What makes a Narcissist ignore you or pretend you dont exist? | The Narcissists' Code Episode 564
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ย. 2024
- What makes a Narcissist ignore you or pretend you dont exist? In this vid I go over a few different reasons as to why a Narcissist may ignore you or stonewall you.
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
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Thank you so much
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If they ignore you, you are blessed. Take the gift and make it permanent.
Exactly 💯
It is a gift the only contact he has with me ends in arguments doesn't matter if it's a phone call or text messages, so I block him bc I actually have things to do.
I was given that gift on September 15. ,2022 I’m in therapy now so that I don’t get back in that mess again!
What if…. This person lives in my home won’t pay me rent or very little, eats my food, yet hides his. Then uses my kids body wash wears my kids socks etc. I could go on. I have told him to leave. He ignores me. I’m afraid of getting a court order for him to leave. He might try to do some sinister stuff to me or my family, pets etc. he needs to go. He’s a leech! I cannot deal with this anymore
Even being in a highly toxic and abusive relationship for decades, I remember a time fearing I would be abandoned, left, forgotten and discarded by the person who made my daily existence not worth living. It doesn't even seem that long ago, actually. Now I find myself researching ways to distance myself from him. Looking intono contact and gray rocking. I never thought I could go from ignoring physical violence and daily betrayal out of fear of abandonment, to actively seeking ways to remove them from my life entirely. It's sad it took 20 years for me to reach this point, but I'm not surprised. When your entire life has been surrounded by people, family, friends and strangers who devalue you, invalidate you and abuse you then you start to believe you are as worthless and they've made you feel. It took educating myself and understand my own behavior and that of my abuser for me to finally realize how valuable I am. I'm not out of the woods yet, but the fact that I'm currently looking for a safe exit both saddens me and amazes me everyday.
The better you treat them the worst they treat you they hate people that love them and love people that hate them the more you do for the narcissist the more they take you for granted
Truth 100%
I have been feeling this for yrs. I just left him, n for the last time this time. I know in my heart of hearts, I'm not THAT crazy. I'm new to regaining my sanity, but I refuse to give up on myself ever again!
So true I've seen it for myself and it's hurtful..
Very very true
This is so true!!! 😮
They ignore you for something they did! 😂So true!
This is the freckin truth smh
Straight facts!! When he gets mad at me it is because of something he did!
I think that their spirit is irritated by some who is the opposite of them. Someone that peaceful, kind and easy going.
Or, many things they did. 😢
True
Silence will always kill them slowly. They survive off attention
🥺
Not if they have other sources of supply.
@@katydid594 so you feel like they done for good? Lmso
Yes yes yes
I wonder who their supply will be? Yikes ..
When you don’t make them the center of your world ! That is intolerable for them!
Facts
Whew
Bingo!!!!
So true and when you try to give them more attention they ignore you lol-psychos!!
You guys are flattering yourself and hopefully it helps. But truth is- THEY ignore you. It very tolerable to thEm. They have NO PROBLEM not contact you.
It torchure us. We are the one having problem to keep no contact with them.For us(not them) it crucial to keep it for rest of our lives since It damages us. Not them.
....How do you listen?
Just telling them "I will no longer tolerate you disrespect me/ talk to me like that" has worked for me. They disappear like the sun at night 🤣😂
That's never worked for me. I work as a cashier and when I say this to customers who are outright abusive they call my manager to complain the next day. I have a binder of complaints lol. The silent treatment is a better approach, my problem is I'm not any good at that. People want to start fights with me and I always fight back.
You may not have dealt with a real narcissist then.
@@NamesZKP no I have, lots. It's best to say nothing as they will use your words against you.
Yep. That happened to me. It’s a good move.
@@chelseascott5872 I did that with an asshole press operator I had to work with. Drove him NUTS😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Mine would ignore me when I voiced expectations of him. It was like "how dare you expect anything of me, I do what I want."
Omg yess!
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep!!!!
Yessss
Yesssss!
My granny always said...stop feeding them and they stop coming! Stop feeding their BS and they literally fall all the way back.
What means BS I always see in comments 😏
@@kajal-xe6fi It means worthless toxic nonsense.
The only proper response to ANYTHING they ask is "No thanks, I'm busy, bye, and take care!" And RUN away
@@kajal-xe6fi bs means bull shi t. A stinky pile of poop.
@Kajal, it just means BullShit!--->BS💯👈
You can't give the silent treatment to someone that enjoys your silence 😂😂😂
😂😂
Damn right 😊
That's what I say ... I didnt even know I was being "punished"😂😂😂
@@Rose-gt6dv I think you may have misunderstood my comment. I'm my situation, I didn't give a damn about his silent treatment because I didn't want to hear from him anyway. His silence was and still is music to my ears.
@@5DPhoenix ahhh my bad was way too excited listening to all the confirmation!😂😂 I remember reaching that stage and it’s empowering. So unbothered and knowing your really really don’t give a dam about the petty games! Sooooo boring right lol
They want to keep you second guessing yourself. They want to control the relationship.
I feel this daily n never looked at it like this. Ty for the enlightenment
Yesssss and I’m not having it 👍
Laying down strong boundaries is a deal breaker for the narcissist
🎯🎯
Exactly!
