disowned - exposing the narcissism in my family (what I'm doing to move on) |
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I don't want to make anymore content like this. I just hope me being open about what I've been blind to, and what I've been in denial about can help others.
This is the book: www.amazon.com/dp/B07YJ69Q3C
Appreciate it Josh, this your your channel make content that is true to you :)
it's super interesting to me, please continue
That’s fine Josh I can deal. every good show has a limited number of series.
It's not only entertaining but I do find it very helpful so thank you. Make whatever content you want dont feel pressured to do this or that.
I wrote you an email and dms !! 😤😤
There's an African Proverb that's relevant to your Dad forgetting all the shit he's done to you "The axe forgets, but the tree remembers"
I have used this very quote often when ppl have hurt me and then act like it was no big deal.
I have never heard of that one - BUT definitely a very GOOD one !!
I got a great axe story about my mother.... never told . It's a mother's day story.
Funny u say that, a sibling was talking to me about that exact same quote.
Thanks for this quote
Nah dude this is actually the content I'm interested in. Its real.
this is the only content he gets views on lol
@@mszigetihu just looked at his video selection and concluded that you’re just a hater lol. he gets views on his coding videos. significantly more on his family videos. but he gets a good amount on the other topics too. sorry you can’t be objective.
Legit. Kind of sad but real.
2nded
@@mszigetihu u are just wrong
When trolls think it's mean that you took the car back from your dad all I can think is you may of saved his life or the life of another. Driving under any influence is a ticking time bomb. Don't let anyone gas light you .
The narcissistic parent never remembers emotionally abusing their child because for them it was an average, uneventful day but for the child their world and self-esteem was crushed every day it happened.
Its crazy how similar the stories are from people who are scapegoats from narcissistic families. I feel you man, from one scapegoat to another. Break the cycle!
This is so relatable to me - my narcissist parents always say they don’t remember when they hurt me and are able to avoid blame and get out of apologizing because of it. I hate it
@@arandomperson2522 Yours let you even speak of it? wow. TC
I'm going through the same thing. I promise I'm not gonna be like my parents no matter what. I promise. I'd rather die then be like them
Exactly. When I try to bring up something from the past my mother will say “I don’t remember that” (how convenient) or “Can’t you just leave the past in the past?” As if abuse is something I should just forgive and forget. It definitely makes the child feel insane.
Thank you for saying the 1st sentence! It just explained why my father was clueless about the pain he caused me and which I pointed out to him. When I broke into rage because of his unbearable behavior he had a spark in his eyes as if he enjoyed that he brought me to loose my cool. What you said really helped me.
Dude. Seriously thank you for these videos. We’re not programmers. We‘re people.
"Content that nobody subscribed to", well I disagree. It might not be what brought me here, but your authenticity is definitely what kept me subscribed. Keep your head up, Josh.
Indeed
Agreed. It's very relatable and helpful in a lot of ways tbh
Same here honestly, this channel went from being about coding, to corporate life/cringe, and to this but I mostly stayed cause Josh always keeps it 100.
I think it's very helpful for a lot of people. I'm learning a lot from these videos. But most of the time it seems like more of a flame/roast or complaining because he is greatly impacted by negative emotions while recording. I know that is not his intention. But I had to remind myself of that a few times.
💯 all of the above!👆🏼
The most important thing is that YOU don't become a narcissist.
Being raised by narcissism often leaves us rife with narcissistic traits.
The problems compound and become generational until someone realizes it and cuts it off like a loose thread.
Fellow scapegoat here. Idk how many times I had to repeat this, but this is how bad my parents were: my egg donor tried to strangle me to death and I was blamed for it. The cell donors literally said "It's your fault! You shouldn't have been so disrespectful!" Apparently being "disrespectful" is grounds for murder. I'm 35. Telling you "It's my money, not yours," is not a reason to kill me.
Yeah, f that. I left, went NC and this May it'll be my one year anniversary. I will never talk to them again and there is no one on this planet who will convince me to do so. People keep saying "But they're your parents! They love you!" They're full of shit. Trying to kill me proved they hate me and f anyone who thinks I owe my attempted murderer anything. F you for thinking that's love, and f you for making excuses for them just bc they had sex and gave birth.
You don't owe anyone anything Josh, not the least of which is your cell donors. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn't worth the time of day, and you don't have to defend yourself for speaking out about it and saying their behavior is wrong and you won't put up with it anymore.
I'm really so sorry to hear that. Glad you cut out the weed from your life - regardless of what or who it is. You do you. Wish you happiness and peace in life now and moving forward.
Shhhh....don't speak my life! 🤭
Stay clear. My younger siblings and nephew are knee deep in it. I was distant for years, but I had to do total cut off too.
to the original poster:
I know you feel the anger and the shock you had, and feel you are unique for being into what happened. However, just remember that kings killed their own sons, that princes killed their own fathers, any any civilisation, just for being the ruler of a piece of land..
that means being a human genitor to another human IS NOT ALWAYS synonyme of parent, which is a noble role that many don't fullfill it right.....
im glad they didn't get ya when you mother tried to kill you. Abuse in the family is real. I have people I don't need to put up with anymore but i am expected to. I don't have it as bad as you or Joshua. I even sent this video to my mom and she could relate to it.
