NC w the understanding it could be forever! But that’s ok you’ll have all the answers you need and a new opportunity for love and getting to kno yourself! I’m working on this!
The no contact rule ISN'T designed to get your ex back...it's to make you a stronger individual...if your ex does reach out, don't ignore her/him..... don't jump in 2 feet....if it's meant to be...it's meant to be...but just be you👍🏻
People! Once you get over your anxiety, rejection... leave these videos alone!!! These guys just play with your emotions, give you false hope for views, and they know it. Heal, deal, let it go! They left YOU! Period! Not the end of the world!
Okay my ex and I broke up December 17 1996 he contacted me November 2021 to tell me that he gives up and that he still loves me. It literally took 25 years well 24 years and 11 months if you want to be technical. This is proof that it takes them a very long time to realize how they feel for you. It’s better to give them their independence and find someone that wants to spend their valuable time with you. While it was flattering to hear he still loves me after all of these years it made me realize my intuition was correct but I couldn’t wait. We are friends and speak once per year but I won’t bring up our past hardly ever. He is the one that normally brings it up.
@@sivan1342 No it's not. It happened to me too.. twice. My ex bf returned after 7 years. But, I was married at the time. Now divorced. My ex husband returned after 4 years.
I had someone from college reach out in that manner, at least 10 years later or something like that. I had long moved on but the apology was genuine enough & we actually became friends again and I was even included in the joint bachelor/bachelorette party of her new partner not long after we reconnected. She just acknowledged she was in a bad place back then and wanted me to know I was a good person or whatever for dealing with her crap at the time, when I was just trying to do the college thing.
@@nostamagic8800 we were only together for a couple of years. We rarely argued but he doubted my loyalty to our relationship I immediately left because I had already experienced twice before (when they accuse me of infidelity I learned twice, they we’re trying trying to shift blame it over to me to justify their behavior patterns) I already knew if I would’ve defended myself I would’ve been as guilty. I knew I wasn’t so instead of trying to change his mind, I knew I can’t change anyone but myself. I just left without saying anything at all I moved back to my home town and can you believe he showed up the following weekend? He actually drove to me to try to convince me to go back! I told him I’m not going to fight for something that he doesn’t believe in. He didn’t believe in me so I left. Simple as that. I had no regrets or questions I knew I tried my best. Not gonna lie it was really hard at that time but two decades later I found out my intuition was correct.
As much as people hate how the no contact rule applies to some, it is necessary. Bottom line space from your partner was needed and you SHOULD be using that time to heal and move on as if they aren’t coming back. I enjoyed this study though.
This is one of the best videos I have seen about this. Love getting some real data and a realistic time frame and not just the same speech over and over again. Edit: so based on the numbers from the facebook group I can expect my ex to reach out in December, which actually works really well for me.
STORY TIME: (success, at least not in a way i wanted it at first) We broke up 3 months ago (4 year relationship) due to her losing feelings, 2 weeks later she was already in a new relationship. 1 month ago, after 1 month of no contact at all she texted me she regrets everything, she would change everything if she could and that she lost someone very important to her and that she'll never forgive herself and that i'm the perfect one for her and i'm her best friend and i'll be the love of her life forever. - but she still chose to be with the other guy because she fell in love with him. Clearly a rebound that's going to end. Anyways, from time to time she'd text me - sometimes memes, sometimes my pictures, sometimes about her health. Clearly she still cares a lot about me and loves me and has feelings. Still this doesn't mean anything. Yestreday i went out with my friends from college to some birthday party and there was this girl with cute little poodle-dog, so i took the picture of the dog and sent it to our FB group with mutual friends - what i didn't realize was that in the picture there was 2 glasses of wine and a poodle dog and the reflection of the girl in the glass. And no one else from the party. It seemed like i was hanging out with this girl alone and drinking wine in her apartment. Today i get the message from Ex "That dog is soo cutee, whose is it ?". - clearly trying to find out who is that girl. I just reply 6 hours later "Some girl".... All i get is "Seen". Its so funny and such a nice ego boost. (Stay in no contact guys ! Don't send them messages. I (almost) never do. She's the one reaching out always, and i reply as short as possible, sometimes not even, and its working both for me healing, and for driving an ex insane). UPDATE: Just saw that she removed all the stories and photos from Instagram with me. I guess i really hurt her ego. I already told her i'm not her friend nor do i intend to be for a long time and i told her i'm not her second option nor will i wait for her + she says i'm her best friend and she's mine too, and thats okay when she's with someone else, but once i "find" someone new, she deletes everything... I guess she's taking me seriously now after saying i'm her perfect partner and best friend but choosing the other guy and saying "I make a promise i'll be with you again in the future"... I guess she'll realize now that she could potentially lose me forever and that we're not friends anymore. She can't have me one bit. It hurts me too to see photos removed.. but it does make me feel so good to see that reaction out of her after 3 months.
