This whole obsession we have with a narcissist has more to do with us. Most people who interact with a narcissist just call them an A hole and walk away. We put up with it probably cause we had a narcissist parent and they’re keying in on it. The narcissist is a lost cause. It’s our own childhood trauma we need to confront
Moved in on me and refused to leave. More than 100 pounds bigger than me and a bully too. I offered to pay him to leave my home but he wouldn't. I had to leave my own home to get rid of him!
Yes, that's ultimately true. The issue is most, if not all are not aware of that fact. Thus we waffle in a state of confusion and hurt. Once that is realized, we do something about it. It's becoming aware of that realization that IS the game changer. At which point, the infantile, snot nosed bully loses all control over their victim.
I agree. I knew who he was and chose to go down that dark path not seeing how dark it truly was. That was my doing but it stemmed from unresolved childhood trauma. Change one thing, change everything so I’m glad I know now because I’m healed in those places ❤couldn’t be more thankful to god 😊 I’m not afraid, I was made from the fire
Don’t ignore them for awhile don’t take a break Absolutely ditch them. Ignore the Narcissistic neighbors ignore the Narcissistic Ex, Ignore the Narcissistic Family Members. They are at least 33% of the general population. There’s two kinds people in this world Kind and Mean. Narc Are Mean. Avoid
Same here, 3 years in January, 2 months after I started researching narcissists, I went no contact, except email about the children and that is rare. His life has been In constant chaos amd each flying monkey that makes contact, I have cut them off as well. The amount of healing in myself is mindblowing.
Because the narcissist is so focused on self it is agonizing to spend time with them. It is usually an unhappy experience because they have no joy or peace, they don't laugh or share anything of their own feelings or emotions. If they are not bragging about their own life they have nothing to say. They have no interest in you or outside of their own materialism of adventure activities. It is absolutely boring to spend time with people who are so invested in appearing acocomplished and perfect that they are like robots. They never help when asked, they will only help if its their own idea and for the purpose of being noticed by others.
Wow! You described an old friend of mine perfectly. I never really liked her, nobody did, but she tried hard to make friends and I felt a bit sorry for her so she attached herself to me and nearly 30 years later I’m wondering why I still make time for this utterly boring materialistic person who contacts me to tell me she’s shopping for a new fridge or to give me way too detailed accounts of her vacation. I just don’t care. Perhaps if every interaction didn’t seem so forced and uneasy somehow. I once asked if she would be my ride home after surgery because she didn’t work and was home during the day. She asked if I could have my surgery closer to her house as she didn’t like driving in the city. Yeah…ok…let me find a less skilled surgeon for your convenience 😂 Even though I don’t think she’s the calculating manipulator some of these people are, and for some reason I still feel a bit bad doing it, I’ll have to let her go along with my other narcs. If I continue to allow these people in my life I won’t make room for better people.
I learned about NPD during the silent treatment. I went no contact & blocked him. He spread rumors, got no reaction and knew I figured him out. Two years of blissful peace.
The great thing about No Contact is that even if he is saying things about me, I have no idea. Moved far away and do not associate with all his trashy enabling friends. Say what you want! The truth is in God's hands.
I was looking after ny dying son, and my narc sister was working on my other son...called me the narcissistic one and convinced my other son of that!...she wasn't satisfied with me losing one son, she saw to it that I lose both! The evilness is beyond me 😢
Character assassination is a huge problem. it's so hard to ignore the pain that they inflict . If they cannot reach you directly, they will find other ways 💯.
Mine took the hurtful approach of telling lies to family members. Four of them either blocked or unfriended me but not my husband. He's the one that wrote check after check to them. No longer.
Agreed. That really sucks. I think of all the people in their work environment bewildered, stressed and frustrated due to a lack of education that smearing, flying monkey-ism exists. They probably had no idea these vile tactics existed. I certainly didn't. The cumulative stress can be devastating.
I have dealt with this before and the best way to deal with it is to become MORE UNFEELING than they are (by THAT point), and to subsequently just not give a rat! This is the way you win versus their so-called "winning" in my humble opinion
I am a man. I have been through an eye opening narc relationshit. You must understand that no contact is for you to do the inner work on why you went for this person. Deal with your own issues and forgive and move on. The forgiveness is for you because you will go through a stage of feeling you let yourself down. Learn from your failures so you can move on and be health. Endure your suffering and don't let it break you. It does get easier. I am lucky as I don't use social media. This helped me and forces me to live life.
Thanks for the reminder to stay no contact (30 days) in order to work on my stuff. Also fortunate not to be on social media of any kind. Really helps the recovery process. Have both good and bad days but determined to break the trauma bond. Just unbelievable that such people (narcs) exist.
@@brassconnect stay strong my king. We must be stoic. Just think you are free to meet new people. You never know what tomorrow brings. God bless you m8t
😂 their kryptonite is being ignored! It’s crazy how dumb the flying monkeys are too. I know demons when I see them. There is no way back in for any of them!
You have nailed it to the smallest detail Pola! Absolutely the case. Narcisists are driven by demonic forces and the only way to survive and recover from this spiritual warfare is by prayer, fasting , work and doing good things for yourself and others. Trusting That God has the final word. And that Jesus is by our side. God bless you ❤
I have no problem ignoring and being ignored by the narcissist, and I could care less about his new supply. She will learn the hard truth soon enough. Him not having the capability to contact me has brought me an abundance of peace. That peace paves the way for my healing, which is my main focus. Thank you for this video Paula, it has validated the healing progress I have made.
@ Laurie Mendoza Yes, you are absolute the wisest woman here. Don't look back if you are with a narcissist. It was NOT you but him who is the narcissist most likely.
I've been so burned by a few women here and there that I can't believe I'm agreeing with a chick here. But, I see a similar yet different way that men or women experience the same thing going on. All I can say is that, once they take it for granted/the respect has left the house--you are under NO OBLIGATION to ever put up with their crap anymore. Easier said than done with some people. I wish you the best because I am staying the no-contact path myself after too much crap from a chick. PS--keywords to this video from Paula IS that "They will play the long game." AMEN! It HAD TO get to a point to where I realized I was playing checkers while they were playing chess. Once that happened, everything changed in the better for me
Yep I could care less about her or her marriage. When you don't care anymore is the best feeling in the world so I have shocked tons of narcs at how my cut off game has become soooo easy and cold. They never saw me cutting my family off and welp Mama's wrong again lol, cause I cut them off too.
I have been abused and surrounded by narcissistic people my entire life. I wish I could go back in time and know then what I know now. Many of my family members are narcissists, and I ended up marrying one. If I knew then what I know now I would’ve ran like hell moved out of state and never came back . I was insecure alone and abused and manipulated. Now I know what an empath is. I wish I knew when I was younger how empaths are impacted by these kind of people. My empathy and my kindness was wasted on vile, disgusting, cruel, wicked people who hide who they are . I am at an age and have learned enough. I don’t play around with toxic people. I cut them short I walk away I don’t get involved I don’t take their phone calls. I don’t listen to them and I have no problem bluntly ghosting them, and never ever speaking to them again. I fully enjoy door slams on toxic nasty people.
Tonight I was driving home and suddenly felt something deep come over me. The realization that when a narcissist is removed from our lives, it is Gods hand removing them for our own protection. We should be so grateful and appreciative that they are being removed because it means, I think, that God is keeping us safe. When we go back, we are defiant and in turn, get hurt until we finally learn. I think it is a test of our actual faith. We are not to idiolize. Some of of us never get that chance though because these people are not normal. They can kill you literally. Both spiritually and physically. I also definitely believe hormones play alot into it and wish there was a antidote to keep us from going back. I think its the drive to reproduce and be with a partner at play that pulls people back in. Whats weird is after I recongize someone is one, they suddely are truly physically disgusting and ugly in my view. Yet when they first aftract you, they put a spell like on you and they look so good and everything is bliss. It truly is like Dracula. How when the character was getting his victim, he was beautiful. However, when seen for his true self....demonic and foul. These are just thoughts. I really do believe these are demons the more and more I study and deal with them. I also think something is causing them to be more rampant and worse by numbers. Meaning there are so many now. I have learned that the only thing that helps the most is absolutely no contact whatsoever once you realize what you are dealing with. It gets worse each time because they hold grudges and never can forgive or forget.
They also know that they have their children entangled in their web and that their children feel an obligation to them. Still wanting for validation from their narc parent. It's not the children's fault..but aspects of your progress in your life will invariably end up being told to the narc. They don't have to say a 'bad' word about you. It's how they say it - or they can fain that they are sympathetic to your plight. I watched him do that a 1000 time's. They will also respond with laughter, giggles, smirks, making funny faces etc. It's pathetic. Still messages to their children that you are somehow a loser or in need of some kind of 'help'. He would go on and on to the kids about being 'self reliant'. The man never pushed a lawn mower. All smoke and mirrors folk's! Each and every one of you are absolutely amazing! 💪🎯💌
I was dating a narcissist for a few months. Sometimes it was great and other times it wasn't. I often felt confused and like I was losing myself. I told him I was gonna take 3 days off and do some self care. He said, that great! During those 3 days I read and listened to youtubes about narcissism, for some reason, and did a deep dive into my thoughts and feelings. Meditated, journaled and I began to see more clearly those tiny red flags. He was good for a week or so and then invited to his house one night as we often do. When I got to the door I discovered that he had another woman in his bed! So I guess that was his response to my 3 day hiatus. He knew I was onto him, and a good man would've broken up with me but he is a coward and pulled that stunt on me. It was the best thing he ever did! I'm free of him, regained myself and glad it was only a few months and not years. Just remember you CAN recover, you can be happy again. Love yourself and find a way to love life, keep truly good friends and family in your life. They are valuable "therapists" just by supporting and loving you❤️
I was with a 'comlete' narcissist for 8 years, he totally annihilated me to the point of not knowing myself, my confidence was rock bottom, i became strong again and drove 150 miles to relative's, i'm free now ❤
I didn't have it in my father's mind.......until I threaten to call the police. He fixed up real quick and knew that harassing this INDIVIDUAL will land them in jail.
@@AdamJamesEarlyChasebliss-ru8tq Thanks for the comment. I have moved on, but there are surrounding relationships to the Narc that still cause loose connections. I no longer try to correct the narcissist's errors in logic or behavior and have only the required contact. Whenever possible, I give simple "Yes," "No," or "I don't know" answers. Thus, there is no opportunity for gaslighting and accusation. Forgetting is not just difficult, I think it may be impossible. Not allowing past abuse to influence the present is possible.
I had a mysterious flat tire. Once a week flying monkey drive by’s. Lots of unknown caller hang up calls and many phony Facebook friend requests. So pathetic
Ignore ALL of it. Shut down ANYONE who you may have mutual connections to. Hear me when I say this. Even if they have done nothing to you, a mutual connection can be turned into a flying monkey without knowing it. It they are MEANT to be in your life, it will all play out so that they understand what went down.
Oh that game. I played it for 54 years with my mother and 14 years with the insane passive aggressive covert narcissist ex husband. No contact with them and 5 former friends. Happy joyous and free and so glad to be out of that mind blowing game
I am COMPLETELY DONE with my half siblings. Thrown them out of my FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAMM, etc. This is an INFJ DOOR SLAM. And from me, this is complete.. No more abuse... Thankful that we have people like you that enlightens people like me... 👍👍❤❤🙌🙌
1 Block 🚫 all over 2 July 17 2022 haven't seen or heard from her. 3 changed my number Now I'm just waiting on my lawyer on the home we purchased together. At peace and happy. My advice... Cut them off and never look back. It will hurt but in the end you will come out on top. Thank you for your wisdom 🙏 it really have helped me. I sincerely appreciate your help 🙏
I finally had enough. Served him divorce papers. He’s begging me and finally I don’t care. I feel so much better emotionally It’s crazy how you can feel so much better you can feel at peace so quickly when you decide you are you are really done with them. I’ve been in for 12 years and a strong person. Power up!!!
Perfectly described. I thought of my mother mostly, all of her tactics. So sickening. She did the weirdest crap and would then deny, like break/disable the locks on my bedroom door. And she did that because I’d locked them when I’m inside so that she couldn’t barge into my bathroom as I’m applying my liquid eyeliner very precisely. She’s crazy, a psychopath.
If you're living with her check around for hidden cameras. I bet she's installed one.... Sorry you're dealing with this. Nothing worse than having a malignant narc and psychopath for a parent.
