The Dark Side of Helping Others | 13 Surprising Ways It Can Harm You | Buddhist Zen Story
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 พ.ค. 2024
- Title: ''The Dark Side of Helping Others | 13 Surprising Ways It Can Harm You | Buddhist Zen Story''
Description:
"Explore the hidden risks of helping others in this eye-opening video. From compassion fatigue to neglecting personal needs, learn how to navigate the complexities of altruism while preserving your own well-being. Watch now to discover essential strategies for sustainable and meaningful assistance."
Tags:
#ZenWisdom #ZenBuddhism #BuddhismHub
Timestamps:
00:00✅Introductory quote of Gautama Buddha
01:06✅[Number 1: The Martyr Syndrome]
03:01✅[Number 2: Dependency Issues]
05:08✅[Number 3: Emotional Drain]
07:21✅[Number 4: Enabling Destructive Behavior]
09:14✅[Number 5: Loss of Identity]
11:27✅[Number 6: Financial Strain]
13:33✅[Number 7: Neglecting Personal Needs]
15:47✅[Number 8: Resentment and Bitterness]
18:12✅[Number 9: Impact on Relationships]
20:39✅[Number 10: Compassion Fatigue]
23:12✅[Number 11: Unrealistic Expectations]
25:31✅[Number 12: Self-Neglect]
27:35✅[Number 13: Overlooking Red Flags]
30:15✅Conclusion
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Timestamps:
00:00✅Introductory quote of Gautama Buddha
01:06✅[Number 1: The Martyr Syndrome]
03:01✅[Number 2: Dependency Issues]
05:08✅[Number 3: Emotional Drain]
07:21✅[Number 4: Enabling Destructive Behavior]
09:14✅[Number 5: Loss of Identity]
11:27✅[Number 6: Financial Strain]
13:33✅[Number 7: Neglecting Personal Needs]
15:47✅[Number 8: Resentment and Bitterness]
18:12✅[Number 9: Impact on Relationships]
20:39✅[Number 10: Compassion Fatigue]
23:12✅[Number 11: Unrealistic Expectations]
25:31✅[Number 12: Self-Neglect]
27:35✅[Number 13: Overlooking Red Flags]
30:15✅Conclusion
Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
Lots of repetitive sequences and bizarre spellings. Why? The message is clear, good and pretty much needed, though. Thank you
It appears to be A.I.@@adoa77
It's called A.I @@adoa77
Excellent message conveyed by the video, but the voice is equally jarring, like almost piercing the ears. Such moralistic videos should have a very calm and serene voice.
Do not ever help someone who is requesting your help for his or her own ends at your expense. I chose this path once to help someone who did not want help but rather wanted to use me and sidetrack my path. I deviated from my own path that it caused me years of disorientation, confusion, suffering, mental and physical health decline, strain on family relationships, and other problems. It was my worse mistake. Help someone in pain or an animal that is dying, but not a narcissist who has evil motives.
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Am suffering due to this , hope I will recover from this anxiety and confusion
@jacques
Spot on.
The same type in my family kept trying still on me (to be altristic) assuming that my past accommodation - I was sacrificing to some extent but far from altruisim, it was because of her manipulation while I chose to do (for another sibling) only because of my late mother's request to watch out for that other sister. Lol!
I am presently trying to heal from being used by such a vampire/friend for years.
I found this channel a little late. 20yrs I have been working hard for my family and relatives.. Now every one is well settled and I am left out all alone with nothing. I am working on myself and my business. Thank you God for all the life lessons😌🙏🙏
Welcome aboard! ❤️🙏
Same here!😢
Ask for help from the people who you have helped! I know... crickets.
Yes is very common this ,same here ,but I forgive those family members,I pray for them one day realize what they done and become better persons for a future ❤
Same here
Never pour from an empty cup. Make sure your cup is full first, whatever overflows, that you can donate to others.
Your life is precious.
You were not born to sacrifice your life for another to thrive.
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Well said.Reality should not be ignored
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I wrote these wise and beautiful words in my diary! Very grateful for this comment. I learned through my experience that helping others while you are also in need of help is a very bad idea.
it's the same principle as "put on you own oxygen mask first'.......you can't halp anyone if you don't .......think about it...
This is a very valuable advice. I wish I had heard this 50 years ago. I have sacrificed my own life and that of my family by overhelping others and neglecting my own family. I am going to change my way of thinking and acting. Thank you for opening my eyes and mind to the realities of life.
