The oppression has not flown out the window. It’s still exists. These days the Bible is an additional weapon...wives submit to your husband....a wise woman builds her home etc. Women need to continue to speak up and educate each other. Some people don’t even know they are being oppressed or abused because the man is not beating them. Another good video Summer. Keep doing you.
I witnessed this between a Nigerian couple yesterday. The man went on and on about what a wife should do. I laughed so hard following them and listening to the crap the man was saying & was amazed that the woman was even trying to defend herself...
Don't forget the verse:....."HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES, AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER......(Ephesians 5:25........). The love comes BEFORE submission. Everything hangs on the love. Jesus willingly gave up his life for the Church to prove His love(St John 3:16). Husbands, men especially (but also wives and women) love is the FIRST order and the definition of love, true love if you dont know, is found in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - note the order of the verses.
Many of our moms died in silence from emotional and physical pains caused by their husbands. Some men today who are heartless and unintelligent have big difficulties with today's women. It is no longer being the sole provider and imposing his laws, but it is about managing a relationship with great knowledge, diligence and intelligence.
Bless Beulah Absolutely! Most African men have complex issues when they meet an independent African woman. I'm a witness... Before I got married, I met a guy who could not stand the fact that I was independent. When there was a misunderstanding between us, he'd say "oh is it because you have this and that? " I use to wonder and ask if he's got an issue with God's blessings and whom he has made me to be? Before he could close his eyes and open them, I had walked out of the relationship. I can't stand a controlling man who has issues with a woman's success. A woman should be a help mate and not a slave.
i understand this is an old video.....But i must say, its by far the best topic i've heard you cover. I'm a Nigerian man that lives in Canada, When i moved to Canada from England i met a woman that i got married to and had a kid with.... About 16 years later we separated..I must admit..the death of the Marriage was my fault....for adhering to some of the counsel of other Nigerian men.....especially those that justified promiscuity with polygamy. NUFF SAID!
For those who keep saying Summer should not share as much because of family pride, "the children's future" and other such cow dung, my response is: What a joke... Obama's father's story (as a deadbeat dad and abusive alcoholic) and that of his mother and her multiple marriages while trying to build her career and find happiness and raise her kids from different fathers is part of what made his story so captivating because we human beings always love the underdog. If he did not reveal the dirty sides of his growing up, you won't see his story as inspirational. All the children who were raised to suffer and smile amounted to nothing. It was the one whose mother left and bettered herself and did not hide her situation from her family that succeeded. His mother and maternal grandparents raised him like a son and took the glory at the end while the kids by women who thought like you ended up as addicts or media whores who throw him under the bus for a bit of change. Obama himself revealed these stories to give people the audacity to hope and that's what endeared him to many. Warren Buffet is open about his mother's battle with mental health and Jeff Bezos and Ben Carson openly share about their absentee biological Dads. How far have hidden secrets taken your own family? At least not as far as the White House, the Forbes List or Neurosurgery's top echelon. Why was Bill Clinton called the first black president? Because like many black people, he grew up in a poor home with an abusive step dad and a mother who had no choice but to stay. Even after adopting the stepdad's name and trying so hard to please him, the man remained hostile and wild towards his mom. These stories were not leaked- these people shared these stories so as to encourage people and to celebrate the relatives, neighbors, teachers and friends who stuck with them, did not keep silent and kept them on the path of destiny unlike people like you who assist the abuser and pretend that image is more important than staying alive. Are you not the same person that would go about running your mouth gossiping about battered women and tortured kids instead of lending a hand or building your own life? If not why did you not save your chastisement for your gossiping colleagues? When the dead bodies show up at their fathers house after the man has beat her to death, won't the secrets you were hiding be finally revealed?
Sad that some women are still going through all that.. we just have to keep wishing that change comes some day soon. Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone regardless of gender
I completely agree with you. My husband hates me so much for trying to be objective over certain issues with him. I knew he could not stand me but I tried to stay married because of the stigma and all especially from the church and from relatives but I couldn't. I almost lost my life while pregnant and fled for with the pregnancy and our first child, but now am looking for jobs here and there, trying to do anything possible to provide for my children financially. Am a graduate but the job haunt has not been easy, so the children are with their father. They are still very small and they need me but there's not much I can do except to get a job first. He sued me to court for judicial separation which is still going on for almost one year now. It's really terrible how many things favour the men at the disadvantage of women in Nigeria and Africa as a whole.
🙏🏽Sis I luv when you share stories of your life and heritage. I don’t know what is so offensive and unbelievable about what you are saying because it still happens now and not just in Africa. And the heritage of a “dowry” for a woman was extended into the American culture because although my parents were in love my father still had to pay a “dowry” when he asked remission to marry my mother and that was in the early 70’s. And women(and men) still stay together for the status, for fear, for monetary reasons, for safety, and because they think it’s best for the children. So I don’t know why what you say is so “unbelievable”. Keep sharing your story sis🙏🏽So many of us enjoy hearing your life and admiring the wonderful woman, wife and mother that you are!!💖💖Luv from The States💖💋
Great Job Summer. Your analysis is on point. Our parents’ concept of marriage was having children and serving the man without complaints. To a large extent, that was the same upbringing we got. But education and awareness is changing that; and some husbands cannot believe it.
Hi Summer. This video brought back sooo much memories of me of growing up. My mum nearly died in the hands of my father. Thankfully, she didn't! She was oppressed, depressed etc My father was the one with power and never wrong either. She is educated, so I dont understand why she put up with him for that long Watching your vid, I think she stayed cause of the stigma - which caused more harm than good. I had awful memories growing up, things kids shouldn't witness or hear was what we were exposed to. I don't know how, but she eventually developed courage, she up and left after we'd all grown up. My father is still alive BUT none of his 4 kids have a relationship with him. A lot of my friends have had similar experience(s) and we all say heaven forbid we marry a man like our father. I completely agree with you.
Wow! what a story! thank God we can now decipher what behaviour is right or wrong in a marriage. You are strong and well rounded Summer despite everything.
