I once had a cruel coworker, need I say narcissistic, who copied my glasses, clothes, and personality. She used that to gain "friends" at work and turned them into her flying monkies, and they all turned against me. And now, my husband's SIL has started using the trick, so I'm putting a stop to it by not attending gatherings that involve her presence. I love me, and I don't need a copycat ruining who I am just because they don't know who they are.
They don't really know who they are and are empty inside. My ex spouse's mistress was trying to copy my much more elegant and feminine way of dressing. Part of it was to steal him off me, part of it was she was personality disordered like he was. I met her and knew her a few months, because he brought her home, but explaining that is a longer story. She went back to dressing like a creepy goth skater girl after I kicked him out and she got tired of him, when it wasn't as much fun to sneak around.
Living with narcissistic parents, I never knew who I was, but I started observing people who I admired, and I learned what type of person I wanted to be and what I wanted to stand up for.
Congratulations, same here. I live with mine and it's hard to grow past the voices in my head that try to take me back to childhood, but I have to remind myself that the rest of my life is MINE, and I don't have to be incorporated into their mold of what they think would be most beneficial to me.
Same! I knew I never wanted to become like my toxic parents, so I turned to the influence of my teachers and celebrities. I also moved abroad and gained a true understanding of who I am, and even then narcissists are drawn to my confidence and independence (which is a red flag for me.)
What the hell. Yeah like I believe that. I've asked if he was autistic nope. Yeah I know there is I've read. He's never told me that. Everything is this and that. I don't care I'm tired of it. It's so mean and I don't care if this person thinks I'm weak. I've had it. With everyone.
He’s obviously under theraphy and it’s helping him. I wish all of them will go under theraphy, I was sooo in love with one, he’s amazing when he’s not having his moments but his words cuts like a knife and I got tired of it.
This is so sad , I think that there are so many people that are narcissistic, or I have been around a lot of difficult people . I wish I could help them , I realize I need to just help myself and heal and love myself . Your channel helps a lot .
It's hard not to try and help someone who you know deep down hates that there like this. I know I can't help them now but I did try and it's a fuking hard situation is all. That's all if there mimicking you then they obviously have a problem. I don't think there thinking oh I'm gonna take there life over. I think it's so.ething they do. Yeah there manipulative but I can't say I understand because I don't. I wish I could but I can't. I get what I'm suppose to do but it's hard .
@@tyreeduncan560 Speaking for myself, as someone on the autism spectrum I have noticed a good amount of overlap between ASD and NPD. I also had to learn how to be like a "normal" person, and I regret to say that I, too, participated in my own share of what I now see is manipulative behavior... Again, speaking from my own perspective, it was never malicious and I even genuinely believed a lot of it was well-intentioned... It's hard just wanting to connect with people but having whatever "It" is that seems to come to everyone else so naturally. That said, one HUGE difference between ASD and NPD: I feel *horrible* whenever it comes to my attention that something I've said or done had a negative impact on somebody... The hypersensitivity to the world is both a gift and a torment and I hate knowing that I've brought pain onto anybody, and I ALWAYS try to make amends wherever it's welcome or possible.
@@waynepolo6193 my son has Autism when he has a melt down he is genuinely sorry the people with NPD do not apologize they tell you to get over it I still struggle with trying to love myself and try to not let all the negativity to control me , my son is severely autistic he has limited speech , I wish I can help him the most .
This is so right but people start gaslighting themselves into believing the narcissist was who they said they were in the beginning when all along they were simply pretending to be you.
It's not even that complicated. They may be missing a sense of self and are more empty inside. They still have their core personalities and those are as varied and complex as the rest of us. They fell in love w/ you. You can hold onto that knowledge and not let it eat you alive that you were never loved back. Unfortunately, it was an idealized version of you that you can't live up to in their eyes long term.
@@Kelly55216 I no longer see it as frightening. It's just what they've learned to do to get what they want. Part of their "supply" are your traits. It's what often draws them to you initially and they vainly attempt to copy them and integrate them into a false self designed, at least in part, to reflect you. The frightening part may be we put more trust in their false version of us than the real us. If we reverse that and start redirecting our trust back to ourselves, it's a lot less frightening because we can trust our gut or our intuition as a higher authority than a scam artist narcissist. Next time a narcissist approaches, you'll win because you didn't even start playing the game as before. Then, we had no idea narcissists see human connection as competition. Now that you know what they're about, you can walk away with your dignity intact, your identity uncompromised and your protection unyielding to that which seeks to destroy you. They don't deserve anything from you but that doesn't stop them from trying to take everything. You stop them by not starting with them. ❤
you should be commended for being an expert on yourself. that's something that most people are not. wow your vids are so powerful. brooooo thnk you for being so real.
I appreciate your videos Lee. I really have a hard time not feeling bad for these narcissists even though I have been hurt by them and they never feel bad for what they’ve done to me. But it has to be awful existing that way.
You should feel bad for them. It was understanding the disorder better, and how debilitating it can be for the narcissist, that finally set me free and helped take so much out of the sting out of what he put me through. The Dr. Ramani type channels just make us more bitter. yes, it's nice to be validated, and we do need that. But she really distorts what NPD really is and misrepresents their motives and makes it seem all calculating. Most of it is not calculated against us. It's selfish, and they can be vindictive, but it's not personal. The lack of empathy toward us can be chilling and so painful. But trust me, they still feel some guilt and huge shame. it's a type of shame that we'll never feel. I can occasionally feel shame for my actions, but I'm pretty decent and moral, so that's rare. They feel shame for who they are, deep to their core. That's painful in ways we find hard to relate.
Man i thought it was all in my head... My ex used to criticize everything about me then i slowly started to notice him copying my style, humor, even friendship circle etc and it really does drive you mental because youre the only person who knows the real them. Id ask "doesnt it get tiring pretending all the time? Id be exhausted" then of course hed act like he didnt know what i meant. I actually started to pity him because he didnt know who he truly was...
It really does make it all worse when we think they did all the hurtful things on purpose, like too many channels make it out to be. They really don't know who they really are. It's a personality disorder after all. it takes so much of the sting out to understand that.
At this point I've been watching you too long. I know everything you're about to say🤣 Although I'm one year free. Reminders are still amazing. And keeps me away from the devil 😈 terrible future relationships.
They often show their true identity in private. Behind closed doors. They have a public and private persona. A facade. Right there is no peace or consistency.
Intelligence and narcissism. You should cover that. In my experience a really good narcissist is quite intelligent. In order to study people and pick up different traits etc a person is usually pretty bright. Can be believable in almost any situation. That intelligence can be used to really manipulate and destroy another person if the narcissist so desires.
My narcs x told me word for word what she was going to say to me and how she would act to make me feel connected. He was completely right. He said "I bet she called you her home ☑ , danced in the street with you ☑ , said her and I weren't romantic ☑ , etc"
Omg that makes so much sense now as my narc said after just two conversations on the phone "Thank you for what I could learn from you. I will make it better on the next woman"..
Thanks for being transparent, Lee. It doesn’t change the situation I’m in but it helps me understand the mind of someone who mirrors others. The mask couldn’t stay on for long. Appreciate your honesty.
