On Losing My Dad | Excerpt From The VPZD Show Ep. 32
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 เม.ย. 2024
- On loss, regret, grief, gratitude, and the unexplainably transcendent. Thank you for all you taught me Dad ❤️
Episodes over the years featuring my dad: zdoggmd.com/tag/zdaddmd/
On having "the conversation" before it's too late: • Ain't the Way to Die |...
Full audio podcast of The VPZD Show: zdoggmd.com/podcasting/vpzd-32/
Video archive, audio podcast, music, Supporter Tribe membership, email & more: lnk.bio/zdoggmd
Support us with a 1-time donation and get a personal email thank you from me: paypal.me/zdoggmd
More about Dr. Z: zdoggmd.com/about-z
I did not realize how much I'd missed hearing the conversation between these two.
I'm a hospice nurse and I am so glad he and you shared that last moment. I try to make the same point, I say "the enemy isn't death, the enemy is suffering". I have had too many similar situations to think there is nothing. There is change, but there is also peace when death is accepted and not seen as a failure.
Thank you ever so much for doing what you do! (Hospice)
Well said
Your words really stopped me in my tracks; I keep re-reading 🥰…THANK YOU for sharing; this is so helpful to hear.
Beautifully said
100% agree!
I actually got to be with my mom when she escaped her body. I was called to take her to the ER but when I walked into her room she looked like a little child. She was talkative and my daughter and I cleaned her up. I then told my daughter to call for an ambulance. While she was busy with that, I got to whisper to my mom that it was okay to go and to look for the light. Almost immediately her jaws closed and she was gone. I knew as I had cared for her the last nine months that she was free.
My first dream of her was of her riding a motorcycle with free flowing hair and a big smile. Thanks for making your dad’s end of life perfect. ❤️
I'm so very sorry. He has imparted his kindness, compassion and intelligence to you. May God bless you and your family.
As a CC nurse I wish more people had the compassion and selfishness towards their family members that you’ve displayed! I find so many people wanting to keep their loved ones alive out of pure selfishness! No matter how much they’re suffering!!😢😢
I am a nurse that works on a lock down dementia unit in a nursing home. When we have residents that are still a full code, it creates such a sense of stress for the nursing staff. We know that should they unexpectedly pass or have an event, we will, by law, have to perform CPR and call EMS to transport them to the hospital. Their families at times are in such a state of denial as to their state of health, they can’t understand the benefit of advanced directives. To hear your personal experience was a gift. My condolences to your family, but I’m glad your story was positive. 💕
Beautiful talk. My parents died within 72 hours of each other during Covid from a horrific car accident. Mom never made it out of ER and doctor was kind of enough to come talk to me, nurses let me and my husband be with my dad inspite of surgeon. Those kind kind health care workers❤❤❤. They even combed his hair and made him more presentable at his request before I saw him. The cruelty was paper work with state of NC. Insane confusing rules when married people die within 72 hours of each other. Bless the health care workers that put humanity in front of stupid rules like only one visitor when someone is transitioning
My father, also a doctor, died in March after complications from his multiple myeloma treatment. Having those discussions about wishes (and having all the practical matters taken care of well in advance) made a horrible situation much easier. We spent weeks with him in the ICU and I was sleeping in his ICU during his final weeks. He was never alone in his final days (his siblings, cousins, children, wife, grandson were all there) and he was surrounded by us during his death. One recommendation I have from this situation is: don't wait to say the things you want to say (i.e. make sure the people you love know you love them) and do the fun things you want to do with your loved ones while things are A-OK. Further, after he died, I sat with his body for a few hours, just absorbing what had happened and I feel that it made all the difference in the world. While my dad's death was somewhat sudden, we at least had the benefit of a month (and within that month, a final week where we knew what was going to happen, if not when) to prepare ourselves emotionally and practically, and to spend lots of intentional time with him. Holding my dad's hand while he slept in his hospital room is something I'll never forget and I hope it was meaningful to him as well. I wish everyone here who has been through this a measure of peace and closure and to those who have yet to experience it, my only wish is that you go through it in as present and mindful a fashion as possible.
