Bert Kreischer's INSANE Dinner Order - YMH Highlight
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ส.ค. 2022
- Highlight From Episode 668: • Your Mom's House Podca...
Tom Segura recently had a dinner with Bert Kreischer to discuss a project with some other folks, but Bert being Bert, turned this business dinner into a Kreischer smorgasbord.
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Bert has the soul of a medieval king.
He's got the soul of Robert Baratheon and the body of Henry the 8th and also Robert Baratheon
@@lonesomeknoteye great point
@@mikeyg8568 Henry the 8th was pretty much a real life Robert Baratheon, so he'd have the soul of him aswell, Henry the 8th used to eat and drink himself stupid, even built a castle that had wine fountains
@@scottwallace5239 do you really think nobody else but you figured out that Baratheon was at least partly inspired by Henry the 8th
@@mikeyg8568 Yeah, because I'm a genius, a visionary whose boundless intelligence is far beyond anybody else on the face of the planet
There’s gonna be so many good comedians at Bert’s memorial show
Comedians definitely seem to find him funnier than I do
@@mikeyg8568 lmao xD lol but heees TEH MACHEEEN xD XD lmfao lol
@@mikeyg8568 remember that one time he took his shirt off thought? comedy genius
Not really, mostly LA comedians and some podcasters.
@@mikeyg8568 bert is genuinely not funny
Bert lives life like he found out he only has 1 year left to live, but his year keeps resetting
3:10 “It’s a nice restaurant”
Bert: 🗣
Bart has spoken at Tom for so many hours that Tom's impression of him is now flawless
Lmao "Bart"
I love how you said he's spoken "at" Tom so many times. So true. 2 Bears is my favorite podcast but the amount Bert interrupts him or just disregards what he's saying would drive me nuts if I were Tom. Lol
1:46
“Spoken AT Tom”
On point 😂
@@SpadeEnare "We're not doing drinks?"
Literally sounded like Bert bahhaaaa
@ 2:46
Bert’s biggest enabler is the doctor who isn’t lying to him about his blood work.
Oh he’s definitely on the take lmao Bart definitely doesn’t go.
Lok
i have a weird feeling he’s lying about his doctor..
Starting to think this doctor is doctor love
Maybe he should go see dr dick
Christina has the look on her face that every wife has where she is simultaneously disapproving of Bert and yet thankful she is not married to him.
🤣🤣🤣💯
Facts! 😂😂😂
Haha
Let's all face it; LeeAnn Kreischer is the REAL MVP/GOAT.
We need a Henry the VIII movie starring Bert.
"Mickey Mantle Gene" - Someone should tell Bert that Mickey Mantle drank so much for so long, that he got liver cancer, got a liver transplant, and STILL managed to die of liver cancer.
Like the new liver woke up inside Mantle's body, took one look around and was like, "Fuck it, I'll have what the last guy was having."
That's really sad but the way you phrased it made me laugh
Mickey lived that way because both his father and grandfather died in their forties. He also died because the cancer had spread to the rest of his body.
..at the ancient old age of 63
Great joke man!
It is a funny joke, but if you got liver cancer, a liver transplant is usually not an option. Because you will get liver cancer in your new organ too. It is not like to start at zero with a transplanted liver. It is not like changing an engine part. You get a new liver, you have to take drugs to depress your immune system because your body will allways reject the new part. And you got cancer cells in your body from before the transplant, so there you go again.
My favorite Bart moment is on 2 bears when he describes his disgusting diet for 10 minutes than goes on to say how he is shocked that he always has runny dumps.
What episode?
@@levicarter-frem6192 It was when Conan was still a writer for the show.
@@armpit_farts7327 lol wut
@@bandofmountains he said "Bart" like the Simpsons , Conan was a writer . Bad joke/deep cuts never work lmao.
@armpit_farts
A+ for effort.
The thought behind it is what counts.
Bart is living life all gas no brakes lol
Bart 🤣🤣🤣🤣
At least he leaves his family a couple of millions - hopefully his wife has an eye on that.