I remember my mom used to clean out my closet of cherished childhood items while I was at school. She never asked me how I felt about giving away specific items that meant a lot to me. She would then tell me that she gave them to the neighbors children... They have no respect for your emotions whatsoever. Nothing belongs to you.
Oh how I understand you ! -- My childhood & teenaged years = (were) Hell in mother s household..I made finally Peace with her before she died ( I tried well before but she had Always preferred a ""Fight"" to exhaust me as much as possible, from near and from Afar likewise..).What helped me very much was my deep Believe in God & in His Blessings and Strengths He/She the Divine--ONE was giving me. God bless you too.☆☆♡♡☆M.
When I was still living with the narc, I hadn’t spoken to him in 4 weeks as he would just start arguments, but I remember him saying to me that even one of his exes couldn’t hold out that long…..he realised what he said then went rushing off to do something to take the spotlight off himself as he saw my reaction, this indeed was a pattern. As soon as I told him we were finished, he had my replacement the next day off the same dating site he met the rest of us on. He was seeing her for about 7 weeks, all his calls were put on speakerphone so I could hear them (and the rest of his ‘harem’) they had gone away for a weekend then he went to her’s the next weekend, it didn’t end well and he came back early. Listening to him telling one of the harem, he had apparently said something to her and she pushed him away and went out for a walk with her dog. When she came back she didn’t want to talk about it as it triggered her (I know exactly what he said as he said it to me a few times) and he said he was just mucking about…NO, the language and comment is not mucking about. Anyway, she said she wanted 2 weeks out to think about the relationship…he had 3 more new women on the phone from the same dating site the next day, arranging to meet 2 of them. He was speaking to one of them when she phoned, he had to hang up to speak to her, I heard him saying she knows he loves her to bits and she is the future, same rubbish he told me less than a year earlier, she said she wasn’t sure about the relationship and he bit her head off, she hung up and he went back to the one he had been talking to earlier laughing and joking as if that conversation had never happened. Of course because I was still in the house and totally ignoring him, I got the temper he felt towards her more or less dumping him there and then. It got so bad that I had to install a camera in my bedroom until the day I moved out. He is mentally unstable and I’m glad I’m away and blocked his number and I know this will be driving him insane as he has no idea where I am. 👍
I know they don’t like boundaries. That’s how mine disappeared, I set boundaries and wouldn’t let them gaslight when they realized I had caught them in nefarious actions, they told me I was toxic and they would “see ya around, no hard feelings”. I celebrated.
I cannot even count how many times I tried to break up with a narc, had them beg me to give them another chance, only to break up with me a couple weeks later. I’m DONE, the first red flags and you’re out. That’s it, no more chances
I have gone minimal contact with my narc sister. She is executor of the estate 🏡 so she is after my share and has been rude, mean, completely disrespectful, campaign smeared me. But this is the best thing I have ever done, just not having her in my physical space already has brought me peace. I am 60 and it took me this long to figure it out. Thank you for your healing enlightenment.💕🕊🕊💕
You could be writing my story. I'm 63. My narc sister took control of my mom's estate. Everything was gone when she died. We got nothing. Now that her FIL is dead, there are no more money trees to shake. She's gotten so much worse. Came after us, disrespectful, said she was disappointed in us (after we'd given them $20K), rude, even to the point of texting my husband the day before his dad's funeral saying they would not attend bc of the way I treated her at my MIL's funeral. We don't know what she's talking about. Who gets offended at a wake? My counselor says no contact for at least 90 days is my only option. It's hard but getting better. Glad it is working out for you.
I've been through this twice. First with my mother, who turned the entire extended family against me. I still have no contact with any of them, nor do I want to. It is actually very peaceful not being around that toxic coven. My mother died a few years ago and I did not discover it until a year later. I felt only relief. The second was my former father-in-law, who I kept in my life so he could still see his grandchild. I cut him off completely as soon as I discovered what he was. He was extremely nasty about it, but I still ignored him. He did slander me to his circle, but learning from the issues with my mother, I never introduced him to anyone who really mattered to me. All he really did was cut his flying monkeys off from me, which was a big favor. I have no social media. I learned there from the first incident too. There is no way to end a relationship with a narcissist without trouble. For me, best to rip off the band aid and ignore them through the slander. I will not contact, or accept contact, from him or his flying monkeys again. Those are only further attempts at manipulation. There is no negotiating with them. No contact at all, ever, for any reason. No matter how bad they are or how bad it gets, resuming contact will just make it start all over again.
Yes I'm in the same boat as you--- nars mother who turned all my sibblings away frm me as I was over her manipulating me and controlling me so I cut her frm my life 5 years ago---- cut completly--- if you let them in an inch the fire 🔥 only starts growing all over again--- I'd rather peace any day over a toxic family riddled with problems----
I've heard some horror stories in the adult children of narcs community like bogus child welfare calls being made, fake Crimestoppers reports, etc & this is parents doing it to their own kids, so be prepared for anything. Make your outdoor cat an indoor cat (I've heard of way too many mysterious pet deaths), get a Ring doorbell, warn your work/landlord/kids school, etc that there's a nutjob who may approach them. Don't make the mistake of thinking your narc won't do anything really effed up, because they can & will stoop to diabolical levels.
Yes it sucks you're describing my story. My mom pretends really well but it's all about what she wants and if she can throw me under the bus while she's at it it's like a win-win
@Tara Arrington it's good that you're learning about the patterns & behaviour of narcs on channels like this, as that's half the battle. Once you're able to observe your mum's shenanigans & think 'ah this is projection, gaslighting, etc' it's much easier to see it as the nonsense ravings of a crazy woman. Hope you're able to eventually escape her. No contact isn't easy & isn't always possible, but it's honestly the best thing I ever did for myself.
@@crankypantsmcduff yes it is very sad I feel like it's a sort of like they're delusional basically and they projected onto you especially if you're the scapegoat and the thing is the rest of the family will buy into like the delusions
My mother has made my life a living hell with apology and it's all a delusion of hatred and rage. That's not the worst of it, she's done it to others to in my family and she keeps on getting away with all the rot and rubbish she has done. Not being sucked in anymore and having peace and quiet for what seems to be only a short time since she left, 4 years is a drop in the ocean. I will take the peace and quiet any day over the pain, hatred, rages, manipulation and triangulation that she has caused if it means keeping my family and I safe from her.
Paula? I'm ROLLING here!! This has literally just happened to where the scripted conversation of how our marriage just is over, after yet ANOTHER 3 week silent treatment, I simply replied, "That's old news, dear. And I didn't need YOUR insight to tell me what has been obvious for way too long " Ohhh the reappearance of the love bomb🙄 You don't get tired until you get tired. You can't force it, you can't get angry enough, disgusted enough. Just like with everything else, there IS a time and purpose to EVERYTHING under heaven. Thank you Paula.....much appreciation . You are helping to change lives for the betterment of humanity💝
It kills me how much energy narcs use to aggravate other people but won’t put that same energy into being a learning how to be a decent person. It’s really pitiful actually. Sounds like a miserable existence. No thank you.
Is it really uncommon to leave a narcissist with joy? I did just that. I had come to hate him. The way he was, the way he treated me, there was nothing lovable about him. The day I went nc was the best day of my life and I have never looked back. It is going on 7 years now. He certainly tried to make contact, and I’ve certainly never responded. There were no trauma bonds or whatever you call attachment to the narcissist. Leaving him make me immensely happy! I had started to fantasize about it. His mother suggested I leave him and it’s like a light came on! After repeated attempts at making contact with no replies from me, he sent me an email stating that nothing had happened that should keep us from being friends. I trashed it immediately because it made me hate him more. Who in the he!! was he to tell me how to feel? I knew what had taken place! I was there! He’s still driving by my home every now and then. I shake my head and keep it moving. NEVER AGAIN. As far as I’m concerned he’s dead.
Woke up crying today because of missing the good side of my ex narc. I feel a little better now after hearing this. Everyday is a struggle but it does get easier i know because I've been through a previous narcissistic relationship before and I survived.
Just today I told my narc to leave me alone, I don't need him, he's worthless, I don't want him, he's controlling, he's an abuser (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially) . I have never held him accountable. And he said "What have I done" "Why are you treating me like this and the real kicker "you are showing your true colours now!! I am done. You can do this!! We both are at the initial stage but we need to be strong and never waiver once from No Contact. I wish you Heavenly Peace and Everlasting Happiness.
After I went no contact he eventually tried to use the legal system to punish me which would have destroyed my career. Luckily I suspected he would do so and was somewhat prepare but it still hurt and scared me. One of his complaints in the legal paperwork was that I wouldn't respond to him. The things he accused me of were truly horrible. I did prevail but it was awful for a few months and I still don't feel safe from him.
Once again spot on Paula. I can't even begin to explain the "FREEDOM" i am experiencing after being involved with these dark creatures. The only problem i have now is that i am extremely vigilant when i deal with people which is a bit tiring but the knowledge gained from this horrible ordeal outweighs anything else. God Bless you Paula and all your followers dealing with NPD issues.
Yep, they will do those things...just had my power cut off mysteriously. Called the power company and they stated there was a request for shut off but didn't find who did it. Also, had 6 shots fired at dark in the vacant lot next to my house only a week before that. Move if you can.. once they know where you are, crap happens. They are PO'd that you cut them off!
WOW! I hope you are documenting all these things with local police! Also, get some security cameras, let neighbors know what is happening and to contact you if they see anything suspicious around your house. Stay inside after dark, if possible. At least change your phone number if you can't move. Switch up your routine a bit. Get a large dog!!! Went through some similar "shenanigans" with my ex narc, but fortunately I have great neighbors, great family, and great friends who have my back! He did finally give up after one incident gone wrong for him and the threat of being reported to police! Just stay safe!!! 🙏
It's a true test of self acceptance and self belief. When you have integrity, they can't take that away from you unless .................you let them...........,..
You forgot to mention "throw the new supply in your face" and everywhere on all "avenues" This took me a while to get over 😥😥 Soooo cruel 😮💨😮💨 Thank you for another great video, Paula 🙏❤️🙏
Yes one of the worst aspects when trying to recover from the abuse. It communicates you were a mear object. Nobody that had any genuine care ( respect]) would rub an ex or present partners nose in anything but love. After it all, I still would never behave in the same way.
Thank you so much. I needed this. I’ve been no contact for the past 6 weeks with the narcissistic father of my kids and yesterday my daughter experienced his rage at being ignored. I was so sad that she had to experience that. It affects me very badly. Finally breaking free will be a huge victory for my kids and I.
File a restraining order. This is emotional abuse and we ,at some point, have to take this very seriously. My exes behavior deeply hurt my sons self esteem. I have no pity for these overgrown babies. You can’t give them one more chance to to this. I know because my mother gave her schizophrenic son full access to my emotional playground. It almost destroyed my life.
They truly believe you will never leave. As a normal human with real emotions we can only take so much. No your worth. There is someone out there that will value you.
I cut off my narcissist sister before I knew what a narcissist was, so I was already ahead of the game. I heard something much later and did research and realized what it was. As soon as I "forgave her" she was not on my mind anymore. I released her to Satan. It's been 12 years and now she's attempting to contact me again. She sent me a birthday card last year on my 70th birthday, I ignored her. Then she sent this complimentary e-mail about 2 months ago saying, "All my friends think you look like Catherine Zeta Jones". I never responded. Maybe it's her attempt to keep memory of her on my mind. Didn't work. I like coming to this channel once in a while because it occasionally appears in my line up. I have never felt freer or happier since I have no contact, don't know what she's thinking today and don't care. It's just nice to get agreement when I listen to your videos. I was right all the time. My opinion of her contacting me now is that she's suffering by not being able to abuse me. I don't care.
Jeeeeeeez this is so spot on!!!!! "Look this is silly, we "love" each other".......blah blah blah! SOOOOOOO MANY TIMES!!!! SOOOOO GLAD THAT I FINALLLLLLY RELEASED THAT IT WAS ALL BULLPOOP!!! Now is the hard part of forgiving myself for believing this so many times. Honestly this has given me cold shivers. Ohhhhhh my word controlling, abusing trust and then blame, COLD SHIVERS 😭😭😭
it summons the devil in full form, if you feel you have to walk away please keep walking away never look back, if you do go back they will punish you for leaving them it gets worse and worse each time you go back i feel stupid going back as many times as i did, i hope no one else gets stuck on this never ending rollercoaster ride it never improve's.
