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@@dreamchaser7603it’s bc you’re a girl and they feel entitled over your life and body. don’t do anything that you’re not comfortable with, the right ones won’t push it.
Might be some limerence there too. The guy very clearly on a few different occasions stated that he did not want a relationship with the letter author, but she still calls this “the best relationship of her life”. That is very sad that someone rejecting you is your best relationship. It doesn’t look like you are healed. I wish you peace and happiness.
However we were brought up is how we are used to being treated. Even though we didn’t like it as a child, how it affects us throughout our life shows by how we allow ourselves to be treated. We don’t even realize this is occurring, bless us! We are attracted to how we were treated as a child and young person, and think that’s love, and it is not.
I could relate to her letter so much. I developed heavy feelings for a male friend years ago, and we chatted almost every night. I kept hoping he'd feel the same way about me one day. Then he got cancer and passed away, unfortunately. (He was my best friend) I was devastated, not just due to losing him, but for all the years I pined over yet another person who would never feel the same way about me. We lose so much time over this (years, decades) and it's embarrassing to realize how much, eventually. I was so supportive of my friend, but didn't get the same level in return. So after he died, I became more of a hermit, but then developed more limerence episodes over new folks I met online. It's become easier to stay in the fantasy world, then risk rejection in the real world. I'm hoping to change that in 2025 as I recognize more of these issues in myself. I just wish it hadn't taken me so many years to do so.
Stop chatting with stranger men online Only chat with women or male blood related family members. If a man wants to see you and chat with you, he has to take you out in a nice date and declare his intentions before the date (is it a date? Are you only interested in friendship? Etc)
She's anxious preoccupied and also limerant. If you are healed, you will be attracted to those who are more securely attached themselves. She has allowed herself to be used as his emotional crutch, only when he desires.
12:28 "Reality is our friend. Reality is where we heal; reality is where we solve our problems" 15:30 "You can un-make that choice, and set yourself free from this belief that you have to change other people to get love." ( "...they're not going to change, and you're not going to get love. ...the path to true love is *out* of this crap-fit relationship.")
I've watched many of your videos to understand how to help my partner heal (how to "fix" them). Only to be cheated on and dumped. Now I'm discovering that your videos are very useful in helping me to heal myself! Who would have thought it's so much easier and better when you focus on yourself 😅
Chappell Roan’s “Casual” nailed this: And I try to be the chill girl that Holds her tongue and gives you space I try to be the chill girl but Honestly, I’m not
I love this advise. It is soooo hard to become really available to love, and let go of all the relationship avoiders. Especially when your parents were avoiding intimacy big time. You are used to being neglected and ignored, since that was always your normal reality. But it is worth to fight that perception. ❤
Yes. And I hate the phrase Journey. Lots of toxic people say it’s part of their journey. Like you can hurt people and then say Oh it was part of my journey. 🫤
Im glad to see this story it helps me evaluate myself. I know that Im still insecurely attached but I never entertain my delusions more than 6 weeks. There's always something that happens ( like an inconstancy in communication or other painful red flags) that I allow to slap me back into reality. I use pain and discomfort to escape my escapist delusion. I hate to feel pain so whenever I don't get something close to my fairytale I remove myself to the situation now. I still don't know how to withhold my quick attachment yet from the beginning, but I know to brutally pull the switch. It's not that Im better or suffer less intensely but I do suffer less longer and that to me is a micro but also huge victory
@@dubliner1303 right?????? that quickly deescalated. If they dont want you, they wont want you. Maybe she was not good at reading signs and cues . anyway, one for the experience on her part, no judgment we've all been there one way or the other
@@dubliner1303 I think he manipulated her as well. He contributed to the confusion by a lot and played hot and cold. It sounds like he felt she is vulnerable and willing to make huge compromises and he used her emotionally. I feel quite bad for her.
To anybody like the letter author: As someone who has been in this exact dynamic with other people no less than 3 times, it’s not that your patience won’t get you the relationship eventually. You just might get it. I did, TWICE! But once you get it and something still doesn’t feel right, you’ll eventually start asking yourself why they weren’t sure about you for so long and yet you were. You will never feel real security in a person’s life in a spot that they actively told you wouldn’t/couldn’t be yours. There will never be an answer to the question of “what changed” that will make up for the way that they told you they didn’t want you before. Because nothing changed ultimately about what they want FROM you. Just how much of the person you are outside of those things that they are willing to invite into their life in order to secure the things they want.
My biggest issue is that men I meet say they want relationships, but then it becomes more and more clear that they aren’t ready to commit and be emotionally available.