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Me too 😓 and I only received trouble trouble trouble betrayal etc etc. We cannot go back in time to erase and correct our mistakes but from now on I can only help my own self and my adult Sons and grandchildren, to the extent of what is possible and coherent. Also stop feeling guilty and angry at myself (easier said than done), 30 - 40 years ago we couldn't know what we know today. We evolved and have so much more experience and a clearer vision.
Story of my life 😢😊
This is my life 50 years ago thank you for sharing this...
God bless🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Relate much❤
My husband was abused as a child, I am an empath therefore I did everything I could to help him, guide him, care for him and love him...I always put him before myself for decades.
He, in turn, took everything out on me. He treated me badly knowing I would always be there for him. I became a shadow of myself, a total recluse, lost all my self confidence and attempted suicide.
That was my rock bottom moment.
I changed my attitude within a few months, it took time as I had never been a selfish person. But to this day I am stronger than ever, I say no to my mother (another drain in my life) and I do not take any s**t from my husband or anyone! He has treated me with respect and kindness ever since and I will never go back to being used again.
Thank you for this video, there was a reason it popped up in my feed and it has justified exactly how I now only ever put myself first, but still manage to have time and care for others.
The truth is that it takes a lot of heartache for us to understand how important we're and how we should always love ourselves. One can never heal the other, unless they are open to it. To understand and know how much value we have is a great awakening and feeling. 🤗🥳Blessings
I had learned these lessons once I understood that I was brought up to be a people pleaser. Now I prioritize me. There’s no other way.
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spoken like a true narcissist. good thing for you that your parents did not do that.
@@sasachiminesh1204 Seems a bit extreme. We are in charge of our own minds and hearts. I surmise that our empathy is the source of all of our wisdom. But the path of our own heart is perilous in the face of our ignorance. I say charity starts at home. With ourself. So we may act with equanimity and kindness. Is Buddhism about selflessness or selfishness or is it about both? This presentation would show correlation between Buddhism and Stoicism. To become a trained people pleaser has an up side and down side and this information is very helpful. If we find ourselves begrudging our own kindness then it is a sign of our own disease. The answer is not in self flagellation.
Haha stupid ignorant people
Where is your Purpose now? Does selfishness bring Happiness? Truly?
went from helping my dad who passed last year from Parkinson’s/dementia for 7 years while working construction was A LOT. I am still tired .I had NO help from anybody. “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” more like “what doesn’t kill you depletes ur brain of every chemical it needs to function properly. God Bless anyone going through this I pray for you I really do and send nothing but positive vibes✌🏼✨✨✨🌍👁️🙏 LOVE
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❤️🙏♥️
Enjoy a funny robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
Peace and prosperity to you . Take care of yourself❤❤❤
I have spent the last ten years rescuing dogs, building my sanctuary. it has rendered me penniless. i just cant go by an injured or sick stray, and thejoy i get seeing them healing is priceless.
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Enjoy a funny robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
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I would love to do that but I’m working 2 jobs to pay stuff.. may be someday
May I say God bless you for your kindness. Please do not give up on helping animals. Their love is unconditional unlike human beings. I have had an opportunity to help human beings each time I have only received heartache in return. Please continue to help animals they need help as cruelty continues to increase. God bless you for your kindness.
Damn nothing but the honest truth I spent my entire life helping others,sending money to people, buying stuff including air tickets 🎫 to family members etc.
Until one day,I realized that there was no water in my house and I can no longer use my bathroom and no body cared because all they needed is financial support.
And when I decided to say enough is enough,I became the greatest enemy of the people including my own family members no one talks to me anymore and no one calls me or sends messages just to find out how I’m doing.
Thank you for this information I rather stick to my grounds and say no.
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Yes, it is very hurtful when they do this. They have used us while they could and then ditched us when we said "No." We feel your pain.. Stick to your new way of life.... We used to cook jam and everyone had their hands out for jam every year. This went on for years, until we were very ill. We rang them and asked them to do the jam that year, and no one showed up. The fruit went rotten on the ground. Only one person hung around when we were very ill, the rest didn't even show up. That one person wasn't a jam maker, but helpful in many other ways. When we recovered our health and made jam, they came around with their hands out. They were told to Foff.
No is a complete sentence and my favorite word to use.
Enjoy a funny robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
Happened to me with my immediate family. All sweet and nice when they need money. I finally said no, radio silence for years 😂. That's okay
I couldn't agree more. Never again will I put others ' needs before mine. I was drained financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I can't rely on people whom I had helped. They never learned from our past, instead kept doing same thing over and over. 😢
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Same too😢
Right? I give and give and when I ask for one little thing...crickets
OMG that part “they don’t learn and keep doing the same thing” . I have rescued myself from my own challenges no one rescued me and find that l have to rescue them too now that am stable😓
Enjoy a funny robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
There is no greater joy than the feeling I get helping people in need without expecting any praise or anything in return. The more I have given, the more I have been blessed.