I think you're being too generous by referring to them as donors. That implies some sort good will which doesn't sound to be the case
I was also in my 30s when I finally heard and learned about the term "narcissism". And finally my entire life made sense.
Same!
Ya same
Same
Same here! I wish I had known this as a teenager, it would've made a huge difference, considering I was the scapegoat in the family 😥
I was 38 when my eyes finally opened.
"always suffer in silence, if you tell anyone about your feelings they may not like you anymore"
almost half a million subs, I'd comfortably say that myth is busted
When I heard that quote all I could think was wow, for someone so concerned with “manliness” they sure do care way too much about what other people think about them.
Josh, I was raised by a narcissist. You are still in the beginning of recognizing the trauma. It’s going to take time to unravel the parts of you that are you, and what is PTSD/coping mechanisms. It’s a long journey, but keep self aware and in therapy. You will get there.
You being so open has undoubtedly helped A LOT of people who have been dealing with their own family shit.
This is helping me a lot. I think I stopped talking to my dad a year ago. Mom a year and a half. Best thing I have ever did. They both abused me when I was a kid but have magically forgotten all of it. Now I have the space and clarity to be a good mom. I love my daughter and show her great respect and teach her boundaries.
I am so proud of the young man you have become. I want to adopt you as a Grandma. I’m am an excellent loving grandma who was married to a narcissist for years. I hope you can heal and Thanks to HR and her parents. Never go back to your family that cannot understand or Love you as you should be loved.
Fuck Josh, just thanks dude, I've just moved from my parents house last week, couldn't take it anymore. My mom is actually a good person and a kind women, but my dad, damn, hurts to even write it down, dude was taking my soul men. I'm 19 yold, I've been following u for almost a year now, n I swear to u, idk what could be of myself if I didn't followed your advices. Hope u can find the peace u r looking for brother, I'm in search of it too.
I wish you all the best bro. I swear that the books of former psychologist Alice Miller (extremly underrated) will help you out on your life journey. You can find an audiobook from her on TH-cam for free.
@@lextor4712 Thanks Tom, I'll definitely give it a shot. Hope u r doing great.
I think many young men join the military just to get away from their parents.
Hugs and comfort to you 🙏🕊️💗
You can do this!
Remember, just don't let the shit that happened change your true heart into something negative or cold.
You deserve better and you will find your way💗
@@ignacioanezin2352 you are the proof that Josh was right to make these videos, not only is it helping him came to terms with what is essentially the grief of losing his family it has helped countless others too. Wishing you luck in your future.
Youve taught me a lot. Software, job hunt, life. Thank you
Dear Joshua, Thank you so much for sharing your story. My Father was an over-narcissist and my mother is a cover-narcissist, they destroyed my childhood and they are not even aware of it. I grew codependant and it took me forever to fix myself. This people are like another species where empathy, sincerity, ownership and sincere love are absent. They are neither bad or good, they are who they are: Toxic. I wish you to break this cycle in the Family you will eventually create. Thank you Josh.
Same...my father is also a narcissist and an alcoholic and my mother is somewhat an enabler. But at least me and my siblings know what to think and do not follow their steps.
@@hisakiasakura480 That's my "cope", too. At least they taught me how NOT to be in this life. TC
"Transgenerational dysfunction" The parent has inherited the grandparents traits..
I wanted to insert an object oriented joke there, but I can't bring myself to do it.
My grandmother created my narcissist father. When I was seven I flew by myself unaccompanied to visit my grandparents for two weeks during summer vacation. All I remember is that my grandmother needled me and harrassed me the whole time because I left the toothpaste cap off. Looking back I'm impressed that I remembered to brush my teeth with my mommy across an ocean and nobody else reminding me.
@@tanishshrivastava2442 you mean inheritance xD There is the joke xD
@@greatbullet7372 To be honest though, inheritance is not the only term. Parent child relationship, carying the characteristics of the grandparents to the parents, and then to the child, that entire thing is a joke. But considering the seriousness of the situation, I didn't feel like I should joke about it.
“Family is who you choose.” Absolutely.
You definitely attract narcissists to your channel when you post things like this. Like the negative comments that come through. It’s weird they can’t even see it in themselves when you show it to them. Like if you sent this book to your grandparents, they would literally not think it had anything to do with them or would have some explanation as to why these things are okay.
The problem is that narcissists don't seek treatment because they don't think anything is wrong with them.
They can, that's why they deflect against it so hard. Some of these folks *clearly* feel personally attacked and that's a contradiction they have to navigate on their own.
I don't know if it means anything, but this is actually what I subscribed for. It's a bonus that I get to watch all the other content that you make.
