I went from being forever single to engaged by asking myself what kind of person would a girl want to date. I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else. I just had to stop being cringe and buy myself a bed frame.
I can teach a college seminar on tattoo mistakes. I’m a dude that got a tramp stamp tribal tat, on my lower back, in the 90s, and it wasn’t even symmetrical. There’s no way you can explain that shit away.
Metalhead woman (for lack of a better term...lol cringe) here who has been happily married to a "normal" guy for over 5 years. This was very good advice. A lot of people in this particular community are in a sort of echo chamber when it comes to hobbies. I was no exception. I would highly advise diversifying your interests and being open to new experiences, meeting people who are very different from you, etc. You might just end up meeting the right someone and enjoying the healthy balance of energy! :)
It took me dating a girl in my 20s who “wasn’t really into music” (?🤯?) to make me realize the most important life lesson I learned up to that point: there is more to life than music.
Going through something like this. She wasn't as big into music as me but I still really cared about her. I learned there's more to life than music. Best course of action is to find a girl who's big into music but also has other stuff going on
Well me personally once , I fell in love with a girl at the rock show , she said “what” and I told her that I didn’t know ; she’s so cool gonna sneak in through her window . Hope this helps !
I'm a metalhead girl recently started to date jazz guy 😅 he was genuinely trying to understand why I like what I like, so I started playing some metal music and explaining context to him. Now he has some Meshuggah and Vildhjarta in his playlist and goes to metal shows with me 🖤
As a nerdy autistic metalhead (which is almost redundant to say given how the metal community is these days), I'm living with an autistic girl who can't listen to a lot of the stuff I'm into without getting overstimulated. Some of these metal dudes would be surprised at how much it doesn't matter. Our relationship was basically built off of infodumping to each other about our special interests. We each have some level of interest in each other's favorite topics, but we wouldn't have explored them otherwise. What's most important is that we listen as well as we can and don't get offended when the other person zones out or gets confused. The level of passion that she has for things like biology, child psychology, and front-end app development is what I find fascinating and admirable about her. In turn, she loves my passion for things like songwriting, musical styles, and geopolitics. If a lot of these metalheads opened their minds, they could find wonderful people like her instead of pining after big titty goth gfs who they'll probably dismiss as posers if they don't get dumped or humiliatingly rejected by them first.
The autistic increase is helpful imo autistic guy here too hahah the worst ones are the narcissist “name theee Metallica albums” types etc but autistic people not all tend to love their special interests and just wanna share instead of making it their reason for superiority . Like why make it about ego . Cool to see your comment !! Love seeing fellow autistic folks in my favourite channels
@@mastergriffin2341 Hell yeah, man! Nice to see you here, too! Regarding the attitude of superiority, the sad thing is that even when autistic people like us don't feel superior, people assume that we do. If we go on and on for too long about our interests, people assume we don't care about theirs. In reality, if I talk for too long, it's usually because I keep having thoughts, and no one stops me. Instead of actively trying to change the subject, most neurotypicals are non-confrontational and will pretend to listen and be interested. Then they'll think to themselves how selfish we are for not realizing that they're basically lying to us. I might make it sound like I have disdain for these people, but this is a common tendency of some very good and cool people, so it does often matter what they think. That's why we need to know when to stop ourselves and put aside time to listen to others.
@@meowtherainbowx4163 I feel this as a autistic women I have liatwrally asked others to ask me to stop and breath beau as I all so have adhd and do get like really hyper and carry on really fast about things . As a metal head all so I am like your gf were certain types of metal like dearhcore I just can’t do and so many gatekeepers tell me I don’t belong in the community ugh so annoying
I was one of those guys that paid way too much attention to his hobbies and not his relationships. So I said "fuck it" and I sold my video game collection (I still play games, I just have a Steam library, not an entire wall of PS2 games organized in order of release date), sold all of my instruments and consoles (toys), and then I realized something... I was using my connection to my hobbies to disguise a whole lot of deep-seated personal shit I didn't want to deal with. Am I in a better place in terms of my relationships? Fuck no, but the first step in solving a problem is realizing that there is one. That actually makes me think the reason is men tend to gravitate so much more heavily towards hobbies is because we are also told to ignore our emotions. Our hobbies are pure escapism. I don't have to think about my feelings when I'm playing Elder Scrolls.
Haha dude your story reminded me of one time in like 2009 I had a friend who played in a band and booked his first gig at a tiny local bar. It was so important to him he invited every close friend we grew up with AND their parents, and of course his own parents. I show up puke drunk and covered in piss and blood because I fell in a bush I snuck behind to take a whizz on the walk there. My buddy didn't even go on stage yet before I dropped a beer bottle and got kicked out. I cringe so hard thinking about that night and it's not even top 10 stupidest things I've ever done lol
You can't hail Satan with a clean room. Best decision of my life was trading the big tiddy goth gf for a hot indie pop girl. We were worlds different and we traded music. I still listen to a lot of different music because of it and definitely got me to stop the whole gatekeeper mindset
I commented on a r/hardcore post that I don't go to shows because I have a job and life and can't go and get my face busted up by some asshole. A guy had to comment and tell me that I was sad and should stop listening to hardcore because I don't go to shows and hardcore is a way of life. I told him is was more sad that people make a genre of music their entire life.
When I first started dating my now-wife I wore my Annihilation of the Wicked Nile shirt and had to explain what they were. Luckily for me, the profound level of nerdery was a turn-on for her EDIT: Then I tried introducing her to Alestorm and she’s still laughing about it to this day.
I feel like what I've come to live by has been to not be a metalhead who's into normal things, but to be a normal person who's into metal. You don't have to hide your interests, but don't hound people with it.
Bed frame rant was 10/10. But seriously, buy a bed frame. They're cheap, you gain a little bit of storage space, and if you have a cat, it'll BARF under your bed!
I feel like being a dumb young guy is a rite of passage. I remember in college studying with a small group of friends when a girl in the same class befriended us and started studying with us at the campus library. Fridays we'd study at my place instead because it was within walking distance to a decent bar but the girl never studied with us Fridays. It took my buddy's girlfriend explaining that it was probably because since we all looked physically imposing compared to her (hockey & rugby players, some of us worked construction part time, etc. and she was petite) that her intent was to be cautious and protect herself by being in a very public place with many people nearby whenever she was studying with us. It had genuinely never occurred to me before then that women initially view men as potential threats as a sometimes necessary form of self preservation.
