Succeeding at Work You Love is a Powerful Part of Trauma Healing
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มิ.ย. 2024
- Come See Me In Person. One-Day Workshops TX, NC & LONDON: bit.ly/49rzM0Z
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
Work and career are important to success and happiness. But trauma from your childhood can trigger behaviors that block your advancement and ruin opportunities. In this video I teach common trauma-driven behaviors behaviors that can hurt your work life, and how you can change and heal.
***
*Letters*: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
Best Course for Beginners:
Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
How I Recently Lost 25 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
Learn to Heal CPTSD-driven Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
Join LIVE Webinars with Anna Runkle: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com/CCF
NEED BETTER SLEEP? Manta SLEEP MASK Use code CCFAIRY for 10% Off:
bit.ly/43udhog
![[TH] VCT Masters Shanghai Playoffs DAY 2 // PRX vs G2 | EDG vs TH](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/T5j2XVcDFs0/mqdefault.jpg)
Anna, once again, I wish you’d been around when I was younger. My CPTSD definitely impacted my career and earning potential. I’m earning a good income now, but my lack of confidence kept me habitually underemployed. When I did get a good job, I would typically burn hot and then flame out when I became overwhelmed upon getting more responsibility. Everything you’ve described in this video has happened to me. My lifelong pattern has left me in a financially precarious position at a time when I should be retiring. For younger people seeking healing on this channel, you’re very fortunate. ❤
So well said. It's so bittersweet to figure this stuff out when you are well past your prime and all your potential has expired. When I was a kid no one even talked about the stuff that everyone just discusses matter of fact now. So many missed opportunities it takes your breath away.
@@sevendeadlychins It is bittersweet, isn’t it? That’s a perfect description of what it feels like: relieved to understand and obtain healing, finally, but sad that it didn’t come sooner. All the years on therapists’ couches with little to show for it because no one knew about CPTSD. Love your TH-cam handle, BTW; it’s inspired! 😂❤️
You're not alone, designchik.
I wonder if we weren’t separated at birth?!? 😆 I totally get you…ditto 💕
You're never too old or past your prime. Your mind makes these things up. Get to work. There are younger people to help.
Well my mental illness took me from an accomplished career in my field of study to cleaning toilets. I'm actually incredibly grateful to be able to make a living on my knees scrubbing filth. It's still far better than when I could not work at all and had to be on disability. Part of resilience is cultivating the ability to keep perspective.
The zen of toilet cleaning!
I too have cleaned toilets, washed dishes, etc.
Enjoy the time you get to spend daydreaming, singing, writing novels or blogs in your head, or whatever lifts you up.
Good luck!❤
I call it being flexible
My go to was carpet cleaning when I quit my other jobs
Good attitude I like it. There's something to be said about cleaning. It's high turnover, meaning there's usually a job open. And it's hard to find good, reliable cleaners, so you can make a decent amount of money at it. My friend got a contract cleaning vacant apts, I personally was a custodian on 2nd shift and I've worked third shift. There is a union, AFSCME, city and state municipal hospital schools, equivalent to the Teamsters. Find them! Reach out to them. Born and raised in Detroit, I'm all about union jobs, they're still out there. 🤞you can find a job that's right for you ☮️💖😘😘😘 from Tulsa
I’m the same Ive had so many dreams of wanting certain careers and I’ve got to 55 and my children are grown so I’ve gone into those job and I’ve been triggered by working with certain people my friend had a cleaning company which i started helping out a year ago and I love it I get this amazing feeling of going into a dirty house and sorting it out I’m my own boss I put headphones on and just clean I love it ❤
I hate when companies tell you “we are like family!” For me, it created this false sense of security that I fell for over and over. In healing, it has helped a lot to flat-out reject that idea (silently and in my own mind). It has helped me to reframe my expectations at work.
Hearing that line in a weekly meeting is what solidified my reason to leave a non-profit, I learned that “we are a family” meant all our employees will feel overburdened and nothing will be done about it. Speaking about the pressure would always be met with gaslighting
@@Jessica-kw7nf I completely understand.
I hear that “family” line and heed the red flag. Run!
When I hear that I'm thinking "you wouldn't say that if you met my family"!
Well, I had an abusive family, so that job description is quite fitting when I’m stuffed in a soul sucking cubicle all day, and being timed on breaks and in the bathroom. Ugh 😑!
Kind of off topic: I’ve mostly had serving and bartending jobs for the last 11 years. It’s definitely horribly draining at times HOWEVER I have newfound motivation because for the last few weeks I’ve been using my customers as practice for doing standup comedy! They don’t know that’s what I’m doing but it’s perfect. Every table is an opportunity for material now as well lol
That’s such a cool idea and not off topic at all haha. I think it’s awesome that you’re looking beyond your basic job description and using that “regular” job as sneaky practice for a higher goal that you’re passionate about. You’re actually encouraging me a lot by saying that because I’m using my job at the local library to pry myself out of the house and connecting with other humans, with the goal of gradually switching to teaching art classes. Practicing my social skills again and getting inspired by books 😊
@@RachelRiner oh that makes me so happy! Encouraging others is what encourages me! :)
That's fun, I always notice how I've learnt something from every job I've done even if it was not a job I liked at the time. Have you watched Maria Bamford's stand-up? She has a one hour Christmas special on here and I love it because as well as her incredible voice acting talent, a lot of her comedy centres around depression, intrusive thoughts, OCD and being misunderstood by others (in a funny rather than complaining way) so it's v relatable!
I can’t watch TV! People think I’m weird. But it stresses me out and drains me. Wow. Thank you for saying that. I’m protecting my soul. Not on social media either. Just here on TH-cam learning stuff. Thanks for sharing!
You're definitely protecting your soul. Hold on to those TV boundaries! - Ashley, Team Fairy
Agreed!
I‘m doing this too, for more than 15 years now. This way I wasn’t anxious throughout the pandemic for example. Regarding movies or so friends sometimes tell me ‚oh no, this is nothing for you‘ and I appreciate their care and acceptance but I always think ‚actually it’s not (good) for you either‘.