I'm honestly amazed my late fiancé and I managed to make our relationship work, especially after he started suffering from mental health issues and I was dealing with my own CPTSD. But I recognize we were the zebras in Texas.
Sorry for your loss, so glad you had what you did. My past is similar but I had to go No Contact because of severity. I had to show my own girls that this confusion and yelling was not a Normal Relationship. Sad, but had 11 good years
One more thought: she may have been seeing his potential rather than his reality. And, the "earned secure " thing means nothing without being able to live it in real time. Her subconscious comfort zone has possibly not yet caught up, hence still being attracted the DAs.
He’s just not that into you. His “attachment style” would probably be just fine with a woman he was crazy about. It’s hard to accept but if you want to be with a guy who is crazy about YOU stop chasing dead ends. He probably enjoys the attention but doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. But there’s a guy out there who is right for you, and will also fall in love with you.
Had a similar crush on an older guy way back when I was an undergrad who also didn't reciprocate my feelings, but we'd spend hours together. Luckily HE was MY first therapist. I'll be forever grateful to him. He was just doing it out of the goodness of his heart, and recognized boundaries in our friendship that I myself wanted to ignore. What an awesome dude! I guess my point is, be an older mentor for a younger friend ONLY if it is out of the goodness of your heart (no romantic interest). Both for yourself and for them.
Yes! Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been thinking just the other day that the amount I put into others should be invested in myself. I shouldn't short myself of all the love I have. Think how much better I'd be with MY love to ME! I'm finally learning this concept. ❤❤
@@lilithowlI mean, others haven't appreciated all the things that I've done for them but I sure will!! So why am I putting in for people who will just hurt my feelings and make me feel stupid for?! I need to put all that I'd give someone else, into MYSELF! I KNOW I'D appreciate myself if it was reversed so why do I keep pouring into feeling pain when I can feel appreciated and loved by a source I can depend on....ME!!!! I'm finally finally understanding this self love thing I think!!! Whoohooo!!! So tomorrow for Thanksgiving (it'll just be me and my 2 cats), I think I'm going to celebrate feeling thankful for realizing all this today and thankful for ME!!!! 🎉😊 THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ✨
This helped me so much. Thank you. We feel like real love, someone present doesn't exist and that it says something about us. Most of the time it's rooted in trauma or abuse and it says nothing about us being able to be loved. We don't have to settle for someone who doesn't truly love us because real love does exist! We are worthy and deserving of it. We just have to know there is someone out there that will truly love us, be present available. That's insane there are psychic and tarot card readings in therapy and healing communities. It's so harmful for people and dangerous.
I am 58 I do not date anymore I CANNOT TRUST!!! my abuse started as a child abandoned age 10 Sibs were 9 & 6 We had no food but at school no electricity I remember being very scared and overwhelmed protecting my sibs!! I was so over protective if they went out to play as something would happen to them we had no food on weekends then I was gang R & Molested then 2 partners that severly abused me mentally and physically - one would R me - I just wanted to be loved so badly - I thought I deserved it all - I now have regressed memories of my childhood and had a breakdown not doing well at all but I just started therapy - like that little girl I am terrified of everthing that something will happen to me thus the memories coming back I am so excited about the therapy
I don't think I'm ever going to be okay with a relationship that doesn't happen with a four-legged creature. Humans have been letting me down for 6 decades. No thank you
When i see my reality that i cannot trust anyone in my life now. When I don’t put pressure on myself to be with someone or to trust someone, i feel so relieved and i set myself free
By the sounds of this, the letter writer was in the "Personal Development School", which purports to"heal" your attachment style. It also constantly tries to upsell to its members, who practically revere its founder. There are mostly very psychologically unhealthy people in that "school".
I am the love of my life and cultivate love, and cannot tolerate poor behavior because I will not self aBandon. However, it is natural to want to share your cup with somebody having a full cup. I have been very good at declining, because I cannot find a healthy partner that is introspective. And I will not get in to unconscious attachment games. do not ignore your intuition because you will pay the price, if you’re not going to pay the price at the moment for what you don’t want to do, you will pay the price later of the worst case scenario, I did not only did I suffer through my intuition is screaming discomfort with emotionally unavailable men, but then I suffered being blindsided and discarded, which I could’ve avoided in the first place. Quite honestly on the first date. Choosing by choice or the hard way is the choice. Unfortunately. Until you learn the lesson, the universe will keep testing you and you will end up in the same pattern or loop until you make a new choice. When you make a new choice you get a new Perspective.