I had a neighbor friend (who I sadly discovered was a narc) behave in such a rage to me that I think she knows it’s OVER on my end. She revealed who she was in that one incident and I woke up. What a shock. I kind of think she knows she crossed a line and I think she accepts our relationship is OVER and she won’t attempt to establish contact again. I shall see. I think she will be feeding off other sources of supply. Oh, good - listening to your words, I very much hope she ignores me back! And I don’t do social media, so think I’m good!! But I’m still listening to your words. She lives about 5 houses down from me. I am so glad that incident happened. I busted her for something she did (big mistake) and she utterly lost it, tried to barge into my home! Yep, it’s over!
Wow...this is exactly how the situation went, when I reached my breaking point of narcissistic abuse.. The mirroring of my ignoring them, the pleading to talk about it, even trying to engage my family members to control the narrative and eventually returning the keys to my apartment when I had already changed the locks...smh. They are truly incapable of love.
Your last sentence is So very True with regards to my late highly toxic mother; My 2 nd husband actually told her straight away; ; ""Marie loves you but you don't love her!""--which made her cry;.... (He told her it in English --not my & her mother tongue nor his)--she understood perfectly! --When I had a break/down and (while) I was in hospital, she tried to seduce him; she was 70 and he was 30 years old..She said to him;""Marie is not here""...according to his witnessing ""She did not succeed"" ..😈😨😈
Paula, the part where you mentioned "having a punctured tire," is what I'm dealing with. I keep having flats from screws in my tires. I'm about 99.9% positive the screws are coming from him.
Any partner that can replace you within a week never cared..that's how I see my ex gf now..and wen I did reach out the mask was completely gone and I was sniggered at even tho I contacted her with integrity to see how she is..your empathy has a limit and mine has ran out with her at this stage.
My daughter was murdered in 2020. She left behind 2 precious little girls. They were all living with me. My great nephew and his wife adopted them. Well they lied about the adoption and I called them out on it. Well they have blocked me and I haven’t seen my grandbabies since Sept. 2022. These grandbabies are all I have left in this world. It’s killing me.
I had a friend that I just cut off because I found that I was confused about myself when I would return to my home. It was like “ I didn’t say that? “ I don’t even feel that way, why did she say that ? I got tired of it. It was exhausting.
Oh my !! I have lived this over and over. In terms of triangulation , you are exactly right. There were several ways she would bring past relationships ( names ) into the conversation , and do so VERY CASUALLY . Sometimes , I would get unwanted details. THEN , I call her out on it , and get a lecture on how disrepectful I am . And , why am I so jealous ???? So many behaviors. that I can't believe I tolerated ... over and over . Also .. on the ignoring issue. In the past , she would try to bully me. Make threats , etc . Now ... That I am serious about NC. She's playing it calm and cool . How totally intetesting . There is no going back. The level of toxic behaivior never let up.
wow realising you’re not crazy and what you’ve been dealing with ur whole life is not ur fault is pretty surreal. it’s kind of crazy how much i’ve been avoiding looking into this because i felt as though it was just how people were. i still struggle with feeling chronic guilt for never being good enough for people who’ve drained me so much to the point i can’t even recognise myself anymore. narcissistic abuse is real, please don’t be afraid to trust your experience and find people who truly care for you. you’ll know in your whole body as your nervous system relaxes around these people and you find peace and self love with them..
when my bf broke up with me, i felt a huge relief, he broke up with me probably 5 mins before I could. Was he a narc I dont know but he sure had weird behaviours. Honestly, I think the relationship was good for me because I now KNOW how strong I am. The best advice I can give is go into every relationship with honesty, integrity, boundaries in place and dont ever get obligated to someone and finally go slow.
WOW. I was told I was controlling for setting boundaries, and they are soooooo controlling. I had 2 seizures and returned home from getting an eeg (rlly emotionally draining day) and I was told my energy was sucking the room and I needed to go upstairs alone. I feel pity for them, that they can’t tolerate genuine connection with other people, inclusive to their bad or sick days. I’m shamed directly and subtly for my emotions, expressiveness, how much I do or don’t do, etc. They cycle through friends like crazy, their intensity scares me. Now I know my part in this, lack of self love and compassion, and far too open with my vulnerabilities, to people who don’t prove to be trusted. This video is incredibly relevant, I’m moving asap.
It never occurred to me that everyone in a narcissist's life is somewhere in the 'Cycle' of love-bombing, de-valuation, or discard. I've known people who treated me so well at first and then I couldn't figure out what happened. Obviously, they knew me too well and had to devaluate me. They are narcissists and it's the way they are, literally nothing personal because they behave this way towards everyone. As you state, EVERYONE in a narcissist's life gets devaluated beginning at a certain point in the relationship. The more often you see the narcissist the more obvious the devaluation will be. Calmly state boundaries, preferably with others around or in writing. If they can't accept my boundaries they don't have to. I will not have a discussion about what my boundaries are either. If you can't respect my boundaries you have shown that you don't respect me so why on earth would I continue a relationship with you.
When you block them and they no longer can reach you, they will write you snail mail and tell you that enough time has passed, it's time to 'get over it' and come back to the friendship. Throw the snail mail away. If you realize the snail mail is from them before you open it, either throw it away or ask someone you trust to read it for you and give you the gist of the message. I actually went to the police and inquired about a restraining order. After doing this the person quit.
Thank you so much , you are helping me get through the other side, it’s been about 6 weeks with no contact and she has sent me some messages to try and get a response but I’ve kept quiet and not responded! I now recognise the pattern , I do miss her but day by day it gets better ❤
Just question to throw out there people, she goes to see My Mum every other week to do a bit of cleaning and to have a chat etc, what should I do ? I’ve told Mum that I’m no contact with her but I don’t want Mum to to be lonely as it’s good for her to see someone else . Should I ask mum if she still wants to see her ? Or is the narc going to use this situation as food so to speak? I really don’t want to upset Mum but on the other hand it’s still a bit of control over me
@@tonypiggot4877 No contact means just that. There is no way she should have access to anyone you are in contact with, like your Mum. If this woman is a narc, she will slowly destroy your mother also. It is a dangerous disorder. I would protect my mother from this, for sure.
This is so spot on! I got hoovered to just get discarded in such a hurtful way after rejecting her request for space. One month later I just got an email. Blaming me for the end, with apologies and and cryptic saying at the end. “Love was not enough”
If you left first this is why they hoover just to 'discard.' They have to 'win' at all costs as you leaving is rejection (induces shame) so they have to shore it back up by discarding you.
Wow. This is the best info yet, that I needed to hear. I've been in a 4 month relationship and I'm tired of this crap. She's very predictable and she'll go silent on me for about 3.5 weeks. When she comes back, she's pleading with me, for real and begging me not to leave her. I'm cool and calm when I speak to her. She just asks me what I've been doing. I just tell her "I'm busy. Then the whole process starts repeating itself. It wasn't too bad this time only about a week longer and now 'Poof'. She's ignoring her again. I say nothing at all to her, I usually double the amount of no contact that she puts me through. this time. Might be a bit longer.
The "initiator" is so spot on. I just wanted legal separation after 36 years of marriage giving us space to figure some things out...he came home with divorce papers from the courthouse. He always has to "one up" me and control what happens. And I took him up on it....I couldn't fill the paperwork out fast enough and had him take it all back to the courthouse for processing. I don't think he expected that. Have peace now but only after several years of introspection and work.
Excellent points as usual, the one about becoming jealous hit me, I was never jealous, I used to trust people. She made me jealous with her evasive behaviour. I was called controlling for asking where she'd been!!! To emphasise the instant rage if she thought I was ignoring her, I text her 4 times one day without reply, at 11.20 pm , she called, I missed it i was in the shower, minute later, she text answer your phone stop playing games, 5 mins later, she says forget it, get yourself a girlfriend who'll put up with your silly games!!! Thats how bullying and toxic it can become. We'd split up within the month.
Yes i ignored a narcissist who was the leader of a group i joined. I did not want to socialise with them and sat by myself. He must not have liked that. I did not know he was a narcissist then. Me taking control prompted him to take control by love bombing me. Making me fall in love with him. Looking back knowing what i know now it all makes perfect sense. This knowledge and understanding is needed to let it go and move on. I feel sorry for him and am praying for him. You are spot on in what you are saying here in this video. My narc once he had me hooked ignored me. To make me run after him. Yes extremely juvenile and immature behaviour. So calculating. They are so targetted in their approach. Yes he used a flying monkey to check up on me. So grateful to have a knowledge of narcissists when this began but it has still taken time for me to getter a fuller understanding of it. Thanks to videos like yours.
Mirror them and they leave and run !!! Don't show any Weakness , never cry infront of them , don't shake !!! Look as Evil to them just how Evil they look at You !!! They can't take it , and the Best Thing is not to talk to them !!! Talk to others instead and don't walk close to them !!! Don't be scared !!! Act like they have to be scared of You !!! Be brave !!! If You see them somewhere , the very Best Thing is not to be in the Places You know You could meet them !!! Stay aware and away !!!
My narc ex literally RE-filed for our divorce so it looked like HE filed first. At first I was pissed but then my lawyer told me that all one had to do was follow the case file number all the way back to the beginning to see when/who actually filed first (I filed first). During the first hearing, he lied to the magistrate about receiving the divorce papers). And then in the SAME conversation changed the story and said he “found” the papers at a family member’s house. It was ridiculous. In the end, I stopped being concerned about “the appearance” of things and was just relieved that the whole circus was finally closed down. Anyone who wants to know who did what can follow the bread crumbs. I’m done and I am free. There IS freedom on the other side of the narc madness. But YOU have to decide to be absolutely and RUTHLESSLY DONE with all of it. CUT IT AND BE DONE. Don’t play, walk away.
Someone who has been manipulated most of their life will react differently than someone who hasn't been. This frustrates the narcissist and throws him into a tantrum. These narcissists have triggers, too, that when flipped they get mad, then you can get peace while they are giving you the silent treatment. You can have internal joy with quietness and your own thoughts and dreams while they sit brewing and angry that you didn't act right. Also when pushed too far and realize how frustrated he is getting me, I will start to just keep saying "ok" over and over with everything he says, after 4 responses like that in a row he calms down, probably realizing he is getting nowhere with me. And a final one is when it's the narcs house and they keep threatening to kick me out, but I still have a van I can live in that makes me happy, my van is a constant reminder that he can not threaten me too much or I will joyfully leave. His son in law once made a comment I would keep contacting the narc after separation at which time I told him no I would block his number. So I have enough strength from past narcs and watching 4+ years of narc videos to still have spirit within me. I met this narc 6 months ago, very few red flags I thought or I didn't want to see them, but once I moved in the mask came off big time. But I had agreed to make the last of his life happy, so I'm fighting through it. He has stage 4 cancer throughout his body. No, I'm not with him for financial gain, I still don't know his income. Just here to give him some happiness, but so looking forward to my solitary life in my van again. I had found my peace and joy there after the last narc. Yes, I still fall for the crap, I thought I wouldn't but I let my guard down in hopes this was real.
I told my ex Narc that he woke me up to narcissism & it’s helped me in other relationships eg family/ friend. He hated this. Said he don’t want to hear that. Whilst trying to hoover. The joy of being aware…. After the darkness of discovering these people. Still difficult but safe & peaceful ♥️
The Exact words -I was too controlling.. that was his favourite thing to say when I confronted that I had 4 pieces of evidence that he was cheating online .. no remorse no accountability no admittance that I may have got more insecure as I started to feel not good enough etc as cheated multiple times and the lack of any understanding that this was wrong was astounding !
Your teaching and the teaching of others on narcissism have been very helpful. After being abandoned and feeling like a piece of trash for a few months, I spent time studying and came to some conclusions. Since then I have not made any more phone calls or sent any text messages. Just as you said, she didn't send any either "for a while." Now she is doing exactly as you said. I am getting texts, phone calls, and she gives me instructions about how to conduct my life. But I am now informed and my life is blossoming again. My days are no longer spent trying to make her happy and experiencing the cycle of failure and more attempts at making her happy.
