Guilt comes with the territory. Sometimes I still feel guilty for things that I’ve done when I was manic. I did a few things that I was particularly not proud of. After the manic episode was over, I was depressed for about a year. The psychiatrist called it post mania. But sometimes I also feel insecure with what I have. I wonder what people think of me. I feel scared to express myself. Anyway, that’s just me.
Hi Alex. I get what you're talking about. Try and keep in mind that when you are under the influence of your bipolar symptoms, you are not who you really are. I think that's so important. It doesn't mean that you can't be remorseful or apologetic for what you did, but you wouldn't have done it had it not been for bipolar disorder. As for what people think of you - if they understand this concept and take the time to learn about bipolar disorder, hopefully it will be okay. If they don't, that's their issue not your's. Feeling scared to express yourself could be a product of feeling "less than". Maybe that's something you can discuss with a therapist. Just a thought. Thanks, Hannah
Guilt has deprived me of so much . Friendships , relationships , you name it . Feeling like a constant burden definitely makes life harder . I'd rather be alone so that I don't bother other people , I don't care how much people say they don't mind . I think my grandma does try to understand , because she'll pick up my meds and make me schedule , take me to appointments , etc...but I won't lie , most dyes she just doesn't understand and I'm tired of having to say "I have bipolar ", "I feel bad today " "this makes me anxious " and then here her say I'm just nut trying hard enough or to just calm down .
Mad Maverick thanks for sharing ...I look for other people who suffer from the mental illnesses I have all the time . I just have so many questions about it . You'd think having a therapist and psychiatrist would help , but the ones I have suck . I nicknamed my psychiatrist "pill pusher" because he legit just prescribes me medication after medication . I've only been going for a few months and I have almost two bags full of medicine bottles . Some that I've abused when I got really depressed . The longest I've gone without sleep is a month when I was on lexapro . I couldn't imagine 2 years ...sorry you had to go through that
Joy Mechell so what did you think about my vision about what I would like to do to help others like us. And I would bring my doctor is the same way she tried to put me on two meds last time I went in I rejected them. I am down to about 4 medicines to control my bipolar. I think all the way I came out of mine too is that I quit eating crap. All things with one or two or three ingredients in them and stuff that I can recognize and understand. I did this at the same time while doing intermittent fasting. I lost 75 pounds in a year it's not a fast diet it's not a diet at all you just eat nutritious good food once a day get all your calories you need and then and then fast for 24 hours and then do it all over again. I feel this just flushed many things out of my body that was causing some of my problems. This takes much discipline but I feel it is worth it. It might be something you'd like to share or talk about. Also using diatomaceous earth to flush hard heavy metals out of my system. I'm in the best shape of my life. I got 100% on my treadmill test heart rate 162. So I know I say it a lot but getting healthy I think helps eating the proper Foods. It worked for me I'm just saying.
Mad Maverick I think it's a wonderful idea...I wish I could help people like or anyone suffering from mental disorders . I think I want to work with kids with mental health issues , but then again I'm not biased towards adults either . Hopefully I'll find a way even if it's volunteer work . I could listen to people talk all day . And that's great . I wish I could diet , but I have a history of eating disorders 😁 once I start it eventually gets an unhealthy level . I'm already a vegetarian though and have been for the last 7 years ( I'm 21 now so every since I was in 9th grade ) .
im guilty about the stuff that comes out of my mouth when im hypomanic and anxious . and the words cant be taken back once said , i really dont like people much . i dream about being a hermit and years ago i could be and i loved it. i cant hurt my own feelings but other humans can and then i go into my protective cocoon
Hannah your talks help me tremendously! Ive been learning self love these last couple years but sometimes I feel the guilt and the shame. Things are definitely getting better for me everyday. I also practice gratitude and that helps too.
I know this is 5 years later. And u probably won’t see this but I keep destroying my relationships and I feel so much guilt. I destroy the relationships with people that judged or hurt me and never understood me but I loved them. I hate this damn disorder. I wish I could rewind time b4 my symptoms came out. I hate myself
Hey Hannah, really appreciate your videos. Personally i don't feel too much guilt due to stigma as i understand why people would be wary of someone with mental health issues. The guilt i have comes from the things i have done in my life, the way i have acted when manic and the countless great opportunities and relationships i've squandered when extremely depressed. I've been feeling quite manic recently and really struggling to sleep, i have starved myself for days at a time, not consumed any liquids for almost 2 days and gone to sleep outside in freezing temperatures hoping i'll freeze to death or that i'll feel so awful that i'll eventually commit suicide. In retrospect i realise just how dangerous and delusional that thinking is but at the time there is almost nothing that could change my mind. This is the kind of thing that truly makes me feel ashamed. Thanks again.
