dude thank you. seriously i’ve watched two of your videos now and it’s made me feel so much more understood. its hella and it’s hard i only just truly realized and let myself accept that i was born in the wrong body. it’s already helped my anxiety and “skizophrenia” so much. thank god i stubbles across a really old video of yours and found these more recent ones. gives me hope.
Excellent video as usual. I think the most important understanding I've learned from watching your journey is that you are not "turning into" a male, but are "uncovering" the male that you always have been. A big light bulb went off when I heard you describe being transgender that way. Thank you for your gift of teaching. What a blessing!
Hello MY lovely blessing! Everytime I am chilling indoors in my pj's I have an extra reminder of how blessed i am, along with having very warm feet :) You know I too had to learn this, re watching my earlier vlogs, I talked a lot about wanting to be male, or becoming male because I didnt think that I possibly could be already, I mean I knew I felt male and I understood that something had gone wrong in my biology but I still thought of myself as feeling rather than being. It has been a gradual realisation for me over the course of my transition, that subtle different between feeling I am male and KNOWING I am male. With every medical intervention there has come a deep sense of revealing rather than changing. This was my main reason for my change in lower surgery choice, as my sense of myself having always been male grew, so did the realisation that my penis was missing, rather than me deciding whether I wanted to have one added, if that makes sense....theres a vlog here!!! Loads of love to you!
Wow, you just expressed gender dysphoria wonderfully. I'm mind-blown 'cause it's something I never could quite put into words to explain. I'd always say: "It's like I'm looking in the mirror and I'm baffled because I just go in my head "this is not me", it feels unfamiliar and familiar at the same time." But you're metaphor of feeling this like black hole inside yourself and feeling homesick is so fitting. It's a feeling, a yearning, I know since pretty much all my life. I'm just lost on what to do about this. Thank you for the very well-spoken, beautiful insight.
Bless you, yes yearning is the word, which for me as a child felt homesick, later I just felt sick, empty, sinking....thank goodness I realised it was gender dysphoria before it swallowed me whole! Thanks for your kind words my friend!
Hi! Just wanted to let you know that I'm using this video for my paper on gender dysphoria! We have to pretend we have a friend who doesn't believe in this and to find a video thats the most "persuasive in showing the reality of this experience" and your video is perfect! Your explanations of terms and how they relate to each other is so clear and straightforward that I bet anyone would at least be like "ohh okay i see how that happens" lol and the way you describe your experience is awesome and i'm so happy I found this video!! I almost wish I did have an ignorant friend to show this video to and prove it's real lol
What I love about you is that you explain your feelings so very well. Most people don't understand what being trans really is. And you explain this very well. It is hard to educate people about this subject. I am an older transman myself who is still in the early stages of my transition. As a child I was a real tomboy who loved cars and other boy toys. But as an adult I am more on the neutral spectrum I guess. In general my hobby's and interests are more neutral than masculine. I was also never really a masculine woman. I love clothes, fashion and grooming. So people don't understood my coming out as a transman later in life. My entire adult life I lived as a gay woman, until I discovered a few years ago that I am a gay transman.
I really like how calmly and sensibly you described this. I think this is the best explanation I've ever heard, Like other commenters, I also really liked the comparison to homesickness. Though our journeys aren't the same, before I turned eighteen and was able to start the process of becoming Jewish, I felt such a strong, aching yearning to first have a religion and then to reclaim the spiritual birthright I knew was mine. It was like my soul came home. I actually just celebrated the 18th anniversary of my conversion, on 9 November (which I specifically chose because it was the anniversary of Kristallnacht).
Wow! Thats amazing and makes so much sense in relation to how I felt. I now also feel like I am home and that hole in my gut no longer exists. Thanks so much my friend, I always get so much from the way you use comparisons in other experiences, thank you!
This is so well articulated! Thanks. I was struck by the description of "homesickness". I sometimes get a sort of numbness/longing, like I'm not really where I'm supposed to be, but I hadn't linked it to dysphoria. I'll see if it changes as I transition.
Oh yes please do tell me! Yes it took me a while to link that feeling with the early realisation of myself as experiencing dysphoria, for years I had no idea why tht feeling was there, I thought perhaps I was just "wrong" in some way, like I shouldnt have been born! How awful! I am very glad things have changed now, there is no more longing or a feeling of something missing, just a deep joyful yearning for life!
Hey Finn... I just have to say... I adore you. I've only found your channel a couple of days ago, but I took an instant liking to you and ended up watching loads of your videos. I absolutely admire your strength and courage to share so much of yourself and your story, and be so willing to help explain things to those of us that may just be trying to better understand facts about the Trans community. I am fully supportive of the whole LGBTQ community but I also realized I just don't have much understanding of everything, so it's nice that there are people so generous as yourself to share their views and expierences with anyone willing to listen. I'm sure at times it's not easy to be so open about your feelings, because our current culture definately isn't all nice glitter and teddy bears and rainbows... there is so much hate we have to deal with in the world on a daily basis. So, just... thank you for being so open and being so kind and sweet. I've watched enough of your videos and looked at your tumblr a bit, so I got to a point where I was giddy with joy for your first pee lol... I'm very proud of how far you've come and am truly happy for you getting to where you are now. It's lovely. You're lovely. Keep smiling and thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with all of us. Hugs.
Haha!! I LOVE that you were giddy at my first pee!!! What a wonderful message to read thank you so very much, I love it when wonderful folk who want to learn stumble across my channel! It isnt easy to be as open as I am, however, the amount of appreciation I get counteracts the occasional idiotic comments. Knowing I help makes this so very worthwhile and I learn so much from what other people comment. Its a wonderful thing! Its so lovely to hear from you, thank you so very much!
