Its funny that she keeps saying "The loser theater kids that never got laid" idk if this is a just my school thing but the theater kids in my high school were all hooking up with each other all the time
I NEED people to know that Larry Flynt, the man she is quoting at 35:50 was PORNOGRAPHER who was suffered repeated assassination attempts from the far right for having shown interracial partners.
It's not even accurate, either. I was 100% a nerd who talked about video games and had a 15 minute mile run (deadass), but I was definitely popular too.
I feel like the nerd vs popular only happens in movies lmao. every popular kid in my high school was also top of their class or in multiple sports/extracurriculars
Oof. Ify's point about forgiving a person today who was a cop yesterday hit me like a brick. I'm absolutely guilty of moving the goalposts to hold a grudge. And yeah, how exactly ARE you supposed to build a community strong enough to fight something as big as capitalism if nobody is good enough to help and be helped? I think I have a lot I need to think about...
Same here! I work at a homeless shelter and I have a coworker who used to be a cop, and is married to someone who is still a cop. They sometimes express concerning views but have also grown A LOT and we’ve had conversations about how small their world was on the force and how much they learned about people just being people worthy of respect and decency regardless of their background/circumstances. It was disturbing to hear firsthand how little regard/knowledge there was for that within the precinct (of a really nice area, I’ll add) but also inspiring to see a retired career officer open their mind and genuinely change their views and find a passion for service in a whole different way. And yeah I’ll admit was judgey at first, but I’m glad I gave them the chance and kept having those conversations from a place of curiosity and compassion, bc how else are ppl supposed to learn and grow?
Yeah a lot of activists talk about abolition and rehabilitation but never seem to actually look for non punitive solutions to start that process. Its been something that has bothered me for so long and i have rarely found outside of black activist spaces. Its a colonizer mindset too. We have to collectively find ways to heal our own hurt from others in order to build the world we wish to see
The discourse around "offensive language" drives me crazy because it tends to focus on offense and not on harm. Offensive language may be harmful or it may not be, but the offense itself isn't (necessarily) the harm. Using dehumanizing or violent language about a specific group of people makes it easier to normalize the violence and oppression done to them. I don't care if I offend transphobes (for example) because their offense doesn't matter to me; what matters to me is how anti-trans language leads to anti-trans legislation, discrimination and violence.
Well put! That’s also the difference between something like the word cr@cker, and the n-word. One has historically been used to dehumanize and violate a marginalized group, the other hasn’t
@@Hello-r2nyeah the cracker thing fascinates me because i’ve only ever heard it used as a offhand joke? like anyone who genuinely sees it as an n-word equivalent is delusional. no one has ever said “let’s round up the crackers for lynching” like be so fr
the right wing grifters and transphobes who use the language and try to defend themselves with these arguments aren't actually interested in a discussion about the language, they're just used to poisoning the well with bad faith plain wrong counter points that they will never accept a disproval of because their efforts are into manufacturing the aesthetics of dialogue still happening to hopefully lure misinformed centrists into their side. It's easy to make a plain wrong stance seem like a plausible option when you keep seeing discourse about it that never settles.
FYI, you don't have to be underweight in order to have anorexia. Anorexia isn't extreme weight loss, it's extreme restrictive eating. If someone isn't eating, that's unhealthy - regardless of their current weight.
I've seen right wingers use it as a talking point that universities are taken over by crazy woke people. : 'Oh we're telling men they are women so they feel good and now w'ere telling obese people they have anorexia.' It's called a-typical anorexia. It's basicly anorexia but the person isn't underweight yet. It's just as dangerous physicly and mentally as "typical anorexia." It's the deadliest mental illnes because next to health isues , many people with anorexia commit s******de. Dumb rightwingers spewing harmful shit basicly:(
Yeah honestly I think conservatives legitimately believe that if you stop eating 5 big macs a day you become photoshopped fashion model skinny in like a month at most. S'why they're so comfortable treating it like a moral issue they legitimately think weight is a marker of the actions you've taken in the very recent past.
As someone who knows just enough about M:tG and WH40K to know I have all the genetic precursors to get super into it, but also the autism/adhd levels to go full on obsessive about it, I absolutely had to fast forward through that section because I have to avoid knowing more about what's fun about it because I know I can't afford to get into either.
i know that i’m not necessarily the “young male audience” targeted by jarvis and jordan’s advice for young men, but as a queer trans guy, these two have made me feel comfortable in myself, without me having to subscribe to stereotypical gender roles. you reinforce my compassion first mentality in a world where men are taught not to feel and not to care. it’s wild how a lot of trans men i know are judged for their proximity to, and respect for women. it can make you feel like you need to throw away your morals to fit in and be a “real-man”. you make me feel proud about being artistic and thoughtful, instead of being upset i’m not athletic or outgoing like people around me expect and praise. so i may not be the young men you were hoping to target, but you keep me sane and on the right path, when a lot of guys out there want me to be angry and resentful. thank you for creating such a comfortable and safe environment. y’all seriously make it hard to keep my parasocial relationships in check sometimes.
I’m so with you on that last line, but parasocial relationships are only natural honestly in this day and age and are completely fine as long as we don’t cross any boundaries, which I take it you wouldn’t dare either. But this was a cool comment to read. I imagine it is hard to balance the desire to fit in as a trans guy and “doing better,” which is important. Even I see them as positive male figures I never had anything like growing up, and I’m a woman that’s their age. I’m really glad you have them to look up to
@@cassie6985it is a hard balance, and i think cis men struggle just like trans men to find it. many cis men feel inadequate in their manhood and have to compensate, but i know who i am, i had to be sure and confident in myself even when people tried to invalidate me. it’s one of the reasons i like being trans. i know who i am. coming out internally gives you a chance to re-acquaint yourself with yourself. to have the courage to create yourself, you have to know who you are.
Wish i had a friend to hug me while kneeling while we are on a podcast (also we are naked and brian david gibbler is there) Sorry for kinda being part of the problem, i havent got to that part yet and my filthy mind thinks it was described in a way with funny implications, i love genuine friendship free of homophobia and i'm a big fan of the model of masculinity they strive to represent on this show
"those instagram parents with their beige children" FOR REALLL its become such a thing, that there's ads for *beige baby toys* on the disney channel now. i know its Not That Deep™ but something about it really bums me out
As bad as that sounds, I'm a crocheter and get SO EXHAUSTED of people asking "are these colours too feminine/masculine?" in regards to making cute baby blankets or clothes or toys etc. So on a gender front, I'm all for beige 😂 (I'm also British, where all comfort food is beige, so I'm probably biased there haha)
in reality, it’s not that big of a deal because that’s now how my parents are and they aren’t my children. BUT i’m kinda sad about beigeness in general being so trendy. i really like colorful spaces even in my 20s.
i think for me at least it's the idea that they're so carefully curating their "aesthetic". like you can't have an entire house with just beige/neutral colors and also display all the things you enjoy/find cool. it's not my place to be like "you aren't allowed to live like this" but it just bothers me that their kids are in a space where aesthetic is so important.
Right wing people: you guys are so offended Also right wing people: * went to supermarkets and smashed up crates of bud lite, because a trans woman advertised one on her Instagram *
And fun fact as a person working for a beer distributor: conservatives pretty much gave up on the boycott now that summer is here but Bud light alienated their younger & queer demo who are still holding strong to the boycott. They lost their spot of #1 beer in the states to Modelo and it doesn’t look like it’s changing anytime soon. When our sales numbers come in every month, bud light is still in the red as well as a couple of other Anheuser-Busch brands. It’s wild to watch the effects of this stuff play out in real time
@@Whoblewboobearas a Latino American of Mexican descent who is sick of right wing dinguses constantly politically scapegoating Hispanic immigrants, it fills me with so much joy that their little stunt against Bud Light inadvertently resulted in a Mexican beer becoming #1 in the country. I know they’re technically owned by InBev a Dutch company but still. Optics apparently holds a lot of weight to them so I’m going to cherish this victory however small and inconsequential it is to my life as a whole. Edit - I realize now that I may have misunderstood your comment slightly. You’re point as I understand it now (and please correct me if I’m still misunderstanding) is that Bud Light was the one who fumbled the situation for kowtowing to conservatives and alienating the LGBTQ+ community after they largely dropped their boycott against them. My original comment still stands for the most part though.
I swear half of the people on TikTok fishing for this audience are people who saw an always sunny clip and didn't understand the gang are not good people
I cracked up at Jarvis being compassionate and saying "I know we're all men here, so-" and Jordan immediately interrupting with "SO LISTEN UP" And it was so perfectly timed comedically 😂
finding empathy for people is INCREDIBLY important for de-radicalization which is something im a huge proponent of and seeking to find work in eventually. thank you so much for talking about it ify!