Bro I feel like too many dudes don't get this anymore and it's really infuriating. I was with some friends at a bar, three dudes (me, and my two friends) and one of their girlfriends. This girlfriend of my homie decides that me and my other single friend need to be "hooked up" with someone at the bar, so she goes on the prowl at this bar looking for single women. She later comes over to us, asks us to follow her to this table where these two girls are hanging out completely alone. They've never met me or any of my friends before, and we're essentially surrounding them because my stupid friends girlfriend thinks it's a good idea to have three rando dudes just come over to them out of the blue. I immediately walked away because I could just tell we were creating an extremely uncomfortable situation for them, but later we did end up talking and they actually were really nice people.. But the vibe was _so_ off at the start. I just felt bad for these chicks because they clearly felt uncomfortable.
@@TheRealSaintNickNorthside I get how a young naive guy can have the lack of understanding for how he can be perceived as a threat by a lady, especially since I've been that young naive guy before. I don't get how a woman can lack that understanding since she most likely has been in that position of a guy she doesn't know coming up to her and her having zero idea if he's a good person or a complete shitbag intent on taking advantage of her in some way.
I'm a metalhead and have only dated alt girls in the past, I have recently broken from that and am now dating a very hot but normal girl, she was a high school cheerleader and is a gymnastics coach. I couldn't be happier, i think a lot of the past came from insecurity I figured I wouldn't be good enough for a girl like her I'd be too weird or something but I guess you can say opposites attract she find the way I dress, my septum piercing and what not very attractive
GodBless Finn Mckenty being able to say to out loud how cringe he was in the past and not try to play it cool. I've been a massive fuck up in my life with girls and forever single. Hearing em talk about himself makes me feel like it's not to late in life to unfuck everything.
It’s so weird to me that you would specifically want or not want to date a metalhead. It’s one aspect of a person and not a very important one. I love a lot of the unapproachable music (trash, crossover, death metal, slam). My wife still listens to Backstreet Boys and we’ve been married 14 years. Music taste has never been an issue.
I'm about to hit 30 and a few months from getting married, Finn is right, learn how to laugh at your own weirdness. I started doing harsh vocals about 13-14 years old and used to annoy the hell out of me when people thought it was funny. I became a pretty competent harsh singer but my parents to this day still think that is funny, and it kinda is if you turn off your "I already decided what is cool" part of your brain for a bit. Moving to the girl thing I've been with my fiancé for 8 years now (she doesn't listen to any sort of guitar music) and she thinks growling/distorted vocals are funny as well. Thinking about it I actually enjoy getting a laugh out of my family doing my favorite thing to do, in a weird way I'm getting both smiles and sonic goodness at the same time. Double treat for me.
Yet, there are some people who neglect their hobbies just to get involved in a relationship and then, a few years go by and you are miserable and frustrated. Relationships are complicated and we should not generalize. Cheers!
I was hoping to ease my girlfriend in but the first night she stayed over I forgot that Eagles Become Vultures by Converge was my alarm tone. Fortunately for me she was able to see past this and we are still together and have a 2 year old son. I must’ve done something right.
I’ve always had this analogy that every year when a new group of young men come out of high school, it’s like the wind just blew the fence down, and now all the puppies are running loose in the neighborhood. Young Guys unfortunately have no sense of direction, don’t know where they stand in the world, and many more things. Unfortunately we tend to latch on to the music we like, but we end up putting our entire identity into our music, and that’s what we want people to know us for. It becomes a unhealthy obsession. I remember wearing some really weird and creepy shirts, thinking I was so ahead of the curve, and all these other people just didn’t get it! But some how I expected women to be impressed with my deep and complex taste of music. The truth is, how were they supposed to relate if they didn’t have the same referencing point that i had. The only way I had that referencing point was by having no life what so ever, and going down the rabbit hole looking for bands that only me, and like two other people on planet earth was aware of. Also if your only standard is someone that likes the same music as you do, than your setting yourself up for failure, because when times get hard, music taste goes completely out the window. Also being obsessed with musicians is more of a turn off to women, because they see you as a follower and not walking your own path. So like it was mentioned in the video, know how to separate your hobbies, having your life of track and moving forward in the world.
I’m a metalhead dude that has been happily married to a wholesome pop country girl, i learned it’s not about the music or anything I like really. We are so different in so many ways. She loves her reality shows and romantic comedies and I love my nerdy stuff, and horror. We always meet in the middle for somethings like traveling, food, spiritual, and morals, the stuff that actually matters. I think it works better for me to be with someone so unlike me and we have children and it makes me a better father
And then there’s the whole “start your day by making your bed” idea. Probably should clean the room, get a bed frame after, then make the bed. Gonna be easier to put it together. The bed frame’s gonna make making the bed and keeping the room clean much easier - as long as one utilized the underneath space properly (meaning, no shoving everything under the bed). One step at a time, to becoming civilized, lol.
Men putting their hobbies first is so accurate. I was living with a guy and was under a lot of stress having to do a lot of overtime at my job (it was temporary) which involved working from home until late into the evenings. Meanwhile I had ended up in a situation where I was doing all the housework and cooking. I complained to my partner and he said he was also working. He was writing and recording shitty black metal to put on bandcamp. I said 'That's your hobby!' He was infuriated couldn't believe that I described his calling in life 🙄 as a hobby. I lived with that guy for about 3 months total and would have been shorter if he hadn't spent 3 weeks overseas and we weren't locked down for 5 weeks. 😂 Ladies, if you find yourself in a situation like this, just leave. They know what they're doing, they just value their hobbies more than you as a person and your right to your own hobbies, leisure time and sanity.
