How CLUTTER makes us feel unsafe in our home (Podcast Ep. 17)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 มิ.ย. 2024
- Welcome to The Official Minimal Mom Podcast channel. If you'd like to hear previous episodes, you can find them on all podcasting apps including Apple Podcasts, Spotify and iTunes.
Thank you so much for listening and could I ask a favor? Would you mind subscribing? It helps TH-cam recommend this podcast to more friends. Thank you! Dawn
Find Dr. John Delony here: / @thedrjohndelonyshow
Find his book here: amzn.to/3Po0254
ABOUT THE MINIMAL MOM:
Hi, I'm Dawn, if we haven't met before, I'm married to Tom and we have four kids ages 8-13. We live outside of the Twin Cities in MN and have called ourselves minimalists for 8 years now. We got rid of 85% of our stuff and don't miss ANY OF IT!
If you'd like to see more instructional videos about minimalism and decluttering, be sure to check out my other channel
Calling all adults! If you are the parent with adult children who will have to clean out your house when you die, set a timer, open a closet cupboard or drawer and start today. By spending 15 minutes a day that's 90 hours in a year. And if you start with 15 minutes you might do more. Don't make this disaster part of your inheritance.
Karen, as an older person who had to clean out my parents house when they went into a nursing home, I couldn't agree with you more! I am currently passing along things to my son that he really wants to keep, so he and his family can enjoy them and either enjoying what I have or getting rid of it if I don't, so he will not have to deal with that. I have moved several times in the last 10 years and have gotten rid of almost everything when moving. There are few things I miss and have been able to replace easily and cheaply. I see friends trying to save things for their children that they don't want or need.
Both of my folks, husband, brother & recently my younger sister passed. I've become the keeper of the "memories" and overwhelmed. BUT have recently began watching this channel and appreciate the "permission" to get rid of things and take my life back.
I'm cleaning out my dad's house. 3 weeks last year and 3 weeks this year...my brother has been doing a lot too because my dad had a barn and junk yard. But what I will say is dad would not have cleaned it out. My mom died over 20 years ago and I think he was emotionally broken from her passing and then his health declined. It's okay though, my dad taught us both to work hard, so we will get through it and get it done!
My friends actually lost their home in a house fire yesterday. Thankfully, all the humans were safe, but all their belongings are gone. Also thankfully, we have an amazing community jumping into action to assist and provide. The community really is the best thing ever.
What would you do if you looked at Medusa?
When Dawn said, "I grew up poor- we would never have gotten rid of..." WOW!!! That was my thinking until I found this TH-cam channel & it changed my life! NOW I am trying to convince my mom (who is in her 70's)- why she doesn't need to live in clutter & chaos!... Just yesterday my 13yr old asked, while we were watching Hoarders on TV, "would that have been u if u didn't find 'The Minimal Mom'?"- I said, "Maybe- bcuz I didn't know how to declutter- but now I do." 3yrs watching The Minimal Mom & 80% of my clutter is now gone!!!❤🎉😊
It is a load of CRAP THAT SHE GREW UP POOR. She had parents a roof over her head and PLENTY OF FOOD TO EAT. Have a look at Kilimanjaro Mama to see what growing up poor is really like.
I spent my adult life as a single working mom. Life was surrounded with being a mom, paying the bills, keeping my home tidy and the laundry done and working. There was no spare time. It wasn’t until I empty nested and retired that I was able to connect with other women. It was then that I realized how important it is to have girl friends. Dawn, you have inspired me in decluttering and not depending on “collections” and things to give me fulfillment. It is the feeling of being safe, having someone to call in an emergency, being prepared with necessities and free of clutter. Excellent podcast. I’ve learned so much through the years both from you and other TH-camrs. Thank you.
Dawn, your interviews with Dr. Delony are some of my favorites. This house is choas and it's so obvious with how blah we all are here. We have no ambition or motivation and anxiety is so high. I truly believe what he says about living in chaos. I watched the Minimalist documentary now on TH-cam and I saw the 333 lady who talked about how she hasn't had any MS relapses since she got rid of her stuff - now that's impressive! I'll have to just keeping watching these over and over til it sticks.
Going to rewatch it too, I am in the final stage right now, what would do is presence of a friend on the sofa cheering me up for a day or two to finish it bc it is a beyond imaginable. I feel like I am going from whatever fuel left but I keep going step by step without judgement for 2 weeks thanks to watching your surface clutter and how to be motivated and few more ❤
I'm currently in the battle against clutter among my family. It has literally turned to the point of me asking "do you want me or the stuff?" Cuz I simply cannot keep up with the stuff anymore and be present for them at the same time.