When you were by yourself and didn’t have to mimic anyone else, what did you feel like? I want to know what it is like to be you when you have the mask off. Do you have emotions? You you berate yourself? What goes through your mind?
That's actually a good question 🤔 I bet it's thousand of dark negative thoughts going through their mind, that's why they always need to be with someone.
He answered that question in another video. I think it was about what narcissist fear's the most and he spoke about adult life. One of biggest fears was being alone with he's own thoughts, because they are literally scary. I could be terribly wrong. Edit: I can't find the video and maybe it wasn't about fear's, but Lee talked how narcissist doesn't like to be alone with their thoughts. Peace
Even psychopaths have emotions lol. Psychopaths only lack fear-based emotions such as fear, anxiety, shame... Psychopaths lack the emotions that usually control narcissists. Shame and fear... So actually psychopaths are very different from narcissists. Uhmm think about it this way... The narcissist deludes himself in order to think about himself as superior... The Psychopath really does believe to be superior because most people think that the emotions they lack are a weakness. So yep psychopaths think they are better than others because they have no fear.
It's been answered many times by many people including Dr Ramani. Basically when the Mask is off the narcissist is taken over by extreme fear and shame which makes them black-out. Their pupils become gigantic and they become really aggressive almost like wild animals.
Chameleon affects… Lizard brain as psychology deems. Thankyou for sharing this and it’s a true tremendously devastating experience all around. A huge part of crazy making when they are aware of their intentions and still do so.
I Love that idea about saying something you like and than saying a few days later that you don't like something and see what happens, that's a Great Idea!! I wish I had done that with my x narcissist but, it might become useful later on.
This one is SPOT ON!!! Looking back as he was trying to gain his control over me he tried every several of his manipulative tactics…the unprovoked sudden out-lash of rage, passive -aggressive, silent treatment, poor victim role, abandoned me-packing up belongings leaving in middle of night without any notice, setting me up for week vacation only to leave without me…then blame me; would say he hates arguing/drama but he would create the chaos making drama from nothing; would leave and then turn his cell off for days - then call acting like nothings wrong; would start a fight in order to blame me as an excuse to leave..(I’m sure to see some poor innocent girl who has no idea like me starting out); he secretly sabotaged my reputation, he groomed me early -stating how all his ex’s had cheated on him-that he’d never do that …so please don’t cheat on me”(as he had different women in multiple states, conveniently turning cell on airplane mode in the evenings… To to keep my humor (and sanity) I’d make humorous bets betw me and my dogs saying “Ok, it’s 9:45pm- too early for bedtime and I quite sure won’t know waste this opportunity to get fresh validation from new victim…bet you you guys $5 and Milkbone thst my call goes straight to vm and my text will be green color coded (instead of usual blue indicating he’s silenced his cell. What a complete waste of my precious time!
Oh god. I noticed that starting a few months ago only the texts were green when I was at work and she was supposedly home. I noticed she prepared her bags to leave 2 weeks ago and her texts have been blue since then. She left a week ago
Good video again. Quality content, bro I think there is reversed mirroring or something, where narcissist always says the opposite to make victim insecure. For example I could say this is a good movie and they say it's not that good, but later in life I could say about same movie that I don't like it and narcissist says that they actually really love that movie. One narc did this all the time on an autopilot. No matter what I said or do was always bad, weird, etc. To the point it was very awkward.
I know a guy that was adopted when he was a young child, and he became a Narcissist and seeing him he always stand out in his crowds just to be seen. This is him Lee is talking about, it seems as if my friend has a dual personality sometimes.
Thank you for explaining so eloquently what is like to NOT have a sense of self...and therefore been forced to imitate others in order to fit in. My father, an undiagnosed narcissist, began his healing process around age 60. He is now in his mid-seventies, and your channel helps me be more understanding to his limitations. THANK YOU!
I don't quite understand. If he's undiagnosed, then how did he start his healing process w/out knowing what he was dealing w/? How did he get help to start to heal? I'm esp. curious about this, because my ex is 60. I recently told him that I'm very sure he has some level of this disorder. It wasn't to be mean or demeaning and he knew it. I took the Heal NPD channel model of letting him know gently. I'll never go back (there was cheating), but I'd still like to see him get help. He's miserable and he's going to crush the next person who has no idea what they are in for, if he doesn't get help.
Omg! I definitely witnessed this is my ex narcissist. Some things he did seemed so fake to me. I'm so grateful every day that I got out of that situation.
"I wanted to FEEL something inside of me. I wanted to feel whole." Wow! I have watched so many of your videos Lee....but for some reason...this one is next level to me. You are doing some AMAZING inner work. Encourages me to do the same. Not just as a "THRIVER" after Narc abuse...but just period. Thanks so much for sharing this!💪
Omg my x NpD always was copying people or me. I always wonder why they wanted someone else style,tattoos or personality always seemed off at times. Now this 😮
My ex's mistress was freaking copying my style and trying to be more feminine and elegant like me. How do you like them apples? Of course I didn't know he was boinking her when I was helping her shop online. My ex (now kicked out) is a narcissist and she definitely has a personality disorder too. I was thinking it might be more borderline or histrionic, but this mirroring business is bothering me and it is more likely NPD,, just more severe than him. Everyone who met her knew something was off. My ex is twice her age and definitely blends in better.
You're not alone. This demon copied EVERY thing , style ,clothes, car, furniture etc.What she didn't realize is that a demon is a demon no matter how much you try to pretend to be something you're absolutely not....... & thats a beautiful human being.
My husband uses humor as a defense mechanism as well. The fact that he always made me laugh is one of the things that I fell in love with but now he doesn't even talk to me anymore 😢
I like your honesty & sense of humor. It is really a scary situation to be in feeling that way. I can't even imagine your explanations. Thank God that you overcome this condition.
Thank you for this video - this is the most debilitating experience - when you see a double you stalking toxic shadow from which you cannot escape, like a horror energy that follows you and feel it everywhere. I think that here is where your identity gets sabotaged by you as well, and start to feel confused about yourself, because you have this continous energy of self mirroring mixed up with a narcissistic personality disorder person's mess. And when you live with this long enough, kicks in the confusion of perceived reality. Thank you for your explanation. I think any #awarness gives relief from this toxic mess towards a clarity, for both NPD and regular people.
My narc (I prepare my exit) was jelous of me because I can sleep and he can't. Speaking of bouncing. Even now he falls asleep at 3-4 am and he wakes up at 7. And then he says he's tired and he blames me and his work.