I cant watch it either! Its mentally traumatizing. Anxiety producing.
I can't watch T.V. either. It's too triggering for me. Sadly, no one around me understands me.
Glad to see I'm not the only one. ☮️
My perfect job was second shift union custodian at the schools. I got there at 2:30 p.m., started pulling trash, interacted with some people, (and most everyone who works at the schools are kind people, especially elementary School teachers! 😍🥰), then little by little everyone would start going home LOL. By around 7 p.m. I'd be on my own, cleaning, which is a mixture of art and science, I do believe. Get off at 11:00 pm. And I was appreciated there also. Also being a vendor/merchandiser, you are around people in the stores, but you can pick who you interact with. And some of us really need that aspect.
I love the timing of this post.
Currently, I am thinking of focusing on merchandising jobs and library jobs so I can be alone, quiet & able to generate income.
December, I left a well paying sales job because it was too much interaction. Before that, I managed a team of 12. Now, I realize I 💩-fit myself into the role by becoming a functioning alcoholic . I ended up walking out because of deregulation at the worst possible time.
I am hoping that a quiet source of income, the journaling practice, and this channel will help me build myself up.
Your comment feels like I'm on the right track when it comes to future work for myself. Thank you for posting Stacy Jaye, and thank you, Anna Runkle. ❣️
Sounds awesome 👌
❤️❤️❤️❤️heart warming post Stacy. Thank you for sharing.
@@MyHomebodyHomeyI work for bimbo Bakeries, which is Sara Lee Bread and a bunch of other products Thomas English muffins etc. They are one of the largest in the world, the position is called pull up. I pounded the pavement, asked grocery store managers for a list of vendors, Nabisco and Frito-Lay also. It's also high turnover because you have to use your own car, it's a good thing. Best of luck to you honey!
@@MyHomebodyHomey PS. Chase down a job at bimbo. At the beginning of the pandemic, they straight up took us from $12 an hour to $15 an hour. We also got a $250 bonus for gear. And I am just a part-time employee. They have plenty of jobs that are full-time, but a lot of us are vendors for a couple different merchants, part-time. Bimbo's policy is to treat everyone with respect and fairness, for instance they pay more in the bigger cities. I truly love my job for the first time ever 💕
I recently learned that I've been holding myself back from career opportunities because of my anxiety and feeling like I'm not good enough or that I'll feel ashamed if I fail. Trying to find a job I love and feel fulfilled by and I hope I can believe in myself and be okay if it doesn't work out.
I can relate & hope you find meaningful work where you’re appreciated because you deserve it! That’s my prayer for myself as well 🙏
I have left so many jobs because of dysregulation . Thank you fairy I'm learning how to respond whenever triggered and not just leave
I'd just like to add that "quiet quitting" can actually be a great short-term solution to over-giving and burnout at work. It can be a way of setting boundaries that says, "No, I won't do the jobs of 3 people, I'm contracted to do my job and that's what I'll do" or "No, I work until 5pm and I won't be guilted into giving free labour that I'm not getting paid for, as it drains me". At the very least, it can enable you to remain employed and pay your bills while you use your conserved energy to find another job.
I’m currently in, I would say, “middle recovery” (4 years), and work challenges are huge! I relate to other commenters saying that they do so well at first then burn out quick. For me I struggle with the “good kid” complex. In school you’re really rewarded for being efficient, going beyond expectations, behaving, etc. Now that I’m a working adult I’ve realized that if you show them you can work more/faster, they just give you more work…. Hence, BURNOUT!! Makes total sense. Amazing vid as always Anna, you have the gift of “wise, loving aunt/older sister advice” 😄
A fellow I worked with years ago, upon hearing I'd been gifted with yet another job title, advised me that the reward for hard work is more hard work. 🙃
Complex-PTSD stops me from even applying for jobs (especially dreading the interviews.) That aside, Complex-PTSD has robbed me of knowing myself and knowing what I like. I have no idea. Where do you start?
You are not alone. I can totally relate to this. I don't know who I am and what I want.
this is where I'm stuck. I just don't believe work can be fulfilling instead of traumatizing.
@@mishiwakka same❣️♨️💯
Start with the Daily Practice bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’m going through the exact same thing right now. I’m only able to work when it’s a freelance job. But when I try to go back to working a normal job, I freeze and don’t feel good enough.
I worked for a boss who was exactly like my abusive dad for 5 years. She refused to promote me, but when I asked what traits/behaviors I needed to develop to move up, she couldn’t come up with any feedback. She was notoriously harsh on the women on her team, and fawned over the guys, who were getting promoted with less experience. And she pissed off EVERYONE. Everyone in our industry knew her name for the wrong reasons, and I think she’s been fired or let go from nearly every agency in town. When I think about how I could put up with her for so long, I know it’s because my dad trained me to tolerate the worst behavior. Happily, I know longer work for her OR talk to my dad, and life is so much more peaceful and happy now.
I’m currently changing careers and back in school again at 42. This completely resonates with me. I have been laid off a million times because of my CPTSD. I only recently found out that this was my issue. I’m excited and very frightened to become a medical coder. I’m afraid of failure and other people. I officially passed my certification exam a couple weeks ago!
I'm going back to school at 55 for a. I. If I can do it anyone can
That’s awesome! I was 42 when I went back to school to become an LMT. It’s tough to start over, but very rewarding when you can do what you really enjoy!
Well-done!! 🏆❤️🏆
I’ve gone back to school at 40 and again at 54. I want you to know how absolutely powerful you are!!
Congratulations! I'm amazed at our similar stories! I am also 42 years old and went back to school for- you guessed it! My Medical Billing and Coding certification.