The best life
@@lonesomeknoteye You mean not care what his family thinks. If they are okay with that, fine - they will be millionairs afte he dies. If they are not okay with it, he's just a rich drunk. If he wasn't a millionaire but your neighbor next door... I'm not hating - I feel sorry. My dad had a drinking problem - and we were NOT millionairs. It's NOT funny - it's sad.
@@lonesomeknoteye ✌
Bert sounds like the kind of friend that’s fun to hang out with like once a month. Any more than that and it’s questionable lol
Maybe in high school...
Once a year
100%
I wouldn't want to hang with him. I would want to be the bystander watching the diaster unfold.
Yea, at 34. Once a year would be good for me. My best friend that's states away is just like him
Barts like Danny devito in it’s always sunny in Philadelphia when he starts going off the rails 😂😂😂
Bert sounds like that nightmare guest that was worth it after the tip
Bert: "It's Tommy's fault I'm fat!"
Also Burnt: "ONE OF EVERYTHING!"
Why is Tims impression of Brent so good 🤣🤣
Tom
Tom. And Bert. Close one.
i am not surpised that tom does a spot on impression of Bert
Imagine the absolute freak athlete bert could have been. The fact that he hasn't had a heart attack or stroke yet must mean he has some freak ability locked away in there.
Hes talented and if he was fit and didnt drink as much hed be a monster
Mickey Mantle gene
He will eventually he has no will power
It's in the post, he's got 5 years, tops
He’s living on borrowed time - could be tomorrow or 10yrs from now who knows
This clip never gets old. Listened to it at least a dozen times. Hilarious
Bert Kreisler is the type of guy who would pre call a Golden Corral and tell the manager to GET READY
Hahahahaha
Bert is the type of guy to fart on your pillow and also sleep on your pillow.
.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Try again…
This made me laugh out loud bro
Perfect summary of his antics.
Bert is like the Speed bus. If he slows down below 55 he’ll want to die, if he goes too fast, it’ll kill him. What do you do? What do you do?
Wow, the whole "he'll want to die" thing is spot on, he binges so that he doesn't have to think about stuff. If he did a Ron White style ayahuasca trip, he'd pbbly just walk into the ocean and never come out. Also I'm sure the lack of respect from his family isn't helping.
@@ianmcpherson2171 look at how he's behaving. I'd be embarrassed.
Shoot the bus.
For real
POP QUIZ HOTSHOT
Love how you guys give each other shit that's what best friends are for. Love you guys x
Hearing Bert talk about alcohol feels like I'm hearing some stranger tell stories about my own past. Nearly 400 days sober, thankfully.
Atta boy 💪
291 days sober myself. The longer I’m sober, the more and more I think “why did I ever drink that stuff?”
Good for you man! I’ve been off the Xanax for a year but it’s a struggle right?
Congrats on the 400 brother!! (maybe more than 500 now??). I've been alcohol free for just over 3 years after 45 years of drinking. Wishing you continued success!!
Congratulations guys. Love the comments
Pure unbridled hedonism. A man after mine own heart.
Great way to put it lol
Gluttony is the word you’re lookin for
He might be needing your heart soon.
LOVE the name lmfaooo probably philosophy gr8 stuff
@JYNNI LISKE _ DIGITAL ART GODDESS
Poor guy sounds like he needs help A.S.A.P.
Sure it makes for a good story but this kind of extreme indulgence isn't sustainable for anyone (and _certainly_ not someone who's fifty years old).
If it weren’t for Tom, I’d hate Bert. Tom is the best.
Seriously, I don't find Bert or his antics anywhere near funny, but I always love Tom getting a kick out of his behavior
@@mikeyg8568 I couldn’t agree more. I can’t tell you how many podcasts he has ruined for me and many others I’m sure.
I could fall in love with Tom
I AM in love with Tom.
Agreed
Love Tom's wheezing laugh
Tom's impression of Bert is the same he does for his toddler son and it's so perfect
@3:20 “ another tequila”. I saw him do that in a restaurant when he wanted napkins, he just yelled napkins at the waitress without even looking at her or thanking her.
