You've touched on an important message from the book. He says to practice empathy, which is understanding your counterpart, but not sympathy, which would be feeling how your counterpart feels.
I would argue that most landlords who request additional rent are fully prepared to have the current tenant walk and is often a tactic to get tenants out in the first place.
I don’t know why everyone seems to be missing the core key concept of his negotiation style: *force reciprocate their empathy*. Yes, anyone making an unfavorable offer is likely in a position of power and has already mentally prepared for confrontation/resentment/other options if they walk. It may even be purposely unfair for reasons like you stated or other insult. But gaining their empathy changes all that. You may not get always the optimum outcome you desire but they will certainly be less committed to shafting you, and much more inclined to work something out.
Belkenator one who has the belief that they can’t what they wants in a negotiation has no self-concept and do no value their own opinion. For lock of better words: it’s call low self-esteem.
Empathy plays a huge role in any relationship irrespective of negotiations. As a student and family counselor, I had heard 1000's hour their problems. Once they feel that they are heard, they start thinking and few sessions later they are more open to change. And the change comes from within. Also in negotiations, the more we listen and understand, we are basically building the relationship
This book has been my favorite read of the year so far. In part, because of I've put many of the suggestions into practice and seen immediate results. Thanks so much for creating this summary!
Here's how the conversation between Chris Voss and the students went: Chris: I understand studying in Harvard is difficult. Student: *That's right* Chris: Give me all your money. Student: Here it is.
Yeah, I came here for the conversation between chris and the students... I want to see and hear those negotiations where he took all the money. Not some deductive explaining.WE WANT CHRIS
"This appartment costs is more than I earn. How am I supposed to pay?" "You're not. You're supposed to be in an appartment you can afford and I'm supposed to get the fair value for my appartment."
Rent increases are different especially since in many places you cant really increase rent until a contract is up for renewal anyway because leases have to be in a form of "tenant will pay X amount for X number of months in order to stay here" its fixed for the term legally. It helps if youre a good tenant and especially if youre a great tenant and the landlord has had bad ones in the past. It can be pretty easy actually rather than to come and say "how can you do this!!!" to come and say "I understand you probably have reasons like increased tax etc right? but how am I supposed to stay here with the increase that I cant afford?" Knowing that you could find another place for his previous price or cheaper and knowing youre a reliable tenant vs some unknown new tenant who could be crappy the landlord likely will be open to the idea of "ok how do I keep this tenant around?" Remember the free market is all based on price negotiations risk reward etc. Fair value is all down to what people will agree to pay for a good or service I would say in essence negotiation is what makes a free market system go around.
"That chocolate bar will be 89 cent please." "It seems your very passionate about chocolate, but how am I supposed to do that when I've only got 40 cent?" Me, a 28 year old
@@nobodygh I think that this is a BS tactic, and in the case of landlords, especially in cities that are overpopulated, you are more or less fucked. Its a matter of power, and in this case the landlord has the power and doesn't give a fuck if you cant pay the bills. If there is demand for his flat, he will find a tenant that can pay the bills, and you can go find a place that is cheaper. Empathy is good to show rapport and that you have emotional intelligence, but especially in business, negotiation is a matter of what you can offer, and how this value is appreciated by the other side.
@@thlpapa If you can establish a cooperative relationship with your landlord, you will be able to strike a win-win deal with him. However, it takes empathy to build such a relationship, and it's on you to ensure that you're not just a number to him. If you're just a number, you can forget about any type of negotiation, in which case the video doesn't apply
Hey Landlord, it seems like a steady income of rent, is what you appreciate from your business endeavor. You will clearly understand that when I stop paying and set your place on fire when I leave might course you unnecessary troubles :D
"hmm.. how about you work a bit overtime or get a second job? Or yeah, go ahead and rent that cheaper appartment nearby, because I've got six parties interested in the appartment for 1500. Glad that is not a problem for you." I'm willing to bet that is pretty much how things go 9 out of 10 cases, emphasizing or not...
Yeah, everything isn't negotiable. Your landlord may have done his homework and know his price is fair. Your "how am I supposed to" may be an admission that "oh, I guess this place is more expensive than I can afford." Regardless of whether something is really negotiable though, this is still the best card to play. If your landlord is willing to budge, this is your best bet. You never know what is negotiable until you try.
there never is a negotiation :D they dont even talk to us we just get a letter that states what the new rent is ^^ unless its outside of legal limits we got 2 options - pay or look for something else^^
@excited box hahaa exaccttllyy Where are you from if i may ask? i live in the Netherlands and we literally search our apartments via facebook because the agencies we called were all hanging up after less then 1 minute if i wasnt immediately like "I take whatever you have without seeing it for whatever price it is - wherever it is" they were literally unwilling to show us an apartment that they would earn 1400 euro commission for because it would be too much work.
Excellent video - thank you for summarizing so well! "Being heard" is one of the greatest human needs, and by fulfilling that, every difficult conversation - not just negotiation - becomes a bit easier.
Tactical empathy: the ability to tell the other party to go to hell, in such a way that they look forward to the trip.... But then, you don't take into account that the other party has the power to walk away.... Rule # 1. NEVER enter into negotiations without the power of walking away.
I think that you have the idea spot on, and you are almost there with the application. There is just a little analysis missing of it which I think a lot of people overlook. It is really important to not sound like you're trying to get them to come to you. Appealing to their empathy means making them feel like you aren't trying to make them do something, and also really really really not making their offer seem undervalued. You touched on those, but in your examples you went the opposite way, especially in the case of the apartment. Bringing up the other apartments in the area like that is a good way to make them feel like their pride is being attacked even if you are using the words "I understand" beforehand. I think a better application of this is to say something like, "I think that your property is definitely valuable, and especially with you as the owner. It sounds like you want to find an amount that both you and a tenant can agree is representative of that. My current income is $XXXX, and that means that I have $XXXX available. How can we work together to make sure you are generating profit on this apartment and I am able to afford it? ... My concern is that the local renter's market is $XXXX lower than the cost of renting this apartment. I know you and I know that working with you is part of why you might valuate this apartment at a higher price than an equivalent local apartment. However, perspective new tenants are not going to have the history with you that we have, and so they won't consider that in the price. I'm concerned that this apartment will be vacant for a month at which point, not only would you be losing more rent money than a year of the cost between what I can afford and what you are offering, but you will also be paying utilities in the interim only adding to the cost of having this vacant. I would like to help you avoid that the best I can, and I know you would like to avoid that as well. How can we find a solution to this problem?" Always make him feel like you see the same non-monetary value in his product without talking about what you think it is worth and what your options are. That's more of bullying someone into bending and they will see that.
Thanks for taking effort to present the idea of Non-monetary value! ❤ Oh boy, it needs a lot of thought to get to those specific values, coin it and present it clearly!
1. Tactical Empathy - Sincerely Empathize with THEIR situation, then get them to empathize with YOUR situation. Start with "It seems like...", or "It sounds like..." to get a: "That's right" from them - 1:36:00 2. Ask Calibrated Questions - Starting with "How" or "What" to transform a confrontation to a problem-solving session. Ask: "How Am I supposed to do that?" - 5:08:00
I read the book and your example is right-on-target to convey Chris's message. I've tried out several of his suggestions and "yes" they really help you negotiate from a power base. It's all about listening and applying the basic principles that Chris outlines in his book/experiences.
This explains something that I do naturally, and why I was a good collector for a credit card company in spite of not because of their training and script. I am a pastor who grew up with a dad as a pastor. Therefore, empathizing with people comes somewhat natural to me. For a year, I had to supplement my income with part-time work and I found a job as a collector for a credit card company. Now if you have ever had calls from collectors of any sort, you probably do not think of them as empathetic, and for the most part that is true. They taught us a "hard sell" technique that starts with a script that demands the whole payment and then you are supposed to work down from there talking about the negative consequences of not paying. You were supposed to use guilt and shame to make them upset so that they would desire to pay out of those emotions just to stop the calls. I mean it was really clear that you were supposed to think of them as bad, irresponsible people and therefore you could justify your shaming them into paying. We were supposed to either get a payment or make them feel uncomfortable enough that they would hang up on us. In most situations this did not find that effective, so while I had to start out with the "hard sell" script, I quickly transitioned to trying to listen more to their specific situations. For instance, many people were in dire straits because of medical hardship or older people with small fixed incomes. Once I listened, I could then spend time explaining to them that if they paid a little bit, it would help them, and if they could pay more or even the whole thing it would help them more. I spent more time per person, but I ended up getting higher payments than others and getting payments from people who otherwise might not have paid anything. Btw, I hate when people try to use hard sell techniques, because I hate being made to feel like I have to do something, so I shut people down immediately if they come on that way. I won't do to others what I don't want done to me.
3:37 "you seem very passionate about treating your patients" - possibly the most generic thing a salesperson could say to a Doctor. Next week in things that didn't happen...
PC Principle Remember, it’s not what is said, but how and when. If she spent a whole load of time listening to his concerns and stories, and then said it, it would of course come of well.
@@wakazuzu yeah actually i just became a doctor because my girlfriend wanted me out of the house more. The planet is over-populated as far as i'm concerned.
6:30 their could be a third respond. "That's not my problem, that's your problem." How would you counter that? 6:52 when we give such replies of comparing two entities in India the counter party gets offended as they are been looked upon as a alternative. And sometimes they reply, "Then go buy from them/Rent that apartment"
wittyahole - Aah ok. Fair enough then. Professionally i am a ruthless negotiator but personally i am hopeless. Professionally, the landlord woulda paid me to live there. Personally i woulda ended up paying him 2000 rather than 1500. Low self esteem most likely.
