I Hate Being A Man
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.ค. 2024
- A special video for pride month, in which I explain my journey to realising my gender identity, what exactly said identity means to me, as well as my wider thoughts on the concept of gender itself.
Chapters:
00:00 - Cracking
02:23 - Non-binary
05:54 - Postgender?
Music used (in order):
Kai After Kai - lethargy
Kai After Kai - vocal
Kai After Kai - depersonalization
Kai After Kai - posT⚥
Presave The Universe Is a God-Shaped Hole here: distrokid.com/hyperfollow/kai...
Stream/Download Mr. Mx here: song.link/MrMx
Link to Logan Paul's podcast clip: • Logan Paul CONFRONTS H...
Music Channel: / @kaiafterkaimusic
Second Channel: / @kaiafterkaiafterkai
Support me on:
Patreon: / kaiafterkai
Ko-Fi: ko-fi.com/kaiafterkai
Buy my music at:
Bandcamp: kaiafterkai.bandcamp.com
Stream my music at:
Spotify: open.spotify.com/artist/3ry6o...
Apple Music: / kai-after-kai
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Other Links:
Twitter: / kaiafterkai_
Twitch: / kaiafterkai
Edited with Filmora. - เกม
![[LIVE] ใครคุยเรื่องบอล "พ่องตาย" #คุยให้เด็กมันฟัง EP.43 (13/7/67)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/8bHYL8RuBqs/mqdefault.jpg)
Presave "The Universe Is a God-Shaped Hole" here: th-cam.com/video/ZH4wr_BDCI4/w-d-xo.html
Stream/Download Mr. Mx here: song.link/MrMx
Hey, I just want to tell you hat I think was going on with Logan Paul's co-host. The thing that was happening is that he assumed that being "manly" is inherently virtuous, and that Logan would just automatically agree with him.
Non-binary.....
Sure whatever you say "totally" human person and not a robot person trying to blend in society by saying they aren't binary so people won't get suspicious of them
Whatever you say
Based genderabolitionist
I can explain gender to you in a fairly comprehensive manner if you would like. I know people don't quite understand it themselves which is why we get here to begin with. The only thing i will need to know is if that is (actually) what you are wanting... An answer as to why.
Even if not, I would still recommend "Chesterton's fence". Don't destroy what you ultimately don't understand since what "better" thing are you going to replace it with if you don't understand why, it was there to begin with?
As a angelic creature I do not let pitiful ideas define me, I am me, made by God and beautiful at that
Imagine ruining fashion so bad that you turn someone non binary
Wouldn't that outcome mean fashion is working as intended? I'm not an expert but I thought fashion was a way to express identity and sometimes also make a statement. Was I mistaken somewhere?
@@Katwind the video started off by them saying that male fashion is so cringe and oppressive unlike female fashion, then saying that they’re nonbinary
@@FishSticker Ummm, yeah, both of those things are true. But they didn't say they're enby because male fashion sucks.
I think you understood it as "fashion sense is uneven and restrictive for each gender, so it'd be better to get rid of gender", which doesn't make much sense. Sorry if I got it wrong, but that's what I got from your comments.
But in any case, it's more of "fashion is meant to help people express themselves but gender norms get in the way, so it'd be better to get rid of gender".
@@magicseahorse it's not complaining for attention, quite the oposite. Is just "lemme do my thing alone". A man can't do his nails or have a nice long hair without bringing unwanted commentary and looks. Not that it matters at the end, but it's annoying af.
@@magicseahorse real women and men dont cry in comment sections and lie for attention (you)
Women in red carpets: 👗🥻👚💃✨️💖
Men: 🕴
even the emojis are gender restricted wtf 💢💢
Not in different countries
We should start dressing like assassin’s creed characters
Your proposal... intrigues me.
And Devil May Cry characters.
Both is good
Now THIS person knows wtf they're talking about! xD
Nah seriously this had me laughing my ass off for a sec, so thanks I needed that today.
yes
We men really should start dressing like a Jojo character
Jojo is peak masculinity.
Based
how@@lif6737
The ideal male body is a JoJo protagonist
Don't... a lot of those characters wear colorful suits tho???
but yeah, do some wacky shit with your hair!
Even as a woman I always thought the suit thing was weird
Me too! I’m an NB and why don’t any men wear the sorts of art pieces that women do?! Even at the MET Gala where the point is the fashion! It’s ridiculous!
Same
im a man but same. i swar if im ever attending something like this its gonna be in republic commando armor
@@Starlight-ue8jymen’s fashion is always so dull, it’s incredibly difficult to find something I actually like that isn’t listed as gender neutral
"You get the perfect opportunity to put together any kind of outfit to express yourself through"
Men with various different interests, personalities and lifestyles: Put on generic suits only differing in brightness and the absence or presence of a tie.
Our society is badly obsessed with heteronormative culture. There's poverty and crime out there, yet we have people going crazy over someone's gender identity or who can wear a skirt.
It’s one of many distractions that conservatives use to distract from the fact they use poverty and crime to get richer
We're actually cooked as a species I swear.
@LuckyB4nd1t I don't think we are cooked as a species but we have inherited a lot of stupid useless things from the past that has the ability to hurt people today
A lot of prejudices and biases that we get raised with
And if we as a species can survive the chaos and pain that humanity has so far brought, I think we'll all move on from these trivial issues and prejudices (in the sense that it will cause people little harm).
Maintaining patriarchy and painting people who stray outside of it as evil degenerates help some people stay in power which is probably why it’s still prevalent
well no, theyre not obsessed with it. our society IS a heteronormative culture. nature is heteronormative. its true that the issue is ridiculous compared to the world collapsing around us.
its not a problem that woman are allowed to express themselves in different ways, but its unfair that men are forbidden to do so
Exactly.
Bc women expressing their masculinity is ok, but society doesn’t like men expressing their femininity. Sad like that
@@bobsburgers8497yep, because masculinity is viewed as the default, as the power position. Women “trying to be powerful” makes sense, but a man “giving up his power” doesn’t and it makes people lose their minds
One way it was explained to me anyway!
and literally 99% of the time the people trying to "enforce it" are men, on other men. it's unfair to see on social media and in real life it's literally mostly men doing it to other men. it's just sad. like grow up, it's clothes. and then i read comments like "you have a mental disorder if you wear a skirt as a man" do these people even listen to themselves? they sound so stupid.
@@bobsburgers8497Style and femininity on men have literally 0 common value...what even is the correlation between those?
The point of the comment was that we can't dress how we want, not that we want to dress like Barbies😅.
The vast majority of men, would probably choose to dress like superheroes, knights, fantasy styled, or anime inspired, where the heck does femininity correlate to those?😅
even as a girl ive wondered why men cant wear skirts and dresses, like ive seen fashion guys absolutely ROCKING these
Yeah every time I think about it I just end up circling back to the fact that it’s literally just a different shaped cloth. Heck, they’re just longer shirts. Idk what could be so terrible about a specific type of person wearing a different type of cloth than usual
I draw a lot of doodles where the characters are masculine but wear “skirts”
why should we?
@@7swordsinc909It’s not about HAVING to wear dresses, it’s about having the OPTION to wear them.
There’s no “should”. Nobody is forcing you to wear them, just telling you to respect people who do.
If your question was more along the lines of “what’s the appeal” then I can’t personally answer that question as I don’t wear dresses, but I’m sure there’s men who wear dresses in here who can.