I wrote a comment and clicked the 'post' button, but somehow it doesn't appear to have been posted. So here it is again - I apologize if I'm double posting, I can only see what I'm posting here in this window... .......... You describe the topic of Gender Dysphoria brilliantly, Finn. It is exactly how I have experienced it - and still do (since I haven't had surgery yet). My Body Dysphoria is therefore still almost as strong as it ever was, but the hormonal balance I have obtained made all the difference to how I approach life in general. I would say a lot more, but perhaps this is not the place to post a small novel. I would like to write you in private and will check if that is possible. If it isn't, I will just be content to tell you that you are a great inspiration and your ability to describe things so precisely, so spot on and directly to the point, is simply amazing. Thank you for being you, Finn, and thank you for sharing so many deeply moving and inspiring vlogs. I am so happy to have had the chance to watch you succeed in overcoming all the insane odds that are stacked against our minority. I'm sure there are countless - I mean many - people out there who look to you as the example of what they too are working to achieve. .......... P.S. I believe I am finally on my way to where I am supposed to be. Thank you for having been a source of crucial support without which I might have not been able to dig my way out of a very deep depression which ruled my life when I first came upon your TH-cam channel and started watching your videos. Though at the time I didn't respond I want you to know that your kind replies to my comments gave me some very important bits of strength and hope which I believe have enabled me to slowly turn things around just enough to make a fundamental and important difference. P.P.S. I took the freedom to also post your vlog at my Google+ page along with a comment meant for my viewers. I hope you're alright with it.
Bless you my friend, thank you for such a heartfelt and beautifully kind comment, really really touched me! I am so glad to have helped. My experience of dysphoria is of it being a volume control, in the beginning it was turned up to the max but as time has gone on its turned down really low now to the point of just background noise. As exactly as you describe, hormones turned down the volume enough for me to engage with myself and life more easily, meaning that the dysphoria that remained was easier to cope with whilst I progressed further into surgical interventions which ultimately led to this much quieter static of background dysphoria that I have today. I wish you the same journey my friend. You are more than free to share my vlogs anywhere, and I thiank you for doing so. If you would like to chat more the best place is over on the Finn Fam community page where you can send me a private PM. facebook.com/finntheinfinncible/ Sending so much love and light your way
Hey Sunshiney Finn, thanks for another great video :-) . As I was watching it I thought about a documentary shown on Dutch tv last year. It was called 'He is a she' (title in a way being really wrong but on the other hand really clear to people who don't know much about trans stuff I suppose). The people featured in it were between ages 5 to somewhere in their twenties and focussed on many aspects; social, medical, psychological etc. One of the stories stood out to me in a beautiful way. There was a young boy, about to start secondary school. During the pregnancy his parents had been absolutely certain they were having a boy and they were totally surprised when the scan showed a baby that looked exactly like a girl. I like cheered for these parents that they knew all along they were having a boy, and they were so loving, supportive and accepting! My kids are teenagers and a few years ago my oldest heard something about transgender on the telly. He coulnd't get his head around it, asked me how it was possible with amazement all over his face. Explaining it was so easy really. I said: 'You're a boy, right?' 'Yes', he said (those days he was still very anti typical-pink-girly-girly-let's-be-stupid-and-annoying-and-loud-and-shout-boys-are-stupid kind of girls lol). 'So imagine feeling exactly like you are now, knowing you're a boy. But then you wake up in the morning but you're in this girly room and in girly pajama's. And you get up to go and pee but you don't have a willy and you can see you're beginning to grow breasts. And when you look in the mirror your face kinda looks like your face, but not quite.' That made a lot of sense to him because it explained 'being in the wrong body' and everyone seeing you for the gender you are not. I know that in my explanation I skipped the process of realising it's to do with gender, but I needed to use his established gender identity and oppose it to something he really wasn't. That way it made sense. At that age, my kid voiced his acceptance by saying he would have no problem playing with a boy that happend to be born in the wrong body. A bit later on he was interested to learn there are ways to prevent going though puberty in the wrong way and that there are operations that can be done too. I told him about a colleague of mine in the job I had when I was expecting him who was MTF transgender and he figured it's gotta really be terrible if people can't see who you are, and all the stuff you have to go through to get the body that fits. I really love having been able to get my kids to understand and feel it's what's inside that counts, that's what I'm a mum for!
Hello lovely! You are a great example of a parent, I wish all mums were like you. We need so much more understanding and teaching young people will help to make a much better future for us all, Thank you for sharing that with me and bless you!
Hi Finn another great video from you and thank you for making this clear to everyone watching this it has been explained so very calmly and openly and non confusing!
Incredible video, Finn. Perfectly puts into words what it means to suffer with Gender Dysphoria. Great for sending to freinds and family or really anyone that wants to understand it more 👌
Thank you so much! Awesome way to put it in words! I always felt like A lesbian trapped in a male body i know I am in the minority don't even know what the correct term is for who I feel I have my appointment with HRT doctor on the 15th I am older turning 42 but people think I am still in my 20s so maybe there's hope for me to transition to a woman there was very little when I was growing up to help us like you so eloquently stated the hardest part is the shame stigma horror and disgust i believe await me from friends and early family coming out is like jumping in a tub of boiling water it's going to hurt so bad!! Thank you my friend!
Bless you! I am very glad to have helped. It hard when we are older, we didnt have the words growing up did we? Its never too late my friend and I wish you all the best with starting your journey, stay in touch!
Thank you your amazing! I just had my appointment yesterday it was intense I was so nervous and frankly ashamed but it’s something we have to face they did bloodwork and asked about bottom surgery etc I start on the strongest dose on my next appointment Nov 5th these will be the last 3 weeks I will feel like a normal guy . Haven’t told anyone looking to going to South Korea for ffs as soon as I can I will post videos and start my journey to help others as well I will keep in touch and thank you so much!! My friend your such a wonderful guy! Keep in touch!!
I had all the bad stuff when I was a young teenager. But my situation was bad already but for some reason I show all the signs at that age but then it came back in other forms I suppose. but now I got reminded of what I did earlier looking at my body and toughing it and now I wanna vomit..... But as a teen before I lived back home: I didn't or barely ate, addicted to gaming, hating showers, dressing, going outside, talking, I only was happier when my nephew came to visit and play games with me and we were depressed together lol...