This is exactly how I've been feeling!! I have emptied my kids' bedrooms of all toys. They each get a desk, clothes, bed, some stuffed animals and books. And I still feel like I'm drowning in stuff! I've been telling them over and over that I want to spend time with them and not so much time cleaning and picking up after them. I've currently decluttered our entire main living level, but feel I need to do the basement too to fully feel the benefits of it because that's our homeschool area and playroom and stuff just gets brought back upstairs and all over the house constantly.
I understand! I think all of our stuff makes us sick when it gets out of hand. Then we feel guilty for just doing other things that bring us happiness.
So many gems in this video! 👏I especially appreciated:
- building community rather than stockpiling stuff as a way to weather hard times
- anxiety as an alarm system and clue to things we *can* problem-solve : - ) ❤
- mental health healing in community vs. an over-professionalized thing that has to happen somewhere else
- the power of TAKING ACTION on a goal to build confidence that spreads to all areas of life 🏋❤🏋
- normalization that making new friends is a recurring process that creates a life well-lived! : - D
Thank you so much, Dawn, for this introduction to Dr. Delony!
So well said / summarized, @bellaluce7088! Totally agree!
@@Peaches-ym9ws : - )
Dawn, you do bring a lot of joy. Watching your videos, I literally feel like what you do is a calling from God. You are doing His work as you help people find peace in their own homes. Thanks for being a light in this world 💕
Still “peeling” my condo like an onion with declutter. When I started couple years ago every closet drawer shelves were stuffed and had full boxes bins on the floors too. Now so much was decluttered and im able put away things, but find I want to get rid of more because it feels so good. And easier to clean. As a new retiree I just don’t want things anymore.
I love that John recognizes the joy you share with the world! Y'all do great stuff together. I am so thankful that I found you before my father died; your voice is helping me say goodbye to him and part with his stuff. I'm reminded that when we die we leave stuff and memories about us. The stuff ends up in a landfill; it's the memories we made with those left behind that make up our lives and our legacy. Thank you, Dawn.
I love the shout out to Missouri beef! And from a Texan. That's awesome!
This was- as usual, Dawn - wonderful. Moving and inspiring. But my favourite part was when he thanked you and expressed what so many of us feel. Your channel, your well-thought out principles, they are changing my and my husband‘s life, and giving me a feeling of hope and lightness. Thank you, Dawn ❤
This was SOOOO GOOD! So many things you and John said are so true! I was also convicted and need to do more with my kids and stop worrying about stuff!
This is me RIGHT now! I inherited my grandparents house with 55 years of stuff. I and I alone get to deal with it all!😫 My husband and kids try to help but he didn't know them that well and my kids are little. This has been a huge stress and emotional drain on me. When my mom dies I get to do it again. So I have been trying to get rid of my own personal stuff everyday. I want one box for my kids to keep. Everything else sell, donate or trash. I don't wish this on anyone in this world. It has been so hard. 😢
There is so much information in this video that I have watched it twice. I must have been ready for some new lessons that I received some new, “deep” insights. Thank you.
Dawn! I have been so inspired by you since the covid days at home that I have started decluttering as a side hustle. I've already had 2 clients and love helping others! Its definitely something I enjoy. 😊
I'm curious how much you charge because I would like to do that too...
I'm currently observing people experiencing "delayed decisions," because I'm helping to declutter an elderly person's home that just moved to assisted living. The family is just not willing or not ready to make a decision, on many items, so they move things from here to there.
This is me at the moment. Layer by layer, I am combing through the items and discarding or rehoming box by box. Painful and slow but it's happening, little by little.
@@libbykat3958 Little by little and eventually you will see progress. Stay encouraged.
I have to agree with Dr. John about the anxiety (I have PTSD and anxiety is the major component of it) being an alarm that something's wrong. There are many causes (especially with mental health) but stopping and figuring out what's wrong/what do I need/etc. after the anxiety alarm bell rings is so important. Also, we got out of debt and decluttered (at the same time...didn't relate them at the time...but it happened over the same years) and having both of those done makes such a difference for me. It actually does help with the feeling of safety.
Finally another video ! I was going through withdrawal lol
Two of my favorite TH-cam people in one place. I knew this was going to be good..