When I first started dating I think what really stung wasn't that other people weren't into metal. I could accept that just fine, and respect others' preferences even if they weren't my taste. My problem came from people who not only didn't like it, but went out of their way to disrespect it, say my fav genre of music "wasn't real music" and never even attempt to give it a chance or be understanding. My first gf was like this, and it was awful. It was almost like she was trying to change my preferences to suit her better by always hijacking the radio and putting on music that she knew I didn't enjoy, but would bitch and moan the second I tried to listen to Metallica 🙄 Again I'm not saying I was constantly shoving it down her throat expecting her to enjoy everything I played, but at the very least I just wanted some understanding, and maybe even a little genuine effort to understand why this thing made me so happy instead of just constantly shitting all over it every chance she got. My now wife of almost 5 years is just as big of a metal enthusiast as me, even more so in some ways, and its wonderful. Obviously not just because of the music interest, we have other things in common and love each other for many reasons, but it is incredibly nice to be able to play music in the car or at home that we both can enjoy and vibe to without fear of judgment or scrutiny from someone who claims to love you. I guess my point is that when Finn mentioned the whole "you just want to date a female version of yourself" thing, I don't know if he considered this angle. It is incredibly freeing to be able to be your true self around someone who loves and cares about you, who also happens to be really into the same thing 🤷♂️
I swear this video has been some of the best relationship advice i ever had thats not coming from a relative or a close friend thats what happens and you are not pretentious as fuck
I won't be able to watch this until after work but as a metal head with a hot non metal head wife.... the best thing you can do is not act like a metal head if you want to pick up women... And if you do find one - Try not to make her listen to King Diamond, don't buy her Lamb of God shirts for Christmas, and don't get pissed off when she calls everything you listen to screamo. I've learned all this the hard way but she has stuck around lol
@@gamesguitars9769 Nah, I work in a law office all day now and don't have a lot of fun... But I'll always enjoy my metal, it's a good release and one of the few things from my younger days I still enjoy \m/
This is all makes perfect sense. My wife is a first generation Filipina lawyer who grew up on a steady diet of Birkenstock rock (ie. Alanis, Indigo Girls, etc) and jazz music. I had to give her a crash course on late 80s/early 90s hip hop. Then we realized Rancid and Motley Crue was our common ground and everything musically was smooth sailing from there lol
When I was in my mid-twenties, I shared a rented house with 3 dudes. I was the only one in the house with an actual bed and not just a mattress on the floor.
I was singing (screaming) in a metal band when I met my wife. We played shows with For Today, Nodes of Ranvier, and ADTR, meanwhile the hardest thing she listened to was Skillet. The point is, you absolutely do not have to have identical interests or even just taste in music. Those things might change over time, and if your relationship is built on that, it's doomed. You need to have common values and goals. Those are less likely to change and they allow room for you both to be yourselves and potentially, I don't know, grow together as people
The difference between being yourself and flying your freak flag, at least when it comes to music, is telling someone that you're into a certain kind of music when it's relevant to the conversation versus showing them a song. In the latter case, you're making them experience what you're into, not just expressing yourself. Thus, if you know that they're unlikely to enjoy it, don't do that. Save it for when they already care deeply about you and are actively curious about what makes you happy.
I asked a girl at a slayer show about 7 years back if she wanted to dance and I got the most “wtf are you mentally ill” gesture from here I ever received in my life and I’ve never recovered since 😅😬😅😬
I had a friend in college (we met in our humanities class when the teacher assigned a group project) and she was kind of a nerd like I am. Nerd as in she played Fallout 3 and liked talking about the politics of fictional worlds. She wasn't interested in what type of music I listened to or who I followed on TH-cam, but she really liked talking about themes and subtext in fictional stories. I realized that, realistically, music was only one sliver of my personality type and actual discussion is what a lot of girls are attracted to.
I'm not a metal guy, but I am a musician. My biggest hobby is running, just ran my 2nd marathon yesterday. I'm almost 29, I have a full-time job and a house (with a bed frame!), but I'm still really involved with my hobbies, especially running, which takes up a lot of my time each week. I mainly play music for side money, but that also takes time. I dated a girl for 4 years who wanted me to quit my college track team to spend more time with her, I wasn't even a musician yet. What I and probably a lot of other people need in a partner is someone who shares at least one major hobby so she gets it and doesn't try to take you completely away from it. Partners deserve your time, but I think the one's who try to take your time to the point where you have to give up your hobby are pretty lame.
My fiancé who will soon be my wife is very much into country Mexican folk music, Cumbia, etc. I’m into thrash, death, black metal. I’m glad that we have a different tastes and different personalities. We complement each other in different ways. That’s the best part!
Flinn: No, no, no. DO NOT try to be someone your are not. Flinn: Don't let her know what you are into and pretend to be the type of guy you think she might like.
I never get why people want to date/be around a mirror image of themselves, me and my girlfriend are complete opposites and we’ve been together for years
I have the hardest time making it clear to women that it's NOT important to me if we're into the same music (or movies/games/whatever hobbies) for whatever reason. Not sure if it's something wrong with my approach or just cultural expectations people have when they see me in my band t-shirts.
Whatever happened to the good ole days of using your guitar playing to get girlfriends, instead of now where dudes just skip the middleman & penetrate their input jacks. I was there when us guys would unashamedly learn Never Shout Never songs, If It Means A Lot To You, Chiodos etc just to make girls happy because it showed that, even though we weren't interested in that stuff, we WERE interested in being interested in what girls were interested in. I swear, metalheads nowadays need to stop lying to themselves & just throw Eyes Wide Shut parties, dudes & guitars only. I have played guitar my entire life since I was 5, I'm 31 now, & it always HELPED me get girlfriends, not actively repel them. What the hell is this world coming to Finn 😞
This kinda content is hilarious. I view intimacy as an alien concept since I’ve killed any libido I’ve had with anti depressants, so now I can watch this without any real opinions. It’s very freeing honestly
"is the thing I'm about to do going to make her night better". I gotta show that one to my brother in law the next time he starts talking about unnecessarily risky behavior or some kind of short-sighted money making scheme
After all of HS and college of dating what I thought I wanted I was at a bar and the female version of me (didn’t know that at the time) came up to me. We hit it off and have been together for over 2 years
Still don't see any point in being ashamed of what I like and of myself having fun. If you're constantly thinking whether others would cringe at you, you're in for a miserable existence.
My girlfriend is ALSO a metal head 😂 I’d even venture to say she knows more bands than I do We went to my first deathcore concert a week ago and were both vibing. I lucked out for sure!