He has quite the ego. The man needs a 5 gram shroom trip.
@@queenieqt2033 Don't give Ari any ideas...
@@queenieqt2033 Give him 5 and he'd immediately demand another 5
@@monehget and thats a good thing. Shrooms humble you and help you quit addictions
@@queenieqt2033 that’s so true. if anyone needs an ego death it’s bert
Just to think bart said just like last week how insanely healthy he is 🤣🤣🤣
This was the lulz with me, legit lol'd multiple times. Good impression and I could vividly see everything being described perfectly. Hilarious!
This impression is quickly becoming an all time favorite
Christina the self created therapists 😂😂
Bert is a big part of me maintaining sobriety
Hahaha
Honestly me too. I'm 2 years next month. I only drank on Fridays and Saturdays but it was more than I wanted to but listening to his level of denial is reaffirming
Absolutely. Watching him is seriously making me re-evaluate my drinking.
I wonder if he knows how many people he's helped - indirectly.
He's a wisconsonite in spirit
Bart seems to be living his best life 😂😂😂😂😂
Bert would be a huge fan of Bart!
Bart?
@@Lemongrab_ that’s his name isn’t it? Bart Krishinger? Big fan 🙂
@@Dadmcdadface bruh I can't tell if you are joking or not
Ya to an early grave. It's kinda sad
The thing I love the most about this channel is the guy in the background full body laughing
The best is the guy behind camera cracking up 😆
These stories are hilarious, but I'm starting to think that it really is time for Bert to seek out some serious help. It is very possible this man could fall over dead from a sudden health problem right in front of his friends and family. No one, especially Bert, wants that to happen.
He knows. He just doesn't care.
@@cameron2506 I agree. I think it's going to take him on the cusps of death to change his ways. heart attack because his blood vessels are filled with alcohol and grease or a bad liver
That will be his best bit yet.
I don't think he cares.
He doesn’t care and even his friends gave up trying to help him lol, it’s why they’re just waiting for him to die at this point
Bert's grocery bills must be insane with the amount of food he eats
It's why he has to keep doing these crazy tours
Remember when he was hawking Blue Apron until their business model failed and they couldn’t ship proteins anymore? Bart ate that.
Thats silly. Only poor people need to pay for food. Rich people get food for free most of the time. Funny how that works, isnt it?
@@queenieqt2033 poor and rich both pay for food .. the rich spend more but it’s less of an impact on their overall disposable income. Inflation crushes the low and middle class
@@TrollHunterxXx alot of rich people get free stuff thrown at them
Having dealt with Bart at a restaurant years ago, this is a 100% accurate depiction of how he behaves.
But did he tip well is the question.
@@Rich_ard He did but the tip wasn't worth the headache.
@@dinkwanderlust7981 well, then I'd say he didn't tip well enough.
OK Fhil
Tbh it’s not his fault if you hate your job your job is literally to wait on people and take food to tables which part was the headache when you had to memorize more things than usual? or someone being loud in a already loud restaurant ?? I would hate to see how you handle any kind of real stress 😂😂
Bert eats dinner like he's doing shots, WOOOOOO!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
The reaction to Barts death will be the exact opposite of Norms.
Tom's Bert impression is great lol
This is my favorite Bert story of recent memory.
I love it when tom and Christina talk about Bert, it's so hilarious the way they describe him. 😂😂
So Bert is literally just Homer Simpson/Peter Griffin irl
I think a more accurate cartoon representation is Bender from the episode of futurama where he gets turned into a human.
Won’t be surprised if in a year they are on here doing a memorial podcast of Bert. He sounds like he is speed running liver failure.
His dr. just said his liver is fine.
Heart attack more than likely. The guy shows all the telltale signs of a struggling heart. It’s so sad. I watched my dad destroy himself in the same way. I feel for his family.