And it was!
Two amazing people sharing with us. This was an awesome podcast. Thank you both and all those who support you. ❤
OMG I needed this today. I’ve been trying to clean out all the stuff my parents left behind. I just can’t seem to do it “alone”.
I understand. I've been working on it with my brother for two years at our parents' home. Every time I returned to less stuff, I needed to process it. Decision fatigue set in. I couldn't do more than a few hours at a time.
Honestly we got to the point where we were throwing stuff out because of being overwhelmed. I've taken a break for several months. I think I'm ready to go back and finish up. Maybe I'll have a clearer vision now. But I don't know.
Community is important but what happens if you don't have one or at least one you don't communicate with. I'm quite an introvert and also have slightly not neighbours I would trust.
Same here , as I prefer to be alone - a little " quality " socialization can be pleasant & can go a long way in " filling up my people / happiness tank " to last for days . So , perhaps you can view your life this way too - quality over quantity . Also , I always keep in mind the saying : " There's a difference in being alone & being lonely . " 🥰
So my Two favorite takeaway’s were, assessing crisis resources: That would be bound to help someone feel less anxious.
(I have been anxious since I was a child about what happens when my mom dies? Here I am 53 years later and I still don’t have a plan!!)
Don’t make a happy child happy. That was very endearing, his story about his child best day. I am very touched.
OMG Dawn! I burst into tears 3 times during this. You gave no idea how my brain just went ZOOM and all of a sudden! Blam, my world view just turned on its head. TY!! You have no idea!🎉
Good life is made of time serving others, helping others, spending time with others and loving others. Making memories and friends at the end of the day, not stuff. Still finding more stuff to rid of as time goes on that is just stuff.
Thank you both 😊❤
I really like that John says "if you can make peace with that" in reference to the ups and downs of life
Yay! I love when you two come together!
Dawn you are amazing. Thank you for all you do. It has helped me so much. I've always none clutter is my down fall in many ways but especially for anxiety. And John's comments are so eye opening. I'm very slowly decluttering, but I'll get there. It is sooo freeing!!!!
This was wonderful thank you both for helping me and the rest of us!!! God Bless 😁❤️🪴🙏🏻🐶
This was a great interview with so much good information for moving forward. Thank you both so much.
Thx for sharing your Podcast here. You have given me such great resources for a happier life.
I'm loving this new channel! Minimal Mom Podcast is a new fave ❤
Thank you for asking these questions! Especially the 'receasion' one hit home with me.
Awesome! Thanks for everything, Dawn!
This happened to me…my mom passed away in 2021…I am an only child, both my parents at the time had Covid, dad had to move out by the end of March that year, and everything ended up in my garage…now two years later I am still trying to go through everything of theirs,plus my family’s clutter….I am so overwhelmed!
i had the exact situation. one bite at a time. just start. short bursts. you will get it done. i promise.
@CharityNordgren I lost my Mom and only parent 13 years ago. she was a definite hoarder-ish type person who kept SO much STUFF for "just because/in case". I have JUST now gotten through the last of her "collections". 13 years of packing n moving her stuff during many moves and It was SO anxiety provoking, mentally draining and just a mess. Now I'm working on MY own "stuff" and would LOVE to have someone here helping me let go of all the stuff I THOUGHT I need to keep. Anxiety is crippling and overwhelming, and SO true that clutter is a huge issue in most homes. Praying you can make it through this process. I try for one small area, box etc every day IF my body can handle it.
You are not alone. You can do it. One box, one draw, one shelf at a time.
Thank you, such good wisdom!
This is really good! Interesting about mental health and needing community. Very good information about anxiety! I'll need to listen again!
This was a great interview!! Loved it
This was so good. Love you both even more!
Lol “inventory I hate that word” minimal moms favorite word=inventory
So cool to see two of my favourite TH-camrs having a chat!
Thank you 🙏 Thank you 🙏 Thank you 🙏❤️
I totally enjoyed this podcast. Thank you.
My two favorites! ☺️
On I loved this. Terrific team.
"the greatest thing you can do to prepare for a recession is to know your neighbors... Enjoy meals together, cancel your subscription services and get together in your front yard ". YES!!!!!! What truth
This is me! I have all my Moms stuff sitting in my basement and it’s been there for a year! I never wanted it to come here because I knew it would take forever to get it sorted and gone - and here I am a year later! I’m so discouraged!
