Ep. 68 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ต.ค. 2024
- Become a paid channel member of YMH to experience an AD-FREE version of the show here : / @ymhstudios
SPONSORS:
Get your first visit absolutely free at ForHims.com/bears
Get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free at ExpressVPN.com...
Go to HelloFresh.com... and use code cave10 to get 10 free meals free plus free shipping!
Go to TommyJohn.com/... to get 15% off your first order.
Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura discuss the differences between raising girls and boys, road rage, their 2 Bears, 1 Sapp Super Bowl live show, Lil Nas X, Fans Only creators, and Hilaria Baldwin's accent controversy. They also put out the call to find the girls Tom's toured Rome with.
ymhstudios.com/
store.ymhstudi...
/ yourmomshousepodcast
/ yourmomshousepodcast
Can we get Barf a shock collar so Tom can zap him everytime he interrupts him?
Lol thats better then my suggestion. I thought a yard stick slap to the head was the way to go
He flipped topics so many times.
Yes please! I will also donate!!
Yea plz
I'd pay for their Onlyfans to see that!!!!
Bert: "my dad beating me at everything taught me to be a man, and that's not toxic"
Also Bert: "i just wish my dad wouldve told me he was proud of me"
Somehow he cannot connect the dots between the way he was raised and his terrible self-esteem lol
Those two things aren't related at all..... You can compete with your kid at stuff and win while teaching him the value of hard work and not giving up. Then you can also be a dick and never praise them when they succeed.
@@johns557 fax’s
@@johns557 I mean I see what he means though, very literally only tells stories of his dad beating him and never really tells stories of him competing and it being fair, but that may just be the way he tells stories. I more so agree with you than the original comment, but to be fair I see how they’re at least on the same field
@@gageflores992 There often seems to be a genuine contempt coming from his father whenever Bert tells these stories about him. I don't think his father likes him. He might still love him, but it's clear from these stories he doesn't understand him.
I don't think we're ever going to see the top 10 most affordable cars.
or hear how Tim's edibles aren't working anymore.. Bart talk too much
Bert is so top tier at interrupting that he interrupts his own stories
I was actually hype to hear them talk about that
Blame Bert for having so many strokes and changing subjects
@@smashin it gets frustrating, everytime Tom brings something up, Bert talks about his experience with the subject, then just changes the subject. I wonder if Tom secretly hates Burt lol
bert kreischer kid haircut 3:50
Thanks bbg
Just what I was looking for 😂
Thanks bro that's what I was looking for 😂😂
Thanks!
Thank you
I feel like giving Tom a Bluetooth mouse would put half the staff out of a job.
No, then he'd have to hire 2 guys to tickle a homeless guy who sounds like he smoked and drank his whole life. Thats 3 new hires just for the laugh track.
Ikr
I've literally thought about that just nadaav and the hosts would be enough why hire all these people and to do what Google stuff Snc they arent even good at it.
@@songsforkidz280 yea! They aint as good as young jamie
@@Thompson-from-Finland XD Young Jamie maked it sound like he is an heir to nobility.
anytime Tom starts a sentence, Bert takes it as a cue to start a random thought
@Getinthecar_ it's you! From the thing!
For real, I can't stand him but I love Tom
Would like this comment but its against the rules, all I can say is.... nice
@Getinthecar_
It is you 😱😱
You misspelled Bartholemew
Brent cuts himself off and pauses randomly so often I thought my signal was cutting out
Ugh know that feeling so well he does it all the time. Make me think my headphones die lol
it just happened as i was reading this
Those are mini strokes
Bruce’s inner dialogue is just one big run-on sentence.
Just like his outer dialogue.
I would really love a companion show where Tom tells us all the interesting stories Brett wouldn’t let him finish
Fuckin million dollar idea. Roll clip from this show, and Tom goes, "What I was *trying* to say before that bobblehead interrupted me was:" and then we get to hear the actual story.
I would love one with all the times Bryce tries to pretend that he's laughing while he talks at the same time cut out
"Tom Finishes Talking"
Now I understand why Jay Mohr slapped the shit out of him.