One other piece of advice... Before he died, I was able, due to the freelance nature of my work, spend 3-4 months back home with my parents every year. Golf trips with my dad, photo walks with my mom, etc. If you can: MAKE TIME with your loved ones. I feel very lucky that my grief is not further complicated by the presence of regret.
After listening to your story,Z, you received a final gift from your dad. Hold that in your heart!❤
🙏 yes!
Adult ICU Critical Care (18years)RN here. There is SO many decisions post mortem of a loved one. I always (having lost my mother) discuss that with my patients, but more importantly warn them of the self care and time needed to grieve after the hustle of getting things done is over. There is like you said an emotional release that occurs. When the tasks are done, the food delivered, the endless amounts of flowers and plants redistributed…. There is that time when a wave of grief hits that if you don’t see coming can literally make you feel like you’re drowning. I encourage my families to prepare for this, so in that sea of grief they have some sort of life vest/support that they know it’s coming, it will be uncomfortable but there is a plan in place that they don’t feel alone and drowning in their grief. That it is ok to talk about the person that passed. Families like to hear their name, they like to remember. It is a process. And honoring wishes is the hardest most loving thing you can do for your loved one when they can no longer speak for themselves. Just because we can doesn’t always mean that we should. Thank you for helping to bring this to light. ❤
I always told my husband who was my POA for healthcare that I trusted him and forgave him in advance for whatever consequences came from decisions made by him for me. Whether I suffered longer or died sooner, he was not to carry that weight of guilt or remorse. I had very few absolutes since I was in fine health through our marriage. As it turned out he passed first- quickly, despite resuscitation attempts. I’m glad he didn’t suffer any longer than necessary, but I still drift into “if only I…” mode.
You know, I had a general practitioner (I’m Aussie, I think you call them primary care physicians) who said to me decades ago (he was “ahead of his time”)…there is so much more in medicine that we don’t know than what we do know, & it makes a lot of my colleagues VERY uncomfortable”. I was just reminded of that conversation watching this.
Such a reminder to have those important, albeit difficult conversations with loved ones. Also important for the ones that will go on. Knowing that wishes have been followed-most definitely comforting.
Sorry for your loss. He will be remembered fondly by so soo many ❤
My dad passed in hospice via MAIDS. I left the room after he went into his deep sleep, before his last injection, and I knew as soon as he passed, the lights flickered. He had the passing he wanted, and it was so beautiful. RIP Dr. Z Sr.
the jab got his dad but will not believe it
This is a beautiful exchange. It brings tears. I know my calling is to help others embrace their final choices and make it kind, gracious and as celebrated as our birth! ❤
Thinking of you and your family, Z. Be especially kind to yourselves right now. Please forgive my indulgence in sharing a similar story in that, while my beloved dad died in my arms, I heard (or felt), as surely as if she were beside us, my mother giggle her trademark laugh and welcome him “Home.” She had died 10 years before. We had fought doctors to the point of exhaustion to release her (die naturally) from the early onset Alzheimers that had ravaged her for 15 years. When she was 72, with a feeding tube, doctors were shaming us into awful “life-saving” measures as her sweet body just couldn’t go on. She had asked me to help her die 6 years before. Afterwards, my dad and I talked and talked, and did every single thing we needed to make our final moment together so full of peace for both of us. One last blessing for his daughter…As important as planning for the birth of a baby into a loving family. Like you with Vinay, I thank you for providing a “Comments” section for me to share my story with you, someone I trust and admire. At 79 and 77 now, my husband and I have “curated” health professionals that practice a more compassionate, less ego driven form of medicine…my heartfelt wish for all of us. You are and were a good son.