Making progress. I am on to her. These videos have helped understand narcissism. I now know what has been going on and guess what, "I am not crazy and I am not the primary cause of all our problems!" I have learned some things since I wrote a previous note. 1. Do not expose a narcissist! It is a losing proposition. 2. A big part of the reason you will lose, is because the narcissist is very smart when it comes to protecting himself or herself. In this case it is called an "insurance policy." Others were be prepped for any forthcoming exposure so that you will look like the bad guy.
i have a covert narc neighbor that i picked up on the tocicty wihtin 2-3 months and within 5 months or less i walked away and ignored him. he literally stalked me on a low level ever since.
@@NarcCon i didn't really have time to extrapolate earlier as i was at work. anyway. so 8 years ago i discoverd the covert narc that was a female who was "close" to me but made me think i was going to be more. but this was far more than just a girl using a nice guy. she had the mask, the narc rage, the manipulation, the works. and after just over a year she wound up pushing me way too far one day and the mask slipped beyond insane. which was a good thing because it snapped me out of it for a moment so i googled the behaviors and the first thing i found was "signs of a narcissstic sociopat//phyopath. so i went on a journey of watching every video on the topc, every article i could 10 hours a day for 2 straight years. it helped. so it surely made me see things quicker. so this neighbor (and this is the crux of the issue) he lives across the street and 2 houses down. only 250 feet maybe. he only lived here for 5 years at this pont. i met him a fe times in passing here and there for a copule minteus when passing by the guys hosue. but in i think February of 2021 somehow he asked me to walk with him. so i said cool as i like exercising and it was a way to get to know him a bit. the walk was nice actaully and then after 25 minutes and we got back to his house, just before i was ready to walk back acorss the street something very odd happened. he didn't say anything specific, nor do anything specif. and nothing wrong on either front. but this feeling came over me. a gut feeling. something felt way off about him. i got this very strange vibe i could not explain. i wound up avoiding his side of the street wlaking back if i saw him outside for the next 2 monhts or so. maybe 3. then the feeling had passed and i gave it a shot so i went over to see if he wanted to go. now bare in mind, i loved excecising. running. jogging. that was what got me in shape and healthy and worked, i had a rhythm. i enjoyed it. and i noticed he lost a lot of wieght from the first tim ei saw him 3 years ago so i got inspried. so he knew full well as i told him. i told him straight up that we could walk, maybe once a month or less as i ama runner but maybe here, maybe there. after this walk, he also understood that i like to go fast, and he moved fast that first time. this was praboy in May b tthen i had fmaily come in. so really we did this once or tixe in ay but he didn't bug me yet. but after my brother came in june late june 2021 was when it really begun. so we did that first real good walk. and agai he knew. my desire to run not walk. then he asked me 3 days later to go. but he didn't tell me and spring on me his step daughter was under 10 years old and hated excercise. i was going like 1mph on average and was bored and i place no blame to her at all. but he could tell i was frustrated. he didn' teven ask if it was ok. but i forgave that first time. he said he won't bring her anymore, but then 2 days later he got me to go again. i didn't even want to go but i knew he would go fast and i could run after
cont'' -- he srpings her on me again. but this time insisted she rode her bike. but she would just get ahead, get behind, and then when she caugt up she would often stop start right in front of us messing me up every time she did it. but at least we didn't have to wait fo her. and sure enough this 3rd time, he stared inviting me and trying to fee dme have meover. (lovebombing) so then it started turning into im contantly texting me every day at owork asking me when i was going to be home, can i leave early eveyr day. more and more. my big mistake was giving my number honestly. never should have. and i got on his fb. anyway. evne 4-5 times, once when i was on a golf outing with work all day he knew a week 3 days and the day before ahead of time 80 miles away , one time when i was visitng a freind o a weekend i told hi i was going an donce when i was even going to a funeral and after dinner thing and be there for a family o fa good freind. all these times he would text me like 5-6 times. are you done , what time yuwll you be done. did you leave yet. want to walk? talk about no boundereies. he had a way of cauing you, well me and probably others to feel "obligatory" to him. iguess a type of tuilt trippig and then one time he got me to ride a bike h owend as mine was broken i dind't even want to go in the first place. but when he loaned it it was night, i tested it for 2 secons and hte breaks squeked. i told him. he said they work fine 95%. oh ok, i said. idiot me. only to find as soon as i stated they didn't work (AT ALL) and for 25 minutes staright i kept tellin him it was unsafe. he did not care. only that he had me to ride with him. again at night. crossing subdivisions laong a main street so i could have gotten killed or maimed honestly. then druing this time th egears broke and he guilt tripped me into payin 170 dollars. he then promixed to go to a ppsroting even i paid 110 perticket for and cancelled 45 hours before with lies, and lies upon lies. this was all within a 4 month period.
con't-- anyway i already stopped trying to respond. he got very pasive agressive. within 3 weeks before i fully walked away one time he texted me simply"i see you running" the time stamp was literally 2 minutes after i passed by my house after my first full lap of a 4.2 mile jjog meaning he texted it the minue after i kept running and passed infrnt of his house. so creepy. also a copule weeks prior when ii realized his toxiciy i wsa trying to think of a way to scare him off. so while walking alone, no phone. 1 mile away 30 degres, nonone outside. on a dead end street before the woods wit only 17 houses on it not terribly close to the road, windows cloaed i outloud said to my self i shoudl say "said his given name/ hey sexy, you are cute" as if soething i could say to him to scare him off. but i then realized might not work. 35 minutes later i get home and a text on my phone fro ma diffrent number that was not his (which would have happened between that time but before i got home "hey sexy" i responded. who is this. they said your name is john isn't it? i told them i had no idea who they are. i swear to god he may have put a blue tooth or some listening device in coat pocket or pants pocket or something. so i washed all of the stuff i wore on that night on hot, dried on hot. scary. so i cut him off with no warning aftera ll this. figured after 2-3 weeks he would stop trying. but nope, kept trying. even threw a couple flying monkeys at me. i didn't fall fort i. never responded. 2 months later in feb of 2022 it totally had him blocked on social meda and phone. yet 6 weeks after blockning his phone he managed to text me from his own number. my cell company shoed he was blocekd we did tech work for an hour. a week later he called my phone. didn't answer. tech support once again. and finally a 3rd time. finally found a way to block it. and then since, he tried several times (i kne it was him) but using other people's nubmers trying to text me random messasges. he saw me 3-4 rtimes outside durin gthe summer while i ran and tried sayin ghi to me. didn't even look at him. no ressponse. etc.. oh and in january last year 2022 only 8 weeks after i stopped. one day he followed me in his car for 2 miles until i managed to shake him off. so when i say he is a stalker. i am not kidding you. however, i will tell you i have kept a log at work on my work comptuer and have kept the time,date and everysingle thing he tried. and keep adding any time he does. his last attmept to get my attnedin was about 3 weeks ago just before th eyear ended. but that is the last time
I have done all I can to cut contact. Difficult with a child involved but just found out that my ex has put a phone locator on his phone, to locate mine. Its a new one to me and didn't know that this could be done.
That's a new one on me too. I would ask a phone store if the function can be turned off on your phone, it may be in the settings somewhere. An alternative might be a flip phone ("feature phone"), maybe it can't be done with these.
Thank you so much for this up- building presentation. It has highlighted most of the things I have and still going through after permanently breaking up with this narcissistic woman. She is behaving the same way you have narrated. I started by ignoring her, she followed suit, it's now well over 2 months now since we broke up, and It's who decided to ignore her. Knowing her so much, she has sort supply from else where, which I know that supply would not match the supply she got from me. What you have mentioned is exactly what I expect to happen. But I have put my foot down not to entertain her back into my life again. Keep on encouraging us this way in order for us to completely find peace and freedom that we lost during such abusive relationships. Stay blessed
Another great video and insight, that will help people I truly believe,.you've helped me to realise I wasn't the only one ,you feel very isolated when going through it. I finally feel completely no love towards the narc ,I blocked him on everything and never spoke even over Xmas and new year ,I had a cpl really bad months, I thought I couldn't get through it. I'm finally coming out the otherside.so thankful. Happy New year Paula.xx
I have just found your channel and thank you for a great video. In my experience It's not so much if you ignore them, it's if you stand up to them and you tell them that you are not there to reward their bad behaviour. Then you'll see what they are really like.. I tell you what, as a professional nurse of 30 odd years experience who should've known better, it was an eye-opener to me.
Book Link Below:
Weaponised Love -a.co/d/g4bB4MI
“Never argue with idiots they will only beat you down with experience.”
~George Carlin
i totally agree with you. They are ignorant. it is what it is in their minds. if they think you are not worthy, then you are that.
They
live for a argument don’t argue ignore them😊
Ha
Don't get it
😂😂
This whole obsession we have with a narcissist has more to do with us. Most people who interact with a narcissist just call them an A hole and walk away. We put up with it probably cause we had a narcissist parent and they’re keying in on it. The narcissist is a lost cause. It’s our own childhood trauma we need to confront
you did in a few sentences the whole thing in a nutshell
Moved in on me and refused to leave. More than 100 pounds bigger than me and a bully too. I offered to pay him to leave my home but he wouldn't. I had to leave my own home to get rid of him!
Yes, that's ultimately true.
The issue is most, if not all are not aware of that fact. Thus we waffle in a state of confusion and hurt.
Once that is realized, we do something about it.
It's becoming aware of that realization that IS the game changer. At which point, the infantile, snot nosed bully loses all control over their victim.
People with natural or learned boundaries and those who continue to emotionally invest in a betrayal source. The latter learns to become the prior.
I agree. I knew who he was and chose to go down that dark path not seeing how dark it truly was. That was my doing but it stemmed from unresolved childhood trauma. Change one thing, change everything so I’m glad I know now because I’m healed in those places ❤couldn’t be more thankful to god 😊 I’m not afraid, I was made from the fire
Don’t ignore them for awhile don’t take a break Absolutely ditch them. Ignore the Narcissistic neighbors ignore the Narcissistic Ex, Ignore the Narcissistic Family Members. They are at least 33% of the general population. There’s two kinds people in this world Kind and Mean. Narc Are Mean. Avoid
Ditched. Been waiting for this day for five years.
Who fucker care if you ignore those idiots....YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THEM EVER....FINIIIIIITOOOOO
This
hearing you loud and clear, wish I had you around me now
💯
I WALKED AWAY 3 YEARS AGO. NO CONTACT IS THE BEST STRATEGY. TAKES TIME TO HEAL. DEVELOPING NARCISSISM KNOWLEDGE IS VERY NECESSARY.
Amen
Truth!!
No contact is best. For your own good, peace and growth
Same here, 3 years in January, 2 months after I started researching narcissists, I went no contact, except email about the children and that is rare. His life has been In constant chaos amd each flying monkey that makes contact, I have cut them off as well. The amount of healing in myself is mindblowing.
It's been 5 years for me and I'm still very much traumatized
Because the narcissist is so focused on self it is agonizing to spend time with them. It is usually an unhappy experience because they have no joy or peace, they don't laugh or share anything of their own feelings or emotions. If they are not bragging about their own life they have nothing to say. They have no interest in you or outside of their own materialism of adventure activities. It is absolutely boring to spend time with people who are so invested in appearing acocomplished and perfect that they are like robots. They never help when asked, they will only help if its their own idea and for the purpose of being noticed by others.
Wow! You described an old friend of mine perfectly. I never really liked her, nobody did, but she tried hard to make friends and I felt a bit sorry for her so she attached herself to me and nearly 30 years later I’m wondering why I still make time for this utterly boring materialistic person who contacts me to tell me she’s shopping for a new fridge or to give me way too detailed accounts of her vacation. I just don’t care. Perhaps if every interaction didn’t seem so forced and uneasy somehow. I once asked if she would be my ride home after surgery because she didn’t work and was home during the day. She asked if I could have my surgery closer to her house as she didn’t like driving in the city. Yeah…ok…let me find a less skilled surgeon for your convenience 😂 Even though I don’t think she’s the calculating manipulator some of these people are, and for some reason I still feel a bit bad doing it, I’ll have to let her go along with my other narcs. If I continue to allow these people in my life I won’t make room for better people.
DO NOT LET IT BE JUST TEMPORARY ....MUST BE PERMANENT!!! Thats the only way for us Empaths
✊✊✊
The only way and the best way
Narcassists are like LICE.....they need a host to feed off of in order to survive !!!
😂 sooo true…just glad it’s not me.
I learned about NPD during the silent treatment. I went no contact & blocked him. He spread rumors, got no reaction and knew I figured him out. Two years of blissful peace.