Tge experiment was set up unfairly. Yea, let's suppose those students studied the latest books and whatnot. That doesn't make one an expert. How would Chris Voss negotiate with seasoned bussiness men with decades of experience?
There's more to negotiating with someone who's not as emotionally intelligent as Chris. He explains pretty well in the book. But I agree that the "How am I supposed to do that?" question wouldn't work on me most of the time I believe. Every time I heard that in the book I'd just think of replying "Not my problem" because it's easy for me to see the boundary. This book does give great explanations and practical tips on how to practice empathy and listening skills though. Probably the best I've read so far. His first tactic is to practice mirroring someone in a genuine manner. It works like a charm and helps you focus on their words rather than your own thoughts.
i bet chris voss told the student that if they pay with all their money, chris will share his secrets in real life negotiations based on his extensive experience as fbi negotiator. not just some textbook techniques. when they paid, then chris says, i just showed you.
Exactly. An FBI "negotiator" can lie his ass off to a hostage taker, and any deal that's made will be considered unenforceable as it was made under duress. You do that in a private sector transaction and you're going to be sued for fraud and breach of contract.
@@aramfingal5180 Imagine negotiating with someone who has hostages and thinks that exact thing, that you can just lie your ass off. How good a negotiator do you have to be to get the hostages free? This guy is apparently that good.
@@lakshen47 Well good on him if he got some hostages freed (notice he doesn't give his success rate, only that he was a negotiator; for all we know, most of his negotiations still ended with the hostages' brains splattered on the wall). Regardless, the situations he was in bear no resemblance to the situations an ordinary person would be negotiating in. Criminals are usually stupid, and as another commenter said, a surrounded hostage-taker can't walk away from the table.
@@aramfingal5180 He became chief negotiator, so probably a good success rate. And I'm not gonna argue whether or not hostage negotiation is easier than negotiating rent or business deals.
any proof that Chris Voss indeed owned "expert" negotiation students at "harvard" ? This sounds a lot like establishing credibility as advised in many communication books.
Yeah, besides it is not like in this hypothetical scenario they were given the option of 'choice'. And this is also one of the reasons why their rental agreement example is quite an unrealistic one (or at least heavily dependent on having a landlord who personally cares for you rather than a market-driven argument). Because in the option of choice, one can walk away and choose another. If you are against a rental increase, your landlord can just freely pick other people as he has the leverage as there is almost universally a higher demand of people looking for rent than people looking for tenants in developed nations. There is a necessity disbalance, and in the hypothetical example of the negotiation rounds obtaining that good was a necessity while lacking alternatives (and not agreeing on it would most likely mean they failed the negotiation).
All of this is anecdotal and should be taken with a grain of salt. What's important tho is the advice itself, which does seem pretty rational and useful, regardless of the unsubstantiated claims of it's effectiveness.
@@BrokenSymetry I agree but I ưant to make sure the advice too is taken with a grain of salt....before every salesperson tries to meke me feel their plight
This is what wiki says "He spent 24 years working in the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit and was the FBI's chief international hostage and kidnapping negotiator from 2003 to 2007." Doesn't say if that exact thing happend, but if an FBI chief negotiator with 24 years of experience couldn't manhandle some students in a mock negotiation I'd be very surprised!
Usually when I go to a Job Interview I end up interviewing the Manager or HR. When the final question comes up: "do you have any questions?" I'll go: "what can you tell me about your experience in this company? I mean, I think there's no better way to learn about a company other than asking directly someone form the inside" You can see the passion people have for their role, and once you see the emotions, mimic a little body language and be smart and empathize. Congrats, you've nailed it.
I completely disagree with the "Never split the difference" tactic. Negotiation is a balance between gain and loss. If you have a minimum or maximum price in mind for yourself. Don't share that information. That is YOUR reference point. You negotiate from a place that is halfway between your "buffered/adjusted" reference point and the minimum or maximum set by the other negotiator. That way, you can sacrifice a few dollars, and still remain solidly in line with your target price, while also letting the other negotiator feel like they've gained something. This also promotes trust between buyers and sellers. If you hard line your first sale, you risk losing future/repeat sales later on. Never splitting the difference would only be an option with people you never plan to see again. It cripples a negotiation with apathy and frustration, since no one wants to budge. These students need to spend more time in pawn shops, and less time at Harvard for real world experience. This book also doesn't account for the different relationships with cold contacts and pre-qualified customers. Treating all your sales like a hostage negotiation makes no sense.
This comment makes complete sense when you consider the video as the sole context. However, the book makes it very explicit that relationships are more important than anything else. All of these tactics are built around establishing trust and rapport, and making sure the other party feels like they got a great deal.
@@Davez2023 Minimum price is YOUR base reference. Any lower and you will be losing money. If you reveal your minimum, you lose the ability to negotiate. The other party will hold you to it. As a seller, you can always go down, but you'll almost never be able to raise your selling price in the middle of a negotiation. Thanks for your question. Take care friend.
"This Harvard student knew every negotiation technique in the book." As a holder of an Ivy League MBA I can suggest that it is a gross overexaggeration. P.S. Apologies - I decided to expand a little. It is not Harvard level at all (at least not grad/business school) to perceive negotiation as splitting 100% of some value. That's huggling. Negotiation (and most business casses are build like this) involves finding additional value for your counterpart and addressing it in a way s/he did not think was possible. That is one of the few things that they REALLY make sure you understand. On the comment of rent, - rent if basically an elastic commodity and its hard to negotiate on commodities unless you take them out into a different category (i.e. i will plow the snow or upgrade it so that the value goes up when i move out like WeWork does). Also, in most semi-professional environments, the question "how am I supposed to that?" would found to be inappropriate and would end the discussion more often than starting it. If there is a cheaper option for a commodity then why are we talking? If not, then you just tried to play me. There are plenty of great books on negotiation but this one just does not sound like it is. Perhaps, some entry level sales techniques.
@serolog "Also, in most semi-professional environments, the question "how am I supposed to that?" would found to be inappropriate and would end the discussion more often than starting it." That's why Voss doesn't rely on that term alone. "If there is a cheaper option for a commodity then why are we talking?" As soon as it is allowed to become a commodity, both parties lose negotiating power.
"how am I supposed to that?" i use this technique ALL THE TIME and i've worked for the largest investment banks and largest tech companies in the world. it's all in how you say it
I think this probably really does work in many situations. Though in the classroom example, the person had a fix budget and they went up to their budget. They didn't go over their budget however. There is a big difference between getting someone to pay some thing they were prepared to pay from the very start, and getting someone to do something they weren't prepared to do ahead of time.
This kind of negotiation works only when dealing with individuals who have a vested interest in a positive outcome AND have the ability/power to make the decisions necessary. The problem with the "Landlord" example is... a lot of people deal with a property manager representing a larger real estate company NOT a "Landlord". An individual "Owner/Landlord" who is dependent on a good tenant for income might be able to make those negotiations. BUT that kind of "Landlord" is becoming less and less common.
@Jonathan "The problem with the "Landlord" example is... a lot of people deal with a property manager representing a larger real estate company NOT a "Landlord"." In the book, it was a property manager and not the owner. The book also gives examples of how to identify people that don't have decision making authority.
Even in larger real estate companies, somebody somewhere got to have the power to make a decision, companys are run by people after all, who is likely not the CEO as he have better things to do but a lower ranking employee who could be more empathic to your reasons.
Read the book ... and Chris Voss really explains very well how to use empathy and the whole idea for it. I have been educated in it but he explains so understandably and how to use it practically.
Honestly I'm so Happy I found this channel, it's exactly what I was looking for. I love reading those books, and your summaries are on point. You got another subscriber
Next time you need to negotiate, just find a Harvard student who's free to spend someone else's money. Easy! The other party does not give a damn about "how you are supposed to meet their demands", they just care you do. If you can, you've got a deal. If you don't, you haven't got a deal. It's as simple as that. Always has been, always will be.
I really appreciate all of these video reviews produced by the Productivity Game. I was using them in my online college classes. However, I cannot use them anymore because the closed captioning is auto-generated. This means that the word choice is often off and the punctuation is many times wrong or absent. These are videos that should be used to educate ALL. I want to encourage Productivity Game to update their captions and going forward not to publish videos with auto-generated captions. Thank you for considering my request.
This is a great book. The audio book is even better and I think he narrates it himself. I'm old enough to actually remember most of the situations he tells about so that was great too. This book has some great advice. One of my favorites.
I've done this my whole life, I didnt know it was a thing ... never paid a single rent nor bill ( not directly at least!), never paid for my cars and I barely worked in 37 years. I am still rather sad tho. Thank u for all these videos, I find them very inspiring
I imagine the negotiations with the Harvard people were like this Chris: listen if you give me all your money your parents will finally give you the approval you have been seeking Student:OMG here is all my money and their bank account
LOL this is ridiculous, In Australia and Brazil which I have negotiation experience for decades, people just say "don't have the money? sorry about you, next". In addition, people from India and Asia who love negotiate always loose here (AUS) because we add extra to give what they want, so they just think got a discount. Real life is quite different from a controlled environment
@rod "LOL this is ridiculous, In Australia and Brazil which I have negotiation experience for decades, people just say "don't have the money? sorry about you, next"." Sounds like you don't negotiate well. " In addition, people from India and Asia who love negotiate always loose here (AUS) because we add extra to give what they want, so they just think got a discount. " Voss' book show how to flush out schemes like that.
