@@MossPathway Realistically from 7th Grade to the end of college, most people's schools and education centers have year-groups that swear, let's be honest
-Kris’s optimistic sister: “You wanna hear some dark humor?” -Kris: “Oh yeah, I love dark humor.” -Her sister: “*Turns off the lights* Knock knock.” -Kris: “Turn the Danm lights back on.”
I love her because she actually cares about her audience, it is just so nice and makes up for all my terrible days. Thank you! You've saved me from some terrible days!
"I'm a terrible person" - Kris who also is the best dog mom to Kevin and makes everyone smile and laugh constantly and is the only reason some of us smile on certain days
Can I just say I love your TH-cam videos so much they bring me joy when I’m sad. You got me over my depression. Thank you so much for bringing me joy. I love you.💚
Or when your in the middle of leeds (a big ish city if you don’t know) and you have no clue where anything is and pull out google maps and try to follow it with your friend We laughed constantly until we found the bus station - one of the best days ever
@@RobynK1986 I feel you! I lived in Leeds for a while and it was hella confusing...I spent over an hour one day stuck on the ring road on the way home from work trying to get to my house.
Kris: "You're looking good" Me: "Yeah and I went to the sun last night" Kris: "Wait what??" Me: "What? I thought we were saying things that are impossible."
@@sohailaeissa9608 amm no no I was just asking that is this joke okay you seems like a nice person that's why I asked you well don't tell my mom i was here ❌👄❌
0:09 Kris:"Looking good! No you look good!" me: sitting on my couch eating sunflower seeds, half dressed and in my pajamas and my hair a mess- me: "Thank you Kris"
Once we had overnight guests so my daughter slept in with me. Well I had JUST fallen into a deep sleep, when she sat bolt upright screamed "NINJAS" and laid back down. Needless to say, I had a heart attack and maybe died for a moment or two. While she slept on peacefully and I was wide awake with my eyes bugging out for the rest of the night.
Once I slept over at my friends house and in the middle of the night I heard meowing...her cat had died 4yrs prior...turned out is was the f*cking parrot XD
I’ve been known to yell random words or phrases (everything from donuts to damn it ***), scream and mumble a lot. I have also cried so hard or yelled so loud I’ve woken myself up. My family has gotten used to it at this point 😅
Comment from my peanut gallery..."We've been watching Kris forever....how did I not pick up on fellow stoner vibes?!?" Me:"Probably because you were stoned and laughing hysterically at Riley while I pointed out only stoners start anticipation laughing before the video even starts" 😜😂
one time i fell back asleep and still be able to notice i was sleep screaming screamed my brothers name still don't know why i screamed it in that state
Yeah, that's a good one. Though the problem is while I pick the video, which cannot be done in a short time, my rice will be fried even though I set it to boil.
Me- *stressing about school and stuff* Kris- "You look fabulous" Me- "You are my favorite, and the only reason I have any confidence" (I only believe her compliments lol, not any I get from people irl)
That one about the stay-at-home husband: I'm a lady and all my life I have distrusted men to be able to hold down a job and provide so I always, always assumed that I'd be the provider. My mark of wealth would be making enough money to cherry-pick literally any man I want to marry and then keep him in good cognac while I ran my business empire. I'm 36 and don't even own a house yet so this is gonna take a while.
I talk. My bf and his brother laugh at what I say in my sleep when I'm over there and I sleep talk. I usually nap in the living room in the afternoon or evening and his brother thinks the stuff I say is hilarious. Tbh my bestie has told me I've said some pretty funny things over the years too; we've been besties for 25 years now.
New drinking game, everyone drink 1/3 of a bottle every time Kris says she's abstinent. Also, Kris saying "fck the turtles..." gave me a laughing/coughing fit.
Thank you Kris - I am currently writing this comment while sitting in a hotel room. It's so reassuring and comforting to know that the reason the sheets are tucked in so tight is because the hotel employee is going to murder me tonight. I'm going to sleep just great.
Fun fact. Two years ago when I graduated High School and moved into an apartment my dad gave me a box of popcorn he'd gotten at Costco who knows when. When I finally made a bag there wasn't any buttery taste to it. I had found out that day that popcorn expires. This specific box was not one or two years old. No this box predated my entire existence. I wasn't even a thought when my dad got the box. I was born in May 2004. This one expired somewhere in 2001. So fun fact for you.