The part where you have to explain that this is your story just makes the video interesting because some people actually think you’re referring to their stories 🤣🤣🙄
I commend you for sharing your story. You should write a book. One reason men could control women is because of people keeping it hidden how they were treated. They still practice the bride price in Kenya. Charging a bride price sounds horrible like selling a daughter. Don’t let people dictate what you talk about.
Love you summer. I'm an Igbo woman older than you. You are telling the truth about the culture I witnessed a lot of what you are saying about men. But things are changing. I'm watching from USA and love your videos. God bless.
I totally agree with you, women stayed because they had no other choice and especially because of the stigma thingy,period! I lived with my grandma and we spoke lengthly about marriage in those days and it was clear that there wasn't any love involved. It was more like a master and a subject most of the time. Thank you for always sharing your thoughts.
LadyPHILBLOG I don't know how old you are, but if you must comment, please do it intelligently or with facts at least. Where did you get your statistics? This video is not a ticket for you to cast aspersions on what don't have any ideas on. And going by your comments on homicide, it is glaring that there's never been a time whether in the olden times or in this modern times that Nigeria has any statistics significantly,, surpassing their neighbours' . Be it in Africa or otherwise. Please listen to learn and not to condemn. There are other cultures far worse than what she has described and what she has said is not peculiar to her culture. It cuts across many customs in Africa and beyond.
@@uzzyvick wow what a comment! There are so many homicides in Nigeria. Although, there may not be any official statistics but it is still happening in these day and age in our Nigeria . Talking about statistics, do you know that millions of people people in Nigeria presently, have no record of their dates of birth, no house addresses, like house number, post codes, national insurance number or identity card. No driver license etc. Does that mean that such people don't exist because they have no proof of identity? Moreover, no good media reporting. Most people fear for their lives if they venture to reveal any evil in their families or that of other people. Of course there will be cultures worse than ours but we must not call our evil good because its not as bad as others. Finally let's help ourselves, by being good; let's call evil what they are, and promote joy, happiness and health in our families and societies.
I was very sad as a child growing up with my aunt knowing that my mum left my dad when i was just one year old and as a 5th of their chidren , after he brought in his second wife into a home that he and my mum have built with their sweat. As if that was not enough, the 2nd wife was so wicked . Infact i am so proud of my mum today that she left the marriage alife.
I'm African too! It lasted long because they tolerated the intolerable because of the children or fear of stigma from being called "free woman" without a man. Also, no dependable source of income.
Girl the truth is the truth, you know what happen in your village and I believe you. It is also true that most of those marriages, people stay for status and not love. Some of these women really dispise their husband but stay anyway. You are speaking the truth as you know it.
Hi summer am an igbo, i believe u 100% the same thing happen to my mom but thank God she made it alive with my Dad untill he pass way and my mom is with me in 🇺🇸 now living good.
Thanks Summer. If anyone doesn't like this video that's their problem. When ever you talked about your family it was like you are talking about my family, despite my mother being a kind-hearted, loving and a gentlewoman she still went through hell while married to my father. Once again thanks. 😍
summer when i watched your videos, i feel like you are someone i already know and i can relate very well with. Am having issue with my husband right now and we havent been in talking terms for a month now because of this same controlling issues and i cant say nothing or express how i feel when he offends me. we have 3kids together but in different country! The reasons why marriages dont last anymore is because no woman wants to take shit from all these men anymore and we women are more independent now...lots of our men still acts like our fathers back in the days because they see their dad beat and treat their mom like trash and that has really inbeded in them and is hard to make a good husband seeing all those abuses unless they educate theirselves and try to make things right in their marrige. God bless for sharing your stories! luv u sis.
When I saw this video, I called my mum and let her watch the video, because everything you said happened to her. I applaud your courage for making this video.
GUURL WHY ARE OUR STORIES SOOO SIMILAR! THIS IS SCARY??!!!! FELLOW IGBO LADY AS WELL NAWOWOOO! THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS STORY NNE!!! PLEASE KEEP THESE VIDEOS COMING. ALOT OF IGBOS DON'T SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS!!
TO HELL WITH IGBO MEN OR AFRICAN MAN MY DEAR THIS STORY IS ALL TOO FAMILIAR. IGBO MEN BELIEVE IT'S THEIR DIVINE RIGHT TO BEAT THEIR WIVES AND THEN THE WOMEN APOLOGIZE. YEAH THEY CAN MISS ME WITH THAT ONE. THEY ARE WIFEBEATERS AND COWARDS. KEEP EXPOSING THIS EVIL NNE!!!
adriananaija87 very wicked people that is why if u watch they are the ones that normally die first 90% of igbo men are dieing so early and I keep asking myself what is wrong why! Sometimes I wish I did not come from that planet my pare are still living together but I have seen so many couples omg I cry for them
It is heartbroken to hear what fellow women go through. Thank you for sharing these life lessons with us Summer. I am so sorry for what your mother went through. So many people can relate to your story. For Salvation's sake, could you please ask your mom to forgive your dad? As christians we know that the Lord God Almighty has commanded us to love one another just as He has loved us . We have to hate the wrong things people do to us and no the person ( the individual) who did the wrong things. We know according to the Scripture that it will be impossible for us to enter Heaven with hatred in us. May God Almighty help us all.
Very very interesting video Nnem. I admire your courage to share such personal experiences about your parents. Women should be a help mate to their husbands and not slaves. I have said it and will say it again...the day I sense violence or any form of control, I'm out of my marriage straight away. I won't die and leave my children because I want the status of a married woman. Similar story about your parents happened to my grand mother. Hers was worst because when they married her, she couldn't have children immediately. So after about three children, her husband died and she was asked to marry her husband's brother (imagine). She had no voice to say No! Total rubbish!!!. She said to us that if she had refused, they would have sent her on exile and given her some stupid names. So because she didn't want that stigma, she had to marry her husband's brother. My grandmother is 80 years old now and only God knows what she went through at that time - sad story I tell you. Thank God it's all changed now - some traditions are aweful to think about.