Love you guys ❤️🩹thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏽
I lost my mom in September 2019. No idea it was coming. I had had some indications that she might be in early stages of dementia, and was planning to go see her when I got the call that she was in the hospital. Initially they thought it was a concussion from a fall, but then they scanned her and found she had lung cancer from smoking that had metastasized to her brain and liver. I got there in time to spend a night with her, though she didn't really know it. When I went out to see her, I stayed with my dad (they had been divorced for decades, BTW). Dad still had pictures of my mom everywhere, even though he had remarried, had children with his new wife, and then been divorced by her.
Two years later, my dad was falling. They thought it was due to iron deficiency and the side effects of iron treatment. But when he went to the hospital, they again scanned him. He was a colon cancer survivor from years earlier. When they did the scans, they found tumors in his liver and said, you should plan on getting together by Christmas. Then they did more studies and said, you should get together before Thanksgiving. Then the next day, the call was, sorry, if you aren't on the plane right now, you won't get here in time. I was 2000 miles away and wasn't on the plane, so we did a zoom call and I said good bye. He couldn't talk, but he heard and saw me. I'm glad my step sibs were there and I'm sort of glad I wasn't, because as the stepchild, I felt I would make them uncomfortable.
I still haven't processed their loss. I do have the regrets that I should have spent more time with them. I known I should let that go but I can't yet. I have dreams at least once a week about meeting up with them or dealing with their estates. But it is what it is. I am glad neither suffered for long. And I'm glad I was able to say good bye to both of them. But I'm not yet whole and may never be. Some day I hope to be able to cry for them, but so far, those emotions are still too locked up to get to.
EDIT - Thank goodness my mom had her cremation paid for through the Neptune society so I had almost nothing to do in that respect. My dad did not have that, but my step-sibs and step-mom handled the details for him. PLEASE make arrangements for the disposal of your earthly remains ahead of time. And record passwords, account numbers, etc. Make as much as possible Transfer on Death. That will make things easier in the time when they are mourning.
And yes, I have those "I should let him/her know" moments all the time. Every time I see a video I think they would like, I initially feel I should call them.
Thank you for the chance to vent.
I am a physician who lost his physician father recently also. I share with you the predominant feeling of gratitude, overwhelming gratitude. Life marches on and extracting the positive from such a feeling of loss is a great blessing. Deepest respect to you and your family ZDogg.
❤
This is such a wonderful conversation to listen to for those of us grieving the loss of our dads. Thank you for sharing.
Brings tears to my eyes. Both my parents died without medical intervention. I do remember the sense of my Mother passing. (I have a whole story around that.) But in both cases I was so relieved that they were able to die without “the full court press”. (And yes, call the bedside nurse.)
My condolences to you and your family. My dad passed away a few years ago and as an only child, I was stuck with all the logistics. I thank God every day for that as it prevented me from falling apart - I was too busy to crash. After the funeral was done, came the grieving. I also got the chance to discuss his last wishes with him. He reminds me of your dad - he was very accepting of his fate and was very thankful for living until 89. Thanks for sharing your story.
I thought of your phrase that science isn’t a noun it’s a process and then thought “I need to hear what he’s talking about right now “ thank you for keeping me sane during the insanity
Your dad is SO proud of you !! As any parent he wants you to live into your true identity!!
Culture has hijacked the next gen’s concept of identity
You are living into your identity
My own father, when he passed from our heart attack at age 40 I didn’t feel it, but he had a friend who had been his legal secretary, who happened to be like in praying, meditative state of the same time that he was passing, and she swore that she heard his voice saying I made it and this before I even called her and she knew anythingso yes, I do believe
What a beautiful experience. Thank you for sharing this so openly and courageously with your audience. If you follow any hospice nurse on TH-cam, they all speak of these unexplainable experiences around death. It is so incredibly normal for them, and yet seems hidden away in the shadows because it is not seen as scientifically rational. I'm just about to go through this with my Mum, who has terminal Cervical cancer. I'm doing my best to have these conversations with her now, although she is reluctant to engage. As I'm in Australia, and she is in the UK - there's a good chance I won't be there for her death... This is a beautiful model for me to keep in mind if we are distant when she does pass.