God Bless You
True. Same thinking ❤
God bless you more. We blessed to bless others
Same here, I can’t afford not to help if the person or people needs my help.
Of course if only yourself involved. But when you start having children, you have to put your husband/ wife and children first, never give on their expense, many times it is the ego giving and the ego does not have the wisdom from some who really needs help from someone greedy who only want to take take from an other without caring at all about the others loss.
I wish I had learned these lessons a long time ago. I’m finally saving myself; at 49! There are people in this world whose sole objective is to be parasitic. They see others like myself as a host to prey on. I hope this video goes viral.
Thank You ❤️🙏
Me too
True!
I' ve learned over time helping some can lead to the one being helped never learning that actions have consequences.
We still need to help each other we just need to take care of yourself more
right
i see someone can think for themselves. good for you.
Well said
This is the right thing.
Have to learn to say no
Me landing on this page must have been absolute god send. Because I have been shouldering many of my family and peers needs above my own for the last 15 years.
This is such important advice. I looked after my mother from the age of twelve, looked after brothers and sister, now have a husband to care for 24/7 and couldn't work out why I felt depressed. I felt lost and exhausted until I realised I needed to look after ME.
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Enjoy a funny robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
I'm living a simple life. I struggled with depression and lack of existential value for years. When Covid started i decided to make a small change in someones life and do something about my own situation as well. Now a small family of 3 on the other side of the world can live in a house with a proper roof and have a meal every day. I may not have a car or travel on wacations, but i have gotten a new family and a purpose in life. When i reflect on it, i'm not sure who is helping who.
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Wonderful, helping makes so much difference in someone’s life, they are struggling, they have hope through you , if we keep all our money than it has no value it’s just paper, money comes and goes ♥️🌷♥️🌷♥️
Read many years ago to never interfere with another person´s karma, has not forgotten.
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Agree. Helping someone might interfere with their karma (what many might not understand).
@@BuddhismHub If the person doesn’t share your religious beliefs they don’t understand thats true. However Others have their own religious beliefs and they should be respected just as well as your own religious beliefs. I was renting an apartment from a Buddhist owner. I paid my rent on time. However my lease stipulated a screen for my upstairs balcony door. For 10 months every time I went in to pay the rent I asked and the manager always told me the same thing they had to order one. Fast forward people who moved into apartments that didn’t have screen on their balcony doors they were given one. However all they were doing from me was collecting money. The air conditioner was blowing in dust and had a moldy stinky odor. I went out myself and bought filters for the air conditioner yet it didn’t help much because the system needed professional cleaning.
I ended up having to break the lease after 10 months there it was a 12 month lease because I was getting sick from breathing the stuff coming in I got so sick I couldn’t leave my apartment for two months. I live in a hot climate area. After I moved they accused me of breaking the lease. In the Buddhists belief because I moved out I should receive a bad karma?? Then what should the landlord and his rental off receive according to karma? I think they broke the lease by not giving me what I was paying for but collecting my money and jeopardizing my health. Mark you I had a small dog that was healthy and when I moved there he got sick and died he was only 5 years old. I think he died from breathing in the stuff that was coming out that made me sick also. Two of my neighbors in two separate apartments in the building we were in only 3 units someone died from each apartment causing their family members to move out.
Also the first two months I was there I couldn’t cook because they had a horrible cock roach infestation I had to buy the stuff to kill the bugs before I could cook it was full of babies. Aren’t Buddhists taught to treat people right since they believe in karma?? Or do they believe it’s ok because karma will only go to the no. Buddhists. That was the worst place I ever lived. The owner was a greedy man who just wanted money.
Agree
Ture. I prayed sincerely for a child stricken with leukemia. She is my student. I prayed every day. A year later, she survived, and my daughter committed suicide. I saved a life by sacrificing my own.
This is so true- if the help is successful, you are rarely thanked. If the help is not successful, you are blamed despite doing so for free. In fact, if the result is not successful, one is commonly scolded “ don't offer if you cannot do it properly, suggesting you are incompetent!
The more I give, the more I receive. Thank you God for 😮your blessings on me.
Wonderful! ❤️🙏
God bless you 🙏🏼
Let's be GREATFUL, not SELFISH
Bullshit
But me I never received
@@faridahmaghanga2070
Do you pray 🙏🏼 ?
Do you feel a conecction with God ?
Do you feel God in your ♥️ ?