Lee, thank you SO MUCH for this video. My daughter has BPD, which also comes with Narcissistic qualities - especially feeling like they have no sense of Self. And I recently found out that my grandfather had NPD. These 2 conditions have commonalities, and your video today gave me much helpful insight. 😁
Whew Chile it's sounds like it's Exasperating to be you , I am exhausted listening to how your brain works I didn't know what a narc was until I ran across your channel and I sincerely want to Thank you for Teaching me What I've been dealing with by giving me some Understanding bc I didn't know that a person like that has been in my life for 40 yrs.and I couldn't understand some of his bad behaviors towards me just bc he didn't ever want to be held accountable for anything and the non empathy and the gaslighting and the Silent treatment now with the Silent treatment in order for me to get thru that mess I would give it right back to him 3 or 4 times longer than he intended, I would even keep it going when he trys that sweet talking Love bombing stage bc I'm hurt and now Im Pissed off , and it's Payback time bc you Tried me even though it hurt me even more inside I wouldn't show it I would act like he wasn't there and walk right passed him and that was it for Home-cooked meals and I would start going places and doing things by myself in his face and he dared not to ask me where I was going bc I was getting my so called Narc punishment and he was getting it without knowing that he was getting it too, now normally I'm a homebody most of the time and I really don't go anywhere alone I would prefer to be at home but I make the effort at those times to go places even though I Don't want to go but I Go bc I know that it pisses him off soooo bad that he wants to respond but the Narc in him won't let him so that's my way of saying to him Without saying a word that No I am Not Sad or Mad I'm Good ! BUT CHILE I really be out there faking the funk just to Stick it Back to him even tho sometime I just be sitting at the neighborhood park for a few hours so that's one way that I fightback to protect my Sanity without giving him the feeling that he thought that he was going to get outta me , so I use that time to try to enjoy me and knowing how Crappy he is feeling at home being mad mad and the funny thing about this is HE is the one who taught me by using it on me I didn't know Anything about the Cruelty of Silence and I've Adapted and am better at it than he is at it
I thought I was in love with a person, turns out that person was indeed myself mirrored by the narcissist. I eventually found wishing I was him. Which, in fact, I was 😂
This is interesting because people with Asperger’s do this masking thing too because they don’t understand how to mingle with others or socialize “normally” but they’re actually very empathetic but just don’t know how to effectively show it…
Wow! I love your commentary I will be booking an appointment with you I just looked at the appointment list and see everything for next week which I will absolutely be booking I wish you had something today.
OMG. I had a roommate who did this to me (copied my clothes, my hobbies, and things I said). I felt really creepy about it and naturally pulled away and got the creeps from her (this was 30+ years ago) and I never thought about this since. Luckily I pulled away and never spoke with her again. Wow. So interesting.
8:53 - 9:46 i do something like this to but it's not for mirroring. I just don't want to make them feel judged and i feel bad for giving my personal opinion
How u know it’s not mask and his not manipulating you ? Lol 😮 narcissist is a disorder meaning they can’t change their brain Is different then normal humans ..
I've noticed when dealing with mine that he treats the people that he likes better than he treats me so he's capable of doing it, I'm just not worth the effort if he can't use me for what he wants to use me for he wants nothing to do with me, it's always on me to initiate contact with him by text messages bc he doesn't want to answer my phone calls and when I do if he can't engage me in his narrative then he starts an argument with me that he blames me for. But he's made sure that I've seen him interact with other people some of them I know and some of them I don't so he wants to make sure I know he does it.
This is amazing to me.. I was in a relationship/ situation ship a yr ago. Im older AA female. I Believe the person I was involved with is a narcissist. I'm not a Dr . This guy is very smart so he reversed a lot of things you say narcissist is. But the mask did come off.
WOW! Same. I got hooked by a complete narc in AA. We were both about 4 months sober. Ended up moving her into my house and it was a complete nightmare of a year. But she got tired of keeping the mask up because I had become very aware of her tricks. She packed and left me when I was at work a week ago. She moved in with an active addict. I loved her but I'm so glad she's out of my house
How is the certainly copycat everything from movies to studying your character they need. Why because they do not know self so they take yours. We become who we are around most. This is why autonomy is so crucial in ALL growth 💜
98% of people are followers, meaning that they copy their role models and study them. The role models have just changed and are actually reflecting the average level of normalization in societies. People mostly ignore their own opinions because they are scared to revile them and they are not building a network of manipulations to gather control. Sometimes they off course do that and have a hard time cutting it out, still, it can be done. Lack of self-respect and love is behind that more often than bad intentions. Lots of love to everyone!
My ex and i seperated. We tried to reconcile. He has his own place and always admired my home decor. He never had a decorative bone. I saw his place for the first time, he bought the same bed i bought for us from the same place. He decorated with my style.... He tried. Like farmhouse style. I was shocked. I told him, wow i guess my influence rubbed off on him. He always says where did you get this or that. Wow!
Do you go to a portrait studio all the time for all these thumbnail images? Or take your own pictures on a timer. Or have your wife take them? I get that realtors always have photos, but you seem to have a wide variety of them
I have just recently broke up with my ex (first bf) who I am convinced is a narc because he acts like one. During the Love bombing phase everything was so perf! Until he started showing signs of being a narrc and I didn't know anything about narcissism that time. I only found out and started researching about narcissism after we broke up. He started withdrawing even pressured and manipulated me to do what he wants me to....During the break up, he really tried to make me stay by making excuses. At first, he wanted to get rid of me then 5 minutes later trynna make me stay....he so cray cray! I even cried but he didn't even seem affected...no hugs didn't even give tissue....He just coldly asked me to stop crying. And you know what's funny? He even said that he feels sad and is crying inside but his face doesn't show it...but he looked upset or kinda pissed off. It's weird too cause his eyes were....idk so dark? Like so black even? To think that I lost my V to him.....He didn't care about connecting with me emotionally he only cares about seggs. It hurts to to think that everything the things he's done and said..... the Love Yous were all fake while I was genuine. Btw, He was a contrl freak too and tried to isolate me from my friends....The trauma he has caused me will forever be embeded in my mind and heart. I don't know how I'm gonna be ok. I really want to heal. I hope I'll heal. I decided to go no contact with him as well but I feel like our paths are gonna cross again someday because of our mutual friends.
You have to watch a ton of narc videos. Go no contact and every time you go back he will hurt you more. You are very naïve and easy pray for these predators. Watch and learn! Sam Vaknin, Narcissist Chronicles, Cluster B Milkshake....
Intent does matter. I’ve done things that were toxic from a previous relationship where they told me they loved me but still treated me badly. What he taught me was that was part of love. Like manipulation and gaslighting. I never meant to hurt anyone, I was never healed or went to therapy long enough to cover everything that needed to be covered.
My soon to be ex was jealous of me, turns out. It’s awful finding that out. He treated me like he hated me BECAUSE I had way more in every category than him. Although to look at him and listen to him, the outside thought the opposite. I would ask him, why do you hate me so? He’s never correct that persona nor change behavior.
One time recently I found him, this 57 year old black man, watching that HBO show called “Insecure”. That’s because he was chasing some skirt whose in her 30’s…I am SURE of it. They go to younger because the women his age are too wise to the game now. Always know this. Younger women, be very aware that you’re not playing him, he is definitely, unequivocally playing you for your supply. Even if it’s just a picture on IG. One picture will do the job! But oh there’s way more going on that them demons are real slick to get from you with your eyes wide-open.
