I feel communication, respect and sincere care for your partners happiness seems to be the reoccurring theme for a healthy relationship. If your partner is saying your request is stupid and is not willing to discuss/understand it, I think that's the first problem that needs to be addressed.
a needy person is not attractive. And a rude one is worse. I think these two did a good example of showing how you are supposed to express your need for attention without being clingy and how to respond to a request for attention by being considerate but firm. Trying to give your partner what they want when you can is pretty important -- understatement.
Trying to give your partner what they want when you can is important. What if your partner expects you to do it on your own. Example. My partner and i live in to different states. I drive to her gym so we both can workout together and maximize the time we have together. It was her suggestion i agreed. It was my happy choice to go to her gym. It has been an issue when i said im going to the gym to workout and spend time with you. In return my partner asked, why am i im not doing it for me? Which has me confused as to did i make the right choice by doing what she wanted when i can?
I feel like Tom became really defensive before Lisa could even explain herself..great conversation though! My bf and I have this problem all the time but we’re getting better at communicating outlets needs😊
The guy here was pretty defensive and not so receptive nor curious about his partners perception. That shows he’s making it mean something (narrative) about him and likely hitting a core wound (obviously not resolved). You can see how she tries to calm him, placate him a bit. Yikes. Glad you guys were brave enough to show this while giving others advice on their relationships!! I’m currently studying neuroscience and psychology after having been in medicine for over a decade. I’ve worked with thousands of people… this interaction is a bit of a red flag. Please check into the cognitive distortions and defense mechanisms and most importantly “why”…introspection and metacognition is key.
Please continue this series! I haven’t had a lot of real world healthy communication in relationships outside of therapy, so it’s very helpful to see it modeled by you two.
I came here looking for advice on how to deal with something similar to this question and then I watched a recreation of exactly what happens when these conversations happen and I'm just giggling now.
I love how they have a balanced and reciprocal discussion. They were brave and vulnerable by sharing their own experiences. I truly appreciate y’all. I hope my partner and I will overcome our communication issues. I resonate 100% with you Lisa. Thank you both for giving us all an example of what a normal validating conversation dynamic looks like and for providing much understanding to these things.
This has really helped me. My life has really changed since the pandemic. All my social life has diminished to a point that I can't even remember what I did. My life has revolved around my partner and u am now seeing that I have leant on him for social contact. I need to get out there, connect back with my friends and stop expecting him to fill that void. Thank you for this 😊
I miss this show, please do more episodes! They have been so helpful in learning how to have healthy discussions. I had a tendency to take things personally that weren’t intended that way. More episodes please! ❤️
This is golden! I really appreciate how open and honest both of you are. I appreciate every topic because each one hits home. I feel like with you guys I can look at new perspective. Much loveee
I'd love for you guys to be expand on that last little bit. Meeting the others request when you don't feel like it / can't rationalise it. And, the balance that can be displaced if one does and the other doesn't. Powerful stuff!
What did he just said!? Did he say, “hold on crazy town”!!???? Seems like Tom got a bit passive aggressive.. when he said well If you don’t care then I won’t send you a GM text lol
Yeah I totally got triggered when he said crazy Town....lol . Definitely would not be okay with me to be called crazy when I'm just having a discussion....
What I’ve found with requests like that is when you do the request, another one pops up. People don’t want the means, they wants the ends. Once you find what the person is truly needing and meet that need, usually those types of requests don’t come up. Some go to ones to look for in feminine dominant people are feeling unseen, not understood and unsafe.