13:30 Hard disagree on common interests being wierd. Having things in common is very important. Opposites attract is a LIE. The most cherished things between my wife and I are what we have in common. We both love Skyrim and Spiderman is both our favorite superhero and that's what brings us together.
As a happily married metal head female, to a non-metal head male, my advice is this to the masses. You don’t have to like all the same music, mostly my husband is into classical, Elvis and 80s, but he does enjoy symphonic black and death metal from time to time. I got him into Draconian, Rotting Christ, and Septicflesh, and he got me into Depeche Mode, Elvis Presley and Mozart. A healthy relationship doesn’t mean you have to compromise yourself for your partner, he likes what he likes, I like what I like, but we take turns if we’re driving in the car together.
My girlfriend was into some metalcore and Nu Metal bands here and there and she asked me to make her a small playlist to get her into metal because she wanted to learn more, so I made her a small Spotify playlist of. . . . 200 songs give or take from Thrash to Black Metal, Death Metal, Folk Metal, Doom and some other stuff here and there and she ended up liking pretty much all of it, but I met her half way and asked her to give me some KPop and I actually found I like some Kpop and spent a good $120 on my Kpop collection ( which equated to 3 or 4 CDs with how expensive those go for. . ) but I found a Golden Goose when I found a partner two years ago who was interested me because I have long hair, band shirts, play guitar and am fascinated by horror movies and stuff and I understood from previous relationships or failed attempts at relationships that you have to read the room for what she's looking for. That 200 song playlist wasn't until a few months in, before that I'd played her some Eluveitie and Wolves in the Throneroom in the car to get a feel, eventually some Amputated and Leviathan to see if it was safe to tread and it was and that's when she asked to dig deeper. The real win was when she wanted to see Amon Amarth with me and I surprised her with an Amon Amarth shirt that she loves at the show and she said she loved watching me mosh,
I used to be so closed minded that I too felt that I had to date someone with similar taste in music or sports. But I soon learned that I was wrong. My wife I have been with for 10 years now was different from me. But we loved each other for different music and sports. Nowadays she likes the music I introduced her to more than indie rock. So it’s better to meet someone and be yourself and in time you can show what music you like and see what the other person is into.
My buddy always holds my lip glosses and gets strange looks from security when he pulls out 6 tubes of the stuff. Had to show one guard my lips so he would stop thinking they were colorful and elaborate shanks.
As a metalhead with a non-metalhead girlfriend, the most important advice I can give is to not try to convert them into a metalhead. I show her the music I enjoy but I've never expected her to love the extreme shit I often find myself listening to. We both have completely different tastes in music. And yes, I've asked her to go to concerts with me. Our rule is that she'll go to cannibal corpse shows with me if I go to an imagine dragons concert.
As a dude who still listens to metal a lot but doesn’t necessarily consider himself a metal head, I don’t dare metal head girls anymore. The more vanilla the better.
Come hang out on Twitch! www.twitch.tv/finnmckenty
As one of your 4 female subscribers, this was very entertaining
Agreed. But he has me wondering if I'm a guy since I also did not have a bed frame till I was in my 30s
as the third female subscriber, yeah i agree lmfao
Guess I'm the fourth and last female subscriber
lmaaooo
6th female subscriber here. Also unlucky with the males.
I went from being forever single to engaged by asking myself what kind of person would a girl want to date. I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else. I just had to stop being cringe and buy myself a bed frame.
So, you're a slave to what the other person wants and you mold yourself like a blob just to look nice. Just to have approval. Cheers.
This is Finn’s Jordan Peterson clean your room moment
Bed frames make a difference
I’ve never not had a bed frame and yeah I’ve been married 14 years
@@kdogg7882 I didn’t have a bed frame for a week then I found one on Craigslist till I could afford a nicer one.
Finn is also qualified to teach us about tattoo choice mistakes.
Yes
@@FinnMckentyPRMBA what do you rate as your worst?
@@FinnMckentyPRMBA pleas make a tier of tattoos that metal/hxc/punks kids get
I can teach a college seminar on tattoo mistakes. I’m a dude that got a tramp stamp tribal tat, on my lower back, in the 90s, and it wasn’t even symmetrical. There’s no way you can explain that shit away.
Mental I love my tattoos.....mostly
Metalhead woman (for lack of a better term...lol cringe) here who has been happily married to a "normal" guy for over 5 years. This was very good advice. A lot of people in this particular community are in a sort of echo chamber when it comes to hobbies. I was no exception. I would highly advise diversifying your interests and being open to new experiences, meeting people who are very different from you, etc. You might just end up meeting the right someone and enjoying the healthy balance of energy! :)
It took me dating a girl in my 20s who “wasn’t really into music” (?🤯?) to make me realize the most important life lesson I learned up to that point: there is more to life than music.
Going through something like this. She wasn't as big into music as me but I still really cared about her. I learned there's more to life than music. Best course of action is to find a girl who's big into music but also has other stuff going on
Naaaaah.
@@XOChristianaNicole yaaaaaah
We need some advice on meeting and dating an army wife at a county fair butt rock show.
Well me personally once , I fell in love with a girl at the rock show , she said “what” and I told her that I didn’t know ; she’s so cool gonna sneak in through her window . Hope this helps !
Hell yeah brother
Join the Marines.
Most of the dependas that run around are doing it with other people in the military. It's a total shit show, lol.
My girlfriend's husband fights for your freedom
I'm a metalhead girl recently started to date jazz guy 😅 he was genuinely trying to understand why I like what I like, so I started playing some metal music and explaining context to him. Now he has some Meshuggah and Vildhjarta in his playlist and goes to metal shows with me 🖤
He likes that groovy stuff
That's what's up, jazz is kinda like metal without distortion.
You have won the game
You must not live in the US then
That's awesome!
As a nerdy autistic metalhead (which is almost redundant to say given how the metal community is these days), I'm living with an autistic girl who can't listen to a lot of the stuff I'm into without getting overstimulated. Some of these metal dudes would be surprised at how much it doesn't matter. Our relationship was basically built off of infodumping to each other about our special interests. We each have some level of interest in each other's favorite topics, but we wouldn't have explored them otherwise. What's most important is that we listen as well as we can and don't get offended when the other person zones out or gets confused. The level of passion that she has for things like biology, child psychology, and front-end app development is what I find fascinating and admirable about her. In turn, she loves my passion for things like songwriting, musical styles, and geopolitics. If a lot of these metalheads opened their minds, they could find wonderful people like her instead of pining after big titty goth gfs who they'll probably dismiss as posers if they don't get dumped or humiliatingly rejected by them first.
