@@griever2017 If you are referring to Satine, I am afraid our relationship was greatly exaggerated. To be clear, I was never in love with the Duchess. Love takes time and I only knew her for a bit on Mandalore before I left. Our lives moved in different directions after that. We were friends by that point nothing more.
@@Sally-uu3yt Yes but he also had bucky to be in his corner. Bucky was a good fighter and a supporting friend and basically a brother to steve. Not everyone has that.
*_The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over. I do animations on personal development stop by if interested_*
I never quite realized this a couple of years back, but it's quite true. The friends I've met who's appeared the most destructive and toxic to other people (despite being very nice to me as I've been nice to them), seem to do so when things don't go as they expect it, that they don't have control or get what they want. They get frustrated at things, drink a lot, has depression and gets on the bad side of people, often the topic for behind-the-back gossip. I'm glad I feel I learned early on to never live that way, I came to accept that a lot of attachments I had I couldn't control nor should I. I always preferred being adaptable to rigid and stubborn, as the saying goes "flow like water" and in a way I can welcome change than fear losing the past. There's always bad and good moments, both will come and pass, however small or big they may be, and there's no point in getting stuck chasing happiness nor escaping sadness, both will come and pass, it's best to be content with how things goes and take it from there. Ofcourse you could easily take my words out of context, to see the extreme and bad side in those words, I'm not perfect nor a saint, but I've never had many internal struggles or torments with myself nor felt I've had the same with people around me, which in turn makes me feel better too. I feel there's a merit to that. Being adaptable and bendable doesn't mean you have to be a push over or "wimp", nor that relishing in change means you need to ruin good relationships or get tired of them, as well as it doesn't mean you have to stop striving for happiness or dealing out happinnes. But that's one of the big lessons in life, imo, to find balance within yourself and those around you, take things in moderation and as they come, instead of leaning too much to any extreme or ideal life you think you should have.
@@saintsfps5348 for real. I always try to explain to people the actual depth of these characters and their stories and interactions if you look past the Disney campiness. Plus, I think a lot of people skipped around on the movies so they never got the FULL picture that comes when you've actually seen them all and in the order of release. I never cared much about comics but I genuinely want to start reading marvel comics becuase I fell so much in love with all the characters.
I'm a hardcore avoidant since like you said my dad wasn't there emotionally, no one talked to me about girls etc. What i did and am doing which is helping me very much is theatre. It really pushes me out of my comfort zone in every way possible and allowed me to actually not be afraid of what other people think of me and acting really is a great way to practice difficult emotions. I highly recommend this to anyone that sees this comment.
I freaking love theatre and It’s my dream but for so many deep fears inside me don’t gives me possibilty to open up , and it’s not only in the large audience but with every single relationship with person
@@courtneymalkin1225 you need to.. You need to just take that first step... I know you can. For any embarrassment that might occur, you'll be ten times prouder of yourself. Things are always going to be challenging, but at least then you'll have gained confidence as your ally. You CAN do it.
@@solaire7046 "Things are always going to be challenging." In other words, you will fundamentally never change your attachment style. Just become better at compensating. We are who we are, my friend, and at some point, it's better to own it and play to the strengths of the avoidant - stability in crisis - than to beg for the acceptance from secure types or vow to become better. There are strengths and weaknesses to every attachment type; honestly, that's the main reason I do not agree with the majority of these personality type assessments on youtube. They all insist that if you're not secure, you need to become secure. But I don't think people should try to change in that sense, I think they should learn what type they are and work within the boundaries of that type to become more balanced. If someone else cannot accept you for who you are, it is not worthwhile to make long-term commitments to them in the first place, because no matter how good things may seem, you will always be living an illusion, and one where you constantly accept the short end of the stick to maintain the status quo of another. To change on an essential level how you connect with others is just not realistic. I believe it is actually impossible, or at the least, supremely unhealthy, because these attachment styles are deeply ingrained by upbringing and cannot be revoked without the annihilation of motivation and all self identity. In my opinion, you are setting yourself up for martyrdom with that kind of thinking, which as I'm sure you're aware is a dangerous predisposition of our type. Throwing yourself headlong into the world of the secure, desperately desiring acknowledgment, is not a sure path to growth. Furthermore, and on a more personal note, I do not think you should be so quick to apologize for your essential nature. There are benefits to be had from regulating carefully one's emotions, after all, and this is a truth other types ignore at their own peril. After all, Stoicism is what keeps the world from collapsing in times of crisis. But, like a warrior in times of peace, avoidants in neurotypical settings must bide their time and energy to await tasks worthy of their ability and benefiting of the ones they love. After all, the secure is already secure, the neurotypical is already typical. Let them be. And let's all just take a moment to remember who beat Thanos. Because I think we all know it wasn't Captain America. It was Tony Stark. Much like that fictional hero, whose distance afforded him time and the perspective necessary to overcome a cosmic threat, real life avoidants, with their similar predispositions to distant, calculating observance and sacrificial exertion develop paradoxically but inevitably a deep affinity for the working of emotion and the power to master and guide empathy, in themselves and in others. Above and beyond, by far, the perspective of a secure, indeed, like channeling the Infinity Stones themselves. For, as children born into bliss, the secure type lacks necessary experience to empathize with those survivors who have battled their way up from the dark depths of neglect. Rather than viewing secure types as the standard of transformation, I view them as children in need of protection and guidance. In other words, secure types are who I fight for, but not who I want to be. It is complicated, and avoidants must learn as much as they teach, much as adults must always be humbled by their children. Because the world needs visionaries to secure peace and to create new order, an order in which all types can thrive and grow. And I believe this is a responsibility, more than any other, that falls to the lot of the avoidant. Nevertheless, even as we monitor emotion and keep it under control, without emotion entirely, we cannot build a firm foundation of resolve to do what must be done. One of my favorite quotes from entertainment comes from Kentaro Miura's Berserk: "The power to be with someone and the power to protect them is not always the same thing." I think the primary difference between avoidance and secure types lies in this statement. Secure types would rather be with the ones they love, to provide for them, to make memories with them, to experience life with them. They will fight to defend their circle, of course, but because of their limited perspective, they sometimes lack the necessary detachment to make sacrifices or to see the bigger picture. Avoidants, by contrast, would rather protect the ones they love, even if that means an inability to be with them. Indeed, in many cases, this is precisely the lesson they had modeled to them by their own parents, who sacrificed their time to have and raise them, even if that ultimately meant they were not able to directly invest in them. Why should that sacrifice be frowned on? Should it not be instead passed forward to the next generation? Avoidants can be vigilant watchers, willing to do what needs to be done to see those they love protected, and I think that is a wonderful thing.
Majority Secure but with occasional Avoidance. Good video on the topics discussed. Ive adopted a life of self reliance and assigning affirmations to conducting my life style in ways that I choose to excell. Continuosly learning, improvement, accepting loss/failure as normal fair to an eventual success, patience, confidence. Took some time to understand but I understand its a continuos development to becoming fulfilled.
The fact that you could make this video with examples of unscripted little behaviours shows how good all these actors were at embodying their characters. And as always: great video! Very informative!
Not gonna lie, the “It’s not your fault” hit me harder every time it was said. I literally cried. I guess I’m a Fearful type...but I also feel like I’m an Avoidant type as well.
because fearful attachment is a mix of anxious and avoidant, a person can definitely be on a scale either leaning more towards anxious or leaning more towards avoidant
Yep. I cried at “It’s not your fault”. I did the same when the professional help I sought said the same thing, I’m 100% a Fearful type due to childhood trauma.
bandwagon haters would have you believe otherwise but almost everything in the prequels that people hate on was intentional and has a logic consistent with all the characters and lore.
robert is a good actor, but he isnt a real skilled actor, tony stark and robert downey jr share the same personality, so thats why robert can act as good as he does when he portrays him, if you see other movies where is he you will notice that his characters share a LOT of characteristics between them, because he always puts some of his real personality on them. and im not saying its bad, but theres actors that can really forget who they are and give their hundred percent to become their character, and thats what a really skilled actor is
The "It's not your fault" part made me cry because it reminded me when I finally had someone to just listen to my trauma and not say I'm lying or interrupt me...
I've been feeling that with this new girl I met, but I also got fears that that her interest in me is waning. Every time I suspect it she somehow turns it around, I wish this didn't feel like such an emotional rollercoaster.
Whats up everyone. If you are Interested I upload YT Videos where you may be able to learn sth. I owuld appreciate it if you would go and leave some support, maybe even Subscribe. Have a wonderful Day ;)
Thats my girlfriend. She is a fearful attachment type. It is very difficult. I was a secure type, went through the anxious type, working my way back to secure. You never know what emotional feed back you will get, from day,to day. 7 years, wow.
Any idea how I can find out or read how my childhood could have impacted the way I love? I understand it has an impact but what impact? And based on what?
Who Da Fook Is That Guy Start with just getting a general idea of classical conditioning, then you can go on to Attachment Theory and Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development, both are well-established theories in the field of Psychology.
i was anxious but i frequented some avoidant people in college and step by step i learned to be in the middle, neither anxious, nor avoidant, i became secure and can now stand between the most awful people in my workplace
It can be good for film as shown by cap. Its harder to pull off, but probably is one of the most interesting character styles when done right also shown by captain america
That’s incredible man. It might mean nothing but a stranger on the Internet is looking at what you just said and hope for the same to happen to them lol.
That's the case for me also, it helped forming clear goals of what i want to achieve in my life and pursuing those goals, i used to rely on other people to make me happy but now i know that i am the one who should make myself happy and when you are fully content with yourself and all of the outcomes with a relationship then you can have a healthy relationship you just need to find the right person and it will all workout
@JT sounds like you don't know much of what any of them are it's hard to follow poorly punctuated and not very accurate especially if you go by the book
I feel like I'm somewhere between secure and anxious. I used to be way more of the anxious type, but after I drove a close friend away, I realized how over the top I was being. kinda like how this video said, I got my own hobbies and started making my own happiness and I became more self reliant and less dependant on others for my happiness. after I changed like this, I actually reconnected with that friend and now we're close again, but the friendship is much healthier than before. if you're like the anxious type, try to work on yourself, find a hobby, find happiness for yourself because you deserve it. finding confidence will help you so much, I promise
I definitely feel you. I am the same way. I have a lot of anxious tendencies and that disrupted my first relationship. Still working on the whole independent thing. I'm young and I'll get there with time. Best wishes to everyone who reads this and I believe you all can overcome anything you set your mind to
I'm definitely a mix of 1 and 2. I have a very hard time forming relationships. The not looking at people in the eyes hits the bullseye for me. But when I do form a relationship I'm constantly worried that I'm doing something wrong and they'll want to leave. It's a lonely life.
