Why Did He Monkey Branch to Another Woman?

This case study is from a christian woman that showcases the consequences of dating a nonbeliever. This monkeybranching example is a warning for young men and women to pay attention to red flags and warning signs of infidelity and the dangers of comitting to someone who is not equally yoked to you.
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[@catcat9582]

It was really nice to hear you say the poor sweethearts instead of looking down on them a

[@RelearningRelationships]

I have to be a little softer when a case study is from a woman. When it comes to guys, ill be way firmer lol

[@RelearningRelationships]

Because femininity grows through praise and masculinity through challenge.

[@thecurrentmoment]

When you said that a man has no authority over a woman unless he is her husband - i was recently involved with a woman (long distance) and she was very feminine, supprtive, submissive, etc, it was great but there were signs of immaturity and insecurity that made me proceed with caution.
One thing that i had mixed feelinga about was that she often seemed to want me to takencharge and tell her what to do (and responded favourably when i did so), for example when she was being somewhat disrespectful or insecure and i got frustrrated and became firm with her. It felt almost like telling off a child and lime i was her parent.
Anyway, I wanted to make decisions together and collobarate as equal partners in a team but she told me she wants man who is in control of the relationship.
What you said in the video reassures me that the re she wanted me to play is perhaps appropriate futher on in the relationship when we are swriously comitted to each other, not when we are just getting to know each other. It does feel like a significant burden and responsibility (to take responsibility for being in charge of the relationship for both of us) and not a role that i want to rush into without building a solid foundation in the relationship first. You could say that she has to "earn it" first

[@RelearningRelationships]

Why would you have mixed feelings of her wanting you to take charge. That right here is a health feminine woman that wants a MAN and you cowered away from that role?
Lead her or lose her.

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@RelearningRelationships I think you should reread my comment again
What makes you say I "cowered" from taking the lead?
What makes you say she was a healthy feminine woman?
There is a lot more this than is included in the comment, obviously.
As I mentioned, there were some red flags, signs of immaturity and insecurity. Afterwards, I saw some material on BPD, particularly quiet BPD, and it seemed eerily familiar, so it's possible she had some of those traits. But she was also intensely attracted to me, and this was not a usual experience for me so I wasn't sure if some of these things were a red flag or simply her being incredibly attracted to me. I felt almost idealised but without really feeling like she was really trying to understand me. And she would often get insecure, thinking I didn't care about her, and she simply wouldn't believe what I said sometimes. Other times she was great.
So there were a lot of positives and she showed signs of being a mature responsible partner and there were times when I felt like I was dealing with an insecure child and potentially someone with issues like a personality disorder. It was somewhat confusing, to be honest, so I took my time to see how things went and make sense of things over time.
This was actually a long distance thing, where she was in another country and we had never even met. But when we started video chatting I felt really comfortable and attracted, and some similar values and ideas, and felt like there was quite a bit of potential there, which is why I kept talking to her. The fact we had never met in person also added to me being unsure - I really wanted to meet her in person before starting a real relationship. I would have felt a lot more comfortable with the whole thing if I had met her, and we did talk about that a bit.
I did take the lead in many cases, but sometimes (as I mentioned) it felt like being a parent, i.e. it was for very basic immature things. She complained that I didn't respond to selfies she sent me with a heart response, so she deleted them and complained about it. And initially she didn't engage constructively when I asked her about what she meant. We sorted it out in the end, and future issues were more constructive, but it felt like more work than it should have been over something I thought should be fairly simple to resolve. But I was impressed that she did get a lot better at resolving issues, which made me think there was potential.
I think she had mummy and daddy issues but also an awareness of these things when printed out to her, so I saw potential.
At the end of the day, she decided to pursue a relationship with another man (which is why I was watching this video, although we hadn't actually had a proper conversation about being in a relationship, so we technically weren't in one). But after bringing up the issue of being in a relationship, she led me to believe we were good, she kept talking to me as normal, and we were going to have a video chat the following week when we were both free (it was an incredibly busy time of the year), and when we finally got to have a video chat she told me she had decided to pursue a relationship with another man.
I accepted that decision at the time (because I didn't want to try to get someone back who doesn't want me) but a few days later I messaged her because I wasn't sure if she was actually IN a relationship or was just thinking about it.
I didn't get a response from her, but her 'boyfriend" replied with some voice messages, and I got the impression that they had been in a relationship for a while, maybe a week or two.
I realised my understanding of the situation was false and she had not been completely honest with either him or me, or both of us. It was actually quite creepy.
So after that I spent the next month or so thinking about what it meant and did I lose a good woman, did I doge a bullet, were we just incompatible, a combination of these?
In the end I decided I didn't feel that I could really trust her anyway, because she had also quit on us a few months before that when she became insecure again at a time when I was super busy and it would've been good to have her support. She came back after a few weeks and apologised, and so I told her what she needed to do for me to accept her again.
So she quit on me twice, within real authentic conversation, during inconvenient times (when I was super busy, probably she felt deprived of attention, although I didn't ignore her), and even ifI have missed out on a truly good woman who didn't get what she needed, I don't think I could take her back again, knowing she can just quit like that. A third time would be very hard for me to deal with. We also had incompatible life goals, although she only made this clear when she left me for the other gu. She was extremely interested in me, which made think that she was also interested in a future with me, because I have made it clear what my future plans were.
Hope that clears things up a bit
It was confusing for me but I learnt a lot. I think I'll focus on women much closer to me from now on

[@thecurrentmoment]

@@RelearningRelationships there were things that I could have done better or differently (the things I learnt) but at the same time I now understand why I didn't do those things (because I didn't feel she was really in alignment with my mission, I was seeing if I could trust her, she was often very needy or insecure, vain, or even critical).
I often wonder if I missed out on something truly great, because she was very supportive of what I was doing and she had a lot of good qualities and potential, but the way I see it is she made her choice and I didn't really see what I needed to see from her before she did so.

[@catcat9582]

Is it wise to turn down a guy who tries to pursue you while he had two different girlfriends?

[@RelearningRelationships]

Yes. Avoid men who date multiple women. They are not serious about marriage.

[@catcat9582]

Okay... thank you. It was really hard because he was the sweetest guy I've ever met. I just felt so confused by how he could be so sweet yet disrespectful to both of his girlfriends. ( not poly. Just overt the course of 9 months )
Thanks again for a healthy perspective.