I have broken up with all my exes because I didn’t spot the red flags at the beginning. One was a druggie and sold, one was an emotional manipulator and took no accountability and also tried rushing me, one I really liked and put the fear in me but he was a breadcrumber. I also dated someone who I fell out of love with for 5 years… I was really young 15 - 20. Maybe I am the avoidant but I’ve had relationships where things were great and we even had emotional and vulnerable conversations. I felt like I loved them and leaned in but I wasn’t about to stay with a druggie or someone who just didn’t know what they wanted to do with life and were following their parents dreams… not their own. The manipulator obviously not gonna, I was toxic there too trying to put a stop to his BS telling him I wasn’t going to proceed with him and he kept trying to force so I became more resentful. The breadcrumber was great but he gave so little that it was more like being single but talking to this guy. I don’t regret a single one of them. Rather wish I hadn’t entertained them so I could have healed instead. I’ve been healing for two years now. I feel peace within. I feel like I could communicate better
It’s helpful to breakdown the weight of the word “healing”. “Healing” is developmental process in many cases. To “heal” actually means to re-parent yourself in every aspect that you did not receive in order to be a functional person in many aspects. It’s helpful to detach yourself from any moral associations around which or whatever phase you are. I find thinking of it as a goals and skill building process like at school can really help with perspective. Find out what your scope of work is on yourself you would like to address, write out a plan for those things, and then give yourself a measure for what that change/end state will look like . Give yourself massive amounts of room for absolute chaos for a long time because this stuff if massively hard. Don’t forget to celebrate along the way.
I've been in exactly the same situation! The difference was, after years of talking, we finally started a relationship. However, it didn’t last more than six months because what we imagine when speaking to someone online and idealizing them is not real life. He wasn’t the partner I thought he’d be. Even though he called me his "healer," he still chose to hurt me in other ways once he realized he couldn’t exploit me anymore. It’s not worth it, Caroline, if you’re reading this!
Go heal yourself girl, stay off guys for a while as you put yourself first for a change..💖 Geez if we loved ourselves a bit more, none of this would happen, such a sad video!.
Everything is energy. A narcissist is looking for supply. They get it by getting you to react and they wear your energy to gain more supply because they can’t create it on their own. Their energy is projected onto you and suddenly you find you are down and negative. It’s energy vampirism. You have to protect your energy dear one😘
Has anybody noticed that as the quality of your healing gets better, the trauma mind starts playing its strongest cards to stall you? Sudden limerence after being emotionally clean and sober for a couple years, a sudden lash-out after being calm for months, a real sudden urge to drink alcohol or smoke pot when you haven’t touched either in years.
I encourage you to try The Daily Practice! It can help you with calming triggers and getting regulated. Here's a link to the free course, if you'd like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
It seems atrange to me to hear a lit of pseudo 21:43 therapeutic lingo ("hold space", "attachment style") in a letter from a distressed viewer. It sounds like a way of trying to make the connection seem more important than it was. Of course this may not be true. I'm from Ohio, not California.
I’ve been there. Having low self esteem, and no normal sense of how things truly are due to dysfunctional family I was born into this life. He was using her as a convenience. And gaslighting it to trigger her feelings.
People do "read each other's eyes" to a significant degree, using subtle cues like pupil dilation, gaze direction, and eyelid movements to interpret emotions, interest, and intentions, essentially allowing us to understand someone's state of mind without words being spoken; this ability is considered a key part of non-verbal communication. Key points about reading eyes: Emotional interpretation: Different eye movements and expressions can signal emotions like happiness, sadness, anger, or nervousness. Level of engagement: Steady eye contact often indicates interest and attentiveness, while avoiding eye contact might signify discomfort or disinterest. Pupil dilation: When someone is attracted to something or someone, their pupils tend to dilate, which can be subconsciously picked up by others. Cultural variations: While some eye-reading cues are universal, cultural norms can influence how people interpret certain eye behaviors. - Research Labs AI
First of all an on-line long distance liaison is just an acquaintance, it's not a relationship 😢 but sometimes it looks like connection and it's not, it's an easy way to deceiving. When it's happening only in on-line
Anna shared such videos some time ago. Here you can find them: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=holidays. Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Nika@TeamFairy
Honestly! Wake up OP! His character is showing. He’s using you. Automatic non starter. If he really cared about you he’d let you off the hook! Selfish.
Hi Anna, i just want to ask what is your take about believing in the right one or destined to be with.you? Like twin flames? Like there is only one person for you?