In middle school I had this same epiphany. The moment you realize that women basically pushed for it to be a norm for them to wear pants and now its acceptable but men cant wear skirts and dresses is crazy.
I like how your glasses and the ring light make it look like you're a cartoon character with circular white pupil eyes
👁
My thoughts exactly
i cant unsee it how omg, its so weird
Pseudo pupils like a praying mantis
I was about to comment this exact same thing thinking nobody else noticed it lol
The modern suit and its unremarkable variations has been a disaster for men's fashion.
Nah I digress. It’s perfect.
We need to go back to Togas. 😂
😂😂@@magicseahorse
@@magicseahorse It was AUTOCORRECT!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!
I honestly love suits I think they're so nice and have a certain simple Elegance to them.
"I don't like cheese because it's not a vegetable" sounds kinda hard tho
I have similar "I hate gender" moment very frequently. Mostly when people imply there's something fundamentally different about men and women and that they can't ever fully understand the other's experiences. Like, what? I'm a person, you're a person. Nothing I've ever done has been driven by my gender. Is that not the case for you too?
this is really ignorant
The comment, or other peoples reinforcement of gender rules without ever questioning them?
I wore a skirt to school on "wacky Wednesday", a special day at my school based on the doctor suess book of the same name and I got so much attention it was overwhelming. But then, on a normal day, the girls in my class can wear cargo pants, v neck t-shirts, pretty much anything, and no one bats an eye. No idea how this happened in society.
Also nice video btw :3
I believe the standard is "masculinity", it's why tomboys aren't judged as harshly as someone who is masculine behaving effeminate. It might also just be misogyny and the objectification of women that result in less judgement in this regard.
What it is in reality, idk I'm just spitting my thoughts. Gender is stupid I just want to be pretty and I love estrogen.
This is so real.
@@notBeWitchy
"Gender is stupid"... am I connected to your mind or smthn?? Ever since my agender awakening I've been like this, and now I've found someone similar. I couldn't be happier.
@@Lindasaur. im definitely not agender and very much a binary trans woman but yea no its still stupid lol
@notBeWitchy I agree that masculinity is seen as the standard, but at least in the west, when women were fighting for rights and wages, they were also pushing boundaries on what was considered feminine, including clothing. as women became more established in the workforce, a place that was viewed as masculine, different uniforms and dress codes were created, some of them being more masculine than feminine. and women have continued to fight for the freedom of expression, being aided by the fact that women are seen as and allowed to be more expressive.
We don't need to abolish gender, we need to abolish limiting/small box beliefs on what gender should be
@@magicseahorse it still is happening genius, so don't pretend you know everything while also being condescending about it
@@magicseahorseit absolutely hasnt
We don’t need to abolish beliefs either.. do you hear what you are saying?
@@bannedmann4469 I do, you have to have been misinterpreting what I said on purpose, I very clearly said SMALL BOX beliefs, as in beliefs of gender that box people in in an inflexible and limiting way, like saying that one gender isn't allowed to do something but others are, or one gender has to do something that other genders aren't forced to do, as well by extension of limiting gender beliefs, the belief that you have to be the gender you were given at birth
depending on how you interpret the word "gender" that might still just be the same thing though. semantics is important !
bring back wearing full sets of plate-armor
the only problem with this is that its gonna be expensive as fuck but hell yeah
for what?
what war or conflict r u fighting
for the slay
@@InvertedBread to slay
SLAY YOUR ENEMIES
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
@@InvertedBreadthe one in the Middle East
Man, I wanted perfume as a birthday gift but my mom insisted on getting me cologne. She woild NOT get me any perfume because I'm a guy...
So I just got neither.
???
I'm confused as you tbh. I got a brother that buys himself perfume but my mother doesn't really care. Why should perfumes be gendered?
@@r1cceguy No idea.
As a woman, I have alwaysed wondered, why do men have to wear these... Strictly Samey clothing. Especially suits. And they "can't" or "shouldn't" wear feminine clothing. But if I wear masculine clothing, nobody gives a shit lmao. Its literally double standards!!
Idk if this is completely correct, but one take on on it is it’s because of sexism again, that masculinity it seen as better. So when someone does something that’s seen as masculine it’s seen as better, but if you go from being masculine to feminine it would be like going down a step, idk tho
Its not fair it makes me wanna cry some days
I think it's a combination of masculinity being seen as a default, women being viewed as more expressive, and women having faught for a broader range of expression
@@septanine5936this
@@Eeeeeeeeeeh-that’s how people view trans women as well
I both hate and love gender. I hate the expectations placed on me but I love presenting more butch or femme as an expression of how I am feeling any given day. I hate the sexism, the homophobia, and the transphobia, but I love the communities that have formed as a result of such injustices. Happy pride!
As with many things, sometimes you just gotta take the good with the bad.
This is how I feel to!! I love being a sapphic and “girl”, but I don’t want anything to with gender
In a way it's like nationalism. Waving flags, bonding, loyalty, pride - but that inevitably leads to separation, us-vs-them mentality and a loss of individuality. Maybe the only grouping we need is "human", no sub-grouping allowed. Actually, we may need to go a level higher to "creature", or even higher to just "thing that exists", could help with our empathy issue.
@@edumazieri Pride is a response to queerphobia and exclusion. If we were fully accepted in society, then there would be no need for the flag waving or the LGBTQ-specific bonding. Don’t blame queer people for the us vs them mentality-that comes from somewhere else entirely, and all we can do is respond to it.
madtekkerz with the words
People who force the idea that nonbinary people should all look androgynous are genuinely part of the problem, I’m a trans boy but often people tell me im probably nonbinary and that I use they/them pronouns, even when I say I’m not, and I don’t use those pronouns, just because I look androgynous. I would prefer to look more masc but I can’t control how I physically look. Trans people are not a fucking monolith, we’re not all gonna present the same or act the same or want the same things, it’s so strange people can’t grasp that concept.
I personally do not feel that strong about gender, it’s great if others do but it’s just not for me. I’m not NB, I’m not male, I’m not female, I’m just me and I’m just happy being me. I don’t want to put a label on it, I’m not agender, I’m not gender fluid, I’m not trans, I’m just me and I’m comfortable with that.
Exactly how I feel. All I know is that I have a biological s3x and I don't care about it.
That is punk as hell. As a cisgendered man I am also really fed up with the limitations of suits as the only appropriate formal wear. Let me wear colorful fanciful outfits and be revered for my style rather than rejected for my gender expression.
Yeah that's true. Our formal wear should be freer.
If you don’t wear the right clothes, you are gay. The women made the rules, they tell you how to look how to think and how to feel. What to do when to do it. Men are just supportive character robots who really don’t count as people, this is why we’re are picked for the meat grinders of war, we don’t matter, we were born to not matter, born to be sacrificed for someone else.
hey man, be the change you want to see in the world. I'm all for it. and i think if more guys just stopped giving a fuck and started doing as they pleased, then other guys would start to follow suit, you know? (no pun intended lol)
it always takes some brave people in the beginning to buck the norm and shake things up, but then it starts to catch on, a few more people join in, and then next thing you know, you've got a whole movement, and then pretty soon, the cultural norm has shifted.
obviously, with sweeping societal change it doesn't happen that fast. But we have to start somewhere, and i am SO ready to start seeing men express themselves more in every possible way. for one it's beautiful, but also, it's about goddamn time, cuz men deserve to express themselves just as much as women
Unrelated to the entire video, but I do like it when TH-camrs have sunglasses on and the backlight reflects off of the glasses and creates "pupils" in a sort of way. Very entertaining to watch.
it's terrifying, i was distracted the entire video !!
