Ellen Gives America a Crash Course in Coming Out
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ค. 2024
- The world record for fastest coming out goes to Ellen DeGeneres! Her 1997 special managed to run through every step of the coming out process in exactly four days. The two-parter hits so many milestones it's like sprinting a marathon. So take a deep breath, limber up, and get ready to race.
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"patient-oprah confidentiality"
02:39 "Protected by patient-Oprah confidentiality" OMG, too fabulously hilarious to deal with!
my favorite part too xD
Too bad coming out is not like that. You are constantly coming out over and over and over, and it is not as scary as the first time, but it is still awkward and uncomfortable and there is still the risk of rejection.
+underdawg47 man I hear that ¬¬
My parents forgot like 3 times
Not like that FOR YOU.
@@asmallbabby4205 - in the case of my brother, it's a little the reverse. He has medical conditions that have caused some cognitive damage, so believe it or not, he kind of forgets that I've known for almost 40 years. It's as if he involuntarily goes back in the closet out of genuinely forgetting he ever was out.
This is what happened in Ellen too. She kept coming out for the next few episodes to more characters.
so when i came out as bi to my step mom years ago she was very furious. In between her anger she had mentioned how she was disgusted at how Ellen had come out on her show. The show being on when I was a young child meant I had never seen it. So my mind had to assume something absolutely horrible happened in the show. But this was funny and adorable. Once again I struggle to understand who my step mother was as a human being.
amararanchan2 she sounds like one of those mean step moms in movies
This is 2 years late lol
She was probably gay secretly
My sister gave the two friends who guided her through her realization that she was lesbian a toaster for Christmas that year.
Bwahahaha! That's ADORABLE.
Not only was this episode great and truly iconic, but the one after where she comes out to her parents was awesome as well.
Hi Matt. I remember when this show aired. It was very controversial - many people who had previously watched Ellen simply refused to watch her anymore. As successful as the episode was, it marked the beginning of the decline of Ellen's high ratings and eventually the cancellation. Some of my straight but supportive friends said she was pushing the envelope too quickly, to which I would reply that there was no such thing as "too quickly". Anyway, Ellen DeGeneres' career suffered for a long time due to her bravery and willingness to take a stand. I'm incredibly pleased that she has become one of the more popular, influential, and beloved, celebrities today.
Because of the negative reaction of Season 5 (when Ellen explored the lesbian community and attempted a longterm relationship), the following year, Will Truman on WILL & GRACE was made celibate. They used his being heartbroken over a failed (unseen, previous) relationship as an excuse for him not wanting to date just yet. They did that for like the first two seasons. When they finally had him dating again, it was all so chaste. Jack's situation, in particular, was odd. We were told constantly that he's a man-whore, but we rarely saw him out on "dates". They were usually referred to in passing or joke punchlines, whereas we were shown all the action that Grace and Karen got.
When she got that medal of freedom I was so happy for her.
I was born at the start of 1998, and my mum had already decided on calling me Ellen after my great grandmother, but then Ellen came out as gay right as she fell pregnant and the world was shook she didn't know if calling me Ellen was such a good idea since so many people hated her and just gays in general. Eventually she settled on calling me Ellie which is pretty close but didn't run the risk of me being bullied at school for having a gay name, because she just didn't know if by 2003 when I start school the world will have warmed up to gay people and especially Ellen (they did). I'm glad she chose another name, because who would have known if I would have been teased regardless of the changing opinions kids are mean, but I'm also sad that she felt like a name would make me vulnerable to bullying. But I'm again glad that she explained why and actually told me, instead of just keeping it a secret.
I think part of the problem was that the last few episodes of Season 4 were solid and strong episodes... Season 5, on the other hand, I felt the show went downhill. The other regulars became more and more just background characters to make room for big name guest stars. ELLEN seemed to be the show everyone wanted to be on. And while some of those episodes were very good (there was a great one with Emma Thompson), most of them just seemed to fall flat.