Hi Finn, I noticed you saying that gender dysphoria is what makes us transgender. This is true in many countries including the UK where the diagnosis of gender dysphoria is what gives one access to treatment in the form of HRT and surgery. Yet some people say that people can be trans without experiencing gender dysphoria. How do you feel about this? I am confused about it, honestly, because I feel like gender dysphoria is the sole reason I need to transition. I guess some people do not identify with their gender assigned at birth but not do feel a strong dislike for this gender. Perhaps informed consent does allow these people to medically transition. Any thoughts on this?
Hi my friend. Yes you are right that the only way to access treatment here in the UK is by being diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I too have heard people say that you can be trans without experiencing gender dysphoria and this confuses me too. I would think that you would need to be uncomfortable in your assigned gender in order to want to transition in the first place, otherwise surely you would just be content to live the gender you were assigned? Even if the distress isnt severe, there must be an issue, after all if you are happy in your gender you dont question it do you? I havent personally spoken to anyone who claims this but I would like to know. Maybe its that they dont feel the discomfort at the level of the criteria required for a gender dysphoria criteria but that the discomfort in living in their assigned gender is enough to make them want to transition? If you find any info I would be very grateful if you could pass it on! Thanks so much for bringing this up
+FinnTheInfinncible i'm not trans myself but i have read posts on tumblr by people who identify as trans without experiencing dysphoria and i gathered that sometimes people realize they're trans through a positive experience and not through an instance of discomfort such as dysphoria. For example, you might discover that doing/wearing things traditionally associated with the "opposite gender" feels really good and therefore start identifying as trans without ever feeling uncomfortable with yourself. Am i making any sense? Basically i feel like people are just different and i guess some have an approach to being trans that doesn't include the feeling of gender dysphoria
Thats very interesting, thank you for sharing that. I find it hard to get my head around not feeling uncomfortable. For me, being female was so painful! I did also have the positive side though, in that dressing in a more masculine way added to my certainty of feeling male in how good it made me feel so I can see the sense of what you are saying, its just hard for me to try to imagine not first having that awful dysphoric feeling!
Yes that's called "gender euphoria", it's like the "opposite" of "gender dysphoria" : when you feel really good being recognized in your gender for instance :) Although I feel and I've felt dysphoria, gender euphoria is the feeling that really helped me most me realize I was trans, because I've found the word "non binary" and I was feeling so euphoric, it was amazing ! Only after that I could realize all the things before were dysphoria. Some people also just know their gender but don't really care about how other people perceive them, therefore don't feel dysphoria about being read as their assigned gender by strangers. It's like you know you're yellow inside but most people see you red, and you don't really care the way they see you, the fact is you're still yellow regardless of their perception of you (I'm trying to explain with an analogy :p) I think there are as many way to relate to gender as there are people in the world because humans are really diverse beings, it makes sense that not all trans people would relate to their gender and transness the same way :)
Finally found someone in my age group lol! I am pre-everything, I approached my GP exactly 1 year ago and I still haven't even seen a psychiatrist yet. I live up in the north east of Scotland where there is a major shortage of services for Transgender people. And my biggest fear right now is that it will still be another year before I can even start T. I just wish the service was better up in my local area. :( I hope to hear at least something soon, my dysphoria is so bad I can barely leave the house anymore due to severe anxiety.
I am up in Aberdeen so I am referred to the local clinic there. I wasn't even aware there was a clinic here until recently. All I knew before was that the guy who normally deals with it had retired so I had no idea what to expect, I have heard recently that they are now seeing people who were referred in November 2015 so fingers crossed it'll be my turn soon! :)
as a detransitioner who did take T etc I think it might be nice if you talked about body dysphoria generally. most people don't like parts of their body. many women do not like their breasts or like wearing women's clothes. that doesn't make them transgender.
You are quite right, there are many reasons why people do not like parts of their body, and not liking parts of your body doesnt always make you transgender. However, in this case I am talking specifically about gender dysphoria which goes far beyond just a dislike and instead into a knowing of ourselves as a gender different to the one we have been assigned, hence being transgender. I tend to only talk about things I have experience of, I dont think its right for me to talk about things I have no personal knowledge hence why I talk about gender dysphoria, does that make sense? I am sure there must be people here on you tube that discuss the type of dysphoria you describe?
FinnTheInfinncible thanks for replying. From my personal experience with the nhs the two are conflated and confused. I also think that even actively hating typically female things does not make one transgender and there is a danger of putting esp kids into the trans category. From my detransitioned perspective I think all the transgender 'services' and clinics and the youtube trans bubble does is perpetuate gender stereotypes. People with anorexia are convinced they are fat yet they are not; some people are convinced they should have limbs amputated but we don't do that for them. I think internalised and externalised homophobia has a lot to do with the surge in popularity of the trans movement - when was the last time you saw a butch lesbian woman be really popular? Transgender = gender stereotyping from my experience. I mean you no disrespect whatsoever I want to be clear about that - I am just speaking from my own experience and trying to help others not make what could be a catastrophic mistake. With love.
I am sorry that this was your experience, it must have been a difficult time for you. There are so many reasons as to a persons distress , which is why there are so many hoops to jump through before a person can begin the process of medical transition, to make sure that the person is sure that transitioning is right for them. Of course even with all of this, mistakes can sometimes be made. In the majority of cases though, people , like in my case, go on to lead much happier lives, showing that transitioning was the right course of action for them.
FinnTheInfinncible thanks for the reply Finn. In actual fact more and more research is coming through which shows it isn't the happy ending people expected. There are also more detransitioners than many people think. However because of fear of anti detransitioner hate from some areas of the trans community and also because of some feelings of embarrassment about detransitioning you don't hear so much from many of us. However there are now a few of us on TH-cam and the net. I want to say again that my comments don't come from a place of hate, rather I am just trying to say that there are other ways to manage what ppl may think of as 'trans' feelings and I am just trying to get ppl to maybe stop and think for a mo before they do something they may find is not actually right for them. In the nhs and privately never once were my 'trans' feelings questioned or was I asked to think about other ways to live or other ways to manage the feelings - the pervasive attitude was women are crap who would want to be one and a perpetuation of 1950s gender roles. Come on ppl it's 2016 you can do what you want and wear what you want we are not in 1956! I still think homophobia has a lot to do with it - you yourself did a lot of 'I'm not gay' videos after Drew said he was trans. Thank you for replying to me and I wish everyone well. With love. K xx
FinnTheInfinncible I know you are a student of psychology so you might be interested to know that a lot of female born ppl are being misdiagnosed as trans when they are in fact on the autism spectrum specifically Aspergers. I have talked to several detransitioned ppl for whom this is true. with love as always and with no malicious intent ever. K xx
Possibly. One of the doctors l saw, described it as a intersex brain. It's such a difficult thing to study because as soon as we are born, our bodies interact with the environment so isolating a gene or chromosome as a cause would be inpossible
Continued: Love involves giving oneself to another. The child observer stands between the completion of loves task in that regard. He can trade one lover for the other but may not displace or destroy either. This I believe is the origin of gender dysphoria.