My narcissist didn’t know who he was I remember when we first met three years ago he told me his favorite color was red after I said mine was pink and I remember him saying our favorite color was almost similar. Recently I asked him his favorite color he told me gray so I was confused I said you told me it was red. We went back and forth about it till I just stfu it was so pointless but I still remember him telling he his favorite color was red.
They believe they're good actors. It's a facade. Public persona is different than private behaviors where you see the real them. Narcissist? Trust Your Gut - Dr Sam Vaknin
I know why too. It's because you weren't allowed to have an identity growing up. That was my issue when I was younger. I had to go to a therapist for them to tell me to focus on what I liked etc because I didn't even know what I liked or what opinion I had about things. I'd pretend to like sports to get friends. That didn't work out so well because I was bored going to sporting events.
I have always been the odd one do not fit in. I felt it too. I wondered what is the difference between me and them. Popularity to me being simple and obviously don't do the stuff others did like lime, party, consume alcohol, in relationship,.. I have children and still I don't fit in I am not like other parents. One thing for sure everybody in society dislike me for always being home with my children. I am always quick to hurry back home. If I am home I will not want to leave home to go anywhere especially for personal time or go out with others. My children are my priority. I was the only parent who would visit my son lunch time after school walk him to lessons not to far from school. The principal didn't mind. My son he appreciated that 5 minutes to see me and returned to pick him up after. Even though he is in secondary school he wants me to be there after school and travel home together. On mornings I would walk him out and wait with him for a taxi. Due to circumstances my children had to separate from me. These was the opportunities that helped reunite us. He would request that I pick him up from school, then from lessons and ask to stay overnight with me. Eventually he never went back and still with me. So being different from others being your own individual is what makes you YOU. So what if I don't fit in, I don't need to change who I am to fit in. Remember there are consequences for one's actions not because everybody is doing something depending on what it is participating in sports, going lessons, playing an instrument, going to religious meetings,.. To liming, drinking alcohol, partying, and indulging in other activities that aren't choices I would make or live it everyday as a daily routine, but occasionally maybe I am my own individual. Society see me as weird so what at least I am me and not like them. I am not judging nobody but they condemn me for not being like them. I am independent, I have responsibilities, I am a single parent, (I am not so well to work like a normal person most times I be in bed, I can't play sports but I enjoy long distance walking,.. I can't be like normal people. I try to get up and when I can have a good day I do what I can I don't wait for an occasion what I can do today now not later especially to make my children happy. Their happiness is I being here for them physically. I may not fit in with some adults but when it comes to children they like me.
It had some girls who was trying to be me. I did my hair they try to copy me. I have long hair so who have short hair put in braids, another one wore a wig,.. Even my shoes, I find this ridiculous. Or sure they could not dress like me no matter what they tried.
Lee could you address being a child of a narcissist? Although I’m not a narcissist, I have felt I don’t know who I am & maybe tried to pick up what others were like to fit in because there wasn’t healthy mirroring or emotional mentorship.
Do they know that’s what’s their doing it though? Do they think to themselves I need to copy that person to fit In bc they don’t feel normal? Or did you only become aware of that’s after become an aware narcissist? Does that make sense lol
Just want to give u accolades . You have come a long way and have made alot of progress within yourself.. congratulations and i truly and deeply appreciate you ..your journey..and your progress... im nolonger with my narc and u have helped me guide my healing through your honesty.. thanku and bless u and i pray ur strength and continued progress in ur process..
Seems like a lot of narcissists use alcohol to fake being normal. And it looks like they hook in empaths so other people see them getting humored and getting the benefit of the doubt all the time.
That's awesome to have a twin And You did answer All that Many of us would have ASKED lol And Tyfs ❤ Not to take away from this awesome informative vid..... however try And do a video with him And question and answer!? Being a teacher he May not want publicized though idk sounds fun And interesting ( yep And nosey 😂) much love and respect Mr. Lee And Family 💕
Long time ago I told him what was the name of the show that I used to watch growing up. Many months later am saying many he came home with a dvd of that show . I remember thinking he is kind of dumb but he remember the name ? I thought he was so sweet back then not for the present but for remembering. At 46 he was dating on the phone and treated me like u just the made of the house. They get worse when they find someone else.
The false self the narcissist that I knew of it couldn't control Its Behavior that mask spell like it was free all the time then it would try to pick it up real quick an act like it was a human unreal blows my mind completely
Would you say you would "chameleonize" yourself? Be whoever you needed to be for others? You'd turn green around green people, be purple around purple people, red around red people, etc... The narc. I know would be a different person based on who he was with. He did not have a sense of self but relied on fitting in to be accepted. He'd even take on their language accents and talk like them!
I once had a cruel coworker, need I say narcissistic, who copied my glasses, clothes, and personality. She used that to gain "friends" at work and turned them into her flying monkies, and they all turned against me. And now, my husband's SIL has started using the trick, so I'm putting a stop to it by not attending gatherings that involve her presence. I love me, and I don't need a copycat ruining who I am just because they don't know who they are.
Yup your surrounded by narcissist copy cats . ...
She could just admire your style and behavior and emulate it.
Sounds like she really likes you.
I totally agree! Well said
They don't really know who they are and are empty inside. My ex spouse's mistress was trying to copy my much more elegant and feminine way of dressing. Part of it was to steal him off me, part of it was she was personality disordered like he was. I met her and knew her a few months, because he brought her home, but explaining that is a longer story. She went back to dressing like a creepy goth skater girl after I kicked him out and she got tired of him, when it wasn't as much fun to sneak around.
I still can't understand why narcissists want to destroy everything. It blows my mind!
Living with narcissistic parents, I never knew who I was, but I started observing people who I admired, and I learned what type of person I wanted to be and what I wanted to stand up for.
Same!💜🙏🏽
Congratulations, same here. I live with mine and it's hard to grow past the voices in my head that try to take me back to childhood, but I have to remind myself that the rest of my life is MINE, and I don't have to be incorporated into their mold of what they think would be most beneficial to me.
Same! I knew I never wanted to become like my toxic parents, so I turned to the influence of my teachers and celebrities. I also moved abroad and gained a true understanding of who I am, and even then narcissists are drawn to my confidence and independence (which is a red flag for me.)
Wow!!! Same!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏
What the hell. Yeah like I believe that. I've asked if he was autistic nope. Yeah I know there is I've read. He's never told me that. Everything is this and that. I don't care I'm tired of it. It's so mean and I don't care if this person thinks I'm weak. I've had it. With everyone.
I love how you have no shame in sharing your experience with this😀
It's cuz he's already out of the closet as a disordered person. But I suppose it was super hard at the beginning.
He’s obviously under theraphy and it’s helping him. I wish all of them will go under theraphy, I was sooo in love with one, he’s amazing when he’s not having his moments but his words cuts like a knife and I got tired of it.
This is so sad , I think that there are so many people that are narcissistic, or I have been around a lot of difficult people . I wish I could help them , I realize I need to just help myself and heal and love myself . Your channel helps a lot .