Kris:" Does anyone else need to watch something while they're eating? " Me: *munching on pretzels while watching the video*" It's an unofficial law." 😂
I've been having a pretty bad day, what with exams and such, and Kris just makes it 100 times better..❤ Also, gurl, I would probably give you a 100 dollars if you gave me a dollar🤣
The part where you said "when I'm eating something I need to be watching something" I relate to that soooooooo freaking much. FINALLY! Someone who does that too!
Hell no she’s not, somebody who constantly claims they aren’t getting any, probably gets more than most. Just sayin. I love kris but she’s full of shit
OK OK OKAY. ... NOW.... THAT CONTRACTION REACTION, MAMA BELLY MIND BLOWER LMMFAO 😅😂 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i was DYING omygosh you really made that sound, it was so honest lol i had to replay it SOOOOOO MANY TIIIIMES ❤❤ THAAANK YOOOOUUUU
Addressing the hotel bedsheet tucking thing, they actually do that so that bedbugs can't get into the bed while the room is waiting for an inhabitant :)
10:15 If dinner is almost done and there is nothing on the tv, my boyfriend goes into full on panic mode. He will either stop me from cooking or he will stop cooking and announces "Okay, what are we watching!?" It's insane! 😂
![[ 2 HOUR ] FUNNY KALLMEKRIS TIK TOK VIDEOS | Best KallMeKris Compilation | 2023](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/OKyDY1IHsQM/mqdefault.jpg)
Hope you enjoy the video! Let me know what else you guys wanna see in the comments below and if I choose it I'll shout you out in the next video!
Do you like turtles :D
second :)
I love it kris you inspire me ❤
Hi Kris u looking good-er😁
Love you kris ❤ 💖
The Minecraft reference to the “who didn’t finish cutting down this tree? You cannot just leave them floating!” Got me tbh
Yes
Same gurl/boi
WAit wat if you’re in Minecraft if you DIDNT finish cutting it wat if it falls 🤨
i dont play it and i smlied
yes
"Dad what's dark humour"
"You see that guy with no arms over there tell him to clap"
"But dad I'm blind"
"Exactly"
literally *dark* humour
I’ve heard that one lol
ohh I remember looping that Ik that tiktoker
@@2x2-n3n ye ikr. Lol ;-;
Oh no! I laughed! Im sorry
Kris: Let's keep this family-friendly
*Also Kris: *proceeds to cuss**
How is cursing not family friendly? All children know curses, don’t be so prude
@@tsfbaf303 they do but not many families accept cursing from their children (like school aged children)
People in my school swear a lot. I don't care if a youtuber swears but kids, or random people in irl
@@MossPathway Realistically from 7th Grade to the end of college, most people's schools and education centers have year-groups that swear, let's be honest
@@tsfbaf303 *prudish
kris "i scream in my sleep is that anyone else?" the veteran community: "we usually call that ptsd"
Yea-
my sister said i scream in my sleep
I havent gotten to sleep screaming yet
Kris: "I'm 25 and I want to be unalive"
Me: "I'm 14 and I'm gonna go drown in a stream" :)
What stream you goin to ima join in 😂
Beautiful. I’m 15 and I wanna jump off Burj Khalifa- thing??? Idk 💀🤚
Can I join you?
Lmao group suicide what could be better? We all wanna die it’s normal right…….. RIGHT 😀
@@aletheairvin7920 More normal than ever
“I’m a terrible person” -kris
A mood. A literal mood.
-Kris’s optimistic sister: “You wanna hear some dark humor?”
-Kris: “Oh yeah, I love dark humor.”
-Her sister: “*Turns off the lights* Knock knock.”
-Kris: “Turn the Danm lights back on.”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
fax no printer
I suddenly don't understand
everyone's done that joke at this point
😂
The "Im going to the dollar store oh bleyeuoqdj-" had me dying cause that is so me lol
Kris you can't box the child back, that's spawn-camping.
Trueeee
Wtf lmao
YUP LMAO
Hey look it’s the best waifu!
@@cjtheterrible2238 Ah i see, so you are a person of culture as well.