Chisom, I completely understand where you're coming from. Loveless marriage is like going through a slow and painful death. And at the end, I'm not sure you'll go to heaven when one eventually dies because there was so much anger, hatted and hypocrisy involved. I'd say come out first, but be careful how you go about it for your own safety. Don't worry about what the church leadership will say about it because it's your life. If you stay in an abusive marriage and die because of marriage vows, when you're lying in that box, you're on your own and when you appear before the presence of God, You're on your own. Stay alive for the sake of yourself, children, your own family and your many friends who love you. Ask yourself "what would Jesus do? I tell you, he will get out of the situation. Before he went to the cross, they wanted to kill him by pushing him down a cliff, he just got. He died on the cross because that was why he came. To stay in an abusive marriage is self hate in my own opinion.
Summer my sister, it is not only in your neck of the wood that it happens. I am from Enugu state and it is similar to your area. I love my Igbo culture but it can one sided. The man is always right no matter what he does. The culture gave Igbo men too much power that allow them to do as they please and get away with it. As an example, a man beats his wife and they ask the woman what did you do? Instead of asking him why he even thought about putting his on his wife. Igbo culture is a man's culture.
Just want to add to your story, sometimes women stay not just for the marital status but bcoz they need a father figure in their children's life especially the male children, boys are difficult to raise without a man.
Summer I love your down to earth nature, 'eziokwu amaka',my dad till now never still wan accept that things are no more as it used to be archaic as in those days,I used to shout at him ,"Papa accept change"!...I always give kudos to my mom for managing my dad till date.its not easy one bit to live with my dad.#I said it!,I dont even pray to be like him.
Sounds a lot like the Kikuyu men in Kenya, I'm Kikuyu..... Says a lot about how our parents raised our sons. Because as much as we blame the men, where was the wisdom in raising the boys? If girls were prepared for marriage to submit to their husbands. Boys also need to be taught to love like Christ, this also includes submitting to the wife.
Summer, it is well with our parents. Thank God ! Everything has changed. Ur story took me back to the days, nobody really cared about our mothers emotion. All their parents wanted was for them to stay married ‘under bondage.’ Hmmmmmmmmm! Thank u Jesus! We are free indeed! Watching from Washington DC.
Summer, most of what u said in this video is totally true. my story is different but almost the same. The strength to share it is what I don't have......but it bleeds inside of me.......Thanx u shared me.
Everything you said is unapologetically true. Speak your truth Summer. Those who are still stuck in the mindset of silence and sweep under the carpet will be JUST FINE. IF NOT SO BE IT. TIMES HAVE CHANGED. MOST OF THE WOMEN IN THE PAST WERE MISERABLE IN THEIR MARRIAGES.
The illusion of long lasting marriage some people hold is tragic. If its that great, why do these older women who were in this marriage go for "omugwo" and never go back to these so called 'long lasting' marriages.
Wow baby girl this is a game change what matters is here is a mother living and take care of her children thanks for all your messages they are true and very educative Bravo baby girl keeps on going 💞💕👍
Wow!!!!You are a very bold and outspoken woman to talk about this on this platform... I am not a Nigerian and have always been around people from your place....The majority my friends that may share stories but not this as they pretend to be better than other African women....I applaud you for talking about this double standard in our continent. ..Truth be told, rampant now in the U.S and Europe....
You have said the gospel truth. In all Nigerian cultures it’s the same way, the woman is always wrong. This is your platform. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone to massage their egos. Most Nigerian men will never agree with you, and that’s why shouldn’t even discuss it with them. It’s a total waste of time...
People still marry like that till now! They are still people that get married like that that truth sha!! They only act love the trutt is the igbo culture has no room for love, if you love they will pick one reason or the other for you not to marry the one you love! Some igbo cultures are still horrible!
Marriage in the past was based on inequality so of course the marriage lasted . Women were chattle thank Heavens for feminism....we just need men to become FEMINIST. Your private story telling is very Social and political is is real legitimization for feminism to continue to EXISTS. THX U FOR SHARING
Marriage lasted so long in those days in my opinion because women were fully dependent on their husbands and more so it was a man's world, it was easy to marry as many wives as possible , a replacement was very easy. Women had no voice and no alternative. Education has helped to bridge the socio- economic differences in our African culture. The price we pay now is the high rate of divorce. It is sad to remember what our men dominated society did and some are still doing. Thanks for sharing.
Summer, your story is so much alive even in today. The exact hatred I hv about my marriage days. Summer, being a Christian I rather say I hated my marriage. For what love is now that I'm alone, I really believe my marriage had no love at all eg. Where it would be difficult to present a case to hubby bcos several times you would be reminded how a stupid person wouldn't speak to him like that. Summer, this is still painful even on my throat as I type, n I'm of these days. Anyway, even after divorce this pain I still feel n even when my daughter is not mentioning marriage I content with that
You are absolutely correct. Marriages lasted because women had no choice and not just in African culture. Remember that women in so-called advanced societies women were not considered 'people' and were not allowed to vote until the late 19th to early 20th century. We were chattel. As a husband you could put in your will whoever you wanted to have your wife after your death and she would have no say in the matter.
It never changed I was burn in 1990 but l still have friends who still comes to my house and cook and eat their dinner simply that their father locked their kitchen by 4:30 pm U don't cook after 40pm it's against his oracle. ... Summer is saying the truth. ..if it doesn't happen to you. ..it happens to other people. My lecturer told us that he told his wife that any day he catches her with a man she's going and any day she catches him with a woman she's also going.
Summer, lovely summerization. Looking back I am grateful for how God has been favourable unto you. We all have baggages, our story unto God's glory. I am grateful for your story. Hope it helps somebody out there. Do things out of Love not out of "what people would say" don't be enslaved by culture and religion. Be liberated in Jesus name. ❤️
I wish your father is still alive to see you and hear you share this despicable STORY of his, how ho treated a beautiful woman that he was supposed to cheerished, dear almost all men are the same but thank God for civilization, woman can now work and earn money for themselves, if not it could have be worse than the olden days. the Edos are same if not worst. 1) those day women stay in their husband houses because they do not have anywhere to go. 2) they don't even know where else to go 3) the society expect every woman to be in a man's house 4) the foolish ones who are a bit lucky to be in a man's house will make like uncomfortable for you simply because you are out of your husband's house regardless of your predicament 5) those days they don't married for love why won't they treat the women like slaves???? 6) some marriages are still old version 7) woman are to be treated like an egg not slaves 8 share your story dear we are enjoying it thank you very much.