I also want to stress that not all trans people have dysphoria or transition. This article is a really good one if you don't already know it :) everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/not-all-trans-folks-dysphoria/ Now, for me, and *only for me, I'm not talking for other people*, I think my dysphoria comes from cissexism. It's like, forever we've been taught that x gender corresponds to x body and we all internalize that idea somehow and society has all these cisgender beauty norms etc. In the end, if cissexism and cis beauty norms didn't exist, and anyone with any body could be treated as they true gender, I think I would not feel dysphoria. I don't know if what I'm trying to say is really clear ^^ I also know some trans people that don't like using "dysphoria" for themselves because of the medical and psychiatric history of the word. I'm looking forward the next video, tough subject but an important one ! :)
Thanks for this my friend. I do understand the stance against being medicalised, its not one I am happy about either. However, for me, it was just a relief to have a name for what I was feeling and then a knowledge of what I could do about it. I find it hard to get my head around not feeling uncomfortable in the gender I was assigned at birth, for me, that discomfort told me that my gender was not the one I was assigned. I have read that article and a couple of others after someone else pointed out that not all trans people feel dysphoria and I can kind of get it...but not understand it if that makes sense?! I can see what you mean also, with cissexism. However again for me, my body issues were not so much peoples treatment of me but my own feelings. Even if people were calling me he, without hormones, my high voice, breasts and general body shape , i would still have felt awful. I think again this demonstrates what I always say, that there is no one way to be trans. We each experience things differently and need different things to feel comfortable. Maybe the term dysphoria needs to be changed to one that more recognises the spectrum of different ways people experience themselves as knowing their true gender so that it can encompass those whos knowledge of themselves comes from a strong identification to their true gender, as well as those who knowledge of themselves comes from experiencing distress in their assigned gender? Thank you so much for your comments, this is something I am keen to learn more about
"I can kind of get it...but not understand it if that makes sense?!" Yes I think it makes sense not fully understanding something one does not experience :) "I think again this demonstrates what I always say, that there is no one way to be trans. " Absolutely !!! :) I'm for acknowledging anyone who identify themselves as trans, regardless of dysphoria, transition or other stuff, because only them knows what they experience. Yet, a lot of trans people are doing that gatekeeping thing where they would say that one is not a "true transgender person". :( "Maybe the term dysphoria needs to be changed" Maybe, I don't have a fully formed opinion about it yet, and I've no idea what word could work instead ^^ I'm glad you could learn more about different experiences :)
The last thing we should be doing is gatekeeping or deciding who is or isnt trans enough. As a community I feel we need to work hard to understand the different ways we each experience and express our gender and the different paths we take in our journeys. There is no right or wrong way to be human! I am always learning and always open to peoples comments about things I have little knowledge of.
I have often wondered if it has to do with reincarnation. If I’ve always been male in previous lives, wouldn’t my soul feel homesick for the body (the form) that I have always had?
You know, l have wondered similarly. Souls are likely not gendered, but perhaps they hold a memory in some incarnations that runs in contrary to the person's gender.
We are born of our parents love in equal parts male and female as a child observer. Multiple influences coupled with the gullible nature of the innocent child observer are guided into expressing one gender and suppressing the other. There is a term called asexual masturbation that some children learn that gives them pleasure. I believe this accesses the original ecstatic feelings the parents felt in sexual union that created this child observer. This is internal not a driven lust for another person.
Sex can be assigned by others, gender can be assigned only by the self. The mortal male ego occupying the conscious mind of the MTF needs to actualize as female. and welcome his anima into consciousness. Then she can in turn grant all her sexual experience to this changeling. This is paradise found! Dysphoria is a psychic cudgel used to effect this change.
Why you explain for others?! They do not feel you or understand except rare human being who have feelings and mind to think. Most of them misunderstand or feel you, by myside; I will stay as I am and continue as a Gay to make my own family without changing any part of my body or personality. Good luck for you dear, and be care for yourself only. Who loves you will accept you as you are.
@@FinnTheInfinncible Very appreciated dear, but as long as the indivdual knows and trust self, no matter what other say. They do not live instead you or feel what you feel inside in mind and heart. Go ahead and build yourself and creat your family with love♡♡ Feel free and cpmforted for you. Good luck
dude thank you. seriously i’ve watched two of your videos now and it’s made me feel so much more understood. its hella and it’s hard i only just truly realized and let myself accept that i was born in the wrong body. it’s already helped my anxiety and “skizophrenia” so much. thank god i stubbles across a really old video of yours and found these more recent ones. gives me hope.
Comments like yours make my day, thank you, my friend, I am very glad to have helped. Lovely to have you here!
Excellent video as usual. I think the most important understanding I've learned from watching your journey is that you are not "turning into" a male, but are "uncovering" the male that you always have been. A big light bulb went off when I heard you describe being transgender that way. Thank you for your gift of teaching. What a blessing!
Hello MY lovely blessing! Everytime I am chilling indoors in my pj's I have an extra reminder of how blessed i am, along with having very warm feet :)
You know I too had to learn this, re watching my earlier vlogs, I talked a lot about wanting to be male, or becoming male because I didnt think that I possibly could be already, I mean I knew I felt male and I understood that something had gone wrong in my biology but I still thought of myself as feeling rather than being. It has been a gradual realisation for me over the course of my transition, that subtle different between feeling I am male and KNOWING I am male.