I passed my course and am now waiting to sit for my exam as well. I did get a job 6 months ago as a medical scheduler and my boss is very narcissistic like my parents. She doesn't acknowledge my hard work or the fact that I am the top scheduler on our team instead reserving the praise for my coworker who is her favorite. Same dynamic as my own family. Long story short I have a plan to transfer to the Billing department once I'm officially certified and have my CPC title. Thankfully the billing manager at my job is kinder, more supportive and encourages collaboration in her department. Even Better yet, the pay is considerably higher. I am running towards greener pastures and I'm excited!
I ADORE this channel its helping me navigate and work towards healing my CPTSD so much! Thanks for letting me share my little story and I wish you the very best in your career change. It's never too late! ❤ You've got this!
I disagree about your statement on quiet quitting. Because of my CPTSD I frequently used to interpret the work place as a place where I had to constantly go above and beyond. That I had to do more than they were asking of me, because otherwise they would know how much of a fraud I was right? But the concept of quiet quitting, just doing what is expected of me helped me set up boundaries, for myself and other people.
In a work environment with a boss I think it is very easy for bosses to take advantage of trauma survivors, because let's face it in a corporation there are a lot of similarities between gaslighting and corporate expectations. The concept of quiet quitting is not about slacking off. It's about stepping into your boundaries and knowing that you have value even if that gets lost in the office.
Agree!!
My job has been a lifesaver. It has shown me how valuable and loved I can be. It gives me chances to constantly better myself, set boundaries, learn from mistakes. I help people every day and impact their lives. Making my own money lets me be independent and uplift my family. When life can be filled with difficult relationships, my relationship with myself and my job is always there for me. Thank you for the reminder.
It's very strange but as someone who was the workhorse at my past job getting yelled at by customers or a bad manager, I've found that spite and selfishness helped me move on from toxic work environments.
I learned that yelling is a trigger for me, which prompts me to either leave the situation or enact physical consequences to stop the yelling (since these types of people cannot be reasoned with). Typical fight or flight response. But within that anger I felt a self-righteousness I never knew. It was telling me "Don't take that crap, look out for your own interests!" and I listened.
Now I refuse to tolerate yelling of any kind in my daily life. I know my time is worth more than that, and I will quit jobs on the spot if I am disrespected. I also seek out jobs that allow me to work alone or have little customer contact. Don't be afraid to walk away from things that do not serve you. That is where true power comes from.
My nervous system is so fried and burnt out at this point, I just want peace and to be left alone.
Because of CPTSD I’ve been in Higher Education for 8 years and 4 universities still trying to get a Bachelors degree. It’s truly painful when you see people younger than you take your opportunities.
Go into tech like i did. The pay and lifestyle is so much better and much more financially secure
@@ZukoTheShinigamiIronically, I am a Robotics Engineering student. 😅
Ooo can you give some practical advice on how to get started please? 🙏 x
Your comment was very triggering to me. I guess because you sound so entitled when you state that younger people are taking _your_ opportunities. I don't say this with a mean intention, just wanted you to know there's a blindspot there that may be hurting people around you.
You got this!!
You talked about quitting jobs. I didn’t hear you speak about getting fired. In my 20’s I was fired from 3 jobs due to CPTSD. Very frustrating. Then I got a BS and masters degree and worked for 15 years but with “struggles”. Now I have my own business. Best decision ever.
Just quickly, easy repetitive jobs are also frought with the trappings of power play, but at very low pay.
Update: I just emailed someone inquiring about another nursing job :)
I am so grateful for this topic that has not really been addressed anywhere else. Being in a healthcare profession that craps all over me (cardiac nurse), I feel GUILTY to leave as if I'm abandoning my "family".....its CRAP FIT ... you help me see how this is trauma thinking... a total BLIND SPOT in CPTSD that no other professionals are addressing
Good luck with the nursing job. We're rooting for you! - Ashley, Team Fairy
It's true, I don't see anyone else addressing this! It's a daily stress that is a real hurdle to overcome and great to see Anna bringing it to the Tube!
I quit nursing as it traumatised me seeing some of the things. Good luck 🍀
Have you thought about joining an association or medical society (cardiac) Many of them have a clinical division that could use people like you !
1:42 I worked and managed into middle age until I encountered a narcissistic boss that popped the lid off of my childhood trauma. It has taken me a long time to unpack it all and figure it out, but ultimately it has lead me down a path of growth.
Best line in this video 'you are so busted because you are watching my videos, so I know you're working on yourself' I needed to hear it to believe it. Thank you.
It sounds like you're in the right place and we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I’ve quit my studies twice (that would’ve gotten me to my then dream job) because of the symptoms of cptsd and now am stuck with a job I hate. I’m taking back my power though and doing several online studies so I can start doing what I love finally.
Enjoy your journey to Freedom.Half the Battle is Understanding the issues.🙏♨️💯🙂You got this💯
@@vnette9777 thank you and bless your heart ❤️🫶🏾🙏🏾
Keep going mija, you got it. I've been trying to achieve my goals too
@@snoopy5736 thank you, so do you. We got it, let’s go 💪🏾🫶🏾
It will be ok. Always be moving forward.
This is my major challenge these days, just eating up this video😃 I've been fed up with being a paralegal, being exhausted by the climate of law firms, for several years. To the point I've been at home for 3 years avoiding life. I still have no idea where I'm going and how things will improve, but I have gained the faith that I will figure it out as I continue healing my trauma and dysregulation in particular. Thank you for surviving and healing and creating this beautiful hope for recovery that we can all have now!💚💚💚
LOL, I just commented on how fulfilled I was for a time as a legal secretary. There definitely is a time to get out of there. It's often very unhealthy.
The difficulty is finding yourself in a situation with a boss that is intentionally triggering your wounded child. Once that happens, I don't know how not to let it affect a person.
Start applying to jobs now. I've been in this situation. The answer is leave and tell no one where you're going.
Can you please talk about maladaptive daydreaming as a trauma response and it's solution. I have even tried antidepressants but it just don't go away. IT WOULD BE REALLY HELPFUL IF YOU MAKE A VIDEO ABOUT IT.
YES!
