Nobody has the right to make OUR lovely Wayne upset, ever, never ever! His loss. You are a wonderful man, and an outstanding MUA, drop-dead gorgeous, and you will always have our support. Love, Roxie
I feel your pain. I was married for 23 years. I came home from my job one day and his closet was empty. That was in 2001. Not a day goes by that I don't think of what happened, what could I have done or not. After all these years I'm still hurt. Sucks . Never heard anything from this person since the day before he left. May 19, 2001. Sometimes there is no such thing as closure.
My brother, too. I haven't seen or heard from him in 20 years. It took me a LOOOOOOOONG while to get over it, but at this point if he did suddenly decide to reconnect (he won't) I'm no longer interested. I don't have a brother anymore.
Some people have the pathologic ability to be incredibly charming "friends" when they need something from you, then drop you like a hot potato when they no longer require whatever it was. You can't blame yourself; they are great actors; you can only try to be relieved you found out as soon as you did and not pine over someone that doesn't deserve anything but your pity.
Sadly, invested my everything in someone like that. From high-school.. when I was naive & fell for the charm love-bombing hook line & sinker.... >>FFW to 26 yrs later, a teenage son..... Like a switch he turns it off & walks out without a word. Taking evvvverything & THEN having the audacity to try & destroy me emotionally, financially & socially... when I won't take him back! Our son wants nothing to do with him & even tho we both have been total no contact for well over a year now... We've had to move, tell no one where we are & literally try to start over with less than nothing, alone w/ zero support............ yet he is STILL trying to harass, stalk/locate, gaslight, hoover & start his games all over again. With us BOTH. Esp for an empath type personality, be it friends, family OR an intimate partner/spouse.... The level of emotional manipulation & abuse.... phew, what a total mind fuc#. The absolute worst thing I've EVER been through!!! #thelittleshamanhealing #CNXG (2 great channels on the subject) #LifeCode #PsychopathFree (2 amazing books, EVERYONE should read, esp these days!!!! THIS type of stuff, since SO common... should be taught in schools!!!) ~Be well & TRUST YOUR GUT!!!!! Despite people trying to have you ignore, excuse, justify or reason away those instincts, I promise... they will never steer you wrong. It was amazing after I was out of that dense manipulative fog of utter bullshit he was spewing constantly.... how there had actually been HUGE RED FLAGS there, all the way back to DAY ONE!!! I was just conditioned over & over to not see 'em (or trust them) xoxo
Carol Melancon Yup! & many of them fit under the category of being a narcissist, &/or sociopath. Often unresolved issues within ourselves gravitate people into our lives that reflect back to us those unresolved issues/traumas, until we've healed those issues/wounds, and are ready to move on to the next life lesson.
mmanda515 You said it all! Yes! There are always the "red flags". Every person needs to learn about what they are so we don't let ppl like to into our lives in the first place. Another great source of information on this topic on TH-cam is...Lisa A. Romano "The Breakthrough Life Coach". It is her specialty. She's awesome! However, as I commented to another person, often our family of origin dysfunctional dynamics, if not healed, is what attracts us to these ppl in the first place, whether a friend, or a lover. They are EXPERTS on "reeling people in". Psychotherapists do say that narcissists are attracted to & seek out the "emotional intuitive" person, bc they will tend to overlook some very bad traits in them, the "red flags" of the narcissist. They'll try to rather see "the good" in that person, further allowing the narcissist to sink their teeth into the emotional intuitive, thus the emotional manipulation & gas-lighting begins at an even more rapid pace. The emotional intuitive thinks, "I can help him/her, they've been through so much, I can save them!" The dance begins, until every ounce of a persons autonomy, & soul has been sucked out of them. The narcissist is so deeply emotionally wounded & empty inside, that they need to take everyone down with them. It's true that most of them have truly lived a childhood of abuse on many levels, and that is truly sad, but they never got help & once these deeply engraved patterns are solidified in them, there is usually no hope for them to truly ever be able to change.
mmanda515 I'll have to check those out, thank you for sharing. I've found new tools as a similar type of personality as you, though different experiences from a known author & therapist named Lundy Bancroft. I don't have the link, as I've gone to a seminar & am collecting the books. These narcissistic people, because it isn't just men, I have a half-sister who is a psychopathic narcissistic anti-social personality that is a complete 180° from the rest of the family with no known cause & no abusive history other than what she does to others. I went to this seminar because of an ex boyfriend not unlike yours, in definition by the sound of it here. Except I had already been in an 11 year abusive marriage, so the foundation of manipulation & conditioning had been set, j thought my then 5 1/2yo & 2 1/2yo daughters weren't effected by this as much as they hadn't been directly involved in sight of the abuse. Apparently, not, it was essentially the perfect so to say storm to exploit from of my ex who used the premise of our background to conceal the fact that the following two years of dating/living with him, he had been slowly abusing/manipulating/conditioning me all over again & causing me to fall for his lies as to why my daughters behaviors were drastically changing. Hindsight is 20/20. The red flags are there, am so grateful I have the tools now to see a predator in those signals sent, he my ex boyfriend not my ex husband to be clear, exBF had been raping & videotaping my daughters for as far as we know from the date of the earliest tape from 6 months into the relationship. I ignored my gut with him, his profession was an actor/model/trainer of young people in those areas. Yes they're looking to see if he had more victims due to a past I knew nothing about. All the more reason it's not paranoia to do a quick background check on someone you let into your close lives, especially your children. I only share my story in hopes that if someone out there is too afraid to leave, please do before you get hurt worse. I say this to consider all angles with instinct & intellect, read the signs. Long comment, I apologize. Thank you all for your thoughts & sharing. Take heart, take care, be well.
I feel your sadness and want to give you a hug. I'm surprised you haven't had offers from many gorgeous men, either to be your lover or your friend. Instead of dwelling on the past, realize that he served a purpose in your life which has made you a better man so now you can meet someone much better for you. Good luck. And wear a knit cap when you go out in the cold!
Wayne, I recognise so much of what you're saying here. About 6 years ago now I had an experience like this with one of my "friends". We decided to live together so he could afford moving out of his parents' house,, but it ended up being me who paid for all of our utilities, most of the time the rent (and a 2br apartment in Vancouver isn't cheap), and did all the cleaning while he was out wasting the money he only had because I paid for everything else on his girlfriend. He repaid me by, without a single words notice, moving out. I came home from work hearing my terrified cats crying through the door, and when I opened it I saw that he had left and taken all of my furniture with him. He left me his old broken 15" TV and a bedside table, plus a little note saying I could sell his stuff to pay for his half of the rent. When I asked him when he was planning on returning my furniture he called me a "materialistic bitch". That was the last drop. I had had it! I hung up the phone and I never spoke to him again. Not even a year later, after his girlfriend had left him, he tried to weasel his way back into my life, but I refused. I wouldn't even reply him. He tried to get some of our common friends to convince me to talk to him again, but I told them that I will never put up with such BS again, or allow myself to be taken advantage of by losers. I can't tell you how much better my life has been sense. It is such a relief to not have people like that in my life anymore. You need to do the same; Cut that asshole out of your life, your head and your heart and you will feel so relieved and great. Nearly my whole life had I let people take advantage of me like that; my parents, siblings, relatives, boyfriends, friends, and it gave me nothing but heart ache and stress. Money you lend them ends up being "given" to them, and no matter how many times you are their crutch or lend your shoulder for them to cry on they will never do the same back. They will never change either; they are like addict. Because we are there for them no matter how they behave they have no reason to change. They will come back when they need a "pick me up session" and be gone again once they've gotten what they came for. We are both too good to waste our lives on the likes of them. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself be free.
I had a friendship end after 24 years (I'm 29 now). We always had great fun together and obviously had tons of memories, but there so many times she would make backhanded comments that honestly devastated me. But since there was so much history, I just rolled with it and moved on. It was when I got pregnant after trying for 6 years that she had said something to me that made me cut all ties. I had enough. She of course blew up my phone, had her mother message me saying how disappointed she was in me for letting go of a friendship that had lasted 20+ years. But when you're done you're done. I pretty much lost all my friends in one go, but I learned a lot about my "friends". It is hard. Like you, I do think of her everyday. Having a friend like that for so long, you don't realize how much they were apart of your life until they're gone. While I don't regret my decision, I do miss her, but I've accepted that she is my past, and that I'm better off without her. Much love Wayne.
Sounds to me like you drew a healthy boundary and, painfully, came to your senses. You are still young and this will pass. Always there will be a scar, but your life is really just beginning.
Same. We hear from others that friends pick on each other and fight and that's normal, but only when it's occasionally. Not every fucking second of the day. It was so hard to finally accept that I was just being treated as a joke and emotional punching bag and get out. As you said the fun memories are the hardest. But I remember clearer now, it was all shit and lies.
Can I just say, the feeling I get when you speak of this person is a sort of grief. The knowing that this relationship had its time but now, well it's just an empty feeling (and empty is hard). Love your blogs, Jan XOX
I respect your openness and honesty. It's easy to see that you are a very giving, kind and loving person, and usually those are the types of people who get hurt the most (myself included). Relationships are difficult at times, and sometimes it's best to walk away from something or some"one" who does not serve you well anymore. As painful as it is, you will thank yourself later. I went through a very painful break-up after a long relationship many years ago, and I have learned so much from that experience. I kinda went through a similar experience as you did about a year ago. There was a friend of mine who just started distancing herself from me, for some unknown reason. I was going through a lot at the time; I had just lost my Mother. Months would go by and I would not hear from my friend, and that was very hurtful to me. One day when I asked if if anything was wrong, she said "nothing" was wrong. After that day, I felt she was still being distant, so I stopped trying to be a friend to her, and just stopped communicating with her, and she didn't seem to care either. I did see her in public a couple of times, and I had that "heart pounding" moment like you did, and it took me a few days to calm down because seeing her made me very upset. Sometimes, when you go through tough times, you learn who your "real" friends are. I have since moved to another state, so it's a good thing, I suppose because I don't have that worry of ever running into her in public. Just know in your heart that things WILL get better and you will meet someone who "deserves" your friendship!! Best wishes!! xox
I've had a similar situation. Going from speaking to someone for hours daily to then no contact. There was no real reason either which made it odd. Initially it felt like grieving but now 8 years later I genuinely don't give that person a second thought. I actually laugh over it now for how hard I took it. Lots of love to you x
Do you believe in the mandela effect? I have seen so many people change that it makes me wonder if e are indeed shifting between timelines. How someone who is your best friend for decades can dump you for no apparent reason , seems inexplicable...
For me, it feel's like a death when a person you are so close with leaves one behind. I've been through it a number of times and it still hurts that i cant call and hear about there day or tell about mine. So yeah, it's a big loss :-( Big hugs to you Wayne!!!
Wayne! I think so many of us can relate to your story and I really appreciate the fact that you share something so personal with all of us with no reservations at all. Instead of telling my very similar story, I just wanted to say that when we try very hard to belong to someone and our effort isn't shared or recognized, and/or appreciated - we probably don't belong there. We are just a peace of a different puzzle. Even if you were able to keep that relationship going, it would probably do you more harm than good in the long run. If you asked me, I would tell you to take all the good out of that experience, forget the bad, and remember that you were the "better" one because you did the right thing by giving him another chance. He wasted the opportunity you gave him and saved you the trouble of paying for therapy many years down the road, were you to stay in that relationship. And I could be wrong, but I am almost 100% certain that the gentleman in question will one day be in your shoes. And you definitely need one of those Russian hats to keep you warm! :) ❤❤❤ Much love from a Russian/Canadian follower... P.S. Completely off topic. 1. Love your glasses! 2. I've been following you for a few years now, and your transformation (physical and mental) is very addictive. You've made me question many things in my life and make a couple of changes as well. Thank you very much for your vlogs and random chatting bits in your videos.
