When The Narcissist Is Still In Your Head! | Ask Anoushka

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ธ.ค. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 65

  • @dlm2133
    @dlm2133 3 ปีที่แล้ว +55

    Trauma bond is dehibilitating. It's a soul tie/ bond. Ruminating continues, our boundaries were broken, our peace is gone.
    I'm in no contact but the residual emotions continue.

    • @angelahazel9249
      @angelahazel9249 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Well stated.

    • @Alimck333
      @Alimck333 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Thank you 🙏🏾 exactly how I feel.. terrified that it is taking so long to break out of the head space

    • @haliec4713
      @haliec4713 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I hope you made it through

    • @beevandyke1959
      @beevandyke1959 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Even after a year I can find myself stuck runinating again. It gets easier to get out but I do feel my peace, and maybe my innocence ?, has been damaged

    • @leahc8347
      @leahc8347 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Exactly how I feel 😢 I need it to stop, I feel like I need to make sense of it... I need the trauma of it, and the deep love, and grieving, expire; but honestly part of me doesn't want to. Its so shameful how long Im feeling this way, but at least the intensity over long time has somewhat reduced but still going round in circles night and day. It was the cherry on the cake moment from all my past traumas...

  • @shadygrove316
    @shadygrove316 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    im 4 months now and still struggle every day... grrrrrrr

  • @haliec4713
    @haliec4713 2 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    This is why no contact is vital. Our bodies are traumatised after we leave or have been discarded. I found my body screaming to go back, to speak to him even though I knew I didn’t want to go back. I stuck it out like cold turkey, I knew if I went back I would die. Stay no contact to regulate yourself and to get back in touch with your soul. It’s a journey that is worth it. It took me 2 years and I still have some bad days but I listen to these videos to revive my determination to be in peace

  • @fleep9008
    @fleep9008 3 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    Distract, work hard, play harder

  • @Infrared1967
    @Infrared1967 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    When my exhusband's mental abuse of 30 years finally hit its crescendo, I weighed 117 lbs. At 5' 9" that is dangerously thin. My doctor saved me with an antidepressant I took for 6 months.
    In my head I was in a psychotic wheelchair, under water. Lost nearly everything but it was his breaking our teenage kids' hearts that kept me focused on healing and saving their minds. Told myself that when I could "walk" again I would kick his behind. I did. I'm safe and can barely recall much about him thanks to angels like you who keep going over and over and over who, what, when, where, why and how. THIS overrides my ruminating.

  • @elinatuominen8264
    @elinatuominen8264 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    "..they had to lie to you because If they were themselves (in the beginning of the relationship) you would've left" 🤯 this is 💯 the truth, thanks for this thought!

    • @alwayspositive2896
      @alwayspositive2896 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Without knowing anything at the time about narc, when I left him.i told him these exact words😅❣⛔

  • @leahc8347
    @leahc8347 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    He is not just in my head... but in my heart 😢

    • @angelahazel9249
      @angelahazel9249 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      🙋🏻

    • @moonshineall4152
      @moonshineall4152 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Narc are fooling us we are good hearted people they are evil, they are liars

    • @leahc8347
      @leahc8347 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@moonshineall4152 I know you are right. Im just still traumatised and trauma bonded and rollercoastering and I feel sometimes impossible to shake! Its been so long I can't get over it and I feel people would think Im crazy how long its still taking and its Hard. I wish I could zapp the memory of him and every other past trauma...

  • @johnmartin1680
    @johnmartin1680 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I can cope with all the confusion and red flags, but I struggle with the cheating. It's insulting to our trusting nature

  • @dorothysmith7226
    @dorothysmith7226 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    anoushka your voice and your spirit is so healing and caring!!! thank you you make us feel so cared for!!

  • @a.b.37-f9v
    @a.b.37-f9v 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    I think a lot of people don't see the spiritual side to this rise in narcissism. You can see it playing out on a large scale in the media and gov as well... (and it's bipartisan issue!)

  • @SilentFigure1
    @SilentFigure1 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Walk and then walk more. Make sure you walk brisk.