I love her because she actually cares about her audience, it is just so nice and makes up for all my terrible days. Thank you! You've saved me from some terrible days!
Same
Same. I want to comment this on a lot of people but I don’t want to be accused of simping 😅
@@teatalks3426 Honestly same 😅
Agreed
Same
"I'm a terrible person" - Kris who also is the best dog mom to Kevin and makes everyone smile and laugh constantly and is the only reason some of us smile on certain days
But it’s Opposite Day
Facts
@@TheRealMillennium nah
0:49 framily fiendly channel as she proceeds to swear 😂😂
At least it’s still considered a family friendly video because she censors it ❤
Kris straight after cussing: This is a family friendly channel
Right!? 🤣
No. Framily Friendly Channel.
Yo is no1 gonna take note that kris LIGIT said I swallow s*men like I think u just got caught in 4k🤨📸📸📸
The signature, for sure
Her whole personality just makes me happy
Same man
Ikr
Ikr
Ikr
Can I just say I love your TH-cam videos so much they bring me joy when I’m sad. You got me over my depression. Thank you so much for bringing me joy. I love you.💚
Kris: Hey, looking good, got something from the dollar store.
Also Kris: So let's look at some dark humour.
I love her intro cause I feel so much better
Kris: “you look kinda good today, ngl”
Literally, i was feeling so insecure, and now you are the star of my day. Thank you Kris, ily
nobody:
Kris every time *It* is mentioned: "I'm absina- abstin-"
literally love the little skits in between 🥰
0:19 never have i seen a perfect representation of myself while talking. I think i get it from my dad.
Kris: I’m a terrible person
Me: Same. The Relatability level just keeps increasing.
Yes
She's dope. Seems like the kind of friend you can have fun with no matter what you're doing. Like just dying laughing at Walmart.
Or when your in the middle of leeds (a big ish city if you don’t know) and you have no clue where anything is and pull out google maps and try to follow it with your friend
We laughed constantly until we found the bus station - one of the best days ever
@@RobynK1986 I feel you! I lived in Leeds for a while and it was hella confusing...I spent over an hour one day stuck on the ring road on the way home from work trying to get to my house.
@@KatieM786 lol yea even worse for us we were walking
Dark humour at its finest 🥰
Agreed
Agreed
👍
Agreed
Agreed
dark humor is like water..... not everybody gets it.
Explaining dark humor with dark humor
Kris: "You're looking good"
Me: "Yeah and I went to the sun last night"
Kris: "Wait what??"
Me: "What? I thought we were saying things that are impossible."
Lol
Hahah
Nuh uh u look good
Kris: “I just want chaos”
Me thinking: “I just found my soulmate”
We all want chaos in varying degrees
Kris: "youre looking good, yeah"
Me: finally someone appreciates me
Hahahah…ahhhAAAAAA
@@Lailah.J 💀
True
"This is a family friendly channel!"
2:32 minutes later
"OH SHIT! OH SHIT!"
Kris, if you were 'unalive' then there would be so many unhappy people.
You make us laugh, give us comfort and let us be seen. Keep being you!
yaasss
Kris in her intro: “you look good!”
Me: *Crying with mascara runing down my face this whole video*
OOF that is legit me like every time she posts lmao
Bruh in was naked I just got out of the hot tub
Oh, like from laughter? I thought something was wrong.
Who are you and how did you get access to my computer camara😊
I whish I was actually wearing mascara.. wait, wut, no, that's not a more manly thing to say dude..
Hearing,”And you can Call me Kris” just makes my whole day no matter what happend
Same
Yes.
@@Scoob61233 lol
@@Scoob61233 idk I guess both
Even when its sunday night and knowing your going to school tomorrow and you only get a few hours of sleep that night
You can like this if you’re watching in 2024
Me
My dumbass: :D
Hello
Try to come up with something insightful or funny instead of that spam trash
Well no Fukien shit😂😊
Me: wanna hear some dark humour?
Kris:sure
Me:k
"Turns lights off"
Me: knock knock
Kris: turn the lights back on
BAHAHAHAHA YES
@TheHicraft it's a really old vine, it was really popular a while ago
@TheHicraft YEA EXACTLY AKCJJDNV
Bruuhhhh dark humour to the max
😆
StarBucks: "We're saving the envirememt with our paper straws!"