+Lola H It's very comforting to me as well to know that so many of us can relate to each other, Lola... :) Sometimes, even a stranger's words can make all the difference in someone's day or even life, although it almost feels like none of us are strangers to each other, since we all follow the same person. It must mean that we have more in common than we might think. If you went through something similar in the past or are going through it now, I am wishing you strength to be able to see farther down the road. Better and happier life awaits us in the future when we are able to let go of someone else's present instead of desperately trying to make it ours. I spent almost 5 years not being able to "let go" and I was never strong enough to make that decision. Finally, circumstances in my life left me no choice. Only now I understand that staying in such relationships is equivalent to insisting on being sick when someone offers you a pill to make you better and happier. Unfortunately, it is very had to see it that way when you are the one being sick, but words and actions of good friends and caring people could help to pull us out of those black holes. ❤Hugs from Canada... :) xox
You have no idea how much I feel you. Friendship break ups are not talked about enough and they are just as horrible as a relationship that falls apart. Many hugs.
I really like the saying "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Every time something happens with a friend, whether we drift apart or I'm cut out of their life, or we have a fight or whatever, I always try to look at it from that point of view. It's not easy, but I thank them (to myself) for teaching me the lessons I've learned and move forward with greater knowledge for my next relationships with people.
I've been there. What's comforting is that other commenters went through similar situations. I hope you and all the lovely people have find enriching friendships.
I had a best friend for 10 years. He came on to me about 3 years ago and I didn't return that kind of affection. He changed with me after that. I miss him terribly. I think about him everyday. I know that if he needed anything I would be there.
I had the same kind of episode with my ex boyfriend.... two times.... you're a very good person Wayne... evidently your wisdom says a lot about your past... and one should be proud of how down to earth you've still maintained yourself still... I'm really in love with you.... I feel a connection with you when ever I watch your videos
People ALWAYS tell us, who they are, sometimes we need more than one conversation to REALLY hear them. As in an abusive relationship, after it ends people say "the signs were there", but the victim chose not to listen. You knew he was going to be a jerk again, but you missed the good times and the rose coloured glass memories. I had a DEAR friend for many years. Then she started being aloof. A mutual friend told me that my friend was fed up that I couldn't go out as much as I used to. Because I was I'll and had just been diagnosed with cancer!! I was VERY upset about that. But after a month or so, I wrote her a letter saying I missed her and we should go and talk. Nothing! Then my dad died, who she adored. Not a card or phone call. Now this time it was I that was done & will remain so. I think of our good times - here and there. But I have enough friends in my life, that are there for me through the bad. It hurts when you have someone hurt your heart like this. Sending you hugs!
I have only recently (two months or so) started following your TH-cam blogs and tutorials but honestly, I just love you so much! You are so raw and genuine and sincere not to mention hysterically funny at times. My heart breaks for you when you sound so sad.I'm sorry that your friend hurt you. I had a similar experience several years ago and although the pain of it eased somewhat, I do think if my friend often and the hurt is still there. Please know that you are incredibly beautiful inside and out. Hugs and love to you
He is probably dealing with things either he doesn't wasn't to tell you or he doesn't want to confront himself. It's not you It's them as long as you know you have been a truly good friend. At least that's how I view these types of situations which has happened to me too. I think it's a a process of life to learn to let go of some things or people.
I've had several friendships end, always for the same reason. I give and give and then when I need help suddenly they aren't there for me. It's all fun and games until you need support and then you find out how one sided everything was
I totally agree with you. I've had this same situation. But now am totally friendless and happy. I feel alone sometimes but it's really comforting knowing that nobody is taking advantage of you and you are not being fooled around.
Hate to seem like an asshole, and I hope I don't, but I have the same issue (or have in the past, rather) and from what I've learnt about it over the years, it sadly is "our bad" and partly a reflection on us. We have to learn, first of all, to not give and give and give, because it's not good for us, and people almost ALWAYS will fall into a rut of taking advantage of it; it just appears to be human nature. We have to learn to say "no" sometimes (hard as it may be), and then learn to feel out when someone is taking advantage, or is not being there for US when we need it, and stand up and say "hold the phone, Jack; this has to change".
I get that… I discovered that *some people resent it when you do anything decent for them* They literally resent you for being a better friend to them than THEY KNOW they deserve. They know they are a shitty person & know they secretly resent you for not treating them the way they know they would treat you
I know that feeling of meeting someone in public who used to be your best friend and not approaching them. The only way to get over it is knowing yes you shared great moments but you weren't abe to see through them very well. And you after all don't want smeone who's only happy to be your friend as long as they are the only one you talk to, as long as you're not more successful. It took me a few years to come to this but once it happens it's a great relief.
You seem like such a lovely person, Wayne--the kind of friend that anyone would be blessed to have. I know you will find even more peace with this loss as time goes on and as you continue to show yourself love and kindness--the kind you so richly deserve to experience in relationships with others. Be good to yourself, and I am certain that the decency you seek in others will start to manifest in those around you. The void is simply there now to create space for even more love to flow into your life. Much love and best wishes!
I hear you Wayne, when I realized my "best friend" (1988 - 2004) wasn't in fact a friend at all --- I was always ready to help her whatever she needed, whenever she needed me --- however I woke up one day and realized this was not a friendship, she was using me. I cried and cried ...I mean I was weeping the death of the idea of a friendship that had perhaps never existed and it was beyond painful...you see for me, friendship is sacred. So I suggest you to think of it this way Wayne --- you have NOT lost a friend, but he has...I don't know if this helpful but I hope so. Xx
It is completely like a death of a loved one. It's so hard to try and comprehend why someone wouldn't put as much effort into a friendship as you would.
I understand how you feel. I miss my best friend but she was very toxic in my life. I did alot for her and kept making excuses for her actions. I finally realized that she was dragging me into her chaos and narcissistic lifestyle and I had to back away. I have children and I don't as much as I love her still and wanted better for her she just kept creating drama for herself and was getting in trouble, making bad choices at age 31. There just comes a time when I have to look at The Big picture and send my love and compassion from afar. It's sad but she was starting to involve me and turn on me for reasons I can't explain. It does hurt because I have seen her pick herself up just to fall again so many times and always supported her until she betrayed me and misconstrued my words and broke my trust. It would never be the same because of the hurt I endured.
You just hit the nail on the head with you comment. Some ppl r just toxic, and negative, and just are unhappy and have some sort of a complex whether inferiority or just social one way or another, after having kids, I find ppl like that bring my energy down, and I find myself more involved in petty shit and get distracted away from the ones who really need me and love and care for me.
I can relate. I've had this happen to me both in a platonic friendship and a few romantic ones. Its gotten to the point that I am totally closed off and feel I cant trust anyone.
I have no friends now, but it honestly only hurts in the beginning. Now look back thinking how I even could let myself be so sad being around them all the time. It was for the better to go my own way.
Really? What do you do for socializing & going out? I'm not being rude, I'm just wondering. I became distant because of financial problems, I couldn't go out at all, I still can't. I think that company makes time go faster. I'm very selfless in friendships, I let them speak about themselves mostly & i don't care if the don't ask about me & for some odd reason people trust you that way, but it makes you very forgettable.
No, not a rude question at all :) Well I work with kids, so when I get home I'm really tired so wouldn't have had any energy to go out anyways. During the weekend I take the time to get my energy back on Saturday, sleep in, cuddle with pets, TH-cam and tv catching up, shop for the week. Then it's the evening so book time!! :D And so Sunday morning: Any thing I want! Fresh bread? Take a trip to the nearest bakery! A bit of geocaching? Retail therapy? The sky, the distance, and anything too physical is the limit! (it's Sunday! I want to be lazy! ^^) And it's now woodcutting season so that has to be done a few hours every weekend before midsummer if we want dry wood for the winter! So that's my schedule and I love not having to constantly compromise my wants and plans for anyone else, because I was not ever in the mood for the drama of trying to once in a while get my plans through. :)
Hi Wayne. The depth of your emotions demonstrate your capacity to love and care profoundly. Anyone in relationship with you has the tremendous blessing and privilege of being the recipient of such a wonderful gift. Knowing this of and within yourself serves to prepare you for that special individual who recognizes and cherishes your qualities, and respects you enough to meet you where you SHINE! Seriously, you're truly impressive and BRILLIANT on so many levels.
Some friends are for life Some for a decade Some for a season True true true!!!!! And it makes them no less important!!!! Different people come in and out of your life for good reason. Keep smiling x
Wayne, please please never stop adding your warm and friendly wink at the end of your videos. I always love to see them. It's as if you're pulling us all in for a group hug.
Wow, Mr. Goss. I've been watching your tutorials to learn new and better ways of proper makeup application and have learned a great deal. Thank you for being so down-to-earth and amazingly honest in your teachings and product reviews, you've an amazing personality. Now, that being said , while watching your videos I came across this one about your best friend. I can truly relate on every level and know wholeheartedly how it can affect pretty much everything in your life. Sadness, longing, memories do linger but know that it does get better as time passes. My mother would always say that what doesn't kill us surely makes us stronger. Your story touched my soul and I wish you nothing but good things and good people in your life. Take care of you as only you know what your heart needs to heal. With respect and best wishes. Donna A.
Oh honey. I feel for you. Lost my best friend of over 15 years about 3 years ago. She just decided I wasn't important in her life anymore and we haven't spoken since. Breaks my heart to this day. It was senseless. 😢😢
My best friend died. That tragedy happened over 10 years ago, just prior to the both of us turning 40.. we were exactly 2 months apart in age. I am now 52 and I feel the loss more keenly than ever. I think of him often and your vlog details about the singing in the car made me laugh and touched my heart. So many memories! Please Wayne, talk to your friend. Even though you may no longer qualify as 'best' friends, perhaps you can be the bigger man and speak to him and know in your heart you gave the love you obviously still feel to this day. People disappoint. Peace handsome Makeup Dude :)
Hi Wayne! I had to end my relationship with my Aunt who happened to be my best friend for most of my adult life. We have not communicated in four years. I think about her often, but feel strongly I have made the correct decision. Like you, I gave her a second chance only to be disappointed. Thank you for sharing! - Lisa. :)
very similar thing happened and I feel exactly the same way as you. But what I came to realise is I deserve better. And you deserve the best! as one of the comments said, no one has the right to make our lovely Wayne unhappy. so many people here love u so very much!
I love you so much Wayne. I feel horrible for you that you still have to live with that. Many do with divorces, failed relationships, etc., but to have someone lead you on and then fail again....I'm really sorry. Thanks for the honesty!!!
Hey sweetie, been in your shoes too, its been 3.5 yrs now and I feel more secure ive made the best decision to respect and love myself& set healthy boundaries w/ bff's.. the healing comes as I allow the space for my ♥ to be loved and appreciated in healthy relationships. -- I send you lots of warms hugs and blessings♡
I think people change sometimes and we outgrow relationships. People who want to be a part of your life will be a part of your life. You don't have to force or beg them. I think the way the situation worked out is for the best.
You are so genuine. Sadly sometimes people are short sighted about relationships and drop the people that have been there longer than most of the relationships they have been in as soon as someone new comes along. The best one can do is to learn from it.
This is exactly why I don't have friends. I hate it when people I feel comfortable around and like talking to fall in love and just cut me out. I hated it when my BFF met a guy and jut forgot about me, but years later she asks me why we don't hang out anymore. I hate to always be the shoulder to cry on and when I need to talk to someone, nobody's there. If I'm always by myself anyway, I don't need "friends" who would make me feel even more lonely.
I feel you. Girls have a majour tendency to do this which I've never understood, what does one relationship have to do with the other?? I understand spending more time together when u fall in love but to ditch the people who have been there for you is just so flaky. I feel like it's cause they feel they have to prove to the guy that he is more important than anyone in their lives, otherwise they'll lose him which is ridiculous if someone expects you to do that for them. I've heard of women even shutting out their families and even kids for their men. its pathetic.