My dad died at 92. He worked helping his son on the farm till he was 90. He had purpose & even babysat his 8 month old great grandson…. Deeply loved and cared for others. He regularly played music to entertain seniors.
He had a peaceful death but struggled not wanting to leave us 🥰. Thx for sharing your story
My sympathy to you and your family. I wish more people would have that end of life conversation with family members. Too many people don't know loved ones wishes. It causes so much stress when things happen happen unexpectedly. I'm funeral director.
I had a similar experience when my mom received her last rights. I’m not a religious person, but that was as close to a religious experience as I’ve ever had. It was the feeling that even though the situation was awful, everything was going to be OK. Before I left my mom, she was still alive, my last words to her were that I would “see her on the other side.”
I was with my wife in the hospital in the US when she passed away after a long live with cancer. The amazing thing was the depth of this shattering, sad experience which shook me up into knowing the immense value of every moment in this common, human life. Just being here, even the silliness of it all, is so beautiful. Also, that night when Amal left her body, my sister was in Europe vacationing in a camper in the mountains where there was no cell phone reception (she couldn't have known about what had happened). A vivid dream-like vision woke her up: it was my wife in a form of a shiny body full of beaming light (appearing much younger than her actual age) lying down with a translucent scarf covering her face. My sister woke up convinced that my wife had just passed away. The next day she got the news. I am convinced that my wife had found my sister to say goodbye, and also to tell her through that image that our calendar age does not matter to our spirit after we transition to the beyond. It was a message of freedom.
My mother in law passed from a CVA a year ago January. I had been seeing patients two hrs away and have a day off scheduled during the week. She was on in house hospice by the time I got there. I talked with her and told her that I was the last family member to make it in to tell her I loved her and she was allowed her to move on because we would take care of her husband. I went on a walk with my SIL for about 15 minutes and on the way back in I saw my BIL running into the hospital. The ICU nurse told me she passed 2 minutes after we left for our walk. She didn’t suffer, she was surrounded by those she loved and she lived a fabulous life. I miss her tons, but she’s in a better place and we will meet again. I have a female cardinal that took up residence in my yard last year. Her name is Gladys. ❤
As a widowed nurse who is developing a grief ministry, I deeply appreciate the authenticity with which you discussed this issue. Thank you for sharing your story with such candor.
Love you brother Z. This happened to me too. My mom, at 90, died at home under the loving care of my sister. I was dragging my feet at getting up there as I had my practice that was pressingly important ( not) and she was in good hands with hospice support. Around 4 AM I sat up in bed, bolt upright. Mom was “presence” in my room, saying a loving goodbye. No doubt. She was gone. I don’t feel her hanging around, at least not close. But I am sure she is very fine. My sister called later that morning and confirmed the time of death. Same time I sat up in bed.
I also had that sense of relief when both of my parents passed. A month of lingering in a state where there is no conversational ability was long, but thankful that we had those conversations before my parents were no longer lucid. I did have to ask the healthcare providers , for example, why are you still checking BS levels when when my dad is not eating, and still giving him his meds for HTN, DM, and hypercholesterolemia when his body is shutting down and giving in? Please keep him comfortable I asked. I was there every day, glad I was, to make sure my dad's wishes were being respected. As you say, the Advanced Directive, DPA, no one even looks for those documents in the hospital but the Admissions staff sure make a point to ask you if you have such and provide you with that pamphlet of information. Sorry for your loss. Yes, we will all find ourselves here at some point ; we all die. Enjoy the life we have now and have the conversation. My adult children cringe when I tell them what I want when that times comes (and it's in writing/Living Will) but too bad, this is part of life. Death.
Thanks for talking about this. RN here. Almost lost my mom to peripancreatic cancer and the financial, medical, and advocacy fell on my shoulders. Thankfully my mom survived but I clearly have some unresolved emotions on the matter and this conversation helps readdress those
Glad your mom was able to survive this❤🎉
So sorry for your deep loss. Thank you for sharing your story and being an example of presence and grace. Good to see this video of you two together, such a solid and kind friendship.