The autistic increase is helpful imo autistic guy here too hahah the worst ones are the narcissist “name theee Metallica albums” types etc but autistic people not all tend to love their special interests and just wanna share instead of making it their reason for superiority . Like why make it about ego . Cool to see your comment !! Love seeing fellow autistic folks in my favourite channels
@@mastergriffin2341 Hell yeah, man! Nice to see you here, too!
Regarding the attitude of superiority, the sad thing is that even when autistic people like us don't feel superior, people assume that we do. If we go on and on for too long about our interests, people assume we don't care about theirs. In reality, if I talk for too long, it's usually because I keep having thoughts, and no one stops me. Instead of actively trying to change the subject, most neurotypicals are non-confrontational and will pretend to listen and be interested. Then they'll think to themselves how selfish we are for not realizing that they're basically lying to us. I might make it sound like I have disdain for these people, but this is a common tendency of some very good and cool people, so it does often matter what they think. That's why we need to know when to stop ourselves and put aside time to listen to others.
@@meowtherainbowx4163 I feel this as a autistic women I have liatwrally asked others to ask me to stop and breath beau as I all so have adhd and do get like really hyper and carry on really fast about things . As a metal head all so I am like your gf were certain types of metal like dearhcore I just can’t do and so many gatekeepers tell me I don’t belong in the community ugh so annoying
I was one of those guys that paid way too much attention to his hobbies and not his relationships. So I said "fuck it" and I sold my video game collection (I still play games, I just have a Steam library, not an entire wall of PS2 games organized in order of release date), sold all of my instruments and consoles (toys), and then I realized something... I was using my connection to my hobbies to disguise a whole lot of deep-seated personal shit I didn't want to deal with. Am I in a better place in terms of my relationships? Fuck no, but the first step in solving a problem is realizing that there is one.
That actually makes me think the reason is men tend to gravitate so much more heavily towards hobbies is because we are also told to ignore our emotions. Our hobbies are pure escapism. I don't have to think about my feelings when I'm playing Elder Scrolls.
true.
Haha dude your story reminded me of one time in like 2009 I had a friend who played in a band and booked his first gig at a tiny local bar. It was so important to him he invited every close friend we grew up with AND their parents, and of course his own parents. I show up puke drunk and covered in piss and blood because I fell in a bush I snuck behind to take a whizz on the walk there. My buddy didn't even go on stage yet before I dropped a beer bottle and got kicked out. I cringe so hard thinking about that night and it's not even top 10 stupidest things I've ever done lol
You can't hail Satan with a clean room. Best decision of my life was trading the big tiddy goth gf for a hot indie pop girl. We were worlds different and we traded music. I still listen to a lot of different music because of it and definitely got me to stop the whole gatekeeper mindset
My dad says "Never argue with a woman over music." He's right. It's always about who they are instead of what they are into
I commented on a r/hardcore post that I don't go to shows because I have a job and life and can't go and get my face busted up by some asshole. A guy had to comment and tell me that I was sad and should stop listening to hardcore because I don't go to shows and hardcore is a way of life. I told him is was more sad that people make a genre of music their entire life.
Why can't you go and just not get in the pit?
@@emartinezrbecause you still have to pay money to go and spend time there, when you’re working you’re not gonna have time to go to shows
When I first started dating my now-wife I wore my Annihilation of the Wicked Nile shirt and had to explain what they were. Luckily for me, the profound level of nerdery was a turn-on for her
EDIT: Then I tried introducing her to Alestorm and she’s still laughing about it to this day.
One of the most validating things as a guy is finding a girl who loves how passionate you are about something
I feel like what I've come to live by has been to not be a metalhead who's into normal things, but to be a normal person who's into metal. You don't have to hide your interests, but don't hound people with it.
Bed frame rant was 10/10. But seriously, buy a bed frame. They're cheap, you gain a little bit of storage space, and if you have a cat, it'll BARF under your bed!
Cats will barf almost anywhere. 😂😂 So true tho
As man who is both a cat and a bed frame owner, I can confirm this is true.
I feel like being a dumb young guy is a rite of passage. I remember in college studying with a small group of friends when a girl in the same class befriended us and started studying with us at the campus library. Fridays we'd study at my place instead because it was within walking distance to a decent bar but the girl never studied with us Fridays. It took my buddy's girlfriend explaining that it was probably because since we all looked physically imposing compared to her (hockey & rugby players, some of us worked construction part time, etc. and she was petite) that her intent was to be cautious and protect herself by being in a very public place with many people nearby whenever she was studying with us. It had genuinely never occurred to me before then that women initially view men as potential threats as a sometimes necessary form of self preservation.
Bro I feel like too many dudes don't get this anymore and it's really infuriating. I was with some friends at a bar, three dudes (me, and my two friends) and one of their girlfriends. This girlfriend of my homie decides that me and my other single friend need to be "hooked up" with someone at the bar, so she goes on the prowl at this bar looking for single women. She later comes over to us, asks us to follow her to this table where these two girls are hanging out completely alone. They've never met me or any of my friends before, and we're essentially surrounding them because my stupid friends girlfriend thinks it's a good idea to have three rando dudes just come over to them out of the blue.
I immediately walked away because I could just tell we were creating an extremely uncomfortable situation for them, but later we did end up talking and they actually were really nice people.. But the vibe was _so_ off at the start. I just felt bad for these chicks because they clearly felt uncomfortable.
@@TheRealSaintNickNorthside I get how a young naive guy can have the lack of understanding for how he can be perceived as a threat by a lady, especially since I've been that young naive guy before. I don't get how a woman can lack that understanding since she most likely has been in that position of a guy she doesn't know coming up to her and her having zero idea if he's a good person or a complete shitbag intent on taking advantage of her in some way.