Hello Gabriel. I really appreciate you sharing that part of your story. When ill, I've done things that I wouldn't have done or thought of doing under other circumstances. I used to be ashamed of that. Now I'm kinder to myself and apologetic to others when I need to be. I frame it this way: When you're under the influence of bipolar symptoms, you are not yourself. This is an important distinction to make. And sometimes, it takes a lucid moment to realize that things are not normal. That's the moment I use to take action or call my doctor. It's also helpful to have family and close friends who recognize that something may be wrong and can intervene on my behalf. What do you think about that perspective? Thanks, Hannah
Hi Hannah, I love seeing you speak up and share your truth. The isolation can be tough. Be your truth. Be kind to your soul. You have such kindness and help so many with your honesty. I hid for so long as a troubled teen with wide emotional spectrum responses .. I didn’t know what was happening and my family didn’t help because of the grief we all went through with a siblings overdose. Now , When I “couch test ” I’m just feeding my reserves of confidence and self love in order to be able to be in the world in a way that is possible for everyone including me, to get something good out of. I read, or do chores and cook. It’s a blessing now, vs a curse when I was young. I understand myself more.
I like that, J Pierre. When you're a teenager, you're dealing with all the normal teen stuff and then bipolar disorder is thrown on top of that and you don't know what's going on. And even when you're diagnosed and it's explained to you, I found it difficult to accept and comprehend. As I came into my mid- 20s, I matured and had a better understanding of what bipolar disorder was and meant for me. Also, knowing that I wasn't a freak or alone in the world with bipolar disorder was a learning experience that took time to fully understand. NAMI and the internet are wonderful things. I get to connect with people, like yourself, and learn so much through that. Thank you for being part of our community here. Hannah
My overwhelming thoughts and guilt needs to be let go of and I try to each day. I don’t let ppl make me feel that I try to explain but it’s hard to understand and make others as well. This is Linda who is a big fan of your TH-cam channel and I just love you.
Hi Linda. First, thanks for the kinds words. It's always nice to know that what I'm doing is having a positive effect. I, too, have dealt with guilt and shame. It completely drags you down. A lot of my feelings had to do with the fact that I was surrounded by many people who were negative and made me feel bad about having bipolar disorder. Therapy helped me realize that and it's made a big difference in the way I live my life now. Thanks, Hannah
THANKS for this! It's absolutely apropos for where I'm at in my journey right now. I've shared it with some friends and family members to explain what I feel. You have a knack for taking complicated issues and making them clear and understandable enough for those who don't fight mental illness. BTW: There must be something about 2017. It has been my most self-isolating year ever!
Thanks for the compliment, Becky, and for sharing the video with your friends and family. I'm curious about their reaction - if you wish to share that. Hannah
They've always responded positively! Some of them have actually watched other of your videos, both out of curiosity and the desire to understand me. Various forms of dysthymia are genetic on both sides of my family and at least one of my siblings has bipolar 2, as I do. My friends thank me for the videos I occasionally send them and we usually start some form of dialogue around them. Have a Merry Christmas!
The things I say in mania is really bad. Crazy. There's a girl that avoids me because of something I said. It hurts. Like I don't belong in society. I should just be locked up so I don't need to feel rejection from " normal" people.
The worst part of this condition is when family talks down to you. Im the person who chose to get myself treated. Found my drs on my own. Gosh there's no compassion from family
Something occurred to me after my appointment yesterday. Even if we could rid ourselves of guilt and shame, we still have to deal with stigma. My doctor made one comment that upset me, not because of the way she said it, but because it was true. It's just the reality of my situation, like a man who is released from prison after being falsely convicted of a terrible crime yet is still unable to find a job and is shunned by society.
Ryan, that's an interesting analogy. I'm a strong believer in facing the reality of my situation. I work to change things, but at the same time I realize that stigma and discrimination still exist. I face it all the time...and sometimes, it hurts. Thanks, Hannah
I was probably thinking of "The Shawshank Redemption" when I said that. Such a great film. "Remember Red, hope is a good thing- maybe the best of things- and no good thing ever dies."
Hi Hannah, I feel shy because of other people's perspective and views of myself. Dealing with anything makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. What works for me is what I'm doing and the guilt, shame and shyness has been reduced because of it. Come out of the shell and have courage to be who you are, that helps me. Kelly
I have bipolar 2 disorder too. I feel guilty and ashamed a lot. Especially from my past actions. Then when I'm feeling low I feel like no one gets it. Do I have to keep reminding people of my illness it's just so frustrating. And then I feel like a burden cos I know everyone has their own stuff going on too. I'm lucky I have my son because I don't know if I'd be able to keep going through this over and over again if I didn't have a reason to get up in the morning
I have an issue with shame when I think about things I've done in my past when I was manic. Promiscuity, spending money I didn't have, and binge drinking. At the end of the day I was a freshman in college and I try to tell myself I was just living life which helps me cope with the guilt.