Also StarBucks: Has plastic cups.
Hey is this okay??
I am thirteen
You better get your teen.....
"I saw them smoking"
@@hansika7656 wait what?
@@sohailaeissa9608 amm no no I was just asking that is this joke okay you seems like a nice person that's why I asked you well don't tell my mom i was here ❌👄❌
0:09
Kris:"Looking good! No you look good!"
me: sitting on my couch eating sunflower seeds, half dressed and in my pajamas and my hair a mess-
me: "Thank you Kris"
when she says " i'm a terrible person" but she complements us every video
Thats called a dark empath
I read that as she said it haha
Kris:"We like to keep it family friendly here"
Also Kris:"Oh shit"
“I’m 25, and I just wanna be… unalived” is it just me or does anyone else wanna just give Kris a hug and tell her its okay
We all love u Kris ❤️❤️
yes, it be facts
Its just you mate
Well then there’s smth wrong with you ☺️
I'm kidding mate
I just want to liven't :)
“This is a family friendly channel!”12 minutes later:
0:53 -11:59
Once we had overnight guests so my daughter slept in with me. Well I had JUST fallen into a deep sleep, when she sat bolt upright screamed "NINJAS" and laid back down. Needless to say, I had a heart attack and maybe died for a moment or two. While she slept on peacefully and I was wide awake with my eyes bugging out for the rest of the night.
What caused your child to summon a damn ninja at 3am?
Once I slept over at my friends house and in the middle of the night I heard meowing...her cat had died 4yrs prior...turned out is was the f*cking parrot XD
@@thetunedtank8048 oh my God
I’ve been known to yell random words or phrases (everything from donuts to damn it ***), scream and mumble a lot. I have also cried so hard or yelled so loud I’ve woken myself up. My family has gotten used to it at this point 😅
One time I was at a sleepover and I had a friend who sleep talks, she had yelled really loud it woke every one up
Me:expects jokes about dead children (i love dark dark humor)
Kris: frog playing poker
Kris be like: "You're looking good, yeah."
Me: looking down at the PJs that I haven't changed out off yet...
hey I'm in pjs too :D
also fo people like.. change out of thier pjs in thier own home?? like.. doesn't everyone wear pjs at home anyway??
@Lola Dacey So am I
So am i
Well shit i am not in any-
FBI OPEN UP!!!
@@phlyingchicken4768 So am I
Comment from my peanut gallery..."We've been watching Kris forever....how did I not pick up on fellow stoner vibes?!?" Me:"Probably because you were stoned and laughing hysterically at Riley while I pointed out only stoners start anticipation laughing before the video even starts" 😜😂
let’s take a moment to appreciate Kris making us smile everyday
Killua
Yes we shall
Fr(Killua 🥰)
Yasss
Let’s
Kris: This is a family friendly channel
Also Kris: *Basically admits she's swallowed seman before* 😂
LMAO
Who hasn't though lol
@@lucario2able 📸🤨
Yes I love ocean male
@@lucario2able ayoooo 😧
It's not fair I can't compliment Kris back in-person, she always makes me feel good about myself 😂
Anyone who mentions pineapple as an acceptable pizza topping should have to babysit Riley while drunk Katrina critiques...they deserve it 😂
"anyone else scream in their sleep, no? Just me?" Absolutely killed me
One time my lil sister said in her sleep AND I QUOTE "My ToOtHbRuSh Is GaY"
.....
I think she needs help 🌝
@@File4Code.x lololol wtf
@@idiot560 wtf indeed 🌝
one time i fell back asleep and still be able to notice i was sleep screaming screamed my brothers name still don't know why i screamed it in that state
i scream in my sleep and sleepwalk...
kris: "does anybody else scream in their sleep"
me: "no but i cry in my sleep...a lot" 😀
Lol
No
Pro tip: pick what you want to watch AS YOUR FOOD COOKS so you don’t have to lose the heat. Just pick, sit, eat, watch🙃
WOW!!!!
I use this trick on the daily it’s a miracle worker
Yeah, that's a good one. Though the problem is while I pick the video, which cannot be done in a short time, my rice will be fried even though I set it to boil.
“ If I am eating something I need to be watching something” Litterally like 5mins ago I was eating some mini tacos and watching dis video.
me - *just woke up*
Kris - “you look good”
me - “aww thank you”
same!!!!
