I'm not sure the definition of gaslighting After my stroke my sister decided to imitate my horrible stroke walk She would walk alongside of me and laugh imitating my walking She said I'm only doing this to show you how funny you look I can't tell you how painful it was to be laughed at And to be told I'm only doing this for your own good Is this the definition of gaslighting
I was gaslighted to the tenth power, married for 28 years.. i never heard of these things till the past few years and it all made sense to me. We lived isolated and i didn't have internet till a few years ago. It got really bad. He lied cheated and more. I can't believe all i've been through. There's so much i'm still going through everything i have been through the years.
Donna Bryan very very the narcissistic are the ones who need medicated not us , he says to me anyone taking antidepressants are a turn off even tho he takes other things for pain what's the difference there morons ,
So glad to see you got your old program back, so we can have longer videos, and by the way, you look beautiful! Thanks for your videos, they really speak to me and validate me. The gaslighting I suffered was one of the things that lead me to finding out about narcissism. I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me, cause I felt crazy, and was told I was crazy, even though I was sober and stable, and he was an unstable drunken pervert wierdo. Once it dawned on me what had went on, I felt like a fool, but had some peace finally. And that was the end of that ever working on me again. No contact now.
again, hitting the nail on the head. When I would try to communicate details of what my ex was doing, friends often looked at me like I had 3 heads because they didn't believe me because it even sounded so insane to them.
My mother is some kind of socio-narc and I'm currently in the middle of some nasty family drama. With a large extended family - some of which I love dearly, but who have been manipulated - it is heart breaking and brain damaging to deal with.
I feel that way too. My husband insists this wasn't some kind of conspiracy, that my narc used against us. But after learning what she had been doing, all along, I say it was. Every diabolical little thing. The more I learn, the more it makes sense. But when I try to explain it to anyone, I sound like a crazy woman, because it is all so bizarre!
My narc gf (now ex-gf) tried to convince me that her ex-husband was a narc who abused her. She said that he would gaslight her. I didn't know the narc terminology then so I asked her what "gaslighting" meant. She told me that the term came from a movie so I found the movie on cable and we watched it. Once I figured out that my gf was a narc, I went back through our conversations and saw that she was projecting just about everything she accused her ex of doing. I also realized how much she was gaslighting me... Great topic! Good video!
This is all so true; the unhappiness was profound and I'm still coming back from it. Truly horrendous. I really like how you name everything, call it out for what it is. This is one of the most important videos on the effects of narcissistic abuse that I have watched to date, thank you so much Kim!
It's sad what happens when two victims of narcs tryn mend a relationship 🤔🤗the blessing is at least i know what's going on. But again others rather not trying understand why they're acting weird or what's going in their lives. but I thank God for study research especially in mental health!!!!
Caught him spying on me using one of fake profiles and friending me. Called him out on it, he texted me " May I ask why you're lying about me?". Validation I was right. Posted on fb telling him he couldn't gaslight me and he was doing it. Messaged me from another of his fake accounts accused me of imagining and I was the only one lying. Pathetic.
Hi, Kim. Yep. One's immune system gets royally screwed up with the stress of relating to the narcissist in any way. Gaslighting, lying, ghosting, raging, and silent treatment all did a number on me. I'm seeing at least three health practitioners, besides my family doctor, to attempt to bring me to a sense of "normal" well-being. This past week - getting my place ready for a housewarming - was much more stressful than it needed to be. At the last moment, I realized that I don't have to have everything done "perfectly". If I were welcoming, my friends would overlook my "box furniture" and a dolly with boxes yet to be taken down to storage or distribution to thrift stores. They did! They love ME, not how organized my place is! I have to admit that the ex is not solely at fault for this "condition". The original narcissist (my father) instilled in me a need to be perfect and then I carried on his voice in my head. The ex merely added to the trauma, which was considerable. He KNEW which buttons to push! I'm so glad for your information and that of other TH-camrs who support us through to the "leave the f**ker!" stage. 102 days NC! Plus, a bonus! My stepson, with whom I have a great relationship, was visiting his father (the ex), this week. He met me for breakfast yesterday, after agreeing to keeping a boundary of mine - not seeing his father. He's seeing what his dad did to his mother and stepmother (me) and wonders at his sanity. I feel validated by a man who's dealt with this craziness his whole life. I will get a handle on my health and carry on - WITHOUT further stress from the ex. Love ❤️ YOU lots, Kim! Having a wonderful narcissist-free day/evening!
Hi Kim, thank you for all you do for the victims of narcissist abuse..,I lived in hell for 10 years...My so called friends turned against me, the church, and even part of my family...He would hurt me so bad emotionally, physically, and mentally...I would have to go somewhere and hide to even cry...He would yell at me for crying...I use to pray to God, that he would not let my elderly mother die, because he would yell at me for mourning her...I was so afraid ...when I finally got the courage to leave, my mother did have a heart attack and she survived it..thank the Lord...we were going through a divorce and he wanted to know if I was expecting an inheritance ...He is still singing at his Church and since this is a small town...people still love him and think I'm a devil...
Linda Meade the church is terribly ignorant about abuse. My church abandoned me in my time off need for support. i do not believe the holy spirit is there and will find somewhere else.
The words you use are very accurate descriptions of my reality! It feels so good to have someone put into words the pain and disorganization of a life that has fallen so disappointingly short of what it should be due to the consistent onslaught of abuse daily. At this time in my life things were supposed to be so much different than what they are. Thank you, Kim, for this powerful video helping me accurately see where I am so I can move forward now knowing what forward is.