Pray 🙏🏼
Be thankful 🙏🏼
And you will see
The angels are always watching us .
They know everything 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I think the darkest side of helping others is when we do so in order to gain some kind of egoistic value for ourselves, especially when we don't realize we're doing it for that reason.
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If you are a Buddhist you might be interested with what I have to say. This is sort of out of topic here. I do research on how Buddhism disappeared in Bihar. I realized it never disappeared from Bihar. Buddhists simply failed to research Indian Buddhism. They looked at Buddhism through the sphere of their own cultures searching for only the Buddha. Buddha had a myriad of names in different villages according to his teachings there. Example. His favorite teaching was 'Lust and desire causes pain. Remove lust and desire, and pain is removed'. Translated into Bihari (where the Buddha story took place) it is DHUKH HARAN meaning to remove dukha. Three dozen villages pray to DUKH HARAN Baba. Its clear that DUKH HARAN Baba is none other than the Buddha. Problem is Buddhists are searching only for the Buddha. In the real Vaishali the Buddha begged for alms. The locals there pray to 'BHIKHAINI' Baba (Beggar Baba). Bhikhaini was mispronounced by Buddhists as Bhikshu. Who is BHIKHAINI Baba. The Buddha no doubt. But people are searching for a man called Buddha. In the real Vaishali, in Beluha the Buddha suffered a sickness and felt he had grown old. The locals pray to 'BURHA' Baba (Old Baba). Who is BURHA Baba. The Buddha no doubt. In the real Vaishali the Lichavies pressurized Buddha not to die. They trailed him to Bandagawan pressurizing him not to die. To put pressure in Hindi is DABESHWAR. Three dozen villages around the stupa where Buddha gave the Lichavies his patra, the villagers pray to Baba 'DABESHWAR NATH' meaning the man who won the pressurizing game. It was the the Buddha no doubt as he gave the Lichavies his patra and succeded in sending them back. But Buddhists are searching for the Buddha. In Pidhauli (Vaishali) the local deity is Bardiha Baba. Bardiha means the Baba who didn't allow us to stay where he was staying. Bardiha Baba is the Buddha no doubt because he didn't allow the crowd of Lichavies to stay with him in Bandagama. Forgive me for commenting out of the topic. I just wanted to impart this information to you.
I disagree ...when I help someone...I feel happy .
@@user-ci1eh3ip7s I agree with you
@@user-ci1eh3ip7syeah, that's the point of the post. It feeds your ego. You are using others to feel something instead of fostering happiness from within
This is Buddhism and psychology against Biblical principles. It is always good to know when to draw the line.
Thanks
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Here in the west unfortunately people see kindness as weakness
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They are not Christians.
You must be American. Dog eat dog society .Ask overworked. No life balance.A society based on money.No national health.People relying on tips for a sub standard minimum wage.
Everywhere so
Yeah. There is one born everyday.
So nice to hear about such deep human experiences from an AI Voice Robot !!
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I once gave a book to a little girl at a playground with the father present. People them made comments in social media. Can hear were used books I was trying to get rid of because of daughter read them all. No good deed goes in punished. People misconstrued things. I will never give again. Thank you for this video.
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If u can, help others... hidden luck will come to u. U think nobody knows your kindness.. but the truth is the universe knows your kindness and give it back to u using the same ways that u expect or different ways that u never expect
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Enjoy a funny robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
Just two nights ago from me viewing this- I was at a gas station at night. Out of nowhere a woman called to me and asked for a ride downtown. Her friend abandoned her there. She was older, not very mobile. I was hesitant because what if she has bed bugs and so on, not to be mean but reality. I thought about Uber but ultimately took her. She was hungry, so we wnt to McDonald’s - that was $11. I thought alright, did a decent deed. Then she asks me to spare her $20 - CRIPES she has not problem asking for things does she? I don’t do cash and shut that down, ut told her were to get supplemental food for free and a free hot lunch everyday. So - yes SET BOUNDARIES because many don’t and have no problem moving your boundaries to their advantage. Don’t feel bad, you work hard for your money at least I do so don’t forget to be charitable to yourself.
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You did more than you should have. I help people but I don’t give rides to anyone it’s not safe. Because sometimes the bad people send other people to you. I am glad that was not this case.🙏❤️. What I found out too is use your intuition when you are helping someone if it doesn’t feel right don’t do it.
You will be rewarded as you did a good karma. Your good air is like a boomerang it will bounce back to you. I know even your family members try to exploit you too.
Dangerous to let anyone in your car, give rides to someone you don’t know. They can accuse you of anything, then it’s their word against yours.
