1:44 Tom recognizes Berts anxiety with his wife, and expertly inserts the little extra doubt to get the ball rolling....... with barely a word... a savage master
@@Josh-ks4lx would you want to come home every day to someone who doesn't take care of themselves simply because they just don't want to? While nothing justifies cheating, a lack of personal hygiene even when offered help after years of being married is definitely divorce worthy. I wouldn't want to kiss or fuck someone who had mouth rot
@@whatthefuckiswater2055 you sound like someone who would defend khalyla lol I love how all people w your opinion think sex isn’t too far of a step. If you’re gonna sleep w someone else just fuckin leave dude. Sex is awkward enough. Thrusting on eachother, making odd sounds, and being super vulnerable to get off. I barely like taking my shirt off if I’m not in front of my girl. It’s insane to me that if you love someone doing all of that is okay if they have bad teeth lol get out of here
@@malcolmaustin1247 ...that's more accurate. Also consider she doesn't put on make up and I've never got a good look of her back side. With a little make up and some sort of booty she could be a 5.5 , for me I love granny porn so she could possibly reach a 6.5....
Every comic gets a divorce for a reason, they are mentally unstable to begin with so it's just a matter of time until someone has enough. That's why it's so weird that Tom isn't divorced yet🤨 Note: I forget that Tom also married a crazy person.
With the way she talks to him it wouldn't surprise me if it's already happening. You can't be fat, stupid and have rotting teeth while also still expecting your lady to stay with you. You may be able to scoot by on one of those things but not all three lol
I work with a woman who lost 30 lbs with diet and exercise and started wearing next to nothing at the office. When the bosses had a meeting with her on what was appropriate business attire, she claimed some women in the office were jealous of her and complained. She wasn't exactly wrong... but on the other hand, she started dressing like a stripper, so they had to say something.
@@Turk_2023 As I dude, I've definitely complained that my coworkers are dressed like sluts. It's awesome to look at and all but I gotta concentrate sometimes.
It’s all he’s got. He is not a naturally funny person. When he tries write a joke, it’s painfully cliche and predictable, so he resorts to oversharing and being too personal to get reactions.
@Kristie C or its the truth. bert admitted he didnt come up with the machine story and he rode that for years. now his stick is being fat, and over talkative.
Man, I knew a guy who got a buddy to pull out one of his teeth with pliers. Not kidding, the dude got the wrong tooth, and made it that mush worse! I felt so bad for the guy
I had some crooked dentists. Said I had six cavities. I said I’m good. Came back 6 months later, no cavities? Where did they go? Makes me question every filling I’ve ever had?
@@heshamsh761 The last 30 minutes were a bit better but yeah the first half was actually painful to watch, I think he's trying too hard to be a comic. He just seems like a guy playing a comedian, rather than a naturally funny comedian; his schtick is too forced. Which is a shame because Secret Time was actually very good.
I’m having a similar problem with my teeth, and dude, it’s so refreshing to know I’m not the only one who thinks “maybe I’ll die before I have to fix the problem.”
14:53 "oh its Joey Diaz calling" I love it!🤣 .. Its like they all live in a comedy land where every body chills and they all do podcast, smoke weed & drink. Idk why, but its just funny!
Like Louis ck said, you have to work out to maintain your shitty body, if you pile your face with so much food and alcohol, the only way to not become 500 pounds is to work out.
I’m like Bert with dentists too, every time they try and sell you on shit you don’t need, so I started going to a dentist in a lower income area of town, WAY less expensive, WAY better work, and my teeth have never felt better. I can get a fucking route canal for like a cup of coffee and a jolly rancher. Try that shit in affluent neighborhoods, “it’s going to be 4,000 dollars for this hydrogenated alkalized water cleaning” it’s insane
His loyal inner circle of friends and family legitimately care about the clinical visits he can afford, including his hot wife?! Bert's doin' okay, guys.