Wonderful!!! CONGRATS!!! 👏👏🎉🎉
@@warriormom5843
Thank you
I did the same!!! Love that for us!
@@Datb2
We deserve better 😇
The great thing about No Contact is that even if he is saying things about me, I have no idea. Moved far away and do not associate with all his trashy enabling friends. Say what you want! The truth is in God's hands.
The worst is when they accuse you of being the narcissist when you won't do what they want or don't give them what they want.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂his jaw dropped 🎉
Oh yeah''
I didn't even know what a narcissist was when she first called me a narcissist, we've been in no contact now for a year. It doesn't get any better
Projection
I was looking after ny dying son, and my narc sister was working on my other son...called me the narcissistic one and convinced my other son of that!...she wasn't satisfied with me losing one son, she saw to it that I lose both! The evilness is beyond me 😢
Character assassination is a huge problem. it's so hard to ignore the pain that they inflict . If they cannot reach you directly, they will find other ways 💯.
Agreed!
Mine took the hurtful approach of telling lies to family members. Four of them either blocked or unfriended me but not my husband. He's the one that wrote check after check to them. No longer.
@@lynnb1746 That's extremely painful... I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know too well how much that hurts. Sending you lots of 💚
Agreed. That really sucks. I think of all the people in their work environment bewildered, stressed and frustrated due to a lack of education that smearing, flying monkey-ism exists. They probably had no idea these vile tactics existed. I certainly didn't. The cumulative stress can be devastating.
I have dealt with this before and the best way to deal with it is to become MORE UNFEELING than they are (by THAT point), and to subsequently just not give a rat! This is the way you win versus their so-called "winning" in my humble opinion
I am a man. I have been through an eye opening narc relationshit. You must understand that no contact is for you to do the inner work on why you went for this person. Deal with your own issues and forgive and move on. The forgiveness is for you because you will go through a stage of feeling you let yourself down. Learn from your failures so you can move on and be health. Endure your suffering and don't let it break you. It does get easier. I am lucky as I don't use social media. This helped me and forces me to live life.
Well said
Thank you ...i needed that.
I'm not on social media,don't want to be. Thank you for your advice. 🌟👍
Thanks for the reminder to stay no contact (30 days) in order to work on my stuff. Also fortunate not to be on social media of any kind. Really helps the recovery process. Have both good and bad days but determined to break the trauma bond. Just unbelievable that such people (narcs) exist.
@@brassconnect stay strong my king. We must be stoic. Just think you are free to meet new people. You never know what tomorrow brings. God bless you m8t
Who cares what they do? Move on. Ignore them.
😂 their kryptonite is being ignored! It’s crazy how dumb the flying monkeys are too. I know demons when I see them. There is no way back in for any of them!
You care because you watched the video silly😂
People who have a court order and children with these cruel narcs care
You have nailed it to the smallest detail Pola! Absolutely the case. Narcisists are driven by demonic forces and the only way to survive and recover from this spiritual warfare is by prayer, fasting , work and doing good things for yourself and others. Trusting That God has the final word. And that Jesus is by our side. God bless you ❤
🙏🌹🙋♀️
Absolutely 💯
Screw a title screw a face these are demonic energy vampires who need to be starved 💚💥
Wish we could talk more, I need help 😢
@@terry_kathryn hey! i'm not sure of others availability. i'm willing to help you
Amen God is faithful to keep his children in Jesus Christ he's our true trust!!
I have no problem ignoring and being ignored by the narcissist, and I could care less about his new supply. She will learn the hard truth soon enough. Him not having the capability to contact me has brought me an abundance of peace. That peace paves the way for my healing, which is my main focus.
Thank you for this video Paula, it has validated the healing progress I have made.
🙏🌹
@ Laurie Mendoza Yes, you are absolute the wisest woman here. Don't look back if you are with a narcissist. It was NOT you but him who is the narcissist most likely.
I've been so burned by a few women here and there that I can't believe I'm agreeing with a chick here. But, I see a similar yet different way that men or women experience the same thing going on. All I can say is that, once they take it for granted/the respect has left the house--you are under NO OBLIGATION to ever put up with their crap anymore. Easier said than done with some people. I wish you the best because I am staying the no-contact path myself after too much crap from a chick.
PS--keywords to this video from Paula IS that "They will play the long game." AMEN! It HAD TO get to a point to where I realized I was playing checkers while they were playing chess. Once that happened, everything changed in the better for me
Yep I could care less about her or her marriage. When you don't care anymore is the best feeling in the world so I have shocked tons of narcs at how my cut off game has become soooo easy and cold. They never saw me cutting my family off and welp Mama's wrong again lol, cause I cut them off too.
I am doing the same. He can go to hell for all I care. The control and focus is back with me and on me.
They meed help, Stay away from them .They will kill your joy.
Disconnect from all social media - Now that’s Power
I have been abused and surrounded by narcissistic people my entire life.
I wish I could go back in time and know then what I know now.
Many of my family members are narcissists, and I ended up marrying one. If I knew then what I know now I would’ve ran like hell moved out of state and never came back .
I was insecure alone and abused and manipulated. Now I know what an empath is. I wish I knew when I was younger how empaths are impacted by these kind of people.
My empathy and my kindness was wasted on vile, disgusting, cruel, wicked people who hide who they are .
I am at an age and have learned enough. I don’t play around with toxic people. I cut them short I walk away I don’t get involved I don’t take their phone calls. I don’t listen to them and I have no problem bluntly ghosting them, and never ever speaking to them again. I fully enjoy door slams on toxic nasty people.
Your life is my life. Took along time but better late than never. It's so easy now to walk away from narcissist or anyone who I feel is toxic for me.
Same !!!
This is an individual that doesn't understand this is my life and I decide who comes in and who goes out. I'm noones doormat.
They hate that we decide😃
@@bobbarker1798 yep Bob,they hate we don't want anything to do with them.
YOU HAVE TO RESPECT YOURSELF AND HAVE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND BOUNDARIES. THERE IS NO LIFE WITHOUT INDEPENDENCE.
Isn't that what the narc says
Ignoring them requires effort.
Disappearing from them is the answer .
Tonight I was driving home and suddenly felt something deep come over me. The realization that when a narcissist is removed from our lives, it is Gods hand removing them for our own protection. We should be so grateful and appreciative that they are being removed because it means, I think, that God is keeping us safe. When we go back, we are defiant and in turn, get hurt until we finally learn. I think it is a test of our actual faith. We are not to idiolize.
Some of of us never get that chance though because these people are not normal. They can kill you literally. Both spiritually and physically.
I also definitely believe hormones play alot into it and wish there was a antidote to keep us from going back. I think its the drive to reproduce and be with a partner at play that pulls people back in.
Whats weird is after I recongize someone is one, they suddely are truly physically disgusting and ugly in my view. Yet when they first aftract you, they put a spell like on you and they look so good and everything is bliss. It truly is like Dracula. How when the character was getting his victim, he was beautiful. However, when seen for his true self....demonic and foul.
These are just thoughts. I really do believe these are demons the more and more I study and deal with them. I also think something is causing them to be more rampant and worse by numbers. Meaning there are so many now.
I have learned that the only thing that helps the most is absolutely no contact whatsoever once you realize what you are dealing with. It gets worse each time because they hold grudges and never can forgive or forget.
Amen
Amen. I Thank God every day for saving me and I trust Him to lead me on the path for what remains of my life here on earth.
I could listen to this woman talk all day.....
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Agree
True
Remember they are predators, and yes they will test you to see where they have you 👍 Paula thanks for the video 🦋🙏
They are such snakes! As soon as people realize and accept that reality, it becomes easy to walk away.
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They also know that they have their children entangled in their web and that their children feel an obligation to them. Still wanting for validation from their narc parent. It's not the children's fault..but aspects of your progress in your life will invariably end up being told to the narc. They don't have to say a 'bad' word about you. It's how they say it - or they can fain that they are sympathetic to your plight. I watched him do that a 1000 time's. They will also respond with laughter, giggles, smirks, making funny faces etc. It's pathetic. Still messages to their children that you are somehow a loser or in need of some kind of 'help'. He would go on and on to the kids about being 'self reliant'. The man never pushed a lawn mower. All smoke and mirrors folk's! Each and every one of you are absolutely amazing! 💪🎯💌
I was dating a narcissist for a few months. Sometimes it was great and other times it wasn't. I often felt confused and like I was losing myself. I told him I was gonna take 3 days off and do some self care. He said, that great! During those 3 days I read and listened to youtubes about narcissism, for some reason, and did a deep dive into my thoughts and feelings. Meditated, journaled and I began to see more clearly those tiny red flags. He was good for a week or so and then invited to his house one night as we often do. When I got to the door I discovered that he had another woman in his bed! So I guess that was his response to my 3 day hiatus. He knew I was onto him, and a good man would've broken up with me but he is a coward and pulled that stunt on me. It was the best thing he ever did! I'm free of him, regained myself and glad it was only a few months and not years. Just remember you CAN recover, you can be happy again. Love yourself and find a way to love life, keep truly good friends and family in your life. They are valuable "therapists" just by supporting and loving you❤️
I was with a 'comlete' narcissist for 8 years, he totally annihilated me to the point of not knowing myself, my confidence was rock bottom, i became strong again and drove 150 miles to relative's, i'm free now ❤
You dodged a bullet. Good for you.
“You don’t have self agency in the narcissist’s mind”. Truer words have never been spoken. Perfect analysis.
I didn't have it in my father's mind.......until I threaten to call the police. He fixed up real quick and knew that harassing this INDIVIDUAL will land them in jail.
I am presently ignoring a narcissist and what you describe is accurate.
But!!!!!!! The winner, the jewel of it, for you is!!!!!!!, forgetting!!!!!!!!! .....them! So to say you're ignoring them, you're not moving on.
@@AdamJamesEarlyChasebliss-ru8tq Thanks for the comment.
I have moved on, but there are surrounding relationships to the Narc that still cause loose connections. I no longer try to correct the narcissist's errors in logic or behavior and have only the required contact. Whenever possible, I give simple "Yes," "No," or "I don't know" answers. Thus, there is no opportunity for gaslighting and accusation.
Forgetting is not just difficult, I think it may be impossible. Not allowing past abuse to influence the present is possible.
I had a mysterious flat tire. Once a week flying monkey drive by’s. Lots of unknown caller hang up calls and many phony Facebook friend requests. So pathetic
Ignore ALL of it. Shut down ANYONE who you may have mutual connections to. Hear me when I say this. Even if they have done nothing to you, a mutual connection can be turned into a flying monkey without knowing it.
It they are MEANT to be in your life, it will all play out so that they understand what went down.
Oh that game. I played it for 54 years with my mother and 14 years with the insane passive aggressive covert narcissist ex husband. No contact with them and 5 former friends. Happy joyous and free and so glad to be out of that mind blowing game
I am COMPLETELY DONE with my half siblings. Thrown them out of my FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAMM, etc. This is an INFJ DOOR SLAM. And from me, this is complete.. No more abuse...
Thankful that we have people like you that enlightens people like me... 👍👍❤❤🙌🙌
Good job INFJ. I didn't know that INFJs were so resolute😃
1 Block 🚫 all over
2 July 17 2022 haven't seen or heard from her.
3 changed my number
Now I'm just waiting on my lawyer on the home we purchased together. At peace and happy. My advice... Cut them off and never look back. It will hurt but in the end you will come out on top. Thank you for your wisdom 🙏 it really have helped me. I sincerely appreciate your help 🙏
Stay strong man
Think of them as a vampire; you have to invite them in. Don’t do it.
The narcissists motto is…’love me or hate me but don’t you dare ignore me.’
So what!! , you need to move on
I finally had enough. Served him divorce papers. He’s begging me and finally I don’t care. I feel so much better emotionally It’s crazy how you can feel so much better you can feel at peace so quickly when you decide you are you are really done with them. I’ve been in for 12 years and a strong person. Power up!!!
"Your reaction belongs to them!" Eye-opening. Thank you.
Perfectly described. I thought of my mother mostly, all of her tactics. So sickening.
She did the weirdest crap and would then deny, like break/disable the locks on my bedroom door. And she did that because I’d locked them when I’m inside so that she couldn’t barge into my bathroom as I’m applying my liquid eyeliner very precisely.
She’s crazy, a psychopath.
Zero boundaries that's the NARK for you.