Mickey mantel gene
..Well if the Mickey Mantle gene has anything to say about it!, then we should have ole Berty around for another 13 or so years.. (as long as he gets a liver transplant in that time)
It’s the adderall he takes everyday that won’t let him put the drink down
You know why I love you guys I feel like I'm listening to friends. You are the best.
Tom and Bert have the perfect dynamic. It's no wonder they're best friends!
I think the "Tommy's always in control" was a compliment to Tom's work ethic
This actually might have helped me quit drinking for good.
Love Tom’s drunk Bert voice
The way Tom talks about Bert's over-indulgence sounds Exactly the same as the way everyone talked about Farley in his documentary... (after he died)... 😔
I love hearing these stories...as long as they aren't stories in remembrance.
They will be in no time.
@@desi9558 I didn't want to say it and put it into the universe but sadly, at this point it seems inevitable. 😞 Maybe his DNA is one of those rarities that amaze us all.
@@neecie9075 If he can stay the same way till old age then so be it and I’ll be happy that he is happy. I’ve followed their group for years and have addicts in my own family, so in my heart I can’t help but be sad because I know what’s coming.
every story of everyone will be a
story in remembrance one day
@@jack-zh7kn very true.
Bert needs to get ahold of his Drinking Problem.
Alcohol has a Bert problem...not the other way around.
I come back to this clip every few months 😂
When Tom asked Bert which flavour kool Aid was he drinking , he said "RED" like an 8 year old 😂😂😂
Tom’s Bart impression is getting really good
Their kool-aid story is my favorite. I’ve never seen Tom or Burt laugh that hard
Saw Tom live on Thursday for the first time , absolutely killed
This whole time I’m picturing Bert without a shirt in this nice restaurant
Bert lives happily with a totally different perspective on life than anyone else on the planet. And I envy him this.
Tom's impression of his youngest son and Bert are exactly the same
I could listen to Tom tell Bert stories all day.
Bert is the epitome of being "Player 1" and I love it. ❤️
Bert reminds me so much my 2 friends. They both had some money bunch of properties and shit. They're uncle and nephew but close in age. They both died this year Josh the nephew swelled up really bad all over his body. He refused to let me take him to the hospital. He said he'd go in the morning. He started hallucinating that night thinking snakes were attacking him. He was taken to the hospital and died. Drank himself to death at 34. About a month later the uncle Richard's liver failed in his sleep at 44. It's crazy how fast their conditions changed. I'm sad but more pissed off. Josh was my best friend since childhood and Richard was just a good man. They just couldn't let the booze go. I'm talking mostly beer too. What a waste.
Thats rough, man. I lost my best bud to the drink too (he got behind the wheel, and crashed a mile from his house.) He was 22 at the time. 8 years later and he's gap in our group of friends is still felt. I'm sorry for your loss.
Sorry to hear man. Bert is fine until he isn't one day and dead on the floor or looking at liver transplant. It's sad really. He is rich and I assume happy yet he likely won't walk his lovely daughters down the aisle. He should disappear for a year and get proper professional help. Money can't be an issue for him anymore.
Tom can impersonate Bert so well I thought it was a voice over for the first half of the story...
It takes a lot for me to laugh out loud, physically lmao. Tom painted the perfect picture
The way he said “one of everything!!” Sounded just like Bert.
It’s sad that Bert is so comfortable with his alcoholism that like no one’s telling him that his liver at this age is probably crying for help… he’s going to get cirrhosis
BERT IS OFFICIALLY ON MY DEADPOOL... LOL
You gotta get him one of those dog bowls that are designed to slow down dogs that eat like gluttons
I love how Bert talks about his drinking. I only had 8 mixed drinks.
Yeah, but those were all doubles! 😂
This story made me so happy.
I know it intimately. It's addiction, ADD and possibly more.
Bert deserves credit for the fact he functions on a high level
and battles his dark side relentlessly. He will not achieve sainthood
but will never be bored and will always entertain anyone he meets.
If the worst thing you can say is he feasted like a Roman, it’s ok.
Somehow the extra salt on a chicken Parm sticks out as weirder than anything. Bert is a character.