Bc for the vast majority of out of shape people, they fucking know what they need to do. They just don’t have the motivation or energy to do it. It’s like telling a meth addict “hey just stop doing meth”. Like no shit, it seems a lot easier and simpler than it is
Better start working on that Dalmatian wife, Bert. I sense a new hot stepdad in ila's and georgia's future. On the bright side, though, you can start hanging out with Ari openly again. Lol
Oh bert as a fellow teeth grinder, I feel all of your pain. I'm only in my early 20s and it's already causing me issues and so much neck and head pain. I've tried everything and idk how to get it to stop
Omg right?? Let me ask y’all, cause Bert didn’t say, do y’all grind your teeth unconsciously throughout the day too? Not just when asleep? Man I grind mine so hard together it feels like I’m pushing everyone single one a little further outward when I notice it! But I won’t notice it for hours until I’ve worked myself into an entire like head / face-ache!!
I’m so scared of the dentist… I had several bad visits with a few different military Dentists. They weren’t trying to be gentle and would do whatever was fastest regardless of pain levels. Now after over a decade of severe pain medication for my back my teeth are jacked. I had the tops all removed with sedation but the VA doesn’t have many clinics that have that option. And I need something because the dentures they gave me gag me and I can’t wear them. I gotta figure something out because my gums are getting destroyed and my bottoms are so messed up. My heart rate went up just talking about it.
Bert get your teeth fixed bro....mine are all completely fucked and if I could get it done one shot and good to go I DEF WOULD!! I smashed my teeth a decade ago and was getting help from a dentist who was really goin above and beyond in helping me get so much stuff done and make payments and what not. Then a quarter way through everything I had to have done and he passed away. Ever since Ive neglected it to the point of a recent infection. This ended up causing me to go temporarily blind and was spreading to my brain. Months of antibiotics and shots later and now I have to figure out how I'm gonna get my entire set of teeth replaced before shit pops off again and I end up dead like a dumbass from dental infections.
@AustinHalo Things have been okay for the most part.....even in the midst of chaos(house caught fire, relatives i havent seen or spoken to in a very long time passing away, helping friends by providing them a place to live in bad times and trying to start a business.....the usual i guess) it can be a bit much but as long as im waking up the next day then cant really complain cause everybody has the stuff they have to deal with, its just all in how I see things and how I deal with them. Always try to think, Have fun be safe and stay positive. Thanks man, appreciate the the well wishes and hope you have good one.
Just drink more Kool-aid Bert it coats your teeth with Vitamin C and protects them. I think you need to up your consumption from one gallon to at least 3 or 4 gallons
1:44
Tom recognizes Berts anxiety with his wife, and expertly inserts the little extra doubt to get the ball rolling....... with barely a word... a savage master
Toms that good friend who will always have his back. But if Bert messes up one day Tom knows what words to say to crush him
@@colemcwilliams95 the best friends are always that way
tom is the low key funniest man ever
I dont get it
Do you feel kinda...hahaha savage
Bert: I’m afraid my wife is going to cheat on me
Also Bert: I haven’t been to a dentist in 10 years
Even if your teeth were falling out or few and far between that wouldn't justify a wife cheating on her husband? Like wtf?
@@Josh-ks4lx would you want to come home every day to someone who doesn't take care of themselves simply because they just don't want to? While nothing justifies cheating, a lack of personal hygiene even when offered help after years of being married is definitely divorce worthy. I wouldn't want to kiss or fuck someone who had mouth rot
@@whatthefuckiswater2055 its not that deep im sure if it was a issue they would talk about it xD
@@whatthefuckiswater2055 you sound like someone who would defend khalyla lol I love how all people w your opinion think sex isn’t too far of a step. If you’re gonna sleep w someone else just fuckin leave dude. Sex is awkward enough. Thrusting on eachother, making odd sounds, and being super vulnerable to get off. I barely like taking my shirt off if I’m not in front of my girl. It’s insane to me that if you love someone doing all of that is okay if they have bad teeth lol get out of here
@@Josh-ks4lx dude how do u know your girl will.not cheat on you? positive
“Maybe with a little bit of hard work, you won’t drink 2 gallons of koolaid a day?”