I see myself in what you are saying with my narc mom, the mind control, and the hopelessness and failure feelings leading to depression.. Even though I have been free of her and the offending family for 6 months I am still not in control of my life yet. But I see the light and I see where all the problems have come from and that is the most important way to start to heal. Your videos are tremendously helpful and your caring comes through and helps shine the way.
Great video!!! Thank you for going into detail on impacts. Gaslighting made me unable to articulate what was happening and caused serious confusion and distress. My narc ex tried to trap me in his evil den of despair. I am grateful that I am free.
I washed the narcs benz. it's white. Then used high quality spray wax from Lucas on it. She said it turned her car yellow. Her car is still very white. I said are you sure? She said her eyes can see a spectrum most can't see. Her car is still white...... somewhere along the line she must have got hit in the head too hard. Matter of fact, one car accident ejection & one fall backwards on ice striking head. Soooo head trauma ? Ofcourse these were always someone else fault. Either some mother f'er or mother nature. Drive sensibility or walk carefully on ice ? Don't be absurd....
HOLY FREAKING COW! THAT'S WHAT MY NARC DOES!! Usually it's after I blow up at him we'll have what I call the "Ted talk", and as the conversation goes on I clearly hear him blaming me for everything, then at one moment, he'll profess to not being perfect and he knows he makes mistakes, but... that's as far as it goes. Then it followed with me agreeing just to end it, because as the conversation goes on it makes me feel like I want to just strangle him or myself to end it all. Btw, I've learned to end the convo's from all I have learned from you and others.
Like whispering another mans name and then, when you call her on it, claiming that you're jealous, insecure, crazy and a troublemaker. Going apeshit screaming and raging because they're tired of ' being accused', and then calming down and waiting a short time and starting it all over again!?
I found myself desperate to gain my memory back. I researched memory/focus supplements on Amazon and even ordered a bottle. I thought I was going through dementia. I was a student and I just couldn't do anything right or remember anything. I went to the doctors and everything. Come to find out, I now know it was gaslighting. Almost a year later, I'm still a bit "foggy" from years of gaslighting. So diabolical!
Wow Kim. This is what i felt. This is what I experienced. I had no idea at the time what it was. I just gradually became confused and lost. i made the worst career mistep of my life when the gaslighting and abuse was effecting me. i told the white lies as you say for months because i was ashamed. Thank you for this validation.
Even daily routines can become tedious..when your mind isn't on what you are doing...off in narc lala land...and could be dangerous..if operating equipment, power tools..or driving. I know that when I was still working..did stupid things...whe mind was wandering even on routine things that did everyday..like pumping gas into the fuel tank of equipment that uses deisel..not eve thinking...when tied up pondering what next dirty deed the narc is scheming It takes its toll in every aspect of your life...including the impact on your health which can manifest in many ways
Once again thank you for doing this video. I am going through hell with my child's school. Dealing with several narcs at one time all the while my kid having major medical issues. Kind of helps to have stuff confirmed. I got "Narc's inability to answer a direct question and changing the subject." and gas lighting up the @ss! Unbelievable that these "professionals" do this.
Fantastic video Kim! It couldn't have been explained any better than this. The gaslighting was awful and yes made me feel like I couldn't do anything right and that I was losing it. I had no idea what was going on at the time, but once I began to see it was him and not me I began to "fight back" so to speak, to defend myself, but it didn't matter. I am. beyond grateful to be OUT of that!! Oh he pops up now and again but I ignore him. Never ever going there again. Love you Beautiful!
All the other stuff was bad, but gaslighting is plain horrendous. I have never experienced anything like that and will take all precautions necessary and do whatever it takes to make sure it will never happen again. Gaslighting together with intermittend reinforcement fucked me up in unfathomable ways, it is plain evil
One of your best videos yet, I became so confused about everything around me, I struggled to concentrate anywhere. My job suffered, I started to fear leaving the house and would rush home from work, but feel frightened to be at home. I could not hold a conversation with friends to save my life. Anxious all of the time trying to work out why I couldn't grasp what was going on. I even had panic attacks, I had always been a loving very happy go lucky person, why had i turned into someone I didn't know. You nailed it for me thank you so much xx
Wow... I never experienced this sort of abuse. Actually, my ex tried it on me but I was older than she was and I had too much self-confidence for it to have much effect on me. I didn't take any of it seriously but I can see how it could be unsettling: narcissists are very good liars and they can distort reality without batting an eye.
You have covered the topic well. This kind of treatment could definitely ruin a person's sense of living their life in peace and harmony. I mean how long can a person put up with it? Yet I take comfort in knowing that God moves in mysterious ways. He is the defender to the downtrodden. Spiritually we can experience his presence which will bring up through it. Stronger than before.
identifying gaslighting is huge! thats pretty much 50% of the stress. baiting and blaming is also huge although i dont know if that falls under gaslighting. the biggest issue i dealt with was name calling. continual nickname insults and bullying.
Me too, I was called names and put down steadily. It never stopped, even when he was trying to be nice hie called me nasty names....trying to make them seem like harmless cute nicknames.
my narc (cousins husband) just hated everything he alwasy devalued me. there was no idealize situation. can narc's just instantly go to the devaluing face? i always hear they start off nice
I remember feeling like I tried so hard. Why does he not like me? Why does it seem like he is so unhappy with me? Then, he would start with the comments like, "so and so is so nice and she this and she that." In other words, I am going to make you feel like you are worthless and then, i will come and tell you that some woman i just met, is so nice and so this and so that. I used to think he was just simple minded because he could act the goof ball, the comedic goof ball, but, now i know it was subtle, insidious abuse. The casual way he would praise these other people he barely even knew. And, he would do this when clearly we we in the pit of a crisis. When i was feeling at an all time low, he would hit me with, someone else is basically nicer than you. After working so hard to make a life with him. he springs this shit on me. 10 months free of the psychopath. yay me!!!! hoorah for moi!