You are heard, you are not crazy, and you aren't alone. (I think you probably already knew that on some level.)
Signed,
The Black Sheep (working hard to break the cycle so her kids aren't broken like that)
I was disowned by a narcissist aunt a few years ago. She still lies to other family members about me and makes up crap. One less funeral I have to go to (is how I see it)
@Magic Man What amazes me is that any normal person talks to them for about 5 minutes and then comes to me and whispers "DUDE your parents are FUCKED" just from a basic conversation.
If it actually helps you getting through this, you shouldn't care about us expecting other content and we're always here to listen anyways.
Agree
💯💯💯
He's been milking it for months. It doesnt seem to be helping.
Well said, agree. :)
Took me having my own children to break the cycle of abuse, that and a genuinely loving, respectful relationship. You got this Josh.
I did this as well. My battle cry was "This shit ends with me! I will not do to my children what was done to me." I ended the generational curse.
Onto this right now 😕
I like this content. Coming from a family that had an alcoholic mother and an absent father (due to mom) it's refreshing to see this sort of venting. I have a better relationship with my parents now than I ever did as a child, and I was the black sheep for years. I know that these situations are different for everyone, but no matter what, it's important to vent and talk about it with someone, and seek the solution to your particular issue.
I know you may never read this, but I'm proud of you for talking about it, and for getting the help you need to heal and move on.
I believe this is me. The scapegoat and black sheep of the family. I was kicked out when I stood up for myself because I was literally Cinderella off the family.
My mom would agree with me when my dad wasn’t home, but my dad was “always right” no matter what is said.
I got pushed away and no one believed me. So I am with you. I was called rebellious because no one believed what I was going through.
I even invited my entire family to my wedding. Not one of my family members showed. They blame me for bringing this upon myself.
We're better off
You should be very proud of yourself Josh. You've reclaimed your life and stood up for yourself. Seeing, acknowledging and now working to accept the narcissistic tendencies of your parents and grandparents is a huge step in healing.
And...it's amazing that you can talk about it. I'm sure you're helping many people going through the same thing.
Never in my life i related so much to another human being
When you call narcissists out for what they are they apparently go pretty crazy. Experts never recommend to do it in person if I remember correctly.
Or they just deny deny deny, because they’re so good at it.
@@stanthesmaer
The good old "whatboutthat" argument.
@@stanthesmaer someone doesn't understand mental issues and narcissism. With a user name like that, no ones taking you seriously. Learn some grammar too, it's fucking atrocious. You've got all the time in the world to proof read your own comment before you post. It's a shame you can't do that.
@@stanthesmaer This is the stupidest comment I've read today. Using someone else's suck does not delegitimize someone else's pain.
@@thedude8526
"there two sides to every story", he said
I know he said some harsh things, but I cannot disagree from I quoted from him.. My own experience told me that you cannot fully judge be one side of a story, and I assure you that in my country many do like him, but when you discover tve real story, you will be shocked..
All I can say about Joshua related to his issues with his family is *maybe* he is right
Im the lost child of a narc mom. Dad died at 5. Addicted to the internet. Completely isolated. No fam, no friends. 36. Feels gud man. Can relate.
Gardening is a lifesaver. Plenty of time to think. Reminds you that the outside is beautiful too
Narc parents *HATE* it when you point out the dysfunction in the family. They say they're normal, and all families have their issues. Then follow up by pointing out how much worse someone else has it.
yup! more often we just want the nparent to understand what they did wrong and try to change behavior. I dont hate my parents but just wish they would listen to a critical viewpoint.
I feel my little brother is the invisible one. My parents don't care about his needs, and now he has problems with video games and food. I wanted him to move to my house, I thought about fighting for his custody but that would make things so difficult with them and would bring so much stress to my marriage. I'm worried about his future, but I don't know what to do.
You should try to talk to your brother. Ask him what he wants. I know what it feels like when your own parents don't care about you. It feels like I was stuck and is out of control of my own life. I couldn't leave the house because I was too young I couldn't stay because there Gaslighting was consuming me. Then my sister was my imotional support. Even though she was not in a place to support me she constantly reminded me that I need to live this torture for only 3 or 4 more years until I am old enough. I am 15 years old. Even though am not an adult yet I got a retail job rented my own place and I am free. And I am sooooo glad that my sister was there for me when no one was. She is literally the only one in my life who treats me right. My suggestion be there to support your brother not just financially but also mentally. Teach him how to be indipendent. Keep reminding him that whatever he was going through is temporary only for a few years at most.
While you may not be able or even should fight for his custody, nothing wrong with being a big brother to him. Invite him over. Talk to him. Spend time. That's the most important thing you can do. Guide him up proper, and aid in his survival.
You made it man, you have an intense drive and you’re smart enough to make things happen and you have. Draw the line with your family and try to live your best life. The hardest part is behind you.