🙏🏽🙌🏾
It's hard not to try and help someone who you know deep down hates that there like this. I know I can't help them now but I did try and it's a fuking hard situation is all. That's all if there mimicking you then they obviously have a problem. I don't think there thinking oh I'm gonna take there life over. I think it's so.ething they do. Yeah there manipulative but I can't say I understand because I don't. I wish I could but I can't. I get what I'm suppose to do but it's hard .
@@tyreeduncan560 Speaking for myself, as someone on the autism spectrum I have noticed a good amount of overlap between ASD and NPD. I also had to learn how to be like a "normal" person, and I regret to say that I, too, participated in my own share of what I now see is manipulative behavior... Again, speaking from my own perspective, it was never malicious and I even genuinely believed a lot of it was well-intentioned... It's hard just wanting to connect with people but having whatever "It" is that seems to come to everyone else so naturally.
That said, one HUGE difference between ASD and NPD: I feel *horrible* whenever it comes to my attention that something I've said or done had a negative impact on somebody... The hypersensitivity to the world is both a gift and a torment and I hate knowing that I've brought pain onto anybody, and I ALWAYS try to make amends wherever it's welcome or possible.
@@waynepolo6193 my son has Autism when he has a melt down he is genuinely sorry the people with NPD do not apologize they tell you to get over it I still struggle with trying to love myself and try to not let all the negativity to control me , my son is severely autistic he has limited speech , I wish I can help him the most .
This is so right but people start gaslighting themselves into believing the narcissist was who they said they were in the beginning when all along they were simply pretending to be you.
It's not even that complicated. They may be missing a sense of self and are more empty inside. They still have their core personalities and those are as varied and complex as the rest of us. They fell in love w/ you. You can hold onto that knowledge and not let it eat you alive that you were never loved back. Unfortunately, it was an idealized version of you that you can't live up to in their eyes long term.
That’s really frightening
@@Kelly55216 I no longer see it as frightening. It's just what they've learned to do to get what they want. Part of their "supply" are your traits. It's what often draws them to you initially and they vainly attempt to copy them and integrate them into a false self designed, at least in part, to reflect you. The frightening part may be we put more trust in their false version of us than the real us. If we reverse that and start redirecting our trust back to ourselves, it's a lot less frightening because we can trust our gut or our intuition as a higher authority than a scam artist narcissist. Next time a narcissist approaches, you'll win because you didn't even start playing the game as before. Then, we had no idea narcissists see human connection as competition. Now that you know what they're about, you can walk away with your dignity intact, your identity uncompromised and your protection unyielding to that which seeks to destroy you. They don't deserve anything from you but that doesn't stop them from trying to take everything. You stop them by not starting with them. ❤
you should be commended for being an expert on yourself. that's something that most people are not. wow your vids are so powerful. brooooo thnk you for being so real.
i appreciate it
He use to always mimic me take my ideas all sorts of stuff he even started talking like me it was crazy his whole family was mirroring me it got crazy
@Amanda K exactly it’s disturbing once you finally realize what’s been happening ( mind freak ) 🤯
Trauma PTSD or CTPSD
I appreciate your videos Lee. I really have a hard time not feeling bad for these narcissists even though I have been hurt by them and they never feel bad for what they’ve done to me. But it has to be awful existing that way.
You should feel bad for them. It was understanding the disorder better, and how debilitating it can be for the narcissist, that finally set me free and helped take so much out of the sting out of what he put me through. The Dr. Ramani type channels just make us more bitter. yes, it's nice to be validated, and we do need that. But she really distorts what NPD really is and misrepresents their motives and makes it seem all calculating. Most of it is not calculated against us. It's selfish, and they can be vindictive, but it's not personal. The lack of empathy toward us can be chilling and so painful. But trust me, they still feel some guilt and huge shame. it's a type of shame that we'll never feel. I can occasionally feel shame for my actions, but I'm pretty decent and moral, so that's rare. They feel shame for who they are, deep to their core. That's painful in ways we find hard to relate.
I actually Witness the mirroring of other people including myself engaging with a narcissist
😞
Man i thought it was all in my head... My ex used to criticize everything about me then i slowly started to notice him copying my style, humor, even friendship circle etc and it really does drive you mental because youre the only person who knows the real them. Id ask "doesnt it get tiring pretending all the time? Id be exhausted" then of course hed act like he didnt know what i meant. I actually started to pity him because he didnt know who he truly was...
It really does make it all worse when we think they did all the hurtful things on purpose, like too many channels make it out to be. They really don't know who they really are. It's a personality disorder after all. it takes so much of the sting out to understand that.
At this point I've been watching you too long. I know everything you're about to say🤣
Although I'm one year free. Reminders are still amazing. And keeps me away from the devil 😈 terrible future relationships.
So is it safe to say that a narcissist has no identity of their own?
They won't let you see their real identity unless they slip up. And then they'll deny what you say you saw making YOU feel crazy.
@@michelebrown5142 right
They often show their true identity in private. Behind closed doors. They have a public and private persona. A facade.
Right there is no peace or consistency.
That I agree ,there actors.
@@madelingomez4935 "there"? they are
Intelligence and narcissism. You should cover that. In my experience a really good narcissist is quite intelligent. In order to study people and pick up different traits etc a person is usually pretty bright. Can be believable in almost any situation. That intelligence can be used to really manipulate and destroy another person if the narcissist so desires.
Agree
True but if my narc was as smart as she thinks she is her life wouldn't be in shambles
I found out my ex narcissist sent me love quotes his ex girlfriend sent him. Pathetic
My narcs x told me word for word what she was going to say to me and how she would act to make me feel connected. He was completely right. He said "I bet she called you her home ☑ , danced in the street with you ☑ , said her and I weren't romantic ☑ , etc"
Omg that makes so much sense now as my narc said after just two conversations on the phone "Thank you for what I could learn from you. I will make it better on the next woman"..
🥺🙃🙃🙃
Thanks for being transparent, Lee. It doesn’t change the situation I’m in but it helps me understand the mind of someone who mirrors others. The mask couldn’t stay on for long. Appreciate your honesty.
I appreciate that
Wow! This episode was super insightful. I’ve never heard this insight about narcissists before
“Intent behind the actions is what matters” … I love the way you put that !!!
When you were by yourself and didn’t have to mimic anyone else, what did you feel like? I want to know what it is like to be you when you have the mask off. Do you have emotions? You you berate yourself? What goes through your mind?
That's actually a good question 🤔 I bet it's thousand of dark negative thoughts going through their mind, that's why they always need to be with someone.
He answered that question in another video. I think it was about what narcissist fear's the most and he spoke about adult life. One of biggest fears was being alone with he's own thoughts, because they are literally scary. I could be terribly wrong.
Edit: I can't find the video and maybe it wasn't about fear's, but Lee talked how narcissist doesn't like to be alone with their thoughts. Peace
@@egoalter8745 you're correct - I remember that video
Even psychopaths have emotions lol. Psychopaths only lack fear-based emotions such as fear, anxiety, shame... Psychopaths lack the emotions that usually control narcissists. Shame and fear... So actually psychopaths are very different from narcissists. Uhmm think about it this way... The narcissist deludes himself in order to think about himself as superior... The Psychopath really does believe to be superior because most people think that the emotions they lack are a weakness. So yep psychopaths think they are better than others because they have no fear.