I feel that. I'm probably a mix of 2 and 3 due to pretty much experiencing abandonment throughout my life from father, friends, and past loves so I'm constantly feeling like either they don't truly feel that way about me or like "so when are they gonna inevitably leave me?"
It is ok to say that they complete you, or that they make your life more fulfilled in such a way that they understand they are cherished.But forcing the other party into a position of being the sole source of your happiness is deadly.
Whats up everyone. If you are Interested I upload YT Videos where you may be able to learn sth. I owuld appreciate it if you would go and leave some support, maybe even Subscribe. Have a wonderful Day ;)
This is so well explored. As someone who is currently in therapy to work through my fearful attachment style, I hv to say that Matt Damon’s performance gave me chills.
The night my brother died when I came to a friend's house, when I started crying I quickly tried to diffuse it with some unrelated joke. I just realized when watching this how severely avoidant that is
craved and feared attachment....sound like me....it may not mean much from a stranger but i feel sorry for the pain it caused you bieng with such a person and i hope your next relationship is less confussing
I know, all those people joking about being an avoidant. I have some of the avoidant traits and I’ve known this for a while. I’m trying my best to change it, not making it my personality.
This 100%. I don't find it funny at all. I'm a fearful type and would really like to have a proper relationship. Even though I am working on changing it, I'd kill to naturally be a secure type. They're so lucky!
One of the pitfalls to being a secure type is that you just are comfortable with both affection but also the absence of the person you feel like whether they're busy or whatever you feel secure but your avoidant or anxiously attached partner they don't feel that way if you're busy or whatever they jump to conclusions.
pretty sure you're right. Working 2 jobs previously to support my driving to see my ex every weekend. So when I was working I wasn't talking as much because ya know, tired. And even tho this was explained a few times she still had the anxious thing going strong. Eventually tells me she is feeling single even tho we are together, so I told her she was then. I was busy at work and cared more for the job (that laid me off not long after) than I did for fixing the relationship. thats the TLDR version lol.
Thats not a pitfall for the secure type, that is a pitfall of the other 3. In life for the most part, how you feel is your responsibility. I fit into the secure type, with a dash of avoidant. If the woman Im with feels uneasy because Im okay when she isnt around(which has happened), then that is HER problem that she has to deal with. Its like if a secure person has to "act" insecure when the other isnt around just to make the other feel better. Thats just being disingenuous to myself. If you are jumping to conclusions, then that is YOUR problem.
I have so many hobbies that make me happy and a fulfilling career that keeps me busy and I still have an anxious attachment style. Saying that getting hobbies will clear anxious attachment is like saying working out will cure depression.
The point is not that hobbies will cure the anxious attachment style. Part of what makes people be anxious is that they depend solely on the relationship for fulfillment. However, having a life outside of the relationship will help you feel less anxious by not feeling like the relationship is all you have. It's a work in progress though.
And that's true actually working out does helps cure depression to dome extent. It's from personal experience. First try it once for sometime, then u can blame if u want
I think anxiety is cured by surrendering to it and focusing elsewhere. Anxiety gains its power when u pay attention to it. Next time your anxious, simply acknowledge it as a feeling and focus on something else. Its like an itch, the morw you itch it the itchier it gets, but if you just go on with your day the itch will die down
@@shannenlibres2365 it definitely leads to being a nice guy but not everyone is. I think these sort of people always put their partner on a pedestal and can't handle it when they can't fit the ideal they made for them. It's like idealization but to varying degrees. I used to approach relationships like this but it's really bad once you start feeling insecure because you think they are perfect. It's not fair to your partner or to yourself.
You need to seek closure. I got over her after 8 years since the beginning of highschool. You need to seek her and really just talk to her one last time. Get it all out of your chest, that’ll set you free.
@@Realivangarcia I appreciate your advice and I think you are correct. I have been thinking of what to say to her for awhile now. Thank you for suggesting the healthy thing to do. I don't really have anyone to talk about this with.
Your comment reminds me of myself. I'm sorry if this is a bother, but I have to get this off my chest. I met a girl at a family friend's birthday party once. She's one of the few who showed true interest in me back when I was not confident and insecure(still am to an extent, but hey, I've made serious strides). I was a freshman in highschool, was picked on, and if I wasn't being picked on I was being shunned. This girl was likely slightly older than me as she could drive, and I had just started to think about getting my temporary license. Due to me being an avoidant(might have been a fearful type back then), I couldn't look her in the eyes. Her social advances made me withdraw more into my shell. She didn't leave when I got awkward though. Instead she joined me and my sisters and played foosball and ice hockey with us. When I saw she didn't judge me, I settled in a bit and was able to talk to her, still didn't look her in the eyes much, other than to steal a quick glance here and there. We ended up teaming up against my sisters on foosball. Little mannerisms and awkward interactions still cropped up as we played for a few hours...but she still didn't leave. It was quite obvious she had an interest in me. My sisters, and mother, both commented on it and even the pastor at the church made a comment. It didn't last for long though. Fear started to grip me as we continued to play and eventually when it was time to leave I didn't have the courage to say anything to her. I didn't ask for her number. I didn't ask her name. I didn't ask where she was from. Today, I don't even remember what she looks like, what her voice sounds like, or even her hair color. It doesn't matter really. That's not what I was attracted to. Not the shell. It was *her.* Her kindness was, in my experience, a rare thing. I think she was my soulmate, but maybe I'm just being dramatic. This party happened in the state of Ohio, in a small church with a beaten up white painted gym, and it was about 3-5 years ago. If you're out there and happen to see this, I hope you know I regret everything about that day. I'm still looking for you, and hope I find you some day, even if it's just to talk. I've changed alot. I'm sure you have too. I hope you feel the same way about me, that I feel about you. Sorry for the book, but I feel much better now. TLDR: Hey kind girl, I met 3-5 years ago, I miss you alot.
I'm definitely avoidant... whenever my boyfriend tells me he loves me I literally have to take a big breath before I say it back, thing is I do love him, I'm just scared it won't end well
Sara Benavides or they’re avoidant, avoidant act in similar ways. I’m anxious and I have no problem saying I love someone because I believe it makes the connection stronger and lessens the chance of it dissipating
I only told people that I loved them a handful of times. Most of them was my host mom when I lived abroad because she unlike my parents was emotionally present, once was during this time abroad when I texted my parents that I love them (they did not reply so I never did it again) and once was to my friend group when I was extremely drunk. So what does that say about me haha...
@@Katya_Lastochka well, not really, if the "secure" type (AKA: "normal" people) is even more rare. Although if that's the case, then they're not really "normal" are they? That means the rest of us (the fucked up ones) are the norm! OMG I'm normal! Finally!
Sounds like my last relationship. I'm slightly anxious but it gets worse with time apart, and she was super avoidant. ...I'm doing myself right at least. I have good hobbies and usually express plenty of individuality.
By the descriptions in the video, I'm avoidant to the core. The only relationship I ever really had was with an insanely anxious person. She wound up being incredibly abusive to me to try to keep me around, and I put up with it for much longer than I should have - and that relationship lasted all of 10 weeks, give or take a day. It all started because she approached me, I tried to give her a soft no, and then she came back later putting on this emotional crisis that nothing was going well in her life and she was implicitly going to seriously harm herself if just one thing (me) didn't work out. I caved and gave it a try for HER sake, but after about a week or so the novelty of being in my first actual relationship evaporated and I was backed up into a corner by this psycho who would threaten to hurt herself every other day when she didn't have her way and even in some instances came after me physically. The lack of emotional investment on my part is probably the only reason the relationship didn't end in a nuclear detonation when I finally managed to call the breakup. At that point I was so uninvested in the relationship I had become by and large indifferent to whether she actually followed through on her constant threats. It was basically a week of her throwing a fit and me more or less saying "I don't care, go away." The optics were horrible with her acting completely devastated while I just tried to resume my own life without any drama. I lost a lot of friends, but I immediately stopped caring about anyone who sided with her as well. I've lost the taste for even trying to enter relationships after that. I was clearly not cut out for intimacy even taking the abuse out of the picture. I plan to cruise through the bachelor life for the rest of my days. Not that I have a problem with that, I'm just saying I've found priorities in life other than the biological imperative.
@@theworldofnexttuesday2802 It looks like she damaged you in the process, but maybe it is better than getting into a relationship and getting divorced with a good chance.
@@theworldofnexttuesday2802 Damn, I can't imagine what that relationship put you through. I think you went about it the best way, though. Setting your priorities straight and leaving that hellhole. Do what you want, work on yourself, and you'll come out confident as hell. Give it time.
It gets 'funnier.' I am an avoidant type attachment wise but then have anxiety in general (actually so does Tony Stark...Iron Man 3.) I just don't feel antsy about rejection. If someone does not want me as a friend or ghosts me...sayonara. I have some secure traits too so I do try to discuss situations though and clear up misunderstandings. But yeah...
I'm 100% an avoidant type. I have trouble verbally expressing positive emotions. Its gotten so bad that I can only say "I love you" to my parents on certain occasions. While I was growing up, my dad was always busy with work and sometimes travel whilst my mother had to worry about my special needs sister. Neither my Dad or Mom had the time to give me full emotional attention. I know they tried their best, but life is tough, as we all know.
Same!!! My dad is a merchant and was gone a lot overseas and my mom had to take care of my special needs sister as well!!!! Until they got divorced and I had to help all the time
@@tianarose1549 ya sadly not everyone gets a happy beginning but we still have the choice to get a happy ending by just accepting that we're not the same as everyone else but we can still be happy our own ways
its weird because my parents are really emotionally available but for some reason i shut them down every time. i dont remember the last time i said i love you to them directly even though i do.
I’ve found that the reason I dislike hugs is because my parents used to force my siblings and I to “hug it out” after we fought. I would express my feelings and be in an uncomfortable situation but forget my feelings, we had to hug which made the matter even more uncomfortable. Subconsciously my brain was associating hugging with uncomfortability and neglect. That’s why every time I hug somebody it just feels fake, I never received a genuine hug in my childhood. But i’m learning to combat this by slowly including physical touch in deep/intimate moments so I can finally feel that hugging can be a genuine expression of love.