Y’all’s relationship is precious I’d love this in my marriage. Someone who is married to avoidant persons feels erased and bitter, so good you have this love! Thank you for the reminder it is possible
What I found interesting and maybe you can expand on this is the fact that you made 2 comments about the morning text. The most impactful was 'making an effort'. It seems that if that is something you were doing for yourself that it wouldn't be an effort and there would be no expectation of a response needed. It would just be part of your routine, same as brushing your teeth. The 2nd comment was about your 'due credit'. That makes it seem like you are saving up credits just in case they are needed in the future and maybe that is represented by the defensive stance Lisa saw in Tom's response. I appreciate and enjoy all of your youtube channels but this one kind of feels like sitting in on your therapy sessions. Not necessarily a bad thing. :)
Sounds like my ex lol whether or not her desires are unreasonable, his response that her needs are stupid is dismissive and toxic, which is causing her to question her judgment and long term that dynamic could become abusive IMO
So as I’m watching this, I’m seeing that the guy is not really hearing her in terms of her needs. She just wants your attention. She wants to feel thought of and seen. When you don’t text her good morning or at least check in with her through the day, it hurts. That shows that you don’t care about her emotional needs, but you expect her to bow down to your standards, and you make it as if she can’t have her own boundaries for her needs. The guy seems like a total narcissist and I see her trying to tip-toe around her answers because she doesn’t want to set him off… and that right there is manipulation and gaslighting on the guy’s part. She shouldn’t have to suppress her true needs just for the sake of keeping the peace.
I find it hard to communicate with my girlfriend. Sometimes going out for a meal together is uncomfortable because we both just sit there in silence even tho we both just had fun at the water park before hand. I want to hear from actual people who have had bad communication and then managed to turn it around. Need a bit of hope
Many times people find it comforting to just sit with your partner and not talk anything. You could just initiate the conversation if you wanted to talk
A single day should be able to go by where partners did not communicate with each other. Having to text or call your S.O at distinct times of the day, every day is too mechanical. Deviations from routine and individuality is healthy. If one is vacationing, say, then let them.
Love everything about you guys!!!! On a side note I always click the like button (because your amazing) but the last 2 videos I've liked the number did not increase. I restarted phone and clicked back on video and still no change in numbers. Thought you would want to know... stats are always important to me and I'm sure just as much to you too....
You are so fabulously clear on what happen to you and generous for each other. I am glad I found you. You represent what I believe a couple should be able to handle. Although I never did. What you must realise and I think it is your biggest luck. You trust your bond. Not just your partner. You believe in a possible love Bond between you and somebodyelse. It is a gift. I don't know how to catch up with this issue if you don't have this believe in the depth of the heart. May be you could speack about it. I would very much appreciate this. Many thamks for your exemple of communicating with an open heart and a courageous soul. Take care of you. You are showing the path.
I do not agree with the perspectives on this. Let me elaborate when a husband and wife get married and take vows, they both agreed to be the primary person for the other in terms of financial, spiritual, mental etc. so if he goes away there shouldn’t be any day that goes by that he isn’t communicating with her. Anything can happen at any moment and then what? No goodbye, no communication. It’s unhealthy. It doesn’t take but a moment to text. Why is it such a big deal? Women ask for the simplest things!
OP can see her bf is posting on his other online accounts. He has time to text her, he hates her & actually doesn't want to text her so her answer is leave him he's showing her his priorities and they aren't her.
So, what do I do now that my communication needs have been clearly articulated and acknowledged in the moment, but completely denied when time to apply. He straight up said “no, I’m too busy” to call & say good night. Now what? My needs aren’t being met & I’m not asking for a lot.
Best relationships where they able to talk it out no matter what said, maturity of saying what's going on what's up with you are you alright why did u do what u did. Point out red flags ask if habit is continue or worked on and determine eachother compromise solution.
Am i wrong for feeling like the writer of the question really needs to do some self work? Why do i feel insecure? Why do i need my partner to confirm with me 3x/day when i know he/she is busy and or at work? Not unreasonable for them to like to touch base with their partner, but on the other hand, what if you dont text 3x, wht if its only once or twice? Now you hurt them, they cant trust you etc....
Man I see that most of the times it’s women who suffer for this, I am the one suffering for this in my relationship, it’s really frustrating, I haven’t communicate it very well, I hope to do so and in the write way, I hope she understands me
3 ปีที่แล้ว +2
Beyond savage show awesome love the accent contrast... ok is an english thing ha. I love english people too
The concept is a good video but I feel like it’s a video about you two and I’m just listening - hard to find key things for me as the listener to use and work on
Texting truly kills relationships, its the most toxic form of communication and once you drop it and exchange it for a call, and use text just for needed information, you'll not only feel a lot better but also your relationship will be a lot better.