@@wesleywyndam-pryce5305 i'm sorry? i'm not seeking it to be the end-all solution, im seeking to build more empathy and community so that society continues to grow and people can become more kind to each other. there is plenty of research and studies based off de-programming people from cults and a lot of that work can be applied to getting people out of fascist movements. i'm sorry if you don't feel that it is a solution that could be looked into, but i think it genuinely takes more energy and negativity to see the worst in everything and to be so hateful than it is to extend kindness.
@@GOOFYGOOFCLOWN fujoshi in the streets academic in the sheets etc. it should come as no surprise that at my wedding i was passionately explaining omegaverse dynamics and the idea of a third gender it acts as a vessel for to a captive audience.
You're right dude, we should be shitty to people out of sheer selfishness and honestly laziness. That's super dope and cool and also solves everything @@wesleywyndam-pryce5305
as a white person who grew up in a well off white community and didn't have much interaction with non-white people until late high school, i really *really* appreciate hearing these types of convos. i've spent the past several years unpacking racism and biases i didn't realize i had and i love the points on isolated people moving further into right wing spaces. i didn't get to hear a lot of perspectives outside of my own until recently, where i now get to surround myself with different people and creators like y'all that discuss stuff like this.
it can also be really hard to hear stuff that challenges so much of what you grew up with (as someone from also really white upbringing), so kudos to you and i hope you keep finding more expereinces and creators to hear from!
Way to be open and grow. Also, as a fellow white person who works to be anti-racist, consider using a different phrase, maybe people of color. In my opinion non-white is white centered and helps perpetuate racism.
Watching her add half a bottle of garlic powder made me physically recoil. Like if you’re going to be a racist conservative tradwife at least be GOOD at being a tradwife.
I mean, if you need THAT much garlic, just use a bulb (not cloves - a whole bulb) of the real thing. Garlic powder won't taste as good in larger amounts.
This seems to be fairly common. My theory is that if you learn to cook because you're trying to meet some arbitrary expectation, and not because you want to cook and enjoy doing it, you'll end up half-assing it.
@@firelordoregano5632 im not honest, nor a man (get back to me on that second part in a year) unfortunately anyway unrelated i definitely thought of ur comment before you did. totally
the whiplash of taking three tries to get away from mtg and then having a really insightful convo about alt right pipeline was wild but really well done
@Fatalismic It was a joke. Both Magic the Gathering and her name have the same initials, and some people call her MTG. So, going from MTG to the alt-right pipeline, which she is a part of, isn't that crazy if you think about it. Sorry you didn't get a politics joke.
@@ConfusedOctopusYeah. Nigh is the older way of saying near (related to nah) while near was originally the comparative (naher in German) of nigh. It just became the base adjective over time and nigh fell out of fashion, where we only have a few expressions that still use it, unless you are trying to sound poetic.
Dropout crossover audience makes so much sense to me even outside of the obvious nerd connection. Jarvis and Jordan just Get It in a way the Dropout cast just Gets It
it 100% is. She’s weaving in these threads of the “woke college students” with the “hollywood elite” in a way that targets the people who were “normal” in high school. She’s pretty good at invoking well known troupes without just repeating buzzwords assuming she can preform well outside her medium she definitely has a future
Honestly my guess is she was miserable in high school, too. She may have had the most friends she'll ever have then, but a lot of "popular" kids were so busy backstabbing and gossiping that they never actually have a peak. Their whole life is just a downhill slide.
@@BarginsGaloreunfortunately for her the audience she’s been trying to grift off of has turned against her bc she may be a single mother to a mixed race kid, so she’s essentially shot herself in the foot in terms of getting future employment and exposed her kid to the ire of a bunch of alt right freaks
@@morganqorishchi8181 they’re also usually trying to one up each other or impress each other constantly to garner attention, which inevitably leads to them doing some ridiculous, heinous shit which ends up catching up to and haunting them for the rest of their life 😅
It's so wild to me that people out there believe the social dynamics of high school are real and continue to apply in adult life. Like...grow up. The so called nerds of high school are the people who become interesting because they develop actual personalities and talents and are tolerable to be around
This is stupid but... my name is Karen and I'm so used to hearing my name used as an insult, hearing BDG talk about his partner Karen in like, a neutral to positive tone? Is making me feel things? I'm so used to wincing when I hear people say my name. LIke, it does something to you to only ever hear your name spoken in derision or anger. It's stupid but it kept making me smile every time BDG said Karen in a happy tone.
My mother is named Karen and she's always been the kindest and most thoughtful person I know, so I have a bit of a personal grudge against that name being used as an insult
it must truly suck and i’ve actually had that thought about other people with the name Karen in my life that it became a shorthand/slang term for entitled, middle-aged, white women… plus i feel like there’s better “entitled white woman” names that aren’t wildly common.
@@mammoneymeloni feel like you gotta be a teacher people like and respect before it comes up. when we were popcorn reading If Beale Street Could Talk in 10th grade my teacher would intecrept sections so kids would have to be surprised with that to do and after a couple of times saying “n word” some of the black students started jumping in and saying it. he never asked anyone but they did it because everyone already loved him and it made the class way better.
@@wesleywyndam-pryce5305 you think a teacher should be fired for letting black students say the n word? and yes the class was considerably better for it
I remember in 10th grade when we were reading to kill a mockingbird, my white teacher pressuring a white student to say the n word. Everyone in that room was so uncomfortable omg
Same here. I only ever saw that rant in the car without context, and I just had to move on. It was super crazy to see that come up as the final part of this trilogy.
I'm watching this with the auto-generated subtitles and I need everyone to know that when Ify makes fun of how wobbly her voice is when she says it, the subtitles spell the n-word with three Gs, and I don’t know why but that makes it so much funnier to me
The "How to Hold Others Accountable" section is such an important conversation and you guys actually did kind of change my stance on the general idea of "cutting people off" and I just want to say thanks! I know y'all won't see this but I just want to leave a message that affirms that this conversation helped at least 1 person!!
I lost a friend because I gave them feedback and they took it as an attack, then refused to give me feedback until they blew up and ended the friendship. Jordan's take on feedback really validated for me that I did what I could.
58:05 THIS WHOLE CONVO 🙏🏼 people treat their friendships and relationships like they’re a commodity and as soon as it’s “not the product they want” they throw the relationship away and just go get a new one. “you don’t owe anyone anything” actually we all owe each other everything, community is literally about that
100% agree. Also I feel like a lot of these phrases come from people misunderstanding and misusing therapy speak... like it's great that we've started to open up about mental health and people are acknowledging trauma, abuse etc. but one side effect we need to work on is how people are starting to take ideas they haven't really understood, which are specifically meant to be used in the context of therapy for severe trauma, and apply them much more broadly to much more mundane situations. For example: "You don't owe anything to your abusers, you have the right to live your own life" becomes "you don't owe anything to anyone, you have the right to do whatever you feel like" and gets used by people who weren't even abused. or "it's important to maintain boundaries when someone is trying to take advantage of you, you need to build a sense of self-worth" becomes "you can cut people off at a moment's notice whether they're abusing you or not because 'boundaries' are important. You're worth more than everyone else." Used by people who are not in abusive situations. or "You don't have to forgive your abusers, those relationships might be too destructive to mend, what's important is accepting the past and finding a way to live in the present" becomes "you don't have to forgive anyone for anything, if someone pisses you off for any reason there's no need to make an effort to consider the circumstances or be open to reconciliation. Fuck 'em." And again, used by people who are not being abused. idk if that makes sense to anyone else but I feel like I see it all the time. These ideas were designed for severely traumatised people who feel worthless, who are constantly sacrificing themselves or putting themselves in danger, and are extremely vulnerable... but now they've been taken out of context and exaggerated, and they're used as an excuse by relatively healthy people to be selfish, abandon all sense of responsibility, isolate themselves, start looking down on other people, and avoid any possible moments of discomfort or growth. It is actually possible for your self-worth to be too high and your boundaries to be too thick.
BDG, you might never see this, but I cried a little when you gently corrected Jordan on Vic's pronouns and then everyone reaffirmed it. just the most wholesome. thank you
Yes Jarvis!! The whole concept of “bait” in online discourse is so immature and unproductive. It also functions as a scapegoat for people to backtrack their claims by retroactively labeling it as un-serious. We need to start calling it out for the disingenuous nonsense that it is!
This has to be one of the most interesting conversations i've personally seen on "cancel culture" and "creator apologies". Genuinely given me a new perspective on the topic
The whole conversation around 54:00 is so spot on. It’s exactly why when my little brother started spouting ideologies similar to the Tate/man-osphere instead of cutting contact I hugged him and told him I loved him, but hated the direction he was going. Our family told him we loved him, but if he kept going down that path he would lose us. Hopefully he goes back to the kind teenager I knew before it.