Unless it's a new bar to reach for. Some of them are that determined to f u up.
💯
YUP
The indifference they show us is worse than a stab in a heart. I felt invisible in this marriage from day one.
Caregiver mother 😖😡 going on a year NC 💪
Yup. Mine would tell me he didn't care and was indifferent when I would cry.
@@SR77736 I am so, so, sorry. No one deserves to have their feelings disregarded and not acknowledged. How are you coping?
Rebecca de winter: I felt the same. I was just remembering about the oddities of him. I would sit out in the front room with him, and it was like sitting alone. He wouldn't converse at all. I would do all the talking, chit-chat, mostly, but the response, if any was one word answers. It's exhausting. But what was extra annoying was he would talk to me after I'd leave the room! I couldn't hear what he was saying from the other room, so once again to cater to him, I'd go back into where he wasn't talking when I was there and ask what he had said. Of course it was never anything he even needed to say. He just wanted to continue to f%%#$ with me as often as he could. He would come into a room I was in and just stand and stare until I would say What? So very odd 🤔.. It's almost funny now, but at the time, this behavior was very close to completely destroying me.
@@sajor1847 Ive seen that exact pattern..
Always keep in mind that they have the emotional maturity of a five year old. They are toddlers in an adult body.
You caused them to reflect on their behaviour and made them feel ashamed of themselves.
💯💯
In 63 years, I've never known a narc capable of experiencing shame.
‼️‼️‼️
Once, they realize they cant control you anymore.
They sure will ignore you…I met one a while ago and when I decided to enforce my boundaries and raised my standards, he started ignoring me. I wouldn’t let him use me and he felt I was tripping. I wanted someone who would show me real interest and date me correctly. He had other motives. Good riddance 👋🏾 I’m now engaged to a great man 🎉
Good you was smart on. Blessings to you
Congratulations
Good for you! Always know your worth and never settle for less. This goes for both men and women and all types of good folks that have been made to doubt themselves.
Grey rock. Break contact. Stonewall.
If they're ignoring you, count your blessings and move on! 🙌🙏
I’m getting a kitten! My narc took my cat and didn’t bring her back. My cat died in March. 😢
@@sandragrewe so sorry 😞🤍
@Sandra Grewe that's horrible 😢
I wish I could get a pet, I wanna cat too! 🙏❤️
My narc turned my whole family against me and made me out to be insane. I've been exiled for close to 4 years now.
I dared to warn them against the CONvid CLOTSHOT 🙈🙉🙊
I was banished for my efforts 🙃🙏
Hope you good brother... Take care
@@blaqshiep4920 Thank you! God bless your empathy 💯🙌🙏❤️
Don't react. Don't show them how you feel. They're trying to say " you're not important or even worthy of my attention.
Theymake you react is gas lighting , they trying to get something. Out of you, it emotional abuse, is a put down so they can feel better
Yes...
They will ignore for a period and come back out of nowhere to regain your attention. Keep moving forward.
They ignore when you stop feeding there ego, and giving them information they love to hear!
So true. I realized that. When you don't boost their ego, they ignore you
That speaks volumes. I am getting so much out of this thx to all of u. Im sry if I seem like a bug-a-boo, but I have gotten enlightened to thgs I had ignored. Ty for ur tolerance
I noticed 🤔🤣
💯
Not true, they don't want a give you love affection, they only want thing from other but they can't give you anything. They ignore you is a saying you not worthy of their love. Is very selfish
They ignore you just to make you feel bad....and later make up some 'after the fact ' excuses to blame it on you. Finally you can be grateful they will ignore you...it's perfect timing to plan your escape
Agreed!
this
And they mess up the timeline, they give you silent treatment, you cry and yell cuz they won’t even say why and later they say they ignored you cuz you were yelling
Right. They don't need a reason. That is what I think most people don't get.
@Plan your escape 😂
And what an implosion for them when you ignore them back and live your life right around and in front of them. Never give your power away. They are flesh and bone like everyone else. They aren’t special. Work on your self worth. ❤
I absolutely love this comment. Wonderfully said. Ty, this hit home
1. Disrespected them. Perceives anything to be disrespect
2. They got tired of you. Emotonally discarded you. Lack of affection, attention, etc. Got over you.
3. To regain control. Want to be missed by ghosting.
4. To make you want them more.
thanks
6:00
@asiahobson6119 @ video? If not; couldn't capture at once. My bad
They don't like it when you ignore them back. They are and mean nothing. So big deal they ignore. It's good riddance. Let them stay toxic and miserable.
Yep, let them enjoy their little piece of hell they created for themselves 💩
Exactly, ignore them right back😂😂they don’t like it…
I need to get to this stage.
My fcukin heart is so lost and shocked i am not even certain how to deal.
Please help me..
2 months no contact.
No answers or reasoning for why she did what she did..
Just broke up.and left. Gone.
5 years. Gave her the literal world. Cheated. And left. 👍
I stood up for myself and told him I will not allow him to isolate me from my family and people at my job. I told him about his drinking and how he was draining me mentally and emotionally. After I did that he said I disrespected him and broke him as a man! I refused to get married to him without counseling. I’m happy I stood up to him knowing what I know now.