Bert is the Machine
Brent’s stories are so funny! That’s why he has the greatest nickname in comedy!!! “The Apparatus”
Tom telling Storys about Bert is the shit!
Bert needs a reality check asap
The best of this is the crew in the back cracking up.
This is like Berts version of the Hunter S. Thompson daily routine.
Bert is the type of guy to measure how long he sleeps by putting a ruler underneath his pillow
HaAa
Bert sounds so embarrassing to be in public with
Fuck that
K I posted that before listening...you right.
It's all me me me
Logan"Square ass mark" Scheivert
All of his friends seem to think it’s hilarious
I didn’t think I could dislike Bert anymore
Why is the inevitable and troubled demise of Bert just entertainment? That guy is obviously in trouble.
Because you can’t help someone like that. He is totally and completely content with who he is and has no desire to quit it. It is what it is.
Was gonna ask, what can you do? But you can bail
Some people you just can't help. It's hard to feel sorry for him. But I do feel for his family.
They’re comedians and this is a podcast. They’re not going to be serious about how fucked up Bert is on a comedy podcast. I’m sure in real life they show concern towards him, hence the reason why they’re going to do sober october again this year because Rogan is concerned about his drinking and eating as of late and so is Tod.
It’s been this way for almost 10 years. They tried hard early and often. Burt cannot be stopped
Whatever happened to the weight comp between Bart and nadav?
Tom's bert voice makes laugh so hard 🤣
I love Bert stories ❣
Bert’s here for a good time. Not a long time.
It’s sad but also kinda funny how Bert is literally following the “actor/comedian who is losing control right before they die” formula to an absolute tee, and not even his closest friends care at all
You must not know any of them if you think that’s true. Tom, joe have talked to him about his health hundreds of times. Why do you think they joke about it now?
Bet he wont las 2 years more. Guy is about 2 die from alcoholism
@@calebkeith2630 “why do you think they joke about it now?” Because they care more about the fun he can be than his health.
They care deeply, I assure you. Them joking about it, and putting it out there is their way of talking about it/showing they care.
It isn't their fault bert has the IQ of a pitbull
I love bert is not afraid of being himself
Tom's impression of Burt is SPOT. FUC3ING. ON.
I’m terrified that Bert is screaming down the path of Belushi Candy Farley. I know you can’t stop this runaway freight train, but this is going to be a horrible ending to a great guy.
And Ralphie May also.
Overweight, addicted to one or more drugs, and funny.
All dead.
Seriously- it’s not funny anymore and it saddens me to know that his friends and family enable him
He might be, but he's outlived all 3 of them by a good bit. Candy was the oldest at 43. I think the fact he does mix in exercise and he will go sober for a month here or there has kept him alive.
Bert exercises all the time though and he isn't doing heroin or coke.
@@randylynch4330 true he doesn't do heroin or coke. And he does exercise. Not quite as much as he eats and drinks because he's still very overweight and I'm guessing he has rather severe sleep apnea.
Also, he drinks a gallon of Kool aid a day. (Overly concentrated Kool aid, if I remember Tom's reaction correctly.)
And he drinks a ton of alcohol, including sometimes on average days during the day when he's doing a podcast.
Put that all together and that is an extremely high risk profile.
Tom is an old dad so he has to live healthily. Bert is at the parenting finish line. Kids are going to college so he can do whatever the fuck he wants
This is a great bit
When i heard " then he screams 'another tequila!' And this is a nice place " and i saw i was pretty much half way through the story, my day was made
Brunt’s commitment to livin that Hedonism life is truly admirable. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed life as Bert seems to enjoy every day of his, dude goes HARD live life 365 baby!
I want to have dinner with bert. It sounds so insane
that maniac laugh in the background 😂
Love u guys, Bert your a legend x
BERT HAS A SERIOUS CASE OF FOMO... HE DONT WANT TO MISS ANYTHING!!!! LOL
That's going to backfire when he doesn't live long enough to attend his daughters' college graduations.