I'm a metalhead and have only dated alt girls in the past, I have recently broken from that and am now dating a very hot but normal girl, she was a high school cheerleader and is a gymnastics coach. I couldn't be happier, i think a lot of the past came from insecurity I figured I wouldn't be good enough for a girl like her I'd be too weird or something but I guess you can say opposites attract she find the way I dress, my septum piercing and what not very attractive
GodBless Finn Mckenty being able to say to out loud how cringe he was in the past and not try to play it cool. I've been a massive fuck up in my life with girls and forever single. Hearing em talk about himself makes me feel like it's not to late in life to unfuck everything.
Having similar interests isnt important? Having things that you both enjoy and can do together isnt important? Uhh ... press X to doubt.
It’s so weird to me that you would specifically want or not want to date a metalhead. It’s one aspect of a person and not a very important one. I love a lot of the unapproachable music (trash, crossover, death metal, slam). My wife still listens to Backstreet Boys and we’ve been married 14 years. Music taste has never been an issue.
I'm about to hit 30 and a few months from getting married, Finn is right, learn how to laugh at your own weirdness. I started doing harsh vocals about 13-14 years old and used to annoy the hell out of me when people thought it was funny. I became a pretty competent harsh singer but my parents to this day still think that is funny, and it kinda is if you turn off your "I already decided what is cool" part of your brain for a bit. Moving to the girl thing I've been with my fiancé for 8 years now (she doesn't listen to any sort of guitar music) and she thinks growling/distorted vocals are funny as well. Thinking about it I actually enjoy getting a laugh out of my family doing my favorite thing to do, in a weird way I'm getting both smiles and sonic goodness at the same time. Double treat for me.
Finn: Don’t make rules for a relationship.
Also Finn: Ladies, if he doesn’t have a bed frame: NEXT😂
Yet, there are some people who neglect their hobbies just to get involved in a relationship and then, a few years go by and you are miserable and frustrated. Relationships are complicated and we should not generalize. Cheers!
This video was a nice mix of nostalgia and plenty of laughs. Thanks for the video!
I was hoping to ease my girlfriend in but the first night she stayed over I forgot that Eagles Become Vultures by Converge was my alarm tone.
Fortunately for me she was able to see past this and we are still together and have a 2 year old son. I must’ve done something right.
Now, marry her.
I started a mosh pit at a church metal show, and the lead singer got so filled with the power of Metal Jesus he dropped an F-bomb. Proud moment. Lol
He said "faith"?!?!?
@prehistoricturtlesaurus5309 ironically, he said "gotta have fucking faith in Christ's love". Rofl
Based and gangster Christ pilled
@@prehistoricturtlesaurus5309 Faith. Is. MINE. 😂
I’ve always had this analogy that every year when a new group of young men come out of high school, it’s like the wind just blew the fence down, and now all the puppies are running loose in the neighborhood. Young Guys unfortunately have no sense of direction, don’t know where they stand in the world, and many more things. Unfortunately we tend to latch on to the music we like, but we end up putting our entire identity into our music, and that’s what we want people to know us for. It becomes a unhealthy obsession. I remember wearing some really weird and creepy shirts, thinking I was so ahead of the curve, and all these other people just didn’t get it! But some how I expected women to be impressed with my deep and complex taste of music. The truth is, how were they supposed to relate if they didn’t have the same referencing point that i had. The only way I had that referencing point was by having no life what so ever, and going down the rabbit hole looking for bands that only me, and like two other people on planet earth was aware of. Also if your only standard is someone that likes the same music as you do, than your setting yourself up for failure, because when times get hard, music taste goes completely out the window. Also being obsessed with musicians is more of a turn off to women, because they see you as a follower and not walking your own path. So like it was mentioned in the video, know how to separate your hobbies, having your life of track and moving forward in the world.
Well said!
fully agree. it's the one sure fire way to be maidenless in this world.
Dating advice: don’t date them if they have tiktok 😂
so basically, “date nobody.” i personally don’t use tiktok but it seems like most other people, especially girls, use it
@@shadowedge729 😂😂
Stay pure king
True brother
This entirely! Serious red flag.
09:44 No bed frame, colloquially referred to as the futon of virginity.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Me, a girl, currently not having a bed frame 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I can't decide if I like you or dislike you, so I keep watching.
I’m a metalhead dude that has been happily married to a wholesome pop country girl, i learned it’s not about the music or anything I like really. We are so different in so many ways. She loves her reality shows and romantic comedies and I love my nerdy stuff, and horror. We always meet in the middle for somethings like traveling, food, spiritual, and morals, the stuff that actually matters. I think it works better for me to be with someone so unlike me and we have children and it makes me a better father
"your best foot is not your weird foot" life advice right there
TBF, the amount of wisdom Finn delivered in this video was amazing!
Jordan Peterson tells us to clean our rooms, Finn tells us to get a bedframe!
And then there’s the whole “start your day by making your bed” idea.
Probably should clean the room, get a bed frame after, then make the bed.
Gonna be easier to put it together.
The bed frame’s gonna make making the bed and keeping the room clean much easier - as long as one utilized the underneath space properly (meaning, no shoving everything under the bed).
One step at a time, to becoming civilized, lol.
Men putting their hobbies first is so accurate.
I was living with a guy and was under a lot of stress having to do a lot of overtime at my job (it was temporary) which involved working from home until late into the evenings. Meanwhile I had ended up in a situation where I was doing all the housework and cooking. I complained to my partner and he said he was also working. He was writing and recording shitty black metal to put on bandcamp. I said 'That's your hobby!' He was infuriated couldn't believe that I described his calling in life 🙄 as a hobby. I lived with that guy for about 3 months total and would have been shorter if he hadn't spent 3 weeks overseas and we weren't locked down for 5 weeks. 😂
Ladies, if you find yourself in a situation like this, just leave. They know what they're doing, they just value their hobbies more than you as a person and your right to your own hobbies, leisure time and sanity.
