When I drive, I feel as though I am in a dream-like state. I get extremely anxious. I feel like I am in a simulation and I start to overthink everything: "this is real life, we are moving vehicles with our feet, we sit in a chair that moves, I control my fate, we are driving, these are real people." I am unreal while simultaneously being hyperaware? The best way I can describe the feeling is if you have stared at yourself in the mirror for too long. I feel the urge to stop the car or let go of the wheel and pedals to my fate. My left arm feels heavy and numb, but I think "scratch your head," and I do, to prove to myself that my arm works just fine, as soon as I'm about to touch the steering wheel it goes numb again. I used to get flashes of this randomly a couple years ago but I would brush it off, over the years its gotten drastically worse and today it has taken over my life. Interestingly though, I enjoy listening to music in the car and when I practice driving around my neighborhood (a new milestone) I don't want to reach home because the logical part of me enjoys it while the subconscious part of me feels it is unsafe and dangerous. I was a relatively good driver (for the few years when I obtained my license, before this anxiety took over). I can't hear another: "just practice," "just do it," "breathe deeply," "count to ten," "roll down the windows..." it doesn't work!! As you say, it IS irrational and my body is scared and doing its best to "protect" me!! My earliest memory of me driving was my father putting me (extremely nervous) on his lap because I was too short to reach the pedals (I know, extremely irresponsible). We were in a dark area with sand. All I saw were car tracks from the headlights and my father telling me "follow the tracks." I couldn't process that I was driving and responsible for everyones life, so I detached, my brain and body decided that was the best coping mechanism to protect me in that situation. All my experiences driving after that were mostly negative, drunk driver, laughing at how I drove, rode in cars with a speedy unsafe father or overly cautious mother etc. I was a shy and nervous child, always thought about life and experienced existential crisis. I always wanted to please everybody, which could explain my social anxiety when driving (I look at the rearview and side mirrors more than the front... I don't want anyone to honk for me). I was always compared and put in situations where I was too shy, for example, "why don't you dance like your sister, c'mon dance, don't be shy!" and if I did dance, it was a big deal, "oh I don't recognize you!" I also never engaged in "dangerous" behavior because my mother always emphasized on the risks. I would have dreams where I would be driving and feel unreal as well. As though I had endless lives so if I crashed I would restart but at the same time I knew I didn't. In my dreams, if my car was parked parallel and I got anxious, I would not be confident in myself and hit the car in front of me and behind me as long as I just left the situation, I choose flight. Everything you say resonates with me deeply. I have researched this for years, I've done CBT, medical exams, blood work, got my ears checked because I thought my balance was off. You are the only person who has explained what I have never been able to put into words. I have never been so heard and understood!! Driving anxiety is NOT about driving!! It's all the social pressure and anxiety that manifested itself.
That's a great description of your issues and you're well on the way to fixing it already. Finding the causes is a big step but it doesn't always bring about a resolution because sometimes you have to work on those memories. There's often more to it than you consciously recall and those missing details can add something that makes you see the bigger picture. Thanks for taking the time to type all of that out and be happy in the knowledge that you're closer to fixing it than many 😀
When I drive, I feel as though I am in a dream-like state. I get extremely anxious. I feel like I am in a simulation and I start to overthink everything: "this is real life, we are moving vehicles with our feet, we sit in a chair that moves, I control my fate, we are driving, these are real people." I am unreal while simultaneously being hyperaware? The best way I can describe the feeling is if you have stared at yourself in the mirror for too long. I feel the urge to stop the car or let go of the wheel and pedals to my fate. My left arm feels heavy and numb, but I think "scratch your head," and I do, to prove to myself that my arm works just fine, as soon as I'm about to touch the steering wheel it goes numb again. I used to get flashes of this randomly a couple years ago but I would brush it off, over the years its gotten drastically worse and today it has taken over my life. Interestingly though, I enjoy listening to music in the car and when I practice driving around my neighborhood (a new milestone) I don't want to reach home because the logical part of me enjoys it while the subconscious part of me feels it is unsafe and dangerous. I was a relatively good driver (for the few years when I obtained my license, before this anxiety took over). I can't hear another: "just practice," "just do it," "breathe deeply," "count to ten," "roll down the windows..." it doesn't work!! As you say, it IS irrational and my body is scared and doing its best to "protect" me!!
My earliest memory of me driving was my father putting me (extremely nervous) on his lap because I was too short to reach the pedals (I know, extremely irresponsible). We were in a dark area with sand. All I saw were car tracks from the headlights and my father telling me "follow the tracks." I couldn't process that I was driving and responsible for everyones life, so I detached, my brain and body decided that was the best coping mechanism to protect me in that situation. All my experiences driving after that were mostly negative, drunk driver, laughing at how I drove, rode in cars with a speedy unsafe father or overly cautious mother etc. I was a shy and nervous child, always thought about life and experienced existential crisis. I always wanted to please everybody, which could explain my social anxiety when driving (I look at the rearview and side mirrors more than the front... I don't want anyone to honk for me). I was always compared and put in situations where I was too shy, for example, "why don't you dance like your sister, c'mon dance, don't be shy!" and if I did dance, it was a big deal, "oh I don't recognize you!" I also never engaged in "dangerous" behavior because my mother always emphasized on the risks.
I would have dreams where I would be driving and feel unreal as well. As though I had endless lives so if I crashed I would restart but at the same time I knew I didn't. In my dreams, if my car was parked parallel and I got anxious, I would not be confident in myself and hit the car in front of me and behind me as long as I just left the situation, I choose flight.
Everything you say resonates with me deeply. I have researched this for years, I've done CBT, medical exams, blood work, got my ears checked because I thought my balance was off. You are the only person who has explained what I have never been able to put into words. I have never been so heard and understood!! Driving anxiety is NOT about driving!! It's all the social pressure and anxiety that manifested itself.
That's a great description of your issues and you're well on the way to fixing it already. Finding the causes is a big step but it doesn't always bring about a resolution because sometimes you have to work on those memories. There's often more to it than you consciously recall and those missing details can add something that makes you see the bigger picture.
Thanks for taking the time to type all of that out and be happy in the knowledge that you're closer to fixing it than many 😀