I hear you, big time. This is a huge, huge, huge issue for me, and always has been. I’m very underemployed now, and after 15 years of extremely abusive workplaces, plus various factors that have ramped up my already considerable maladaptive daydreaming, I’m now very leery of even trying to do full-time.
I’ve done a lot of magical thinking throughout my life. Is that similar to maladaptive daydreaming? I’ve always fantasised about someone coming to save me, something I started doing when I was six years old to cope with my untenable home life. The only way I survived was to pretend I was someone else living a different life with loving parents. I immersed myself so fully in my alternate universe that it sometimes felt real. I’m 64 now and still have to fight the urge to think some perfect person will come along and fix my life.
@@designchik this coping stems from trying to place the at one point overbearing responsibility on someone or something else. The first step is finding the cause which is good that you did. Next step is replacing that with something healthy and recognizing when you are doing it.
The solution is to REDIRECT your thoughts. Trying to stop thinking about something is nearly impossible, it's like trying to calm the waves in a puddle by touching them, you just make more waves. I struggle with invasive thoughts about my health and psychotic delusions. When those thoughts arise I put my headphones on and put my attention on something that I KNOW will distract me and occupy my mind. I combine this with a tiring physical activity that requires too much focus to dwell on my thoughts. The physical activity will also tire out the nervous energy that fuels maladaptive thinking.
Remember - you aren't getting rid of the thoughts, you are just working despite them. When you don't give them attention and energy they will eventually dissipate. Even if they come right back later you have won by not being sidetracked. What I listen to to distract me is anything so dumb, loud and sensational my thoughts cannot compete. I listen to dumb online drama and the shenanigans of out of control people like "Foodie Beauty". I'm basically crowding out my garbage thoughts with other garbage completely unrelated to me. Fighting fire with fire.🔥🔥 I hope this helps! Mental discipline is always possible it just takes a lot of practice, if I can do it anyone can.
You make it sound so easy (too easy). "I got a job. I left that job and got another job with a 50% raise. Then I went back to the other job." How can you change so much? I'm mentally paralysed.
I jump jobs too. Hard to trust people with my avoidant attachment style, thanks to my past
I agree about the working for yourself and helping people one-on-one is a totally different dynamic that lets you be the real you... but still get stuck on making it an earning situation ... also, volunteering in a non-profit situation can have the same negative dynamic as a paid job, especially when all of your eagerness to help and suggestions sort of get ignored or told they won't work with that "pat on the head" thing...finally after two years I had to leave bc every monthly meeting was basically a trigger.
This is definitely something that I've been struggling with personally. Taking care of elderly has been the most gratifying job I've ever done but being around their healthy loving families have been triggering my depression and feeling like my family must be the only broken one. Wishing my family was like theirs and the sadness overwhelms me at work and keeps me from performing at my best
I totally get that... it's not a fun place to be.
You're not alone.I relate so much to that.Youre definitely at the right YT channel.Helps me so much to just be understood.I hear that.❣️💯♨️🙂
Hi Anna. Can you do a program about being a caretaker and not being able to work. Being a family caregiver of a parent or other family member can make it difficult to take care of yourself. Would you please do a program about this?
I had to process a lot of grief after seeing how “normal” families treat their children. I had to be sad about what I’d never received. Once that got better, I started being a “parent” to myself and it helped a lot.
A bit like Christmas. You wish you had that cosy unity. Work is like that for me. 🌺 💃
Anna, I love that you are talking about CPTSD and work. This is definitely an underaddressed topic in psych/mental health spaces IMO.
Truth
Also , let's add education sector!
Soo appreciate this!! Been starving for a long time, 74 and still fighting to find a place I can truly call my own..
We're all here for you and are sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you so much I will watch again and again!
I feel personally attacked. But in a good way. It shows my growth in having already recognized these patterns and taking steps to heal. Thank you
I struggle in art field. This is suppose to be a dream job but I lost motivation because my cptsd. Everything is triggering, especially the part of applying for exhibitions in galleries, being refused, or ignored. It is a place full of narcissist, and professional art world is all about contest and proving your worth through your art work. Soooo triggering! It makes no sense for me anymore, and after this video ( thank you so much), I can finally see why. I would not like to quit art but trying to find other ways to make money with my skills...its hard
It took me 3 toxic jobs at 4+2 years and 8 months (each job) to say “enough” - that industry where I have 30+ yrs of experience has changed due to greed and is not a match for my blossoming spiritual expansion and being of service to humanity. I’m looking forward to taking my healing & musical path to the main stage of my life. ♥️🎤🎸🎶☀️
"A business has to look out for itself, and sometimes at the expense of it's people."
My dad has his own business and tried to get us all to work with him in it. I just can't anymore. And I can tell why now. It almost felt like family was his business instead of the business being for the family. Our power went out for months at a time so he can keep the power on in his office. And I carry these feelings into my other jobs too. As if I'M supposed take care of the business at my expense.
Curiosity question but what country
I've had some horrible jobs... I used to drive for the railroad and the first company that I worked for was halfway decent but then that company lost the contract then this other company took the contract over .. It was a total nightmare!!.. they would have me starting out at 2am!!.. Just what I need with my CPTSD, Asperger's, Traumatic Brain Injury(TBI),anxiety and depression!!.. thank God that the auto dealership my folks drive for part time and they had an opening for a driver and I got out of that nightmare!!.. And I finally got SSDI after 15 years of fighting the system... It feels great to always have money in the bank and be no longer in debt!!.. And my hobby of Model Car Building fills the time when driving for the dealership is slow (like it's been lately).....
And whenever I drive for the dealership,The more extra money to finance my hobby too!!
The most profound (worst) effect my Cptsd has had on my life has been on my career. I was a bright, sociable, articulate, lovely kid at school, with such promise - a whole world of opportunities. Stumbled into post grad health care work, which pays well, but I just cannot navigate the mean girls, the bullies, the bitches, the looks, the snide comments, rude people..... I am ready for a career change but know I will meet these types of people everywhere and anywhere I go.