DOOOOOOOD
I think I got Bert beat. As a kid my dad would force me to play him 1on1 almost everyday for about 10 years. He would swat my shot back in my face, muscle me to the ground, trash talk... Until one day when I was 15yo, I finally beat him. He immediately made me rematch him. Then I beat him again. And then a third time. Hand to god, he didn't talk to me for a week after that. The lesson I learned from all of that is that my dad is a legit Sociopath, and that was a valuable lesson for me
Sounds like that movie where the dad bounces the basketball off his sons chest and makes him cry.
@@Gumbo_Calm no it was drumline
@@ultranitro437 I bet you're talking about "He Got Game", with Denzel Washington? Ya, my dad didn't have any of the wisdom of Denzel's character, and twice the anger lol
Who wants to hear about the time my dad made me eat vomit? Or maybe about the time he basically forced me to be a cuckhold? The second one was especially crazy because it was part of a series of events that eventually lead to him getting shot
Mine just left and never came back lmaoo
“I miss Nadav”
“God rest his soul”
Where the hells he at?
@@joshoa90210 dead, per the god rest his soul
@@joshoa90210 loan sharks got him. Nadav WAS gambling
Rip nedav I guess.
@@joshoa90210 Hes not dead lol. He just posted on Instagram a couple of days ago. @Nadav Itzkowitz
I like how Tom fake stuttered his way through Mia Khalifa.
ikr, that had me rolling XD
By the time they got to Adriana Chechik they stopped pretending lol
Was thinking the same thing lmao
Wonce you go Tunisian you dont go back.
immediately came to the comments to see if i wasnt alone and here we are
it warms my heart every time tom says “love you buddy” at the end of the show
I feel like every time Tim starts talking, Brent spends that time trying to think of what he’s going to say next and immediately interrupts as soon as he figures it out
He HAS to hear himself talk. He loves it more than anything else. Every episode of this podcast is proof.
@@8thlvlMage ok that’s why it’s funny
Correct
Tom: “...peeing in a cup, splashing it in your face...”
Bert Goes to ad: “I love going to dinner with my family...”
that gave me whiplash
Yeah and right after that the cutaway to Tom reacting to Bert reading was the best.
I absolutely lost it at that transition
Was hoping someone commented about it
I almost commented the same thing :D
Bert trying to talk thru a laugh sounds like the gingerbread man from shrek
Yea, It's OK for the first 10 seconds....
@@rangleski3695 no its not ok
it's a fake laugh tho
It gets old superrrrrrr quick
Love these two middle aged men pretending they can't remember porn stars' names, keep up the good work Todd and brent
"Mia.....uhm...Kha.....Khalifa? Yeah Khalifa that's right."
Yeah Tom real slick bud
I know all the names
Also lol @ Tim defending Mia Khalifa. She doesn't deeply regret doing porn. If she did, why does she still go by her stage name?
@@alexmcmillan945 Because she's a hypocritical hack. She continues to use her porn name for all her promotions, but whenever she gets interviewed she gets mad at the interviewer if they ever ask about her porn past
@@myztik5716 she’s such a hypocrite. She started a “safe for work” Only Fans and got pissy at people on Twitter because they retaliated for her NOT doing nudes after she spoke out against sex workers and porn goes and the like.
Honestly she has no right to talk - she signed the contracts and filmed those scenes. Too bad. Shut up.
I like when Tom gets to talk.
I love hearing toms stories.
"Quick breakfesses" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I played Bert's hellofresh ad like 100 times I was dying 🤣
Wait where's toms beautiful hair? Obviously this is recorded in advance before the hair transplant
Can’t wait for Berts reaction. Tom will be the new hair champ.
Really hope that "bit" doesn't run long. It's one step from clown shoes and a red nose.
If they dont do an episode of 2b1c with his new hair, it was a waste of 40k
I still dont understand if it was real or just a bit... lol
@@niteshade8546 you’re as fun as a wet blanket
Tim is trying SOOO hard to pretend like he doesn’t know anything about OnlyFans 😂
onlyfans? whats a fan? why is there a place dedicated to only these items that I don't know anything about?