In my case, 9 days ago, my long distance boyfriend was forced to break up with me because of his homophobic father after 2 months of really cute and funny chats and checking up on each other each day. We even sent pictures of our family members to eachother. He told me “I’m going to leave the bi thing behind and stay straight. I’m sorry” I’m currently blocked but I’m not scrambling to contact him by other means, which I could do. When do you think he may reach out again? We have great chemistry and he says he still has affection for me and wants to be great friends. He told his father because of how much he believed we could be a real thing. He isn’t yet financially independent.
Lol. "Remember: it's not who STARTS the conversation, it's who ENDS it [the conversation/relationship]". Haha. My DA reached out on Day 44 after our first break. Following my ending it last, we just passed the 4 month mark lol. Don't piss off a FA after you've been given warnings - we'll switch from anxious to avoidant hardcore and shutdown. It's a standoff of wills in the No Contact calendar. "Will today be the day? Eh, but I'm hungry.."
My ex barely made it 3 weeks through no contact before she messaged me and aggressively pursued me. However a month into things I let my emotions dictate my actions in a situation between us and totally ruined things. I was the anxious at the time and she is the avoidant. Fortunately I have become mostly secure now. If they love you and hope you have made the necessary changes as well as see a future of any sort with you, they will come back at some point. Even if it’s the third or fourth time, as long as you didn’t ruin things too badly.
In my case, 9 days ago, my long distance boyfriend was forced to break up with me because of his homophobic father after 2 months of really cute and funny chats and checking up on each other each day. We even sent pictures of our family members to eachother. He told me “I’m going to leave the bi thing behind and stay straight. I’m sorry” I’m currently blocked but I’m not scrambling to contact him by other means, which I could do. When do you think he may reach out again? We have great chemistry and he says he still has affection for me and wants to be great friends. He told his father because of how much he believed we could be a real thing. He isn’t yet financially independent.
OMG this was EXACTLY my relationship course! He reached out to me yesterday after 6 1/2 weeks after he broke things off but only 4 days into strict no contact.. We had contact from time to time before, but rather loosely, until last Saturday. So accurate! We will see where things go from here but.. There is hope! :)
30 days, 45 days, 60 days… Just throw all that out the window. I have a severely avoidant ex. She came back after I had started seeing someone else, then 6 months after we had been back together she had a conniption and ran for the hills again. Now it’s been 5 months of sporadic contact again. Not thinking she’ll start coming back again until the year mark.
4 years of being friends and he ended it 2 years ago and in a painful way. I have seen him 3 times in those 2 years but it's now been 10 months. I am moving on. It's time. The last time it was so cold and dark and he mumbled something I couldn't understand. It is sad. He has other issues that are serious
Chris and family, your opinion on this please! We had a wonderful relationship and the few disagreements were respectful and constructive. I questioned her commitment at some point, and shortly after she broke up with me stating that it wasn’t fair to me. Although I cried, I did not beg and in fact thanked her for a wonderful time and praised her qualities. She requested that we remain friends. I did not contact her nor looked at her posts online for over one month! I didn’t post abnormal things. Few days ago I realized that had blocked me. Why would she do that if I didn’t message her once? Is it to hurt me because I did no contact and didn’t chase after her? Is she trying to get that sense of control or is she reaching out in her own avoidant twisted way? I was doing so well until she did the blocking, and now I feel that I regressed a little. I hate that someone I loved and treated so good is actively hurting my feelings, when all I did was give her the breakup that she literally asked for!
Hnmmm. As a woman myself, I would say it’s more to do with her trying to get your attention. Less likely to be that she has moved on. If you’ve moved on, then why worry if your ex reaches out or not... because you’ve “moved on” apparently?.. I know there is some logic for some people to do this but mostly it’s to test you or get your attention. She’s checking your temperature. The person who dumped should always be the one to reach out.
I saw him after 6 weeks of NC, at work. He’s being very nice, chatty and offered to bring me back a coffee on his lunch run. I’m not sure if he feels guilty for breaking my heart or regrets breaking up with me? He’s a fearful avoidant so I was shocked he was reaching out. I’m still so hurt I find myself pushing him away because I’m angry/hurt. He didn’t dump me because he didn’t want to be with me, it was for an understandable reason. The loving feelings were strong but we had to split for his mental health and a practical reason. I’m not sure what to do next. Stay in NC or build on our ‘friendship’.
Thank you, Chris. It’s hard when he jumps straight into talking about worries he has about his kids and wants my advice. We’ve known each other for so long. I guess that’s ok, if I'm not initiating the personal talks about myself.
Be his friend. He’s obviously reaching out because he feels comfortable enough to seek your advice about the situation with his kids. Don’t read anything into it.. just relax and be his friend. Accept the coffee and be his friend. Let it unfold slowly and comfortably . Relax
He’s a great guy our relationship was healthy he does epilepsy and his parents are strict he is in school and he ghosted me we was happy but I was being self centered a little bit what if I pushed him away he was active on Instagram but not answering my text or call I just started the no contact when I am on Instagram he watch all my stories 💔💔💔I miss him I’m using self control but it’s hard
Isn’t the pool unreliable considering that most people once they get back together, don’t care anymore about the subject and won’t check the pool therefore won’t give their experience that the no contact actually worked?