Bro, the algorithm brought me to your channel after I signed up for codeacademy to learn data science. I'm going through a terrible breakup after 2.5 years because she cheated -- I've binged a lot of your irl videos because it really speaks to me and helps me get through everything. So yes, maybe not the content we subscribed for but definitely the content we enjoy. Thank you for sharing.
Been there. Recently. I hope everything works out for you.
I was adopted. My Dad was an awesome Dad. Mom ruled. I was mistreated by my Mom. My Dad worked shift work, he didn't know what all she did. Moms only family said she was mean to me and that my younger sister should have never been adopted.
As a scapegoat child I always got the phrase "This isn't always about you." The whole time I was silent, I never spoke up. And as an adult, I have difficulty even just thinking that I exist because it was hammered into my brain that thinking and doing wasn't allowed.
It carries over to relationships even. I'll cook dinner for my girlfriend whenever I can, and genuinely want nothing more then a thank you in return. But I still, to this day, feel so weird about asking her to make me a cup of tea, even when I'm sitting at my laptop working, and she is going into the kitchen to make tea for herself anyway.
Like my wants are not really worth it, and I have to "compensate" people for liking me, and spending time with me.
Keep on going, friend, break the cycle and never look back, you can do it
When someone says that to me I always respond with well I'm me, so of course it involves me. I see everything through my eyes so that's how I experience things.
You have been through horrific child abuse and torture/ torment. Shame on your family members responsible! It's so important that you are speaking out about this, you are without a doubt helping and saving others! The younger generation needs to watch more content like this, as suicide rates are higher than ever.
On behalf of all children who were raised by narcissistic parents, thank you for breaking the cycle and proving to them that you are a better person without trying to act like you’re the “superior” person. That takes serious emotional intelligence. Happy healing, my friend 🙏❤️
My parents are lovely people and not narcissistic, but I’ve known many with bitter childhoods involving parents and caregivers like you describe. You absolutely hate to see it. No one deserves that.
I avoid books like this cause I run thru thoughts like "Yuuuuppp... they sure did fuck me up." I'm the lost child. And it's pretty painful to pay myself the same attention I was denied since it makes it all highlighted and obvious just how without I've always been. Hearing you go over this, I can put it in the background while I surf the web and pretend like it doesn't phase me. Typing this comment tho, which I consider rather uninvolved, threatens to bring tears. I subbed for your family drama. I stayed for your honest portrayal of the struggle that is actual self confrontation with past and present in hopes of healing. Keep. Fucking. Going. Whether you broadcast or not, I'm rooting for you and hoping for myself.
Hugs and comfort to you 🙏🕊️💗
Whether you're able yet to accept genuine kindness and compassion, I thought you should know that you wrote this quite beautifully!
Best of vibes on your journey!
You will learn to take care of yourself and allow yourself to feel good things, to feel happiness and genuine peace 💗
I cheered and cried a little when I read "Keep. Fucking. Going." YES. You as well, Jazon III.
Hey. I'm hoping for you too Jazon. :) I think there's a lot of us who feel this way . there's a whole group of narcissistic parents damaging childhoods all over
My aunt says "You shouldnt talk about these things"
I ask, "why?"
She says something like, "Because I dont like you talking about me to people I dont know."
I still didnt understand "Why dont you like it?"
"It's disrespectful to me" Disrespectful she says, then somehow changes the subject, so I still didnt know any answer that makes sense.
This video finally explains to me why.
in general, I discovered that women don't like someone to talk about them to those they don't know.. why?! I still don't know hahaa
Very true
I was the scapegoat in my family. I was first born. My brother, was was the last child and the invisible child and my sister was the middle golden child. Been there, done that. Still healing from this all.
{{hugz}}
I feel you there...except I was the middle child daughter. My little brother was the invisible child and older brother is the golden child. It's funny because my mother was the Narc would literally say "You'd be the golden child if you could keep your mouth shut" lmao my mom loathed me bc I always stood up for what was right growing up. Always respectful etc but would just stand up for myself and she did NOT like that. I did well in school naturally etc...father total enabler and still is in denial regarding her abuse. Now my mother likes to play victim and says she's afraid of me to use as an excuse as to why she couldn't attend my wedding etc. I hope you are doing well my fellow scape goat lol I'd rather be it vs another potential Narc. It started with her own father...still waiting for him to take his last breath.
Honestly, this video is extremely informative.
This is exactly the content I came for, you got this Josh!
Yes, I was in bad relationships in the past and I also thought it was "normal" because of my family growing up...
Once I realised that fact - then I was able to work on myself.
You're doing great, Josh! 👍
You seem more emotionally regulated and calm then you were before. I hope that lasts & that things continue to get better for you
I swear it’s like the narcissists also have amnesia because they can never seem to remember their f’d up actions, even when other family member corroborate
Exactly! They also never accept responsibility for their actions, the have the audacity to feel they are being attacked when called out on their actions or when receiving constructive criticism.