Thank you Summer for using your experience to educate the world. And yes the marriages lasted long because the women had no choice but to endure oppression.
God bless you ma'am for this wonderful topic. Marriage is a beautiful institution originated by God and it can only work based on the scrolls of He that has instituted it. Bringing tradition or whatever into what the Almighty has ordained and scripted, will not work. What you analyzed still happens. In fact the worse is emotional abuse which have diverse effect on the woman, work and children. The best cause of action that the Holy Spirit has impressed in my heart is every woman should make it a point of duty to point the children to the right direction according to scripture especially the male child. Curb any character trait resembling what will metamorphose into beastly manifestations tomorrow. And ask the Lord for help, wisdom and Guidance. God bless you for this move.
Thank you so much for sharing not only Igbo's am an Edo Girl similar thing happened in my family same thing is going on in my life but I didn't aspect it never ever
Oh my God Summer you are so too Real. I also had same Experiences with my parents . It was just too Bad and horrible ..it such a Bad Energy in the home 🏠 it Devides the peace Joy and happiness away from the kids almost Every time ..... Summer you are so Real
Powerful video my dear. Even up till today, most women didn't marry for love they marry because they want to belong to the married women association. Back to your question, marriages last longer in the olden days because women had no choice. Secondly they not want to bring shame to their families and lastly because they were handicap they only depend on the man for everything.
Yes! Women were oppressed in those days. I am a living witness because my mother pass through the oppression of my Dad and she died during the oppression.
Summer please don’t stop talking about the unjust Igbo culture especially towards women. My children’s experience are similar to yours especially my oldest child because my marriage was similar to your parents. My oldest daughter has refused to marry or have children just because of her experiences. Things are better for me now but I could have lost my life several times. Though we live in the States, that upbringing never left me. Thank you. I love you.
From that video clip - if I was the daughter - after that conversation -I'll just leave the marriage. I'm not fighting for any man! I'll channel my strength to building up myself! If he thinks I'm worth it, he'll make the right decision to be with me! I don't get to fight for it! Come to think of it, how long will you fight for this man - till you die? God forbid!
HELLO SUMMER, CONTINUE TO DO YOUR VIDEOS AND BRING ENLIGHTENMENT TO THOSE WHO WANT TO LEARN. Your story is very similar to my parents but in my case, it was my mother who was both the man and the woman. So I UNDERSTAND you PERFECTLY, though I'm from Ghana our situation is the same.
Yes ooo summer dear, i agree with you because the same happened to my sister...she couldn't bear what people was saying about her so after 9years she spends in our house, she has to go back to her husband's house and two years later she went back her husband died...My family were happy because he was able to take her back before his death or it would have be difficult our family now that she is dead too.
As someone who lives in Nigeria and a typical IGBO girl, whenever I tell her that if d marriage is abusive u should leave. And d way she shuns me down is very funny. That marriage is for better or worse. Abuse or no abuse
OMG SUMMER. YOUR GRANDFATHER HAD MULTIPLE WIVES AS WELL THIS IS CRAZY SAME HERE! I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD FIND ANOTHER LADY WITH SIMILAR FAMILY BACKGROUND. THIS THING ABOUT POLYGAMY. DO U EVER WONDER IF ALL THOSE WOMEN WERE MARRIED TO ONE MAN AT THE SAME TIME? OR DID THEY HAVE DIFFERENT TIMES IN THEIR LIFE THAT THEY WERE MARRIED TO HIM? THIS WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING THAT I WONDERED MYSELF. HOW CAN 4 WOMEN WILLINGLY WANT TO BE MARRIED TO ONE MAN AT THE SAME TIME!!????
Summer, thanks for sharing another “powerful” piece of your life experience. Several of us who experienced or know someone who experienced similar barbaric “culture” are beginning to speak out boldly. This is stirring up a constructive & effective revolution towards a positive change and help for the oppressed. God bless your sweet & articulate soul 🙏🏾
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This woman is one of the best storytellers I have heard speak. She can turn normal gist to a sweet story
The oppression has not flown out the window. It’s still exists. These days the Bible is an additional weapon...wives submit to your husband....a wise woman builds her home etc. Women need to continue to speak up and educate each other. Some people don’t even know they are being oppressed or abused because the man is not beating them. Another good video Summer. Keep doing you.
Sunmisola Ojo YOU'RE RIGHT!!! EXAAACTLLLY! USING THE WORD TO SHAME THE WOMEN BEING OPPRESSED.
I witnessed this between a Nigerian couple yesterday. The man went on and on about what a wife should do. I laughed so hard following them and listening to the crap the man was saying & was amazed that the woman was even trying to defend herself...
That is my story....
Don't forget the verse:....."HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES, AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER......(Ephesians 5:25........). The love comes BEFORE submission. Everything hangs on the love. Jesus willingly gave up his life for the Church to prove His love(St John 3:16). Husbands, men especially (but also wives and women) love is the FIRST order and the definition of love, true love if you dont know, is found in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - note the order of the verses.
Many of our moms died in silence from emotional and physical pains caused by their husbands. Some men today who are heartless and unintelligent have big difficulties with today's women. It is no longer being the sole provider and imposing his laws, but it is about managing a relationship with great knowledge, diligence and intelligence.
Bless Beulah Absolutely! Most African men have complex issues when they meet an independent African woman. I'm a witness...
Before I got married, I met a guy who could not stand the fact that I was independent. When there was a misunderstanding between us, he'd say "oh is it because you have this and that? "
I use to wonder and ask if he's got an issue with God's blessings and whom he has made me to be? Before he could close his eyes and open them, I had walked out of the relationship. I can't stand a controlling man who has issues with a woman's success. A woman should be a help mate and not a slave.
You are blessed @Bless Beulah
Bless Beulah YES! EXAAACTLLLY!
i understand this is an old video.....But i must say, its by far the best topic i've heard you cover. I'm a Nigerian man that lives in Canada, When i moved to Canada from England i met a woman that i got married to and had a kid with.... About 16 years later we separated..I must admit..the death of the Marriage was my fault....for adhering to some of the counsel of other Nigerian men.....especially those that justified promiscuity with polygamy. NUFF SAID!