Hi Olga. It's okay to feel bad about something you've done in the past. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done. However, I've learned from them and that's that. It sounds like you have too. Thanks, Hannah
It is hard Hannah living with Bipolar 2. However, you can live bound by it and wear it as a medal and never want to get over it. I one time asked a cripple in Nairobi, Kenya, whether he would believe with me to pray for him for healing and he answered with finality, NO! He asked me, " If I get healed, what would I do? What will I eat? I beg for food and my family. If I get healed I will be required to work and I don't know whether I can do it!" There comes a time when we accept our pain, accept the labels associated with it, accept the "counselors" diagnosis, read all we can about it and say"Yes,this is my condition". The Point is there is another report: You can Refuse the diagnosis and work and Believe your way out of it! You ask me How? By : 1. Believe in God, who says You are wonderfully and Fearfully made 2. Believe Him for Healing:removes guilt by forgiving everything you've ever done 3.Trust him to give you his reality for the corrupted one you have accepted as "normal' 4. Receive either a miracle or Grace to create a new normal filled with Purpose 5. Stop giving your condition power by confessing it over and over-You have a message that can change others. 6. Get a cause worth living for:Imagine people who don't have your looks, your support, your boldness and give yourself to help them 7. Give yourself to build , support, encourage others. You can be too busy having fun with others you never think of having Bipolar 8. Prayer and Bible study, meditation on the word, Fellowship with others, Organizing a Support group or Bible Study, Singing to Orphans, or seniors, or serving in a soup kitchen, etc can be great opportunities for you to see how blessed you are. Philippians 4:9 says, the things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things and the God of peace will be with you. He will give you a peace you have never known. John 1:12,13; 1 Corinthians 5:17
Hi Jonathan. I like the spirit of what you have to say. You're right, it is hard living with bipolar 2 and no matter how we wish it weren't so, the reality is the symptoms won't go away and we have to do our best to deal with them...physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Thank you. Hannah
Thanks!!.. So can relate. well said. .. as said, we are born, for the most part, with this, However , we do not have the support and understanding that other have who are different. No talks in schools supporting us , hearing from us on a class invitation. Though we may have a ride/walk every year.. there is much less media attention and few want to understand and support as much as just 'attend'. Self hate perpetuated with comments, expetations and judgements that almost NO OTHER illness has .
I do too when I come down I feel guilty of interruption or not paying attention when I was in mania. I think I have bipolar bur my downs aren’t sadness it’s more guilt or feeling like a total weirdo
Hi! I think we can all relate to this feeling of guilt, hopefully the more stigma is reduced the less we will feel this way. Thank you for commenting! -Hannah
My wife was bipolar but neither of us knew because she hadn't been diagnosed yet. When my was manic she used to give me gifts which always made me suspicious, I used to think she was giving the gift as a sort of distraction from something she had done that she knew would hurt or upset me if I found out. Maybe she even felt guilty about something and thought that a gift would lessen the blow of her actions. Have you ever had any experience with a situation like this?
I’m ashamed of the way I’ve treated people and for the way I’ve acted in my life. My bipolar and manic states have put me in situations where I’ve hurt people’s feelings and I’m very very sorry for that. BUT THERE IS A TIME WHEN I HAVE TO STOP BEATING MYSELF UP OVER THINGS IVE DONE IN THE PAST. My childhood was sooooooo fucked up and nobody really understood what I was going through and I was so lost and desperate. I behaved badly and the guilt eats me alive all these years later.
You are not guilty. You are honest. It can be challenging dealing with the ignorance of others. I recently had to quit a job on the basis of descrimination, but the complaint had nothing to do with my bipolar. The employer tried to suggest the bipolar was a preexisting condition as if that had something to do with the way I was treated at work. I shut that person down on the spot. How can something you were born with be preexisting? This was a complaint for harassment not bipolar disorder. People need to know the truth about bipolar and all the other mental illnesses. These blogs are helpful.
What about when a person with Bipolar Disorder does and says some very hurtful things? Shouldn't they feel guilty and apologize? I'm having a hard time figuring out where I should have compassion for a bipolar woman who has hurt me vs expecting her to take responsibility for her part...where is it the illness, and where is it she was just plain mean?