It's been answered many times by many people including Dr Ramani. Basically when the Mask is off the narcissist is taken over by extreme fear and shame which makes them black-out. Their pupils become gigantic and they become really aggressive almost like wild animals.
Chameleon affects…
Lizard brain as psychology deems. Thankyou for sharing this and it’s a true tremendously devastating experience all around. A huge part of crazy making when they are aware of their intentions and still do so.
I Love that idea about saying something you like and than saying a few days later that you don't like something and see what happens, that's a Great Idea!! I wish I had done that with my x narcissist but, it might become useful later on.
Try it out. Stay safe
@@MentalHealness Well, hopefully I won't end up in another Narcissist relationship.
This one is SPOT ON!!! Looking back as he was trying to gain his control over me he tried every several of his manipulative tactics…the unprovoked sudden out-lash of rage, passive -aggressive, silent treatment, poor victim role, abandoned me-packing up belongings leaving in middle of night without any notice, setting me up for week vacation only to leave without me…then blame me; would say he hates arguing/drama but he would create the chaos making drama from nothing; would leave and then turn his cell off for days - then call acting like nothings wrong; would start a fight in order to blame me as an excuse to leave..(I’m sure to see some poor innocent girl who has no idea like me starting out); he secretly sabotaged my reputation, he groomed me early -stating how all his ex’s had cheated on him-that he’d never do that …so please don’t cheat on me”(as he had different women in multiple states, conveniently turning cell on airplane mode in the evenings…
To to keep my humor (and sanity) I’d make humorous bets betw me and my dogs saying “Ok, it’s 9:45pm- too early for bedtime and I quite sure won’t know waste this opportunity to get fresh validation from new victim…bet you you guys $5 and Milkbone thst my call goes straight to vm and my text will be green color coded (instead of usual blue indicating he’s silenced his cell. What a complete waste of my precious time!
Oh god. I noticed that starting a few months ago only the texts were green when I was at work and she was supposedly home. I noticed she prepared her bags to leave 2 weeks ago and her texts have been blue since then. She left a week ago
I'm sorry to hear that. I went through almost the same stuff exactly and it was driving me crazy so I too starting making humor of it to myself
Good video again. Quality content, bro
I think there is reversed mirroring or something, where narcissist always says the opposite to make victim insecure. For example I could say this is a good movie and they say it's not that good, but later in life I could say about same movie that I don't like it and narcissist says that they actually really love that movie. One narc did this all the time on an autopilot. No matter what I said or do was always bad, weird, etc. To the point it was very awkward.
Oh my gosh, they do actually do this.
This is truth!
You are absolutely right. I know someone just like this. He is a narc relative. I try to avoid him. Thanks for sharing. I can relate.
I know a guy that was adopted when he was a young child, and he became a Narcissist and seeing him he always stand out in his crowds just to be seen. This is him Lee is talking about, it seems as if my friend has a dual personality sometimes.
Thank you for being so transparent Lee!
Thank you for explaining so eloquently what is like to NOT have a sense of self...and therefore been forced to imitate others in order to fit in. My father, an undiagnosed narcissist, began his healing process around age 60. He is now in his mid-seventies, and your channel helps me be more understanding to his limitations. THANK YOU!
I don't quite understand. If he's undiagnosed, then how did he start his healing process w/out knowing what he was dealing w/? How did he get help to start to heal? I'm esp. curious about this, because my ex is 60. I recently told him that I'm very sure he has some level of this disorder. It wasn't to be mean or demeaning and he knew it. I took the Heal NPD channel model of letting him know gently. I'll never go back (there was cheating), but I'd still like to see him get help. He's miserable and he's going to crush the next person who has no idea what they are in for, if he doesn't get help.
Omg! I definitely witnessed this is my ex narcissist. Some things he did seemed so fake to me. I'm so grateful every day that I got out of that situation.
"I wanted to FEEL something inside of me. I wanted to feel whole." Wow! I have watched so many of your videos Lee....but for some reason...this one is next level to me. You are doing some AMAZING inner work. Encourages me to do the same. Not just as a "THRIVER" after Narc abuse...but just period. Thanks so much for sharing this!💪
Omg my x NpD always was copying people or me. I always wonder why they wanted someone else style,tattoos or personality always seemed off at times. Now this 😮
😳😳
My ex's mistress was freaking copying my style and trying to be more feminine and elegant like me. How do you like them apples? Of course I didn't know he was boinking her when I was helping her shop online. My ex (now kicked out) is a narcissist and she definitely has a personality disorder too. I was thinking it might be more borderline or histrionic, but this mirroring business is bothering me and it is more likely NPD,, just more severe than him. Everyone who met her knew something was off. My ex is twice her age and definitely blends in better.
You're not alone. This demon copied EVERY thing , style ,clothes, car, furniture etc.What she didn't realize is that a demon is a demon no matter how much you try to pretend to be something you're absolutely not....... & thats a beautiful human being.
My husband uses humor as a defense mechanism as well. The fact that he always made me laugh is one of the things that I fell in love with but now he doesn't even talk to me anymore 😢
you seem patient with yourself andxthank you for that.
❤️ the Cosmo confession!
Was my favorite mag 😂
Cosmopolitan magazine. Lol. It's all about marketing.
I like your honesty & sense of humor. It is really a scary situation to be in feeling that way. I can't even imagine your explanations. Thank God that you overcome this condition.
🙏🏽🙏🏽
Lee you are amazing!
Is so practical listening to you.
God Bless you!
Thank you for this video - this is the most debilitating experience - when you see a double you stalking toxic shadow from which you cannot escape, like a horror energy that follows you and feel it everywhere. I think that here is where your identity gets sabotaged by you as well, and start to feel confused about yourself, because you have this continous energy of self mirroring mixed up with a narcissistic personality disorder person's mess. And when you live with this long enough, kicks in the confusion of perceived reality. Thank you for your explanation. I think any #awarness gives relief from this toxic mess towards a clarity, for both NPD and regular people.
Thank you for explaining this. It's an eye-opener.
My narc (I prepare my exit) was jelous of me because I can sleep and he can't. Speaking of bouncing. Even now he falls asleep at 3-4 am and he wakes up at 7. And then he says he's tired and he blames me and his work.
Lee, thank you SO MUCH for this video. My daughter has BPD, which also comes with Narcissistic qualities - especially feeling like they have no sense of Self. And I recently found out that my grandfather had NPD. These 2 conditions have commonalities, and your video today gave me much helpful insight. 😁
Any Cluster B disorder can overlap. BPD often has primary or secondary psychopathy.
They mirror people, and mimic people a actor.