Staying unmarried is better than marrying a bad husband
Very true. With a bad husband, everyday is a heart attack.
Crazy onyi paul u've said it all my sister
Very true
Crazy Onyi Paul that’s right sis☝️
Exactly
I just love dis woman for always spiking the truth,and I love watching ur channel💜
For those who keep saying Summer should not share as much because of family pride, "the children's future" and other such cow dung, my response is: What a joke... Obama's father's story (as a deadbeat dad and abusive alcoholic) and that of his mother and her multiple marriages while trying to build her career and find happiness and raise her kids from different fathers is part of what made his story so captivating because we human beings always love the underdog. If he did not reveal the dirty sides of his growing up, you won't see his story as inspirational. All the children who were raised to suffer and smile amounted to nothing. It was the one whose mother left and bettered herself and did not hide her situation from her family that succeeded. His mother and maternal grandparents raised him like a son and took the glory at the end while the kids by women who thought like you ended up as addicts or media whores who throw him under the bus for a bit of change. Obama himself revealed these stories to give people the audacity to hope and that's what endeared him to many. Warren Buffet is open about his mother's battle with mental health and Jeff Bezos and Ben Carson openly share about their absentee biological Dads. How far have hidden secrets taken your own family? At least not as far as the White House, the Forbes List or Neurosurgery's top echelon.
Why was Bill Clinton called the first black president? Because like many black people, he grew up in a poor home with an abusive step dad and a mother who had no choice but to stay. Even after adopting the stepdad's name and trying so hard to please him, the man remained hostile and wild towards his mom. These stories were not leaked- these people shared these stories so as to encourage people and to celebrate the relatives, neighbors, teachers and friends who stuck with them, did not keep silent and kept them on the path of destiny unlike people like you who assist the abuser and pretend that image is more important than staying alive. Are you not the same person that would go about running your mouth gossiping about battered women and tortured kids instead of lending a hand or building your own life? If not why did you not save your chastisement for your gossiping colleagues? When the dead bodies show up at their fathers house after the man has beat her to death, won't the secrets you were hiding be finally revealed?
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I wish I could like this comment a thousand times.
Thank you very much 💋
And let the church say amen. Church is dismissed.
U got me teary with this.
Wao what a world. All u said still happens today and still very very true.
Am Yoruba by d way.
Thanks for sharing.
Sad that some women are still going through all that.. we just have to keep wishing that change comes some day soon.
Everyone deserves to be happy.
Everyone regardless of gender
Now they have a way of saying stay with a violent man "prayers"
Instead of condeming what is evil.
My Sister ... prayers just seem to be the rope that they use to tie the goat to this useless abusive men
@@sallybright8092 🤣🤣🤣
I completely agree with you. My husband hates me so much for trying to be objective over certain issues with him. I knew he could not stand me but I tried to stay married because of the stigma and all especially from the church and from relatives but I couldn't. I almost lost my life while pregnant and fled for with the pregnancy and our first child, but now am looking for jobs here and there, trying to do anything possible to provide for my children financially. Am a graduate but the job haunt has not been easy, so the children are with their father. They are still very small and they need me but there's not much I can do except to get a job first. He sued me to court for judicial separation which is still going on for almost one year now. It's really terrible how many things favour the men at the disadvantage of women in Nigeria and Africa as a whole.
Hope you have gotten your children now and things are better?
🙏🏽Sis I luv when you share stories of your life and heritage. I don’t know what is so offensive and unbelievable about what you are saying because it still happens now and not just in Africa. And the heritage of a “dowry” for a woman was extended into the American culture because although my parents were in love my father still had to pay a “dowry” when he asked remission to marry my mother and that was in the early 70’s. And women(and men) still stay together for the status, for fear, for monetary reasons, for safety, and because they think it’s best for the children. So I don’t know why what you say is so “unbelievable”. Keep sharing your story sis🙏🏽So many of us enjoy hearing your life and admiring the wonderful woman, wife and mother that you are!!💖💖Luv from The States💖💋
Great Job Summer. Your analysis is on point. Our parents’ concept of marriage was having children and serving the man without complaints. To a large extent, that was the same upbringing we got. But education and awareness is changing that; and some husbands cannot believe it.
Hi Summer. This video brought back sooo much memories of me of growing up. My mum nearly died in the hands of my father. Thankfully, she didn't! She was oppressed, depressed etc My father was the one with power and never wrong either. She is educated, so I dont understand why she put up with him for that long Watching your vid, I think she stayed cause of the stigma - which caused more harm than good.
I had awful memories growing up, things kids shouldn't witness or hear was what we were exposed to. I don't know how, but she eventually developed courage, she up and left after we'd all grown up. My father is still alive BUT none of his 4 kids have a relationship with him. A lot of my friends have had similar experience(s) and we all say heaven forbid we marry a man like our father. I completely agree with you.
The unsettling truth about many of "our" cultures. Love your honesty. Many of us are busy 'saving face'.
Wow! what a story! thank God we can now decipher what behaviour is right or wrong in a marriage. You are strong and well rounded Summer despite everything.
The part where you have to explain that this is your story just makes the video interesting because some people actually think you’re referring to their stories 🤣🤣🙄
I commend you for sharing your story. You should write a book. One reason men could control women is because of people keeping it hidden how they were treated. They still practice the bride price in Kenya. Charging a bride price sounds horrible like selling a daughter. Don’t let people dictate what you talk about.
“Those are the children their mother was sent away.” Lolz 😂 . “Ewwoooo”
Love you summer. I'm an Igbo woman older than you. You are telling the truth about the culture I witnessed a lot of what you are saying about men. But things are changing. I'm watching from USA and love your videos. God bless.
I totally agree with you, women stayed because they had no other choice and especially because of the stigma thingy,period! I lived with my grandma and we spoke lengthly about marriage in those days and it was clear that there wasn't any love involved. It was more like a master and a subject most of the time. Thank you for always sharing your thoughts.
This married status is why there are a lot of homicides in Nigeria!!