Same here. And if you come from a home or background where you were made to feel worthless or less than as a child or teenager, you are ripe for attracting and tolerating this!
Yup. You can't explain it or fully feel it, until you are out. Another thing I've experienced with two of my several Narcs is that they will often approach the same topic from different angles, or explain things with many different excuses that don't fit together. You look like an idiot if you DON'T question it. But if you question it, they'll deny what you're saying and say that they said something else. Which might also be true. Then you are forced to allow the gaslighting (and say okay to the abuse), OR acknowledge that they said BOTH things, and also acknowledge that the stories they've told can't coexist in reality. They don't add up. In the end, when they think they've really got you good, they will even deny you ever talked about the topic at all, OR will tell you that YOU are the one who said the very words that THEY said. And the worst part is, sometimes you want so badly to believe the best, you would rather their reality be true than your own. Because in your own reality, someone you love is raping your mind and blaming you. You don't want to believe they are capable of it. Either way.... You lose.
So dead on. I had to start writing things down as they happened, because he convinced me shit didn't happen months later...and I was so mentally drained I believed him. I feel like I was in a coma the last 3 years, was this real?
You bring it to the point . Great video. No contact is so importend because every word you say to them will be used to futher gaslight you. If they have no Information how you feel and what you think they stuck in the past and you will see how the gaslight works. They will try it thats for sure but you will not fall in to it. We all need to learn to let them think and talk about us what ever they want. At least it is only One person on that planet. All the People who really loves us and knows us will not believe a sinlge word they say about us.
Kim Did you say dissodance? It is dissonance: a felt inequality inside the brain that the brain is trying to repair. To me it feels like an autoimmunity hard to overcome.
this is so TRUE! last weekend i finally was brave enough to enter the room in my flat that used to be my narc's. people were always wondering, why i, as a very organized person, was not able to find certain papers anymore. in said room are literally stacks of unsorted papers he left behind. there was a 1m high gucci paperbag full of clothes, account balances, credit issuing information, life insurance policies, etc, all stacked in one bag! O___o how am i supposed to find anything in there? i am partly disabled as a result of several strokes resulting from a ruptured aneurysm i suffered in 2015, which left me hemiplegic. i am not saying it is his fault, but his treatment surely contributed to my deteriorating health. i used to work full-time and earned significantly more than him. i was expected to function in said job AND take care of my FREAK BABY - a name my psychologist and i made up :). he was 10 years younger than me and refused to grow a pair and grow the fuck up. though he was constantly belittling and bullying and even hitting me - i went to the office with a huge hematoma on my forehead! i had the police throw him out when he threatened to kill me and chased me all through the house. i fled to my car (on my way through the flat i had grabbed my keys), as he had taken my mobile away and sped to my neighbor further down the street, from where i called the police. when they came, they called me and i went back. Although I had called them, he told the male cops that he was not interested in me anymore (!!!) and wanted me to sign the cancellation of our lease for the flat! I flat out refused, telling the cops, that pushed me to sign, that i was not prepared to sign anything in a situation of heightened tension. of course i looked unkempt, I had to flee from him - he was perfectly calm and collected, whereas i looked like a madwoman. I had a cease and desist no contact order issued by court afterwards. sadly, my mom fell ill some time afterwards and he opted to help me, thus getting his foot back in the door. it took me until the end of 2013, i. e. an additional 2 years to finally kick him - in this very year, he managed to change jobs an incredible 3 times. in december 2012 he said: fyi, i will be working in munich as of the first of january. I already gave my notice at xy. from the very south of Germany (munich, where he was sacked of course) to the utter north (hamburg and bremen), of course renting flats everywhere, in munich, hamburg and bremen. in november i realized he had not transferred his share of the rent for our flat and gave him an ultimatum: as long as he did not send me the money, he was not allowed to visit me. i was working in logistics then and the end of the year is a pain in the ass work-wise. i had no capacity to deal with his bullshit, so i did not even answer the phone when he called, so that i could not be accused of sending mixed messages. in december he threatened to get a lawyer, unless i hand him his stuff. i called some friends. they slept over and helped me pack. it was the final day prior to company holidays he wanted to come. i had my best friend drive me to work, so that my car still was in front of the door and he would not get suspicious. my best male friend had a list of all the stuff he was allowed to grab - nothing more! my best friend handled this situation for me, because i was too afraid to face him. what i wanted to say with this sermon is that the facade was always splendid: apartments in schwabing, paid 5 star hotel stay for 2 months in hamburg (during which time i did not see him at all), fancy clothes and bags and shoes from hermes to louis vuitton, but behind the scenes this hoarding situation i had to deal with - and everything bought on credit!!! all his employers were happy to see him leave, he left a path of destruction behind him. and dared to ask me why i bring up this old news - BISH WHAT? i finally had the backbone to sort this negative miracle bag, but this was only the beginning. he left me with tabula rasa, whereas i have to deal with the leftovers! all the while properly processing the past we had together, careful to avoid such mistakes in the future. he left me an emotional wreck, frazzled and with a low self-esteem, convinced i could do NOTHING properly. sorry for the longest comment in youtube history, but i wanted to get this negativity out of my system! it is totally doable to rid yourself from such a psychopath. i do not think about this stuff often, just to avoid giving this past any energy. but as a result of sorting all the crap he left me behind it kind of wallowed up a little.