Yes (this Case), BUT... I belive in some Kind of devine guidance. And I cant se the advantage of looking for Somebody else in a mater like "shopping" with a list of what He must be... It's Like going to a matchmaker... The wanna be outcome ist "beeing maried". Yes, sometimes we learn to Love somebody, but not always! And - this we have to learn in other relationships to, but from a much better starting point! I could never chose a man from a "catalogue" Not even a catalogue in my head!
why cause everytime I tried it never went nowhere I was the one sad. Or one guy ended up saying he only wanted instant gratification. I rather be alone.
This man sounds like he needed a psychologist not a partner. Healthy and happy people don't go on and on about their problems, wounds, trauma, healing, etc. They simply don't as they have already done that work. And just talking for hours and hours and hours on a daily basis...very unhealthy. Do they not have a job, hobbies, friends, life, other responsibilities at all? That should be a huge red flag!
The woman in the letter doesn’t need “love advice”, she needs a shrink NOW because her head is sooo all over the place and she’s so confused it hurts to hear you reading said letter.
It’s not limerince, man was supposed to be a pt and took full advantage of me. Threatened me, I been trying to feel safe in my body and want my money back!!! Nowwww!!!!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairythanks for your reply Anna … We all look forward to it and yes I have been watching for a while now and considering it but now you’ve said that to me it confirms it…! Love from 💚🇮🇪💚
There may be all sorts of reasons for that. Fairy may have had to take the first one down and re-upload later, due to TH-cam - it happens. I think we need to be careful complaining about a free product that we are given. Fairy has plenty of paid options, but also releases much content free. Many benefit from it. A re-uploaded video is not the end of the world when you put it in perspective.
The CONSTANT ad interruptions are disruptive and annoying. I can hardly sit through a presentation that is broken up by irrelevant commercials! NOBODY buys that stuff from seeing an annoying ad that is just an interruption - why bother???? There must be a better way to present this information without irrelevant advertising.
*Take my free Daily Practice course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
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If a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him.
or in my case, he said he's not bisexual like you, start letting go already
I am a girl and I don’t want / not ready for a relationship, yet people are constantly trying to bully me into having one… that’s annoying…
@@dreamchaser7603 that's a different case, honey
And move on but some guys will say it and string you along
@@dreamchaser7603it’s bc you’re a girl and they feel entitled over your life and body. don’t do anything that you’re not comfortable with, the right ones won’t push it.
If a guy doesn't say he wants a relationship with YOU, he doesn't
She was so worried about his boundaries, she forgot about hers.
Might be some limerence there too. The guy very clearly on a few different occasions stated that he did not want a relationship with the letter author, but she still calls this “the best relationship of her life”. That is very sad that someone rejecting you is your best relationship. It doesn’t look like you are healed. I wish you peace and happiness.
She is very determined
However we were brought up is how we are used to being treated. Even though we didn’t like it as a child, how it affects us throughout our life shows by how we allow ourselves to be treated. We don’t even realize this is occurring, bless us! We are attracted to how we were treated as a child and young person, and think that’s love, and it is not.
There is someone special for you. Keep true to yourself, you are a prize.
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I could relate to her letter so much.
I developed heavy feelings for a male friend years ago, and we chatted almost every night. I kept hoping he'd feel the same way about me one day. Then he got cancer and passed away, unfortunately. (He was my best friend) I was devastated, not just due to losing him, but for all the years I pined over yet another person who would never feel the same way about me.
We lose so much time over this (years, decades) and it's embarrassing to realize how much, eventually. I was so supportive of my friend, but didn't get the same level in return. So after he died, I became more of a hermit, but then developed more limerence episodes over new folks I met online. It's become easier to stay in the fantasy world, then risk rejection in the real world.
I'm hoping to change that in 2025 as I recognize more of these issues in myself. I just wish it hadn't taken me so many years to do so.
Dont wait until 2025 to change yourself, you started changing yourself the moment you posted this comment.
Stop chatting with stranger men online
Only chat with women or male blood related family members.
If a man wants to see you and chat with you, he has to take you out in a nice date and declare his intentions before the date (is it a date? Are you only interested in friendship? Etc)
She's anxious preoccupied and also limerant. If you are healed, you will be attracted to those who are more securely attached themselves. She has allowed herself to be used as his emotional crutch, only when he desires.
12:28 "Reality is our friend. Reality is where we heal; reality is where we solve our problems"
15:30 "You can un-make that choice, and set yourself free from this belief that you have to change other people to get love." ( "...they're not going to change, and you're not going to get love. ...the path to true love is *out* of this crap-fit relationship.")