@@Titian328 That’s very true what you wrote. Even people can put their children up to lie on you. So I don’t give people rides and I don’t babysit peoples children. I see all the horror stories in the news one must protect themselves and that means setting boundaries.
This is exactly 💯 talking about my life journey. In the end "it was never appreciated". I am now learning, to pour the love into myself. And I am also, learning to say NO.
.. at certain times. I still, help whenever I can. But, not as I use to in the past. Cos' it made me neglect my own personal needs, and goals for years. Unfortunately, growing up in the wrong religion made me believe I need to sacrifice my own happiness to make others happy.😢
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Islam isn’t it??
They want you scarify your life for them while they do nothing !
What religion was it?
@@misscoutts6193 The religion, that believes a man sacrificed his life for all.
correct. my boundaries are being violeted DAILY. its making me sad. they depend on me, yet i have no one to help me.
Me too been helping others my whole life and putting them first. Got me surrounded and manipulated by narcissists for last 8 ish years. I’m learning my lesson.
🙏❤️
Same here, 38 years for me. Narcissist can act and cry very well, went all out to help to find out that it was a plot. Never took pity on anyone again.
The thing I’ve learned to watch out for is mirroring me, if I see them doing that. Alarm bells go, but I’ve realised once I notice it, I can then Kew myself protected but get loads of info out of them, always find the good in all the bad. Take care people.
So valuable message that the sufferer only can understand. I did almost everything for my brothers and sisters for last more than 30 years , now they do all conspiracies against me as I am not able to support them anymore.
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Yes only the sufferer can understand . But you are not the 1st nor the last. Always good to understand.
Enjoy a funny robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
Same situation
I'm not helping anyone anymore until I'm alright. That's it. 😊
Good 🙏❤️
I helped somebody few moths ago and this person is always around asking for my assistance. I'm feeling awful because I can't help everytime or I just don't want to. But after this video I feel better because I'm not obligated to help all the time. I really appreciate for posting it!
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Enjoy a very funny Robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
I myself come from Tibetan Buddhist culture and there we say that helping other should come from your deepest hearth and dedication, without expectation and with a positive motivation and wath the result will be, is not in your hand.
My personal meaning is, that In now time the peopel who asked allways something from others without respecting the Donners resource, should learn more them self to set the boundary , then the helpers, whos motivation is to help in “need”.
I supported a medical project 15 years in Tibet and I do not regret one day of it to have done, even it was not always easy. I see it as my karmic diuty to help others. 🙏
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Your way is THE way. Thank you.
@@user-gg2zw3mc2l I don't think there's one way. There are many ways depending on the frequency you hold. There are many people who have not much insight and been conditioned to be like the martyr and they will be taken advantage of. They don't even know how to set boundaries. For them its a good teaching. For those who have done more spiritual work and hold a high frequency or at the least their energy chakras are more balanced, for them its a good thing to be altruistic.
Well said ❤
Let's be GRATEFUL 🙏🏼
not SELFISH 🤮
The BLESSINGS. Comes from HEAVEN 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
🙏❤️
Enjoy a funny robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
Enjoy a very funny Robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
Oops it's ME after I stopped nobody talking to me now but it's okay... thank you for this video.
Most welcome ❤️🙏
Exactly! It’s sad. It happened to me too.
Enjoy a funny robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
I have taken care of my family, that is mom and my brother with polar disorder for past 35yrs and I have been rescuing stray dogs for past thirteen years and adopted 18of them. Apart from this I fees 20more stray dogs on the way to my office and in office. Yes I have vanished allmy savings. Lost job during covid and doing a job doesn't pay me well. Buti still dont want to abandoned anyone or change me . I feel all these are designed by god .
Help yourself first and animals and follow your heart
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Helping others constantly (specially economically) gets you their hatred because your help is telling them in a masked way “you can’t, you’re useless, you are hopeless”. Period.
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My wife has been watering plants at the neighbors for about 30 years when they were on vacation. She didn't want to do that anymore. The nearest neighbor got angry because she didn't want to do it anymore. Unbelievable, that's how people can be. Only one's own interest counts. Those who are too nice are taken advantage of and people only respect money..... not the person
I discovered you can throw as much money as you want at the problem. It never works.
Helped my two kids through prestigious colleges. Helped them get situated after graduation. They cursed me out and vowed never to speak to me again. So much for being a loving, caring, and supportive father…Still love them even though I’ll probably never see them again. I hope and pray I will though. In the end, I’ll always know I did the best I could for them and that’ll have to be satisfaction enough for me.