👁👁
I just noticed that at the end and it looked so funny I couldn't stop looking at it
Thanks, now I can't unsee it!!!!
0v0
oh wow. it is like you are speaking from my soul (german saying translated word by word - sorry but there is no better way to say it for me). in these 10min you said one sentence after another with which i could not agree more. everything you said was spot on exactly what I am thinking and feeling. Never have i felt this understood in some random youtube video. i thank you for that. I wish this reaches many
lol i saw the title and thought "just be trans then" and thats exactly what you did, cool vid
i cant unsee the ringlights being your pupils
Haha it's like an anime character.
I can never unsee them with people wearing sunglasses or similar in videos, lol
Yassss it got me making up an original character's design even😭😭😭
That is terorfying why did you do this to me whyyyyyyyyyyyy
same lol 😭
As a cisgendered male I never got why people can't understand or accept that gender and biological sex can be different concepts. The moment it was explained to me it made perfect sense. How does your X and Y chromosomes have any bearing on what clothes you wear, or what personality you have or your role in society? The simple, scientific answer is it doesn't, or at least there isn't a 1 to 1 correlation for every person. Trying to enforce rigid gender norms that people aren't comfortable with is a infringment of people's freedom and well being. Also gender dysphoria isn't really that hard of a concept to grasp when you think about the even more bizare birth defects people are born with. There are some people born with the two genitalla, no genitalla, tails, extra limbs, etc but for some reason a female brain in a male body or vice-versa is not possible? Despite all the complications of human sexuality and genetics, some people will dismiss the possibility out of hand that it is a medical condition and call it mental illness.
Unfortunately I think fear of the unknown and religion plays the biggest role in this bigotry/misunderstanding. I don't know how to rid the world of religious bigotry but fear of the unknown is easy to enough to fix. If you actually talk to people with unconventional gender idenitities and sexual orientiations or simply learn more about them, you quickly realize they are otherwise pretty normal people.
They're the same people that can't distinguish love and sex too, unfortunately.
I think it’s more of lack of acceptance of other people wanting to be true to themselves rather than what is seen as morally correct or as an obligation by someone else. I’m Christian myself and I have no issues with the ideas that other people have because they aren’t my ideas. As much as my ideology is true to me, it shouldn’t negatively impact other groups, people, or events, even though I don’t find it true to myself.
@@retropixels873 That's a reasonable take on the matter. Sorry for giving religious people a bad rap. I wish they were all as reasonable as you are. I think most are but unfortunately there will always be people that take things to the extreme.
@@jacobharris3002 no problem. It’s mainly the more extremist groups who create the loudest voice, mainly because the people who are accepting don’t say anything because it’s not a problem in the first place
Religion is never a valid reason to hate anyone. At the core of pretty much every single one, the message is something along the lines of "be a good person". The problem comes when people start trying to twist words into something that gives them power, or using it as a scapegoat when their baseless hate is proven baseless.
If I ever make it big, I'll be wearing Riddler type clothing to formal occasions.
as somebody who just recently realized i prefer to label myself Agender, watching through the intro it was just point for point, to a T *exactly* what i've experienced. i clicked thinking "oh there's no way that when this person says 'i hate being a man' they mean it in the same way i do, it's probably just some other thing" and then it just. was. i don't know how to describe how validated i feel now, genuinely thank you so much for making this.
Just be who you wanna be. Wanna kiss the hommies? Do it. Wanna be old school macho gentleman? Do it. Wanna be deinty, strong, athletic, sensible, pragmatic, stylish, gear oriented, art oriented, thing oriented, people oriented, family man, barchelore, etc? Do it. Be the different you in the different stages of life.
I agree. Simply be as you are. You don't need to redefine who you are to the world with pronouns or gender identity, simply be as you are.
"be whoever you wanna be! Play our mmo now!.
be everything!
@@Mendips just like Barbie! And Condorito, and Mickey Mouse!
@@broccolite8297that is retardation
There's been a certain feeling within me that sometimes I feel like a perfectly cis male, but other times I feel a shadow of femininity, in an emotional, behavioral and mental sense. It's the time I want to dance around, smile, talk in a soft voice, pose differently, think differently. The label of "man" doesn't exactly fit me, despite being assigned male at birth and having male anatomy. And I've been thinking about it for a few months.
You don’t know femininity feeling. You’re lying and stereotyping women. You’re all of that as a man and that’s cool really
Often the labels we assume don't do their intended job of describing us. But rather, a more destructive thing, to define us, to limit us.
Gender can be like a prison that we build around ourselves, it stops us from doing and thinking the things we truly want to. And worst of all, we are the ones holding onto the key.
@@EmmaHopmanI think you're overcomplicating it. I'm a cis man, but I recognize when I do things that are “woman-like,” but I know why I'm doing those actions: It was the easiest way to express myself that way. We aren't free; there is always structure around us that keeps us grounded, but that's okay, and we can learn to work around it instead trying to destroy the idea entirely
@@hopelesslyoptimistic8231 it's not about destroying the idea, it's about recognizing it and not letting it limit you. It sounds like you're doing that well.
I feel the exact same. You could be a cis male or a cis male who’s also genderqueer (I think it’s possible) or maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all. Depends on the person. It might be of no significance to you (and you may or may not just be a cis man as a result)
Idgaf abt toxic masculinity. I'd love to experience gardening, baking, sewing, cooking. I wanna take care of animals peacefully. I wear pink and pastel clothes all the time its so pretty and colorful. My favorite color is yellow and pink. I wanna wear a flower crown one day. I love putting flowers around my ear. I am a soft sensitive boy who cries a lot, idc abt manning up. Let me cry goddamn it. I'd love to wear a skirt or a dress one day. I've always imagined into dancing while wearing one, letting it spin around blissfully. I also would love to have long hairs and tie it with ribbons and decorations. I wanna do stuff with my boring hair. As a kid I was so sad I can't have ribbons around my short hair. Men barely has any accessories, and I hate that. Just lifeless and unappealing colors. Sometimes I wished I was a girl, so I can wear whatever I want. And have fun with my hair, nails, make up and body. It's so cute and decorative. Men are so bland, I hate it sm. But I'm happy to be a teenage boy. I just wish I wasn't pressured to do things I don't wanna do. And also made fun of. I wanna be a dad one day, and I'd love to see my daughter or son be happy about things they wanna do outside of their gender's norms
Yeah, the whole "it sucks that women can wear whatever they want" thing was something I noticed from a young age, but I didn't want to be a man in a dress. Anyway, I'm a woman now.
In the defence of the suit (and dinner jacket et al), I appreciate it for what it is, subtle and understated. I understand that's not what everybody wants. Personally, I think 18th century court dress is maybe a direction for a more decorative and colourful form of menswear that men are comfortable with.
As a man (a trans man, but still a man), I actually agree with a lot about what you say. I found out I was trans a year or 2 ago, but in the past few months, I’ve really harbored this weird feelings of doubt about my gender identity and I didn’t know why. I’ve found out recently that I am indeed still a man, but I don’t like having expectations placed on me on what it’s like to ‘actually be a man.’
The suit thing in the beginning resonated SO MUCH with me. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love suits, but men are often expected to wear dark and paler colors and a black/white shirt. Personally, even before and after I identified as trans, I naturally geared towards wearing more colorful outfits, like in the boys’ sections of stores. But it seems that it’s mostly acceptable for young men (boys 0-12 years old) to wear colorful clothing, and the men that do decide to stand out and be a bit more stylish would be considered ‘gay’ or ‘flamboyant.’ Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it relates to the stereotype thing that you mentioned.