" After the first death, there is no other" You can only get your heart broken so many times until it doesn't break anymore....this man loved you so much that he could not tolerate you being there as decoration.This did happen to me....I loved this man so much....but I cut him off....it was just too scary to love that much.
Wayne, You are such a good person and YOU ARE so sensitive and sincere. I just found you this week. I enjoy your personality so much! I am sorry this person could not see all that you are and be there for you and stay by and remain your friend. They obviously can't attach as deeply as you do. Come to California. There is FAR too much sun here. In the summer in Central California, it is BLAZING HOT. I want to say more, but time to sleep.
You know, Wayne, i only needed a friend or two to realise that a real friendship doesn't count on how many times you talk or meet, it's about that connection that you still have even after months not seeing each other or talking. But that one time you meet up feels like the last one happened just yesterday. I only had a "best friend" when i was a small child. Now i don't even know what she does. Most of the other "friends" were usually those that just blatantly used me and hang around just because there was none else at that moment. When I was in the middle of high school years, i realised it's pointless to try and make friends with people who only are "friends" when they need you. That's probably why i only have a small handful of them now. People can be assholes and some of them just change. And it is hard to let go, but it's worth it, cuz a lot of the time their job is done.All they were there for was teaching you lessons and shaping you as a person, not being that one that appreciates it.
its rough dealing with people you care about treating you poorly. you gave himanother chancd which shows what an amazing kind person you are. now there's space in your life for someone better way better to come along
I had a "friend" who left when I was ill. The entire situation was cruel. The funny thing is that the initial feeling I got from her was not good. When I look back on the failed friendships I've had, I can recall having an instinctual bad first impression from them. It was either initially or shortly after meeting them. You have to pay attention to people because they'll show you who they are, and it doesn't take long.
+Coco H I completely agree with you. I have since learnt that the saying 'The end is in the beginning' is absolutely true. People tell you, show you, unwittingly who they really are very early on. If not in how they treat us [yet] then in how they are treating others. It really pays to heed those cues.
+Coco H Sometimes, I think it is important to go back and ask people "why?". If they will answer you with what you were probably already been thinking all the time - the worst thing, you will just prove yourself right and move on. But. There can also be a *TOTALLY DIFFERENT explanation.* People can think they are doing right thing while they aren't. They might think "If I wont be around her, she wont see pity in my eyes and will recover quicker, stronger"..or that they felt they had not enough love to give you..or was just simply scared.. Who knows...just ask why sometimes.
***** Hello :-). I have asked why and the answer(s) weren't surprising because by that time I've thought about our relationship, our compatibility as friends, and the person's beliefs. We weren't a good match as friends. I've realized that there was something in me that I needed to correct, because I let people stay in my life that shouldn't have been there. Fortunately, I've fixed that part of myself and I can tell rather quickly if I would be a good friend to someone and vice versa. Time is too precious to spend it with the wrong people.
Thank you for sharing these personal stories about your best friend. I'm sorry for your loss of that friendship. I've had several friendships end after many years for one reason or another. It literally breaks your heart. Then I realize these people were not true friends and I move on. My best friend of 36yrs is a true blessing and I will never take it for granted. I wish you a lifelong friendship. There is nothing like it! :)
Wayne , You have always been one of my favourites on You tube . I know what loss is like , I lost my only sibling to murder and both my parent to Alzheimer's Disease. Over the years I had two best friends . One of them, I took into my home and let him live in my house for 2 years after he went through a divorce . I adored his friendship and he felt like family to me, which was important as I do not have family . After two years he decided to get a place of his own and I helped him move and gave him a couch and other furniture and he had not been feeling well and was trembling and his eyes were protruding .. I told him .. I thought he had Grave's disease and he laughed at me, but I convinced him to go to the Dr. and I would go with him and sure enough that is was he had. I went with him for his Treatments and helped him through so much . Then... He met a woman and was excited to me introduce me to her . I had them over for drinks on my patio and was very nice to her and made her feel welcome.. and then that was it .. He stopped calling me and deleted me from Facebook and I tried to get in touch with him and he would not return my phone calls . I saw him at a nightclub and asked him what happened and he just ignored me and walked away .. I was hurt beyond belief . He is the not first person that has just abruptly shut me out .. I have been through a lot and could use a friend but my phone only rings when someone wants something from me , a place to stay , money . and I feel so used by the few people I thought were my friends .
Yes, horrible is a good word to describe how my friends have tossed me aside , like yesterday's garbage . It seems all my relationships end abruptly , either by abandonment or death .
My ex and I broke up and my best friend completely alienated me afterward and I still have no idea why but it's better I don't have those toxic people in my life anymore
I'm so sorry you went through that Wayne you seem like such an incredibly awesome person no one deserves to have their emotions played with you have my support
I've had the same best friend for 28 years. Sometimes we would go a couple years without speaking, mainly because she moved a lot and this was before cell phones, but every time we would meet back up like not a day has past. Friendships like that are few and far between but we live in different states so we do the best we can. I cannot count the amount of "friends" or close friends who have cycled though my adult life, some I thought would be around forever just to turn around and ignore me. It's always hard when someone you feel you had a deep connection with decides for some reason to leave your life but now I just tell myself that some people are here for just a season of my life not meant to be a permanent part. These people are here for me to learn something from or to learn something from me then move on. It doesn't make it hurt any less but makes it easier to deal with. Some people are just broken and we can't fix them no matter how much we want to.
I've fallen in love once and he broke my heart. I got an email after three years, this year as to how I am doing and he'd appreciate a response but I did not have it in me to reply back. Yet just like you there isn't a day that goes by that he does not cross my mind. However, just like someone had said below, I've learned and grown so much that I feel nothing can break me anymore as that was the strongest storm that entered my life injuring me but that injury healed, yet the scar is there. And every day I get reminded by that scar that I'll not let my guard down again. Whoever said that things that don't kill us makes us stronger was right! Wayne, your so genuine and kind, don't ever be disappointed on yourself. Wish you health, love and happiness always!
I'm in my late 30s. I moved away from my hometown when I was 16 with my folks, leaving my best friend behind. I tried to keep in contact and visit as often as I could. We are both very poor, but I realized I was the only one trying to get together. 22 years I visited her countless times, even though sometimes there was 6-8 year intervals where it was impossible. I saw her a few months ago for the first time in many years (I now had a 6 year old she'd never met) & she talked about being so excited that i was coming to visit... But I got there and she couldn't be bothered to get off of her couch. I needed to tell her that I was diagnosed with a fatal disease - but I didn't want to do it in her house with everyone around, and I begged her to take a ride with me and she wouldn't. Plus she's become someone so full of judgement and hate I never told her I was sick. Just that we obviously don't know each other anymore. We'd been best friends for over 20 years, and I am so broken up inside but I'm learning that I need to let go.
Move on, Wayne, don't let anyone take you for granted! This guy has to work his a.s off to prove that he is your worth if one day he tries to get back to you ... You've got no idea how much love and respect you deserve in life!
You are such a kind, sensitive human being. and it hurts me to see your. hurting. I wish was there so I could give you a huge hug (virtually). Know you are loved by so many people
My best friend and I broke up about five years ago now when she changed career paths. Its such a strange thing to go from having this person calling / emailing / texting every single day for 20+ years - to nothing at all. Complete silence. She broke up with me. I suppose she felt she had a new circle of friends? It felt kind of like she had died, except of course she didn't. Surreal. I mourned the loss of the friendship for a long time and I don't consider myself to have a new best friend. I just have friendly acquaintances these days.
+TurningBackTheClock, I had the same experience, but I was the one who ended the friendship. We were nurses together, traveled together, etc. She became an attorney & her personality changed 180 degrees. Became very aggressive, very "me" driven. Totally so not me, philosophically. I slowly withdrew from her, & as much as it hurt early on, it was one of the best moves I ever made. I wish her well, but don't need that type of person in my life.
I really feel for you in this video Wayne, it sucks when you know a friendship/relationship is ending, you can just feel it because of the way they act and you feel useless cuz theres nothing you can do to turn it around. It happened to me twice last year, the first being an abusive boyfriend and the second being a guy friend who cut me off completely after he started dating a girl. but ive learned to be an independent person because of it
I understand, been there. It is a very painful situation to go through. You deserve better for you. It will happen with the right person. Hang in there!
Of course you decided to meet up because you're a sweetheart! Love going on walks with you Wayne you're adorable! I love your personality & your vulnerability so I gotta tell you listen when he tells you AND shows you who he really is!!
When i was in 2nd grade, i had a best friend, who would continue to be so for seven years (till 8th grade). We used to live near each other so we were close. We were on the same bus that drove us to and from school. In those days, we were inseparable. To the point where people asked if we were sisters when in reality, we didn't have a single feature in common. I should point out that in those 7 years, sometimes, we weren't in the same class. So we could only talk to each other during the bus ride, recess and anytime in the evening. Come 9th grade and i shift houses. Moved to the outskirts of the city. So obviously, buses also changed. Can you imagine, 7 years of childhood friendship gone in a year and a half because we weren't in the same places. I put in effort into the friendship because she was the only one i was comfortable around. So when she would go off with other people and leave me behind with my classmates, i changed. i shut myself, cracked jokes and laughed like 24/7 in front of everyone just so they think that im fine. It gives me anxiety to think that the time i spent trying to maintain that friendship was not even acknowledged. to think that because of a minor thing like "location", i would entirely stop talking to someone. I'm 20 now. I still talk to my classmates, who became my best friends in a short time, even thought we're in different countries. I was scared to open myself up to my friends in college. But i don't regret doing it. Because these friends that i made in college, truly do care about me, and I, about them. I still think the main reason that i have trust issues, or anxiety about opening myself up stems from that childhood friendship, that adults deemed it to be insignificant ( one of the few times i actually talked about it and got told that I should worry about better things😒) tl;dr Bad childhood friendship continues to affect the current mental state of a 20 year old child.
In my experience it takes about 4 years to get past the worst and then you notice you haven't thought about them in a few days. The day's become months and the memories become fuzzy. The scar can be reopened if you remember the split but it does get better.
I think we always give people second chances because there's that what if...what if he/she has changed, what if I regret not giving them a second chance, what if things will be different, what if we will be best friends again...but the truth of it is that most of the time, it still won't work. I'm not saying this is the case a hundred percent of the time, but in a majority of stories you hear from people trying to reconnect with friends, lovers, family members, etc. it never works out because as you pointed out in the video, things are never quite the same. You always have that dark cloud of the past kind of hanging over your heads and even though you try to look past it and focus on the now, that cloud is just there. It's sad but sometimes you need to let that person go because you've already reached the end of your relationship the first time around.
When I first saw a video, on the signs and behaviors of covert, malignant narcissism, so much of the pain and confusion lifted. What an eye-opener. Someone on the other side of the planet, could describe to a T, what I was encountering, to the subtlest nuanced gestures and intonations and characteristic phrases. I was SO grateful. It saved me, so much pain and who knows what else. From your description, it feels like your friend is feeding his "significance" by relishing your pain and strategically gushing on, about "the other man". He likely gets "juiced" like an addict, when he gets the opportunity to poke at a sore place, to see if you'll react. Let me see if I can find some of those early videos, that were so helpful, to me. It took away so much of the confusion and hurt, when I experienced a behavior and could think of the list of symptoms and simply think, "Check." One of the characteristics is that they pick a target for that behavior, who is kind and forthright, as you are. The rest of the world is only shown the most charming and benevolent mask, so if you say anything, they can play the victim. Well, let me go see if I can find those. You might not be the only one, they help.
My best friend and I parted ways almost 4 yrs ago. Three years ago I called when I gave birth to my son because the person I wanted to share that moment with was her...we started talking , laughing...catching up and then finally we tried talking about why we pared ways. Seems we could not agree on what was wrong or what occurred. Then just like that it was silence again...I miss her everyday, I hurt that maybe I was the only one who truly valued our relationship. It is sad...