We understand this! Finding a group of like-minded people can go a long way, it makes it much easier to navigate the "real world" stuff. Consider membership, we have group opportunities every day. bit.ly/CCF-Membership
-Cara@TeamFairy
Maybe you are amplifying their actions more than reality.
@@MichaelCTruth Yes, and there in lies the problem. What behaviour is acceptable and when does it become unacceptable? Behaviours both in myself and in others. How on earth do I determine the difference?
@@CM-yo9jk It's not easy. There were times I thought people were against but in reality they were not. But other times they were. So it's tricky. I think once we are aware that there is a possibility it's in our mind it puts us in a better place to reason it out.
Spot on. This is why I am going back to school now to be a therapist. I feel on fire and happier than I have EVER been. It's a huge healing factor and helping me move on from CEN, covert emotionally abusive marriage, CPTSD....all the fun things!
How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I am 41 and debating going back to college after seeing many people in their 40s and 50s going back.
I can relate. I was told to stay at work, while everyone else went to a company Christmas party, twice.
20:06 work as ingredients of happiness
I really resonate with leaving lines of work that are traumatising too. I worked in charity and non profit, then in housing and homelessness, now in education with kids with additional needs. I realised I have this need to help people because I don’t think I can do anything else, due to having to help my disabled sister & alcoholic parent growing up. I’m so burnt out and I don’t want to do any of this work anymore, but I have no idea who I am or what I want to do and I’m nearly 30! I apply for other jobs but can only seem to get retail and bar work. I have decided to ask for a raise where I am, and will quit in the summer. Then look to increase my income!
I found you. Now you are like the mother I need. I’m trying to start my own business about something I care about. It’s scary. But I’m doing it for me.
Thank you so much for this video, I can relate so much to so many of the things you've said, particularly needing to work for yourself!! I've never fitted in to the 'regular' workplace and have been fired from every job in my 20's - doing the jobs you're 'supposed' to do.. Now in my 30's I'm a yoga teacher nutritionist, nanny, and artist and although money is taking a while to flow in, I'm so much happier being my own boss with LOTS of variety!
THANK YOU for talking about this SUPER important topic! I want to scream out aloud how much my work has been affected by CPTSD and still continues to be. But trying my best.
I started an apprenticeship to become a luthier when I was twenty. I loved it very much. Half a year later, I went back home. I was broken, suicidal, always stoned and decided I would have to heal before I could do anything else. I did heal a lot and have been sober for 3 years now. Then the pandemic hit and I decided to stay on the farm instead of starting my education once more. Now, at 25, I have a freelance job in IT and I like it well enough, but I know It’s not the path I want to stay on. The people are very nice, but I‘ve also been waiting for the last paycheck for 5 weeks now, for the second time in a year. I still want to learn a trade, but I‘m still deeply ashamed of my failure 5 years back and am terrified of failing again.
Your video is helping me see the trauma residue I still have, thank you.
My music career I started taking off right after my mom died and then her death hit me like a ton of bricks.. I was mean defensive and very very depressed I watched my entire career go from rising star to the lowest point.. I’ve been trying to stay focused on the come back man, and becoming something in music means the world to me. I know it’s my destiny to connect with the world so I will listen to every video read every book until this is healed.
Same girl, I'm all about the peaceful songs 😄. I joke that I'm a little old lady. No dramatic shows, no alcohol, no late nights, etc. And I often go for drives to enjoy the beauty of nature. I quietly whisper, thank you beautiful earth. No one understands me 😄
I used to think that people with trauma & drama were exciting. Their stories were so alluring. Sometimes they were all excited about the crazy stories they told. Other times they seemed righteous in their anger. Now I see it as chaos. At the time, I thought I was "boring".
VERY important things discussed here, the part of about accepting jobs because you need the money, and that are not good fits. And then moving on and finding more success (even minor) by being in the right positional, or doing what you wish to do.
FINALLY!!! Finally someone is speaking about this. I suspected some of my own trauma was affecting my career but I for sure knew I was working with people who had unhealed trauma (I work in entertainment). I often feel so disregulated because many work environments are dysfunctional and trigger me. I also notice that I had a pattern of crapfitting myself to the job for income or just opportunity to gain industry knowledge. I am exploring self employment because I’m very entrepreneurial but the financial side of it is a challenge. I love what you’ve said in a few videos about how continuing to put up with crappfitting basically drains your soul. I’ll continue to work on that because that’s a whole other healing process as well.
I could crapfit myself into anything for 2 years.
This title resonated with me straight away. 😢 People always had very high hopes for me, but I never could fulfill any of it. I’m now 43 and still struggling.
I have my own business and clients now, and It's so stabilizing. God bless the broken road...
I’m one of those people that is more comfortable in the background . My anxiety controls me in that way. I know I’m capable but when I’m in the company of my coworkers I shrink and don’t speak up or contribute . I’m used to not being seen (family dynamics and narc relationships).
Luckily my boss saw something in me and promoted me. She is also a mentor for a program in our field and encouraged me to join that mentorship . I’m one month in and still feeling inadequate but I’m grateful for being seen and getting a chance . I’m slowly working through things and trying to heal and quiet the destructive inner voice that tells me I don’t matter or have nothing to contribute . I have to push through it because I do not want to be controlled by these thoughts that have been implanted into my head by people who benefited from having me as a doormat .
I have the same doormat background and reading your comment made me feel the pain. Your boss is very perceptive and gave you some of the help you needed. Sending blessings and success to you!
anna in my dreams we hold hands and im being healed. its awesome
Remember the movie Coraline? A few years ago, I encountered my "bad mother" at a workplace. She was so into me and my work when I started, but OMG, she turned into this authoritative, domineering, self-centered monster whenever I did anything she didn't approve; she would accuse me of anything from selfishness and diminishing the work of the team (something that gained me everybody's hate), to directly abusing her and "stabbing her from the back". I had to leave, and not in very good terms.