@@cmace5 "Lol add 20% and take 10% off.. best way to get around indians" Or anyone else that doesn't do their research before beginning. After all, your car dealer did that to you last time.
@@wisenber That's car dealing 101, always ask for more than you want then make out it's a big deal giving them discount, then they buy and both parties end up happy.
This is an awesome video! As a Park Ranger I am supposed to use Verbal Judo to get compliance from park visitors. I refuse. I've even lost some job opportunities because I refused. I've never heard of this book or method, but it describes exactly how/what I did when interacting with park visitors I needed to negotiate with. Thanks for sharing. Now I know it isn't just me, but that I stumbled across something that others are aware of as well...and it seems to be better than the "accepted method".
i too was thinking the same..And yes this is more frequently encountered that the landlord angrily says;its none o my business;if u can pay stay else leave !!
It's also very likely the landlord's costs are going up every year, which would even further reduce their "empathy" for a tenant who demands that the rent stay the same forever.
Correct landlord reply: "I don't know." A savvy landlord won't do anything to jeopardize _your_ empathy and will only negotiate when you directly confirm that you plan to move (if they like you and don't want to roll the dice with a new tenant).
@@aramfingal5180 "It's also very likely the landlord's costs are going up every year" Which increases the cost of a vacancy or a turn. "for a tenant who demands that the rent stay the same forever." He didn't. He negotiated 24 months in the book.
@@wisenber Vacancy isn't going to happen if the landlord is asking market price and has a requirement in the lease that you have to decide whether to renew 60 days in advance, which landlords usually do. "He negotiated 24 months in the book." Negotiated with who? Is he just making up a dialogue and you assume that reflects what happens in the real world?
the idea: to get what we want we have to use tactical empathy. We have to make our customers feel heard, so that they open themself up for our ideas. We have to get our counterpart saying "thats right". We do that by looking for the emotions behind each statement and we formulate a sentece starting with "it seems like". After that we follow up with a calibrated question. So you direct the conversation to your goals by using what and why questions. A good example is the question "How am I supposed to do that?"
that is true (it will happen every time) because you did not follow the procedure (1- hear counterpart well 2- earn empathy (hear the word 'that's right' 3- use the empathy towards your interest) it is not a magical stick that can work in every situation, in normal cases, you should have bunch of methods -just like the surgent- and learn when & how to use them with cautious.
This is applicable/acceptable if you're a hostage negotiator, and it will work if you're conning a stranger out of a few bucks (although you shouldn't), but in day to day life, these tactics come at a price, ironically. When the other person(s) figure out what you're up to, they wont trust you any more (because you're not empathizing, you're trying to "have your way"). In the long run, truly giving a shit about other people is worth more than manipulating them. In the landlord example, when the landlord and tenant both give a shit, this is what happens: The landlord lays off the pressure on the tenant having to pay more and the tenant appreciates the generosity and pays a little more anyway. They find a compromise and strengthen the relationship (they do "split-the-difference", and the strengthened relationship is what that difference buys, which is far more valuable I think). What happens if one person doesn't give a shit? Well in that case, that person's an asshole and "tactical empathy" or whatever is unlikely to work anyway. It's better to just try to be decent and honest than manipulative and self-centred.
What I don’t get is the rental agreement. I tried this 2 days ago and when I asked the landlord how am I supposed todo that he just said there are less expensive apartments near by. I love the philosophy, but I still don’t understand how you can get them to lower the price if they can just find someone else
You can't. There's always a context you can't ignore behind any negotiation. Empathy only goes so far. Negotiating with criminals is different from negotiating with landlords. When you negotiate with criminals you're both agitated and have a lot to lose if negotiation goes south. In the case with landlords, it depends a lot on the market condition (the context) and if you really can find an alternative quickly.
@@samvance40 That makes sense. I feel like Voss has a natural demeanor that makes his tactics much easier. Usually I see vids titled "convince anyone to do anything" and I think it's a bunch of bs. But what Voss says seems to be both obvious and totally unique at the same time.
@wittyahole - Yeah that also makes sense. In my specific case the guy's charging probably $100-150 too much for the area. Normally I wouldn't care except the property managers a dick and I'm the first tenant he's ever handled and I just want to stick it to him if I can. Pursing it with empathy though, sometimes it's easy, if the other person sucks it's a challenge. But all good information non the less. Thanks for the reply
Never hurts to try. You don't know what is negotiable if you don't. All tenants are not the same. A landlord might pay a little bit to keep from rolling the dice on someone new, but they probably won't pay much and not at all if you sound like you're hustling.
I am a landlord. I have never and will never ever negotiate my price. (I will negotiate for more money for a shorter lease but that's not helping this videos argument.)there are more renters at least in my area than thier are units.
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Husband: It must be hard to get through the day with a face like that Wife: I will give you the full amount . Chris: I already got the full amount ;) ;) ;)
We did something like this in University. I said, while I was grabbing my lunch from my bag, that I was well aware that the only REAL thing we were negotiating is what time we were going to go home tonight, because I was never going to give in, and that I had just woken up 45 minutes ago, while it was 3PM and she had been doing these negotiations all day already and was probably getting hungry and tired. I didn't even finish unpacking before I was given the "win".
I used to sell in retail, and I would always listen to the client talk about what they needed or how their day was going. My next move (which may differ from this video) was I would always follow up by saying "you're right" or "that's absolutely right". Then, I would continue to justify the sale by whatever story the client had said earlier. Also, I would always put the product into the hands of the client, because they were more likely to buy once they've touched/opened something 👌🏽
I think this video should first start with the number 1 rule of negotiation 1/ are you in a negotiation or a fait a compli Because if it’s the latter, you’ll likely find the response to how is “that’s not my problem that’s yours” So for example in the landlord scenario the likely answer to how am I supposed to ... is “that’s not my problem son, that’s yours but if you don’t pay the increase you are in breach of your tenancy agreement and you’ll have to leave by the end of the month”
Really, the landlord example is awful. There is a 3rd option: Sorry, but the new rent is $1,500. The whole premise here is over simplification, which will not work in the real world.
Yep. Negotiation is pretty much pointless in any kind of mass market; supply and demand set the price. It only matters in niche markets or where there's a lot of customization in the product.
Negotiability of rent is definitely a stretch, but as a landlord myself, all tenants are not the same, and appealing to the fact that I like you could absolutely save you some money, if you can make me feel like there's a legitimate reason you will be forced to move, and aren't trying to squeeze a deal out of my presumably already fair market offer.
Agreed. "How am I supposed to pay 1500 when I can only afford 1200?" Well lets see if I can help you out here, why don't you take on a second job like driving for uber, work overtime at your current job, or cancel your vacations. Or perhaps you can find aother place to live that's more within your budget. Have a nice day.
I was hoping this would help in real estate negotiations. Won't work when your dealing with agents and not the buyer/seller directly in most cases. What do you say? "Well it sounds like your only interested in getting a commission and as soon as possible rather than obtaining the best possible price for your client and basically representing yourself in this transaction instead. Did I get that right"?
Very interesting indeed. I think I'll read this book now. From my own experience running a business, it is harder to turn down an offer if you like and trust the seller. However, when negotiating, I already have an idea of what something should cost before I agree to anything. Empathy is great, but a competitive price is the best negotiating tool, in my opinion.
am interested to know what the Harvard students were trying to acquire that resulted in them looking like chumps when they could've just set out to walk away. (One of my 'negotiating tactics' is to resolve to simply walk away if the price isn't within a budget I set beforehand.)
The thing is that they weren't chumps. It was stated that they bought the product/service ON budget but at the max. But so what, any budget should already have been calculated for profit or later 'outcome' and the most important thing is to get the deal done to progress. If they'd walked away there would have been no deal, so no profit or subsequent success for what the deal was required for. Win/win instead of a lose/lose.
Perhaps the teacher/professor already set criteria/parameter where students must make the deal, walk away is not an option? It's not like using their entire budget means lose for the student... or at least that's what they thought. Just like you're using your entire planned budget to buy something... If you can spend less, that's good. If you use them all, well, you planned to use them all anyway...
I try to teach these ethics to budding eBay sellers focused on buying high end audio equipment low,then taking better pictures ,creating a truthfull yet exciting item description that makes prospective buyers feel pride in paying top dollar ,99% of the time those who cry because they can't get the prices I get end up negoiating with a seller & splitting the difference ,case in point is a $5,900 McIntosh CD player advertised on eBay with a broken glass face for $3,000 ,while others couldn't get the seller to lower the price I ended up getting the $5,900 CD player for $300 by picking out another of the sellers items & making a bundle purchase .
Brilliant. I can able to put into consistent practice now onward as a salesperson of financial service non tangible use many of tactics. Because of your simple but very effective presentation and pdf page which is 10 out of 10 and I will buy book. You are adding great value than expectation. I will share this video in my circle. Thanks.
for those commenting about the landlord, I think the unspoken truth about the tenant might be he/she is already in good standing w/ landlord i.e. pays on time, never causes problems, etc. etc. This tenant would be deemed, good for business, and probably worth making an exception for when it comes to compromising on the rent.
Appreciate you taking the time to make this video. Just finished this book and absolutely loved it. Came online to see if I could find a summary of it or if I'd have to make one.