Kris- I know you're naked
me-DANG GURL HOW DO YOU KNOW???
Me- *stressing about school and stuff*
Kris- "You look fabulous"
Me- "You are my favorite, and the only reason I have any confidence"
(I only believe her compliments lol, not any I get from people irl)
@@Froogggggggggggg So true tho
Kris, you look like you're literally glowing. The shiny eyeliner, the lip gloss, even your skin, it's perfect ❤
Kris proves that everyone’s humour is broken and no one minds. Love you, your videos they always make me laugh. 💚😹
“Is it safe to swallow semen?”
“Maybe?”
God, I love Bob The Drag Queen, he does great drag 😂
I just wanna say " The way she gives us a compliment before the video actually starts" that's really sweet.
"Hello everyone I am kallmekris and you can call me Kris" is iconic, never fails me in getting a smile on my face, makes my day!!!!
Yasss
I heard a theory that Dora is actually blind because she always asks where things are and never looks at anything and boots leads her everywhere 😅
Bruh
more dark humour: Why did Ginny get Harry Potter's scar? Because her and Harry were discovering the chamber of secrets
:)
1:57 you have to consume more than that in water alone per day lmao
I've had exams all day and this just makes everything better 🙃
Same
Yea
Hope you did good
same :(
Same🥵
That one about the stay-at-home husband: I'm a lady and all my life I have distrusted men to be able to hold down a job and provide so I always, always assumed that I'd be the provider. My mark of wealth would be making enough money to cherry-pick literally any man I want to marry and then keep him in good cognac while I ran my business empire. I'm 36 and don't even own a house yet so this is gonna take a while.
*at the end* Kris: "Am I the only one who screams in their sleep?"
Me: Looks like we are alot like each other
I talk. My bf and his brother laugh at what I say in my sleep when I'm over there and I sleep talk. I usually nap in the living room in the afternoon or evening and his brother thinks the stuff I say is hilarious. Tbh my bestie has told me I've said some pretty funny things over the years too; we've been besties for 25 years now.
Kris: “Im 25 and I’m ready to be unalive.”
Me: “I’m 14 and I’m a mentally dead teen.”
Dark humor is literally my entire personality 😂
SAME
Same
Yup
Lmaooo
Same
"is it safe to swallow seamen?"
Kmc: "I mean I do..."
Fucking killed me. Hahaha
And then the frantic denial
Kris: "This is a family friendly channel."
Also Kris: "dumb ass" "Oh shit. Oh shit!!" 🤣
19:32 are we not gonna talk about how messed up that charger is 😂
New drinking game, everyone drink 1/3 of a bottle every time Kris says she's abstinent.
Also, Kris saying "fck the turtles..." gave me a laughing/coughing fit.
Kris: " this is a family friendly channel "
also kris: " Fuck! "
Sorry to be this guy but she said “Channel” not “Show”. Again, sorry.
@@Followthecat893 no you're fine, thanks for telling me!
Lol so true
XD so true!
the thing with kris is that she seems like such a fun and outgoing person like-
Me: " do you know what the difference between orphans and puppies " my friend: "What's the difference" Me: " The puppies get pick"
Thank you Kris - I am currently writing this comment while sitting in a hotel room. It's so reassuring and comforting to know that the reason the sheets are tucked in so tight is because the hotel employee is going to murder me tonight. I'm going to sleep just great.
RIGHT?! that made me rethink hotel stays
as a twelve year old in a hotel, i do not need this irrational fear!!!
(but true lol)
That is just so sad, I hope you are still alive
you better sleep great or else we cant get you 😠
I just got home from a hotel.. I’m glad I saw this after or I definitely would’ve been sleeping on the floor 😂
I love Kris so much she is literally my inspiration
Same
Epic!!
Same
🥺❤️
@@kallmekris omg thank you for replying
No one:
Kris: "This is a famil- *swears* family friendly channel!"
I came to the comments to say that
As a Southern American, I absolutely love your Southern impression! It's so spot on, it cracks me up every time
I love kris she is so funny and how she goes off topic without even noticing is always so funny. I love your videos you never fail to make me laugh!