Yeah and he knew Mia Khalifas name, but Didn’t want to say it too quick 😂
Brilliant way to get an OnlyFans sponsorship - well played, Todd 👏
@@jessedekrossic can't blame him tbh, everyone does that lol
Bart was extra smooth with “onlySfans”.
Brent telling a childhood story:
"I'm blowing this guy..."
Sounds like a Tim Dillon story
You're mistaken, that's Bobby Lee.
He's talking about Jim Norton, guys.
What was he suppose to do?
He was offered a treat
Hahaha
I don't think Todd was able to finish a single story or sentence on this episode without getting interrupted by Birth.
Is this your first podcast lol
@@TheMontague0403 naw lol. Just seems like it was worse on this one. He couldn't even get it full sentence in
@@ElyciusM we need a counter on how many sentences Bertrude starts without finishing them.
Do you understand how hard it is to interrupt a person that’s telling a story to insert your own personal experience only to derail your own story and go off in a totally different direction? Give Brent the credit he deserves.
I love how the second commercial break goes from "shitting and pissing in my face" to "I love cooking with my family"
When bert laughs it looks like he’s trying to squish his face into a diamond
Is that what the squealing is???
It's quite obnoxious
Bless Tim's heart, he tried so hard to tell that story in Rome.
I know, fuck I felt bad for him. Like I wanted to give him a hug felt bad for him
I cant believe Bart speaks for a living...
Bruce?
and 90% of what he says is all made up how many viewers/listeners picked up in the first 5 minutes he lies about googling on his phone as a kid
Its almost inspiring. Is someone like bret can talk for a living that means anyone can do anything. Someone with no legs could be a shoe model, why not eh.
Yeah but Bret does comedy so it doesn’t have to be perfect speech 😂😂
@@viewfinderthis and the joke is him literally
If Bert calls cancel culture “cancer culture” one more time he’s going to get cancered
Well to be fair, it really is a cancer culture
This hack got his brain wet.
It's an Asian joke. Bert hates Asians.
1 bear 1 Bruce Kersher.
This guy also pronounces ‘Counselor’ as “Cancler”
When Burt admitted that he has schizophrenia without realizing that he has schizophrenia it made everything make so much more sense
"Quick breckfasas and lunches, perfect for your busyn schedunal" LMAO! Great read there Brent.
Bent Chrysler: German engineering with American style.
Bert is Shelby American, but the first few, a la mickey mantle DNA
Tom's looks into the camera are quickly becoming my favorite part of the show lol.
Bruce’s daughters definitely have watched Bella Thorne in Shake It Up in his living room 😂😂
Oh most definitely!
Brett*
Burnt Kiosk had me rolling with the big brain little brain rant. Truly fascinating
This “Big Brain, Little Brain” shit really has me legitimately concerned for Bert...
Can’t tell if it’s a bit or not.
"Normal people don't have complex thoughts." - Bert, on the topic of him having an inner dialog.
Definitely not a bit lmaoo
Maybe slight exaggeration, maybe.
going through a rough time rn and this podcast is keeping me thriving..
love the drunk fatman ❤️
You are stronger than your problems. You got this ✊
Stay strong mate
Same bro. These guys, cumtown, and the bonfire are therapeutic.
“cocker spaniel with a cheap blue mask. i know this guy, he has no respect for himself” lol i love hearing bert read people
Introducing failure to a young child is not toxic Bart that’s literally the smartest thing you’ve done lmao 😂❤️
One of his few good parenting moments
Right? Insulating kids from the possibility of failure/loosing at something is how we ended up with a generation of people that can't handle adversity.
And the appropriate parenting along with it.. Is actually a very smart thing to do. Isolating a child from ever failing is harmful in the long run.
39:15 - The BEST interaction this whole bit lmaooo.
Tom's: "We're gunna have a talk with him after the show." was soooo well timed and delivered XD
I love that Tom gets into the flow of a story and Bart is like "Time for a 14 minute tangent"
It hit home when Bert said he wanted his dad to be proud of him. This is something I have come to understand is important to share with those we love. It is easier for most of us to tell each other we love them, but we need to express how proud we are of the people that mean the most to us. My dog passed recently and that was one thing I made sure to let him know in his last days.