Oh my goodness. I watched the movie after being fired. I was back home, unemployed and depressed. First time I cried while watching a movie. It definitely struck a nerve.
Wow. I felt intimidated by the explanation of the 'Fearful' type. I start off as an avoidant person, but turn into the Fearful type as the relationship deepens.
I ruined my relationship. I didnt realize i was avoiding her after we got serious until it was too late. I felt uncomfortable and didnt understand why, and i regret what i did so much
For anyone out there who feels like they can't get through anything, or fix some problems they have with themselves, I'm proof that you can and I'm rooting for you. I've separated from my wife and it's taken some time but we're still very good friends. It took a lot of time and patience and pain, 5 months later after being together for 10, I grew a lot and leaned a lot about myself. You'll feel better soon and if you think you can't fix something, just give it a try today. And again tomorrow.
i’m definitely an avoidant. both my parents were always there and we are all very close, but my parents weren’t really affectionate towards my siblings and I so I grew up not liking affection from people. my parents have never told me they love me but i still know they do, they just express it in a different way
Now I see why I call my friend "cheesy" when he verbally/non-verbally demonstrates his deep friendship with me or the others. And why uttering simple words attached with emotional value makes me uncomfortable.
"Don't worry man. I'm here for you buddy. That's what good friends are. We lift each other up." *Damnit. I appreciate it but that is just so damn cheesy. We don't have to discuss it
Exactly, now you understand, by stepping out of your own ego and acknowledging the one of others. ultimately, it's all about this, KNOW THYSELF. Enjoy while you still can XD
thank gawd I'm a secure type, I don't fear relationships because I know no matter what I can move on and I know I'm strong enough to help and love others. it's tough, but I'd rather have tried and failed than to have been too frozen by fear to have tried. love and peace everyone, we'll all make it as long as we try.
@@Orange_Swirl Its better to have tried rather than not. Whether or not you succeed depends on how much fortitude you're putting in. Hence why trust is ultimately your weapon and weakness
@@Orange_Swirl I've been homeless before with nobody on my side, been through some rough times. I wouldn't assume that just because someone has their head up doesn't mean that they haven't faced any kind of adversity
@@daisies4dae but I believe you can shift from one to another withing longtime period. I've been in pretty unhealthy relationship with some girl, started as secure, within next 3 years shifted first towards anxious/fearful, had a heartbreaking ending to this relationship (almost like in a "last Christmas I gave you my heart" lol) then for 2 years became kinda avoidant, if I can say that, cuz I've been afraid of any romantic action so to say, and here I am, slowly crawling back to my older self (hopefully), yet, lesson is learned.
Certainly important to note that "will hunting" was acting out of the fear of abandonment by means to take responsibility for dissociation with intimate connections as a self destructive act, Took me watching that movie dozens of times before I saw that in myself and Gave me a major break through in my healing from childhood traumas.
I think that romance movies should focus more on what could possibly happen in real life than these stalker behaviours. Stalking is creepy. Period. Never seen 'The Notebook', never will 😎
@@DrAlchem01 I dont think "you" is a very good example of this, because the show does not make any of it romantic. The stalking and the creepiness is not made to seem romantic at all
*That's why people are so damaged in today's society.* Parents don't have time with their kids, leaving them scarred for life. Look within for answers and face your fears for detachment.
How does a little independence scarr someone for life? I'm curious what your perspective is on this, no argument just wanna know what youre trying to say
@@matthewreid1175 because they're left to learn through sources that may not be suitable or provide the best examples, also if you only have yourself to define morality, the base level may be skewed if you have nothing to reference it against.
People are not damaged these days, it's all a matter of perspective, and today's prosperity in the western society leads to a narrow perspective on youths perception of evil, terror, grief and so fourth. We don't get much of it, which leads to little things hurting us more than it should. It's in times of great terror or hopelessness that we find the best side of ourselves, and cast aside petty anxiousness in order to pursue our happiness. It's proven that in times of war, people tend to lean on love and all we find good, while in lack thereof, we tend to seek self-sabotage, in an evil absent society. There's much truth in the saying "There can't be no good without evil," because it's all perspective, and if we lose the evil, we fail to see what good is.
Comparing with a century ago, I would say parents give much more time to their kids. Back then if you were rich you were raised by a nanny and if you were poor you were to work to help feed the family.
@@GN-Aaron absolutely, if love to! These are some of my favorite TH-cam channels: Actualized.org Academy of ideas Improvementpill Modernhealthmonk Thomas Frank Freedom in thought
Ok, yeah I just googled that and sounds like me... But my recent breakup showed me that I need to learn to be a whole person without someone else and I'm working on that.
Rhu'el Steyn I’m glad you looked it up because knowing you’re codependent is the start to healing. I’ll be praying for you. I’m codependent(anxious too) so you’re not the only one. You’ll get through this. Counseling is helping me a bunch. I recommend it if you can. 😊
@@giovanicamara869 Thx I really appreciate that. Yeah I'm sorta seeing the school therapist once or twice a week but I feel like its just me soundboxing and clearing my thoughts cuz I learn and develop myself mostly on my own. And I explore my psyche and mind with psychedelics Ik thats controversial and ppl might not agree with me on that especially when taking my faith into account but I don't knoe if I agree with it being wrong nor right tbh
I use humour as a defense mechanism ~ chandler bing 😀 905 likes that's the most famous I'll get I guess 😆thanks y'all I feel like a youtuber who hit 10 million
Now your talking, life is the sauce of all those chemical elements. Living it doesn't always feels great. But when we need to grow out of ourselves, life happens ;) Enjoy while you still can !
I think that I am avoidant and all my girlfriends were anxious hahaha But I can say anxious are nightmares for everyone, especially themselves. Hot mess.
Realizing that I had been together with a fearful type for years, one who had no interest working on himself, and that we never had a chance. Thanks for the video - it helps give me clarity and closure.
If you feel you're not doing well as a romantic partner I'd recommend continuing to study on how to be a better partner and reflect on what specifically prevents you from filling that role
This was THE MOST helpful video I've ever watched about attachment styles because it doesn't just address the issue you also propose solutions. And give examples of what each type of relationship looks like. Thank you!
So rare for the secure type. And so true it is just not 💯 as humans interact with other people who can challenge them and push their confidence to certain levels. We must reflect and be mindful of our relationship styles in a relationship to avoid becoming imbalanced or allowing our childhood program to destroy our present relationships. Thank you for such profound insight. 🙏
It’s not about not being attached it’s connecting and finding common ground or just go through the same process never changing so that there can be a different and better outcome
Dude, that's not healthy. You're not gonna go very far in life all by yourself. And even if you do, you will suffer for it. I don't care if you're just memeing or not, it's not good for you.
You know that buddhist teaching has been misinterpreted by so many people. I guess something is lost in translation. I struggled with the same for a long looooong time.
Me watching the video: -Oh, I guess I'm an avoiding type -Hmm, or maybe I'm a bit of an anxious one... -I kinda feel like a bit of a fearful type... -Well, maybe I'm secure after all XD I'm guessing we're all a bit of each one from time to time haha, very interesting video in any case!
Maddy Donuts We’re all going to respond anxiously or fearfully etc to certain situations but underneath it all each of us tends to have ‘goals’ so to speak. We all want love is a universal statement but it means different things to everyone. Say ur a guy: Avoidant girl u might b dating is materialistic. She’s into partying and all the coolest places. She loves to look cute and laugh at all ur jokes. She’s the life of the party and does great in group settings. But when it gets down to 1 on 1 she gets tired or withdrawn. U start to realize u know nothing about this girl u love so much. And the harder u push her the faster she’ll run away. Anxious girl might b quieter. She’ll seem normal at the start. And then she’ll begin to like u. And she’ll become a puppy who just can’t get enough of it’s new owner. And at some point u’ll snap at her for it. And she’ll withdraw. And then she’ll continue self-sabotaging the relationship until u most likely will have to leave her. And her worst fear will b actualized. The fearful type of girl is most likely not u, well, hopefully not u, bcuz she’s f*d up. One day she’ll despise u and the next she’ll adore u. She can’t decide what she wants and if she stops to think about it she’ll devolve into a puddle of her own tears. So she gets her pain and torment out on the different men she seduces, getting to play a different girl each time. And no matter how she tries she can’t keep a relationship bcuz somehow even the face she has is a lie. This type of girl can’t maintain relationships with anyone unless they’re messed up, too. That includes friends. So it’s a very lonely life all around. U can’t ‘be a bit of a fearful type.’ Ur either drowning or u aren’t.
@@essenceocean595 I know I was over generalizing a little in my previous comment haha, but it's also what I genuinely thought throughout the video, which is probably mostly due to me being easily influenced, but in the end I do think I'm pretty secure overall: the other types felt like how I act, or used to act, in particular situations, or what I might have been had the circumstances been different... I find all of this very fascinating, and since I'm still pretty young and without much experience I felt like I learned a lot from this video. Thanks for your comment! (I'm a girl btw)
Great summary! I would also like to add that the type of your partner influences you in the other direction. If he/she is really extrem, I think there is a high chance of developing in the other direction. F.ex. my ex was clingy (anxious) and I loved being free, independent and got cold easily(leaning towards avoidant). Now my partner is avoidant and I am anxious. I think if we continue to work on our communicstion we both might even become secure
Love is that half sister & them pack of dogs. Even if that love ain't there anymore, that was it. If you still have that platonic love with her, glad that you've still got it. As to romantic love, If such a love exists, it's so rare that it's not worth lookin' for; at least, that is for me.
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"...parents who were physically present, but emotionally absent."
Ahh. There it is.
Time of the video when that's said?
Same
Librimix 2:30 ish
Relatable
oof that hits hard
I don't have a love style because attachment is against the Jedi Code.
Yes you do, remember the Mandalore war just after meeting Qui Gon
@@griever2017 If you are referring to Satine, I am afraid our relationship was greatly exaggerated. To be clear, I was never in love with the Duchess. Love takes time and I only knew her for a bit on Mandalore before I left. Our lives moved in different directions after that. We were friends by that point nothing more.
Anyone else read it in Obi-Wans voice😂😂
You seem very attached to the high ground though
@@aadityamurali18 👏🏽😂
Sometimes Anxious people also have hatred for sand
can you blame them? its corase its iritating and it get everywhere.