Don't even consider marrying him, counseling don't change them he'll just manipulate you better through counseling trust me they don't change at all.
That sounds like alcoholism and not NPD. Addiction does lead to narc traits. Check out Alanon to help yourself learn and grow to be a better person and not accept addictive behaviors into your daily life.
Facts... This speaks truth on so many levels...even with my knowledge of NPD, I still would be caught up with the emotional roller-coaster. I would speak upon what phase we are in and the next to come, because I even knew his cycles. Every 3 to 4 months he's bored with US and time for new supply. He even told me he didn't like the other women better than me. I finally had to jump off the roller-coaster 4yrs later..smh
When my Ex moaned at me for sleeping most of the day through illness, and because I hadn't done his tea, that was the Icing on the Cake for me. I got up and left after I told him what I thought of him, and walked home in the rain poorly. He sent me a text that night but I deleted it straight away without having read it as I can imagine what it would've said. He's given me the silent treatment, but I'm standing firm with no contact.
@Empress don’t you know that being with a narcissist is one big test and what we all learned in school at some point or other is that they are serious consequences for trying to do someone else’s test for them it’s something that the other person has to do by themself well this same principle applies to someone who is dealing with a narcissist I know You mean well but the Young Lady that your making the suggestion to not to get married has to come to that realization on her on own.
That is the thing, the narcissist says whatever he wants without regards for the person's feelings , including desrespect and hurtful things and expects to be respected and blows out of proportion for everything or anything that he doesn't want to hear or talk about. Likes to criticizes but can't take criticism.
I know what it feels like to have someone ignore me/pretend I don't exist. Though the person was ignoring me/pretending I didn't exist, I could feel that they knew I was there. But with the narc, it's different. It doesn't feel like they're "pretending." It's like, they don't really see you at all. It's very strange.
Been there, its like your not there. Maybe they don't have a soul
@@optical-illusion9996 it feels like that when their eyes and facial expressions change once theyre about to show their mean side. Like you are nothing to them and thats it.
You become invisable
I really think they have the ability to just shut off any feelings regarding you, like a light switch and they can just move on like we never existed. They just “shut it off”. It’s very psychopathic
Yes. Thank you
Yup… disrespect them in the littlest pettiest way… and they give the silent treatment like an immature child!
They ignore you because of the new supply…. They never leave you alone PERMANENTLY
When I told my ex if he was messing with her block me. Of course he twisted everything. He wasn't going to use me bc he was with her. He's her problem not mine. He was a sneaky man child.
@@jeananncunningham8493 they are very sneaky but never change so learn from it and grow from it
Yes they do leave you alone permanently when you stop being Supply.
@@Gemmarose9012 yes your right I cut off everyday possible for her to find me or reach out to me and I’ve been narc free
@@ChevyC-jo9pw Good for you!🙂
The hardest thing for me at the moment is emotionally detaching myself from him. I can deal with the silent treatment, and me sticking to no contact, but my emotions I'm struggling with. 🍒
I journal, go to a therapist, talk to friends, go out and enjoy myself. Take it one day at a time, i have good and bad days to, it's a painful experience but so was being with him.
@@paulaperson4460 Thank you.
Just keep working on yourself and give it time. You will get past it just don’t give up ❤ even if it takes years…dont give up ❤️
@@Diarrheagod Thank you
It’s definitely a journey! You can do it I still sometimes struggle but I had to realize the person I fell in love with wasn’t him at all. That’s what helped me detach from him and see the outrage, mental abuse, emotional abuse, and manipulation as the real him because that is him.
When they ignoring us they just teaching us to live without them. Saw that on a post somewhere, it's true tho.
My ex used the silent treatment all the time. For days at a time. I enjoyed that time for myself.
The night my husband and I broke up he said, "I stopped doing the things I used to do for you because I thought you were WORTH it... But now I can see that you're not."
I'm thinking to myself, We just made love LAST NIGHT!!! Why are you keeping me here if you think I'm not GOOD enough for you???? So hurtful. Now that I put him out he's gone from completely ignoring me to texting "I love you" every single day "I was just wondering how you're doing, thinking about you... Do you need anything?" and whatnot 🙄 Lord, Jesus... The level of manipulation is INSANE. I'm convinced this man is some kind of Super Saiyan Narc or something! I understand that if I let him back in, I'll be the B-Word in no time. It is what it is...
Good job. You don’t need the aggravation.
@@r.wilson2348 Yep... They tend to discard you and say hurtful things because they feel like we'll never leave. I called his bluff, and he started love bomb number two...
@@r.wilson2348 Keep your head up, and your boundaries clear... Much love 💕
@@kameelahsalaam2748 thank you so much for that!!
@@r.wilson2348 So welcome! We gotta stick together. This is the craziest experience to go through. You don't have to go through it ALONE. 🫶🏽❤️
I love it when he ignores me cos I now know he's a narccissist I enjoy it and it gives me more time to take care of myself and love myself better I ignore back and I don't get intimate with him anymore and I feel so good the next step is to leave the house and start new
I have mastered this
If the Narc starts ignoring me or not talking to me and we’re living under the same roof
My ignore back game is strong
I NEVER BREAK
I can’t wait until this is OVER
🙏🏽🙏🏽
PRAYING 🙏🏽
Yes same 😂😂😂 I’m making him help me get my car and a job and all since all he wants to have sec and ignore me so making him to do it all right before I leave 😂
@@chanellaugustine7341 saying that sounds like you are the narc your using him
@@hollywoodheevez145 my opinion is that he is using her for sex and ignoring her. So she is getting the love attention she needs by him taking care of those other things. Seems fair to me.