Your conversation about confronting your loved ones with concerns and critiques came at the perfect time for me~ Im at the unnecessarily hyping myself up stage rn haha.
As someone who exclusively builds silly decks. I feel this. It's hard to go to events because I don't want to take away from people who really enjoy the serious competitive element of things, but I just like building decks with the goal of getting one or two weird combos off.
Same, I've been playing Magic for 10 years and I love me some jank. If I could find a Gathering that loved jank too, I would play more. Stuff like Seismic Swans and Zombie Hunt are hilarious.
I am old and have like 25 decks, all pre-2000 cards, including decks based on: homarids and tides; poison; blue and green direct damage; Leviathan and Polar Kraken; Legendary and other dragons; the ocean in general…Math is boring. Themes are fun. Losing doesn’t matter if you are enjoying yourself, and winning with that ludicrous giant sea monster deck is rare but hugely satisfying.
@@elizabethpemberton8445 Most of my experience with MTG is playing with the decks that my mom kept from when she was a kid, also from pre 2000. I struggle to play magic these days because it's A) super expensive and B) hard to find people on my wavelength to play with. I just wanna chill with some friends.
big relatable, I prefer playing my funny decks with the goal of setting off my 1 or 2 funny combos and have actually pissed people off in public games :')
I have a friend with a yugioh deck whose only goal-it has no monsters-is to mill itself as fast as possible to get all the exodia cards. You either get a god opening hand or you lose, and its one of my favorite decks of all time.
Jarvis's point of the inherent kindness of Feedback is so on point. Even if the feedback is pretty scathing or critical, showing that you value someone or something enough to say what didn't work is incredibly flattering. As someone who is creatively driven and enjoys sharing their work with friends, offering suggestions, critiques and highlighting something specific is heartwarming and shows that you care enough to engage with something I've created, same thing goes for relationships. Criticism and accountability is difficult, is hard to give and hard to hear, but it's a sign of care and informs a want to better as a person and a friend.
as someone who was recently cut out of a large group of friends and broken up with by my partner over being ignorant of certain issues, i really appreciate being able to listen to mature people speak on empathy and helping the people you care about to get better. and i can confirm, that when people cut you off and isolate you for doing something wrong, it does not make you want to get better. i did anyways, though. i even went and bought a bunch of books on the topics i was ignorant of. didn't help me from feeling like the scum of the earth for two weeks straight, but i know that what makes me a good person isn't my mistakes, it's how i respond to them.
i’ve been in the same place recently, not necessarily for being ignorant on a topic but making people uncomfortable cause of a personality disorder i didn’t have in check and no one communicating to me that i was making them uncomfortable until it blew up and i was finally able to explain what’s up and that i’m working on it but it was the last straw for a lot of them. it sucks and you feel abandoned and like no one cared for you if they just cut you off instead of giving empathetic feedback and *letting someone know* that something they’re doing bothers you. also, nice dave pfp
@@dothmotherknowyouwearth In my head I read that as Black Lives Matter and was so confused as to how they would fit the entire movement into that single room 😭
@@dothmotherknowyouwearthJust letting you know that this is why Brennan some years back publically asked people to abbreviate his name as BLeeM so as to not create confusion and take focus away from the BLM movement.
Ify is the nerdy extrovert we all need at a con/in life. Him offering to be a plow/meat shield for his anxious friends at 1:47:57 made my heart melt! What a guy!!
The idea of doing something ironically will lead to doing it genuinely is so true! My super silly version of this is, during 2016, I kept hearing Who Can It Be Now by Men At Work on the radio. I would ironically sing along, then I started ironically listening to them. I ended up being a huge fan, bought their (two) vinyl records and saw them perform live over a year ago
I love ify talking about ethics in relation to statistics, as a trans person that’s had to debate ppl who just do not read into or think further about the statistics they cite (with their sources Always being a random terf blog) it’s incredibly frustrating having to explain to grown adults what those statistics actually mean and how they are achieved
I swear basic statistics should be required education. I feel very lucky that my intro stats professor took time to demonstrate how statistics can be manipulated and misrepresented to support a biased or harmful narrative in media. It's a slog trying to break down someone's misinformed view of the world as a member of a privileged demographic. I can only imagine the frustration that comes from being the actual subject of that harmful narrative. I'm proud of you for putting in the energy, and I hope you never feel alone in that fight.
@nefariousyawn the only reason I took it was because I didn't want to take Calc 3 online in high school because that sounded like hell. I'm still not amazing at statistics, but I'm okay-enough to be able to tell when someone is bs-ing me or to know when to look into something more, and I can understand data pretty well, though I do have to refresh on certain terms every now and again. I did NOT like that class at all, but more people should definitely take it
@@dozergames2395 nah, I took Calc 2 in high school, and then I took AP Statistics because I didn't want to take a math class online. My high school sweetheart took Calc 3 in high school though I did take 12 AP classes, 6 in my senior year. I was just a nerd
@@msjkramey ya thats a real short sell the nerds in my school took clac senior year To be taking clac 3 in highschool youd have to start 9 grade with trigonometry at bare minimum Im in a mechanical engineering undergrad and can opt out of calc 4
Ngl I love it when my friends hold me accountable. That's not to say the feedback is always easy to hear, but I think it shows a level of trust and comfortability that they feel they can come to me with any issues or concerns & we can work it out. I feel like it can build resentment if certain things aren't brought up and having these conversations allows us to grow as people and friends. I'm actually trying to work towards being more direct with others and giving them feedback too
49:30 I started saying "howdy" ironically at work (in Ontario Canada where that is Not Normal) and now I cannot stop. I also say "hello" almost exclusively when I am surprised.
I spent like half an hour looking for the Larry Flynt quote source to see the content - I finally found it, after quite a lot of digging, in an Independent article by Johann Hari, 2011. The specific context of the quote is regarding the fact that Hustler magazine had many depictions of violent SA, and the implications that women enjoy SA. Y'all were right on the money, she has no idea the context of her quote. The specific, slight alteration of the quote she uses comes from a website called "Freedom Forum" (the only result of searching the exact quote), on an article called "18 Freedom of Speech Quotes You Should Know"
I always love how Jordan explains things/his metaphors. I’ve got myself using some of them in therapy as well since they so succinctly explain situations.
I would LOVE to listen to a podcast of these four all together. talking abt parasocial relationships and being a content creator and how building community is challenged and changed when the parties involved have a platform AHH OW MY BRAIN SO COOL SO CRAZY WTH. If anyone has vid recs with that topic...that would b cool
53:30 ify makes such a good point here, there needs to be a direction to go after people mess up. life doesn't just stop when someone does something wrong. like, if you get hurt by someone, you shouldn't be required to have them stay in your life, but if we believe in the concept of rehabilitation in the first place, we need to believe and hope that people can one day be better. (just maybe not around you necessarily)
I’ll never forget being a freshman in high school and seeing a little white girl - in the gamer nerd section of the lunch room- come up and practically yell “what’s up my ****” to a bunch of white nerds XD nothing wrong with being a nerd but boy did it throw me off
It's an expected level of cringe *for a fourteen year old* trying to be edgy to get attention. There's "you peaked in high school" and then there's "you apparently haven't had any brain development since high school" which is uh.
I love getting to hear men who aren't toxic discuss things i never would have thought about on my own or put some new perspectivr on thouhhts id already been pondering. Keep it up and i hope youre always so lovely
I love all the magic talk, as someone who got into the game in the early 2010s, fell off and have tried to come back into the community in the past couple years it’s nice to hear chill folks nerd out about it!
46:23 no the way he's so right. This isn't actually the high school popular girl bully. This is the mean girl OF THE THEATRE KIDS who tells everyone she was robbed of the lead and spreading rumors that the girl who got it's parents bribed the director, not the mean cheerleader.
This is such a relevant and important topic. I do sometimes feel guilty about not working on past relationships with "problematic" people, but if they didn't change or didn't change enough for my comfort I believe it was okay for me to move on.
48:41-121:55 Yessss! This entire section is such an important conversation and something I am constantly thinking about/trying to strengthen my understanding of. As a Sociology major currently in college, I am grateful to be included in so many conversations like this with my peers and professors, but online, we are very behind in this topic. Leftists often express that empathy is the backbone of our political beliefs but we fail to hold empathy for people we disagree with. And I'm not saying that we need to excuse and dismiss the harmful actions of conservatives (or whatever demographic the argument applies to). However, we should empathize with their humanity and ability to learn and grow--and like y'all said: hold people accountable!!