Whew Chile it's sounds like it's Exasperating to be you , I am exhausted listening to how your brain works I didn't know what a narc was until I ran across your channel and I sincerely want to Thank you for Teaching me What I've been dealing with by giving me some Understanding bc I didn't know that a person like that has been in my life for 40 yrs.and I couldn't understand some of his bad behaviors towards me just bc he didn't ever want to be held accountable for anything and the non empathy and the gaslighting and the Silent treatment now with the Silent treatment in order for me to get thru that mess I would give it right back to him 3 or 4 times longer than he intended, I would even keep it going when he trys that sweet talking Love bombing stage bc I'm hurt and now Im Pissed off , and it's Payback time bc you Tried me even though it hurt me even more inside I wouldn't show it I would act like he wasn't there and walk right passed him and that was it for Home-cooked meals and I would start going places and doing things by myself in his face and he dared not to ask me where I was going bc I was getting my so called Narc punishment and he was getting it without knowing that he was getting it too, now normally I'm a homebody most of the time and I really don't go anywhere alone I would prefer to be at home but I make the effort at those times to go places even though I Don't want to go but I Go bc I know that it pisses him off soooo bad that he wants to respond but the Narc in him won't let him so that's my way of saying to him Without saying a word that No I am Not Sad or Mad I'm Good ! BUT CHILE I really be out there faking the funk just to Stick it Back to him even tho sometime I just be sitting at the neighborhood park for a few hours so that's one way that I fightback to protect my Sanity without giving him the feeling that he thought that he was going to get outta me , so I use that time to try to enjoy me and knowing how Crappy he is feeling at home being mad mad and the funny thing about this is HE is the one who taught me by using it on me I didn't know Anything about the Cruelty of Silence and I've Adapted and am better at it than he is at it
I thought I was in love with a person, turns out that person was indeed myself mirrored by the narcissist. I eventually found wishing I was him. Which, in fact, I was 😂
Ahahaha hey Lee's advice is to love yourself so...
This is interesting because people with Asperger’s do this masking thing too because they don’t understand how to mingle with others or socialize “normally” but they’re actually very empathetic but just don’t know how to effectively show it…
Exactly the more personalities split personalities I don't like all these different people
Only a certified mental health professional can diagnose.
Thank you so Much for sharing your Personal journey& insights!! So POWERFUL....and Needed!
(Hey...Charlotte, NC here too!!!). ;)
The interesting thing is the codependent has the same problems with lack of self love and not knowing who they are.
Thank you Lee.
you’re welcome
Wow that's exhausting to be like that. That's too much smh
Wow! I love your commentary I will be booking an appointment with you I just looked at the appointment list and see everything for next week which I will absolutely be booking I wish you had something today.
Narcissists fake being normal like everybody else does.
😵💫
OMG. I had a roommate who did this to me (copied my clothes, my hobbies, and things I said). I felt really creepy about it and naturally pulled away and got the creeps from her (this was 30+ years ago) and I never thought about this since. Luckily I pulled away and never spoke with her again. Wow. So interesting.
8:53 - 9:46 i do something like this to but it's not for mirroring. I just don't want to make them feel judged and i feel bad for giving my personal opinion
Great stuff! Great explanation! Keep up the extraordinary work.
Wow! Just WOW!!!! This explains so much!
You ARE Willing to put in the Effort to Learn & Change!....most Narcs do not....sadly!
How u know it’s not mask and his not manipulating you ? Lol 😮 narcissist is a disorder meaning they can’t change their brain Is different then normal humans ..
I've noticed when dealing with mine that he treats the people that he likes better than he treats me so he's capable of doing it, I'm just not worth the effort if he can't use me for what he wants to use me for he wants nothing to do with me, it's always on me to initiate contact with him by text messages bc he doesn't want to answer my phone calls and when I do if he can't engage me in his narrative then he starts an argument with me that he blames me for.
But he's made sure that I've seen him interact with other people some of them I know and some of them I don't so he wants to make sure I know he does it.
This is amazing to me.. I was in a relationship/ situation ship a yr ago. Im older AA female. I Believe the person I was involved with is a narcissist. I'm not a Dr . This guy is very smart so he reversed a lot of things you say narcissist is. But the mask did come off.
WOW! Same. I got hooked by a complete narc in AA. We were both about 4 months sober. Ended up moving her into my house and it was a complete nightmare of a year. But she got tired of keeping the mask up because I had become very aware of her tricks. She packed and left me when I was at work a week ago. She moved in with an active addict. I loved her but I'm so glad she's out of my house
How is the certainly copycat everything from movies to studying your character they need. Why because they do not know self so they take yours.
We become who we are around most. This is why autonomy is so crucial in ALL growth 💜
98% of people are followers, meaning that they copy their role models and study them.
The role models have just changed and are actually reflecting the average level of normalization in societies.
People mostly ignore their own opinions because they are scared to revile them and they are not building a network of manipulations to gather control.
Sometimes they off course do that and have a hard time cutting it out, still, it can be done.
Lack of self-respect and love is behind that more often than bad intentions.
Lots of love to everyone!
My ex and i seperated. We tried to reconcile. He has his own place and always admired my home decor. He never had a decorative bone. I saw his place for the first time, he bought the same bed i bought for us from the same place. He decorated with my style.... He tried. Like farmhouse style. I was shocked. I told him, wow i guess my influence rubbed off on him. He always says where did you get this or that. Wow!
😞😞
"The symbols match...it's a brand."😅🤣😂Ok Lee!😂
Respect for your work! So sad you are just not enough! Please make a video about a video about that.
Its almost everyone these days just mirror you, people are very weak and have no sense of themself.
😫😫
He only keeps his mask on until he is in a relationship with you once he gets you the monster comes out in drips
Do you go to a portrait studio all the time for all these thumbnail images? Or take your own pictures on a timer. Or have your wife take them? I get that realtors always have photos, but you seem to have a wide variety of them
I’m actually a published model and get a lot of photos taken lol. These were from my own personal head shot portfolio
@@MentalHealness oh ok that would explain it
I have just recently broke up with my ex (first bf) who I am convinced is a narc because he acts like one. During the Love bombing phase everything was so perf! Until he started showing signs of being a narrc and I didn't know anything about narcissism that time. I only found out and started researching about narcissism after we broke up. He started withdrawing even pressured and manipulated me to do what he wants me to....During the break up, he really tried to make me stay by making excuses. At first, he wanted to get rid of me then 5 minutes later trynna make me stay....he so cray cray! I even cried but he didn't even seem affected...no hugs didn't even give tissue....He just coldly asked me to stop crying. And you know what's funny? He even said that he feels sad and is crying inside but his face doesn't show it...but he looked upset or kinda pissed off. It's weird too cause his eyes were....idk so dark? Like so black even? To think that I lost my V to him.....He didn't care about connecting with me emotionally he only cares about seggs. It hurts to to think that everything the things he's done and said..... the Love Yous were all fake while I was genuine. Btw, He was a contrl freak too and tried to isolate me from my friends....The trauma he has caused me will forever be embeded in my mind and heart. I don't know how I'm gonna be ok. I really want to heal. I hope I'll heal. I decided to go no contact with him as well but I feel like our paths are gonna cross again someday because of our mutual friends.
You have to watch a ton of narc videos. Go no contact and every time you go back he will hurt you more.
You are very naïve and easy pray for these predators. Watch and learn!
Sam Vaknin, Narcissist Chronicles, Cluster B Milkshake....