2 years of a loving relationship. We had problems because our mental health. He lied a lot for the silliest things and I kept trying to fix him. We lived together Almost 2 years. He broke up with me saying he didn’t want to do this anymore 3,days after we were missing and telling the I love yous…it’s being 79 days today he hasn’t contact me and is hard because I still love him so much and I hope he’s working on himself as I am fixing myself
I have learned you can’t control anybody else no matter how hard you try, it will drive you insane. But, you can control what you will tolerate and after that it’s up to you, but you are placing yourself at a low value and I can Certainly assure you, this is not the case, get down to the childhood wound of where the first emotional abandonment came from. And then, possibly you might decide to not abandon yourself in the future, no matter how much we want the company, self abandonment is soul loss
The first time my ex and I got back together, was because I reached out to him first after a month of no contact. But then we broke up 3 months later and here I am 3 weeks post breakup trying to see if there’s another chance AGAIN
@@chrisseitercoaching how common would it be to get back together after a second break up? My ex and I argued about 2 weeks after the breakup and I think he hates me now because he said “the good terms we ended on are out the window” and that I won’t hear from him anymore
@@Lady_Ra did it seem pretty final the second time you guys broke up tho? And yeah I understand the problems that need to be fixed. I wasn’t secure with myself :(
Mines in kinda interesting….My ex broke up with me due to mental health issues he wanted to take time to get himself together it was a pretty good break up too very amicable & within our relationship he experienced a death in the family early on which he took very hard I was there for him we fell in love with one another over time & we both discussed emotional, mental, spiritual healing etc, w/in our relationship he was very communicative etc but he broke no contact after like 2 days 😂😂 I’m pretty much a stoic & I’ve done a good portion of my healing prior to meeting him which was why I was understanding to a lot of things. Our relationship was overall was pretty healthy we like to talk things out etc he’s remaining single until he’s completed his inner work he actually told me I’ve helped contributed to his growth he’s very inspired by me & he’s thankful I helped push him in the right direction on his journey. 😇😌💛
She reached out after 2 months of being with her ex bf who I pushed her away initially to go back to him. She said she loved me and can’t stop thinking of me even though she’s with her bf now. She said she doesn’t know what to do and loves me which I said the same. I told her I wanted to be with her but she said she isn’t leaving this guy and asked if she was happy and she said yes. A lot more to the story but she now is completely checked out again went from hot to cold and now putting she loves this guy on fb and posting pics. She initially mentioned us being together and so many other things. I’m so confused, was she serious about all the loving stuff she said or she really loves this man. I was moving on and then she did this. It hurts me so bad. I’m confused of what exactly is going on. Any ideas or suggestions?
all very well hypothesizing in relation to the length of the relationship, but it does not take into consideration the intensity of the connection? There is no formula for love and its variables, every relationship is different. I would love my avoidant ex to come back, as I truly adored her but I dumped her for blindsiding me as it confused and hurt me so much, but it just ain't going to happen sadly, she's too strong willed and no doubt has moved on quickly as they do. Just got to dust myself off, take the experience on the chin and still retain my loving nature but be more wary and vigilant to avoidant types going forward.
Hey Chris, my ex is an avoidant, doesn’t reach out via text but because we work at the same place- tries to keep in touch when we run into each other. I want him back cuz I realised our breakup was right people wrong time. Pls help
Why did you break up with him? Were you mishandled? If not, then, why would you expect him to come crawling back after he was discarded? I have no intention of reaching out to my ex who broke up with me, and abruptly discarded me by text without giving me any explanation.
Hi Chris, with avoidants we talk about breakups . But how do we know if there is a breakup that wasn’t discussed , there where no arguments , they just went missing . Is that considered a breakup or a period of an avoidant taking space ?
I be listen to your pod casts In five year time I m for the sixt time on the no contact rule again. She is an avoidant a classic one I m wondering if she is comming back again She has core wounds from her past and I triggering it She drives me crazy!
I think he might mean, once the conversation starts back up again, always leave them wanting more. Perhaps? Idk, really, but it’s hard to leave them wanting more when the conversation doesn’t even start. 🤷♀️ Like my scenario - he ended the relationship almost immediately after he asked me to be his girlfriend officially, and he said we could talk in person, I said okay, when you’re ready and feeling better. Never heard from him again. But two months after I did do a response to his insta post, just a message saying something nice about his pup picture. Nothing. I had no idea what to do after, so I did nothing. No contact ever again. Sad thing is, that was about 10 months ago and I still think about things and wonder. Life just sucks sometimes. This is why I don’t date.
Yes it's the part of attraction and creating mystery and wanting more of you for them. So to keep that in mind end the conversation at the peak moment and leave them with wanting more. Sounds like a game but that's how love is fucked up in modern days so you gotta do what you gotta do
I am an avoidant, due to autism. I need my alone time, like oxygene. I have been married for over 10 years, with a man who understood what is like to be "in the spectrum", so I'm not scared of commitment and I am still securely attached to him, even though we are divorced, we are still good friends and parents. Thank you for your videos with a lot of statistics, loving it!!! You make sense, Chris.