My husband talked me into playing magic with him, and as a 25 year old and with ADHD who's never played a game like that before I love having creators I already love hearing talk, talk about magic so I can understand it more easily
I always love seeing more Ify and BDG, and it was also so cool seeing Jarvis and Jordan on Um, Actually the other week! I'd been looking forward to that episode since I spotted Jarvis in the season trailer.
just had a rough year, and that talk about friends and rehabilitation and mistakes and kindness really comforted me, thank you guys for being so genuine and human 🩷🩷🩷
step 1 is learn 60 card first, both to learn the rules and how to keep up with a board state. the game is too complicated to track 4 board states as a new Player
"Theater kids who never got laid" as someone who had a five-way with my fellow theater kids in high school - and trust me, I am *not* hot enough that I'm an exception to the rule - my guess is 1. she had a crush on a theater kid 2. he didn't like her bad and 3. he definitely got laid and she's not over it no matter how hard she tries to pray the pain away. Therapy, ma'am. Seek therapy.
every school with an active theater department is just like a site for gossip for all the other kids about wild sexual encounters or relationship drama. i mean, cmon, it’s a bunch of outgoing extroverted people with the same niche interests. of course they’re gonna date and fuck 😂
I appreciate both the humor in the Lily Gladdis section and also the reminder that a good section of content that trends because of offensive language/ideas is bait for attention and in the hopes that they will get connections to work with right-wing celebrities and elites
Had to comment mid-watch to point out the perfect timing of TH-cam ads: RIGHT AFTER Ify joking about watching that woman's video with the sound of, there's an ad for detergent which has the starting tag line that translates to "Wherever there's people living, there will be stains..." Great pairing😂 Thank you for the video!
I loved the discussion about holding people accountable. A year ago my (then) friend used the n word HARD R in a quote from a movie. And she and a bunch of her white friends started fighting me (and kept sending me insane takes for hours). It was such a stressful and upsetting experience because I know I was right and i know I was polite (i said "i wouldn't use that word if I were you" and "it doesn't matter if it's a quote, it's wrong to use that word in any context") but I'm "the villian" now.
If you actually said that first quote of your own statements, I’d say it’s irrelevant whether you’re right or polite. First off, I don’t think a strong majority agree that saying the word in question is always wrong but yes, context really matters. I think it’s fine to be uncomfortable with others using that word, even within a quote that someone else is comfortable repeating though. Secondly, your statement is passive aggressive and assumes the person you said it to should either just do what you say or otherwise can read your mind to understand why they should modify their behavior. Obviously you didn’t deserve a gaggle of girls attacking you regardless. I am wondering if you might have had a somewhat better outcome if you rephrased your statement to something like a Nonviolent Communication style. Perhaps something like, “when I hear that word, I feel uncomfortable-would you mind not saying it or saying ___ instead?”. I think if someone can’t fulfill this then they are probably not a good friend for you. It requires so little effort-it’s not a scenario that happens too often I assume.
Its funny that she keeps saying "The loser theater kids that never got laid" idk if this is a just my school thing but the theater kids in my high school were all hooking up with each other all the time
Theatre kids are wild 😂
No, I think this is universal. There was so much drama during the school’s productions bcs of it.
She 100% got broken up with for a theater girl in HS and has never gotten over it
My first thought when she said that was that they were pretty ‘popular’ actually and definitely all hooking up with each other
Yeah what they mean is "never got laid by anyone I know" because ALL weird groups of kids had some insane inner circle drama and hooking up etc 😂
36:36 To quote Justin McElroy "The First Ammendment protects you from the government, not the Justin"
glad I'm the not the only who had this immediately come to mind.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
I NEED people to know that Larry Flynt, the man she is quoting at 35:50 was PORNOGRAPHER who was suffered repeated assassination attempts from the far right for having shown interracial partners.
"He looked like that one British dude-" "tread lightly" Jordan is absolutely hilarious dhfjgj
time stamp?
@@baggiestsheet2584 36:50
i was looking for this comment. so fucking funny
I am love him
JORDAN IS ALWYAS KILLING ME HIS ONE LINERS ARE MY FAVORITE PART OF EVERY EPISODE
Imagine being a fully grown adult and still viewing life through a lense of “nerds vs populars”
It’s really her telling on herself. I was never popular in high school and I just don’t think about the people that were popular. Like girl move on
It's not even accurate, either. I was 100% a nerd who talked about video games and had a 15 minute mile run (deadass), but I was definitely popular too.
@@budgetcommander484915 minute mile run folks unite🤝(didn't realize i was severely anemic and still asthmatic)
I feel like the nerd vs popular only happens in movies lmao. every popular kid in my high school was also top of their class or in multiple sports/extracurriculars
It's more likely than you think
Oof. Ify's point about forgiving a person today who was a cop yesterday hit me like a brick. I'm absolutely guilty of moving the goalposts to hold a grudge. And yeah, how exactly ARE you supposed to build a community strong enough to fight something as big as capitalism if nobody is good enough to help and be helped? I think I have a lot I need to think about...
Yeah, its a really great perspective to have. I have a lot of respect for that.
Same
Same here! I work at a homeless shelter and I have a coworker who used to be a cop, and is married to someone who is still a cop. They sometimes express concerning views but have also grown A LOT and we’ve had conversations about how small their world was on the force and how much they learned about people just being people worthy of respect and decency regardless of their background/circumstances. It was disturbing to hear firsthand how little regard/knowledge there was for that within the precinct (of a really nice area, I’ll add) but also inspiring to see a retired career officer open their mind and genuinely change their views and find a passion for service in a whole different way. And yeah I’ll admit was judgey at first, but I’m glad I gave them the chance and kept having those conversations from a place of curiosity and compassion, bc how else are ppl supposed to learn and grow?
Yeah a lot of activists talk about abolition and rehabilitation but never seem to actually look for non punitive solutions to start that process. Its been something that has bothered me for so long and i have rarely found outside of black activist spaces. Its a colonizer mindset too. We have to collectively find ways to heal our own hurt from others in order to build the world we wish to see
do you know what the book title was that was mentioned about this? or a timestamp for when they talked about it?
The absolute power move of mispronouncing the name of the only white man in the room was so wonderful
I THOUGHT OF THAT TOO
I find it kind of mean that they misspelled Brine Daffodil Gilmores name in the title too 😢
reading this made me genuinely CACKLE harder than i have in months oh my god
timestamp?
@@lisha9638right at the beginning
The discourse around "offensive language" drives me crazy because it tends to focus on offense and not on harm. Offensive language may be harmful or it may not be, but the offense itself isn't (necessarily) the harm. Using dehumanizing or violent language about a specific group of people makes it easier to normalize the violence and oppression done to them. I don't care if I offend transphobes (for example) because their offense doesn't matter to me; what matters to me is how anti-trans language leads to anti-trans legislation, discrimination and violence.
Well put! That’s also the difference between something like the word cr@cker, and the n-word. One has historically been used to dehumanize and violate a marginalized group, the other hasn’t
@@Hello-r2nyeah the cracker thing fascinates me because i’ve only ever heard it used as a offhand joke? like anyone who genuinely sees it as an n-word equivalent is delusional. no one has ever said “let’s round up the crackers for lynching” like be so fr
This exactly!!!
@@Hello-r2n Which is just one of the reasons why, despite what Elon says, "cis" is not a slur.
the right wing grifters and transphobes who use the language and try to defend themselves with these arguments aren't actually interested in a discussion about the language, they're just used to poisoning the well with bad faith plain wrong counter points that they will never accept a disproval of because their efforts are into manufacturing the aesthetics of dialogue still happening to hopefully lure misinformed centrists into their side. It's easy to make a plain wrong stance seem like a plausible option when you keep seeing discourse about it that never settles.
FYI, you don't have to be underweight in order to have anorexia. Anorexia isn't extreme weight loss, it's extreme restrictive eating. If someone isn't eating, that's unhealthy - regardless of their current weight.
yeah people are so stupid, like you can stop eating at any weight
How do I send this comment to my mum without sending it to her!?
You actually have to have a BMI of less than 17 or 17.5 (don't recall specifically) per the DSM 5 to be diagnosed with anorexia nervosa
I've seen right wingers use it as a talking point that universities are taken over by crazy woke people. : 'Oh we're telling men they are women so they feel good and now w'ere telling obese people they have anorexia.'
It's called a-typical anorexia. It's basicly anorexia but the person isn't underweight yet. It's just as dangerous physicly and mentally as "typical anorexia."
It's the deadliest mental illnes because next to health isues , many people with anorexia commit s******de.
Dumb rightwingers spewing harmful shit basicly:(
Yeah honestly I think conservatives legitimately believe that if you stop eating 5 big macs a day you become photoshopped fashion model skinny in like a month at most. S'why they're so comfortable treating it like a moral issue they legitimately think weight is a marker of the actions you've taken in the very recent past.
the entire magic section makes zero sense to me but i feel so much joy listening to them talking abt something they love.