With every medical intervention there has come a deep sense of revealing rather than changing. This was my main reason for my change in lower surgery choice, as my sense of myself having always been male grew, so did the realisation that my penis was missing, rather than me deciding whether I wanted to have one added, if that makes sense....theres a vlog here!!!
Loads of love to you!
Definitely make that vlog.
Wow, you just expressed gender dysphoria wonderfully. I'm mind-blown 'cause it's something I never could quite put into words to explain. I'd always say: "It's like I'm looking in the mirror and I'm baffled because I just go in my head "this is not me", it feels unfamiliar and familiar at the same time." But you're metaphor of feeling this like black hole inside yourself and feeling homesick is so fitting. It's a feeling, a yearning, I know since pretty much all my life. I'm just lost on what to do about this. Thank you for the very well-spoken, beautiful insight.
Bless you, yes yearning is the word, which for me as a child felt homesick, later I just felt sick, empty, sinking....thank goodness I realised it was gender dysphoria before it swallowed me whole! Thanks for your kind words my friend!
Hi! Just wanted to let you know that I'm using this video for my paper on gender dysphoria! We have to pretend we have a friend who doesn't believe in this and to find a video thats the most "persuasive in showing the reality of this experience" and your video is perfect! Your explanations of terms and how they relate to each other is so clear and straightforward that I bet anyone would at least be like "ohh okay i see how that happens" lol and the way you describe your experience is awesome and i'm so happy I found this video!! I almost wish I did have an ignorant friend to show this video to and prove it's real lol
This is awesome! I am over the moon that you are using my vlog! Thank you for such lovely compliments too! Do let me know how it goes!
This is a great video, thank you so much. I’m going to show this to my mom because I think it’ll clear up a lot of her confusion.
That makes my day! Let me know how you get on when you show it to her.
What I love about you is that you explain your feelings so very well. Most people don't understand what being trans really is. And you explain this very well. It is hard to educate people about this subject. I am an older transman myself who is still in the early stages of my transition. As a child I was a real tomboy who loved cars and other boy toys. But as an adult I am more on the neutral spectrum I guess. In general my hobby's and interests are more neutral than masculine. I was also never really a masculine woman. I love clothes, fashion and grooming. So people don't understood my coming out as a transman later in life. My entire adult life I lived as a gay woman, until I discovered a few years ago that I am a gay transman.
Thank you for making this video so clear. I feel like I can use it to explain to people when I come out to them.
Thats fantastic, very glad to help and thank you!
I really like how calmly and sensibly you described this. I think this is the best explanation I've ever heard, Like other commenters, I also really liked the comparison to homesickness. Though our journeys aren't the same, before I turned eighteen and was able to start the process of becoming Jewish, I felt such a strong, aching yearning to first have a religion and then to reclaim the spiritual birthright I knew was mine. It was like my soul came home. I actually just celebrated the 18th anniversary of my conversion, on 9 November (which I specifically chose because it was the anniversary of Kristallnacht).
Wow! Thats amazing and makes so much sense in relation to how I felt. I now also feel like I am home and that hole in my gut no longer exists. Thanks so much my friend, I always get so much from the way you use comparisons in other experiences, thank you!
This is so well articulated! Thanks.
I was struck by the description of "homesickness". I sometimes get a sort of numbness/longing, like I'm not really where I'm supposed to be, but I hadn't linked it to dysphoria. I'll see if it changes as I transition.
Oh yes please do tell me! Yes it took me a while to link that feeling with the early realisation of myself as experiencing dysphoria, for years I had no idea why tht feeling was there, I thought perhaps I was just "wrong" in some way, like I shouldnt have been born! How awful! I am very glad things have changed now, there is no more longing or a feeling of something missing, just a deep joyful yearning for life!
Hey Finn... I just have to say... I adore you. I've only found your channel a couple of days ago, but I took an instant liking to you and ended up watching loads of your videos. I absolutely admire your strength and courage to share so much of yourself and your story, and be so willing to help explain things to those of us that may just be trying to better understand facts about the Trans community. I am fully supportive of the whole LGBTQ community but I also realized I just don't have much understanding of everything, so it's nice that there are people so generous as yourself to share their views and expierences with anyone willing to listen. I'm sure at times it's not easy to be so open about your feelings, because our current culture definately isn't all nice glitter and teddy bears and rainbows... there is so much hate we have to deal with in the world on a daily basis. So, just... thank you for being so open and being so kind and sweet. I've watched enough of your videos and looked at your tumblr a bit, so I got to a point where I was giddy with joy for your first pee lol... I'm very proud of how far you've come and am truly happy for you getting to where you are now. It's lovely. You're lovely. Keep smiling and thank you for sharing your beautiful soul with all of us. Hugs.
Haha!! I LOVE that you were giddy at my first pee!!! What a wonderful message to read thank you so very much, I love it when wonderful folk who want to learn stumble across my channel!
It isnt easy to be as open as I am, however, the amount of appreciation I get counteracts the occasional idiotic comments. Knowing I help makes this so very worthwhile and I learn so much from what other people comment. Its a wonderful thing!
Its so lovely to hear from you, thank you so very much!
I wrote a comment and clicked the 'post' button, but somehow it doesn't appear to have been posted. So here it is again - I apologize if I'm double posting, I can only see what I'm posting here in this window...
..........
You describe the topic of Gender Dysphoria brilliantly, Finn. It is exactly how I have experienced it - and still do (since I haven't had surgery yet).
My Body Dysphoria is therefore still almost as strong as it ever was, but the hormonal balance I have obtained made all the difference to how I approach life in general.
I would say a lot more, but perhaps this is not the place to post a small novel. I would like to write you in private and will check if that is possible. If it isn't, I will just be content to tell you that you are a great inspiration and your ability to describe things so precisely, so spot on and directly to the point, is simply amazing.
Thank you for being you, Finn, and thank you for sharing so many deeply moving and inspiring vlogs. I am so happy to have had the chance to watch you succeed in overcoming all the insane odds that are stacked against our minority. I'm sure there are countless - I mean many - people out there who look to you as the example of what they too are working to achieve.