This guy is a gold mine of how a narcissist thinks and acts. The best on TH-cam IMHO.
My deceased narcissistic husband ignored me all the time. He always did the silent treatment. The new neighbor saw me and the other neighbor at the same time and literally said hello to the other neighbor by calling her by name and said nothing to me. Because I know this behavior I turned and went back into my home. I used to be the one that would speak to someone that didn't speak to me but now I identify this behavior and give it right back to them. Even if this neighbor speaks to me I will not acknowledge him again. I refuse to play these games!
Exactly!!
Amen. Returning the vibes back to owner.
To focus on our own lives and connect with respectful ppl.
Lee, your videos have helped me so much & put things into perspective - things I literally had no idea about-the toxic behavior etc..I had no idea what a Narcissistic was until 2 yrs ago- thank you for all of your videos!! They are so educating, especially for someone that was clueless to this toxic personality disorder 😐
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 YES!
Good for you. There's a woman in my work who ignores me. When I'm making the coffee I say "who's for coffee?" and the others say "oh lovely Jessica, thanks" but she remains stony faced. So I don't make her one.
Ignoring me bought him a divorce after 2 months. Now 6 months still ignoring. Reverse discard. I’m healing and happier than I been in years 😊
Yea I feel the same way….when I’m not around this person I feel so much better and free…
I personally want to thank all of the narcissistic men in the world. There are stronger women in this world because of you and in spite of you. They have learned from you what love is not, what a man is not, and have learned to value themselves. Love is great when both people are capable of love. If you are a half man and can only offer a half love (and probably less) keep it to yourself. We don't need it. We don't want it. We can do better all by ourselves.
SO TRUE! I have thanked him for making me a stronger, more independent woman! I am taking that relationship as a blessing!
My grandfather raised me and I remember he told me if someone doesn't want you...LEAVE THEM ALONE...thank you Grandpa!!!
Great advice
Currently going through this today but he has me wondering if I’m a narcissist😂because I’ve come to embrace the silent treatment & I’m better at it than him. I enjoy when he’s silent.
D young : If you were a narcissist, you would not ask the question if you were a narcissist. They don't ask those kind of questions of themselves.Empaths use the silent treatment for survival ; narcissists use silent treatment to destroy.
@@sajor1847 Thank you❤️. Well said. I like that perspective.
I stopped talking to the narc because every conversation was boring or some kind of foolishness. I finally left, who needs them!
@@sajor1847 this is confirmation for me I just said to a friend earlier people who are empaths or normal individuals,only act this way to survive in The world until we see we are safe to come out.
The introvert is the best at handling the narcissist ... we are quiet, reflective people which requires silence and solitude, so you giving me the silent treatment will go mostly unnoticed 😂😂😂
Use their silent treatment as an oppurtunity to find someone whom u truly deserve ..that confidence hurts them..and never ever let them isolate u.
I had a narcissistic ex.
It seemed to be going well, I thought, until I got unwell with my mental health.
Then, he didn’t care. He blamed me for it and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get over it. He ignored me and it hurt so much. I went on to medication, a light came on, and I walked away. Best thing I ever did.
Also, thank you for this channel.
I went through depression and mine did this to me after seven years after he went through depression I talked him out of suicide and got him thru it after job loss. It’s unbelievable. These people lack human emotion or empathy.
When Lee closes his eyes know it's about to go down 😂
From my experience with a narcissist ANYTHING can be considered disrespectful to a Narc.
You can be talking about someone or something that has nothing to do with them and they’ll find SOMETHING to say you indirectly were referring to them.😒🙄
A narcissistic really hates when you're onto their games and you do t feed into what they do . The narcs biggest problem is what they are as a individual they'll assume that you are too. You can't be a nice , cordial , or caring person , they're has to be something crooked or shady about you because if it weren't you wouldn't deal with them . They already feel as of they can't change and everything that is wrong or right about them they've already accepted that fate long ago .
George Davis they will sabotage or give you the silent treatment over the tiniest situation or matter. They NEED JESUS IN A MAJOR WAY.
True, a narcissist does not plan or think about their game plan. It is subconcious or natural to them. It is like eating or sleeping for them.
So true
My kindness was always met with a "I deserve it" attitude. This made me mad. Fast forward to today: I don't have to deal with it anymore.
God sifts them out of your life if you be still.
omfg this is my mother to a TEE. Affirmations and daily mindset training til I move out... pray for me that I get out soon, before the end of the year...
I loved being ignored by him!!! Gave my a break from his bs!!!
I went to jail bc of mine. N I actually had more freedom in jail than I did w him. It was almost a vacation away from him. That's TWISTED!
Same!!! Lol
Treat them same the way they treat you …. See how long they like it ….