@@hexazalea1793 ya
MinnesotaWeLit not soft like your skin ✋🏼
I recommend moving to the high ground
As someone with an anxious attachment, can confirm. Sand sucks
Reasons to be jealous of Captain America:
[ ] Good looks
[ ] Manly physique
[ ] Super strength
[X] Healthy childhood
this hit me hard
Yo rogers was bullied contantly for his height wtf
@@Sally-uu3yt I’m going off the video, I don’t watch Marvel movies.
@@Sally-uu3yt Yes but he also had bucky to be in his corner. Bucky was a good fighter and a supporting friend and basically a brother to steve. Not everyone has that.
ouch.
*_The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over. I do animations on personal development stop by if interested_*
Namely Toxic people.
100% agree
A lot of people are blaming their past for their present situation
Deep shit right there
I never quite realized this a couple of years back, but it's quite true. The friends I've met who's appeared the most destructive and toxic to other people (despite being very nice to me as I've been nice to them), seem to do so when things don't go as they expect it, that they don't have control or get what they want. They get frustrated at things, drink a lot, has depression and gets on the bad side of people, often the topic for behind-the-back gossip.
I'm glad I feel I learned early on to never live that way, I came to accept that a lot of attachments I had I couldn't control nor should I. I always preferred being adaptable to rigid and stubborn, as the saying goes "flow like water" and in a way I can welcome change than fear losing the past. There's always bad and good moments, both will come and pass, however small or big they may be, and there's no point in getting stuck chasing happiness nor escaping sadness, both will come and pass, it's best to be content with how things goes and take it from there.
Ofcourse you could easily take my words out of context, to see the extreme and bad side in those words, I'm not perfect nor a saint, but I've never had many internal struggles or torments with myself nor felt I've had the same with people around me, which in turn makes me feel better too. I feel there's a merit to that.
Being adaptable and bendable doesn't mean you have to be a push over or "wimp", nor that relishing in change means you need to ruin good relationships or get tired of them, as well as it doesn't mean you have to stop striving for happiness or dealing out happinnes. But that's one of the big lessons in life, imo, to find balance within yourself and those around you, take things in moderation and as they come, instead of leaning too much to any extreme or ideal life you think you should have.
Correct.
How poetic ...
Tony avoids commitment
then builds a suit of armor
And the Cap’n’s shield...
It's securely strapped to his wrist LOL
Yeah that's actually really fucking good symbolism. Maybe I haven't been giving these marvel movies enough credit
SUPER FISHER LMAO
@@saintsfps5348 for real. I always try to explain to people the actual depth of these characters and their stories and interactions if you look past the Disney campiness. Plus, I think a lot of people skipped around on the movies so they never got the FULL picture that comes when you've actually seen them all and in the order of release. I never cared much about comics but I genuinely want to start reading marvel comics becuase I fell so much in love with all the characters.
I'm an anxious type... I don't like sand. It's coarse, rough, and irritating. And it gets everywhere.
This is outrageous. It's unfair.
😂😂
Hi there, i relate to you alot
Fuck Sand.
OMFG XD
I'm a hardcore avoidant since like you said my dad wasn't there emotionally, no one talked to me about girls etc. What i did and am doing which is helping me very much is theatre. It really pushes me out of my comfort zone in every way possible and allowed me to actually not be afraid of what other people think of me and acting really is a great way to practice difficult emotions. I highly recommend this to anyone that sees this comment.
I freaking love theatre and It’s my dream but for so many deep fears inside me don’t gives me possibilty to open up , and it’s not only in the large audience but with every single relationship with person
@@courtneymalkin1225 you need to.. You need to just take that first step... I know you can. For any embarrassment that might occur, you'll be ten times prouder of yourself. Things are always going to be challenging, but at least then you'll have gained confidence as your ally. You CAN do it.
@@solaire7046 Thank you so much 💜🔆
@@solaire7046 "Things are always going to be challenging." In other words, you will fundamentally never change your attachment style. Just become better at compensating. We are who we are, my friend, and at some point, it's better to own it and play to the strengths of the avoidant - stability in crisis - than to beg for the acceptance from secure types or vow to become better. There are strengths and weaknesses to every attachment type; honestly, that's the main reason I do not agree with the majority of these personality type assessments on youtube. They all insist that if you're not secure, you need to become secure. But I don't think people should try to change in that sense, I think they should learn what type they are and work within the boundaries of that type to become more balanced. If someone else cannot accept you for who you are, it is not worthwhile to make long-term commitments to them in the first place, because no matter how good things may seem, you will always be living an illusion, and one where you constantly accept the short end of the stick to maintain the status quo of another.
To change on an essential level how you connect with others is just not realistic. I believe it is actually impossible, or at the least, supremely unhealthy, because these attachment styles are deeply ingrained by upbringing and cannot be revoked without the annihilation of motivation and all self identity. In my opinion, you are setting yourself up for martyrdom with that kind of thinking, which as I'm sure you're aware is a dangerous predisposition of our type. Throwing yourself headlong into the world of the secure, desperately desiring acknowledgment, is not a sure path to growth. Furthermore, and on a more personal note, I do not think you should be so quick to apologize for your essential nature. There are benefits to be had from regulating carefully one's emotions, after all, and this is a truth other types ignore at their own peril. After all, Stoicism is what keeps the world from collapsing in times of crisis. But, like a warrior in times of peace, avoidants in neurotypical settings must bide their time and energy to await tasks worthy of their ability and benefiting of the ones they love. After all, the secure is already secure, the neurotypical is already typical. Let them be. And let's all just take a moment to remember who beat Thanos. Because I think we all know it wasn't Captain America. It was Tony Stark.
Much like that fictional hero, whose distance afforded him time and the perspective necessary to overcome a cosmic threat, real life avoidants, with their similar predispositions to distant, calculating observance and sacrificial exertion develop paradoxically but inevitably a deep affinity for the working of emotion and the power to master and guide empathy, in themselves and in others. Above and beyond, by far, the perspective of a secure, indeed, like channeling the Infinity Stones themselves. For, as children born into bliss, the secure type lacks necessary experience to empathize with those survivors who have battled their way up from the dark depths of neglect. Rather than viewing secure types as the standard of transformation, I view them as children in need of protection and guidance. In other words, secure types are who I fight for, but not who I want to be. It is complicated, and avoidants must learn as much as they teach, much as adults must always be humbled by their children. Because the world needs visionaries to secure peace and to create new order, an order in which all types can thrive and grow. And I believe this is a responsibility, more than any other, that falls to the lot of the avoidant. Nevertheless, even as we monitor emotion and keep it under control, without emotion entirely, we cannot build a firm foundation of resolve to do what must be done.
One of my favorite quotes from entertainment comes from Kentaro Miura's Berserk: "The power to be with someone and the power to protect them is not always the same thing." I think the primary difference between avoidance and secure types lies in this statement. Secure types would rather be with the ones they love, to provide for them, to make memories with them, to experience life with them. They will fight to defend their circle, of course, but because of their limited perspective, they sometimes lack the necessary detachment to make sacrifices or to see the bigger picture. Avoidants, by contrast, would rather protect the ones they love, even if that means an inability to be with them. Indeed, in many cases, this is precisely the lesson they had modeled to them by their own parents, who sacrificed their time to have and raise them, even if that ultimately meant they were not able to directly invest in them. Why should that sacrifice be frowned on? Should it not be instead passed forward to the next generation? Avoidants can be vigilant watchers, willing to do what needs to be done to see those they love protected, and I think that is a wonderful thing.
@@dontforget3113 too long my guy. I'm sure you have a wealth of knowledge on the subject but ppl aren't gonna read that. Thanks for sharing tho
“Based on this knowledge, Which attachment style do you think you are??”
“Yes”
xD
Is there an option for all of the above
Majority Secure but with occasional Avoidance. Good video on the topics discussed. Ive adopted a life of self reliance and assigning affirmations to conducting my life style in ways that I choose to excell. Continuosly learning, improvement, accepting loss/failure as normal fair to an eventual success, patience, confidence. Took some time to understand but I understand its a continuos development to becoming fulfilled.
lol you COMPLETELY made my morning with this comment....:-D
Cody McGrew I'm anxious, and fearful
The fact that you could make this video with examples of unscripted little behaviours shows how good all these actors were at embodying their characters.
And as always: great video! Very informative!
Absolutely :v it seems art it's not that worthless after all :D
Doesn't look like they acted though
More like the writters
@@seigfried3682 Both
@@RyanlovesTh nah
Me: Oh i'm for sure avoidant
Me: Oh well maybe i'm anxious.
Video : Fearful type is the some of the first and second
Me: Uh oh
Haha just literally did the same thing
Oh fuck .
Conclusion according to video: seek professional help 😐
Joe Jarvis SAME
Joe Jarvis gahhh ik same now I’m scared
Well... Shit.
Same. And it’s terrifying.
Not gonna lie, the “It’s not your fault” hit me harder every time it was said. I literally cried. I guess I’m a Fearful type...but I also feel like I’m an Avoidant type as well.
because fearful attachment is a mix of anxious and avoidant, a person can definitely be on a scale either leaning more towards anxious or leaning more towards avoidant
Same
It's like a voice in your head that says: You should know better by now. Don't trust anyone too much ever
I cried too.
Yep. I cried at “It’s not your fault”. I did the same when the professional help I sought said the same thing, I’m 100% a Fearful type due to childhood trauma.
Wait, so Anakin's creepy and obsessive character was intentional?
*MINDBLOWN*
bandwagon haters would have you believe otherwise but almost everything in the prequels that people hate on was intentional and has a logic consistent with all the characters and lore.
@@Ziggerath I will preach Phantom Menace Binks as the best plot twist we never got until I die.
Honest trailers
Prequels werent that bad, only the first one.
There had to be a reason he turned into Darth Vader.
*describes avoidant*
That seems like me
*describes anxious*
Wait... That also seems like me
*describes fearful*
Oh for goodness sake
describes secure
Yeah... that's not me
😂😂☠️☠️🤙🏼🤙🏼for real
Fearful is a mix of the negative parts of the first two, so that makes sense.