And even as someone who identifies as male, I sometimes wish the concept of gender was abolished altogether, too. Or at least adjusted ever so slightly to be more fluid and exists merely as only a label without holding such strict standards and expectations for neither men, women, or even LGBTQ people.
At this rate, we just need more people to show (not just explain, but SHOW) that there is not a wrong or right way to identify or be a certain gender (or lack there of.) I can’t guarantee that will eliminate the limiting gender expectations that is commonly held, but at least it introduces something for people to reconsider what gender truly is, and maybe leads them to educating themselves more.
Thank you for making this video. Keep doing what you’re doing! Thank you for reading this comment (if you did).
I did indeed read it. Thank you for the comment, I'm glad the video spoke to you 🙏🏽
“but still a man” hell yeah brother, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
Why not take the Femboy pill? You can still be a man even in a skirt. Don’t let anyone else take that away from you.
gotta agree about the whole abolishing gender standards, it should be an identity and not just a set of rules to follow
especially in the marketing space, there will be 2 separate bottles for "men's shampoo" and "women's shampoo" even though they're exactly the same but women's shampoo costs like $5 extra for some bizarre reason
i aint readin allat
I remember when I first started learning more about gender identity, I was initially annoyed when I was referred to as Cis-gendered. To be fair, it was technically correct, but the idea that it was needed at all felt weird. My thought process was basically "Why do i need to called Cis-gendered? That's never been necessary. I've always just been me." Ever since then, that thought has definitely taken on a lot of weight as I've learned more about the topic and this video really helped put that into perspective.
Your insights have always helped me understand things in a way I might not have otherwise and this one especially has helped with that, so thanks again!
I'm glad to have helped. Wish you luck on your journey, wherever it may lead 🙏🏼
nothin' wrong with bein' cis
I'm a trans woman. Once I actually understood what gender is, I finally realized that for most people (being cis) isn't something that feels special to them. In our culture we have strongly assumed that being cisgender is the default. To most people, realizing or learning about being cisgender is literally nothing of a surprise, so much so many even question why the term exists. The reason it exists is because not everyone has the same experience. I'm sure that you'd understand that if you're not trans you'd be something else. And that something else is, well, so common it's unremarkable to even think much of it.
It's very much the same way we have terms like gay and straight. Without each, we'd have limited understanding of the other.
@@EmmaHopman Forgive me if the following sounds off, I'm just trying to find the words that make sense to me.
It's interesting how the term "cisgender" exists because of the term "transgender", allowing us a language framework that does not set a default, but both terms are still reliant on a relatively coventional understanding of the term "gender" - often assigned at birth and later on often assumed by presentation. While the terms are necessary considering the context in which they were created, they still require assignation and assumption to take place. A broader understanding of gender might require a change both in normative behavior and terminology.
@@edumazieri ya know what's crazy, I wrote something in my notes yesterday night that sounds almost exactly like what you just said.
This video randomly popped on my feed and I was surprised to see it. Easily subscribed because of it.
As someone who was born male and generally identifies as that but sometimes just wants to be expressive and loud, it's been hard to figure out my place in the world. I love the color purple. I have a higher tone voice in general when I talk to people so on phone calls a stranger will call me a "mam." I enjoy expressive dress and cool styles that could he seen as "not manly."
It can be hard to find your way in this world. One time as a drive thru worker, some macho dude tried giving me annunciation lessons to sound more male. It was embarassing. Like, I didn't ask for your help bro.
Thank you for making this video and best wishes. I look at you and hear you and see a lot of myself.
This is the first video of yours I’ve ever watched and damn, what a strong intro. 😮
As an enby, who struggles to conceptualize or articulate my thoughts about gender, a lot of what you said here resonated with me.
Thank you for sharing some of your experiences. Best of wishes on the rest of your personal journey.
Happy pride everyone, all year around 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
I'm a uk transfemme and I, like you, can't wait for gender to be homogenised and for nobody to care about what anyone else says they are. I just want to live my life without a terf telling me to piss in a different gendered cubicle, or someone calling me something nobody wants to hear, and to just live my life openly and happily. Lets hope we get a decent government this election who actually cares for people. ❤
Yeah, it ain't been easy for us for awhile now has it ^^; here's hoping things get better. Stay safe x
No…Gender/sex will always exist. Gender stereotypes will always exist as well. However, what society needs is less misogyny and misandry and less strict gender roles.
Why even say what you are? Why cant we just be what we are?
@@JuniperGal-ek2pu Well said :).
You have the freedom. Asking for no one to care is a bridge too far really. Especially since you seem to want the government to enforce that.
There's this video "How Conservatives Created (and Cancelled) Gender" that recounts how gender as a social construct was created in reaction to scientific advances which have shown that biological sex doesn't exist as two seperate states but rather a collection of traits, none of which were a source of some divine femininity/masculinity. Being a social construct, gender can be defined and re-defined as you or the society wants.
So gender inherited the old meaning of sex and the new meaning of sex is biological muddiness.
What that means is that if you took someone from one peak of the bio-sex distribution, and using advanced technology flip them to the other peak, they still coudn't switch genders if society simply insists that it's immutable. (if you go by outside observation instead of self-identification)
The conservatives problem with gender (even if it's a thing they created) is that it de-tangles the social and biological. Just by changing the society you interact with you get different models like: gender assigned at birth, presenting as a gender, gender identification, and many mixtures.
Interesting stuff. I'll have to check out the video, thanks for mentioning it.
Hi from another Alexander Avila subscriber! I watched that video when it was still called A People's History of Gender Ideology, and it is great!
that opening is so good. makes me think of a 5 hour video essay kind of hook
at 4:26 you've perfectly described my own perception of myself in such a perfect way and i love it
a really really beautifully point little exploration; i'm some random man who feels the same, even going so far to say 'abolish gender' (only just now also realizing that gender is really important to peoples identites) and this was really comforting and something that's gonna linger with me. i just feel i cannot truly be agender or non-binary, i feel like a tick too many stereotypes from the masc box but seeing you, hearing from you, the idea that it's about being yourself and not succumbing to what's expected - i just have to say thank you for this video :)
I'm glad to hear you got something out of this video, even if you ain't agender. Keep being yourself, whatever that may be✌🏽
@@KaiAfterKai I'm actually wondering if the reason why it ends up being really important to people is because of the importance society places on it. If we lived without the concept at all, would it still be that way? Because if not, then potentially removing the idea at all might not have as many negatives, at least in the long run.
@@Anon_y_mouse_the_only
Societal expectations are extremely irritating.
Instead of people just being allowed to exist and live the human experience; society tries to put us in neat little boxes based on WHAT we are instead of WHO we are.
Stereotypes are not gender
@@Anon_y_mouse_the_onlyI think that, at a psychological level, while we could place less importance in gender and remove it's roles, it will always be there. As far as research has shown, gender is based upon your brain anatomy, so it is an intrinsic part of someone's being. I think the best way to move forward is to challenge and erase gender roles, so that gender becomes not about how you are perceived by society, but how you perceive yourself.
As an AFAB enby that grew up having to wear dresses all the time to formal events (wasn’t until adulthood I was able to explore other options), I always envied men’s suits.