LadyPHILBLOG I don't know how old you are, but if you must comment, please do it intelligently or with facts at least. Where did you get your statistics? This video is not a ticket for you to cast aspersions on what don't have any ideas on. And going by your comments on homicide, it is glaring that there's never been a time whether in the olden times or in this modern times that Nigeria has any statistics significantly,, surpassing their neighbours' . Be it in Africa or otherwise. Please listen to learn and not to condemn. There are other cultures far worse than what she has described and what she has said is not peculiar to her culture. It cuts across many customs in Africa and beyond.
@@uzzyvick wow what a comment! There are so many homicides in Nigeria. Although, there may not be any official statistics but it is still happening in these day and age in our Nigeria .
Talking about statistics, do you know that millions of people people in Nigeria presently, have no record of their dates of birth, no house addresses, like house number, post codes, national insurance number or identity card. No driver license etc. Does that mean that such people don't exist because they have no proof of identity?
Moreover, no good media reporting. Most people fear for their lives if they venture to reveal any evil in their families or that of other people.
Of course there will be cultures worse than ours but we must not call our evil good because its not as bad as others.
Finally let's help ourselves, by being good; let's call evil what they are, and promote joy, happiness and health in our families and societies.
Hope x
@@uzzyvick who are you
I was very sad as a child growing up with my aunt knowing that my mum left my dad when i was just one year old and as a 5th of their chidren , after he brought in his second wife into a home that he and my mum have built with their sweat. As if that was not enough, the 2nd wife was so wicked . Infact i am so proud of my mum today that she left the marriage alife.
I'm African too! It lasted long because they tolerated the intolerable because of the children or fear of stigma from being called "free woman" without a man. Also, no dependable source of income.
Girl the truth is the truth, you know what happen in your village and I believe you. It is also true that most of those marriages, people stay for status and not love. Some of these women really dispise their husband but stay anyway. You are speaking the truth as you know it.
Hi summer am an igbo, i believe u 100% the same thing happen to my mom but thank God she made it alive with my Dad untill he pass way and my mom is with me in 🇺🇸 now living good.
Thanks Summer.
If anyone doesn't like this video that's their problem. When ever you talked about your family it was like you are talking about my family, despite my mother being a kind-hearted, loving and a gentlewoman she still went through hell while married to my father.
Once again thanks. 😍
summer when i watched your videos, i feel like you are someone i already know and i can relate very well with. Am having issue with my husband right now and we havent been in talking terms for a month now because of this same controlling issues and i cant say nothing or express how i feel when he offends me. we have 3kids together but in different country! The reasons why marriages dont last anymore is because no woman wants to take shit from all these men anymore and we women are more independent now...lots of our men still acts like our fathers back in the days because they see their dad beat and treat their mom like trash and that has really inbeded in them and is hard to make a good husband seeing all those abuses unless they educate theirselves and try to make things right in their marrige. God bless for sharing your stories! luv u sis.
Love you too 💋
When I saw this video, I called my mum and let her watch the video, because everything you said happened to her. I applaud your courage for making this video.
Yes they stay because they had no choice...
My Dear. you're very bold to share such intimate details about your life. Thank you.
I agree. Women had no choice to choose happiness. I watched my grandmother go through this.
GUURL WHY ARE OUR STORIES SOOO SIMILAR! THIS IS SCARY??!!!! FELLOW IGBO LADY AS WELL NAWOWOOO! THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS STORY NNE!!! PLEASE KEEP THESE VIDEOS COMING. ALOT OF IGBOS DON'T SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS!!
TO HELL WITH IGBO MEN OR AFRICAN MAN MY DEAR THIS STORY IS ALL TOO FAMILIAR. IGBO MEN BELIEVE IT'S THEIR DIVINE RIGHT TO BEAT THEIR WIVES AND THEN THE WOMEN APOLOGIZE. YEAH THEY CAN MISS ME WITH THAT ONE. THEY ARE WIFEBEATERS AND COWARDS. KEEP EXPOSING THIS EVIL NNE!!!
adriananaija87 very wicked people that is why if u watch they are the ones that normally die first 90% of igbo men are dieing so early and I keep asking myself what is wrong why! Sometimes I wish I did not come from that planet my pare are still living together but I have seen so many couples omg I cry for them
It is heartbroken to hear what fellow women go through.
Thank you for sharing these life lessons with us Summer. I am so sorry for what your mother went through. So many people can relate to your story.
For Salvation's sake, could you please ask your mom to forgive your dad? As christians we know that the Lord God Almighty has commanded us to love one another just as He has loved us .
We have to hate the wrong things people do to us and no the person ( the individual) who did the wrong things. We know according to the Scripture that it will be impossible for us to enter Heaven with hatred in us.
May God Almighty help us all.
Very very interesting video Nnem. I admire your courage to share such personal experiences about your parents.
Women should be a help mate to their husbands and not slaves. I have said it and will say it again...the day I sense violence or any form of control, I'm out of my marriage straight away. I won't die and leave my children because I want the status of a married woman.
Similar story about your parents happened to my grand mother. Hers was worst because when they married her, she couldn't have children immediately. So after about three children, her husband died and she was asked to marry her husband's brother (imagine).
She had no voice to say No! Total rubbish!!!. She said to us that if she had refused, they would have sent her on exile and given her some stupid names. So because she didn't want that stigma, she had to marry her husband's brother. My grandmother is 80 years old now and only God knows what she went through at that time - sad story I tell you.
Thank God it's all changed now - some traditions are aweful to think about.
Chisom, I completely understand where you're coming from. Loveless marriage is like going through a slow and painful death. And at the end, I'm not sure you'll go to heaven when one eventually dies because there was so much anger, hatted and hypocrisy involved. I'd say come out first, but be careful how you go about it for your own safety.
Don't worry about what the church leadership will say about it because it's your life. If you stay in an abusive marriage and die because of marriage vows, when you're lying in that box, you're on your own and when you appear before the presence of God, You're on your own.
Stay alive for the sake of yourself, children, your own family and your many friends who love you.
Ask yourself "what would Jesus do? I tell you, he will get out of the situation. Before he went to the cross, they wanted to kill him by pushing him down a cliff, he just got. He died on the cross because that was why he came.
To stay in an abusive marriage is self hate in my own opinion.