SAME😅
I consider myself a giant nerd and I didn't get a thing 😂
SAME
As someone who knows just enough about M:tG and WH40K to know I have all the genetic precursors to get super into it, but also the autism/adhd levels to go full on obsessive about it, I absolutely had to fast forward through that section because I have to avoid knowing more about what's fun about it because I know I can't afford to get into either.
I don't know these guys at all but i just subbed cause i love magic and im into these guys who are too!
i know that i’m not necessarily the “young male audience” targeted by jarvis and jordan’s advice for young men, but as a queer trans guy, these two have made me feel comfortable in myself, without me having to subscribe to stereotypical gender roles.
you reinforce my compassion first mentality in a world where men are taught not to feel and not to care.
it’s wild how a lot of trans men i know are judged for their proximity to, and respect for women. it can make you feel like you need to throw away your morals to fit in and be a “real-man”.
you make me feel proud about being artistic and thoughtful, instead of being upset i’m not athletic or outgoing like people around me expect and praise.
so i may not be the young men you were hoping to target, but you keep me sane and on the right path, when a lot of guys out there want me to be angry and resentful.
thank you for creating such a comfortable and safe environment. y’all seriously make it hard to keep my parasocial relationships in check sometimes.
I’m so with you on that last line, but parasocial relationships are only natural honestly in this day and age and are completely fine as long as we don’t cross any boundaries, which I take it you wouldn’t dare either.
But this was a cool comment to read. I imagine it is hard to balance the desire to fit in as a trans guy and “doing better,” which is important. Even I see them as positive male figures I never had anything like growing up, and I’m a woman that’s their age. I’m really glad you have them to look up to
You sound like a cool guy
@@cassie6985it is a hard balance, and i think cis men struggle just like trans men to find it. many cis men feel inadequate in their manhood and have to compensate, but i know who i am, i had to be sure and confident in myself even when people tried to invalidate me.
it’s one of the reasons i like being trans. i know who i am. coming out internally gives you a chance to re-acquaint yourself with yourself. to have the courage to create yourself, you have to know who you are.
the message worked, so you're exactly the audience they were looking for👍🏾
i'm sure their advice was meant for anyone it resonates with❣️
Jarvis kneeling and hugging his friend makes me believe in nontoxic masculinity, bless
Jarvis has always been a stellar example of nontoxic masculinity. He is like the Platonic ideal of manhood.
"he's beginning to believe"
literally it was just so happy and soft had me like :D deadass
It was such a cute & wholesome moment that I had to watch it twice 🥰
Wish i had a friend to hug me while kneeling while we are on a podcast (also we are naked and brian david gibbler is there)
Sorry for kinda being part of the problem, i havent got to that part yet and my filthy mind thinks it was described in a way with funny implications, i love genuine friendship free of homophobia and i'm a big fan of the model of masculinity they strive to represent on this show
"those instagram parents with their beige children" FOR REALLL its become such a thing, that there's ads for *beige baby toys* on the disney channel now. i know its Not That Deep™ but something about it really bums me out
Disney channel doesn't air advertisements for aything other than their own shows
As bad as that sounds, I'm a crocheter and get SO EXHAUSTED of people asking "are these colours too feminine/masculine?" in regards to making cute baby blankets or clothes or toys etc. So on a gender front, I'm all for beige 😂 (I'm also British, where all comfort food is beige, so I'm probably biased there haha)
if/when i have kids, their toys are about to be so colorful it’ll be like a rainbow threw up in their room
in reality, it’s not that big of a deal because that’s now how my parents are and they aren’t my children. BUT i’m kinda sad about beigeness in general being so trendy. i really like colorful spaces even in my 20s.
i think for me at least it's the idea that they're so carefully curating their "aesthetic". like you can't have an entire house with just beige/neutral colors and also display all the things you enjoy/find cool. it's not my place to be like "you aren't allowed to live like this" but it just bothers me that their kids are in a space where aesthetic is so important.
Right wing people: you guys are so offended
Also right wing people: * went to supermarkets and smashed up crates of bud lite, because a trans woman advertised one on her Instagram *
And fun fact as a person working for a beer distributor: conservatives pretty much gave up on the boycott now that summer is here but Bud light alienated their younger & queer demo who are still holding strong to the boycott. They lost their spot of #1 beer in the states to Modelo and it doesn’t look like it’s changing anytime soon. When our sales numbers come in every month, bud light is still in the red as well as a couple of other Anheuser-Busch brands. It’s wild to watch the effects of this stuff play out in real time
@@Whoblewboobearas a Latino American of Mexican descent who is sick of right wing dinguses constantly politically scapegoating Hispanic immigrants, it fills me with so much joy that their little stunt against Bud Light inadvertently resulted in a Mexican beer becoming #1 in the country. I know they’re technically owned by InBev a Dutch company but still. Optics apparently holds a lot of weight to them so I’m going to cherish this victory however small and inconsequential it is to my life as a whole.
Edit - I realize now that I may have misunderstood your comment slightly. You’re point as I understand it now (and please correct me if I’m still misunderstanding) is that Bud Light was the one who fumbled the situation for kowtowing to conservatives and alienating the LGBTQ+ community after they largely dropped their boycott against them. My original comment still stands for the most part though.
Also also right wing people: STOP CALLING US WEIRD!
The tiktok lady is literally giving Dee from Its Always Sunny, down to the weird hatred of theatre kids and obsession with high school status
Yes! Thats it thats who she reminds me of!
She for sure wanted to be one but they bullied her
"Tell me I'm good. Tell me I'm good."
I swear half of the people on TikTok fishing for this audience are people who saw an always sunny clip and didn't understand the gang are not good people
She kinda looks like her too!
I appreciate the accidental shout-out at the start :P
Riiiiiiiight. “Accident.” 😉
Woah, this would be the crossover of the century. Make it happen Kibler!!!
I've been binging your show and I'd love to see any of these guys on there if possible
would love to see jarvis on the show
Kibler, Olivia, Jarvis, and Charlie, letsgooo
I cracked up at Jarvis being compassionate and saying "I know we're all men here, so-" and Jordan immediately interrupting with "SO LISTEN UP"
And it was so perfectly timed comedically 😂
aw no i'm near the end did i miss it? could i get a timestamp
Their synchronization is truly incredible.
@@IjwPetersen 25:25
So glad to see Brian David Gibbler returning on the pod!
Unroveled with Brian David Gibbler
The show needed a lady's touch
Excuse you- Briar Damon Gibbler.
@@vl5008 of course! My bad
At this point anybody can be Brian Kibler. This bit is growing legs.
finding empathy for people is INCREDIBLY important for de-radicalization which is something im a huge proponent of and seeking to find work in eventually. thank you so much for talking about it ify!
you know we can't solve anything with deradicalization right?
@@wesleywyndam-pryce5305 i'm sorry? i'm not seeking it to be the end-all solution, im seeking to build more empathy and community so that society continues to grow and people can become more kind to each other. there is plenty of research and studies based off de-programming people from cults and a lot of that work can be applied to getting people out of fascist movements. i'm sorry if you don't feel that it is a solution that could be looked into, but i think it genuinely takes more energy and negativity to see the worst in everything and to be so hateful than it is to extend kindness.
I never expected such good opinions from someone called 'yaoischolar'. Iconic.
@@GOOFYGOOFCLOWN fujoshi in the streets academic in the sheets etc. it should come as no surprise that at my wedding i was passionately explaining omegaverse dynamics and the idea of a third gender it acts as a vessel for to a captive audience.
You're right dude, we should be shitty to people out of sheer selfishness and honestly laziness. That's super dope and cool and also solves everything @@wesleywyndam-pryce5305
as a white person who grew up in a well off white community and didn't have much interaction with non-white people until late high school, i really *really* appreciate hearing these types of convos. i've spent the past several years unpacking racism and biases i didn't realize i had and i love the points on isolated people moving further into right wing spaces. i didn't get to hear a lot of perspectives outside of my own until recently, where i now get to surround myself with different people and creators like y'all that discuss stuff like this.
it can also be really hard to hear stuff that challenges so much of what you grew up with (as someone from also really white upbringing), so kudos to you and i hope you keep finding more expereinces and creators to hear from!
I like the vibe of this comment a lot, especially the main point being sharing your appreciation
Aw look at you one of the good ones
Way to be open and grow. Also, as a fellow white person who works to be anti-racist, consider using a different phrase, maybe people of color. In my opinion non-white is white centered and helps perpetuate racism.