Hi tristanmarrok. It doesn't matter whether one has bipolar disorder or not. If you've done hurtful things, you need to acknowledge that and apologize for it and then stop doing it. Watch this: th-cam.com/video/AcNSHuKbDcs/w-d-xo.html But I understand your question - Is she mean or is the bipolar disorder causing her to act that way? Of course, I can't say. I don't know her. On the other hand, if you've brought that to her attention and she isn't willing to explore that in therapy with you, I don't know if the answer really matters. Forget about the bipolar disorder component for a moment and just ask yourself if you would be with her if she continues to treat you like this and isn't willing to make changes and follow through on that. I think that's the important thing here. Would you continue to stay with someone who is abusive to you? Thank you, Hannah
Should I feel guilty? The church and the world loves to dump guilt, and not just guilt, but shame down upon anyone who will accept those negative labels. Did I ask to be born with my illness? Am I going out of my way to harm anyone? The answer to both questions is no, so really why should I be ashamed....because someone as flawed as me told me to feel guilty or shameful. I mind my own business, I stay to myself, I try not intrude in others lives, I have no evil feelings towards anyone to be evil, so what should I be guilty for? Is this world and the church feel guilty for the ones they have hurt? Do they feel guilty for the harmful things they do? They are so quick to dish out guilt while never really taking a good look closely in their mirrors. Who really should feel guilty here. The abused, or the abusers.?
Uh huh! Totally agree with not taking crap from others if it has to do with how you handle your own life. Don't be afraid to let people know this is my life and this is how I live it. Guilt is with me every day. I used to preface every encounter with my family with some stupid nonsense like: this isn't bipolar but... It's just so wasteful to keep feeling like the odd man out. It's very difficult for me but I just have started to say...this is what I think, feel or want etc. and it makes me feel so powerful that I no longer have to explain myself. I just bought a huge eraser and erased the elephant in the room. I am bipolar and if that's a problem guess what, it's yours. I won't ever walk without aid again and I have never wasted time apologizing for it. That would be silly so is feeling guilty about the disability of bipolar. This is what I have to say to myself everyday.
I am glad you addressed the issue of shame and guilt. I am very reclusive due to this illness. In spite of taking medications I have my mood swings. When I look back on certain moods I feel embarrassed by my actions---too giddy and silly or too irritable etc.. Therefore I want to hide my behaviors. So I have NO friends. I just don't trust anyone with my true self and I am super sensitive. Sometimes I wonder about what I may be missing due to having no friends at all. Hannah, you seem like an extravert so do you find it easy to maintain friendships in spite of shame and guilt feelings?
Hi bdaina. Because of stigma and self-stigma, I think most of us with bipolar disorder deal with shame and guilt. Sometimes, when I deal with those "less than" feelings, I remind myself that I am who I am and that's basically a good person. My advice would be don't keep yourself from enjoying the company of others. Some may not accept you for who you are, but others will. Hold on! That's the same as if you didn't have bipolar disorder. :) As to being an extrovert, I am. That's my personality. However, when I was initially diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I shunned everyone, even my best friend. th-cam.com/video/MdxBR_hFvsI/w-d-xo.html Give yourself a chance. Thanks, Hannah
Thank you! :) If you would like to do a response video on how you relate to this or any of my other videos, please write info@healthyplace.com and they'll send you details. I'd be interested to know how you relate. Hannah
Go to God my loves! The Lord is waiting for you! We are all beautiful creations of God and understand you are not defective, you are different. God made you the way you are for a reason just as he made everybody! God will love and be there for you no matter what. Do not look to other human beings for validation, approval and acceptance. Look within yourself and to God for that love you have given everyone else to come back to you fully and beyond.
Hi Hannah, you do not have bipolar. You are called by God. Love Cheryl. Merry Christmas!!! Read about Hannah in the Bible. You have a special anointing. God Bless.
Yeah, I am diagnosed with it too. We can help a lot of people. I can't get off my meds. I tried and ended up in the hospital. I am thankful for my book. My medication provides me with my healing, like I said in my book. Happy New Year.
I used to feel guiltily....until everyone I loved betrayed me. At 51, I'm so exhausted. I dont want to be around people. I trust nobody.
Guilt comes with the territory. Sometimes I still feel guilty for things that I’ve done when I was manic. I did a few things that I was particularly not proud of. After the manic episode was over, I was depressed for about a year. The psychiatrist called it post mania. But sometimes I also feel insecure with what I have. I wonder what people think of me. I feel scared to express myself. Anyway, that’s just me.
Hi Alex. I get what you're talking about. Try and keep in mind that when you are under the influence of your bipolar symptoms, you are not who you really are. I think that's so important. It doesn't mean that you can't be remorseful or apologetic for what you did, but you wouldn't have done it had it not been for bipolar disorder. As for what people think of you - if they understand this concept and take the time to learn about bipolar disorder, hopefully it will be okay. If they don't, that's their issue not your's. Feeling scared to express yourself could be a product of feeling "less than". Maybe that's something you can discuss with a therapist. Just a thought. Thanks, Hannah
Alex Boyles me too even the look on my face when I’m in mania.