Since 2 years I am told of Black Magic ----it was the Narc. all this what you say happens, even I burned my hand and rist, I nearly fell on the street hurt my ancle, my car is not getting off the ferry 1 week high waves. I couldnt lagh since years, yes under attack. Shit!!!
My friend was pushed to the brink by her ex Narc. He is 47 and only dates girls 18-23. Easy control I think. The same pattern with each of them.Love bomb, demonise the ex as 'crazy' and to be hated.Encourage new supply to hate the destroyed ex whilst gas lighting the new girl as 'crazy' too. Telling everyone he 'has another crazy girl' everyone pities him and turns on the young lass who doesn't know what hit her so she gets angry 'confirming' her 'craziness' so on and on. I wish I could gas the lot of them (narcs) that destroy peoples sanity. Worthless scum
Kim add something my put a restraining order on me last 15yr she told police from 3 different county I abuse she told mother 2 ..then she slept with everyone she came in context with the kids did the same so they uphand on this . she did this so she get free money and a place for kids to she want 500 mo on almoniny and want the house all 7kids on welfare food stamp they have never has work but has just for money but I will fight for the house and no almonies and get restraining order take we go meet on Aug 28 sad how youwork hard someone try take it away just want update up Kim and rest of you .......thk u
11:02 now you are a very defensive situation which will typically will lead to depression...this insidious form of abuse will impact your life negatively spiritually, psychologically, physically...it's gonna lead to depression, quite often lifestyle either having to take antidepressants, drinking too much or not sleeping well... you are truly suffering from a brain injury from this abuse..it is also impacting your immune system...once your immune system is down, that's when the portal for diseases is opening up...downward spiral who can not even stop it...
In his own mind, he never did any wrong.. as if; I know what I heard and I know what I saw, I've witnessed many abnormal behaviours displayed by the X.
this is video I relive every night she tell me alone one thing ask her again she say I never said that....everything you said they say thk you kim but kim I got deal with house with her name on it
Kim there a person here not being nice accusing me of being fake there go by the name of Marje I reported them and I have blocked them from seeing my comments, and I removed my comments so that they can't bother me no more
Deborah J I think you are guinine and sweet don't let anyone steal your joy! I have seen your comments your sweet heart and compassion for others says so much about who you are. Have a beautiful Sunday xo
Debbie Biscoito thanks so much Debbie I am genuine this awful that we have people like going on TH-cam and being gaslighters on here when we are all very venerable, I remove my comments as they won't stop putting me down blessing Debbie💛❤️
Deborah J I understand it's happened to me on a couple of occasions. We are attacked because we are good and they are evil. I am still wide awake don't ask me why lol...I blame menopause ;) it's almost 5am in Ohio and I am still up? LOL! I saw your comment and wanted to reach out just to let you know that I saw some comments directed towards you that set off the alarm bells in me and wanted to reach out because I knew you were upset...feel free to talk to me whenever you want to remember were in this together! Sending you hugs and prayers from the Buckeye state Goodnight...I think lol I'm going to try to sleep TTYL :D
Debbie Biscoito thank you ever so much for your kind and lovely word it's mean a lot , I went in a bit of a panic mood when I saw there comment regarding me it scared me , You funny about still being awake , it's from the abuse as it changes our hormones and and brain wavers nothing worst than not being able to sleep tho love ❤️ wishing you a blissful sleep sweetheart 💛❤️❤️💜💞🌼
Can you email me at kimwilsontv@gmail.com with the last name too so I can find and delete. We have a surge of abuse this last week. Lots of the channels are getting it.
Great video Kim. I agree the gas lighting is extremely bad but I think it's a toss up between that and the pretzel logic. The pretzel logic in and of itself is completely warped and maddening. You just can't reason with or ever get through to these sickos.
Kim Wilson TV never heard the term pretzel logic, but I totally understand what you mean! I've been blamed for everything that has ever happened between me and the narczilla went through. My every aspect is effected. I feel terrible all the time!
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I'm not sure the definition of gaslighting After my stroke my sister decided to imitate my horrible stroke walk She would walk alongside of me and laugh imitating my walking She said I'm only doing this to show you how funny you look I can't tell you how painful it was to be laughed at And to be told I'm only doing this for your own good Is this the definition of gaslighting
This gaslighting is terrible causing long lasting effects.
Stay no contact!!!
I was gaslighted to the tenth power, married for 28 years.. i never heard of these things till the past few years and it all made sense to me. We lived isolated and i didn't have internet till a few years ago. It got really bad. He lied cheated and more. I can't believe all i've been through. There's so much i'm still going through everything i have been through the years.
Lived this for far too long. I didn't need antidepressants, once I left him everything became very clear, he needed them.
Donna Bryan very very the narcissistic are the ones who need medicated not us , he says to me anyone taking antidepressants are a turn off even tho he takes other things for pain what's the difference there morons ,
True story! Ok anything they do or need, very one sided these narcs.
So glad to see you got your old program back, so we can have longer videos, and by the way, you look beautiful! Thanks for your videos, they really speak to me and validate me. The gaslighting I suffered was one of the things that lead me to finding out about narcissism. I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me, cause I felt crazy, and was told I was crazy, even though I was sober and stable, and he was an unstable drunken pervert wierdo. Once it dawned on me what had went on, I felt like a fool, but had some peace finally. And that was the end of that ever working on me again. No contact now.
No contact is the only way. The portal of abuse has to be closed.