Not for their style, but for the simplicity. The easiness of them. I’m not a fancy person, I don’t like formalwear or dressing up, I don’t like getting creative with my outfits. I like to be comfortable. And suits were so simple and straightforward.
And you could wear the same black or navy suit to almost any event and no one would bat an eye or even think about how it’s the same suit you wore to the last event. But everyone notices if you repeat a dress twice, especially twice in a row. And I hated that.
I just wanted to be plain and neutral. So for me being able to wear suits was something I was completely jealous of.
agree - women certainly don’t get to wear whatever they want. They are judged and scrutinized for anything, too boring, too frivolous, too slutty, too out of date, too trendy - as a women you become an object and it’s so hard to unlearn
Yeah, it's so interesting how everyone has different goals. hope youve found something you like to wear now
Suits are far from comfortable lmao, but when it comes to creativity and if ppl are giving a shit abt what you’re wearing then yeah, suits win in the s sense that you go out to buy one and you’re offered like 4 options all of which look like the same model just either in “boring grey, Dead Sea blue, diarrhea brown, or double boring black”. Pick whichever, it doesn’t matter in the end either way. No one will complement you or even pay attention to it, and there’s no artistic or identity expression in it whatsoever. You’re quite literally framed in this ridiculous square shape with shoulder pads underneath with the most amount of expression mostly coming from your tie/bow tie. Finish it off with some thick, uncomfortable leathery shoes of the same color that you can’t even see beneath your texture-less/color thirsty pants and you’re done. Get to the event and all your homies look the exact same! A sea of dark, trash colored square figures, with flashes of beautiful frills, colors, silhouettes, and flowing, soft petal like garments like flowers growing through thick cement popping through the crowd. Why can’t I look like art on my special day? Why can’t I show my identity through intricate elements of fashion to look, and feel beautiful while also understood? Why can’t I paint myself with vivid colors, and wrap myself in the graceful embrace of sunset colored silk?Why can’t I look like a gliding haze of rose mist under starry skies, under the disco lights, or under my loved one’s eyes? To me the very concept of “masculinity” and suits… it feels… suffocating.
Same, enby bro!! I was never happier the day I put my first suit together after being forced to wear frilly dresses my whole life. So much more comfortable than being cold and restricted! I felt like a super hero.
@@cosmicbeesechurger5907IDK I made an awesome comfortable suit set with formal dressy black yoga leggings, a really nice stretchy women's blazer, and a comfy button up under a super fancy Paisley designed purple vest with a tie.
If anything I think I looked fancier than anyone besides the bride at the wedding I went to. The girls all wore the most basic straight tube single color prom dresses. It's possible to really snazz up a suit to the level of a pretty dress, you just gotta be on the lookout.
The way I personally interpreted my gender is that my body is male but my mind just exists almost separately
Ur legit the first black person ive ever seen talking about gender. really loved hearing your perspective, cuz as a white trans fem, i relate a lot to what ur saying, but ofc not to everything.
Men fashion has been stuck in the early 1900s, and hasn't been questioned ever since. The revolution starts with people like you speaking out.
Thanks for using your voice and spreading the message
I beg to differ. Yes, there have always been variations of the modern day suit, but the construction of garments were wholly different and they lay on the body differently as the years went by. The art of tailoring has been significantly lost, there aren’t a lot of people making clothes the way they used to be made-but it’s not dead. Fast fashion really fucked everything up. Suits became impersonal.
Early 20th century menswear is really interesting. There was a major shift at the turn of the century, but you could still wear personal clothes and things that were deemed more “feminine”, if that was something you were interested in-although like today, you *would* stick out and people *would* judge you, but there would no doubt be people who smiled. If you wanted to be extravagant, you could wear patterned clothing, pretty colors, mix and match garments, AND THE SHOES
💛🤍💜🖤 nothing but respect for my agender siblings and thank you so much for being so empathetic to binary trans people. For some these labels feel like cages and for others they feel like doors that open up means to explain themselves to others and, as in all things: to each their own. We're all in this together ✊️🏳️🌈 happy pride fam!
✊🏽🌈
As a transfem who is in part agender and also feminine, I can relate to both perspectives in this way. I find that, regularly, femininity is an open door and also a cage.
I've learned to express myself by the way I feel in the moment, rather than by a sense of trying to be a consistent identity.
✊ 🌈
@@magicseahorse what kind of statement are you looking for? I don't really understand what you're saying here.
@@magicseahorse The confusion could be coming from not understanding all the terms and references people are making. That might be why you're having a hard time being specific.
I remember a reel on IG about why it's unnatural for men to wear pants since our reproductive parts are external to the rest of your body, so a skirt / dress would be more natural, while womens parts are mostly internal so pants make much more sense for them
i ain’t calling myself anything, i’m just me, keeps things simple
HELLLLLLL YEAAAAHHH.
So sad how few people get it and have to fight and fight and fiiiight
I can't believe how well you summarised my feelings about gender in such a short time.
I was assigned female at birth and always had an odd relationship regarding femininity. It lead to me first rejecting it completely and then forcing it onto me but nothing felt right. Nowadays I understand that a lot of these complicated feelings come from what society teaches us about gender. The world was a different place 30 years ago and I am glad it's slowly adapting to a more diverse and critical thinking.
I've been identifying as non binary for roughly two years now and as someone who dressed quite feminine in the past and prefers a more masculine gender representation now it did strike questions in others as well as myself. I wondered if the reason I cut my hair short is because I want to rebel against femininity and how it hurt me in the past or because I actually want to change my gender. Breaking down your own thinking patterns and deconstructing learned behaviour is freaking tough. At 30 years I am not sure what of my feelings are genuine, whats taught behaviour and what's a coping mechanism.
I was asked (very politely) by a coworker if I want to be treated as a man now and I just smiled and said "I don't really know. Right now I just want to be me and I am fine with being everything and nothing at the same time."
I like the idea of being agender (im AroAce so being a AAA battery sound rad) but as it is at the moment I think too much about my assigned gender to vibe with the label.
Maybe I'll be caught in this limbo of wondering if I am trans or agender my whole life but that's fine. I like the way I am right now and I am starting to accelt that I don't need a clear answer or label for that. Thats why the non binary umbrella term is lovely. I don't want to be a woman or a man the way society teaches us. I just want to be me and thats okay
Omg, the term being an "AAA battery" so needs to become a thing!
@@laxsjo. Saw the term a few times on Tumblr but we definitely need to spread the word!
Yes. Yes yes yes. Im Not aro/ace but I vibe so much with the rest of what you explained.
@@laxsjo.I think it's already becoming a thing; either AroAce & Agender or A-spec, Agender & Autistic. I'm glad.
or a scream of confusion "AAA!!!"
I've thought about that last half a bit since it was a genuine topic in my philosophy course, and the spectrum v.s. binary is really quite a challenge. So much of our lives are built in binaries, or triads, etc.. and we never stop to think about how much importance are placed upon them. If it could be done, the infrastructure in place now would be such an undertaking to evolve out of, and it's been developing and growing more complex for centuries, just for a label really. Great video, happy pride month!
Happy pride month, and I'm glad to hear more people are talking about the idea of spectrums vs binaries. I wish I had someplace IRL like a philosophy class to really get down and talk about it with in-depth.
I'm not homophobic if I don't celebrate pride month am I?