Hi Wayne, I've watched many of your videos. I can feel your pain. I am sorry for your loss and suffering. When someone deeply hurts you it is sometimes nearly impossible to go one. But many of your followers care for you, so please don't despair. In the beginning of this video you are asking to find a better, warmer place with lots of sunshine. If you truly want to move, you might consider Arizona, USA. I am a realtor in Scottsdale, AZ. It is a beautiful place with a lot of wealthy potential clients for you. The weather is hot and nearly always sunny. Housing in all price ranges. Lots of rentals available, too. Excellent transportation and a good selection of singles, when you are ready for that. Let me know if you come out this way, I can help. (I am a married woman, so no worries....)
You're acting like his friend died. Like I read your comment before the video and I was expecting some deep shit about his best friend passing away lol.
Ruqi H - If you've watched many of his videos, he has been posting for years and is so kind and real that most of us watchers feel like we know him and are friends with him, even though we've never met. He had suffered a breakup with his significant other and you can tell by just looking at him that he is suffering and had lost a lot of weight and was posting to his internet 'family' sharing a most personal time. I was just responding to that. You don't have to 'get it'.
CasuallyObservant Yeah I know all that, I've been watching his video for years too lol. Only by watching a few of his videos I felt so close to him and touched by his personal vlogs. It's just the way you said sorry for your loss I thought someone died. Nothing else
Reason, Seasons, Lifetime. Those are the 3 types of friendship. They are there for a particular REASON, once done both part ways. SEASONS, they come in for a while, like your friend did, once whatever is needed to be gained is gained and you both part ways.LIFETIME is what we all look for in every friendship but in the end if you are lucky to have one you are a true winner. As we get older life takes over, takes us into different directions. It would be so lovely to have just one true ride or die but in the end it's the experiences we have with each one that will remain. Just very hurtful when the hurt happens.
I've just 'lost' my best friend as well. I have been struggling with mental illness for a number of years, but it has come to a head in the past year, and she has not been supportive. I never thought that something I couldn't control would make her abandon me, but it has. For some reason, people just can't cope with people with depression. They want you to be happy all the time, and the minute you aren't, they get bored and annoyed and leave.
+Danielle Calder I feel like I need to point something out. People with depression, or other mental illnesses, are often toxic. I say this as someone who HAS depression, and anxiety. I'm sure there are people who get fed up with people who are depressed simply because we're not a barrel of laughs, but there are also many more who end friendships because the mentally ill friend is drowning them. I had to rid myself of a friend in my own life because her needs, besides being impossible to meet, were making my own problems worse. I lasted pretty long, ten years -- but I think I could have made it longer if she'd actually sought medical help instead of constantly turning to methods that are probably only suited to mild depression instead of major depressive disorder and mood disorders as well. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that there's no friends out there who will stick with you, because there are, but there's just some gentle advice from someone who has been on both sides of things: *Do not only rely on one or two people. The burden is easier for everyone if you can spread the weight out among a larger support group. *Do not expect these friends to be your therapists. They probably do want to help, but unless they're trained therapists....they're not therapists. They don't really know how to offer that service and it's not fair to want it. That said, friends can do a lot to help you feel cared for; you just need to make the 'goals' more manageable. Let them know you aren't feeling well, and you'd appreciate people checking in during the week. Ask for small things that you feel might be of help to you. And DO NOT think that you're a burden! You're not. Your depression is, and it probably weighs heavier on you than anybody else -- but it isn't YOU. It's okay to ask for help. It's likely the people who know you know who you really are under the mask of the illness, and it's also likely they will want to help that person shine through a little more. It's okay to ask. Just try to be realistic about what people can do. *Do find an actual therapist, and medicine if necessary. A lot of family medicine doctors are willing to try medications for depression and anxiety, since these illnesses are so common - especially if you have a history of counseling. *Do set small goals for yourself. Depression sucks because it's so hard to want to do ANYTHING, let alone things that are really useful like exercising and eating well....but it's always good to have some tiny thing to be proud of. I've had days where I managed to brush my teeth and make my bed and that's it. I still feel like a loser on those days, but because I managed to do two things I didn't want to do, I don't feel like I'm a *hopeless* loser and maybe tomorrow it will be better. *Do keep a little journal just of something nice that happened or that you saw in a day. This is harder with severe depression, but great for mild to moderate and also anxiety. Writing makes you think about things, and the extra concentration is a mood booster. *Don't give up. :) I hope you can find stellar friends to help you through this.
+marszenka You literally know nothing about my situation. "Advising" me that I may be toxic is quite honestly one of the most counterproductive things you could have done by replying to my comment. I'll be muting your replies and "advice".
Totally understand where you are. I am currently in the slow fade stage AGAIN with my best friend. I am the one that walks away this is now the 3rd and final time. I get tired of only being important in her life when she needs me. Hang in there! Love all your videos, I am learning tons!! Even my hubby this past week stated, "Honey, you really look beautiful! I'm not sure what's different but you look radiant!" Hahaha you should have seen his face when I told him it was because of another man...hehehe then I showed him your videos! What can I say, you have to have fun!!!
because it appears to be human nature to just take advantage of nicety when it's shown to you over and over. It sucks, but that's really how it appears to be.
Preach, brother! Same thing happened to me about a year ago and it is the frustration at myself that I am having a hard time moving past. I did not understand the situation as it was happenening, but in hindsight, I realized that I was giving this person the confidence he needed to go out and get what he really wanted. And he did... I was his high, he was my kryptonite because all I wanted was a good, true friendship. People can be brutal sometimes.
Been there. Had a friend bottle up a lot of petty bs and explode all over me out of a clear blue sky. After the blow up we talked things out and were okay - or so I thought. She said she was okay and then proceeded to never call or email me again. I contacted her a few times asking what was going on and was ignored. Looking back, of course, I can see the writing on the wall. There was a lot of jealousy on her part toward me - and jealousy is death in any friendship. She also had massive problems maintaining relationships with anyone and was unable to deal with or get past any conflict. At first I felt sad and then angry of course but now I just feel indifferent. The only thing that makes no sense to me is why say you want to continue a friendship when you don't? There was no need for her to be so dismissive and self centered - just tell someone you aren't interested in being friends any longer so they can go on their way.
The exact same thing happened to me a couple of years ago... It's not fun, and I so feel the sitting on your feelings. I miss my person so much, but I just know the same thing would happen again, and that the time for that friendship has ended. It's easy to let go of people you hate, but letting go of people you love is the hardest thing ever 💙💙💙
Just yesterday my best friend and I got in a huge fight and it's the worst fight we've ever had. The thing that made me mad was thinking about all the other little things she's done to me. She would lie to me and make me feel awful about myself. We were both jealous of each other. She brings me down. I constantly wonder if I'm a good enough friend, or if the reason she didn't answer my text was because she was mad at me. People have told me that she's a horrible friend to me and they always ask why I'm still friends with her. I don't know. Truthfully, I have no clue. I have never loved anyone the same way I love her. I would die for her. Sometimes I just feel like I put so much effort into a friendship she doesn't seem to want. I don't want to be the one to go back to her every time we fight. For once I want her to make an effort. I want her to realize how much she means to me and how bad it feels to be treated this way.
It is painful when someone cuts you out of their life, be it gradually or abruptly. But it is a learning experience, and one that will make you a better person in the end. I don't know you personally, but enjoy all of your videos. Your candor, humor and genuine personality all shine through and new friends are made everyday if we are open it them. The good ones hang on a bit, the great ones stay forever. Don't ever compromise you or your worth for anyone else.
I had a friend who helped me a great deal when I got divorced, and I thought we were really good friends. When I remarried, she completely stopped our friendship. I have no idea why, but I really don't dwell on it. You are truly a beautiful man, in every sense of the word. Come live in Hawaii - we would love to have you.
Real friendship never can End !!! Really, no matter how far you are !! That's my experience... but only regarding the friendship. If It's sentimental/love experience it's not the same... 😒 But as Oscar Wilde used to say : "never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary". 💋
I'm sorry about what happened between you and your friend. My problem is I always attract fake friends. I always want to he help people with their problems without thinking about myself. There is nothing wrong with helping people of course but you need to find a healthy balance and its best, to chose friends who will help you out as you've helped them.
My last marriage of 18 years ended with me leaving not because I did not love him but not knowing my place was in his life anymore was driving me crazy! Certainly and clearly our relationship was not his first priority. It is really hard when you run into one another and I like you just did not speak. Like you if my ex needed help I would. Everybody truly deserves to be loved and loved well. Take time doing the things you love and allow yourself to heal. Praying for you...you helped me greatly!
I gave one of my old best friends chances after chances & in fact it made me feel worse & was just drama that I really didn't need in my life. This girl would constantly slag people off to me, she was two faced, jealous of everyone, make up stories & rumours about people including me which I found out eventually! I just had enough. Thing is people don't change. Thats what I learned & even though I miss the good time me & her shared I don't miss the drama & added b.s in my life. I feel much better not having people like that around me.
Wayne, I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and hope that you have found someone who you can trust and count on for support. Your videos are amazing, I learn so much from you, and can tell that you are a really wonderful and kind person. Thank you for sharing yourself, your talent, and your humor with us! Also love your signature wink at the end of your videos! Best wishes and regards, Kelly from Santa Monica, CA, USA
This is completely unrelated to the topic of the video but whenever I come on your videos people are always commenting on your weight and how you look 'too skinny now'. If you had always been this size from the start of your YT journey, nobody would say any different. I just want you to know your weight loss transformation is inspiring.
Wayne, I reeealy enjoyed your video. I feel so lucky to get to know you on a personal level after I've enjoyed you so much on a professional level. I'm so sorry for how you've been hurting. I agree with your decision. Sounds to me like youre talking about someone you loved very much andwere committed to. I also had a similar experience. I felt like my heart was going to burst, the literal aching. I cried for months. I'm going to send this to my son who happens to be hurting so much today after his friend asked him to leave again. I look forward to watching your other related videos tomorrow. I loved you before, now so much more. E-hug I wish I could give you in person. Pat
Nobody has the right to make OUR lovely Wayne upset, ever, never ever! His loss. You are a wonderful man, and an outstanding MUA, drop-dead gorgeous, and you will always have our support. Love, Roxie
That!Exactly.
Roxie Eyeleers Ditto.Luv you Wayne....This doesn't change that which is singularly most important ultimately--YOU:)
A true friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
***** I heard someone say this once, and I never forgot it. It is so true. It's from a famous quote by Walter Winchell.
I feel your pain. I was married for 23 years. I came home from my job one day and his closet was empty. That was in 2001. Not a day goes by that I don't think of what happened, what could I have done or not. After all these years I'm still hurt. Sucks . Never heard anything from this person since the day before he left. May 19, 2001. Sometimes there is no such thing as closure.
seeing someone that used to be so close to you, and now you cant even say hi to because he's practically a stranger IS THE WORST FEELING EVER
that just happened to me with my brother... i know, that's crazy... i am desolated and he doesn't care at all, he just want a new life
My brother, too. I haven't seen or heard from him in 20 years. It took me a LOOOOOOOONG while to get over it, but at this point if he did suddenly decide to reconnect (he won't) I'm no longer interested. I don't have a brother anymore.
Some people have the pathologic ability to be incredibly charming "friends" when they need something from you, then drop you like a hot potato when they no longer require whatever it was. You can't blame yourself; they are great actors; you can only try to be relieved you found out as soon as you did and not pine over someone that doesn't deserve anything but your pity.
Emotional vampires...
Sadly, invested my everything in someone like that. From high-school.. when I was naive & fell for the charm love-bombing hook line & sinker.... >>FFW to 26 yrs later, a teenage son..... Like a switch he turns it off & walks out without a word. Taking evvvverything & THEN having the audacity to try & destroy me emotionally, financially & socially... when I won't take him back! Our son wants nothing to do with him & even tho we both have been total no contact for well over a year now... We've had to move, tell no one where we are & literally try to start over with less than nothing, alone w/ zero support............ yet he is STILL trying to harass, stalk/locate, gaslight, hoover & start his games all over again. With us BOTH. Esp for an empath type personality, be it friends, family OR an intimate partner/spouse....