@tracyhorst4764 Sometimes you s8mply just need time for bereavement before you can tackle your mom's personal stuff. It took me a few years before I was in the right frame of mind to do so. I'm tackling like an onion in small sections as well as chunks of time. You can do it.
I didn’t know you did this podcast too! Now I’m subscribed, of course!
Wow,my 2 favorite podcasters
✨This is great and very very useful! Watched twice to get it in me.
Great Video!
Wonderful
This title cracks me up! If you feel unsafe with your doctor, then find a new doctor! 😂
Cas Joe and Team Joecas! Amazing Simply Amazing! Can u please share where the large white cube storage cabinet is from? TY Linda, Pa.
Wow. Best video/collab on TH-cam? Yup!
Very good. 😊👍
❤👍❤👍❤
Question- what should we do with kids baby teeth?
You should Google images of stuffed animal projects using them.😂😊
Reacting to the chaos around us does not cause ADHD - it definitely makes it more obvious, but it does NOT cause it - he seemed to completely disregard that key component. I was honestly abhorred that a known mental health professional said that it was all due to the increased clutter, etc., because it's absolutely not.
But he didn't think it causes, he said it triggers it. That's a difference, isn't it?
@@amcorazon698 not really. adhd is genetic. that's the scientific consensus. the adhd is there regardless of your environment, regardless of chaos vs order (indeed, for many with adhd, "order" and "tidiness" triggers the adhd to become more obvious because it isn't stimulating enough). to be honest, adhd isn't something that gets "triggered" the way anxiety or ptsd can be - you don't have more or less adhd at any given time. it's a bit like autism, which i have, in that it's not an illness that can get worse or better but rather a word for a particular way the brain can be wired. i am equally autistic whether i'm studying and researching or having a crying fit from sensory overload. my adhd friends are equally adhd whether they're hyperfocusing on their studies and hobbies or bouncing between ten different interests unable to focus on any of them for longer than five minutes.
@@achilleus9918 I think it's a combination. Something can be genetic and at the same time it depends on the environment if you have a lot or few symptoms. Theres a huge difference between cause and trigger.
@@amcorazon698 i mean, you can think that, but you'd be believing against the scientific consensus and the lived experience of people who actually have adhd.
mahalo
It's hard to hear Bill's voice...
What do you say to a parent who gets upset because you don't want to keep a ton of their stuff when they die? I want to keep some things, but not a lot of stuff. I have my own stuff in my house. I don't have room to add a bunch more. And, my mom's taste isn't my taste.
Oh dear, what a though conversation! I'm sorry you are going through this, they guilt trip you! Mine went something like "I know these are all valuable and sentimental things for you, it must be so hard to imagine then all gone. I'm only keeping XYZ and we can make a list to donate the rest to people that will love to have them" ...with a bit of shouting here and there ngl😵
@@deborahalana8027 Yeah, I don't get the guilt tripping. I have two sons and I think they'll probably keep some family pics and maybe some things that are useful to them. I don't really care if they keep any furniture or decorations etc. I don't know if our style is the same as theirs. Once we're gone it really doesn't matter.
I wouldn't say anything because they're not going to know what you choose to keep. There's no point in upsetting them.
Sir, you are my people, but don't think yourself as extreme until you buy a milk cow just so you can learn how to make your own cheese because of "reasons". 😅
Why isn't my comment made public? Must have hit a nerve over what I wrote about
being POOR.
Okay I need to set something straight about ADHD. The "expert" mixes up two different things: the genetics and the symptoms. ADHD IS DEFINITELY GENETIC just like autism and other things, this has been proved many tiems. BUT other disorders like anxiety or trauma can give ADHD-like or autism-like symptoms, but they can also hide the symptoms of genetic autism and genetic ADHD. Or make them even worse. It's a case-by-case. What DOES happen is that our modern world is very very adverse and misadapted to the needs of ADHD and autistic people, making them more and more disabled because their environment is completely the opposite of what they need. There is no epidemic of whatever, there is a world that makes it more and more difficult to live with these conditions, increasing the need of proper diagnosis and adaptation because we can no longer find any safe place in society where we can thrive as autistic or ADHD. Also there is an increase of knowledge regarding these conditions: not so long ago we used to be called "changelings" and be murdered as children because of this. The murders still happen tho.
Not New
Pls stop the hand talking.
This is awesome!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ That's it, just that.