Lol me too
Same lmao
This video really just showed me how skilled of an actor Robert Downey Jr really is.
and how well all these characters are written.
uh huh
@@dwzenix7954 no, but he was extremely well written in The Clone Wars
robert is a good actor, but he isnt a real skilled actor, tony stark and robert downey jr share the same personality, so thats why robert can act as good as he does when he portrays him, if you see other movies where is he you will notice that his characters share a LOT of characteristics between them, because he always puts some of his real personality on them. and im not saying its bad, but theres actors that can really forget who they are and give their hundred percent to become their character, and thats what a really skilled actor is
Ivan Cuartas perhaps he isn't pretending
The "It's not your fault" part made me cry because it reminded me when I finally had someone to just listen to my trauma and not say I'm lying or interrupt me...
So true
I've been feeling that with this new girl I met, but I also got fears that that her interest in me is waning. Every time I suspect it she somehow turns it around, I wish this didn't feel like such an emotional rollercoaster.
@@jamesklark6562 what about now ? Was the girl sincère ?
so... avoidant and anxious. Feels discomfort with deep connection but fears the loss of connection. Yup, sounds about right
A 22 catch
That’s fearful
I think you mean a catch 22 😂
Hey I think I'm in this picture, I don't like it...
same lmao
Avoidant gang, but like, a casual gang, no need to get wierd about it.
im avoiding the avoidance gang
Avoidant and anxious
What up fam! Cool, cool. Aight ima head out.
Macho Supremo sup
What? Wym don’t be weird!
When you are asking: "Can I be avoidant and anxious at the same time?"
Well yes, it is called fearful.
Whats up everyone. If you are Interested I upload YT Videos where you may be able to learn sth. I owuld appreciate it if you would go and leave some support, maybe even Subscribe. Have a wonderful Day ;)
Fearful gang 4 life!
Thanks, I guess I'm fearful (:(:
Thats my girlfriend. She is a fearful attachment type. It is very difficult. I was a secure type, went through the anxious type, working my way back to secure. You never know what emotional feed back you will get, from day,to day. 7 years, wow.
Was anticipating that, with some dread.
I love how everyone here is either an avoidant or fearful, because the other 2 are busy in their relationships
I’m anxious.
I don't even know why I'm avoidant but I am... I would say my childhood wasn't missing parents and they were emotionally there but WTH
I’m a mix of all of them and also a little crazy
Nah I used to be an anxious but am now much more secure. I'm happily married and watching this while folding laundry 🤣
anxious!
The way you were conditioned as a child directly impacts how you love and have relationships
It impacts that and even MORE ! Childhood is so extremely important, that's why good parenthood is very important.
Any idea how I can find out or read how my childhood could have impacted the way I love? I understand it has an impact but what impact? And based on what?
Who Da Fook Is That Guy
Start with just getting a general idea of classical conditioning, then you can go on to Attachment Theory and Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development, both are well-established theories in the field of Psychology.
Yes I too watched the video
@@LucidNyte Thank you very much I appreciate it. I will look into those.
I thought I was funny, turns out I'm just avoidant.
I experienced the same thing while watching this video. Here I was thinking I had a great sense of humor! Turns out, I'm just avoidant.
fearful
chandler
Facts🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha you thought wrong!!
secure type = no drama = not good for film/ TV. But great for life! 👍💯
i was anxious but i frequented some avoidant people in college and step by step i learned to be in the middle, neither anxious, nor avoidant, i became secure and can now stand between the most awful people in my workplace
@@slash6686 I have an anxious style too, I'm happy to hear about someone's improvement.
It can be good for film as shown by cap. Its harder to pull off, but probably is one of the most interesting character styles when done right also shown by captain america
It’s fine because the drama can just come from the other lover.
that's because your life is more like a yankee comedy in vhs with white background; i'm more like James Cameron before doing Avatar.
I grew up with a physically absent mother and an emotionally absent father, I've worked on myself and gone from an anxious type to a secure type.
Awesome how
That’s incredible man. It might mean nothing but a stranger on the Internet is looking at what you just said and hope for the same to happen to them lol.
how tho
For me, it was Jordan Peterson.
That's the case for me also, it helped forming clear goals of what i want to achieve in my life and pursuing those goals, i used to rely on other people to make me happy but now i know that i am the one who should make myself happy and when you are fully content with yourself and all of the outcomes with a relationship then you can have a healthy relationship you just need to find the right person and it will all workout
“thankfully the fearful type is extremely rare”
*sweating* haha y-yeah very rare
He also said 2%, so about 1 in 50.
Welcome to the party pal!
Hellooo my fellow fearful people!
Yea, I think that's why I can't form romantic relationships, and why I never have
@JT sounds like you don't know much of what any of them are it's hard to follow poorly punctuated and not very accurate especially if you go by the book
I feel like I'm somewhere between secure and anxious. I used to be way more of the anxious type, but after I drove a close friend away, I realized how over the top I was being. kinda like how this video said, I got my own hobbies and started making my own happiness and I became more self reliant and less dependant on others for my happiness. after I changed like this, I actually reconnected with that friend and now we're close again, but the friendship is much healthier than before. if you're like the anxious type, try to work on yourself, find a hobby, find happiness for yourself because you deserve it. finding confidence will help you so much, I promise
I had to go through a similar discovery to get to where I am now. I’m glad I’m here, and I know the journey isn’t over yet.
I definitely feel you. I am the same way. I have a lot of anxious tendencies and that disrupted my first relationship. Still working on the whole independent thing. I'm young and I'll get there with time.
Best wishes to everyone who reads this and I believe you all can overcome anything you set your mind to
You must also hate sand right?
Awwwe, true. You've got to deliberately choose to change. 😍👌
@@liamg9334 yeah... I don't like sand... it's coarse and it's rough and it's irritating and it gets everywhere
It's 11pm and I was not ready for this kind of self discovery at this time of day.
Why did I just see this at exactly 11pm
LOL
Hahah right bro 10pm for me....
Now I can't sleep so more self-deprecating videos it is lol
I'm definitely a mix of 1 and 2. I have a very hard time forming relationships. The not looking at people in the eyes hits the bullseye for me. But when I do form a relationship I'm constantly worried that I'm doing something wrong and they'll want to leave. It's a lonely life.
I feel that. I'm probably a mix of 2 and 3 due to pretty much experiencing abandonment throughout my life from father, friends, and past loves so I'm constantly feeling like either they don't truly feel that way about me or like "so when are they gonna inevitably leave me?"
If you're mix of 1 and 2, you're effectively a #3...
@@rey_nemaattori good point
I can hardly look my dad in the eye. He's never been emotionally there for me or my family
Thumbnail:
Me: Anakin is my favorite avenger
@HalaL true...
haha
Fighting to save the world from the greatest enemy of all:
Sand
Godly comment man, Genuinely made me laugh.
Me:Yes
I'm basically equal parts avoidant and anxious.
That's my secret cap, I'm always miserable.
That's the fearful type, both anxious and avoidant. I have a sick feeling that's what I am too :(
@@ivymichelle891 if you want to do something about it, check out Thais Gibbson or Teal Swan on you Tube
I'm the same but I'm it's not bad enough to be considered a fearful type
@@ivymichelle891 I feel like I'm 80% avoidant and like 20% anxious. Does this still fall under fearful or just not a perfect of avoidant?
I'm probably the same.
Wait... I should know this from past relationships?
-_-
The anxious types are afraid of their connections gaining the high ground.
/Please don't let this guy be right, Please don't let this guy be right . . ./
What do you mean?
moon child Star Wars reference 🤣
After they're severely burned? Of course!
This literally makes no sense
Rule 101: Never tell a significant other you can't live without them even if you are married. Instant relationship decline incoming.
What are the first 100 rules
@@samualcalnan4774 101 reference to the term "beginner or introductory"
@@SednovaNova I know I'm just jokin
It's not unfixable if you said that before
It is ok to say that they complete you, or that they make your life more fulfilled in such a way that they understand they are cherished.But forcing the other party into a position of being the sole source of your happiness is deadly.
"Tell someone how much they mean to you and look them in the eye while you do it."
Me: *shudders*
Me: *N O P E*
I just said : n o 👎
Whats up everyone. If you are Interested I upload YT Videos where you may be able to learn sth. I owuld appreciate it if you would go and leave some support, maybe even Subscribe. Have a wonderful Day ;)
i was cringing when he said that
@@dorian_tihi5869 doooooon't
my boy charlie out there fixing my datinglife once again
I'm definitely an avoidant. I have trouble even telling my family I love them. Getting into a relationship would just be too hard.
Same. It just feels awkward
your sun is probably in virgo, or your venus. yes you probably dont know what the hell im saying but google "venus in virgo"
ikr but im Capricorn...
Same i never even told anyone that i loved them, even my own mom
Same
This is so well explored. As someone who is currently in therapy to work through my fearful attachment style, I hv to say that Matt Damon’s performance gave me chills.
The night my brother died when I came to a friend's house, when I started crying I quickly tried to diffuse it with some unrelated joke. I just realized when watching this how severely avoidant that is
My condolences. I cannot imagine the pain you must have went through. My brothers are everything for me. Without them I am nothing.
@@walkingalive1093 lol. You really had to remind the guy whose brother died, how important the brotherly bond is? :D
Sorry your Bub died. Cry privately. Like a man.
Sorry for your loss @Sloop. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.
Orestis Palampougioukis You just perfectly conveyed an avoidant trait, congrats
This made me get over a breakup. I couldn't rationalize my partner's behavior. They both craved and feared attachment and that confused me to no end.
craved and feared attachment....sound like me....it may not mean much from a stranger but i feel sorry for the pain it caused you bieng with such a person
and i hope your next relationship is less confussing
So the current culture laughs at secure types and praises avoidants?
rip
I know, all those people joking about being an avoidant. I have some of the avoidant traits and I’ve known this for a while. I’m trying my best to change it, not making it my personality.
This 100%. I don't find it funny at all. I'm a fearful type and would really like to have a proper relationship. Even though I am working on changing it, I'd kill to naturally be a secure type. They're so lucky!
And REALLY looks down on anxious types.
It usually means that the majority that makes fun of secured people tends to be avoidants to their own selves.
@@aquilliusranger2137 they particularly despise anxious attachment types. It’s because they are projecting their own fear of abandonment.
One of the pitfalls to being a secure type is that you just are comfortable with both affection but also the absence of the person you feel like whether they're busy or whatever you feel secure but your avoidant or anxiously attached partner they don't feel that way if you're busy or whatever they jump to conclusions.