After some time of research and self-work, I discovered those were the mean characteristics of my real mother, which left deep scars on my psyche. Still I am grateful now, not for what happened, but because it was so shocking that it forced me to stand on my feet and heal. Still a work in progress, but certainly life has been getting better and better since then.
I'm so sorry you had such a difficult experience, but it's wonderful you have been able to accomplish so much healing since then. Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Ugh.. i left bedside nursing during the pandemic after 24 yrs .. talk about a traumatic profession.. best decision ever.
Thank you for making this video.
I run a small business, and have had the occasional employee that brought too much of their personal trauma to work. It takes a huge emotional toll.
Managing a business already comes with a bunch of stress. Moreover when you have to discipline an employee who you know will react poorly. I've had to work excessive overtime to make up for time wasted from outbursts, or excessive call-outs. I've neglected my personal life, and mental health due to the disruption an employee like this can cause. Not to mention the pain of being accused of being "evil and cruel" from someone who shame-shifts to avoid any painful self-reflection.
When someone with those behaviors has wanted a raise/promotion, it's hard to give. The employee may feel like they have been dedicated to the job, but the history of behavioral issues puts me at high risk for even more stress. I have to weigh the cost/benefit for my own mental stability. It's complicated.
Honestly, if the employee is unhappy, I would rather they leave and find something better for them. Hopefully, they can find healing, and maybe a fresh start will get them into a better mindset elsewhere.
Thank you, Anna, you help bring light into dark and stuck places. 🌟💕🙏
Wow! This sure sounds freaking familiar!! For 30 years, I was a hairstylist. It perfectly aligns with what you’re talking about high drama, yet flexible in that I could work for myself vs working in a salon. Each has benefits and drawbacks.
Can you talk about narcissistic bosses and how that is workplace trauma. Also financial trauma that can affect you. The toxic workplace and the trauma it happens.
There REALLY needs to be more discussion about this, as rampantly common as it is in Western culture
A behavior I have been guilty of is aligning myself with the department troublemaker. In my eyes I see them as the underdog. At first sight they appear to be a victim. And maybe at some point they were unfairly treated. But many times it is due to their behavior or performance. I align myself with this person which ultimately reflects on my reputation. I know this is behavior left over from my household. It was the kids versus the dysfunctional addict parents. My older sister was our leader and exploited that dynamic.
What happened to you with the conference it happened to me last year. All the administrative staff went to a very famous scientific place and I was the only one to stay at the office. When I have been in capacity to ask why, my supervisor told me there was no more room for me for that trip. What they didn't catch is that I nearly commited suicide to feel so useless and left aside. I was so angry that I was yelling in my pillow. It was the last straw that encouraged me to look for another job in a totally different part of the country where I wanted to live. I applied and it worked I am moving there this 1st of May. Sometimes we need to be triggered to death to let a non suitable situation behind us and choose to go ahead. I am so greatful to listen to your advices thank you for helping us.
My main issue is fatigue.
You can start by changing your diet. Give up sugar and carbs....try on keto diet...it works for many
Me too… it’s so difficult
I am listening to this as I am taking a walk at 5 in the morning. Much needed ♥️
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
12th March, 202@6:00am, Tuesday
It's so true, I went to work with a couple who had a similar dynamic to the one of my parents, it ended up in disaster if you were wondering. I've flunked in a lot of areas but till now I never blamed my childhood filled with abuse. Thank you Fairy.
This video has come at such an opportune time. I am just about to begin an internship that is training me to be a music therapist! I'm excited but also worried because I have such an awful relationship with work and working 'under' and with people that I'm worried I'm going to be taken advantage of, overworked and end up resenting something I really love and believe in. I'm aware I have to set boundaries but also so nervous about doing that. Gonna save this video, thank you Anna!
Good luck with your internship (and setting healthy boundaries)! - Ashley, Team Fairy
How does a person become a music therapist?
@@Sweetshaunna you can look up courses in your region/country! (like most formal education, it can be expensive though) Where I'm from, it's still a developing field, but there are quite a few options to study, train and become a qualified and certified music therapist.
Whenever I wake up crying and full of self-loathing, I pop one of your videos on (after doing my daily practice) and it ALWAYS makes me feel better. Thank you, Anna, you are an absolute treasure.
Happy to hear that you're doing the Daily Practice -- that should definitely help. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thank you for talking about this, Anna!!! More, please!! Seriously, nobody else out there is talking about this stuff.
After recently learning that I could actually be earning twice what I'm making now, my mind is reeling. I need to get past my fear of success!
That's what I did, was started my own business. So all I deal with is clients. It is so much more peaceful for sure.
My problem was always being excellent at everything I did but being in a state of extreme anxiety all the time. Also, I was like a flighty bird on a branch - the slightest 'bump' sent me off in another direction. My good reputation followed me, so I never had a problem finding a new school, but my anxiety ruined my pleasure at excelling. I'm sure colleagues sometimes scratched their head about me.
Oh my goodness this is so true! I started listening to your videos and doing the daily practice in April 2022. In June I found a super supportive job I really like and my boss is amazing 🧡 We get along so well!!
Yay! It's so great to hear success stories like this, thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
One day I may get around to writing a letter to Anna, it's been in my head for 2+ years... but one thing I'm dealing with constantly is the fallout from CPTSD and having been retraumatized multiple times because I had no idea I had it, much less how to deal with it. However, in the world of work/career I did manage (15+ years ago) to leave an unsatisfying career and chase my passions. My work life was generally good and I found I was great at what I went into, but I've rarely been able to make a living at it (despite awards etc) and now I am near 60 I seem to be facing a huge wall of ageism. I've been unemployed 18 months and every interview they've hired someone half my age. I have experience, great qualifications, tons of enthusiasm which I bring into interviews, and even confidence. But I can't seem to get hired and my state of mind is deteriorating rapidly. Why can't society value age and experience? 😢
My dream job triggered my flashbacks leading to job loss because my dad tried to prevent me from being successful. But I think I’ll do better next time if I ever get a job I love again.
