neighbors who you bought the house from what probably doormats for a reason and they let the kids in the pool as long as they clean it up after themselves because they didn't want to be seen that's the grumpy old neighbors or catch hell from the parents. You're not in the wrong here but get ready I think you need to prepare yourself for the neighbors to just go into your pool anyway even when you're not there and even if you do report a trespassing charge the police aren't going to do nothing because there was nothing damaged to the house. You're not in the wrong here but this is only going to get worse and you need to prepare yourself for the outcome as time progresses
A lot of the time the "we had an arrangement" is a lie and their just trying to dupe the new people
@@nizasiluonde4546 exactly they will either forced to share their pool with the neighborhood so the other parents can basically get a break from the kids or they were going to be seen as the neighborhood bullies that pretty much didn't want to share with the neighbors. And the whole world was going to know it. This is one of those situations where the original poster in my honest opinion was the first person to tell the kids and the entire neighborhood that know we're not going to share this is our property. she's not in the wrong here however she really does need to prepare herself for the next outcome because this is only going to get worse and I don't think she realizes that her neighbors are the type of people that were just taking to the next level even if she says no because this is the first time that they've had in their neighborhood people to say no to them especially when it benefits them
Leave the keys to your home and I'll go in when I please. WHAT ? You want my property ? Why ? No ! Same thing.
If you have something you don't want to share? hide them. don't just leave them out where all can see and want them. and Dad. there should be a something done about this. the Kid is get in-between you and your wife.
Story 1: the s#!tty apple doesn't fall from the s#!tty apple tree.
I got round-trip airfare from Indiana to Germany, courtesy of the U.S. Army.
First story - you are ta for sure!!! Your daughter is fifteen, not six! You backed up your daughter who disrespected your wife intentionally.
Stealing comfort good is cruel.
The kid intentionally did it to be cruel
Last story: OP says he doesn't hold anything against his step daughter...then goes on to say how he holds something against her. At the end of the day it's his choice, but honestly, he should talk with his son first and ask how he feels about it before continuing to choose to punish his step daughter. People do grow and change. And while yes she was an adult when she said those things, the grips of trying to get approval from a toxic person in your life are strong and can take years to break. She's made a good effort to break them too. What she said and did was shitty, but if she gave her step brother and his fiance a sincere apology to the point that they have allowed her back in their lives, why does OP still feel the need to punish her?
Do you want to know the sad part about all this is the sad part about all this is I don't think he even cares. Because he knows that his son is going to be there for her and his wife and his son-in-law. And maybe even his own daughter because they know she messed up and she's made a man's and they forgiven her and gotten closer and he went along with it knowing that he's never going to forgive her he's never going to want to be around her and he will never look at her as a child of his own anymore. And he knows that if he can't walk her down the aisle and maybe even not go to her wedding then he knows his marriage is over their family unit is over and maybe his own son will look at him as like maybe I shouldn't have you in my life anymore. This is one of those situations where he may need to prepare himself to lose a lot more than just respect for his wife and stepdaughter because I do believe he's going to be in a world of trouble if this continues
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE he does need to come to terms with his feelings, he obviously is holding things against her and it will affect how his marriage and family functions. Maybe therapy would help if he really can't articulate it or maybe he should talk it over with his son since he is the one who was wronged.
@@greenbrickbox3392 you know what's so crazy is that a lot of people are saying he's not in the wrong for how he feels but it's like dude you know you really haven't forgiven her and you're just basically trying to play nice. He knows that if he doesn't walk her down the aisle it's going to show that he hasn't forgiven her and his son were looking him like hey man we move past this either you're going to move on and forgive her or you won't be in our lives any longer. Not to mention this may spell the end of his marriage. Because let's be real here his stepdaughter who let's be honest here he's been in her life since probably she was 8 or 9 been her stepdad since she was 11 and let's be real here the father started talking all this crap about him and his children probably way before she was an adult and trying to be that daughter to have his acceptance she did what he wanted. And it hurt her. I think so many people don't want to look at whether or not he's been teaching her these things since before she hit 18 or in the last few years after she turned 18. But obviously the original poster he's not going to let this go and he's going to hold it against her for the rest of his life let's just be real here he needs to go ahead and just file for divorce because he's not going to forgive her