One think worth pointing out here is that "tactical empathy" was just a single chapter in Voss' book. If one goes into a situation (hostage or business) and all you have is this one weapon, you're dead. But if this tactic is used in concert with a system designed to create an atmosphere of open, honest & clear communications....and there are other "tactics" which can be situationally employed in this strategy, THEN you will be a formidable negotiator.
I had a professor in college (late great O Z White) who used to tell us how to negotiate a refund when the store refused. Simply repeat to the company representative "I understand what you are saying, but I want my money back." It has certainly worked a number of times over the ensuing years for me. Important that you are polite and not demean the person on the other side, just not back down if you feel you are due a refund (and obviously, not for a frivolous reason, but a legitimate one.)
These books were written before the web. Think about it, isolation behind screens was not obstacle oriented. E books are a good beginning, but we need to be around other humans. That is what is missing these days.
I'm a landlord. That would NEVER work with ANY of my properties. In the example given, even if I experience a one month vacancy, I recoup that loss in 4 months at the new price, and by the end of the year's lease, I'm way ahead by kicking you out. And no, I've never had a vacancy because I list the day the tenant gives notice, and I know the comps.
I have used this in real life. I kept telling a competitor to stop overriding my space and putting his product in my space, three separate times he explained why he had to put it in my space (he had to much product and had to get it out). Third time I pointed out that I understood his problem, but if it helped him understand my perspective, I could do the exact thing he was doing to me by overriding his space and putting my product there (instead of just pulling his product off of my space only like I was). However this was not empathy (I don’t care really care about his problem) and I also do not legitimizing his complaint as empathy would require. Getting someone to understand your perspective (ie them having empathy for you) does not require that you be empathetic first.
However in this example, I am in the right and I just have to convince him. In the rent example this is not true. That is a true compromise problem in which both parties will almost certainly not compromise. Normally the landlord wants the person out or doesn’t care if they leave. The renter is more likely to give in and pay the extra price, but he also has 2 choices pay it or leave the apartment. The reason there would almost never be a compromise is that the landlord is not loosing something by the 2 options he has (get current renter to pay or get a new renter who will). The renter is not really losing either: pay the extra or find a different place to live. I would say the inconvenience to both parties (finding a new renter or conversely finding a new place to live, are not great enough for both parties to be willing to compromise.
This comes across as highly manipulative. If someone asked me "how am I supposed to afford that" I would reply with "I don't know." If they followed up with another one of these manipulative questions, I would probably ask for more money as I would not want to deal with a crazy tenant.
@Mike "I would probably ask for more money as I would not want to deal with a crazy tenant." The tenant was one of his students and had already lived there and paid on time for several years. The tenant also did his research prior to the meeting.
In my reality, the landlord responds back to me by saying, “That’s not my problem. If you can’t pay, many others are lined up who can.” I will take the advice, just see a limit to how far it will take me in the real world. Maybe do a video on how to deal with those who simply will not take your problem as their own.
In reality the only possible way to result such a problem is to understand the need of the landlord and create a plan to provide him with enough value until the whole debt is paid, such as maybe freelance work, or repayment cash flow plan with extra interest for their wait
I shut down people who try to empathize. I don't need you to relate to me. I need to get what i need from you. I don't care how you are suppose to do something that is your problem.
In my experience, in the toughest negotiations I've had, the other side doesn't listen and doesn't care about you or what you want. Take it or leave it sunshine. There is always someone else. By the way, how would Chris Voss know he got all of the budgeted money unless he was told what the budget was upfront. Unlike the rent when you are negotiating for goods or services it would be highly unlikely that you would know what the budget would be.
It doesn't matter if you lie, cheat or manipulate during negotiations as long as make them "feel heard". That's nice. We should all try to live that way. To maximize profits. Cuz that's the most important thing.
The example of the rent - Landlord asks for $1500, up from $1200. I say, "How am I supposed to do that?" Landlord says, "I don't care how you do it, but it's going up to $1500, or you can find another place to live" . So what is the response to that ? You can negotiate a lot of things but there are times when smooth talking and witty ideas aint gonna "pay the rent"
Anything can be put in the umbrella of manipulative.... There is a huge difference(ethically speaking) between convincing people and straight up lying to them to make them believe into your ideology. Here(in the negotiation scenario) you just are a good listener.
Indeed. Don't sell. SERVE. If your product is great and everyone loves the service you give, you will have more than enough customers. Maybe not so many as the smart-ass who is always hard-selling his crap product to peopl who don't want it, but why would you want to be like that?
First off, I think the video was well made. That being said, I'm a government infrastructure development inspector. People try to negotiate with me all the time. It doesn't work.. Like... Ever... The issue is, I don't have a reason to give in. If I do, not only do I put my reputation on the line, but I accept all the potential problems that will arise from me accepting those terms. Then the public has to pay for the repairs down the road when it inevitably fails prematurely. Quite simply I find that, while this is a good overview for the premise, it just doesn't fit in most situations. More often than not, someone like myself, has zero reason to give in and all the reasons to come out on top. IE: FBI inspector had no reason to give in. If he did, he look as a fool. Harvard students had a reason to give in. They needed to finish the assignment to receive a grade. Once people figure out what side of the negotiation they are on its much simpler.
Another thing to know: the first person who starts talking after the 'how-question' wil lose (most times). Means: if you were the landlord, don't answer anything untill the other person starts talking again (like "Well, how?" or "Did you understand my problem?"). After that you can make the person give his own 'solution' and shoot at it.
I tried this technique with my landlord and now HE IS PAYING ME to live in his apartment building. Thanks!
Ur fuckin high dude
I tried this with my weed dealer & he gave me $2000 & a free pound!
😂😂😂
You need to turn this into a career, seriously, focus on a skill and let it become it's own job role.
I paid the prostitute to fuck me!
My father always told me during negotiations never let their problems become your problems
Very interesting
You've touched on an important message from the book. He says to practice empathy, which is understanding your counterpart, but not sympathy, which would be feeling how your counterpart feels.
It sounds like your father told is very important to you
I would argue that most landlords who request additional rent are fully prepared to have the current tenant walk and is often a tactic to get tenants out in the first place.
Very true...but tenant will stop paying rent..and it will take up to 6 months to get them out in nyc....sad but true and tenants know this game
"...She said that don't confront me
Long as I get my money next Friday" LOL
I don’t know why everyone seems to be missing the core key concept of his negotiation style: *force reciprocate their empathy*. Yes, anyone making an unfavorable offer is likely in a position of power and has already mentally prepared for confrontation/resentment/other options if they walk. It may even be purposely unfair for reasons like you stated or other insult. But gaining their empathy changes all that. You may not get always the optimum outcome you desire but they will certainly be less committed to shafting you, and much more inclined to work something out.
thats not a negotiable scene, so, this doesnt work here.
Belkenator one who has the belief that they can’t what they wants in a negotiation has no self-concept and do no value their own opinion. For lock of better words: it’s call low self-esteem.
Empathy plays a huge role in any relationship irrespective of negotiations. As a student and family counselor, I had heard 1000's hour their problems. Once they feel that they are heard, they start thinking and few sessions later they are more open to change. And the change comes from within.
Also in negotiations, the more we listen and understand, we are basically building the relationship
This book has been my favorite read of the year so far. In part, because of I've put many of the suggestions into practice and seen immediate results. Thanks so much for creating this summary!
Great audible too! I love listening to parts of it every so often, and en route to a high stakes meeting too.
That's encouraging. Just bought the audio book. I came here looking for testimonials. Thank you for sharing.
Here's how the conversation between Chris Voss and the students went:
Chris: I understand studying in Harvard is difficult.
Student: *That's right*
Chris: Give me all your money.
Student: Here it is.
Yeah, I came here for the conversation between chris and the students... I want to see and hear those negotiations where he took all the money. Not some deductive explaining.WE WANT CHRIS
lol, yeah. something like that.
Hahahaha
Lol
Harvard students are used to spending money they didn't earn (liberalism). Why trouble themselves with true negotiations?
"This appartment costs is more than I earn. How am I supposed to pay?"
"You're not. You're supposed to be in an appartment you can afford and I'm supposed to get the fair value for my appartment."
Exactly, I mean Come on. This book is gonzo fiction lol.
okay , I'm moving out sir...lmao
Argument over
Rent increases are different especially since in many places you cant really increase rent until a contract is up for renewal anyway because leases have to be in a form of "tenant will pay X amount for X number of months in order to stay here" its fixed for the term legally.
It helps if youre a good tenant and especially if youre a great tenant and the landlord has had bad ones in the past. It can be pretty easy actually rather than to come and say "how can you do this!!!" to come and say "I understand you probably have reasons like increased tax etc right? but how am I supposed to stay here with the increase that I cant afford?" Knowing that you could find another place for his previous price or cheaper and knowing youre a reliable tenant vs some unknown new tenant who could be crappy the landlord likely will be open to the idea of "ok how do I keep this tenant around?"
Remember the free market is all based on price negotiations risk reward etc. Fair value is all down to what people will agree to pay for a good or service I would say in essence negotiation is what makes a free market system go around.
@Agent J
I was just telling OP about his statement about "fair value" in reality "fair value" is what you can get someone to pay
"That chocolate bar will be 89 cent please."