I was with my mom when she passed and I have never felt such peace as i did at that moment/afternoon. Peace beyond understanding thats for sure. There is so much we dont know.... But feel!!
This is a beautiful talk. Thank you for sharing his death as a learning experience. It has me thinking about my parent and death. Your dad was wise and so are you, Thank you both for your widom and experiences.
Thank you for sharing "the story" My sympathies for your loss.
As I tell "the story" of my 98 year old mother, it dawned on me how similar to that same story we told when a soul came into the physical world. For ,years we tell the story of how the conception, the pregnancy, the humor of the rush to the hospital, the labor went. All surrounding that beautiful soul.
As we watch the miraculous body, knowing just how to gracefully wind down, my mother, the old nurse as well, watch a beautiful soul leave the physical and return to what ever energy that is.
I watched Hospice Nurse Julie on FB and learned so much.
Unfortunately, I wasn't in charge. The blessing is that I now have my narrative and directives in place.
I love how your dad visited. There aren't enough spaces to tell you how many affirmations I've received. Peace,my friend. Listen quietly, and you will hear him often.
i 100% understand your feeling. when our spirits speak to each other. Prayer is a powerful thing. I am so sorry for your loss. Condolences to your family.
our attitude about death is an arrogance thing born of science and lack of faith. We think we control things when in reality, we just watch. As i always said, If someone is going to live nothing i can do will prevent it and if they aren't... nothing i can do will stop it... Western medicine needs to learn to live with that but they just can't. Hugs to you, Z... it's hard to lose your parent. :(
Zubin, your father is back on his star ⭐ he understands much better where you are coming from now...❤️ Love..
I come from a medical family. My Maternal grandfather was a surgeon and served in WW II. My father was also Army medical corps and then was a Nuclear Medicine specialist for 30 more years. We have experienced the gamut with multiple family members. It would take way too much time to relate my experiences but, after my mother's death and my near death experience. Every day and experience is with gratitude.
I also had a similar, hard to explain experience with my closest friend before her death. It was vivid and real and ultimately OK. I'd be happy to share
My mother died two days before Thanksgiving after two bouts of hospitalization. I had conversation with everyone that she did not want to die in the hospital. I managed to get her out and home on hospice 8 hours before she died. That is much better than the insanity of the hospital. Sympathy to Z. My father died in 1997.
I am only 67 but I already have 'my affairs in order' to the point that my kids roll their eyes at me but I think they will appreciate it some day. I had a close friend who died suddenly at 60 and her kids were lost and confused and it took two years to get it all sorted out.
Yours is truly a gift of love. The legacy box does indeed help.
Saw both my parents to the door. They entered peacefully. It’s never easy.
My mom died in home hospice. We had a lot of help which was great and definitely made things easier.
She wasn’t an easy person and to be honest I had emotionally disconnected from her but I was always respectful and kind.
I spent the last couple of months providing a lot of hands on care. It actually was very healing. A lot of the BS fell away until at the end she was just pure love.
My father died last October at age 90. Thankfully it was quick, and he recognized us to the end. Goodbye, Daddy.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad over 7 years ago and it never really seems real when it happens, even though you know its coming eventually. I'm so glad that you got to have those discussions to know how he wanted his story to end.
I love your parents, especially their sparing back and forth. They were entertaining but so much more than that. They watched over, offered advice, were our family. I am so sorry your dad has ready to pass. I, too, will think of him everyday.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻♥️♥️♥️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
You are your father’s son and you are blessed beyond measure. ❤ I pray your father is at peace and pray for your families strength and healing.
Thank you for this. My dad passed a year ago, and I was his health care proxy. We had had all of the talks, but still.... Into the ER with sepstic pneumonia, followed by a 3 am call that he had to be transferred to the main hospital. Of course they had vented him, against his wishes, advanced care directive, and without notifying me. It has been a long road of beating myself up for not foreseeing and putting a stop to intubation. Your reflections have brought me peace.