I love how Kris can just casually say “I’m a terrible person so let’s watch these”😂
The problem with paper straws is that they're not even recyclable, so it's just as bad as regular straws. I use reusable silicone ones instead 😃
And those aren't the major problem. It's big corporations and horrible recycling programs to begin with
Save the turtles!! 🐢😂
@@ItzBreezy9071 *no.*
Fun fact. Two years ago when I graduated High School and moved into an apartment my dad gave me a box of popcorn he'd gotten at Costco who knows when. When I finally made a bag there wasn't any buttery taste to it. I had found out that day that popcorn expires. This specific box was not one or two years old. No this box predated my entire existence. I wasn't even a thought when my dad got the box. I was born in May 2004. This one expired somewhere in 2001. So fun fact for you.
Your whole personality makes me love humanity. Thanks for the faith I need
Yes same
@Squid Game 🅥 nope. Do not put links on my comments
I absolutely love the ADHD moments Kris has. I relate on a whole 'nother level
The lush "soap" is actually a massage bar and not to be used in the shower because of the risk of the aduki beans sprouting! 🤣🤣🤣
I was wondering about that lmao
Kris:" Does anyone else need to watch something while they're eating? "
Me: *munching on pretzels while watching the video*" It's an unofficial law." 😂
Khris: This is a family freindly family
Also Khris: Fu-
Edit: I'm crying she liked this but I edited it and it removed the like ;-;
When kris accidentally says I do too, to the dark question right after she explained she was a family friendly channel.😂🤣
I've been having a pretty bad day, what with exams and such, and Kris just makes it 100 times better..❤
Also, gurl, I would probably give you a 100 dollars if you gave me a dollar🤣
Dude. I would fall down DEAD from sheer happiness if she gave me a dollar
OMG can we just appreciate how gorgeous her makeup is ❤️❤️❤️❤️
The part where you said "when I'm eating something I need to be watching something" I relate to that soooooooo freaking much. FINALLY! Someone who does that too!
I thought everyone does that :confusion:
5:24
“gUyS I jUsT sAw sOmEtHiNg sCaRy…. cReePiEs”
Why did that make me laugh so hard 😂😂😂
I like how kris is completely obsessed with mentioning how she is abstinent
what she means to say is that she isn't getting any...
@@mikimiki7968 yea obviously im just saying it's funny how much she says it
Is she really tho? 🤔
Hell no she’s not, somebody who constantly claims they aren’t getting any, probably gets more than most. Just sayin. I love kris but she’s full of shit
wait.......
what if its all..........
A HOAX!?
I don't think VR will save you😂
7:58
17:55 Just as you said "I can't do it" I got an ad saying "do it", I can't 😂😭
the funniest thing just happened, when she said "ADHD whoo!" an ad came on saying, "students with ADHD save ten hours with this extension."
Let me me guess was it speechify?
@@zeeshansyed5148 Who else?
I hate when they use ADHD for sales. it makes me angry :(((
Don’t you just love how she complements us to make us feel good about ourselves? Thank you kris🥰
Me too
HANAKO
Agree
yes i love them because i am always depresed
I am the type to hate myself, and those comments always make me feel better
OK OK OKAY.
... NOW.... THAT CONTRACTION REACTION, MAMA BELLY MIND BLOWER LMMFAO 😅😂 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i was DYING omygosh you really made that sound, it was so honest lol i had to replay it SOOOOOO MANY TIIIIMES ❤❤ THAAANK YOOOOUUUU
When she said "I'm 25 I just wanna be unalived".I felt that🤣
I'm thirty three and I agree
@@PietroMaximoff. theirs did rhyme tho
@@connerlackey3952 You’re right i just realized my mistake lmao
@@PietroMaximoff. it's all good
I may only be 15 but I feel the same way
The fact that she genuinely tried to say abstinence and couldn’t get the word out had me dying 😭😂😂
Kris: I'm a terrible person.
Me and all of my friends: Same.
Addressing the hotel bedsheet tucking thing, they actually do that so that bedbugs can't get into the bed while the room is waiting for an inhabitant :)
10:15 If dinner is almost done and there is nothing on the tv, my boyfriend goes into full on panic mode. He will either stop me from cooking or he will stop cooking and announces "Okay, what are we watching!?" It's insane! 😂