Gaslighting has been the most detrimental form of abuse I've ever been through. I'm not sure I will ever get over it
Favorite words of the gaslighter, "I never said that". My NF use to call the jobs I worked at and poisoned the boss toward me.
again, hitting the nail on the head. When I would try to communicate details of what my ex was doing, friends often looked at me like I had 3 heads because they didn't believe me because it even sounded so insane to them.
That's why you only talk to kindred about details. They'll hang themselves sooner or later anyway.
tina Bthrivin i like the way you said it like having 3 heads
My mother is some kind of socio-narc and I'm currently in the middle of some nasty family drama. With a large extended family - some of which I love dearly, but who have been manipulated - it is heart breaking and brain damaging to deal with.
I feel that way too. My husband insists this wasn't some kind of conspiracy, that my narc used against us. But after learning what she had been doing, all along, I say it was. Every diabolical little thing. The more I learn, the more it makes sense. But when I try to explain it to anyone, I sound like a crazy woman, because it is all so bizarre!
itsnotthesamething. Speaking for us here if I may, we get it !
your #1 defense against gaslighting is to center and ground yourself so that your gut feelings are loud and clear
My narc gf (now ex-gf) tried to convince me that her ex-husband was a narc who abused her. She said that he would gaslight her. I didn't know the narc terminology then so I asked her what "gaslighting" meant. She told me that the term came from a movie so I found the movie on cable and we watched it. Once I figured out that my gf was a narc, I went back through our conversations and saw that she was projecting just about everything she accused her ex of doing. I also realized how much she was gaslighting me... Great topic! Good video!
Rich Perry Unfortunately that's the tip of the iceberg. Find a universal traits check list. See how many boxes you tick off.
If he punched me in the face i could prove myself
This is all so true; the unhappiness was profound and I'm still coming back from it. Truly horrendous. I really like how you name everything, call it out for what it is. This is one of the most important videos on the effects of narcissistic abuse that I have watched to date, thank you so much Kim!
Looking good Kim 👍🏻 I'm coming out of my 2nd narc relationship. Your vids are crucial to my sanity 👏🏻
especially when they are constantly and relentlessly hounding you, it never stops with these types.
Yes Kim. gaslighting is debilitating. I hate it. great video. thanks Kim.
It's sad what happens when two victims of narcs tryn mend a relationship 🤔🤗the blessing is at least i know what's going on. But again others rather not trying understand why they're acting weird or what's going in their lives. but I thank God for study research especially in mental health!!!!
Great presentation on this insidious topic.
Caught him spying on me using one of fake profiles and friending me. Called him out on it, he texted me " May I ask why you're lying about me?". Validation I was right. Posted on fb telling him he couldn't gaslight me and he was doing it. Messaged me from another of his fake accounts accused me of imagining and I was the only one lying. Pathetic.
crazy-making attacking nonsense made me explode and rage at the crazy-maker, which I have never done before I met the monstrous Brute.
Hi, Kim.
Yep. One's immune system gets royally screwed up with the stress of relating to the narcissist in any way.
Gaslighting, lying, ghosting, raging, and silent treatment all did a number on me. I'm seeing at least three health practitioners, besides my family doctor, to attempt to bring me to a sense of "normal" well-being.
This past week - getting my place ready for a housewarming - was much more stressful than it needed to be. At the last moment, I realized that I don't have to have everything done "perfectly". If I were welcoming, my friends would overlook my "box furniture" and a dolly with boxes yet to be taken down to storage or distribution to thrift stores. They did! They love ME, not how organized my place is!
I have to admit that the ex is not solely at fault for this "condition". The original narcissist (my father) instilled in me a need to be perfect and then I carried on his voice in my head. The ex merely added to the trauma, which was considerable. He KNEW which buttons to push!
I'm so glad for your information and that of other TH-camrs who support us through to the "leave the f**ker!" stage.
102 days NC!
Plus, a bonus! My stepson, with whom I have a great relationship, was visiting his father (the ex), this week. He met me for breakfast yesterday, after agreeing to keeping a boundary of mine - not seeing his father.
He's seeing what his dad did to his mother and stepmother (me) and wonders at his sanity. I feel validated by a man who's dealt with this craziness his whole life.
I will get a handle on my health and carry on - WITHOUT further stress from the ex.
Love ❤️ YOU lots, Kim!
Having a wonderful narcissist-free day/evening!
me too
It's taken me 2 and a half years to finally get back on track kinda
#TRUTH 😩😳😳
Yep that 2nd guessing myself is over with , no contact almost two months very proud of myself !
Wow, I checked almost all the boxes. Cant do anything right Constantly apologizing etc. Thats me. .
This is exactly what I have been going through and trying to move forward. I have ever been hurt and lost this much.... Thank you@
Hi Kim, thank you for all you do for the victims of narcissist abuse..,I lived in hell for 10 years...My so called friends turned against me, the church, and even part of my family...He would hurt me so bad emotionally, physically, and mentally...I would have to go somewhere and hide to even cry...He would yell at me for crying...I use to pray to God, that he would not let my elderly mother die, because he would yell at me for mourning her...I was so afraid ...when I finally got the courage to leave, my mother did have a heart attack and she survived it..thank the Lord...we were going through a divorce and he wanted to know if I was expecting an inheritance ...He is still singing at his Church and since this is a small town...people still love him and think I'm a devil...
Linda Meade the church is terribly ignorant about abuse. My church abandoned me in my time off need for support. i do not believe the holy spirit is there and will find somewhere else.
Guilt tripping....
The words you use are very accurate descriptions of my reality! It feels so good to have someone put into words the pain and disorganization of a life that has fallen so disappointingly short of what it should be due to the consistent onslaught of abuse daily. At this time in my life things were supposed to be so much different than what they are. Thank you, Kim, for this powerful video helping me accurately see where I am so I can move forward now knowing what forward is.