The level of emotional manipulation & abuse.... phew, what a total mind fuc#. The absolute worst thing I've EVER been through!!! #thelittleshamanhealing #CNXG (2 great channels on the subject) #LifeCode #PsychopathFree (2 amazing books, EVERYONE should read, esp these days!!!! THIS type of stuff, since SO common... should be taught in schools!!!) ~Be well & TRUST YOUR GUT!!!!! Despite people trying to have you ignore, excuse, justify or reason away those instincts, I promise... they will never steer you wrong. It was amazing after I was out of that dense manipulative fog of utter bullshit he was spewing constantly.... how there had actually been HUGE RED FLAGS there, all the way back to DAY ONE!!! I was just conditioned over & over to not see 'em (or trust them) xoxo
Carol Melancon
Yup! & many of them fit under the category of being a narcissist, &/or sociopath. Often unresolved issues within ourselves gravitate people into our lives that reflect back to us those unresolved issues/traumas, until we've healed those issues/wounds, and are ready to move on to the next life lesson.
mmanda515
You said it all! Yes! There are always the "red flags". Every person needs to learn about what they are so we don't let ppl like to into our lives in the first place.
Another great source of information on this topic on TH-cam is...Lisa A. Romano "The Breakthrough Life Coach". It is her specialty. She's awesome!
However, as I commented to another person, often our family of origin dysfunctional dynamics, if not healed, is what attracts us to these ppl in the first place, whether a friend, or a lover. They are EXPERTS on "reeling people in".
Psychotherapists do say that narcissists are attracted to & seek out the "emotional intuitive" person, bc they will tend to overlook some very bad traits in them, the "red flags" of the narcissist. They'll try to rather see "the good" in that person, further allowing the narcissist to sink their teeth into the emotional intuitive, thus the emotional manipulation & gas-lighting begins at an even more rapid pace. The emotional intuitive thinks, "I can help him/her, they've been through so much, I can save them!" The dance begins, until every ounce of a persons autonomy, & soul has been sucked out of them.
The narcissist is so deeply emotionally wounded & empty inside, that they need to take everyone down with them. It's true that most of them have truly lived a childhood of abuse on many levels, and that is truly sad, but they never got help & once these deeply engraved patterns are solidified in them, there is usually no hope for them to truly ever be able to change.
mmanda515 I'll have to check those out, thank you for sharing. I've found new tools as a similar type of personality as you, though different experiences from a known author & therapist named Lundy Bancroft. I don't have the link, as I've gone to a seminar & am collecting the books. These narcissistic people, because it isn't just men, I have a half-sister who is a psychopathic narcissistic anti-social personality that is a complete 180° from the rest of the family with no known cause & no abusive history other than what she does to others.
I went to this seminar because of an ex boyfriend not unlike yours, in definition by the sound of it here. Except I had already been in an 11 year abusive marriage, so the foundation of manipulation & conditioning had been set, j thought my then 5 1/2yo & 2 1/2yo daughters weren't effected by this as much as they hadn't been directly involved in sight of the abuse. Apparently, not, it was essentially the perfect so to say storm to exploit from of my ex who used the premise of our background to conceal the fact that the following two years of dating/living with him, he had been slowly abusing/manipulating/conditioning me all over again & causing me to fall for his lies as to why my daughters behaviors were drastically changing. Hindsight is 20/20. The red flags are there, am so grateful I have the tools now to see a predator in those signals sent, he my ex boyfriend not my ex husband to be clear, exBF had been raping & videotaping my daughters for as far as we know from the date of the earliest tape from 6 months into the relationship. I ignored my gut with him, his profession was an actor/model/trainer of young people in those areas. Yes they're looking to see if he had more victims due to a past I knew nothing about. All the more reason it's not paranoia to do a quick background check on someone you let into your close lives, especially your children.
I only share my story in hopes that if someone out there is too afraid to leave, please do before you get hurt worse. I say this to consider all angles with instinct & intellect, read the signs. Long comment, I apologize. Thank you all for your thoughts & sharing. Take heart, take care, be well.
I feel your sadness and want to give you a hug. I'm surprised you haven't had offers from many gorgeous men, either to be your lover or your friend. Instead of dwelling on the past, realize that he served a purpose in your life which has made you a better man so now you can meet someone much better for you. Good luck. And wear a knit cap when you go out in the cold!
agree +++
Agreed...
agreed
+Aussie Flying Ace Hatred is degenerate. Love is divine.
+Aussie Flying Ace Hatred is degenerate. Love is divine.
Wayne, I recognise so much of what you're saying here.
About 6 years ago now I had an experience like this with one of my "friends". We decided to live together so he could afford moving out of his parents' house,, but it ended up being me who paid for all of our utilities, most of the time the rent (and a 2br apartment in Vancouver isn't cheap), and did all the cleaning while he was out wasting the money he only had because I paid for everything else on his girlfriend. He repaid me by, without a single words notice, moving out. I came home from work hearing my terrified cats crying through the door, and when I opened it I saw that he had left and taken all of my furniture with him. He left me his old broken 15" TV and a bedside table, plus a little note saying I could sell his stuff to pay for his half of the rent. When I asked him when he was planning on returning my furniture he called me a "materialistic bitch". That was the last drop. I had had it! I hung up the phone and I never spoke to him again. Not even a year later, after his girlfriend had left him, he tried to weasel his way back into my life, but I refused. I wouldn't even reply him. He tried to get some of our common friends to convince me to talk to him again, but I told them that I will never put up with such BS again, or allow myself to be taken advantage of by losers. I can't tell you how much better my life has been sense. It is such a relief to not have people like that in my life anymore. You need to do the same; Cut that asshole out of your life, your head and your heart and you will feel so relieved and great.
Nearly my whole life had I let people take advantage of me like that; my parents, siblings, relatives, boyfriends, friends, and it gave me nothing but heart ache and stress. Money you lend them ends up being "given" to them, and no matter how many times you are their crutch or lend your shoulder for them to cry on they will never do the same back. They will never change either; they are like addict. Because we are there for them no matter how they behave they have no reason to change. They will come back when they need a "pick me up session" and be gone again once they've gotten what they came for. We are both too good to waste our lives on the likes of them. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself be free.
Ericha Johansson HERE HERE 👏👏👏👏
I had a friendship end after 24 years (I'm 29 now). We always had great fun together and obviously had tons of memories, but there so many times she would make backhanded comments that honestly devastated me. But since there was so much history, I just rolled with it and moved on. It was when I got pregnant after trying for 6 years that she had said something to me that made me cut all ties. I had enough. She of course blew up my phone, had her mother message me saying how disappointed she was in me for letting go of a friendship that had lasted 20+ years. But when you're done you're done. I pretty much lost all my friends in one go, but I learned a lot about my "friends". It is hard. Like you, I do think of her everyday. Having a friend like that for so long, you don't realize how much they were apart of your life until they're gone. While I don't regret my decision, I do miss her, but I've accepted that she is my past, and that I'm better off without her. Much love Wayne.
Sounds to me like you drew a healthy boundary and, painfully, came to your senses. You are still young and this will pass. Always there will be a scar, but your life is really just beginning.
My friend of 50 years hurt me. I still can’t understand why she did it
Tiffany Offord Thanks for sharing. You sound like a sweet person. Good luck.
dittos
Same. We hear from others that friends pick on each other and fight and that's normal, but only when it's occasionally. Not every fucking second of the day. It was so hard to finally accept that I was just being treated as a joke and emotional punching bag and get out. As you said the fun memories are the hardest. But I remember clearer now, it was all shit and lies.
I just hope when he realizes what he lost you are strong enough to walk away. You are special and you deserve someone who deserves you.
Can I just say, the feeling I get when you speak of this person is a sort of grief. The knowing that this relationship had its time but now, well it's just an empty feeling (and empty is hard). Love your blogs, Jan XOX
Friendship breakups for me are waaaaay worse than romantic ones
I respect your openness and honesty. It's easy to see that you are a very giving, kind and loving person, and usually those are the types of people who get hurt the most (myself included). Relationships are difficult at times, and sometimes it's best to walk away from something or some"one" who does not serve you well anymore. As painful as it is, you will thank yourself later. I went through a very painful break-up after a long relationship many years ago, and I have learned so much from that experience. I kinda went through a similar experience as you did about a year ago. There was a friend of mine who just started distancing herself from me, for some unknown reason. I was going through a lot at the time; I had just lost my Mother. Months would go by and I would not hear from my friend, and that was very hurtful to me. One day when I asked if if anything was wrong, she said "nothing" was wrong. After that day, I felt she was still being distant, so I stopped trying to be a friend to her, and just stopped communicating with her, and she didn't seem to care either. I did see her in public a couple of times, and I had that "heart pounding" moment like you did, and it took me a few days to calm down because seeing her made me very upset. Sometimes, when you go through tough times, you learn who your "real" friends are. I have since moved to another state, so it's a good thing, I suppose because I don't have that worry of ever running into her in public. Just know in your heart that things WILL get better and you will meet someone who "deserves" your friendship!! Best wishes!! xox
I've had a similar situation. Going from speaking to someone for hours daily to then no contact. There was no real reason either which made it odd. Initially it felt like grieving but now 8 years later I genuinely don't give that person a second thought. I actually laugh over it now for how hard I took it. Lots of love to you x
Do you believe in the mandela effect? I have seen so many people change that it makes me wonder if e are indeed shifting between timelines. How someone who is your best friend for decades can dump you for no apparent reason , seems inexplicable...
@@mindfuleats4517 that's an insensitive comment. To someone who went a traumatic break up after years long friendship it can induce derealization.
For me, it feel's like a death when a person you are so close with leaves one behind. I've been through it a number of times and it still hurts that i cant call and hear about there day or tell about mine. So yeah, it's a big loss :-(
Big hugs to you Wayne!!!
I almost choked for a moment when you mentioned that not a day passes you never think of him. Same thing with me.
Waha Sawas me too
Wayne! I think so many of us can relate to your story and I really appreciate the fact that you share something so personal with all of us with no reservations at all. Instead of telling my very similar story, I just wanted to say that when we try very hard to belong to someone and our effort isn't shared or recognized, and/or appreciated - we probably don't belong there. We are just a peace of a different puzzle. Even if you were able to keep that relationship going, it would probably do you more harm than good in the long run.
If you asked me, I would tell you to take all the good out of that experience, forget the bad, and remember that you were the "better" one because you did the right thing by giving him another chance. He wasted the opportunity you gave him and saved you the trouble of paying for therapy many years down the road, were you to stay in that relationship.
And I could be wrong, but I am almost 100% certain that the gentleman in question will one day be in your shoes.
And you definitely need one of those Russian hats to keep you warm! :)
❤❤❤ Much love from a Russian/Canadian follower...
P.S. Completely off topic.
1. Love your glasses!
2. I've been following you for a few years now, and your transformation (physical and mental) is very addictive. You've made me question many things in my life and make a couple of changes as well. Thank you very much for your vlogs and random chatting bits in your videos.
your words have touched my heart, so true!
+Lola H It's very comforting to me as well to know that so many of us can relate to each other, Lola... :) Sometimes, even a stranger's words can make all the difference in someone's day or even life, although it almost feels like none of us are strangers to each other, since we all follow the same person. It must mean that we have more in common than we might think.
If you went through something similar in the past or are going through it now, I am wishing you strength to be able to see farther down the road. Better and happier life awaits us in the future when we are able to let go of someone else's present instead of desperately trying to make it ours.
I spent almost 5 years not being able to "let go" and I was never strong enough to make that decision. Finally, circumstances in my life left me no choice. Only now I understand that staying in such relationships is equivalent to insisting on being sick when someone offers you a pill to make you better and happier. Unfortunately, it is very had to see it that way when you are the one being sick, but words and actions of good friends and caring people could help to pull us out of those black holes.
