Dispelling Interracial Myths | Things People Don't Want To Talk About
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 เม.ย. 2024
- We are tackling a very sensitive, challenging conversation that we feel is necessary to talk about. Being in an interethnic relationship comes with many difficult conversations and, unfortunately, we don't always experience other couples handling it in a healthy way...or avoiding it altogether.
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I feel like the white man and black woman dynamic talks more about these difficult topics than the black male white woman dynamic ..
Stop trying to start something. Plus that's a false myth that you tell yourself.
I’d agree
That’s what I’m seeing personally
That’s true. You see the fruit of that on social media with the biracial children who have non-black mothers. They seem to be more upset and feel more betrayed and are very open about it.
You may "feel" like that's the case but feelings don't necessarily reflect reality.
As always, it depends entirely on the individuals.
This conversation is so real and so needed….not just for inter-ethnic marriages, but also for internet-ethnic friendships that go beyond eating lunch together or gathering for someone’s celebratory occasion. So often, with office friends, we may go out together for drinks after work, but we never discuss systemic racism nor white privilege.
Exactly why denyal if differences if its a positive thing…
As a BW, it does NOT need to be discussed EVERY DAY as a form of bonding on Trauma in depth. It is NOT a burden that a WOMAN should CARRY on her shoulder. Issues of Racial Disparities should NOT consume your Romantic Relationships interracial or not. You can EMPATHIZE or SYMPATHIZE, BUT you CANNOT fix all the issues in society and you shouldn’t have that BURDEN upon you or your upon your interracial relationship. You can discuss it together with your Male Sons BUT you do NOT NEED TO MAKE IT THE IDENTITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. The Burden of Racial Disparities should NOT be upon BW, as they are WOMEN, not Fairytale Godmothers. 💯❤🤷🏾♀️
I think saying culture rather than race undermine us as a people.
@@Melanated483 thank you!! As a black woman, I agree. It’s exhausting to constantly have to talk about race and make it the center of our lives and who we are. We’re black women, yes. And there are certain things that come with that. But we’re also just women. And we’re also just people. I don’t want to walk around and constantly think about how I’m black black black. Like geez.
Thank you guys so much for this!! I’m a white Christian man who has recently begun dating a most beautiful African American woman, both on the inside and outside. She recommended this podcast to me; as we’re no strangers to deep conversations. However, you have mentioned some amazing and tough things we can work on, both as individuals and as a couple! Once again, thank you guys for going deep!
Hi Lexi and Brian, what a beautiful conversation. I appreciate you guys being open and transparent with eachother coming from an African American female. I can see that you are a interracial marriage but I was drawn to your channel because of the LOVE and RESPECT that you have for one another and your families because that’s really what it is all about, loving , caring, helping and respecting one another, not because of skin tones but because of our hearts. I just want you guys to know that you are beautiful inside and out. Thank You
Different generation from people the last generation although it was in the last century people were of different races
For this reason right here, is why I watch you guys “Kingdom Building” 19:11. Having the hard conversations to show what a Kingdom Marriage looks like !! Thank you truly for showing us single folk what a beautiful marriage can look like. 👑
For most people who say they don’t care about their culture, sometimes it’s actually rooted in pain avoidance.
That’s a very valid point. We did mention that as a reason for some people.
I love you both. One of the very best videos I’ve enjoyed with you guys is when you sat down with Brian’s parents and talked about how they felt about your relationship and they finally got to really really know you, Lexie. Your father-in-law didn’t go into full detail, but he spoke of an incident that occurred which made him really realize how much Lexie needed his protection. His voice seemed to break with emotion when he spoke those words. I believe in the real agape love that you and your whole family have for one another. You all remain in my prayers, and for me, you seem to be the family that God reveals His glory in. ❤❤
100% these conversations are essential. I don't understand how anyone in an inter-ethnic relationship could be in a relationship and not talk about these things. They have absolutely no idea who they are dating or married to. That's actually scary.
Having a preference, even a racial one, is okay. People like and are drawn to others differently. If you see yourself being with a person of another race, theres nothing wrong with that. But their race shouldnt be the soul reason why you´re with them. I liked that you guys brought up the different dynamics that come with being in an interracial relationship and the importance of addressing those tough questions on race.