I watched this episode with my mom a few weeks after it first aired, and my mom pointed out something else that was great about this episode. It addressed so many of the pernicious stereotypes in our society about gay people--e.g. that gay people don't form long-term relationships (hence Susan is portrayed as being in an 8-year relationship), that gay people "recruit" others to the "lifestyle" (hence the toaster-oven jokes). For me, it also beautifully presented the array of reactions one can expect when coming out to friends. If I recall correctly, when her group of friends finally learns she's gay, one friend's a bit uncertain as to whether that news deserves support, but another jumps up from the couch, hugs Ellen, and tells her, "Well, I think that's super!" That's such a realistic reflection of life. Some people will be prejudiced; some will love you no matter what; some people won't really care and will treat you with the same respect they would have otherwise; and some people in your life will also be gay! Ellen is a terrific actress and a great comedian, but despite the silly sit-com format, she really managed to realistically portray gay people and the social world around them in this episode.
+Ore Carmi Yeah it's quite striking how her friends react. Paige is quite glum, sitting on the couch unhappily. Audrey is delighted. Joe is cynical. And Spence, for some reason, gets sexual and gross and it is incredibly off-putting. All totally realistic responses!
Ore Carmi i
“... why do i love men” “girl i feel that” hahahah literally cracked up sm
I remember how emotional I was when this first aired. I at that point never thought we gay people would be allowed to come out on TV. It was ok if the actor was straight and said they where gay in a role for TV or a movie, but a real gay person playing a real gay person? No way!! SO this was great and started so much change for gay people. We have come a long way. At 52 I still get emotional when I see a gay TV ad or show on TV. I just never thought we would be able to do that and would always be in the closet. SO happy for the change! Yes, we have a ways to go but thank god we have come this far and thank Ellen and Will & Grace for helping people see that we are OK people and not to be feared. OH and before anyone trolls me, I know that no one was openly gay in the case of Will & Grace (at the time) but the show helped us.
Yes, I hear you. Was happy as can be when Barry Manilow finally came out because I genuinely felt bad for him at the thought that after all these years, after all his fame, he still might die having never been able to be himself with his fans and would have to be one of those folks like Sally Ride who was never out until it was too late for anyone to show acceptance.
Ah, the paperwork step...damn, I knew I missed something...
Hilarious watching Melissa go crazy with that rubber stamp.
I fondly remember watching this episode when it first aired. I was a hall director at a small liberal college. A student and I screamed with delight. 🥰
The moment I realized I was gay I was so happy, I still am happy about it. Men are too beautiful to pretend I want anything else.
Such an important episode that opened the door for more coming out stories. But I was waiting for you to talk about the fallout of this episode for Ellen and other actors - like Laura Dern.
+Shield & Arrow Very true, she's said she didn't work for a long time after taking this role.
+Shield & Arrow i second shields desire for an exploration of this fallout in a later video
Thanks for sharing this. Ellen holds a special place in my heart. I was deep in the dark depression of figuring out who I was. Having terrible thoughts and thinking that I would never be loved when I watched this entire story unfold. It forever changed my life. I will always love her and what she did for me by sharing this story.
I immediately found a therapist and the first thing I told him was, "I'm gay and I want to talk about that!" He said OK, and I started my coming out journey.
(also - I love that Ellen's mom is one of the people in line when she outs herself over the microphone. She has always stood right by her side.)
I'd forgotten about her mom's cameo here! Thanks for the reminder.
I'm very queer and out to all my friends and often my coworkers but none of my family.
I recently finally got a therapist and was going to take my time checking if it was safe(how ya do) and just found it tumbling out on our 2nd session. Still freaks me out.
Proud of you for saying it straight (ha) on.
Ellen won an Emmy for writing that episode. I remember watching it when it first aired.
FWIW, my all-time favorite "love song"--if I can call it that!--is "Nowhere To Go" from Melissa Etheridge's album, "Little Secrets"....everything about it spoke to being hidden back in the 90s. I got the album for Christmas one year, and I still carry it with me, because of that song. Maybe I'll get the chance to dance to it with someone.....I'm nearly 40 and have never been in a relationship, though not for a lack of trying. Anyhoo....."Little Secrets" is one of my FAVORITE albums of all time, right next to Mary Chapin Carpenter's "Come On, Come On"! Gods, I *really* miss the 90s!
I LOVED Ellen as a little girl. It was my first introduction to homosexuality (I'm autistic and oblivious so took me longer than most kids in the 90s). It was strange finding her coming out completely no big deal, then having people freak out while also feeling there was something so deeply meaningful about her coming out.
The freak out taught me to keep quiet about my feelings, but her coming out taught me that it was alright. Still adore Ellen :)
Patrick Bristow! Loved him on Curb. And Showgirls. And Seinfeld... He's just great in everything!