Bobby 😭😂🤣
He drinks it without sugar, he’s okay 🤣
I just fucking spit chocolate milk everywhere when I accidentally read this comment 😂😭
@@maclariviere3017 does he really? Gross lol
W Beth
6:05 When Segura asks "Is that the guy I saw stretching her out?" and Bert says "Yeah." his fucking face has me DYING
When Christina goes "Okay Guys" with that mommy voice...
"Don't you hate it when broads be like : "Oh I read a book..." 😂😂😂
like Marc Maron and "oh fellas..."
Hahaha seguras wife is hilarious
Jay †hə Pocket I was lookin for this comment
Kristie C are you fat ? Or at the very least very fat ?? 🤷♂️
"Here's the deal, man"
"Oh it's Joey Diaz calling."
What a cliffhanger...
tbf what we all want to know.. Y U CALLIN' DIAZ?
Diaz is still alive?
Florida Man at this point it’s been tested and proven that Diaz is immortal
She's sending you a day early out of town? Set the same day she has an appointment with their trainer? Nah nah I'm sure it's fine
Bruhhh
Hahaha. Her phone was off for 4 hours in the middle of the day too. No it's fine bro it's fine.
😂😂😂
Bert said he was “chewing” that statement over, proving that he’s so fat that he eats his own thoughts.
Your raciest
Bert is the racist
Lmfao
@@yomybutthurtzzz8051 More like Fatist amirite
@@ryane6751 no hes not hes an avid "dog lover" hes not racist anymore
Bert rated his wife a 6 on national television.
Instant divorce
She can appreciate the honesty or needs the negging.
which is a little generous on his part. she's clearly a 4, but they live in LA which instantly lowers her score to a 2.5
@@malcolmaustin1247 ...that's more accurate. Also consider she doesn't put on make up and I've never got a good look of her back side. With a little make up and some sort of booty she could be a 5.5 , for me I love granny porn so she could possibly reach a 6.5....
Hes a comedian, are any of you acctually aware she lives with him and wont be suprised one day by some shit he says on here.
I love how Bert yells and talks so fast like he thinks you’re gonna run away from him before he can finish his sentence 😂
He knows
"He's a little darker than Latin." Tom Segura 2020
Primo Sinclair Bert said it
@@jas9239 6:16 is 100% the voice of Tom. Bert just says he's gorgeous.
Countdown to Bert’s divorce announcement.
Its like the new years ball dropping
1
Every comic gets a divorce for a reason, they are mentally unstable to begin with so it's just a matter of time until someone has enough. That's why it's so weird that Tom isn't divorced yet🤨
Note: I forget that Tom also married a crazy person.
His wife is attractive and I would spend $250 dollars on a dinner with her
Berts burner^
Bert doesn’t seem to know what are on air and off air conversations sometimes lol
I think he forgot there was a microphone and cameras infront of him and he was just talking to his friends
Hahaha for sure
Isn't that the point of this podcast?
Oh that personal trainer is working her out alright. Lots of hip thrusts
I’m
Oh god.
@Steven Colon Nah he's scared asf about it
With the way she talks to him it wouldn't surprise me if it's already happening. You can't be fat, stupid and have rotting teeth while also still expecting your lady to stay with you. You may be able to scoot by on one of those things but not all three lol
@@signisz in the words of tommy: you like your life?
I like hearing the demons breaking out into laughter in the background.
Not a professional comic so you won't let her on the stage? What's the excuse for Schaub?
I like
This
Alot
laughed to hard at this
YES
I work with a woman who lost 30 lbs with diet and exercise and started wearing next to nothing at the office. When the bosses had a meeting with her on what was appropriate business attire, she claimed some women in the office were jealous of her and complained. She wasn't exactly wrong... but on the other hand, she started dressing like a stripper, so they had to say something.
I bet the dudes did not complain, it`s always the women
@@Turk_2023
As I dude, I've definitely complained that my coworkers are dressed like sluts. It's awesome to look at and all but I gotta concentrate sometimes.