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death. I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse. Also, you are more likely be much more closer to someone who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a romantic partner or spouse. People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
Sorry she sounds needy and he doesn't need to text if he doesn't feel like it. and if he doesn't feel like it maybe your attachment styles are not a match
I feel communication, respect and sincere care for your partners happiness seems to be the reoccurring theme for a healthy relationship. If your partner is saying your request is stupid and is not willing to discuss/understand it, I think that's the first problem that needs to be addressed.
For sure. I demean the request is invalidating. Awful.
Your comment spoke directly to my life 😢
Bc Jim my
Even more confounding is when they agree with everything you ask for but don't actually make any moves to suit your request.
What I hear Lisa say is: I’d love it if you texted me more often when you’re away 💯
a needy person is not attractive. And a rude one is worse. I think these two did a good example of showing how you are supposed to express your need for attention without being clingy and how to respond to a request for attention by being considerate but firm.
Trying to give your partner what they want when you can is pretty important -- understatement.
Trying to give your partner what they want when you can is important. What if your partner expects you to do it on your own. Example. My partner and i live in to different states. I drive to her gym so we both can workout together and maximize the time we have together. It was her suggestion i agreed. It was my happy choice to go to her gym. It has been an issue when i said im going to the gym to workout and spend time with you. In return my partner asked, why am i im not doing it for me? Which has me confused as to did i make the right choice by doing what she wanted when i can?
I feel like Tom became really defensive before Lisa could even explain herself..great conversation though! My bf and I have this problem all the time but we’re getting better at communicating outlets needs😊
The guy here was pretty defensive and not so receptive nor curious about his partners perception.
That shows he’s making it mean something (narrative) about him and likely hitting a core wound (obviously not resolved).
You can see how she tries to calm him, placate him a bit.
Yikes. Glad you guys were brave enough to show this while giving others advice on their relationships!!
I’m currently studying neuroscience and psychology after having been in medicine for over a decade. I’ve worked with thousands of people… this interaction is a bit of a red flag. Please check into the cognitive distortions and defense mechanisms and most importantly “why”…introspection and metacognition is key.
Please continue this series! I haven’t had a lot of real world healthy communication in relationships outside of therapy, so it’s very helpful to see it modeled by you two.
I came here looking for advice on how to deal with something similar to this question and then I watched a recreation of exactly what happens when these conversations happen and I'm just giggling now.
I love how they have a balanced and reciprocal discussion. They were brave and vulnerable by sharing their own experiences. I truly appreciate y’all. I hope my partner and I will overcome our communication issues. I resonate 100% with you Lisa. Thank you both for giving us all an example of what a normal validating conversation dynamic looks like and for providing much understanding to these things.
This has really helped me. My life has really changed since the pandemic. All my social life has diminished to a point that I can't even remember what I did. My life has revolved around my partner and u am now seeing that I have leant on him for social contact. I need to get out there, connect back with my friends and stop expecting him to fill that void. Thank you for this 😊
I miss this show, please do more episodes! They have been so helpful in learning how to have healthy discussions. I had a tendency to take things personally that weren’t intended that way. More episodes please! ❤️
This is golden! I really appreciate how open and honest both of you are. I appreciate every topic because each one hits home. I feel like with you guys I can look at new perspective. Much loveee
I'd love for you guys to be expand on that last little bit. Meeting the others request when you don't feel like it / can't rationalise it. And, the balance that can be displaced if one does and the other doesn't. Powerful stuff!
Tom did get a little defensive - 80% is NOT 100%, and what she said was while traveling, Tom does not text 100% of the time 😂🙏🏼
What did he just said!? Did he say, “hold on crazy town”!!???? Seems like Tom got a bit passive aggressive.. when he said well If you don’t care then I won’t send you a GM text lol
RIGHT?! I couldnt let go of that for the duration of the video. Not ok or appropriate. Good on her for not getting nasty back.
Yeah I totally got triggered when he said crazy Town....lol . Definitely would not be okay with me to be called crazy when I'm just having a discussion....