Lexie, I hurt for you. Try to remember that ignorance speaks out hurt and hatred…not out of love, knowledge, nor understanding.❤
What do you mean
Brian and Lexi continue with what God has given to you to build up the body of Christ. ❤❤❤❤❤ My husband of 17 years we were committed in our interethnic marriage. We were encouraged to demonstrate God's love through our marriage. My husband went home to be with the Lord. And we are still be married ❤
what you need to ignore are those comments you fell in love doesn't matter what color he is or you are loving has no color its just love life is hard and to find someone who is your best friend lover husband and father to your children the same goes for him finding a best friend lover wife and mother of your children is the greatest love of all God put us here to love he didn't say only love one race love all races im 64 my mother used to tell me we are all the same the only difference is the blood type😊
This is a topic that some interracial couples avoid discussing. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I 100 % agree because the majority that I've seen with a social media presence don't ever bring these particular topics up. I've only seen a small percentage that has ✔️👍🏾💯
yea... this is one of the reasons I believe that their children will grow up with a sound mind and will be comfortable in their skin.... a lot of biracial kids don't because they don't have the right parents. but these guys are the perfect people to be in a IR relationship.
White man and black women changing the conversationin a positive way!! You rock!!
Y'all are telling our story for us... OMG! I am continuously having to correct people of my ethnicity and vice versa. The comments and questions we get... it's really unnecessary and sometimes inappropriate. I really enjoyed this one y'all... My husband and I have these conversations on a regular, because we're also not the type of people to tiptoe. Lol
Very good conversation! You are right. Couples don’t get to the core of ethnicity. 🙏🏾
Couples of ANY race, color, creed, interracial or not. I’m new to the channel and am just so interested in your conversations. I’m a single white 54yo woman that has so many questions about so many topics (mainly my Lord & Savior) that I’m finding y’all cover. I’ve been enjoying watching & hearing the way you interact with others & each other simply amazes me. Ask that to say thank you!!! I’m enjoying what y’all are putting out, keep up the wonderful stuff!!! God bless you & your family. ❤❤❤
Stop listening to everything on social media they don't live in your home or pay your bills. You're in that marriage so make the best of it.
I honestly love you all as a couple, Lexi you are silky black and absolutely gorgeous, and Brain you are extremely handsome with confidence and charisma ❤❤ but more so you all are incredibly intelligent, courageous, aware and charismatic and
This conversation was really deep indeed, I felt all the emotions , tears of joy and pain, happiness and proud, because just as you all said, most interacial relationships are for the wrongs reasons, but you all does put the real stuff out there, the good, bad and indifference.
I love to see people in love, regardless of race, religion etc, but what I dislike with a serious passion is people getting married for any other reason than true love.
I don't know why this is making me cry, but it must have been needed
Hi you are one of my favorite couples on Social media as God is using your relationship for a time such as this... Thank you for being deep and going where most interracial couples won't tread.
Thanks Lexi & Brian for your honest deep discussions - they’re really needed! Love it!!!
Excellent conversation! I strongly dislike and don’t believe people that say they don’t see color. I see and appreciate “different”.
Same here 😅😊
As a black woman and first responder, that "even if yall went to war together... yall were on the front lines together, " comment Brian made hit hard!
It sounds like you’ve experienced that yourself. It’s unfortunate but very legitimate.
I applaud you both for your honesty and transparency in talking about ethnic issues.
The world can be a better place if we all begin to converse and tackel our differences for a better understanding.
Theses conversations are imperative in order to create change.
Genuinely loved this conversation between you guys. I don’t have the words to explain it.
I completely understand where y'all are coming from but I feel this thing about race is very unique to the American culture as a whole, as an African woman, I didn't have my ancestors go through what the average African American ancestors went through, but I'm open to learning about this topics. Personally I believe sometimes when a person says they don't care about their culture it's because they have heard so much about it or people have made it their whole identity which shouldn't be, which usually leads to the victim mentality. Also thank you for having this conversation, I don't agree with everything said here but it's worth talking about❤
There are calculating people who want what you have. Triangulation can happen. Beware of always including others in your marriage - certain conversations, encouraging Intimacy. It can be a slippery slope. Great convo.