@@Alright281 No, not at all. Nobody actually is _required_ to do anything, just as long as you're respectful to people you're all good
@@Alright281 You don't really need to celebrate pride month. I know pride right now is just commercialized by companies, all these arguments like "Can straight people go to pride?" "Do bi people belong at pride?" "Does kink belong at pride?". Obviously ignoring the fact that this is just stupid and those arguments are usually just Biphobia, Xenophobia, Racism, Transphobia or a generalized attempt to sterilize pride for companies to swoop in and advertise themselves.
Just be aware that Pride Month is a celebration of how we got to the point where we are now. That if people back then didn't fight back we couldn't be able to be ourselves now, and the long way we are still going to go through.
@@Anon_y_mouse_the_onlyYeah. Tolerance and acceptance are quite different.
I found out the soundtrack on the video is your music and... you've become my favorite "Comfort the disturbed, disturb the comfortable" artist
Your description honours me.
I've never related to a video more. I was finishing your sentences and feeling a great sense of relief when we said the same thing! People sometimes don't understand when they see me after already knowing I'm nonbinary. I have a bit of a moustache and I always get the question of "Why don't you look different if you feel different?" and it made me question if my gender identity was valid, like I needed to hate my body in order to be genderqueer. It's really validating to hear someone... literally ANYONE... understand that gender expression can come in different forms and doesn't always have to be visually apparent to still be real. Thank you for this! :)
Have you heard the term gender abolitionist? It's a bit flashy or whatever but it's a term I like to use to describe my overall frustration would be excessive need to gender all concepts and all presentations.
Like I said in the video, I'd love to do some more reading on the topic, but it does sound nice and flashy...
There’s a few flavors within the school of thought. The one that I subscribe to is that gender, within the context of a modern society, is a functionally useless concept with one exception. It can be useful as a quick descriptor. For example when trying to point someone out “the woman in the blue shirt,” could be useful if there’s two men in blue shorts also standing near by. Personally I’d prefer femme and masc in place of woman and man but that’s another matter.
With that in mind we should chip away at the significance of gender until it holds no more weight in society than hair or eye color. As a side note I personally believe that shrinking the importance of gender to such a degree would also help reduce the level of dysphoria that many trans people deal with. Anyhow there’s a lot more subtlety and nuance to it than that but hopefully this helps.
@@magicseahorseGood question. They reveal their true colors saying scary shit like this.
@@TzensaWe don’t need to chip away at anything, people just need the freedom to express themselves. Why do y’all take things so far?
@@bannedmann4469 and why don't people have that freedom ? seems like there might be some restrictions factors in place that it would be good to, i don't know, chip away at ? i don't really see how your point would counter that
This video is just based.
As a trans woman i think it's so cool that people are willing to exit the gender binary (or gender altogether), and it also winds up helping me in my transition since I basically look GNC whatever i do 😂 seeing other GNC people is such a relief, i just feel safer with y'all 💜
@@magicseahorse How about you 🤏 shush
@@magicseahorse They just stated that it's nice seeing other people like them and it makes them feel better. And your response is calling them weird. That's not freedom of speech it's called being rude.
@@magicseahorse do something useful instead of replyting to every comment on this video and maybe get rid of that ego of yours
@@staydio I didn't call anyone weird. So... ???
@@magicseahorse well perhaps try and understand other peoples prospective
Doing my research on social studies/psych for college definitely has me leaning towards holding a distinction for the genders as it provides small bits of direction that having no distinction would make more challenging. Therapeutic strategies come to mind especially in how the culture of each gender changes what kind of things we feel comfortable doing. This quickly becomes specific to the person as deviation from gender norms is certainly very common, but ends up still holding some weight.
i've had the exact same line of thought with dresses and everything for a long time. really cool seeing you talk about it
the problem with suits is that many people have a limited understanding of what a suit can be; usually just a cool-colored jacket and pants with a white shirt. anything else doesn't register as a suit to most people. a suit is ultimately just a top and a bottom made out of the same material, which can lead to some really interesting outfits if you're willing to put in the effort. a recent favorite celebrity example of mine is Coleman domingo's critics' choice awards outfit.
this is why i love historical suits 🙏 the accessories add A LOT to an outfit. they can get very intricate and i love it.
Ugh I really feel this deeply.
I am a high functioning autistic and I just have certain oddities about me like liking my nails to be slightly longer just because it feels right to me and when I have to cut them my fingers will occasionally get sore.
I have a lot of sensory issues with my skin so Im stuck wearing sweat shirts because of how it makes me feel but a shirt feels really weird compared to it. Also a lot of textures are pretty bad.
I hate cologne and deodorant because of those manly strong smells and its not because I think or want to be a woman I just would like to not have societal norms forced on me.
Yeah I also think that mens chocies are incredibly boring and uninteresting
World ain’t too kind to neuro divergent people. Keep doing you mate 👊🏾
I'm the complete opposite, but somewhat in the same ballpark. I think I have some mild degree of autism (still haven't done an official test, tons of autistic friends peer-diagnosed me lol) but I have ADHD. I absolutely _despise_ having my nails grow a certain length. Like I don't like the feeling of having my nails 2-to-3-days-growth long since I feel like I can physically feel the dirt and grim under my nails, and I feel like I lose some sort of tactile sensation.
I dislike wearing shorts (mostly, unless it's solely for the beach), dresses, or skirts because it feels too revealing, it feels uncomfortable (sensory wise), or it is uncomfortable (just doesn't feel _right_ to me). I could pull those looks off, but I just don't like them at the moment. I absolutely love wearing suits, jeans, shirts, cargo pants, all sorts of "masculine" clothing, but even with suits I try to add some flair to it-though it's usually simultaneously simplistic & bold. I got the same thing with textures though, certain clothes or materials give me the ick and are bothersome to me.
Funny enough, whenever I'm shopping for clothes, I'm envious of how the men's clothing have options I enjoy moreso than the woman's clothing, been like that since I was a kid too. I dislike most perfumes since some smells are too flowery or sweet for my liking, so I tend to lean towards colognes 'cause they usually have smells I like. Even for the one's that aren't "masculine" scents, such as a Sakura Cherry Blossom, isn't entirely invasive to my olfactory nodes and it smells nice.
But I will agree, men's clothing does have some boring options still. Like you, I don't think I want to be a man; I'm grateful that it's more socially acceptable for me to wear masculine clothing since I'm a woman, but at the same time, I dislike the societal expectations that are placed on me to say the least. Like knowing how to do things 'cause "you're a woman and you should know how to do these things" or "acting" like a woman. Don't help that sometimes I want to be a lil more feminine-presenting than my usual self by wearing something that isn't entirely masuculine-presenting, so people take that as an assumption that I just know "womanly things" when I probably don't. Or they think that solely 'cause I am a woman. Sometimes I wish that issue applies to clothing or just one aspect that could be easily fixed, and not on nearly every aspect of my life.
So for now, I think I'm just somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum tbh
this ring light reflection is way too funny i can't
This is my first video of yours that I saw and I like it a lot! Your really underrated for how much effort you put into these videos and they are fantastic! Best of luck on your TH-cam journey! :D
Kai, I understand this video on such a deep level. I'm also nonbinary, and finally taking that step to aknowledge that the expectations you see put on everyone are not just nonsensical and arbitrary, but actively make you feel worse about yourself. It is freeing. It feels good no longer being in a weirdly rigid bubble. People experience gender so differently, so explaining your discomfort almost feels impossible to someone who does not feel similar. That's why videos like this matter so much. Happy Pride!
I'm glad you resonated with this so strongly 🙏🏼🙏🏼 happy pride 🏳️🌈
The ringlight and glasses combo makes it looks like you got googly eyes which is awesome.