@@issacyoung7876that’s a part of life lmao, everyone else goes through that. why are we babying here
Watching her add half a bottle of garlic powder made me physically recoil. Like if you’re going to be a racist conservative tradwife at least be GOOD at being a tradwife.
i like garlic. but THAT.... i reflexively made such a disgusted face at my screen 😭
I mean, if you need THAT much garlic, just use a bulb (not cloves - a whole bulb) of the real thing. Garlic powder won't taste as good in larger amounts.
It’s as if she’s making a potion for repelling vampires
@@CalmClamFam That's funny
This seems to be fairly common. My theory is that if you learn to cook because you're trying to meet some arbitrary expectation, and not because you want to cook and enjoy doing it, you'll end up half-assing it.
BDG *AND* IFY ?? sad boyz nah we happy boyz today
shit. glad. glad boyz. i could've made a pun
you can edit comments... nobody will know... except the 116 people that liked this, and me, of course.
@@ThirdyMeowy i’m an honest man
@@firelordoregano5632 im not honest, nor a man (get back to me on that second part in a year) unfortunately
anyway unrelated i definitely thought of ur comment before you did. totally
I am s reaming
the whiplash of taking three tries to get away from mtg and then having a really insightful convo about alt right pipeline was wild but really well done
Well Marjorie Taylor Greene is the queen of the American alt-right.
@@hoathanatos6179 and?
@Fatalismic It was a joke. Both Magic the Gathering and her name have the same initials, and some people call her MTG. So, going from MTG to the alt-right pipeline, which she is a part of, isn't that crazy if you think about it. Sorry you didn't get a politics joke.
"that british guy-"
"tread lightly."
💀
Jordan entering his Frederick Douglass phase, the fro 😩👌🏽
Nah FR
@@Savageeye Why is Google translating your statement to "Near FR"? 😂
@@OGimouse1nah means near in german lmao
right? His beard slayin too
@@ConfusedOctopusYeah. Nigh is the older way of saying near (related to nah) while near was originally the comparative (naher in German) of nigh.
It just became the base adjective over time and nigh fell out of fashion, where we only have a few expressions that still use it, unless you are trying to sound poetic.
Jarvis openly showing physical affection to people is like... healing to me. Can't explain it but it's very nice to see
How come this got down voted so far it's under something with less than half of its votes? 😢
@@OGimouse1 threads with higher engagement get pushed up more and also its random as shit
Just be careful if the person is autistic and doesn't enjoy physical touch, especially if it isn't consensual and you just go in for one.
I didnt see it!! 😔
@@genderender I think the algorithm also tries to push comments that are referring to the specific part of the video you’re watching.
love how they're color coordinated... when it switches between them it looks like they're feuding
the scream i let out when i saw ify was one of the guests
Right?! I haven't seen him since RT
um, actually JUMPSCARE (ify nwadiwe my beloved)
@@mintymyths like he just surprise attacked me with serotonin
Same!
Dropout crossover audience makes so much sense to me even outside of the obvious nerd connection. Jarvis and Jordan just Get It in a way the Dropout cast just Gets It
42:00 “the people WE didn’t hang out with” so like… bullies who peaked in high school??? Like it sounds like she’s implying that for me hahaha
it 100% is. She’s weaving in these threads of the “woke college students” with the “hollywood elite” in a way that targets the people who were “normal” in high school. She’s pretty good at invoking well known troupes without just repeating buzzwords assuming she can preform well outside her medium she definitely has a future
Honestly my guess is she was miserable in high school, too. She may have had the most friends she'll ever have then, but a lot of "popular" kids were so busy backstabbing and gossiping that they never actually have a peak. Their whole life is just a downhill slide.
@@BarginsGaloreunfortunately for her the audience she’s been trying to grift off of has turned against her bc she may be a single mother to a mixed race kid, so she’s essentially shot herself in the foot in terms of getting future employment and exposed her kid to the ire of a bunch of alt right freaks
@@morganqorishchi8181 they’re also usually trying to one up each other or impress each other constantly to garner attention, which inevitably leads to them doing some ridiculous, heinous shit which ends up catching up to and haunting them for the rest of their life 😅
It's so wild to me that people out there believe the social dynamics of high school are real and continue to apply in adult life. Like...grow up. The so called nerds of high school are the people who become interesting because they develop actual personalities and talents and are tolerable to be around
This is stupid but... my name is Karen and I'm so used to hearing my name used as an insult, hearing BDG talk about his partner Karen in like, a neutral to positive tone? Is making me feel things? I'm so used to wincing when I hear people say my name. LIke, it does something to you to only ever hear your name spoken in derision or anger. It's stupid but it kept making me smile every time BDG said Karen in a happy tone.
Hi Karen i like your haircut
man I never thought about how much that would suck. I hope the term dies & you don’t have to deal with that anymore ♥️
My mother is named Karen and she's always been the kindest and most thoughtful person I know, so I have a bit of a personal grudge against that name being used as an insult
I know a few Karens personally and they're all wonderful people.
it must truly suck and i’ve actually had that thought about other people with the name Karen in my life that it became a shorthand/slang term for entitled, middle-aged, white women… plus i feel like there’s better “entitled white woman” names that aren’t wildly common.
Imagine being judged by your all-white class for not reading the n-word aloud. Never felt more out of place
white english teachers were really weird about wanting kids to be comfortable with the n-word fr
@@mammoneymeloni feel like you gotta be a teacher people like and respect before it comes up. when we were popcorn reading If Beale Street Could Talk in 10th grade my teacher would intecrept sections so kids would have to be surprised with that to do and after a couple of times saying “n word” some of the black students started jumping in and saying it. he never asked anyone but they did it because everyone already loved him and it made the class way better.
@@BarginsGalore are you trying to say the glass was better because kids said the n word?
any teacher allowing that should be fired on the spot.
@@wesleywyndam-pryce5305 you think a teacher should be fired for letting black students say the n word? and yes the class was considerably better for it
I remember in 10th grade when we were reading to kill a mockingbird, my white teacher pressuring a white student to say the n word. Everyone in that room was so uncomfortable omg
The "nerds and theatre kids" rant was the first one I saw and I was so confused. I had no idea what she was talking about.
it sounds very american xd
Same here. I only ever saw that rant in the car without context, and I just had to move on. It was super crazy to see that come up as the final part of this trilogy.
Even with the full context it still confuses me lol
I'm watching this with the auto-generated subtitles and I need everyone to know that when Ify makes fun of how wobbly her voice is when she says it, the subtitles spell the n-word with three Gs, and I don’t know why but that makes it so much funnier to me
why use the auto-generated subtitles when the video has normal subtitles? that feels like just intentionally making your captions worse
nodding along to the magic talk as if those all aren’t just words to me
Love these funny words magic men
The "How to Hold Others Accountable" section is such an important conversation and you guys actually did kind of change my stance on the general idea of "cutting people off" and I just want to say thanks! I know y'all won't see this but I just want to leave a message that affirms that this conversation helped at least 1 person!!
I lost a friend because I gave them feedback and they took it as an attack, then refused to give me feedback until they blew up and ended the friendship. Jordan's take on feedback really validated for me that I did what I could.
I just love Ify and Brian’s friendship. It’s so sweet to think of ify bringing Brian along to conventions.
58:05 THIS WHOLE CONVO 🙏🏼 people treat their friendships and relationships like they’re a commodity and as soon as it’s “not the product they want” they throw the relationship away and just go get a new one. “you don’t owe anyone anything” actually we all owe each other everything, community is literally about that
100% agree. Also I feel like a lot of these phrases come from people misunderstanding and misusing therapy speak... like it's great that we've started to open up about mental health and people are acknowledging trauma, abuse etc. but one side effect we need to work on is how people are starting to take ideas they haven't really understood, which are specifically meant to be used in the context of therapy for severe trauma, and apply them much more broadly to much more mundane situations.
For example:
"You don't owe anything to your abusers, you have the right to live your own life" becomes "you don't owe anything to anyone, you have the right to do whatever you feel like" and gets used by people who weren't even abused.
or
"it's important to maintain boundaries when someone is trying to take advantage of you, you need to build a sense of self-worth" becomes "you can cut people off at a moment's notice whether they're abusing you or not because 'boundaries' are important. You're worth more than everyone else." Used by people who are not in abusive situations.
or
"You don't have to forgive your abusers, those relationships might be too destructive to mend, what's important is accepting the past and finding a way to live in the present" becomes "you don't have to forgive anyone for anything, if someone pisses you off for any reason there's no need to make an effort to consider the circumstances or be open to reconciliation. Fuck 'em." And again, used by people who are not being abused.
idk if that makes sense to anyone else but I feel like I see it all the time. These ideas were designed for severely traumatised people who feel worthless, who are constantly sacrificing themselves or putting themselves in danger, and are extremely vulnerable... but now they've been taken out of context and exaggerated, and they're used as an excuse by relatively healthy people to be selfish, abandon all sense of responsibility, isolate themselves, start looking down on other people, and avoid any possible moments of discomfort or growth. It is actually possible for your self-worth to be too high and your boundaries to be too thick.