I love how their first question, spins them into their own personal discovery between them
What I’ve found with requests like that is when you do the request, another one pops up. People don’t want the means, they wants the ends. Once you find what the person is truly needing and meet that need, usually those types of requests don’t come up. Some go to ones to look for in feminine dominant people are feeling unseen, not understood and unsafe.
Y’all’s relationship is precious I’d love this in my marriage. Someone who is married to avoidant persons feels erased and bitter, so good you have this love! Thank you for the reminder it is possible
You guys have a beautiful relationship. And it is inspiring to witness it.
That’s first question is literally what’s going on with my girlfriend. She refuses to talk to me at all most days
Consistent advice.
Really paints a picture on the level of communication needed in a relationship.
What I found interesting and maybe you can expand on this is the fact that you made 2 comments about the morning text. The most impactful was 'making an effort'. It seems that if that is something you were doing for yourself that it wouldn't be an effort and there would be no expectation of a response needed. It would just be part of your routine, same as brushing your teeth. The 2nd comment was about your 'due credit'. That makes it seem like you are saving up credits just in case they are needed in the future and maybe that is represented by the defensive stance Lisa saw in Tom's response.
I appreciate and enjoy all of your youtube channels but this one kind of feels like sitting in on your therapy sessions. Not necessarily a bad thing. :)
I love that you are doing these together!! Super cool 💯❤️
I want the O. This made my day, so on point, so adorable. Thank you, Lisa & Tom.
This show is actually pretty savage 👏
Tom got really hurt when Lisa said he doesn't text her that often.. I feel him!
I felt him get defensive. But he kept his cool, and she seemed to hear him.
@@travisbakeriii3053 seems he preoccupies himself with a gift that isn't valued
@rocmon. You mean she isn't the one valuing his work?
@@travisbakeriii3053 she did say that effort wasn't acknowledged as intended right?
I agree with his inclination of defensiveness and know it first hand - daily!
Sounds like my ex lol whether or not her desires are unreasonable, his response that her needs are stupid is dismissive and toxic, which is causing her to question her judgment and long term that dynamic could become abusive IMO
Communication is key but if only one partner wants the relationship it makes no sense.
So as I’m watching this, I’m seeing that the guy is not really hearing her in terms of her needs. She just wants your attention. She wants to feel thought of and seen. When you don’t text her good morning or at least check in with her through the day, it hurts. That shows that you don’t care about her emotional needs, but you expect her to bow down to your standards, and you make it as if she can’t have her own boundaries for her needs. The guy seems like a total narcissist and I see her trying to tip-toe around her answers because she doesn’t want to set him off… and that right there is manipulation and gaslighting on the guy’s part. She shouldn’t have to suppress her true needs just for the sake of keeping the peace.
I find it hard to communicate with my girlfriend. Sometimes going out for a meal together is uncomfortable because we both just sit there in silence even tho we both just had fun at the water park before hand. I want to hear from actual people who have had bad communication and then managed to turn it around. Need a bit of hope
You guys don't connect
Many times people find it comforting to just sit with your partner and not talk anything. You could just initiate the conversation if you wanted to talk
I love this series. Thank You
I hate the K too! Or the 👍. It’s like an F you.
Can be dismissive/passive aggressive as well.
Wow these discussions are so so vital! Love you guys
A single day should be able to go by where partners did not communicate with each other. Having to text or call your S.O at distinct times of the day, every day is too mechanical. Deviations from routine and individuality is healthy. If one is vacationing, say, then let them.
Agreed. Like you really can’t be selfish.
Another one!💯🙏
Love everything about you guys!!!!
On a side note I always click the like button (because your amazing) but the last 2 videos I've liked the number did not increase. I restarted phone and clicked back on video and still no change in numbers. Thought you would want to know... stats are always important to me and I'm sure just as much to you too....
You are so fabulously clear on what happen to you and generous for each other. I am glad I found you. You represent what I believe a couple should be able to handle. Although I never did.
What you must realise and I think it is your biggest luck. You trust your bond. Not just your partner. You believe in a possible love Bond between you and somebodyelse. It is a gift. I don't know how to catch up with this issue if you don't have this believe in the depth of the heart. May be you could speack about it. I would very much appreciate this. Many thamks for your exemple of communicating with an open heart and a courageous soul. Take care of you. You are showing the path.