I've watched many of your videos to understand how to help my partner heal (how to "fix" them). Only to be cheated on and dumped. Now I'm discovering that your videos are very useful in helping me to heal myself! Who would have thought it's so much easier and better when you focus on yourself 😅
Yay you!
Chappell Roan’s “Casual” nailed this:
And I try to be the chill girl that
Holds her tongue and gives you space
I try to be the chill girl but
Honestly, I’m not
🤮
@@dubliner1303 I’m sure that’s what people do when they look at you..
@@dubliner1303 found an idiot
@@corimoon3360pure cringe. I’m sure you are one of those types. Yuck.
I love this advise. It is soooo hard to become really available to love, and let go of all the relationship avoiders. Especially when your parents were avoiding intimacy big time. You are used to being neglected and ignored, since that was always your normal reality. But it is worth to fight that perception. ❤
IMO the love of your life... should be love... FOR YOURSELF!!
im starting to hate the phrase "hold space". 😂
It's codependency more often than not.
Me too.
@@anitacarswell3736I’m activated
Yes. And I hate the phrase Journey. Lots of toxic people say it’s part of their journey. Like you can hurt people and then say Oh it was part of my journey. 🫤
For years, I’ve found that phrase incredibly repulsive.
Im glad to see this story it helps me evaluate myself. I know that Im still insecurely attached but I never entertain my delusions more than 6 weeks. There's always something that happens ( like an inconstancy in communication or other painful red flags) that I allow to slap me back into reality. I use pain and discomfort to escape my escapist delusion. I hate to feel pain so whenever I don't get something close to my fairytale I remove myself to the situation now. I still don't know how to withhold my quick attachment yet from the beginning, but I know to brutally pull the switch. It's not that Im better or suffer less intensely but I do suffer less longer and that to me is a micro but also huge victory
Did our homegirl just become a free therapist for golden boy? 👀
Seemingly. I fell asleep once he said he didn’t want a relationship and her to- ing and fro- ing … ::Yawns::
@@dubliner1303 right?????? that quickly deescalated. If they dont want you, they wont want you. Maybe she was not good at reading signs and cues . anyway, one for the experience on her part, no judgment we've all been there one way or the other
@@charmedprincenot judging just observing. She is in denial.
@@dubliner1303 I think he manipulated her as well. He contributed to the confusion by a lot and played hot and cold. It sounds like he felt she is vulnerable and willing to make huge compromises and he used her emotionally. I feel quite bad for her.
The concept of success in " The Art of Seductive Power" book completely explains this. I wish I read it sooner.
bot
To anybody like the letter author: As someone who has been in this exact dynamic with other people no less than 3 times, it’s not that your patience won’t get you the relationship eventually. You just might get it. I did, TWICE! But once you get it and something still doesn’t feel right, you’ll eventually start asking yourself why they weren’t sure about you for so long and yet you were. You will never feel real security in a person’s life in a spot that they actively told you wouldn’t/couldn’t be yours. There will never be an answer to the question of “what changed” that will make up for the way that they told you they didn’t want you before. Because nothing changed ultimately about what they want FROM you. Just how much of the person you are outside of those things that they are willing to invite into their life in order to secure the things they want.
My biggest issue is that men I meet say they want relationships, but then it becomes more and more clear that they aren’t ready to commit and be emotionally available.
Well that's not YOUR issue, it's theirs.
She convinced herself she was secure so she would be willing to "securely" tolerate his bs.
Step 1. Stop lying to yourself.
I'm honestly amazed my late fiancé and I managed to make our relationship work, especially after he started suffering from mental health issues and I was dealing with my own CPTSD.
But I recognize we were the zebras in Texas.
Sorry for your loss, so glad you had what you did. My past is similar but I had to go No Contact because of severity. I had to show my own girls that this confusion and yelling was not a Normal Relationship. Sad, but had 11 good years
One more thought: she may have been seeing his potential rather than his reality. And, the "earned secure " thing means nothing without being able to live it in real time. Her subconscious comfort zone has possibly not yet caught up, hence still being attracted the DAs.
He’s just not that into you. His “attachment style” would probably be just fine with a woman he was crazy about. It’s hard to accept but if you want to be with a guy who is crazy about YOU stop chasing dead ends. He probably enjoys the attention but doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. But there’s a guy out there who is right for you, and will also fall in love with you.
Had a similar crush on an older guy way back when I was an undergrad who also didn't reciprocate my feelings, but we'd spend hours together. Luckily HE was MY first therapist. I'll be forever grateful to him. He was just doing it out of the goodness of his heart, and recognized boundaries in our friendship that I myself wanted to ignore. What an awesome dude! I guess my point is, be an older mentor for a younger friend ONLY if it is out of the goodness of your heart (no romantic interest). Both for yourself and for them.