Absolutely true. They have selective memory
Def! Complete denial or they make it out to be "not that bad" or that we were the reason because we were such monsters growing up. I was perceived that way because I often times stood up to my N-mom and called her out. I would get blamed for everythingggg. I don't know about everyone here but alot of my childhood and being at home I don't even remember like my brain just pressed delete in order to preserve myself. Her father was the start of it and it trickled down. Hope you are doing well and healing ok!
Selective Amnesia
Yeah. Even when I provided video proof of a narcissistic mom threatening to murder her own son she denied it because "she doesn't remember doing that and she wouldn't do anything like that"
Since your family likes the bible, here are some holy words.
"Thorns and snares lie on the path of the perverse; he who guards his soul stays far from them. "
-Proverbs 22:5
Keep guarding your soul, Josh.
owned with their own belief system, well done sir.
I rarely see bible quotes in support of him. Great job you did there.
They're Pentecostals. They just use the Bible to justify their pagan/satanist rituals and conspiracy theories.
@@redlethe8679 Leave pagans outta this alrite :P
@@kaplislemesis4789 No, because that's basically what it is. Pentecostals basically believe in their own version of witch doctors and fortune-tellers.
Very quickly realizing I am the scapegoat child for my family. Dad constantly abused us, I got in trouble for standing in between his target and him. Mom constantly cheated on him, I would get hit for telling her I didn’t want to hear it. Finally spoke to someone about my issues and both parents blamed me for “ending their marriage” when the stuff came to light.
You did the right thing for yourself.
*🔴Hey Josh, so glad you found that book.* I will read it also. I don't know if you've gotten to the part about *TRIANGULATION* yet, but sounds like you definitely have that in your family. Best you know all about it! Remember, *narcissists LIE!* So whether it's your dad or your grandfather or another narcissist telling you stuff, *always remember, it very possibly might not be true.* Also, narcissists will *dismiss* your concerns right and left. Know this and you will be less hurt when they do it to you.
Sounds like you are *well on your way to crawling out of this PSYCHODRAMA* with the narcs in your life. Lastly, while I know you want to move on, *I highly recommend doing some more research into the character type (in your case, you say, the scapegoat) that you were conditioned tobe by the narcs in your life.* Reason: All of your relationships will be influenced by that conditioning you received in your childhood. Its important you are keenly aware of what qualities and "triggers" you developed in order to survive your narc family. Knowing these things will keep your current relationships from falling into the ditch, or otherwise going to bad places. *All the best to you!*
it's heartbreaking listening to the love and admiration in your voice when you talk about your dad sometimes, and knowing that that's something that's harmed you
This is therapy for me. To know someone going through these things and can keep moving forward is a great inspiration.
It's actually your family videos that brought me to your channel. I stayed more for your career videos, but I appreciate these too.
We DO really appreciate this Joshua. It IS a support group for many of us. I'm still new in this whole being disowned by my narcissist mother.
I actually found you through this content lol
Me too!
I'm at 1:41 and realized that the book right off the bat mentioned something I mentioned to my mom, I was showing her your video from yesterday because of how much it resonated. I remember telling her I felt like you were used as the "scape goat" child, as was I. I've been to therapy since 13/14 and this term has been used throughout sessions, I only realized in my 20s that it was a real thing. All family units have a homeostasis that they like to be at, it's not a verbally announced thing, it's just a thing that happens. Everyone within a family unit has a role to play, and usually with families that experience constant stress, typically pick a scape goat child/person within the family unit. This is also not a verbally announced thing, it's usually based on whether or not you're able to assimilate solidly within the norms of the unit, enough to where you don't stick out. For me, I wasn't able to assimilate to the norms within my family unit pre-adoption, however my siblings were able to. It sounded like from your last video you weren't able to assimilate to the norms within your family, but your sister was. Once the family unit picks out a scapegoat, the scapegoat is used as a way for the family unit to return to homeostasis. For example: If there is financial trouble within the family, this naturally causes stress. If the financial trouble persist, that will throw off the family unit to where it can be too much for the entire unit. This can cause fractures within the unit, fighting, arguing etc. However if the unit can collectively share in something that gives them some semblance of "normal" ( normal for them), then typically that helps maintain some kind of balance, some kind of homeostasis. For my family pre-adoption, that was ganging up on me, whether it was being called retarded for not thinking they way they did, being told I would never be able to hold down a job (this is all when I was under 10 mind you) because I couldn't remember specific things or because I cried a lot, the list was endless. However it was a family affair. Everyone could join in, get out their stress and return together to homeostasis. It was necessary for them even if it meant sacrificing a member of the unit. When I said everyone has their role to play within a family unit, I meant that. Sometimes siblings of the scapegoat can act as canaries, in which they identify that the family unit is becoming unbalanced, and have noticed that in order to return it back to balance, they need to invoke the scapegoat. This can be done in many ways and often times isn't done out of malicious intent, it's usually done for the survival of the family unit, whether it's realized or not. While the intent may not be malicious, more times than not the result is.