Love you for this and you are very correct am an IBO Lady and every thing you said is true that is our culture. Thanks for sharing
Thanks for watching
Summer my sister, it is not only in your neck of the wood that it happens. I am from Enugu state and it is similar to your area. I love my Igbo culture but it can one sided. The man is always right no matter what he does. The culture gave Igbo men too much power that allow them to do as they please and get away with it. As an example, a man beats his wife and they ask the woman what did you do? Instead of asking him why he even thought about putting his on his wife. Igbo culture is a man's culture.
Sister anytime I watched yr channel I always affected with positive thinking about about life thank yu very much for yr good wk
Great insight, it’s sad what the women before us went through but we can use it as inspiration to hold onto God and do better.
Just want to add to your story, sometimes women stay not just for the marital status but bcoz they need a father figure in their children's life especially the male children, boys are difficult to raise without a man.
Nne everything you said is 100% true. I cannot add or remove anything from it. Its the naked truth. Wow!. Job well done!
Summer I love your down to earth nature, 'eziokwu amaka',my dad till now never still wan accept that things are no more as it used to be archaic as in those days,I used to shout at him ,"Papa accept change"!...I always give kudos to my mom for managing my dad till date.its not easy one bit to live with my dad.#I said it!,I dont even pray to be like him.
Sounds a lot like the Kikuyu men in Kenya, I'm Kikuyu..... Says a lot about how our parents raised our sons. Because as much as we blame the men, where was the wisdom in raising the boys? If girls were prepared for marriage to submit to their husbands. Boys also need to be taught to love like Christ, this also includes submitting to the wife.
You are right my dear. My grandmother when through the same with my grandfather as my mother told me.
OMG all that and you are such well rounded young woman 😍
Summer, this is deep. Your story is an inspirational to me and definitely to everyone out there. Keep up the good work. God bless thee.
God bless you too
You are absolutely right.Your analysis are unbiased.
Summer, it is well with our parents. Thank God ! Everything has changed. Ur story took me back to the days, nobody really cared about our mothers emotion. All their parents wanted was for them to stay married ‘under bondage.’ Hmmmmmmmmm! Thank u Jesus! We are free indeed! Watching from Washington DC.
I truly enjoyed your story! It was very informative,thank you for sharing your truth.
These experience I know has made you a better person, God bless your wisdom.
Summer, most of what u said in this video is totally true. my story is different but almost the same. The strength to share it is what I don't have......but it bleeds inside of me.......Thanx u shared me.
Everything you said is unapologetically true. Speak your truth Summer. Those who are still stuck in the mindset of silence and sweep under the carpet will be JUST FINE. IF NOT SO BE IT. TIMES HAVE CHANGED. MOST OF THE WOMEN IN THE PAST WERE MISERABLE IN THEIR MARRIAGES.
Hi Summer you say it all please Men dont abuse your woman, women are to be cheerch not to be abuse.
I cry listening to your story because is the exact same thing we experienced.
I thank God we survived!
Isn't it sad that this is still happening to women today.
The illusion of long lasting marriage some people hold is tragic.
If its that great, why do these older women who were in this marriage go for "omugwo" and never go back to these so called 'long lasting' marriages.
Summer, you kill me😂😂😂
😂
One of the advices women receive. Don’t let any quarrel last overnight, apologise even when you’re right for peace to reign
I'm igbo and am so scared of marriage, igbo men are too arrogant and wicked.
Wow baby girl this is a game change what matters is here is a mother living and take care of her children thanks for all your messages they are true and very educative Bravo baby girl keeps on going 💞💕👍
I think folks take this cultural issue personal. We all have the right to talk about issues that affect us.
I love the way you speak your dialect .
Wow!!!!You are a very bold and outspoken woman to talk about this on this platform... I am not a Nigerian and have always been around people from your place....The majority my friends that may share stories but not this as they pretend to be better than other African women....I applaud you for talking about this double standard in our continent. ..Truth be told, rampant now in the U.S and Europe....
Summer, you are an amazing woman. Much respect and love to you sis.😘
You have said the gospel truth. In all Nigerian cultures it’s the same way, the woman is always wrong. This is your platform. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone to massage their egos. Most Nigerian men will never agree with you, and that’s why shouldn’t even discuss it with them. It’s a total waste of time...
thank God for the UK's clean break after divorce, everyone gets half regardless of whether you worked or not
People still marry like that till now! They are still people that get married like that that truth sha!! They only act love the trutt is the igbo culture has no room for love, if you love they will pick one reason or the other for you not to marry the one you love! Some igbo cultures are still horrible!
I Love You so much sis❤️😘
Love you too sis 💋💋💋💋
Marriage in the past was based on inequality so of course the marriage lasted . Women were chattle thank Heavens for feminism....we just need men to become FEMINIST. Your private story telling is very Social and political is is real legitimization for feminism to continue to EXISTS. THX U FOR SHARING
Marriage lasted so long in those days in my opinion because women were fully dependent on their husbands and more so it was a man's world, it was easy to marry as many wives as possible , a replacement was very easy. Women had no voice and no alternative. Education has helped to bridge the socio- economic differences in our African culture. The price we pay now is the high rate of divorce. It is sad to remember what our men dominated society did and some are still doing. Thanks for sharing.
What a lovely lady and you have a great way of telling a story too...
Summer, you are so full of wisdom!!! Bless you
Sorry, summer. This video makes my heart me bleed .sad sad women have suffered a lot.
Summer, your story is so much alive even in today. The exact hatred I hv about my marriage days. Summer, being a Christian I rather say I hated my marriage. For what love is now that I'm alone, I really believe my marriage had no love at all eg. Where it would be difficult to present a case to hubby bcos several times you would be reminded how a stupid person wouldn't speak to him like that. Summer, this is still painful even on my throat as I type, n I'm of these days. Anyway, even after divorce this pain I still feel n even when my daughter is not mentioning marriage I content with that
You are absolutely correct. Marriages lasted because women had no choice and not just in African culture. Remember that women in so-called advanced societies women were not considered 'people' and were not allowed to vote until the late 19th to early 20th century. We were chattel. As a husband you could put in your will whoever you wanted to have your wife after your death and she would have no say in the matter.