    • @SilentFigure1
      @SilentFigure1 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Not that I do not want to journal. This will sound masochistic. I only have what I will write down now. I know writing it out will let it go. 25 years of chaos. It is all I have.
      I will write it out I truly beleive a best seller.
      Also a tragic love story.
      It would be considered fiction.
      Narcs tell us who they are from the start. They just know we are not paying attention!

  • @Hopper11
    @Hopper11 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thank you Anoushka. I am so grateful this information is here. I understand every word. You do a beautiful job explaining this trauma and confusion. It is life saving.

  • @StevenAyton
    @StevenAyton 4 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Im struggling with it,it feels like what id imagine it would feel like for a heroin addict to come off of it cold turkey it hurts unlike anything ive ever felt

  • @chiaragermani7493
    @chiaragermani7493 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    From Italy, thank you so much. You are really help me understand so much.

  • @peterknyk1942
    @peterknyk1942 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Thank you Anoushka! Once again your video resonated deeply with me! Explaining trauma bond in the way you did helped me quite a bit! Thank you also for the explanations of toxicity in a narc....I had never quite seen the connection between toxicity and narcissistic abuse! Mary's question is a question I have a long harbored.....thank you for explaining so eloquently to all of us!

  • @beevandyke1959
    @beevandyke1959 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I struggle with the idea that I was treated as an object to toy with. How can someone do that? Why to me? Feels dehumanizing. Feels familiar which hurts the most after I had made myself vulnerable to someone. She said she didn't 'know me' but she knew exactly how to hurt me. Her cruelty stunned me.

    • @jamesritch5245
      @jamesritch5245 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Why to anyone? None of us are as special as we'd like to be thought of. I use to feel the same way, especially when you're a good hearted person and these people know our past struggles and what we have helped them with. I was married for 15 years and didn't learn until after the fact that my wife was a covert narc. Things will get better for you, if anything I'd like to think this will make me not only stronger as a person but more aware.

  • @jennfryisthatartist
    @jennfryisthatartist 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    This video was great. Especially the ending. The healing.

  • @roscluaran
    @roscluaran 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Brilliant video! Well done and spot on!

  • @dub1951
    @dub1951 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    You are absolutely bang on the money with this vid

  • @madisonbennett7117
    @madisonbennett7117 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I am so happy someone on tik tok recommended your videos. i love them!

  • @lauren_WI
    @lauren_WI 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    You are such a blessing to so many!! I really enjoyed this video as I’m going through my horrendous divorce with my narcissistic husband. So much great advice you gave for healing with trauma bonding....the Ph of water, nature, adrenal healing, journaling and taking this time to heal! Can’t thank you enough to help so many!

  • @jamesritch5245
    @jamesritch5245 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I'm finally "over" my ex narc, she got what she finally wanted with that. Now if I can start getting these random dumb thoughts I'll be amazing

  • @milesmatulionis
    @milesmatulionis ปีที่แล้ว

    Great advice, thank you 🙏

  • @handitan3090
    @handitan3090 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    journaling does help heaps !!!

  • @cegiehd
    @cegiehd 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Exercise will not always help, especially if it's a trigger. In my case, I used to exercise with my narc ex, and I also coached him, so exercising had become a trigger. I had to teach myself to ignore the rumination and redirect back to myself.

  • @Cat-sx6ep
    @Cat-sx6ep 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    the BS i endured by countless of them familiar broke with the recent one no respect and full of lies from day one and i woke up before it nearly sent me to my makeer

  • @ean3345
    @ean3345 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    🙏🏾❤️
    We'll be fine.

  • @deirdre5940
    @deirdre5940 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    A narc may remain in your head for a very long time if not forever to some level. Being with a narc for any length of time can casue trauma due to the disbelief of what happened while you were giving all of yourself to someone you had a close relationship with. Our brain will try to keep trying to figure them out after a discared or termination and the more you do it, it becomes a pattern of our own thoughts and behaviors attached. The person on the receiving end is an unconditional loving person vs. the narc condition based with strings attached all the time. You have to try and break the obsession of their rejection or their mal treatment being better than being alone. They are not the mask they appear to be when you are giving them what they want. I will say this, please do not question yourself and do not change to conform to their absolute bullshit which is what it is - bullshit. I dont care who they are in your life whether a close relative or so called close friend - get rid of them and practice reversing the thoughts of them into your own self improvement and your own needs. I am convidenced now that narcissism is an incideous epademic where we all should learn to avoid just like alcohol, drugs, ect if we are having conflict in our psyche while involved with this person.