I am not condoning what they did nor am I excusing it. I'm simply sharing that for people/family like this, to them and for the balance of the family unit, scapegoat children/people are needed/vital. I used my situation as an example because idk what exactly you had to deal with/went through as a kid that would give you an example of when you were used as a scapegoat to settle the unit back to baseline. So I figured my experience could give others some understanding.
Now that you know these things I hope that you can heal. Being aware of these signs of narsesism I hope you can break the cycle, and start a new life with good people.
This book sounds like an auto-biography of mine and my dad’s relationship and their was no other reason than he was the product of a narcissistic father which, he continued on the trend. I don’t know much about my great grandparents to know if my grandfather also was raised in a narcissistic home.
My sister was and always will be the golden child that did nothing wrong but lived in trouble at school and with the cops once she got in high school. My sister finally got her life straight when she met her husband 10 years ago, even having a child with her ex didn’t set her straight because neither her or I knew what it was to have unconditional love from both parents. My mom loves us. Completely but she was raised in a very abusive, alcoholic home with her dad, so I now that I’m a parent ,I can understand having to learn to have emotions you were never I shown as a kid. When my mom wasn’t working she spent all her free time with us but my sister was so bad so she always ruined everything and we would ever did and we would leave, then if I even opened my mouth about us leaving even though I was that always behaved in public because I was so afraid of what my dad would do the next time I was left alone with him. He would continually remind everyday, that he hadn’t forgot and I was going to get my ass whipped. All while my sister who was absolutely horrible as a child and she never got in trouble because I would be told “you’re the older one you should’ve stopped her!” I was forever portrayed as a liar or exaggerating thing something would happen and god fortune I ever mention to my mom that he was whipping he would make sure it was worse the next time. He got away with it because I have whats called a Port Wine birthmark on my right ass cheek that looks like a bruise from being hit by a leather belt, so he knew right where he could hit me. By the time I had a full on eating disorder that has almost killed me a few times, ended me up in the hospital many times, the psych ward once on a 5150 hold. I’ve been in remission a l for my ED for a year no t t red w, that’s the longest I
been since I was 16.
He passed away in January 20. 2021, and the sad thing these past 5 years of his life he no cared for, made sure he ate, me sending him money, but all alojng it was me be me the person he me he m
I respect your decision to not post anymore content like this but it's been so helpful to me as I am in a similar situation and trying to figure my way out of it. Thank you.
Suppressing feelings is a big thing with a lot of religions, particularly Christianity. Growing up I was told that it was weak to express your feelings and that everything should be "offered up" and to suffer in silence
Having feelings is looked down upon in many cultures. It's why so many people are miserable and vent through afflicting "suffering" to people around them. And then you have those that ridicule people who can express themselves.
I didn't have that experience with Christianity. If anything, they were way too emotional and didn't know how to teach kids to have a spine.
This is literally the content I subscribed for. I come from a narcissistic family too.
Josh there’s so many people experiencing the same! You’re shedding a light on a pervasive family dynamic - and I’ve witnessed the same interactions in business. So proud that you are seeking a better life and healthier way.
Wow Im giving this book to my mom. Her mom was definitely a narcissist and my mom was the scape goat no doubt. So much of this rings true 🤯
You will make her feel so good just showing you understand some of what she survived. You're a good "adult child" in this, IMHO.
I need this content because it helps me personally, in sharing the pain of having had non-functional (truly loveless) parental circumstances that I could never discuss openly AND it helps other I hope in ways that are their own, deeper appreciation for good parents perhaps, or maybe giving someone the balls to stop being a trampled welcome mat. Thank you.
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for years. Very similar abuses and effects. I realize it’s a different dynamic obviously but I can relate so much to a lot of what you said. Especially the worst part being that you have to basically come to terms that they don’t and can’t really love you for you. Narcissists love people the way other people love things. Like you love your iPhone when it works, when it stops working you get frustrated and replace it.
I was married to a narcissist for 13 years and see the damage it has done to me and to my daughters. :(
I don't know you, but I feel proud of you!! I think you're walking really quickly through this path of recovery. May God bless you.
Actually I come here to see the updates on your progress getting through this mate. seeing the stuff you go through and finally revealing all this stuff now. I'm just glad your working through this and turning it into something to help others that are currently going through this. looking out for the signs. Good to see your getting some closure on it all. and you have other people giving you decent help figuring out whats going on.
I was the scapegoat of my family. I literally found this exact info and explained it to them and was promptly brushed aside. By behavioral health professionals, outsiders and my family too. Their public and private appearance of good intentions and my outbursts out of frustration led to me being treated as mentally ill even though I was correct. Good intentions don't mean your actions ARE good.