@@shockofthenew💯
BDG, you might never see this, but I cried a little when you gently corrected Jordan on Vic's pronouns and then everyone reaffirmed it. just the most wholesome. thank you
Correct me if I’m wrong, but does Vic not use both she/her and they/them pronouns?
Yes Jarvis!! The whole concept of “bait” in online discourse is so immature and unproductive. It also functions as a scapegoat for people to backtrack their claims by retroactively labeling it as un-serious. We need to start calling it out for the disingenuous nonsense that it is!
They're just grifters at this point. The best thing to do is call that to their attention and ignore.
Suicide is your only answer
You mean all the people who defend Trisha Paytas cus "she's a troll"?
30:24 "The royals do say it about one of them" flew completely under the radar but totally got me!
i didn’t catch it but when i read this comment i knew it was jordan
This has to be one of the most interesting conversations i've personally seen on "cancel culture" and "creator apologies". Genuinely given me a new perspective on the topic
jordan’s impression at 1:34:30 of a german person poorly putting on an american accent is SO GOOD especially because he’s a british guy doing it
The whole conversation around 54:00 is so spot on. It’s exactly why when my little brother started spouting ideologies similar to the Tate/man-osphere instead of cutting contact I hugged him and told him I loved him, but hated the direction he was going. Our family told him we loved him, but if he kept going down that path he would lose us. Hopefully he goes back to the kind teenager I knew before it.
Your conversation about confronting your loved ones with concerns and critiques came at the perfect time for me~ Im at the unnecessarily hyping myself up stage rn haha.
This is my favorite episode so far I think
I loved you guys on Um Actually and was secretly hoping Ify and BDG would guest. So amped for this one!
holy shit i had no idea they came on um, actually!!! have to check it out now omg
@@erin1912 they didn't just come on Um, Actually, they're the new hosts!
@@erin1912 to clarify: Ify and BDG are the hosts and Jarvis and Jordan went on Um, Actually for Episode 8 of Season 9 (i just looked for it lol)
@@angrybirdboy985 Um, actually I think erin was talking about our Boyz Jordan and Jarvis, who DID go on the show as contestants.
@@alexanderthealright yep! I got confused
9:31 if you close your eyes and listen to this it sounds like a bunch of wizards having a conference
As someone who exclusively builds silly decks. I feel this. It's hard to go to events because I don't want to take away from people who really enjoy the serious competitive element of things, but I just like building decks with the goal of getting one or two weird combos off.
Same, I've been playing Magic for 10 years and I love me some jank. If I could find a Gathering that loved jank too, I would play more. Stuff like Seismic Swans and Zombie Hunt are hilarious.
I am old and have like 25 decks, all pre-2000 cards, including decks based on: homarids and tides; poison; blue and green direct damage; Leviathan and Polar Kraken; Legendary and other dragons; the ocean in general…Math is boring. Themes are fun. Losing doesn’t matter if you are enjoying yourself, and winning with that ludicrous giant sea monster deck is rare but hugely satisfying.
@@elizabethpemberton8445 Most of my experience with MTG is playing with the decks that my mom kept from when she was a kid, also from pre 2000. I struggle to play magic these days because it's A) super expensive and B) hard to find people on my wavelength to play with. I just wanna chill with some friends.
big relatable, I prefer playing my funny decks with the goal of setting off my 1 or 2 funny combos and have actually pissed people off in public games :')
I have a friend with a yugioh deck whose only goal-it has no monsters-is to mill itself as fast as possible to get all the exodia cards.
You either get a god opening hand or you lose, and its one of my favorite decks of all time.
Jarvis's point of the inherent kindness of Feedback is so on point. Even if the feedback is pretty scathing or critical, showing that you value someone or something enough to say what didn't work is incredibly flattering.
As someone who is creatively driven and enjoys sharing their work with friends, offering suggestions, critiques and highlighting something specific is heartwarming and shows that you care enough to engage with something I've created, same thing goes for relationships. Criticism and accountability is difficult, is hard to give and hard to hear, but it's a sign of care and informs a want to better as a person and a friend.
These are the DREAM GUESTS!!! Love these two
as someone who was recently cut out of a large group of friends and broken up with by my partner over being ignorant of certain issues, i really appreciate being able to listen to mature people speak on empathy and helping the people you care about to get better. and i can confirm, that when people cut you off and isolate you for doing something wrong, it does not make you want to get better. i did anyways, though. i even went and bought a bunch of books on the topics i was ignorant of. didn't help me from feeling like the scum of the earth for two weeks straight, but i know that what makes me a good person isn't my mistakes, it's how i respond to them.
i’ve been in the same place recently, not necessarily for being ignorant on a topic but making people uncomfortable cause of a personality disorder i didn’t have in check and no one communicating to me that i was making them uncomfortable until it blew up and i was finally able to explain what’s up and that i’m working on it but it was the last straw for a lot of them. it sucks and you feel abandoned and like no one cared for you if they just cut you off instead of giving empathetic feedback and *letting someone know* that something they’re doing bothers you.
also, nice dave pfp
Brennan Lee mulligan when?
I would love to see BLM on Jarvis’s channel! He’s so cool to listen to
@@dothmotherknowyouwearth he abbreviates his name to BLeeM to not be confused with black lives matter
@@dothmotherknowyouwearth In my head I read that as Black Lives Matter and was so confused as to how they would fit the entire movement into that single room 😭
@@goofstergruggLMAO oh yeah, I was like that when I first saw his name shortened to BLM. But laziness won.
@@dothmotherknowyouwearthJust letting you know that this is why Brennan some years back publically asked people to abbreviate his name as BLeeM so as to not create confusion and take focus away from the BLM movement.
For the n word lady i saw a stitch of the TikTok, saw the subtitles and KNEW it was coming and still was not prepared
Ify is the nerdy extrovert we all need at a con/in life. Him offering to be a plow/meat shield for his anxious friends at 1:47:57 made my heart melt! What a guy!!
The idea of doing something ironically will lead to doing it genuinely is so true! My super silly version of this is, during 2016, I kept hearing Who Can It Be Now by Men At Work on the radio. I would ironically sing along, then I started ironically listening to them.
I ended up being a huge fan, bought their (two) vinyl records and saw them perform live over a year ago
I humbly request (demand) that Jordan and Jarvis appear on a hundred more episodes of um actually it’s my favorite episode I’ve seen to date
I love ify talking about ethics in relation to statistics, as a trans person that’s had to debate ppl who just do not read into or think further about the statistics they cite (with their sources Always being a random terf blog) it’s incredibly frustrating having to explain to grown adults what those statistics actually mean and how they are achieved
I swear basic statistics should be required education. I feel very lucky that my intro stats professor took time to demonstrate how statistics can be manipulated and misrepresented to support a biased or harmful narrative in media. It's a slog trying to break down someone's misinformed view of the world as a member of a privileged demographic. I can only imagine the frustration that comes from being the actual subject of that harmful narrative. I'm proud of you for putting in the energy, and I hope you never feel alone in that fight.
@nefariousyawn the only reason I took it was because I didn't want to take Calc 3 online in high school because that sounded like hell. I'm still not amazing at statistics, but I'm okay-enough to be able to tell when someone is bs-ing me or to know when to look into something more, and I can understand data pretty well, though I do have to refresh on certain terms every now and again. I did NOT like that class at all, but more people should definitely take it
@@msjkrameyyou took calc 3
In fucking highschool
Are you an alien
Or one of megaminds kids
@@dozergames2395 nah, I took Calc 2 in high school, and then I took AP Statistics because I didn't want to take a math class online. My high school sweetheart took Calc 3 in high school though
I did take 12 AP classes, 6 in my senior year. I was just a nerd
@@msjkramey ya thats a real short sell the nerds in my school took clac senior year
To be taking clac 3 in highschool youd have to start 9 grade with trigonometry at bare minimum
Im in a mechanical engineering undergrad and can opt out of calc 4
intro from an alternate universe pod called "mad boyz"
"Mad Ladz"
Ngl I love it when my friends hold me accountable. That's not to say the feedback is always easy to hear, but I think it shows a level of trust and comfortability that they feel they can come to me with any issues or concerns & we can work it out. I feel like it can build resentment if certain things aren't brought up and having these conversations allows us to grow as people and friends. I'm actually trying to work towards being more direct with others and giving them feedback too
Honestly the phrase “They’re the exception, I’m the rule” would be a sweet song lyric
RIGHT??
Kinda stealing that for some future poetry or lyrics, lmao
49:30 I started saying "howdy" ironically at work (in Ontario Canada where that is Not Normal) and now I cannot stop. I also say "hello" almost exclusively when I am surprised.