Thank you thank you thank you! Y’all are echoing my thoughts and feelings but you’re way more articulate than I am. I hope everyone watches this!
Can I just say, refreshing! You both took on a difficult subject and somehow the vibe still felt light and hope-filled. I use that last phrase because of my own experience. It was hard being in an interethnic relationship because we didn’t have all these hard but needful conversations. Whomever it is that I end up being with as a life partner, I will embrace the discovery of that person’s mind on this topic along with the other challenging ones. You guys are pioneering something here and I love how the feel of these present sit downs are reminiscent of your earlier days, which drew me to you. Thank you for your labor of love. ❤
I’m sorry it was a difficult experience for you. It unfortunately can be very hard but that’s downplayed online a lot.
Great conversation, and I applaud you both for your vulnerability. I know racism and slavery plagued many nations, but it seems to hit differently in the US - especially when you consider the constant gaslighting we endure on a daily basis where folks are trying to erase and rewrite history to minimize the cruelty and impact of that on black people.
Lexi, I hate that you have experienced hate from your own people. We have a lot of healing to do as a community as well. The fact that you could empathize with their trauma of seeing you with Brian is admirable and displays God’s grace in you. You guys are awesome!!
I am extremely proud of the both of you for having this conversation. These are the hard things we need to talk honestly about if we are to progress. Do not live in an illusion thinking that going outside your ethnicity will give you a fairy tale happily ever after because the issues are still going to be there if not looked at and discussed deeply from your spirit. Keep loving, growing and looking in the mirror of self, because you can't change what is not acknowledged.🌹
I love you both, and these types of conversations are much needed. Also, I have to agree with both of you guys because I've made that observation myself with other couples I follow.The majority of interracial couples I see online don't have these in-depth and difficult conversations like the way I've see you two do.I'm happy with the way both of you are so open in understanding eachothers point of view and reflecting on previous experiences to conclude your opinions on certain topics. I watched this video twice already and enjoyed every second of it 🤞🏾💯😊✔️
It’s unfortunate but we’re trying to change the conversation and describe the value of having those difficult talks amongst interethnic couples. Thank you for weighing in!
Excellent conversation 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾I 1000% AGREE with what you both said about interethnic couples avoiding the tough conversations about race and race relations in this country. If you're not willing to discuss those issues as a couple, then obviously there are some underlying issues or biases and that is very TELLING IMO. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this Podcast so much.
That is what I love about YOU TWO.!! You keep it 100% REAL! Love it!! keep up the great work!❤
Thank you for having this conversation!!
God bless you, Mr. & Mrs. Cole. Excellent discussion.
So glad you guys decided to get into this topic!
This is interesting. I don't get what the issue is. I think cultural differences are more problematic than color differences. In addition, not having shared goals, values and interest is more problematic. I'm afro-caribbean, and this ethnic thing does not come up in my culture. If I marry a white man, it's no big deal. There's a lot of that in my family, lots of white aunties and white uncles. Now there may be differences from island to island, but not where I come from.
I totally agree. I've found that it's more cultural than race.
I agree I’ve dated multiple races, married to a Bi racial, black presenting man. I agree that there are a lot of stereotypical relationships. I have terminated relationships that have made me feel like I was fulfilling some stereotype or fetish. I also run from people that say they are colorblind. It’s like being an ostrich and burying your head in the sand. Even in the Bible they talk about different nationalities working together for a common goal. I stop dating a black man because he thought I should be more stereotypical inner city black woman, despite growing up in the suburbs. When I was married to my bi racial black presenting husband we talked about the difference of me having a black mother and him having a white mother. I think you can date and be married outside of your race and be for your race. I think Charlemagne’s issue is deeper than that, which is why some of the things he says is very controversial and clearly showing something is unresolved within himself. Bottom line you have to be with someone that allows you to be your authentic self, but it’s up to all of us to figure out who we are without putting that responsibility on our partner. The challenge for all of us is ego.
Black hubby wanted you to be hood? 😔
This conversation is so needed. Please have this conversation about your children. My biracial children were bullied by both ethnicities. 😢
Sorry to hear that!