@@dolittle6781the question is did you help them or yourself did you see them the way they wanne be behave express the life path they would love to go did you support all that probably not they would love to chat with you every day 💖
Shalom, I SEND YOU LOVE, PEACE. JOY IN THE LORD, ABUNDANCE,& HAPPINESS ALWAYS🤎🤎🤎
This Message is SO POWERFUL & PURE TRUTH!!!! I LOVE IT! I THANK YOU with MY PURE LOVE! I WAS DOING this Foolishness with my kids,& frenemies & woke up to this by STOPPING PUTTING OTHERS BEFORE me. I have Truly Learned to SET Boundaries Now 4 all! I JUST KEEP FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME OVER & OVER AGAIN While LOVING others. Have a BLESSED & WONDERFUL Day🕊🕊🕊🕊
Learned a lot from here. Now I need to take care of myself and recognize my limitations. Need to relax
yes, need to relax
If you give a gift, don’t expect anything back, and that way you will never be disappointed
Waah always listen to the holy spirits guidance
High wisdom!
As a former victim of extreme altruism, I know the pain of that path.
Love yourself!
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Exactly, love your neighbor as yourself, but you can't do that if you don't love you. Light and blessings.
Enjoy a very funny Robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
I go by the "good samaritan", meaning i help anyone who needs my help but i also go by "Give man a fish, but teach him how to fish." - this is what my family and teachers taught me growing up, in that way the one helping "his/her kindness" won't get abused by oppurtunist. ✌️
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I wish 30 years ago, i heard this video, but its not too late i think to learned all what is being said in this contents, opened up my eyes, ohh well, i will love and care for myself FIRST before others...thank you CREATOR OF THIS VIDEO..MORE POWER TO THIS CHANNEL ❤❤❤❤
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Right on point! I needed to hear that: If I heard this many years ago I would have judged this content, but now I know it is true! I have always overextended myself to help others because it was in my motherly nature to want to help and “save” everyone I can, until I was burned out and had nothing to give any longer. After years of giving, I found out I was depleted and questioned why I became a hub for “users”.. it was my giving nature and “Savior” mentality that not only created bunch of users sucking the life out of me, but the inability to give anything any longer! So this video came right on time as a reminder for us to teach others to help themselves rather than teaching them dependency on is! Teach them how to find food instead of feeding them. ❤
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Sometimes, the Person Your helping will resent You.
I've helped but also been helped by others❤
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Enjoy a very funny Robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
💯 correct protect your own wellbeing
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All of life is AN EXCHANGE. I cannot help anyone without expecting reciprocation. That's how I take care of myself. If there's no exchange, I send them on their way.
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Choose people to help. Know them and their story. Period
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Enjoy a very funny Robot cat @RobotAnalyzer3686
I MET A LOT OF BUDDHIST PRIESTS WHO COUNTED ON OUR SUPPORT DAILY
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I completely agree !!! I love helping family members, friends and strangers but I ended up being hated by all of the ones I helped. I borrowed money to my family and friends, they never paid me back and they never call me either. Same with friends . Its even the same with my own kids.
Thank You ❤️
I'm sorry to hear this...fortunately we don't have such people around us
People will "borrow" and never had the intention of paying back, which means they never cared about you to begin with and losing whatever relationship with you doesn't bother them one bit, until they need you again and you're not there.
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---- Releasing the Need for the Label "THE GIVER "-------as "THE GIVER " will attract "THE TAKER " Been there /done that ------learned the lesson !
The INTENTION is a Factor ------------
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Your explanation is simple and has helped me click the right button for self.
The advice is priceless. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
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Thanks a million for showing the way to physical & mental liberation.....swamhiji
Most welcome ❤️🙏
So true!!! Very valuable messages. I wish i would know all this when i was younger
By helping others one may think himself or herself Savior, if we genuinely wanna help someone it's always better without disclosing identity, so the one who receive doesn't feel burden and the one who render help don't inflate Ego.
Another -ve aspect I have learned myself is, though one helps hundreds of times if says NO once even for some valid reason, the one who expects help is likely to bad mouth or feel bitterness. So, it's always be prepared to face such -ve judgements.
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You said it right one may think that they are their savior. If someone is going to help someone they should not be thinking such things or expecting anything in return it should be done without any strings attached. Even if they don’t appreciate it the person should not feel bad because it was not done for a reaction from them it was done out of the goodness of their heart. Most people are unappreciative anyhow. So keep your giving coming from a pure heart expecting nothing from them in return.
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We forget that we have a moral responsiblity to take care of ourself.
If something would be bad to do on someone else. It is even worse to do to oneself.