..........
P.S. I believe I am finally on my way to where I am supposed to be. Thank you for having been a source of crucial support without which I might have not been able to dig my way out of a very deep depression which ruled my life when I first came upon your TH-cam channel and started watching your videos.
Though at the time I didn't respond I want you to know that your kind replies to my comments gave me some very important bits of strength and hope which I believe have enabled me to slowly turn things around just enough to make a fundamental and important difference.
P.P.S. I took the freedom to also post your vlog at my Google+ page along with a comment meant for my viewers. I hope you're alright with it.
Bless you my friend, thank you for such a heartfelt and beautifully kind comment, really really touched me! I am so glad to have helped.
My experience of dysphoria is of it being a volume control, in the beginning it was turned up to the max but as time has gone on its turned down really low now to the point of just background noise. As exactly as you describe, hormones turned down the volume enough for me to engage with myself and life more easily, meaning that the dysphoria that remained was easier to cope with whilst I progressed further into surgical interventions which ultimately led to this much quieter static of background dysphoria that I have today. I wish you the same journey my friend.
You are more than free to share my vlogs anywhere, and I thiank you for doing so.
If you would like to chat more the best place is over on the Finn Fam community page where you can send me a private PM. facebook.com/finntheinfinncible/
Sending so much love and light your way
Hey Sunshiney Finn, thanks for another great video :-) . As I was watching it I thought about a documentary shown on Dutch tv last year. It was called 'He is a she' (title in a way being really wrong but on the other hand really clear to people who don't know much about trans stuff I suppose). The people featured in it were between ages 5 to somewhere in their twenties and focussed on many aspects; social, medical, psychological etc. One of the stories stood out to me in a beautiful way. There was a young boy, about to start secondary school. During the pregnancy his parents had been absolutely certain they were having a boy and they were totally surprised when the scan showed a baby that looked exactly like a girl. I like cheered for these parents that they knew all along they were having a boy, and they were so loving, supportive and accepting!
My kids are teenagers and a few years ago my oldest heard something about transgender on the telly. He coulnd't get his head around it, asked me how it was possible with amazement all over his face. Explaining it was so easy really.
I said: 'You're a boy, right?' 'Yes', he said (those days he was still very anti typical-pink-girly-girly-let's-be-stupid-and-annoying-and-loud-and-shout-boys-are-stupid kind of girls lol). 'So imagine feeling exactly like you are now, knowing you're a boy. But then you wake up in the morning but you're in this girly room and in girly pajama's. And you get up to go and pee but you don't have a willy and you can see you're beginning to grow breasts. And when you look in the mirror your face kinda looks like your face, but not quite.' That made a lot of sense to him because it explained 'being in the wrong body' and everyone seeing you for the gender you are not. I know that in my explanation I skipped the process of realising it's to do with gender, but I needed to use his established gender identity and oppose it to something he really wasn't. That way it made sense. At that age, my kid voiced his acceptance by saying he would have no problem playing with a boy that happend to be born in the wrong body. A bit later on he was interested to learn there are ways to prevent going though puberty in the wrong way and that there are operations that can be done too. I told him about a colleague of mine in the job I had when I was expecting him who was MTF transgender and he figured it's gotta really be terrible if people can't see who you are, and all the stuff you have to go through to get the body that fits. I really love having been able to get my kids to understand and feel it's what's inside that counts, that's what I'm a mum for!
Hello lovely! You are a great example of a parent, I wish all mums were like you. We need so much more understanding and teaching young people will help to make a much better future for us all, Thank you for sharing that with me and bless you!
Great video as always Finn:) Also really enjoyed reading all the comments:)
Thank you so much! And yes, the comments are my most favorite part of vlogging!
Hi Finn another great video from you and thank you for making this clear to everyone watching this it has been explained so very calmly and openly and non confusing!
Thank so much buddy!
thanks! shared this with my mom. i think it will clear up a lot of her confusion
Ah brilliant! I love to help parents! I hope it helps!
Incredible video, Finn. Perfectly puts into words what it means to suffer with Gender Dysphoria. Great for sending to freinds and family or really anyone that wants to understand it more 👌
Brilliant! To help makes me happy, thank you!!
Best example given on the topic of gender dysphoria.
Thank you so much for that lovely feedback 🙏
Thank you so much! Awesome way to put it in words! I always felt like A lesbian trapped in a male body i know I am in the minority don't even know what the correct term is for who I feel I have my appointment with HRT doctor on the 15th I am older turning 42 but people think I am still in my 20s so maybe there's hope for me to transition to a woman there was very little when I was growing up to help us like you so eloquently stated the hardest part is the shame stigma horror and disgust i believe await me from friends and early family coming out is like jumping in a tub of boiling water it's going to hurt so bad!! Thank you my friend!
Bless you! I am very glad to have helped. It hard when we are older, we didnt have the words growing up did we? Its never too late my friend and I wish you all the best with starting your journey, stay in touch!
Thank you your amazing! I just had my appointment yesterday it was intense I was so nervous and frankly ashamed but it’s something we have to face they did bloodwork and asked about bottom surgery etc I start on the strongest dose on my next appointment Nov 5th these will be the last 3 weeks I will feel like a normal guy . Haven’t told anyone looking to going to South Korea for ffs as soon as I can I will post videos and start my journey to help others as well I will keep in touch and thank you so much!! My friend your such a wonderful guy! Keep in touch!!
@@ezragonzalez8936 ah l am so incredibly pleased for you! Take it one day at a time!
I had all the bad stuff when I was a young teenager. But my situation was bad already but for some reason I show all the signs at that age but then it came back in other forms I suppose. but now I got reminded of what I did earlier looking at my body and toughing it and now I wanna vomit..... But as a teen before I lived back home: I didn't or barely ate, addicted to gaming, hating showers, dressing, going outside, talking, I only was happier when my nephew came to visit and play games with me and we were depressed together lol...
Thank u so much for this video! U help so many people ❤️
Thanks so much my friend!
Hi Finn, I noticed you saying that gender dysphoria is what makes us transgender. This is true in many countries including the UK where the diagnosis of gender dysphoria is what gives one access to treatment in the form of HRT and surgery. Yet some people say that people can be trans without experiencing gender dysphoria.