❤Hugs from Canada... :)
xox
You are such inspiring, hugs to you as well! :)
Thanks Christina S., I needed those words as well.
You have no idea how much I feel you. Friendship break ups are not talked about enough and they are just as horrible as a relationship that falls apart. Many hugs.
I really like the saying "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." Every time something happens with a friend, whether we drift apart or I'm cut out of their life, or we have a fight or whatever, I always try to look at it from that point of view. It's not easy, but I thank them (to myself) for teaching me the lessons I've learned and move forward with greater knowledge for my next relationships with people.
I have to remember that saying.
I love that saying too. People evolve, they grow out of relationships. We just have to cherish the good times and wish them well.
+blubutterfly04 Exactly!
I've been there. What's comforting is that other commenters went through similar situations. I hope you and all the lovely people have find enriching friendships.
I had a best friend for 10 years. He came on to me about 3 years ago and I didn't return that kind of affection. He changed with me after that. I miss him terribly. I think about him everyday. I know that if he needed anything I would be there.
I had the same kind of episode with my ex boyfriend.... two times....
you're a very good person Wayne... evidently your wisdom says a lot about your past...
and one should be proud of how down to earth you've still maintained yourself still...
I'm really in love with you....
I feel a connection with you when ever I watch your videos
People ALWAYS tell us, who they are, sometimes we need more than one conversation to REALLY hear them. As in an abusive relationship, after it ends people say "the signs were there", but the victim chose not to listen. You knew he was going to be a jerk again, but you missed the good times and the rose coloured glass memories. I had a DEAR friend for many years. Then she started being aloof. A mutual friend told me that my friend was fed up that I couldn't go out as much as I used to. Because I was I'll and had just been diagnosed with cancer!! I was VERY upset about that. But after a month or so, I wrote her a letter saying I missed her and we should go and talk. Nothing! Then my dad died, who she adored. Not a card or phone call. Now this time it was I that was done & will remain so. I think of our good times - here and there. But I have enough friends in my life, that are there for me through the bad. It hurts when you have someone hurt your heart like this. Sending you hugs!
I have only recently (two months or so) started following your TH-cam blogs and tutorials but honestly, I just love you so much! You are so raw and genuine and sincere not to mention hysterically funny at times. My heart breaks for you when you sound so sad.I'm sorry that your friend hurt you. I had a similar experience several years ago and although the pain of it eased somewhat, I do think if my friend often and the hurt is still there.
Please know that you are incredibly beautiful inside and out. Hugs and love to you
He is probably dealing with things either he doesn't wasn't to tell you or he doesn't want to confront himself. It's not you It's them as long as you know you have been a truly good friend. At least that's how I view these types of situations which has happened to me too. I think it's a a process of life to learn to let go of some things or people.
I've had several friendships end, always for the same reason. I give and give and then when I need help suddenly they aren't there for me. It's all fun and games until you need support and then you find out how one sided everything was
I totally agree with you. I've had this same situation. But now am totally friendless and happy. I feel alone sometimes but it's really comforting knowing that nobody is taking advantage of you and you are not being fooled around.
Hate to seem like an asshole, and I hope I don't, but I have the same issue (or have in the past, rather) and from what I've learnt about it over the years, it sadly is "our bad" and partly a reflection on us. We have to learn, first of all, to not give and give and give, because it's not good for us, and people almost ALWAYS will fall into a rut of taking advantage of it; it just appears to be human nature. We have to learn to say "no" sometimes (hard as it may be), and then learn to feel out when someone is taking advantage, or is not being there for US when we need it, and stand up and say "hold the phone, Jack; this has to change".
I get that… I discovered that *some people resent it when you do anything decent for them*
They literally resent you for being a better friend to them than THEY KNOW they deserve.
They know they are a shitty person & know they secretly resent you for not treating them the way they know they would treat you
I know that feeling of meeting someone in public who used to be your best friend and not approaching them.
The only way to get over it is knowing yes you shared great moments but you weren't abe to see through them very well. And you after all don't want smeone who's only happy to be your friend as long as they are the only one you talk to, as long as you're not more successful. It took me a few years to come to this but once it happens it's a great relief.
You seem like such a lovely person, Wayne--the kind of friend that anyone would be blessed to have. I know you will find even more peace with this loss as time goes on and as you continue to show yourself love and kindness--the kind you so richly deserve to experience in relationships with others. Be good to yourself, and I am certain that the decency you seek in others will start to manifest in those around you. The void is simply there now to create space for even more love to flow into your life. Much love and best wishes!
I hear you Wayne, when I realized my "best friend" (1988 - 2004) wasn't in fact a friend at all --- I was always ready to help her whatever she needed, whenever she needed me --- however I woke up one day and realized this was not a friendship, she was using me. I cried and cried ...I mean I was weeping the death of the idea of a friendship that had perhaps never existed and it was beyond painful...you see for me, friendship is sacred. So I suggest you to think of it this way Wayne --- you have NOT lost a friend, but he has...I don't know if this helpful but I hope so. Xx
It is completely like a death of a loved one. It's so hard to try and comprehend why someone wouldn't put as much effort into a friendship as you would.
Hope he came across this video and realizes what he lost.... Your heart is big, but not big enough for someone like that...
I understand how you feel. I miss my best friend but she was very toxic in my life. I did alot for her and kept making excuses for her actions. I finally realized that she was dragging me into her chaos and narcissistic lifestyle and I had to back away. I have children and I don't as much as I love her still and wanted better for her she just kept creating drama for herself and was getting in trouble, making bad choices at age 31. There just comes a time when I have to look at The Big picture and send my love and compassion from afar. It's sad but she was starting to involve me and turn on me for reasons I can't explain. It does hurt because I have seen her pick herself up just to fall again so many times and always supported her until she betrayed me and misconstrued my words and broke my trust. It would never be the same because of the hurt I endured.
You just hit the nail on the head with you comment. Some ppl r just toxic, and negative, and just are unhappy and have some sort of a complex whether inferiority or just social one way or another, after having kids, I find ppl like that bring my energy down, and I find myself more involved in petty shit and get distracted away from the ones who really need me and love and care for me.
I can relate. I've had this happen to me both in a platonic friendship and a few romantic ones. Its gotten to the point that I am totally closed off and feel I cant trust anyone.
I have no friends now, but it honestly only hurts in the beginning. Now look back thinking how I even could let myself be so sad being around them all the time. It was for the better to go my own way.
Really? What do you do for socializing & going out? I'm not being rude, I'm just wondering. I became distant because of financial problems, I couldn't go out at all, I still can't. I think that company makes time go faster. I'm very selfless in friendships, I let them speak about themselves mostly & i don't care if the don't ask about me & for some odd reason people trust you that way, but it makes you very forgettable.
No, not a rude question at all :) Well I work with kids, so when I get home I'm really tired so wouldn't have had any energy to go out anyways. During the weekend I take the time to get my energy back on Saturday, sleep in, cuddle with pets, TH-cam and tv catching up, shop for the week. Then it's the evening so book time!! :D And so Sunday morning: Any thing I want! Fresh bread? Take a trip to the nearest bakery! A bit of geocaching? Retail therapy? The sky, the distance, and anything too physical is the limit! (it's Sunday! I want to be lazy! ^^) And it's now woodcutting season so that has to be done a few hours every weekend before midsummer if we want dry wood for the winter! So that's my schedule and I love not having to constantly compromise my wants and plans for anyone else, because I was not ever in the mood for the drama of trying to once in a while get my plans through. :)
Hi Wayne. The depth of your emotions demonstrate your capacity to love and care profoundly. Anyone in relationship with you has the tremendous blessing and privilege of being the recipient of such a wonderful gift. Knowing this of and within yourself serves to prepare you for that special individual who recognizes and cherishes your qualities, and respects you enough to meet you where you SHINE! Seriously, you're truly impressive and BRILLIANT on so many levels.
Some friends are for life
Some for a decade
Some for a season
True true true!!!!! And it makes them no less important!!!!
Different people come in and out of your life for good reason. Keep smiling x
Wayne, please please never stop adding your warm and friendly wink at the end of your videos. I always love to see them. It's as if you're pulling us all in for a group hug.
wayne looks so great here!!
Wow, Mr. Goss. I've been watching your tutorials to learn new and better ways of proper makeup application and have learned a great deal. Thank you for being so down-to-earth and amazingly honest in your teachings and product reviews, you've an amazing personality. Now, that being said , while watching your videos I came across this one about your best friend. I can truly relate on every level and know wholeheartedly how it can affect pretty much everything in your life. Sadness, longing, memories do linger but know that it does get better as time passes. My mother would always say that what doesn't kill us surely makes us stronger. Your story touched my soul and I wish you nothing but good things and good people in your life. Take care of you as only you know what your heart needs to heal. With respect and best wishes.
Donna A.
Oh honey. I feel for you. Lost my best friend of over 15 years about 3 years ago. She just decided I wasn't important in her life anymore and we haven't spoken since. Breaks my heart to this day. It was senseless. 😢😢
My best friend died. That tragedy happened over 10 years ago, just prior to the both of us turning 40.. we were exactly 2 months apart in age. I am now 52 and I feel the loss more keenly than ever. I think of him often and your vlog details about the singing in the car made me laugh and touched my heart. So many memories! Please Wayne, talk to your friend. Even though you may no longer qualify as 'best' friends, perhaps you can be the bigger man and speak to him and know in your heart you gave the love you obviously still feel to this day. People disappoint. Peace handsome Makeup Dude :)
Hi Wayne! I had to end my relationship with my Aunt who happened to be my best friend for most of my adult life. We have not communicated in four years. I think about her often, but feel strongly I have made the correct decision. Like you, I gave her a second chance only to be disappointed. Thank you for sharing! - Lisa. :)
very similar thing happened and I feel exactly the same way as you. But what I came to realise is I deserve better. And you deserve the best! as one of the comments said, no one has the right to make our lovely Wayne unhappy.
so many people here love u so very much!
I love you so much Wayne. I feel horrible for you that you still have to live with that. Many do with divorces, failed relationships, etc., but to have someone lead you on and then fail again....I'm really sorry. Thanks for the honesty!!!
Hey sweetie, been in your shoes too, its been 3.5 yrs now and I feel more secure ive made the best decision to respect and love myself& set healthy boundaries w/ bff's.. the healing comes as I allow the space for my ♥ to be loved and appreciated in healthy relationships.
-- I send you lots of warms hugs and blessings♡
I think people change sometimes and we outgrow relationships. People who want to be a part of your life will be a part of your life. You don't have to force or beg them. I think the way the situation worked out is for the best.
You are so genuine. Sadly sometimes people are short sighted about relationships and drop the people that have been there longer than most of the relationships they have been in as soon as someone new comes along. The best one can do is to learn from it.
This is exactly why I don't have friends. I hate it when people I feel comfortable around and like talking to fall in love and just cut me out. I hated it when my BFF met a guy and jut forgot about me, but years later she asks me why we don't hang out anymore. I hate to always be the shoulder to cry on and when I need to talk to someone, nobody's there. If I'm always by myself anyway, I don't need "friends" who would make me feel even more lonely.
those are exactly my thoughts
I feel you. Girls have a majour tendency to do this which I've never understood, what does one relationship have to do with the other?? I understand spending more time together when u fall in love but to ditch the people who have been there for you is just so flaky. I feel like it's cause they feel they have to prove to the guy that he is more important than anyone in their lives, otherwise they'll lose him which is ridiculous if someone expects you to do that for them. I've heard of women even shutting out their families and even kids for their men. its pathetic.
" After the first death, there is no other" You can only get your heart broken so many times until it doesn't break anymore....this man loved you so much that he could not tolerate you being there as decoration.This did happen to me....I loved this man so much....but I cut him off....it was just too scary to love that much.
Angelface,you are sooo welcome in Greece! Sunny all year!