I think this was a very good idea. It helps others in similar situations and it is a good way for you to heal. In a way its like informal group therapy
As a longtime viewer (even before I subbed), love you bro. Glad to see you moving forward ❤️
My grandmother called me spineless for remembering the bad stuff in my life even though she's racist because of segregation 🤷♂️ people are just hilarious
Josh, this is crazy. I definitely didn’t have as bad an experience but I felt my stomach drop as I was listening, because each thing you said was exactly how my father and grandfather treated us when I was growing up (down to my dad being the “neglected one”). My mom wasn’t around much when we were younger, but then she came back and put in the smack down on them and helped me and my brother out, so I never got messed up as bad. Dude I think these videos are awesome and real. Don’t let the haters get you down.
Sensitivity isn't "beta" it takes stones to be vulnerable.
My mom is 69 and not strong - still frightened of her.
I love that you've found good people who love and support you. ♥️
I honestly think I'm a sort of hybrid between the invisible kid and the scapegoat. I was rarely spoken to, except when they wanted to yell and scold me. This led to me being outspoken in some ways and extremely introverted in others. I always feel weird getting compliments because I never knew what that was like growing up. My dad even finally said the words "I'm proud of you, son" when I graduated college, but at that point it didn't matter so it felt hollow. I struggled being overweight for a couple of years and I'm just now getting back in shape and getting over a deep depressive state, and it just felt like no one ever cared to really ask how I was because I didn't feel like I could open up. All of Josh's stories remind me much of how I felt as a kid. My family really valued the church and I just kind of liked video games, card games, and other nerdy stuff. They never wanted to engage in that with me or anything and it feels weird now as a father when I'm playing video games with my son and I never really got to experience that much. That and I'm doing my level best to tell my son that I love him and I want the best for him, even when I'm disciplining him. I am trying to keep a level head for his sake and do what I can to make his experience different from how I felt growing up.
Lifes a trip that's most enjoyable when you get to decide where you're going.
first time I stopped by for the "family ride", but its wild im going through some similar stuff, was disowned just before you did, and now im coming to terms that they are jerk narcissists. talking about it and learning helps! good on you for not holding back!
My mother is a narcissist. I’m an only child so I was both the scapegoat and the invisible child, but never golden. I went through years of therapy trying to understand why I never felt ‘good enough’ despite my success. It’s so fvcking painful, but also liberating, when you finally realize that it’s not you and you cannot make your parent love and respect you. It feels a lot like grieving a death, which it kind of is... the death of the parent you never really had.
Bro your content has helped me more than you know. I’m sure others feel the same.
I always thought I would be better off as an orphan than having "parents".
No that doesn't work either. I was an orphan for the 1st 20 months of the of my life. Being g mistreated does something to you!
@@kimbrundige6320 At least you ain't burned out over the years and find your own path way earlier.
You speaking about what you’ve been through has helped me so much just get an idea on what IVE been through, I’ve dissacosicated my feelings from my family for a long time and then started asking really difficult questions that I knew would be disagreeable based on their beliefs and what not, I always got the one “how can you be so selfish? You don’t think about anybody but yourself? The world doesn’t revolve around you” from birth to like at least 15. And I could never figure out why or what I was doing wrong, so thankyou for sharing.
This is the stuff a lot of us want to see. A lot of us can relate to you and are helped by you sharing this stuff Josh! Keep sharing your truth! Super awesome to see you doing what you love now and not being dragged down by your “family”!
Oh **** I'm a scapegoat. Just 2 mins in, oh my gosh.... This video is reliving me of unwanted gravity I never knew how to relieve.
This is actually the content I subbed for. 😂
Wow thank you for including book clips like this. I always knew I was a scapegoat, but I never considered that one of my parents was narcissistic. Looking back, there are definitely signs.
This is exactly the content I subscribed for. Hearing someone else go through something frustrating with their family is kind of like a mini therapy session. It actually makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone. thank you.
This is amazing I didn't even know this was a thing that we could be impacted so much by narcissistic parents.
I’m “scapegoat” too in my family :(
Stay strong, and never fall for their BS. TC {{hugz}} You ARE worthy of a good life.
Hugs from one scapegoat to another.
Hugs to all of you.
Im sorry that you had to go through all this. You got this, keep on going!
Thanks for posting all this, man. It helps to have someone to relate to. I have a narcissistic parent and a narcissistic sibling I'm currently stuck with, so I resonate with the dynamics you described. Put out this content as often as you want - it can help you vent and also help others in similar situations. You've inspired me to share my story one day, when I am no longer "stuck" with the narcissists in my family.
Side note: Funny how the whole reputation thing is a narcissist trait too. I always thought it was just an Indian thing. I guess it's double trouble!
My dad was a great dad when I was little, maybe until age 13. For some reason my dad didn’t know how to have a relationship with me being a teenager. We grew distant. Then my dad left and started a new family. He got new young children since he knew how to communicate with them. My dad never taught me how to be a man basically. I feel like it affected my entire adult life to this day
My mother was like this. She had custody of me and didn't have anymore children, but my relationship with her deteriorated after around 12 or 13. She just didn't know how to relate to me after that. Which is sad, because I adored her before that.