It’s been 12 days post breakup and the no contact rule. And he has reached out to me in confusing ways. Idk if he’s just normalizing friendzone or of he misses me! He once sent me a cat meme on ig, then commented on my latest post , then texted me and asked how are u, did u get the job or not... i just replied very cold and directly. The whole conversation was only 4lines :)) GOD DAMN, im so confused. I don’t want to get into a friend zone with him AT ALL, also idk what does this behaviors mean, and how should i react. could u give me some advice pls?
I was stupid. I reached out to my ex after 45 days. Talked a little bit but her responses were short, kurt, to the point. Came across as very cold. I asked her about her dogs because I know one of them had a life-threatening injury. Her response was they're okay. I didn't say anything because I don't want her to know that I was told about that. The next day I told her I hope she has a wonderful day and a blessed day, and all I got was you too. I did let her know the night before that the door was open because she wanted a friendship so bad when we were breaking up.
Nice information I already have one of my ex boyfriends has contacted me. I have been trying to avoid to contact him and that he started to recontacted me with in a year
@@chrisseitercoaching I guess of that my ex boyfriend back in my old college has contacted me is that because of that he missed me and that how I was such a good girlfriend that had never cheated on him. I was good to him and that treated him right
If he has not gotten treatment, most likely, he is still an alcoholic, and that is a fate worse than death to be in this relationship. You will be cleaning up urine and vomit, listening to his unhealed wounds, getting none of your needs met, and then ultimately comforting him during sickness as it progresses. He’s already lost his soul if he hasn’t made an attempt to get it back then it’s futile. I’m sorry.
If you left him and you wish to reconcile the ball is in your court to try to start the “repair” process. I certainly wouldn’t chase or beg him, but a simple apology and ask for a meeting (preferably in person) after that the decision is his court. In that time reinventing and create a new you in every facet. Good luck.
@@ameyanakhale3005 Make a list in writing of all the toxic ways he left you feeling. That will help. Toxic is toxic now or later. You'll end up getting your heart broken again and again.
As a comparison. My thing because she never called it a relationship, Lite green 7 months Puke green and the two yellows 4 Weeks - she reached out twice. Light grey and grey currently - which includes thirsty attention seeking posts about sex! You think your model is complicated! Reality seems worse. Educating myself and moving forward!
My ex block me afyer 24 years when she notoced that not get validation, another one 2 years when I was already martied she nneefed space, funny my wife has space within " relation" if you empath you needs to create 3 other relation out of that space😂
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If you are dumped, it is not your job to reach out. To do so is damaging to your self-esteem and feeds the dumper's ego. The dumper must reach out.
I totally agree because otherwise you give your power away
@@taviastroup Exactly.
Correct!
Could not have said this any better!
Thank you for saying this. Came at perfect timing
NC w the understanding it could be forever! But that’s ok you’ll have all the answers you need and a new opportunity for love and getting to kno yourself! I’m working on this!
The no contact rule ISN'T designed to get your ex back...it's to make you a stronger individual...if your ex does reach out, don't ignore her/him..... don't jump in 2 feet....if it's meant to be...it's meant to be...but just be you👍🏻
People! Once you get over your anxiety, rejection... leave these videos alone!!! These guys just play with your emotions, give you false hope for views, and they know it. Heal, deal, let it go! They left YOU! Period! Not the end of the world!
So why are you here 🤣😂🤣😂
@cuteandfluffypikachu3405 😂
@@cuteandfluffypikachu3405😂
Okay my ex and I broke up December 17 1996 he contacted me November 2021 to tell me that he gives up and that he still loves me. It literally took 25 years well 24 years and 11 months if you want to be technical. This is proof that it takes them a very long time to realize how they feel for you. It’s better to give them their independence and find someone that wants to spend their valuable time with you. While it was flattering to hear he still loves me after all of these years it made me realize my intuition was correct but I couldn’t wait. We are friends and speak once per year but I won’t bring up our past hardly ever. He is the one that normally brings it up.
That's a rare situation tho
@@sivan1342 No it's not. It happened to me too.. twice. My ex bf returned after 7 years. But, I was married at the time. Now divorced. My ex husband returned after 4 years.
I had someone from college reach out in that manner, at least 10 years later or something like that. I had long moved on but the apology was genuine enough & we actually became friends again and I was even included in the joint bachelor/bachelorette party of her new partner not long after we reconnected. She just acknowledged she was in a bad place back then and wanted me to know I was a good person or whatever for dealing with her crap at the time, when I was just trying to do the college thing.
How long were you together prior to the break up
@@nostamagic8800 we were only together for a couple of years.
We rarely argued but he doubted my loyalty to our relationship I immediately left because I had already experienced twice before (when they accuse me of infidelity I learned twice, they we’re trying trying to shift blame it over to me to justify their behavior patterns)
I already knew if I would’ve defended myself I would’ve been as guilty. I knew I wasn’t so instead of trying to change his mind, I knew I can’t change anyone but myself.