We were all the same & the Bible said, there are books of the original Bible missing, Jesus took me back to the beginning of all that to reconcile with these different ethnicities, nationalities, cultures & where these present truths lie, so everyone has to come through their own issues of racism wherever they hinder themselves as a couple, as a brown woman, I found it very hard to talk with my own brown kind & it was awkward & it’s easier to relate to whom Jesus says I am to be with as a couple, so I commend you guys for tackling this tough topic & yall did well! I love deep conversations because I think people don’t learn if it’s shallow, they have room to brush it under the carpet! 😊♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I so love y'all and the conversations you have. I have shared this with both of my children, who are both in intercultural relationships.
Lexi and Brian great video.
Thank you,
Aida
Yes, I made it to the end. Very interesting topic. I truly enjoyed and learned a lot.
Love Love Love you guys
Watching you I can see and hear God at work
So happy I found you ❤
New subscriber, I have done a deep dive into your story and I absolutely love what you guys are sharing and your family❤
Great conversation....love you guys. Keep up the good work; people need to hear this and learn. Can't wait for the next episode.
First I want to say I think you are a beautiful couple and I think you both gave very balanced and healthy perspectives on such a hard subject. Thanks for your transparency!
Thanks for sharing a very sensitive topic.You ROCK, both of you and your cute family.
WOW this was hard but much needed it shifted my understanding🗣LOVED THIS!!!!
Great discussion! Loved it. Thanks for sharing ❤.
Peace Love & Blessings 🙏
Greetings Lexie and Brian! I have been watching your videos off and on for a while. In the beginning I did like watching, not because of your marriage to each other. Love who you love. My reason for not watching regularly was because of Brian"s personality. It had nothing to with the color of your skin, it was how your persences . I did not give up on "The Cole Life" completely. I kept watching and now have become a subscriber. Your topic today has and always be a topic with not winners. People have their beliefs and would rather die than change to make life better for the human race. You two as a couple have to always standing toe to toe to keep your marriage strong against the forces that will try to separte you both. Lexie, I wish I could give you words of encouragement but, I can't give you false hope. Brian, love is great but, compassion, listening and understanding will go a long way. Looking forward to watching your next video. Great Blessings from God to your family.
Love y’all love and respect the conversation.
❤😊. A very good conversation Brian and Lexi. Thanks for sharing your honest opinions and thoughts. This was needed. Thank.
Awesome, continued blessings to your family. Needed conversation!!
SPEAK THE TRUTH THE BOTH OF YOU!!!!! I love this convo.
Thankful for this conversation! 🙌🏿
Very good discussion here! Our lives are an uninterrupted series of snapshots in our life journey! it is very hard to pull a snapshot and create a background, present time or future. I believe many times people she the snapshot as the entire story! Humans were designed to be deeper that a snapshot!
Wauw, I ❤ this, so deep. This is the Real talk and needed.
Wow great conversation.
Deep! Keep the conversation going 👍🏾
You are hitting the real subjects !!!!!!!!
HELLO BEAUTIFUL BEINGS!!! Cole Life, new to your channel, this is the 2nd video I have watched. I have subscribed because I see and appreciate what you two are doing here. LOVE IT!!! I have been saying something that was said for a very long time now. WE ARE ONE RACE. PEACE and LOVE to you and the chat
Thank you so much!!
Lexi and Brian you guys are an example of an Ecumenical Love that can only be born out of LOVE for God and the love for the both of you that HE pruned and purged then you were refined to become pure as Gold. This kind of love manifested itself in most rewarding gift known to man you Son and Daughter. They will be the best of you both. Thank you for your unconditional love for each other that allows you to love us. May God’s Arms Be like a Blanket of Comfort, Love and Peace as he begins to move you to your next level of Consecration….I’m claiming a Television Talk Show “Let’s Get Deep” ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
The talk was so true and thank you for it! A for what people say about you not being able to represent blacks that’s hogwash! You are doing a great job keeping it real 🥰
Love your podcast!❤❤❤❤love YOU!
Thank you so much for this ❤
Good conversation.
Great topic.