@@timothyhall4794 fr because if you get with any of them they're just going to do it all over again even when their in a relationship
This what I’ve always wanted to do if I lost weight. Just in general
Haters gotta hate
I love when Bert mentions him getting his teeth fixed Christina’s all happy and Tom goes “Nooooo”🤣
kinda weird finding out Berts wife is cheating on him on a podcast
She is not.
@@marleneg7794 shut up.
The beginning of the end Bert. Good luck.
Divorce and Personal trainer stepdad....
@ personal trainer is just going to hit a couple times, who said anything about being a stepdad?
@@lordsmokingmirror She doesn't know that
TheyCallMe Doug bruh his daughters are under eighteen chill
ITS OVA JACK- Joey Diaz
12:37 is so funny that Tom and Christina both agreed to motion intercourse with their hands. Some people are just made for each other.
Didn’t catch that until I saw this comment 😂🤣😂... ouch
13:23 “why aren’t you in love with old fat yuckmouth” 😂😂
Bert needs to stop airing out his dirty laundry on the internet 😂
^
It’s all he’s got. He is not a naturally funny person. When he tries write a joke, it’s painfully cliche and predictable, so he resorts to oversharing and being too personal to get reactions.
@@pts5217 damn yo
@Kristie C or its the truth. bert admitted he didnt come up with the machine story and he rode that for years. now his stick is being fat, and over talkative.
@@finatticcomplexity4727 Joe helped him polish it I think
Bert: "I haven't been to the dentist in ten years **tells story about dentist visit** and that was 8 years ago" 😂
Good catch
“Isn’t it the worst, when, like, broads are like, ‘I READ A BOOK!!!”
-Tom Segura
SAVAGE!!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Hahahahaha
Christine was legitimately perturbed by that one hahaha
Bert Is seriously like a 9 year old kid thats allowed to consume alcohol
Unfortunately this is true for to many ppl I always ask myself “aren’t you embarrassed for yourself “? PATHETIC Lol
@@nugs562 You sound miserable lol
@@nugs562calm it down
It's so lovely the way Tom laughs at Bert's shit.
There is true love there!
The person losing their shit in the background is the best thing in this video.
Tooth pain is the worst most frustrating pain ever. I have come so close to trying to rip out my teeth with pliers.
Totally the only thing that matches it for me is earache nothing worse than laying in bed unable to sleep with either one of those.
Man, I knew a guy who got a buddy to pull out one of his teeth with pliers.
Not kidding, the dude got the wrong tooth, and made it that mush worse!
I felt so bad for the guy
Keep featherin it brother
The pure joy in Tom’s eyes and Bert’s dead expression in the thumbnail is great.
Hey Bert I’ll say a keep the black guy away prayer for you
I'm sure its too late
Bryan Rose same
Playlist Dealer 😂😂
I had some crooked dentists. Said I had six cavities. I said I’m good. Came back 6 months later, no cavities? Where did they go? Makes me question every filling I’ve ever had?
I watched Hey Big Boy and it wasn't as racist as I thought it would be!
Facts. He was just as fat as i was thinking though!
Yep it wasn't funny either (-_-)
In fact it was kinda depressing a 50 year old trying to be a funny frat boy.
@@lilcrackaddict Wasn't as racist as I wanted it to be :(....
But you watched it? All of it? Netflix really wants me to watch this but haven't been shut in that long yet.
@@heshamsh761 The last 30 minutes were a bit better but yeah the first half was actually painful to watch, I think he's trying too hard to be a comic. He just seems like a guy playing a comedian, rather than a naturally funny comedian; his schtick is too forced. Which is a shame because Secret Time was actually very good.
Bert Kreischer has the blessing of an irishman because he said St.Paddy’s Day instead of Patty’s
I hate when yanks do that!
100% agree
They're pronounced the same in north america... How do you know which spelling he uses
Doesn't take much to get a blessing then does it. Someone should tell the English 😂
You mean leprechaun?
LeAnn sounds like she works at Denny's or maybe a Shoney's.