Wayne, You are such a good person and YOU ARE so sensitive and sincere. I just found you this week. I enjoy your personality so much! I am sorry this person could not see all that you are and be there for you and stay by and remain your friend. They obviously can't attach as deeply as you do. Come to California. There is FAR too much sun here. In the summer in Central California, it is BLAZING HOT. I want to say more, but time to sleep.
You know, Wayne, i only needed a friend or two to realise that a real friendship doesn't count on how many times you talk or meet, it's about that connection that you still have even after months not seeing each other or talking. But that one time you meet up feels like the last one happened just yesterday.
I only had a "best friend" when i was a small child. Now i don't even know what she does. Most of the other "friends" were usually those that just blatantly used me and hang around just because there was none else at that moment. When I was in the middle of high school years, i realised it's pointless to try and make friends with people who only are "friends" when they need you. That's probably why i only have a small handful of them now. People can be assholes and some of them just change. And it is hard to let go, but it's worth it, cuz a lot of the time their job is done.All they were there for was teaching you lessons and shaping you as a person, not being that one that appreciates it.
its rough dealing with people you care about treating you poorly. you gave himanother chancd which shows what an amazing kind person you are. now there's space in your life for someone better way better to come along
I had a "friend" who left when I was ill. The entire situation was cruel. The funny thing is that the initial feeling I got from her was not good. When I look back on the failed friendships I've had, I can recall having an instinctual bad first impression from them. It was either initially or shortly after meeting them. You have to pay attention to people because they'll show you who they are, and it doesn't take long.
When I read your comment I was going "uh huh, uh huh!" I've had that exact feeling upon first meeting. Gut instincts do not deceive us!
Michelle Law LOL! They really don't deceive us. I can't tell you how many times I got into trouble when I didn't listen to my instincts 🙁.
+Coco H I completely agree with you. I have since learnt that the saying 'The end is in the beginning' is absolutely true. People tell you, show you, unwittingly who they really are very early on. If not in how they treat us [yet] then in how they are treating others. It really pays to heed those cues.
+Coco H Sometimes, I think it is important to go back and ask people "why?". If they will answer you with what you were probably already been thinking all the time - the worst thing, you will just prove yourself right and move on. But. There can also be a *TOTALLY DIFFERENT explanation.* People can think they are doing right thing while they aren't. They might think "If I wont be around her, she wont see pity in my eyes and will recover quicker, stronger"..or that they felt they had not enough love to give you..or was just simply scared..
Who knows...just ask why sometimes.
***** Hello :-). I have asked why and the answer(s) weren't surprising because by that time I've thought about our relationship, our compatibility as friends, and the person's beliefs. We weren't a good match as friends. I've realized that there was something in me that I needed to correct, because I let people stay in my life that shouldn't have been there. Fortunately, I've fixed that part of myself and I can tell rather quickly if I would be a good friend to someone and vice versa. Time is too precious to spend it with the wrong people.
Thank you for sharing these personal stories about your best friend. I'm sorry for your loss of that friendship. I've had several friendships end after many years for one reason or another. It literally breaks your heart. Then I realize these people were not true friends and I move on. My best friend of 36yrs is a true blessing and I will never take it for granted. I wish you a lifelong friendship. There is nothing like it! :)
Wayne , You have always been one of my favourites on You tube . I know what loss is like , I lost my only sibling to murder and both my parent to Alzheimer's Disease. Over the years I had two best friends . One of them, I took into my home and let him live in my house for 2 years after he went through a divorce . I adored his friendship and he felt like family to me, which was important as I do not have family . After two years he decided to get a place of his own and I helped him move and gave him a couch and other furniture and he had not been feeling well and was trembling and his eyes were protruding .. I told him .. I thought he had Grave's disease and he laughed at me, but I convinced him to go to the Dr. and I would go with him and sure enough that is was he had. I went with him for his Treatments and helped him through so much .
Then... He met a woman and was excited to me introduce me to her . I had them over for drinks on my patio and was very nice to her and made her feel welcome.. and then that was it .. He stopped calling me and deleted me from Facebook and I tried to get in touch with him and he would not return my phone calls . I saw him at a nightclub and asked him what happened and he just ignored me and walked away .. I was hurt beyond belief . He is the not first person that has just abruptly shut me out .. I have been through a lot and could use a friend but my phone only rings when someone wants something from me , a place to stay , money . and I feel so used by the few people I thought were my friends .
+Chris Masson ...that's HORRIBLE!
Yes, horrible is a good word to describe how my friends have tossed me aside , like yesterday's garbage . It seems all my relationships end abruptly , either by abandonment or death .
Chris Masson ya, i hear ya! this is why i choose to be a loner!! it's less painful! LOL
This is so well spoken out. You understand your thoughts so well and I admire that. As well as how compassionate and strong you are. All the best xxx
My ex and I broke up and my best friend completely alienated me afterward and I still have no idea why but it's better I don't have those toxic people in my life anymore
I'm so sorry you went through that Wayne you seem like such an incredibly awesome person no one deserves to have their emotions played with you have my support
I've had the same best friend for 28 years. Sometimes we would go a couple years without speaking, mainly because she moved a lot and this was before cell phones, but every time we would meet back up like not a day has past. Friendships like that are few and far between but we live in different states so we do the best we can. I cannot count the amount of "friends" or close friends who have cycled though my adult life, some I thought would be around forever just to turn around and ignore me. It's always hard when someone you feel you had a deep connection with decides for some reason to leave your life but now I just tell myself that some people are here for just a season of my life not meant to be a permanent part. These people are here for me to learn something from or to learn something from me then move on. It doesn't make it hurt any less but makes it easier to deal with. Some people are just broken and we can't fix them no matter how much we want to.
I've fallen in love once and he broke my heart. I got an email after three years, this year as to how I am doing and he'd appreciate a response but I did not have it in me to reply back. Yet just like you there isn't a day that goes by that he does not cross my mind. However, just like someone had said below, I've learned and grown so much that I feel nothing can break me anymore as that was the strongest storm that entered my life injuring me but that injury healed, yet the scar is there. And every day I get reminded by that scar that I'll not let my guard down again. Whoever said that things that don't kill us makes us stronger was right! Wayne, your so genuine and kind, don't ever be disappointed on yourself. Wish you health, love and happiness always!
I'm in my late 30s. I moved away from my hometown when I was 16 with my folks, leaving my best friend behind. I tried to keep in contact and visit as often as I could. We are both very poor, but I realized I was the only one trying to get together. 22 years I visited her countless times, even though sometimes there was 6-8 year intervals where it was impossible. I saw her a few months ago for the first time in many years (I now had a 6 year old she'd never met) & she talked about being so excited that i was coming to visit... But I got there and she couldn't be bothered to get off of her couch. I needed to tell her that I was diagnosed with a fatal disease - but I didn't want to do it in her house with everyone around, and I begged her to take a ride with me and she wouldn't. Plus she's become someone so full of judgement and hate
I never told her I was sick. Just that we obviously don't know each other anymore. We'd been best friends for over 20 years, and I am so broken up inside but I'm learning that I need to let go.
Move on, Wayne, don't let anyone take you for granted! This guy has to work his a.s off to prove that he is your worth if one day he tries to get back to you ... You've got no idea how much love and respect you deserve in life!
Sydney is always a good idea Wayne 😉😉 lots of sunshine and love for you here xx
You are such a kind, sensitive human being. and it hurts me to see your. hurting. I wish was there so I could give you a huge hug (virtually). Know you are loved by so many people
My best friend and I broke up about five years ago now when she changed career paths. Its such a strange thing to go from having this person calling / emailing / texting every single day for 20+ years - to nothing at all. Complete silence. She broke up with me. I suppose she felt she had a new circle of friends? It felt kind of like she had died, except of course she didn't. Surreal. I mourned the loss of the friendship for a long time and I don't consider myself to have a new best friend. I just have friendly acquaintances these days.
So sad and hard
+TurningBackTheClock, I had the same experience, but I was the one who ended the friendship. We were nurses together, traveled together, etc. She became an attorney & her personality changed 180 degrees. Became very aggressive, very "me" driven. Totally so not me, philosophically. I slowly withdrew from her, & as much as it hurt early on, it was one of the best moves I ever made. I wish her well, but don't need that type of person in my life.
I really feel for you in this video Wayne, it sucks when you know a friendship/relationship is ending, you can just feel it because of the way they act and you feel useless cuz theres nothing you can do to turn it around. It happened to me twice last year, the first being an abusive boyfriend and the second being a guy friend who cut me off completely after he started dating a girl. but ive learned to be an independent person because of it
Everything is going to be allright Wayne. It is yet to come. I promise, promise, promise!
I understand, been there. It is a very painful situation to go through. You deserve better for you. It will happen with the right person. Hang in there!
I'm soooo sorry Wayne! Hugs! U are su lovely and don't deserve that!
Gosh he really deserves the world! he's sooo kind and lovely!
I'll be your best friend! I adore you, and ironically, I don't even wear much makeup. I just enjoy watching your videos for years now.
Of course you decided to meet up because you're a sweetheart! Love going on walks with you Wayne you're adorable! I love your personality & your vulnerability so I gotta tell you listen when he tells you AND shows you who he really is!!
When i was in 2nd grade, i had a best friend, who would continue to be so for seven years (till 8th grade). We used to live near each other so we were close. We were on the same bus that drove us to and from school. In those days, we were inseparable. To the point where people asked if we were sisters when in reality, we didn't have a single feature in common. I should point out that in those 7 years, sometimes, we weren't in the same class. So we could only talk to each other during the bus ride, recess and anytime in the evening. Come 9th grade and i shift houses. Moved to the outskirts of the city. So obviously, buses also changed. Can you imagine, 7 years of childhood friendship gone in a year and a half because we weren't in the same places. I put in effort into the friendship because she was the only one i was comfortable around. So when she would go off with other people and leave me behind with my classmates, i changed. i shut myself, cracked jokes and laughed like 24/7 in front of everyone just so they think that im fine. It gives me anxiety to think that the time i spent trying to maintain that friendship was not even acknowledged. to think that because of a minor thing like "location", i would entirely stop talking to someone.
I'm 20 now. I still talk to my classmates, who became my best friends in a short time, even thought we're in different countries. I was scared to open myself up to my friends in college. But i don't regret doing it. Because these friends that i made in college, truly do care about me, and I, about them. I still think the main reason that i have trust issues, or anxiety about opening myself up stems from that childhood friendship, that adults deemed it to be insignificant ( one of the few times i actually talked about it and got told that I should worry about better things😒)
tl;dr Bad childhood friendship continues to affect the current mental state of a 20 year old child.
YOU DESERVE BETTER WAYNE. IF A PARTNER MAKES YOU FEEL THAT LOW THEY DON'T DESERVE YOU KEEP THAT LOVE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOES. BIG HUGS FROM ISLE OF MAN X
In my experience it takes about 4 years to get past the worst and then you notice you haven't thought about them in a few days. The day's become months and the memories become fuzzy. The scar can be reopened if you remember the split but it does get better.
Ya are a precious person and never let anyone steal your joy. Love your videos, but most of all your heart. BIG BIG HUGS
I think we always give people second chances because there's that what if...what if he/she has changed, what if I regret not giving them a second chance, what if things will be different, what if we will be best friends again...but the truth of it is that most of the time, it still won't work. I'm not saying this is the case a hundred percent of the time, but in a majority of stories you hear from people trying to reconnect with friends, lovers, family members, etc. it never works out because as you pointed out in the video, things are never quite the same. You always have that dark cloud of the past kind of hanging over your heads and even though you try to look past it and focus on the now, that cloud is just there. It's sad but sometimes you need to let that person go because you've already reached the end of your relationship the first time around.