This is Ele's friend and Bullard alum. Simply 1 of your best shows. Your generosity in sharing your experience with losing a parent is often not openly discussed. It's like, how do we wrap up our parent's life? The logistical burdens, helping emotionally with the surviving parent, the medical decisions that prevented the potential bungling of prolonging suffering by honoring your dad's final wishes...You listened to your intuition and batted away the "should haves". (But then going to Clovis is never really that great anyway. Sorry, I digress.)
ZDad raised a wonderful son, because you respected him and his wishes. You set a tremendous example to your ZPups.
Grief and gratitude happen because there was/is love.
Thanks for sharing.
Much love and gratitude for your presence and sharing it, Dr. Z. Condolences to you and your family.
3:00 this reminds me of the episode of the Netflix show "Chefs Table" with the Korean Buddhist Nun Jeong Kwon. Her father came to visit her at the monestary late in his life. He felt forlorn that she did not get to experience even some of the simple pleasures of life, and that she was missing out. She cooked him a meal, and showed him her inner joy. His
Her description of that event has a deep sense of compassion and understanding to it. I HIGHLY recommend that show, and especially that specific episode. Even if you could care less about cooking. (It's kinda not even about cooking from a certain frame of view)
So sweet that he wanted to talk to you! Before he went to the hospital. So sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved dad and my amazing mom 9 mos apart. It hurts everyday without them.
So sorry for your loss but I’m glad he had his wishes met 🙏🏻
I am a retired hospice nurse, and still volunteer there. As a culture, Americans deny that death will happen to them. Having "the conversation" is hard but absolutely necessary. Just like a hospital admission, "discharge planning" should be done early. Twenty-somethings, as well as the elderly, need advance directives. It's a journey we will all take, and just like a vacation, needs to be planned. You are wise to have done the meditation and "inner work." It's a blessing you have gifted to yourself. Z Dad is always with you. Just listen with your heart. ❤
Z, thank you so much for sharing the story of your dad‘s passing. I agree with you that it really could not have gone better than it did, all things considered. My dad passed last July and while the process was much more swift than we initially had planned for, it also was as good of an experience as it could have been. He had found out approximately one month before that he had stage four metastatic kidney cancer that had spread to his lungs. He developed an unrelated infection, and went into the hospital to treat that, and while there he started developing complications related to the cancer. Instead of prolonging the inevitable, as he called it, he chose to remain in the hospital and be placed on comfort care. When he made that decision, he told our family members, as well as the palliative care team, and his attending doctors that he just wanted to go to sleep, and wake up in heaven. After two days on comfort care, that is basically exactly how it happened. He had a very peaceful death, and I’m sure he is in heaven, looking down on all of us. While it is still hard, and grief hits at moments out of nowhere from time to time, I also am comforted in the fact that he had a peaceful, comfortable death that went exactly as he had wanted. Again, I just wanted to share that with you and thank you for sharing your story with all of us.
So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 6 months ago. He was on hospice for about 5 weeks after having health issues for a few months. We had the best day in 5 months the day before he died. He was so happy and talking about all the jobs he had and moves and vacations with Mom who had been gone for 3 years. It was the best day and he was smiling and as happy as could be. He was 86.5 and knew it wasn’t going to get any better. He was ready to go and I was glad he went peacefully the next day when none of us were there. We rushed over 30 minutes after the call and were with him as he was going.
Thank you for sharing your story. Grief is hard. I lost my dad Jan 2023 and it still feels raw. UCSF 10ICU were amazing to my Dad and our family. Bless all who make it their job to help us in these tough times.
Thanks for sharing your story. My Pop died about 15 years ago at the age of 83 and I was in the room with him when I also experienced something that transcends our socialized ideas about life and death. To this day, I have no rational explanation and I am good with that. reminds me of an old quote. "The Truth is a perfect thief because it steals from us everything we think we know" . take care.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Major health problems with a parent or loved can definitely be a blessing in disguise. Your dad will be missed by all of us who got to see a little bit of him through you. I’m so glad for you and your family, that he went peacefully and that you were with him.