Awww, Matt, you had a great episode from beginning to end here, but you out and out had me crying at 06:18. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 May every part of that beautiful statement be more and more true every year. So proud to be part of your Patreon.
I remember watching this at 12 and not feeling so alone. Thanks Ellen.
The breakneck pace feels familiar. I've never been one much for hiding my true self. So I was fully out to everyone i knew within like 2 weeks of that moment of self discovery. Might as well have thrown a party lol
Why haven't I seen these ? Holy crap I'm a bad gay
you don't get all your gay knowledge the minute you figure out you're not straight, don't worry about it
OMG, this was so well done! I was never a big Ellen D. fan, but now I must watch those episodes just for fun. Your "List of Coming Out Steps" is so accurate!
I just binged watched your videos in my lunch break...
Damn powerful
“Patient-Oprah confidentiality” SENT ME
Love Patrick! I took improv classes from him. He’s so funny and incredibly smart. He was such a great teacher and an even better character actor!
He's so sweet! I interviewed him for my podcast The Sewers of Paris and it was an utter delight.
I had to set the timer on my VHS to record the episode of Ellen coming out as I had to work during the broadcast. I couldn't wait to rush home and watch it! I was in tears, just absolute tears! I'll never forget it.
I love you’re videos!! It’s really good especially for the younger generation to see what it was like in the 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s. We have come so far. But we can’t forget how far we have came. And the younger generations in the generation after them need to know what it was like.!!
Hey, where's my toaster oven!? Oh wait, I'm not completely out yet and it seems I've been cheating; I missed some steps. Can I at least get some toast?
Your recruits still count from the closet, file a complaint asap
Seeing her smile as Melissa sings to her is adorable.
This is the greatest episode of any show ever. Wow. Please do more of this.
Great content hun!
Aw hey thank you so much! I love your work. :) Yay puppets!
LGBT theme video up for 1.5 years and NO dislikes!
It's an Easter miracle! =)
There are 2 dislikes now :'(.
Jane Lin
;
You jinxed it. Happy?
likely had something to do with the channel that it's on and who comes to this channel.
38 dislikes now...
@@shadowpod13 True. It is the audience as well.
Im mostly straight. But one day, without any explanation, my mom came over and threw my toaster oven away. Can I read anything into that?
Your videos are so well scripted and delivered!
I remember watching this when I was kid and seeing the parental advisory warning on either this or another episode where Ellen was about to sleepover at her girlfriend's house.
Ugh, that parental warning -- so offensive. I remember Ellen talking about how she didn't know it was going to happen until it aired, and she was furious.
i was 16 and cried at this ep. no one made a show like this before
Thank you this video.
Oh my gods, *I* miss the 90s, too! BADLY!
me too!
Wade MacMorrighan Except maybe the whole criminalization of homosexuality. That was a pretty terrible thing back then.
That was before Christians got me to hate myself. Part of me like those times. The 90's was when I was a kid. I now comfortable with this decade however. Hoping to be with my boyfriend.
I recently discovered this channel and I love it! Is there a place I can watch your video on Rocky Horror? It's blocked on TH-cam, or at least blocked for Australians.
Ive only recruited 1 person so far. I havent gotten the bi rewards catalog yet but I hope there is a toster oven in it.
I was a teenager when this episode aired, and I remember watching it the first time around. It was one of my first exposures to gay anything, as I lived a pretty sheltered Catholic lifestyle growing up (to the point that I used to think that the love-interest being referred to as "she" in the lyrics of a song by an activist folk singer I loved was a typo). I didn't know it at the time, but it helped me know exactly the right (and supportive) way to react when one of my own friends in uni finally came out to me as gay.
The brilliance of this episode... it was way meta before being way meta was even a thing!
Matt. thank you for this channel.
I watch and am subscribed because........
1. Your videos are insightful and intelligent
2. You're handsome
3. You're funny
4. You're handsome.
5. You're videos are well made
6. You're handsome.
Haha thank you!
I'm in here for those reasons as well xD he's such a cutie
I laughed so hard at the toaster oven when I first saw this. Hilarious!
And does anyone remember the cruise line commercial they ran during this episode? It was hot.