Omg this!!!! Like securely attached types suffer because of the insecurely attached ones. This happens in friendships all the time too.
True, which is why people should try to be more knowledgeable of these things for their own well-being
pretty sure you're right. Working 2 jobs previously to support my driving to see my ex every weekend. So when I was working I wasn't talking as much because ya know, tired. And even tho this was explained a few times she still had the anxious thing going strong. Eventually tells me she is feeling single even tho we are together, so I told her she was then. I was busy at work and cared more for the job (that laid me off not long after) than I did for fixing the relationship. thats the TLDR version lol.
Thats not a pitfall for the secure type, that is a pitfall of the other 3. In life for the most part, how you feel is your responsibility. I fit into the secure type, with a dash of avoidant. If the woman Im with feels uneasy because Im okay when she isnt around(which has happened), then that is HER problem that she has to deal with.
Its like if a secure person has to "act" insecure when the other isnt around just to make the other feel better. Thats just being disingenuous to myself. If you are jumping to conclusions, then that is YOUR problem.
So trueeee
Me: im not avoidant
Also me: stops watching after 2 mins.
Would the threat of losing your soul get you to finish the video? Asking for a friend
@@bigboibubba5528 Most underrated comment award goes to...
bryce Flanigan Lmao
Well that's awkward... Just did same
bryce Flanigan 🤣🤣
1 - Avoidant: 0:21
2 - Anxious: 3:01
3 - Fearful: 6:03
4 - Secure: 9:28
make this top comment
I have so many hobbies that make me happy and a fulfilling career that keeps me busy and I still have an anxious attachment style. Saying that getting hobbies will clear anxious attachment is like saying working out will cure depression.
Have you had any luck? Because I haven't.
That is because men are different from women and that advice only applies to men.
The point is not that hobbies will cure the anxious attachment style. Part of what makes people be anxious is that they depend solely on the relationship for fulfillment. However, having a life outside of the relationship will help you feel less anxious by not feeling like the relationship is all you have. It's a work in progress though.
And that's true actually working out does helps cure depression to dome extent. It's from personal experience. First try it once for sometime, then u can blame if u want
I think anxiety is cured by surrendering to it and focusing elsewhere. Anxiety gains its power when u pay attention to it. Next time your anxious, simply acknowledge it as a feeling and focus on something else. Its like an itch, the morw you itch it the itchier it gets, but if you just go on with your day the itch will die down
That damned "it's not your fault" scene gets me EVERY TIME!
It’s not your fault
It's not your fault
-This is gonna turn into a zombie apocalypse at this point-
Me watching avoidant type: oh, I relate quite a bit to that, guess everyone has a bit of every type
*proceeds to not relate to other types*
Me: oh no
l o l
Same here
I never saw Good Will Hunting but holy crap this was a powerful performance 8:21
"Holy carp that was a powerful preformance" is basically how all of good will hunting plays out.
I found that part of the video uncomfortable to watch
Take some time to watch it. Good Will Hunting is a phenomenal movie. 👍🏻
@@r.a.fraley1616 lol. Yup you definitely avoidant.
The movie is very powerful!
Oh, dear. When you’re relating a little too much to Anakin Skywalker, a problem, you have.
They're called "niceguys" or "the crazy ex girlfriend"
@@shannenlibres2365 I feel like the term nice guy gets consistently misused. Anakin was obviously a people pleaser and hugely insecure.
@@hodgindaylon what would you call him then? At least in my opinion r/niceguys are anxious ambivalents all the way
@@shannenlibres2365 it definitely leads to being a nice guy but not everyone is. I think these sort of people always put their partner on a pedestal and can't handle it when they can't fit the ideal they made for them. It's like idealization but to varying degrees. I used to approach relationships like this but it's really bad once you start feeling insecure because you think they are perfect. It's not fair to your partner or to yourself.
@@shannenlibres2365 I certainly wouldn't call Ani a "nice guy"
I became pretty obsessed with someone I hardly knew. It's been 6 years since I've seen her and she is still on my mind daily.
Wtf Im having the same issue, its so weird
Why cant we all just die already..
You need to seek closure. I got over her after 8 years since the beginning of highschool. You need to seek her and really just talk to her one last time. Get it all out of your chest, that’ll set you free.
@@Realivangarcia I appreciate your advice and I think you are correct. I have been thinking of what to say to her for awhile now. Thank you for suggesting the healthy thing to do. I don't really have anyone to talk about this with.
Your comment reminds me of myself. I'm sorry if this is a bother, but I have to get this off my chest.
I met a girl at a family friend's birthday party once. She's one of the few who showed true interest in me back when I was not confident and insecure(still am to an extent, but hey, I've made serious strides). I was a freshman in highschool, was picked on, and if I wasn't being picked on I was being shunned. This girl was likely slightly older than me as she could drive, and I had just started to think about getting my temporary license.
Due to me being an avoidant(might have been a fearful type back then), I couldn't look her in the eyes. Her social advances made me withdraw more into my shell. She didn't leave when I got awkward though. Instead she joined me and my sisters and played foosball and ice hockey with us.
When I saw she didn't judge me, I settled in a bit and was able to talk to her, still didn't look her in the eyes much, other than to steal a quick glance here and there. We ended up teaming up against my sisters on foosball. Little mannerisms and awkward interactions still cropped up as we played for a few hours...but she still didn't leave.
It was quite obvious she had an interest in me. My sisters, and mother, both commented on it and even the pastor at the church made a comment.
It didn't last for long though. Fear started to grip me as we continued to play and eventually when it was time to leave I didn't have the courage to say anything to her. I didn't ask for her number. I didn't ask her name. I didn't ask where she was from.
Today, I don't even remember what she looks like, what her voice sounds like, or even her hair color. It doesn't matter really. That's not what I was attracted to. Not the shell. It was *her.* Her kindness was, in my experience, a rare thing.
I think she was my soulmate, but maybe I'm just being dramatic.
This party happened in the state of Ohio, in a small church with a beaten up white painted gym, and it was about 3-5 years ago. If you're out there and happen to see this, I hope you know I regret everything about that day. I'm still looking for you, and hope I find you some day, even if it's just to talk.
I've changed alot. I'm sure you have too. I hope you feel the same way about me, that I feel about you.
Sorry for the book, but I feel much better now. TLDR: Hey kind girl, I met 3-5 years ago, I miss you alot.
I'm definitely avoidant... whenever my boyfriend tells me he loves me I literally have to take a big breath before I say it back, thing is I do love him, I'm just scared it won't end well
that means your anxious (pre-occupied attachment), you want and enjoy closeness but worry that your partner will discover flaws and faults.
Sara Benavides or they’re avoidant, avoidant act in similar ways. I’m anxious and I have no problem saying I love someone because I believe it makes the connection stronger and lessens the chance of it dissipating
Sara Benavides my girlfriend is avoidant and had a super hard time saying she loved me despite knowing she loves me lots
I only told people that I loved them a handful of times. Most of them was my host mom when I lived abroad because she unlike my parents was emotionally present, once was during this time abroad when I texted my parents that I love them (they did not reply so I never did it again) and once was to my friend group when I was extremely drunk. So what does that say about me haha...
Nice
Me: I’m totally an avoidant.
Video: *describes fearful type*
Me: .....dammit.
Wooh! %2. You're special.
Pardon me, thanks mom 💜
Same lol
...same
@@Katya_Lastochka well, not really, if the "secure" type (AKA: "normal" people) is even more rare. Although if that's the case, then they're not really "normal" are they? That means the rest of us (the fucked up ones) are the norm! OMG I'm normal! Finally!
I'm the avoidant 1000%. Showing deep emotions to someone I care about is like climbing Mount Everest with no equipment.
I’m writing a story and I just realized that an anxious type is is in love with an avoidant wow that’s not going to good
Sounds like my last relationship. I'm slightly anxious but it gets worse with time apart, and she was super avoidant.
...I'm doing myself right at least. I have good hobbies and usually express plenty of individuality.
I’m in this right now.
By the descriptions in the video, I'm avoidant to the core.
The only relationship I ever really had was with an insanely anxious person. She wound up being incredibly abusive to me to try to keep me around, and I put up with it for much longer than I should have - and that relationship lasted all of 10 weeks, give or take a day.
It all started because she approached me, I tried to give her a soft no, and then she came back later putting on this emotional crisis that nothing was going well in her life and she was implicitly going to seriously harm herself if just one thing (me) didn't work out. I caved and gave it a try for HER sake, but after about a week or so the novelty of being in my first actual relationship evaporated and I was backed up into a corner by this psycho who would threaten to hurt herself every other day when she didn't have her way and even in some instances came after me physically. The lack of emotional investment on my part is probably the only reason the relationship didn't end in a nuclear detonation when I finally managed to call the breakup. At that point I was so uninvested in the relationship I had become by and large indifferent to whether she actually followed through on her constant threats. It was basically a week of her throwing a fit and me more or less saying "I don't care, go away." The optics were horrible with her acting completely devastated while I just tried to resume my own life without any drama. I lost a lot of friends, but I immediately stopped caring about anyone who sided with her as well.
I've lost the taste for even trying to enter relationships after that. I was clearly not cut out for intimacy even taking the abuse out of the picture. I plan to cruise through the bachelor life for the rest of my days. Not that I have a problem with that, I'm just saying I've found priorities in life other than the biological imperative.
@@theworldofnexttuesday2802 It looks like she damaged you in the process, but maybe it is better than getting into a relationship and getting divorced with a good chance.
@@theworldofnexttuesday2802 Damn, I can't imagine what that relationship put you through. I think you went about it the best way, though. Setting your priorities straight and leaving that hellhole. Do what you want, work on yourself, and you'll come out confident as hell. Give it time.
I finally understand why my friend's affection creeped me out so much - I'm avoidant, he's anxious... awesome combo...
It gets 'funnier.' I am an avoidant type attachment wise but then have anxiety in general (actually so does Tony Stark...Iron Man 3.) I just don't feel antsy about rejection. If someone does not want me as a friend or ghosts me...sayonara. I have some secure traits too so I do try to discuss situations though and clear up misunderstandings.
But yeah...
Just learned I'm anxious thanks to you. So please don't stop uploading or I'll kms
the best comment
Don't worry. More videos are coming. Your anxiety can fade away. Have you considered making videos? You can release them privately for your eyes only.
#metoo
Btw is your name Carlos ?
Can you spot the Avoidants in these reply comments?