If you're living with her check around for hidden cameras. I bet she's installed one.... Sorry you're dealing with this. Nothing worse than having a malignant narc and psychopath for a parent.
I remember my mom used to clean out my closet of cherished childhood items while I was at school. She never asked me how I felt about giving away specific items that meant a lot to me. She would then tell me that she gave them to the neighbors children... They have no respect for your emotions whatsoever. Nothing belongs to you.
Oh how I understand you ! -- My childhood & teenaged years = (were) Hell in mother s household..I made finally Peace with her before she died ( I tried well before but she had Always preferred a ""Fight"" to exhaust me as much as possible, from near and from Afar likewise..).What helped me very much was my deep Believe in God & in His Blessings and Strengths He/She the Divine--ONE was giving me.
God bless you too.☆☆♡♡☆M.
When I was still living with the narc, I hadn’t spoken to him in 4 weeks as he would just start arguments, but I remember him saying to me that even one of his exes couldn’t hold out that long…..he realised what he said then went rushing off to do something to take the spotlight off himself as he saw my reaction, this indeed was a pattern. As soon as I told him we were finished, he had my replacement the next day off the same dating site he met the rest of us on. He was seeing her for about 7 weeks, all his calls were put on speakerphone so I could hear them (and the rest of his ‘harem’) they had gone away for a weekend then he went to her’s the next weekend, it didn’t end well and he came back early. Listening to him telling one of the harem, he had apparently said something to her and she pushed him away and went out for a walk with her dog. When she came back she didn’t want to talk about it as it triggered her (I know exactly what he said as he said it to me a few times) and he said he was just mucking about…NO, the language and comment is not mucking about. Anyway, she said she wanted 2 weeks out to think about the relationship…he had 3 more new women on the phone from the same dating site the next day, arranging to meet 2 of them. He was speaking to one of them when she phoned, he had to hang up to speak to her, I heard him saying she knows he loves her to bits and she is the future, same rubbish he told me less than a year earlier, she said she wasn’t sure about the relationship and he bit her head off, she hung up and he went back to the one he had been talking to earlier laughing and joking as if that conversation had never happened. Of course because I was still in the house and totally ignoring him, I got the temper he felt towards her more or less dumping him there and then. It got so bad that I had to install a camera in my bedroom until the day I moved out. He is mentally unstable and I’m glad I’m away and blocked his number and I know this will be driving him insane as he has no idea where I am. 👍
Glad you’re safe. Remain safe and well away from him as he’s a lost cause and a TOTAL waste of time. Blessings 🌸
@@BrendaBaBoom thank you Brenda, he certainly is, and Blessings to you too. ❤️
Stay away even when your cognitive dissonance sets in. Block, delete, change phone, zero contact x
@@thrivingnow7395 absolutely. Plus I know he NEVER wants to set eyes on me ever again, it wasn’t an easy ride for him in the end, he got found out.
@@hhsg11 They always return to Hoover as if nothing ever happened. Be strong. Maintain those boundaries!
OMG 😂😳 , I know this one ONLY too well ! It's knowing that they doubt your whole dependency on them , the loss of control makes them SO MAD !!
I know they don’t like boundaries. That’s how mine disappeared, I set boundaries and wouldn’t let them gaslight when they realized I had caught them in nefarious actions, they told me I was toxic and they would “see ya around, no hard feelings”. I celebrated.
My encounter with this male narcissist has given me so much insight into what my poor mother went through with my nasty narcissist father.
I cannot even count how many times I tried to break up with a narc, had them beg me to give them another chance, only to break up with me a couple weeks later. I’m DONE, the first red flags and you’re out. That’s it, no more chances
I was reeled in 6 times I went for divorce, in the end I had no choice ,it was die or divorce the monster .
I have gone minimal contact with my narc sister. She is executor of the estate 🏡 so she is after my share and has been rude, mean, completely disrespectful, campaign smeared me. But this is the best thing I have ever done, just not having her in my physical space already has brought me peace. I am 60 and it took me this long to figure it out. Thank you for your healing enlightenment.💕🕊🕊💕
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You could be writing my story. I'm 63. My narc sister took control of my mom's estate. Everything was gone when she died. We got nothing. Now that her FIL is dead, there are no more money trees to shake. She's gotten so much worse. Came after us, disrespectful, said she was disappointed in us (after we'd given them $20K), rude, even to the point of texting my husband the day before his dad's funeral saying they would not attend bc of the way I treated her at my MIL's funeral. We don't know what she's talking about. Who gets offended at a wake? My counselor says no contact for at least 90 days is my only option. It's hard but getting better. Glad it is working out for you.
Thank you Lynn . You made me feel I am not alone . God Bless you.💕🕊🕊💕
@@stephaniewencek6618 God bless you too.
I've been through this twice. First with my mother, who turned the entire extended family against me. I still have no contact with any of them, nor do I want to. It is actually very peaceful not being around that toxic coven. My mother died a few years ago and I did not discover it until a year later. I felt only relief. The second was my former father-in-law, who I kept in my life so he could still see his grandchild. I cut him off completely as soon as I discovered what he was. He was extremely nasty about it, but I still ignored him. He did slander me to his circle, but learning from the issues with my mother, I never introduced him to anyone who really mattered to me. All he really did was cut his flying monkeys off from me, which was a big favor. I have no social media. I learned there from the first incident too. There is no way to end a relationship with a narcissist without trouble. For me, best to rip off the band aid and ignore them through the slander. I will not contact, or accept contact, from him or his flying monkeys again. Those are only further attempts at manipulation. There is no negotiating with them. No contact at all, ever, for any reason. No matter how bad they are or how bad it gets, resuming contact will just make it start all over again.
Yes I'm in the same boat as you--- nars mother who turned all my sibblings away frm me as I was over her manipulating me and controlling me so I cut her frm my life 5 years ago---- cut completly--- if you let them in an inch the fire 🔥 only starts growing all over again--- I'd rather peace any day over a toxic family riddled with problems----
Everything you mentioned has happened to me! Including the boundaries. I was told I was controlling just requesting what I expected from him.
Perfect explaination, i experienced all these games,and in the end i went no contact 13 months ago, life couldn't be better.trust me.
I've heard some horror stories in the adult children of narcs community like bogus child welfare calls being made, fake Crimestoppers reports, etc & this is parents doing it to their own kids, so be prepared for anything. Make your outdoor cat an indoor cat (I've heard of way too many mysterious pet deaths), get a Ring doorbell, warn your work/landlord/kids school, etc that there's a nutjob who may approach them. Don't make the mistake of thinking your narc won't do anything really effed up, because they can & will stoop to diabolical levels.
Yes it sucks you're describing my story. My mom pretends really well but it's all about what she wants and if she can throw me under the bus while she's at it it's like a win-win
@Tara Arrington it's good that you're learning about the patterns & behaviour of narcs on channels like this, as that's half the battle. Once you're able to observe your mum's shenanigans & think 'ah this is projection, gaslighting, etc' it's much easier to see it as the nonsense ravings of a crazy woman. Hope you're able to eventually escape her. No contact isn't easy & isn't always possible, but it's honestly the best thing I ever did for myself.
I'm getting all of this now 🤣 it's just sad they do this.
@@crankypantsmcduff yes it is very sad I feel like it's a sort of like they're delusional basically and they projected onto you especially if you're the scapegoat and the thing is the rest of the family will buy into like the delusions
My mother has made my life a living hell with apology and it's all a delusion of hatred and rage. That's not the worst of it, she's done it to others to in my family and she keeps on getting away with all the rot and rubbish she has done. Not being sucked in anymore and having peace and quiet for what seems to be only a short time since she left, 4 years is a drop in the ocean. I will take the peace and quiet any day over the pain, hatred, rages, manipulation and triangulation that she has caused if it means keeping my family and I safe from her.
Paula? I'm ROLLING here!! This has literally just happened to where the scripted conversation of how our marriage just is over, after yet ANOTHER 3 week silent treatment, I simply replied, "That's old news, dear. And I didn't need YOUR insight to tell me what has been obvious for way too long "
Ohhh the reappearance of the love bomb🙄
You don't get tired until you get tired. You can't force it, you can't get angry enough, disgusted enough. Just like with everything else, there IS a time and purpose to EVERYTHING under heaven.
Thank you Paula.....much appreciation . You are helping to change lives for the betterment of humanity💝
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It kills me how much energy narcs use to aggravate other people but won’t put that same energy into being a learning how to be a decent person. It’s really pitiful actually. Sounds like a miserable existence. No thank you.
Is it really uncommon to leave a narcissist with joy? I did just that. I had come to hate him. The way he was, the way he treated me, there was nothing lovable about him. The day I went nc was the best day of my life and I have never looked back. It is going on 7 years now. He certainly tried to make contact, and I’ve certainly never responded. There were no trauma bonds or whatever you call attachment to the narcissist. Leaving him make me immensely happy! I had started to fantasize about it. His mother suggested I leave him and it’s like a light came on! After repeated attempts at making contact with no replies from me, he sent me an email stating that nothing had happened that should keep us from being friends. I trashed it immediately because it made me hate him more. Who in the he!! was he to tell me how to feel? I knew what had taken place! I was there! He’s still driving by my home every now and then. I shake my head and keep it moving. NEVER AGAIN. As far as I’m concerned he’s dead.
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Woke up crying today because of missing the good side of my ex narc. I feel a little better now after hearing this. Everyday is a struggle but it does get easier i know because I've been through a previous narcissistic relationship before and I survived.
Just today I told my narc to leave me alone, I don't need him, he's worthless, I don't want him, he's controlling, he's an abuser (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially) . I have never held him accountable. And he said "What have I done" "Why are you treating me like this and the real kicker "you are showing your true colours now!!
I am done.
You can do this!! We both are at the initial stage but we need to be strong and never waiver once from No Contact. I wish you Heavenly Peace and Everlasting Happiness.
After I went no contact he eventually tried to use the legal system to punish me which would have destroyed my career. Luckily I suspected he would do so and was somewhat prepare but it still hurt and scared me. One of his complaints in the legal paperwork was that I wouldn't respond to him. The things he accused me of were truly horrible. I did prevail but it was awful for a few months and I still don't feel safe from him.
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Once again spot on Paula. I can't even begin to explain the "FREEDOM" i am experiencing after being involved with these dark creatures. The only problem i have now is that i am extremely vigilant when i deal with people which is a bit tiring but the knowledge gained from this horrible ordeal outweighs anything else. God Bless you Paula and all your followers dealing with NPD issues.
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Amen!
Yep, they will do those things...just had my power cut off mysteriously. Called the power company and they stated there was a request for shut off but didn't find who did it. Also, had 6 shots fired at dark in the vacant lot next to my house only a week before that. Move if you can.. once they know where you are, crap happens. They are PO'd that you cut them off!
Hope you have escaped.
Wow when you move don't tell anyone and get a po box with a street address.
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WOW! I hope you are documenting all these things with local police! Also, get some security cameras, let neighbors know what is happening and to contact you if they see anything suspicious around your house. Stay inside after dark, if possible. At least change your phone number if you can't move. Switch up your routine a bit. Get a large dog!!! Went through some similar "shenanigans" with my ex narc, but fortunately I have great neighbors, great family, and great friends who have my back! He did finally give up after one incident gone wrong for him and the threat of being reported to police! Just stay safe!!! 🙏
Get a password attached to your power account so he cant do it again. Same thing happened to me
It's a true test of self acceptance and self belief. When you have integrity, they can't take that away from you unless
.................you let them...........,..
You forgot to mention "throw the new supply in your face" and everywhere on all "avenues" This took me a while to get over 😥😥 Soooo cruel 😮💨😮💨
Thank you for another great video, Paula 🙏❤️🙏
Yes one of the worst aspects when trying to recover from the abuse. It communicates you were a mear object. Nobody that had any genuine care ( respect]) would rub an ex or present partners nose in anything but love. After it all, I still would never behave in the same way.
An d.. get on your knees thanking God they DID find someone else... it makes it sooooo much easier for us!
Thank you so much. I needed this. I’ve been no contact for the past 6 weeks with the narcissistic father of my kids and yesterday my daughter experienced his rage at being ignored. I was so sad that she had to experience that. It affects me very badly. Finally breaking free will be a huge victory for my kids and I.