Thank you for this! I have been incredibly fortunate in this life: the first one in my family to go to college, which my parents supported strongly; then stayed in academia and kept getting opportunities, which I am very grateful for. I even found a job that was closer to my dream of "helping people." But all throughout, I still don't feel as if I am steering that part of my life. People look up to me and most would say I am successful. Yet, I don't feel I have true capacity. I never know exactly which direction to choose. I don't know how to initiate. I'm always afraid that others will think I don't know what i am doing, or that I am not doing a good enough job. So... I do feel truly grateful that I have ended up in a position where others think I do a good job. But I don't want to constantly be feeling like I am not good enough, and I have "islands" of knowledge and skill but am not really clearly confident in a particular role. I always feel like I'm not "there" yet. Your recent video on Procrastination was also very powerful for me, because I do tend to do that a lot: let anxiety drive me, and then when I have finished something or done a good job, just procrastinate until I have to show up again, and then let myself be driven by anxiety until the job is done again...
Also: I have been wanting to start my own business, exactly because of what you say: so that I know I am the one in charge and I don't feel so dependent on whether I get approval from someone else (my anxious people-pleasing pattern). I want to be creative and fully emerge with my own strengths. Thus far, I've been too afraid to let go of security. I love your videos and clarity!
I think you must have a bit of impostor syndrome by always thinking you re not good enough.i tend to feel the same.
I love that ‘who do I need to work for?’ Great question
I had 65 different employers between the ages of 16 and 40. Now I am too disabled to work for other ppl. I am constantly seeking a way to get out of this rut. I've been in four industries that are choked full of mentally and emotionally unstable people: 1. Music industry, 2. Film industry, 3. Marine Corps, 4. Counseling.
I just got an amazing job after 20 years of struggle and I'm scared thanks for this❤️
That's amazing, congratulations! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
im struggling working for all of these reasons. i fall apart because jobs bring up so many insecurities. i quit good jobs when im overwhelmed or stay at bad jobs because i believe i deserve it.
im starting narrative exposure therapy soon, along with these videos and adult children of dysfunctional families in really hoping to get my mind in a better place to take care of myself.
If you find these things you are trying aren't helping, please come try my program!
I'm an artist who's worked at the front desk at museums for most of my career, that or working in an art store. One of these days I would love to sell work regularly, but I have a hard time keeping myself comitted to selling work. Part of it is the fear of rejection, but also of success. When I was the most prolific, it was on my own away from family. Now I'm stuck at home and havent made anything in months. Being here is sucking the life out of me, but I don't have the money to be independent.
That is so true! Money helps you make choices!!!
Thank you❤ You are 100% right about all of this, and it's a topic that needs much more attention!
I agree. Jobs are like microcosms of family life and smokes out all the CPTSD to the relationships in the work place. Ooof.
Thank you for this video!! I left the teaching profession because it turned out to be very abusive towards teachers, and it triggered all my old wounds daily! I'm so happy to be free! 🫶🙌🙏🥰
Imagine finding you here!!! I follow you on TH-cam lol. I agree that teaching is abusive and triggers my PTSD. I grew up as a scapegoat and now I feel that I am in a scapegoated profession.
@miriamcollins7587 Absolutely! Maybe if I'm really brave, one day I can make a video connecting the dots between my childhood trauma and my teaching trauma, but the parallels are eerie, to say the least. 😭😭😭 On a brighter note, thanks for saying hi! It's always nice to know I'm not alone! ❤❤❤❤❤
@@TeacherTherapy and if I’m really brave I’d love to join you in that venture!
@@miriamcollins7587 ❤❤❤❤ that would be awesome! Feel free to email me anytime! 🤗
Totally agree!
I love teaching and loved my kids and families, but my various bosses were abusive and exploitative.
I left in fall 2021. I would love to do my job again in a healthy environment, but once bitten, twice shy.
I’m still sad that it didn’t work out, though.
I’ve been a single mom my daughter’s whole life, 15 years, so always struggling financially.
I do miss having a job with full benefits doing something I truly love!
I definitely brought my wounded child into work especially when I was younger. After I totally burned out and really came to a point where I had to decide between my health or keeping my job I started putting in strict boundaries for myself, went back to school and am working towards a career that I think is much more suited for me and would bring me some joy. I still get freaked out sometimes if it will really work out but generally I have a good feeling.
What I realised listening to you and maybe this won't resonate with others but probably because my parents abandoned me and was left to take care of myself (it was expected of me to help out and take care of my younger sibling - that is why I burned out, my only value was my productivity so I just worked myself to the ground) I really don't expect anything from my bosses or co-workers, I feel looking at a job just as a job is easier for me than most people. I have friends who are constantly worked up because of the bad relationships they have at work, while I just don't care, I look at people I work with very neutrally. That is also a leftover of trauma but maybe it's a plus at least in this narrow sense. But I generally agree, when I was able to keep a job for years and people valued me as an employee and all the experiences I gained gave me a lot of confidence although I hated the job.
I was so lucky to have been able to contribute in a significant way that paid well. After 25 years, I need a new…what? Don’t quite know.
😂 I laughed when you said we're drawn to trauma-driven services because I work in an ER (not clinical, but directly involved with patient care).
The timing of this is so great for me. I am going to complete my teacher training soon and start working. So gathering all the information I can to prepare for that. I have felt held back by this 'thing' for so long which I now recognise as trauma. So thankyou again. 🙏😊
Good luck with your teacher training. We're cheering for you! - Ashley, Team Fairy
Best pep talk ever!
Save and replay!
I sent this to my therapist and requested that he view and pass it along to the students he teaches.
At some point I’d like to tell a similar story, inserting my mostly crappy-crap-fit positions. Doing damage to my healing for money.
And I taught management for 14 years!
THANK YOU ANNA
Please forward to all state Health & Human Service committees.