I feel the exact way. I feel guilty and ashamed.
Guilt has deprived me of so much . Friendships , relationships , you name it . Feeling like a constant burden definitely makes life harder . I'd rather be alone so that I don't bother other people , I don't care how much people say they don't mind . I think my grandma does try to understand , because she'll pick up my meds and make me schedule , take me to appointments , etc...but I won't lie , most dyes she just doesn't understand and I'm tired of having to say "I have bipolar ", "I feel bad today " "this makes me anxious " and then here her say I'm just nut trying hard enough or to just calm down .
Mad Maverick thanks for sharing ...I look for other people who suffer from the mental illnesses I have all the time . I just have so many questions about it . You'd think having a therapist and psychiatrist would help , but the ones I have suck . I nicknamed my psychiatrist "pill pusher" because he legit just prescribes me medication after medication . I've only been going for a few months and I have almost two bags full of medicine bottles . Some that I've abused when I got really depressed . The longest I've gone without sleep is a month when I was on lexapro . I couldn't imagine 2 years ...sorry you had to go through that
Joy Mechell so what did you think about my vision about what I would like to do to help others like us. And I would bring my doctor is the same way she tried to put me on two meds last time I went in I rejected them. I am down to about 4 medicines to control my bipolar. I think all the way I came out of mine too is that I quit eating crap. All things with one or two or three ingredients in them and stuff that I can recognize and understand. I did this at the same time while doing intermittent fasting. I lost 75 pounds in a year it's not a fast diet it's not a diet at all you just eat nutritious good food once a day get all your calories you need and then and then fast for 24 hours and then do it all over again. I feel this just flushed many things out of my body that was causing some of my problems. This takes much discipline but I feel it is worth it. It might be something you'd like to share or talk about. Also using diatomaceous earth to flush hard heavy metals out of my system. I'm in the best shape of my life. I got 100% on my treadmill test heart rate 162. So I know I say it a lot but getting healthy I think helps eating the proper Foods. It worked for me I'm just saying.
Mad Maverick I think it's a wonderful idea...I wish I could help people like or anyone suffering from mental disorders . I think I want to work with kids with mental health issues , but then again I'm not biased towards adults either . Hopefully I'll find a way even if it's volunteer work . I could listen to people talk all day . And that's great . I wish I could diet , but I have a history of eating disorders 😁 once I start it eventually gets an unhealthy level . I'm already a vegetarian though and have been for the last 7 years ( I'm 21 now so every since I was in 9th grade ) .
im guilty about the stuff that comes out of my mouth when im hypomanic and anxious . and the words cant be taken back once said , i really dont like people much . i dream about being a hermit and years ago i could be and i loved it. i cant hurt my own feelings but other humans can and then i go into my protective cocoon
Hannah your talks help me tremendously! Ive been learning self love these last couple years but sometimes I feel the guilt and the shame. Things are definitely getting better for me everyday. I also practice gratitude and that helps too.
0:20 - Guilt of being born difficult. Feeling guilty whether we are doing the right thing or the wrong thing.
1:00 - Isolation and Self-Hate
I know this is 5 years later. And u probably won’t see this but I keep destroying my relationships and I feel so much guilt. I destroy the relationships with people that judged or hurt me and never understood me but I loved them. I hate this damn disorder. I wish I could rewind time b4 my symptoms came out. I hate myself
Hey Hannah, really appreciate your videos.
Personally i don't feel too much guilt due to stigma as i understand why people would be wary of someone with mental health issues. The guilt i have comes from the things i have done in my life, the way i have acted when manic and the countless great opportunities and relationships i've squandered when extremely depressed. I've been feeling quite manic recently and really struggling to sleep, i have starved myself for days at a time, not consumed any liquids for almost 2 days and gone to sleep outside in freezing temperatures hoping i'll freeze to death or that i'll feel so awful that i'll eventually commit suicide.
In retrospect i realise just how dangerous and delusional that thinking is but at the time there is almost nothing that could change my mind.
This is the kind of thing that truly makes me feel ashamed.
Thanks again.
Hello Gabriel. I really appreciate you sharing that part of your story. When ill, I've done things that I wouldn't have done or thought of doing under other circumstances. I used to be ashamed of that. Now I'm kinder to myself and apologetic to others when I need to be. I frame it this way: When you're under the influence of bipolar symptoms, you are not yourself. This is an important distinction to make. And sometimes, it takes a lucid moment to realize that things are not normal. That's the moment I use to take action or call my doctor. It's also helpful to have family and close friends who recognize that something may be wrong and can intervene on my behalf. What do you think about that perspective? Thanks, Hannah
Hi Hannah, I love seeing you speak up and share your truth. The isolation can be tough. Be your truth. Be kind to your soul. You have such kindness and help so many with your honesty. I hid for so long as a troubled teen with wide emotional spectrum responses .. I didn’t know what was happening and my family didn’t help because of the grief we all went through with a siblings overdose. Now , When I “couch test ” I’m just feeding my reserves of confidence and self love in order to be able to be in the world in a way that is possible for everyone including me, to get something good out of. I read, or do chores and cook. It’s a blessing now, vs a curse when I was young. I understand myself more.