I see myself in what you are saying with my narc mom, the mind control, and the hopelessness and failure feelings leading to depression.. Even though I have been free of her and the offending family for 6 months I am still not in control of my life yet. But I see the light and I see where all the problems have come from and that is the most important way to start to heal. Your videos are tremendously helpful and your caring comes through and helps shine the way.
Great video!!! Thank you for going into detail on impacts. Gaslighting made me unable to articulate what was happening and caused serious confusion and distress. My narc ex tried to trap me in his evil den of despair. I am grateful that I am free.
I washed the narcs benz. it's white. Then used high quality spray wax from Lucas on it. She said it turned her car yellow. Her car is still very white. I said are you sure? She said her eyes can see a spectrum most can't see. Her car is still white...... somewhere along the line she must have got hit in the head too hard. Matter of fact, one car accident ejection & one fall backwards on ice striking head. Soooo head trauma ? Ofcourse these were always someone else fault. Either some mother f'er or mother nature. Drive sensibility or walk carefully on ice ? Don't be absurd....
Feeling humiliated. Feeling betrayed
Yes I sure remember feeling that way Oliviagrace
HOLY FREAKING COW! THAT'S WHAT MY NARC DOES!! Usually it's after I blow up at him we'll have what I call the "Ted talk", and as the conversation goes on I clearly hear him blaming me for everything, then at one moment, he'll profess to not being perfect and he knows he makes mistakes, but... that's as far as it goes. Then it followed with me agreeing just to end it, because as the conversation goes on it makes me feel like I want to just strangle him or myself to end it all. Btw, I've learned to end the convo's from all I have learned from you and others.
Like whispering another mans name and then, when you call her on it, claiming that you're jealous, insecure, crazy and a troublemaker. Going apeshit screaming and raging because they're tired of ' being accused', and then calming down and waiting a short time and starting it all over again!?
I found myself desperate to gain my memory back. I researched memory/focus supplements on Amazon and even ordered a bottle. I thought I was going through dementia. I was a student and I just couldn't do anything right or remember anything. I went to the doctors and everything. Come to find out, I now know it was gaslighting. Almost a year later, I'm still a bit "foggy" from years of gaslighting. So diabolical!
Wow Kim. This is what i felt. This is what I experienced. I had no idea at the time what it was. I just gradually became confused and lost. i made the worst career mistep of my life when the gaslighting and abuse was effecting me. i told the white lies as you say for months because i was ashamed. Thank you for this validation.
Even daily routines can become tedious..when your mind isn't on what you are doing...off in narc lala land...and could be dangerous..if operating equipment, power tools..or driving. I know that when I was still working..did stupid things...whe mind was wandering even on routine things that did everyday..like pumping gas into the fuel tank of equipment that uses deisel..not eve thinking...when tied up pondering what next dirty deed the narc is scheming It takes its toll in every aspect of your life...including the impact on your health which can manifest in many ways
And crazy making
Once again thank you for doing this video. I am going through hell with my child's school. Dealing with several narcs at one
time all the while my kid having major medical issues. Kind of helps to have stuff confirmed. I got "Narc's inability to answer a direct question and changing the subject." and gas lighting up the @ss! Unbelievable that these "professionals" do this.
wow, Kim is a machine this week!! :)
Amazing now she's gone, I have total recall. Her affairs are obvious now.
Excellent video.
Fantastic video Kim! It couldn't have been explained any better than this. The gaslighting was awful and yes made me feel like I couldn't do anything right and that I was losing it. I had no idea what was going on at the time, but once I began to see it was him and not me I began to "fight back" so to speak, to defend myself, but it didn't matter. I am. beyond grateful to be OUT of that!! Oh he pops up now and again but I ignore him. Never ever going there again. Love you Beautiful!
you hits head on nailed that happen to me i never try to protect her this video is very true
All the other stuff was bad, but gaslighting is plain horrendous. I have never experienced anything like that and will take all precautions necessary and do whatever it takes to make sure it will never happen again. Gaslighting together with intermittend reinforcement fucked me up in unfathomable ways, it is plain evil
One of your best videos yet, I became so confused about everything around me, I struggled to concentrate anywhere. My job suffered, I started to fear leaving the house and would rush home from work, but feel frightened to be at home. I could not hold a conversation with friends to save my life. Anxious all of the time trying to work out why I couldn't grasp what was going on. I even had panic attacks, I had always been a loving very happy go lucky person, why had i turned into someone I didn't know. You nailed it for me thank you so much xx
Wow... I never experienced this sort of abuse.
Actually, my ex tried it on me but I was older than she was and I had too much self-confidence for it to have much effect on me.
I didn't take any of it seriously but I can see how it could be unsettling: narcissists are very good liars and they can distort reality without batting an eye.
You have covered the topic well. This kind of treatment could definitely ruin a person's sense of living their life in peace and harmony. I mean how long can a person put up with it? Yet I take comfort in knowing that God moves in mysterious ways. He is the defender to the downtrodden. Spiritually we can experience his presence which will bring up through it. Stronger than before.
Great video...
Brilliant video, very clearly explained and loving the comments as well
4:15 Psy Op
Thank you!! I really needed this explained! I appreciate you very much
identifying gaslighting is huge! thats pretty much 50% of the stress. baiting and blaming is also huge although i dont know if that falls under gaslighting. the biggest issue i dealt with was name calling. continual nickname insults and bullying.