"It seems your very passionate about chocolate, but how am I supposed to do that when I've only got 40 cent?" Me, a 28 year old
😂😂😂
Landlord : How ? Thats not my problem
If your landlord says that it means you haven't empathised with him yet. Make sure that feels understood before you try to make yourself understood
@@nobodygh I think that this is a BS tactic, and in the case of landlords, especially in cities that are overpopulated, you are more or less fucked. Its a matter of power, and in this case the landlord has the power and doesn't give a fuck if you cant pay the bills. If there is demand for his flat, he will find a tenant that can pay the bills, and you can go find a place that is cheaper. Empathy is good to show rapport and that you have emotional intelligence, but especially in business, negotiation is a matter of what you can offer, and how this value is appreciated by the other side.
@@thlpapa If you can establish a cooperative relationship with your landlord, you will be able to strike a win-win deal with him. However, it takes empathy to build such a relationship, and it's on you to ensure that you're not just a number to him. If you're just a number, you can forget about any type of negotiation, in which case the video doesn't apply
Hey Landlord, it seems like a steady income of rent, is what you appreciate from your business endeavor. You will clearly understand that when I stop paying and set your place on fire when I leave might course you unnecessary troubles :D
I will be dead if you are my negotiator in a hostage crisis.
"hmm.. how about you work a bit overtime or get a second job? Or yeah, go ahead and rent that cheaper appartment nearby, because I've got six parties interested in the appartment for 1500. Glad that is not a problem for you."
I'm willing to bet that is pretty much how things go 9 out of 10 cases, emphasizing or not...
true af
Yeah, everything isn't negotiable. Your landlord may have done his homework and know his price is fair. Your "how am I supposed to" may be an admission that "oh, I guess this place is more expensive than I can afford." Regardless of whether something is really negotiable though, this is still the best card to play. If your landlord is willing to budge, this is your best bet. You never know what is negotiable until you try.
While this is true, I'd still say that, if you want any kind of chance renegotiating that rent, this tactic is your best bet.
there never is a negotiation :D they dont even talk to us we just get a letter that states what the new rent is ^^ unless its outside of legal limits we got 2 options - pay or look for something else^^
@excited box hahaa exaccttllyy Where are you from if i may ask?
i live in the Netherlands and we literally search our apartments via facebook because the agencies we called were all hanging up after less then 1 minute if i wasnt immediately like "I take whatever you have without seeing it for whatever price it is - wherever it is" they were literally unwilling to show us an apartment that they would earn 1400 euro commission for because it would be too much work.
Excellent video - thank you for summarizing so well! "Being heard" is one of the greatest human needs, and by fulfilling that, every difficult conversation - not just negotiation - becomes a bit easier.
Tactical empathy: the ability to tell the other party to go to hell, in such a way that they look forward to the trip.... But then, you don't take into account that the other party has the power to walk away.... Rule # 1. NEVER enter into negotiations without the power of walking away.
Have your BATNA ready before the negotiation . BATNA=Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement.
Thank you
😊😊@@yvng-juvi7907
I think that you have the idea spot on, and you are almost there with the application. There is just a little analysis missing of it which I think a lot of people overlook. It is really important to not sound like you're trying to get them to come to you. Appealing to their empathy means making them feel like you aren't trying to make them do something, and also really really really not making their offer seem undervalued. You touched on those, but in your examples you went the opposite way, especially in the case of the apartment. Bringing up the other apartments in the area like that is a good way to make them feel like their pride is being attacked even if you are using the words "I understand" beforehand. I think a better application of this is to say something like, "I think that your property is definitely valuable, and especially with you as the owner. It sounds like you want to find an amount that both you and a tenant can agree is representative of that. My current income is $XXXX, and that means that I have $XXXX available. How can we work together to make sure you are generating profit on this apartment and I am able to afford it? ... My concern is that the local renter's market is $XXXX lower than the cost of renting this apartment. I know you and I know that working with you is part of why you might valuate this apartment at a higher price than an equivalent local apartment. However, perspective new tenants are not going to have the history with you that we have, and so they won't consider that in the price. I'm concerned that this apartment will be vacant for a month at which point, not only would you be losing more rent money than a year of the cost between what I can afford and what you are offering, but you will also be paying utilities in the interim only adding to the cost of having this vacant. I would like to help you avoid that the best I can, and I know you would like to avoid that as well. How can we find a solution to this problem?" Always make him feel like you see the same non-monetary value in his product without talking about what you think it is worth and what your options are. That's more of bullying someone into bending and they will see that.
👏
man thank you for this -- this feels so much more relatable! Have a nice day!
Honestly, goated comment
Thanks for taking effort to present the idea of Non-monetary value! ❤
Oh boy, it needs a lot of thought to get to those specific values, coin it and present it clearly!
This sort of came intuitively to me and it's just about communication, not just negotiation. One of the most useful skills anyone can have
1. Tactical Empathy - Sincerely Empathize with THEIR situation, then get them to empathize with YOUR situation. Start with "It seems like...", or "It sounds like..." to get a: "That's right" from them - 1:36:00
2. Ask Calibrated Questions - Starting with "How" or "What" to transform a confrontation to a problem-solving session. Ask: "How Am I supposed to do that?" - 5:08:00
I read the book and your example is right-on-target to convey Chris's message. I've tried out several of his suggestions and "yes" they really help you negotiate from a power base. It's all about listening and applying the basic principles that Chris outlines in his book/experiences.
This explains something that I do naturally, and why I was a good collector for a credit card company in spite of not because of their training and script. I am a pastor who grew up with a dad as a pastor. Therefore, empathizing with people comes somewhat natural to me. For a year, I had to supplement my income with part-time work and I found a job as a collector for a credit card company. Now if you have ever had calls from collectors of any sort, you probably do not think of them as empathetic, and for the most part that is true. They taught us a "hard sell" technique that starts with a script that demands the whole payment and then you are supposed to work down from there talking about the negative consequences of not paying. You were supposed to use guilt and shame to make them upset so that they would desire to pay out of those emotions just to stop the calls. I mean it was really clear that you were supposed to think of them as bad, irresponsible people and therefore you could justify your shaming them into paying. We were supposed to either get a payment or make them feel uncomfortable enough that they would hang up on us.
In most situations this did not find that effective, so while I had to start out with the "hard sell" script, I quickly transitioned to trying to listen more to their specific situations. For instance, many people were in dire straits because of medical hardship or older people with small fixed incomes. Once I listened, I could then spend time explaining to them that if they paid a little bit, it would help them, and if they could pay more or even the whole thing it would help them more. I spent more time per person, but I ended up getting higher payments than others and getting payments from people who otherwise might not have paid anything.
Btw, I hate when people try to use hard sell techniques, because I hate being made to feel like I have to do something, so I shut people down immediately if they come on that way. I won't do to others what I don't want done to me.
I tried this on my kids, and now they all got jobs and are RAISING ME, incredible
3:37 "you seem very passionate about treating your patients" - possibly the most generic thing a salesperson could say to a Doctor. Next week in things that didn't happen...
PC Principle Remember, it’s not what is said, but how and when. If she spent a whole load of time listening to his concerns and stories, and then said it, it would of course come of well.
@@Ramin233 its in the presentation, its saying it the right way at the right time, with sincerity. It's all in the approach .
Susan: "It seems like you're very passionate about treating your patients"
Doctor: "No I hate them and I hope they die!"
@@wakazuzu yeah actually i just became a doctor because my girlfriend wanted me out of the house more. The planet is over-populated as far as i'm concerned.
Are you for real @ @@pcprinciple3774? Because that's impressive about being a doctor. And the world is over populated. So many hardships.
6:30 their could be a third respond.
"That's not my problem, that's your problem." How would you counter that?
6:52 when we give such replies of comparing two entities in India the counter party gets offended as they are been looked upon as a alternative.
And sometimes they reply, "Then go buy from them/Rent that apartment"
The other students have read all the cutting edge negotiation literature, but have not come across this use of empathy? I don't buy it.
Also, if someone is an expert at something, why are they studying it?
Do they do degrees in negotiation?
@@themanfromvolantis likely in sales
wittyahole - Aah ok. Fair enough then. Professionally i am a ruthless negotiator but personally i am hopeless. Professionally, the landlord woulda paid me to live there. Personally i woulda ended up paying him 2000 rather than 1500. Low self esteem most likely.
Tge experiment was set up unfairly. Yea, let's suppose those students studied the latest books and whatnot. That doesn't make one an expert. How would Chris Voss negotiate with seasoned bussiness men with decades of experience?
There's more to negotiating with someone who's not as emotionally intelligent as Chris. He explains pretty well in the book. But I agree that the "How am I supposed to do that?" question wouldn't work on me most of the time I believe. Every time I heard that in the book I'd just think of replying "Not my problem" because it's easy for me to see the boundary.
This book does give great explanations and practical tips on how to practice empathy and listening skills though. Probably the best I've read so far. His first tactic is to practice mirroring someone in a genuine manner. It works like a charm and helps you focus on their words rather than your own thoughts.
"How am I supposed to do that?"
The most common response I've received to that question is... "That's your business/problem"
i bet chris voss told the student that if they pay with all their money, chris will share his secrets in real life negotiations based on his extensive experience as fbi negotiator. not just some textbook techniques. when they paid, then chris says, i just showed you.
Exactly. An FBI "negotiator" can lie his ass off to a hostage taker, and any deal that's made will be considered unenforceable as it was made under duress. You do that in a private sector transaction and you're going to be sued for fraud and breach of contract.
Very good point.