I just left without saying anything at all I moved back to my home town and can you believe he showed up the following weekend? He actually drove to me to try to convince me to go back!
I told him I’m not going to fight for something that he doesn’t believe in. He didn’t believe in me so I left. Simple as that. I had no regrets or questions I knew I tried my best. Not gonna lie it was really hard at that time but two decades later I found out my intuition was correct.
As much as people hate how the no contact rule applies to some, it is necessary. Bottom line space from your partner was needed and you SHOULD be using that time to heal and move on as if they aren’t coming back. I enjoyed this study though.
This is one of the best videos I have seen about this. Love getting some real data and a realistic time frame and not just the same speech over and over again.
Edit: so based on the numbers from the facebook group I can expect my ex to reach out in December, which actually works really well for me.
Did it happen 😊?
did he reach out?
3 months damn after that long I wouldn’t want any one back 😂🎉
What do you mean "it doesn't matter who starts the conversation, it's who ends it"?
STORY TIME: (success, at least not in a way i wanted it at first)
We broke up 3 months ago (4 year relationship) due to her losing feelings, 2 weeks later she was already in a new relationship. 1 month ago, after 1 month of no contact at all she texted me she regrets everything, she would change everything if she could and that she lost someone very important to her and that she'll never forgive herself and that i'm the perfect one for her and i'm her best friend and i'll be the love of her life forever. - but she still chose to be with the other guy because she fell in love with him. Clearly a rebound that's going to end.
Anyways, from time to time she'd text me - sometimes memes, sometimes my pictures, sometimes about her health. Clearly she still cares a lot about me and loves me and has feelings. Still this doesn't mean anything.
Yestreday i went out with my friends from college to some birthday party and there was this girl with cute little poodle-dog, so i took the picture of the dog and sent it to our FB group with mutual friends - what i didn't realize was that in the picture there was 2 glasses of wine and a poodle dog and the reflection of the girl in the glass. And no one else from the party. It seemed like i was hanging out with this girl alone and drinking wine in her apartment.
Today i get the message from Ex "That dog is soo cutee, whose is it ?". - clearly trying to find out who is that girl. I just reply 6 hours later "Some girl".... All i get is "Seen".
Its so funny and such a nice ego boost.
(Stay in no contact guys ! Don't send them messages. I (almost) never do. She's the one reaching out always, and i reply as short as possible, sometimes not even, and its working both for me healing, and for driving an ex insane).
UPDATE:
Just saw that she removed all the stories and photos from Instagram with me. I guess i really hurt her ego. I already told her i'm not her friend nor do i intend to be for a long time and i told her i'm not her second option nor will i wait for her + she says i'm her best friend and she's mine too, and thats okay when she's with someone else, but once i "find" someone new, she deletes everything... I guess she's taking me seriously now after saying i'm her perfect partner and best friend but choosing the other guy and saying "I make a promise i'll be with you again in the future"... I guess she'll realize now that she could potentially lose me forever and that we're not friends anymore. She can't have me one bit.
It hurts me too to see photos removed.. but it does make me feel so good to see that reaction out of her after 3 months.
Winning!! Good for you
Your ex wants you to be in waiting, good for you for seeing that.
She is just two timing And keeping men emotionally invested in her. That boosts many women's ego.
They are not in love. They are selfish.
In my case, 9 days ago, my long distance boyfriend was forced to break up with me because of his homophobic father after 2 months of really cute and funny chats and checking up on each other each day. We even sent pictures of our family members to eachother. He told me “I’m going to leave the bi thing behind and stay straight. I’m sorry” I’m currently blocked but I’m not scrambling to contact him by other means, which I could do. When do you think he may reach out again? We have great chemistry and he says he still has affection for me and wants to be great friends. He told his father because of how much he believed we could be a real thing. He isn’t yet financially independent.
Lol. "Remember: it's not who STARTS the conversation, it's who ENDS it [the conversation/relationship]". Haha. My DA reached out on Day 44 after our first break. Following my ending it last, we just passed the 4 month mark lol. Don't piss off a FA after you've been given warnings - we'll switch from anxious to avoidant hardcore and shutdown. It's a standoff of wills in the No Contact calendar. "Will today be the day? Eh, but I'm hungry.."
My ex barely made it 3 weeks through no contact before she messaged me and aggressively pursued me. However a month into things I let my emotions dictate my actions in a situation between us and totally ruined things. I was the anxious at the time and she is the avoidant. Fortunately I have become mostly secure now. If they love you and hope you have made the necessary changes as well as see a future of any sort with you, they will come back at some point. Even if it’s the third or fourth time, as long as you didn’t ruin things too badly.
Where's the security in all of the back n' forth?