How do you feel about this?
I am confused about it, honestly, because I feel like gender dysphoria is the sole reason I need to transition. I guess some people do not identify with their gender assigned at birth but not do feel a strong dislike for this gender. Perhaps informed consent does allow these people to medically transition. Any thoughts on this?
Hi my friend. Yes you are right that the only way to access treatment here in the UK is by being diagnosed with gender dysphoria. I too have heard people say that you can be trans without experiencing gender dysphoria and this confuses me too. I would think that you would need to be uncomfortable in your assigned gender in order to want to transition in the first place, otherwise surely you would just be content to live the gender you were assigned? Even if the distress isnt severe, there must be an issue, after all if you are happy in your gender you dont question it do you? I havent personally spoken to anyone who claims this but I would like to know. Maybe its that they dont feel the discomfort at the level of the criteria required for a gender dysphoria criteria but that the discomfort in living in their assigned gender is enough to make them want to transition? If you find any info I would be very grateful if you could pass it on! Thanks so much for bringing this up
+FinnTheInfinncible i'm not trans myself but i have read posts on tumblr by people who identify as trans without experiencing dysphoria and i gathered that sometimes people realize they're trans through a positive experience and not through an instance of discomfort such as dysphoria. For example, you might discover that doing/wearing things traditionally associated with the "opposite gender" feels really good and therefore start identifying as trans without ever feeling uncomfortable with yourself. Am i making any sense? Basically i feel like people are just different and i guess some have an approach to being trans that doesn't include the feeling of gender dysphoria
Thats very interesting, thank you for sharing that. I find it hard to get my head around not feeling uncomfortable. For me, being female was so painful! I did also have the positive side though, in that dressing in a more masculine way added to my certainty of feeling male in how good it made me feel so I can see the sense of what you are saying, its just hard for me to try to imagine not first having that awful dysphoric feeling!
Yes that's called "gender euphoria", it's like the "opposite" of "gender dysphoria" : when you feel really good being recognized in your gender for instance :) Although I feel and I've felt dysphoria, gender euphoria is the feeling that really helped me most me realize I was trans, because I've found the word "non binary" and I was feeling so euphoric, it was amazing ! Only after that I could realize all the things before were dysphoria.
Some people also just know their gender but don't really care about how other people perceive them, therefore don't feel dysphoria about being read as their assigned gender by strangers. It's like you know you're yellow inside but most people see you red, and you don't really care the way they see you, the fact is you're still yellow regardless of their perception of you (I'm trying to explain with an analogy :p)
I think there are as many way to relate to gender as there are people in the world because humans are really diverse beings, it makes sense that not all trans people would relate to their gender and transness the same way :)
+Nouah wow thanks, this is really interesting!!!
That was awesome. Thanks I really enjoyed it.
Im very glad to hear that, thanks for letting me know!
Referencing my post before perhaps if it were more understood medically the general public or prejudiced the stigma would be less
Indeed, we have a few years before that will happen l think!
thanks, Finn, very educational! Hope it reaches everyone looking for more information about trans issues. Take care!
Me too! Feel free to help it on its way! Thanks my friend
Finally found someone in my age group lol! I am pre-everything, I approached my GP exactly 1 year ago and I still haven't even seen a psychiatrist yet. I live up in the north east of Scotland where there is a major shortage of services for Transgender people. And my biggest fear right now is that it will still be another year before I can even start T. I just wish the service was better up in my local area. :( I hope to hear at least something soon, my dysphoria is so bad I can barely leave the house anymore due to severe anxiety.
Hey buddy, its hard in early days but with a lot of self work things can improve. Which gender identity clinic have you been referred to?
I am up in Aberdeen so I am referred to the local clinic there. I wasn't even aware there was a clinic here until recently. All I knew before was that the guy who normally deals with it had retired so I had no idea what to expect, I have heard recently that they are now seeing people who were referred in November 2015 so fingers crossed it'll be my turn soon! :)
Ah fingers crossed for you my friend!!!!
love you Finn. thanks for making this video.
You are so kind, much love to you too!
as a detransitioner who did take T etc I think it might be nice if you talked about body dysphoria generally. most people don't like parts of their body. many women do not like their breasts or like wearing women's clothes. that doesn't make them transgender.
You are quite right, there are many reasons why people do not like parts of their body, and not liking parts of your body doesnt always make you transgender. However, in this case I am talking specifically about gender dysphoria which goes far beyond just a dislike and instead into a knowing of ourselves as a gender different to the one we have been assigned, hence being transgender. I tend to only talk about things I have experience of, I dont think its right for me to talk about things I have no personal knowledge hence why I talk about gender dysphoria, does that make sense? I am sure there must be people here on you tube that discuss the type of dysphoria you describe?
FinnTheInfinncible thanks for replying. From my personal experience with the nhs the two are conflated and confused. I also think that even actively hating typically female things does not make one transgender and there is a danger of putting esp kids into the trans category. From my detransitioned perspective I think all the transgender 'services' and clinics and the youtube trans bubble does is perpetuate gender stereotypes. People with anorexia are convinced they are fat yet they are not; some people are convinced they should have limbs amputated but we don't do that for them. I think internalised and externalised homophobia has a lot to do with the surge in popularity of the trans movement - when was the last time you saw a butch lesbian woman be really popular? Transgender = gender stereotyping from my experience. I mean you no disrespect whatsoever I want to be clear about that - I am just speaking from my own experience and trying to help others not make what could be a catastrophic mistake. With love.
I am sorry that this was your experience, it must have been a difficult time for you. There are so many reasons as to a persons distress , which is why there are so many hoops to jump through before a person can begin the process of medical transition, to make sure that the person is sure that transitioning is right for them. Of course even with all of this, mistakes can sometimes be made.
In the majority of cases though, people , like in my case, go on to lead much happier lives, showing that transitioning was the right course of action for them.