@@aramfingal5180 Imagine negotiating with someone who has hostages and thinks that exact thing, that you can just lie your ass off.
How good a negotiator do you have to be to get the hostages free?
This guy is apparently that good.
@@lakshen47 Well good on him if he got some hostages freed (notice he doesn't give his success rate, only that he was a negotiator; for all we know, most of his negotiations still ended with the hostages' brains splattered on the wall). Regardless, the situations he was in bear no resemblance to the situations an ordinary person would be negotiating in. Criminals are usually stupid, and as another commenter said, a surrounded hostage-taker can't walk away from the table.
@@aramfingal5180 He became chief negotiator, so probably a good success rate.
And I'm not gonna argue whether or not hostage negotiation is easier than negotiating rent or business deals.
It’s not only a book with good info, but it also has a lot of good story. Good read
any proof that Chris Voss indeed owned "expert" negotiation students at "harvard" ? This sounds a lot like establishing credibility as advised in many communication books.
Yeah, besides it is not like in this hypothetical scenario they were given the option of 'choice'. And this is also one of the reasons why their rental agreement example is quite an unrealistic one (or at least heavily dependent on having a landlord who personally cares for you rather than a market-driven argument). Because in the option of choice, one can walk away and choose another. If you are against a rental increase, your landlord can just freely pick other people as he has the leverage as there is almost universally a higher demand of people looking for rent than people looking for tenants in developed nations. There is a necessity disbalance, and in the hypothetical example of the negotiation rounds obtaining that good was a necessity while lacking alternatives (and not agreeing on it would most likely mean they failed the negotiation).
All of this is anecdotal and should be taken with a grain of salt. What's important tho is the advice itself, which does seem pretty rational and useful, regardless of the unsubstantiated claims of it's effectiveness.
@@BrokenSymetry I agree but I ưant to make sure the advice too is taken with a grain of salt....before every salesperson tries to meke me feel their plight
This is what wiki says "He spent 24 years working in the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit and was the FBI's chief international hostage and kidnapping negotiator from 2003 to 2007."
Doesn't say if that exact thing happend, but if an FBI chief negotiator with 24 years of experience couldn't manhandle some students in a mock negotiation I'd be very surprised!
he was already a hostage negotiator
Usually when I go to a Job Interview I end up interviewing the Manager or HR. When the final question comes up: "do you have any questions?" I'll go: "what can you tell me about your experience in this company? I mean, I think there's no better way to learn about a company other than asking directly someone form the inside" You can see the passion people have for their role, and once you see the emotions, mimic a little body language and be smart and empathize. Congrats, you've nailed it.
I completely disagree with the "Never split the difference" tactic. Negotiation is a balance between gain and loss. If you have a minimum or maximum price in mind for yourself. Don't share that information. That is YOUR reference point. You negotiate from a place that is halfway between your "buffered/adjusted" reference point and the minimum or maximum set by the other negotiator. That way, you can sacrifice a few dollars, and still remain solidly in line with your target price, while also letting the other negotiator feel like they've gained something. This also promotes trust between buyers and sellers. If you hard line your first sale, you risk losing future/repeat sales later on. Never splitting the difference would only be an option with people you never plan to see again. It cripples a negotiation with apathy and frustration, since no one wants to budge. These students need to spend more time in pawn shops, and less time at Harvard for real world experience. This book also doesn't account for the different relationships with cold contacts and pre-qualified customers. Treating all your sales like a hostage negotiation makes no sense.
By far the most reasonable comment
This comment makes complete sense when you consider the video as the sole context. However, the book makes it very explicit that relationships are more important than anything else. All of these tactics are built around establishing trust and rapport, and making sure the other party feels like they got a great deal.
Very good points. Just one thing why not reveal minimum price? If going lower will make me lose money?
@@Davez2023 Minimum price is YOUR base reference. Any lower and you will be losing money. If you reveal your minimum, you lose the ability to negotiate. The other party will hold you to it. As a seller, you can always go down, but you'll almost never be able to raise your selling price in the middle of a negotiation. Thanks for your question. Take care friend.
@@demofactory thank you 👍👍👍
"This Harvard student knew every negotiation technique in the book." As a holder of an Ivy League MBA I can suggest that it is a gross overexaggeration.
P.S. Apologies - I decided to expand a little. It is not Harvard level at all (at least not grad/business school) to perceive negotiation as splitting 100% of some value. That's huggling. Negotiation (and most business casses are build like this) involves finding additional value for your counterpart and addressing it in a way s/he did not think was possible. That is one of the few things that they REALLY make sure you understand.
On the comment of rent, - rent if basically an elastic commodity and its hard to negotiate on commodities unless you take them out into a different category (i.e. i will plow the snow or upgrade it so that the value goes up when i move out like WeWork does).
Also, in most semi-professional environments, the question "how am I supposed to that?" would found to be inappropriate and would end the discussion more often than starting it. If there is a cheaper option for a commodity then why are we talking? If not, then you just tried to play me. There are plenty of great books on negotiation but this one just does not sound like it is. Perhaps, some entry level sales techniques.
@serolog
"Also, in most semi-professional environments, the question "how am I supposed to that?" would found to be inappropriate and would end the discussion more often than starting it."
That's why Voss doesn't rely on that term alone.
"If there is a cheaper option for a commodity then why are we talking?"
As soon as it is allowed to become a commodity, both parties lose negotiating power.
What books would you recommend?
not even entry level sales
"how am I supposed to that?" i use this technique ALL THE TIME and i've worked for the largest investment banks and largest tech companies in the world. it's all in how you say it
I think this probably really does work in many situations. Though in the classroom example, the person had a fix budget and they went up to their budget. They didn't go over their budget however. There is a big difference between getting someone to pay some thing they were prepared to pay from the very start, and getting someone to do something they weren't prepared to do ahead of time.
Always Capone said that. "you can always get more with a gun and a smile, than just a smile alone " ; )
This kind of negotiation works only when dealing with individuals who have a vested interest in a positive outcome AND have the ability/power to make the decisions necessary. The problem with the "Landlord" example is... a lot of people deal with a property manager representing a larger real estate company NOT a "Landlord". An individual "Owner/Landlord" who is dependent on a good tenant for income might be able to make those negotiations. BUT that kind of "Landlord" is becoming less and less common.
@Jonathan
"The problem with the "Landlord" example is... a lot of people deal with a property manager representing a larger real estate company NOT a "Landlord"."
In the book, it was a property manager and not the owner. The book also gives examples of how to identify people that don't have decision making authority.
Even in larger real estate companies, somebody somewhere got to have the power to make a decision, companys are run by people after all, who is likely not the CEO as he have better things to do but a lower ranking employee who could be more empathic to your reasons.
Read the book ... and Chris Voss really explains very well how to use empathy and the whole idea for it. I have been educated in it but he explains so understandably and how to use it practically.
Honestly I'm so Happy I found this channel, it's exactly what I was looking for. I love reading those books, and your summaries are on point. You got another subscriber
I subscribed to this channel one year ago and never watched it's videos and today this video is again in my recommendation
What will happen if both sides recently read the book?
Its just BS to waste your time and destroy your character and conscience
You end up splitting each other's difference.
The stronger negotiator splits lips, not the difference. Never split the difference.
What if ... Chuck Norris and Van Damme split the difference
My guess is if opposing strategies cancel each other out, the stronger arguments win.
I am 15 years old and having discovered this has already helped me so much thank you
Next time you need to negotiate, just find a Harvard student who's free to spend someone else's money. Easy! The other party does not give a damn about "how you are supposed to meet their demands", they just care you do. If you can, you've got a deal. If you don't, you haven't got a deal. It's as simple as that. Always has been, always will be.
I really appreciate all of these video reviews produced by the Productivity Game. I was using them in my online college classes. However, I cannot use them anymore because the closed captioning is auto-generated. This means that the word choice is often off and the punctuation is many times wrong or absent. These are videos that should be used to educate ALL. I want to encourage Productivity Game to update their captions and going forward not to publish videos with auto-generated captions. Thank you for considering my request.
I see that you’re trying to sell me that book on Amazon for $20.39. I see that you’re passionate about it, but how am I supposed to do that?
Any second now he’s gonna respond out of empathy and offer t to you for free
any second now....
I can give you free book.
@Zen Re: Still waiting... 😂🤣
You might have to check it out of the local library...
This is a great book. The audio book is even better and I think he narrates it himself. I'm old enough to actually remember most of the situations he tells about so that was great too. This book has some great advice. One of my favorites.
it's called reflecting, reflect the emotion back to the patient even though you don't really feel it.
I've done this my whole life, I didnt know it was a thing ... never paid a single rent nor bill ( not directly at least!), never paid for my cars and I barely worked in 37 years. I am still rather sad tho. Thank u for all these videos, I find them very inspiring
I imagine the negotiations with the Harvard people were like this
Chris: listen if you give me all your money your parents will finally give you the approval you have been seeking
Student:OMG here is all my money and their bank account
I learned from your persistence that one can succeed if he or she works hard enough given you worked hard enough to gain a massive following!
LOL this is ridiculous, In Australia and Brazil which I have negotiation experience for decades, people just say "don't have the money? sorry about you, next". In addition, people from India and Asia who love negotiate always loose here (AUS) because we add extra to give what they want, so they just think got a discount. Real life is quite different from a controlled environment
@rod
"LOL this is ridiculous, In Australia and Brazil which I have negotiation experience for decades, people just say "don't have the money? sorry about you, next"."