I do that too 😂
In my case, 9 days ago, my long distance boyfriend was forced to break up with me because of his homophobic father after 2 months of really cute and funny chats and checking up on each other each day. We even sent pictures of our family members to eachother. He told me “I’m going to leave the bi thing behind and stay straight. I’m sorry” I’m currently blocked but I’m not scrambling to contact him by other means, which I could do. When do you think he may reach out again? We have great chemistry and he says he still has affection for me and wants to be great friends. He told his father because of how much he believed we could be a real thing. He isn’t yet financially independent.
2 months of NC and I decided to let it go and leave my options open...like dude never wanted a committed relationship anyway so..
OMG this was EXACTLY my relationship course! He reached out to me yesterday after 6 1/2 weeks after he broke things off but only 4 days into strict no contact.. We had contact from time to time before, but rather loosely, until last Saturday. So accurate! We will see where things go from here but.. There is hope! :)
30 days, 45 days, 60 days… Just throw all that out the window. I have a severely avoidant ex. She came back after I had started seeing someone else, then 6 months after we had been back together she had a conniption and ran for the hills again. Now it’s been 5 months of sporadic contact again. Not thinking she’ll start coming back again until the year mark.
Do you really want her back? Isn't it better to be treasured than to wait to be dumped like last week's trash...again?
4 years of being friends and he ended it 2 years ago and in a painful way. I have seen him 3 times in those 2 years but it's now been 10 months. I am moving on. It's time. The last time it was so cold and dark and he mumbled something I couldn't understand. It is sad. He has other issues that are serious
Chris and family, your opinion on this please!
We had a wonderful relationship and the few disagreements were respectful and constructive.
I questioned her commitment at some point, and shortly after she broke up with me stating that it wasn’t fair to me. Although I cried, I did not beg and in fact thanked her for a wonderful time and praised her qualities. She requested that we remain friends.
I did not contact her nor looked at her posts online for over one month! I didn’t post abnormal things. Few days ago I realized that had blocked me.
Why would she do that if I didn’t message her once? Is it to hurt me because I did no contact and didn’t chase after her? Is she trying to get that sense of control or is she reaching out in her own avoidant twisted way?
I was doing so well until she did the blocking, and now I feel that I regressed a little.
I hate that someone I loved and treated so good is actively hurting my feelings, when all I did was give her the breakup that she literally asked for!
Hnmmm. As a woman myself, I would say it’s more to do with her trying to get your attention. Less likely to be that she has moved on. If you’ve moved on, then why worry if your ex reaches out or not... because you’ve “moved on” apparently?.. I know there is some logic for some people to do this but mostly it’s to test you or get your attention. She’s checking your temperature. The person who dumped should always be the one to reach out.
4 years makes absolutely sense. I knew people who got married, had 2 kids and a divorce during that time. XD So no wonder the ex comes back.
I was with my ex-avoidant for less than 5 years but we're LDR. We met once in a while.
I saw him after 6 weeks of NC, at work. He’s being very nice, chatty and offered to bring me back a coffee on his lunch run. I’m not sure if he feels guilty for breaking my heart or regrets breaking up with me? He’s a fearful avoidant so I was shocked he was reaching out. I’m still so hurt I find myself pushing him away because I’m angry/hurt. He didn’t dump me because he didn’t want to be with me, it was for an understandable reason. The loving feelings were strong but we had to split for his mental health and a practical reason. I’m not sure what to do next. Stay in NC or build on our ‘friendship’.
Well, I think you are in that post no contact time period so I'd say begin to work your way up the value ladder.
Thank you, Chris. It’s hard when he jumps straight into talking about worries he has about his kids and wants my advice. We’ve known each other for so long. I guess that’s ok, if I'm not initiating the personal talks about myself.
Be his friend. He’s obviously reaching out because he feels comfortable enough to seek your advice about the situation with his kids. Don’t read anything into it.. just relax and be his friend. Accept the coffee and be his friend. Let it unfold slowly and comfortably . Relax
Thank you. I’d presumed he was being kind just because he felt bad for hurting me and wanted to make himself feel better.
He’s a great guy our relationship was healthy he does epilepsy and his parents are strict he is in school and he ghosted me we was happy but I was being self centered a little bit what if I pushed him away he was active on Instagram but not answering my text or call I just started the no contact when I am on Instagram he watch all my stories 💔💔💔I miss him I’m using self control but it’s hard
Isn’t the pool unreliable considering that most people once they get back together, don’t care anymore about the subject and won’t check the pool therefore won’t give their experience that the no contact actually worked?
Yeah, some people won’t report back so to be honest, the statistics could be higher or lower, who the F knows lol
30 days to 2 years if y'all had history
2 years of a loving relationship. We had problems because our mental health. He lied a lot for the silliest things and I kept trying to fix him. We lived together Almost 2 years. He broke up with me saying he didn’t want to do this anymore 3,days after we were missing and telling the I love yous…it’s being 79 days today he hasn’t contact me and is hard because I still love him so much and I hope he’s working on himself as I am fixing myself
I have learned you can’t control anybody else no matter how hard you try, it will drive you insane. But, you can control what you will tolerate and after that it’s up to you, but you are placing yourself at a low value and I can Certainly assure you, this is not the case, get down to the childhood wound of where the first emotional abandonment came from. And then, possibly you might decide to not abandon yourself in the future, no matter how much we want the company, self abandonment is soul loss
The first time my ex and I got back together, was because I reached out to him first after a month of no contact. But then we broke up 3 months later and here I am 3 weeks post breakup trying to see if there’s another chance AGAIN
I'm sorry you are going through some tough times right now but hey let me know how I can help you and I'll do my best.