You say you feel dumb for not knowing what narcism is? I'm 56 this month and I never heard the word until about 3-4 years ago
Sending you a warm virtual hug. I'm glad you are going on this journey of self discovery, I can relate to a lot of this.
Thank you so much for this Josh, dealing with my narc parents has destroyed my life pretty much Im currently working on rebuilding and saving my young siblings who still live there. I really needed this, glad to know I aint alone in this world hopefully we all heal from what these terrible narc parents did.
Nice work Joshua. There are no secrets in life, there are just in books!
100% Facts🔥🔥 🔥
Thanks for making this man. It's helpful.
Thank you for posting this Josh. I see so many similarities in the ways we grew up and how our fathers treated us. Seeing you now succesful and still dealing with it on a daily basis gives me comfort and hope that even if I have to deal with this the rest of my life eventually some part of my life will work out. Thank you for posting, I'm so glad I found your channel.
at some point you may feel compelled to Reach Out to your narc parent and try to Get Them To Understand.
dont.
it always ends the same way.
they will never grow or be better. anything resembling growth on their part is a carefully crafted deception to get something from you.
"Your story may not have had such a happy beginning, but that doesn’t make you who you are. It’s who you choose to be." - Goat from KFP2.
Guardians of the Galaxy 2 also goes to show one’s real parents aren’t always great, but one’s adoptive parent - while not perfect - aren’t all bad. "He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy." - Youndu
Your channel showed up on my recommendations shortly after I once again blocked calls from my narcissistic mother. I have binge watched all of your episodes about your experiences with your family.
This particular video has me fighting tears this morning. Definitely getting this book.
Thank you for sharing all of this. It is clearly so painful. I hope that speaking out as you go through this learning journey is helpful for you. I also hope you really grasp how incredibly helpful this is for many of us out here.
So many of us are trying to unravel our lives and emotions around the narcissistic family structure we deal with. Your videos remind me that I'm not wrong when I say I have been gaslit my entire life.
It has messed me up so badly. I need to discuss this all with my adult sons. There is no way my upbringing did not impact my parenting. I hope they will feel safe telling me how this impacted them. How "I" may have impacted them due to the damage I experienced in my family dynamic. We all need healing and that comes from honesty, including me taking ownership of any emotional harm I have likely caused my own sons. I don't expect that from my mother or brother but I owe it to myself and I owe it to my son's to expose this all and really hear and internalize their experiences and work to build a healthier family for all of us.
I definitely on a personal level have such deep ptsd. I was diagnosed as such at a early age as a child in and out of foster care. I don't think I've ever had the help I really need to overcome how the narcissistic family dynamic has impacted every area of my life. But I do believe healing can happen and must happen. I wasn't courageous enough to heal and face the realities of the harm done to myself for over 40 years. But I need to find that courage because my sons are wonderful men and deserve healing as well and deserve me being the best mother that I can be for them.
I am fortunate in that my sons and I do talk openly about many of these things. My eldest struggles more with communicating about difficult things. My youngest son and I are already on a journey together of speaking honestly and deeply about even the most painful topics. I'll never stop working to build these relationships to be stronger and to help us all break the dysfunctional family dynamic that stems from my mother and brother.
I have so much work to do and it's all hard. Because I have such deep ingrained pain and hurt and anger and grief from a lifetime as the scapegoat. I have internalized so much of it and it has caused me to make so many mistakes in my life in the forms of unhealthy relationships.
Now is our time. Yours and mine both. And so many others judging from your comment section. I hear the pain in your voice and it is so clearly raw and encompassing. I am sure my voice sounds the same when I speak to others about my family.
You are on the right path and I hope you keep moving forward on this journey. It is not like once we recognize the narcissistic dynamic somehow we are magically healed and emotionally healthy and unburdened from it all. This kind of life long trauma heals over long periods of time and continued healing and personal growth. You are strong and I have absolute faith in you that you are going to build the life you are worthy of and eventually find a peace about your family while building your own family. Most of all, always remember blood is not always thicker than water. Biggest enabling b.s quote ever that blood is thicker than water. We don't owe any human being, not even parents, being participants in their dysfunction. We don't owe them our literal sanity. Nope.
We owe it to ourselves to live our best life. For many of us it means walking away from those that choose to not get help and not be honest about the things they need to take responsibility for.
I'll continue watching you videos on this topic and continue to encourage you on your healing journey.
I'm not your mom but I am a mom of 2 spectacular humans that have grown into wonderful men I am so incredibly proud of. This mom is proud of you as well, for what that is worth. I am very sorry you were not given what you deserved and are worth receiving from your family. It was their failings. It was not you failing. You are on the right path and I want you to hold your head high and proud. I want you to know every day that you are worthy of healthy love and support in your life.
Thank you for sharing. This was very eye opening. You got this Joshua.