I'm 100% an avoidant type. I have trouble verbally expressing positive emotions. Its gotten so bad that I can only say "I love you" to my parents on certain occasions. While I was growing up, my dad was always busy with work and sometimes travel whilst my mother had to worry about my special needs sister. Neither my Dad or Mom had the time to give me full emotional attention. I know they tried their best, but life is tough, as we all know.
I just never had parents I live with my grandma and uncle but my grandmother is gotta be the nicest person in the world to me , luv Grandma 👊
Same!!! My dad is a merchant and was gone a lot overseas and my mom had to take care of my special needs sister as well!!!! Until they got divorced and I had to help all the time
@@tianarose1549 ya sadly not everyone gets a happy beginning but we still have the choice to get a happy ending by just accepting that we're not the same as everyone else but we can still be happy our own ways
its weird because my parents are really emotionally available but for some reason i shut them down every time. i dont remember the last time i said i love you to them directly even though i do.
@@murray6188 you should cause you never know when the last time your gonna see them
I’ve found that the reason I dislike hugs is because my parents used to force my siblings and I to “hug it out” after we fought. I would express my feelings and be in an uncomfortable situation but forget my feelings, we had to hug which made the matter even more uncomfortable. Subconsciously my brain was associating hugging with uncomfortability and neglect. That’s why every time I hug somebody it just feels fake, I never received a genuine hug in my childhood. But i’m learning to combat this by slowly including physical touch in deep/intimate moments so I can finally feel that hugging can be a genuine expression of love.
That's a very good awareness and solution, you're doing admirably.
Kind of impressed that Lucas nailed the portrayal of the anxious attachment type.
I don't think he ever got credit for that.
Anakin’s development as a character is one of the few things the prequels did right.
I guess we just didn’t want to root or feel sorry for a guy like that.
Or we thought the great Darth Vader was too macho badass for such an arc
From the point of view of a drama it's actually great
Luz Puebla Lara Force awakens and the last Jedi were so bad now people think the prequels were good
@@loor4753 I don't really care about the Star Wars saga... I just like the actor and I saw some of his movies
I cried so hard during the Will Hunting therapy scene... damn it, i need it too.
Have you watched "In Treatment"?
It's not your fault!
Watch Trash Humpers. Same director as Good Will Hunting
Its a great movie
Oh my goodness. I watched the movie after being fired. I was back home, unemployed and depressed. First time I cried while watching a movie. It definitely struck a nerve.
TIL: Being secure makes you worthy of wielding mjolnir.
*sigh* yes......yes it does.
i got really emotional realizing how much "Fearful" resonated with me
same here bro. Fearful to the bone.
Wow. I felt intimidated by the explanation of the 'Fearful' type.
I start off as an avoidant person, but turn into the Fearful type as the relationship deepens.
I ruined my relationship. I didnt realize i was avoiding her after we got serious until it was too late. I felt uncomfortable and didnt understand why, and i regret what i did so much
This is LITERALLY me! I couldn’t explain it any better. Whew this video was heavier than I thought it was going to be.
Oh wow.. Was mot expecting this level of being read today.. And on youtube of all things wow
that's abusive and you should be alone until you work on that
I've done the same on all my relationships.
Honestly thats why i love steve so much and its so refreshing to see a character that is just so set. He really is the best
Same. A breath of fresh air among all the gritty, traumatized leading men.
quite the opposite for me unfortunately, I don't like the perfect or the overly damaged
For anyone out there who feels like they can't get through anything, or fix some problems they have with themselves, I'm proof that you can and I'm rooting for you. I've separated from my wife and it's taken some time but we're still very good friends. It took a lot of time and patience and pain, 5 months later after being together for 10, I grew a lot and leaned a lot about myself. You'll feel better soon and if you think you can't fix something, just give it a try today. And again tomorrow.
Robert Frost thanks Robert
~ That's awesome advice, Robert!
i’m definitely an avoidant. both my parents were always there and we are all very close, but my parents weren’t really affectionate towards my siblings and I so I grew up not liking affection from people. my parents have never told me they love me but i still know they do, they just express it in a different way
Now I see why I call my friend "cheesy" when he verbally/non-verbally demonstrates his deep friendship with me or the others.
And why uttering simple words attached with emotional value makes me uncomfortable.
Pula Ancanan me too, i thought something was wrong with me for a while because I can’t be emotional publically or hug people
"Don't worry man. I'm here for you buddy. That's what good friends are. We lift each other up."
*Damnit. I appreciate it but that is just so damn cheesy. We don't have to discuss it
@@Bunnyxxxb same..even eye contact is hard.. I started therapy and even that is very daunting.. but I'm hoping to get a little better
I love you🤗 lol
Exactly, now you understand, by stepping out of your own ego and acknowledging the one of others. ultimately, it's all about this, KNOW THYSELF. Enjoy while you still can XD
thank gawd I'm a secure type, I don't fear relationships because I know no matter what I can move on and I know I'm strong enough to help and love others.
it's tough, but I'd rather have tried and failed than to have been too frozen by fear to have tried.
love and peace everyone, we'll all make it as long as we try.
Time and unexpected circumstances would like to talk to you.
You may try, and never succeed. It would have been a waste.
@@Orange_Swirl Its better to have tried rather than not. Whether or not you succeed depends on how much fortitude you're putting in. Hence why trust is ultimately your weapon and weakness
@@Slaydur I agree. However, if you use logical reasoning, it increases your chances of success.
You are lucky. I’m so sick of my emotions. (Anxious type.)
@@Orange_Swirl I've been homeless before with nobody on my side, been through some rough times. I wouldn't assume that just because someone has their head up doesn't mean that they haven't faced any kind of adversity
*explaining avoidant type *
Me : *gasps*
Naru that has Mr Sakamoto the talking cat (your avatar) down to a tee! 🙂🐱
me: *avoids eye contact*
“Tell someone you love them and look them in the eye.”
Me: no thank you
I love you 😳
@@HenriettaP I love u too
ive been emotionally aviodant with everyone just so I don't have to say that or express any emotion at all
@@generaldream6206 👁️💋👁️ I love you
Careful about the expression though, just in case you end up looking confrontational...🤣🤣🤣
"You were the one that wanted to win AND I JUST WANTED A SISTER" ~Nebula
Watching Guardians 2 right now! That line was their turning point . Go Nebula!
That line made me start to love Nebula
i cried like a baby
Video: Barely begins to explains the first one...
Me: Ding ding ding! We have a winner...
Same. I'm generally acting really similar to Tony.
@@ballislife9924 We like to think we're like Tony Stark. In reality we probably come across as more Squidward Tentacles.
@@DrDeathpwnsu And truer word will never be spoken
@@DrDeathpwnsu That's probably true
@@DrDeathpwnsu i'm only like tony in all of the fucked up aspects
Me watching this:
- I'm an avoidant.
- Sorry meant Anxious
- Fearful! I misstyped
- Ok I'm all
You're into zodiac astrology stuff aren't you lol
you can't be the secure type and the insecure types at the same time
@@daisies4dae but I believe you can shift from one to another withing longtime period. I've been in pretty unhealthy relationship with some girl, started as secure, within next 3 years shifted first towards anxious/fearful, had a heartbreaking ending to this relationship (almost like in a "last Christmas I gave you my heart" lol) then for 2 years became kinda avoidant, if I can say that, cuz I've been afraid of any romantic action so to say, and here I am, slowly crawling back to my older self (hopefully), yet, lesson is learned.
Daisy Katz but I am
@@daisies4dae logic and emotions don't always line up and that's where the issue is.
Certainly important to note that "will hunting"
was acting out of the fear of abandonment by means to take responsibility for dissociation with intimate connections as a self destructive act, Took me watching that movie dozens of times before I saw that in myself and Gave me a major break through in my healing from childhood traumas.
I'm Avoiding and Anxious. I avoid relationship out of fear of losing them after I have them.
@@anyone359 If I know something, it's for many or at least more than press or psy can say, we are a contradiction, like a ying/yang of our ownself
Hey same :')
Oh jesus that sounds very familiar
That makes so much sense
Kinda fearful type
*gasp* That's me!!...oh, wait, never mind.
*gasp* That's me!!...oh, wait, never mind.
*gasp* That's me!!...oh, wait, never mind.
*gasp* That's me!!...oh, wait, never mind.
Right? Like, which one are we? XD
What my feel like for every videos from him
I think the labels are incredibly fluid. I felt like I had traits of 3 of the 4
I've never seen "the Notebook", only some parts of it but for me it always looked creepy instead of romantic...
I think that romance movies should focus more on what could possibly happen in real life than these stalker behaviours. Stalking is creepy. Period. Never seen 'The Notebook', never will 😎
@@vinodkumaraug The Netflix show 'You' kind of shows this, but it's one of very few examples
Yeah it was crazy, I even thought it was too dangerous
@@DrAlchem01 I dont think "you" is a very good example of this, because the show does not make any of it romantic. The stalking and the creepiness is not made to seem romantic at all
Eternal Sunshine of Spotless Mind, there you go
The anxious theory just perfectly matched my reality and it explains a lot for me.
*That's why people are so damaged in today's society.*
Parents don't have time with their kids, leaving them scarred for life.
Look within for answers and face your fears for detachment.
How does a little independence scarr someone for life? I'm curious what your perspective is on this, no argument just wanna know what youre trying to say
@@matthewreid1175 because they're left to learn through sources that may not be suitable or provide the best examples, also if you only have yourself to define morality, the base level may be skewed if you have nothing to reference it against.
Matthew Reid I’m pretty sure he’s talking about neglect not fostering independence.
People are not damaged these days, it's all a matter of perspective, and today's prosperity in the western society leads to a narrow perspective on youths perception of evil, terror, grief and so fourth. We don't get much of it, which leads to little things hurting us more than it should. It's in times of great terror or hopelessness that we find the best side of ourselves, and cast aside petty anxiousness in order to pursue our happiness.
It's proven that in times of war, people tend to lean on love and all we find good, while in lack thereof, we tend to seek self-sabotage, in an evil absent society. There's much truth in the saying "There can't be no good without evil," because it's all perspective, and if we lose the evil, we fail to see what good is.
Comparing with a century ago, I would say parents give much more time to their kids. Back then if you were rich you were raised by a nanny and if you were poor you were to work to help feed the family.
This is an extraordinary and one of a kind channel. Not something prominent these days.