Love how you basically ragequit gender, I respect that so much
Perfect phrasing. Absolutely stealing it.
Your experience and ideas are so close to my own, I feel so understood.
I once scrolled onto a meme that went something along the lines of "when youre being little spoon but realize youre a man so you stop". This didn't sit right with me, as the person making this mean clearly enjoys something that they are intentionally removing themselves from to fit a stereotype they wish to be apart of. Why can't you just be yourself? Why do I get criticized for shit like using conditioner in my hair? It made me hate gender, and now I identify agender as a reflection of me only wanting to be identified as me and not stereotyped by what people think I should be
Another good reminder of how easy I have it as a cis dude who likes to wear suits.
Loved the video!
Enjoy your suits, friend. Just don't be shy of mixing things up now and then ;)
This video is basically me in a daily basis
May we both find out way out 🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@KaiAfterKaisoon enough!
:0 cherry bomb
@@scrungler_boinbusoh hey
I literally had a spark of heat flash in my chest when I just saw the title of your video. This is a topic that deeply resonated with me, thank you for the opportunity to see your feelings about it and to see another persons perspective on a thought I’ve had in the back of my mind for so long
this actually really helped me because I’ve been feeling like a mix of and not particularly attached to gender when I have tried to analyze my relationship with it. I thought I had to hate my assigned gender to not be cis- it’s really validating to know other people have similar experiences
Trans Girl here. The Thumbnail initially scared me a bit bcuz it kinda reminded me of the anti SJW era, but after i watched it i was amazed❤. awesome Video❤. congrats on the egg crack❤. love your style❤.
Thank you for watching, I'm glad the video found you 🙏🏽
@@magicseahorse so? Just move on if a few hearts triggers you so much lol
@@magicseahorse it's a way to convey feelings, which is generally harder to do over text. The video was really heartwarming and i wanted to Express that
I wasn't scared and assumed it was normal like it is, because based on my TH-cam activity recently I wouldn't expect that upsetting stupid stuff to show up in my recommendations right now
Ywnbaw
The thing is, society views masculine traits as positive traits and feminine traits as negative. That's why a man embracing his feminine traits is more looked down upon than a woman embracing her masculine traits
This is untrue. Look up the Women are Wonderful effect. Listen to all of the people who say that misandry isn't real. Look at the obsession with toxic masculinity but the lack of discussion when it comes to tosic femininity.
@@williamspears1627 Okay... And what does it have to do with my original comment?
@@minimump5248 Society does not view masculine traits as positive or feminine traits as negative. That was the point of my comment.
@@williamspears1627 Feminine presenting males get persecuted while masculine presenting females rarely get ostracized. A woman wearing men's clothing is seen as fashionable or get brushed off while a man wearing women's clothing is called a sinner. Your thesis on my statement being untrue lacks support.
Also, what did toxic masculinity and toxic feminity have to do with my original comment?
@@minimump5248 Feminine presenting males get persecuted because women force men to adhere to strict gender roles. This is why Gay men are able to dress freely and better express themselves compared to their heterosexual counterparts.
Women can wear men's clothing because men don't force women to adhere to strict gender roles. Historically the Tomboy archetype is proof that men haven't really forced women to adhere to strict gender roles.
If you don't understand the context in which I used toxic masculinity and toxic femininity (you misspelled it as feminity) then re-read my comment. The context is there. If you can't understand it then find someone more intelligent and have them break it down for you.
I recon ppl being able to express themselves in an enviroment where its welcomed and celebrated is the best case scenario. There are a lot of things that make the human experience, with gender being one of them (a lack of gender included), and trying to erase a part of a persons identity could be treated the same as trying to erase their culture or religion. Its hard to break free of the prexisting moulds because people love labels and categorizing, it makes the infinite complexity of people and life more manageable, while also giving a sense of belonging and connection in people who find others in those categories, but can lead to rigid rules and exclusionary practices when people dont fit those moulds.
I guess all in all, categories and labels are very beneficial for people in various ways, but are being used wrong right now and that should change.
Great video btw
it hasn't been a minute since you're on camera and i can't stop seeing the light as your eyes
THE INTRO REMINDED ME WHEN I WAS LIKE IN 3RD GRADE AND I WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND ABOT HOW GUYS DONT GET TO WEAR DRESSES AND SKIRTS AND STUFF
I feel completely the same.
It has been like that since i learned what nb meant and even before that i knew.
I'm agender too, but many people in my life don't know that.
Many people think it's silly, or I'm afraid to think they would.
I kinda hate explaining myself.
And people love to shit on nb people, even saying "well in a world with no difference between men and women in society you wouldn't be nb!"
And I'm always baffled because........... We don't live in that world do we?
Really great video, i love your style and your video editing style
Umm Akshually🤓...
in a world with no gender binary, no one would be binary therefore everyone would be nonbinary 👁️👄👁️
this video ripped the words right out of my mouth!!!! GENDER DON'T MAKE SENSE. Men wear suits, wemon wear dresses... suits... you name it. It's just so confusing, I realize this, and I only just entered my teenage years. I've been thinking.... why can't I wear thigh highs? or socks that reach my knees, or something that has my shoulders exposed? The thing that I still don't have the answer too is, am I trans? Non-Binary? or Genderfluid?
This is a really cool video! It’s always cool hearing other’s experiences and as someone who used to be extremely uneducated & confused by LGBTQ+ it’s great to hear personal stuff like this to get a better understanding of it!
Heya there, also a nonbinary person. I understand this video on a deep, spiritual level. I've struggled with internal transphobia for years, feeling like I'm not masculine enough for people to not see me as a woman, and vice versa. Anytime I go outside I observe the mannerisms of others around me, typically men, and try to act like that. It's difficult to explain, but because I was AFAB if I do act feminine no one cares about whatever label I have. It's just.. woman. I can't wait until the world just gets rid of the concept of gender and we can simply dress and act the way we want to without people spouting about how "back in my day men were men and women were women." With that being said, happy pride everyone 🌈
I’ve always supported trans/NB people and the like, but although I completely agree with their reasoning, I just can’t understand the motivation to change gender. (Which is fine. Other people are different than me, of course.)
If I’m a guy who likes feminine clothes (which I am), or am not comfortable with traditional masculinity for whatever reason, then why does that mean I have to change my gender accordingly? Isn’t the problem with society’s expectations of gender, not with gender itself? That’s what I mean by understanding the thought process but not the motivation. To me, it would be better if society as a whole stopped carrying assumptions about people because of their gender.
I’ve thought this way for a while, and it’s great to know others think sort-of similarly.
What is a "gender" if not a collective of societal expectations assigned to a gender? That's how I see it at least. Regardless, you still know that you're a man despite enjoying "feminine" things? You got as much respect from me as someone who says they don't wanna be a man 🙌🏾 keep doing what you're doing
im not trans because i like "feminine things" but because i have gender dysphoria
For me it's gender dysphoria, I just cannot stand having a male body at all (and wished I had a female body instead), I'm an introvert so I care less about gender roles but they still matter.
Gender is just like a vibe. Im a woman because I love being one. Its just a way to say youre similar to other people who use that label. And a 'feminine' body also matches my aesthetic better so thats why I changed that one too.
Nobody is really changing their gender at all. Gender is something within you and it doesn't always match your sex and gendered roles/clothing assigned to you at birth. It's all a matter of changing the outside to be true to the inside
i wish this was a whole 2 hour video essay on everything gender-ish, you’ve got a great voice and good things to say i think
Same! I have recently found that i am agender too. I have not figured out who i am in style and as a person yett but i have begun. Happy pride mounth to you to!