Me too, I was called names and put down steadily. It never stopped, even when he was trying to be nice hie called me nasty names....trying to make them seem like harmless cute nicknames.
my narc (cousins husband) just hated everything he alwasy devalued me. there was no idealize situation. can narc's just instantly go to the devaluing face? i always hear they start off nice
4:15 gas-lighting sci-op..
I remember feeling like I tried so hard. Why does he not like me? Why does it seem like he is so unhappy with me? Then, he would start with the comments like, "so and so is so nice and she this and she that."
In other words, I am going to make you feel like you are worthless and then, i will come and tell you that some woman i just met, is so nice and so this and so that.
I used to think he was just simple minded because he could act the goof ball, the comedic goof ball, but, now i know it was subtle, insidious abuse.
The casual way he would praise these other people he barely even knew.
And, he would do this when clearly we we in the pit of a crisis. When i was feeling at an all time low, he would hit me with, someone else is basically nicer than you.
After working so hard to make a life with him. he springs this shit on me.
10 months free of the psychopath. yay me!!!! hoorah for moi!
Same here. And if you come from a home or background where you were made to feel worthless or less than as a child or teenager, you are ripe for attracting and tolerating this!
Love ya Kim keep up the good work we all need it.
Yup. You can't explain it or fully feel it, until you are out.
Another thing I've experienced with two of my several Narcs is that they will often approach the same topic from different angles, or explain things with many different excuses that don't fit together. You look like an idiot if you DON'T question it. But if you question it, they'll deny what you're saying and say that they said something else.
Which might also be true.
Then you are forced to allow the gaslighting (and say okay to the abuse), OR acknowledge that they said BOTH things, and also acknowledge that the stories they've told can't coexist in reality. They don't add up.
In the end, when they think they've really got you good, they will even deny you ever talked about the topic at all, OR will tell you that YOU are the one who said the very words that THEY said. And the worst part is, sometimes you want so badly to believe the best, you would rather their reality be true than your own. Because in your own reality, someone you love is raping your mind and blaming you. You don't want to believe they are capable of it.
Either way.... You lose.
So dead on. I had to start writing things down as they happened, because he convinced me shit didn't happen months later...and I was so mentally drained I believed him. I feel like I was in a coma the last 3 years, was this real?
Love you Kim! ❤
You bring it to the point . Great video. No contact is so importend because every word you say to them will be used to futher gaslight you. If they have no Information how you feel and what you think they stuck in the past and you will see how the gaslight works. They will try it thats for sure but you will not fall in to it. We all need to learn to let them think and talk about us what ever they want. At least it is only One person on that planet. All the People who really loves us and knows us will not believe a sinlge word they say about us.
Kim Did you say dissodance? It is dissonance: a felt inequality inside the brain that the brain is trying to repair. To me it feels like an autoimmunity hard to overcome.
Great video Kim, well done!
Nancy happy camper thk.u for that
this is so TRUE! last weekend i finally was brave enough to enter the room in my flat that used to be my narc's. people were always wondering, why i, as a very organized person, was not able to find certain papers anymore. in said room are literally stacks of unsorted papers he left behind. there was a 1m high gucci paperbag full of clothes, account balances, credit issuing information, life insurance policies, etc, all stacked in one bag! O___o how am i supposed to find anything in there? i am partly disabled as a result of several strokes resulting from a ruptured aneurysm i suffered in 2015, which left me hemiplegic. i am not saying it is his fault, but his treatment surely contributed to my deteriorating health. i used to work full-time and earned significantly more than him. i was expected to function in said job AND take care of my FREAK BABY - a name my psychologist and i made up :). he was 10 years younger than me and refused to grow a pair and grow the fuck up. though he was constantly belittling and bullying and even hitting me - i went to the office with a huge hematoma on my forehead! i had the police throw him out when he threatened to kill me and chased me all through the house. i fled to my car (on my way through the flat i had grabbed my keys), as he had taken my mobile away and sped to my neighbor further down the street, from where i called the police. when they came, they called me and i went back. Although I had called them, he told the male cops that he was not interested in me anymore (!!!) and wanted me to sign the cancellation of our lease for the flat! I flat out refused, telling the cops, that pushed me to sign, that i was not prepared to sign anything in a situation of heightened tension. of course i looked unkempt, I had to flee from him - he was perfectly calm and collected, whereas i looked like a madwoman. I had a cease and desist no contact order issued by court afterwards. sadly, my mom fell ill some time afterwards and he opted to help me, thus getting his foot back in the door. it took me until the end of 2013, i. e. an additional 2 years to finally kick him - in this very year, he managed to change jobs an incredible 3 times. in december 2012 he said: fyi, i will be working in munich as of the first of january. I already gave my notice at xy. from the very south of Germany (munich, where he was sacked of course) to the utter north (hamburg and bremen), of course renting flats everywhere, in munich, hamburg and bremen. in november i realized he had not transferred his share of the rent for our flat and gave him an ultimatum: as long as he did not send me the money, he was not allowed to visit me. i was working in logistics then and the end of the year is a pain in the ass work-wise. i had no capacity to deal with his bullshit, so i did not even answer the phone when he called, so that i could not be accused of sending mixed messages. in december he threatened to get a lawyer, unless i hand him his stuff. i called some friends. they slept over and helped me pack. it was the final day prior to company holidays he wanted to come. i had my best friend drive me to work, so that my car still was in front of the door and he would not get suspicious. my best male friend had a list of all the stuff he was allowed to grab - nothing more! my best friend handled this situation for me, because i was too afraid to face him. what i wanted to say with this sermon is that the facade was always splendid: apartments in schwabing, paid 5 star hotel stay for 2 months in hamburg (during which time i did not see him at all), fancy clothes and bags and shoes from hermes to louis vuitton, but behind the scenes this hoarding situation i had to deal with - and everything bought on credit!!! all his employers were happy to see him leave, he left a path of destruction behind him. and dared to ask me why i bring up this old news - BISH WHAT? i finally had the backbone to sort this negative miracle bag, but this was only the beginning. he left me with tabula rasa, whereas i have to deal with the leftovers! all the while properly processing the past we had together, careful to avoid such mistakes in the future. he left me an emotional wreck, frazzled and with a low self-esteem, convinced i could do NOTHING properly. sorry for the longest comment in youtube history, but i wanted to get this negativity out of my system! it is totally doable to rid yourself from such a psychopath. i do not think about this stuff often, just to avoid giving this past any energy. but as a result of sorting all the crap he left me behind it kind of wallowed up a little.