This is the wholesome comment I was searching for
Bert describing his “big brain little brain” occurrences is the most relatable thing I’ve ever heard him discuss. Always wondered myself if that happened to anyone but me.
SAME! I thought it was just me too. My inner big brain is very aggressive and negative.
Never thought Bert would make me feel normal and that it's not just me... That also could be we all ride 🚐 together 🤣🤣
Brent is so good at ruining a story that Tom is in the middle of. Fantastic at it actually.
Bert "I'm gonna think of a million reasons to keep drinking" Kreischer.
It’s Krishna.
Get it right bro.
Bert’s pre-emptive warning “keep in mind, I haven’t really thought this out...”
Like every other thing ever heard by Burt Gristle, dude has zero filter.
boys in the booth are sweatin' seeing Tom and Bert going through their OnlyFans subscriptions
And knowing that they’re going to get called out on it after.
"Listen. Ready for this. Can I tell you this? Are you ready for this? This will blow you away" statements used by people who need attention and really don't have anything interesting to say
bert wanted a puppy right around the time he started puberty... a coincidence? I think not.
Well played 😂
Best part of my day is listening to this podcast
6:00 his laugh is way to infectious
If Tom doesn’t fix his sleeve, I’m going to lose my mind lol
You mad that Tim's showing off those manly guns? Why be mad when you can be glad?
@@lil_puddin haha I’m not mad it’s just one of those things like seeing a picture hung up that is tilted
I didn't notice it for the first hour of the podcast until I scrolled down and read your comment. Can't unsee this and it's bothering the fuck out of me.
@@mjc5070 he cant his arm is fucked up lmao
😹
Bert saying “I wish we could do highlights” like he’s one of the people in charge is funny to me
Where is nadav?!?! He was there, then he wasn’t, and now I’m just curious... #WhereIsNadav
pretty sure he is in Texas searching for a new Podcast-Studio. Or dead. One of these two for sure
He is still googling from the last episode
Todd probably killed him
His bookies came looking for him.
Nadav is googling....
The best is when Bert interrupts Tom just to say nothing, sit quietly, and think about what he’s gonna say next. Example: 54:14
I love when Tom looks into the camera when Bert says some wild shit
This always makes miserable Monday’s better
Someone’s got a case of the Monday’s
Fr though
@@biguprochester brother, I belive you'd get yer as kicked fer sayin some'n like 'at.
Just remembered there’s also a new Bad Friends today!
Japanese American Comedian Todd Segura and Brent Christols
Bruce and Tucker make my mondays!
"Then it freezes over and totally destroys the evidence." - Bort Chrysler.
Thats not how that works, that not how any of this works!
Brent: "I wish I had your ability to say no"
Thom: "I think you do"
Burnt: "I definitely dont"
Burnt: I miss Nadav.
Tim: God rest his soul.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Happy Monday to all my Jeans above 18! YMH family, bay-bee!!!
If bert's girls ever get pissed with him they could pull a hasselhoff. I'm sure they could pick from multiple clips of him saying horrible shit, lol
58:30 the comment "Where are those girls buried now?". 10/10
8:27 Tom using an analogy to call his daughter dumb tits and Bert doesn’t notice is the funniest moment to me
lol he didnt notice because he was talking over Tom and then himself at the same time.
I can feel Tom's rage whenever Bert derails one of his stories
If you’re buying onlyfans for the podcast, can you write it off as a business expense ?
Possibly yes.
A Hhhhhhhundred Percent
I cannot wait to add more Brunt Kerstla is fat into my English lessons here in South Korea this coming semester lol
"I look up and he's running backwards"lolololol
the lessons that are the hardest to learn are the ones that have the most valuable outcome
I don’t watch this podcast to gain anything. Shits just funny as hell
wait, why did you feel the need to make this distinction?
Out of all the things to back you chose the blue?? Idk if you’ve heard but that organization is not running super well.