Since I'm not colorblind, I definitely see color. Guess what? I don't care. In my opinion, if we were all alike, I'd be bored to tears. It's obvious to me that God loves variety and so do I.
The notion of race is a man-made construct meant to divide for the benefit of the global elite. The sooner we all understand that, the happier we'll all be.
In the meantime, it's necessary to recognize the reality of issues that exist in this world. We can't ignore them. Unfortunately, being in an interracial marriage makes it a bit more difficult. Evenso, having open and honest discussions is the way to go. Good for you.
Just be yourselves... Be happy. Continue to love. That's the real key to happiness.
BTW, I'm an 81 year old African American woman.
Variety is the spice in life!
This was helpful to continue conversations we are hvg.
Loved this 🙌🔥
Beautiful lovely couple. I love watching your video
This was good y'all!!
I genuinely believe this is a little unique to Americans...
I am black raised swedish, so these conversations are subjects I'm not even well versed in. It feels like I'm being forced to be "Black -African" and act it but I'm not raised "black -African" whatever that means. (Hurts tbh cuz it feels like i dont belong, and they are the one sterotyping themselves)
There are subjects and cultures and things I can have conversations with my partner about, but there are also some that aren't big in our life's or current culture since we aren't raised in such a way.
We aren't avoiding the subject. it's just not part of our daily lives.
Hope that makes sense.....
The "battle" with race is very unique to the US. It's very much an unresolved trauma for the entire country. The government(from local to the very top) devoted so much time and resources for generations on dividing the people, everyone is "scarred" in some way.
Good Evening 🌆 The Cole's Family and Chat
Love 💖 you guys as always!!!!
I think people say I don’t see color to mean “I don’t focus on the color that partner is, I am with a human being that o love ans care about” I think that’s what people mean.
We agree that some people say it with that intention, but there are many people that we have encountered where that phrase is simply a way of covering up a lack of desire to get to know the details of that persons struggles and perspectives and trauma. It’s easier to pretend it’s not there in relationships. It has also been used as a phrase to cover up their own discriminatory mentalities.
Great convo! It could have been a lot "deeper" and more nuanced imo though....It would be nice to see this podcast episode along with a few others have another video or two further elaborating the nuances that were touched on here and dive even further into it, instead of a "one off" 40 min podcast on a certain topic. Maybe make a few topics a podcast series to dig deeper on some of these subject matters.
I also feel like you two, since you've been married and together for so long and since you were both so young, it put you into a "bubble" on a lot of challenges a lot of interethnic couples go through more recently in the online space (and irl too), especially bw with non bm, that is not touched on here with you both as your long term relationship "protected" you from other issues amongst black people (in regards to the "black community") in regards to bw being with non black men.
Books like "Is marriage for White People" have gained popularity amongst black women and teen girls within the last 10 years but you guys were already together at that point so being cognizant of these issues or things probably wasn't talked about since you both didn't really have those issues to begin with, especially (which is a good thing, imo).
Love your channel ❤
Please don’t split too many hair follicles over certain groups of people!! They need to catch up to the times just like certain other groups as well. There are a whole bunch of skin folks that understand and appreciate you and what you do. Continue doing what you’re doing, God bless you both
I had to stop the video, so I could make this comment. I’ll probably come back and edit to add more once I’ve heard the entire video. I just had to say how much I detest hearing people say “I Don’t See Color”. I only expect someone born blind to say that and actually mean that. How can you not see my color? What am I invisible? What I think some (not all) mean to say is, the fact that you are Black does not make me think negatively about you like some others might. At least that is my translation. We live in a world where people make generalizations based on race/ethnicity and we shouldn’t. We should judge people based solely on their actions and not attribute their actions to the ethnicity they belong to. Just like I hate it when some women (again, not all) say “All Men are Dogs”. My question is have you met every single man on the planet for that matter, do you know every species of dog? No one should generalize. You have not met every single person belonging to that group. So do not treat them as if they represent the entire group. Treat people as you meet them, yes some people may fulfill the stereotypes out there, but not all.
I think God always intended for there to be diversity in races/skin tones and culture. I think diversity doesn’t equal disunity. I think diversity is creativity. It’s beautiful. I think God isn’t boring. I think he intended for all skin tones and shades to be created because in essence it reflects His beauty and creativity
Love this perspective!