@@chrisseitercoaching how common would it be to get back together after a second break up? My ex and I argued about 2 weeks after the breakup and I think he hates me now because he said “the good terms we ended on are out the window” and that I won’t hear from him anymore
@@anairaham on again off again relationships are among the easiest to get back but the hardest to keep together
@@anairaham just so you know, my ex and I broke up and reconciled twice. And then we didn't fix the problems and broke up again. FIX. THE. PROBLEMS.
@@Lady_Ra did it seem pretty final the second time you guys broke up tho? And yeah I understand the problems that need to be fixed. I wasn’t secure with myself :(
Why does my ex still have my number saved in his phone?
Ha she left and is dating someone new…..
It's been more then 1 year where my ex has not reach out to me
How about now
Dismissive avoidant doesn’t even make it to month 4 into the relationship to start with … to much attachment Haha
2-3 weeks is more than enough for real avoidants :-(
Mines in kinda interesting….My ex broke up with me due to mental health issues he wanted to take time to get himself together it was a pretty good break up too very amicable & within our relationship he experienced a death in the family early on which he took very hard I was there for him we fell in love with one another over time & we both discussed emotional, mental, spiritual healing etc, w/in our relationship he was very communicative etc but he broke no contact after like 2 days 😂😂 I’m pretty much a stoic & I’ve done a good portion of my healing prior to meeting him which was why I was understanding to a lot of things. Our relationship was overall was pretty healthy we like to talk things out etc he’s remaining single until he’s completed his inner work he actually told me I’ve helped contributed to his growth he’s very inspired by me & he’s thankful I helped push him in the right direction on his journey. 😇😌💛
She reached out after 2 months of being with her ex bf who I pushed her away initially to go back to him. She said she loved me and can’t stop thinking of me even though she’s with her bf now. She said she doesn’t know what to do and loves me which I said the same. I told her I wanted to be with her but she said she isn’t leaving this guy and asked if she was happy and she said yes. A lot more to the story but she now is completely checked out again went from hot to cold and now putting she loves this guy on fb and posting pics. She initially mentioned us being together and so many other things. I’m so confused, was she serious about all the loving stuff she said or she really loves this man. I was moving on and then she did this. It hurts me so bad. I’m confused of what exactly is going on.
Any ideas or suggestions?
Don’t take someone who moved to someone else. No matter how much you love this person.
Being 2nd choice will have you having feel of shame and guilt
all very well hypothesizing in relation to the length of the relationship, but it does not take into consideration the intensity of the connection? There is no formula for love and its variables, every relationship is different. I would love my avoidant ex to come back, as I truly adored her but I dumped her for blindsiding me as it confused and hurt me
so much, but it just ain't going to happen sadly, she's too strong willed and no doubt has moved on quickly as they do. Just got to dust myself off, take the experience on the chin and still retain my loving nature but be more wary and vigilant to avoidant types going forward.
How do I join this support group?
He reached out and I told him to stop contacting me & he’s not respecting my boundaries 😂
How long have you been together ?
😂😂
Telling an avpd to not respect yoir boundaries.. its like stabbing them
Hey Chris, my ex is an avoidant, doesn’t reach out via text but because we work at the same place- tries to keep in touch when we run into each other. I want him back cuz I realised our breakup was right people wrong time. Pls help
I broke up with him, blocked him on all accounts. Should I unblock him to give him that Opening?
You broke up with him, so if you want him back you shouldn't be the one doing no contact, it's on you to reach out to him first.
Why did you break up with him? Were you mishandled? If not, then, why would you expect him to come crawling back after he was discarded? I have no intention of reaching out to my ex who broke up with me, and abruptly discarded me by text without giving me any explanation.
Hi Chris, with avoidants we talk about breakups . But how do we know if there is a breakup that wasn’t discussed , there where no arguments , they just went missing . Is that considered a breakup or a period of an avoidant taking space ?
They ghosted you.
I be listen to your pod casts
In five year time I m for the sixt time on the no contact rule again.
She is an avoidant a classic one
I m wondering if she is comming back again
She has core wounds from her past and I triggering it
She drives me crazy!
What do you mean by “who ends it”?
I think he might mean, once the conversation starts back up again, always leave them wanting more. Perhaps? Idk, really, but it’s hard to leave them wanting more when the conversation doesn’t even start. 🤷♀️
Like my scenario - he ended the relationship almost immediately after he asked me to be his girlfriend officially, and he said we could talk in person, I said okay, when you’re ready and feeling better. Never heard from him again. But two months after I did do a response to his insta post, just a message saying something nice about his pup picture. Nothing. I had no idea what to do after, so I did nothing. No contact ever again. Sad thing is, that was about 10 months ago and I still think about things and wonder. Life just sucks sometimes. This is why I don’t date.