Often times once someone shows that behavior (the takers) and we ignore for self care, not wanting to feed them, we are accused of being the narc when in fact we are only protecting ourselves from some abuse that has already taken place.
Yes, when they ignore you it is often the first sign that you have an out. Take it! Your self respect demands it. Noone should be able to treat you like that..
(Personal experience, I'm out, and happy!)
Exactly. I'm doing that now with my Husband. He's in the military. When he gets back, I want all his stuff out of the house and a divorce. If he doesn't come back to get his stuff. That would be great too. More Strength for me. We are both playing Ghost on each other. I'm doing Amazing at this. I haven't called him or text him when we both went Ghost on each other. Nothing! I know how to play the game too.😆😁💯
My Husband is so good at ignoring me, that when we are at home together, if I am upstairs, he is downstairs, and if I am downstairs, he is upstairs. It's almost funny how much effort he puts into it.
It’s the effort they put into it that is just baffling 😂😂
Yes! You are so right😊
I regret i gave up myself and my boundaries when i saw he is a narc. I did everything he wanted and he became worse. Learned it the hard way.
My ex husband taught our child this behavior and after I divorced their father and began doing better about setting boundaries and thriving through healing and self-care, she began the gaslighting, ghosting, hovering, and discard cycles. I endured it for years not wanting to accept that my only child was exhibiting the exact same behaviors as my ex. I can't take it any longer so I have stopped trying to have a relationship with them. They're an adult and need therapy. I've tried since their teenage years to get them into therapy following the divorce. At this point it's on them. Meanwhile, the (narcissist) parent who never provided them with daily love and care, never consistently did the bare minimum for them is constantly worshipped. I have accepted it and am focused on my own life and happiness. I know that I was a good mother and that my child is very successful and capable of taking care of themselves. Btw, during the last gaslighting I was told that I abandoned them when they went away to college. Keep in mind that my mother was dying of Alzheimer's and I was recovering from narcissistic abuse and divorce. This is when I drew the line. I'm done!!
I’m so sorry! Prayers and love and light!
I am so so sorry for your experience & wish I could hug you.
I also want to thank you for sharing this. I am at a fork in the road. Cut ties with my son's father or not? He never ever has had our son. He visits my house about once a month. He wont try to get custody. But im financially dependent on him because my job shut down during maternity leave/covid. & I can't leave my son right now because of reasons I don't want to share for thousands to see. So the only thing is I'm terrified of not being able to support my boy. I have been quietly working on something for two years & it's taking off..but slowly. & also I don't want to alienate a son & father. Mg son adores is dad. But he's 3. So. Of course he does. I tolerated the abuse because I knew my son was not impacted. I was stable. Able to be the steadfast constant for our boy. But then he started to get his own human ego,therefore his father has done a half ass discard on my little dude. & it is impacting him now. I know I'm going to face so much backlash from the community as it's small. He has money. He is a CHARMER. BIG TIME. Ten years until I saw it because it got so much worse when I had our son. I believe he felt he had me trapped at that point. There were a couple incidents recently where I truly wondered if he was trying to hurt my son...i was there cuz I always stay close when he visits. People would say I am insane if I said this. But once I think he tried to get him to choke onna blueberry (he did actually. I did the hymlich (sp?). He was having yogurt with strawberries & blueberries. I was scooping them & he observed me say, this scoop is just yogurt. Okay now this scoop is yogurt with a blueberry so chew dont just swallow (cuz I figure it's automatic for some to immediately swallow yogurt & I just naturally tell him that just to be safe). Well he said "can daddy feed me now." I laughed & said yeah. A second later I looked over & saw a weird smirk on his dad's face.then looked at my son who was wide eyed & it was panic I saw in them...he was silent. I knew right away. DID my thing & a blueberry shot out. He hugged me & said "Mama I thought it was just yogurt on that bite." I comforted him & I noticed him side eyeing his dad. He wouldn't speak to his dad for two long minutes. Then he bounced back & began to have fun again. But in those minutes I swear to God I could feel my son feeling scared, uncertain, & betrayed. He sensed something weird. Then later his dad cornered me & yell whispered about "why THE FUCK didn't you stand up for me & tell him it wasn't my fault it was a fucning accident." I said "that thought literally didn't cross my mind. My son was choking. After he was physically okay, my mind was consumed with his mental & emotional state." & then I said "our little boy chose the words "..I thought it was just yogurt.." he did not place any blame on you. Acknowledge to yourself his love for you & his maturity. It isn't about YOU." Then he said "yeah it hasn't been since you gave birth." Ever since then, he hasn't given us a penny. Cuz I opened my mouth & questioned if it was on purpose. Because the last thing he'd said solidified my suspicion. Today he GOT MAD AT ME that I haven't asked him for money. Then ghosted us again..whoa. didn't mean to say all this. I'm trying to say that I have been leaning towards cutting ties for good. I KNOW I need to. I've seen the future & it looks like your situation. & im so sorry for your pain. Its a terrain one could not possibly know how to navigate. But your story helped me to realize I know exactly what I need to do before it's too late. So I'm sorry. & thank you for using your heartache for good...I needed a guiding star & here you are.
Also...my grandmother was dying with dementia in September. He has never been as awful to me as he was during that week. My grandma was the only unconditional love I had. She was my person. My angel on Earth.he knew it. & so he HAD to pile on problems to keep focus on him. I feel you on so much of what you said.