I like that, J Pierre. When you're a teenager, you're dealing with all the normal teen stuff and then bipolar disorder is thrown on top of that and you don't know what's going on. And even when you're diagnosed and it's explained to you, I found it difficult to accept and comprehend. As I came into my mid- 20s, I matured and had a better understanding of what bipolar disorder was and meant for me. Also, knowing that I wasn't a freak or alone in the world with bipolar disorder was a learning experience that took time to fully understand. NAMI and the internet are wonderful things. I get to connect with people, like yourself, and learn so much through that. Thank you for being part of our community here. Hannah
I feel guilty and ashamed of having to cancel plans with people when I an experiencing a depressive episode
One last thing, if you let them, they will destroy you. Your joy, hope, peace, and love for yourself. Don't let them.
My overwhelming thoughts and guilt needs to be let go of and I try to each day. I don’t let ppl make me feel that I try to explain but it’s hard to understand and make others as well. This is Linda who is a big fan of your TH-cam channel and I just love you.
Hi Linda. First, thanks for the kinds words. It's always nice to know that what I'm doing is having a positive effect. I, too, have dealt with guilt and shame. It completely drags you down. A lot of my feelings had to do with the fact that I was surrounded by many people who were negative and made me feel bad about having bipolar disorder. Therapy helped me realize that and it's made a big difference in the way I live my life now. Thanks, Hannah
THANKS for this! It's absolutely apropos for where I'm at in my journey right now. I've shared it with some friends and family members to explain what I feel. You have a knack for taking complicated issues and making them clear and understandable enough for those who don't fight mental illness. BTW: There must be something about 2017. It has been my most self-isolating year ever!
Thanks for the compliment, Becky, and for sharing the video with your friends and family. I'm curious about their reaction - if you wish to share that. Hannah
They've always responded positively! Some of them have actually watched other of your videos, both out of curiosity and the desire to understand me. Various forms of dysthymia are genetic on both sides of my family and at least one of my siblings has bipolar 2, as I do. My friends thank me for the videos I occasionally send them and we usually start some form of dialogue around them. Have a Merry Christmas!
The things I say in mania is really bad. Crazy. There's a girl that avoids me because of something I said. It hurts. Like I don't belong in society. I should just be locked up so I don't need to feel rejection from " normal" people.
The worst part of this condition is when family talks down to you. Im the person who chose to get myself treated. Found my drs on my own. Gosh there's no compassion from family
Hope you will find the strength 🙏🏽
Edgar Allen Poe, "Alone".
Something occurred to me after my appointment yesterday. Even if we could rid ourselves of guilt and shame, we still have to deal with stigma. My doctor made one comment that upset me, not because of the way she said it, but because it was true. It's just the reality of my situation, like a man who is released from prison after being falsely convicted of a terrible crime yet is still unable to find a job and is shunned by society.
Ryan, that's an interesting analogy. I'm a strong believer in facing the reality of my situation. I work to change things, but at the same time I realize that stigma and discrimination still exist. I face it all the time...and sometimes, it hurts. Thanks, Hannah
I was probably thinking of "The Shawshank Redemption" when I said that. Such a great film.
"Remember Red, hope is a good thing- maybe the best of things- and no good thing ever dies."
Hi Hannah, I feel shy because of other people's perspective and views of myself. Dealing with anything makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. What works for me is what I'm doing and the guilt, shame and shyness has been reduced because of it. Come out of the shell and have courage to be who you are, that helps me. Kelly
Guilt and worry letting go, frees you to be more yourself
Agreed! Thanks, Lisa. Hannah
Be yourself and hang out with those who love and accept who you are
I have bipolar 2 disorder too. I feel guilty and ashamed a lot. Especially from my past actions. Then when I'm feeling low I feel like no one gets it. Do I have to keep reminding people of my illness it's just so frustrating. And then I feel like a burden cos I know everyone has their own stuff going on too. I'm lucky I have my son because I don't know if I'd be able to keep going through this over and over again if I didn't have a reason to get up in the morning
Thank you for sharing
I feel guilty about work. That I am not going to work like other people.
I have an issue with shame when I think about things I've done in my past when I was manic. Promiscuity, spending money I didn't have, and binge drinking. At the end of the day I was a freshman in college and I try to tell myself I was just living life which helps me cope with the guilt.