You are so very lucky to have wonderful friends to help you like that.
yeah.
...while they only concentrate on things that look good from the outside ;)
Since 2 years I am told of Black Magic ----it was the Narc. all this what you say happens, even I burned my hand and rist, I nearly fell on the street hurt my ancle, my car is not getting off the ferry 1 week high waves. I couldnt lagh since years, yes under attack. Shit!!!
Ellen Mixon I can relate, so much bad shit happened when I was with it, it's rediculous.
My friend was pushed to the brink by her ex Narc. He is 47 and only dates girls 18-23. Easy control I think. The same pattern with each of them.Love bomb, demonise the ex as 'crazy' and to be hated.Encourage new supply to hate the destroyed ex whilst gas lighting the new girl as 'crazy' too. Telling everyone he 'has another crazy girl' everyone pities him and turns on the young lass who doesn't know what hit her so she gets angry 'confirming' her 'craziness' so on and on. I wish I could gas the lot of them (narcs) that destroy peoples sanity. Worthless scum
Kim add something my put a restraining order on me last 15yr she told police from 3 different county I abuse she told mother 2 ..then she slept with everyone she came in context with the kids did the same so they uphand on this . she did this so she get free money and a place for kids to she want 500 mo on almoniny and want the house all 7kids on welfare food stamp they have never has work but has just for money but I will fight for the house and no almonies and get restraining order take we go meet on Aug 28 sad how youwork hard someone try take it away just want update up Kim and rest of you .......thk u
Me too the tee
11:02 now you are a very defensive situation which will typically will lead to depression...this insidious form of abuse will impact your life negatively spiritually, psychologically, physically...it's gonna lead to depression, quite often lifestyle either having to take antidepressants, drinking too much or not sleeping well... you are truly suffering from a brain injury from this abuse..it is also impacting your immune system...once your immune system is down, that's when the portal for diseases is opening up...downward spiral who can not even stop it...
pls Kim I would like you to discuss silent treatment.
In his own mind, he never did any wrong.. as if; I know what I heard and I know what I saw, I've witnessed many abnormal behaviours displayed by the X.
Check out Derrick Jaxn, it's not just for black women, I saw a lot of things he talks about with my narc.
this is video I relive every night she tell me alone one thing ask her again she say I never said that....everything you said they say thk you kim but kim I got deal with house with her name on it
Jimmy Miller make plans to be free. the narcs always use money or security to keep you in their web. trust me...it's their favorite tool!
Kim there a person here not being nice accusing me of being fake there go by the name of Marje
I reported them and I have blocked them from seeing my comments, and I removed my comments so that they can't bother me no more
Deborah J I think you are guinine and sweet don't let anyone steal your joy! I have seen your comments your sweet heart and compassion for others says so much about who you are. Have a beautiful Sunday xo
Debbie Biscoito thanks so much Debbie I am genuine this awful that we have people like going on TH-cam and being gaslighters on here when we are all very venerable, I remove my comments as they won't stop putting me down blessing Debbie💛❤️
Deborah J I understand it's happened to me on a couple of occasions. We are attacked because we are good and they are evil. I am still wide awake don't ask me why lol...I blame menopause ;) it's almost 5am in Ohio and I am still up? LOL! I saw your comment and wanted to reach out just to let you know that I saw some comments directed towards you that set off the alarm bells in me and wanted to reach out because I knew you were upset...feel free to talk to me whenever you want to remember were in this together! Sending you hugs and prayers from the Buckeye state Goodnight...I think lol I'm going to try to sleep TTYL :D
Debbie Biscoito thank you ever so much for your kind and lovely word it's mean a lot , I went in a bit of a panic mood when I saw there comment regarding me it scared me ,
You funny about still being awake , it's from the abuse as it changes our hormones and and brain wavers nothing worst than not being able to sleep tho love ❤️ wishing you a blissful sleep sweetheart 💛❤️❤️💜💞🌼
Can you email me at kimwilsontv@gmail.com with the last name too so I can find and delete. We have a surge of abuse this last week. Lots of the channels are getting it.
Great video Kim. I agree the gas lighting is extremely bad but I think it's a toss up between that and the pretzel logic. The pretzel logic in and of itself is completely warped and maddening. You just can't reason with or ever get through to these sickos.
agreed.
Its all messed up
No...you can not reason with them. There is no combination of words that you can put together to get through to one of them.
And YES....gmofree's brain is fine!
Kim Wilson TV never heard the term pretzel logic, but I totally understand what you mean! I've been blamed for everything that has ever happened between me and the narczilla went through. My every aspect is effected. I feel terrible all the time!
Is Pretzel logic like Merry-go -round logic????
OMG! You explained it so well. Thank you