Run for the hills ,never look back 💕💕💕
File a restraining order. This is emotional abuse and we ,at some point, have to take this very seriously. My exes behavior deeply hurt my sons self esteem. I have no pity for these overgrown babies. You can’t give them one more chance to to this. I know because my mother gave her schizophrenic son full access to my emotional playground. It almost destroyed my life.
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They truly believe you will never leave. As a normal human with real emotions we can only take so much. No your worth. There is someone out there that will value you.
I cut off my narcissist sister before I knew what a narcissist was, so I was already ahead of the game. I heard something much later and did research and realized
what it was. As soon as I "forgave her" she was not on my mind anymore. I released her to Satan. It's been 12 years and now she's attempting to contact me again.
She sent me a birthday card last year on my 70th birthday, I ignored her. Then she sent this complimentary e-mail about 2 months ago saying, "All my friends think you
look like Catherine Zeta Jones". I never responded. Maybe it's her attempt to keep memory of her on my mind. Didn't work. I like coming to this channel once in a while
because it occasionally appears in my line up. I have never felt freer or happier since I have no contact, don't know what she's thinking today and don't care. It's just nice
to get agreement when I listen to your videos. I was right all the time. My opinion of her contacting me now is that she's suffering by not being able to abuse me. I don't
care.
Jeeeeeeez this is so spot on!!!!! "Look this is silly, we "love" each other".......blah blah blah! SOOOOOOO MANY TIMES!!!! SOOOOO GLAD THAT I FINALLLLLLY RELEASED THAT IT WAS ALL BULLPOOP!!! Now is the hard part of forgiving myself for believing this so many times. Honestly this has given me cold shivers. Ohhhhhh my word controlling, abusing trust and then blame, COLD SHIVERS 😭😭😭
it summons the devil in full form, if you feel you have to walk away please keep walking away never look back, if you do go back they will punish you for leaving them it gets worse and worse each time you go back i feel stupid going back as many times as i did, i hope no one else gets stuck on this never ending rollercoaster ride it never improve's.
I had a neighbor friend (who I sadly discovered was a narc) behave in such a rage to me that I think she knows it’s OVER on my end. She revealed who she was in that one incident and I woke up. What a shock. I kind of think she knows she crossed a line and I think she accepts our relationship is OVER and she won’t attempt to establish contact again. I shall see. I think she will be feeding off other sources of supply. Oh, good - listening to your words, I very much hope she ignores me back! And I don’t do social media, so think I’m good!! But I’m still listening to your words. She lives about 5 houses down from me. I am so glad that incident happened. I busted her for something she did (big mistake) and she utterly lost it, tried to barge into my home! Yep, it’s over!
Wow...this is exactly how the situation went, when I reached my breaking point of narcissistic abuse.. The mirroring of my ignoring them, the pleading to talk about it, even trying to engage my family members to control the narrative and eventually returning the keys to my apartment when I had already changed the locks...smh. They are truly incapable of love.
Your last sentence is So very True with regards to my late highly toxic mother; My 2 nd husband actually told her straight away; ; ""Marie loves you but you don't love her!""--which made her cry;.... (He told her it in English --not my & her mother tongue nor his)--she understood perfectly! --When I had a break/down and (while) I was in hospital, she tried to seduce him; she was 70 and he was 30 years old..She said to him;""Marie is not here""...according to his witnessing ""She did not succeed"" ..😈😨😈
I love that mine came back. He got DUMPED. No way I'm going back to that game. You're right, he just wants to keep dumping me.
Paula, the part where you mentioned "having a punctured tire," is what I'm dealing with. I keep having flats from screws in my tires. I'm about 99.9% positive the screws are coming from him.
Wow Meredith maybe a well positioned camera might help?
@@NarcCon Yes, I've been looking into buying one. I believe I'm going to need one.
Did you buy that camera yet Meredith? Or has your tires stopped being tampered with?
Be careful. My ex would let are out of my tires scratched the door panels and his final blow he put sugar in my gas tank.
Any partner that can replace you within a week never cared..that's how I see my ex gf now..and wen I did reach out the mask was completely gone and I was sniggered at even tho I contacted her with integrity to see how she is..your empathy has a limit and mine has ran out with her at this stage.
My daughter was murdered in 2020. She left behind 2 precious little girls. They were all living with me. My great nephew and his wife adopted them. Well they lied about the adoption and I called them out on it. Well they have blocked me and I haven’t seen my grandbabies since Sept. 2022. These grandbabies are all I have left in this world. It’s killing me.
The courts may help Phyllis?
Devoid of empathy. It's all about them. Sad humans.
Praying your lead to help.❤
You do have legal rights.
Most of my relationship was silent treatment and triangulation - this video in particular clicked
I had a friend that I just cut off because I found that I was confused about myself when I would return to my home. It was like “ I didn’t say that? “ I don’t even feel that way, why did she say that ? I got tired of it. It was exhausting.
Oh my !!
I have lived this over and over.
In terms of triangulation , you are exactly right. There were several ways she would bring past relationships ( names ) into the conversation , and do so VERY CASUALLY .
Sometimes , I would get unwanted details.
THEN , I call her out on it , and get a
lecture on how disrepectful I am .
And , why am I so jealous ????
So many behaviors. that I can't believe
I tolerated ... over and over .
Also .. on the ignoring issue.
In the past , she would try to bully me.
Make threats , etc .
Now ... That I am serious about NC.
She's playing it calm and cool .
How totally intetesting .
There is no going back.
The level of toxic behaivior never let up.
I have had my tyres consistently deflated. My oil tank pipes cut so no heating. It all makes sense.
Yes..
wow realising you’re not crazy and what you’ve been dealing with ur whole life is not ur fault is pretty surreal. it’s kind of crazy how much i’ve been avoiding looking into this because i felt as though it was just how people were. i still struggle with feeling chronic guilt for never being good enough for people who’ve drained me so much to the point i can’t even recognise myself anymore. narcissistic abuse is real, please don’t be afraid to trust your experience and find people who truly care for you.
you’ll know in your whole body as your nervous system relaxes around these people and you find peace and self love with them..
One of the worst things I heard a narc parent do to their adult child is getting them fired at their place of work like WTF😳
when my bf broke up with me, i felt a huge relief, he broke up with me probably 5 mins before I could. Was he a narc I dont know but he sure had weird behaviours. Honestly, I think the relationship was good for me because I now KNOW how strong I am. The best advice I can give is go into every relationship with honesty, integrity, boundaries in place and dont ever get obligated to someone and finally go slow.
WOW. I was told I was controlling for setting boundaries, and they are soooooo controlling. I had 2 seizures and returned home from getting an eeg (rlly emotionally draining day) and I was told my energy was sucking the room and I needed to go upstairs alone. I feel pity for them, that they can’t tolerate genuine connection with other people, inclusive to their bad or sick days. I’m shamed directly and subtly for my emotions, expressiveness, how much I do or don’t do, etc. They cycle through friends like crazy, their intensity scares me. Now I know my part in this, lack of self love and compassion, and far too open with my vulnerabilities, to people who don’t prove to be trusted. This video is incredibly relevant, I’m moving asap.
It never occurred to me that everyone in a narcissist's life is somewhere in the 'Cycle' of love-bombing, de-valuation, or discard.
I've known people who treated me so well at first and then I couldn't figure out what happened. Obviously, they knew me too well and had to devaluate me. They are narcissists and it's the way they are, literally nothing personal because they behave this way towards everyone. As you state, EVERYONE in a narcissist's life gets devaluated beginning at a certain point in the relationship. The more often you see the narcissist the more obvious the devaluation will be.
Calmly state boundaries, preferably with others around or in writing. If they can't accept my boundaries they don't have to. I will not have a discussion about what my boundaries are either. If you can't respect my boundaries you have shown that you don't respect me so why on earth would I continue a relationship with you.
Good way to weed out losers
When you block them and they no longer can reach you, they will write you snail mail and tell you that enough time has passed, it's time to 'get over it' and come back to the friendship. Throw the snail mail away. If you realize the snail mail is from them before you open it, either throw it away or ask someone you trust to read it for you and give you the gist of the message. I actually went to the police and inquired about a restraining order. After doing this the person quit.
Very well said. This is exactly what I am expecting.. and you are right. DO NOT EVEN OPEN IT. !!!!!
Thank you so much , you are helping me get through the other side, it’s been about 6 weeks with no contact and she has sent me some messages to try and get a response but I’ve kept quiet and not responded! I now recognise the pattern , I do miss her but day by day it gets better ❤
Block and delete! Total no contact is the way towards healing!
Keep going Tony 🌹
Thanks for your response 👍 she’s blocked me on FB so it must be working 🙏
Just question to throw out there people, she goes to see My Mum every other week to do a bit of cleaning and to have a chat etc, what should I do ? I’ve told Mum that I’m no contact with her but I don’t want Mum to to be lonely as it’s good for her to see someone else . Should I ask mum if she still wants to see her ? Or is the narc going to use this situation as food so to speak? I really don’t want to upset Mum but on the other hand it’s still a bit of control over me
@@tonypiggot4877 No contact means just that. There is no way she should have access to anyone you are in contact with, like your Mum. If this woman is a narc, she will slowly destroy your mother also. It is a dangerous disorder. I would protect my mother from this, for sure.
We must stay woke at all times ty Paula 😊 🙏
This is so spot on! I got hoovered to just get discarded in such a hurtful way after rejecting her request for space. One month later I just got an email. Blaming me for the end, with apologies and and cryptic saying at the end. “Love was not enough”
If you left first this is why they hoover just to 'discard.' They have to 'win' at all costs as you leaving is rejection (induces shame) so they have to shore it back up by discarding you.
Wow. This is the best info yet, that I needed to hear. I've been in a 4 month relationship and I'm tired of this crap. She's very predictable and she'll go silent on me for about 3.5 weeks. When she comes back, she's pleading with me, for real and begging me not to leave her. I'm cool and calm when I speak to her. She just asks me what I've been doing. I just tell her "I'm busy. Then the whole process starts repeating itself. It wasn't too bad this time only about a week longer and now 'Poof'. She's ignoring her again. I say nothing at all to her, I usually double the amount of no contact that she puts me through. this time. Might be a bit longer.
The "initiator" is so spot on. I just wanted legal separation after 36 years of marriage giving us space to figure some things out...he came home with divorce papers from the courthouse. He always has to "one up" me and control what happens. And I took him up on it....I couldn't fill the paperwork out fast enough and had him take it all back to the courthouse for processing. I don't think he expected that. Have peace now but only after several years of introspection and work.
Excellent points as usual, the one about becoming jealous hit me, I was never jealous, I used to trust people. She made me jealous with her evasive behaviour. I was called controlling for asking where she'd been!!! To emphasise the instant rage if she thought I was ignoring her, I text her 4 times one day without reply, at 11.20 pm , she called, I missed it i was in the shower, minute later, she text answer your phone stop playing games, 5 mins later, she says forget it, get yourself a girlfriend who'll put up with your silly games!!! Thats how bullying and toxic it can become.
We'd split up within the month.
Hi John!
Buddy up?
@@thrivingnow7395 hi
@@thrivingnow7395 sure
@@JohnSmith-wo7ns Is it just me or does my email address keep disappearing! So it is thrivingnow2023
Yes i ignored a narcissist who was the leader of a group i joined. I did not want to socialise with them and sat by myself. He must not have liked that. I did not know he was a narcissist then.
Me taking control prompted him to take control by love bombing me. Making me fall in love with him.
Looking back knowing what i know now it all makes perfect sense. This knowledge and understanding is needed to let it go and move on.
I feel sorry for him and am praying for him.
You are spot on in what you are saying here in this video. My narc once he had me hooked ignored me. To make me run after him. Yes extremely juvenile and immature behaviour.
So calculating. They are so targetted in their approach. Yes he used a flying monkey to check up on me.
So grateful to have a knowledge of narcissists when this began but it has still taken time for me to getter a fuller understanding of it. Thanks to videos like yours.
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I can relate to what everyone here has commented on. I believe you. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ coming your way from Portland Oregon 😊
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Mirror them and they leave and run !!! Don't show any Weakness , never cry infront of them , don't shake !!! Look as Evil to them just how Evil they look at You !!! They can't take it , and the Best Thing is not to talk to them !!! Talk to others instead and don't walk close to them !!! Don't be scared !!! Act like they have to be scared of You !!! Be brave !!! If You see them somewhere , the very Best Thing is not to be in the Places You know You could meet them !!! Stay aware and away !!!