FinnTheInfinncible thanks for the reply Finn. In actual fact more and more research is coming through which shows it isn't the happy ending people expected. There are also more detransitioners than many people think. However because of fear of anti detransitioner hate from some areas of the trans community and also because of some feelings of embarrassment about detransitioning you don't hear so much from many of us. However there are now a few of us on TH-cam and the net. I want to say again that my comments don't come from a place of hate, rather I am just trying to say that there are other ways to manage what ppl may think of as 'trans' feelings and I am just trying to get ppl to maybe stop and think for a mo before they do something they may find is not actually right for them. In the nhs and privately never once were my 'trans' feelings questioned or was I asked to think about other ways to live or other ways to manage the feelings - the pervasive attitude was women are crap who would want to be one and a perpetuation of 1950s gender roles. Come on ppl it's 2016 you can do what you want and wear what you want we are not in 1956! I still think homophobia has a lot to do with it - you yourself did a lot of 'I'm not gay' videos after Drew said he was trans. Thank you for replying to me and I wish everyone well. With love. K xx
FinnTheInfinncible I know you are a student of psychology so you might be interested to know that a lot of female born ppl are being misdiagnosed as trans when they are in fact on the autism spectrum specifically Aspergers. I have talked to several detransitioned ppl for whom this is true. with love as always and with no malicious intent ever. K xx
I wonder if being born in the wrong body might be a inutero situation with chromosomal anomalies
Possibly. One of the doctors l saw, described it as a intersex brain. It's such a difficult thing to study because as soon as we are born, our bodies interact with the environment so isolating a gene or chromosome as a cause would be inpossible
Thank you 🙏
My absolute pleasure! If I can be of any further help, please do pop over to my website finlaygames.com/
Continued: Love involves giving oneself to another. The child observer stands between the completion of loves task in that regard. He can trade one lover for the other but may not displace or destroy either. This I believe is the origin of gender dysphoria.
I also want to stress that not all trans people have dysphoria or transition. This article is a really good one if you don't already know it :) everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/not-all-trans-folks-dysphoria/
Now, for me, and *only for me, I'm not talking for other people*, I think my dysphoria comes from cissexism. It's like, forever we've been taught that x gender corresponds to x body and we all internalize that idea somehow and society has all these cisgender beauty norms etc. In the end, if cissexism and cis beauty norms didn't exist, and anyone with any body could be treated as they true gender, I think I would not feel dysphoria. I don't know if what I'm trying to say is really clear ^^
I also know some trans people that don't like using "dysphoria" for themselves because of the medical and psychiatric history of the word.
I'm looking forward the next video, tough subject but an important one ! :)
Thanks for this my friend. I do understand the stance against being medicalised, its not one I am happy about either. However, for me, it was just a relief to have a name for what I was feeling and then a knowledge of what I could do about it. I find it hard to get my head around not feeling uncomfortable in the gender I was assigned at birth, for me, that discomfort told me that my gender was not the one I was assigned. I have read that article and a couple of others after someone else pointed out that not all trans people feel dysphoria and I can kind of get it...but not understand it if that makes sense?!
I can see what you mean also, with cissexism. However again for me, my body issues were not so much peoples treatment of me but my own feelings. Even if people were calling me he, without hormones, my high voice, breasts and general body shape , i would still have felt awful.
I think again this demonstrates what I always say, that there is no one way to be trans. We each experience things differently and need different things to feel comfortable.
Maybe the term dysphoria needs to be changed to one that more recognises the spectrum of different ways people experience themselves as knowing their true gender so that it can encompass those whos knowledge of themselves comes from a strong identification to their true gender, as well as those who knowledge of themselves comes from experiencing distress in their assigned gender?
Thank you so much for your comments, this is something I am keen to learn more about
"I can kind of get it...but not understand it if that makes sense?!" Yes I think it makes sense not fully understanding something one does not experience :)
"I think again this demonstrates what I always say, that there is no one way to be trans. " Absolutely !!! :) I'm for acknowledging anyone who identify themselves as trans, regardless of dysphoria, transition or other stuff, because only them knows what they experience. Yet, a lot of trans people are doing that gatekeeping thing where they would say that one is not a "true transgender person". :(
"Maybe the term dysphoria needs to be changed" Maybe, I don't have a fully formed opinion about it yet, and I've no idea what word could work instead ^^
I'm glad you could learn more about different experiences :)
The last thing we should be doing is gatekeeping or deciding who is or isnt trans enough. As a community I feel we need to work hard to understand the different ways we each experience and express our gender and the different paths we take in our journeys. There is no right or wrong way to be human! I am always learning and always open to peoples comments about things I have little knowledge of.
I have often wondered if it has to do with reincarnation. If I’ve always been male in previous lives, wouldn’t my soul feel homesick for the body (the form) that I have always had?
You know, l have wondered similarly. Souls are likely not gendered, but perhaps they hold a memory in some incarnations that runs in contrary to the person's gender.
Existential crisis loading
We are born of our parents love in equal parts male and female as a child observer. Multiple influences coupled with the gullible nature of the innocent child observer are guided into expressing one gender and suppressing the other.
There is a term called asexual masturbation that some children learn that gives them pleasure. I believe this accesses the original ecstatic feelings the parents felt in sexual union that created this child observer. This is internal not a driven lust for another person.
Sex can be assigned by others, gender can be assigned only by the self. The mortal male ego occupying the conscious mind of the MTF needs to actualize as female. and welcome his anima into consciousness. Then she can in turn grant all her sexual experience to this changeling. This is paradise found! Dysphoria is a psychic cudgel used to effect this change.
Why you explain for others?! They do not feel you or understand except rare human being who have feelings and mind to think. Most of them misunderstand or feel you, by myside; I will stay as I am and continue as a Gay to make my own family without changing any part of my body or personality. Good luck for you dear, and be care for yourself only. Who loves you will accept you as you are.
I explain for others, to help educate on trans and other LGBT topics, the more people understand, the greater the acceptance
@@FinnTheInfinncible Very appreciated dear, but as long as the indivdual knows and trust self, no matter what other say. They do not live instead you or feel what you feel inside in mind and heart. Go ahead and build yourself and creat your family with love♡♡ Feel free and cpmforted for you.
Good luck
True