Good on you
This is a demonic wicked spirit. I pray for their deliverance because eternity is a long time to be separated from God!!!
You have helped me so much! This video hit home 😢. The first time he ghosted me I thought I was going to loose my mind. Second time was sad, but 3rd time I was pissed! Like they say three strikes your out. I told him screw off. He’s hovered. Begged etc I did not cave! Now he knows what it feels like to be ignored 😊
Absolutely third time was a charm
Same happen to me. First I was sad. Second I saw it coming. 3rd I was over it
My narc ignored me on so many levels that isolating one cause is almost impossible. But if I had to choose one, it would be to control. Narcs don't like losing any aspect of control over your life. Everything has to be their way or it's the highway!
Truth. Classic signs of a narcissist
My ex husband use to give me silent treatments almost daily. He never would discuss anything he did to hurt me. In his case, he gave me silent treatments when I wanted to talk to him about something he did to hurt me. Over time, I learned to shut down. When I'm deeply hurt, I go into a shell, I'm not use to have my feelings heard or having someone to work through them with and I'm very sensitive so when I feel betrayed or cheated, I get so hurt, it's like my heart is torn out, I never ignore, a silent treatment is wen someone refuses to talk I would never do that, I just need to be reassured My feelings matter and I need to learn not everyone is going to give me a silent treatment. How do u unlearn to be more assertive when your use to getting silent treatments. I have been learning and getting better at it.
If they ghost you once they'll do it over and over and over again. Take care of yourself!
This! He took EVERYTHING as a criticism. Would blindside me with something from 2 months in the past that I had no idea was even an "issue". It was always something petty or even him gaslighting himself.
Mine too. How do you deal? So very exhausting
@@issar211 Learning more about why it happened has helped a lot. I would also say it happened enough times that I started to care less & less each time. He would always admit later he was stressed about something entirely unrelated to our relationship so I finally realized it wasn't my fault or anything I was doing I was just his punching bag. He could be fine with something one minute then gaslight himself the next & decide he was pissed about it instead. I don't know that anything makes it less exhausting, but I hope that helps!
The Hell wit that Narc I don't care about them being an idiot! They just don't know how happy u can be without the drama!
Been getting the silent treatment gradually since 2021 and totally got severe for the past 7 months. Only speaks to me if he has to and only talks to the kids and pretends like i dont exist at first i was distraught and trying to get to talk to me and finally i shut down. For the fist time in 17 years of marriage on our anniversary he didn't give me my gift until 11:28 pm and didn't even wrap it which he used to do but he gave it to me in a beat up amazon box. At that moment i literally felt something turn off inside of me. Everyone at church thinks hes this wonderful, amazing and funny person but at home he is a cruel and unfeeling monster...these videos have really helped me. Thank you sir.
you’re welcome 🙏🏽
I was dating a man, both in our mid thirties, and he was desperately trying to stay with me but so mean about it. To get to the comical point, in a fight I asked him if I hurt his feelings, what did I do, I said I honestly wanted to know so I didn't do it again (this was before it was clear he was a true true narc), and instead of him actually telling me his point of view he actually said "Well if you have to ask..." 😂😂😂 That's when I started to know and I started to ignore him some but for my own safety.
I’ve been told it’s incredibly difficult for a narcissistic to realize they are one and come to grips with it. I have a ton of respect for you man
I cut off his ability to text me and told him to email me or leave a vm only (about our child). I said no more to letting him text me abuse, no damn more. He got mad, and he's disappeared. I really feel that, once he couldn't get to me, he just abandoned even trying to coparent.
They can't even look you in the eye no more I be burning they eyes up🙏🙏
That’s what I though . Punishment knowing I was in the hospital having a surgery and not feeling well. Like no empathy. I just can’t anymore.
Something stood out you mentioned one of the reasons a narc will ignore you is because they are “emotionally” done with you but my experiences with a narc is that they are never in ANYTHING with true emotion..everything is just a game to them on how they can benefit and in my experience I felt like the person I was dealing with was good at imitating emotions or imitating what “ they felt” to be the right response not because it was a natural response but because I felt it was learned behavior by watching others to see what works and it felt like they hardly EVER work from thier own emotion that’s something I never genuinely seen and would wonder why I could never truly connect with them even after years of knowing that person it’s like I knew everything about them but they didn’t really know real shit about me and like I said if they did so call express themselves I never all the way believed anything to be genuine about them other than thier need to benefit selfishly and capitalize on others downfalls or vulnerabilities
My ex used to use communication and affection as a form of punishment.
I pray daily that any nearby narcissist will ignore me.
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My narcissistic boss ignores us all the time, we love it. Only one person gets hurt, but nobody else cares. She is doing us a favor!
Hahahah! It’s great that they expect you to talk to them by ignoring you, and you never talk to them! I wish I could be a fly on the wall for the narcissist in my past at that moment! Nice video ❤️❤️❤️
When I got the silent treatment which could go on for days, and when he started holding back on a section which could go for weeks unfortunately, I turned just as toxic the moment he started talking to me. I’d stop talking for three days and this became a vicious cycle until we both became so toxic. I had to walk out.