I do not agree with the perspectives on this. Let me elaborate when a husband and wife get married and take vows, they both agreed to be the primary person for the other in terms of financial, spiritual, mental etc. so if he goes away there shouldn’t be any day that goes by that he isn’t communicating with her. Anything can happen at any moment and then what? No goodbye, no communication. It’s unhealthy. It doesn’t take but a moment to text. Why is it such a big deal? Women ask for the simplest things!
I like how they talk to each other
Wow the first texting question resonates with my exact situation!
He's dismissive avoidant. Bounce
OP can see her bf is posting on his other online accounts. He has time to text her, he hates her & actually doesn't want to text her so her answer is leave him he's showing her his priorities and they aren't her.
I like how mighty mouse is expressive
Lisa, please understand at times things happen (talk about)
Seriously love these discussions💗
So, what do I do now that my communication needs have been clearly articulated and acknowledged in the moment, but completely denied when time to apply. He straight up said “no, I’m too busy” to call & say good night.
Now what? My needs aren’t being met & I’m not asking for a lot.
if they refuse, find someone that will meet your need. have a list of non negotiables: if the person cant give you those, they are not for you :)
Tell him you have a date and your night is far from over. Then don't respond to him for a week.
What did we do before mobile phones?
Touch, eye contact, presence ??
Had less horrible communication! Texting had destroyed some relationships…ones which would’ve been ok without texting! I think anyways.
Best relationships where they able to talk it out no matter what said, maturity of saying what's going on what's up with you are you alright why did u do what u did. Point out red flags ask if habit is continue or worked on and determine eachother compromise solution.
Such a beautiful couple ♡ so glad to find your awesome content.
Am i wrong for feeling like the writer of the question really needs to do some self work? Why do i feel insecure? Why do i need my partner to confirm with me 3x/day when i know he/she is busy and or at work? Not unreasonable for them to like to touch base with their partner, but on the other hand, what if you dont text 3x, wht if its only once or twice? Now you hurt them, they cant trust you etc....
Bullseye
Damn am I in the Right place!!
Man I see that most of the times it’s women who suffer for this, I am the one suffering for this in my relationship, it’s really frustrating, I haven’t communicate it very well, I hope to do so and in the write way, I hope she understands me
Beyond savage show awesome love the accent contrast... ok is an english thing ha. I love english people too
The concept is a good video but I feel like it’s a video about you two and I’m just listening - hard to find key things for me as the listener to use and work on
Best couple ever 😗😗
Your wife is an INTJ isn’t she? I see so much of my own personality in her. The abstract thinking & abstract reasoning is an easy tell.
I HATE “k” too!
Where to send questions?
@lisabilyue I know when my wife is mad or pissed because she will text back with "K".
I’m g this is my husband’s problem with
Me exactly that’s you so much he doesn’t feel understood and respected and listened too
This is good stuff
Will you add how to submit questions to you in your info and\or a couple of times during your videos. Thanks!
Texting truly kills relationships, its the most toxic form of communication and once you drop it and exchange it for a call, and use text just for needed information, you'll not only feel a lot better but also your relationship will be a lot better.
Omg you guys are soooo frickin cute together
Sounds like the hard working dude who doesn't want to text may be dismissive avoidant.
Talking about effective communication an he talks over her so many times.
what is partner???
This is like watching a couple argue. What is the point of this
Awh the're so cute
Lol I’ve herd people get upset over Texting just K.. lol 😂 didn’t know the o was that important lol
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.
I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse. Also, you are more likely be much more closer to someone who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a romantic partner or spouse.
People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
“K” I also don’t like it
I am soooooooooooooooooooooo happy its over PROUD to be a MGTOW Monk
She wants the 'O'
Not helpful
Dang this host (wife) was talking too much. Can we hear from him too? She seems a little overbearing.
Let him talk
Sorry she sounds needy and he doesn't need to text if he doesn't feel like it. and if he doesn't feel like it maybe your attachment styles are not a match
It’s because you have an Alpha male and should just relax.