Yes it's the part of attraction and creating mystery and wanting more of you for them. So to keep that in mind end the conversation at the peak moment and leave them with wanting more. Sounds like a game but that's how love is fucked up in modern days so you gotta do what you gotta do
Spot on!
I am an avoidant, due to autism. I need my alone time, like oxygene. I have been married for over 10 years, with a man who understood what is like to be "in the spectrum", so I'm not scared of commitment and I am still securely attached to him, even though we are divorced, we are still good friends and parents. Thank you for your videos with a lot of statistics, loving it!!! You make sense, Chris.
It’s been 12 days post breakup and the no contact rule. And he has reached out to me in confusing ways. Idk if he’s just normalizing friendzone or of he misses me!
He once sent me a cat meme on ig, then commented on my latest post , then texted me and asked how are u, did u get the job or not... i just replied very cold and directly. The whole conversation was only 4lines :))
GOD DAMN, im so confused. I don’t want to get into a friend zone with him AT ALL, also idk what does this behaviors mean, and how should i react. could u give me some advice pls?
He misses you
I was stupid. I reached out to my ex after 45 days. Talked a little bit but her responses were short, kurt, to the point. Came across as very cold. I asked her about her dogs because I know one of them had a life-threatening injury. Her response was they're okay. I didn't say anything because I don't want her to know that I was told about that. The next day I told her I hope she has a wonderful day and a blessed day, and all I got was you too. I did let her know the night before that the door was open because she wanted a friendship so bad when we were breaking up.
What happened ??
@@Meyouletsgo absolutely nothing. Went back into no contact and I'm over her
Nice information I already have one of my ex boyfriends has contacted me. I have been trying to avoid to contact him and that he started to recontacted me with in a year
What do you think it was that made him contact you? Always curious to hear people's experiences.
@@chrisseitercoaching I guess of that my ex boyfriend back in my old college has contacted me is that because of that he missed me and that how I was such a good girlfriend that had never cheated on him. I was good to him and that treated him right
@@chrisseitercoaching yes I am curious about what other people experiencs are like
Not true they just move on they never reach out
Fake, a true avoidamt always comes back
I don't think he will contact me again.
whats your fb support group? i wanna join :)
Lmao a year. If you’re still waiting around for a year then you need some help.
Some exes might come back when nostalgia kick in or regret/denial feelings hit months or years later.
What if the person who broke up with me 2 years. Was and is a alcoholic???.
If he has not gotten treatment, most likely, he is still an alcoholic, and that is a fate worse than death to be in this relationship. You will be cleaning up urine and vomit, listening to his unhealed wounds, getting none of your needs met, and then ultimately comforting him during sickness as it progresses. He’s already lost his soul if he hasn’t made an attempt to get it back then it’s futile. I’m sorry.
My thing is this…. What if you can’t go into a non contact rule cause there’s kids involved?!
I’d love to know HOW THAT WORKS
If you search no contact with kids.. that might help you figure out how to navigate your situation
I heard of "smart contact" where u just use contact when u have to for the kids, bills etc but nothing more than that
What's the Facebook group?
Can you do a video on people who have been a couple for 20 plus years?
I think eventually I'll cover it.
Yes I am in the same position, been with my partner for 16 years.
Can separation elation be the case even if they wanted to remain friends/in contact? It’s all very confusing 😩
Don't be friends, just go No contact.
He was toxic and i left him and he did not even try. Will no contact work because he said he deleted my number and wont ever come back.
If you left him and you wish to reconcile the ball is in your court to try to start the “repair” process. I certainly wouldn’t chase or beg him, but a simple apology and ask for a meeting (preferably in person) after that the decision is his court. In that time reinventing and create a new you in every facet. Good luck.
If he was toxic why would you want him back?
@@missscarling Because m missing him too much.
@@ameyanakhale3005 Make a list in writing of all the toxic ways he left you feeling. That will help. Toxic is toxic now or later. You'll end up getting your heart broken again and again.
@@teacherlisa163 This isn’t true. Reform and rehabilitation is a real thing.
As a comparison.
My thing because she never called it a relationship,
Lite green 7 months
Puke green and the two yellows 4 Weeks - she reached out twice.
Light grey and grey currently - which includes thirsty attention seeking posts about sex!
You think your model is complicated! Reality seems worse.
Educating myself and moving forward!
My ex block me afyer 24 years when she notoced that not get validation, another one 2 years when I was already martied she nneefed space, funny my wife has space within " relation" if you empath you needs to create 3 other relation out of that space😂
First Comment! Regards! 😊
:)
Separation elation?. I think the correct term is men.
Your genius , what u sayin its true
The irony 🤣
My ex reached back to me just when u uploaded this video
But now I don't give a Sh*t
Hah! My powers have no limits! In all seriousness check you out.