I was raised twelve years in a boys only catholic school. After graduating and noticing how noticeably different life is without so much masculine pressure, I started realizing I did, said and thought so many things I now deeply regret and I later realized that the reason for all of that happening in the first place was because “that’s what men do”, “that’s what men are”.
And if devoting my identity to a gender that doesn’t have any meaning to me means doing things that I wouldn’t naturally do, then it doesn’t make sense for me to keep considering myself a man.
Great video and I’m always so happy to know that I’m not alone with this.
The older I get , the less gender makes sense to me too (I’m agender)
What's the difference between being non binary and being agender
@@just_some_greek_dude non-binary is an umbrella term. Agender is a sub-label of non-binary. Like… I can just say I’m non-binary. But if someone asked me to be more specific, for example, I’d say I’m agender. I hope that makes sense 🙏🏽✨
@@just_some_greek_dudeNon-binary is an umbrella term for people that identify as more or neither than one gender, for example, both Gender-fluid and Agender fall under 'Non-binary' because they're something else other than just one gender if that makes sense
That’s done on purpose gender used to have a reason now it was replaced with an ideology that wants to destroy the old in order to make way for the new whether or not it makes sense
@@hellod7961no non-binary is a nonsense term made to feel special because of gender norms that “only exist to oppress people” are gone and non-binary people feel like they’re different for their gender.
This is such a beautiful and healthy view of gender. A direction I aspire to. Something that I’ve noticed is that many of the issues I have with my own body can , for the most part, be attributed to being raised in a rigid gender binary. I’m just not talking about being limited to traditionally masculine stereotypes. The opposite as well. Gender dysphoria in addition to a rigid gender binary has resulted in a lot of confusion and turmoil for me and many others.
So much can be solved with open mindedness
I’ve been questioning my gender a lot lately I feels like I might also be non-binary and this video really helped me to get another perspective on it thank you
Putting a limit on one's expression is putting a limit on one's world and creativity. With lack of creativity neither the oppressed nor the oppressors evolve and learn.
Therefore everyone remains stale, worse with resentment coming from both sides.
Dang, I relate to this video way too much. I very recently found out I'm non-binary (But have had feelings for like over a year beforehand), and you just summarized my EXACT thoughts on gender.
My 18th birthday is at the end of June/Pride Month and I'm going to be coming out as Non-binary to my family then, so wish me luck lol.
Update: I ended up chickening out and not confessing :/
Good luck dude
Good luck!
I hope it went well!
It's okay if you didn't feel comfortable to do it yet. Take your time
The opening of this video was kind of epic? Loved this. I've struggled with gender for a long time, working hard to avoid being gendered male whilst not always feeling entirely comfortable with female, often I find myself wishing gender didn't exist so I could relax, though identifying as enby doesn't seem to feel validating either. I'll continue to be the dysfunctional transfem I am, but if/when abolishing gender is on the table I think I'll be right up there with you
coming to this video after watching "i saw the tv glow", shit cracked me to oblivion and this is helping me put a name to it, to me at least, and making me feel not alone in what i experienced
Been hearing lots of good stuff about that film; excited to see it. Glad I'm helping you on your journey; whatever you find at the end of it, I wish you the best 🙏🏼
As a trans woman I agree with absolutely everything you said in here, I want gender stereotypes to go away and want it to be a spectrum too, I’ve been so happy ever since I’ve came out as a trans woman, nonbinary people don’t have a certain “look” and the same should be said about all the other genders, happy pride month, stay happy ❤
I love when the alogrothim just sends me vedios that sum up my gender experience perfectly lol
Happy that it got sent your way ^^
I, regretfully, went into the description and saw the clip you mentioned at ~6:00 in. What an infuriating conversation, dude tries to get his throwaway "not manly, bring back masculine men" in there, gets called out for it, and then reverse-gears so incredibly hard that I think a day on earth is now about a second longer because of the whiplash
I really needed this video. Thank you so much.
A few weeks ago I reached a piece that fits me in the term Demi-Masc. (i dislike referring to myself as a boy)
That moment of letting go hit me like a ton of feathers.
7:16
The term is social construct.
I prefer Max Stirner's view of these as Ghosts that Haunt the living. Dead useless burdens carried into our generation for no other reason than we have been fooled into bringing them forth.
Thank you so much for making this video. I relate a lot. I'm not agender, because to me personally that's still too much of defining myself in relation to gender. I have rejected labels altogether, gender and sexuality wise. I'm just me. I still use he/him pronouns, because I use any. I still present in a way that people perceive as "masculine". And honestly, it bothers me that so many of our choices (conscious or unconscious) are steeped in gender perception.
You didn't really convince me of anything, or said something I didn't know, but you did show me that there's someone out there who understands. And I really appreciate that. I really need it right now.
Finally, I really agree with the gender abolitionist sentiment and with hating gender. I think a critical nuance we have to understand tho is that hating gender doesn't mean we should hate people for having gender identities. Gender is larger than people's identities, it's a whole set of expectations, values, modes of perception... That's the real issue, not people being how they want to be. So yeah. That's the difference with TERFs. They hate particular gender identities, but they love the social mechanism of gender
I also agree with this idea. I wish more people would talk about it. I always try to explain it as others might call me agender and or pansexual, but I don't use these terms to describe myself because it's just another label used to group me in a hypothetical construct with other people. These aren't ideas that define me. No singular idea defines me. They're labels which are just classifications that also aren't completely similar to other's beliefs or understandings. Why would I defy a label by assigning it a label? That said, it's helpful to have a reference point for some people in order to help shape conversation. People absorb and take in information in vastly different ways. I'm not trying to alienate others while having a conversation. If it's helpful to them to use those terms in order to follow the conversation, then be my guest. I know some people love to use labels to define themselves. It can be a very touchy thing to discuss with people, so it's not like I bring this up often, but I tend to believe that some people just need rigid rails in order to help them understand themselves. Sort of like how some artists' creatively flourish more when they have limitations. I know that's largely an assumption, but I'm not trying to shatter someones self conception during our coffee break, you know. It doesn't truly bother me unless they are trying to ascribe their personal beliefs about there ideas of gender, sexuality, or anything else to other people. They assume objectivity when there is no objectivity.
omg yeah no ive had these exact same thoughts for the longest time and just never had a word for it. Its such a breath of fresh air to hear someone else say that they don't get gender at all, like i thought i was just going crazy, everyone else seems to be driven by this thing and I can't tell if it's mass hysteria or if I am the delusional one. tysm for existing.
Also if you want to be looking into postgenderism you wanna look into gender accelerationism and social constructionism.
I'm glad you enjoyed the video! And cheers for the leads, definitely looking them up later
First video I have seen of you, and damn you catched my attention in the first 2 Minutes. Keep going nb King!
As a cishet man I totally agree with your comments on men’s fashion.
I just think of it as an aesthetic, i think even just a spectrum is too limiting because it implies there are extremes or limits on it, or that there are focal points of it
As an AMAB person named Kai who has recently been questioning my gender, seeing this particular combination title, thumbnail, and channel name was... a little spooky lmao. Great video, and I agree with a lot of what you're saying!
I really appreciate this video as I myself have been thinking about this as I too have never really understood it, and I think you've given me more confidence in my feelings ❤️
I'm happy to hear that. Wish you nothing but the best 🙏🏽🤍