"I read a book" gets me every time 2:52
The quiet explosions of laughter in the background are my favorite
Bert is literally living through a ‘would you rather’ question! Haha!! 😂
I’m having a similar problem with my teeth, and dude, it’s so refreshing to know I’m not the only one who thinks “maybe I’ll die before I have to fix the problem.”
"they have spiritual conversations" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It’s over
That means they def banging
14:53 "oh its Joey Diaz calling" I love it!🤣 .. Its like they all live in a comedy land where every body chills and they all do podcast, smoke weed & drink. Idk why, but its just funny!
Bert just doesn’t want his wife on stage because she corrects him when he tells his over exaggerated stories
And her I was thinking she needs to be pegged down and get hear feet down on earth.... Since there are no princesses over 32....
Most of his stories, like The Machine, have been confirmed by other people who were there.
I really wanted to hear that Joey Diaz phone call at the end 😂
Bert pretending he works out is hilarious
Like Louis ck said, you have to work out to maintain your shitty body, if you pile your face with so much food and alcohol, the only way to not become 500 pounds is to work out.
I’m like Bert with dentists too, every time they try and sell you on shit you don’t need, so I started going to a dentist in a lower income area of town, WAY less expensive, WAY better work, and my teeth have never felt better. I can get a fucking route canal for like a cup of coffee and a jolly rancher. Try that shit in affluent neighborhoods, “it’s going to be 4,000 dollars for this hydrogenated alkalized water cleaning” it’s insane
Segura's wife is silly wet thinking about Kreischer's wife.
She is hydroplaning in her seat
lol the best part of this comment to me is you don't use either of their names.
Has she browned?
@@adamburdt8794 holy shit ive never heard that one before that's amazing
@@adamburdt8794 dude I'm dying 🤣🤣🤣💀☠️💀☠️
I would've liked this more IF you let the Joey Diaz call air at the end.
8:35 my man's in the back lost it at that one lol.
His loyal inner circle of friends and family legitimately care about the clinical visits he can afford, including his hot wife?! Bert's doin' okay, guys.
How do I watch YMH without getting Bert in my algorithm?
Oh, you read a book 😆
2:49 you know damn well Tom’s talking about the arm chair therapist sitting next to him
It's a weird thing to lose weight, you fell better and you want to help other people but it's hard to tell them without coming off as rude
Bc for the vast majority of out of shape people, they fucking know what they need to do. They just don’t have the motivation or energy to do it.
It’s like telling a meth addict “hey just stop doing meth”. Like no shit, it seems a lot easier and simpler than it is
hearing everyone dying in the background makes it a million times better lmfaooo
I feel what Bert's going through lol. It's like people who quit smoking and then talk down too smokers as if they never used too smoke.
Those people suck the worst! Telling ya how to stop smoking like you're not trying 😅
Better start working on that Dalmatian wife, Bert. I sense a new hot stepdad in ila's and georgia's future. On the bright side, though, you can start hanging out with Ari openly again. Lol
"I'm in constant pain" Nadav cackles
Bert has kids who can listen to this let that sink in haha
Christina looks like she’s about to blast some Bohemian Rhapsody in her AMC Pacer.
Bert talking about his wife got me going
I purposely blast the episodes to hear nadav laugh lmao
Nadav is my favorite character in the saga
I just brushed my teeth, flossed and used mouthwash after listening to this, thank you
Trainers in her head.
He's more than that!
“I’m in constant pain on the left side of my mouth”😂😂😂😂
"I read a book!" lol
I thought I heard the trainers name was Miguel. I was like OK that’s it lol. 5:51
Damn leeann loses 15 pounds and starts speaking strictly in inspirational quotes lmao
Lol. "Her black trainer has spiritual conversations with my wife. " That's a wrap, burt.
The beginning of the end... for sure.
Bert's a millionaire. He's good
@@invisibot6602 He's also got problems with drugs and drinking. Having money doesn't mean you can't self destruct.
At 1:07 when P is laughing while shes trying to talk it sounds hilarious.