Sounds like you don't negotiate well.
" In addition, people from India and Asia who love negotiate always loose here (AUS) because we add extra to give what they want, so they just think got a discount. "
Voss' book show how to flush out schemes like that.
I'm a terrible negotiator but on certain things i stand firm. Concerning property I bend but don't break because in the end I always win.
Lol add 20% and take 10% off.. best way to get around indians
@@cmace5 "Lol add 20% and take 10% off.. best way to get around indians"
Or anyone else that doesn't do their research before beginning. After all, your car dealer did that to you last time.
@@wisenber That's car dealing 101, always ask for more than you want then make out it's a big deal giving them discount, then they buy and both parties end up happy.
This is an awesome video! As a Park Ranger I am supposed to use Verbal Judo to get compliance from park visitors. I refuse. I've even lost some job opportunities because I refused. I've never heard of this book or method, but it describes exactly how/what I did when interacting with park visitors I needed to negotiate with. Thanks for sharing. Now I know it isn't just me, but that I stumbled across something that others are aware of as well...and it seems to be better than the "accepted method".
Person: How am I supposed to do that?
Landlord: That's your headache. (walks away like a boss)
#Legit stories 🍸
i too was thinking the same..And yes this is more frequently encountered that the landlord angrily says;its none o my business;if u can pay stay else leave !!
It's also very likely the landlord's costs are going up every year, which would even further reduce their "empathy" for a tenant who demands that the rent stay the same forever.
Correct landlord reply: "I don't know."
A savvy landlord won't do anything to jeopardize _your_ empathy and will only negotiate when you directly confirm that you plan to move (if they like you and don't want to roll the dice with a new tenant).
@@aramfingal5180 "It's also very likely the landlord's costs are going up every year"
Which increases the cost of a vacancy or a turn.
"for a tenant who demands that the rent stay the same forever."
He didn't. He negotiated 24 months in the book.
@@wisenber Vacancy isn't going to happen if the landlord is asking market price and has a requirement in the lease that you have to decide whether to renew 60 days in advance, which landlords usually do. "He negotiated 24 months in the book." Negotiated with who? Is he just making up a dialogue and you assume that reflects what happens in the real world?
the idea:
to get what we want we have to use tactical empathy. We have to make our customers feel heard, so that they open themself up for our ideas. We have to get our counterpart saying "thats right". We do that by looking for the emotions behind each statement and we formulate a sentece starting with "it seems like". After that we follow up with a calibrated question. So you direct the conversation to your goals by using what and why questions. A good example is the question "How am I supposed to do that?"
You: "How am I supposed to do that?"
Most people: "Not my Problem."
Perhaps a pessimistic view... but its been fairly true for my life.
that is true (it will happen every time) because you did not follow the procedure (1- hear counterpart well 2- earn empathy (hear the word 'that's right' 3- use the empathy towards your interest)
it is not a magical stick that can work in every situation, in normal cases, you should have bunch of methods -just like the surgent- and learn when & how to use them with cautious.
This is applicable/acceptable if you're a hostage negotiator, and it will work if you're conning a stranger out of a few bucks (although you shouldn't), but in day to day life, these tactics come at a price, ironically. When the other person(s) figure out what you're up to, they wont trust you any more (because you're not empathizing, you're trying to "have your way"). In the long run, truly giving a shit about other people is worth more than manipulating them.
In the landlord example, when the landlord and tenant both give a shit, this is what happens: The landlord lays off the pressure on the tenant having to pay more and the tenant appreciates the generosity and pays a little more anyway. They find a compromise and strengthen the relationship (they do "split-the-difference", and the strengthened relationship is what that difference buys, which is far more valuable I think).
What happens if one person doesn't give a shit? Well in that case, that person's an asshole and "tactical empathy" or whatever is unlikely to work anyway. It's better to just try to be decent and honest than manipulative and self-centred.
This isn't negotiation ... This is understanding how to help other and yourself ... It's mutual benefit with a hint of manipulation :')
99 times out of 100 the landlord would tell you to pay the $1500, or find a new apartment.
What I don’t get is the rental agreement. I tried this 2 days ago and when I asked the landlord how am I supposed todo that he just said there are less expensive apartments near by.
I love the philosophy, but I still don’t understand how you can get them to lower the price if they can just find someone else
You can't. There's always a context you can't ignore behind any negotiation. Empathy only goes so far. Negotiating with criminals is different from negotiating with landlords. When you negotiate with criminals you're both agitated and have a lot to lose if negotiation goes south. In the case with landlords, it depends a lot on the market condition (the context) and if you really can find an alternative quickly.
@@samvance40 That makes sense. I feel like Voss has a natural demeanor that makes his tactics much easier. Usually I see vids titled "convince anyone to do anything" and I think it's a bunch of bs. But what Voss says seems to be both obvious and totally unique at the same time.
@wittyahole - Yeah that also makes sense. In my specific case the guy's charging probably $100-150 too much for the area. Normally I wouldn't care except the property managers a dick and I'm the first tenant he's ever handled and I just want to stick it to him if I can. Pursing it with empathy though, sometimes it's easy, if the other person sucks it's a challenge. But all good information non the less. Thanks for the reply
Never hurts to try. You don't know what is negotiable if you don't. All tenants are not the same. A landlord might pay a little bit to keep from rolling the dice on someone new, but they probably won't pay much and not at all if you sound like you're hustling.
I am a landlord. I have never and will never ever negotiate my price. (I will negotiate for more money for a shorter lease but that's not helping this videos argument.)there are more renters at least in my area than thier are units.
That was very enlightening. Empathy is something taught in social work as well.
Renter- "How am I supposed to pay that?"
Landlord- "That's your problem."
It's because you didn't build rapport with him. For me it works 7 times in 10
I am 76 granny , and learned such a lot I wish I had known earlier , buy the book
This book is a game changer. One of my favorites, and it up'd my game.
Start Today!
To win or become successful, you have to begin. Map out the circumstances you need to get ahead in your life, If you cannot find them, make them. Take initiative.
So start now...
Thanks for reading and supporting my channel 🙏🏻
These tactics would never work for my wife, she doesn't feel empathy or give a crap about your feelings.
You married well
That just makes you the weakly fool
You picked her.
Husband: It must be hard to get through the day with a face like that
Wife: I will give you the full amount
.
Chris: I already got the full amount ;) ;) ;)
leave
We did something like this in University. I said, while I was grabbing my lunch from my bag, that I was well aware that the only REAL thing we were negotiating is what time we were going to go home tonight, because I was never going to give in, and that I had just woken up 45 minutes ago, while it was 3PM and she had been doing these negotiations all day already and was probably getting hungry and tired. I didn't even finish unpacking before I was given the "win".
I used to sell in retail, and I would always listen to the client talk about what they needed or how their day was going. My next move (which may differ from this video) was I would always follow up by saying "you're right" or "that's absolutely right". Then, I would continue to justify the sale by whatever story the client had said earlier. Also, I would always put the product into the hands of the client, because they were more likely to buy once they've touched/opened something 👌🏽
I think this video should first start with the number 1 rule of negotiation
1/ are you in a negotiation or a fait a compli
Because if it’s the latter, you’ll likely find the response to how is “that’s not my problem that’s yours”
So for example in the landlord scenario the likely answer to how am I supposed to ... is “that’s not my problem son, that’s yours but if you don’t pay the increase you are in breach of your tenancy agreement and you’ll have to leave by the end of the month”
Really, the landlord example is awful. There is a 3rd option: Sorry, but the new rent is $1,500.
The whole premise here is over simplification, which will not work in the real world.
Yep. Negotiation is pretty much pointless in any kind of mass market; supply and demand set the price. It only matters in niche markets or where there's a lot of customization in the product.
Negotiability of rent is definitely a stretch, but as a landlord myself, all tenants are not the same, and appealing to the fact that I like you could absolutely save you some money, if you can make me feel like there's a legitimate reason you will be forced to move, and aren't trying to squeeze a deal out of my presumably already fair market offer.
Agreed. "How am I supposed to pay 1500 when I can only afford 1200?"
Well lets see if I can help you out here, why don't you take on a second job like driving for uber, work overtime at your current job, or cancel your vacations. Or perhaps you can find aother place to live that's more within your budget. Have a nice day.
I was hoping this would help in real estate negotiations. Won't work when your dealing with agents and not the buyer/seller directly in most cases. What do you say? "Well it sounds like your only interested in getting a commission and as soon as possible rather than obtaining the best possible price for your client and basically representing yourself in this transaction instead. Did I get that right"?
@@davidsine4390 Yeah, that's why professional negotiations always utilize middlemen (professional negotiaters).
I finished this audio book recently. It was exceptional.
I negotiate like a 3yr old.
I say Gimmie Gimmie I want I want and then i cry when i dont get it.
My negotiations usually end with a harassment charge.
😂
Clearly explained. Thank you. 😍
The key to negotiation is empathy. Once you've learned to fake that, you've won.
It’s better if your empathy is sincere. It’s also a way to be a better person
@@HeatherHopkinsWritingAsIgo Says the gal who overpaid by $10 on her Camry.
Very interesting indeed. I think I'll read this book now. From my own experience running a business, it is harder to turn down an offer if you like and trust the seller. However, when negotiating, I already have an idea of what something should cost before I agree to anything. Empathy is great, but a competitive price is the best negotiating tool, in my opinion.
am interested to know what the Harvard students were trying to acquire that resulted in them looking like chumps when they could've just set out to walk away.