I saw this man on a program he.s a narcissist. I.m an empath, just got to know lately, and narcs are attracted to empaths and cling to them in the beginning with all their might, then when they get you were they want they start destroying your character your happiness they are always in a bad mood they want to be on top of others have the best things (its extremely imp fir them to appear wealthy and happy to others even stranger) full of envy , don.t tolerate people more able or intelligent or richer than them. Unfortunately i was married to one known him since i was 15, he abused me mentally anddestroyed my character leaving me with severe depression instead of helping you they make fun of you or treat you like crap. The worst and most evil kind of persons. I did not know back then only got to know about this word 4yrs ago. That.s y everything i did was never good enough and if i did not get support from 2persons i wouldhave never left him and committed suicide. Yes they are that dangerous esp to an empath who has no one to defend her/him!!! Now i know how to treat one and recognise one after a couple of hours. Ignore them and runnnnnn
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OMG THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE 💯💯 THAT'S WHY I ENDED UP LEAVING THAT BIRD.. SMH HE TREATED ME SO BAD AT THE END ITS COOL IM STILL LIVING MY BLESSED LIFE ❤️💯 THANKS LEE ❤️
No Contact with these people is the only possible way with these people
My mum
Was a master at this. Growing up and living with her her once went 4 months without speaking to me. We lived in the same house. Obviously. It was crazy . As a kid this was so emotionally damaging for me. I can’t stand it. Being ignored or not discussing things. I’m a very direct person and value being direct with woolen above all. Sadly I’ve attracted a lot of narcs men and although they have hurt me badly , growing up with a narc mum did the most damage. I am no contact with her and have been for 5 years now. I will never go back.
The reverse discard is EXACTLY WHAT my ex and our child have done. Then they play the victim.
Why will two people 'discard you'. Have you considered that you could be the Narcissist they are ignoring?
17 days break up in a 17 mos relationship. She suffers from Bipolar, lack of self esteem. Lack of Empathy. I gave her 17 mos of control over me. She broke No Contact on day 7 Happy birthday, day 10 Happy Thanksgiving. I messed up & chased her. She gave no response. Ignored me. She never took responsibility for her actions. It was my reaction she brought up. No I treated her like a Queen. Her Mom Loved me & told her He's a Keeper!! You know if Mom says that, you doing something good! This is day 1 of NC. I feel pretty good. So I'm moving on!! I deserve better! It will be tough but I will Improvise, Adapt & Overcome!!! Semper Fi!!!
The reverse discard… was the most cruel and cowardly move.
LMAO!!!!! Thanks for the info. I know for sure that I'm doing something right because he is the one being ignored. Let's see who can out ignore the other one. He will either lose or we will tie because I want to have absolutely NOTHING to do with him for the REST of my God given life .
There is a guy that has many narcissistic characteristics and I want him to ignore me, leave me alone because I'm in no way interested in him. Since he's a regular customer at where I work I can't just tell him off. Thank you for this!👏👏👏👏
@@ArtemisSilverBow I've tried that but he ends up pulling me into his drama or takes digs at me to get a reaction. I'm just going to have to tell him that the only conversations I will have with him is if there is a question regarding our products, all other topics relating to me or anything is not an option and just be deadpan whenever he comes in. I see this as being shown that it's ok for me to stand up for myself and protect myself from allowing this kind of toxicity in my life. I have a nervousness in my stomach and will start trembling just thinking about facing him due to narcissistic trauma from family. I have to remind myself not to make someone else's feelings more important than mine. *deep breaths* Thank you for your suggestions.🙏🙏🙏✌💜
@Love&Faith I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, he sounds awful. If I worked there, I'd stand by you when he came in...sometimes that deters them. I worked with a guy like that. Finally, I pictured him with a cartoon head, and that helped a little bit. You've got this!!!
@@ArtemisSilverBow that's soo funny! We are scheduled 1 person each shift and it's usually not busy when he comes in. When he came in over a year ago I didn't have good vibes about him and what kept coming up about him in my spirit was that he was a snake. I can see this darkness about him and now I know why after having many conversations with him. I used to be very stoic when I was younger but it wasn't a healthy attitude because I was angry during that time. I know that side of me is still here and i think this is a way to learn how to turn off my empathy in situations like this. Thanks again.🙏🙏🙏✌💜
@@ArtemisSilverBow I've been thinking about the cartoon snake and the one that kept coming to mind was the snake in Jungle Book and his hypnotizing eyes. Today as I was doing yard work I was trying to picture him as other cartoon snakes but none seemed funny.........until I gave the cartoon snake one of his features, bucked teeth. 🤣😂 The image of a snake with bucked teeth made me laugh as if I was being tickled like a kid! Omg! That image is SOOO funny to me!!🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂I think he may have been a thumb sucker as a child and although his teeth aren't extreme it's still noticeable. The more I think of him as a bucked toothed snake and laugh at him the feelings of being intimidated by him have diminished greatly. Thank you so much for your encouragement and positive energy! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏✌💜
In a reverse discard, the narcissist can also play the victim. "My spouse left me, poor me." Good video with excellent explanations.