Hi Olga. It's okay to feel bad about something you've done in the past. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done. However, I've learned from them and that's that. It sounds like you have too. Thanks, Hannah
i knew in sept and oct that this was gonna be a bad winter for me. i can tell how i am when the seasonal disorder begins of how bad im gonna get
Thank you Hannah for your amazing videos by the way. Your words and insight are truly inspiring! God bless you beautiful, strong lady ❤.
It is hard Hannah living with Bipolar 2. However, you can live bound by it and wear it as a medal and never want to get over it. I one time asked a cripple in Nairobi, Kenya, whether he would believe with me to pray for him for healing and he answered with finality, NO! He asked me, " If I get healed, what would I do? What will I eat? I beg for food and my family. If I get healed I will be required to work and I don't know whether I can do it!" There comes a time when we accept our pain, accept the labels associated with it, accept the "counselors" diagnosis, read all we can about it and say"Yes,this is my condition". The Point is there is another report: You can Refuse the diagnosis and work and Believe your way out of it! You ask me How? By :
1. Believe in God, who says You are wonderfully and Fearfully made
2. Believe Him for Healing:removes guilt by forgiving everything you've ever done
3.Trust him to give you his reality for the corrupted one you have accepted as "normal'
4. Receive either a miracle or Grace to create a new normal filled with Purpose
5. Stop giving your condition power by confessing it over and over-You have a message that can change others.
6. Get a cause worth living for:Imagine people who don't have your looks, your support, your boldness and give yourself to help them
7. Give yourself to build , support, encourage others. You can be too busy having fun with others you never think of having Bipolar 8. Prayer and Bible study, meditation on the word, Fellowship with others, Organizing a Support group or Bible Study, Singing to Orphans, or seniors, or serving in a soup kitchen, etc can be great opportunities for you to see how blessed you are.
Philippians 4:9 says, the things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things and the God of peace will be with you. He will give you a peace you have never known. John 1:12,13; 1 Corinthians 5:17
Hi Jonathan. I like the spirit of what you have to say. You're right, it is hard living with bipolar 2 and no matter how we wish it weren't so, the reality is the symptoms won't go away and we have to do our best to deal with them...physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Thank you. Hannah
Thanks!!.. So can relate. well said. .. as said, we are born, for the most part, with this, However , we do not have the support and understanding that other have who are different. No talks in schools supporting us , hearing from us on a class invitation. Though we may have a ride/walk every year.. there is much less media attention and few want to understand and support as much as just 'attend'. Self hate perpetuated with comments, expetations and judgements that almost NO OTHER illness has .
There’s logic to your feeling! I have guilt about letting people down, which 99% of the time isn’t true. I feel sorry, like an ass.
I do too when I come down I feel guilty of interruption or not paying attention when I was in mania.
I think I have bipolar bur my downs aren’t sadness it’s more guilt or feeling like a total weirdo
Hi! I think we can all relate to this feeling of guilt, hopefully the more stigma is reduced the less we will feel this way. Thank you for commenting! -Hannah
My wife was bipolar but neither of us knew because she hadn't been diagnosed yet. When my was manic she used to give me gifts which always made me suspicious, I used to think she was giving the gift as a sort of distraction from something she had done that she knew would hurt or upset me if I found out. Maybe she even felt guilty about something and thought that a gift would lessen the blow of her actions. Have you ever had any experience with a situation like this?
I’m ashamed of the way I’ve treated people and for the way I’ve acted in my life. My bipolar and manic states have put me in situations where I’ve hurt people’s feelings and I’m very very sorry for that. BUT THERE IS A TIME WHEN I HAVE TO STOP BEATING MYSELF UP OVER THINGS IVE DONE IN THE PAST. My childhood was sooooooo fucked up and nobody really understood what I was going through and I was so lost and desperate. I behaved badly and the guilt eats me alive all these years later.
i feel this way, i’m picking up the pieces rn & trying to not have those episodes again
@@cloudyfeelz well said. Me too. I wrote my comment 8 months ago and I have to say I’m feeling a lot better. My life has gotten a lot happier.
You are not guilty. You are honest. It can be challenging dealing with the ignorance of others. I recently had to quit a job on the basis of descrimination, but the complaint had nothing to do with my bipolar. The employer tried to suggest the bipolar was a preexisting condition as if that had something to do with the way I was treated at work. I shut that person down on the spot. How can something you were born with be preexisting? This was a complaint for harassment not bipolar disorder. People need to know the truth about bipolar and all the other mental illnesses. These blogs are helpful.
Kudos to you! You have an awesome channel and a new subscriber.