Yes! Thank you so much for sharing this. I've been thinking just the other day that the amount I put into others should be invested in myself. I shouldn't short myself of all the love I have. Think how much better I'd be with MY love to ME! I'm finally learning this concept. ❤❤
Yessssss!
@@lilithowlI mean, others haven't appreciated all the things that I've done for them but I sure will!! So why am I putting in for people who will just hurt my feelings and make me feel stupid for?! I need to put all that I'd give someone else, into MYSELF! I KNOW I'D appreciate myself if it was reversed so why do I keep pouring into feeling pain when I can feel appreciated and loved by a source I can depend on....ME!!!! I'm finally finally understanding this self love thing I think!!! Whoohooo!!! So tomorrow for Thanksgiving (it'll just be me and my 2 cats), I think I'm going to celebrate feeling thankful for realizing all this today and thankful for ME!!!! 🎉😊 THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ✨
This helped me so much. Thank you. We feel like real love, someone present doesn't exist and that it says something about us. Most of the time it's rooted in trauma or abuse and it says nothing about us being able to be loved. We don't have to settle for someone who doesn't truly love us because real love does exist! We are worthy and deserving of it. We just have to know there is someone out there that will truly love us, be present available.
That's insane there are psychic and tarot card readings in therapy and healing communities. It's so harmful for people and dangerous.
I am 58 I do not date anymore I CANNOT TRUST!!! my abuse started as a child abandoned age 10 Sibs were 9 & 6 We had no food but at school no electricity I remember being very scared and overwhelmed protecting my sibs!! I was so over protective if they went out to play as something would happen to them we had no food on weekends then I was gang R & Molested then 2 partners that severly abused me mentally and physically - one would R me - I just wanted to be loved so badly - I thought I deserved it all - I now have regressed memories of my childhood and had a breakdown not doing well at all but I just started therapy - like that little girl I am terrified of everthing that something will happen to me thus the memories coming back I am so excited about the therapy
Wishing you the best of luck on your healing journey ❤
I don't think I'm ever going to be okay with a relationship that doesn't happen with a four-legged creature. Humans have been letting me down for 6 decades. No thank you
❤sending you hugs😢❤ hope peace love and happiness to you❤you deserve good life❤
@@debxonicksame here! Always got disappointed
When i see my reality that i cannot trust anyone in my life now. When I don’t put pressure on myself to be with someone or to trust someone, i feel so relieved and i set myself free
At this point the woman broke her own heart. She played the therapist and helped heal him so he can go be with someone else
The emotional "come up woman".
12 step groups work wonders too...
This letter was already analyzed, more than that, it was put in a 4-video compilation 10 days ago!
Right! I don't like that!
By the sounds of this, the letter writer was in the "Personal Development School", which purports to"heal" your attachment style. It also constantly tries to upsell to its members, who practically revere its founder. There are mostly very psychologically unhealthy people in that "school".
I am the love of my life and cultivate love, and cannot tolerate poor behavior because I will not self aBandon. However, it is natural to want to share your cup with somebody having a full cup. I have been very good at declining, because I cannot find a healthy partner that is introspective. And I will not get in to unconscious attachment games. do not ignore your intuition because you will pay the price, if you’re not going to pay the price at the moment for what you don’t want to do, you will pay the price later of the worst case scenario, I did not only did I suffer through my intuition is screaming discomfort with emotionally unavailable men, but then I suffered being blindsided and discarded, which I could’ve avoided in the first place. Quite honestly on the first date. Choosing by choice or the hard way is the choice. Unfortunately. Until you learn the lesson, the universe will keep testing you and you will end up in the same pattern or loop until you make a new choice. When you make a new choice you get a new Perspective.
Your videos are so calming 🩵
I think she should find one or more hobbies to fill the void ... Model Cars, Swimming and Playing my Guitar work for me...
Very wise. "Don't just delete - replace!"