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I really needed this thank you I just need to leave him alone peacefully and ignore them and thank god I dodged that bullet 💯
WOW WOW you gave me a lot more clarity. Glad i walked a away that is a form of mental abuse. But also what he gave to me i gave it back even better. 4 years strong.
Ironically the more they ignore the less I want them then more . Thanks for the insight
I am proud of you for you fixing you and helping others ❤️
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@@MentalHealness
What about co dependent both narcs?? I think 🤔 its possible do u??
When I became debilitatingly chronically ill in my late 40s, my partner started to ignore me and apparently my efforts to connect wasn’t enough (I was no longer valuable as a disabled person and probably “deserving of disgust”). I was on my own most of the time and was getting the message that I was a burden. I finally stopped expecting interaction. One day she complained how I didn’t greet her at the door any longer when she got home from work. I was mostly bedridden, had trouble being upright, and could pass out crossing the room. (Passed out feeding the dogs one morning when their dishes were just feet from my bed.) Yes, no doubt I stopped doing that because I no longer loved her. / sarcasm Also, when I got a tub assist (ordered online) after getting stuck in the tub (I was bathing and not showering because I couldn’t stand up long enough to shower), she came home and while I was in the tub screamed at me about how the tub assist made her feel old. “I’m sorry my disability makes you feel old.”
Yes, she’d already found the person to move on to and she did the reverse discard. So many things… she told me she hated a quirky clock I purchased while knowing I purchased it because it reminded me of how fortunate I felt to have her in my life. It was one thing to complain about after another (but nothing about the disability because that would make her look bad and she was “too good of a person” to make it about that).
😔 I'm so sorry this happened and I hope you're doing ok
My husband ignored me emotionally for 3 years before I left him after I started calling him out on his lying and addictions. I then left and he started buying me gifts he would have never brought me if we were together. I then found his new girlfriend up at our house and now he has started to remember our wedding anniversary. So crazy!?
My father did this to my mother. My whole life of them being married, never seen them go on dates, never bought her flowers, birthday or Christmas gifts. Was not affectionate at all. When she left he was sending her flowers and buying her things, took us out for her bday to the city all dressed up.
My ex used to tell me,'I'm punishing you' bluntly when he gave me the silent treatment. He used to tell me this right on my face. In this case, I discarded him! You are right about that, Lee. I just git tired of his bs!
I am so glad to see this video. I am trying hard to get out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist! I have to realize that my needs will never be a priority to him and I have to remember that it will never change!
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Write down the bad stuff and go back and read it when you think you miss the narcissist. You will see the continual state of fear, confusion & sadness their behaviors cause you to live in when you make a comprehensive list of the things they do to hurt you and others. Compare the time you were happy (love bombing phase for me was 6 months) and the time you’ve been unhappy (7 1/2 years of cheating and emotional distress and abuse and financial abuse and isolation). Hopefully this will keep you from getting sucked back in.
Yes, the ignoring and not being told why...
I fear this the start of the discard stage.
these people are nuts so no great loss
I am working through anger issues because of witnessing my father's narcissistic behavior towards my mother. I affects the kids too. I have learned to understand I can't fix or change anyone. Freedom.
I learned to ignore my husband after many years of his on/off silence and now I'm good at it to a point that he doesn't bother me anymore. I literally live like I'm single...I do my own thing (except dating ofcourse). I figure if he wants a divorce he can go for it...same difference to me
I love the all time famous "try not to smile" when you know you do it and you are hurting someone. ALWAYS, they smile when talking about or being confronted for being so cruel. THIS VIDEO IS ABSOLUTELY SO VALIDATING. THANK YOU FOR HELPING US, LEE!!
First off, congrats for recognizing you had a problem and getting treatment. Next to the discarding, this was the hardest part of being with my ex. She would just go on these spans where she would act like I didn't exist. I would first try anything to approach or close the gap between us, but honestly after a while of it, it would just piss me off. It just made me feel so worthless. I'm really glad that relationship is behind me, it was so toxic.
This video was spot on. Another thing a Narcissistic person will do is refuse to block you. They blame you for everything thing. But refuse to block you. If someone has done you so wrong why would you leave them with access to you. It’s all an ego boost. I’ve learned a Narcissistic person ignore you to hope that will make you stop discussing how they mistreated you and then they win. But continue to let them know how badly they have done you so it can eat away at their feelings for a lifetime. Great video new channel viewer.
I can’t thank you enough for this TIMELY message. Last week, I called my NARC out on his gambling issue along with other financial issues. Of course he flipped it on me and we haven’t talked since. Last night I discovered he is having personal items, clothes, etc mailed to his place of work. When I called him out on that, lies lies and more lies. He is not talking to me. So hearing this very rich messages, arms me. I will NOT play into his games. They are SUCH IMMATURE people. Thank you for your wisdom, knowledge and understanding.
Informative as always! Thank you!
It's a trip to me, because I ignore the narcissistic supervisors on my job. Walk over them, don't look at them, etc. I even told one, do not come into my office! Period! Some people are not worthy of a conversation! I don't want to open myself up to being used and hurt again.
you’re welcome
You just get it.
I think it’s so dope you’re a self aware/accepting narcissist. Seriously. Don’t see that very often! Your videos truly help me get through the discard trauma.