I'm glad you joined us, M August. Welcome. Hannah
Thanks
I feel guilty because Im not able to study ...for the life of me
What about when a person with Bipolar Disorder does and says some very hurtful things? Shouldn't they feel guilty and apologize? I'm having a hard time figuring out where I should have compassion for a bipolar woman who has hurt me vs expecting her to take responsibility for her part...where is it the illness, and where is it she was just plain mean?
Hi tristanmarrok. It doesn't matter whether one has bipolar disorder or not. If you've done hurtful things, you need to acknowledge that and apologize for it and then stop doing it. Watch this: th-cam.com/video/AcNSHuKbDcs/w-d-xo.html But I understand your question - Is she mean or is the bipolar disorder causing her to act that way? Of course, I can't say. I don't know her. On the other hand, if you've brought that to her attention and she isn't willing to explore that in therapy with you, I don't know if the answer really matters. Forget about the bipolar disorder component for a moment and just ask yourself if you would be with her if she continues to treat you like this and isn't willing to make changes and follow through on that. I think that's the important thing here. Would you continue to stay with someone who is abusive to you? Thank you, Hannah
Should I feel guilty? The church and the world loves to dump guilt, and not just guilt, but shame down upon anyone who will accept those negative labels. Did I ask to be born with my illness? Am I going out of my way to harm anyone? The answer to both questions is no, so really why should I be ashamed....because someone as flawed as me told me to feel guilty or shameful. I mind my own business, I stay to myself, I try not intrude in others lives, I have no evil feelings towards anyone to be evil, so what should I be guilty for? Is this world and the church feel guilty for the ones they have hurt? Do they feel guilty for the harmful things they do? They are so quick to dish out guilt while never really taking a good look closely in their mirrors. Who really should feel guilty here. The abused, or the abusers.?
Thank you for this 🙏❤️
Uh huh! Totally agree with not taking crap from others if it has to do with how you handle your own life. Don't be afraid to let people know this is my life and this is how I live it. Guilt is with me every day. I used to preface every encounter with my family with some stupid nonsense like: this isn't bipolar but... It's just so wasteful to keep feeling like the odd man out. It's very difficult for me but I just have started to say...this is what I think, feel or want etc. and it makes me feel so powerful that I no longer have to explain myself. I just bought a huge eraser and erased the elephant in the room. I am bipolar and if that's a problem guess what, it's yours. I won't ever walk without aid again and I have never wasted time apologizing for it. That would be silly so is feeling guilty about the disability of bipolar. This is what I have to say to myself everyday.
Hi Paulie! Thank you for being so open about your story. You are inspiring. -Hannah
I am glad you addressed the issue of shame and guilt. I am very reclusive due to this illness. In spite of taking medications I have my mood swings. When I look back on certain moods I feel embarrassed by my actions---too giddy and silly or too irritable etc.. Therefore I want to hide my behaviors. So I have NO friends. I just don't trust anyone with my true self and I am super sensitive. Sometimes I wonder about what I may be missing due to having no friends at all.
Hannah, you seem like an extravert so do you find it easy to maintain friendships in spite of shame and guilt feelings?
Hi bdaina. Because of stigma and self-stigma, I think most of us with bipolar disorder deal with shame and guilt. Sometimes, when I deal with those "less than" feelings, I remind myself that I am who I am and that's basically a good person. My advice would be don't keep yourself from enjoying the company of others. Some may not accept you for who you are, but others will. Hold on! That's the same as if you didn't have bipolar disorder. :) As to being an extrovert, I am. That's my personality. However, when I was initially diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I shunned everyone, even my best friend. th-cam.com/video/MdxBR_hFvsI/w-d-xo.html
Give yourself a chance. Thanks, Hannah
I just love you! How may i get in contact with you? I really relate to you.
Thank you! :) If you would like to do a response video on how you relate to this or any of my other videos, please write info@healthyplace.com and they'll send you details. I'd be interested to know how you relate. Hannah
Your email doesnt work, I tried and it couldnt send. Do u have another???
Go to God my loves! The Lord is waiting for you! We are all beautiful creations of God and understand you are not defective, you are different. God made you the way you are for a reason just as he made everybody! God will love and be there for you no matter what. Do not look to other human beings for validation, approval and acceptance. Look within yourself and to God for that love you have given everyone else to come back to you fully and beyond.
Nice nose and hair color
Hi Hannah, you do not have bipolar. You are called by God. Love Cheryl. Merry Christmas!!! Read about Hannah in the Bible. You have a special anointing. God Bless.
Hi Cheryl. I do have bipolar disorder 2. I'm very confident in that. And I appreciate the holiday wishes. Same to you. Hannah
Yeah, I am diagnosed with it too. We can help a lot of people. I can't get off my meds. I tried and ended up in the hospital. I am thankful for my book. My medication provides me with my healing, like I said in my book. Happy New Year.