👏👏
Women don't put us first
Some good advice especially the part about not creating a fantastical fake gf
Damn it Finn you're making me self reflect, I'm going to go cry now while listening to miss you by blink
When I first started dating I think what really stung wasn't that other people weren't into metal. I could accept that just fine, and respect others' preferences even if they weren't my taste. My problem came from people who not only didn't like it, but went out of their way to disrespect it, say my fav genre of music "wasn't real music" and never even attempt to give it a chance or be understanding. My first gf was like this, and it was awful. It was almost like she was trying to change my preferences to suit her better by always hijacking the radio and putting on music that she knew I didn't enjoy, but would bitch and moan the second I tried to listen to Metallica 🙄 Again I'm not saying I was constantly shoving it down her throat expecting her to enjoy everything I played, but at the very least I just wanted some understanding, and maybe even a little genuine effort to understand why this thing made me so happy instead of just constantly shitting all over it every chance she got. My now wife of almost 5 years is just as big of a metal enthusiast as me, even more so in some ways, and its wonderful. Obviously not just because of the music interest, we have other things in common and love each other for many reasons, but it is incredibly nice to be able to play music in the car or at home that we both can enjoy and vibe to without fear of judgment or scrutiny from someone who claims to love you. I guess my point is that when Finn mentioned the whole "you just want to date a female version of yourself" thing, I don't know if he considered this angle. It is incredibly freeing to be able to be your true self around someone who loves and cares about you, who also happens to be really into the same thing 🤷♂️
I swear this video has been some of the best relationship advice i ever had thats not coming from a relative or a close friend thats what happens and you are not pretentious as fuck
I won't be able to watch this until after work but as a metal head with a hot non metal head wife.... the best thing you can do is not act like a metal head if you want to pick up women... And if you do find one - Try not to make her listen to King Diamond, don't buy her Lamb of God shirts for Christmas, and don't get pissed off when she calls everything you listen to screamo. I've learned all this the hard way but she has stuck around lol
Well put sir
Or you could stop being a _metalhead_ which is also pretty cringe.
@@gamesguitars9769 Nah, I work in a law office all day now and don't have a lot of fun... But I'll always enjoy my metal, it's a good release and one of the few things from my younger days I still enjoy \m/
@@ThePirateCasey It feels cool to be into weird, angry music but also have a life and a stable job.
This is all makes perfect sense. My wife is a first generation Filipina lawyer who grew up on a steady diet of Birkenstock rock (ie. Alanis, Indigo Girls, etc) and jazz music. I had to give her a crash course on late 80s/early 90s hip hop. Then we realized Rancid and Motley Crue was our common ground and everything musically was smooth sailing from there lol
Finn accidentally revealed why he really doesn't like indie music.
When I was in my mid-twenties, I shared a rented house with 3 dudes. I was the only one in the house with an actual bed and not just a mattress on the floor.
I was singing (screaming) in a metal band when I met my wife. We played shows with For Today, Nodes of Ranvier, and ADTR, meanwhile the hardest thing she listened to was Skillet. The point is, you absolutely do not have to have identical interests or even just taste in music. Those things might change over time, and if your relationship is built on that, it's doomed. You need to have common values and goals. Those are less likely to change and they allow room for you both to be yourselves and potentially, I don't know, grow together as people
Great content as always sir!
Thank you for watching!
The difference between being yourself and flying your freak flag, at least when it comes to music, is telling someone that you're into a certain kind of music when it's relevant to the conversation versus showing them a song. In the latter case, you're making them experience what you're into, not just expressing yourself. Thus, if you know that they're unlikely to enjoy it, don't do that. Save it for when they already care deeply about you and are actively curious about what makes you happy.
Great comment
I asked a girl at a slayer show about 7 years back if she wanted to dance and I got the most “wtf are you mentally ill” gesture from here I ever received in my life and I’ve never recovered since 😅😬😅😬
I had a friend in college (we met in our humanities class when the teacher assigned a group project) and she was kind of a nerd like I am. Nerd as in she played Fallout 3 and liked talking about the politics of fictional worlds. She wasn't interested in what type of music I listened to or who I followed on TH-cam, but she really liked talking about themes and subtext in fictional stories. I realized that, realistically, music was only one sliver of my personality type and actual discussion is what a lot of girls are attracted to.
9:30 , I saw ShoeOnHead's video called Men living spaces and I swear there were like 2 pics in a 10 min video where the guy had a bedframe, like how
17:49 All amazing songs!
The Devil Wears Prada - Danger: Wildman @ 17:55.
Re: the bed frame rant - even worse is if they dont have sheets, just a sleeping bag or a blanket on a bare mattress 🤮
I'm not a metal guy, but I am a musician. My biggest hobby is running, just ran my 2nd marathon yesterday. I'm almost 29, I have a full-time job and a house (with a bed frame!), but I'm still really involved with my hobbies, especially running, which takes up a lot of my time each week. I mainly play music for side money, but that also takes time. I dated a girl for 4 years who wanted me to quit my college track team to spend more time with her, I wasn't even a musician yet. What I and probably a lot of other people need in a partner is someone who shares at least one major hobby so she gets it and doesn't try to take you completely away from it. Partners deserve your time, but I think the one's who try to take your time to the point where you have to give up your hobby are pretty lame.
My fiancé who will soon be my wife is very much into country Mexican folk music, Cumbia, etc. I’m into thrash, death, black metal.
I’m glad that we have a different tastes and different personalities. We complement each other in different ways. That’s the best part!
Flinn: No, no, no. DO NOT try to be someone your are not.
Flinn: Don't let her know what you are into and pretend to be the type of guy you think she might like.
Joke's on you - Google only _thinks_ my 40+ accounts are mostly male
I never get why people want to date/be around a mirror image of themselves, me and my girlfriend are complete opposites and we’ve been together for years
As a 30 woman without a bedframe: I dun geddit. END D CAPITALIST RHETORIC THAT U NEED A BEDFRAME TO BE AN ADULG
The guy playing his girlfriend's leg like a guitar is my band's singer. I'm not bullshitting 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I’m here for the bed frame scolding 🤣🤣🤣
The comment ‘my wife forbids dying fetus merch’ 😂😂 btw, longtime (1 of 4) female fan here!
Too much wisdom in this video. The bedframe part is pure truth😂
I have the hardest time making it clear to women that it's NOT important to me if we're into the same music (or movies/games/whatever hobbies) for whatever reason. Not sure if it's something wrong with my approach or just cultural expectations people have when they see me in my band t-shirts.