I have broken up with all my exes because I didn’t spot the red flags at the beginning. One was a druggie and sold, one was an emotional manipulator and took no accountability and also tried rushing me, one I really liked and put the fear in me but he was a breadcrumber. I also dated someone who I fell out of love with for 5 years… I was really young 15 - 20. Maybe I am the avoidant but I’ve had relationships where things were great and we even had emotional and vulnerable conversations. I felt like I loved them and leaned in but I wasn’t about to stay with a druggie or someone who just didn’t know what they wanted to do with life and were following their parents dreams… not their own. The manipulator obviously not gonna, I was toxic there too trying to put a stop to his BS telling him I wasn’t going to proceed with him and he kept trying to force so I became more resentful. The breadcrumber was great but he gave so little that it was more like being single but talking to this guy. I don’t regret a single one of them. Rather wish I hadn’t entertained them so I could have healed instead. I’ve been healing for two years now. I feel peace within. I feel like I could communicate better
It’s helpful to breakdown the weight of the word “healing”. “Healing” is developmental process in many cases. To “heal” actually means to re-parent yourself in every aspect that you did not receive in order to be a functional person in many aspects. It’s helpful to detach yourself from any moral associations around which or whatever phase you are. I find thinking of it as a goals and skill building process like at school can really help with perspective.
Find out what your scope of work is on yourself you would like to address, write out a plan for those things, and then give yourself a measure for what that change/end state will look like . Give yourself massive amounts of room for absolute chaos for a long time because this stuff if massively hard. Don’t forget to celebrate along the way.
This was fabulous really really resonated thank you so much 💜
Thanks so much for your work.❤
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Your videos have been so helpful to me, thank you! x
Fantastic discussion
Excellent analysis
Thank you Ma'am
I've been in exactly the same situation! The difference was, after years of talking, we finally started a relationship. However, it didn’t last more than six months because what we imagine when speaking to someone online and idealizing them is not real life. He wasn’t the partner I thought he’d be. Even though he called me his "healer," he still chose to hurt me in other ways once he realized he couldn’t exploit me anymore. It’s not worth it, Caroline, if you’re reading this!
Go heal yourself girl, stay off guys for a while as you put yourself first for a change..💖 Geez if we loved ourselves a bit more, none of this would happen, such a sad video!.
I became an avoidant in my 40s
Everything is energy. A narcissist is looking for supply. They get it by getting you to react and they wear your energy to gain more supply because they can’t create it on their own. Their energy is projected onto you and suddenly you find you are down and negative. It’s energy vampirism. You have to protect your energy dear one😘
So done with rescues! They can be an you. Thank you Anna!
Happy Thanksgiving, Anna! Thank you for your insightful videos!
You are so welcome! Happy Thanksgiving from the CCF team!
Nika@TeamFairy
Ohhhh the friend-zoning is the worst!!! Remove all access to you immediately!!! What a parasite!!!
I love your channel so much
Has anybody noticed that as the quality of your healing gets better, the trauma mind starts playing its strongest cards to stall you? Sudden limerence after being emotionally clean and sober for a couple years, a sudden lash-out after being calm for months, a real sudden urge to drink alcohol or smoke pot when you haven’t touched either in years.
I encourage you to try The Daily Practice! It can help you with calming triggers and getting regulated. Here's a link to the free course, if you'd like to give it a try: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
I'm at peace being alone for life.
Taken a lot of inner work to get here
Just the title of this video and I recognized myself LOL! I think I’m the avoidant…
It seems atrange to me to hear a lit of pseudo 21:43 therapeutic lingo ("hold space", "attachment style") in a letter from a distressed viewer. It sounds like a way of trying to make the connection seem more important than it was. Of course this may not be true. I'm from Ohio, not California.
Thank you for sending this letter❤this helped me🎉Thank you Anna❣️I feel like I have been finding avoidants to my life😭💔
I’ve been there. Having low self esteem, and no normal sense of how things truly are due to dysfunctional family I was born into this life. He was using her as a convenience. And gaslighting it to trigger her feelings.
People do "read each other's eyes" to a significant degree, using subtle cues like pupil dilation, gaze direction, and eyelid movements to interpret emotions, interest, and intentions, essentially allowing us to understand someone's state of mind without words being spoken; this ability is considered a key part of non-verbal communication.
Key points about reading eyes:
Emotional interpretation:
Different eye movements and expressions can signal emotions like happiness, sadness, anger, or nervousness.
Level of engagement:
Steady eye contact often indicates interest and attentiveness, while avoiding eye contact might signify discomfort or disinterest.
Pupil dilation:
When someone is attracted to something or someone, their pupils tend to dilate, which can be subconsciously picked up by others.
Cultural variations:
While some eye-reading cues are universal, cultural norms can influence how people interpret certain eye behaviors.
- Research Labs AI
We’ve heard this letter before 🤔
Agree. I think old content reposted ought to be clearly labeled.
