losing my dad | an honest chat about grief and loss
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 มิ.ย. 2024
- hey guys, just wanted to say thank u so much again for all your kind messages and especially all the love on the video i made about my dad. • In Memory of my Dad Today I wanted to chat to you all about my dad's cancer diagnosis and the events that followed. Until this happened I'd never really experienced grief or loss of this kind and so I wanted to share my experiences because I understand now that losing a parent in your 20s can be quite an isolating experience. Lots of Lovee x
If you've stumbled across this video and are struggling too, here's some resources I've found helpful in the last few weeks - I too am open to suggestions!
a good website & support network for young people experiencing loss - they also do meet ups:
letstalkaboutloss.org/
a podcast that I listened to none stop for about 2 weeks:
cariadlloyd.com/griefcast
a book I've been reading about what happens after death:
www.penguin.co.uk/books/46113...
insta: lydiamartinmedic
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I wish TH-cam had a heart emoji instead of a like emoji, as I feel 'liking' this video seems inappropriate as it was such a heartfelt video ❤
Thank you Lydia for sharing your story and I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. You don't even have to say it but I can see the pain in your eyes (please don't be paranoid! I tend to see people's true emotions in their eyes). It's so hard keeping it all together when deep down you just want to cry and have your dad back. I understand as I lost my dad at the end of August last year to stomach cancer which unfortunately spread to his lymph nodes, heart, and bones. Just like with you the oncologists were like 'oh no need to worry we can operate on your dad to remove the tumour from his stomach & then put him on chemotherapy'. I felt the complacency and 'hopefulness' of this really annoyed me. But then he had a PET scan to show that his cancer spread rapidly. It's strange because the CT scan didn't show any cancer that had spread. So strange. But anyway my dad was given 6 months left to live from 1st week of June last year and then he passed away at home at the end of August. It's strange how rapidly they detoriate especially when they know they have terminal cancer. I fucking hate cancer! Hopefully one day there will be a cure even for cancers that are stage 4 🙏
But anyway Lydia I just want to send lots of hugs and love to you and your family during this awful and yes traumatic time. Seeing your loved one rapidly deteriorate from being so fit and healthy to being bed bound is incredibly traumatic so please always validate that trauma. It's still early days and try not to get frustrated with yourself if you feel like 'gosh why aren't I over this grief?'. The size of grief never changes, but around that grief life continues to be beautiful. I was told that if you look at a plant, grief/loss is like when a stem of that plant dies. Yes that stem never grows back but the other stems of the plant continue to grow & grow & grow. It will never be the same plant as it was but it will have a different beauty to it. That's what helped me and I just thought of sharing that with you if it might help you too.
You're doing amazingly Lydia and please don't beat yourself up when the grief hits you like a ton of bricks in a random situation. That's grief. The feeling won't last but it's important to feel whatever you feel and show yourself compassion. It's not easy especially if you're studying or working. But it will pass just as long as you feel those emotions.
I've found the app by Julia Samuels called 'Grief Works' really helpful for me so maybe check that out if you want to.
Sending lots of love ❤ grief is a process and takes time. Take care of yourself xxx
This is such an honest and open video and I hope the opportunity to talk through this journey has been beneficial for you. I'm also a 4th year medical student and I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer back in 2nd year when I was 20. Our journeys are very similar and I also continued with medical school following her death as something to focus on and something to give me purpose. Mum wanted me to keep going so that's what I did. She died in the same hospital I was on placement at and returning to placement 2 days after her death both killed me and kept me strong. You should be so so proud of yourself.
A wonderful video, should be really proud that you could put this together. Very important to reflect on these moments in life to be stronger and heal within. Takes me back to the end of life care provided to my partners Grandad, where multiple healthcare staff and family came together to provide a dignified, peaceful end of life.
Lydia, hugs and love from my heart to you about Dad!!!! 💜💜🤗🤗
Losing a loved one is especially a family member isn’t easy but you’re so strong. It’ll take time but you’ll get there. You’re doing your dad so proud and he’s with you every step of the way ❤
I’m in awe of you for making this video - you spoke so honestly and openly. As someone who’s only had their first year of experience of loss in the last year, it’s very comforting in a way to listen to someone’s raw experience and emotion. Thank you - your dad must be so proud.
Love your vlog, Lydia! Losing a parent, family member & friend is hard on everybody, especially around holidays like Christmas! I lost close family members & friends over the years & it took me awhile to accept it but I did have people that were there for me! You are not alone! You have family & friends that will be there if you need them for comfort & support & of course your fans, like me, are here too if you need to talk! Take care! 😊❤
Bless you Lydia. Stay strong ❤..
So lovely to see your face properly back on my screen. Big hugs and thinking of you every day xxxx
just surviving at the moment is an achievement in and of itself! There'll be moments that are harder than others - but you're still going, and you've got such a strong support network around you that you'll get through those tougher moments together 💕
Tomorrow it'll be 3 years since my grandad passed away from cancer. I was 100 miles away from home, less than a semester into med school, alone in the flat because everyone else had gone home before the covid restrictions increased and I still had assessments due in. And I stayed there for a whole week, just me, all because I had some silly formative bits of work to get done! Grief really does make people do some strange things - looking back, I have no idea what possessed me to stay instead of going straight home!! But I guess when you know how proud someone is of what you're doing, it does make you feel like they wouldn't want you to put things on pause for them.
It does take time, but things don't stay sad forever. May his memory always be a blessing, so you can remember all the best times the most 🤍
Lydia I've always loved your videos! When feeling doubtful about my medicine application process I always watch your story of how you got in as I relate to it a lot and it gives me so much hope. You seem so friendly and I'm so sorry this happened to you and your family. I am positive each day you're making your dad proud :)
You are such a lovely soul Lydia. Obviously a very hard vlog for you to do. Well meaning people will tell you to be strong. And that is right. You need strength. But it is not the whole story. Don't be afraid to grieve and cry as much as you need to. When I lost my mum I was a total mess. Everything was bleak. I had been her full-time carer for six years and had become socially isolated. So my situation, in that sense, was different from yours. You have Jack, who sounds like a rock, and a wonderful family. So you might not feel that you need bereavement counselling. I had quite a lot. The best thing I did was to join a bereavement group, run by a wonderful lady from the undertakers. It was an enormous help being among people who were going through the same experience as me. I was also diagnosed with prostate cancer 12 years ago. I had a treatment called brachy-therapy, a form of radiotherapy. But you don't have to keep going back to hospital. You are injected with radioactive seeds, and it either works or it doesn't. If it doesn't there is still recourse to the more usual treatments. It did work for me, thank God and the urology/oncology (?) team at the Queen Alexandra hospital in Cosham who I believe were one of the pioneers. I think you are right to press on with your course. As you say, it's what your dad wanted.
You are being very strong! Be kind to yourself and surround yourself with people you love ❤️
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Bless you Lydia. Wishing you all the best
Keep going and stay strong! ❤️
Must have been a hard vlog to do, but I'm 100%sure it would do you good.
Always good to talk.
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No i am not a medical student but enjoy your vlogs.
❤ stay strong
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