Its just exhausting every day to deal with this still specially in the workplace… there’s all sorts of prejudices and discrimination going on right now that we dealing with every day.its present trauma for some of us… in my experience there is some privilege that comes with being with a white partner.., things were easier for my partner when ever he approached a situation… I was always questions in certain things and he would automatically get respect and what ever he needed with out any issues… dealing with different events times places situations… it is a fact of life ..
Ethnicity and race are not the same thing and can not be substituted for each other.
At the end of the day, all you can do is represent Christ. Lift HIM up and HE will do the drawing, clarify the misunderstandings, and heal the brokeness between people. Just live the life of a committed Christian, and see what GOD does with that. It matters not what other people think. I appreciate your transparency but one word to the wise: see what the Bible says about discretion, and act accordingly. Love you guys 💕
U are children of God that is good bless u both
I'm less concerned with being someone who matches my skin color and is more concerned with someone who shares my values and culture. My culture isn't the same as my ethnicity. My views on BLM movement is very different than most AM's. I want someone not to go alone with my emotions but come at me logically about a topic.
What if it was after the Babel was built when skin color took presidence & became a thing to make sure our languages were confused? I loved that question and had to jump in on this! Lol
Also I am a black woman, now dating a white man & his color is all I see. Lol Idk how ppl can say they don't see color. We're still hvg the convos that you two earlier addressed.
I hvnt had the question yet about why I'm dating white. It honestly, just happened. I love black men. I love my blackness. I love how tge man I'm dating treats me, makes me feel safe, listens, we've been friends for 9 years and i love how he does "all of the things." He just happens to be white. 🤷🏿♀️
Omg you guys just mentioned the tower of Babel. Lol
Enjoyed this topic! Thanks for going in head first. Have you had a chance to see the movie "Origin"?
Good talk
Does LOVE identify a color?
What does color have to do with love?
What do lovers of the One True God believe is love?
Why did Jesus die for ALL mankind?
We have all been taught by the inspired writings that we ALL came from the same human pair.
We are to marry individuals who worship the sovereign of the universe.
❤❤❤❤
I'm loving this topic because me and my husband have the same issue when we out in public this relationship is a God thing.❤❤ I believe in human race.
I really appreciate the way you and your husband share y'all story .
There is one race. My Jamaican boyfriend and I as a white woman are different cultures and very different upbringing but we are both part of the HUMAN RACE
Have you guys had hard conversations about bias. Did you search out a black man? Have you addressed your own biases …. And has he? Do all your friends look like you?
@DanieRoss-rk2gx he didn't grow up in the US. Doesn't see discrimination the way an American black man would. I'm more likely to join a BLM march than him.....we agree on most racial, discrimation things and we both understand he could be much more likely targeted.... he has checked me when I've needed education on anything I've said or done. Which is very rare. I'm also a minority and have a better understanding than many others would
If you claim those things but surround yourself with all white community….it feels performative and surface level. Not truly seeing everyone as “just a part of the human race”.
You did not answer if most of your friends look like you. If you really believe that all of us are “just a part of the human race” then you would likely surround yourself with community that reflects that - because that’s what’s in your heart.
I hope that God helps us all to be less shallow and hyper focused on race… Man looks on the outer but God looks at the heart.
Lol we met at work. I am not social and have a very small amount of people but I'm always seeking out youtube ,teaching,news anything to broaden my knowledge of others... I didn't seek out a black man. But thanks for judging what you don't knoe
Love is love ❤❤❤It's all❤❤❤
Also love is everything because christ is love not only but love covers alot lol its not just an emotion
313 baby!!!
I know this is off topic, but can you do a hair video on what products you use😊
Brian: How would marriage have been different if you had married a white woman versus marrying Lexi?
Lexi: Do you have any close white girlfriends? If no, why do you feel that's the case?
We are created in the image of God. Adam made from the earth so earth colors are in the human DNA. Which is why it is said from dust you came to dust you shall return. Which is the body only and your soul and spirit goes to God.
How can churches not address these issues with their members,