Sidhant Tomer WWE so true. I’ve seen a few videos on TH-cam but nothing as mind blown as this.
This is a great channel, but you gotta look a lil harder and you'll find some even better than this one
@@smerdopsis6092 Could you save us all some time, please?
@@GN-Aaron absolutely, if love to! These are some of my favorite TH-cam channels:
Actualized.org
Academy of ideas
Improvementpill
Modernhealthmonk
Thomas Frank
Freedom in thought
Facts, I love it as much as I love Whatculture Wrestling or Wrestlamia. I’m assuming since ur also a fan you have heard of those lol
I never realized that the anxious type fits me 1000% like it blows my mind actually
Rhu'el Steyn you’re probably codependent mate! Go google codependency on google to learn some more
Ok, yeah I just googled that and sounds like me... But my recent breakup showed me that I need to learn to be a whole person without someone else and I'm working on that.
Rhu'el Steyn I’m glad you looked it up because knowing you’re codependent is the start to healing. I’ll be praying for you. I’m codependent(anxious too) so you’re not the only one. You’ll get through this. Counseling is helping me a bunch. I recommend it if you can. 😊
@@rhuelsteyn7708 me too:/
@@giovanicamara869 Thx I really appreciate that. Yeah I'm sorta seeing the school therapist once or twice a week but I feel like its just me soundboxing and clearing my thoughts cuz I learn and develop myself mostly on my own. And I explore my psyche and mind with psychedelics Ik thats controversial and ppl might not agree with me on that especially when taking my faith into account but I don't knoe if I agree with it being wrong nor right tbh
This is like the 4th video I've see that uses Good Will Hunting as a case study for psychology. I think I need to break down and watch that movie.
don't worry. it's not breaking down. it's s truly excellent film. enjoy
@@nabinnyc they meant analyze its/ study it
YES IT IS A GREAT MOVIE DO IT
It’s been 8 months, how was it?
@@pearl.8551 lmao it's on my to do list
I use humour as a defense mechanism ~ chandler bing 😀
905 likes that's the most famous I'll get I guess 😆thanks y'all I feel like a youtuber who hit 10 million
Same here.
Seems to be like me
Ron Swanson Lol
ME TOO
Lol my ex. Specifically "I use sarcasm as a shield"
I studied the attachment theory with slightly different names. I think this video does a good job explaining the styles and good examples.
you study psychology?
Bruh why tf did the "It's not your fault" maKe me crY toO
Same.
s a m e
Did you also identify with the Fearful type, because I sure did. And yeah, I still got the waterworks going.
probably because you're too perfeccionist. I felt idientified with that scene but because I'm perfeccionist.
Because...
I T ' S N O T Y O U R F A U L T ! ! !
Oh my god I have literally gone through all of these in order throughout my teenage years. I was toxic af as a teen lol
"Craves love but doesn't know how to accept it" oh Nebula 😭 good video
Hey :) what film is that?
Only because her dad programmed her to need it from him by denying it..
WHACKA!
How but she died if she did she would of accepted
The more i think about it, the clearer it is that I sabotage everyone of my relationships before the other person can reject me
Burn the bridge while you're crossing it.
So no one can follow
easiest victory royal.
Pushing someone away when what you really desire is intimacy. One creates what they fear.
Rather ending it on your own terms before worse endings can be made
The nightmare when an anxious type falls in love with an avoidant type.
Now your talking, life is the sauce of all those chemical elements. Living it doesn't always feels great. But when we need to grow out of ourselves, life happens ;) Enjoy while you still can !
oh hell yes.
I'm the anxious type...all my best friends are avoidant. They left me and it broke me
Hell yeah damn it
I think that I am avoidant and all my girlfriends were anxious hahaha
But I can say anxious are nightmares for everyone, especially themselves. Hot mess.
Realizing that I had been together with a fearful type for years, one who had no interest working on himself, and that we never had a chance. Thanks for the video - it helps give me clarity and closure.
I’m literally tony Stark
Without the success
toxic mindset, work on fixing that make it a more optimistic one
@@ap3xls329 im tony stark without
dang it tony stark your evrthing is great
Me too
@Reinert Zerker Tony Stark is also a fiction genius i.e he doesn't exist.
Then you're Tony Stank 😉. Excelsior
obsession can form without knowing a person. they just described bollywood.!
om shanti om 😭
Hey, Can you explain that?
@@theindianreviewroast6661 a lot of people in bollywood movies fall insanely deeply in love and have no prior connection especially stalking etc.
@@ZANZANMANMAN Tere Naam 🤣
@@ZANZANMANMAN Maybe that's just bad writing, lazy setup for characters.
Unfortunately, i don't have the higher ground in relationships.
Tarodenaro u probs wish u were obi high ground kenobi then
If you feel you're not doing well as a romantic partner I'd recommend continuing to study on how to be a better partner and reflect on what specifically prevents you from filling that role
@@1993greeksoldier This guy was just making a Star Wars meme.
I personally have always preferred to be under XD
@@1993greeksoldier
I think this comment was worthless. It's inherent to do so, but also gives nothing to help even as a starter.
This was THE MOST helpful video I've ever watched about attachment styles because it doesn't just address the issue you also propose solutions. And give examples of what each type of relationship looks like. Thank you!
I’m definitely an anxious type. I blame myself for everything and view myself as a horrible person regardless of what someone says...
Yes... That's me too...
But you are not you need to know that
Cognitive behavioral therapy can help with some of those cognitive distortions so you stop thinking that way.
You should work on that instead of accepting it
Long story short childhood is very important and is the building block of adult life.
Well fuck me then
7
Which is why I hate myself every time I fail to my son.
Fuc-
Ahh that's why I'm so fucked up 😂
Great. I'm avoidant AND fearful. I've got a lot of work to do.
edit: At least I don't hate sand. I can deal with that.
Aspen Ryder
Same, i think i have ADHD.
So rare for the secure type. And so true it is just not 💯 as humans interact with other people who can challenge them and push their confidence to certain levels. We must reflect and be mindful of our relationship styles in a relationship to avoid becoming imbalanced or allowing our childhood program to destroy our present relationships. Thank you for such profound insight. 🙏
"attachment is the root of all suffering" I live by this. I am the fearful type
It’s not about not being attached it’s connecting and finding common ground or just go through the same process never changing so that there can be a different and better outcome
Dude, that's not healthy. You're not gonna go very far in life all by yourself. And even if you do, you will suffer for it. I don't care if you're just memeing or not, it's not good for you.
You know that buddhist teaching has been misinterpreted by so many people. I guess something is lost in translation. I struggled with the same for a long looooong time.
The buddhists call it "desire". I guess avoidants and fearful types know this understanding most intimately...
same
Me watching the video:
-Oh, I guess I'm an avoiding type
-Hmm, or maybe I'm a bit of an anxious one...
-I kinda feel like a bit of a fearful type...
-Well, maybe I'm secure after all
XD I'm guessing we're all a bit of each one from time to time haha, very interesting video in any case!
Maddy Donuts We’re all going to respond anxiously or fearfully etc to certain situations but underneath it all each of us tends to have ‘goals’ so to speak. We all want love is a universal statement but it means different things to everyone.
Say ur a guy:
Avoidant girl u might b dating is materialistic. She’s into partying and all the coolest places. She loves to look cute and laugh at all ur jokes. She’s the life of the party and does great in group settings. But when it gets down to 1 on 1 she gets tired or withdrawn. U start to realize u know nothing about this girl u love so much. And the harder u push her the faster she’ll run away.
Anxious girl might b quieter. She’ll seem normal at the start. And then she’ll begin to like u. And she’ll become a puppy who just can’t get enough of it’s new owner. And at some point u’ll snap at her for it. And she’ll withdraw. And then she’ll continue self-sabotaging the relationship until u most likely will have to leave her. And her worst fear will b actualized.
The fearful type of girl is most likely not u, well, hopefully not u, bcuz she’s f*d up. One day she’ll despise u and the next she’ll adore u. She can’t decide what she wants and if she stops to think about it she’ll devolve into a puddle of her own tears. So she gets her pain and torment out on the different men she seduces, getting to play a different girl each time. And no matter how she tries she can’t keep a relationship bcuz somehow even the face she has is a lie.
This type of girl can’t maintain relationships with anyone unless they’re messed up, too. That includes friends. So it’s a very lonely life all around. U can’t ‘be a bit of a fearful type.’ Ur either drowning or u aren’t.
@@essenceocean595 I know I was over generalizing a little in my previous comment haha, but it's also what I genuinely thought throughout the video, which is probably mostly due to me being easily influenced, but in the end I do think I'm pretty secure overall: the other types felt like how I act, or used to act, in particular situations, or what I might have been had the circumstances been different... I find all of this very fascinating, and since I'm still pretty young and without much experience I felt like I learned a lot from this video.
Thanks for your comment! (I'm a girl btw)
Great summary! I would also like to add that the type of your partner influences you in the other direction. If he/she is really extrem, I think there is a high chance of developing in the other direction. F.ex. my ex was clingy (anxious) and I loved being free, independent and got cold easily(leaning towards avoidant). Now my partner is avoidant and I am anxious. I think if we continue to work on our communicstion we both might even become secure
Oh my glob , didnt expect this 4 replies to THIS big and descriptive.
@@classiccontent5041 hahaha, why thank you! That's really nice of you to say :D
I guess I'm an avoidant and that explains why i like Tony Stark so much
And as someone who has dated "avoidant" and married "fearful"... this explains why I hate that character so much. Also, he's sexist AF.
I think I'm an avoidant and I dislike him quite a lot.
I wanna be Cap, dammit.
It's amazing that these characters are so well thought out. This was entirely different dimension that I got to look at after watching this video
I think I'm anxious but I like Tony Stark because I wish I was avoidant lol.
SAMMMMEEE for me it also explain why I hate Steve Rogers so much
My childhood: *raised by a half sister and a pack of dogs while being neglect by our parents*
Also me: “what is love?”
Also me: "BABY DON'T HURT ME!
@@Some_One_One no more
@@Some_One_One nailed it!
@@Some_One_One
I thought it then had to see if someone wrote it. You made me laugh.
Love is that half sister & them pack of dogs.
Even if that love ain't there anymore, that was it.
If you still have that platonic love with her, glad that you've still got it.
As to romantic love, If such a love exists, it's so rare that it's not worth lookin' for; at least, that is for me.