Condolences. I lost my beloved kind and selfless mother in march 2022 and I have not been the same since. I miss her tremendously. The only thing tha5 brings me a little peace is that she went peacefully and didn’t suffer for a long period. A week from a fall to hip surgery to a fatal blood clot. I cannot wait to see you again Mom when my time comes.
when you said "he got it" i burst into tears. what a beautiful final moment you all facilitated and experienced with your father.
ZDogg, you even helped my soul through your Fathers passing. He would be so proud of his son. I'm about to be going through the same thing with my mom and sister. Two women who have meant the world to me. Thank you for explaining a different way to look at death. I feel fine with the thought of my dying, but when it comes to my mother and sister, I need to take a deep breath and prepare myself for peace and tranquility.
May his soul rest in peace and may the good memories always be with you
So sorry for your loss. No matter how it goes down it's hard to loss your parent.
Z, I experienced a similar feeling when my my mom died 13 years ago. I was sitting in the recliner next to her bed at hospice. I was very tired because she had declined a lot in the past week, and the staff told me she was not going to make it through the night. At 1am, I felt very awake and felt a warmth go through me. I knew she was gone. Thank you for sharing your story.
Your father sounds like a great man & you carry that in yourself.
I am so sorry, Z.
❤️❤️❤️
As a nurse I felt that so deeply. My Dad had been gone since 4-21-24. 74y/o. He wasn't ready. Still bowling, going to the gym, etc. pulmonary hypertension that led to cardiac arrest. Anyway- as a nurse I thought I understood. I thought I had supported, helped and comforted in those hard times. Until last week I didn't know grief like this. It is shredding our entire family. My Mom is now alone after 52 years.
So sorry for your loss. Wishing your mom peace. ❤
So sorry for your loss. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. 😢
....prayers for you and your family. I lost my Daddy in 2018 at the age of 69. It is difficult moving on in life without our Dad, but I am so thankful that you had a great relationship and he had such a positive impact on your life.
Thank you for sharing with us 🙏
You lost your dad on my dad’s birthday (as he had died tragically ) and I was extremely close to my dad.. your words touched me so much.. it is how I felt and feel to this day.. we lived and loved and appreciated each day and had no regrets.. but today especially your words were appreciated deeply.. ❤ thank you as always for your wisdom
I literally was thinking of you yesterday!!
😢 I am sorry and we love you !!
ZDogg - My Dad has been gone 23 years now… and the greatest gift he gave me was making his wishes explicitly known. We were able to honor his wishes without regret… for sure I *still* miss my Dad every single day, and wished he could have seen his grandkids borne and grow up, and wished there could have been a different outcome, but I know in my heart and my mind that we made the right decisions. ❤ I miss you Dad!
So very very sorry for your loss. No matter how prepared we are mentally to lose a loved one, our hearts and souls are still wrecked when it happens. May his memory be for a blessing.
Sorry for your loss Z and family. ❤
Absolutely love your story. I also felt gratitude at my 68 year old husband passed last year. He had multiple health issues but it was bladder cancer at the end. We had talked about everything and he wanted no more interventions and his passing was peaceful and a blessing. I was 💔 but at peace Thank you for your story
So sorry for your loss, Dr. Z. May your father rest in peace.
You are so loving! Your Dad was blessed to have as a son.
DOCS: you help and aid many more people than you know. Thank You.
I went on that journey with you as you talked about your dad’s passing. So powerful. Thank you for sharing. Had a similar experience when my mom passed. The grief later is exhausting you’re correct about that.
ZDogg, I'm sorry for your loss. But, what a beautiful way for ZDad to pass; on his own terms. I just watched the 2017 ZParents video you linked to. So sweet. You have all of these memories in video form for years to come. What a blessing! I am so happy VPZD is back, yay! 😀
Thanks for sharing. It's never the right time to lose your dad.