First of all an on-line long distance liaison is just an acquaintance, it's not a relationship 😢 but sometimes it looks like connection and it's not, it's an easy way to deceiving. When it's happening only in on-line
That’s some nice advice! 💕
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
??? Hey Anna, can you do a video on how to get through the Holidays, please? 🙏🦃💜 Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving!
Anna shared such videos some time ago. Here you can find them: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy/search?query=holidays. Happy Thanksgiving to you too!
Nika@TeamFairy
@ i can’t find them. Could you send a direct link to one, Please?
I hate this pos kind of human. Using another to fill their emotional pockets. He’s trash.
Honestly! Wake up OP! His character is showing. He’s using you. Automatic non starter. If he really cared about you he’d let you off the hook! Selfish.
This is like my story. Whaaaaaat?!
I can’t believe this is me
Hi Anna, i just want to ask what is your take about believing in the right one or destined to be with.you? Like twin flames? Like there is only one person for you?
Cities? Countries...
Yes (this Case), BUT... I belive in some Kind of devine guidance. And I cant se the advantage of looking for Somebody else in a mater like "shopping" with a list of what He must be... It's Like going to a matchmaker... The wanna be outcome ist "beeing maried". Yes, sometimes we learn to Love somebody, but not always! And - this we have to learn in other relationships to, but from a much better starting point! I could never chose a man from a "catalogue" Not even a catalogue in my head!
Another type of unavailable person limerence makes you fall for is people who have lost their ability to love.
Why I avoid relationships.. none of this "game playing ".
That’s just another swing of the pendulum in trauma responses, my friend.
@@kaylee7518for some we will never find love. Theres no one for me. Too risky to fall for another abuser.
why cause everytime I tried it never went nowhere I was the one sad. Or one guy ended up saying he only wanted instant gratification. I rather be alone.
@Channel89988 1000% I have yet to meet a guy that didnt just wanted to see how things go, doesnt want anything serious...
I don’t think he’s playing games. He’s being honest with her that he’s not interested in her romantically but she refuses to accept it.
I understand 😔
He’s married
Halfway through the letter I realised I've already heard it, and I think the same response too, so it's just an older video re-released?..
the real tragedy in this video is the belief that we can not truly be happy being alone.
This man sounds like he needed a psychologist not a partner. Healthy and happy people don't go on and on about their problems, wounds, trauma, healing, etc. They simply don't as they have already done that work. And just talking for hours and hours and hours on a daily basis...very unhealthy. Do they not have a job, hobbies, friends, life, other responsibilities at all? That should be a huge red flag!
The woman in the letter doesn’t need “love advice”, she needs a shrink NOW because her head is sooo all over the place and she’s so confused it hurts to hear you reading said letter.
It’s not limerince, man was supposed to be a pt and took full advantage of me. Threatened me, I been trying to feel safe in my body and want my money back!!! Nowwww!!!!
Anna.. when is your next LIVE show … it’s been over a month since your last broadcast.
Saturday I think -- watch for community notes on it. But also, join the Daily Practice course and come to my free Zoom calls twice a month!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairythanks for your reply Anna … We all look forward to it and yes I have been watching for a while now and considering it but now you’ve said that to me it confirms it…! Love from 💚🇮🇪💚
Recent repost..
Not even as a teenager.
❤
But they are both is different countries. End of story.
They never met in person?!?!?
🫶🏻
This is an old video. Not sure why it is showing up as posted an hour ago when I watched it weeks ago. So disappointed.
Because I really really needed this and AI knew!😅 do u suggest a different video which you think is good?
Yes, Dear,
but the contentdd is timeless, especially if someone has trauma and is trying to heal & find understanding why this is a challenge for us.❤
There may be all sorts of reasons for that. Fairy may have had to take the first one down and re-upload later, due to TH-cam - it happens.
I think we need to be careful complaining about a free product that we are given. Fairy has plenty of paid options, but also releases much content free. Many benefit from it.
A re-uploaded video is not the end of the world when you put it in perspective.
I thought that but I think her reply to the letter is different
Yes, I thought I was having major Deja vu!
The CONSTANT ad interruptions are disruptive and annoying. I can hardly sit through a presentation that is broken up by irrelevant commercials! NOBODY buys that stuff from seeing an annoying ad that is just an interruption - why bother???? There must be a better way to present this information without irrelevant advertising.
100% AGREED🤬
It's well worth it to pay $13 for Premium. No ads.
Facts!
There is. It's called a monthly subscription to TH-cam Premium. Well worth it. I've not seen an ad on TH-cam for years.
Anna gets revenue from advertising and so she should as she is giving out valuable content for free