I absolutely adore the energy in the studio today
I spent like half an hour looking for the Larry Flynt quote source to see the content - I finally found it, after quite a lot of digging, in an Independent article by Johann Hari, 2011. The specific context of the quote is regarding the fact that Hustler magazine had many depictions of violent SA, and the implications that women enjoy SA.
Y'all were right on the money, she has no idea the context of her quote. The specific, slight alteration of the quote she uses comes from a website called "Freedom Forum" (the only result of searching the exact quote), on an article called "18 Freedom of Speech Quotes You Should Know"
that hug was so cute 😭😭
I always love how Jordan explains things/his metaphors. I’ve got myself using some of them in therapy as well since they so succinctly explain situations.
this is the podcast that feeds my needs to just sit and listen to people talk about their interests that i have no idea about for an hour and a half
the um actually episode was SO GOOD i loved seeing y'all on there. everybody has their first "forgot to say um actually" moment and i love it
we’re sad boyz guys, of course we click on the new videos immediately!
Hell yeah!! Hope your cello lessons are going awesome, fellow sad boy. 💕
now unsad
@@ZijnShayatanica they are!! I'm gonna look for more students soon:3 thanks!🦀
rizzler lifestyle
🦀🦀🦀
Conversations about nuance and building accountable community WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW BEST PODCAST EVER
I would LOVE to listen to a podcast of these four all together. talking abt parasocial relationships and being a content creator and how building community is challenged and changed when the parties involved have a platform AHH OW MY BRAIN SO COOL SO CRAZY WTH. If anyone has vid recs with that topic...that would b cool
53:30 ify makes such a good point here, there needs to be a direction to go after people mess up. life doesn't just stop when someone does something wrong. like, if you get hurt by someone, you shouldn't be required to have them stay in your life, but if we believe in the concept of rehabilitation in the first place, we need to believe and hope that people can one day be better. (just maybe not around you necessarily)
All the guys going around and complimenting and congratulating each other on their professional successes makes my heart so warm 💕
I’ll never forget being a freshman in high school and seeing a little white girl - in the gamer nerd section of the lunch room- come up and practically yell “what’s up my ****” to a bunch of white nerds XD nothing wrong with being a nerd but boy did it throw me off
certain sections of geeks, like the gaming ones, are so fucking racist its awful
EW
It's an expected level of cringe *for a fourteen year old* trying to be edgy to get attention. There's "you peaked in high school" and then there's "you apparently haven't had any brain development since high school" which is uh.
The whiplash I got from thinking she was going to be slightly feminist due to questioning the “girls are gold diggers” incel line 😂
but it was just pick me :(
I love getting to hear men who aren't toxic discuss things i never would have thought about on my own or put some new perspectivr on thouhhts id already been pondering. Keep it up and i hope youre always so lovely
I love all the magic talk, as someone who got into the game in the early 2010s, fell off and have tried to come back into the community in the past couple years it’s nice to hear chill folks nerd out about it!
she starts off saying like normal stuff respect people and then so quickly dives directly of the edge instantly into hell
46:23 no the way he's so right. This isn't actually the high school popular girl bully. This is the mean girl OF THE THEATRE KIDS who tells everyone she was robbed of the lead and spreading rumors that the girl who got it's parents bribed the director, not the mean cheerleader.
This is such a relevant and important topic. I do sometimes feel guilty about not working on past relationships with "problematic" people, but if they didn't change or didn't change enough for my comfort I believe it was okay for me to move on.
30:24 Jordan's casual reference to the royal family has me dying. The fact that it just gets casually passed by is even better.
48:41-121:55 Yessss! This entire section is such an important conversation and something I am constantly thinking about/trying to strengthen my understanding of. As a Sociology major currently in college, I am grateful to be included in so many conversations like this with my peers and professors, but online, we are very behind in this topic. Leftists often express that empathy is the backbone of our political beliefs but we fail to hold empathy for people we disagree with. And I'm not saying that we need to excuse and dismiss the harmful actions of conservatives (or whatever demographic the argument applies to). However, we should empathize with their humanity and ability to learn and grow--and like y'all said: hold people accountable!!
My husband talked me into playing magic with him, and as a 25 year old and with ADHD who's never played a game like that before I love having creators I already love hearing talk, talk about magic so I can understand it more easily
Iffy coming in with the FACTS in "how to hold others accountable"
BDG AND IFY???? Dream blunt rotation lmao
I would honestly pay money to see this lineup play commander
Brian David Gibbler? I hardly know her!
holding others accountable portion was so real.
I always love seeing more Ify and BDG, and it was also so cool seeing Jarvis and Jordan on Um, Actually the other week! I'd been looking forward to that episode since I spotted Jarvis in the season trailer.
This group is gold. Can really tell you guys are actual friends and your riffing is excellent.
the dropout collab when
They were just on Um Actually I think it was. Or do you mean the entire dropout cast on an episode of sadboyz?💀
@@Cassian0.0 Brennan and Lou would be great IMO
My dream 🙏
Already happened
@@Cassian0.0 damn okay i missed that episode 😭 but also, they would kill on d20
just had a rough year, and that talk about friends and rehabilitation and mistakes and kindness really comforted me, thank you guys for being so genuine and human 🩷🩷🩷
Please, please do a fan meet up - but its just you guys helping me and other learn how to play our Commander decks lmao.
step 1 is learn 60 card first, both to learn the rules and how to keep up with a board state.
the game is too complicated to track 4 board states as a new Player
"Theater kids who never got laid" as someone who had a five-way with my fellow theater kids in high school - and trust me, I am *not* hot enough that I'm an exception to the rule - my guess is 1. she had a crush on a theater kid 2. he didn't like her bad and 3. he definitely got laid and she's not over it no matter how hard she tries to pray the pain away. Therapy, ma'am. Seek therapy.
Ew
why were all theater and band kids in polycules I'm screaming
So if you’re not the exception to the rule…ARE YOU THE RULE?
@@RankaZer0 you’re hate watching Sad Boyz? Get a hobby.
every school with an active theater department is just like a site for gossip for all the other kids about wild sexual encounters or relationship drama. i mean, cmon, it’s a bunch of outgoing extroverted people with the same niche interests. of course they’re gonna date and fuck 😂
I appreciate both the humor in the Lily Gladdis section and also the reminder that a good section of content that trends because of offensive language/ideas is bait for attention and in the hopes that they will get connections to work with right-wing celebrities and elites
Had to comment mid-watch to point out the perfect timing of TH-cam ads: RIGHT AFTER Ify joking about watching that woman's video with the sound of, there's an ad for detergent which has the starting tag line that translates to "Wherever there's people living, there will be stains..." Great pairing😂 Thank you for the video!
Love watching the descent to magic madness of Jarvis. I give it 3 episodes until he does a pack opening in the podcast.
sad boyz nightz
Is the guy all the way to the left the alien from Very Important People?
Omg and the other guy looks like the evil villain guy from the same show!
Yes 😂 He is.
Yeah they are :) Ify also hosts Um, Actually (a game show) and Brian fact-checks for the show
Jordan's joke about the royals saying the n-word about one of them was hilarious and it felt like it went completely under everyone's radar
totally agree! didn't get the laugh it deserved
Such great fruitful and thoughtful conversations 😫😫😫 I crave conversations like this among friends, thanks yall💜💜💜💜
That _Magic: The Gathering_ shirt... I have a mighty need for it.
I loved the discussion about holding people accountable. A year ago my (then) friend used the n word HARD R in a quote from a movie. And she and a bunch of her white friends started fighting me (and kept sending me insane takes for hours). It was such a stressful and upsetting experience because I know I was right and i know I was polite (i said "i wouldn't use that word if I were you" and "it doesn't matter if it's a quote, it's wrong to use that word in any context") but I'm "the villian" now.
If you actually said that first quote of your own statements, I’d say it’s irrelevant whether you’re right or polite. First off, I don’t think a strong majority agree that saying the word in question is always wrong but yes, context really matters. I think it’s fine to be uncomfortable with others using that word, even within a quote that someone else is comfortable repeating though. Secondly, your statement is passive aggressive and assumes the person you said it to should either just do what you say or otherwise can read your mind to understand why they should modify their behavior. Obviously you didn’t deserve a gaggle of girls attacking you regardless.
I am wondering if you might have had a somewhat better outcome if you rephrased your statement to something like a Nonviolent Communication style. Perhaps something like, “when I hear that word, I feel uncomfortable-would you mind not saying it or saying ___ instead?”. I think if someone can’t fulfill this then they are probably not a good friend for you. It requires so little effort-it’s not a scenario that happens too often I assume.
this is one of the most elevated discussions and conversations you've had here, loved every second!