(One of my 'negotiating tactics' is to resolve to simply walk away if the price isn't within a budget I set beforehand.)
The thing is that they weren't chumps. It was stated that they bought the product/service ON budget but at the max. But so what, any budget should already have been calculated for profit or later 'outcome' and the most important thing is to get the deal done to progress. If they'd walked away there would have been no deal, so no profit or subsequent success for what the deal was required for. Win/win instead of a lose/lose.
Perhaps the teacher/professor already set criteria/parameter where students must make the deal, walk away is not an option? It's not like using their entire budget means lose for the student... or at least that's what they thought. Just like you're using your entire planned budget to buy something... If you can spend less, that's good. If you use them all, well, you planned to use them all anyway...
just b/c they are at Harvard doesn't mean they are experienced negotiators
I try to teach these ethics to budding eBay sellers focused on buying high end audio equipment low,then taking better pictures ,creating a truthfull yet exciting item description that makes prospective buyers feel pride in paying top dollar ,99% of the time those who cry because they can't get the prices I get end up negoiating with a seller & splitting the difference ,case in point is a $5,900 McIntosh CD player advertised on eBay with a broken glass face for $3,000 ,while others couldn't get the seller to lower the price I ended up getting the $5,900 CD player for $300 by picking out another of the sellers items & making a bundle purchase .
Brilliant. I can able to put into consistent practice now onward as a salesperson of financial service non tangible use many of tactics. Because of your simple but very effective presentation and pdf page which is 10 out of 10 and I will buy book. You are adding great value than expectation. I will share this video in my circle. Thanks.
for those commenting about the landlord, I think the unspoken truth about the tenant might be he/she is already in good standing w/ landlord i.e. pays on time, never causes problems, etc. etc. This tenant would be deemed, good for business, and probably worth making an exception for when it comes to compromising on the rent.
Appreciate you taking the time to make this video. Just finished this book and absolutely loved it. Came online to see if I could find a summary of it or if I'd have to make one.
One think worth pointing out here is that "tactical empathy" was just a single chapter in Voss' book. If one goes into a situation (hostage or business) and all you have is this one weapon, you're dead. But if this tactic is used in concert with a system designed to create an atmosphere of open, honest & clear communications....and there are other "tactics" which can be situationally employed in this strategy, THEN you will be a formidable negotiator.
Dude I just wanted to trick my friends in a card game
I had a professor in college (late great O Z White) who used to tell us how to negotiate a refund when the store refused. Simply repeat to the company representative "I understand what you are saying, but I want my money back." It has certainly worked a number of times over the ensuing years for me. Important that you are polite and not demean the person on the other side, just not back down if you feel you are due a refund (and obviously, not for a frivolous reason, but a legitimate one.)
This channel undervalued ...
Gong totally agreed those videos with shitty thumbnails will get million hits but this 😑😑
Buy his online content on his website. Give him more value so he can keep creating
Very true.
These books were written before the web. Think about it, isolation behind screens was not obstacle oriented. E books are a good beginning, but we need to be around other humans. That is what is missing these days.
I'm a landlord. That would NEVER work with ANY of my properties. In the example given, even if I experience a one month vacancy, I recoup that loss in 4 months at the new price, and by the end of the year's lease, I'm way ahead by kicking you out. And no, I've never had a vacancy because I list the day the tenant gives notice, and I know the comps.
I have used this in real life. I kept telling a competitor to stop overriding my space and putting his product in my space, three separate times he explained why he had to put it in my space (he had to much product and had to get it out). Third time I pointed out that I understood his problem, but if it helped him understand my perspective, I could do the exact thing he was doing to me by overriding his space and putting my product there (instead of just pulling his product off of my space only like I was).
However this was not empathy (I don’t care really care about his problem) and I also do not legitimizing his complaint as empathy would require. Getting someone to understand your perspective (ie them having empathy for you) does not require that you be empathetic first.
However in this example, I am in the right and I just have to convince him.
In the rent example this is not true. That is a true compromise problem in which both parties will almost certainly not compromise. Normally the landlord wants the person out or doesn’t care if they leave. The renter is more likely to give in and pay the extra price, but he also has 2 choices pay it or leave the apartment. The reason there would almost never be a compromise is that the landlord is not loosing something by the 2 options he has (get current renter to pay or get a new renter who will). The renter is not really losing either: pay the extra or find a different place to live. I would say the inconvenience to both parties (finding a new renter or conversely finding a new place to live, are not great enough for both parties to be willing to compromise.
This comes across as highly manipulative. If someone asked me "how am I supposed to afford that" I would reply with "I don't know." If they followed up with another one of these manipulative questions, I would probably ask for more money as I would not want to deal with a crazy tenant.
30 day or 60 day notice depending on term of residence.
You’re being manipulated all the time. Get over it.
It’s extremely manipulative, but at least the video shows you how to recognise this strategy
@Mike
"I would probably ask for more money as I would not want to deal with a crazy tenant."
The tenant was one of his students and had already lived there and paid on time for several years. The tenant also did his research prior to the meeting.
@@wisenber Then how am I supposed to pay for 3 months rent just to move in when I can't afford a small increase? Research that.
Great content. Another great tactic this narrator left out is speaking at the pace his listeners could keep up.
the SALESWOMAN said the magical words "I'll go into the supply closet doctor and BLOW you" THATS HOW SHE MADE THE SALE
She let him do a vaginal exam.
@@ItsMeUrDaad AGREED "alright i swear i'll buy honey you just have to SUCK IT AGAIN"
In my reality, the landlord responds back to me by saying, “That’s not my problem. If you can’t pay, many others are lined up who can.”
I will take the advice, just see a limit to how far it will take me in the real world. Maybe do a video on how to deal with those who simply will not take your problem as their own.
point a gun
In reality the only possible way to result such a problem is to understand the need of the landlord and create a plan to provide him with enough value until the whole debt is paid, such as maybe freelance work, or repayment cash flow plan with extra interest for their wait
Just goes to prove how low the entrance standards are at Harvard these days.
I shut down people who try to empathize. I don't need you to relate to me. I need to get what i need from you. I don't care how you are suppose to do something that is your problem.
In my experience, in the toughest negotiations I've had, the other side doesn't listen and doesn't care about you or what you want. Take it or leave it sunshine. There is always someone else. By the way, how would Chris Voss know he got all of the budgeted money unless he was told what the budget was upfront. Unlike the rent when you are negotiating for goods or services it would be highly unlikely that you would know what the budget would be.
Hey would you like to share your unique experience of negotiation with me
It doesn't matter if you lie, cheat or manipulate during negotiations as long as make them "feel heard". That's nice. We should all try to live that way. To maximize profits. Cuz that's the most important thing.
The example of the rent - Landlord asks for $1500, up from $1200. I say, "How am I supposed to do that?" Landlord says, "I don't care how you do it, but it's going up to $1500, or you can find another place to live" . So what is the response to that ? You can negotiate a lot of things but there are times when smooth talking and witty ideas aint gonna "pay the rent"
How am I supposed to do that when my trigger happy BF is looking for something to shoot at.
this is so useful i even took notes! maybe i can get my teachers to actually teach me using the tips from this video. thanks so much!
how long is the "living with yourself after screwing people into unfair deals" chapter?
I don't like to bargen, I’m not good at barging. I will try the things that you brought up. Thanks for the tips.
Yeah so manipulate people by pretending you care. How about caring and make sure both win.
It seems to me that negotiation often boils down to who's the bigger psychopath.
Do you feel the same way?
Anything can be put in the umbrella of manipulative....
There is a huge difference(ethically speaking) between convincing people and straight up lying to them to make them believe into your ideology.
Here(in the negotiation scenario) you just are a good listener.
Indeed. Don't sell. SERVE. If your product is great and everyone loves the service you give, you will have more than enough customers. Maybe not so many as the smart-ass who is always hard-selling his crap product to peopl who don't want it, but why would you want to be like that?
did we all do that ?
spoken like someone who doesn't live a professional live in which high-value deals are negotiated
First off, I think the video was well made. That being said, I'm a government infrastructure development inspector. People try to negotiate with me all the time. It doesn't work.. Like... Ever... The issue is, I don't have a reason to give in. If I do, not only do I put my reputation on the line, but I accept all the potential problems that will arise from me accepting those terms. Then the public has to pay for the repairs down the road when it inevitably fails prematurely. Quite simply I find that, while this is a good overview for the premise, it just doesn't fit in most situations. More often than not, someone like myself, has zero reason to give in and all the reasons to come out on top. IE: FBI inspector had no reason to give in. If he did, he look as a fool. Harvard students had a reason to give in. They needed to finish the assignment to receive a grade. Once people figure out what side of the negotiation they are on its much simpler.
"How am I supposed to.."
"Talk to the hand!"
Very helpful thank you. I found similar, when supporting people, who presented a challenged to services.
By the first 10 seconds I realise the mistake is telling the seller your whole budget. You need to cut by half first and grip on it.
This is a GREAT BOOK. It deserves a revisit on my audiobook -- "that's right"
Harvard students are overvalued
Another thing to know: the first person who starts talking after the 'how-question' wil lose (most times). Means: if you were the landlord, don't answer anything untill the other person starts talking again (like "Well, how?" or "Did you understand my problem?").
After that you can make the person give his own 'solution' and shoot at it.