LOL! I glanced at the thumbnail of the video and I thought ellen was David Spade
I always felt that being bi, I've cheated coming out. Well, unless I find a woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I'm not going to tell my parents. Idk, I've always felt like it's cheating that I can stay in the closet with whomever I just don't want to tell. : /
The steps when your bi are a bit different, and specially when someone force you through some steps by reading their phone messages. That was shitty
I told my mom and dad amd then posted it on instagram
Love that toaster line. I still remember it.
I loved this show.
When my sister finally came out to herself (and me), she gave her close friends, a lesbian couple, a toaster for Christmas.
What was interesting was that when the big 'Coming Out' aired and was over a lot of people quit watching that show
My coming out process was stalled for years due to my also falling within the asexual spectrum, so those coming out steps happened out of order and I had to repeat a few and skip others. In high school (and the first two and a half years of college) I just assumed that i was either too busy with sports and school to be interested in boys, and when my HS volleyball coach insinuated, I was adamantly "not gay". I even let my friends pressure me into getting a boyfriend because he was my best friend and I thought that's what high school girls are supposed to do. It took obsessing over Kate McKinnon my Jr year of college for me to come out as Bi to a few friends, realizing that liking someone in a platonic way is different from liking someone romantically (for me those used to get confused sometimes) to come out as gay to my family, and realizing that I don't want people touching me sexually and also never being sexually aroused because of a person, to come out as asexual (but homoromantic) to the world.
I think you are very intelligent and clear sighted. Unfortunately you live in a society that thinks everything should have a label, and if there's no label, it doesn't exist. Once you know you don't belong in a certain box, there are millions of different colors and hues . Don't try to adapt to the boxes. "Know thyself" and create a box and a label for yourself.
Always nice to go back and watch videos like this before the internet lost they damn minds.
I just realized that Patrick was on Zack and Cody
I thought my son was gay. Others in my family thought he had a “secret life”. He just came out as Muslim and married a Muslim girl, which shows how wrong you can be.
I find it so interesting that I have twice seen gun related advertising before your videos: one for bone piercing ammo, and one for a discreet urban conceal carry holster. Hmmmmm...
@COH - well, Adblock is a mixed bag for those who want to avoid ads but also know that is one of the source of funding for some of the content they love.
Tears up 😢
*Still firmly stuck in phase 0*
Being a chronic procrastinator is not helpful...
What a great episode!!! Thank you for posting about things like this that help gay guys like me to get more educated :). Do you think I should watch this show? I didn't live in the states during the time it was aired so I missed all its fabulous episodes.
+Nom Nom Boris Yes it's definitely worth a watch. Really sums up the politics & culture of the 1970s, all of which has changed a lot since then.
+Matt Baume nice, I will see if I can find it somewhere to watch xoxo
have you reviewed the 1999 film from the UK- get real. I love it
That’s cool. I didn’t knew Ellen had in a sitcon like Friend.
Jerry here,
Yeah, not in my town. I live in Birmingham Alabama and due to protest the episode was pre-empted by a silly magazine show. I had to get a recording of the episode from a friend in Atlanta.
I have literally been going through all of these steps in the last two and a half weeks! It happened pretty quickly but hey now I know I’m bisexual.
Oh nice! Congratulations.
Fabulous.
Oh my God. Watching Ellen kissing men is just freaking me out!
Yeah the show definitely straightwashed her for the first few seasons, and it's so strange watching it now. You can really see TV transforming over the course of the series.
I'm watching The Larry Sanders Show episode with Ellen that predates her coming out. I haven't finished it, but I think it really could use a look-see.
There is no linear progression, some people might skip steps or steps may take years to achieve. For some steps happen out of order. I do think this a nice general outline.
This is such a positive channel.
I feel FULLY called out at 1:08. I think I just got whiplash
Patrick Bristow had one of the funniest lines in one of the worst sitcoms ever (Head Over Heels) "Am I bitter? Taste me!" 22 years later I still love that line and I still use it.
I'm curious. Has Matt ever tackled My Family and how Cam & Micthell are presented?
Matt Bauer
I was out and proud
When at a time it was unexpectable
I fought my way through school
When i was a teenager
And i came through with flying
Colors
I went through all these steps before but all in a different order
Just question ? Do you need to take step 8? I am one who kinna coming out but not really and I'm very scared.
Oh no you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You can explore gay culture from home, online, or whatever's comfortable for you. It's less scary when you meet more people who are going through the same thing.