Hey, if you’re reading this have a great day
You too bro
You too bro
You too bro
You too bro
You’re doing good!
Brent sounds like the gingerbread man on Shrek, when he is wheezing
"I think they talk about me behind my back". LOL fucking Bert!
"Pissing in a cup then throwing it in your face" then immediately "i love having dinner with my family" 😂😂😂
The bears are really working the boys in the booth hard today, pull up cheap cars, pull up only fans, pull up murder stats.
I love that Bert thought “Lil Nas got tits” for real and not just for a photoshoot
Bruce has the Mickey Mantle gene and the “Ahhh Fuck It” gene
I like how Tom pretends to struggle remembering getinthecar’s insta
7:23 - this story is basically everything about parenting. Great job, Tom.
My dad raised me like that as a female. I think dads being there teaching their girls like Bert's dad is definitely important.
My dad raised me as a female too. Might not be what you’re thinking though...
@@TonyisToking 😂😂😂
@@landenmcniven7963 I don't get it what's so funny
@@TonyisToking genders are not funny. Some people are not fortunate enough to have genders. You need do some self reflecting mister.
@@jimmyluffnin1297 thats probably for the best
The word Bert was looking for is equity, you don’t raise male and female children equally, you raise them equitably because they will have different hurdles and roadblocks to get to the same places.
You look pretty
But by establishing obstacles for men favorable in the name of equality?
Thank fer learning me. I was like equity. Like a home. Wtf. Looked up how to spell it. then definition. Found out that equity also means to be fair and impartial. Didnt think Id learn something this watching this.
Much obliged
@@George-404 nice bait bro
That's wonderful. Now I can say I've seen at least one feminist sympathizer exhibit self-control.
"I've rear-ended a few people in this town." YASSSS Tommy, be proud of who you really are!
“You’ll never beat me in anything” is a CRAZY thing to say to your little boy 😂😂
as a "woke feminist" and a soft kindergarten teacher - i hear this and say thank you. I think everyone should keep their hands to themselves and feel their emotions. But society is not perfect and we have to raise kids to cope with whats happening. Kids should be tough as nails emotionally. People say not nice things, we lose games, days don't go our way, and we have to be able to cope.
You're doing good work, Katie!
My favorite part of the podcast is when youtube ads interrupt their ads.
Ever wonder how someone has made it this far in life without dying from something absurdly stupid
Bruce is really listening this episode
Bart really made the show unenjoyable this week
“I can see…it’s very good” DIED
the only hard part of being a 2bears 1cave fan is being interested in one of Tom's stories knowing its gonna be interrupted
I started watching this podcast a few months ago. So far, this episode Bert interrupts Tom so much I literally yelled “Shut the fuck up!” Lol.
Idk why Tom doesn’t just tell him, “hold that thought, let me finish”. Or something.
Tom lived the plot of Before sunrise, what a guy lol
Bart “stop me if I’ve told this story already” Krishner
“Pissing in a cup” and other debauchery then goes to an add where Brett talks about eating dinner with his family hahahaha.
Wow tim set a record of 35 words spoken this episode
Every time Bert does that high pitched laugh voice I have to exit out of the video and come back later
Finally, Brett actually did an accent that wasn't terrible. He kind of sounded like Jordan Peterson.
I wonder if Bert realizes that this whole podcast is recorded - it’s basically his public therapy sessions lol
Go to therapy Bert!
It’s funny that he’s terrified of being recorded during a therapy session, yet we have over an hour of him in his own “therapy session” lol
He's an LA person. All they do is talk about themselves as if they were in therapy. All the time. In all contexts. Always. It's why I left a decade ago. Couldn't endure another person talking to me about their genitals as if that's a normal thing to do. It's because they don't have an actual life. They just sit around and think about themselves and promote themselves.
@@bobdidler4010 okay there, bring it up with your therapist.
@@bobdidler4010 you sound like A LOT of fun at parties (if you were ever invited).
@@iOptimmus I'm an adult, I don't go to parties.
Holy fucking hell that Hello Fresh ad placement was impeccable
The fact that Bert references his “speeches to his daughters” is classic Bruce.