  • @debmccafferty1007
    @debmccafferty1007 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    He used a catfished photo of his "son" and that showed me he's a liar.

  • @a.b.37-f9v
    @a.b.37-f9v 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Loved this! Thank you.

  • @jeannefarrar621
    @jeannefarrar621 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Anoushka, I appreciate you for many reasons, among them your reminder in this video that bonding with another person is natural, right, and good. In this moment, anyway, that reminder is helping me to recast the long painful story and reorient my confused and self-blaming mind. Progress is uneven and incremental, but, over time, those increments add up (something a wise and beloved therapist once said to me).
    Thank you for helping me make my uneven way forward.

  • @brandezz
    @brandezz 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    You are such a wise soul.🙏🏼👍🏽😍🌺

  • @tigerlily6298
    @tigerlily6298 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Great video!

  • @DJ_Flame_Jade
    @DJ_Flame_Jade 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I can’t sleep from him I’m broken

  • @japanesejapanese3773
    @japanesejapanese3773 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    The narcissist will make us feel empty in fear so that we can do the occult that they want us to because them having us join the occult it gives them more supply. It is why we should not join the occult.
    What we should do: is go to church and repent and confess to a pastor. And seek the daily bread daily and seek god daily.

  • @paulinab.1410
    @paulinab.1410 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Hello Anoushka, I left my ex husband 3 1/2 years ago (after being together for 23 years). He is more a covert or neglectful narcissist. I’m in therapy ( healing the inner child), I’m often in nature, I’m doing yoga. BUT: nothing really helps. There is no day that I don’t feel really angry about him, sometimes sad, although I know sooo much about narcissism meanwhile. Often enough I look when he was last online. Although I know that I break the no contact rule doing so. Am I unteachable? I really would like to cut these trauma bonds!! What can I do?? Is there somebody with a good idea? Please ! (Sorry, my English is not perfect)

    • @PiscesinVa
      @PiscesinVa 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I'm in the same boat... two years gone married 24 years together 27.. everyday he's on my mind. I stay busy, healing yet feel like I'm missing something to keep thinking about him.... blessings to you

    • @paulinab.1410
      @paulinab.1410 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@PiscesinVa yes, then we’re really in the same boat! I’m praying for indifference! That’s my aim . I hope it will happen to you too. I wish you all the best for your future!

    • @paulinab.1410
      @paulinab.1410 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @Of the Refrain thank you so much 🥰

    • @paulinab.1410
      @paulinab.1410 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @Of the Refrain thank you, eric. Nice to meet you and all the other ones with broken hearts.

    • @evonne315
      @evonne315 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      I am in the same boat. I was afraid journaling would just keep my mind on things but I can try a month and see how it goes. It sucks I feel stuck. I get glimpses of other things I want to do and then run out of energy and find myself thinking back again. I thought of moving back hom to be with family and will if I have to to break the cycle, but hate to lose what I have here it seems new people are finally connecting with me. I am giving it 6 months to decide.

  • @aliciav63
    @aliciav63 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thank you 💖💖💖

  • @jeremyyates9148
    @jeremyyates9148 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Amygdala hijack.
    Also I was very surprised to read that oxytocin to be part of the biochemistry in trauma bonding!
    Though legitimate means, oxytocin is my favorite chemical!

  • @johnmartin1680
    @johnmartin1680 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Hi Anouska, how do I post a question. I'm a huge fan of your work

    • @Littlemissdirtbag
      @Littlemissdirtbag 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      It would be good if you looked in the description box to check to make sure your question hasn't already been answered.

  • @sweethoney13
    @sweethoney13 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Love it 🥰

  • @Tom-hl8nx
    @Tom-hl8nx 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Wow you look awesome

  • @Giselle332
    @Giselle332 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    ❤️🙏❤️