Best is get to know someone just as two people hanging out until the walls drop n you already are able to openly communicate
Whatever happened to the good ole days of using your guitar playing to get girlfriends, instead of now where dudes just skip the middleman & penetrate their input jacks. I was there when us guys would unashamedly learn Never Shout Never songs, If It Means A Lot To You, Chiodos etc just to make girls happy because it showed that, even though we weren't interested in that stuff, we WERE interested in being interested in what girls were interested in. I swear, metalheads nowadays need to stop lying to themselves & just throw Eyes Wide Shut parties, dudes & guitars only. I have played guitar my entire life since I was 5, I'm 31 now, & it always HELPED me get girlfriends, not actively repel them. What the hell is this world coming to Finn 😞
this really is your best tough love video yet
Finn is just my big cool brother pretty much
This kinda content is hilarious. I view intimacy as an alien concept since I’ve killed any libido I’ve had with anti depressants, so now I can watch this without any real opinions. It’s very freeing honestly
"is the thing I'm about to do going to make her night better". I gotta show that one to my brother in law the next time he starts talking about unnecessarily risky behavior or some kind of short-sighted money making scheme
"You cant make your life revolve around your hobbies"
My hobby is commenting on youtube videos i can confirm its causing problems in my marriage
After all of HS and college of dating what I thought I wanted I was at a bar and the female version of me (didn’t know that at the time) came up to me. We hit it off and have been together for over 2 years
Still don't see any point in being ashamed of what I like and of myself having fun. If you're constantly thinking whether others would cringe at you, you're in for a miserable existence.
Oh well, I guess, I can proudly call myself one of the listening females then 😅
My girlfriend is ALSO a metal head 😂 I’d even venture to say she knows more bands than I do
We went to my first deathcore concert a week ago and were both vibing. I lucked out for sure!
Deathcore 🤢
@@yourfavoritenetcitizen6525 dEAthcOrE
@@paddiography scene kid music
@@yourfavoritenetcitizen6525 I’ve accepted the fact that I am an elder emo. I grew up in the scene era 😂
@@paddiography accurate. Most deathcore dudes now were emo or scene kids growing up.
I feel so seen. I too didn't have a bedframe until 30.
13:30 Hard disagree on common interests being wierd. Having things in common is very important. Opposites attract is a LIE. The most cherished things between my wife and I are what we have in common. We both love Skyrim and Spiderman is both our favorite superhero and that's what brings us together.
Absolutely agree my significant other and I are obsessed with the same stuff too! 💯
As a happily married metal head female, to a non-metal head male, my advice is this to the masses. You don’t have to like all the same music, mostly my husband is into classical, Elvis and 80s, but he does enjoy symphonic black and death metal from time to time. I got him into Draconian, Rotting Christ, and Septicflesh, and he got me into Depeche Mode, Elvis Presley and Mozart. A healthy relationship doesn’t mean you have to compromise yourself for your partner, he likes what he likes, I like what I like, but we take turns if we’re driving in the car together.
Make a video about why bands like Alter Bridge are huge in Asia and UK but not in rest of the world
17:53 guy has immaculate taste
Relationships are just hard nowadays.. where do you even start
I'm a 38 old handsome dude but single with 20 years experience as a metal head and I approve this video.
Does a piece of plywood sitting on 4 cinder blocks count as a bedframe?
This is so accurate. Great video
My girlfriend was into some metalcore and Nu Metal bands here and there and she asked me to make her a small playlist to get her into metal because she wanted to learn more, so I made her a small Spotify playlist of. . . . 200 songs give or take from Thrash to Black Metal, Death Metal, Folk Metal, Doom and some other stuff here and there and she ended up liking pretty much all of it, but I met her half way and asked her to give me some KPop and I actually found I like some Kpop and spent a good $120 on my Kpop collection ( which equated to 3 or 4 CDs with how expensive those go for. . ) but I found a Golden Goose when I found a partner two years ago who was interested me because I have long hair, band shirts, play guitar and am fascinated by horror movies and stuff and I understood from previous relationships or failed attempts at relationships that you have to read the room for what she's looking for. That 200 song playlist wasn't until a few months in, before that I'd played her some Eluveitie and Wolves in the Throneroom in the car to get a feel, eventually some Amputated and Leviathan to see if it was safe to tread and it was and that's when she asked to dig deeper. The real win was when she wanted to see Amon Amarth with me and I surprised her with an Amon Amarth shirt that she loves at the show and she said she loved watching me mosh,
**Takes Notes**
You know who else has bed frames? Babies! Cribs are all about the bed frames that go up way past the sides.
I used to be so closed minded that I too felt that I had to date someone with similar taste in music or sports. But I soon learned that I was wrong.
My wife I have been with for 10 years now was different from me. But we loved each other for different music and sports. Nowadays she likes the music I introduced her to more than indie rock.
So it’s better to meet someone and be yourself and in time you can show what music you like and see what the other person is into.
Most fulfilling relationship I've had, we had nearly zero common interests.
My buddy always holds my lip glosses and gets strange looks from security when he pulls out 6 tubes of the stuff. Had to show one guard my lips so he would stop thinking they were colorful and elaborate shanks.
i've been thinking about getting rid of my bedframe, or making a loft bed
Longtime female fan here, love your content Finn!
As a metalhead with a non-metalhead girlfriend, the most important advice I can give is to not try to convert them into a metalhead. I show her the music I enjoy but I've never expected her to love the extreme shit I often find myself listening to. We both have completely different tastes in music. And yes, I've asked her to go to concerts with me. Our rule is that she'll go to cannibal corpse shows with me if I go to an imagine dragons concert.
Mentioning Discordant Axis was a huge W
Totally unrelated... I heard the Knocked Loose set a Coachella was insane. Apparently there were "influencers" stage diving lol
love it when finn roasts tiktoks.
As a dude who still listens to metal a lot but doesn’t necessarily consider himself a metal head, I don’t dare metal head girls anymore. The more vanilla the better.
I’m a woman and I watch your content…well because my husband watches your content and he’s a metal head.😐
If you think its sad being rejected for your music taste, wait till you get rejected because of your astrological sign
That, my dude, is called dodging a bullet.
And to complete, sometimes what you want it's not what you need.
Rolling Stones got it right