Save a heap load of money. Because Misery Lives Company is not a business model.
I live alone .. blissfully happy, and worked for myself most of my life. Even as a child I preferred to be alone. I just really value peace and quiet.. 💕
Totally relate to you! Calm, quiet and peaceful is the best. I detest stressful work and situations.
I have no idea where I go from here, but I figure I got here so I can help others by passing this along in one way or another. I plan to use everything I learned over this lifetime of pain and suffering so that one little girl, somewhere out there now, will find what she needs. Much love to all of us regretting our too late to achieve lives. I'm done feeling sorry. Time to help save that kid
Hi CCF! I have sorted out many things but am now 50, and one thing I can’t do is go back and birth/meet my own children. I stayed in a relationship (dated then married) with my narcissistic “father” for 32 years, but could never bring myself to have children with him because I wanted to leave every second of every day. I finally did and am in a loving relationship. This is a regret and resentment that I can’t seem to let go of. I find peace, but the grief of it always come back to torment me. I feel as though I missed out on the one of most fundamental desires I had and the most powerful human experience and opportunity for love and growth and all the wonder and challenges children bring. Help. 😢
Thank you for writing this. I’m in a similar situation (only I’ve just been left at 43 and am very much not ready for a new relationship). The childless grief is immense. Somehow it’s a little comforting to not be alone with it.
Sit with it and write out why you wish you had kids now. What would kids give you? (It’s actually v different for different people). And then look at - ok-how/where can I get the next closest thing to that? For me, the thing missing feels like contributing to the growth and development of a child and therefore the future. I’m looking in to possibly becoming a foster parent. For someone who wanted kids to have something to care for that will love you back and that relationship- getting a dog can be amazing.
None of those are the same as having a child. But what’s done is done. How can you live the next season of your life in the most fulfilling way?
Anna I've been listening to your videos all weekend. You used to trigger me because you talk about things we're sometimes doing that cause us more problems and it felt too much initially to hear. I've struggled with jobs so much and I'm currently not working. It's a big part of my life I'm working on turning around, because it affects everything from our self esteem to financial security to confidence around others to housing. I like how you look at CPTSD from a practical perspective and what we can do to improve our lives.
I’ve been consuming Anna’s videos too. They are my current guideposts. 🙏
I started working last year after being a full time mum for 35yrs and with mental health but I’ve found working with certain people trigger me I seem to go into my inner child I’ve found I’m better working on my own which o feel positive about because it’s the knowing yourself after trauma and knowing what you can cope with but I am going to go back to therapy just to get some help with my triggers ❤
"Creating a sense of fulfillment through your work" is what I craved even as a kid looking forward to working. And I remember the disappointment when the career in publishing in New York couldn't materialize because it was so low paid it didn't make sense. I went back into legal secretarial, extremely bitter on several levels. Then a miracle happened: I began to love it. The cases were interesting and in some cases big headline grabbers. Famous people walked in and out and knew me by first name. I was appreciated for my ability to serve the firms and reassure the attorneys. The camaraderie was straight out of "Allie McBeal." There were some definite drawbacks, and lots of feelings as if I had sold myself short on accepting the "secretary" title. But I distinctly remember the day when, complaining internally that I would rather be making a difference in the world through journalism, I suddenly got a download that I WAS making a difference, right there where I was, in being a force for ethical treatment of coworkers, teamwork, and kindness. I did go into publishing later, as an editor on Wall Street, but again the value of the experience was in being fully present and solving problems. I love these videos and value you, Anna, for sharing something of the same journey of blooming where you're planted and finding your true mission in the process rather than as an abstract concept.
Oh Lord! You describing your trauma shows me that my own childhood experiences affected/ infected me with trauma syndromes that I suffer with each day. Who knew?! I've listened enough that your counsel pops-up in my thoughts, giving me guidance! Some University should give you an Honorary Doctorate Degree based upon the thousands (I just started listening) that you HELPED get beyond our acceptance of suffering-as-normal mindset. Live Webinar June 29. I've 'dropped anchor' on a lot of friendships... Dr. 'Crappy Childhood Fairy' shares her personal dynamics of these things. I want to say one thing to the critics and criticisms of this Validating Material and Personality that she Presents: Her (vulnerable) testimony helps me see the things about me that I want to change. I've seen half a dozen counselors who won't touch this highly sensitive stuff.
I’m sure Anna will want to read this. Thank you so much for this encouragement!
-Cara@TeamFairy
# 7 I found an expression "pathological self soothing", it hit the point, where I am I see people isolating in the nature, pets, music, day dreaming and evading human contact. I was like that at that time I only like skiing, but even that was not enough, I was skiing off assigned slopes. This is a problem, we are social beings, not solitary animals like tigers . . .
Thank you for your content! I struggle with my own business, but it's helping me heal from codependency. Logically, I know I'm a good leader. I've been in leadership situations since childhood, whether in church, school, or the community. Still, I feel less like a leader and more like a follower (until the past few years) because I had the tendency to forget who I am and become a version of me that fit whatever narrative it had to fit, as my inner child fears being killed more than simple rejection. I had to "abandon" people to recognize the toxicity from my past. Now, I'm feeling more confident in my decision to work as a writer, editor, and self-publisher. I'm rebranding myself and rebranding my series at the same time. It's a great way to show my healing journey without revealing true identities of past abusers. I'd rather heal than put myself in danger again.
I am empathic and severely codependent. I am starting a business and hoping it helps with some of my mental health traits.
Love parking lot story! Shows that through osmosis we can heal others by being just healed. I’m also grateful that you checked that urge many of us ACOA’s have to dive into frontline martyrdom - the intent is good but this move isn’t necessarily healthy for us. I am ready for number seven. I dream of a few employees, a brick and mortar studio and some publicity for my creative work instead of just being a sole proprietor working alone at home with no website or socials. Don’t quite feel ready, still some healing to do, but getting there soon.
This help today and spark a moment of joy and inspiration thank you🙏🏽