My narc ex literally RE-filed for our divorce so it looked like HE filed first. At first I was pissed but then my lawyer told me that all one had to do was follow the case file number all the way back to the beginning to see when/who actually filed first (I filed first).
During the first hearing, he lied to the magistrate about receiving the divorce papers). And then in the SAME conversation changed the story and said he “found” the papers at a family member’s house. It was ridiculous.
In the end, I stopped being concerned about “the appearance” of things and was just relieved that the whole circus was finally closed down. Anyone who wants to know who did what can follow the bread crumbs. I’m done and I am free.
There IS freedom on the other side of the narc madness. But YOU have to decide to be absolutely and RUTHLESSLY DONE with all of it.
CUT IT AND BE DONE. Don’t play, walk away.
Thank you 💞 love from Albuquerque shared.
NM has a bunch of them
Someone who has been manipulated most of their life will react differently than someone who hasn't been. This frustrates the narcissist and throws him into a tantrum.
These narcissists have triggers, too, that when flipped they get mad, then you can get peace while they are giving you the silent treatment. You can have internal joy with quietness and your own thoughts and dreams while they sit brewing and angry that you didn't act right. Also when pushed too far and realize how frustrated he is getting me, I will start to just keep saying "ok" over and over with everything he says, after 4 responses like that in a row he calms down, probably realizing he is getting nowhere with me.
And a final one is when it's the narcs house and they keep threatening to kick me out, but I still have a van I can live in that makes me happy, my van is a constant reminder that he can not threaten me too much or I will joyfully leave.
His son in law once made a comment I would keep contacting the narc after separation at which time I told him no I would block his number.
So I have enough strength from past narcs and watching 4+ years of narc videos to still have spirit within me. I met this narc 6 months ago, very few red flags I thought or I didn't want to see them, but once I moved in the mask came off big time. But I had agreed to make the last of his life happy, so I'm fighting through it. He has stage 4 cancer throughout his body. No, I'm not with him for financial gain, I still don't know his income. Just here to give him some happiness, but so looking forward to my solitary life in my van again. I had found my peace and joy there after the last narc. Yes, I still fall for the crap, I thought I wouldn't but I let my guard down in hopes this was real.
I told my ex Narc that he woke me up to narcissism & it’s helped me in other relationships eg family/ friend.
He hated this. Said he don’t want to hear that. Whilst trying to hoover.
The joy of being aware…. After the darkness of discovering these people.
Still difficult but safe & peaceful ♥️
The Exact words -I was too controlling.. that was his favourite thing to say when I confronted that I had 4 pieces of evidence that he was cheating online .. no remorse no accountability no admittance that I may have got more insecure as I started to feel not good enough etc as cheated multiple times and the lack of any understanding that this was wrong was astounding !
Thank you for your work, you are the best !!!
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Your teaching and the teaching of others on narcissism have been very helpful. After being abandoned and feeling like a piece of trash for a few months, I spent time studying and came to some conclusions. Since then I have not made any more phone calls or sent any text messages. Just as you said, she didn't send any either "for a while." Now she is doing exactly as you said. I am getting texts, phone calls, and she gives me instructions about how to conduct my life. But I am now informed and my life is blossoming again. My days are no longer spent trying to make her happy and experiencing the cycle of failure and more attempts at making her happy.
When you know you go. And block all areas of your life. They will be back! And each time you take them back it’s worse!!
Making progress. I am on to her. These videos have helped understand narcissism. I now know what has been going on and guess what, "I am not crazy and I am not the primary cause of all our problems!" I have learned some things since I wrote a previous note. 1. Do not expose a narcissist! It is a losing proposition. 2. A big part of the reason you will lose, is because the narcissist is very smart when it comes to protecting himself or herself. In this case it is called an "insurance policy." Others were be prepped for any forthcoming exposure so that you will look like the bad guy.
Coming up on my 2nd NC; first was 5 years. This year will be 2 and beyond.
i have a covert narc neighbor that i picked up on the tocicty wihtin 2-3 months and within 5 months or less i walked away and ignored him. he literally stalked me on a low level ever since.
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@@NarcCon i didn't really have time to extrapolate earlier as i was at work. anyway. so 8 years ago i discoverd the covert narc that was a female who was "close" to me but made me think i was going to be more. but this was far more than just a girl using a nice guy. she had the mask, the narc rage, the manipulation, the works. and after just over a year she wound up pushing me way too far one day and the mask slipped beyond insane. which was a good thing because it snapped me out of it for a moment so i googled the behaviors and the first thing i found was "signs of a narcissstic sociopat//phyopath. so i went on a journey of watching every video on the topc, every article i could 10 hours a day for 2 straight years. it helped. so it surely made me see things quicker.
so this neighbor (and this is the crux of the issue) he lives across the street and 2 houses down. only 250 feet maybe.
he only lived here for 5 years at this pont. i met him a fe times in passing here and there for a copule minteus when passing by the guys hosue. but in i think February of 2021 somehow he asked me to walk with him. so i said cool as i like exercising and it was a way to get to know him a bit. the walk was nice actaully and then after 25 minutes and we got back to his house, just before i was ready to walk back acorss the street something very odd happened. he didn't say anything specific, nor do anything specif. and nothing wrong on either front. but this feeling came over me. a gut feeling. something felt way off about him. i got this very strange vibe i could not explain.
i wound up avoiding his side of the street wlaking back if i saw him outside for the next 2 monhts or so. maybe 3.
then the feeling had passed and i gave it a shot so i went over to see if he wanted to go. now bare in mind, i loved excecising. running. jogging. that was what got me in shape and healthy and worked, i had a rhythm. i enjoyed it.
and i noticed he lost a lot of wieght from the first tim ei saw him 3 years ago so i got inspried. so he knew full well as i told him. i told him straight up that we could walk, maybe once a month or less as i ama runner but maybe here, maybe there. after this walk, he also understood that i like to go fast, and he moved fast that first time. this was praboy in May b tthen i had fmaily come in. so really we did this once or tixe in ay but he didn't bug me yet. but after my brother came in june late june 2021 was when it really begun.
so we did that first real good walk. and agai he knew. my desire to run not walk.
then he asked me 3 days later to go. but he didn't tell me and spring on me his step daughter was under 10 years old and hated excercise. i was going like 1mph on average and was bored and i place no blame to her at all. but he could tell i was frustrated. he didn' teven ask if it was ok. but i forgave that first time.
he said he won't bring her anymore, but then 2 days later he got me to go again. i didn't even want to go but i knew he would go fast and i could run after
cont'' -- he srpings her on me again. but this time insisted she rode her bike. but she would just get ahead, get behind, and then when she caugt up she would often stop start right in front of us messing me up every time she did it. but at least we didn't have to wait fo her. and sure enough this 3rd time, he stared inviting me and trying to fee dme have meover. (lovebombing)
so then it started turning into im contantly texting me every day at owork asking me when i was going to be home, can i leave early eveyr day. more and more.
my big mistake was giving my number honestly. never should have. and i got on his fb.
anyway. evne 4-5 times, once when i was on a golf outing with work all day he knew a week 3 days and the day before ahead of time 80 miles away , one time when i was visitng a freind o a weekend i told hi i was going an donce when i was even going to a funeral and after dinner thing and be there for a family o fa good freind. all these times he would text me like 5-6 times. are you done , what time yuwll you be done. did you leave yet. want to walk? talk about no boundereies.
he had a way of cauing you, well me and probably others to feel "obligatory" to him. iguess a type of tuilt trippig
and then one time he got me to ride a bike h owend as mine was broken i dind't even want to go in the first place. but when he loaned it it was night, i tested it for 2 secons and hte breaks squeked. i told him. he said they work fine 95%. oh ok, i said. idiot me. only to find as soon as i stated they didn't work (AT ALL) and for 25 minutes staright i kept tellin him it was unsafe. he did not care. only that he had me to ride with him. again at night. crossing subdivisions laong a main street so i could have gotten killed or maimed honestly. then druing this time th egears broke and he guilt tripped me into payin 170 dollars.
he then promixed to go to a ppsroting even i paid 110 perticket for and cancelled 45 hours before with lies, and lies upon lies. this was all within a 4 month period.
con't-- anyway i already stopped trying to respond. he got very pasive agressive. within 3 weeks before i fully walked away one time he texted me simply"i see you running" the time stamp was literally 2 minutes after i passed by my house after my first full lap of a 4.2 mile jjog meaning he texted it the minue after i kept running and passed infrnt of his house. so creepy. also a copule weeks prior when ii realized his toxiciy i wsa trying to think of a way to scare him off. so while walking alone, no phone. 1 mile away 30 degres, nonone outside. on a dead end street before the woods wit only 17 houses on it not terribly close to the road, windows cloaed i outloud said to my self i shoudl say "said his given name/ hey sexy, you are cute" as if soething i could say to him to scare him off. but i then realized might not work.
35 minutes later i get home and a text on my phone fro ma diffrent number that was not his (which would have happened between that time but before i got home "hey sexy"
i responded. who is this. they said your name is john isn't it? i told them i had no idea who they are.
i swear to god he may have put a blue tooth or some listening device in coat pocket or pants pocket or something. so i washed all of the stuff i wore on that night on hot, dried on hot. scary.
so i cut him off with no warning aftera ll this. figured after 2-3 weeks he would stop trying.
but nope, kept trying. even threw a couple flying monkeys at me. i didn't fall fort i. never responded. 2 months later in feb of 2022 it totally had him blocked on social meda and phone. yet 6 weeks after blockning his phone he managed to text me from his own number. my cell company shoed he was blocekd we did tech work for an hour. a week later he called my phone. didn't answer.
tech support once again. and finally a 3rd time. finally found a way to block it. and then since, he tried several times (i kne it was him) but using other people's nubmers trying to text me random messasges.
he saw me 3-4 rtimes outside durin gthe summer while i ran and tried sayin ghi to me. didn't even look at him. no ressponse. etc..
oh and in january last year 2022 only 8 weeks after i stopped. one day he followed me in his car for 2 miles until i managed to shake him off.
so when i say he is a stalker. i am not kidding you.
however, i will tell you i have kept a log at work on my work comptuer and have kept the time,date and everysingle thing he tried. and keep adding any time he does.
his last attmept to get my attnedin was about 3 weeks ago just before th eyear ended. but that is the last time
I have done all I can to cut contact. Difficult with a child involved but just found out that my ex has put a phone locator on his phone, to locate mine. Its a new one to me and didn't know that this could be done.
That's a new one on me too. I would ask a phone store if the function can be turned off on your phone, it may be in the settings somewhere. An alternative might be a flip phone ("feature phone"), maybe it can't be done with these.
Thank you so much for this up- building presentation. It has highlighted most of the things I have and still going through after permanently breaking up with this narcissistic woman. She is behaving the same way you have narrated. I started by ignoring her, she followed suit, it's now well over 2 months now since we broke up, and It's who decided to ignore her.
Knowing her so much, she has sort supply from else where, which I know that supply would not match the supply she got from me. What you have mentioned is exactly what I expect to happen. But I have put my foot down not to entertain her back into my life again. Keep on encouraging us this way in order for us to completely find peace and freedom that we lost during such abusive relationships. Stay blessed
Another great video and insight, that will help people I truly believe,.you've helped me to realise I wasn't the only one ,you feel very isolated when going through it. I finally feel completely no love towards the narc ,I blocked him on everything and never spoke even over Xmas and new year ,I had a cpl really bad months, I thought I couldn't get through it. I'm finally coming out the otherside.so thankful. Happy New year Paula.xx
You too Mary 🥰
Mary i am so delighted for you, see how strong you are becoming, please do not fall back into the trap.
I wish you every happiness. 🎉
😊 🎉
You explain my life experiences spot on, I have had enough of this toxic abuse for 34 yrs, I wish I knew what it was all about then.
I have just found your channel and thank you for a great video. In my experience It's not so much if you ignore them, it's if you stand up to them and you tell them that you are not there to reward their bad behaviour. Then you'll see what they are really like.. I tell you what, as a professional nurse of 30 odd years experience who should've known better, it was an eye-opener to me.
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Dear Paula, Thanks to you I'm not running to the ex narcissist. You answer all questions. Thank you 1000 times❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Wonderful!
This was is brilliant. This is exactly what they do. Thank you so much for the validation 💗
Glad you enjoyed it!