Healthy people don't love bomb or future fake.
Intent does matter. I’ve done things that were toxic from a previous relationship where they told me they loved me but still treated me badly. What he taught me was that was part of love. Like manipulation and gaslighting. I never meant to hurt anyone, I was never healed or went to therapy long enough to cover everything that needed to be covered.
Healthy love isn't abuse. Emotionally healthy don't intentionally harm people.
My x is npd bipolar and manic depressive
My soon to be ex was jealous of me, turns out. It’s awful finding that out. He treated me like he hated me BECAUSE I had way more in every category than him. Although to look at him and listen to him, the outside thought the opposite. I would ask him, why do you hate me so? He’s never correct that persona nor change behavior.
One time recently I found him, this 57 year old black man, watching that HBO show called “Insecure”. That’s because he was chasing some skirt whose in her 30’s…I am SURE of it. They go to younger because the women his age are too wise to the game now. Always know this. Younger women, be very aware that you’re not playing him, he is definitely, unequivocally playing you for your supply. Even if it’s just a picture on IG. One picture will do the job! But oh there’s way more going on that them demons are real slick to get from you with your eyes wide-open.
I just dig you dude & thx for sharing., you’re changing the world! Finally a real man w/Cagones lol
mirroring...oh yes! then, a week later they deny they ever said they liked a shirt.
😔
Thank you for your vulnerability😊😊🙏🙏
They definitely study their target like a dang college course
💯💯
Yet incapable of even passing a college course without lying and cheating and pissing that up too.
And i said to my x you are so like me in everything.
Its an ACT!!!! They have practiced their whole lives
some def have
My narcissist didn’t know who he was I remember when we first met three years ago he told me his favorite color was red after I said mine was pink and I remember him saying our favorite color was almost similar. Recently I asked him his favorite color he told me gray so I was confused I said you told me it was red. We went back and forth about it till I just stfu it was so pointless but I still remember him telling he his favorite color was red.
Good question
They believe they're good actors. It's a facade.
Public persona is different than private behaviors where you see the real them.
Narcissist? Trust Your Gut - Dr Sam Vaknin
I know why too. It's because you weren't allowed to have an identity growing up. That was my issue when I was younger. I had to go to a therapist for them to tell me to focus on what I liked etc because I didn't even know what I liked or what opinion I had about things. I'd pretend to like sports to get friends. That didn't work out so well because I was bored going to sporting events.
Authoritarian parenting is the worst. A great book is Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.
Important to do what you enjoy and find people who share these experiences.
I have to try that
I have always been the odd one do not fit in. I felt it too. I wondered what is the difference between me and them. Popularity to me being simple and obviously don't do the stuff others did like lime, party, consume alcohol, in relationship,..
I have children and still I don't fit in I am not like other parents.
One thing for sure everybody in society dislike me for always being home with my children.
I am always quick to hurry back home. If I am home I will not want to leave home to go anywhere especially for personal time or go out with others.
My children are my priority. I was the only parent who would visit my son lunch time after school walk him to lessons not to far from school.
The principal didn't mind. My son he appreciated that 5 minutes to see me and returned to pick him up after.
Even though he is in secondary school he wants me to be there after school and travel home together. On mornings I would walk him out and wait with him for a taxi.
Due to circumstances my children had to separate from me.
These was the opportunities that helped reunite us. He would request that I pick him up from school, then from lessons and ask to stay overnight with me.
Eventually he never went back and still with me.
So being different from others being your own individual is what makes you YOU.
So what if I don't fit in, I don't need to change who I am to fit in.
Remember there are consequences for one's actions not because everybody is doing something
depending on what it is participating in sports, going lessons, playing an instrument, going to religious meetings,..
To liming, drinking alcohol, partying, and indulging in other activities that aren't choices I would make or live it everyday as a daily routine, but occasionally maybe
I am my own individual.
Society see me as weird so what at least I am me and not like them. I am not judging nobody but they condemn me for not being like them.
I am independent, I have responsibilities, I am a single parent,
(I am not so well to work like a normal person most times I be in bed, I can't play sports but I enjoy long distance walking,..
I can't be like normal people.
I try to get up and when I can have a good day I do what I can I don't wait for an occasion what I can do today now not later especially to make my children happy.
Their happiness is I being here for them physically.
I may not fit in with some adults but when it comes to children they like me.
It had some girls who was trying to be me. I did my hair they try to copy me. I have long hair so who have short hair put in braids, another one wore a wig,.. Even my shoes, I find this ridiculous. Or sure they could not dress like me no matter what they tried.
This is so crazy
Lee could you address being a child of a narcissist? Although I’m not a narcissist, I have felt I don’t know who I am & maybe tried to pick up what others were like to fit in because there wasn’t healthy mirroring or emotional mentorship.
Do they know that’s what’s their doing it though? Do they think to themselves I need to copy that person to fit In bc they don’t feel normal? Or did you only become aware of that’s after become an aware narcissist? Does that make sense lol
Just want to give u accolades . You have come a long way and have made alot of progress within yourself.. congratulations and i truly and deeply appreciate you ..your journey..and your progress... im nolonger with my narc and u have helped me guide my healing through your honesty.. thanku and bless u and i pray ur strength and continued progress in ur process..
Seems like a lot of narcissists use alcohol to fake being normal. And it looks like they hook in empaths so other people see them getting humored and getting the benefit of the doubt all the time.
Wow...very interesting...my x started to mirror what I always wanted to do after the divorce...good way to keep his next marriage...
That's awesome to have a twin And You did answer All that Many of us would have ASKED lol And Tyfs ❤ Not to take away from this awesome informative vid..... however try And do a video with him And question and answer!? Being a teacher he May not want publicized though idk sounds fun And interesting ( yep And nosey 😂) much love and respect Mr. Lee And Family 💕
Long time ago I told him what was the name of the show that I used to watch growing up.
Many months later am saying many he came home with a dvd of that show .
I remember thinking he is kind of dumb but he remember the name ?
I thought he was so sweet back then not for the present but for remembering.
At 46 he was dating on the phone and treated me like u just the made of the house.
They get worse when they find someone else.
The false self the narcissist that I knew of it couldn't control Its Behavior that mask spell like it was free all the time then it would try to pick it up real quick an act like it was a human unreal blows my mind completely
Would you say you would "chameleonize" yourself? Be whoever you needed to be for others? You'd turn green around green people, be purple around purple people, red around red people, etc... The narc. I know would be a different person based on who he was with. He did not have a sense of self but relied on fitting in to be accepted. He'd even take on their language accents and talk like them!
Lee, you made me tired just like my estranged husband did!
Why 3:41 would they fake being normal when hey think they're normal?
I went on my FB and randomly liked a ton of pages. Just to see if they bring it up in conversation of something they "like"
Ya'll it works. Lmfaoooo.
Great video so trust🎉🎉🤴🏿
Red flag-ISH 🤣🤣🤣
Ping pong💯 multiple personalities
💯💯
From the way you became a narcissist (trauma); did you have resentment for your siblings? if yes how and was it ever dealt with?
What happened Lee? How are you like you?