I was faced again with a situation this a.m., feeling conflicted about whether or not to help. I gave my decision pause, sat with great discomfort, and decided that it was not my responsibility to do what was asked from me. I'm slowly learning to protect my boundaries and to say no. This is a major piece of work to not feel guilty after decades of programming. TY x3.
Dear professor Vaknin. I want to express my gratitude to your videos on You Tube, I want you to know that the information you give here is very therapeutic and healing. This is so priceless. Please, continue doing what you are doing on your channel and I wish you a long and healthy life.
Thank you Dr. Vaknin for your teaching on this. Grew up trying to protect my mother from an abusive father, gave her all my father did not give her. And went above and beyond to make my father happy to keep the peace. Throughout my adulthood, i had no boundaries with others. The automatic thoughts you described explains it all. Thank you
My wife is a people pleaser and made an instant intimate connection with a female narcissist which completely disrupted our marriage for the past year telling my wife some of the scripts you’ve mentioned in the video. I was powerless and considered divorce. Last week her friend dumped her and I can see the light again however I fear for the people pleasing traits of my wife and complete lack of boundaries. We are doing therapy and I hope that she grows with it but I feel that the trait is so ingrained that she doesn’t even realise it.
Is compersion part of people pleasing? I don't feel responsible for others' happiness, but I derive joy through sharing with my few dear friends, both materially & emotionally.
Thank you Professor for explaining so candidly how People Pleasers are formed! At 74 years old, I finally understand how and why I’m the woman I am. Now, I’m going to take steps to rectify my false identity.
if you show fearlessness when being terrorized by a narcissist or psychopath will they simply leave ? because i've dealt with such people and they literally left every time i showed no fear.
Well it's the same theory as yelling at a brick wall. The brick wall is not listening, not interested and not affected by the yelling , and eventually they are the one left standing exposed as pathetic insecure and childish fools who are yelling at a brick wall and expecting the brick wall to stop being a brick wall .
One thing I’ve noticed about people pleasers and this being a habit I’ve created as well within myself is it’s a narcissistic trait as well for a lot of people so it’s almost like two of them head butting
I need to prove I'm good as the Narcissist devalues me. The same way my father treated me like i was a bad child. Yes,as the oldest child i was having to take care of my 3 younger sisters and isolated by my widowed step father. I never complain unless im not given attention. I do like the idea of minimizing myself. I'm wondering how much maternal instinct affects me as the narsist shows me his child side and victimhood. I feel responsible for another..tho I have finally ended my relationships w my abusers.
And what to do in case the toxic friend/family want to terrorise you through false police complaints, long-drawn court cases, and straight up death threats?
Sam, maybe it fits into a certain category and I don't see it there, but I realized that I did it because I was wrong to think that they would love me and that's why they could also manipulate me.
Is it possible to associate narcissistic personality disorder with former Jehovah's Witnesses? I am referring to some people previously raised in families who were already Jehovah's Witnesses and were expelled from the group and family.
I did a terrible job of raising my parents.
The most accurate and funniest comment I ever heard! Can’t stop laughing.
😆same
😂😂😂Me too🤟
Haha this is great thanks
I was faced again with a situation this a.m., feeling conflicted about whether or not to help. I gave my decision pause, sat with great discomfort, and decided that it was not my responsibility to do what was asked from me. I'm slowly learning to protect my boundaries and to say no. This is a major piece of work to not feel guilty after decades of programming. TY x3.
True! The guilt and the shame of having boundaries. You are doing great!🤗💙💙💙
Dear professor Vaknin. I want to express my gratitude to your videos on You Tube, I want you to know that the information you give here is very therapeutic and healing. This is so priceless. Please, continue doing what you are doing on your channel and I wish you a long and healthy life.
I been waiting so long to hear more about people pleasers behavioral habits
Thank you Dr. Vaknin for your teaching on this. Grew up trying to protect my mother from an abusive father, gave her all my father did not give her. And went above and beyond to make my father happy to keep the peace. Throughout my adulthood, i had no boundaries with others. The automatic thoughts you described explains it all. Thank you
My wife is a people pleaser and made an instant intimate connection with a female narcissist which completely disrupted our marriage for the past year telling my wife some of the scripts you’ve mentioned in the video. I was powerless and considered divorce. Last week her friend dumped her and I can see the light again however I fear for the people pleasing traits of my wife and complete lack of boundaries. We are doing therapy and I hope that she grows with it but I feel that the trait is so ingrained that she doesn’t even realise it.
You explain the best . i havent heard anyone break it down this way.
Thank you Dr. Vaknin for sharing your beautiful mind with us this morning! As always, it has been enlightening. 😊
I am glad you made a video about people pleasers. Good video. 👍
Search the channel for more, especially the comorbidities playlist.
Spot on yet again . Thanks Sam
This is dead on accurate. Thank you so much!
This hits hard.
Thank you professor.
I's very draining when your parent is a people pleaser.
Is compersion part of people pleasing? I don't feel responsible for others' happiness, but I derive joy through sharing with my few dear friends, both materially & emotionally.
Compersion is not people-pleasing. People-pleasing is an ANXIETY response.
Thank you Professor for explaining so candidly how People Pleasers are formed! At 74 years old, I finally understand how and why I’m the woman I am.
Now, I’m going to take steps to rectify my false identity.
if you show fearlessness when being terrorized by a narcissist or psychopath will they simply leave ? because i've dealt with such people and they literally left every time i showed no fear.
Bullies are cowards.
Well it's the same theory as yelling at a brick wall. The brick wall is not listening, not interested and not affected by the yelling , and eventually they are the one left standing exposed as pathetic insecure and childish fools who are yelling at a brick wall and expecting the brick wall to stop being a brick wall .
Oh crap, I guess with this video I just confirmed I am a people pleaser too
BRAVO!
Thank you💎
How do you deal with evaluating people who oscillate between people pleasing & psychotic split personality disorders?
You deal with evaluating by evaluating.
One thing I’ve noticed about people pleasers and this being a habit I’ve created as well within myself is it’s a narcissistic trait as well for a lot of people so it’s almost like two of them head butting
Seminal work on narcissistic abuse, no pun intended.
Can one ever heal from people pleasing?
Yes :)
It's amazing. Come join us. Do the work for yourself, do less for others, get more authentic and aligned results.
Set those boundaries!
Yes. The prognosis with therapy is good.
All of that my husband do to me.sorry my English is bad
I need to prove I'm good as the Narcissist devalues me. The same way my father treated me like i was a bad child. Yes,as the oldest child i was having to take care of my 3 younger sisters and isolated by my widowed step father. I never complain unless im not given attention. I do like the idea of minimizing myself.
I'm wondering how much maternal instinct affects me as the narsist shows me his child side and victimhood. I feel responsible for another..tho I have finally ended my relationships w my abusers.
Would you agee that this is merely typical in cluster c?
I think it is common in cluster c
It makes sense but there are no studies.
And what to do in case the toxic friend/family want to terrorise you through false police complaints, long-drawn court cases, and straight up death threats?
Sam, maybe it fits into a certain category and I don't see it there, but I realized that I did it because I was wrong to think that they would love me and that's why they could also manipulate me.
Will those work if the people pleaser is also a codependant, but the manipulator is not a narcissist?
Yes.
Narcicist people pleasers are.cover narcs
Is it possible to associate narcissistic personality disorder with former Jehovah's Witnesses? I am referring to some people previously raised in families who were already Jehovah's Witnesses and were expelled from the group and family.
Search the channel for "relig".
It is not 3 steps to manipulate a people-pleaser - but for the people pleasure to get out of that cursed state.