It never changed
I was burn in 1990 but l still have friends who still comes to my house and cook and eat their dinner simply that their father locked their kitchen by 4:30 pm
U don't cook after 40pm it's against his oracle. ...
Summer is saying the truth. ..if it doesn't happen to you. ..it happens to other people.
My lecturer told us that he told his wife that any day he catches her with a man she's going and any day she catches him with a woman she's also going.
Summer, lovely summerization. Looking back I am grateful for how God has been favourable unto you. We all have baggages, our story unto God's glory. I am grateful for your story. Hope it helps somebody out there. Do things out of Love not out of "what people would say" don't be enslaved by culture and religion. Be liberated in Jesus name. ❤️
I wish your father is still alive to see you and hear you share this despicable STORY of his, how ho treated a beautiful woman that he was supposed to cheerished, dear almost all men are the same but thank God for civilization, woman can now work and earn money for themselves, if not it could have be worse than the olden days. the Edos are same if not worst.
1) those day women stay in their husband houses because they do not have anywhere to go.
2) they don't even know where else to go
3) the society expect every woman to be in a man's house
4) the foolish ones who are a bit lucky to be in a man's house will make like uncomfortable for you simply because you are out of your husband's house regardless of your predicament
5) those days they don't married for love why won't they treat the women like slaves????
6) some marriages are still old version
7) woman are to be treated like an egg not slaves
8 share your story dear we are enjoying it thank you very much.
Thank you Summer for using your experience to educate the world. And yes the marriages lasted long because the women had no choice but to endure oppression.
God bless you ma'am for this wonderful topic. Marriage is a beautiful institution originated by God and it can only work based on the scrolls of He that has instituted it. Bringing tradition or whatever into what the Almighty has ordained and scripted, will not work. What you analyzed still happens. In fact the worse is emotional abuse which have diverse effect on the woman, work and children. The best cause of action that the Holy Spirit has impressed in my heart is every woman should make it a point of duty to point the children to the right direction according to scripture especially the male child. Curb any character trait resembling what will metamorphose into beastly manifestations tomorrow. And ask the Lord for help, wisdom and Guidance.
God bless you for this move.
Thank you so much for sharing not only Igbo's am an Edo Girl similar thing happened in my family same thing is going on in my life but I didn't aspect it never ever
Oh my God Summer you are so too Real. I also had same Experiences with my parents . It was just too Bad and horrible ..it such a Bad Energy in the home 🏠 it Devides the peace Joy and happiness away from the kids almost Every time ..... Summer you are so Real
Powerful video my dear. Even up till today, most women didn't marry for love they marry because they want to belong to the married women association. Back to your question, marriages last longer in the olden days because women had no choice. Secondly they not want to bring shame to their families and lastly because they were handicap they only depend on the man for everything.
Yes! Women were oppressed in those days. I am a living witness because my mother pass through the oppression of my Dad and she died during the oppression.
Summer please don’t stop talking about the unjust Igbo culture especially towards women. My children’s experience are similar to yours especially my oldest child because my marriage was similar to your parents. My oldest daughter has refused to marry or have children just because of her experiences. Things are better for me now but I could have lost my life several times. Though we live in the States, that upbringing never left me. Thank you. I love you.
💋💋💋I love you sis. Keep talking ❤️❤️❤️
From that video clip - if I was the daughter - after that conversation -I'll just leave the marriage. I'm not fighting for any man! I'll channel my strength to building up myself! If he thinks I'm worth it, he'll make the right decision to be with me! I don't get to fight for it! Come to think of it, how long will you fight for this man - till you die? God forbid!
HELLO SUMMER,
CONTINUE TO DO YOUR VIDEOS AND BRING ENLIGHTENMENT TO THOSE WHO WANT TO LEARN. Your story is very similar to my parents but in my case, it was my mother who was both the man and the woman. So I UNDERSTAND you PERFECTLY, though I'm from Ghana our situation is the same.
I still maintain, u are the best! Everything u said is all true! Love u sis
Yes ooo summer dear, i agree with you because the same happened to my sister...she couldn't bear what people was saying about her so after 9years she spends in our house, she has to go back to her husband's house and two years later she went back her husband died...My family were happy because he was able to take her back before his death or it would have be difficult our family now that she is dead too.
When I left my ex husband and went back to my parents house, he sent his clip to me, saying my parents were bad parents for taking me back...
As someone who lives in Nigeria and a typical IGBO girl, whenever I tell her that if d marriage is abusive u should leave. And d way she shuns me down is very funny. That marriage is for better or worse. Abuse or no abuse
Summer thanks for speaking the minds of many Igbo women.
Love your story. With all due respect, your mom does not still hate your dad, she hates the fact that she stayed .
You are very much correct. However, I think things are changing now 👍🏽
It's still the same Summer! Nothing has changed even though I'm not in Nigeria now! So sad!
This is good summer,tell your story.God bless you and your family
This is so deep!
OMG SUMMER. YOUR GRANDFATHER HAD MULTIPLE WIVES AS WELL THIS IS CRAZY SAME HERE! I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD FIND ANOTHER LADY WITH SIMILAR FAMILY BACKGROUND. THIS THING ABOUT POLYGAMY. DO U EVER WONDER IF ALL THOSE WOMEN WERE MARRIED TO ONE MAN AT THE SAME TIME? OR DID THEY HAVE DIFFERENT TIMES IN THEIR LIFE THAT THEY WERE MARRIED TO HIM? THIS WAS ALWAYS SOMETHING THAT I WONDERED MYSELF. HOW CAN 4 WOMEN WILLINGLY WANT TO BE MARRIED TO ONE MAN AT THE SAME TIME!!????
Your story touched me so so deep. I'm not ready to say any thing yet, I overcame
Summer, thanks for sharing another “powerful” piece of your life experience. Several of us who experienced or know someone who experienced similar barbaric “culture” are beginning to speak out boldly. This is stirring up a constructive & effective revolution towards a positive change and help for the oppressed.
God bless your sweet & articulate soul 🙏🏾
Summer you are so right.. These things are still happening all over the world.. Take India for instance. Still happening.
Really sad