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I wish I had known this earlier I did a lot but got no gratitude 😢
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Thank God I always put 10% of all my earnings into fix deposit before all else 😂...am the priority and I've never been disappointed ❤
So true! ❤️🙏
I helped three persons. When you are too good, they sabotage you. I started helping one. Threw me unexpected attitude and even insulted my dignity and morality. But when another one cried and asked for help, I helped again. And that time broke my good relation with my employer. But I still naughty and help third person again. This one show me attitude of manipulation again. What I leared from here is when people needs help, they would be humble and even cry and speak very politely. But once you have helped, and they are okey, they would stab your back. Not that they always appreciate and recognize your help. I became totally different persons now cause of the past trauma. I hate people. I have zero friend, now. Trust no one. High empathy reaaly drained you down. When we help we dont look forward anything from them including insults, right?
This can also happen in charities you have donated to. I feel really stressed by the pressure of continual letters asking for donations that often start at a 'suggested' sum of £19.00 and upwards of that amount. This makes me feel like anything less I donate is not enough, when I rarely get the chance to spend that amount on myself! We know the larger donation will enable them to do more. We don't need it spelt out to us. I often wonder if they sent fewer letters asking for donations ( and suggesting sums appropriate to their needs), they might get more, not less.
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You can always throw the letters away. That’s what I do because sometimes they are sending stuff out that you didn’t sign up for or promise to send them money.
Charities are the biggest scan, just don’t open the letters. If you want to donate give tins of food, clothes towels or blankets. Don’t give money. The government takes your money in taxes therefore you have given enough of your money away.
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The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself- we all are responsible or our own happiness and well-being it can be co-dependent to overly help others at the expense of your own joy, well-being, personal goals ect...! Love yourself, people pleasing is a way to avoid self care and growing one's own self worth, while enables the other person to take responsibility for their own agency and growth.
"Dont help anyone!" I have never heard of such teaching in Buddhism. ✌🏻🧡
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This message is definitely geared towards me, I always seem to be putting helping ppl over my self, but i just stop doing so, I'm doing me
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Me too! I'm done, me helping seems to bring negative energy and I'm a positive human.
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Amazing n very useful.🙏
Take good care of yourself and your family. Other people are none of your business. They are where they are at for a reason and only they can help themselves.
If you dont help anyone in lufe when you are down no one will be there. When I help people it comes back. Every one needs someone.
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When I help people, more show up until I’m emotionally, financially, spiritually, energetically, and physically depleted. It’s not worth it. There is a reason why they say that no good dead goes unpunished.
Some people can be helped. Others become dependent with an entitled attitude not wanting to help themselves. We would do well to identify each person that we help and if they seem to want to become dependent it’s time to move on. Learned this after helping some family members for a long period of time. And it reflects what is happening in my city with an ever-growing number of transients and homeless. Some can be helped. Others want handouts without any obligation to take responsibility and help themselves. They are professional moochers who are leaching off of society.
Not necessarily true. Have had the opposite experience.
I think it depends on the situation, some people truly need help and they are really desperate. In such situations i will always help❤
I realised froends ahd relatives was crossing the lines with not considering my time and valuing me, so i stopped being rhe kind person who they used to use. I wss a people pleaser but not anymore, i see the truth how selfish people can be demanding kind people to run thin for them with no compassion.
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I started listening to this thinking that I would be interested because it was about selfishness. Well, it's all about me. Like some of the other commenters here, I feel unbalanced because I gave too much to others without taking care of my own needs. About 30 years ago my father had a massive stroke, this was the beginning of my care giving that lasted 25 years ending in 2018 when my mother died. In this time father had 2 strokes and my mother had cancer, a heart attack, and alzheimers. Now, I'm 73 and I live alone, I have no children nor do I have any kind of ongoing relationship. My brother wants me to go to a celebration of life for, not only my mother, my aunt, and recently passed cousin. I wrote him and told him I wasn't sure I wanted to go because of my extended time as a caregiver. He wrote me back with a picture of Christ on the cross and called me Saint John. Listening to this video was good for me. I'm still wildly out of balance, maybe I'm still not caring for myself like I need to. I'm not happy, I don't live in the present and I'm fearful of the future; the usual senior concerns, increasing medical issues and fear of financial difficulties. I will try to remember the very helpful phrase from this video, "You can't pour from an empty cup."
Aww please find happiness, it's a blessing to be you!
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I was raised to believe that being selfless is the way to go to be considered a a good person. However, note the word selfless it’s more like self less or less of self and over the yrs I’ve learned that many people will take advantage of you. Nowadays first hint I see of selfish or entitled behavior I don’t put any effort and keep far from such people especially family.