Oh bert as a fellow teeth grinder, I feel all of your pain. I'm only in my early 20s and it's already causing me issues and so much neck and head pain. I've tried everything and idk how to get it to stop
Omg right?? Let me ask y’all, cause Bert didn’t say, do y’all grind your teeth unconsciously throughout the day too? Not just when asleep? Man I grind mine so hard together it feels like I’m pushing everyone single one a little further outward when I notice it! But I won’t notice it for hours until I’ve worked myself into an entire like head / face-ache!!
Aren't there mouth guards you can put in before you go to sleep?
Bill Burrs routine about First ladies springs too mind.
🤣
Her head isn't all that trainer gettin Into!
that "eww" at 1.17 slaps so hard XD
7:49 oh boy, that's getting isolated...
love the laughter from the back lol
Bert looks like he is swollen from eating foods he is allergic to all the time..
I’m so scared of the dentist… I had several bad visits with a few different military Dentists. They weren’t trying to be gentle and would do whatever was fastest regardless of pain levels. Now after over a decade of severe pain medication for my back my teeth are jacked. I had the tops all removed with sedation but the VA doesn’t have many clinics that have that option. And I need something because the dentures they gave me gag me and I can’t wear them. I gotta figure something out because my gums are getting destroyed and my bottoms are so messed up. My heart rate went up just talking about it.
My God Christina looks so much better without the glasses.
Bert get your teeth fixed bro....mine are all completely fucked and if I could get it done one shot and good to go I DEF WOULD!! I smashed my teeth a decade ago and was getting help from a dentist who was really goin above and beyond in helping me get so much stuff done and make payments and what not. Then a quarter way through everything I had to have done and he passed away. Ever since Ive neglected it to the point of a recent infection. This ended up causing me to go temporarily blind and was spreading to my brain. Months of antibiotics and shots later and now I have to figure out how I'm gonna get my entire set of teeth replaced before shit pops off again and I end up dead like a dumbass from dental infections.
@AustinHalo Things have been okay for the most part.....even in the midst of chaos(house caught fire, relatives i havent seen or spoken to in a very long time passing away, helping friends by providing them a place to live in bad times and trying to start a business.....the usual i guess) it can be a bit much but as long as im waking up the next day then cant really complain cause everybody has the stuff they have to deal with, its just all in how I see things and how I deal with them. Always try to think, Have fun be safe and stay positive. Thanks man, appreciate the the well wishes and hope you have good one.
Just drink more Kool-aid Bert it coats your teeth with Vitamin C and protects them. I think you need to up your consumption from one gallon to at least 3 or 4 gallons
"I read a book" fcking Tom's hilarious
Bert gets pissy when someone talks about his drinking. In seriousness he’d probably loose weight fast is he’d quit.
(Joey Diaz calls at the end)
Challenger approaches!
That big boy keeps it high n tight. Stay hydrated blood gang mommies. Suwoo!
Im dead at 10.44 ...Lee ann is forsure in the studio
Poor Bert bout to relive his cuck episode from The Shield
She gonna get stretched out by Julian! 👍🏿
2:48 "I read a book" lol
Leann is going to outgrow Bert’s antics.
"I read a book" Dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Isn’t it the worst when broads are like “I read a book?” Hahahahaha
Wow is that Bert Kreischer? This is ground breaking stuff!!!...
12:27 yeah Bert’s getting cheated on.
he deserves it, keeps shittin on his wife 😂😂
John Redcorn
Good for him, he's lucky to have a wife that other people can love
@@jbreezy93. JO-OOOOOHN Redcorn
The day Bert goes to Tampa is the day Leeann does the trainer or did the trainer.
"I just read a book"
😂🤣🤣🤣😂
“Why aren’t you in love with old, fat yuck-mouth?”… God, I love Bert.
Her weight of 139 lbs. was her heaviest??😟
@ Uh, no. Clearly you never even see what his wife looks like lol She is not overweight.
She must be like 5 foot
She is 4'11"
Lol love how the whole thing was interupted by Joe Diaz
120 ounces of kool aid a day and his teeth hurt? Hmmmm well there can’t be any connection.
This is actually Bert at his more charming lol