When I first saw a video, on the signs and behaviors of covert, malignant narcissism, so much of the pain and confusion lifted. What an eye-opener. Someone on the other side of the planet, could describe to a T, what I was encountering, to the subtlest nuanced gestures and intonations and characteristic phrases. I was SO grateful. It saved me, so much pain and who knows what else. From your description, it feels like your friend is feeding his "significance" by relishing your pain and strategically gushing on, about "the other man". He likely gets "juiced" like an addict, when he gets the opportunity to poke at a sore place, to see if you'll react. Let me see if I can find some of those early videos, that were so helpful, to me. It took away so much of the confusion and hurt, when I experienced a behavior and could think of the list of symptoms and simply think, "Check." One of the characteristics is that they pick a target for that behavior, who is kind and forthright, as you are. The rest of the world is only shown the most charming and benevolent mask, so if you say anything, they can play the victim. Well, let me go see if I can find those. You might not be the only one, they help.
My best friend and I parted ways almost 4 yrs ago. Three years ago I called when I gave birth to my son because the person I wanted to share that moment with was her...we started talking , laughing...catching up and then finally we tried talking about why we pared ways. Seems we could not agree on what was wrong or what occurred. Then just like that it was silence again...I miss her everyday, I hurt that maybe I was the only one who truly valued our relationship. It is sad...
the more time that passes without her the more I'm grateful it ended. i still randomly see her but its heart wrenching to look her in the eye.
Hi Wayne, I've watched many of your videos. I can feel your pain. I am sorry for your loss and suffering. When someone deeply hurts you it is sometimes nearly impossible to go one. But many of your followers care for you, so please don't despair.
In the beginning of this video you are asking to find a better, warmer place with lots of sunshine. If you truly want to move, you might consider Arizona, USA. I am a realtor in Scottsdale, AZ. It is a beautiful place with a lot of wealthy potential clients for you. The weather is hot and nearly always sunny. Housing in all price ranges. Lots of rentals available, too. Excellent transportation and a good selection of singles, when you are ready for that. Let me know if you come out this way, I can help. (I am a married woman, so no worries....)
You're acting like his friend died. Like I read your comment before the video and I was expecting some deep shit about his best friend passing away lol.
Ruqi H - If you've watched many of his videos, he has been posting for years and is so kind and real that most of us watchers feel like we know him and are friends with him, even though we've never met. He had suffered a breakup with his significant other and you can tell by just looking at him that he is suffering and had lost a lot of weight and was posting to his internet 'family' sharing a most personal time. I was just responding to that. You don't have to 'get it'.
CasuallyObservant Yeah I know all that, I've been watching his video for years too lol. Only by watching a few of his videos I felt so close to him and touched by his personal vlogs. It's just the way you said sorry for your loss I thought someone died. Nothing else
plz put yourself in his position...have you ever heard of the word EMPATHY?
NOTHING ELSE; BUT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY AS IN "LOL" FUNNY EVEN WHEN YOU REALIZED NO ONE DIED!
Reason, Seasons, Lifetime. Those are the 3 types of friendship. They are there for a particular REASON, once done both part ways. SEASONS, they come in for a while, like your friend did, once whatever is needed to be gained is gained and you both part ways.LIFETIME is what we all look for in every friendship but in the end if you are lucky to have one you are a true winner. As we get older life takes over, takes us into different directions. It would be so lovely to have just one true ride or die but in the end it's the experiences we have with each one that will remain. Just very hurtful when the hurt happens.
I've just 'lost' my best friend as well. I have been struggling with mental illness for a number of years, but it has come to a head in the past year, and she has not been supportive. I never thought that something I couldn't control would make her abandon me, but it has. For some reason, people just can't cope with people with depression. They want you to be happy all the time, and the minute you aren't, they get bored and annoyed and leave.
+Danielle Calder I feel like I need to point something out. People with depression, or other mental illnesses, are often toxic. I say this as someone who HAS depression, and anxiety. I'm sure there are people who get fed up with people who are depressed simply because we're not a barrel of laughs, but there are also many more who end friendships because the mentally ill friend is drowning them. I had to rid myself of a friend in my own life because her needs, besides being impossible to meet, were making my own problems worse. I lasted pretty long, ten years -- but I think I could have made it longer if she'd actually sought medical help instead of constantly turning to methods that are probably only suited to mild depression instead of major depressive disorder and mood disorders as well.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that there's no friends out there who will stick with you, because there are, but there's just some gentle advice from someone who has been on both sides of things:
*Do not only rely on one or two people. The burden is easier for everyone if you can spread the weight out among a larger support group.
*Do not expect these friends to be your therapists. They probably do want to help, but unless they're trained therapists....they're not therapists. They don't really know how to offer that service and it's not fair to want it. That said, friends can do a lot to help you feel cared for; you just need to make the 'goals' more manageable. Let them know you aren't feeling well, and you'd appreciate people checking in during the week. Ask for small things that you feel might be of help to you. And DO NOT think that you're a burden! You're not. Your depression is, and it probably weighs heavier on you than anybody else -- but it isn't YOU. It's okay to ask for help. It's likely the people who know you know who you really are under the mask of the illness, and it's also likely they will want to help that person shine through a little more. It's okay to ask. Just try to be realistic about what people can do.
*Do find an actual therapist, and medicine if necessary. A lot of family medicine doctors are willing to try medications for depression and anxiety, since these illnesses are so common - especially if you have a history of counseling.
*Do set small goals for yourself. Depression sucks because it's so hard to want to do ANYTHING, let alone things that are really useful like exercising and eating well....but it's always good to have some tiny thing to be proud of. I've had days where I managed to brush my teeth and make my bed and that's it. I still feel like a loser on those days, but because I managed to do two things I didn't want to do, I don't feel like I'm a *hopeless* loser and maybe tomorrow it will be better.
*Do keep a little journal just of something nice that happened or that you saw in a day. This is harder with severe depression, but great for mild to moderate and also anxiety. Writing makes you think about things, and the extra concentration is a mood booster.
*Don't give up. :) I hope you can find stellar friends to help you through this.
+marszenka You literally know nothing about my situation. "Advising" me that I may be toxic is quite honestly one of the most counterproductive things you could have done by replying to my comment. I'll be muting your replies and "advice".
Totally understand where you are. I am currently in the slow fade stage AGAIN with my best friend. I am the one that walks away this is now the 3rd and final time. I get tired of only being important in her life when she needs me. Hang in there! Love all your videos, I am learning tons!! Even my hubby this past week stated, "Honey, you really look beautiful! I'm not sure what's different but you look radiant!" Hahaha you should have seen his face when I told him it was because of another man...hehehe then I showed him your videos! What can I say, you have to have fun!!!
It's painful, but it's his loss, nice people always get hurt the most
Geraldine Mitchell that’s the truth.
because it appears to be human nature to just take advantage of nicety when it's shown to you over and over. It sucks, but that's really how it appears to be.
Preach, brother! Same thing happened to me about a year ago and it is the frustration at myself that I am having a hard time moving past. I did not understand the situation as it was happenening, but in hindsight, I realized that I was giving this person the confidence he needed to go out and get what he really wanted. And he did... I was his high, he was my kryptonite because all I wanted was a good, true friendship. People can be brutal sometimes.
Been there. Had a friend bottle up a lot of petty bs and explode all over me out of a clear blue sky. After the blow up we talked things out and were okay - or so I thought. She said she was okay and then proceeded to never call or email me again. I contacted her a few times asking what was going on and was ignored. Looking back, of course, I can see the writing on the wall. There was a lot of jealousy on her part toward me - and jealousy is death in any friendship. She also had massive problems maintaining relationships with anyone and was unable to deal with or get past any conflict. At first I felt sad and then angry of course but now I just feel indifferent. The only thing that makes no sense to me is why say you want to continue a friendship when you don't? There was no need for her to be so dismissive and self centered - just tell someone you aren't interested in being friends any longer so they can go on their way.
Been there. thanks for the ..."it gets better" hope
The exact same thing happened to me a couple of years ago... It's not fun, and I so feel the sitting on your feelings. I miss my person so much, but I just know the same thing would happen again, and that the time for that friendship has ended. It's easy to let go of people you hate, but letting go of people you love is the hardest thing ever 💙💙💙
Just yesterday my best friend and I got in a huge fight and it's the worst fight we've ever had. The thing that made me mad was thinking about all the other little things she's done to me. She would lie to me and make me feel awful about myself. We were both jealous of each other. She brings me down. I constantly wonder if I'm a good enough friend, or if the reason she didn't answer my text was because she was mad at me. People have told me that she's a horrible friend to me and they always ask why I'm still friends with her. I don't know. Truthfully, I have no clue. I have never loved anyone the same way I love her. I would die for her. Sometimes I just feel like I put so much effort into a friendship she doesn't seem to want. I don't want to be the one to go back to her every time we fight. For once I want her to make an effort. I want her to realize how much she means to me and how bad it feels to be treated this way.
It is painful when someone cuts you out of their life, be it gradually or abruptly. But it is a learning experience, and one that will make you a better person in the end. I don't know you personally, but enjoy all of your videos. Your candor, humor and genuine personality all shine through and new friends are made everyday if we are open it them. The good ones hang on a bit, the great ones stay forever. Don't ever compromise you or your worth for anyone else.
Wayne come to Greece!😊 Yes crisis but this climate....nothing compares!! love you!!
I had a friend who helped me a great deal when I got divorced, and I thought we were really good friends. When I remarried, she completely stopped our friendship. I have no idea why, but I really don't dwell on it. You are truly a beautiful man, in every sense of the word. Come live in Hawaii - we would love to have you.
Real friendship never can End !!! Really, no matter how far you are !! That's my experience... but only regarding the friendship. If It's sentimental/love experience it's not the same... 😒 But as Oscar Wilde used to say : "never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary". 💋
I've had this happen, it's heartbreaking for sure. I still think of the happy times and certain songs remind me of them.
I'm sorry about what happened between you and your friend. My problem is I always attract fake friends. I always want to he
help people with their problems without thinking about myself. There is nothing wrong with helping people of course but you need to find a healthy balance and its best, to chose friends who will help you out as you've helped them.
My last marriage of 18 years ended with me leaving not because I did not love him but not knowing my place was in his life anymore was driving me crazy! Certainly and clearly our relationship was not his first priority. It is really hard when you run into one another and I like you just did not speak. Like you if my ex needed help I would. Everybody truly deserves to be loved and loved well. Take time doing the things you love and allow yourself to heal. Praying for you...you helped me greatly!
I gave one of my old best friends chances after chances & in fact it made me feel worse & was just drama that I really didn't need in my life. This girl would constantly slag people off to me, she was two faced, jealous of everyone, make up stories & rumours about people including me which I found out eventually! I just had enough. Thing is people don't change. Thats what I learned & even though I miss the good time me & her shared I don't miss the drama & added b.s in my life. I feel much better not having people like that around me.
Wayne, I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and hope that you have found someone who you can trust and count on for support. Your videos are amazing, I learn so much from you, and can tell that you are a really wonderful and kind person. Thank you for sharing yourself, your talent, and your humor with us! Also love your signature wink at the end of your videos! Best wishes and regards, Kelly from Santa Monica, CA, USA
This is completely unrelated to the topic of the video but whenever I come on your videos people are always commenting on your weight and how you look 'too skinny now'. If you had always been this size from the start of your YT journey, nobody would say any different. I just want you to know your weight loss transformation is inspiring.
He looks fantasting. He actually is inspiring me
Wayne, I reeealy enjoyed your video. I feel so lucky to get to know you on a personal level after I've enjoyed you so much on a professional level. I'm so sorry for how you've been hurting. I agree with your decision. Sounds to me like youre talking about someone you loved very much andwere committed to. I also had a similar experience. I felt like my heart was going to burst, the literal aching. I cried for months. I'm going to send this to my son who happens to be hurting so much today after his friend asked him to leave again. I look forward to watching your other related videos tomorrow. I loved you before, now so much more. E-hug I wish I could give you in person. Pat
Move to California, Wayne! Plenty of sunshine here for you! xoxo
I think you are a sweet guy Wayne. I trust you will find a new best friend who won't let you down.