I also help others which is very rewarding, but I only do this with leftover time and leftover money.
You can only help when your own life is stable and fulfilling. ✌🏻
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Loss of identity is the unresolving and never ending issue
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Thank you
You're welcome
I am glad that I had to struggle and toil hard to reach at the place where I am today. All these lessons came automatically in the process.
Synchronized thoughts what a confirmation. I’m a student of this behavior 62 years vested. A lesson, very valuable one. So happy it fell , crushed , cried out for help. Yes I granted it help 6 months
In I’m thank you for some guidance while it’s still dark , healing .to be marginalized a senior and a melanin female is so challenging, rewarding . Thank you,
Thank you and thank you.
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That’s called selfishness 😊, Ifeel happy when I help others and prioritize others.
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Amen. In an attempt to balance the universe, some people close their abused hearts to ever caring. Love with an open, but guarded heart. Thanks for sharing!
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The key is..helping others without expect nothing in return. Only help what you can without sacrificing your own hapiness, health and stability and if someone complain that i dont help enough, then i stop helping - bc thats show she or he care nothing but themselves.
I ❤ THIS VIDEO. The message is profound unusual nut makes alot of sense
Thanks a lot 🙏❤️
Only if the person we help is not a narcisist. No boundary is possible with tgem. The only solution is no contact.
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No I help other if I can that’s make me feel good and god ask for it ❤
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everything must balance
I thought i was a fool who went out of her way to help others. Glad to see that i was not the only one!!! Some consolation
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Glorify helping others( This is the Mother's Syndrom) is good.
BUT YOU YOURSELF DESERVE YOUR LOVE AND COMFORT.
AT THE LONG RUN DEPEDENCY LEADS TO INABILITY OF TAKING ON THEIR OWN RESPONSIBILITIES.
WHEN WE TAKE ON THE EMOTIONAL REQUIREMENTS OF OTHERS, WE BECOME THE SCAPE GOATS( VICTIMS)
These lessons are a practical manual for life. Wise advice to practice daily and live better while helping others. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
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Thanks for this video..
Most welcome
This is true, I have learnt not to be good to people, they end up using you.
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Don't be afraid to reach out when you have the resources, and someone is truly in need. The reason people behave badly is because they themselves were treated badly. This starts a cycle of using. Break the cycle...give what you can afford to lose, but refuse to distrust everyone. Otherwise, you will become a dark, grasping selfish person who only looks out for themselves...and that's what was done to you. Jesus says that He will repay your good deeds, if you are in relationship with Him. But knowing that, it's not a good deed to enable users. So keep your heart guarded, but open. Look for true people, who truly need help. And believe their is still good in the world.
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Give help to another one day unexpected u receive help, it's nature.
I always seek to that persons who is needy , after help to them I have feel joy.
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Yes! Give and it shall be given to you, pressed down, shaken together, and running over. Light and blessings!
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Big thank you ... Confirmed .
Welcome
I helped many. One example, a ...was in difficult situation I gave money to apply for a course, he didn't apply. Other person I said to joined a course and working in an institution but not responding to my calls.
It makes to think about human beings
Save your soul, help others if you can , you will be blessed, Jesus Christ teaching ♦️🌺♦️🌺♦️
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He also said he’d be coming back with a sword. It’s been 2000 years. Where is he? How many more children need to die from war, neglect or malnutrition before he gets on his horse and return from the clouds?
@@SofieLove it’s not Jesus Christ delaying the coming its humans, every mouth should proclaim Jesus is lord, people who don’t worship God , they end up worshiping Devil, by getting drunk and drugs, so many sinful things, meaning they want Satan to rule the earth, for now Satan is the god of this earth 🙏💐
My narcissistic mother shared this video to me and cynically thinks she's doing the right thing by taking away something that is supposed to be the necessary means to my prosperity in future by literally applying this portrayal to her own children 😢...... How ironic now Im having an unmotivated day
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Maybe your perception of the gesture is wrong. If she notices this shes probably saying (passively) I know I have a problem I can't help maybe this can
Was sharing this to you , her justifying her not helping you?
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'' moderation...in ALL things''..
Every one is ANSWERED. EXCELLENT. THANK YOU SO MUCH, SIR.
Most welcome
Execellent advice
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Yes I was negligent of my well being for 13 years rethinking of my brother and mother grow neglected my health and well being now I face health and mental depression why I was like that without 6th sense as they cheated me and did not let us develop financially. Now they forgot my sacrifice and mistreating.. if I had had good guru or any thingies this video I would have been good to me and my son .
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Vanakam 🦚🌳🪷🌦️
Thank you for sharing
Most welcome ❤️