@@MattBaume - Not to mention, not every part of every culture works for everybody in that culture, so even once a person decides to dip a toe in the waters of step 8, that person is the only one who gets to decide which parts of the culture they want to explore... and it's all right to find that some parts of one's own culture aren't for everyone. So to the OP: as Matt indicated, you do you: try what you think you're ready to try (and if any part seems especially intimidating or unfamiliar, no harm in reading up first), wait on what you think you're not ready for, and anything you explore that doesn't seem like it's for you, there's no need to beat yourself up or feel like it makes you not equally valid as who you are.
I think I’m stuck between 5 and 6. I also feel like 7 and 8 would normally be switched...but I may just be an unusual situation so....
Damn I’m working on step 7
Thanks to the internet, I was able to do these steps out of order. I explored the culture and have never had a real crush.
My family watched Ellen and I vaguely remember this episide, but I swear I'd always thought Ellen was out in real life all the time.
This was hilarious!
i knew i was gay for years but my busting out was about this fast. after coming out to friends across the atlantic i came out to everyone else within two weeks then had my heart broken by the boy i had a crush on and the reason i came out lol. it was better than most people experience except with a couple people but that’s life
im in step 5 :)
I was 6 at the time this episode aired, so the historical context is a bit lost on me. The audience seems to get the jokes about her singing "I feel pretty" and her friends yelling at her to come out. Was it public knowledge at the time that Ellen DeGeneres was gay?
FWIW, the joke about 'I feel pretty' is that it has the line,'I feel pretty and witty and gay". XD
That was the point Dangles was making, the joke was that she stops before saying the word gay which is funny because she's gay and she's so closeted she can't even say the word. So for people to laugh at that joke means they probably knew that the character was gay.
I suppose big fans of the show that attended the recording would have figured it out before the reveal (at least that the character was gay, maybe not Ellen)
There had started to be a few rumors the season before, as I recall, and then once they had decided they were eventually going to do the puppy episode, they decided to start dropping little hints. It also helps that most people older than you grew up with the awkwardness of lyrics from the period back when "gay" meant something else, so whenever they heard these lyrics, they knew the word "gay" was coming, so there had to be a joke it was building to. Some people will not have laughed because they got the hint, but rather from the funny juxtaposition of someone suddenly saying the rhyming word "hey" instead of the actual lyric, "gay."
I've only seen the first season and most of the second season of this show, but watching it knowing Ellen is gay is SO FUNNY. I guess at the time it probably just came off as a mixture of her being quirky and unlucky in relationships, but in hindsight it's like "ooohhhhhhhh".
On a bizarrely related note, the end of season 9 of Roseanne reveals that Jackie was a lesbian "in real life", so rewatching especially the early seasons with the knowledge that Jackie is a lesbian is also hilarious (she's like "who needs men??" or something at one point). And then season 10 just made it all confusing but sshh.
Ellen was a great show.
Wait, Matt Baume, _you're_ gay!? My very sense of reality has been shattered!
3:31 Ellen's Mom?
Yes! 😊
Omg I think the guy who Ellen was making out with is the same actor who played Tina's boyfriend Henry on The L Word before she and Bette got back together.
Perfumaphilia OMG dude...that's totally him!!! Great eye, I wonder if they gave him the part based on his appearance on this super big milestone or if it's just a weird coincidence. (BTW I can't believe he clipped his toenails in front of Tina, how dare he).
I was 10 when this episode aired. I've not seen it since, but for some reason her saying "I'm gay" into the mic has been burned into my memory for over 20 years.
The Sewers of Paris?
only thing i miss from the 90s is Nirvana
0:30 can somebody explain how this is a hint?
The song is: "I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay" (as in the original meaning of the word gay, i.e., happy). It comes from some 1950's musical I can't quite remember the name. Maybe The King and I or My Fair Lady. The joke is that she is not out to herself so she is subconsciously avoiding the word gay.
Tiny Guy It was West Side Story. Such a cute use of that song in this episode!
My step 2 I think lasted about 5 minutes
I was too young for Ellen when it was on air and never got around to watching the it but I came out the second I figured out I was bi so I’m relating to that rush 😂
Love Ellen
I kinda want to start watching Ellen at some point
Be prepared that some of it's funny, and some of it's really crappy, especially early on.
I came out pretty spontaneously one day I came down stairs and screamed I like dices.
Protected by patient-Oprah confidentiality"