" To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die."... Thank you for sharing this conversation... very helpful for those that haven't experienced a parent passing.
My father past last year, and I felt all of this discussion. Thank you for talking about this. God bless your father, your family, and you.
My dad died at the age of 50 when I was only 9, and I didn't feel anything at that age, or at least I don't remember feeling anything (in terms of knowing he had passed). But my mom, who is not really spiritual or religious mentioned something to us in the years since. This happened very close to when Star Wars came out in 1977 and so at some point my mom took both of us to see it. She was still grieving big time but I guess decided she needed to do this for us. She later told us that she kind of saw Obiwan as my dad. Both had beards, but obviously my dad's wasn't white. I think this made the movie even harder to watch for her. But she later related that at one point during the movie she actually felt something like a hand on her shoulder. No hand was there of course, but she felt a presence that seemed to be trying to comfort her, and I think this helped her start to turn a corner in terms of her grieving.
As a big star wars fan myself, this is such a heart warming comment 🤗
My heart-felt condolences to you Zubin and your family. It's reassuring to know that your father enjoyed his life, that there was no unfinished business between the two of you, and that his final wishes were carried out. It was such a tremendous blessing for you to have been with your father energetically as he transitioned and for you to have experienced the felt sense of peace and gratitude. I was with my mother when she passed in hospice, which reinforced the sense that we are not just our body/mind. May you open deeper and deeper into Love and Peace as you process this grief. Love and Prayers to you and your family. ♥ ~ Alara
thank you so much for sharing dr. z. i also feel a sense of gratitude that my grandma passed suddenly the year before covid because i don't think she would have dealt with that period in time well mentally. i will not forget your story or your dad.
Sorry for your loss, Dr Z.
Watching your shows on TH-cam one day and gone the next does sound like a good way to go, though.
Glad you had the closure as well.
I am so sorry for your loss, although I think it's a poorly phrased expression. My dad died 4/16/2007 and I had a similar experience with his passing. I connected with him and we "talked" about the things he and I couldn't communicate while he was alive. When we were "done," all was peaceful. As I was hours away, I wasn't sure if it was all in my head until I learned that he died at the same time as I felt peace.
Peace be with you and your family, Z. I enjoyed seeing both of your parents on the show over the years. Much love and comfort to all!
Listening to you speak about having the conversations with your Dad about his final wishes reminds me so much of Caitlin Doughty here on TH-cam who is a mortician that speaks on the importance of advanced directives, speaking with family, and the process after death. It is so wonderful that you had that experience, and you truly felt your father be at peace. You and your mother definitely handled his passing as gracefully as people can, my condolences for your loss. Having lost my mother in 2018, and refusing to believe what I was seeing with my own eyes when she was in the hospital just before her passing, I can only hope to have an experience more like yours when it is my Dad's turn sometime in the future. 💜
Thank you for sharing this. Through a number of serendipitous circumstances (for which I thank God), I was able to be physically present with my dad at the end. I resonate with everything you shared…the sense of his presence throughout the week as I cleared out his apartment, the moments of intense inexplicable grief followed often by laughter. What a privilege to be part of their passing. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
ZDadd! May he rest in eternal peace and sorry for your loss.
You were blest to experience that with your father!
My condolences to you. The same thing happened to me when my grandfather died. I knew when it happened. I’m glad he was able to live the way he wanted in his last years. Thank you so much for sharing 💔🙏🏼
Dr. Z, haven† watched for a while. You are such a blessing. Very sorry for your dad. You are such a great guy'
April 18th 2024 my mom passed away because of COPD and emphysema. She's been battling it since June 2008. Watching this video kinda helps. I know she passed away peacefully surrounded by family and friends.
What a thoughtful and poignant memory you shared of your dad. Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing. I lost my dad a few weeks ago as well. Prayers to you and your family.
Also, I'm so sorry! May his memory be eternal!